Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 118 - Watch Out, Jesse Is Listening

Episode Date: March 2, 2016

The boys return with another episode to talk about the important things in life, like listening in on others conversations and new stories that really aren't news stories. All this and more in this new Cox n' Crendor!

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog! Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studio. Recorded! Wake your ass up! It's Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning! Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning! Pepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepepe head out the window. I did. You did. You're in a car right now. Yeah, yeah. I had to pay a guy

like 10 bucks to be like, can you just drive by real quick? And he was like, I guess so. Oh my god. Speaking of driving, I've been driving all over this damn city the last couple weeks and it's the worst. Dude, I hate LA traffic. I can't. I'm gonna move to a

city where there's no traffic. There's either no traffic or I can just walk everywhere. I'm done. I'm officially done driving for the rest of my life. I've spent so much time in a car over the last five years. I'm done. I can't handle it anymore. Today, I was driving around.

I had to drive up to Burbank, which is like the worst place on earth. The worst. Then, on the way back, I was in a traffic jam that had no cause. Crandor, there was no reason for it. It was just existing. But when I got done with the traffic jam, it was just like cars decided to move fast again. There was no reason for it. It lasted an hour.

And then all of a sudden, cars started to move. But there was nothing happening. There were no crashes. It wasn't like heavy traffic. It was like 1130 in the morning. In the morning? It wasn't even like nothing was happening. Well, I can't handle this place.

I can't handle it. I'm going to go insane. Shit, dude. One day drive off the road into some family's house because the highways are built right next to family's houses. I can't. Some family of four is going to see me drive through their front

yard. I'm just going to be like, I'm done! I'm done! Probably happens on a daily basis. It's another guy that's done. One of those assholes. Yep, I imagine so. But in all the time I've been driving around, I have had a chance to stop and like sit down at restaurants and things. And I've discovered that I, you know this, that I love listening to conversations. Oh yeah, I do too.

Now I just write down conversations. Yeah. In my phone, write them down. I have for you numerous conversations that I've heard over the last few weeks. I want to share these with you. Alright, so one day I was up in Hollywood

and went to a farmer's market there and it's a huge one. It's like a really, really big one. It has restaurants and all sorts of crazy things. I decided to sit down at one of the restaurants and while I was there eating breakfast This is a conversation I heard As it walked by me It was a guy and his girlfriend or wife

I don't know Here we go When you buy shit you rip through it If we get yogurt you'll eat yogurt for breakfast Before dinner after dinner I might not eat yogurt for days Okay hold on this is a conversation again but all right i got you okay when we buy shit you rip through it if we get yogurt you'll eat

it for breakfast before dinner after dinner i might not eat yogurt for days all right so what he's saying is they want to he wants some yogurt but if they buy the yogurt she eats all the yogurt she eats all the yogurt so fast that he doesn't feel like this is less about the yogurt and more about the fact that they're just wasting a ton of money on yogurt and he's like when i buy stuff for you you just eat it all right away and i don't get a chance to eat my yogurt yeah and see like the way like, the way he says it is, like, it's so hostile. He's just like, damn, come on. But, like, what if he was just like,

I really don't appreciate the way you eat the yogurt so fast. I would like some. I imagine I caught the tail end of a discussion that started that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or he was like, baby, why you got to eat all the yogurt? And it just devolved into that. Yeah, and she was like, because I like yogurt. Screw you. I like yogurt. Screw you.

I like yogurt. And this was just like at a farmer's market. She had people walking by. They were just walking by. I was like, oh, my God. I need to write down that conversation. Yep. And then another.

What happened? I knocked my other headphones off the thing. Of course. You were very excited about the idea of yogurt. I love yogurt, big fan. Do you eat it before breakfast, before dinner, and after dinner? No, I don't. Well, then you might be angry with this woman. All right, so another conversation that I got to witness was I was at a diner.

I don't remember when this was, but it was around the same time. And in front of me, I was sitting there drinking coffee and orange juice and eating a delicious breakfast. It was wonderful. In front of me, though, because this diner had like an outside area, a patio, and so I decided to sit outside because, you know, I wanted to get some sun on my see-through white self. Yeah, get some vitamin D. Yeah. So I'm sitting outside, chilling, celebrating the fact that I had to drive across the city and got there early because if you leave at a normal time, you're going to end up late. So I always leave early and arrive way too early, but that's fine because at least I can just sit down and relax.

So I went to this place, and there was a – I'm going to say she said she was 32. But I'm going to say she looked a little bit older, a little bit older lady. All right. And a very young, very sexy black dude. All right. So they're out on what I think is supposed to be a breakfast date. I'm not really sure. Mm-hmm.

