Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 117 - The Rock, Greatest Movie Of All Time

Episode Date: February 16, 2016

The boys are back, and this time Crendor trades a burrito for a man, Jesse tries to justify snooping on peoples public discussions, and then they both try to learn innuendo in different languages!

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendor in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4 hour recording studio. Recording. Wake your ass up, it's Cox and Crendor in the morning. Cox and Crendor in the morning! Coxy, Co a sellout crowd, and it was great. It was great.

We won by a score of 26 to 3. We had to wear hats. We did wear hats, and then we gave those hats away. Yep. So now there's some poor souls walking around with Pokemon hats. Yeah. It was great. It was all around a great time.

Yeah, it was a fun time. I got to promote my zombie dragon. Yep. I got to eat some Mexican food Got to I think that was about it I mean that was That was actually about it That's really all that happened

Yeah I can't think of too much other stuff I didn't get sick so that's good You know what neither Neither did I. Here's the thing. I not only went there and then immediately three days later flew to Boston, which was like imagine the exact

polar opposite. Yeah. The exact polar opposite. The exact polar opposite. Yeah, they had the snow, right? They had the snow. When I landed, the snow came down. It was coming down. It was coming down.

And I realized that I not only missed the East Coast, but not the snow. And was so thankful to immediately come back home to weather that was like 70 degrees. It was great. It was great. That's true. But if you don't get to make snowballs. like 70 degrees. It was great. It was great. That's true. But, if you don't get to make snowballs. Yeah, but what I do get to make

is closet space for the jackets I don't need to own. Oh, then you got open space. I know. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Wow. That opens a lot of space. What else do we do when we're there think about it

each jacket's gonna take up at least like half a foot it's true open up a few feet closet space you can store a box i have so much closet space you have no clue there's just empty space i've i've replaced it with weird things like room for towels and suitcases. And what else is in there? A lot of hoodies I don't wear. Yeah. You don't have to. I don't gotta.

I don't gotta. I mean, really, that's like all we did. Is talk about closet space? It was three days of us being like, you know what I enjoy? A nice, comfy closet. Who doesn't? I love to do some writing in my closet. You know?

Set up a nice little tea table. You're always in the closet, Crandor. Every time I'm over at your house, I'm like, Crandor, come out of the closet. You just won't. You're like, no. I'm writing a book. I ain't coming out of the closet. My books come along well, too.

Crandor, get out of that closet. I'm writing a book I ain't coming out of the closet My books come along well too Grendor get out of that closet I'm not gonna I'm writing the great American novel I've started Oh my god I got some amazing book stuff But I can't talk about it or someone might steal it Give us one little bit Give us a little bit

Alright there's A shop owner And he's got a troll It's kind of like his hodor but it's like it's like if hodor and groot were like have a baby and it was a troll and it it seems dumb but it's not it's very intelligent deep within but he can't express himself oh oh oh i thought you meant this idea seemed dumb I was about to agree with you but no no no no no no you meant the troll okay troll okay yeah so he's he's just uh you know he's got backstory not

gonna delve into that boy is it a troll backstory technically. He once was a man, but he got on the internet and became a troll. It's a great story. It's going to be great. You buy it when it goes when I write it. On Amazon. When he self-publishes it

on Amazon. Unless a publisher comes along and they're like, Hey, we want to put your book front and center on barnesandnoble.com and all the bookshelves. They're going to replace all the books in the store with this book. They know it's going to be the next Harry Potter. What's the book going to be called? I don't know yet.

Even if I would, I wouldn't reveal that information. Someone's going to trademark copyright it. Why don't you trademark copyright it and then tell us? Because I don't know what it is yet. Well, why don't you trademark copyright several then tell us because i don't know what it is yet well why don't you trademark copyright several things what is all right all right give us one of the character names uh i don't want to do that there's a trademark copyright i'm gonna have to change the name what is what is give me what is one of them rhyme with what is one of the names rhyme with uh let's see. Uh, Baggerin. Baggerin?

That sounds like the name of a character. Yeah, but it's not. It rhymes with it. Is his name Slaggerin? No. Magarin? No. Tagarin?

No. Blabarin? Close. I'm closer. I like it. I like it. I'll settle for close okay all right uh so that's another thing i've been doing oh my god what okay so i was in starbucks you were in starbucks yes and i was sitting in starbucks and i was writing so like every cool kid you gotta go right at star. What were you writing? My book.

Oh, are you? Oh, you mean typing? Yeah, typing. I thought you were like writing a letter. Like you're sitting there writing. I have waited since 1774. You just have a guy behind you who's like, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

Go, Gretner, go. Write your letter. Dearest mother, I have been away for three years now, sailing the seven seas. It has been quite a journey, but I have learned quite a lot. We're sailing to a new land called Newfoundland.

