Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 113 - Black Friday Returns!...Again!

Episode Date: November 28, 2015

It's that time of year, where you gather with family, sit down around the fire, and be thankful for another Black Friday episode of Cox n' Crendor!

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Cretdog! This is Cretdog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios! Recording! Wake your ass up! It's Cox and Cretdog in the morning! Cox and Cretdog in the morning! Hello everybody, welcome to Cox and Cret Door in the Morning! Cox's Grand Door in the Morning!

Hello everybody, welcome to Cox's Grand Door in the Morning! Boom! Black Friday edition, yeah! Yes, it is Black Friday. Which is the day where we do a podcast for no reason other than it is now tradition. Much like Black Friday. Much like the day itself. It's stupid and just a dumb tradition.

And slowly losing steam. Yep. So, I woke up today. First off, Black Friday is really now like midday Thursday. Yeah. It's a problem for me especially because it's like yes we know thanksgiving is supposed to be your day off but because you're an employee of walmart you must be in at 6 p.m f your family what i think they should do is just have their thanksgiving meals at walmart be like you're going to make me work? Fine. I'm bringing the family. We're going to sit out in the

children's clothing department. It's like, oh my god. I got a story. Almost fell over in my chair. Where are you going to get this story? Down to the old Soty shop. The Soty shop? Is that where you get your stories?

No wonder our news is so stupid. Get it from Papa John. He's like, couple of sody pops. He's like, oh, hello there, boy. Do you want another soda pop? Oh, would you like the news? By the way,

Papa John works there. Yeah. Also makes pizza in his spare time. Yeah. They stole the recipe from him. The guy who runs Papa John's is named John. Yeah.

His name's like Luciano Dickelberry. What was my story? Oh, yeah, I remember it. Okay, I was watching the news. It's Thanksgiving after we ate, and the news was on. And then they're like, everybody's lining up for Black Friday. And there's this lady. And she's at the front of the line.

And she was like, the one thing I love about Black Friday is that my kids will be smiling on Christmas. And I was like, wait. So they only smile if you wait in a Black friday line and buy them stuff well this is she's one of those people that's like i christmas is so important not because of the meaning of the holiday season not because i get to spend time with my family because i if i don't screw up the gifts my kids will smile and i'll be a good parent yeah she's one of those yeah she's one of those people and then they showed like they're like and all the people were piling in and it showed like 12 people looking like zombies or like half dead just like

walking into the storm like oh my god they're piling in oh well i on the other hand have been watching uh world star daily and uh a bunch of videos that literally are just guys shouting Worldstar all morning it has been amazing so for those who are not aware Worldstar Daily is a hip hop website

that evolved over the last two or three years from a place where I guess dudes would go to look up hip hop stuff and like naked girls to like videos of fights and weird stuff where people are just shouting world star, world star in the background. And it is, or really funny videos, like, like really stupid, funny videos. But now it's become like a cultural phenomenon here in the united states where it's just anytime someone um sees a fight or is involved in a fight or sees something ridiculous happen like someone's just like we're sending this to world star and then it gets put on their vine or their twitter feed or

whatever i just watched one see the woman stole a vegetable streamer A steamer straight out of that little kid's head So the best part is They've been posting all day Videos that people have sent them Of stuff happening at Black Friday And the one Crandor is referring to Is this video of A little tiny white woman

And this big black woman And her kid right And the kid and the black woman have these vegetable steamers and this white woman walks up steals one right from the kid like literally like he takes it out of his hands that tries to take another from the uh mother and then the mother like starts grabbing the one back and a fight starts to break out and this this little tiny white woman in the best way possible goes like you're invading my I feel like you're trying

you're very aggressive you're being very aggressive I'm scared I'm scared and it's like lady you just stole a vegetable steamer from a kid yeah it is like I feel like there's a comedian out there who should be doing a bit

on that like it's one of those old bits like, white people be like this, black people be like this. It's one of those bits. It's just to be like, white people be like, I'm going to steal your thing. And they'd be like, you're being aggressive. Like, okay. Hold on. We're going to rewind it a bit. It's so funny.

