Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 107 - Worlds Greatest Italian Restaurant

Episode Date: July 15, 2015

In a month filled with reports on the Watcher, only 1 hero is brave enough to return and save us from the letter writing menace! It's FLORIDA MAAAAAN! http://moroncdn.infofuelproducti.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/check-368billion-640-mug1.jpg

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendor! Cox and Crendor in the morning! In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios! Recording! Wake your ass up! It's Cox and Crendor in the morning! Cox and Crendor in the morning! C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C I think that's the most excited I've ever been in like 150 episodes or whatever. What happened?

I don't know. I felt a jolt of energy. That's too much. You shocked me. You legitimately shocked me. I'm going to have to calm it back down to my normal levels. Take it down a notch. You are way too excited. Way too.

I don't know that we have a show worth that excitement. I don't think so either. So, it's a new week. What have you been up to, dear friend? Oh, what have I been up to? I've been up to so much that I forgot what I've even been up to. That's how much I've been up to. No, no, no.

Take your time. Let me tell you. So, what day? Oh, yeah. Okay. what day? Oh, yeah. Okay. What day? What day is it? Where am I at?

Are you sure you're not on drugs? Hi, everybody. What day is it? Don't do drugs. Uh-huh. Yeah, we got a lot of good audio things of those. Yeah, we need more. We need more. We need more. More good ones. Yeah, we need more.

We need more. We need more. More of those. Go listen to the last episode if you don't know what we're talking about. So what have I been doing? I was making videos. I was role-playing on our role-play show. Uh-huh. I was watching television.

Apparently, they got Naked and Afraid XL now. What does that mean? It's Naked and Afraid.. What does that mean? It's naked and afraid. You know what that is? I do. It's where they put naked people on an island in a forest, etc. Yeah. Well, now naked and afraid XL is like there's five of them or something.

Like all grouped together. What? Like five men, five women. It's like Survivor, but they're naked and afraid. It's always the weirdest show. Yeah. I always have to wonder, is there like a weird sexual tension going on there? Yeah, I wonder that too.

I've never understood like nudist colonies or nude beaches, because I always imagine it's just old dudes walking around with boners. Yeah, like I picture like, what happens when the guy gets one? Is he just like, oh, well, you know, it's going to happen. You're very attractive. Then they'll laugh it off or something. Well, and here's another thing. Imagine I'm an attractive woman and I'm there.

And a dude comes up to me and he doesn't have one. I'd be offended. I'd be like, are you kidding me right now? I am gorgeous. Not even a little, not even a halfie? Not even a halfie. Come on. You aren't sporting a full innie there, my friend.

I'm not liking it. I'm not liking it. That's what I would. All right. That's me on a nude beach, is what I'm saying. I always, like, cheer for them to get hurt and stuff. What? They're naked. They might as well be afraid and hurt. I always like cheer for them to get hurt and stuff Cause What?

They're naked they might as well be afraid and hurt They're naked and afraid And they're dumb enough to like go on this stupid reality show And they're like I'm out here man I'm getting hot I'm like feeling the heat And like I just don't know what to do I'm gonna like go lay down And I'm like what an idiot

You know like I just hope they get hurt. I hope you lay down in a pit of vipers, you dummy. Well, then they'll eat random animals. They're just like, I ate an iguana. You didn't have to eat the iguana. You're doing it because you're on reality TV. Well, people want that weird fame of like, I was on a show on TV. Yeah, they do.

It's not that great. Spoiler. It's not that great. Sorry. It's not that fun. I was on the plane to LAX, LA, as people call it. Yeah, the people. And there's this one woman, and she was in like, not first class, but like the virgin.

The middle class. You know, like the middle one yeah yeah so and she was talking with her like family or friends to the woman next to her and she was like i was on tlc's blah blah blah blah blah and she was like all proud and bragging about it and i was like you're on tlc that's the learning channel though crendor the learning channel that's not the learning channel it's like tender loving care no tlc is the learning channel that's what tlc stands for no it doesn't yes it does no it doesn't tlc meaning is the learning channel tender loving care yes but that's not what the channel is. Yeah, it is. Bull patootie. That's why they have like family stuff, like the Duggars who beat their kids. TLC channel.