And they tell me... What was this letter written uh i don't know i shouldn't be playing music i should be like gregorian chanting mother we found this new land newfoundland really what is this she would like mother i found the new land it's called called Newfoundland. No, but I thought the Vikings, like, stole it. From who? The people who live there.

Who lived in that frozen hellhole? Nobody knows. They got killed. By Vikings? Yeah. Now they're just gone. Now they're gone. The Vikings wrote history after that.

Yeah, the poor Inuits. Everyone forgot about them. Yep. That's all I'm saying. gone now they're gone the vikings wrote history after that yeah the poor inuits everyone forgot about them yep that's all i'm saying that's all he's saying that's all he's saying i like that the changing it's like uh it's like medieval total war had that in it you just oh oh i thought you meant you liked my chanting you just like the chanting yeah it's chanting in general oh i was very excited i was very excited i thought i'd you would come around and you were like wow you're very good at chanting no no no no no i see no don't worry i understand so i get it

uh back to the story sitting there next to me these like two bro dudes and there's one like the other side there's just some dude also riding on his laptop there's like two focused right now but they'll ride me two bro dudes one's like dude like so tired like just shit you know and the guy's like yeah dude totally that's like okay and then they're like what if we just, go to the mall and get sweatpants? Like, I got these sweatpants at, like, you know, Dick's Sporting Goods, dude. And, like, it is so good, dude. And he's like, right on, bro, but I'm gonna need some grub first. He legit said grub.

And I was like, all right. So they got up and left. And then right after, two white girls came in, in like stereotypical white girls. And I have some quotes that I tweeted. Can I just wait? Hold on. First off, are these two stories connected at all? No.

All right, good. Because I want to jump in here. I was hoping you'd be like, they come in and they say, bro, I need some good pants. So badly. Hold on. Hold on, bro. But first, I need some sweatpants so badly. Hold on. Hold on, bro. But first, I need some grub. All right.

No, no. But for real, first off, I like how that man's objective for the day was to get sweatpants. I know. I am also ashamed of you for not turning around and being like, how about these sweatpants? Because I know you had them on at the time. I did. I know you had them on. Oh, what if they about these sweatpants because i know you had them on at the time i did i know you had them on oh what if they saw your sweatpants and the guy was like bro i need sweatpants you inspired him but he was wearing sweatpants as well so wait he he had sweatpants on you wanted more said to, I need more sweatpants. Yeah.

And then convinced his friend to go sweatpants shopping with him. Correct. But first they needed some grub. Yeah. His friend needed it so that he could power through the sweatpants shopping. Yes. What do you believe is the best pre-sweatpants shopping grub? You know, you could go. If you had to go sweatpants shopping what would you eat before you all right for such a such a heavy day of work

you could go with a nice chipotle burrito you could go you could go with that yes i think that's a solid option nice round one pick one option you could trade down a bit, right? Pick up a second round draft pick, maybe for next year. Are you trading a burrito for a man? In this scenario? In this scenario, do you just trade a burrito for a man? Let's go with five guys. Burgers and fries. You get five guys.

I would rank five guys over Chipotle. Yeah. Five guys is pretty good. But you don't want to eat it too often. Here's what I would say. Here's what I would say. The best two bros going sweatpants shopping lunch would be Panera Bread pick two soup sandwich combo.

Boom. Done. That's a nice one. I like that. You're welcome. I'm a big fan of the cream of chicken and wild rice soup. Great soup. I'm telling you.

I'm telling you. You say like, hey, I'll have a baguette to you. Dip that in your tomato soup. Bada bing, bada boom. You got yourself a nice day. Boom. Boom. That's what you do. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. You say like, hey, I'll have a baguette to you. Dip that in your tomato soup. Bada bing, bada boom. You got yourself a nice day. Boom. Boom. That's what you do.

That's what you do. I like that. Maybe get yourself one of those $5 cookies on the way out. I don't know. But if you get, it's like if you do a meal thing, they get it for like 99 cents. They'll give you that cookie. 99 cent cookie? 99 cents, dude.

I didn't even know about that. I didn't know about that. That's their special. Well, those guys aren't going to want, they're going to be like, got to fit my 99 cents, dude. I don't even know about that. I don't even know about that. That's their special. Well, those guys aren't going to want, they're going to be like, got to fit my sweatpants, bro. Yeah, they got to fit in the sweatpants. You're not going to get that cookie. Maybe they split it. Oh, that makes the story better. It's the two bros who were like, oh bro, should we get a cookie? Yeah, we should get a cookie, bro. Oh, we should split it though. And they split it. and they split it when they split it they giggle a little bit like it cracks and they go i love you bro in this scenario they're holding hands of course while they eat they're like yes they're holding hands because they love each other

they are lovers we've we've come full circle they are lovers right. So the girls, the white girls come in, right? And the one looks embarrassed to be with the one. And the one, why? Well, I wondered that too, until she started like really being loud.

