Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 121 - It's Not Poops, It's Gas

Episode Date: June 4, 2016

Cox n' Crendor return with another exciting, yet cautionary tale of travel. Crendor reaffirms his belief that leaving home is boring, but Jesse has an idea for a show that just might get Crendor on a plane. Then the two listen to Jesse's recording of a crazy woman at the DMV. All in all, your usual CnC episode.

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendog! Cox and Crendog in the morning! In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studio! Recorded! Wake your ass up! It's Cox and Crendog in the morning! Cox and Crendon in the morning! Crandon in the morning!

Hello everybody, welcome back to Cox and Crandon in the morning! Hey! That's all I got. Yeah, it's been a while. I'm sorry I was gone for a month. You were gone for a month. Jesse Cox, world traveler extraordinaire. Yeah, May was a crazy month. I was out of town most of May, so I'm back now. That's good. I was here.

You know, while I was on my travels, I had this epiphany about you. Yeah. That you really are, like, just that guy who is so okay with, like, here's the perfect example. I was out to breakfast with my mom During the last week I took my mom to England For her birthday slash Christmas slash Mother's Day gift Yeah And maybe Christmas gift this year

I don't know I'm going to see how long I can keep that going Yeah yeah yeah So we're out to breakfast And she and I are sitting there eating breakfast And she's talking about how she doesn't really want to see the touristy sites. She wants to experience London, and she wants to go see the houses and the way the architecture looks and stuff. She doesn't really care about the touristy stuff. And she's like, I figure that's like Crandor.

And he doesn't want to do any of that stuff. He just wants to go see weird things, and that's it. And he's like, all right, well, everything else I can see on TV. I was like, oh, my God, that is Crandor. And that year, I've seen it. I saw it on the Internet. I don't need to go look at it. I mean, it is true.

Here's the thing, right? If you see it on TV, like people like, but you see it on TV. It's not the same. Maybe back in like 1970, right? Now we got like 4K Ultra HD vr shit i can put on a headset i'm in italy i don't gotta go see it there's like but you can't smell it i'm sure i can find some smell somewhere it's smelling italy and most of the food at this point is roughly the same i know people are like no no there's certain foods in certain places that are just better I don't know that I agree with that I think it depends on the chef

It really doesn't The restaurant that you're at Can serve the exact same quality Like, everyone when we go to England's like Make sure you have fish and chips I'm like, no, I can just go down the street and order that shit It's, yeah Cause I mean, essentially

Even in America, you can order pretty much everything So we have pretty much everyone here It's a yeah, because I mean, essentially, even in America, you can order pretty much everything. So we have pretty much everyone here. It's a blend of people. Oh, yeah. We are spoiled rotten. It's like, we have Mexican food. We are spoiled rotten in America. I feel bad.

If you're outside the US, let me express our culture to you. Anything that we want, we can get. It is so decadent. I understand why people hate us i get it i get it and so it's like that's my whole thing i was watching uh what's his name carl pilkington's new thing he has another moaning of life season two is that the one where he was in a wig i saw one where he bought a wig for himself yeah they put like actual hair on him yes and he's like he loves it and his wife hates it she's like get rid of it yeah that's great very good show i watched all of it the best part is

is when they put the hair on him and then they styled it he looked weird like i'm just gonna put it out there carl poking him with hair it looks weird i thought he looked better than he did but i thought he looked weird both ways like It's because he's got a weirdly shaped head. Yeah. Anyway, all of this relates to what I was about to say at the beginning. While I was out, I was thinking about you, and I remembered your love of the old door. The door. Yes.

We went back to Westminster, and we saw the door again. Yeah. And at that moment, I had the revelation. I want to kick start a show a real filmed with a camera crew and everything show a Cox production called

Cren doors C-R-E-N apostrophe D-O-O-O-R-S Cren doors and it's just taking you around the world and showing you really impressive old doors just to film your reaction to the door.

How many impressive doors are there in the world? That's a great question. I don't know, but I imagine we'd find out on our new show, Cren Doors. I like that. I appreciate a good door. Yeah, the only thing you'd have to do is travel you have to travel but i feel like if we could kickstart it we could fund a month of us just

traveling the world and we'd provide you with all the yogurt possible so you get your your metabolism or whatever the hell up all right good so you'd be your immunity yeah your metabolism immunity metabolism whatever metabolism you get your immunity, and then we'd fly over the world, and we'd film in front of doors, and we'd make a series of videos called Crendors, and it'd be you just appreciating doors while I look on in complete horror. I'm like, I don't know what we're doing here. We'd go all over.

