Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 116 - Household Chores With The Wife

Episode Date: January 23, 2016

The boys are back, and Jesse has a tale to tell. Turns out an old man in a wheel chair is infinitely more badass than all of us. Crendor shares his struggles with mono, and why you shouldn't self medicate. Then, we wrap it all up with the return of FLORIDA MAN!!!

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendor in the morning. We're broadcasting live, live, live, live, live, in 4-hour recording studios. Recording. Wake your ass up, it's Cox and Crendor in the morning. Welcome back to Cacks and Crendor in the morning! Hello everybody, welcome back to Cacks and Crendor in the morning. Hello. Hello.

Hello. I'm so excited! Hello. You seem much more excited than me. Hello! Oh no. Huh? Huh?

Oh my goodness, Crendor. Why are you excited? I have an amazing story to tell you. All right. It just happened today. Okay. And I've never been more thrilled. All right.

So today I went to go get coffee. Okay. Now around here, I'm sure I'll get messages about how I have a poor taste in coffee. But around these parts, it's Starbucks or nothing. Yes. This ain't Hollywood. There ain't like hipster places called like the percolating Pete's coffee shop or slow roasters or bite size pack of derms. The, the, the The roaster brigade.

Yeah. Beanos, jalapenos, none of that. Yeah. None of that. We don't have any of that. None of them. We have Starbucks. That's what we have.

Mm-hmm. Anyway, at my Starbucks today, I was getting coffee, and I was just sitting there waiting in line for my coffee, and a dude rolls in on a motorized wheelchair. Rolls up to the counter, slams his fist down the counter with a $20 bill and goes, I want a venti latte, six shots. Whoa. So this is, just imagine, it's a normal latte, but with six shots of espresso. That's a lot of shots.

And I kind of laughed. I was like, oh man, this guy's up to something crazy today. He gets his drink. He goes outside. Well, actually, what happens is I sit there, and I watch this deal go down. Very impressed by his attitude of, I'm going to get a lot of stuff done today.

So as I sit there waiting with him, he just is fidgeting with like Some piece of electronics I don't know what it was I'm not a gearhead I don't know what he's messing with But he's sitting in his chair just like Fixing something I don't know like Anakin Skywalker He's like I'm making a robot

Like whatever he was doing it was incredible looking So I go outside And right out in front of the Starbucks And the handicapped parking space is this dude's ride. I'm convinced this was a future man. Trendor, I'm going to send you – it's going to be the image of this podcast episode. All right. And I'm going to send you what this guy was riding around in because I get why he needed that much coffee because he's a genius.

Because a man is a genius who does not quit working. All right. Look at this. See this vehicle. What the shit? Exactly. I think he made it. That does look like something you could make somehow.

Basically, imagine combining the front of a motorcycle with the back of a trailer. Yeah. And then he has a little thing where he wheels up his wheelchair onto the motorcycle trailer bed and then powers it like a motorcycle drives around. And he even has it to where like the little like ramp you can go up, you can close that. Right? It's incredible. So I imagine he's just on the freeway just like.

I've never seen anything like that in my life. It's the coolest thing I've ever seen. And I now get why that dude is drinking so much coffee, because he's creating things I've never seen before. That guy does more stuck in a wheelchair in a day than I do

walking around like a schlub. It hit me that man is more productive to society than I will ever be. Yeah, me too. And he was like, he was like maybe 70 years old.

Maybe. He's even got a helmet. He's wearing, he's got his helmet down there. Right. I was so impressed. I was like, that dude gets it. That guy is the coolest.

Once I saw him, I was like, I'm gonna make today, I'm doing stuff today. I'm getting a million things done. That's to point out something. Yeah. There is a car next I'm getting a million things done. I also want to point out something. There is in the car next to him a douchebag.

No, actually two douchebags. There were two douchebags there. Both of them were wearing ridiculous outfits. So you can't really see them in that picture. Actually, let me see if you can. You can't really see them in that picture, but there's two douchebags.

One is Asian, and one is, like, the whitest kid I've ever seen. The best part was, you can kind of see the Asian kid. The Asian kid, like a backwards Cali hat, like a fitted white t-shirt, pants that were jeans, but looked like the jean print. Was like fabricated on it. Yeah. So like one of those stretchy pants. Girls wear. But with jean print right.

