Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 120 - KFC, Jesus, And Aliens, I Just Don't Know

Episode Date: April 18, 2016

The boys return with an update on one of their new favorite Florida Man characters. Also they remind everyone to donate so they can buy the Watcher house, and that Crendor really loves screwdrivers.

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendog! This is Crendog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studio. Recorded! Wake your ass up! It's Cox and Crendog in the morning! Crendog in the morning. Up and up, next friend in the morning.

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Cox and Crandor in the morning. I'm drinking reverse osmosis water. Again, still not sure what that means. I don't know either. Is it like drip? Is it drip dropping from like on? Is it how Matt Damon stayed alive on Mars

maybe it is are you drinking Mars water I think I'm drinking Mars water made by Matt Damon himself but it's it says it's reverse osmosis purified filtered

purity water so there's some pure water aside from the plastic it's in they said pure twice you know it's pure that is some pure purified, filtered, pure purity water. So this is some pure water, aside from the plastic it's in. They said pure twice. You know it's pure. That is some pure, purified water. I'm drinking a very colorful can of Diet Coke. It is very, very bright, and

much like your water, except with 2% of my daily value of salt. Nice. You need salt. Yeah my daily value of salt. Nice. You need salt. Yeah. I gotta have salt. I'm filled with it.

When I play video games, that is my state of being. So I have to refill. Yeah. So I've got something. Usually we start this off with like, what crazy thing happened in your life? Yeah. Nothing happened in my life. Zero craziness has happened. I live a very boring life. I just make videos your life. Yeah. Nothing happened in my life. Zero craziness has happened.

I live a very boring life. I just make videos all day. Yeah. But every once in a while, we are gifted with something so magical. It's impossible not to start with. Hold up. I have to keep the cliffhanger going.

Let me tell you what I did with my life. That was also not exciting. Perfect. So, went to the hardware store, bought a screwdriver. Turns out, some screws got, like, square hole things. How dumb is that? Why don't you just buy one of those sets that has all the things in it? Because you always put them on, and they always, like, kind of fall off and don't really work as well as true solid one

Absolutely true. I guarantee that's just it's a big scam. It's a big scam or a bill wall or a get rid of them Trump 2016 Trump 2016 so we don't want to get political, but we should build a wall and Deport everyone named Philip. Yeah yeah get out of here philip get out of here philip we don't want to be political but we're political i prefer i prefer my hair to not look like real hair i don't trust people with real hair i don't either yeah i hear that people with real hair they don't believe in hair yeah yeah I heard I've heard that I mean I don't want to be political I don't be political but if your wife's not a supermodel I mean what kind of good are you I'm just saying yeah well

you'd probably reverse osmosis water all day okay all right that's not your story all right so i got the screwdriver you might say why do you get the screwdriver because i gotta unscrew all this desk so i'm getting a new desk where am i getting my new desk you might ask next great question ikea going to ikea uh-huh ikea has a standing sitting desk right oh that moves up and down yeah that moves up and down so you just push a button and it goes up and you push a button and it goes down and I'm like shit dude I want that cause I wanna sit and then I'm like you know what I wanna stand but then I wanna sit again and I don't wanna stand all day. What are you gonna do while standing at your desk? I don't know. Exactly, okay. Stuff. Maybe edit a video until I wanna sit. Maybe stream until I wanna sit. You just want to have this option? You don't know what you're gonna use it for. You just want to sit. Maybe stream until I want to sit. You just want to have

this option. You don't know what you're going to use it for. You just want the option. I like options. You do. You're known as a man who enjoys a few good options. I don't want him to be like, this comes with fries. I want him to be like, this has fries or tater tots. And I'm going to be like, maybe I want tater tots today.

You know? Yeah. I haven't thought about tater tots in years. Oh, my God. Look, I know this conversation started about a desk, but dude, tater tots, though? Yeah. Some people make really good tater tots. I once had tater tots that were like cheesy tater tots. Oh, shit.

It was so good. Oh, wait, didn't you get tater tots at that breakfast place? Yes. Oh, my God.'t you get tater tots at that breakfast place? Yes. Oh, my God. Yes. I forgot about that. Those were sweet potato tater tots. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. They were so good. Crendor. Crendor. Come back to LA. I literally don't go there unless you're here. Come back to LA so we can go there. All right.