We'd go everywhere. We'd go where everyone was like, we have the oldest door. We'd be like, no, we have the oldest door. We'd go to doors that are like, this isn't even a door. It's a tiki hut. Like, I don't know. I don't know. But I want this to happen.

I want this to happen so badly. I like it. Crendors. Think about it. That's a great show. That's a great show. I like it. And then, once that season's over, we can start like a...

I don't know, what else did I write? Kren floors. It's you looking at floors. Wherever dead old kings are, we go see the dead kings. Oh, yeah. Kren corpse. Corpse store. Whatever the case may be.

Yes. We go see where all the dead kings are My favorite part That whole trip Was the dead kings And the doors Look Coxconn's coming up again You can go see those dead kings

And doors again Mm-hmm Mm-hmm So alright Alright anyway Anyway Yes I returned

Came back After my trip And yesterday The very first thing I had to do back What the hell The very first thing I, the very first thing I had to do back. What the hell? The very first thing I had to do back. I became like a southern Creole gentleman. The very first thing I had to do back.

The very first thing I had to do upon coming back, upon returning, is I needed a new driver's license because my license expired while I was gone. So I had to schedule it, and the only way I could schedule it was for after my trips. So I scheduled it for the first. So Wednesday of this week, I go to the DMV. Let me tell you how awful this was. All right. It was the worst experience.

So I had an appointment scheduled for 9 a.m. I show the worst experience. So, I had an appointment scheduled for 9am. I show up and there's a line. I'm like, uh, okay. I mean, I guess there's a line at 9am, but okay. So I get in the line and a lady comes out and says, have you had an appointment? Uh, remember the line for the appointments is over

there and points to another line. I'm like, oh god. So I go over to that line. It is twice as long as the line I was in. And I was like, wait, what? So then I'm waiting in this line. I get to my appointment late, but I guess that's a thing that happens there because they didn't care. You have to make appointments. You don't have to, but you can.

And the idea is it's supposed to be like you get in earlier. That did not happen. So they give me my paperwork and the woman's like, make sure there's no errors. I'm like, okay, sure. So I fill out everything, and I'm watching people hand in paperwork, and they're like, nope, nope. You don't scribble out stuff and refill it in.

No errors. So I was very careful, very careful, and sat there and went like digit by digit and check by check and did everything right. My number gets called. Oh, by the way, after you get a form from waiting in line, you don't have to sit in like a room where then they call you number

and then you have to go up to a screen and give them more information. So they call my number. I go up, hand in my paperwork. The woman looks me over and goes, do it again. I, there was nothing. There was nothing. There was literally nothing wrong with it.

She didn't even look at the paperwork. Just goes, do it again. So I sit back down, refill it out, wait till my number's called again, go back up, turn it in. And she's like, okay. And so she starts going through the process. And that's when the entire thing became worth it. Mind you, I had a 9 a.m. appointment.

This is around 10, so about an hour into this ordeal. Right. This is when it all became worth it. I don't want to say she was crazy, but an obvious person with some mental illness came up to the counter next to me, and she was talking with the man who was behind the counter who was like literally I don't know a foot and a half away from me so we're literally the same counter area but she's talking with a different employee

and she just starts rambling just crazy rambling like loud like yelling or just kind of like oh yes yes like wacky rambling And so you know I don't want to

Mental illness is a problem and I feel bad But with all that said Oh my god did I have to not Like I had to hold myself from laughing And the only way I could do that Was by secretly recording the whole thing I have it all on my phone. Oh my god.

Trendor, without any interruption, I present to you... I present to you... Crazy woman at the counter. Stolen on vehicle certification. That's good to know. Punk stole my vintage van. It's a pick-up car. Publishers weren't even making a report. This lady here, she at least contacted the state and put it on record that it was stolen. They would not fill out a permission right.

Pick a prize on by the police. Anybody could steal your vehicle right while you're thumbing your fingerprint. Sammy, fine, I'm done here. Maybe they have a cloth you could clean up the off the mat, an electric magnet. It's something you know how they have that spray for the keys. You Scottish? Nope. Look at the red hair like my dad had. I love this DMV. This DMV, they hired, they hired some. They did good hiring in this DMV. This DMV, they hired some. They did good hiring in this DMV.

I'm going to run by the door a minute. I'm scared. I'll give a treat to everybody. This is when she ran to the door to fart. What? Hold on, I'm going to pause it. I'm going to pause it. The entire time, she was farting.