So that was that guy. The white kid had a jacket. That had like an Asian tiger on it. And he was wearing a shirt. That said like something in Japanese. And I just was like. This is the most L.A. thing I've ever seen. That is very L.A. That is, like, those people sitting right next to a homemade, like, motorcycle trailer.

When you look at his motorcycle trailer, there's all sorts of cool stuff in there. Is that, like, speakers? What is in there? Yeah, I don't know. I'm so impressed. Look, dude, I'm so impressed with this. Yeah, that is speakers. There's clearly no markings or tags on that motorcycle trailer.

Yeah. So I feel like he had to have made it himself. He definitely made it. He made it himself. There's the gas cap on the left. Here's the thing. This picture is amazing because it shows two things. One, this dude, ingenuity, drinking five, six shots of espresso at a time,

changing the world. Right next to him, two douchebags. Two douchebags who have not contributed to society at all. And then me, the guy standing there, videotaping all of it like, this is great stuff, the internet will love it. I don't get why people have the hats, and they have the backward hat, and and they keep the sticker on it.

Because, bro, you got to show them your 50-50, yo. I don't get it either. I don't understand. I never will. But I was amazed by that today. And I was like, that changed my day. I saw that dude and I was like, hell, that man made a car. He made a car.

He made a car, dude. A legit a car. He made a car. He made a car, dude. A legit, awesome car. He was like, I'm tired of this getting in and out of my wheelchair shit. I don't want to have one of those vans, one of those ugly-ass vans where I have to have a thing come down at the side. He's like, no, man. I'm making a badass hot rod motorcycle that I can wheel my wheelchair up into. And the best part was, again, dude's like maybe 70 years old. Yeah. It was the, I was

super impressed. And he was wearing just, so you're all aware, a Hawaiian shirt. Like a button, like an opened, like hairy chest Hawaiian shirt. It was great. That's how I actually pictured him. Yeah. It was incredible. I want to see a documentary on him now.

Right? I want to find this guy and be like, teach me your ways. That's been sitting with Mono. Yeah. You could have been making a car. I could have been making a car or a dream. I want to know how he did it. I need to know all the answers. I'm so, I saw that guy and if I wasn't in a hurry I would have been like bro sensei teach me

teach me your ways teach me how to Dougie teach me teach me teach me and he would have been like first change your name to Doug first things first I'm the realist now the second thing that's

that's about it. That would be amazing. He's like, whoa. You are the master. Awesome. Yes, that's what happened to me. Anything cool happen to you today? Let's see.

Anything cool. I mean, since the last podcast, you got super mono. I did. Since the last podcast, I got super mono. I told the story on saints row but if you don't watch that i'll tell it again no no no no so he got mono guys that's all you need to know he got mono and then he was misdiagnosed and then he got drugs and the drugs didn't work and then they almost like seized up in his throat but he he's fine now. Thought I had strep throat, but I have mono.

Now I'm fine. Now I'm better. I'm healing now. Yeah. So that's the main thing is you don't want mono. People always, like, they were telling me their mono horror stories, like, I had mono, and I didn't wake up for eight years. And it was, like, some other person was, like, I had mono, and I couldn't get up off the couch.

Or, like, I had mono so bad I had to go to the hospital because my throat swelled shut to the point of like i couldn't do anything and i was like oh yeah i i had mono years and years ago and i didn't have like i couldn't move or it was literally i just it my throat hurt like horribly and so i couldn't drink or eat or like if i went like like that it would hurt like any anything in my throat hurt yeah but it wasn't like oh my god i can't move or i can't i guess i lucked out yeah i think we lucked out i think yeah i guess it's about who you kiss really there's somebody who was like i got i got chronic fatigue syndrome from it. Oh, my God. Where, like, the fatigue carried over into, like, a common thing. How do you get rid of that? I don't know.

I don't think you can. You're just chronically fatigued? You're just chronically fatigued. My God. Can't you, like, get inhalers or something that, like, expand your lungs? I don't know. Because isn't it something to do with, like, your... I don't know.

I don't know medicine. I'm not a doctor and don't know medicine but but but i do have a lot of conjecture on the issue and i feel like just get an inhaler i think we lucked out it just means we lucked out we're not chronically fatigued or dead yes that's true so we love yeah we lucked out we made it through we're alive and uh yeah that's the most you can ask for i guess last week was the worst i was like trying to it was like saturday i couldn't even sleep because like the pain just so bad because you try to sleep and you're like breathing and like maybe you snore a bit and it's just like and then it like hurts your throat even

more and it's like super painful and you gotta keep taking the Advil every like four or five hours And it's like uh uh uh I hate when the doctor's like look you don't need any more medication just take some like Tylenol or Advil or something you'll be fine He's like no doc I need that man I need those drugs man Give me the drugs He's like no you're you're getting better you're gonna be like I don't feel better man Give me those drugs doc He's like, no, you're getting better. You're gonna be like, I don't feel better, man. Give me those drugs, doc. He's like, you're fine.