Oh, my God. I'm definitely... I mean, there's E3. That's like two months away. Yeah, that's almost here. That's like right down the road yeah wow i want a sweet potato tater tater tater oh my god i want tater toots um this is our show this is the show you've tuned in to watch or listen to yeah there's nothing really to watch uh oh yeah speaking of this show, I keep putting up the old episodes on Cox and Crandor podcast on YouTube. So if you want to listen on YouTube and you really don't like finding these, go there.

Those have ads on it. Or go to Cox and Crandor on YouTube and watch our animated videos. Oh, yeah. Or go to Patreon and go to Coxxacrinder there and donate to us so that we can have your money uh dan told me yes to make a microsoft paint animated episode yes well dan's making one for pax east as well supposedly oh yeah that's what he said supposedly there's another one coming, which relates to my big story. Okay, now we can

go back to that. Okay, I like how we just stopped dealing with your desk. We moved on. You don't even have it yet. It's unimportant. When you have it though, I need details. Alright, I'll give the update. Because I want to know when it breaks down halfway between standing

and sitting so you no longer can be... Like, I have to crouch in my chair. Nah, dude. Nah, it's going to be great. Okay. So, our last animation from PAX South that is on Cox and Crandor on YouTube was about

the insanely large check given to Florida Man by Mr. Tito Watts. Oh, yeah. Tito Watts. Well, couple arrested for selling golden tickets to heaven. What? Jacksonville, Florida.

Tito and Amanda Watts were arrested over the weekend for selling golden tickets to heaven to hundreds of people. over the weekend for selling golden tickets to heaven to hundreds of people. A couple who sold the tickets on the street for $99 per ticket told buyers the tickets were made from solid gold and each ticket reserved the buyer a spot in heaven. Holy shit. Simply present the ticket at the pearly gates and you're in. I just looked up their pictures. They're amazing. That guy's like hiding in the jungle or some shit.

He does have, like, weird... I don't even know what that is. Like, I thought maybe it was self-scarification, but it looks like he just painted on black spots on his face. He's trying to be in the NFL with, like, the under-the-eye paint, and then he just got lost doing it. Also, his ears are ludicrous. Like, that man, he has got ludicrous ears.

He does. Those ears are just trying to jump off his head. And what's he looking at? Depression. Sadness. His future. All right. Anyway, so people can sell tickets to heaven at Jacksonville, police spokesman said.

But the Watts misrepresentation of their product. The tickets were just wood sprayed, painted gold with ticket to heaven. Admit one written marker. You can't sell something as gold when it's not. That's where the Watts crossed the line into doing something illegal. Tina Watts said in his police statement here we go I don't care what the police say

the tickets are solid gold it ain't cup up two by fours what? it ain't cut up two by fours I spray painted gold and it was Jesus who gave them to me behind the KFC and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space.

I met an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together, he'd take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that's made entirely of crack cocaine. You can smoke all the crack there you want totally free. So, try to send an innocent man to jail and see what happens. You should arrest Jesus because he's the one who gave me the golden tickets and said to sell them.

I'm willing to wear a wire to set Jesus up. This dude straight up is willing to rat out Jesus. Tito Watts. Tito Watts went from being a background character in another Florida Man story to basically becoming Florida. Florida Man. Tito Watts is the modern day Judas. I'm willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up.

Amanda Watts said in her police statement, we just wanted to leave Earth and go into space and smoke rock cocaine. I didn't do nothing. Tito sold the golden tickets to heaven. I just watched. Police said, here's the crazy part. Police said they confiscated over $10,000 in cash, five crack pipes, and a baby alligator.

Baby alligator. I love that they sold these tickets for $99 and they had $10,000 in cash on them. Yeah. The crazy thing is there's what? What is that? 1,000 people? Yeah. Bought these?

That's a lot. That's way too many people. That is far too many people. I think five. If I see Tito Watts on the street, if I see this man on the street with his weird face paint and crazy eyes and ears, I don't say, this guy definitely has tickets to heaven.

I say, no, this guy's doing this for crack. He's got, he's drugs. There's some drugs right there. This is drugs. Yeah, drugs are involved with this. No doubt, drugs. Yeah, this is all about drugs. Again, again, I just wanna, I just wanna, just wanna point this point this out he says so try and

send an innocent man to jail and see what happens you should arrest jesus because he is the one who gave me the golden tickets and said to sell them i'm willing to wear a wire and set jesus up so there's so many things gonna sell out jesus going to sell out Jesus. First off, Jesus gave him these tickets to heaven behind KFC. Yes, behind KFC so you get money to go to outer space. Jesus is willing to help this dude. Actually, maybe it's just Jesus and we're wrong. Could this just be a guy named Jesus? I think we're missing out on a key point here.

