Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 127 - Black Friday 2016

Episode Date: November 27, 2016

It's the time of year, when Jesse and Crendor come together to share stories of the crazy people they see out of the house on Black Friday. What kind of stories will they have this year?! Tune in to find out!

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendor! Cox and Crendor in the morning! In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios! Recording! Wake your ass up! It's Cox and Crendor in the morning! Cox and Crendton Door Black Friday Edition.

Yeah, Black Friday Edition. It's that time of year where we get excited to sit down on a day when really nothing happens in the world except for total and utter consumer chaos. And appreciate that. And appreciate it. Yeah. What? Did you leave the room?

Did you hear that? No, I was stretching. Oh, you were like, yeah. I went to get a deal. Like, oh, it's Black Friday. You got up and left. You just left. I forgot

Oh jeez So today I know you went out I went out too Again I don't think either of us went out For the express purpose of shopping We went out to go watch Crazy people shop Yeah of course

I mean that's what it's about That's what the holiday's about. You go out and you see the crazies brutalize each other for a $45 DVD player. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know what is going on with this holiday. I'm going to go first in my stories because I went out, went looking, went to several malls, hardly saw anyone. Really? I tweeted earlier today. I was like, I think it's a dead holiday, at least here in L.A. There's nothing that I've seen that points me to people being out.

I was up at 7 a.m. walking around. Didn't see anyone. Didn't see anyone. I was up at 7 a.m. walking around. Didn't see anyone. Didn't see anyone. I waited. I went around the mall, looked at different things, trying to find gifts and whatnot. By noon, still no one out. I drove all, like, this is the first time this has ever happened to me. I drove around L.A.

Yeah. And it didn't take forever. I was like one of five people on the road. It was incredible. Can I tell you why? Sure. Because it is no longer Black Friday. It is Black Thursday evening. Yep, like you Alright, well then I gotta hear it then Thanksgiving dinner And then everyone just chilled around And then everyone's done being like Hey, what are you up to? Everyone's like, alright, we know about everyone now

Can I stop you right there? I think that's really funny that Black Friday succeeds at being Black Thursday Because People don't want to talk to their family members They'd rather all go. No one has anything to talk about anymore. No one connects to anyone.

So no one cares what anyone else is doing unless you tweeted on your phone. They've already seen your lunch you had. So no one's going to. There's not even room for small talk. You can't be like, how's the weather? All you do is hold your phone and point. Right? Yeah.

So what'd you do today? You already tweeted out and put it on Instagram 25 minutes ago. So what's you do today? You already tweeted out and put it on Instagram 25 minutes ago, so what's the point? No one wants to talk, except for maybe Grammy, who's like, I made a poopy. But nobody cares. And so they get together, almost fight, eat dinner, almost fight, and then before they're done, before they have to sit back down to talk to each other again, go shopping instead. It makes perfect sense.

Let's rewind. Yes. So, I don't think I've ever heard any old person say that. But, I can still imagine them saying it. Look, I want everyone who's in my future to know old man jesse that would be the thing i say all the time i made a poopy that's how i'll get out of being in trouble. I'll go to grocery stores and steal batteries and eat fruit off the little counters and the nuts and the, like, mixed bag candy. How does he eat that stuff? And when a guy catches me, he's like, sir, what are you doing?

I'll be like, I made a poopy and then walk out the door. Holy shit. They really won't care care They can't do anything At first they're gonna be like Oh it's just an old person And then when I say I made a poop They're gonna be like oh it's an old person who's just crazy And lost his mind

And now I don't wanna get near him Yeah he stinks no one's gonna wanna help me So the worst they're going to do is be like Can I help you leave sir And I'll be like And walk outside And then as I walk away I'll be like Idiots

And then you'll be like oh no I did No I will Thankfully I will have depends Depends you can depend on those diapers That. Depends, you can depend on those diapers. You can depend on those. That is and should be our very first sponsor. Our first and only sponsor for this podcast should be Depends. I think we can do it.

I think if we reach out to them, we can get that going. I feel like we could. I feel like that's our target demographic, really, is the elderly. I mean, it's down in MeUndies. Oh, someone keeps's our target demographic, really, is the elderly. I mean, let's not end me undies. Oh, someone keeps stealing my me undies, Crender. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right.

I had to cancel. So because I'm a psychotic person and I love the idea of having a lot of underwear, because, you know, when I travel, I'm like, I don't have enough underwear to travel for more than a week. That's what happens when you're,'re like a crazy person and you go back to back places, which is nonsense. Anyway, I was like, I need more underwear. And the best way to do that

is what if I sign up for this like, MeUndies monthly thing. And for the last five months, it hasn't arrived. And I've been like, what is going on? What is happening? And they have records saying months, it hasn't arrived. And I've been like, what is going on? What is happening? Yeah. And they have records saying they sent it. But apparently, someone keeps taking it.

So I canceled my subscription. I was like, I can't. Guys, I can't do this. Like, we got you. We will hook you up. We'll send you a box of underwear to make up for all this. Thank you so much. You're awesome. And I was like, no, you guys are awesome.

Thank you for this. This is really nice. I don't know why it wouldn't show up, but whatever. So they send me a box. The box doesn't arrive. And I'm like, what the hell?

So I go and I look online and it says it arrived but at an apartment down the road. What? I'm like, wait, what? So I call them, and I call the post office, and no one knows where it's at. So the Miami people are like, don't worry.

