Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 104 - Horse Meat Helicopter

Episode Date: June 11, 2015

Still sick with the super flu Jesse returns with a moderately normal Crendor to record another episode cause people be wantin' episodes.

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendor in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4 hour recording studio. Recording. Wake your ass up, it's Cox and Crendor in the morning. In the morning. Hello everybody, welcome back to Cox and Crendor in the Morning! Boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop with like hello everybody welcome we then always follow up with me saying a thing yes that's that's how it works yes so what happened there why did it not work i don't know i just had an epiphany of

that and i was like whoa but i had to mention it but i also paused the whole thing to mention it i'm glad you did that because now i can double pause it double pause which is like playing which is like playing triple pause i am so sick right now. I'm deathly ill. I've been sick for about a week and a half. We're doing this podcast because I want you to suffer with me. Because I want you to know that I hear your complaints, so there's no episodes. But I'm sick.

So I hope you, when you listen listen to this you get the complainer flu and because you complained a bunch you poop out your butt but not just poop, other stuff too like toy cars well you've also been traveling a lot which is also probably why you're sick oh I guarantee that's why, I went to Germany

came back sick, went to Germany came back sick, I'm came back sick I'm done traveling I'm never gonna leave my house again how was your Germany flight because that was the last time you're like I'm going Germany um I I mean it was okay it was it was it was fine the flight out there was me being stuck behind a lady who insisted on reclining the entire way. So I couldn't do anything. Like, it drove me crazy. I had, in order to watch TV, I had to also recline. Because, you know how the TVs have that tint where, like, you can't see them from an angle?

Yeah. So I couldn't watch my own TV because it was so angled that I couldn't see the tint on the screen. Oh, because she reclined. Yeah, and so i had to recline too so the person behind me had to recline it was a mess it was a mess yeah but then on the way back it was fine because i slept the entire way because i just started to get a cough and then when i came when i woke up i was sick uh and i've been sick ever since but it's one it's like a reverse sickness like I was coughing without feeling ill first.

Oh. And usually it's the other way around. Like, I get sick and then you cough for a while. This was reverse. I was coughing, felt fine, and then I started to take cold medicine and now I feel horrible. Oh. I'm just saying, the minute I started taking cold medicine to get rid of a cough is when everything else happened. It's like it triggered the cold.

Yeah, man. But I guess isn't the cold your body sort of like pushing everything out? Like making you better? Yeah. So really, it's doing its job maybe, but it just sucks. And I don't like being sick. So my videos are like, hey, everybody, it's me. Cough, cough, puke, puke.

I'm sick. Sore throat. Oh, it's me. Cough, cough, puke, puke. I'm sick. Sore throat. Oh, my throat sucks. I was only sick once this year. It was in cold season back in, like, January. That's because you don't go anywhere or do anything. Yeah. You aren't exposed to germs.

You're exposed to nothing. But here's the thing. There's lots of people that are like man it sucks i'm just doing nothing at home but to me that doesn't suck i'm like this is awesome uh-huh just okay yeah i mean i would strongly disagree with you and say that that literally everything you do sounds boring as hell there's the thing i view other people's things that are exciting as boring well so like for example uh if someone were to go like another country and be like wow this is amazing and walk around i wouldn't care just be like it's another place you know see here's the thing though you

would have liked germany because we went around one day and literally just did like the german food thing right i like so you would have liked that you would because we we found around one day and literally just did like the German food thing. Right. I like the food. So you would have liked that. Why? Because we found this one place that had a pretzel. This dude bought a pretzel that was as big as his body. Oh, whoa.

And then he spent all day eating the pretzel. It was awesome. We found this place that made German donuts. I didn't even know there was such a thing. German donuts. It was so good. It was like American donuts, but not like a thousand percent sugar. It was like delicious.

Whoa. It was really good. It was an experience. I was very thrilled. I would like to experience those foods at home instead of going there. Well, I mean, you can do that. America has all that stuff.

That's like a thing we do. We have all that crap. And when everyone's like, so this is your first time in Kuk-Slanistan. Do you like our food here? And I'm like, we have this shit at home. Like, I don't want to be rude, but we do. Like, America has all the food now. Mainly if you live in a city.

That's true. If you live in, like, nowhere. Yeah, if you live in Nowheresville, you have a TJ Fridays. So. You get your endless apps, though. You get your endless apps. Yeah. Endless apps.

And fries. Yes, and fries. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, so what have you been up to? Like, last time we talked, we were talking about, um, I don't think you had seen Mad Max yet. Oh, yeah. Holy moly, I love that movie.