Jesus is giving out free tickets to heaven. We don't even have to believe in him anymore. He's just giving out tickets. Behind the KFC, really all they have to do is believe in the colonel. Yeah. Yeah, believe in the colonel's trash. I bet the colonel's in heaven and he's the one who set up this deal. Oh my God, because he knew.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what all these colonel commercials are about oh my god fake colonels they're all like look you can be a colonel too come to heaven holy shit so wait okay so we got this set up jesus is in on this deal at the colonel so they could get money to go to outer space yes but wait jesus doesn't need to go to outer space No, but this is Jesus gave them the tickets Not for them But to be sold so that they can earn the money To pay Stevie the alien

Money to go to outer space To the crack planet Where they can smoke crack cocaine for free I want to know where they met Stevie at Well Stevie the alien, I don't know Probably behind the KFC That's where everything goes down That's true, he probably Probably behind the KFC. That's where everything goes down. That's true.

He probably was behind the KFC. In case you weren't aware, KFC is where it goes down. In Jacksonville. Yeah, the Jacksonville KFC. There's only one. The Jacksonville KFC is where it goes down. Jesus hangs out there. Stevie the Alien hangs out there.

And he's got a flying saucer. Where does he store that thing? there stevie the alien hangs out there and he's got a flying saucer where does he store that thing uh i would imagine at the uh probably one of those storage places that's obviously right next door those are always the most suspicious right like how many storage places do you need to have in one area how many there's like one on every corner yeah there's too many there's too many. There's too many storage spaces, which means Alien Depot. Mm-hmm. Yep, that's where Stevie's at. The Alien Depot.

He's gonna take his wife to the crack planet. I wonder how far either like, we should have been able to find the crack planet by now, right? With our high technology. But no, it could be in a different galaxy. It's gotta be in a different galaxy. we don't know stevie's capabilities the crack planet here's the thing the crack planet could exist it could be there yeah it could be there if we if we use science

to make crack couldn't it be theoretically possible for nature itself to science crack into a giant planet with a core and a population of people who live there named Stevie. Here's what we have to do. We have to steal that spaceship and we have to use its technology just break it down.

Just get all the technology and see what it's going on. But don't deconstruct it. That might get rid of its powers. Then we need to send our highest, most revered astronaut on a mission. Will Smith. Yeah, Will Smith. And Will Smith, he's not doing anything good lately anyway. Jeff Goldblum, we send him into space to the crack planet.

Yeah, film it all. Film all of it. Yeah. And then if they die, you know, they did it for science, and we get a movie out of it. They're old now. Yeah. If they die, they die heroes. Yeah, they're about, I mean, they're almost to that point

of their career where they're going to start being Adam Sandler anyway. Yeah. You know who we should send? Adam Sandler. Oh my god, we need to send him. We should send Adam Sandler and he'll just be like, I'm here for the crack. Adam Sandler's It'll just be like, I'm here for the crack. Adam Sandler's new summer blockbuster, Crack Planet. Crack Planet.

Oh, I want some crack. Adam Sandler is Tito Watts. Booty to the hootie. Ba-ba-da-hoo. Ba-ba-da-boo. Where's Stevie D'Ari? Jesus, I don't want these tickets. Where's Stevie the alien? Jesus I don't want these tickets You'll take those tickets my son

And sell them So that you can go to the crack planet I just want a KFC Or to go to heaven Rob Schneider Is Stevie the alien Oh my god that that's it. You can do it!

You can get the weapon, use my spaceship! Use my spaceship! How are we not writers in Hollywood yet? We would be billionaires. Billionaires, dude. Billionaires. The powers of reverse osmosis this spaceship get to heaven uh yeah and that's that's pretty much it that's the story that's it i know i thought you're gonna

bring up the story about the uh the watcher the watcher house the watcher house that is for sale now yeah guys will you help us buy the watcher how? How much is it for sale for? I thought it was $1.3 million. It should be for $1 because that's the way the Watcher wants it. Let's see. For sale, the Watcher house, $1.25 million. Want this nightmare behind him. Great.

Great. Can I? Yeah, we should definitely buy this house. Yeah, we got to buy this house. No doubt. We have to buy this house. Yeah, we got to buy this house. No doubt. We have to buy this house. We need all of you. Look, do any of you know just a rich oil baron somewhere?