Notice all my stories take place at breakfast. Yeah. Most important meal of the day. Mm-hmm. So they're having a conversation, and she spends the entire time, the entire conversation. I must have been there for 45 minutes eating breakfast. The entire conversation talking I must have been there for 45 minutes eating breakfast. The entire conversation talking about herself and how she loves herself a tall cup of mocha

and kept looking at him and winking. And the guy was like, oh, all right. Okay. And then these are some of the things that I wrote down that she said during this conversation because it was all over the place. This guy, this is actually a thing I wrote. It's like, P.S. This guy is on the easiest date of his life.

She has not stopped talking. So she kept talking about how she was 32, kept stressing it, kept saying, I'm 32, I'm 32, I'm 32. And how the world was judging her for being single. And how all she wanted to do was have fun, and she didn't see a problem with that. Okay. And then she went on to say how offensive it was that when she asked people to guess her age, and they say 32, instead of pretending she's younger, it angers her very, very much. Okay, alright.

Yeah. So, she's crazy. Oh! Oh, it gets better, yes She kept bringing up how She continually takes College courses Even though she's graduated But she does crazy college courses

This is the one she was describing A college course about the ethics Of dating Look, I think this might be a community college class. I don't know what. I swear to God, I wrote down with exclamation, courses about dating. Apparently they're not helping her too much.

And then she went on about how she works for a studio and how she did a show where they had a bunch of directors on. And the guy, of course I wrote was completely uninterested. He was just eating his breakfast, sort of staring at other women, just like until she finally met mentioned that she's,

she hung out with the director of Creed and he goes, you hung out with Stallone. And she's like, Oh no, the director of Creed. And he immediately didn't care again. And she's like, oh, no, the director of Creed. And he immediately didn't care again.

And then she went on a five-minute tangent about how she wants to make The Next Birdman. I'm not sure I know what that means. The Next Birdman. I want to make The Next Birdman. When I think about that, like, Birdman is a movie about an actor who goes crazy, basically. Yeah, and Birdman to me is like, you can only do that once. Yeah, you can only do it once. So how do you make the next Birdman?

What is the genre of film there? What is that? Is it like an actress that goes crazy now? Think she's Spider Girl. She's going to swing from trees. I don't know what she's Spider-Girl. And she's going to swing from trees. Like, I don't know what she's doing. So then the guy started asking her questions like, so what are you doing right now? This is totally true.

This is the best thing I've ever heard in my life. Her current project the studio is working on is based off a series of novels about a sexy Latina news reporter who solves sex crimes in New Orleans. All right. The best part is the best part is she said she's happy with it because it has because it's a diversity driven show with multiple sexy minorities. Her words. That sounds like something an L.A. person would say. Right. Yeah.

I loved it. I was like, I literally wrote it in quotations underneath. What I said under my breath is I go, yeah, but it still sounds like shit. Yeah, this sounds like one of those shows that would end up like an HBO nighttime or something. or something. No, I imagine it's like an ABC family show that gets half a season because literally the premise is a sexy Latina news reporter

who solves sex crimes in New Orleans. That's it. That's the premise. It's Law Nord SVU, but instead of a bunch of white people and iced tea, it's a sexy Latina news reporter. That could be an ABC family, though.

It'd be on Lifetime. Sure. Either way, I love that she is really up about the fact that sexy minorities are in right now. That was her thing. And that's why I'm talking to you today. Yeah, meanwhile, she's out on a date with this guy, and he's looking at her like, what the hell are you talking about? The last part of the conversation they had before I left was

and I wrote this down. This is the exact quote of what I wrote. Oh dear God. She's talking about how she's telling her therapist she wants to be a novelist but a novelist like Madonna and how she wants to move to South Carolina. What? Let me read that again for you. This is exactly what I wrote.

Oh dear God. She's talking about how she's telling her therapist she wants to be a novelist, but a novelist like Madonna. She wants to move to South Carolina. There's so many things jammed in that sentence. I know. I'm aware. I'm aware of this. So she's working on the sexy, like, news crime solver show.

Yes, but clearly she hates it. Clearly she hates it. Yeah, she hates it. And her dream, really, is to go to South Carolina and be a novelist. But a novelist like Madonna. Which, again, I don't know what that means. I don't understand what she's saying. Novels Madonna has written.