That was a great movie. Because I haven't seen any of the Mad Maxes, and I saw Mad Max, and I was like, that was really good. Yeah. It starts out, like, really crazy. Like, the first hour, you're just, everyone who's seen it the first hour, they're just like, what the shit is happening? Yeah. And then you just accept it after a while. Yeah, and after a while, you're like like everyone has seen it the first hour they're just like what the shit is happening yeah and then you just accept it after a while yeah after a while you're like this is the coolest effing thing yeah oh i get it oh i get it i thought it was just gonna be a bunch of like cars driving around and people fighting like but it actually had like a decent like story to it let's be clear the unsung heroes of that movie are one guitar guy yeah two old

two old lady motorcycle gang three uh the one dude the one guy who's like i live i die i live again that guy yeah that guy he's my favorite character in that entire movie like okay spoiler i had a feeling he was gonna die just because they like they built it up so much of him being like I need to die for a good cause and like he viewed his good cause as like dying for that one guy his good cause? sexy redhead

that's always a good cause sexy redhead's always a good cause and then that was his moment at the end he's just like yeah I got this. Yeah, man, I dug him. I was like, that's one of my favorite characters. But without a doubt, guitar guy, best character in the entire movie.

Just rocking out like, fire shooting out of his guitar. I know. And did he not have eyes? I think he had a mask on or some shit. I don't know. If he was blindfolded or had a mask or had no eyes And played like that Badass

That guy's a badass Guitar guy Mad Max Are you googling guitar guy? Yeah Does he have eyes? Oh wait I think he does just have a mask Damn I would have liked for him to have no eyes.

I know. That'd be cool. Or it's like Guillermo del Toro moving and the eyes are in his hands. That's why he's so good at guitar. Or wait, it looks like he's just got a thing. He might not have eyes. I don't know. I'm going to say he doesn't just because.

Yeah, it's cooler. It's cooler without the eyes. Yeah. He's much cooler without eyes. He is much cooler without eyes. Agreed. He's much cooler without eyes. He is much cooler without eyes. Agreed. Agreed. Let's see.

What else? Mad Max. I want to watch the old Mad Max now. I think you would like the first one a lot. The second one is okay. The third one is like Hollywood bullshit. Okay. Yeah.

Like it's got Tina Turner in it and there's, you know, weird crap. It's very, it's like way more tame than the first two. Yeah. All right. Yeah, I'll just watch the first one, then. The first one's very similar to the one that just came out. Okay. Except it's got, you know, what's his face?

Mel Gibson. It's Mad Max. Yeah. I'm going to watch Game of Thrones. Oh, my God. I'm freaking out because. Oh, my God. The books. They're like, they've reached the books now. I've been watching Game of Thrones Oh my god Oh my god The books

They're like they've reached the books now Well here's the thing They I mean you can't really judge them by the books Because especially after the last episode The stuff that happened Definitely didn't happen in the books And everyone's like well it will happen

How do you know? How do you know the next book hasn't come out yet? I think he said it would happen but he's a george r martin's a dummy a big stupid dummy he's like that'll happen maybe not in the same way ruining characters that i love go to hell george r martin yeah you big smelly old fart i think at this point he's just kind of like, I'm making a lot of money. I don't have to write books fast. I mean, yeah.

So, spoiler, for those of you who are excited for this final episode. Yeah. Stuff happens that will, look, it's Game of Thrones. Yeah. If you aren't already mad at something, you will be by the end of this next episode. Yeah. That's all I'm going to say. That's all I'm going to say That's all I'm gonna say.

Unless it's Arya. I feel like Arya's gonna be awesome. If the next, if the last few episodes didn't anger you in some way, be it by a character being ruined, or by a weird death, or you know, whatever. The next episode will do it for you.

The next episode... I'm certain he has the walk. That'll be great. Oh my god, the next episode is going to be just so much. The Internet is going to explode. It is. Two major things have to happen. I'm not going to spoil either of them, but there are two major things, and both will piss the Internet off. Yeah. And I can't wait.

I can't wait. More so than. I've come to accept it, but you guys are going to be super pissed. Yeah. So that'll be fun. That so than already. I've come to accept it, but you guys are going to be super pissed. Yeah. So that'll be fun. That'll be fun. Yeah. And then Nick visited.

I don't know if you know Nick. I do know Nick. We played games with him. Yeah. He visited from Vegas, and he was like, give me the Chicago experience. So we went and saw a Cubs game. Uh-huh. And we ate. Did you sit near meatballs? Like, hey, Cub Chicago experience. So we went and saw a Cubs game. Uh-huh. And we ate.

