Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 128 - Our New Favorite Holiday Tradition

Episode Date: December 25, 2016

Jesse's finally back from his trip to London and boy does he have stories to tell! Meanwhile Crendor has seen a movie trailer he just can't make sense of. We'll also talk about what you should or shouldn't keep in your car on cold winter days, as well as THE SINGLE BEST HOLIDAY TRADITION EVER. Link mentioned in podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-bCow4AP88

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog! This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios! Recording! Wake your ass up! It's the next Trend Dog in the morning! Happy, happy, happy, happy, Trend Dog in the morning! Welcome to the non-denominational or religious episode for whatever religion makes you extra fuzzy inside version of today.

Hi, I don't know what I'm saying. Please don't write me. Happy holiday. That's what I was saying. That's what I was saying. Yeah. I got so worked up over people being insensitive on the internet that I forgot that you can just say happy holidays and people won't lose their shit. Or they will. Actually, it's a pagan something something. I'm sorry, what?

It's just me vomiting profusely. Ah, yes, something. I'm sorry, what? It's just me vomiting profusely. Ah, yes, yes, of course. We're back with another episode. I have so much to tell you. I feel like I do too, but I forget all of it. Oh my goodness. Let me see if I can spark some remembrance in you. Okay.

So, last week, I went to London. Yes. And while I was there, boy did I learn a few crazy things. One. One. London movie theaters are bonkers town.

I know I've explained this to you before when we were looking at the weird rabbit turtle intro video Yeah This time it was all Christmas videos Every single one was like a holiday Commercial For some store that sold you stuff to buy at the holidays

What? Every single one But they were all like really emotional and mushy So Let me give you an example I'm going to give you a great example I think it was for A grocery store

Maybe but this is the commercial It's a little tiny bird Well first off it starts with a girl placing a little tiny Meat pie out on a bird Fountain in the middle of the winter Classic England Yeah put it's little meat pie right in this little stand, and she looks around and nothing happens.

She goes back all sad inside. She's like, meh. Cut to a bird in the middle of nowhere trying to fly back, quote-unquote, home, and he's dodging things like raccoons and freaking cocks and weather phenomena. And then eventually he's out over the ocean and then he gets hit by a wave. And he washes onto a ship and an old seaman catches the bird and then nurses it back to health.

And then the bird flies away like a miracle bird that came back to life. And then it eventually lands Right where a new Freshly put meat pie is And then another bird's there And then the bird starts sharing the meat pie Together And the little girl's like thrilled this happened She's like ahhh

And then she can finally have a good Christmas She goes inside and eats dinner with her family It's like one of those like When you travel home to meet your family. Like that kind of crap. Yeah. It was so, it was like maybe three minutes long. It was an overly emotional, like, this damn bird better get back.

I swear to God. It was, I, and you're probably saying to yourself, wow, that seems like a long time for commercial. We went to go see Rogue One at midnight. Yeah. On the release night at midnight. 12.01 is when it's supposed to start. We sat through so many commercials and trailers, it didn't start until 12.45. What?

Exactly. 12.45. I mean, come to think of it, I think we lasted like 30 minutes through the ads And then they started It was insane The craziest thing was Is You know how

Our Um Intros It's all high Like Yeah Like light sound effects Yeah and then it's

And then it's like Coming soon Like that kind of stuff Yeah The The theater I went to There's like a very wonderful little British man. And he's like, oh, these are the trailers. I love this bit. It's my favorite.

And then the trailer starts. He's like, oh, more commercials. You can go out and you can get some stuff here. Oh, I do love this. And I was like, wait, is this guy in the room with us? And he was like, I can't tell where this guy In the room with us I was like I can't tell Where this guy's at

There's a woman Who shows up Half way through She's like Ew You're making me jealous With all those snacks You've bought

Like what What is happening Why are they talking to us Then Here's the craziest thing Before the movie Actually started Started

Right An organ Comes out of the ground Like an old-timey organ and the guy starts playing star wars music on the organ oh shit he's like we're just like what is happening and people are walking in like oh they got the old organ out they did what apparently it's a thing apparently like a like a special occasionasion it's just like I guess from What I hear the theater that we went to