A rich Saudi prince? Maybe you are one. Yeah, maybe you are one. And you want to part with $1.25 million. We will take this money off your hands. Yeah. And buy this house. Or you buy the house, gift it to us.

That works too. Or just throw a party. Yeah, for tax purposes, you buy the house, gift it to us. We will set up stay in the Watcher House events. We'll make it an Airbnb. People can stay in the house. It'll be awesome. People may die.

We don't know. We don't know what will happen there. And we're not responsible for it. Yeah, we're not responsible. We just run it out. Airbnb. And then send suspicious letters there to keep the mystery alive. Yeah.

Our lawyers say this is legal. Yeah, I'm not saying that we would pretend to be the watcher in order to scare people still. But we would. We would do that. And I would write crazy things like the blood of your children echo in the halls of destiny. I'd write weird stuff.

I'd write like, at night, the eyes of the cat glow with the passions of tomorrow. Who knows what I'd write? I'd write things like walls are made to be built, but buildings are made to be walls. Who knows?

Who knows? Oh my god. I got an idea. Amazing idea. Do you remember the ghost adventures? Where you just fight ghosts? Oh my god. Can we go fight?

Can I? Oh my god. We need to team up with them. Go to this house and find the demons possessing it. There's no demons. It's just a guy called the Watcher. I feel like you're misinterpreting this story. The Watcher could be a demon.

You don't know. No, he's not. The Watcher's just a guy. Demons don't write letters. How do you know? Have you ever seen a demon not write a letter? I've never seen a demon write a letter. You ever seen anything?

I mean, no. Exactly. write a letter. You ever seen anything? I mean, no. But, theoretically, you don't know. Demons possess. They don't write letters. What if they possess the house? Dear owner of this estate, I, Lucifer,

would like to possess you, but I give you forewarning in advance because you and I both know possessions can be quite messy. I will see you shortly. Love, Zayton. I like... Well, all right.

Two things. Number one, he could possess the house. He might possess the house and he controls the house in that case. Number two, I like how you just assume like, that's not demons, dude. Demons possess things. Like, ah, yes. Well, look, I know what I know from movies movies and i've never seen a demon write a letter although i would love to see that movie this summer adam sandlester's like demon letters the notebook version of of of demon letters

or at the end the demon and the possessed person kiss like how could i live without you they kiss and rain and the demon melts away are the ghost adventures still like a thing yes uh i know this because my girlfriend loves them loves them well like he's too involved and every time after we're done i'm like well that was stupid and totally not real. She's like, but there's another episode coming on. I'm like, yeah, this is my afternoon. She's experiencing what we experienced years ago. And, you know, you hit a point. Obsessive compulsive disorder.

Yeah. Like, I have to watch another one. Another one. I have to watch it. I can't not watch it. I don't think they could have. I think they peaked when he put his head in the elevator and he was waiting for it to come down. And it looked like it was going to crush

him. Yeah, and they're like, oh, it's coming back. It's going to get him. And they're like, you should actually move. It's going very slowly. He's like, all right, I will. No, they got rid of one of the guys. One of the guys is gone now. Which guy? I don't

know. The only guy left is the asshole. Well, not asshole. I'm going to say greasy haired main guy who has glasses and is like, hey, everyone, I'm famous. Let's go fight ghosts. Fight me, ghosts. Yeah. And then the guy who's like, oh, no, man. Oh, no.

The guy who always freaks out. Yeah, those are the ones that matter the other guy was just like a guy yeah he's just like well it's going he's like the reesey greasy joe rat rat man yep i love that we called him that yeah greasy joe rat man greasy joe oh greasy joe rat man if i had four words to describe him those would be those greasy joe ratman yeah joe joe and man accurate greasy rat i don't remember what this guy looked like so i don't know what to tell you i'm gonna assume you're right oh my god i saw this thing on netflix yes and it's called the barkley marathons have you ever heard of the Barkley Marathons? I've heard of Charles Barkley.

No. This is in Tennessee. It's this old man. And he's created a race where it's like 100 miles long and you have to run it under 60 hours. And you do it by like going up and down like hills in Tennessee and like bushes and like just the environment. And he's like, well, this bushes. And just the environment. And he's like. Well this is how we start the race. He pulls out a conch shell.