That's why they have, you know. TLC channel is TLC.com. TLC.com, it's the learning channel. It's what it used to be. Now it's just TLC. It doesn't even tell you what it is. Yeah, now they got, you know, 19 kids and counting. Those people apparently beat their kids is what I learned from the thingy.

Hold on. I'm looking at this. Yeah. TLC, abbreviation for its former name, The Learning Channel. Get out of my life. I'm old. I know this. Well, they trade America's worst tattoos, breaking Amish, breaking Amish LA.

What? Was Amish in LA? Yes, did you not? All right, so I actually, that's a show that I actually watched because I was mesmerized. Oh. So Breaking Amish was about these four kids who were Amish kids brought to New York, and they had, they like freaked out. Oh, shit.

That's what it is? But here's the thing. One of them was super attractive. Like the girl with the dark hair. Oh my god. She was gorgeous. And so they made her like she was like I want to be a model. They had to want to go to New York.

Right? Yeah. But they also were overwhelmed. So at the end one of the girls and one of the guys end up getting together and they ended up living outside of Amish land but like going back to it. That kind of stuff. Yeah. But one of the guys end up getting together and they ended up living outside of amish land but like going back to it that kind of stuff yeah but one of the girls she was just like too beautiful for this world and she tried to be a model and all sorts of stuff and then she was like people here are so mean oh oh marry me amish girl anyway so then they had one where they tried to open, I think it's on right now, where they're trying to open an Amish bed and breakfast with the mom who's like super Amish. But she wants, it's like, yeah, you get the Amish experience.

So a couple stayed there and they literally made them like work in the fields. It was a bed and breakfast, but they made them like get up and milk cows and stuff and the mom's like what they expect the homage experience to be and the one model girl now is like well probably pancakes and no electricity it's great it's great how am i not different world show it's a different you need to watch it it's so weird dude that's i'm gonna report back with my not heard of this show? It's a different world. You need to watch it. It's so weird, dude. I'm going to report back with my homework and watch this show. You need to. That's your homework.

It is a crazy show. I did some TLC research. It originally was launched in 1972 as the Appalachian Community Service Network. Yeah. A lot of evolving throughout that process it's sister channels our discovery oprah winfrey network and investigation discovery and destination america investigation discoveries that channel we watched that had all the crazy shit on it like them hunting like the like

we're gonna hunt this mermaid and then it just has murder mysteries it's literally all it is it was like that woman I remember we were watching it it was that woman who's like I went with my lover

Alejandro to the attic and then my husband came up and Alejandro shot him in the face. And I was like, no, Alejandro. And then we both ran away. And then we went to jail. I walked in on that show once, and it was like, then when Paul walked in to find his wife with her lover, he pulled out his gun and shot them both right in the heart And that's a metaphor His heart was broken

But theirs was bleeding It's, oh my god It's the worst Also, it's where Honey Boo Boo's from Yeah, Honey Boo Boo They got, uh Let's see, what other great shows they got in here Virgin Diaries

Say Yes to the Dress Say Yes to the Dress So stupid Toddlers in Tiaras Strange Sex out in here virgin diaries say yes to the dress say yes to the dress uh toddlers and tiaras strange tlc the learning channel sister wives i want to put you're right it's no longer the learning channel it is whatever the hell these shows are now i get why they rebranded to the to tlc ain't no learning on that channel new york inc yeah a lot of learning there my strange addiction great show i watched that my favorite thing is i typed in tlc channel the fourth thing down remember when tlc used to be called the learning channel i mean you still learn a lot i learned about crazy

people's addictions like eating styrofoam or gasoline yep it's a girl who drinks gasoline she's like i like the taste of it well i like the taste of you know a bunch of shit doesn't mean i'm gonna eat it what what does that mean you crazy person like i like the taste of you know like uh chocolate cake i'm not gonna go eat chocolate cake every day let alone like once a week but she like goes there all the time to drink gasoline it's a crazy person she's gotta have it i'm gonna have it i need it my 600 pound life that's great that's like five of me that's five cre. That's like five of me. That's five Crendors. That's five of me. God.