We'll send you another one. We're sorry about that. But one of the prints that you want, we don't have it anymore. We'll hook you up with two prints. We got you. And I'm like, you guys are killing it with the niceness on this. Thank you so much. They send another box

Gone What? Gone, vanished It arrived on a Saturday They have all this documentation and notes And the post office guy Wrote down, like he delivered it to a certain PO, not PO box, but like

One of the lockers in my apartment complex I went there, nothing there What the shit So I called, like literally Called me on these and was like, it didn't show up again Guys, it says it was there, it didn't show up And they were like, what if we put a box together And you just drove to our office

So that's what I did I literally just went there And picked it up And so I did, I Sherlock homed This whole thing I literally just went there and picked it up. That's insane. I Sherlock homed this whole thing. I went. There's a video camera. There are two video cameras in the mail area of my apartment complex.

So I have that footage. I got a security guard involved. So we NCIS CSI'd this thing. The mailman is 100% taking my mail. 100%. And here's the crazy thing. Because the way my apartment complex works, they only keep the video footage 24 hours. So all we have is data entry stuff and the like and like the

timestamps of when the the mailman was there the video footage they're like we already replaced that well so it so that would be like the nail in the coffin that's like I could get him get. But all I know is that he, every time this particular mailman, cause there are three different mailmen that come in and deliver stuff. But every time this particular mailman comes in, he straight up just takes my mail every time. What the shit? And so I call the post office and I try to get, they will do nothing. They will do nothing. This is the same post office where I have a PO box set that was broken in.

So, like, they won't do a damn thing. I've tried a postal inspector. I tried that. Nothing happened there. So, basically, what I think happened is because MeUndies, they brand their boxes. Yeah. I think you just saw MeUndies boxes and was like, those are some good effing underwear and took all mine. Yeah. That sounds like what would happen.

I think that's because every other package, Amazon, whatever, shows up fine. It's literally just from MeUndies, and they're the only people that I order from that have brand, like, their logo on packaging. You got to confront them. I want to. The problem is I work during the day, so it's very difficult to do that. Just take one day off. Film it. Just me confronting him.

What would he say? Like, I didn't take it. Show me your underwear. You'll get them. Nailed it. That's why I need you in my corner. I need you in my corner. I need you in my corner. I realize here I didn't Sherlock anything.

I'm the Watson. You're the Sherlock. Yeah. Yeah. You got to dig deeper. Damn. You got to go into the underwear. You just mind palace the shit out of that.

Yeah. And then. Don't even have to show me all the underwear. Just a glimpse. Yeah. Just show me the top Show me the band just pull up the band so I can see it Then you'll know

And if they get really defensive Then you know that's them too I'm sure the other guy I 100% know it's this dude It has to be There's no one else that has the capabilities To do it It's not like the bubble gum.

Oh my god. Maybe it is the bubble gum bandit. I didn't even put that together. The bubble gum bandit strikes again. They're progressing. Oh no. I didn't even consider that. Oh my god.

It's all coming together now. It makes just as much sense as someone putting bubble gum on your license plate every single day. That's all coming together now. It makes just as much sense as someone putting bubblegum on your license plate every single day. That's just vindictive. That's vindictive hatred. Alright, here's what you do. To catch the bubblegum underwear bandit. You get MeUndies to make another crate, but instead of putting anything in it, they put a camera in it. And then he opens it up, and bam, it's right there.

But I don't, I mean, I guess the way you're saying is we're setting up a trap. The way I thought you were saying it is I was just like, I don't need any more underwear. I'm good now. Yeah, you activate your trap card. I have way too much now. If I learned anything from Yu-Gi-Oh!,

this is a perfect opportunity to do this. Then we can form Exodia and take this guy out. He just dissolves oh yeah i was gonna talk about thanksgiving yeah yeah you were yeah you were so can i say that i also get annoyed by everyone that always just kind of forces the whole like i'm thankful for like i'm thankful for the the chicago cubs i'm thankful for starbucks wait did you have to say it at the table is that what you're talking about i didn't have to but i'm saying a lot of people do oh i like twitter i saw yeah i saw that online and i'll admit i did one of those only after 25 minutes of sitting on my bed staring at my phone trying to figure out what was a non-douchey thing to be thankful for.

Yeah. I was like, I mean, pretty much everything's the same as last year, so I guess I'm thankful things are the same, but I guess it could be better, so that's not very good. Like, I guess it could be better, so that's not very good. That's what I'm like, that's what bothers me most about it, is there's like that slight, like, tinge of fakeness. It's always like, I'm thankful for family. I'm thankful for food and family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can eat at the table.

There's people starving in Africa, but I'm not starving. Here's how I view Thanksgiving, in the same way that I view Valentine's Day. Yeah. And a lot of holidays. Like, Valentine's Day is about as corporate bullshit as possible. Yeah, it is. But, and even though I view that, and I also have the opinion of like, if really love someone you let them know every day Right And you know you'd also

Do wild crazy sexual things Every day wink Wink Hashtag call me Every day because like You know it's not like a special night It's It shouldn't exist but with that understanding

I also get that it's not for me Yeah So like Valentine's Day is one of those like You do it for other people kind of deals And Thanksgiving I think is the same thing So as I sat there staring at my phone I was like I'll say I'm thankful so other people think like I'm thankful for shit

Like it wasn't for me That I did that And really by doing that That's a very unselfish act right right it's yeah so you're totally right that's what i was thinking when i did it what oh my god i just imagine people at the table it's like let's go around see it we're thankful for like i'm thankful for president trump He's gonna change this country Oh my god, speaking of Trump Did you see the, uh Video of that guy on a plane?