I think she just wrote that one that was like a sex book. That was it? I didn't even know Madonna's written anything. Yeah, she wrote a book that was like in the 90s that was literally just like perv pictures. Apparently her first ever book was called Sex in 1992. It sold 1.4 million copies in six months it's just a dirty book that's all uh then she wrote the girly show the making of a vita the emperor's new clothes ecstatic process whoa she's madonna actually writes books apparently so maybe she does want

to be a writer like madonna and the thing madonna has like the it's almost like what we have but like on a higher scale where she already has her fan base and she's like go buy my books and they're like madonna like we have that but it would be on a far less like d minus ranked scale yes but but our she would still be better than madonna's yeah it would but this lady doesn't have any of that. She's going to write her books and nobody's going to care. I just loved the idea that she concluded the last bit that I heard with saying she tells her therapist she wants to be a novelist, but a novelist like Madonna. I love that she just told this dude that, and he, I'm going to assume, pretended to still be interested in what the hell was going on.

Because at this point I would have been like, what are you talking about? Who are you? It was amazing. Then, to top that story, I told you man, I've been doing a lot of listening. The other day I was in a Panera. Shout out to Panera. Their pick two combo is wonderful. Solid pick twos.

Got myself rewards cards. Sometimes I get a dollar off those pick twos. Those pick twos are delicious. So while we're sitting there eating lunch, two girls come in behind us. And they sit in the table behind us and loudly have a conversation. This was what the conversation was about. Basically, these two friends are talking about how one of the girls tried to test her boyfriend and see what his response would be to a scenario that she posed to him. And how she was furious with the answer.

Right. And, of course, the other girl was just like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. There's always the other person that's just like, right. Oh, yes. Now, I want to set this up for you. They both looked like, in your mind's eye, imagine any sorority girl ever. All right. That's what they look like. Okay.

sorority girl ever. Alright. That's what they look like. Okay. Like, the most stereotypical sorority girl you can possibly imagine. Alright, yeah. That's what they look like. Alright, so, basically what happened, and I had to write this down really quickly, because I was, like, typing furiously as they were talking.

So, what happened was is the guy was going to go out with his friends, right? So she said, well, fine, I'm going to go out too. And he said, okay. And then she immediately said, oh, well, then I'm going to stay home. And he said, okay. And then she told her friend, I wanted him to be thankful.

I wanted him to want me to stay home. I wanted him to want me to be there for him. When I said I was going out, I wanted him to want me to be there for him. When I said I was going out, I wanted him to be jealous or ask me where I was going. But he didn't do that. He just said, okay, what's that about? Then when I said I'm staying home, he said okay to

that too. It's almost like he didn't care. It's almost like he didn't care. And then at the end she goes, is something wrong? Is there something wrong with me? Am I overreacting? And I swear to then at the end she goes, is something wrong? Is there something wrong with me? Am I overreacting? And I swear to God at the table I go, yes. What did they say after that?

Nothing because I made it like I was talking at the table. But I just did it like, yes. Like it was part of our conversation and not theirs, but it was so perfectly timed. I hope they noticed because it was legitimately just like an insane, an insane conversation. Like her boyfriend's like, I'm going out. And she decided that was the time to test him?

For what? Like, what did she expect to happen? Like, oh, I'm going out too. And then him being like, oh, I don't want you to go out, girl. I want you to stay home and not have a life. Or tell me everything you're doing because I'm super needy and need to know everything about you. Like, what did she want from him? If anything, he did, like, the play it cool move.

It's like, all right, cool. It's just like a normal person who's being like, I'm going to go out. She's like, oh, I'm going to go out too. He's like, okay. Yeah. Like, I'm comfortable with our relationship to let you go out and have fun without me. Right? Like, I feel like that's a thing a normal human being would do.

Instead, she's like, well, then I switched up and said I was going to stay home. And then, you know what he said? Okay. What? Why does that freak you out? He said, okay. He's like, you do what you do. I'm not going to control you.

That's a mature adult male. What is her problem? And she's freaking out because he said nothing. He was like, fine. All right. I think she's just overthinking it beyond belief. Oh. Oh, yes.

I am convinced. I am convinced somewhere in herinking it beyond belief. Oh. Oh, yes. I am convinced. I am convinced somewhere in her life some dude did her wrong. Did her super wrong. Because there is no necessary way that you need to test a person like that. Yeah. Like, it just doesn't make any sense. Why would you need to? What else did they talk about?

That was it. That's literally all they talked about. They sat there, and that's all they talked about. Oh. And then eventually their food was called up and then they grabbed it and left. And she was still like, I just don't know what to do. What do I even do? It was like a 10-minute conversation.

It was crazy. And the friend was just like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, okay, mm-hmm. Which I guess is a good friend. I don't know how women friendships work, so I guess being there to listen is a thing. But holy shit, if I was a friend, I would have been like, oh, lady, you crazy. You are crazy. Girl, you crazy. Girl, you crazy.