And she was just like, Oh my God. It was like that. That's just loud. Just like piercing. Like it just pierces your brain. I need everyone in the room to look at me. Yeah, that just loud, just like piercing. Like it just pierces your brain. I need everyone in the room to look at me. Yeah, that one.

Loudness. And she did that laugh where like she'd take a drink, right? And then she'd act like she's going to spit it out and just be like, but not spit it out. And she did it like four times. Like four times, dude. Like one time, you're like, all right, I'm taking a drink or something. I'm just like, whatever. But like four times. I like how you're like all right i'm taking a drink to something i'm just like whatever but like this she just never learned her lesson she was very thirsty and just didn't expect the conversation to be that funny yeah uh that's it's possibility but i need my

drink i am so dehydrated chelsea i'm so dehydrated so I didn't want to like like I was like trying to write so I'm like I was ignoring but there are just times you just can't ignore it and so writing two characters in your book of course about them of course not oh of course go no why not exactly so question here's one the first thing I heard her talk about was she's like i like traveling and she said she went to new york to new york city and she got chinese food and had it delivered and then she that was it that was her first story here's the thing are you sure this wasn't like the female doppelganger of you because that's a crendor story

i love traveling i I went to New York and ordered Chinese takeout. It was good. Yeah, but then I at least keep it related. Like, you know what else is in New York? You don't. You don't at all. Alright, well,

here's the thing I quoted. Alright, this is an actual quote. I've been getting onion rings from Steak and Shake. Like, that's my thing. You don't even know. I imagine that is all innuendo for an STD. I've been getting onion rings from Steak and Shake. That's my thing.

You don't even know. Sounds like she's referring to an std she got from a guy whose name was probably his nickname steak and shake oh my god she was talking about a guy she was snapchatting with that i feel like they were doing it because what'd she say she was like yeah you just like you start snapchatting and then just like you know you send some things you send more and they just keep leading to other things. And he was sending me just shirtless pics and those abs, and I was just like, aw. That's what she said.

Yeah, no. I mean, I'm sure they will just go together so very well. And then... I wish them the best. The other girl, by the way i was just like just sitting there just being like uh-huh right uh-huh she was this is one of those things where they hadn't seen each other for a while and she's like i want to catch up with her so she doesn't think i hate her but i hate her that was definitely one of those because they even talked like so what are you

doing now it was one of those oh yeah oh Oh, yeah. And here's another great quote. I had to tweet this one. Quote, she's like, oh, my God, I got mistaken for Kylie Jenner. With those hairy legs? I don't think so. Wait. Her hairy legs or Kylie Jenner's hairy legs? She's talking about, like, a female friend. And her female friend said, oh, my God, I got mistaken for Kylie Jenner.

Oh, and she's saying that her female friend has hairy legs? Yeah. Wow. And she's like, with those hairy legs, I don't think so. And I was like, huh. Interesting. So I had to tweet those. And someone was like, You're invading their privacy

I'm like Oh I do that all the time They're in a public place Oh credo I do that all the time Literally Like a foot and a half Away from me I can't not hear them

Don't let people on the internet Tell you not to invade privacy I do that all the time Yeah I was at the mall once Were you with me? I was with someone We were at the mall

And I literally took a photo Of the The mom No the mom and the daughter Next to us who were having like a crazy conversation about some boy and it was like oh my god i was i was there yeah and she's like you're too you're too good for him she's like no mom i love him i was like oh shit i just started taking photos of the conversation i remember that it was so funny oh my god i don't care if you're gonna have a conversation about some boy in public and fight over it that's that's

open that's open yeah like do it quietly do it quietly or go in your car go to your house go anywhere where it's quiet go to your car and yell at each other like a normal couple. That's like, I went to a public forum and complained about a thing. I went to a mall food court and had an open argument with my mother. Yeah, no, everyone there knows about it now. That's like, oh my god, that's like last night in the elevator going up to my apartment. There was a guy who, first first off looked super douchey. And then he had a friend there. And the friend was like, imagine a bald mole man.

That's kind of what he looked like. Hans Mole Man. But the douchey guy kept going on. The minute he sees – I don't think they were having a conversation. The minute they see us at the elevator, he starts talking. having a conversation, the minute they see us at the elevator, he starts talking. And the conversation he's having with his friend is about how he's like, yeah, so I have a contract thing that says I make an extra 100K a year just in bonuses. And his friend's like, wow, that's so cool.

And he's like, yeah, we've been doing really great, getting all these deals, making deals. I was like, who are you trying to impress right now love making deals dude i'm making deals i'm making deals got 100k bonus in the bank that's like at the end of the year like who are you talking who needs your friend clearly doesn't care he's a mole man he only cares about worms and like mushrooms. And no one in the room. Like we're all in the elevator just like, okay, well, we don't care. I think he's just impressing himself. I think he was trying to show off.

