Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 123 - Crendor Goes To The Ren Faire

Episode Date: July 29, 2016

They boys returns with another episode! This time, Jesse loses himself in Pokemon while Crendor ends up at the Renaissance Faire. They then proceed to talk way too much about a crazy woman on twitter who may or may not be an amazing troll.

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crandall! This is Crandall in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studio. Recorded! Wake your ass up! It's Cox and Crandall in the morning!

Crandall in the Mordor. Crondor here. Greetings, friends. I am from planet Crondor. You're the Crondor from Crondor? That's me. Was it named after you, the planet? No. You were just, are you named after the planet? No. Are you named after the planet? No.

Why are you named that? Why not? Well, I'm just curious why your people have named you representative of their planet. That's extremely racist. What? My people? Come on. All right.

Anyway, Crandor, how have you been doing? I'm all right. Just going along. You know. No. Pokemon going. Oh, is that? Look, we went Pokemon going last night.

Myself and a ludicrous sum of YouTubers. Right. on going last night myself and a ludicrous sum of youtubers right and went to little tokyo venice beach and then the santa monica pier yeah the insane one yeah let me like everyone is let me in order there was a large group a lar a ludicrous group of us right let me in order describe to you pretty much everything that happened Little Tokyo A group of weird white kids Walking around with like A bunch of Asians staring at us like we were weirdos That's pretty much it

We all had like Pokemon like I have a Pokemon hat They were like you guys need to calm it down You are embarrassing yourselves That's what we got Then we went to Venice Apparently Venice Beach closes down I don't know what time

But we were there by like 8.30 And everything was closed So it was night time It was us on the beach And Pokemon stuff And like gang members It was ridiculous They were like giggling and laughing at us

While blasting music That you that was just not even rap. Like, rap is good. This was like some dude's mixtape. Like, one of their friend's mixtapes. Or it was a bootleg something. It was awful. And these guys were sitting around just, like, dancing and getting crunk. I was like, this is a genuinely not safe experience.

Yeah, that sounds pretty unsafe. It was pitch black. And some guy, some like weird, imagine a hillbilly from West Virginia. Right. Put it in your mind. Okay. With like a long beard and like one tooth and a crazy

hat. I mean, just imagine it. Like the moonshine jug guy in the old cartoons, right? That dude, this old creepy white guy was like, hey! I hear there's lures over there! And he pointed to the darkest area of the entire

We were like, oh, there's lures over there, eh? Well, we sure won't go over there and he pointed to the darkest area of the entire We were like, oh there's lures over there, eh? Well, we sure won't go over there. I just popped some lures. Why don't you go over there? I got lures for ya. That's where we get killed. Yeah, that sounds like a death trap. It was scary

as shit. So yeah, you walk in just to set the stage You walk in We wanted to go to Muscle Beach Because our whole thing was we were going to do a bit Of us trying to train for Pokemon At Muscle Beach because that's where all the gym equipment is We get there like I said When we first get out of this bus we were all in

We took a bus by the way Wait why'd you take a bus? Because there was 16 of us So we decided to rent a bus. Oh my god. So we end up getting out of this bus. And like I said, the first thing we see are literally maybe like eight gang members all just getting crunked to some dude's mixtape. Not even real rap.

And it wasn't even like Flocka levels of rap where it's just where it's just the same like flocka yeah it's not even that it was seriously just the dudes like like you couldn't hear it it was like it was just like the beat speaks for the song man it's like, I don't know what the hell was going on. It's like that one song. Something in the deep. Like that one song. It's like bad YouTube rap. It was. Yeah.

Yes. So anyway, we walk past them and they're just like, oh, Pokemon. And they're just like shaming us as we go to the beach. And then we get to the beach. The next guy we meet is this crazy old man. This old, like, scraggly white dude who's like, oh, I need to go out there and put some lures out there. We're just like, nope.

So we walk past all these shops that are closed to get to Muscle Beach. We get to Muscle Beach. It is empty. Pitch black. All the gym equipment is locked up. We're just like, wait, what is going on here? And then some people are like, we have to go to the bathroom. Like, why would you go to the bathroom?

Like, to one of the bathrooms on the beach at night, you're a crazy person. I'm going to guess one of these is Dodger. No, Dodger did not have to go. Oh, wow. Because I feel much like me she was i'd rather hold it and not be molested in a bathroom on the beach at night and so a bunch of people had to go and i was like well if you get herpes you let me know because i don't i don't want to know what's in there we all had to go to the bathroom together as a group and stand outside to make sure no one creepy was in there. It was so bad.