Is like the big London theater it's like The place to go I see and yeah before The movie started a guy came up on stage And everyone was really excited like Last time I saw a movie here the actors Were here oh everyone around us was Losing their minds oh my god it hit me all right so you saw the movie previews right yes did any of them stand out to you specifically uh well the fact that in the

preview for fast and furious 8 they might have said the word family 12,000 times. 12,000 times. Even the text on the screen was like, for family. And at the end, when she's like, damn, you're going to turn your back on family? I was just like, how many fucking times are you going to say family? No one talks like that. No one talks like that. Family, bro. Family, though.

You're going to turn your back on family? No one has ever uttered that line In their life I feel like a lot of people like to just make up Like fantasy scenes based on Like what they want real life to be like But it's never like that No one talks like that

People are so self centered Everyone when they say stuff they say Why would you turn your back on me They don't say or on us Right why are you turning your back on us They wouldn't say why would you turn your back on me? They don't say, or on us, right? Why are you turning your back on us? They wouldn't say, why would you turn your back on family? Family? That's not, no one except robots talks like that.

Or just like really bad teen novels. Yes. Anyway, so that's what stood out for me. I'm trying to think if there's anything else that I saw that I was like, hmm, that's stupid. I can't remember. Maybe they didn't show it there. That's stupid. I can't remember.

Maybe they didn't show it there. But there is a movie about a kid from Mars coming to Earth and dating an Earth girl. We did not get that one. Oh, my God. Okay. So I thought it was a joke at first, but it's not. It's not a joke. There's a kid from Mars. He's born on mars for some reason like right i mean that makes sense we went to mars and we're like

oh no people banged on mars and now they're like living there and then one of the kids on mars grows up and he's like your classic like 14 year old and he's just like he's in the internet and he starts talking this earth girl and they like fall in love and he's just like he's in the internet and he starts talking to this earth girl and they like fall in love and he's like i need to go to earth he like picks her up online yeah so wait whoa whoa whoa i don't know the details man hacked into earth internet and picked her up online ladies watch out there are mars men out there trying to get parents. They're trying to get with your daughters. Mars men are coming to take your daughters.

Now, all right. So I don't know the details, clearly. Oh, all right. Clearly, yes. He meets this Earth girl through whatever Internet thing they got. And then they're like, we need to meet each other. internet thing they got and then they're like we need to meet each other and then it turns out since he's born on mars his heart can't handle being on earth so he's like i don't care i love this girl and he goes to earth and they're together and they're happy and then his heart starts giving out and he has to get out of there and get back to mars and the movies called the space

between get out hold on that is not a space between movie get out get out yes it really is I told you I thought it was a joke and they showed it twice we saw it once during rogue one and then we saw uh no this can't be the right movie this doesn't sound like your description at all this one says two strangers one tragic day a story of redemption and hope i don't think that's it hold on here it is here it is let me other 2010 indie film drama called the space between

no no no Here you go. Let me link this to you. There you go. That's it. The Space Between Us. Oh, The Space Between Us. Yeah, so it's like there's space between them, but there's space literally. You get it?

Ah, yeah. Who's in this movie? Oh, I don't know. Asa Butterfield. Britt Robertson. Asa Butterfield. Gary Oldman's in this movie. What? Beanie Wong is in this movie

Get out of here Like real actors in this movie I guess this is one of those like We need real actors to work with these awful kids Yeah probably They don't have to pay him a lot Oh shit this movie I don't know if you're aware

At the Teen Choice Awards this year It was nominated for Most Anteensipated Movie. No, I'm sorry. Most Anteensipated Actress, Britt Robertson. All I know is we saw it. Wait, wait, hold on. How do you anteensipate an actress? Anteensipated.

Category that she was nominated for was Choice Movie Actress Anteensipated. Category that she was nominated for was choice movie actress anteensipated. What does that mean? Oh, no. Brittany Leanna Robertson, age 26, is an American actress. She began, okay, no one cares about how you began. She made her first appearance in Power Rangers Time Force. That's a good start. You're missing the point of this movie being terrible.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got distracted. Yeah. And the point is? That's a terrible movie. It made me laugh and question humanity.