And she kept, like like little toots. You couldn't hear it. So she ran to the door to fart and the guy behind the counter and the woman behind the counter and I are looking at each other like, what just happened? She just ran to the door. And meanwhile, the door is where the line of like a hundred people is. So she ran to the line to fart on the line. She gave him a treat. She gave him a treat. Alright, anyway. Continuing. And then they put me over here where nothing works. The printer don't work.

The ATM don't work. So this is the woman behind the counter talking. Don't I just spare the area? Hello. Sorry. No problem. I'm trying to stop. I sure did. Oh, amen.

Jesus. Look at that. Pretty, pretty. I'm a seven. Three sevens and I'm a winner. Seven, seven, seven. Thank you, Sam. You're welcome.

This DMV has the best employees. Thank you. Coast to coast. I've been to them all. Northeast, southwest. Let me tell you. Is that lady's last name Johnson? I think that was on the papers. She or she will kick some DMV butt.

Let me tell you. Run, run. All right, so she's running off to go fart again. What? Run. fart again. What? I'm in a rush. I can't have milk. Anything with dairy. Somebody made me a salad today and I had to eat it.

If you need to relieve yourself, do me a favor. No, it's not that. It's not poops. No, it's not. I know. I went to the door before. I know. It's gone before I get there, honey. I already went to the door three times. You saw me meeting up with you when you walked back this way.

I'm trying to be courteous and respectful, but I don't control this body. Yes, I'm sorry. And then I take away the phone. Literally, the employee had to be like, ma'am, please stop farting. She was like,

I don't control this body. It was amazing. You have no... I was there for maybe 20 minutes while paperwork was being filled out with this woman. And I, I'm so mad. I didn't record all of it.

It was hilarious. She was just on a different level. I mean, she had milk. She, someone gave her a salad today. She got, she got farts.

And he's like, if you have to relieve yourself, ma'am. And she's like, I hate the poops. See, like, these are my favorite types of people. They're not going to hurt anyone.

Right, right. They may fart on people, but they're not going to hurt anybody. Yeah, she was just like a crazy, I don't want to say old. She looked like she was maybe 40. So, like, middle-aged woman who just was kind of bonkers. Like, she didn't dress crazy. She didn't, like, she just was kind of bonkers like she didn't dress crazy she didn't like she just was was i i don't know i don't know yeah i mean she's been to all the dmvs she's been to all the dmvs all of them all of us she was she was just wild i was like all right cool like yeah i have no i have no idea what her thing was but it was fun is what it was that was an amazing

amazing thing that was just one day that was just one day out of your many days it wasn't even anywhere it was here yeah I think that proves your point I had all these amazing days away and the one day that I ended up loving the most

was the day I spent with a crazy woman at the DMV. I told you, dude. You don't gotta go anywhere. Unless you live in, like, nowhere, Montana or something. Then you gotta go somewhere else. Yeah, let's live in Montana. Fuck that place.

Oh, yeah. Also, I know you went to Portillo's i did there's the portillo's in la i did not know of it i now know what every time we have our uh patreon chat what people are talking about yeah when you when you and that dude are like portillo's is so good i now get it it was so delicious yeah dude it's so good i'm all i got i got a shake and and uh whatever the sandwich is like the beefy sandwich the beefy sandwich the beefy sandwich they had to get a milkshake because everyone there was like good milkshake so i got i got that no it was a malt i got a malt you got a malt yeah step ahead i got a malt and i had one of those beef

sandwiches and it was super delicious. Italian beef. Italian beef. You could get the hot peppers. You could get the normal peppers. I had hot peppers on it. It was so good. Yeah, dude.

Every day, if you go by there at either lunch or dinner, the drive-thru lines backed up probably 40 cars. Here's the crazy thing. It's right next to where BlizzCon takes place. Probably 40 cards. Here's the crazy thing. It's right next to where BlizzCon takes place. So I know what's happening this November.

Every day. I may just leave the con and just go to Fortillo's and just be like, I told you, dude. I told you. They got the food. And when we had those Patreon meetups, he knows. We know. They knows. We know. They know. You know? It was great.

It was so good. I'm thrilled that I got to experience that nonsense. Oh yeah, I went to Nando's. I know. I heard. I actually saw. Yeah, tweeted it. I went to to i went to i took my mom we were we were in london there's many restaurants to go i took her there twice or three times because i wanted nando's i mean there's no other choice at that point i would say the london the england and

in general nando's i give them about a nine out of ten this nando's i give it an eight out of ten there's some it lost a point because it didn't have that like that uh that english english feel well there's something weird about english food in general i think because it might be a little less toxic for you. Maybe. I don't know what it is, but there's something about it that just tastes different. It doesn't taste like American food, which is not bad. It actually is really enjoyable, but there's something different about it.