And then as we left, we realized as we're leaving, the music has died down. The old creepy guy is no longer there. And it comes over us. The beach is slowly emptying out. Yeah. It is 9.15 on a Friday. Even the gang members weren't good.

They didn't want to stay there. They were like, there's nothing to do here. What? That's really random. Right? It was so weird. It was so weird. So then we decided to go to Santa Monica Pier, and that was the exact opposite.

It was crazy. It was crazy. It was crazy. That was like the one Sam posted a picture of, right? Yes, yes. Where it's like 8 billion people. It was... Santa Monica Pier is essentially the United Nations of Pokemon goers. There are people from all over the world there.

All these languages are being spoken to each other, and people are just yelling, and it's crazy. And then everyone's just looking for Pokemon. And then there are the few people on the pier who are like, oh, these idiots. And everyone's like, boo! Get a phone that plays Pokemon, nerd! I can't believe people are playing Pokemon. It's so dumb. Yeah, and so we shamed them.

Everyone shamed them. Shout out to Sky for shaming everyone who gives him shit. Everyone on the beach, everyone who's like, oh, Pokemon. He's like, what'd you say? It's like, yeah. Those, like, these people I heard the other day, they were, like, in the restaurant. And they were like, all these people are playing Pokemon Go. Like, yeah, what a waste of time.

And five minutes later, she's like said did you watch this new reality tv show i'm just like that's ironic yeah yeah absolutely speaking of time wasting it's it's just a fun thing to do it's for fun people are like i don't get it what do you enjoy it's very similar to that yeah oh my god and then last night i was walking on my pokey walk of course and then uh there's this like an old people bar, because it's just like all, like, either, like, people, like, 40 and up, up have their fun we had stuff like that I'm sure if we were these kids we write it and then this other old guys like and it gets them out of the affid house I'm telling you that's what it's about except that it's it's just about it's a fun thing that people do that's it is

nothing people like I don't get it what's this about they're catching monsters it's not what it's about at all. Yeah. It's an experience that people are a part of. And it's getting people exercising. Yeah, man. We walked up and down that pier. Oh, that was really funny.

The minute we got to the pier, I don't remember who said it, but they're like, yo, I think at the pier they've got Taco Bell. We go to the Senraka Pier and literally just everyone orders Taco Bell. I was like, no. No, I just everyone orders Taco Bell And I was like no No I'm not having Taco Bell No So anyway to wrap up this story Because Santa Monica Pier is very close to where I live

I didn't want to go all the way back to Glendale Which is where the bus was going I was like I'll just get an Uber from here and go home So I said goodbye to everyone Went to go meet my Uber So you have to go up this long ramp off the pier To get to go meet my Uber, I get up to the, like, so you have to go up this long ramp off the pier to get up to the main street. And I get up to the main street, and

it's super crowded and it's crazy, and I go to my Uber thing, and the minute I, like, tap in all the information, I look up, and literally standing across from me are the same, like, wannabe gang members from Venice, and they go pokemon i died

i lost it i was like i don't know how they found me but they found me they got you on their pokey tracker yeah they were tracking me i was like their pokemon they were after me it was amazing it was a really funny night. So there you go. Oh, wait. What level are you? 15, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see. I'm 18 and a half right now. Well, I like how you include the half just to be a little bit better than me. That's fine. I can go. I just want to show you this. I'll go to my phone right now. So I'm at the office. Yeah. And at my office, every time I look the

gym that we have at the office is being battled over between red and blue. Every time. Currently, this is the nonsense, currently, Sam, who's level 23, put a 2000 CP Lapras in there. Underneath

him is some guy named Mendo1071 who put a 1,200 Golem, followed by Torrance Trainer with a 1,100 Gold Duck, and then an Onion Squire with a 800 Machoke in there. I think I'm done trying to check gyms, and so I have, like, 2,000-plus guys. It's pointless. I just put a guy in a gym, and that night he's gone. I'm like, well, gyms, and so I have, like, 2,000-plus guys. It's pointless. I just put a guy in a gym, and that night he's gone. I'm like, well, why did I do that? Yeah.

It's really just a back-and-forth thing, unless you, like, live by a gym where nobody else is around, and you, like, take it for yourself with other people. There's an amazing Reddit post, and I think it might have been on the Imgur as well. It is of a— it's like four photos. And the first photo is this guy. He's like, holy crap, there's a gym out in the middle of the ocean. And he's pointing – it's like in a harbor. And he's pointing to it.

It's like a pole in the middle of this harbor. And he's like, what? That's crazy. And the next photo is him tweeting about how there's a canoe out next to it. And he's like, what is that? And he's like, no one can get to it. Like the whole point is it's out in the middle of the water. No one can next to it. He's like, what is that? He's like, no one can get to it. Like, the whole point is it's not in the middle of the water. No one can get to it.