What? I didn't see that Alright, so there's a guy on a plane And it just happened on Tuesday, I think The guy's on a plane, and I cannot Tell you for the life of me Why he starts yelling I don't think there's a reason, I don't even know that he's yelling at anyone But it's this dude on a plane, and's like, this is Trump's America now.

He's your president. It doesn't matter whether you like it. Like, Trump, everybody. And he points to a guy. He's like, that guy gets it. Trump, Trump. I cannot figure out why he's losing his mind. Like, he's not starting a fight with anyone.

Except at one point he says, like, seems like some of y'all bitches voted for Hillary or something like that which I guess that could pick a fight but like he's not directing his anger at anyone he's just sort of proudly declaring that he's an asshole is it Bruce from our last thing oh no it can't be Bruce yeah you might have no this guy okay train no this guy's like definitely a No, it can't be Bruce. Yeah, he might have hopped back on a cocaine train.

No, this guy's like definitely a country bumpkin, but like. Oh, I see. Yeah, he doesn't have coat trucks in LA. But it's just weird to me that this guy would shout it out. Like, cool, you voted for Trump and Trump won. That's cool for you, dude. But why are you yelling at people? Yeah. Like, I don't. I would say the same thing to a Hillary supporter if Hillary won. That's cool for you, dude. But why are you yelling at people? Yeah.

Like, I don't. I would say the same thing to a Hillary supporter if Hillary won. Just keep it to yourself. Just keep it inside your body. Like, what if your sports team won? You're like, my sports team won. Yeah. And you're, like, at a bar.

And everyone's like, we know, dude. Congratulations. He's like, yeah, but my team won. And your team sucks. Your team sucks. It's like, they'd get beat up. It's like, yeah, we my team won. Your team sucks. Your team sucks. Like, they'd get beat up. It's like, yeah, we saw the game, dude. We get it. Like, I think the moral is nobody likes a bragger.

Yeah. Anyway. Oh, yeah. Back to Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah. Black Friday. That's what we're getting at. So after all that happened, I was like, I'm going to go to some Black Friday stuff.

I'm going to to some black friday stuff i'm gonna see some people so go to target first because target was like we're open at 6 p.m so get to target parking lot is jam act at 6 p.m like the day before christmas packed type uh so i'm like all right i get in there and there's just like there are a lot of people just trying to get shit. There's, like, all these, like, people lined up to get Apple products, and they're like, where do I get an iPad? Where do I get the cheap iPad? And they're like, the line starts forming over there, sir.

And he's just like, all right. And then I get a line, like, wrapping around into the clothing section for an iPad. And then I sent you the picture of the one guy who is guarding his three carts it looks like a weird treasure goblin like treasure he's like nobody take him back carts but the story behind it is his wife was guarding the carts at first they had three carts filled with shit and i was like oh is she like standing by the carts because she was just texting on her phone i'm like is she standing by the carts that are like for put like stuff you're gonna put back on the shelves so look like those types

of carts like stuff you just throw into a cart like all right we got to restock that but no is a bunch of shit they're buying now it's like oh my god and so he was like coming up to her and he's like all right we got we got to keep moving gotta keep moving and they like she's like okay and he's like, all right, we got to keep moving. Got to keep moving. And she's like, okay. And then he took two carts. She took one. And they kept moving. And then he's like, where'd you go?

Where'd you go? And she's like, I'm over here, babe. And he's like, all right, good. Just keep a track. Like they're in the military. He loses her all the time. Let's go. Let's go.

It's sad. It's sad. And usually she's gone. Usually when he shouts over, where you at, babe? She's gone. He has sad. It's sad. And usually she's gone. Usually when he shouts over, where you at, babe? She's gone. He has to keep tracking her down. So I kept like lapping the store so I could like keep getting behind these people without it seeming like awkward.

And so I got back behind him and he's like, four for 10 Diet Cokes. This is crazy. Then he got the Diet Cokes. This is crazy. Then he got the Diet Cokes. But he was running out of room for stuff. So he had to get another cart. But I don't think he wanted to. So he just, like, tried to make it all fit. And they had to spend well over $1,000.

Well over. I would love to know who those gifts were for. I know. Because they just... Like, I don't know who those gifts were for. I know. Because they just, like, I don't know. How old were these people? I'd say early 40s. So, they might have young kids. I was reading this study, and then I listened to a podcast about it a few days ago.

Yeah. podcast about it like a few days ago yeah that essentially a lot of millennials and a lot of um i guess 11 to like i don't know i whatever the new generation it's like are we still millennials whatever millennials and these weird kids that exist now, whatever the hell they are, apparently a great majority of them value less trinkety crap and more, like, instead of I got 15 toys, I got a laptop instead. Yeah, like one big thing. Yeah, yeah, they'd rather have one big thing than a bunch of things. And it goes to the idea that

people just are decluttering and getting rid of stuff and trying to live simpler lives and stuff. Which I get. I just, every time I see people buy so many gifts I know deep down That's not because they're altruistic

And nice people I firmly believe it's because They like being the ones who give away the most stuff Oh yeah I think so too They're the cool people Yeah we're the ones who Always have the best gifts and give away the Most stuff and we're cool

We're the cool family Yeah that's what it is You always have the best gifts and give away the most stuff, and we're cool. We're the cool family. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is. It's like the keeping up with the Joneses type thing, but on a giveaway scale. Like, I gave away the most. No, I gave away the most. I'm not going to lie.

I know what my future is. Scratch off lotto tickets. What? That has – look, people out there, I don't know if it's a tradition in your family, but in my family and a lot of families out there, mostly my dad, mostly my dad, will instead of buying real gifts, go out the night before and come back with like lotto scratchers and just stocking stuff them, like,

yeah, good gift. Here's the thing. That's a great gift. Yeah, you might win money. You might, you don't know if you're about to win a fortune or you just have a good time scratching stuff. It's true.