And it might be the fact that they don't use, like, dihydrogenated gluca butts, but they definitely use something. That's my favorite part. I don't use like dihydrogenated gluca butts but they but they definitely use something yeah i don't know i don't know it's there's something special about it i oh speaking of special so for we went to sunday roast which is like an english thing yeah yeah and the place we went to was an old pub where they used to hang pirates. What? Yes. It was so cool. We definitely need to go there. It's way out of the way.

It's on the river, and it's way out of the way, but it's super cool. It was great. Yes, they hang pirates, Crendor. Pirates. Do they still hang pirates? The noose is still outside oh damn so we ate our our sunday roast while looking at this noose outside on the river as the tide rolled in and i was like damn there's some dead pirate ghosts out there watching us eat and they're super jealous see that's my

type of thing it's just like the door i want to see a dead pirate thing it was so cool yeah it was just a like it was a cool little pub and they had alcohol and stuff and we ate our roast and and i ate uh whatever that thing is called new hampshire pudding well yeah the new york yorkshire pudding there's an actually pudding still yeah it's still bread it's a cup of bread but it was still delicious and um yeah we watched my mom be very impressed by a noose and i was like oh my god crendor would love this i would yeah it's great it was great i saw your wow quote which i thought encaptured me what what wow quote you were like crendor is great and funny he's like a eeyore and a magical unicorn or something yes yes it's true it's true they asked

me specifically they said so people aren't aware i was featured in in the world of warcraft like these are people who play our game thing i guess and they asked me specifically can you give us a quote on krendor and i might have taken 35 seconds to come up with one maybe 35 seconds and i have something along the lines of like krendor is a mix between eeyore and a unicorn he's uninterested and boring but also magical something like that yeah something like that and i was like yeah that's krendor i mean i thought it was extremely accurate i thought it was one of the best quotes i've heard about myself thank you people don't people think i put on an act or something too they're like are you just like really high i'm like no they're like do you really not care i'm like no i really don't care and they're just like what do you think of this place i'm like i just don't care like if if someone was like let's go tourist tourist stuff in this i don't know pick like

france or england or whatever i wouldn't want to go that sounds boring it sounds like a waste of time when i could just be at home right right point you have a valuable point as we've learned the best things happen when you're at home the best things happen when you're at home yep and so why go somewhere else and like think about like think about like your own homes touristy attractions right like chicago touristy attractions or la or whatever like they're never any good they just get you there they're like here's hollywood or like here's the bean or whatever like i don't care right but when you get into those fine little details like a door you know what you can make your own fine little details yeah why think about this think about this listener why not pull the pillows

and and cushions off your couch and make a fort get some blankets make a fort and then live in that fort and love your house fort think about that when's the last time you did that that's an exciting adventure well i mean it does sound better than like going to a touristy thing however yes let me tell you something uh-huh so the other day uh it was like what what's on TV? So I was looking at the Roku stuff, and you got all the channels you can pick from, right? And so I was looking at PBS, and I was watching this one show called Ask This Old House or something. And that was a great ASMR show, and I watched that for two hours. This old house has the one guy. Got the beard. What is his name he's like bob vila yeah i think he used to be on it now he's not anymore oh so i was just watching that

it was like so much better than like anything else i could have like like when i was the host was it some guy like uh it's just some guy this is a house and they're just like hey we're gonna teach you how to install a ceiling fan i'm like i'm never gonna do this but it's relaxing to watch and so i just like was on my laptop watching that and that was like a great thing to do for two hours like i wasn't bored like i would have been had i gone to like tourist traps it was great oh or if i just waited in the airport or something speaking Speaking of TV, oh my god. British TV is insane. British TV is insane, Crandor.

I watch shows that... Alright, so they have a show called Made in Chelsea. It's about spoiled rich kids and their problems. My one British friend was showing us that show. It's the worst. It's the worst. Is that where that guy walks up to people too and is like, so how are you doing? And they're like, oh, no, no, no. Or is it just like the reality show?

No, it's like a reality show. But the problem is at the end of the episode, it was staged that they all happened to go to the exact same cabaret show at the exact same time so they could work out all their problems together. It was unbearable to watch. There was, I watched numerous, numerous game shows. There was one that I think you would have loved. I don't know what it was called, but it was on BBC, and the basic premise was, by the way, this is the most boring game show. There was no crowd.