I think he was like, I see there are girls in this elevator, so I'm going to like talk about my millions. You're doing it, dude. You're doing it. You're so cool. It's, I mean. I would have been happier if he was like you know what i need bro sweatpants i like to imagine the elevator door opens then mole man just like runs outside and starts digging a hole he's like i can't take any more of this

ground all right call you next week. I gotta get some sweatpants. That's Mole Man. Yep. Alright, well, I think we should go to Chopper Cabin 7 to scout the Grendor. Grendor, how's that traffic out there? Oh my god, traffic out here is quite delightful, actually. It's not too bad. Things are moving along.

Looks like Greg LaRoche is cruising right along in his car. He's got a 1945 Nissan Dodge Calipari. That's an old model. Not talked about much these days. Also, there's Spencer Langley. Spencer Langley, he's driving his horse. He bought that horse for three nickels and a slice of cheese. He traded it with Mole Man.

Great trade, if you're asking me. He's got the horse. He's got the mobility. Mole Man gets that cheese. He's going to be happy for a long time. Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to Crandor at the weather desk.

Crandor, how's that weather? The weather today, we're going to look up 8-4-2-5-4. No results. Yeah, I don't think that's a thing. We're going to look up 8-4-2-5-4. I found one. Wait, hold on. What was that?

8-4-2-3-4. That found you something? 8-4-2-5-4. It doesn't even say. It's Egebeck, Germany. Egebeck, Germany? Egebeck. You entered an area code. Are you even entering area codes? How did you get Germany? Yeah, it's like 8-4-2 something. Egebeck, Germany. Oh, like 2-4-8-5-2. Okay, sure. It's 2-4-8-5-2. Egebeck, Germany. What's going on in Eggebeck? Eggebeck.

I wonder if it's actually Eggebeck or if it's like Eggebeck. What are the letters? Tell me the letter name. All right. Egg. E. Beck. Eggebeck?

Sure. Yeah. So it's egg, like E-G-G, and then E, and then B-E-K. Eggebeck. Egg. Egge. Eggebeck. There's going to be like some German person. Let's say it's epic all right yeah maybe maybe it's maybe it's eg so egg egg egg egg egg back yeah egg back uh how do you say it? Some people are like eggs or eggs.

Eggs? Eggs. Well, eggs is E-G-G. Egg is I-G, yeah? Wouldn't that be it? So it could be Eggebeck. True, but it could be Eggebeck. It's German.

We don't know German. Do you know German all of a sudden? I bet Woppy does. Woppy. Woppy activated. Eggebeck, Germany. Weather, cloudy. 37 degrees Fahrenheit. Woppy activated. I got back. Germany. Weather. Cloudy.

37 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 35 degrees Fahrenheit. Winds. Three miles per hour. Humidity. 94%. True point. 35 degrees Fahrenheit. Due point.

35 degrees Fahrenheit. Pressure. 29.55 inches down. What? 25 inches down? Yeah,55 inches down. 25 inches down? Yeah, 25 inches down. That robot is hung, let me tell you. He's rusty.

All right, and what's going on in sports? Sports. Sports. Welcome to the sports desk. We are currently at a point where football has ended. The Panthers lost to the Broncos. My cabbie was wrong. My cabbie was wrong.

Cabbie was wrong. His dreams are not real. I guarantee he went to Vegas and spent all of his money, which is probably why he's still a cabbie right now, which is unfortunate. Yep. I feel for him. I do.

But, you know, sometimes Sometimes you gotta learn your lesson So now that football Is gone we have hit the season Of basketball And football which are Both in their mid season thing They're like gonna have their all star game soon So really like this is a dead time for

Sports baseball What about hockey It's going strong but I think they're they're all-star games like coming up or something or like they just had the all-star game it's that point where everybody wants the playoffs to start but they haven't started yet what about I told you nothing's happening I. What about football, football, football? Oh, I do have a good football story.

Football, if you will. Yes, I will. I was eating lunch with Sam at PAX South, and his brother scored against Manchester United. And we all know they're the best. They are the best. Maybe. I'm not sure. I don't know. They are. They're like one of the best teams in England. And Sam's brother,

George Thorne, scored against them. And he was like... What team does he play for? He plays for like some minor league team, but everybody's like trying to get him because he's like one of the best players in the minor league. So he's gonna probably play best players in the minor leagues. So he's going to probably play for big... I don't know the names.

Maybe he'll play for Manchester United. He'll play for the North Hampshire Spotted Dicks. Yeah. Or the... The Yorkshire Pudding. The Yorkshire Pudding. That's the team I'm going to make. I'm going to become a football sponsor.

I'm going to create a stadium in Yorkshire and call it the Yorkshire Puddings. You see the Puddings play yesterday. I did, I did. That's a much better use than calling bread pudding. Yeah, that's something I'd watch. Oh, and then the signs would be like like Watch the boys putting it in the goal Oh Putting it in the net

Putting it in Putting it in everything Watch the boys putting it in everything Perfect I guess that's sports Alright Crandall What is our big news story of the day Alright Yep. Perfect. I guess that's sports. I think that's sports. All right, Crandall, what is our big news story of the day? All right. So we got quite a few. I know everybody kept tweeting us about Florida, man, but I never looked into a lot of Florida.