You sitting near meatballs? Like, hey, Cubbies. No, but, okay, they were playing the Kansas City Royals. Turns out a lot of people from Kansas City like to drive up or get to Chicago to watch baseball. And they were all cheering for the Royals, like, in Wrigley Field. And this woman, like, looked behind me when they behind me when they hit a home run to start the game Kansas City, and then she looks behind me and she's like you're not cheering, and I was like no

and she's like, cheer for them and I was like, no what? what? yeah, she was like, cheer for the Royals I'm like, I'm at a Cubs game in the Cubs stadium, I'm not gonna cheer for the Royals cause you're a Royals fan were you guys sitting in the away section? no, we were sitting in the are you sure you weren sitting in the away section? No, we were sitting in the...

Are you sure you weren't in the visitors section? No, they were all over. Even the guy on TV, he was like, there's a lot of Royals fans here. It was crazy. Poor Cubs. Poor Cubs. They're actually doing well this year, though.

Nobody cares. They're actually doing well this year, though. They're actually in second place. It's the Cubs. Poor Cubbies. Nobody cares. So, yeah, we ate hot dogs. We ate deep dish pizza.

Yeah? Oh, my God. Okay. At the Cubs game, there's this, like, guy. Because we couldn't find parking, right? Because it's Wrigley Field, and it's, like, in the thing. And it's, like, one-way streets and shit, and everyone's trying to park for the game.

So people that live there, like, rent out their garages and their parking spaces for, like, $30 to $40. Like, park here for $30, $40. And so we were going to park at one of them. It was called Easy Out Parking. And this guy in front of us, like, pulled in, and it was this, like, tiny this like tiny like Asian woman and she was like you park here and she's like yelling at him like I parked there and she's like no behind the

pole behind the pole and then he's like behind the pole how do I get by the pole and she's like yeah the pole and he was like he's like i can't even get out of my car already how am i supposed to back out there's a pole there and she's like yeah i had the pole and then some guy living in like the house or the apartments or whatever it was comes out on his balcony thing and he's like that's my parking spot and he's like she's telling me to park behind the pole and she's like behind the pole and then nick was just like i think we should park somewhere else and i was like yeah yeah we definitely should behind the ball and so we found this super like tall skinny old guy and he was like come on down my name's dale and we were just like okay and he's like okay dale

dale is just like now how long how long are you gonna stay like, okay. And he's like, okay, Dale. And Dale's just like, now how long, how long are you going to stay at this baseball game? Where it's like, uh, till it's over. And he's like, you're going to want the good park. And then we're like, okay. And he's like 40 bucks. Stay as long as you want. 30 bucks got to leave by the seventh inning. And we're like, okay. And he's like, come on. And he like led us to like this awesome parking spot he had right by the stadium. And he's just like, cops try to get me all the time. These guys are assholes. I feel like what you do is illegal.

No. Other people were parking there. $40. Then he gave us his business card called Dale's Parking. Well, so why would he be? First off, $40 seems really expensive until you realize what you're doing. Yeah. So that's relatively cheap for a baseball game, parking-wise.

Yeah. Especially so close. And why would the cops be after him? More importantly, why is it $30 if you leave at the 7th, but $40 if you stay the entire game? I don't know. I feel like this guy, is he still, are there drugs now in your car i don't i hope not have you seen weird people come by your car and like mess around underneath it no but you're not a mule a drug mule i don't i don't i don't know you could be you could be

a drug mule now here's my card if you ever need a place to park but nick nick was like dude looks like he's went through chemo and he kept calling him chemo dale and i was like that's offensive i feel that feels so bad yeah but i mean he had good parking i'd park with him again i want to laugh but i can't because i can barely breathe but I want to let you know that that's pretty funny and he's just like damn did chemo Dale save the day dude I mean he did gave us a really good park we didn't have to park behind a pole

behind a pole it was just like a super skinny alley with like people coming in both ways and I was just, like, a super skinny alley with, like, people coming in both ways. And I was just like, how? And then she was like, some guy, like, some super bro guy is just, like, in his SUV Escalade shit. And he's just like, I'm coming down the alley. And he blocked all the cars going the other way. And she's like, sir, you got to move. You got to move.

And he just, like, sat there not moving. That sounds about right. That sounds about right. And he just, like, looked around like, I'm going to park somewhere, dude. I was just like, oh, my God, just go around the other way. That's all you gotta do. And then he's just, she's like, there's parking down there. And he's like, ugh, all right.