I don't even know how to describe it. So, all right, the premise is the most boring game show. There was no crowd. I don't even know how to describe it. So, all right. The premise is three teams of two pairs first get to look at all these, like, antique road show items. Right. And the objective is to collect as many of the items as possible. And each round, the team with the lowest amount of money that those items are worth is booted. I see. And you play games in order to get the items, right?

And so the items are like an old vase and stamps and a weird clock and totally weird things. And all the teams get the items, and then whoever wins at the end, I think, either got the monetary value of the items, or maybe the items themselves, I don't know. But it was so, it was these three boring teams,

a boring host, and boring questions with a boring woman who was like, this is the history of these items. And you could steal items from other teams. It was the most unbearably boring show, but I was watching all of it. I was fascinated by this. Because the reason why is after the end of the first round, when they booted a team, there was one team that had four items, one team that had three items, and one team that had two items.

The team that had three items lost to the team that had two items, which meant one of the items they had was worth more than the other team's items. So I was like, oh, which one is it? And so they kept trying to steal items back and forth from each other. It turned out in the end, the first team that had four ended up winning because they got the most stuff in the end. It turned out the third team's item was a vase that was worth 2,500 pounds or something like that, which was almost all of what the other team had. Oh, shit. And they had like the big steal of the day. And the one that was like the flop of the day they had, like, the big steal of the day. And the one that was, like,

the flop of the day or whatever it was was a really crappy comic book. So, and then everyone wanted the comic book because they thought it was going to be really expensive.

One of those, like, it looks cheap, but it's probably expensive. No, it's just a cheap, crappy comic. But it was fascinating, if not incredibly boring. That sounds like a perfect show for me i know i know i watched it was like this is this is crendor's show oh oh my god that's yeah i want

to watch that show what was it called i don't know i don't know bozzy vos town someone will know someone in the comment section will tell us yeah i, I don't know. They'll be like, I watch that show every Sunday night with my family. You're boring. Your family bores the hell out of me. Oh, that's what I was going to say. So I was going through, and then there was the Disney Channel. Now, I haven't watched

the Disney Channel in, like, forever, and I was like, I wonder what's on it now. So, they had the Radio Disney Music Awards, and I clicked on them why it's just why why wouldn't i because that's insane is flow writer opening act and he is just like welcome to my house but instead of being like i'll have your clothes on the floor and we'll drink alcohol he is like we'll go to the next door and we'll make the season fall what of what yeah like he had to i mean it's the radio disney musical where he can't say like we're gonna drink alcohol

and do it so he had to be like she'll just replace words that sounded similar so that's just great it's great it's like that's like me when i'm alone in my house and i say for some reason lately i've been i've been doing it must be the money but being like if you want to go and get a drink with me and eat some chips in my couch. That's cool. Why must I live this way? Hey, go to watch TV. That's what I do when I'm alone at home. And I just walk around like an idiot. I'm like, if I want to go and watch Tissues,

then that's what I'll do. I'll watch Tissues. It's horrible. You could be on the radio disney music awards i know basically that's what i'm doing when stefani was there too oh oh well by the way gwen stefani i remember when you look like a human being i don't know what's going on now she's a robot she's like 46 but like she's had like three facelifts or something. Her face is just super pinned back. It's blowing my mind. I look at her.

I'm like, that's not. It's like when you see just a ton of actresses who, as they age, are like, I'm getting a facelift. You don't look like you anymore. I guess they don't care. I guess they're like, I'll be a different woman. All right. But same thing with guys. She still looks pretty good for 46.

Right? Oh, I mean, I still give her the old Slim Jim, all right. But same thing with guys. Still looks pretty good for 46. Right? Oh, I mean, I'd still give her the old Slim Jim, if you know what I mean. But I'd only play Tragic Kingdom in the background. The best, no doubt, album. I'd only play that. I'd be like, look, this is the Gwen I loved. I don't know who you are.

I'm walking at a spot on web. Right? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. My whole point behind that is also... Oh, yeah. It reminds me of the Flo Rida thing. What?

Remember that sometimes I get a good feeling, and then you took that and made the pee-pee song. Yes. I remember that. I don't know why. That just kind of came back because I mentioned Flo Good Feeling. And then you took that and made the pee-pee song. Yes. I remember that. I don't know why. That just kind of came back because I mentioned Flo Rida. Good times. I watched that video.

Great video. It was like four years old. What you were going to say. Uh-oh, yeah. I was just going to say Radio Disney Music Awards. Very good. Very nice. Check them out if you want to watch some mediocre cringe content.