Damn. Yeah, it was maybe the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I was just like, why would you test someone like that? What answer do you want? It blew me away that she wanted her boyfriend, I assume boyfriend, to be like, stay home, girl. I don't want to see you out having fun. Because that's gross to me. You'd think she'd even ask where he's going. Like, where are you going?

But she's just like, I don't get it. I think the test was like, I'm going to say that I'm going out and make him jealous because maybe he'll think I'm out with another dude. Which, to me, seems like she thought he was going out with another girl. Yeah. And so she was trying to get him jealous of like, oh, if you're going to go out with another girl, I'm he was going out with another girl. Yeah. And so she was trying to get him jealous of like, oh, if you're going to go out with another girl, I'm going to go out with another guy. Yeah. I feel like that was her thought process there.

But again, I don't know what her thought process was except crazy pants. It's also just a very insecure thought process. Oh my God, yes. So I was glad I was able to sit on that conversation. This is just like the tip of the iceberg of things I hear in this damn city. It is a mess of humanity. Just the worst. I went to a breakfast

place the other day. That's my favorite place to listen to people. Yeah, breakfast is where people are guards down. It doesn't give enough later in the day they're all like Ready to roll but in breakfast they're just They're down They have no coffee or they just had their coffee

They're excited about eating It's a fresh new day And they're out and about Just like that one time we were eating breakfast And that drunk dude wandered in and hit on that lady He's like you're my blind date She was just scared She was just like oh my lady he's like you you're my blind date she just scared she was just like oh my god everyone's like do you know him just like no his friends are just like dude you

gotta get out of here and they're like get him out of here and he's like no dude we need to go back to that place i haven't been there since that day yeah that's a that's a great place. Love that place. Great French toast. Oh, yeah. So this is this place. And there's these older people. And they're just all sitting there. And the one dude's like, the Oscars are going to be on. And then they're like, have you seen any of the movies? And he's like haven't seen the movies because they are they're all

shit now and then somebody's like i like the one i like the movie with the drummer you know that drum guy and he's like yeah yeah yeah the the drum kid dick that wasn't even acting that was him just playing the drums all right there's few people that can play the drums like that and i don't know how they found it but they found that kid uh that was great better than the music these days too here's the thing that was a great movie even though it came out last year it's not at all related to this year's oscars yeah but there's but he he brought that movie up i think he wished it got another oscar it was a good movie it was a good movie yeah and it made me freaked out the entire time i was tense the entire time yeah my butthole has never been so clenched during any movie ever that was a super tense movie and uh

oh yeah that dude the old old dude and it got a beard now now he looks like he could be in game of thrones jk simmons yeah is that who you're talking about jk simmons aka the guy who also wants to get spider-Man and sells us insurance. Yeah, that's him. And was in Avatar The Last Airbender and in Gravity Falls. Yeah, he's got a beard now. J.K. Simmons is wonderful. Yeah, I like him.

He seriously looks like he'd be in Robert Baratheon's political crew now. I am Gorgon Baratheon, son of Mordoth Baratheon's political crew now. I am Gorgon Baratheon. Son of Mordoth Baratheon. You're probably more like Stannis Baratheon. You probably fit in Stannis' crew. Oh, he's in Stannis' crew? So he would be Stinkfist Baratheon. They call me Stinkfist.

Oh, yeah. Speaking of movies, I saw Bridge of Spies. Did you? Was that good? That was pretty good. I enjoyed that. You'd probably like it being a history person. Yeah, I want to see it, but I never, like, I feel bad for Tom Hanks movies because the only time I ever watch them is on a plane.

And usually it's the last movie I watch, so I miss the last half of the movie because the plane lands. Yeah. the last movie I watched, so I missed the last half of the movie because the plane lands. So, I could not tell you what the last 25 minutes of Captain Phillips was like, but I know

that I'll never watch the rest of it because I've already watched most of the movie, so I'm like, alright, I get the story. I don't even know how that story ends. He could be at the bottom of the sea for all I know. I don't even know. All I know is the one guy who's like, I'm the captain now. I feel like that's all you need to know.

Yeah, that's really it. The pirates took over the ship and he was like, look at me, I'm the captain now. That was it. That's the story. I saw Deadpool. I like Deadpool. I thought Deadpool was alright. I thought, here's like Deadpool. I thought Deadpool was alright. Really?

I thought... Here's the thing. Yes? Like, the humor... Like, I didn't... I felt like for every good joke, there was, like, four or five mediocre jokes. I felt like they were just cramming the jokes together. Well, yeah.

I feel like that's what they wanted to do. But I feel like that's, like, the point, I guess. But, like, to me, it got kind of annoying where I was like, all right, I get it. Another wiener joke or whatever. But as a movie, I was like, it was all right. Yeah. Yes, I'm more excited for the sequel. And really, my fandom of Deadpool extends to when he's matched with other people.