It's so funny. First off, why does she want her, like she's using her kid to like carry stuff like and it's not like hey little timmy you got yourself a vegetable steamer he's like oh boy i get to steam my vegetables now then she's carrying another one so she's getting two vegetable steamers yeah they're gifts they're that's what that's what black friday is about it's gifts for people but if you gave okay if you get two different people who will never meet probably and then she came here really wanting that vegetable steamer yes by the way can you point out there are maybe 500 vegetable steamers on the ground yeah the beginning of the video starts

with people knocking them off the shelves like And then jumping on the ground to grab vegetable steamers. Like that one lady. This lady in a green jacket. Literally just pile drives the vegetable steamers. And then acts like she's trying to recover a fumble in the NFL. Just like, gotta get it. Where's the ball? And then she just lays there on it.

Yeah, because it's one of those things. Like, get up. Someone can take it from me. the ball it's like and then she just lays there yeah because it's one of those things like if i get up someone can take it from me like that crazy white lady who's trying to steal the damn vegetable seed from that little kid yeah never and then there's like one lady right behind him just like picks one up off the ground like and then runs away like it's amazing their their methods are really bad i just yeah terrible let's terrible. Let's take it back now. This is for a vegetable steamer. Yeah.

This is for a vegetable steamer. A fight is breaking out for a vegetable steamer, and then it's still one of the best videos I've ever seen where the lady grabs it from the kid, freaks out when the mom starts to fight back, and is like, you're being so aggressive! And then the video does a slow-mo shot of her stealing it from the little kid, just ripping it out of that kid's hand. And he's just like, oh, man, it's gone now. I'm not going to be able to steam my vegetables.

Yeah, it rips it out of his hands. And then it cuts to the part at the end where she's like, you're being so aggressive. It's one of the best. It really makes you understand why when people get caught doing stuff on film they still deny it yeah like no i didn't do that like well we have you on film it wasn't me i wasn't on film it's one of those things where it's like lady you are blatantly stealing that from a child and then later being like stop hitting me why are you being so aggressive you stole something from her kid!

There's one where it's a fight between two just like beefy meathead guys in a mall and they start wailing on each other and it's everyone, there's a crowd of maybe like a hundred people watching this fight in a mall and they start beating each other up eventually a sheriff or someone shows up and breaks up the fight and the first thing said out of

anyone's mouth is, that's going to Worldstar. It's like there's that one guy who's just like, man, I'm just going to record this shit. I'm going to make more money. Everyone's recording everything. I'm going to make enough money to just go buy a TV. Yeah, I think people are going out to either, one, pick fights, or two, go try and find fights. Yeah. There's no reason to be out during black friday anymore

it's insane it's insane there's uh i watched one where it was um some dudes at a mall in a fight like uh like six or seven guys breaking out in a fight on the mall and all it is in the background this guy's going world star world star world star worldstar! Yeah, like, they're not even, like, fighting over an object or anything. They're just fighting. Malls are just battlegrounds now. It's basically that South Park episode. It is. The Game of Thrones South Park episode.

Apparently I got an email from my mother earlier today that was like, did you see the fight in Louisville at the mall? No, but I imagine it's like every other fight I've seen today. Like, she's excited about it. Like, did you see the fight in Louisville at the mall? No, but I imagine it's like every other fight I've seen today. Like how she's excited about it. Like, did you see the fight? It was great. I messaged her.

I was like, do you have a link? And she's like, it was on the news. I was like, oh, all right. That's news. That's news here in America. I want to warn the rest of the world. As we slowly export Black Friday to you, you're welcome. That's my warning.

You're welcome. Yeah's my warning. You're welcome. Yeah. Oh, wait. It says, here's two men fist fighting in a food court at the Mall St. Matthews in Louisville, Kentucky. Oh, St. Matthews Mall? Yeah. That is, that's, yeah, that's the mall.

Oh, shit. What happened to the fight? Hold on. It's in the, it's in that article you linked. What? Wait, was it the fight that I watched earlier and just didn't realize? I didn't read? I think so. I linked it back. It's the second one down. And right above it says, here's two men fist fighting in the

food court in Louisville. Second one down. From Young Life. What? It is! It totally... I didn't even read the text. I just watched the video. The two meatheads. The two meatheads who are fighting each other. It's like a hundred people watch. That's the one my mom was talking about. Also, when I click the vine, the vine volume always plays at like 8 billion percent high volume.