But also enjoy it. Yeah, yeah. Also enjoy it. All right. Well, I guess that means it's time for another chapter. Chapter seven of the Scouts. Cred door. Cred door.

How's that? Traffic out there. Well, traffic right now is kind of backed up because it is people getting out of school. People are, you know, going on picnics, going on vacations, traveling the world. It really isn't worth it. You know, excuse me, I just burped. I've been drinking a lot of water up here to stay hydrated. You know, when you're up in the air, you actually become dehydrated faster than if you were on the ground. Another reason to not even travel anywhere. You get dehydrated, you gotta travel and traffic everywhere, planes. Just stay home. You know, just stay

home, dude. Uh, but yeah, I'm up in the plane, uh, the chapter plane. It's a new thing we built in the month off we had. And, uh, uh, you know, it's still got a little bit of a buzz, but you know, you can't control everything. Uh, that's what I always like to say. Um, uh, yeah. What else? Uh, sorry. I'm taking a lot of time cause, uh, normally, uh, I get a lot of time to talk up here, but

I haven't, I've been up here for about a month with nothing to do, so, yeah, you know, yeah, you know how it is, um, but yeah, it's pretty nice, pretty nice up here, and, uh, it looks like someone else built a plane, actually, it looks like Brady Meep, Brady Meep built his own plane, nice, dude, uh, sick plane, you know, not as cool as the chopper plane, but, you know, what are you going to do? Maybe you should get Jennifer Santayella to help you out with that one. I'm definitely not just picking names off a list and making up stuff. I don't do that. I haven't done that ever before.

Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to the weather desk. How's the weather looking? Let me tell you something about weather. Uh-huh. I don't know a lot about it. So let's go to...

Did you see that animation with Woppy the Weather Bot? What? No. The one that I posted a few weeks ago? Wait, maybe? With us as the Team Fortress 2 people? Maybe. What?

I don't know. I don't think I saw it. YouTube.com slash Jesse Cox. You should go look at it. Us as the Team Fortress 2 people? Maybe. What? I don't think I saw it. YouTube.com slash Jesse Cox. You should go look at it. I saw an ASMR channel. Oh, you're the worst. All right. Well, what is the weather? Give us weather.

Woppy animation. No. Weather. Weather. I don't see it. Whoopie animation. That's Whoopie Goldberg. Whoopie.

Whoopie animation. Whoopie. Whoopie animation. That's Whoopie Goldberg. Whoopie. Whoopie animation. Whoopie. Whoopie animation. That's how you, that's pretty much how you find weather. Really. You're like AFML. Afslom Jordan. Well, I typed in a random thing.

Got Weston, Wyoming. Okay. I don't even think we've been in America for a while. Well, now we are. Now we are. We got Weston, Wyoming. It's 68 degrees. Actually, you know what?

Where's Wappy? Hold on. I think I lost him. God. Well I'll be animated Weston, Wyoming 68 degrees Feels like 68 Feels like 68

High Low 55 degrees Are you high? Chance of precipitation, 20%. High. Northwest. Winds. Northwest, 9 miles per hour, 50%.

High. Hold on. He's broken. Yep, he's broken. All right. We need to get him fixed. Yeah, we need to get him fixed. Yeah, we gotta get him fixed. We need to upgrade him to RG5.

RG5. Dude, RG... We need an RG5 module in him. Oh, wait. I can save that for sports. Never mind. That's weather. Alright, sports. Sports. Dude, RG3?

Yeah. He's on the Cleveland Browns now. I know! Shit, dude. He's on the Cleveland Browns now I know Shit, dude, he's their starting quarterback It's gonna be great I can't believe how Far he's fallen Yeah, I was trying to think of a nice way to word it

But really he has fallen quite far Yeah, it's pretty sad Maybe he'll revive his career and get to go to a good place Maybe Or he'll be on the Browns. Maybe that'll happen instead. Or he'll be on the Browns. Maybe he'll lead them to victory.

Maybe he's what they needed. Yeah. After drunk, alcoholic quarterbacks, they finally found one. They're like, you know what? He's kind of a big ego, Johnny Football. And, you know, he drinks a lot. He does drugs. He beats up everybody around him.

But he's the one who's going to lead us to victory. And they're like, nope. No, he's just getting arrested. Let's move on. He spent more time getting arrested than actually playing games. He really did. So that's Johnny Football. Also, NHL news.

The Penguins are up 2 nothing in the stanley cup yay so that's uh pretty good it's looking like they're gonna win they're beating the san jose sharks so uh that's hockey news also in basketball the golden state warriors are beating the cleveland cavaliers right now so so they're going to go up 1-0 in their NBA Finals series. Get wrecked, Cavs. No one from Cleveland shall be happy. No happiness in Cleveland. No happiness in Cleveland.