I've always said he needs a straight man. Deadpool's fine. Deadpool plus Wolverine or Deadpool plus Cable or Deadpool plus whatever is awesome. Because basically he's, like, crazy and insane. That's what they tried to do with Colossus in the movie and make Colossus like the guy who's like, Deadpool, don't do that, right?

But because he wasn't in it enough, enough, it needs to be a buddy comedy. It needs to be Deadpool plus someone. Yeah. And I would love to see a Deadpool Wolverine movie. That would be amazing. Probably will never happen, but that would be amazing. You'd think they would because Wolverine has so many movies of his own. Well, the next Wolverine movie is going to be based off Old Wolverine,

which I don't know if you know what that's about. Isn't it like how he became Wolverine? No, no, no. Or is it like right after? No, Old Wolverine is like way in the future, and it's like a five, six, I don't even know how many episodes

story arc, but it's literally nonsense. Like, it's nonsense. Oh, like Wolverine is, like, aged. Like, he's old. Yeah, it's an old Wolverine and it's in a United States that is run by factions. So one

faction is led by, like, Doctor Doom. One faction is led by Red Skull. The Hulk controls, like, California. And the crazy thing is the Hulk has sex with She-Hulk. They have inbred weird Hulk children who run California. Oh, yeah. And then they eat people. What?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. It's crazy. I'll look this up. Oh, yes. It's crazy. I'll look this up. The storyline is that the Hulk takes a blind Hawkeye across the country to deliver a package to a brand new startup of – I'm sorry. Wolverine takes Hawkeye.

I'm not sure. Wolverine takes Hawkeye across the country for a new Avengers or some crazy shit. I don't even know what's going on. It's complete bonkers. I don't even know what's going on. It's complete bonkers. I don't know. Here's the thing. It's an impossible movie for them to make. They don't own the rights to any of the characters in this movie.

That is so weird. They don't own the rights to any characters in the story. How are they making it? I have no clue. I have no clue how they're going to make it. The even crazier part is the way it ends. Spoiler. I have no clue how they're going to make it.

The even crazier part is the way it ends, spoiler, is that the Hulk, or Wolverine does all this for his family. He gets back. This is a massive spoiler, by the way, but whatever. Close your ears. Yeah, close your ears. He gets back. The Hulk and his kin have eaten his entire fucking family. Then Wolverine fights the Hulk, and the Hulk admits the reason why he did it is because he wants to have a fight and he hasn't fought anybody for a long time.

So they have a fight. The Hulk eats Wolverine! And then Wolverine regenerates and bursts out of the Hulk's stomach and kills him. The end. What the shit? Exactly! It's an un-makeable idea!

Yeah! I just googled, googled images, and I see Wolverine with gray hair with a horse. Yes! And there's Wolverine being like, I'm just here to kill you people. Yes! And there's Wolverine fighting the Hulk. It's crazy! It's crazy. I don't know.

I honestly don't know how they intend to make this into a movie because it is bonkers. I hope it gets made because I'd watch that. But how would they make it? I don't know. They don't own the rights to any of the heroes. I don't know. It's an impossible feat.

How could they do it it so they'd have to they'd literally have to change the entire story and make it so instead of like red skull or or anyone else it would be probably wolverine would maybe be the bad guy i'm not wolverine but uh saber tooth would maybe be the bad guy. Oh, yeah. I think I saw that. And so maybe Sabretooth's the bad guy. Like, they have to use the things they own in order to make this movie, which means that they have to use only X-Men properties.

Yeah. So it'll be a totally different story. It's not even going to be Old Man Logan. It's going to be something totally different. So why would they use it, then? It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense it doesn't make any sense i don't know all i know is that like two or three weeks from now the allegiant comes out i'm so excited i'm so excited too the commercials that i see are just like so silly so silly they went from being in like destroyed chicago to now a future

city yeah they here's the best part they walked to a future city yeah let's walk there they just like got out of destroyed chicago walked a few miles and we're in future city probably in like none of them noticed gary indiana or something. I want it to be Detroit. Is it wrong that I want it to be Detroit? In the future, Detroit is the best city on earth. That would be pretty great, actually. It would be great. I'm excited to see.

This is the final one, right? Yes, yes. This is the last one. This is the wrap up. They even call her the chosen one in this, finally. Oh, man. They finally call her the one. He's like, because you were the chosen one. I'm just waiting for the memes.

I'm waiting for the hardcore memes coming out of this. I'm waiting for all the brilliantly horrible dialogue and scenes. I'm pumped. I'm ready. Yep. I'm excited. I'm excited for this. I can't wait to talk about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm surprised they got this one out so soon. I remember it was last year the last one was out. Yeah. Well, I think it was March as well. Maybe? I think it might have been. I think it's weird because it just comes out in the spring.