Because we were watching, it was like in the Doctor Strange trailers, too. And Gmart was visiting us because he wanted to see Doctor Strange. And this came on, and I just looked at Gmart, and I was like, what the shit did we just see? What? All right, can I ask you a question? What? What is the reasoning behind all of your trailers sucking? Is it just a Midwest thing? All the trailers sucking? There are some good trailers.

I don't know. We didn't get trailers like that. Usually when we get trailers, they're all good. Except for the one about the talking cat with David... Not David Spade. Not David Spade. David Spade talking cat. David Spade and Chris Farley's

last role. Two talking cats. What's David Spade even do now? I guess look old. I don't know. What Does David Spade even do now? I guess look old. I don't know. What does David Spade do? He's got a book. Ah, well.

David Spade is almost interesting the memoir. You know what? At least he gets it. Yeah, he gets it. That's probably what my book would have been called too. Yeah, he gets it. I can't use that. All right, so is that all you saw?

Well, I mean, there were other trailers, but it was like, they're like your classic, like, oh, maybe I'll see that, or like, I won't see that. But this just stood out as like, oh, my God, what is this? So that's why I was like, what? And then we saw the movies, and they're all right. Like, Doctor Strange was pretty good. It was like a Marvel marvel as good as a marvel movie could be and then uh like uh rogue one was pretty good i enjoyed that i have to say

that i'm kind of with you on like i haven't seen any real bad oh you know what i did see what um so while flying back from because flying to london i slept the entire way But flying back from London I watched a bunch of movies And I watched Kubo and the Two Strings Which is an awesome movie Highly recommend it I was not expecting it to be nearly as good as it was Also

A few nights ago I just watched the Assassin's Creed movie Oh yeah As soon as I saw that they were making a movie, I was like, this movie's going to be bad. It is so bad. I think the only people who are going to like it are the people who really, really, really, really are into Assassin's Creed. Because it's not campy bad, and it's not poorly written bad. It's just boring bad.

Like it's slow. How can a movie about parkour assassins be slow and boring? Let me give you an example. Okay. The first thing you notice is that this movie is only two colors. In the future parts, it's tinted with blue. The entire thing's tinted blue. Why?

I could not even tell you. But it seems like, you know what? It's like all the Underworld movies. Even though it was vampires and werewolves and stuff, because it was all set at night, air quotes, it had that weird blue tint on it because it was like, it's night time. Imagine that, but all the time in the future parts.

Everything's tinted blue. Then in the past, everything's tinted brown. And to make matters worse, it's dusty. So there are clouds of dust and smoke everywhere in the past in every scene But underneath all of that

The future prison they were in looked cool The Abstergo facility looked cool In the past, all the outfits And like, the people on the street And when they go to the Place where the church is burning People are like, it all looks so cool And then it's layered over with this visual effect

That makes it impossible to actually see it So you're like Struggling to view this movie Cool. And then it's layered over with this visual effect that makes it impossible to actually see it. So you're like struggling to view this movie. And you're like, oh my god. So already you're like ultra focused and for the wrong reason. So it's tiring. It literally, by the end of it, I fell asleep. So then the scenes that take place in the past that are supposed to be what I thought were supposed to be the story bits are not. They are just action scenes interspersed between dialogue and the future.

So it's like future scene, you learn something, right? And then they hook him up to the machine again, and he goes to the past, and he does something cool and badass, like kills a dude, and then cut back to the future, where you learn some more secrets, and then cut back to the past, where he does another mission and kills some dudes, and then cut back to the future, where he learns something, and then go back to the past. So the past story has no actual

like, relation to the events of the future, except that at some point in the past, the Apple of Eden was taken by the guy that you're channeling into. So you're just doing all these steps to get to that moment, but everything, none of it has to do, like, it's so dumb. That sounds pretty dumb. It's pretty bad.

And I know people are going to be like, well, no, because the first scene was about him learning to be an assassin. The second scene was about him saving the boy. And then the boy gets captured again, so they got to go save that boy. Like, I get it all flows together, the past storyline, but it's stupid. Like, it's just dumb. This is why I don't like video game movies. Because, like, the reason movies based on books are good is because books can go into, like, super detail.