That's insane. I can't even imagine like two of me. I don't think anyone can imagine two of you. Extreme cheapskates. That's the show we love. The guy who's like, I bought this goat head.

What a great channel. What was I even talking about at the start of all this? I don't know. I was just talking about what I did this week. Well, my friend, do we have an update for you on The Watcher? Oh, man. More updates. As we last heard, the Watcher is possibly female.

DNA was found. Now they're releasing information that the letters were postmarked from Kearney. Wherever the hell Kearney is. Kearney? Where is Kearney? What is a Kearney? Sounds like Kearney, like, Alabama or something. Like, down in Kearney, Alabama.

They're from Kearney. I don't know where Kearney is, but I don't care that much. And they just released the details of the lawsuit against the previous family. Here's the thing. In the lawsuit, they claim to have copies of the letter sent to the previous family, but the previous family said there were no letters sent to them. What? So they're like, where do these letters come from? Who made up the letters, Crandor?

But what if the previous family's sending the letters? Why would they do that? They're being sued for $1.35 million. I'm just saying it don't make no sense. With that all said, Blumhouse Productions, Dimension Films, New Line Cinema, and Universal

are all trying to seal a movie deal. Whoa. Well, which one of those would you rather make the movie? Oh, I'd rather Universal make it. Yeah, I'd say so too. That way we can have a ride

at Universal Studios. The water ride where you live in a house and people write you letters. It's like Disneyland. Yeah, man. It's all of a sudden, it's like a letter pops out. Yeah.

It's like the, what do you call it? It's like Star Tours. Yes, exactly. Where Luke Skywalker is like, we got to get out of here. The Watcher's coming. All I was going to say is they should have sued him for a dollar that would no i'm telling you it's all part of the plan it's all part of the plan for a dollar i've been so great yeah no they're releasing information the more information they release the more they're like something's fishy

so it might be that the people who live in there now are making it up. People don't know. People have no clue. I'm excited though. I'm excited to find out what happens. Details are coming. Lawsuit is pending. Lawsuit's pending. The Watcher has not been heard of since. Oh, so he stopped. Yeah. The Watcher

hasn't been watching. Here's the thing. Also, the Watcher wouldn't care about lawsuits. He'd keep going. Yeah, question for you. Yeah. He said he's been watching, and his grandfather was watching. How does one hand down the position of Watcher in the family?

I don't know. Just like, well, son, it's time for you to know that you're a stalker. My father was a stalker, know that you're a stalker. My father was a stalker and his father was a stalker. You need to watch this house, come up with a really creative name for yourself, and write creepy letters to them. Be sure to mention the children.

Also, talk about stuff in the walls. It always creeps them out. Oh, okay, daddy. And, like, yeah, I just picture him, like, being knighted as the watcher like and now I'm the watcher the third it's like it's like one of those lost orders like in the house what if like the holy grails in the house in the walls whoa that'd be amazing. It's like a national treasure thing. Yes. A Watcher treasure. Right?

And he's like, I bestow upon you the knighthood of the Templar. What if the Watcher's a Knights Templar? Oh, Grendor, what if? And it's been passed down for far more generations than they even think. Right? Oh, my God. What if it's Obama? Oh, my God. What if it's Obama? Oh my God.

What if it is Obama? What if Obama is the watcher? And that's why we have to blame Obama for everything. Because he's watching us and he can fix it, but he can't. Because he's watching that damn house. Yeah. He's watching so much. Oh my God. He put so much pressure on him.

He's just one man. He's just one man as the Watcher. Sir, far too long. Was that your Obama? That was like my half-assed Obama. This is my half-Obama. I can do a half-Obama too. That sounds more like Bill Clinton though.

I swear to you, I totally was trying to do Obama. Now vote for my wife so I can get back in the White House. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I promise. I won't get up to no shenanigans if you get me back in the White House.