And he blows through the conch shell. And everyone can start running. And people apply from all around the world. You have to give them $1.65 to apply. And if you're accepted. What is this thing called? The Barkley Marathons. Oh my god. It's the first thing that came up

before Charles Barkley It's on Netflix, that's the only reason I know about it He'll accept people from around the world Yeah, they all look like grizzled outdoorsmen grizzled huntsmen You have to bring a license plate from wherever you're from and then he hangs them up to show how many

people have competed from around the world and they're just like, this like the craziest race i've ever done one dude was like a special ops in the military and he's like this is harder than anything i ever did in the military like it's crazy i love the description here the berkeley marathons uh is an ultra marathon consisting of 100 miles and a 60 mile fun run yeah no just you know 100 is too much go on a 60 mile fun run all the way you can either do one lap which is like i don't know like 10 miles or something and that's a lot a lot of times people quit after that or you can do the fun run which is 60 miles or you can do the full thing and only like 12 people in like 25 years have completed the whole thing.

The Barkley is limited to 40 runners, and usually fills up quickly the day registration opens. Requirements and times to submit an entry application are closely guarded secret, and no details advertised publicly. What? Yeah. Wait, how do people sign up? Potential entrants must complete an essay, why should be allowed to run in the Barkley, pay $1.60 entry fee, and complete other requirements subject to change. If accepted, the entrance receives a letter of condolence.

What? Yeah, there's no information on how to contact him online. He doesn't have email. You have to write him a letter and know where to write it to. The full five-loop race has been completed 17 times by 14 runners. 1995 had a guy, Mark Williams, because he was probably a crazy person. 2001 had David Horton and Blake Wood. 2003 had Ted Cave Dog Kaiser. His name was Cave Dog.

He set a new record, too. Ted Cave Dog Kaiser. His name was Cave Dog. He set a new record, too. Ted Cave Dog Kaiser did it. 2004, Mike Tilden and Jim Nelson were very, very close. They were three minutes apart. 2008, Brian Robinson set a new world record, and he has a link on here? Hold up. Brian Robinson was the first person to hike Pacific Crest Trail, the Appalachian Trail, and the Continental Divide in one year, a total of 7,000 miles.

He decided to take a six-month leave of absence from his job at Compaq and attempt the Pacific Crest Trail with his father, Roy, who himself was a seasoned backpacker. Oh, this guy's just a crazy person. Yeah. Okay. 2009, Andrew Thompson. 2010, Jonathan Basham. 2011, Brett Moon. 2012, Brett Mon or whatever his damn

name is. Got the record. Yeah, that's the Netflix one. Yeah, 2013, Nick Holland and Travis Wilbur. And then 2014 and 16, Jared Campbell. Oh, what? Jared Campbell. Check this out.

Jared Campbell lost to Brett Moon. Yeah. In 2012. And then in 2014, 2016, he came back back he came back and won yeah dude that's but he did not beat he did not beat brett's record brett's record is still the number one record yeah that's the the netflix documentary documents the year it was brett moon jared and they were like running together because like crazy story like all these people are applying brett moon he's like a physicist and then the

jared dude is like an engineer that just runs marathons like they're really smart and they like just planned it out and they like got everything ready and they're just like we need to prepare and then they like he could have completed it in like 50 hours but he got lost for two hours trying to find a book page because what happens is you have to go to all the points and find like a book and tear a page out of it to prove you've been there and so if you come back did he lose his book page no he couldn't find the first one so he spent two hours just looking for it and then he finally found it so like is that why is that why he's roughly four hours behind brett yeah so like they were like going together until the final lap and

then they like split up and so you have to you don't even have a map the way it works is he has the old man has a map and he's like here's the map mark down what you want and you have to look through and be like all right this is a part and you have to like mark the map on your own and then like plot the book locations and then you have to go do it like it's an insane thing why is this like you realize we're so bored in society we have to purposely run out in the woods and kill ourselves like this is stupid this is stupid this isn't tennessee all i'm saying is watch this documentary it's great it's great. It's great. All right. Well, let's go to chopper after chopper into bopper. Krentor, are you there?