You can't take it over. There's a canoe next to it. And he's like, there are people playing on their phones. He's like, is that someone taking over that gym? And then there's another person like, I think someone's trying to take over that gym. And the last photo is of two girls in a canoe like, we just took over the gym.

It's really funny. photo is of two girls in a canoe like we just took over the gym it's really funny it's like this it's like created this this worldwide like camaraderie right unless you're on red team in which case you're you're awful you're a horrible person yeah yellow team is like all right you know they're the outsiders they're they're fine blue teams are it's that and then just there's the red there's the red team people like same stripping on it i have i think i finally saw most of those things that are like here's the red team yellow team blue team comparison it's like comparing stuff i finally found one that i think is totally fair and balanced um it's the chef one where red team is is um gordon ramsey gordon ramsey thank you blue team is altonsey. Gordon Ramsey. Thank you. Blue team is Alton Brown.

Yeah. Right. And yellow team is Guy Fieri. That is the perfect. That's super perfect. Accurate. It's not like most of them are offensive. Like our team is so nice and kind and wonderful.

And the other teams are dorks and awful. That one was like. Yeah. You know who makes those? Red team. Oh, yeah. Red team. Red team.

Red team. Red team. Red team. Yeah. Yeah. And then red team are the people like, yo got this tattoo of valor it's like cool cool like you can just you can tell a red team are out there you know try hard try hard nerds red team will let you know they're on red team you don't need to look for them they'll tell you yeah there's gonna be so many people listening like i have have red tea, but I disagree.

I imagine it'll be in the comments. And that's what I wanted to say. And that's our segment called Bashing on Red Tea in a Book Bunko. So, I forgot to tell you, but I went to the Renaissance Fair. Yes! Oh, my God. All right. So for those people who don't know, the other day I learned Krendor was going to go to the Renaissance Fair.

Yeah. And I told him he would hate the Renaissance Fair. And he was so excited because he was like, yeah, but the Mud Buddies will be there. I get to go see men roll around in mud. And I'm like, yeah, but that's not as entertaining as you think it would be no no i told you okay all right and like i thoroughly enjoyed it but not for the reasons you'd think okay so we get there right we go with gmart he shows up and uh so we're walking around and first thing i experience is just everybody dressed up and i'm like i imagine you would hate that no i love it because i just

it's like the people watching at the mall right you just you just kind of people watch and you see the types of people there i took a lot of pictures well this renaissance fair they said they've won best renaissance fair five years in a row wow like nationwide okay they're not joking around at this they're not they're not joking so we uh we saw this one guy who is a puppet a puppet master or whatever. And he had... You all right he was the puppet master? Sure. He had a skeleton puppet. Mm-hmm.

And he's like the Grim Reaper with his little skeleton puppet. And he did a puppet show for kids. But it wasn't really for kids, but it wasn't for adults. It was kind of in between and not funny that sounds about right that sounds like it sounds fair yeah he would say jokes like uh he'd say like a kid's joke like some like farm song like the sheep goes blah blah blah whatever and then he'd be like so do you guys hear the one about the dead stripper and everyone's just like what and he's like yeah she was hard to fit in the trunk everyone everyone in the audience is like isn't this a kid show like what and then

hold on i got a video of it there we go Now, uh, see, now, he's trying very hard uh and he made like an arnold schwarzenegger going up a an escalator joke or a roller coaster and it took like eight years for him to get to the punchline he's like and he did that for like 10 minutes and he's's like, I'll be back. It was very bad. I loved it. Okay, sure. That was that guy.

Then we saw Dirk and Guido swordsman. Grade A stuff right there. Dirk and Guido. All right, so. Are these people online I can look up? Dirk and Guido. Dirk. Dirk. Dirk and Guido. the swordsman dirk and guido here we go i think uh here they are here they are swordsmen bold um this is really a show yeah it's a show so they've been doing this show for 20 years

oh my god and they're dirk and guido the swordsman it's just a little goof goof sword fest uh and they just go back and forth like they're dueling but they're making jokes and stuff so it was uh it's interesting especially after you've had beer uh i enjoyed it great show great swordsman uh and then it got better so i am mesmerized by these two guys i know right just look up dirk and guido swordsman if you're on the internet right now oh i am oh i'm looking them up and i got my uh i got a turkey leg i was watching with beer great stuff uh and then there was this guy with his shirt off and a superman filming it all, and he was very into Dirk and Guido. Like, a little too into Dirk and Guido.