Yeah, I was trying to, you know what I was thinking. While I was sick and in pain, I was like, I would trade this for another illness. I would have traded it for like, maybe two weeks of a broken leg. What? No, you wouldn't have. No, you wouldn't have. Yeah. No, you wouldn't have.

Why not? Are you a broken leg? Yeah. You wouldn't be able to move. No, you wouldn't have. Why not? Are you a broken leg? Yeah. You wouldn't be able to move. I was sitting at the computer. Yeah, but you wouldn't be able to move. Well, like, you could hobble. Oh, my God. No, then you have that awful crutch-like rash, and like, oh, that's the worst.

Oh, crutch rash. Yeah, because you have to put those crushes, then you have to wrap the towels around the crushes because it rubs against your, like, underarms. Sounds like you broke your leg. No, I've had, I. No, I've been lucky. Knock on every piece of wood. I've never broken anything in my entire life. I haven't either.

But I've had friends who have, and watching them suffer, I'm like, nope, don't want that any old day. Maybe that's what bonds us deep down is that we haven't broken any bones. Yeah, deep down all of our bones are whole. Yeah. Unlike those brokies, unlike the brokies out there. Typical brokies. We are whole.

We are whole boned. Yeah. You know what it is? We drink our milk, get our dairy. Yeah. We get our dairy. I drink my almond milk. That's not dairy.

It is. No, almond milk is almonds. It's got calcium. Doesn't mean it's dairy, but it's like dairy it's like our our like dairy diet our diet of like dairy products has kept us like full boned oh yeah you know what i listened to i was listening to uh the coast to coast am uh-oh yes because i was listening to the prediction shows oh you know what I listen to? I was listening to the Coast to Coast AM. Uh oh, yes. Because I was listening to the prediction shows.

Oh, you know what? I totally missed out. Every year, for those who don't know, every year at New Year's, they do prediction shows. And the day before, they go over all the predictions they had last year, if any of them are true. Yeah. And 99% of them are not. Yeah. And then the next episode they'd make new ones and they

have literally just random people call and be like george in summer of 2016 barack obama will reveal himself to be the antichrist and george is like all right i'll put you down it's really funny. I was listening to him go through the old ones from last year, and he's like, so let's see. Jim from Wisconsin said that something bad would happen this year. He's like, I think we've had a few bad things happen this year. It's very true. And I was like, all right.

There's always a few that are like, in the months of August to December, there will be an earthquake of a magnitude four or above. It's like, well, no shit. Of course there will. There always is. But many times it just doesn't affect people because like in the middle of the ocean. The difference is that I had a dream about it from God. of the ocean. The difference is that I had a dream about it from God. Those are my favorite

ones. It's when they're like, George, I'm calling in because I had a dream. And in that dream I saw the fires of hell raise up and in their place Hillary Clinton. Like, yep.

You got it. Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton's the devil. And she's just waited all this time to reveal herself. She's playing the long card. I knew it all along. I knew it back in 1996, I tell you. Yeah, that's why I was a gangster then. That's why I'm a gangster now, George.

Very interesting call. We're going to move on now. There's always a few people that are like this is the year they take our guns this is it no no strike hold strong coast viewers hold strong oh yeah no it's great aliens there's always a few people are like aliens finally reveal themselves to the world and every year he goes back the day before and reads them, and they're all like, this year aliens will reveal themselves.

Nope. This year Bigfoot will be finally revealed. Nope. It's like it is. But we already know Bigfoot's real, George. Although one year there was a person who did predict The tsunami in Japan I think so but here's the thing Out of all the predictions

It's a four hour show That's been done And this prediction show Has been done numerous times over the years You have to figure eventually One person would get something right I don't know if I believe they're psychic I just believe they got one thing right

One person nailed it, and everyone else was still very, very wrong. But you know that person's, like, has a business now, and George is calling them, like, today I'm calling Glendilla the psychic. Glendilla. She's like, remember that time I predicted Tokyo? Whatever.