But I will kiss up on some interns. Oh Bill Clinton, I love you so much. I love you so much. Oh, Bill. If I could, I would be his wingman. I'd drive him around. Drive him around Harlem, around his office, help him pick up chicks.

That's probably all he does now. Right? Hey there, lady. Oh, Mr. President, what are you doing? I'm looking for some mochachina fun. All right, Mr. President.

That is apparently my Harlem girl voice. All right, Mr. President. I guess that's what, you know, I guess that's my girl voice in general. Perfect.

Yeah, that's just your journey. mr president well uh we've come to a solid point in this show where we can go to chopper 70 what i was gonna say uh i was gonna say a thing but it collided with the chop son of a bitch how's that traffic out there? Oh, man. If there's one thing I know about traffic, and I know a lot about traffic, let me tell you that. I went to traffic school, you know? Seven hard years at traffic school.

And all I have to show for it is this lousy piece of paper that says I know how to look at traffic and analyze what's going on down there. And all it's gotten me is this shitty traffic job where I fly around and shop a copter. You know, I don't to look at traffic and analyze what's going on down there, uh, and all it's got me, this shitty traffic job, I gotta fly around and chop the copter, you know, don't even get a real helicopter, granted, you know, sometimes you get to ride the chopper, that's alright, and, uh, you know, well, I don't even know where I am, uh, if I look down,

if I look down at the traffic happening down there, it looks like Bill Clinton's talking with Kiara and Luke, uh, it appears that both of them are being sed Looks like Bill Clinton's talking with Kiera and Luke. Appears that both of them are being seduced by Bill Clinton. And, you know, Kiera and Luke, great combo. You know? I feel like they'd make a great restaurant name. Kiera and Luke's Hot Dogs or something.

Or like, Kiera and Luke's Italian Beef. Yeah, back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Slowly going insane, man. We're gonna have a robot do that soon Woppy, we need you in the The Woptercopter in the sky We're gonna get him up there Yeah, that's true

I should kick it over to Woppy Next time we'll do the Woptercopter Speaking of Woppy, let's go over to the weather desk Crandor, how's the weather? Oh man, if there's one person that knows about weather It's Woppy, let's go over to the weather desk. Crendor, how's the weather? Oh, man. If there's one person that knows about weather, it's Woppy the Robot. Woppy the Robot! All right, hold on.

I need it. Woppy, I need a minute. That was a very quick start-up, Woppy. Yeah, I think he's glitching out a bit. I had to hit him a few more times. I hurt. I hurt. Woppy.

Two. Three. Five. Four. Two. Three. Five. Four. Two. Midland, Maryland. That's a lazy name. Where do you live, Midland, Maryland?

Is it Midland? No, it's Northeast. Midland, Maryland. Midland, Maryland. Cloudy. 65 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 65 degrees Fahrenheit. Wind.

West, northwest, three miles per hour. Humidity, 92%. Today, thunderstorms. 80% chance precipitation. Thunderstorms. Tonight, 63 degrees thunderstorms. Tuesday, 81 degrees thunderstorms Tuesday 81 degrees thunderstorms Thanks Waffy

Thanks Waffy Thunderstorms Alright what's happening in the world of sports Sports Hey how's it going sports time Sports time You became like an old dirty pervert there Sports. Hey, how's it going? Sports time. Sports time. You became like an old dirty pervert there.

Like, hey, how's it going? It's sports time. Well, I didn't want to do the same thing where I'm like, sports. So I tried to mix it up, but it came out weird. I'm going to talk about sports. Sports coming at you. It's like the guy who's been on the TV sports station for like 20 years and hits on all the new weather girls or whatever. It's Chaz Chassington.

I do sports and hot weather girls. Let's see what's happening in sports. Oh, yeah, we talked about JPP last time, Jason Pierre-Paul. I thought he was going to get away clean-handed. No injuries. Turns out he's probably going to lose a finger. He's going to be the four-fingered NFL lineman.