Basically, a guy drove up to a drive through and threw an alligator into the drive through window. Oh, just Florida. Yeah. Yeah. There's plenty of Florida stuff like man says Jesus told him to strip naked, walk down the street. How do you know he didn't? How do you know he didn't? People are like, that's hilarious. That's funny. Maybe Jesus did tell him to do that. You don't know.

You don't even know. I've got three stories here. I'm going to start with this one. We'll finish with the stories here i'm gonna start with this one all right this is we'll finish with the grand finale we'll start with this one txst student dumps chick-fil-a and ketchup on herself encourages students to eat what what so txst texas state of course texas state university student performance artist monica Rostvold. Do we have an image of Monica? Of course we do.

Monica Rostvold? Oh, there you go. Okay. So, she shocked the campus last year, and she sat on the steps of the Elkhek Library wearing nothing but a blindfold, headphones, and underwear, and two teeny bits of tape covering her buttons uh thankfully the students and bloggers alike the guys over at tfm discovered that monica returned to her old antics yesterday and this time she covered herself in chick-fil-a waffle fries ketchup

with a sign on her crotch that reads all you can eat okay i'm looking at this image and first off a little disappointed she didn't go full nude I'm just gonna say a real performance artist this would be naked and you'd have tastefully placed waffle fries I'm just saying oh my god but I I'm still lost on what this means like you know how art kind of in some way means something yeah like it kind of like you can at least like the best part about this is if if what she is trying to say is that the female body is like chick-fil-a waffle fries. That men will eat them.

That's this image I'm looking at shows me. It's literally just a dude eating a waffle fry. And then a bunch of guys standing around like. That was pretty hot. What is the point of this? All right, Crender, do they tell you what the point is? All right, let's see. I don't get art clearly because this makes no sense to me.

There's a bunch of people tweeting about it. We know that most artists tend to exist on a tight budget. I don't get art clearly because this makes no sense to me. There's a bunch of people tweeting about it. We know that most artists tend to exist on a tight budget, but Monica gets bonus points for not skimping on the quality of either ketchup or fries if she used real Heinz ketchup. Monica's other work, although usually weird, is solid stuff, they say. But, okay. Okay. And now we have her Instagram.

What does it mean, though? Does she say what it means on the Instagram? Here's her Instagram Creator of really weird stuff it says Yeah that sounds about right I don't Think she Even knows what it means

Monica Roastvold She has a website She does have a website MonicaRoastvold she has a website she has a website i'm going to have a website monica rostvold.com it's a very poorly loading website the uh cursor is what appears to be a gourd of some sort yes yes it's a eggplant she has a picture of a man deep throwing a banana. Mm-hmm. Of her art is, I mean.

It is. She has one. It's an oil painting of a glass of wine with the emoji poop and pills and a heart behind it. Mm-hmm. She has one that is a twerking dog with tacos in the background. Yes. She has one that is a first date. And it's her and it's like stalking feet with meatballs.

Yep. You know, things. All things that, you know. I don't get it. I don't get it either. I don't get it either. Yeah, I don't get it. I don't get it either. I don't get it either. Yeah, I don't get it. I don't understand what this is.

I don't know what this is. There's a picture of a thing called First Taste is with the eyes, and it's a man naked with a dog on his lap drinking wine because, you know. Why not? That's a thing. Yeah. And then she has one, two, three, four, 12 separate posters all in a row that all say basic, and that's it. Basic.

Yeah, yeah. Like basic 12 months out of the year. I don't know. It's weird. It's a weird thing. I'm not sure what her deal is. I just don't get it. I don't get her deal.

Yeah. I just don't get it. I don't get her deal. Yeah. I just don't get her. I just don't. When you click on the picture of the ketchup, it literally doesn't. It's her leg, her hand holding Heinz ketchup, and then 62 likes. Yeah. I'm not sure. I'm not sure I understand.

I'm not sure I understand. There's one image of what appears to be a woman getting sprayed in the face with whipped cream from a penis. I guess that's what that is. I don't know. Crandor, I don't get it. What is the point? Help me understand. I don't get it either. Alright.

You yourself lay out naked and you put um uh yourself lay out naked okay and you put um uh like waffle fries all over your body and ketchup right and then you say what what the letters say like eat me yeah what did it say or all you can eat all you can eat yeah i feel like the all you can eat there's something like a little dirty a little sexual a little evocative about that statement.

Especially considering the letter's like right on her junk. I get it. I get it. Okay. But, what do waffle fries and chicken sandwiches and ketchup on a naked body have to do with each other? What is that saying? It's my first problem.