Just like, God. So yesterday I went grocery shopping, but I went to a different grocery store than I usually go to. Because I had a pocket full of like change and I wanted to get rid of it. And my grocery store, they do not accept your change. They won't take it. So I had to go to, like, the sort of, like, down-the-road, ghetto-fied version of my grocery store. Exact same thing, literally five blocks away, they'll take it. Whoa.

So I walk in, and as I'm walking in, there's a big stand set up for D.A.R.E. You know, like from high school. Yeah, the drugs. Yeah, don't do drugs. Anyway, so they're like, hey, remember D.A.R.E. from high school? And I'm like, I do, in fact. They're like, yeah, we're trying to keep kids off drugs. Government doesn't fund us anymore, so if you want to give us some money, we'd love to.

And they're really excited. They're all like, yeah, hey hey high-fiving people oh and i'm like well when i come back out if i have any stuff left over i will get you i promise yeah so i go inside do my grocery shopping come back out in my cart they're like dare you you promised some money and i'm And I'm like, okay, I have about $1.50. Just take it. I hope you use it for whatever you use it for. They're like, awesome, you know, for donating a dollar. You get to choose one of these awesome toys to take home with you.

And they have like a desk full of toys. What? And I was like, I don't really want a toy. They're like, do you want to donate a toy to a kid? And I was like, do whatever you want with it. Just, you know, pick a toy, give it to a kid. It'll be fun. And they're like, do you want to donate a toy to a kid? And I was like, do whatever you want with it. Just, you know, pick a toy, give it to a kid. It'll be fine. And they're like, but you have to pick the toy out because you donated.

I'm like, it doesn't really bother me. Just whatever you think works. They're like, well, what about this one or this one? I'm like, um, that one, sure. And the girl's like, are you sure? I was like, I just don't, I don't. I started to walk away. And I was like, you sure i was like i just don't i don't i started to walk away and i was like you have fun and so i hear as i'm walking away the girl go back to the other girl at the desk and

she's like i don't know what to do he didn't pick a toy i was like what uh she's like what do we do no one's ever never not taken a toy before Dear god So I was like okay well Good thing I gave them money Like I feel like the money probably Didn't even equate to the toy Like they're better off

It was like the dollar fifty I gave They had like you know Pretty shitty toys at the table Like like whistleblowers and poppin' snappers and who's a what's its and dolly wallies and all sorts of weird shit that you'd find at the 99 cent store. Yeah, the typical dolly wallies. I was like, all right, well, it doesn't matter. I don't care. Just give the kid whatever. They were like, no.

It has to come from you. I was like, I don't. I just don't care, dare't I just don't care dare I just don't care Maybe this is why the government doesn't fund you anymore So I searched dare Went to their website here I remember dare and they'd come in and be like

Don't do the marijuana it's gonna kill you Don't do drugs kids Yeah So I went there And they apparently linked an article about how edible marijuana candies kill nine in colorado and 12 at coachella and they were like this is the reason we're doing what we do uh But what they didn't realize was that was from The Onion. Are you kidding me?

And they deleted their article about how. That's like that FIFA guy. The FIFA guy this past week. He was like, he's like, don't you not see? America has the next World Cup. And it was an Onion article. He's like, you guys are crazy. You think I'm bad.

America hypocrite. America hypocrite. It's like, oh, you dumb dumb. It said right below the article that Daryl linked about the marijuana killing people was an article about how a chicken gave birth to a puppy because of legalized gay marriage. Shut up. Are you kidding me? Yep.

Now that's news. That's news. That's news. Yeah, I saw it. Well, speaking of which, let's go to Chopper Cop. Go to the sky. Can't even talk. Ah!

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Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!!.. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. a. Uh, yeah, hey, uh, you know, we're up, uh, we're up here in the Chococopter, uh, sponsored by DARE. Not actually sponsored by DARE for legal reasons. Uh, where you should be off drugs unless you need them. Uh, so, we got some interesting thing down in the streets of where you're living.

We can now see all across America. Not Europe yet, we're not that advanced, but we can see all across America the traffic going on. Detroit's got some crazy traffic right now. L.A., always crazy. If you're down in Florida, you've got to back up because someone has started eating a picnic on the freeway. It appears that it's going to hold up traffic for quite a bit. A lot of angry people down there, especially Jordan Neal and David Roback and Dominic Rose. Those are the three main guys we're looking at who are getting out of their car and they are kicking the guy's picnic

basket over. Oh my God. This is unbelievable. It appears that Dom Lawrence is very mad about this too. He wanted to join the picnic and, you know, it's just, it's not his day. He's not going to get any food. He's going to have to go down to the grocery store and pick out a toy if he's going to, you know, get any food out of this, even though that doesn't make any sense. But really, does any of this make any sense? Back to you in the studio. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go to Crandor at the weather desk.