That was just like, alright. They have a Dirk and Guido swordsman 25 then and now double disc set. What? 25 years ago, on a wintry night in Chicago at the Cream Mill Lounge two men began their partnership as a comedic sword fighting duo Dirk and Guido the Swordsmen this is their story as told by themselves in a double DVD

set the first DVD is a documentary telling their history and answering questions from fans the second DVD features retrospective footage from 1989 to present including first rehearsals poetry slam performances renaissance fair shows and a slideshow dude dirk and guida swordsman dvd i want that for my birthday runtime 170 minutes. Oh my god. That is a ludicrous amount of time to spend.

That is basically Lord of the Rings. That is Lord of the Rings. I want to see. This has got to be like their life stories. Here's the thing. Does that show deserve a three hour special? No. But I'd still watch it.

Here's the thing. I know you would. So that was Dirk and Guido, right? So then we got hungry. I was already eating my turkey leg. But then we had corn. And you're right. You got to get the grilled corn or whatever when you're at a fair thing or whatever.

So we get the corn. We're eating the corn, right? We're eating the corn on the cob. corn we're eating the corn right we're eating the corn on the cob and this old man he has to be like 70 dressed in like full like renaissance red and black like pirate gear he uh he looks like if jack sparrow were like 75 all right yeah that makes that makes sense that sounds like a renaissance fair probably like him mixed with that guy you saw on the beach that tried to lure you, right? Uh-huh. That's like a nice combo. So he comes up.

He just randomly like puts his arm on my shoulder. And he's like, you know, when you're done eating that corn on the cob, you can use it for sword fights. And I normally, you know how normally when that happens. Wait, what? know how normally when that happens by normally when this happens i don't mean like i don't this like never happens to anyone i mean like when a weird person comes up to you and says something right you're just you're kind of like oh yeah dude right well i'd already had like two beers and I just like burst out laughing because I couldn't contain it. And I guess he took that as like a compliment. And then he was like, and remember when you're done eating it, don't go sticking it up places it shouldn't be. And then he walked off.

Dude thought you like corn cobs up your butt. And Gmart looked at me. He's just like, what the hell just happened? I'm like, I don't know, but but i like it this is why i'm here and so uh that occurred we tried to avoid him then after that and then i would literally hate everything about this experience i would just be like this is the worst it's amazing okay so we got to the mud brothers all right this is the reason we came also i just want to point out right i prefer the name muddy buddies i think muddy buddies is a much better name whatever mud brothers that's fine yeah so we get to the mud brothers and i... I'm going to look up the Mud Brothers now.

All right, good, good. They apparently changed their name. I think it was ever since Figgy Pudding died. Figgy Pudding? Wait, who's Figgy Pudding? Oh, my God. Mud Brothers Renaissance Fair. Yeah, so it's the Mud Show.

It's the mudshow.com. Mud Brothers. It's literally Mud Brothers. Mudshow.com. Okay. For some reason, the picture on the front of the page is them smelling feet of some woman. Yep, that looks right. She looks horrified to be there.

She does. She looks a bit like that one girl from Hunger Games. I was going to say she looks more like... I'm sorry. I'm just too busy staring at these two weird men sniffing her. Yes. All right, anyway. Farewell, Mud Brother, Figgy Pudding, rip, 1959 to 2006,

a.k.a. Hamhock's Little Debbie Sirloin of Beef. Those were his names. Figgy Pudding, rest in peace, 1959 to 2006. Wow. So. Wow. So he got out of the show, right? And this guy, it's like this little mud pit, right? It's not that big.

It's probably like a four by four. Can I just, hold on, pause. Right. This website still says celebrating 25 muddy years, and it's so outdated, this website. It looks like it's made in GeoCities. That they had to write at the bottom, holy crap, it's actually 37 years now. We must be nuts. So it has been 12 years since this website was created. This website is from the early 2000s, and it makes perfect sense.

Looking at this, it makes perfect sense. Yeah. They've used clip art on the side of a homeless man. Yeah. Okay, sure. They've used clipart on the side of a homeless man. Yeah. Okay, sure. So anyway, we get ready to see the Mud Brothers show. And we sit down.

We move back a few seats because we don't want to get splattered with mud, of course. It's like a 4x4 mud pit. And the guy just comes up. One of the Mud Brothers. I forget which brother it was, but he's one of them. Hold on, let me ask you. Was it Anonymous Bosch? Was it Billy Billy Von Billy?

Yeah, it was Billy. Was it Fitzhugh Nicely? No, it was Billy. Was it Bob the Beggar? No, it was Billy. Halfwit Henry? No, Billy. Legs Akimbo?

No, it's Billy. Was it Rottweiler? No, it was Billy. What about Dr. Schmutzing Fubar? No, it was Billy. By the way, the best name on here is Fitzhugh Nicely. It is. Fitzhugh Nicely is a great name.