That's not all you can eat. If someone ate all those waffle fries, she wouldn't have any more. You're absolutely eat. If someone ate all those waffle fries, she wouldn't have any more. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. If someone ate all those waffle fries, she'd be out of waffle fries. Yeah. She's lying. Oh, my God.

Is it about lies? Oh, shit. It's about lies. Is that what it's about? Is that what the art's about? About the lies? It's all you can eat, but it's not all you can eat. She's just saying it.

But just because she says it, it's not true. It's about media's perception. It's about our perception of the media and how they falsify information for our own benefit. But is it for our benefit, Crandor? Is it? Shit, we don't know. We don't know. This is just like National Treasure.

She's a genius. This woman's a genius. Oh, my God. I would buy her and keep her in my house covered with ketchup. She's art now, so I'd frame her and keep her in my house covered with ketchup. She's art now, so I'd frame her, stick her on the wall. Of course. Yeah. Perfect. Alright, what's our next story?

I was gonna purchase National Treasure actually. Is that what you were doing? You were like, it's like National Treasure. And you went to go buy National Treasure. Here's the thing. It was on TV again this weekend. I'm at the point where... Which National Treasure was it? They had both of them.

They ran them back to back. The first one's still the best. The first one's still the best. The first one's the best, but the second one, it still has a nice feel to it. And it's like a... He has to defend his family's honor. Yeah. Basically, the bad guy's like, they were racist.

He's like, no! My aunt says they're so racist. No! they were racist he's like no my ancestors were racist no i feel like i just gotta buy them just so i can like have them on replay over and over love it i love it here's the thing for the longest time the only dvd i owned the only one i owned was another nick cage movie the rock i owned that movie when i first got a dvd player that was the first DVD player I ever got, or DVD I ever owned, owned that DVD. That one single DVD, five years. I owned nothing else.

I could watch that movie on repeat for hours. Yeah. The Rock is a fantastic movie. That was a great movie. That was the one we watched that one time. It has everything a 90s movie needs to have. A weird sex scene with Nick Cage going, oh, very naughty. It has Sean Connery singing in a bathroom.

It has a very famous 90s actor pretending to be gay going, oh, I wanted to know, didn't you like your haircut? It has a car chase through San Francisco. It has everything. It has everything in it. That was a pretty great movie. It's a great movie. It's hit that point where I could watch it again

and not remember any of the things. But yet I still remember it when I saw them. That's the nice point. It has an implausible ending where a man can run around. The entire movie they're like, do not drop this. It is super flimsy and will kill you all. And then the last five minutes of the movie is him running around with it in his pocket getting beat up and smashed and dropping it.

And only in the end when he needs it does it shatter. Oh yeah. Implausible,ible wonderful best movie ever made amazing movie it's great great movie um so that's why i'm buying national treasures all right so what's the what's the other middle story man blames 10th drunk driving charge on beer battered fish uh-huh as excuses go this one's pretty fishy a wisconsin man convicted on monday for his 10th operating of wait his 10th oh his 10th operating a vehicle while intoxicated charge blamed his high bac on beer battered fish uh johnilla, 76, was arrested in October.

Damn, this guy's 76 years old? Yep. Here's the thing. At 76, maybe beard-battered fish is too much. Here he is. This is his picture. Oh, no. I don't want to see this guy.

Oh, shit. He looks like how I'm going to look when I'm 70. Oh, Crandor. He looks like he just doesn't effing care. He's like, I've seen enough. What if he is you? What if he's me in the future? Yeah, from like another dimension or

some shit. If I get arrested 10 times past the age of 70 for drunk driving, I am thrilled that I'm driving after the age of 70. Let's be clear. That's very exciting for me. John Prisbilla, 76, was arrested in October 2014 after a deputy noticed his truck cross the center line of a state highway. The deputy said Prisbilla's breath smelled like alcohol and administered a field sobriety test that he failed.

He denied drinking alcohol but said he had eaten beer-battered fish earlier. He made the same statements in court. It's true. There would have to be a lot of beer in that batter. Police say Prisbilla's BAC was.062. That's below the... Yeah, but he's old!

He's old, so how... I mean, you know, how much blood does he actually have in him still? Um... Think about it. That's science, I'm much blood does he actually have in him still? Think about it. That's science, I'm sure. That's true. His blood alcohol level's off because he's mostly dust now. He's mostly dust and old skin.

Yeah, I mean, it's like how old people shrink. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He's got old man shrinkage. He's all shriveled up Like I'm driving to work I'm stopping at Beer battered fish

And he got Beer battered fish And it made him drunk Yeah It makes sense to me I like that I like that That's what we're going with

That's what We don't need to know the story We just know what happened We know the facts As is He's off the hook I say Let him go.

Yeah. Here's the deal. If he gets caught drunk driving 10 times, like if he's 76, 10th drunk driving attempt, you aren't going to change him. You think he gives a damn? What are you going to do, throw him in jail? He'll be like, great, I'll get some bathroom hooch. Get drunk in jail. No one's going to mess with a 76-year-old man in jail?