Yeah, I'm so excited. I'm so excited, Grendor. So excited. So excited. All right, well, I think all that excitement should lead us to Topic of this cast, Crandall! Crandall, how's that traffic out there? Outside now, it's like it's snowing if you live where it snows, but if you don't it's not snowing so that's good for you also, it appears that

good for you. Also, it appears that Gilham Vasconolos de Silvamaro is standing by the bus stop with Kingston Rogers. They're just having a good time standing there. And the bus appears to be stopped because Old Man Wolverine has knocked it off the street and into a school. So if you go to that school, watch out. Old Man Wolverine has knocked it off the street and into a school. So if you go to that school, watch out. Old Man Wolverine's right outside, and he's pretty mad. So, you know. You know. Also, Zootopia's coming out soon.

I'm a big fan of Zootopia. It's got that sloth in it. I can't wait to see that movie. Back to you. Thanks, Quendor. Actually, I can't wait to see that movie, too. Yeah. I'm excited. The sloth is is have you seen the funko sloth yeah you need that in your life i know you need that funko sloth just everywhere you go you hold him you're like uh uh the street fighter guy who holds blanca you're you're you hold your sloth yeah oh man everywhere you go you take a

sloth of you you take pictures with the sloth. Oh, my God. I want it. Yep. I want all the sloths. All the sloths. All the sloths. All the sloths.

All right. Well, what's happening in weather? All right. In the weather right now, we're going to take it over to 8-4-2-1-5. That's nothing. 9-4-5-2-1. Concord, California. eight four two one five that's nothing nine four five two one concord california oh california i bet there's crazy people there i bet there are woppy woppy activated concord california 72 degrees fahrenheit feels like 72 degrees fahrenheit wind east 6 miles per hour.

Humidity 43%. Dewpoint 48 degrees Fahrenheit. Pressure 30.12 inches down. Visibility 10 miles. UV index 2. 31.2 inches down. Tonight, partly cloudy. 45 degrees Fahrenheit.

Tuesday, 71 degrees sunny. Uh-huh. He's done. All right, great. And sports. Sports. Sports news, we got, it's at that point where there's not too much happening with the American sport.

I mean, we still got hockey happening. It's almost the playoffs. We got basketball, but I haven't really watched like any basketball at all uh the nfl's and free agency baseball starting up next week spring training get ready to get ready to tune tune in on the radio well they have the combine the nfl combine is a thing that i guess people care about now. I don't care about it. The main thing I've learned about the NFL combine is most of it is useless. Of course it is.

It's like just dudes running up and down a field and, like, seeing how high they can jump. And, like, half of them don't even participate in it. They're just like, whatever. It looks like dudes looking at horses. No joke. Like, they check their mouth and stuff. They ran a 4-2-4, the heads up that with a 38 wingspan and it's unreal they just like measure people's bodies it's weird

as hell and the best part is fans eat it up like yeah oh yeah did you watch the combine this weekend oh yeah oh yeah there he oh yeah canadian fans oh yeah there that's like uh well i only know about combine stuff because i play madden and you always want to look at the combine stuff because it matters in that games it's all like ratings you're like he ran that so his ratings could be like in the 90s but in real life nobody gives a shit like it matters kind of but not really it Oh, man, who is it? Is it Peyton Manning? It's someone. I think it might be Peyton Manning. One of them, you know, one of them, one of the QBs, I think it's Peyton Manning.

It shows him at the Combine, and he looks like a little tiny baby child. He's super skinny, and he looks like he hasn't eaten in three weeks. And he looks like a little tiny baby child. He's like super skinny. And he looks like he hasn't eaten in like three weeks. And he looks a mess. And he turns out to be like a legendary QB. But at the combine, he looked a mess. Which proves the combine means nothing. Yeah. Like, for example, some recent defensive line prospects in the Fields drill were Jadeveon Clowney, Barkevius Mingo, Margus Hunt, and all three of them. That's an amazing name, Barkevius Mingo?

Barkevius, like barking. Barkevius Mingo is an even better name. Here's the thing. You might think, wow, how have I never heard of that guy? He plays for the Cleveland Browns. There you go. That's why. That is why. Jedevi and Clowney, he plays with the Texans and he's been

injured for like three-fourths of his career. I've never heard of Margus Hunt. These are the top three guys in the defensive lineman drills. So that shows that the top three have gone pretty much nowhere. Pretty much done nothing. Alright, well that's sports. That's sports. That the top three have gone pretty much nowhere. Pretty much done nothing. All right.