All right, I'm going to look billy so i get the whole idea uh billy does not have a picture but in fact a animated gif of a weird bald man with mud in his hands all right hold on i can uh i'll send you there we go this is their uh facebook page let me just send that over to you. He's the one in the cover art. That's Billy. Yep, that looks like Billy. Billy looks a mess. Alright. He is. So, Billy comes out.

He's in his pregame, right? He's getting warmed up for the MUD show. And he's like, I'm taking requests. Because he has a little horn. And so he starts playing songs on his horn uh so i recorded some of course here's one yep i liked it i think i heard you singing along oh i was was that you going no that's his horn in the background there was someone going do-do-do-do-do.

That might have been me. Hold on, here's another one. Yep. Yep, that's Queen. Yep, that sounds terrible. Yep. And then after he played his horn for a bit, they started the Mud Show, which was him and two of his other Mud Brothers,

and this is what it sounded like. We are the Sturdy Beggars! The original Mud Show! The show we lovingly refer to as... and this is what it sounded like. The story of the great is off! The original mug show! The show we lovingly refer to as The Greatest Show in Earth! So that's what it sounded like. Yep.

Paint me a picture. I just want you to know, still would have hated all this. Here's the thing. Alcohol makes it amazing. I would have been like, i'm embarrassed for all of you no no no i would have approached billy von billy billy and been like sir i am embarrassed for you here's a dollar oh my god so after they do like this little like we'll do a best of three

like billy's for the right side other guys for the left side and they do like this little like we'll do a best of three like billy's for the right side other guys for the left side and they do like this thing where they're they like do some competitive thing that doesn't make any sense and then he gets the he kisses some woman and then he kisses some guy in the audience randomly and then they're like well now we got to go to the third round like luckily we take bribes then they go around with bags taking bribes from people and in very fine like csgo lotto fashion they managed to scam many people out of money and uh it was great you know what i didn't give them any money but i thought about it and uh there's this one little kid he was very excited to give them $5.

His dad was like, go give them the money. And he's like, oh, oh. And he just ran up and he put it in the bag. Very excited. And it turns out the bribes didn't matter because both teams win. And then the judge eats the mud. So he eats mud. What the?

OK. Yeah. So that was Mud Brothers Show. Very interesting. Wait, but that was the Mud Brothers show Very interesting You didn't even explain the show Yeah I did No you didn't, you didn't say what they did What was the competition You just said I didn't know what was happening

Yeah I didn't know what was happening They kind of just Said a lot of things They jumped in mud a few times, and then they made the main guy eat mud. There you go, Mud Brothers. I would have hated it. And there's this one guy in a cowboy hat

that was drunk out of his mind. He was just sitting on the ground like, eh. Now that would have been worth the show. I got a picture of him. I would have been watching that guy like, this guy gets it. This guy gets it. And let's see.

There is many, many a cleavage. Yeah. That sounds like a renaissance fair. Yeah. All the boobs are pushed up. Very nice. And then, There you go Check your phone

I sent you a picture of the drunk man On my phone you sent me a picture of the drunk man Oh my god I mean okay How do you even describe this guy I mean he clearly is enjoying himself Yeah Look at that face zoom in on that face they're like bringing him some food he's like yeah

food he looks like one of the drug dealers from breaking bad he does that's a good that's a good way of putting it he's just sort of chilling that's a good way of putting it he's just sort of chilling he's sort of sitting there but he clearly looks like he deals drugs oh yeah no doubt yeah um i mean aside from that i mean we just kind of walked around and looked at stuff and i had a great time very fun i'd go again great wonderful Good to know. I have a question for you. Okay. Before we started this podcast, right before we started.

Yeah. You sent me a link to a person. Right. You said, have you seen this person before? Oh, yeah. And I was like, no, I haven't. But we definitely need to talk about it on the podcast. It's a young lady. I'm going to i'm gonna be generous right a young lady on twitter yeah named our joy our joy your joy yeah 1919 uh i don't know what the hell is going on

here but her pinned tweet is literally a video of her and i quote hi losers you're telling me i'm obese really i'm 108 pounds i'm super sexy and it's her dancing with weird music in the background she's like you're jealous and she's like it's what is this what is this uh this is a lady i guess she went viral somewhere, and now she tweets. She also, if you read her description, says, Very proud I voted for Donald Trump. Hey, losers, you can't bring me down. Hashtag hey.