We've got to keep an eye on him. We've got to keep an eye on him throughout the season. See how he does. Four fingers! On the line, he may fall over. He may fall over. We'll keep a fall-over count. Track his progress. that's so mean well he shouldn't hold fire he should hold fireworks in his hand he didn't lose a finger

like doing he shouldn't do all right i'd feel bad for him if he lost a finger like if he was at war or like he's like out working look if you lose a finger at war i feel bad for you but any other time construction or whatever he lost the finger because he was like i'm gonna use fireworks and light it in my hand like you're an idiot you know what the cox and grendor all over count right now it's a zero that we know of i like the that we know of I like the that we know of Caveat at the end there

That we're aware of If you see him fall over in the wild You let us know Oh my god Oh wait it says that the Giants also have No plans to move on from Jason Pierre-Paul So the New York Giants are saying That they're ready They're ready for him to move on from Jason Pierre Paul. So the New York Giants are saying that they're ready

to play even though he is going to have his right index finger amputated. Oh my god, is he going to have a fake finger put on? Oh, that's a possibility. We've got to keep our eyes peeled for that one. I mean, you can still do like a

stance without the right index finger. Most people just do like a three right index finger. What finger is that? That's your pointer finger. Why didn't they just call it the pointer finger? Well, this is the medical terms. That's stupid. Make it something I know. Like, yeah, you still have a

pretty stable holding ground. Yeah, man. He can't do triggers on his Xbox. Other than that, he's great. He's fine. He can't just do the triggers on his Xbox. Other than that, he's great. Yeah. He's fine. He'll be fine. He'll be fine, but we'll still keep the counter. Yeah. Also, Bill's offensive line coach, Cromer,

arrested for battery. Not owning batteries. Not AA batteries. Aaron Cromer was arrested Sunday morning for battery with intent to cause bodily harm he was booked in panama beach florida uh oh if he was in panama it was probably someone at a bar uh the son of cromer's neighbor the bills released the statement saying you're aware

of the reported process they're gathering the facts wait neighbor why was the son of his neighbor in florida with him that's the story that is uh that's the story wait if he's from buffalo what is the son of his neighbor doing with him in florida well here's another thing last year he served as the bears offensive coordinator and was fired after publicly criticizing quarterback Jake Kotler. You don't do that. You don't do that unless you're on the radio. You don't criticize Jake Kotler unless you're on the radio.

I tell you what. That guy gets it. That guy gets it. I was listening to Chicago Sports Radio the other day. It was great. They were like, the Cubs are going to make the playoffs this year. I could fail it. You know, if you're over there, you're managing the team.

Trade deadline coming up. You got Bryant going to the All-Star game. You got Rizzo going to the All-Star game. You got to make a move because Lester ain't pitching well. You got Arrieta pitching well. He's in the third spot. May as well move him up to the one. You know, the rotation.

You got to trade with the Mets. The Mets got young pitching. We got young hitting you trade castrol for a young pitcher you pray it over you get a chance to take down the shitty cardinals god i hate them that's pretty much what it was i like that you verbatim probably remembered everything that guy said it's pretty much like 95 percent accurate everything the only thing you missed was like the part where he stopped to eat his sub god i love this meatball sub sponsoring the show thanks to portello sponsoring the show for the meatball sub go get your 10 off well you're about trading uh six seven day to score Sex, savvyday, the scar.

Well, I guess that's sports. Yeah, it's sports. So what is our big news story of the day? Oh, the big news story of the day. Where'd it go?

I lost it. You lost the story? There it is. It's from last time. Texas man claims he bagged a chupacabra that's right go on a landscaper in rockdale texas believes he found the carcass of a chupacabra but skeptics think he may actually be or think it may actually be a coyote or raccoon of course of course uh philip oliveria said he trapped the strange creature on his property in late may and reported his supposed discovery of the mythical

blood-sucking beast to the media on friday oliveria said he it had skin textured like an elephant's hide paws like a raccoon and an unusually large hind legs. Having studied biology and spent a lot of time camping and hunting and fishing and being out in the wilderness, I've seen what I thought was everything. Around here, anyway, he told the Austin American statesman. But the thing

is, is like nothing I've ever seen. Whatever it was, appeared to be fair fat and healthy too oliveria said of course oliveria is keeping the creature in a fridge so that it can be analyzed you'll have a journalist the american statesman viewing it uh into his freezer and it will have tests run on the animal's dna but wildlife experts said Oliveria is undoubtedly wrong about the species. It's a coyote with mange. People have always said that.