How's weather? The weather is going to be insane wherever we find it. Woppy. Five, four, two, one, five. Sounds like Woppy's just pressing keys to the keyboard. That's because Woppy actually presses keys within himself. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

Good to know. Good to know. Where is that, Woppy? Calnersville, Wisconsin. What's the weather like in Wisconsin, Woppy? Calnersville, Wisconsin weather. 75 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 75 degrees Fahrenheit.

Wind. South, southeast, 10 miles per hour 59 percent humidity tonight 64 degrees fahrenheit partly cloudy 20 chance of precipitation thanks woppy thanks woppy wow that was concise. Not like the usual where we end up on a tangent and have to go like, and weather. Yeah. We actually did something there. I feel good about that. Yeah, I've been tweaking Woppy so he doesn't go like, or do any weird things. Cool. All right, good.

What's going on in sports? Sports. A lot of crazy action going on in sports. Right now, Stanley Cup's happening. Blackhawks and the Tampa Bay Lightning. They lost. Blackhawks lost last night, so they're down 2-1 in the series. However, they did beat Anaheim down 3-2, and they're pretty good at doing stuff.

You broke a lot of hearts here in California. Yep. Thank God. Because I knew all the Blizzard people and all those people were like, go Ducks! And I was like, oh, thank God. Because I knew all the Blizzard people and all those people were like, go Ducks. And then I was like, oh, thank God. Now their heads aren't ballooned. I can keep my head ballooned.

That's what it's all about. That's what sports is all about. And then basketball, we got the NBA Finals. All the big moments are happening now. And then baseball starts up. Well, baseball's already started. Then everybody switches over. Like, hey, baseball's like. Well, baseball's already started. Then everybody switches over. Like, hey, baseball's like.

Yeah, right now no one cares about baseball because baseball takes forever to get. The seasons are so long, no one cares until, like, late August. Yeah, that's what I love with baseball is, like, you play 162 games, I think it is. Nobody cares. Like, people don't get into baseball until late August. They're like, oh, man, if we could get, oh, boy, if we could get my boys back to the series, that's the place. They added a thing where it's like a wild card playoff game

where two teams that would get the wild card play off in a one-game match to see who gets into the wild cards. You play 162 games, and then it's all decided by one game. By one game, yeah. Yep, and then they play the playoffs, and then it's, yeah. one game. By one game, yeah. Yep, and then they play the playoffs. I gotta get my voice in this series. Cubs are gonna do it. Cubs are gonna get in this series.

Cubs are gonna do it. Yeah, Cubs. We're actually winning. NBA Finals tied at one. It's Golden State and Cleveland. Yeah, go Cleveland. Yeah, LeBron's like, I'm gonna win you guys a championship because it's he owes it to cleveland he owes it cleveland propped him up treated him like a king and he was like i'm out

fools i want my ring yeah he owes him a victory and he owes him the victory yeah he does and golden state's just like where'd they come from you know the, I know, but it's just like the finals have always just been like, here's the Lakers and here's the Spurs. The Lakers suck now. The Lakers are awful. Lakers are very bad, which is great. Yeah, the Lakers had their time. Really, what the Lakers teach us is that everyone who's on top

will eventually be on the bottom. It is true. It's like YouTube. You think you're successful one day, but we're those people who two years ago were successful? Nowhere. Nowhere. Working at Applebee's in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, they got popular and now no one

cares. Just like the Knicks. New York Knicks. 17 wins, 65 losses. Jesus, Knicks. Come on. So that's the thing. See, the Bulls stay in mediocrity. They always make it to the playoffs and then lose. We need Jordan back.

Get him out of retirement. They need Jordan. They need Rodman back to dye his hair every game. Get Pippen. Yeah, back when he could elbow people in the face and it wasn't a foul. Make it happen. Bring it back. Bring it back.

Oh, that'd be great. 1994, Chicago Bulls. Steve Kerr played on those Bulls, and he's the coach of the Warriors now. What a bum. Fun facts. What a traitor. What a traitor. Typical traitor.

He should have coached the Bulls. Yep. So that's happening. And then NFL news. Everybody on the 49ers is retiring. Like everyone. Like five of their players have retired this year. That's strangely enough.

The 49ers were all 49 years old. And surprisingly, it looks like Jacksonville might be good this year. But they probably won't. Yeah, it's Jacksonville. Yeah, it's Jacksonville. Patriots are being the Patriots. Tom Brady's trying to not be suspended by appealing. Suck it, Brady.