I like how she said hashtag hey. What is the hashtag for the word hey? I don't know. Afro Jack has a hashtag for hay He's an electronic music guy Yeah I guess I don't I mean there's a guy in a Chicago A guy in a Bulls shirt

That says Chicago bitch on it He says hay Yeah I guess The hashtag hay is a thing I don't know I never thought that would actually be a thing Why would you ever hashtag hay thing. I don't know. I never thought that that would actually be a thing. Why would you ever hashtag hey, but okay. I don't know. She also makes a lot of video responses, but she also types in all caps all the time.

So someone was like, I need advice. I have rats in my garden. They remind me of my ex. What should I do? And she said in all caps, about your ex? That's your problem, not my problem. Figure out. All I can advise is to stay out of trouble.

Oh my god. This is beautiful. I don't even know how to describe this. I don't know if she's trolling. There's a video of her dancing with a hair dryer. This is one of those things where you see it

and you're like, alright, it's obviously a troll, but then you're like or is it? Maybe not. Maybe not. Yeah. I don't know. It's so crazy that you just don't know. It borders on verge of troll and real.

When losers called me names fat and old woman, I made this video to fight losers can't bring me down. I can't. I can't. This can't be real. This can't be a real thing some guy wrote hey notice us mom please and she responded did you do your chores what what does that mean i don't know i don't i don't know uh you are jealous because i am 47 years old hashtag jealous hashtag insecure HBO

hashtag pretty and pink so I guess she's 47 I mean this is a beautiful thing it is I'm I'm very intrigued and the proper eating of snake hashtag steak date hashtag food star food network star

what oh it's steak she meant steak oh she just spelled it completely wrong okay hashtag nasty hashtag stupid photos hashtag girls rule hashtag legally blonde hashtag ladies night hashtag keep it real hashtag i don't care hashtag features interesting what the i just watched a video where she redoes uh lady gaga i don't i don't i don't even know what i feel like what the shit i don't it's gotta be it's gotta be a troll It can't be real Everyone should go watch Everyone should go check out her twitter

And go tell us if this is real or not I can't This is a troll It's gotta be a troll This is a troll No one is like this Yeah But she's also like 47

So does she Know what trolling is like or is she 47 i don't even know if she's 47 or not she might just be lying there's one video where she says in caps wow i am a porn star question mark question mark question it's a video of her going wow i am a porn star like this at 47 years old looking like this. I'm a porn star. The porn people would take me. I am a porn star. Wow.

That's the video. That's the video. I am blown away that this exists. I think she also has made, like, Donald Trump videos. I like this one. This girl says, how do I get a boyfriend? And she replies in all caps, you don't get a boyfriend. Let boys find you.

I don't even know. I can't. See, these are the things. That reminds me. At the Renaissance Fair, we were ordering food. And then the lady was like, how do you like it here? I've been coming here since I was a kid. And Toast was like, yeah, we like coming here for the people watching.

And she's like, what do you mean people watching? Everyone's just having fun. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Time to walk away now she doesn't understand i walked away it's like she's one of them really that's what i live for in life just people watch that's all i need to do is people watch that's all that's all you need to do is people watch yeah speaking of watching people can you do it from Chopped Goblin 7 to the Scout with Crandor! Crandor, how's that traffic out there? Hey!

Well, let's see. The traffic today is not bad, although everybody's going to the mud show. So if you're trying to take the 4-0 mud, it's going to be pretty packed with a lot of mud and a lot of Mud Brother fans. So I'd suggest going on the 54. A lot faster, a lot of Mudbrother fans, so I'd suggest going on the 54. A lot faster,

a lot easier, and if I look over here, it looks like Bigby Wolf has already started taking that path, as well as Duncan Kenway. Great plan, guys. I urge the rest of you to take that as well. Joey Rogers, you better be taking that path.

Tell you what. Back to you. Thanks, Crendor. Now let's go over to Crendor at the weather desk. How's the weather looking? Weather. LaGrange, Texas. Uh-huh.

Wappy activated. LaGrange, Texas. 89 degrees. Sunny feels like 97 degrees Fahrenheit. High, blank. Low, 75 degrees. Tonight, mostly clear. 75 degrees. 10% rain.

Sunday, high. 98 degrees. 20% rain. 76% humidity. Woppy off. I thought you were going to get him fixed. I did. Okay.

All right. That's how he's supposed to normally sound. You should get a refund. You should get a refund. You should get a refund. I might have to slow him down a bit. But, I mean, you know what? Very few errors. I mean, yeah, he just shouted blank.

That's fine. Yeah, well, I mean, he just reads the weather channel. He just goes there and programs. Couldn't you do that job, Ben? I could, but I don't want to. All right. Just outsourcing things to robots. You're what's wrong with this country.