I am here. I'm up in the chopper bopper, copping up the bopper hoppers. And looking down there, I think someone is behind the KFC. Hold on. Let me use the copper bopper zoom in. And, uh, it looks like Trist, Tristian Fang. That's Tristian, Tristian Fang, dude. It looks like he's buying

some golden tickets from Jesus. Uh, and Jesus has started to ascend into heaven. We're gonna follow him. We're gonna follow him. Uh, he has spotted us. He has spotted us. Oh shit. Oh shit. All right. him uh he has spotted us he has spotted us oh shit oh shit all right uh we gotta catch up uh oh man he's ascending way too fast he's gone and uh but it looks like christian is selling those tickets to an alien now we're gonna have to investigate this further sometime back to you thanks quindor now let's go for quindor the weather desk grand or how's that weather weather that's a great story hold on on, let me figure it out. Uh-huh. Hold on, let me activate. Uh, uh, uh, uh.

Come on. Woppy activated! A lot of character acting over there. Woppy is no character. Three, four, one, six, one. No results. 3, 4, 1, 6, 1. No results.

N, M, A, O. Sumo, Yunnan, China. 60. For a huge Chinese audience, yes? 60 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 60 degrees Fahrenheit today. 91 degrees Fahrenheit. Mostly sunny. What?

Wait, what? 60 degrees. Feels like 60 degrees today. Mostly sunny. What? Wait, what? 60 degrees. Feels like 60 degrees today. 91. According to Wappy's analytics, it is nighttime in China currently. And that is that explains the cool weather. You see, at nighttime, it gets cold. Yes, of course.

Of course. Yeah. So, uh, he stopped working. All right. Well, then what's going on in sports? I'm going to have to use that square screwdriver. Oh, yeah, sports. Hey, everybody.

How's it going? Welcome to the sports desk. Great fun here. We've been having a blast watching out for the sports news, and you're not going to believe what's going on. What is going on? Thanks for asking. So, baseball has started. Cubs are five and one this is the year this is it cubs are going all the way no false

this is this is another year of lost hope it's not they're gonna win and then uh the hockey playoffs have started they have so that's gonna be exciting. Is Yammer Yager in it? He is. He is actually in it. He can't not have Yammer Yager. He's always in it. He's like 50 years old playing in the NHL. You can't.

Look. Look. I'm just saying, give me back. Get Lemieux back in there. Get me Yager. Yager. Put them all together again. We got ourselves an amazing team.

If you don't know, Yeramir Jager. Yab-er. Yab-er. He is 44 years old. He was drafted in 1990. Damn right. And he has played 21 years in the NHL. And this year he scored 27 goals, 39 assists.

He's great. He's still great. He's got 26 points. That's better than a majority of people in the NHL. The man was born to play hockey. He has a name perfect for hockey. It has alliteration. It's built-in alliteration.

It is. Yammer Yagger. How can you not love that name? You can look back at his... Now he just looks like a normal guy, but he used to look like a crazy... Have an amazing hairdo? Yeah, he used to have crazy hair, like 80s, like mullet curly hair. Look, I can appreciate Yomar Yager.

I get him. I get him. Yeah, and he plays with the Florida Panthers. If you want to root for Yager, you can root for the Florida Panthers. They are playing against the New York Islanders, so it should be pretty easy to root for the Panthers. against the New York Islanders. So it should be pretty easy to root for the Panthers.

And we got Tampa Bay versus Detroit. Washington versus Philadelphia. Pittsburgh versus the Rangers. Go Pittsburgh. LA versus San Jose. Anaheim, Nashville. Here's the thing. If LA wins again, I'm going to be like, get out of town. Yeah.

Well, it's been like, it's like the Blackhawks, then the Kings, then the Blackhawks, then the Kings, then the Blackhawks. They just switch off. Which is fine with me because's like the Blackhawks, then the Kings Then the Blackhawks, then the Kings Which is fine with me Because I like the Blackhawks Here's the thing, let's get a Detroit win Detroit needs a win Detroit needs a win This city needs a win

Nobody likes Detroit Let's give Detroit a win Anaheim, Nashville, St. Louis, Chicago And Detroit, Minnesota. Oh, there you go. There you go, then. There you go. It's the NHL playoffs and over in the NFL there, eh?

The NFL draft's going to be starting up soon. You'll see the players getting drafted over there. Oh, boy. That'll be amazing. It's going to be great. It's going to be crazy. And then if you take a look over at the NBA, those playoffs are about to start,

and it looks like the Golden State Warriors are going to kill everybody in that playoff thing. Yep, perfect. That's sports. All right. Let's talk big news story of the day. What do you got? We had a lot of news stories already,

so I'm interested if you can top them. Let's see. I think I can top, top, top, top the pop. What do you got? We had a lot of news stories already, so I'm interested if you can top them. Let's see. I think I can top, top, top, top the pop. You know what I'm saying? I do not. If we look through all the stories here, there is, let's see, nothing. Nothing's really looking too good. Nothing.