Well, Glendilla, you also made 500 other predictions that were false. It's only about the one you get right, George. Sometimes, sometimes my favorite is when they have psychics on and they're like, George, the future can change. Sometimes we see things that don't happen because someone's changed the reality. Yeah, no, that's it. That's it. That's why. The reasoning. Yeah. It makes that's it. That's it. That's why. The reasoning.

Yeah. It makes sense when you really think about it. Yeah, when you're crazy, it makes perfect sense. Ah. All right. What say you

when we move on to the news? What say you? Okay, let's go to the traffic. Got to send this guy to the Grandeur House. Traffic out there. Traffic today

flying over the Midwest. It is very cold. Very cold. In fact, it is like zero degrees out here. And cars are freezing on the highway. One just froze right now. That's unbelievable. It appears that John Ramirez and Christian Hill have both gotten out of their cars.

And, uh, they are, oh, they're riding horses. Oh, they're riding horses all the way to their work or school location. But, oh, no, the horses are frozen. The horses are frozen solid. And now they are, they're, it is windy out there. It is, it is very cold, very windy. They're getting frostbite. They, too, are now freezing into blocks of ice.

But sadly, because of legal and legality reasons, we are not able to help them. We could help them. We were about to help them, but we cannot. So back to you. Thanks, Crennor. Now let's go over to the weather desk with Crennor. How's that weather? Weather?

Well, let me tell you what. It's cold. That's what we heard from weather desk with Crendor. How's that weather? Weather? Uh, let me tell you what it's cold. That's what we heard from Crendor in the helicopter. I bet it. You know, she's out there in that cold. That's going to catch up to you one day. Uh,

so let's head out. Let's head down to Odes. Or, or, uh, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, Orch. Orch.

Ora. Ora. Indiana. Ora, Indiana. Ora, Indiana, where it feels like six degrees. Wow. No thank you. Yeah, no thanks.

No thanks, even though it's like that here too. But it feels like negative seven. Feels like negative seven. We got some wind, 8 miles per hour. Western wind, if you look outside, you got some west wind, not east. East tends to bring a little more humidity. 69% humidity. Is that true?

Is that true? Or are you just making stuff up? No, it's true, dude. What? Wait, how is that true? Well, because of the lakes. I'm looking this up. Yeah.

I'm Googling this. Negative 2 degree Fahrenheit dew point. 30.37 inches of pressure out there. Nine mile visibility and a UV index of zero. Tomorrow, however, it's going to get up to the 20s and might snow. That's good. I gave Woppy the day off today. He deserved it after his hard work lately.

You find it? Did you find it? Uh, I don't know. I found a thing called weather lore that I'm interested in. Weather lore? Yeah, weather lore. It says seaweed soaks up something that makes it more humid, but that's, I don't, okay. All right.

Weather lore. Weather lore. Red sky at night. But that's... Okay. All right. Weather lore. Weather lore. Red sky at night. Sailor's delight. Red sky in morning. Sailor's warning. I've heard that before. As a past sailor.

Red sky in the morning or evening as a result of high pressure. Aeromolecular scatter. This doesn't tell me anything. Low pressure. Calm conditions. A ring around the moon, humidity indicators. Okay, here we go. Here we go.

Moisture in the air causes wood to swell, making doors and windows sticky. What does this have to do with anything? That's why I got sticky doors. Maybe that is. Maybe that is Maybe that is Early morning rain Onion skins What

Weather lore is stupid Yeah I don't know if this is true either I just made it up I didn't learn anything Yeah Alright I was just making it up

What is going on in sports Sports Right now we got some intense sports action Over the weekend nfl playoffs happened yeah it did boo the stairs almost had it almost had it uh so new england beat kansas city dumb uh denver ended up beating pittsburgh carolina beat seattle that's good seattle doesn't get to go back for like the third year in a row yeah screw seattle get out of here seattle no one likes you except people from the west coast all all people from the west coast love you and i don't like it and uh arizona beat the packers in a crazy game

and screw arizona yeah just the state in general yeah it was a crazy game though aaron rogers had another hail mary touchdown at the end. I went crazy. I saw you going crazy. Yeah, and then they lost in overtime, and then I was like, this is stupid. This is dumb. Yes, your salt levels were very high. Yeah. And, yeah, I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed the salt. Yeah, so that's sports. Sports. All right, Grendor, what is our big news story of the day? That's a great question. Have you not looked this information up? I have not. Wow.