I know we always get those for Christmas. Yeah, that's going to be my gift. That's my Christmas gift. That's a good one. I'm going to just, every year, people are going to be like, Couldn't you have spent this money On something else Like no

That's $200 in scratch offs Enjoy If you win You can go buy whatever you want Yeah Go buy whatever you want If you win Yeah

I like that That's what I'm gonna do It's gonna entertain the hell out of me I get to see people scratch All that weird silver dust Under their Like tables and stuff You got a quarter I need a quarter It's gonna entertain the hell out of me I get to see people scratch all that weird Silver dust under their Like tables and stuff I need a quarter

Gotta scratch it off or your keys Yeah I'm telling you That's my plan that's my plan for the future Scratch offs Um Let's see who else did I see Oh yeah this other lady in Target it was this Asian family And this one Asian girl was getting the new Pokemon.

I don't think it was on sale, but she was getting it. And they were buying another big TV or something. They were buying big electronic items. And she put the new Pokemon moon on top of the TV. And the Asian mom was just like, why you buy that? And then she's like, it's the new Pokemon. And she's like, you already have Pokemon. And she's like, it's the new Pokemon. And she's like, you already have Pokemon. And she's like, it's the new one.

And she's like, how many they gonna make? And I was like, oh my god. She's got a point. How many are they gonna make? She does have a point. Yeah, I'm with the mom on this one. She does have a point. How many are they going to make?

I'm not saying it's a good point, but she has one. She's got a point. Those are some good people. Then there was this family. It's this really weird family. There's this 40-year-old mom who had, like, blonde hair with, like, highlights in it. And I don't know if it was her son or her boyfriend or her husband. But he looked like a weird mixture of, like, a 20-year-old and a 35-year-old.

He was, like, a son-boyfriend-husband? Yeah, it was really weird and then she had two daughters and they were probably like 16 but they had the voices of like 40 year old smoking women and it was weird as shit so I was just walking and then the two girls walk

past me I didn't care and then they're just like where's mommy what the shit is I like to imagine you jumped like oh god i practically did i jumped and then you're just like oh my god what are you doing i was like what is going on and then he was like trying on hats and they're like you're so funny and she's like and the mom's just like quit putting on those hats you're gonna look stupid and he's like and i was like what is this family like i just wanted to learn more about them.

I today, speaking of not knowing ages, this is really stupid. But today I was at lunch with some friends and one of the people there. I've always thought was like, maybe 32 years old. Like he's a, like,

I was like, Oh, this guy's like a very cool dude, like 30-year-old punky dude. Today I found out he was 51 years old. I was like, what? You are amazing looking. You are incredible looking. I was, yeah. I realized in my mind I see myself being one of those like sexy older gentlemen with like just, you know, looking with the gray. In reality, I would be one of those like blob people.

One of those old blob people that has a shirt that doesn't quite fit and like a pastel pants. It's like take me to Margaritaville. That's absolutely true. I imagine, because this guy is the coolest looking dude I've ever seen in my life. He's the hippest guy. He's better than any hipster that exists. He's amazing looking. Yeah.

And I imagine like, damn, I'm going to be like him when I'm older. Nope, I had the revelation today.'m gonna be a mess i'd be like oh boy i can't wait i can't wait to go go to ruby tuesdays to the salad bar It's like sir you need help Like I can get there by myself And my scooter Oh my god speaking of sir do you need help So Even though I saw nothing

Crazy today at the mall I went as I was coming in to record this I went to the grocery store and there I needed laundry detergent. So I bought it, went up to the, to the like self checkout line. There was a guy in front of me who this, I feel like this man was very lonely. It is the day after Thanksgiving and in his, his little hand basket is one steak, a meat, like a small half bottle of wine, and a Lean Cuisine risotto for one.

Oh my god. And so this guy goes up to the thing, scans the steak, and then opens up a bag. So you know how fidgety these machines are. Yeah. Scans the stake, sets the stake down on the scanner rather than on the weight thing, opens up a bag on the weight, and the older lady who's sort of has a German accent walks up to him and is like, sir, I need you to, and he's like, uh, I got it. She's like, sir, need you to and he's like uh i got it she's like sir can you can you you need to scan the bag sir and he's like i got it i'll handle it she's like oh

okay she goes away he puts the meat in the bag does not scan the bag yet scans his wine. She's like, I need to see your ID, sir. And he's like, look at me! Look at me! And she's like, I still need the date, sir. So he shows the ID and he's pissed now. He's like furious. So he goes to scan his risotto for one. And it doesn't scan.

Now mind you, I'm watching this entire thing and losing my mind. He goes to scan and it doesn't scan, but he puts it in the bag anyway. And she's like, sir, you didn't scan it. He's like, I know about the bag. I know. And she's like, no, you didn't scan the food. And he's like, I scanned all of it.

I just did it. I only have three things. Jesus. And she's like, sir. And he's like, fine. And he gets up and scans the bag with all the food in it. I only have three things. Jesus. And she's like, sir. And he's like, fine. He gets up and scans the bag with all the food in it. Yeah. So the wait system goes off, and so it won't scan the bag.

And the guy looks over and is like, your machine's not even working. And she's like, no, you need to take the food out of the bag. He's like, what are you talking about? What are you saying to me? And she's like, you need to take the food out. She barely has to me? She's like, you need to take the food out. She barely has an accent. She's like, you need to take the food out of the bag. And he's like, I can't even understand you.