Tell you what, I'm voting Trump. You're the reason why that woman's voting for Trump. Outsourcing jobs to robots. It's beautiful robots. All right. We're going to make robots great again. We're going to make people great again. We're going to make everything great again, unless you're not from America. Then we're going to make everything great again unless you're not from America.

Then we're going to make it pretty shitty for you. 2016. That's weather. Alright. Alright. And of course sports. Sports. So since we've last talked

I think many things have happened especially in the NBA. Cleveland Cavaliers won the NBA championship LeBron put him on the back he did good job Bron and then many free agency things happened

in which Derrick Rose was traded from Chicago and the Bulls signed Dwayne Wade and Rajon Rondo to form one of the weirdest teams in the NBA. And the Golden State Warriors got Kevin Durant, making Oklahoma City kind of mediocre now. It's very fun. It's sad.

Oklahoma was basically Cleveland. Yeah. Like, it's very similar. It's when Kobe left Cleveland. Not Kobe. LeBron. LeBron. It's pretty much, it's like the exact same situation. Like, come on very similar. It's when Kobe left Cleveland. Not Kobe. LeBron. Yeah. It's pretty much, it's like the exact same situation.

Like, come on, Kevin Durant. Just stay there. It wasn't that bad. Just stay. Have some fun. They could have had some intense, like, battles with Golden State for years to come. But he was like, no, I'm just going to go win. Yeah, he wants his ring.

He's done. He's done with it. Screw you, Kevin Durant. And, yeah. And then other stuff. Let's see. He's done with it. Great, Kevin Durant. And, yeah. And then other stuff. Let's see. We got... The Olympics are coming up.

Olympics are coming up. That's right. Apparently, everyone in the Olympics is either on steroids or about to be covered in raw sewage. So, congrats, the Olympians. Very, very nice. NFL's starting up soon. And then the baseball all-Star game just happened,

and now they're in the second half of the season. Yep. So there you go. So now you can actually start caring about baseball because the first half of the season is pointless. Yeah, this is where it actually matters. It's like, all right. So, all right.

I guess that's sports. That's sports. Also, there was football. Football. Oh, yeah, football. Didn't Portugal win or something? I believe that's sports also there was there was football football oh yeah football didn't a portugal win or something i believe that's what happened all i know is that for a while everyone won in iceland and then iceland lost and no one cared anymore the world was like iceland yeah and then no one cared anymore yep so football football all. All right. Let's see.

What's our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. Big news story of the day. So, just going through a few here. Uh-huh. Is this another one of those choices? Yeah, this is another one of those choices. Great.

Okay. Here we got Notorious Nipple Man, after three years as public transit pervert uh-huh go on uh you want that one or should i keep reading the articles no by all means let's i mean let's start there actually you know what read the articles let's i want my choices all right yeah you gotta have choices here of course uh the pastor has convinced us pokemon are actually cyber demons uh okay hold on interesting one actually uh that's fine woman uses pokemon go to catch cheating boyfriend that i've already read and it's not nearly as exciting

yeah that's pretty dumb uh let's see is it a ghost haunting photo taking a deadly crash scene oh my god another one of those let's you know what let's go back oh my god what hold on pair jumped fence at zoo wanted to catch pokemon yeah but what happened is it like they got killed or uh I'll just skim through real quick. Police in Ohio said that the pair of ambitious gamers have to fence in the Toledo Zoo. Let's see. Well, the game's taken the world by storm past week, blah, blah, blah, blah. That seems like a fake article, though.

Anyone who plays knows there's a, like, even if they're outside your circle, can still get the pokemon yeah exactly like come on that doesn't seem right that seems like another one of those bs stories all right it is you know what you know what take it back i want to go back to the second story the uh cyber demons i want the cyber demons i feel like that's a nice way to wrap up this show is cyber demons hold on let me just read over the nipple man real quick. Okay. At least in Kyoto, Japan, have arrested a man long suspected of fondling his nipples while leering at schoolgirls riding the subway. Toshihiro Fukajima...

Fuji... Fuji... Kuma was charged last month with suspicion of indecent exposure after he allegedly exposed the lower half of his body to two teenage girls while on a train. He is a welfare caseworker in Rideau City who was fired from his job after his arrest admitted to charges. And he was stressed and had sexual motivations. He was released on bail. This was sexually motivated.

Go on. Though Fujikuma was accused of flashing his bottom half, he was notorious all over Japan as Nipple Man or Nipple Geezer. Wait, they just knew about him? Everyone knew that he was Nipple Man and no one did anything? They knew about him and nobody did anything. They just knew that this guy was Nipple Man. They just said, you know what? That's just Nipple Man. Don't worry about him, girl. anything they just knew that this guy was nipple man they just said

you know what that's just nipple man don't worry about him girl that's just nipple man that's i wait bullshit they just let this guy get away with just rubbing his nips on trains yeah hold on waiting for the train nipple man notorious nipple. Sounds like a shitty Mega Man boss. Look at this guy. Look at him. He's just sitting there rubbing his nipples. That's what he's doing. Police have taken down legendary pervert.