But we are at the main source right now. Let's see. What do we got here? Comedian with hidden camera gets a gun without ID in under five minutes. That's not funny. Let's see. Woman asks Italian fire crew to cut her free from chastity belt after losing key. Interesting.

That's actually pretty great. What about this story? Florida man who wanted to time travel crashed his car through a strip mall. A Florida man who said he wanted to time travel drove his car through a Pensacola strip mall Sunday morning, police said. The as-yet-unidentified man rammed his Dodge Challenger into advanced tax services on North Davis Highway

at 10.50 a.m., according to the Pensacola Police Department. A photo from the scene published on Wear TV shows the white sedan covered with debris in the back of the building. Driver wasn't injured and the property was fortunately empty at the time. The apparent effort was to copy Marty McFly from Back to the Future

and it didn't work. Cops said the driver was taken to a nearby facility for evaluation. No charges. Wait, no charges were filed? What? What? If this had happened on a weekday and someone had actually been in one of these cubicles,

it would have been very tragic. Wait, that's it? That's the article? What? Wait, no charges were filed? There's got to be more of this story. Wait. Yeah, there has to be. Why wouldn't there be charges?

Yeah, we need... All right, I'm going to look for the most updated version of this story. Find the update. There's got to be. There's got to be something involved. Maxim Magazine has the information we need, I think. Excellent. Excellent.

A lot of half-naked women on this page, but I feel like there's a story in here somewhere. There's a story right there. Nope, there's no story. Just half-naked women on this page, but I feel like there's a story in here somewhere. There's a story right there. Nope, there's no story, just half-naked women. Maxim? What? I expected more from Maxim. I like the Huffington Post version of this story, because instead of just saying time travel, it says Pensacola man trying to create time portal. time portal. Three businesses are moving to new offices after a car attempting to time travel

drove through two of them, police said. Dodge Challenger, okay, we know that stuff. It looked like a bomb went off, said General Manuel. General Manuel? Said General Manager Emmanuel Moore. General Manuel reporting for duty, sir.

I was mad. Then eventually I was happy no one was hurt. You know, that was my biggest concern. Because, you know, if anyone was hurt, anybody could have died or whatever. Moore said. Or whatever. Or whatever. Someone could have died or whatever.

I'm trying to find the most up to... All right, I'm going to go... Is that all they had too? Yeah, no one has... I feel like no one's giving this story the real in-depth coverage it deserves. Yeah. There's got to be some more to the... Maybe he was just arrested just because.

Well, I'm looking in the past week if there's any more information. Well, there's any more information well there uh i mean there's florida man gets dui after nodding off and talk about drive-thru i mean i mean florida man sets his own car on fire because he didn't like it oh my god i don't i don't know how to even Florida man uses wife as mop I can't even. We need the beat. I can't even get to the first sentence. Okay. Here's the article. Man used wife's head as a mop. When we came across this story We first thought

Oh dear god he cut off her head and put it on a stick And used it as a mop Thankfully that wasn't the case This is still A pretty terrible story But it could have been much worse Fruitland resident keith davidson 46 woke up last sunday sometime afternoon and wanted to make himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but soon discovered he was out of jelly

he then decided to lash out at his wife during During the argument, the wife went to get the peanut butter, but accidentally knocked over a glass of milk. Davison pushed her on the floor and mopped it up with her hair. That's when she called police. Alright. The victim, whose name hasn't been released, told the news organization that this isn't the first time her husband has

used her hair as a dish rag what you can love someone with all your heart but if they're not gonna be good for you in your life it's time to just say goodbye that's the victim that's the last thing the victim said look there's a good moral there is she's absolutely right you know the you know the first time they use the mop as a head this is my real wife now he starts kissing my head i love you you know that's you know you forget well second time that's a warning third time there's three strikes you're out at that point. Oh, my goodness. You know, and how does that happen? What was the other thing she spilled that he hid?

Oh, it doesn't say. Was it more, does he love peanut butter and jelly that much? Maybe. I mean, he's very mad about peanut butter and jelly. He's very mad. I don't think I've ever gotten that emotional over a peanut butter and jelly. I'm just, no, no. I've never cared that much about peanut butter and jelly in my life. I'm sitting here trying to find more ridiculous articles. I found one.