Suck it. And aside from that, I think that's all we got. That's everything. Oh, and FIFA. We have to talk about FIFA. Oh, my God, how they're all corrupt and awful people. Yeah. Way to go, world.

You're like, oh, we're better than America. Liars. Liars. Liars. So FIFA pretty much is a corrupt thing. Who'd have thought? Yeah. Horrible. Did you hear how many thousands of people have died trying to make the World Cup ready for

Qatar? Holy shit. Like thousands of people have died and it's not even going to be ready yet for another like four years, three, like 2018 I think it is, right? Yep. Three years and they're like, we expect several thousand more deaths.

How? Yeah. It's like that's, you know. They're like all these immigrants are coming to Qatar in order to build the stadiums and they're all dying. Yeah. That's crazy. Like, apparently, where's the death numbers?

I think it's like from what I last saw was like eighteen hundred or something. Is a lot of people. I have no clue. I got to look this up. Qatar FIFA deaths. Yep, there you go. That's the first thing that pops up. How many is it? Death toll among its workers revealed.

Oh, okay. It's 2022. So 2022 people have died. No, no, no, no, no. 2022 is when the World Cup happens. Oh, okay. But as of 2014, we have one every two days have died. Whoa.

A person every two days has died. Dear God. That's apparently 1,200 people. 1,200 people. Apparently a number of work deaths. In 2008, Beijing, it was six. Africa was two. Vancouver was one.

London was one. Brazil was ten. Sochi was 60. And this is 1,200. Yeah, this is saying it's on pace to kill 4,000 migrant workers. Yeah. How effed up is that? And these are all dudes from Nepal, too.

Nepal! Poor freaking Nepal! Yeah. Like effed up is that? And these are all dudes from Nepal, too. Nepal! Poor freaking Nepal! Yeah. Like, that is... That shit's crazy. And, like, put that in retrospect, like, retrospective to, like, something we could relate to. 9-11 killed 3,000 people. So, like...

Like, I don't... It's like a giant, like's practically like a like a what do you call it but that was like that but the difference is like that was a huge event and so to everyone was shocking like this because it's so few are happening at a time no one really notices or cares yeah which is first off can we ask a question i'm gonna ask a question yeah what the hell is fifa doing in qatar like i get it's a growing population it's a big city but like who wants to play sports in 12 000 degree weather yeah i'm just saying which is it makes it really obvious that it was bought and paid for yes yeah

yeah like for example wednesday uh next week it's going to be 112 degrees there. Shut up. Why would anyone play anything there? Today is 105. Tomorrow's 106. Friday's cloudy with 107. That's insane. Like, the women are in Canada right now.

Yeah. Perfect. That's the perfect place for football. Yeah. In the summer, go to Canada right now. Yeah. Perfect. That's the perfect place for football. Yeah. In the summer, go to Canada. Perfect. It's like it's a brisk 68 degrees. I know.

Perfect. Like a hundred, it's over a hundred daily. Like that's insane. Yeah, that's great. But of course, Qatar is filthy rich. They probably bribed everyone, which as we know is true. Literally everyone at FIFA was bribing somebody else. Yeah, there's a guy working with FIFA that has an apartment that's like $70,000 a month just for his cats.

Yeah, for his cats. He has an apartment across from his apartment just for his cats. Yeah. You should see this guy. He's great. If you can imagine any – he's basically like Jabba the Hutt. Yeah. Like he exudes wealth, power, greed, and gluttony.

Just look at him. Like he's a dude who's just hugely overweight, layered in like fine fabrics, has weird pets around him, and lays around in the bajillion dollar. Basically, he's like every bad guy in every spy movie. Yeah. They call me the Baron. Like, Jesus. And he got re-elected

like last week. Oh, that's the other guy. That's like Sepp Blatter or whatever his name is. Yeah, Sepp Blatter or something. Yeah, and then he stepped down Tuesday. Yeah, he's like, I have to step down because it's just the right thing to do. It's like, you dummy. Yeah, pretty much.

They're doing the super investigation. He's like, I don't want to do this. Well, here's the thing. Everyone in the world apparently now is like, we always knew FIFA was awful. Yeah. But you can't be like, football is the best sport, but also run by the worst people. But apparently one of the big reasons that he kept getting reelected, because he's been reelected like a bunch of times.

Because no one challenged him. Yeah. Well, all these smaller countries that have votes get the same amount of money as all the bigger countries. So if America got $3 million from FIFA, the smaller country would get $3 million too. So they're like, we don't want this to change. Oh, well, there you go. Yeah, and that's why they kept voting for him. Sports.