Yes, can we fix that vine? Can we fix that? Because 99% of the time, it's either really, really quiet or really, really loud. And sometimes people use that to their advantage. Where, like, the beginning is a really quiet scene. And then on the other end, it's like, John Cena! Can we just not do that? Yeah, that'd be kind of nice to have.

Oh, yeah. I actually went to Target last night. Why? Well, I didn't, like, wait outside. Like, I was like, well, it's 1 a.m now like all the good shit's gone i'm gonna go see what's happening so you just went out at 1 a.m to a target yeah and like it was like a normal shopping target day but people were just like browsing around like nobody was fighting everyone was just kind of walking around being like hey this is kind

of cool and i looked around there's like really nothing worth buying they were like door buster deal and i'm like oh man this would be good it's like two dollars off this adam sandler movie and i was like i don't think i'd bust down a door for that i'd actually probably close the door and then like there's there's just nothing really worth buying i was like i could just come here on any other day and be like i guess i'll pay an extra dollar for it like i don't know i don't know i don't get it i just wait on amazon now yeah there's a lot of time where i'd just be like you know what i'd rather just wait and pay an extra dollar i don't know it just seems like it's a

giant waste of time and energy i think so there's an article right here and it says black friday crowds thin after u.s stores open on thanksgiving so i feel like people are just starting to do that more they're like you know what let's buy online what i thought yeah they put in all caps online sales strong yeah people are just uh done i think with black friday i just found another one i just found another one crendor i found another one i need it found another one. Krendor, I found another one. I need it. All right. I totally forgot this video existed.

Here. I'm going to send this to you. All right. All right. All right. Oh, God. It's so loud. This one, notice, as you watch the video, notice everyone's fighting over TVs.

Yeah. And then there's a big rush to get to the TVs. But then there's another fight in the background as people are fighting to get to the fight for the TVs. Yeah. And then there's a big rush to get to the TVs, but then there's another fight in the background as people are fighting to get to the fight for the TVs. Yeah. Then a fight breaks out on the side between two women over a TV. And then another dude comes along

and steals the TV from the two women. He doesn't track the TV. And then he walks away. A cop comes in and is like, nope, nope, don't fight, don't fight. Meanwhile, the TV the two women were fighting over got stolen by another guy. He's like, oh, they're fighting. I'm just going to take this. I'm just going to take this TV.

It's like, how good is that TV as well? That's what I'm wondering. They're like, oh, this is super cheap TV. Like, is it that good? No, of course it's not that good. Yeah. Like 99,000% of the time it's not going to be good. It's going to be mediocre.

That's the reason it's on sale. Kind of okay. Yeah. It's a TV that they need to get rid of, or it's a TV that somewhere there's a warehouse they need to get rid of these TVs. Yeah. No, I understand. I understand that many of the time this is like people have a budget, and they have to work within that budget.

And sometimes if they want something really, really nice, this is the only time they can buy it. Yeah. But there was an amazing study, and I think it says something about this country more than anything else. I'm going to try and find it. Where Black Friday fights happen most, maybe? All right. Yeah maybe all right yeah all right states where you're most likely to encounter fights at black friday sales and this is a stately did this study so if our study is accurate you'll definitely want to take precautions because shopping in these states oh this is definitely not gonna be an accurate Why? What they used to find the results were Facebook users expressing interest in Black Friday sales.

Well, that's good enough for me. Frequency of aggravated assaults on Black Friday in the past. All right. That's fine. That's good enough science for me in this show. I mean, you did it estate-ly. We're doing it. All right.

You'll note the vast majority of these states are in the south okay so arkansas tennessee alabama louisiana missouri west virginia oklahoma indiana kansas south carolina those are the states where you're most likely to have a fight that sounds about right it does sound about right because i think i think it's safe to say most people would agree those are like among the poorer states in this country. Yeah. Unless you're listening to this show. Then you're rich with knowledge. Yeah. That's a good quote.

You're not poor, you're rich with knowledge. Knowledge. But it's, I mean, that's like I think it comes down to that, like when you just don't have anything, you're willing to fight harder to get something. Yeah.