Uh-huh. Watto's Loser Powerball Reimbursement Fund raises $800 on GoFundMe. The unlucky woman said she spent a fortune on tickets while expecting the win the money a gofundme account set up for a woman who claimed to have blown her entire savings on powerball tickets has been shut down despite raising 800 in seven hours a person by the name of cinnamon nicole set up a campaign page saying she expected to win the 1.5 billion this uh when she and her family spent a fortune on lottery tickets last week despite there being a 1 in 292 million chance of actually winning please help me and my family as we have exhausted all of our funds we spent all of our money on lottery tickets and we are now in

dire need of cash uh i'm certain we'll be able to pick ourselves up from the trenches of this lost sick and spend another fortune trying to hit it big again. I like how the lesson she learned was, look, we can come back from this and then spend even more money on this exact same stupid thing. Instead of just, you know, saving it. I actually read an article the day of the billion dollar lottery that was, what if you bought every single combination of ticket? Yeah. And so it was this huge in-depth article. So if you bought all 292 million or whatever the crazy number was, combinations of this ticket, one would clearly win, right? Yeah. Like the odds would be one would win.

Mm-hmm. So then, that money times two, so you're already spending roughly a little under $600 million. Yeah. So if you're a billionaire, you've already spent $600 million to win another billion, right? Yeah. Then, the assumption is you're the only winner. Billion, right? Yeah.

Then the assumption is you're the only winner. Then the assumption is you are, like, depends on what taxes there are and what state you're in. And if you hit, like, because some states don't have, like, a double bonus. Like, there's all sorts of different things. Yeah. And so there's this ridiculous thing. Like, basically, you'd make a profit, but it would be maybe, like, $100 million. And then they're, like, factoring the time and energy to create all of those numbers to ensure that you haven't put anything in twice, that you're not missing a combo.

You'd have to have people working, like, every day, 24 hours a day, for, like, a whole staff doing this. Yeah. And then run up to the lottery in the time between the last lotto drawing and the next lotto drawing. So like it's insane. There's no it's all luck and it's all just crazy randomness. So there's no one. You can't beat

the system. It's impossible. It's literally not worth playing at all. Oh yeah. I just. Yeah. You could take that money and do a million things better with it well here's someone that did something better uh-huh business genius gets town buzzing by selling sex toys at food cart sex sells we all love it we love it more than we actually show it he says yep a food cart in evansville indiana is causing a buzz because it sells sex toys along with chips, sodas, and hot dogs.

Quan Dixon, who owns and operates... The man knows the community! He owns and operates Pop's Popcorn and Cougar Daddy's food cart. Cougar Daddy's! Said the sex toys he peddles along with the snack foods are keeping business humming along. Sex sells. We all love it. We love it more than we show it, he told the television station. Is sex selling in Evansville? Yeah.

More peace. More kids. More peace. It'll settle everybody down. Get them all sexed up. It'll be great. Dixon told the station that sex toy sales help boost food sales. You gotta have something afterwards he says i agree

this was pumping at the sex toy food truck until the tv station came out with its report but dixon's business model may have rubbed some evansville officials the wrong way the story apparently aroused the interest of detectives who shut down the sex toy food truck because of out-of-date city permits seems that dixon's permits didn't mention he was selling sex toys things were back on track by friday morning uh dixon posted this on his facebook i'm legal here's proof sorry for the toys but don't bash me for that we have liquor stores still around schools where's the news on that we have crack pipes next to fried chicken at gas stores where's the news on that we still have ice on the ground and i have been I get this guy.

I get this guy so much. You gotta. And Dixon also took advantage of his newfound infamy to do some more marketing with a Facebook video advertising his wares. Do we have that video? We have that video. Oh my god. Trendor, can we watch that video? We can watch that video right now.

Link me that video so quickly, please. Here is the video. Oh my god. He is selling things to... Yeah, no, this is amazing. He knows what he's doing. Here's the problem, though. He made a video where he's selling sex toys, but it's for the same sex toy, just different colors.

Yeah, it's literally the same one with different colors. He's horrible at marketing. Sir, you had us. You had us, and you're horrible at marketing sir we you had us you had us and you're horrible at it yeah that was that was pretty bad he literally was like look at this one and look at this one it's the same one but look at this one it's the same one again uh this this chrome one's for the crazies speaking of sex toys though here's another headline Butt plug bandit says he was too embarrassed to buy one. Christopher Masters was a bit too embarrassed to bring his purchases to the cashier at the Spencer's gift shop in Vero Beach, Florida.