Every time someone says they've got a chupacabra, everyone's always like, it's just a coyote with mange. Every time. Which makes me think there's a million of chupacabras. There's millions of them. Yeah, there's got to be millions of chupacabras. There's got to be million of Chupacabras. There's millions of them. Yeah, there's got to be millions of Chupacabras. There's got to be millions of Chupacabras. Millions.

George, I tell you. George, I tell you what. I say the Chupacabra. They took me and my family. Oh, my God. So the other night I was listening to Coast to Coast. I was driving home. It was really late.

Driving home from the office. Coast to Coast is on. And someone calls up and he's like mr coast i need to talk to you and he's like who are you where you're from he's like i'd rather not say where i'm from you know i you know you have tracking he's like uh we do not track where you live and he's like i know you do don't pretend mr coast don't pretend and he he's talking about i don't even know what he's talking about how big he was like i just want to talk to you about big foot because how come we ain't seen the youngins if there's big foots where are the kids and i

thought he was trying to debunk bigfoot but as he kept talking it was clear that he believed bigfoots were invisible that's why we didn't see them or the kids i mean he may be maybe out of something because he's like how come we haven't seen if there's bigfoots where are their bodies how come we haven't seen the kids, Mr. Coast? And basically, I thought he was trying to say Bigfoot is just completely fake. No, he believed Bigfoot, they were invisible. They're invisible. Unable to be seen by the human eye.

Mm-hmm. What if animals can see Bigfoot and we can't? I'd be super jealous. You know, some animals can see colors we can't see. Oh, shit. So, I'm trying to think of what bird it is. Like, we have very developed eyes, but there are other animals that have much more

developed eyes, and so each of the, I'm no scientist, each of the little doohickeys in your eyes sees part of the spectrum, right? The cones? Yes, the cones. A shrimp, a certain type of shrimp shrimp but i can't remember which has like 36 of them sons of bitches damn how many cones do let's look up cones in eyes numbers maybe animals cones and rods and cones what animal has the most can see the most colors maybe?

Yeah. Can see the most colors. Yeah. The mantis shrimp. Damn. The mantis shrimp has 12 color receptors. And humans only have three. Yep.

So the mantis shrimp can see things we can't even see. Oh my God. Like we can't perceive the colors of that. So that means that, like, the colors we see, there are other colors we can't even see. So it's like if we look at a tree and it's green, it may be like other colors we can't even tell. Yes. Yes. Oh, my God.

So there really are things that we can see, but we don't see. Yes. That blows my mind. Right right you know what else is gonna blow your mind what florida man attempts to cash 368 billion dollar check all right before i even tell you this story, open image in new tab. I'm going to send you a picture of this guy. All right. Just give it a look.

He looks... All right. I'm going to attempt to describe him. He looks like if a dwarf tried to mate with one of the three stooges. If that dwarf was sleepy. Sleepy the dwarf. Okay, here we go. Jacksonville, Florida. Jeff Waters walked into a Bank of America Monday morning and attempted to cash a check for $368 billion.

He wrote the zeros that start going down the side of the check. There's so too many to fit. The check Waters had written to cash was reportedly from U.S. Bank of Idaho and issued in the 90s. Tellers at the Jacksonville Bank were immediately suspicious. Waters explained to bank officials a homeless man named Tito Watts sold him the blank check several months ago for $100. God, Tito Watts. for $100. God, Tito Watts.

And told Waters the check would clear for any amount and that Waters could write whatever he wanted. It's always been a dream of mine to own the best Italian restaurant on Earth, Waters told police. I'm 10% Italian. Cooking authentic Italian food is in my blood.

I plan to make the restaurant 80 million square feet. What? All right. 80 million square feet. A football field is 320 feet long, counting end zone 160 feet wide so 11 football fields you take a shade under 20 football fields to be a million square feet and he wants it to be 80 million 80 million square feet so that's like that's like 800 football fields?