Sports. What is our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. We got a few you can pick from here. Oh, Jesus. Okay, yes. So, first up, drunk half-naked man breaks into stranger's house for chips. That's a very strong contender.

That's a very strong contender. Florida man abducts neighbor for being loud. That's good, but the chips are more intriguing. Yeah, definitely more intriguing. This is just, you know, crazy Florida Man. A giant toilet clog in Florida turns out to be live iguana.

That is also very funny. But the chips, still intriguing. The chips are still probably the top one. Florida Man allegedly threw a hot slice of pizza at roommate. Again. but the chips still intriguing. Chips are still probably the top one. Floorman allegedly threw a hot slice of pizza at roommate. Again. Again, that makes sense. I've thought about doing that. Yeah, a lot of people

you know. And I mean, I think the chips are going to win in this situation. Alright, let's hear the chips story. Yeah. So, oh, wait, get out of here, helicopter made of horse meat. I'm sorry, what? There's an article called,

Here's a Helicopter Made of Horse Meat in Russia. That's also very good. Yeah. I mean, it'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested in what that helicopter was doing. Yeah, but I mean, then you're like, it's Russia. And you're like, oh. They need that horse meat, though. It is very interesting.

It's made of horse meat. It's like sausages of horse meat. Wait, it's a helicopter made of sausages? Well, like, they're horse meat sausages. Interesting. Yeah, like, let me show you a picture here. I do need to see a picture there's a picture of let's be very clear i need to see a picture of this you can see okay that is very funny yes uh i'm not sure why that exists but it is it's not like a real it's like like a prop thing but like what's it for

i i don't like the sausage patrol it's not a real helicopter they're just horsing around the town of kumaratu in russia it's not a real helicopter it's like you couldn't fit a like even like a tiny baby in that yeah to mark the anniversary of the town's founding on June 6th, some clever folks went for a cultural twofer and attempted to build the largest ever model helicopter made of horse meat sausages. Question. Right. Culturally, why is that relevant to their town? Are they the home of horse meat sausages and helicopters? The town of Kumaratu in Russia's Bashkortan province is best known for its helicopter factory.

And horse meat. And horse meat. Perfect. It's a model about 11 and a half feet long, six feet high, weighs about 265 pounds. That is all sorts of stupid. All right, let's go back to the real story. Go real story. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Drunk half-naked man breaks into stranger's house for chips. Indiana police. We've all had cravings for chips in the middle of the night, but most people don't break into a stranger's house in the middle to feed themselves. Andrew Wozniak, 19, of Greenwood, Indiana. Is that the guy who made Facebook? Uh, oh, that's Zuckerberg. Who's Wozniak? Is that Apple?

Yeah, that's Apple Wozniak. Oh, shit. The Apple guy? What are you doing, Apple guy? It must be probably his son. No, I bet it's him. Yeah. Oh, shit. He was arrested in Greenwood, Indiana after police say he broke into a man's

house wearing only his boxer shorts the homeowner called police shortly after 3 a.m reporting a man standing in his living room and nothing but his underwear eating chips the caller described the suspect as incoherent and pushed him out of the house. Officers eventually found Wozniak walking down the street in only his boxer shorts. He's arrested after cops tested his blood alcohol content, which was around 0.106. Despite failing a blood test, Wozniak insisted to officers that he hadn't been drinking. Wozniak was first taken to Johnson County Jail, but workers suggested he'd be checked out at the hospital. During his time there, Wozniak was first taken to Johnson County Jail, but workers suggested he'd be checked out at the hospital. During his time there, Wozniak allegedly yelled to doctors,

I'm going to snap both of you at the same time. Wozniak has since been charged with residential entry, disorderly conduct, possession or consumption of alcohol by a minor, and intimidation, according to Wish TV. Can we take a moment to get to the bottom of this story? Because what do you think caused him, besides the alcohol, to strip naked, butt to his boxers, stumble out of his house, break into someone else's house eat chips watch tv and then fight with people when they were like sir we're testing you and he's like i'm gonna break you like what what caused that that's a great question because we got no answers in that story. No answers. No answers. Not even the chips he was eating. Yeah, we don't know anything.

What chips were they? Why did he think that guy would have chips in his house? Yeah. Did he break in for another reason? Yeah. And then found the chips and got distracted? I feel like that's the more logical answer. Why wouldn't he?

Like, why was he just in his boxers? Did? Why was he just in his boxers? Did he drink before he got in his boxers? Or did he start drinking and say, damn it, I need to be in my boxers while I drink? A lot of questions here. A lot of unanswered questions. Bad reporting. They should have found all these things out.