Just because you're like i'm writing words and i'm creating the images in your mind while video games it's like you're basing it off they're like they're limited to the video game so the lore itself is gonna be like kind of pulled back a bit here's the here's the biggest problem video games are what they are because the player yeah players can do whatever they want they can they can make their own stories if they want to but their actions drive the the story forward and so because games are based off of that right mm-hmm it makes it

very difficult to make a movie like there's a book the story is there you just have to Remap it Right Yeah In a In a Video game

It's just Ten times harder Eventually one day We'll get a good Video game movie But until then Even the best ones Are mediocre at best

Yeah Yeah I agree with that They just gotta stop And people are like No Comic book movies Have come along And they're doing great

Uh Tell that to DC. Their movies are shit. Just because Marvel figured it out, it took Marvel forever. Meanwhile, you got the X-Men movies are still garbage. Come on.

We got one of them, right? Yeah. Hey. Yeah, anything else happen to you? Well, and then I was really curious curious i was like oh yeah the maze runner i wonder when that isn't that supposed to be like pretty soon and it's like january of 12th of 2018 what they pushed it back another year i'm not okay with this do you think it's done i'm not okay apparently they pushed it back because he was still healing. Listen, I watch sports. People play through injuries, all right? You got to play through that injury.

You got to make this movie. Put a cast on. Put some Band-Aids on it. And, you know, tough it out. Yeah, tough it out, asshole. All right, you may have gotten run over by a car. All right. Walk it off. That's what they do in, out, asshole. All right, you may have gotten run over by a car. All right. Walk it off.

That's what they do in, like, Boston. It's like, eh, got hit by a car. It's just another day. Here, have a beer. He opens his trunk, pulls out a beer. He's like, sorry for running you over, pal. You seen a Pats game? Hell yeah.

Let's go watch it. Oh, your leg's crushed. Yeah, that's fine. Just help me in the car. Park the car. But yeah, I guess that's the movies. All right, I have something for you. All right.

It's a real treat. Before we jump into our usual shenaniganry with news and whatnot. A real treat. So one of the days when I was walking around in London, we were walking towards a tube station, and there was a guy outside singing Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Right. You know, it's Christmas time.

He's singing. Nordy gets some tips on the side of the road. You know, that kind of shenaniganry. Without any comment, I just want you to hear this guy's version of the song. All right. All right. Um. I'm not sure if you can hear it. I'm not sure if you can hear it. I'm not sure if you can hear it. I'm not sure if you can hear it.

I'm not sure if you can hear it. I'm not sure if you can hear it. I'm not sure if you can hear it. I'm not sure if you can hear it. I'm not sure if you can hear it. I'm not sure if you can hear it. I'm not sure if you can hear it. I'm not sure if you can hear it.

I'm not sure if you can hear it. I'm not sure if you can hear it. All right. We take a moment to appreciate the fact that the lyrics he just said were, and I quote, He's making a list. He's making it twice. He's going to find out who's naughty or bad. How do you not know the chorus to that song? It doesn't even make sense, whether you're naughty or bad. Exactly!

He's making a list, he's making it twice, that's not even the lyric. He's gonna find out who's naughty a list. He's making it twice. That's not even the lyric. He's going to find out who's naughty or bad. After the song, he just starts playing it and then stops to think of lyrics. Like, what are you doing? I must have stood there for 10 minutes watching this man try to get through this song, and he could not do it. He was just playing with such confidence, but the inability to complete this song. He just couldn't do it he was just he was just like playing with such confidence but the inability to complete this song he just couldn't do it he couldn't do it it's i don't know if he like rewrote it to like i just think he doesn't know the lyrics i just think he doesn't have a clue i don't i don't like christmas music that much i think it's great you're wrong i don't like Christmas music that much. I think it's great.

You're wrong. I don't. Well, there's a few Christmas songs I like. I see you come on, I'm like, oh, yeah, I like that song. I had a thought about this. I had a real thought. I thought about this long and hard. Because the other day I was driving in the car, and Christmas music came on.