And she's just like, okay, sir. And this guy comes over. He's like, can I help? He's like, this lady here keeps saying stuff to me, and I don't even know what she's saying. I'm just trying to check out, and the damn thing won't work. And she's like, sir, if you just take the food. And the guy's like, maybe you should just take the food out of the bag.

He's like, fine. Takes the food out of the bag. Puts it back on the wait thing. Scans the bag. Puts the bag back. Puts all the food back in the bag. And then tries to check out. But he can't because he still has not scanned the risotto.

This is still, this is a 15 minute ordeal it's still going on and it's so and so the the guy who i don't even think works there is like all right so you're good you can check out he's like yeah i got it i got it got it. I got it. I got it. He can't do it. So the lady's like, sir, you need to scan the risotto. And he's like, I did it. Can't you see I'm on the screen? And he points to the screen and it's not up there. And he goes, see? And she's like, it's not there, sir. And he turns to look at her And looks back at the screen and goes Leave me alone Stares at the screen

At this point Everyone's just staring over at this guy And at this point An actual person who looks like a manager Shows up and is like Sir I'm gonna need you To leave I'm gonna need you to leave. I'm going to need you to leave. And he's like, I already

got this food. And he's like, sir, just take the food and go. And the guy takes the food and leaves. And at that point of the realization, this guy probably just built them for a steak, wine,

and a risotto and not having to pay for it just by shouting at people Oh my god, I think you're right I was like, this was this guy's plan the entire time No one is that crazy Yeah, no one's that crazy No one's that insensitively crazy Yeah

And I feel like he pulled what old me poopy Jesse would do. Yeah. He just scammed everyone. And I was like, that son of a bitch. I bet he's out in his car like, stakes on me tonight. Just finds the foreign woman that you can very clearly understand. Like, I don't understand what you're saying. Go back to your country.

He straight up just got free food. He got maybe 40 bucks in free food. Shit, dude. Because it was a big ass steak and he had wine and a risotto. That was like one of those $22 steaks they had in the back. I was like,

look at this guy. Look at this guy. He's kicking ass over here. I was both shocked, offended, and impressed. That's how you know you're staring at quite the personality. If they can do the trifecta. It was horrifying to watch, and I was embarrassed for everyone involved. But at the end, I was like, holy shit.

That man's a genius That man is a genius Oh my god I forgot about it When I was at Target This was like the other day at Target Like two days ago and I was returning ink That I bought because it didn't fit in my printer So I was like alright so I gotta return the ink

Wait hold on how do you not know what ink Goes with your printer Well I thought i knew what it was and i'm like yeah i know what it is so i just bought it and it was the wrong one decided to bring it back and then buy new ink great uh so i was like i'll bring it back so i brought it back and there's this these two people exchanging stuff in front of me and i'm like all right this won't take too long one lady this like middle-aged look like she's on meth woman, was just, she had a cart full of stuff. And she's like, why can't I bring back this thing?

And they're like, ma'am, you can't do that. It's just whatever. I don't know what she did, but she can't do it. And then she's like, what if I get Black Friday prices on this item? And they're like, ma'am, you can't exchange an item and get the black. We don't do price matching or whatever it is and she's like well i guess i should just waited until black friday to buy it then huh and they're like yes ma'am you probably should have waited till black friday to purchase that item and she's like let's all believe all right what about this item i was

like jesus all right well that one lady's gonna take forever how about the guy So there's this guy who's probably like late 30s And he's just He looks like he's had a few to drink Uh I bet he has I bet that's how he got there He probably has it was like 11 at night So I'm like alright I'll wait

And he's like I bought this toy For my kids And we don't need it anymore. And they're like, all right, sir, but you paid for it in gift cards. So if you don't want store credit, you have to bring like, I don't know. They were giving him some speech or whatever. And he's like, this is dumb. And he like started freaking out. He's like, this is fucking stupid.

Oh, that sounds like that sounds like one of those scam things that like the guy guy in line in front of me where he's he this dude probably bought a gift card on like a sale where it's like 25 for a 30 gift card and then he went and bought a toy and then he demanded a refund so he could get cash yeah yeah that sounds like one of those scams doing yeah so then he's like this is fucking unbelievable he's just like mumbling or something then the girl's just like i know sir if i was in your situation i would also be frustrated with my situation like the classic like she's she just wants to go home i can relate to you but only in that i want to leave very badly yeah and then he's like he like calls up his wife or something he's like what's the pin number on your shit all right right. Wow. And he's like, yeah.

And so I'm just saying, I'm like, I just want to bring my ink back, dude. That's all I want. Oh, I forgot you were in the returns line, too. Yeah, it's the returns line. Oh, my God. You know what I saw someone do today for the first time in forever? Layaway. I didn't even know they did that still.

I haven't heard of that in, like, years. Right? This woman was at the counter, and she's like, I want to even know they did that still. I haven't heard of that in years. Right? This woman was at the counter and she's like, I want to put the following on lay away for two weeks. And I was like, I don't even know how lay away works. I just know you get it and then give it to the store and they hold it for you? Lay away.

Do you have to pay for it? A system of paying a deposit to secure an item for later. Yeah, like they go, like, here's my Xbox. And then they pay like 20 bucks and the store holds it for them. So it's got to be apparently like 10% of what it's worth or like $10 or over if that's not like enough or something. Yeah, what a weird system that no one ever uses anymore. Yeah. Like, why a weird system that no one ever uses anymore. Yeah. Well, like, why would you want it? If I can't afford

something right away, I don't think I'm going to buy it. I think it's one of those, they get it, they know they won't be able to afford it yet, but they want to be able to make sure they get it before. It's just one of those things like, little Timmy wants his Action Ranger Red,

but Action Ranger Red sells out every Christmas. So this year we're going to buy it for him in October and then we'll pay for it in December. Yeah, that's probably what it is. I think it's along those lines. But yeah, I saw that was like layaway. Damn. Shit, dude. Yeah, you were in that line of the dam that's always either returns or layaways.