Well, that's sports. That's sports. And what is our big news story of the day? All right. Big news story of the day. Let's see what we got here. FedEx driver narrowly swept away by tornado. Uh-huh.

We got Florida Python Challenge nets 106 snakes during a month-long hunt. Uh-huh. We got Florida Python Challenge nets 106 snakes during a month-long hunt. Uh-huh. Uh, we got, uh, police officer cheats death as out-of-control car crashes just inches away. Uh, delivery driver leaves package exactly where requested. Uh, which is where? Great question. Let's find out. Where is exactly where requested uh which is where great question let's find out where exactly where requested uh a delivery driver did exactly as requested by leaving the parcel under a doormat

whether the customer's instructions need to be carried out exactly to the letter is up for debate package ended up being way too big for its hiding spot and it wasn't concealed from a view of potential thieves at all uh apparently he said request put under doormat and the images were captioned i'm just here to serve the customer and apparently he put the giant ass package against the door and then just placed the doormat on top of it that Wait, where is that considered news? At the Huffington Post weird news section. Yep, Huffington Post, just as bad. There's the news.

Yep, yep. I love that this is a... That's actually really funny. Wait, is this a fake story? That's just a package with a mat put on it. It's not even like, oh boy, it's certainly a large package. No, it's just a regularly sized box. Yeah.

There's nothing at all newsworthy about that. Here's a news story if I've ever seen one. Okay. Man changes name to bacon double cheeseburger go on all right uh so the british man formerly known as simon smith changed his name to bacon double cheeseburger quote it was the culmination of probably too many drinks in the pub where there was a conversation about names cheeseburger told the evening standard bacon double cheeseburger was pretty much the first thing that came up everyone loves bacon don't they cheeseburger 33 told the

newspaper his new moniker is the most ridiculous thing my friends were quite supportive of anything that makes me look silly as good friends are my work speaks for itself people keep hiring me he told the bbc uh apparently he's a consultant at the oil and gas industry i usually drop that bombshell after the contracts have been signed cheeseburger said wait wait what apparently he doesn't know his name beforehand yeah he says he doesn't inform the employers of his real name uh when he's applying and then afterwards that's how does he apply how do they not know his name i don't know that'd be like if i if i if i apply somewhere and my name is like snickerdoodle chicken pox i i have to's like Snickerdoodle Chicken Pox, I have to write down Snickerdoodle Chicken Pox on the application.

How else do they know to get a hold of me? I don't know. That's a great question. I mean, this is England. I guess they do it differently there. They do it differently. Can you just say, like, you don't know me, but you should totally hire me because of my qualifications and S about 8. And then they're like, yes, we definitely will hire you. And they do.

That's the process. Then he's like, ah, my name is Cheeseburger. And they're like, all right. I like that he pulls it out like he's got them. Ah, you hired me, but my name is Cheeseburger. You fools. Yeah. They're just like, ah, foiled again.

Damn it. It's almost like we can't fire you now, Cheeseburger. But apparently Cheeseburger said his fiancee Isabella has beef about the new name. My fiancee is fairly reluctant about marrying a Cheeseburger, his fiancee, Isabella, has beef about the new name. My fiancee is fairly reluctant about marrying a cheeseburger, he told the Evening Standard. That's something we're discussing a lot. No girl ever dreams of spending her big day marrying a man called Bacon. Other unusual names adopted by people include Happy Birthday, Sarge Metal and simply my love poet simply my love poet i feel like that's a name that already exists in america it probably is yeah simply my

love poet is definitely a name that someone has given their child yeah that's definitely the last name was poet and they named them symptom of love uh that's like one time i was on the bus in new york and a girl was calling out her friend her name was tequila and i always thought that naming someone tequila was really funny because i imagine that's how they came into being we named after how you were conceived tequila uh also uh here's a florida man story of course of course florida man to stare at ted cruz's mouth for two hours straight what quote this is the most dangerous thing i've ever done uh so if artists are supposed to suffer for their work and tom miller must be a genius friday night the gainesville florida-based performance artist will attempt to go where

few others dare by staring at ted cruz mouth for two hours straight that's it first off first off not only is that stupid it's impossible that is an impossible task i can't look at that man more than five minutes without being immediately angered. I know. I don't even care what your political leanings are. Look at that man and tell me he doesn't look like the smuggest son of a bitch on the planet. He tweeted, I thought he looks like a weird Keebler elf.

You know, he looks like, oh God, what's that guy's name on The Office? Kevin. Kevin, he looks like Kevin. Kevin, he looks like Kevin. Yeah, he looks like Kevin. He has Kevin's face. He does. It's eerily similar.