I was like, why is Christmas music so damn good? Every song seems like it's great. Good every song Seems like it's great And I realize cause it's a holiday That's existed for I'm gonna say at least A thousand years And in that time

They've had a chance to whittle down the Crap shit out of it I mean that is true Cause when you think about it there's a lot Of Christmas songs that get released every year and they're garbage And no one thinks about those Everyone goes back to the old standards the ones that like the last one that people actually the last new one that people actually like i think was the mariah carey song yeah other than that most of them are garbage right like and so i i feel like we've whittled and kept only the sweet, sweet gems.

Well, even of those, I like probably like 25% of them. But that's because you are just a bad person. You don't understand the concept of joy. That's true. That's true. I have no concept of joy. I get joy from things most people wouldn't get joy from, like going to Ikea, staying at home. That's why your Christmas songs are like, you're like a Carol the Bells man. Okay.

Well, all right. Here's what I like. I like the Transcentennial Orchestra one. The Transcentennial? Yeah. What's that one called? I'm sorry, what? I'm looking this up.

I know what it's supposed to be. I know it's supposed to be Trans-Siberian, but I want to know what... Oh, yeah, Trans-Siberian. Transcentennial. Transcendentalism. Transcentennial Orchestra. Transcendental orchestra. That's not even mean. There's also the transcontinental orchestra.

To a spiritual or non-physical realm. Yeah, so it's like the ghost orchestra. Yeah, you're a huge fan of the ghost orchestra. Huge fan. Huge fan of the ghost orchestra. Huge fan. One of my favorites. Easily top five.

No, you're the Trans-Siberian. So you like that one that's like... Yeah, that one. Yeah, I like that. Isn't that also... Here's the thing. Hold on. Isn't that also Carol the Bells?

It is. It is. So when I said you like Carol's the Bell, or Carol the Bells... Oh, wait. Carol the Bells is the one that's like... Yeah, yeah. Okay, I like that one.

I know what you like. Yeah, I like both. I like that and the modernized version. I got so excited that I couldn't talk. I couldn't talk because I was so excited that I got you. I mean, all right, you got that one. I also like the Last Christmas one. Is that from the 80s?

It sounds like an 80s. The Last Christmas? It's like, last Christmas one. Is that from the 80s? It sounds like an 80s. The last Christmas? It's like, Last Christmas. Is that an 80s one? Last Christmas? What? Wham?

You, oh my God. What? Last Christmas. Yeah, that one. I gotta listen to this now. Yeah, 86. Get out of town.

I knew it was an 80s song. Why is that out of all the songs it's got a good beat i don't know that i agree with you here's the thing i don't like like this is why i listen to like edm and like the like that music it's because if i listen to like who we are again whatever i just get depressed it like makes me depressed mentally i anything from like the 1950s if i watch like a tv show or a movie from back then i just i can't handle it any time you just turn on like a black and white tv show and put on a 1950s song.

It just makes me want to like sit in a recliner, pour like a thing of whiskey and then like just sit there and be depressed about my life. No, no, no, that's not depression. That's called you're getting old.

And you didn't let it take over. Let it take over. No way, man. I'm going to keep on rocking forever. Forever. Forever. The best part.

Forever. The best part is your image on Skype is that of a greaser rocker. No way, man. So basically, in my mind now, old 1950s Grandpa Jesse is like, damn, kid. And you're like, no way, man. I'm going to keep rocking. And you just flip up your grease hair. Well, it's from the Simpsons.

It's where Homer's like a young kid. And then Grandpa Simpson's like, ah, you damn kids. And he's like, you're not even with it, old man. And he's like, I used to be with it. And then what it was changed. No, I'm not with it. and it'll happen to you too. And he's like, no way, man. I'm going to keep on rocking forever.

And it just slowly fades out. Yeah, that's your future. That's the irony of your future. So here's the problem. You're going to think you're cool and hip listening to your EDM and your technos, and then some kid's going to be like, ah, way to listen to that crap, old man. I listen to EDMM.