Yeah, that is. I feel bad for the people working there. That is like the pits of hell. You know who I feel bad for? The geek squad at Best Buy. Oh, yeah, the geek squad. Those poor bastards. Every time I'm by there and walking around Best Buy,

the people at the counter are just like, my fans don't work anymore. They're like, well, sir, you have half a gallon of dust in there. It's like, well, my cats like to rest on the monitors in my tower. So they're like, well, maybe you shouldn't let your cats near the computer, sir. He's like, don't tell me I don't live. My computer has a virus. Why is it a virus?

It's like, sir, it looks like there's a lot of pornography on his don't look at that look at that stuff I imagine the best part you know I would love to I want this to be a bit Crandor we need to make this a bit and film it okay go to buy a laptop at a Best Buy mm-, go home, download thousands of hours of porn and put it on the desktop. And then go into a Best Buy and be like, there's a- Just shrink the icons on the desktop to as small as possible and have it filled with porn videos. Yeah, just all porn videos. And be like, there's something wrong with my computer.

And take it into, and then film the entire interaction. And then when you have to reformat your computer sir it looks like someone downloaded a bunch of porn and be like what don't get rid of my porn is there any way you can fix my computer without deleting the porn that's a bit that's a bit waiting to happen

that's a bit that's a bit right there that's YouTube gone geek squad gone sexual gone kissing prank gone wrong yeah dot net backslash donkey show yeah yeah uh oh yeah and after target i went to the mall and the mall was insane so it was like every parking space was taken. That's a big ass mall and every parking space was taken. So I had to park like in like the back lots or like there's the mall parking and then there's like the road you drive around it in. And then there's like the back behind that parking. And I was like, I'll just like park here and walk.

And there was like the typical like cars are backed up like 10 long and the one guy's waiting for the guy to pull out and get his spot. And they're just honking at him like, let go they're just like i'll take my time whatever and then everyone's going crazy uh so i go in there but the mall had some great deals dude mall had some great deals they had like i'm very interested 30 to 50 off everything in stores. Yeah, but you can only buy so much crap at Hot Topic before you are just like, I feel like I bought every useless thing I could ever need. I went to Amber Crombie.

They had 50% off the entire Amber Crombie store. I'm sorry, what store? What store? Is it Amber Crombie? That's the one. It's definitely not is it a Amber Crombie that's the one definitely not the one

Amber Crombie Amber Crombie is the shitty knockoff is the shitty shiny knockoff I went to the wrong one I went to Amber Crombie I went to Amber Crombie. I went to Ambercrombie.

Ambercrombie is the place that sells the old canes the guy from Jurassic Park uses. We only sell cane. That's a mighty fine cane. We only sell cane. Bugs trapped in amber on the top. Ambercrombie. bugs trapped in amber on the top. Abercrombie. Like weird animals.

So yeah, I went to Abercrombie. And usually I'll like sometimes go in there just to like see what they got in the clearance section. So I'm not going to pay full price for whatever they got. So I was like, oh shit. So I got some sweatpants in there. It was like $50 sweatpants, half off.

They were some good sweatpants. And I got the hoodie I'm wearing right now. And it was like $25 down to like $12.50. You went actual shopping? I didn't even intend to go shopping, but I saw that. And I was like, this is a little too good to pass up. you got caught up in the spirit yeah i got caught up and inside abercrombie there were two types there were three types of people there were the like the classic like preppy like white kids right you mean abercrombie employees yeah exactly and then it was loaded with Asian people.

And not just like American Asian people, like people that only speak Asian Asian people. And I don't know why. Like they were only speaking Asian. They weren't like speaking English. They were just speaking Asian. And there was a lot. It wasn't just like a couple. It was like half the store.

Send your emails, Karev. I'm saying. Half the store. Send your emails, Karev. I'm saying. Half the store. What is Asian, Karev? Asian countries. It is various Asian country languages. There we go. That works better. I feel like that'll get less angry tweets.

Yeah. They would speak good Asian in there. They would speak that Oriental. I don't know what was going on. My grandpa actually said Oriental yesterday. Let's throw that out there. He's like, oh, the Oriental woman's retiring from the Chicago station. I was like, well, the theory lives on.

I'm adding that to my old man persona. I'll be like, Oriental poop. They'll be like, this man is a mess. Get him out of the store. I'll be like, I'm taking my steak, too. Where are all the Orientals? I'll be like, I'm taking my steak, too. Where are all the Oriettos? All people are hilarious.

That's why. That's because old people always have war stories. Because they've been through so many. You've got World War II. They've got the Korean War. They got like Vietnam. So it's just like, oh, yeah, there's like these Asian people like those people. I fought them three times. Three times I fought them.

It's like, oh, OK. That's true. That's why they're so. Three times I fought. Yeah, but there's totally different Asian countries. They're not even remotely connected. We know that, but the old people don't know that. I've followed them three times.

I imagine there's one guy who thinks he fought the exact same dude three times. They're just the Orientals. I'm telling you. Holy crap. I fought him three times. Because I told. I was telling. where was it? I forget.