So instead, he shoved the screw butt plug and stroker can down his khaki shorts and tried to steal them back on December 10th. Bad idea. Masters was caught by employees and arrested. He acknowledges that he had the money to buy the two items, but simply was too embarrassed to pay in person. Masters was charged with a single count of shoplifting and was released after posting $500 bail.

Hopefully he's learned a lesson. Tim and folks everywhere already know. Buy your sex toys online. It's true. And then immediately after that, woman arrested for beating husband over his farts. What? We've been missing out on all the news. Doc Mickle's husband was farting in bed, so who could blame her for trying to get him to stop?

was farting in bed, so who could blame her for trying to get him to stop? She began elbowing him, but her husband kept mining for gas. So Michael, 55, kept punching and kicking. The squirmish turned into a full-fledged fight after Michael's husband attempted to restrain her. The man eventually received about seven to eight scratches on his chest and had his shirt torn in three different places.

Milko was charged with domestic battery. Don't fart on your lady, guys. Don't fart. Just don't fart on your lady. Yeah. You know? Otherwise you may end up in the hospital. Yeah.

I don't know where to go from here. Alright, well that's it then. I don't know where to go from here. All right, well, that's it then. It's just a string of news stories. It's like a combo breaker. It's knocked me out. It's done.

I mean, we could do police taser woman who was just trying to sleep pantsless in a grease dumpster. All right, we got to do that one. That's all I was trying to do. The article starts, in case you're wondering, yes, a grease dumpster is exactly what it sounds like. It's a dumpster where a restaurant

disposes of used grease and cooking oil. The incident happened on Fort Myers Beach at Lani Kai, an infamous Polynesian-themed resort and knife-light hotspot. Lee County Sheriff deputies came across Anna Martzia Schinkel at 2 a.m. She was sound asleep, curled up inside the Lanikai's grease dumpster. Her shirt was on, but her pants were around her ankles. Naturally, she was also covered in grease.

A deputy tried to wake her, but Schenkel was apparently having the sleep of her life inside that dumpster. She told deputies, Go fuck yourself, and threatened to cut them the fuck up. The fire department showed up and tried to remove Schenkel from the dumpster, but the rescuers soon learned it's difficult to get a hold of a woman covered in grease.

She held onto the dumpster and wouldn't budge. Deputies warned shinkle she would taser if she didn't calm down, but she remained aggressive and received a shock. Now, this sounds like a woman that used drugs. Possibly?

I'm gonna say yes. Oh my Yeah, I'm going to say yes. Oh my god, I found another one. All right. Woman allegedly stripped naked, punched customer at Waffle House. Two eggs, hash browns, toast, and one very naked customer. A Georgia woman is accused of ditching her clothes and unleashing a rampage at a waffle house the accused stripped of all her clothes in front of waffle house staff patrons during a suspected excited delirium state an arrest warrant obtained by the newspaper states

jennifer mary nicholson allegedly punched another customer in the nose and heaved several platters at people in the restaurant around 10.30 p.m. She is also accused of throwing a plate at a window. Nicholson is charged with aggravated battery and criminal damage to property, simple assault, obstruction, simple battery, and public indecency.

In other news, Waffle House, two employees at an Arkansas location were recently fired after they were caught on camera using kitchen equipment to style their hair. Yep, that sounds about right. It is Waffle House. Here's my problem with all this. The news doesn't get to the bottom of the story anymore.

I want to know why she was getting naked. Yeah, like, what is she doing this? Why did they interview this woman? What happened to her life that made her go, like, you know what? I'm done with clothes. I'm done with clothes. And I'm going to start throwing shit. What happened in her life that made her go, like, you know what? I'm done with clothes. I'm done with clothes. These are the hard-hitting questions that are... And I'm gonna start throwing shit. What happened in her life?

Yeah. The news media has fallen apart. Fallen apart. The internet's made them lazy. Yeah. It's all about the headlines. It's not about the article anymore. No one digs in for the real stories. That's what we're here for. That's what we're here for. That's what we're here for. We're the investigators. Yeah. I just found a new

thing that I'm going to investigate when we end here. It says here, University of Miami sorority recruitment video is the most insane thing we've ever seen and it's just a bunch of half-naked chicks. So I'm going to look into that, guys. And I'll get back to you next time. I'll report on

whether or not you have gotten that information. I will let everyone know. All right. Thank you guys for listening, watching wherever you are. And that's it for us. We'll be back next time, as always. To be continued.