And that's sad that rather than make things accessible for more people all the time, it's like, one day a year, we will give scraps to the peasants and let them fight over it for amusement. Which, let's be honest, is exactly what this is. It is. Do not even pretend that's not what this is. Call it Scrap Day. Yeah, it's like, give them the scraps and watch them fight. Basically, why don't we just have, like, a Thunderdome, or, like, a Running Man situation,

or some type of arena where we just let people fight. Yeah, at this point, we might as well just broadcast people fighting on TV for amusement. Yeah, like... And the winner gets, like, here's your news, we might as well just broadcast people fighting on TV for amusement. Yeah. Like, and the, and the winner gets like, here's your news. Seven 20 P Vizio TV.

Oh my God. Okay. So here's what we do. We take the hunger. Yes. Go on. Go on. Take the hunger game style,

like arena, right? Take like 30 of our best challengers from around all those States. All the States. I would, I would disagree. I would say not best 30 of our best challengers from around all those states. All the states we just mentioned. I would disagree. I would say not best. 30 of our most willing challengers.

They have to prove how willing they are. Best does not need a picture into it. And so we put them in this big cool arena thing. They get shot up like the Hunger Games in the tube. And it's like, and then we play the music like we can get like uh instead of who they have in the caesar like in the hunger games well yeah who's like him we get like uh oh no no no we're gonna get we're gonna get him yeah we're gonna get that actor to play caesar forever life appointment yeah And he'll be like, I'm so excited!

I can't wait! And he'll interview them all. So, tell me about this TV you want so badly. I've been dreaming of this moment, Caesar. I really liked you in the Hunger Games. I never thought I'd get to participate in one myself.

I'm so excited! And then, right, they show off all the stuff that will be, like, giving away. And you put it in this, instead of weapons in the middle, it's going to be stuff you can get. Right? And so. Wait, what? Oh, my God, you're a genius. Then they can use the stuff to fight each other.

Yes! Yeah! So, you might be like, I want that TV. But you got to carry that TV, and it's going to be like a giant battle axe, right? So if you want, you got to swing it, but it's going to be like, you might even break it. You might even break the TV you want. I want to pause you for a minute because this reminds me again of a WorldStar video I saw the other day. Right.

Where a fight, a woman comes at another woman who's walking her dog, and she starts, you know, waving her finger and getting up in her face. And then she goes to throw a punch at this woman with the dog. And the woman with the dog dodges, swings back, misses. The woman who attacked first punches back, hits her in the shoulder. And the woman with the dog retaliates by swinging her dog on the leash and hitting the woman in the face with her own dog. What the shit? She takes this dog and beats up the attacker with her dog and then proceeds to walk away with the dog.

The dog and she walk away just fine. The dog's like just another weekday. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen. It reminded me of what you're talking about yeah so so that vegetable steamer that vegetable steamer not only can they use it in the wilderness to steam leaves and things but they can also use it to boil water and then throw it at people's faces yeah because like you can't just like get it and then run out of here it's gonna take a few days for you to actually escape with your no everyone has to be dead

Yeah, whatever whatever's left at the end you get yeah, yeah, but if it's broken you're screwed. Don't get a new one so You know then we'll have the the game maker dude And he'll like put up like all the crazy shit like he'll release the like laughing gas They'll just wild in laughter mutated hounds wild mutated hounds bees that kill you yeah sure that'll be great oh my god oh just release normal bees oh yeah the people who enter have to be allergic to bees yeah that's that's the requirement yeah you have to or you have to take a drug that makes you allergic to bees.

And then they'll have actual sponsors. Like Pepsi can drop in Pepsi for the people they like. This is great. We've basically created our own sadistic twisted sport. It is. It's just like the time we created that new NFL 2.0. Yeah, where people died in it. Yeah, and there's like robots and giants and roided out people giants Why do all of our sports end with the death of people

For amusement I don't know I feel like you and I would have been great back in Roman times Like you know Emperor I hear the Colosseum gives you some more fights I like that idea Where would I hire you We'd be the greatest

Fight promoters for ancient battle sports we would you know what we could do though what if people threw bread at them in the arena and then the battle goes on for days she gets gone shark tank like we're gonna bring back ancient battle sport we would like to bring back. I would love to see all the people on that show be like, I'm in. I'll give you $20 million. Mark Cuban's just like, as someone who owns sports teams, this is genius. We'll give you guys all my money.