It was like Halloween or something. I was like, yeah, I watched these Korean people eat food on the internet. And then they're like, my grandpa was like, well, you know, we fought them in that war that one time. It was like, well, you know, we fought them in that war that one time.

No, we definitely didn't ever fight South Korea, Grandpa. That never happened. That was his only input. And I was like, yeah. Yeah, all right. Listen, people's donors stain. So, yeah. I need to spend a day just.

I need to make a day out of my life where I just spend it at a nursing home with old people I'll Feed them shit and wipe their butts as long as they can Entertain the crap out of me Oh my god We're making This country great again Yeah you are Ethel

Yeah you are Tired of these foreigners coming in here Just like when our country got this country great again. Yeah, you are, Ethel. Yeah, you are. Tired of these foreigners coming in here, just like when our country got... Stealing my jobs. When's the last time you worked? That's not the point. I made a point. It's not like we came in here

and took the land from the Native Americans and then all the Europeans settled in as foreigners. Yeah, it's definitely not like this hasn't happened in as foreigners. Yeah. It's definitely not like this hasn't happened numerous times before. Yeah. Oh, God. So yeah, Abercrombie was loaded

with Asians, dude. And then... I'm looking this up. Asians love Abercrombie. I'm hoping that this is a thing. I think it's just because a lot of Asian people just dress really well. Yo, here you go! Straight up, this isn't like a racist-y trope or anything.

It really is just like Abercrombie and Fitch are apparently very, very popular in Asia Oh shit A lot of these places They only have knock off versions in some Asian countries So in Asia anything distinctly American Is in very high demand So things like McDonalds and KFC and that kind of stuff

And Abercrombie and Fitch Is very high demand Same with American Apparel and Levi Strauss Oh my god Yeah, in many countries I'm like literally wicking this For many countries, wearing jeans Is not only a symbol of modernity

But also wealth What? Jeans? Yeah, well when you consider that Even though We always whine about like Oh China, they're stealing our jobs and their economy is outgrowing us and everyone over there is buying up American property and they're filthy rich. That's because it's a very small fraction of one billion plus people. Yeah. And so for that tiny, maybe not even 1% of their population

for that tiny group, sure they have tons of money because they have all the money. But for everyone else, they're still living extremely poor lives. Yeah, that's true. And so I can understand why something as simple as like jeans would be considered modern

and wealthy when not a lot of people can afford it. That's like one of those things. That's one of those first world problems like, oh, I have to get a new pair of jeans. My jeans ripped a little. Dude, wearing jeans for me, that's classy. That is true. I've even gotten classier in my sweatpants.

I'm telling you, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to, once everything, YouTube, Twitch, all that stuff dies, I'm going to start a sweatpants, a high-class, high-quality sweatpants line. It's going to be beautiful. I don't know if that's true. I imagine by the time that happens, we'll have moved on to neon and silver outfits because it's the future. I will have the best quality neon silver sweatpants ever see it'll glow in the dark it'll be ill shine reflective

light during the day I just it'll be the bone of a million dollars oh yeah and then I got a beanie at the gap I did see that photo of you with the beanie it works because instead of looking like a hobo then you just put all your hair in there And then you look like you're uh you're a bit more well kept It is great. I was like why haven't I done this before? So I got the beanie half off too, and that was my Black Friday thing And then there's this guy in a cat hell like cat helmet cat head thing Where doing what he's standing outside one of the stores and? There's this guy in a cat helmet, cat head thing. Where?

Doing what? He's standing outside one of the stores, and he's just being like, we got deals. We got deals in here. But like nothing related to the cat. He just had the cat head on, and that was it. He's just being like, we got deals. So many deals in here. I put it on my Snapchat, Crendor Snaps.

All one word We Saw today A like one of those sign spinner guys Oh yeah Alright so you know how every once in a while You'll see like a young kid spinning signs But also listening to music And he's sort of dancing to the music

Really getting into it Yeah yeah yeah because if you're going to be out there in the heat for like 12 hours you might as well get into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if you're going to be out there in the heat for like 12 hours, you might as well get into it and have fun. Yeah. Imagine that, but like a 60-year-old man. So it's this older man. He's definitely graying slash losing his hair.

And I guess I'm about to get emails. Here's why I hate the internet. Because if I say graying or losing hair in reference to an old man, I'm going to get a message from a dude who's like I'm 22 and I'm starting to lose my hair and I'm going gray. And that is offensive to me. That's why I hate you internet.

I know what's going to happen already. I know I'm going to get a message like I took offense to something you said today. And I'm going to have to read that. I ain today. And I'm going to have to read that. I ain't responding, but I'm going to have to read that shit, and I'm not okay with it. Yeah, seriously. If the shoe don't fit, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about this old man.

I'm talking about this old man I saw. I'm describing him. So this old man, he has a sign for a tax something, and he's spinning it. He's like, listen has a sign for, like, a tax something, and he's spinning it. He's, like, listening to a song. But whatever song he's listening to is make him move his feet. Like, I don't even know. I don't even know. Like, sort of Michael Jackson-y.

Like, he's doing, like, his feet are moving, like. It was incredible. I need to know what music he was listening to He was like doing hand motions And like twirling this thing And dancing But it looked like how you would imagine an old man would dance Yeah

But he was really into it And I'm kind of hoping Like he was listening to the new Drake Maybe he was listening to the new Drake I mean it's possible yeah he was like I'm dressed good for you you take my love for granted he's just like dancing I won there's always there always like outside furniture stores or mattress stores, just places that would need that type of marketing.