I just, I don't, like, I don't even care. Look, look, guys, this isn't about politics. This isn't about politics. It's not about Republican versus Democrat. It's about humanity versus a man everyone wants to punch in the face. Like, I don't know anyone who doesn't see him and say, he could use a good slap. Yeah. I'm sure even his supporters are like, yeah, no, I'd vote for the man, but I also want to punch him in the damn face.

I just, oh, I'm so repulsed by him. Yeah. I mean, all you got to do is just watch Republican debates. I enjoy them tremendously. I love it. It's like a circus. I love when they just yell at each other. And there's nothing else.

I wish the Democratic debates were that insane. Yeah. Where it's just Bernie and Hillary going like, oh, go on, go on. You're a liar. You're a liar. Oh, you're going to pee your pants. 99% you are part of the problem. And she's like, I like women and I am a great leader.

And everyone's like, wow. And then he's like, the 99% are with me. And then she's like, but I'm Hillary Clinton. And everyone's like, yeah. And that's the Democratic debates. Republican debates are just like, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr You're a child. You're repeating yourself, though. You're repeating yourself. You repeated yourself twice tonight. Oh, it's great.

It's great. Then there's that woman in the audience that's like, wow. And then there's poor Ben Carson on the end who's like, I wish someone would attack me. Can I get a question, please? Can someone please attack me? And there's the Ohio guy, Kasich. John Kasich is just like, you're all children. And I feel like if America was an adult, they would vote for me. And he's like you're all children and i feel like if america was an adult they would vote for me and everyone's like boo i love i love how it's like trump and rubio i'm just like like

what's your plan what's your plan what's your then casick's like i have a plan and here it is and it's worked in ohio and it's going great and they're's like yeah, but what's your plan? Yeah They just ignore him. He's like I've done a lot of good things as governor And I feel like I could maybe he's a senator whatever he is yeah I've done a lot of good things And I feel like I know how to run stuff and I think that I'd be really good for this like shut up It's like starts talking over like you see you see Rubio, he's sweating. Look at it, he's got pools of water.

Oh, at least he only drinks water? Rubio can't even drink water right. What an idiot. What a loser. You're fired. It's the best show on TV. It's horrifying that that's politics, but it's the best show on TV. One of these people will run the country.

Best show on TV. But at least like, when at least I feel like whoever gets in, it's just they're going to be pushed aside. The whole Senate and Congress and all of them are just going to vote down everything they say. I'm telling you I had a premonition

the other day. So if Trump wins the Republican nomination and let's say Hillary, because the last, in South Carolina, she just destroyed. Let's say Hillary wins the Democratic nomination. Yeah. The supporters of Trump hate mainstream politics. They hate political people. They hate the way politics, like that's their thing. They just can't stand political people. They hate the way policy, like, like that's their thing. They just, they just can't stand political people. Yeah. Hillary Clinton is like the definition of that.

She is. Right. So in my mind, I'm like, if there was ever a rallying cry to get Donald Trump supporters out to vote, it would be against Hillary Clinton, which to me, I'm like oh He may win He could win this And all of our jokes Will not in fact be jokes But a horrifying vision of things to come Yeah

What would happen then Most Democrats just do not There's a good deal of People are like Hillary's cool But no one is inspired by Hillary. Yeah. And obviously it's because most of her things are like, look, it's going to be rough.

We're going to take it slow. We're going to do this and this and this. And Bernie Sanders is like, we can change everything. And he's doing the Obama thing, right? Yeah. And that inspires people. But Hillary Clinton is like, I'm going to continue doing what we've been doing, and I'm not going to change much, and I want everyone. And it's not inspiring.

So her supporters are people who are just like, I support Hillary Clinton because it's Hillary Clinton. But not because she has any grand ideas, right? The problem is that Trump's people are like, we're going to build a wall, and we're going to kick out the Muslims, like crazy shit. That, I think, is going to win over, I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what's going to happen. I think that's going to win, too know i don't know what's gonna happen i don't know

what's gonna happen i think that that's gonna win too i i i don't know what's gonna happen but uh it's gonna be crazy it's weird because like uh i was watching the john oliver thing and like even when you know he's lying it sounds like he's telling the truth because he says it so confidently yeah i i want to go to that school of just working bold-faced lie to you, but say it with such conviction that you're like, you know, you're right. Yeah. I don't know. I've never even seen this

person in my life. I don't. Yeah, oh, he does that all the time. He will say I don't know who that is, and then they'll show a clip of him being like, he's a good friend of mine. I don't know. I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't even know. It'll be interesting to see.

But we will have to save that for another episode, because that's it for this one. Thank you guys so much for listening. We will see you again soon. And as always, to be continued!