I can't believe it. Hashtag Mr. Nipples. Get Get out there's a hashtag Mr. Nipples Oh my god There's a hashtag Mr. Nipples Apparently a woman tweeted This jerk is playing with both his nipples While staring in my face the way he stares It's creepy right

Other victims posted their own photos The consensus was that he was skeevy But harmless But his alleged turn to buttocks flashing Brought trouble Other victims posted their own photos. The consensus was that he was skeevy but harmless. But his alleged turn to buttocks flashing brought trouble. He didn't even flash his wiener. He just flashed his butt. He mooned someone. They threw away nipple man.

They locked him up. I guess. Hold on. He spends three years on public transit rubbing his nips. He flashes his butt once. Japan's like, that's it. We will not have that. The arrest surprised Reno City Mayor Masahiro Nomura,

who told reporters he can't hide just how shocked he is for a city official to lose trust through his horrible act. Wait, I feel like he's saying, like, I can't believe they arrested nipple man he was one of our highest paid city officials he shows up he shows up to work every day rubs his nipples at the secretary, goes to meetings, rubs his nipples at the meetings. They're like, oh, nipple man. It's part of his routine and our routines.

That's what he does. Without nipple man there, aw. Now what are we supposed to do? That's how this government was run. One nipple for yes, two nipples for no. It all makes sense. So that's nipple for yes two nipples for no it all makes sense uh so that's a nipple man uh so now let us move on to the cyber demons that are pokemon so uh the self-described conservative orthodox christian observed on his true news radio show

on monday that pokemon go sure has made a lot of churches who said this this is let's see true news radio show on Monday that Pokemon Go sure has made a lot of churches into Pokestop. Who said this? This is true news. Pokemon Demons. It doesn't even say. It just says true news. ISIS will use Pokemon to murder innocent Christians and spawn demons. I think it's Rick Wiles. Yeah. That's his name.

Rick Wiles. He says. Okay. Yeah, Rick Wiles is his name. Absolutely. Pokemon Go sure has made a lot of churches into Pokestops, landmarks where people can pick up virtual tools for the game. Around the US, some places of worship have used this to their

advantage, displaying signs inviting players to come in for services while they're there, but Wiles suspects something far more sinister is afoot. That Pikachu may look cute and friendly, but it's probably a cyberdemon. Of course, of course. The enemy, Satan, is targeting churches with virtual digital cyberdemons, he said. I believe this thing is a magnet for demonic powers.

He didn't immediately reply to our request for comment, and we'll be honest, at first we laughed off this idea we laughed off this idea but this was before we noticed this disturbing pattern uh pokemon what does it stand for porn orgies christianity spelled wrong edible underwear mad abortion orgies again no god uh that's just the writer trying to be clever yeah that's kind of like that uh who is who is the writer of this that shitty guy hillary hillary hanson no it's hillary hansen hillary hansen we are shaming you for for trying to make a funny joke probably that uh you're a news you're a news writer shame on you for

trying to be probably married to that guy that works as the puppet guy at the renaissance fair my husband does a great job as death at the renaissance fair noting that pokemon go app is likely to lead players to christian churches whilst posed a serious question about national security what if this technology is transferred to islamic jihadists and islamic jihadists have an app that shows them where christians are located geographically a solid point since before the game existed there is literally no way to find these places. Right? She says with posting Google Maps, Liz Link.

All right, there is a... Hold on. There is straight up just... Uh-oh. There is an audio of it. What? Oh, God. They're digital demons, he says.

What? Oh god They're digital demons he says What Uh oh Wait so one guy's walking around Basically one guy's walking around talking about He's looking for Pokemon and the other guy's like wait You're saying there are a bunch of churches And he's like yeah there's a bunch of churches These cyber demons are trying to take over our churches No

It's just a landmark that people can use yeah essentially it's just uh it's crazy it's just like hospitals it's crazy people taking an idea and spinning it with it and a really it's like when they're like did you look look at the numbers? If you look at the date and you triple it by four and then you subtract 45, guess what you get? Obama's Satan. I mean, obviously. Obviously. Let's not make any, you know, obviously. No, we should make America great again with Trump.

Obviously. Obviously. All right. Well, that's it for us. Thank. Obviously. All right. Well, that's it for us. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back with another episode soon. And as always, to be continued.