Yeah, and I feel like this guy would be the best one because all those young kids, they're busy flirting and listening to their Snapstagrams and stuff, but this old dude, he just had the sign, and it could have been the Walkman for all I know. I didn't see what he was listening to, but he had those really crappy one-wire headphone things. They go over the top of your head from 1989, and he's just jamming.

He's having a hell of a time. Shit, dude. It was amazing, and I was like, that guy gets it. That guy is who I want to be. He's living the life. As I pointed out, I know my future. I'd be the one who has a sign attached to my hover around scooter. Just like, go on any seat if you want to.

It's pretty great. Is that supposed to go okay? And I'd drive up and down the block. Hey, come on in, everybody. That's me. While being like, I made a poopy. People will be like, where's your store at? And I'll be like, I made a poopy.

Right, right, but where? Poopy. No, but where's your store? Poopy. Where's your store? Oh, wee Yes, that was my Black Friday Which was essentially just Black Thursday night Which is what I'm It may as well just become Black Thursday night now

That's all it is They might just Look, just get rid of the day Get rid of Black Friday Just make it Friday again I'm okay with it I don't need sales all the time Most of the stuff get rid of black friday just make it friday again i'm okay with it i don't need sales all the time most of the stuff you could buy all month they're like black friday sales it's november 1st yeah i know it keeps happening earlier and earlier amazon was doing it like a

month ago that's what it's october get your black Friday deals. What happened last Friday? Yeah, so really nothing much happened on my end. So you lucked out this year. Yeah, I lucked out. Did you find any articles of things happening? Oh, people going crazy? No, I didn't even look. Hold on, let's look up Black Friday Stampede. Black Friday Inj. Black Friday injury.

2016. Black Friday violence breaks out across America. Oh, no. Yeah, but it's like dark this time. Oh, my God. Black Friday multiple shootings at malls. Oh, my God. Atlantic City man was fatally shot. Oh, my God.

Wow. Outside of God. Wow. Outside of Walmart. Walmart, why are you killing people? It's always Walmart. Damn. It is always Walmart. Classic. Here's the crazy thing.

Oh, never mind. Every time I talk about Walmart, they always go back to 2008 when that person was trampled. Oh yeah, that's right. When the worker that person was trampled. Oh, yeah. The worker was run over by people trying to get in. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So you keep reading down. And they're like, there have been seven deaths and 98 injuries across the country during Black Friday since 2006 and 2014, according to Black Friday death count.

Black Friday violence. I can't believe it's death count. It also struck in England, where a police officer in Leeds was attacked Friday morning when the assailant took offense when the cop asked him what he was doing. Meanwhile, things were more orderly in the Big Apple, where rabid sales seekers were in action. In Brooklyn, Rosie Smith, 53, arrived around 7.30 a.m. to head into Target. Two TVs! she exclaimed proudly, holding up her shopping bags containing Polaroid flat screens that cost her $85 apiece. Actually, they're from my basement, the self-professed reality TV fan said.

I like Real Housewives of Atlanta. I don't even know how to react to a person like that. Oh my god, can I just say, okay. So we were, a few weeks ago, we were in Anaheim. The one night at the hotel, we were in uh anaheim uh the one night at the hotel we were flipping through the channels we came across the real housewives of orange county and i have never watched that show why and i was like why would you because there's like so many of them now and i'm like why is this show popular so i started watching it and it makes no sense it's like it's like if the kardashians

added like 10 more people into it. I don't even know what's happening. They're just like, I'm having a party, but Sarah's not coming. This is like how the episode starts. I'm like, who's Sarah? What's happening? And she's just like, oh my God, there she is. And then she's like, hey, I got gifts for everyone.

And then she just doesn't give one to Sarah. And then Sarah's like, oh my God, what a bitch. And she goes and talks to her friend and her friend's like, I can't believe she did that to you but she gave a gift to me and I was like, who watches this show? It's so dumb That is a great question

I have actually asked myself that many times and I've learned, here's the crazy thing I've learned most cable TV shows average viewership is less than that of this podcast. Really? Absolutely true.

Absolutely true. That doesn't surprise me at all, actually, now that I think about it. There are many shows that I love that are on cable TV, maybe one million viewers. Shows that I really really love Maybe 2 million There are some YouTubers who do better than that And these are like big money network Shows well not network but cable TV shows Yeah that they put a lot of money into

And the YouTube people are just like Playing a goofy game today And I'm doing the Oreo challenge I'm letting you know advertisers will take your money And give you a better ad. The Cox and Crandor Advertisement Agency will make it happen. We will make it happen.

We'll make advertising great again. None of that Oriental advertisement. I love nothing like a good Coca-Cola in the evening. Coca-Cola in the evening. Coca-Cola making days brighter and smiles wider.

Making soft drinks great again. We're going to make soft drinks. Soft Drake. Soft Drake. Soft Drake. Yo, my name is Soft Drake. That's what that guy was listening to. Drake's new album, Soft.

Soft Drake. Yeah, that's why he was getting jiggy with it. He has full ASMR in it. Yeah, full ASMR. Drake's like, it's soft up in here. Yes, it is. You know, I'm rapping to the beat. Rapping, rapping to the beat.

Drake doesn't even rap. He sings. I've never. Yeah, he just. But he's like, I'm a rapper. But all he does is sing. Whatever. Why are we talking about Drake? I think we're done. I think we're done here. I think we. Yeah, he does. But he's like, I'm a rapper. But all he does is sing. Whatever. Why are we talking about Drake?

I think we're done. I think we're done here. I think we're done here. All right. That's it for the Black Friday episode. We've said our piece. We'll see you guys next episode with some even more nonsense. And as always, to be continued.