Yeah, do we have to do all the work? I think we need to know those things. These are really the hard-hitting facts. We don't care where he's from. I don't. Indiana? There's a lot of weirdos in Indiana. Yeah.

It's a terrible place, actually. Indiana is like the Midwest Florida. It really is. It is. Having driven through Indiana multiple times, I would never want to live there. It's crazy. multiple times. I would never want to live there.

It's crazy. The place, the place that's like an hour from my parents' house, uh, near Kentucky is like the meth capital of the Midwest. It's so bad that they've run out of needles. So they started sharing needles. So now everyone there is getting AIDS too. Dear God.

My God. It's crazy. It's crazy. Look how sick I am right now, guys. And I want to let you know, Indiana is crazy. Damn. It is crazy. But also, we got no info from that story.

There's a lot of important things we needed to know. And we didn't get them. But here's what I'm hoping for. Right. Maybe before the next episode We get some information And we can come back to that story And maybe we'll find out more It's like that one story for that one girl

Who was like I'm a rapper She broke into that house and she was like I'm a rapper And we learned that she was like You know having trouble with her life We got a back story on that Where's the back story on this guy Yeah there's no back story here Do you have to be a famous rapper for people to care?

Yeah, that's right. And she was just like in the bathtub in her underwear. She's like, look, I was having a rough day and I got drunk and I just stumbled. Look, it's not my fault. Yeah. I crawled through a dogging door. What of it? Yeah.

Sometimes you got to do what you got to do. Yeah. So maybe this guy was having a bad day. Let us know that we you gotta do. Yeah. So maybe this guy was having a bad day. Let us know, though. We wanna know. Yeah. Because, like, you don't normally get drunk and then take off your clothes. Or take your clothes off and then get drunk. Unless you've had a shitty day.

Mm-hmm. Or, what if it was a great day? What if he just got super laid by, like, 20 chicks at once? And he was like, ain't nothing gonna stop me. And he started to walk around the streets. Whoa. We don't even streets Whoa We don't even know Don't even know It's like you just gotta crack the code

This is like Those History Channel Ancient Aliens Bible Code things There's a Bible Code in here somewhere We just need to crack it Yep Like every third letter of that story tells you what happened.

All right, hold on. Let me... Oh, Jesus. I'm pretty sure it doesn't. I'm pretty sure it doesn't. I eagerly await to see what the first three words are in this cracked Bible code. So it's V. Yeah, V.

Okay. L. Vla? Okay. cracked every Bible code the yeah be l blah okay la blah if it are very large I flurry s Vlaris. R. Vlaris. Rai. I. Vlaris Re. H. Vlaris Re.

I. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I need to write this down. We're cracking the code. We're cracking the code, Crandor. All right, so it's Vlaris. Vlaris. Vlaris. What were the last few? R-I-I-H.

Okay, keep going. Yeah. D. D. E. E. T. T.

N. N. I'm not sure this spells anything. It will. Let's wait. H. H. U.. So wait. H? H. U?

U. O? O. P. P. Okay. Here we go. Mm-hmm. I'm trying to figure out what this would say.

Maybe cryptic. It is very cryptic. Yeah. Maybe you gotta read it backwards, even. Maybe you gotta space. P-O-U. If we read it backwards, it's P-O-U-H-N-T. P-O-U-H-N-T. P-O-U-H-N-T.

Like, pound. Pound. Or point. He's trying to get to a point. And then the next one would be E-D-H-I-I-R I-R Ed here Point Ed here

Point over here Uh-huh, and the last one would be S-I-L-R-A-V Silrav Point over here Silrav Silver There's silver over here There here silver in the house and

he was going to show the silver but he got distracted by the potato chips oh my god he knows treasure that shit we Bible code that shit easy done done may as well make a movie like Nicolas Cage finding treasure. We just Bible code stuff? But it's all gibberish. It's all just like, oh my god! Silver over here! There's silver over here.

Everyone's like, what does that mean? Don't you see? The ancient Mayans used to smelt silver into potato chips. But they didn't eat them. They put them in chests because they were like coins, like chip coins. Yes. Oh, my God. It all makes sense.

Like chip coins, like chip tunes, which are on the Internet, which is the home of Bitcoin. It was a Bitcoin conspiracy. Which means they knew about Bitcoin way back then, which means aliens! Yep. Full circle. Full circle. We gotta figure it out. You're welcome for wasting your time, Internet.

We did that with no problem. Neither of us are too concerned about that. Nope. We did that and felt pretty good about it. Which means FIFA's stealing money. Yep. Yeah. All right, money. Yep. Yeah. All right, guys, that's it.

Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back with another episode shortly. And as always, to be continued. Woo!