And in baseball, Cubs are still rolling. All right. Still number one. Great. Let's talk big news story of the day big news story of the day hold on before you did the big news story of the day i wrote down a thing that says you wanted to tell me about an art installation video oh my god yes oh my god, I totally forgot. I totally forgot.

I need to look up the photo I took of the name of it so I can find it. Alright. It was called How to be Invisible. Oh no, How Not to be Seen, a fucking didactic educational.mov file is the name of the art installation. By Hito Sterial hold on let me see if we can find this video so I can show it to you Hito

Sterial how to not be seen Vimeo oh my god please tell me there's a Vimeo of this oh there's a Vimeo Crandor alright I don't even know what to do right now I could this oh there's a vimeo crendor good crendor all right i don't i don't even

know what to do right now i could say we stop everything we're doing and show you this it is roughly 15 minutes long so maybe it might be after the fact what we'll do is we'll say everyone go look up how not

to be seen a fucking didactic educational.mov file right by hito s-t-e-y-e-r-l go watch this video crendor and i will watch it after we're done recording this and we'll talk about it on the next episode all right it is so crazy i sat in there and was like oh my, my God, Crendor would love this video. I watched the entire thing. It was like, what? It is the most Crendor thing I've ever seen in my life. So it's crazy enough that it deserves its own.

It's crazy to the point of being normal. It's so weird. Oh, man. My favorite. All right. All right. Anyway. Yes.

We'll get to that. Okay. So our big news story of the day. All right. Big right. Anyway, yes, we'll get to that. Okay, so our big news story of the day. All right, big news story of the day. There's a couple here that are pretty solid. So first thing I saw when I went here was most Americans would not sleep with Donald Trump for $1 million. I don't know that I believe that. I don't know that I believe that I don't know that I believe that

Many people say that because they know That will never happen But if Donald Trump was like I will pay you one million dollars To sleep with my wiener People would do it Yeah they'd definitely do it I would in fact say that

95% of people probably would Oh yeah Most people their morals They might hate the man but their morals Would disappear at the chance For a free million dollars I don't believe that for a minute I don't know if this

Porn star Trump awaits Sentencing after pleading to drug Charge This Trump is not related to the Donald Oh that's boring I don't care about that leading to drug charge. Wait, this Trump is not related to the Donald. Oh, that's boring. I don't care about that. I was about to be like, whoa, we just broke a story.

Donald Trump porn star. Oh, here's a nice story. Guy tries to steal bird mom's egg, gets what he deserves. What does he deserve? I think he gets attacked. In North Carolina, Outer Banks tried to steal an egg from a mama pigeon she let him

know how bird brain that idea was as soon as the guy even got near the egg the protective mom flew off the handle and started attacking the man the picture is a little scrambled but his screams of agony come through loud and painfully clear this is a new story idiot tries to steal pigeon egg attacked by pigeon uh they got some quotes from the man uh quote ah ah beep ah shit wah wah he said damn i didn't even take them unfortunately the guy does appear to get away with the egg. We only hope Mama Pigeon gets her revenge. What? Why does he want a pigeon egg? Once again, once again, it falls to us to ask the really important questions.

Why is this? No one's willing to ask why this man wants a pigeon egg. What's he going to do with it? This news article is so poorly written, it's focusing on the attack, but not the why of the attack. Why does this man want an egg, especially a pigeon egg? Yeah, what's he going to do with it? Is he going to cook it? Is he going to raise it as a pet?

How big of an egg do you think a pigeon egg is? It can't be that big. I'm looking this up. Yeah, it can't be that big. Pigeon egg size comparison is what I'm looking at. Pigeon egg size. Yeah, size. All right. So a pigeon egg, oh my God, a pigeon egg is literally the size of a quarter.

It's roughly a little bit bigger than a quarter. Dear God. It's roughly a little bit bigger than a quarter. Dear God. It is so small. A pigeon egg is the size of a 20 cent piece in England, for those of you who are overseas. It is so tiny. What? What is he going to do with it?

I don't... Is he going to raise a pigeon as his own child? I don't think he's... Is he going to eat a pigeon as his own child? I don't think he's. Is he going to eat it? If he's going to eat it, he could have gone to the grocery store and stolen one egg. Yeah. No one would have noticed. I don't understand.

We need to know. I want to know what he's doing. What do you call us? If you're the man who stole that pigeon egg, call us. We just want to know. Write a letter. Yeah. Write an email.