It's a lot of football fields. It's more than that. Anyway, he wants it to be able to accommodate, at any given time, 30 million eaters. Plus, I was going to totally... Oh my god. Plus, it was totally going to be underwater so people could look at sharks while they ate. But the bank wouldn't give me the money they owed me. Tito said the check was good for any amount I wanted to write for.

So blame Tito, not me. I'm as innocent as a schoolgirl. What? In addition to the forgery count, Waters was charged with unlawfully carrying Chinese throwing stars and possessing bath salts. Of all things. He was released after posting $23,000 a barrel. He actually had the money for the bail. He did.

That's the best story I've ever heard. That is pretty amazing. That wins everything. The fact that we can see the check as well, where he's like, he wrote April 25th, but he wrote something else, then wrote the five over it. Like, hold on. That's not right. It's like, all right, I can't fit that many zeros.

So I'm just starting to write zeros on the side of the check. I'm including this photo. I'm going to include a link in the description to this video you gotta you gotta include it oh my god or podcast whatever i'm old so like so okay imagine his reality imagine if he was able to make this restaurant you know who he looks like hold on you know who he looks like? Hold on. You know who he looks like? This is the perfect example. He looks like a drugged out Randy Quaid. Basically the same guy. Like, I'm Randy Quaid! But he's a drugged out version of Randy Quaid. It looks like Randy Quaid if he had a lot of

bath salts and a lot of meth. Yeah. It might have been. Poor Randy Quaid. I'm Jeff Waters! He's in the, what's that movie? The Family Vacation one. Yeah, National Lampoon. That's what I was looking Waters. He was in the, what's that movie? The family vacation one. Yeah, National Lampoon.

That's what I was looking up. Yeah. And he was the guy in Independence Day who was like, up yours. Yeah. Apparently Randy Quaid has also gotten pretty insane. Because I found an article. Like Randy Quaid on bath salts check billion dollars Randy Quaid puts a Rupert Murdoch mask on his wife and things only get weirder Quaid and his wife Evie pose posted a bizarre not-for-safe YouTube video well I want to watch it now while evie sits behind him silent in a bikini wearing aviator

glasses in his invictive quaid accuses warner brothers of stealing his house states the new york post continues to smear me to high heaven with a pack of lies what what is happening his wife is just like laying in the background in a bikini. I know. That's so weird. And he has a giant Santa beard. He's wearing a beanie. I like how everyone in the comments are like,

I thought he was going to talk about Hitler. What? They're like, it wasn't nearly as crazy as it could have been. I mean, they have a point. They do have a point. They do have a point. He could have talked about hitler that would have just went insane we could have talked about hitler all right well we aren't going to talk about hitler because the end of the show crendor yeah we just need to give all them a tlc show just give them a tlc i want to give jeff a TLC show. Give him $368 billion. Let's see what he does

with it. Yeah. Oh my god. Countries of the world, give this man $368 billion. Film it. Let him build his restaurant. I want to build an 80 million square feet restaurant. He's 10% Italian. He knows how to cook.

Build it underwater so we can stare at sharks. The guy gets it. That's picture. It's just like percent italian he knows how to cook no but underwater spooking stared sharks the guy gets it that's picture like it's just like under under the ocean you take like a giant elevator down and then it like opens up he basically is building an underwater city is what he wants yeah he is but it's only a restaurant yeah you go you eat your damn food and then you get out you get like a little car and it like takes you to your table because it's so big to walk to here's the problem

his structure basically has the same premise as that one Superman movie where Lex Luther was trying to build an island in the middle of the ocean and it would displace the water and flood the east coast of the United States that's what his thing would do it's so big it would displace the water and flood the east coast of the United States that's what his thing would do

it's so big it would displace water and flood like the world yeah like science wouldn't allow it stupid science thanks science thanks science all right well that's it we'll be back next time

another episode thank you so much for listening and as always I forgot the bell again. Is he getting the bell? Is he coming back with the bell? I just have my keys. We continued.