Yeah, especially this guy. He looks like he's seen some shit. That's prime nursing care. He'd be great. Yeah. What are you going to do? Let him drive drunk. What's the worst that could happen?

Yeah, someone die or something? Come on. Come on. Come on, idiots. Our lawyers say that we do not encourage drunk driving Yeah no here's the deal If you're under the age of 70 and you drunk drive You're an asshole But when you hit the threshold of 70

What the hell you're more likely to kill someone Just driving at the age of 70 Yeah in fact let's just ban All people over 70 from driving I've always said we should do Like they do up in the north and just push them out on icebergs. Just like the north. You hit 70, we push your ass out on an iceberg. Let nature take you. Yeah.

Look, it's a good farewell. You get to say goodbye, and then we let the polar bears eat you. You get a canoe. You get to say goodbye. And then we let the polar bears eat you. You get a canoe. Yeah, one canoe. No, no, you get an iceberg. That's it. We push you out on an iceberg. Let nature and global warming take you away. What are we talking about?

I don't even know. Oh, yeah. No, we definitely need the lawyers on this episode. How did he die? Global War. Got it. Global War. We killed him.

We could do like a commercial with like global warming kills. Yeah, and it's just people pushing their grandparents out on an iceberg. I don't want to be here. I want to go back to my home. It's our home now, Grandma. I'll push. It's like that one. It was the monty python or he's like bring out your dead he's like here's one he's like i'm not dead he's like yes you are it's like we can't take him uh and the final story okay i'm waiting for this one this is supposed to be good crendor this is good 11 hilarious expressions for having sex from all over the world

okay netflix and chill is so last year it is there's a thrill in learning a new language it's just one of many ways to learn and connect with new culture uh as of 2015 english is the third most spoken language in the world with spanish and second and mandarin at first the tricky part is the learning uh the tricky part to learning a new language is making sure the meaning doesn't get lost in translation inside jokes and idioms don't often make sense for non-native speakers without some knowledge of the country's culture so in the case uh in this case these phrases some dated some modern show us how languages can be inherently expressive of habits of society. The team included all English variations from the U.S., Great Britain, Australia, is Zibbity-Bob-Bob-A.

Number one. That's in the article. This is Zibbity-Bob-Bob-A. This is British English, of course. This is bashing the bishop. Bashing the bishop. Bashing the bishop. Before you panic, just know that this idiom doesn't refer to the actual physical assault of the bishop of a church.

What it refers to is the bishop chess piece, which looks very phallic. So when you say you're bashing the bishop, you're really just beating it. I feel like any time you say I'm blanking the blank, it is already an innuendo for masturbation. Yeah. I'm oodling my noodle. Doobing the bop. I'm slapping my happy. I'm doodling the doop.

Yeah, I'm slooping the doop. Wobbling the wibble. I'm wibbling the wobble. Skrooking the skrooker. the dupe wobbling the wibble i'm wibbling the wobble screwing the screwker yeah i'm smacking the backing ringing the bell i'm toking the tiny token the tiny yeah anytime you say anything it's automatically innuendo for masturbation yeah that's i mean all right whatever whatever, whatever, England, sure, okay. Yeah, it's just England. Just Yorkshire pudding.

Yeah, Yorkshire puddings, though, are a great team. Yeah. Poner la tarta en el horno, which is to put the cake in the oven. What does that even mean? Poner la torta en el horno? Yeah, poner la tarta in la horno? Yeah, pona la torta in el horno. I need to show you just attempting to speak Spanish. Pona la torta in la pono.

The next time you insert that nice pan of batter into a hot oven, you will get a delicious aftermath in the form of a cake. We really hope you figured out the implications i love the way that was written whoever wrote this article is a dirty son of a gun this is uh caitlin pena caitlin you are a dirty girl caitlin call caitlin call me caitlin you dirty girl. Hello, Caitlin. Hello, Caitlin. Yeah, she called me like, hello, Caitlin.

Hello, Caitlin. Hello, Caitlin. I just wanted to say that you're a dirty girl. All right, we got to move on. We got to move on from this. Okay. We do have to move on, yes. This isn't even Spanish.

I was going to go parquera, but it's not parkera. It's parkera busen. That's Swedish. If you couldn't tell. To park the bus. What? Buses are, dare we say, huge vehicles. It takes skill, focus, and control when pulling in and backing out of a tight parking spot.