Terribly shot video. Proof that the Loch Ness Monster's in London. I mean, obviously. Where else would he go? That's true. Man says horror dental procedure left him toothless. Wait, horror dental procedure? Yeah.

Like prostitute dental procedure? No, like it's a horror. Oh, I thought you meant like he paid a prostitute to remove his teeth. No, that would be funnier. This is just kind of sad. Okay. Um, uh, there's, let's see, castaways rescued

after spelling out help in palm fronds. I saw that. I saw that this week that castaways were rescued. Uh, their boat sank and the Navy found them out at sea and they were like what you see in movies they wrote help on the sand with palm fronds it was crazy that is crazy they actually spelled out really well too yes they did a very good job it's huge they must have watched survivor man or bear grills yeah those guys got it they understood they understood

and apparently they swam all night i couldn't have done that i would have been like freaking i would have freaked yeah i freaked out i would have just gave up like their boat sank and they swam all night into to an island i would be like hell with this there'll be sharks out here trying to eat me uh let's see yah Yahoo News. Don't let me down. Uh, Yahoo News. Dude, Yahoo News has, they've dropped. It's a letdown. Asking them not to let you down is like asking, uh, McDonald's to not serve you garbage. Like, it used to have a charm to it, right? It used to have a funny charm to it.

Now it's just, it's just dumb. It's not even good. No, that's, that's true. That's absolutely true where are my clickbait tarticles articles not tarticles it's like where's my clickbait tarticles under the sea you'll find tarticles i like that it's yeah it sounds like it sounds like a particle yeah a tarticle it's a tarticle if we can just get the tarticle physics correct come on don't let me down weird news

It's got to be something right there's gotta be something in the world. I don't know that it's crazy No, that's true what I eat this horrific sandwich man's photo his favorite snack makes people want to be sick. Nope I don't show that because no one can show that Day Kim Kardashian David Bowie transformed into works of art by Rice Crispy sculptor. Can't see that either though. Yeah, not really. I mean, unless we can eat them, I don't really care about your sculpture, sir. Yeah, exactly. Real life Hamburglar

five guys thief caught on camera breaking into burger joint to cook snack. That's the one. There it is. There it is. That's the story. It was only a matter of time you just gotta keep looking and you will find real i like real life hamburglar hold on let me go on link it to you so this man is seen in the cctv footage helping himself to ingredients in the kitchen before grilling himself a late night snack.

Police have launched an appeal after a man allegedly broke into Five Guys to make himself a late night burger. The bizarre footage shows the man collecting ingredients from locations around the kitchen before putting his patty on the grill and cooking it. The man also helped himself to a drink and took a bottle of water before he left. He didn't steal money or anything else from the restaurant. Police say the man followed a delivery driver into the restaurant, helped himself to a drink before starting up the grill. They said the man

broke into the restaurant on Irving Street in Washington between 3 and 5 a.m. It took place in the early hours of the morning. They said the man followed a delivery driver into the store, waited until he had left before heading into the kitchen. They released the footage, hopes anyone recognizes him. This is crazy.

Like, this guy literally is just a dude. He has, like, a hat on. Yeah. He looks just like a guy you'd see on the street. Just be like, all right, whatever. He doesn't look crazy. It's like all the photos are of him just like patiently waiting for the stove to turn on, walking around collecting ingredients, throwing the burgers on, making the sandwich.

Like, it's just a guy. And then he makes a sandwich, and then that's it. He makes a sandwich and then leaves. There's even a point he looks up at the camera and he's just like, eh, whatever. And he just keeps cooking. Here's the thing. Once you get that craving for five guys, don't matter if it's 3am,

5am, you gotta go. You gotta go. You gotta get it. I, it's, it's so much better than all the other things. People are just like,

I need that five guys. I need it. Five guys. Nothing like a five guy. I can't, it's just, I, I'm amazed that this,

they're asking for help. Like, they can't figure it out. Like, he didn't take anything. He didn't rob us. This guy just wanted a hamburger. Help us, please. No one's going to help you. No one cares.

If anything, this is giving people ideas. People are going to want to go out and, like, really? There's delivery drivers at 5 a.m. at 5 guys? Okay, cool. I wonder how he, like, snuck in, too. He's just, just like the delivery guy left the door open or something. I guess.