Tweet us. We're on the Twitter. Tweet us on the twitter tweet us write an email do something so many ways we just want to know why do you want that pigeon egg why do you want that pigeon egg i yeah i'm blown away i don't know i don't know that we'll ever get an answer i don't know we'll ever get an answer here's the here's the the main story i found okay very easy to find the main story after doing it for so long. Man, allegedly, strips naked, poops on grocery store scanner. Okay. A Cincinnati man is facing charges of disorderly conduct in public indecentently after allegedly uh he pooped on the scanner at a kroger grocery store as the headline dictates yes police arrested 23 year old colin

murphy on sunday after a store employee accused him of stripping naked then after disrobing murphy allegedly sat on the scanner at a self-checkout register and answered nature's call then and there prior to the incident, witnesses said they saw Murphy stumbling around the store, slurring his speech, and reeking of booze. Really? This guy? Interesting. Yeah, this guy.

Hold on. Let me get you a picture. Oh, great. Just to really solidify. Solidify that. it's this it's the combination of the hair the mustache and his eyebrows which also appear to be mustaches it's kind of like how donald Trump's eyes and lips are the same. Yes, absolutely. He has mustaches for eyebrows.

Look at this guy. Oh, God. Yeah, no, he definitely was on something. He was later released on $2,000 bail. Of course, yeah, no, he definitely was on something. He was later released on $2,000 bail. Of course, yeah. Again, again, no one asked him why he decided to poop on a cash register machine or scanner. Yeah, he might have had a good reason. I want to know the reason why.

Clearly he's drunk. Clearly he's belligerent, and he doesn't want to deal with anything. I want to know the reason why. Clearly he's drunk. Clearly he's belligerent and he doesn't want to deal with anything. I get it. Why then take it to the next step and poop on a scanner? What was he trying to do? What was the purpose of that? He could have pooped on the floor.

Man could have pooped on the vegetables. He could have pooped in the cereal aisle. He could have been ironic and pooped in the vegetables he could have pooped in the cereal aisle he could have been ironic and pooped in the toilet paper aisle which would have been much funnier but still he decided to do on the scanner why no one has these questions crendor no one asks these questions we we are the the the hard-hitting news team that this world needs. Who watches The Watchmen? I also just found something else. Beijing S&M restaurant is a hit with the customers. The owner says,

food and sex are the basic desires of humans. With drinks served in breast-shaped cups and beers opened with bottle openers shaped like a wooden penis. Hold on, now I need to find this What is this? Beijing? I'll link you it in many pictures in the article. S and

M. I linked it Oh god Whoa what? Yep Those mugs are penises. Those are penis mugs. Yep and then they have many There's whips on the walls walls they have boob aprons the what the the waiters are all right there's a photo here of wait male waiters and boob aprons well i i i think

just a white random white guy tourist is sucking on the boobs. Mm hmm. Yep. That is what it appears to be. Then then there's another photo of a mannequin dressed in bondage gear with an employee so bored looking she's on her phone and could care less. She's like I don't care. What is this place

And then yeah all the It's so weird it's bondage theme And that all the decor and all The glasses and the mugs and stuff That's all bondage theme No one else is the employees Are just they look like 18 Year old kids and

Like they're just forced to work There like they could care less I thought when you said bondage Theme they're for like they're just forced to work there like they could care less well i thought when you said bondage theme there'd be like dirty bondage ladies serving you no there's nothing if this is stupid this is insulting to bondage theme restaurants although they do they do serve corona in china so shout out to Corona. And the owner, Lulu, says that she is exploring to offer customers the chance to whip the waitresses. There's not a single waitress here. Well, maybe she's exploring that option. And more importantly, in April, police ordered a two-week closure of the bar in the capital, Beijing, after it staged a performance art show in which the audience was invited to touch a woman's breasts through her clothes.

Yeah, so she wasn't even naked. There was no one naked there. They were like, hey, do you want to feel this woman up? All right. Apart from one visit by police lou said she has been left to continue to run her establishment where inflatable naked dolls sit on shelves and waiters wear aprons with breasts on them but that may change though with lou planning to ramp up the kinkiness by putting women customers in handcuffs and

getting their male companions to feed them uh-huh i don't even know I don't even know well that's it for news then all right thank you everybody for listening we will be back next time with our crazy review of this wacky movie oh yeah and I guess that's it so thank you next time with our crazy review of this wacky movie. Oh, yeah. And I guess that's it. So thank you for listening.

And as always, to be continued.