It all depends on the size of the bus. We don't think we need any more words to explain this. That is a horrible That is a horrible Sweet it. Come on, sweet it. Sweet it. Bust out some Ikea terms. Did you just call your penis a bus? Yeah. Come on. Come on. Come on. That's not good. It's at least a train going

into a tunnel or some sort of penis-shaped car entering a tunnel or some kind of penis-shaped bike entering a tunnel. Parking a bus. Man, sex is like parallel parking a bus. This picture of a bus

driver guy like, and he's like trying to get, he's like, God, didn't do it right. Try again. People are honking behind him like, hurry up. He has blinker lights on. Never mind. It is very much like you said to analyze the right way yeah you said to think about it

it is maybe the most accurate that is gives up and drives away people start getting off and on literally thank you for that number four kam ho gaia work has been completed that is hindi that is that is maybe one of the most, like, to the point work has been completed. That's like if you had sex with the Terminator. It was like work has been completed. Cabo Gaia. Okay, Arnold. I just like to imagine the end of that is like,

okay, Arnold. Okay, Arnold, calm down. That's four. Number five is Australian. It's rooting. That's it. Rooting. Uh-huh.

Yeah. What? Is that literally all it says? Whereas in America, rooting for something means cheering. Australians, it literally means doing it. So if you go to Australia, try not to say you're rooting for something unless you're actually well rooting. Well, I mean, always.

Yeah. Can I just, I just want to go to Australia and be like, I'm rooting for you. I mean, you should. You should just go there and just say that to everyone. Everyone. And they'll be like, Jesse, that's not what it means. Be like, it's not what it means. I'll be like, I know.

Number six. Number six is Netflix and chill. They just said Netflix and chill is old. So why are they saying it again? Well, because they want you to know that's why it's number 6 Mmm I see I got them now Yeah yeah yeah

Uh Whatever it's just Netflix and Chill Uh Die Mora Schreuben That is German if you couldn't tell Uh to scrub one's carrot I mean Again to blank one's blank is literally, it could be anything. I'm gonna, I'm gonna polish my pear.

Shine the shoe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really, that's whatever. Unclog the frog. I'm gonna Drano the pipes. Unbench the kinch. I'm gonna snip the mensch. Yeah.

Yeah. Number eight. Scopare. To sweep. That's Italian. What? To sweep? To sweep. But what does that mean? The Italians? What? According to SuperdrugOnline.com, there doesn't seem to be an etymological connection between sweeping and sex.

It's simply a vulgar term used for intercourse, so it's wise not to use it in formal conversations. What? I'm going to sweep with this broom? And they're going to be like, you're going to fuck that broom? Wait, so just in Italian, the word sweep means fucking? I guess so. Vulgar. Vulgar. Like, it's a vulgar way of saying it. I like how this is one of those, like, you know when you're learning Spanish,

there's like the past tense, present tense, all these different versions of the word. I like how there's just now the vulgar version of the word. Yeah. version of the word. I like how there's just now the vulgar version of the word. Yeah. So when you go to your Italian class, just make sure that when you're doing

your little skit up in front of the class about how you're an old man sweeping the rugs that you're really talking about brooms and rugs. Yeah. Make sure. I'm sweeping the carpet wink Italy you know number nine with so go with what cool lucky gone yet Russian yes okay that is to pet one's monkey again yeah again it's not very creative it's the same thing to pet one's monkey is basically. Yeah. Again. It's not very creative.

It's the same thing. To pet one's monkey is basically everything else we've talked about. Yeah. Really, we're not very good at masturbation innuendos. Yeah, seriously. Seriously. Come on, Russia. Also, I like how in Russia, everyone has a monkey in their head.

I know. We have so many monkeys. I've got Boris is a monkey. Michelle has a monkey. Everybody has monkey. Where is my monkey? I saw your monkey on balcony.

Oh, look at that Jojo over there. Jojo, why are you on the balcony? Jojo the Gonyard. That's Russia. Next up, we got Uh-huh. That's Portuguese to play the pocket pool. Again.

Again. I mean, that's just the Portuguese version of stuff we've already known for years. Yeah. That's just, you know, just they're playing pocket. Portugal, just different. Funny speaking Americans. That's all. Yeah.

That's all they are. And they're like right by Spain. It's like, oh, yeah, it's like they might as well be Spain. Yeah, they might as well be Spain. Yeah. Portugal. Come on. If you're angry, send your letters to our lawyers.

Total biscuit. Yes. Our lawyer. Total biscuit. on if you're angry send your letters to our lawyers total biscuit yes our lawyer total biscuit uh and finally number 11 puno token which is albanian for to plow the land i mean again that's very like uh old yeah very old old and olden Yeah, the back of the olden days when people would plow the land. Yeah, you know, just your typical day of plowing the land. Bless you, Gesundheit. Auf Wiedersehen.

Ugh, I'm allergic to old-timey sayings. I have the same issue. I don't. I've got an allergy to old innuendo. I've got an allergy to old innuendo that's like my twitter and someone looked me a sloth and it says I got 99 problems but I'm gonna take a nap and ignore them all

how very Crandor of you alright oh my goodness my nose is like covered in nose poop now alright chase that's it Thank you all for listening. We'll be back next time with another exciting episode of Cox's Grid in the morning and

as always I want some more chocolate.