Literally just all of it. Like, nice. Dude, we got his money. Let's just take it. Oh, my God. No way. You's just take it. Oh, my God. No way. You might just take it, but I made a promise to Mark Cuban that I would make a sport where people died. And, by God, I'm going to kill some people. Oh, my God.

I feel like we've crossed the line here today. Probably. But, I mean, America's crossed the line in general. Yes, yes, absolutely. Are we really doing anything crazy? Oh, speaking of crossing a line, companies that email me. Stop emailing me. I know Black Friday is the day you want us to go buy your crap online.

Yeah. I've received maybe 20 emails from amazon like a dozen from those crappy t-shirt websites that i bought a t-shirt on the internet from like 10 years ago yeah stop it stop sending me your crap i'm i've un like unsubscribed or whatever that crap is where you know they keep sending you newsletter stuff i've unsubscribed for maybe 50 of those things today i had no clue i was subscribed to until they started sending me stuff for black friday i was like i'm not gonna buy your stuff stop it i know and it's like it's like you enjoyed our coffee once two years ago and then we took you off the mailing list but we're allowed to put

you back on it for this time buy our coffee and it's like no i'm not gonna do that wait uh macy's did you see the macy's parade no people are talking about it and saying that the the balloons got weirder oh uh there's one there's one balloon where um it was spider-man up the butt of uncle sam that's i mean god paddington was four dollarsMan up the butt of Uncle Sam. Oh my God. Paddington was $4. They're sold out of it. What? Paddington.

That movie's not even that good. Have you seen it? It's not that good. You haven't seen it. You can't judge it. It's not that good. I've seen bits of it on planes. False.

It's not that good. It's great. I loved it. Nope. False. Great great movie you're wrong i actually saw the uh the new hunger games as well i haven't seen the hunger games or the new bond movie i haven't seen a movie in i mean i don't even know i don't even know i think the last movie i saw in a theater was uh maze runner whenever that came out oh yeah a few months ago i think it's september i literally haven't been to the movies since then. I've just been so busy.

It's driving me crazy. Because I love the movies. You should see the new Hunger Games so we can talk about it. Because I feel like it ends now. So this is the ending. Does President Snow get a happy ending? And does he marry a nice lady and move to the countryside um all right it how does how does it end up for president snow because he's so he's

such a nice man he's such a sweet he's such a sweet old man i just want to find an old lady and move to the countryside it's a very weird ending for him because you think like uh yeah don't spoil it does he find his does he find his life dream does he find his soulmate i feel like he has a happy ending in the way the joker would so that makes sense so he he and batman end up on an island naked kissing yes wow that is president snow gives it all to batman in this. Wow, I didn't see that coming. The ending of the movie had one of those things where I could predict it. You know how in Divergent, you're just like, now they're going to do the train thing.

Oh my god, they had a new trailer for that, by the way, the new movie. I didn't even see that. I didn't even see the new trailer yet. We need to go watch that at some point. Yeah, we need to watch that. So, do we have any other things to add to this friday friday black friday uh episode oh yeah there's uh do you think black friday will eventually settle down and and we'll we'll end up having to stop doing these no i don't think so because people want to fight people want to fight. People want to fight. If the reason is a vegetable steamer or a TV, people will still fight.

They'll fight. They just want to fight. It's proven throughout history in things like our battle arenas in Rome and the Hunger Games in modern times. Yep. People want to fight. People want to fight. I heard that one lady at Target. I was leaving Target I was like alright should I buy $4 off this

18 thing of coffee like packs of Keurig coffee and I was like I'll just come back next week I don't care and so I was leaving and then this lady bought a big ass TV and she was calling up either her husband or her boyfriend

or you know whoever both you never know it could be whoever and she was like you never know it could be both it could be both and she was like hey uh so i know you we had a budget and you told me not to spend anything but i need you to come over here with the truck and i was like well that's black friday i know we don't need a TV. I know we're in debt. Yeah, and I know the kids can't afford to go to college. But. But.

How else are we going to watch it? This TV was on sale, and I felt like if I didn't buy it, I'd be an idiot. How else are we going to watch the DVD of Paddington? All right, that's it. Thank you for watching, listening, wherever you are around the world, and we will see you next time with another episode of Cox and Grendor. That's it for us. Adios

Arima Dirt She. And as always. That was a very unconventional ending. Do we continue? We continued.