I mean, I wonder if he planned this out. He's like, they're right. They deliver between three and five. Or if he just saw the opportunity. I wonder, like I think he would work there

or maybe he used to work there. I don't know. Maybe he has a friend who works there. All I know is, all I know is, if I was an invisible man, I'd do this shit all the time. Yeah. If I was invisible, I would literally just wait till the delivery driver's there I'd sneak in when he doesn't see me he'd

lock the door I just fuck five guys and then you it wouldn't even be like guys robbing five it'd be like ghost ghost loves five guys yes oh my god oh my god people would if anything I'd give them more publicity it'd be like ghost loves five guys and everyone be like oh my god If anything I'd give them more publicity It'd be like Ghost loves Five Guys And everyone would be like oh my god I'm gonna go to the Ghost Five Guys What if ghosts are Invisible people

It's possible Oh my god My favorite was that guy at Dragon Con What if ghosts are us From the future Oh my god What if there was a Five Guys ghost It was that guy dragon con was like what if ghosts are us from the future? Oh My god. Oh my god. What was a five guys ghost? It was this guy's ghost Oh, what if this guy is a ghost?

Oh my god, because they said all he did was eat the hamburger and I'll be like his hat very suspicious It is a suspicious hat. That's a suspicious hat. I'm just saying yeah He's got and he knows everything like it's not even it's not even phasing him he just he's like oh yeah the ingredients are over here absolutely absolutely also one of the side links is ghost bride filmed hovering spookily at horror crash spot where newlywed died 27 years ago oh my god there's a video oh shit dude oh my god the video was starting 35 seconds cancel click to play do I have to watch an ad for this? No one cares, Angie's List. Angie's List.

Are you looking for something they'll make? It's so loud, Crandor. I can't hear anything. Angie's List. All right, here we go. The ad's starting. Her video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go.

Daily Mirror. I don't know if that's a trustworthy news source. They're sitting here. This couple is pulling in. They are going to the crash site. All right. So someone walks by the camera. Yeah.

Someone's walking by the camera. Oh, whatever that was vanished when they did. That's just an artifact in the camera. Yeah. That doesn't. That was a giant waste. I think is the person in front of the camera walking in front of it supposed to be the ghost lady? Like, or is...

No, no, the ghost bride is that weird dot that's on the camera that when she walks in front of it it goes away. It's just artifacting. That's stupid. It doesn't look like a wedding dress or anything. It looks like... It looks like a weird... It's just a weird thing. It doesn't look human. It doesn't look like a ghost. At the bottom it says, do you believe in ghosts?

I'm gonna predominantly... Prenominantly believe in ghosts i'm gonna predominantly predominantly yep i'm gonna predominantly click no 81 of the people who read this article believe in ghosts well that explains why they're coast to coast a yeah yeah oh my god most popular radio show i was listening to coast to coast am i had to listen to this like three times because i kept falling asleep there was this woman great episode they're like so what happened to jesus between his like early years and when he like started getting recorded in the bible and she's like isn't it obvious and like she's like i've done research and she's like oh no he went to india and he went to england and then he came back and he was just he's you know talking to all these people and like she just i was like how do you know all this wait wait what does that mean isn't it obvious he went to india and then england

why did he go to those two places yeah and i was like how did i don't know it was it didn't make sense but i kept trying to like make sense of it but i was also like i kept falling asleep so i kind of remember bits and pieces but like i don't know they keep having these people on the show and they're just like i am an expert in jesus's 12th year or like i am an expert in sasquatch that live only in kentucky well the problem is is that george and everyone on that show is now like constantly saying stuff like i mean you know we live in the end times right yeah like it's the end times, right? Yeah. Like, it's the end times. It's just a matter of time

before the world ends. And it's like, what drug are you on? Like, I mean, everyone knows the first five of the seven trumpets have already rang, and it's only a matter of time before the world ends and rivers flow with blood and Satan comes and

kills us all it's like yeah you know what yeah sure yep you never know it could be tomorrow could be right when you listen to this the devil could appear before you and be like i won't let you listen the world ends now someone's just like george i am the devil and i'm tired of you saying I'm a bad person they call me Mr. D. Evil whoa the devil has evil in his name oh my god did I just blow your mind it's gone

my mind left the building alright well that's it thank you all so much for listening we'll be back next time with another episode and as always to be continued