Yeah, but that'll be garbage. That's the difference. Yeah, of course, of course. And then, I mean, it's like the smaller, decent Christmas ones, but aside from that, you know. other decent christmas ones uh but let's be aside from that you know i i i think we've we've really we've really done a lot of of good work today yeah so i feel like we should jump over to i can't remember what comes first the traffic with crendor cre our credit how's that traffic out there hey traffic out there

is doing uh pretty bad actually because everyone's traveling uh to get to their christmas location uh and there's only one more day oh i forgot the helicopter how are you flying i don't think i was i think we were crashing uh luckily we're fine though um but But it does look like there is a giant backup on the 408 going down to the 505 to the 602 to the 105. That's pretty much the entirety of America. So if you're driving out there, watch out. Also, all the airports are packed. Everything's packed, unless you're on this chapter copter, in which case I'm the only one up here. Pretty spacious, pretty nice unless

I start crashing because it gives out again so hopefully we're fine and that's that's all I got back to you thanks Crandor now let's go over to Crandor at the weather desk Crandor how's that weather oh it's cold depending on where you are it might not be cold so I'm gonna put in.

Hold on. Let's get WAPI. WAPI activated. Four, five, four, two, three. Dayton, Ohio. Oh, hometown. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Shit, dude.

WAPI. 40 degrees Fahrenheit. Rain. Feels like 38 degrees Fahrenheit. UV index 0 of 10. Tomorrow. Christmas Eve. Yeah, Dave's pretty 0 of 10.

Doesn't matter if it's UV or what, but alright, yeah. Tomorrow. Christmas Eve. 43 degrees Fahrenheit. Cloud yeah. Tomorrow, Christmas Eve, 43 degrees Fahrenheit cloudy. Sunday, Christmas, 46 degrees Fahrenheit cloudy. Fahrenheit

cloudy? Yeah, I guess... Fahrenheit cloudy sounds like a great actor's name. It does. Call me Fahrenheit cloudy. I mean, it's pretty fitting for Dayton, Ohio. It's cloudy, rainy, and mild. We have an Air Force Base, though.

An Air Force Base? That's literally every time anyone says, what's in Dayton? People go, an Air Force Base. Oh. Yeah, right pat Air Force Base. That's where they keep the aliens.

I knew they kept them there. Yep, in Ohio. I mean, I've been aliens. I knew they kept them there. Yep. In Ohio. I mean, I've been to Dayton, Ohio, and I wanted to leave. Why? Oh, you did. I was about to ask why, but you were there. Yeah.

You were on my front lawn, if I remember. Yeah, I was on your front lawn. My old, well, not mine anymore. Some random couple's front lawn. Yeah. But yeah, you found my old house, my house I grew up in. Toaster Woman used to do like a color guard thing and they have the championships for it in dayton ohio for whatever reason so i was like it's only like four and a half hours away so i drove there would you drive well it

doesn't sound as long until you drive it and then i got there and i was like, wow, this is Dayton, Ohio. And then I was like, might as well go see your house. So I saw that, and that's pretty much all that was there. You saw and posted a picture of it. I'm surprised to this day that couple isn't dead. I am, too. Some wacky kid's like, is that where Jesse lives? Good, I shall bathe in his flesh. It's like on the front lawn, just like taking a bath.

It's like, ah, there's a stranger on the front lawn. Oh, no. I'm surprised they didn't come after you, because it's on a main street. There's no sidewalk. You're like literally walking on their grass. Well, if there's one thing you'll learn in the Midwest, thing you'll learn uh in the midwest is that in the if you're just if you're just there and you're not acting too crazy nobody cares it's only when you're acting crazy people care like if i was like i feel like in the midwest if you are filming on a person's front lawn that counts as crazy well

all right maybe well i'm more in a city. So, like, I'm not in, like, the true Midwest. Maybe I don't really know. So, I guess if you're in the country more so, it's going to be like, get off my lawn, boy. Then they got, like, their shotgun and their porch and lemonade. All we had to do in my hometown was, like, snoop on people. Like, you got off like, who's that weirdo? Let's go follow him.

That's all we had to do. Maybe I got followed. I don't know. Yeah, you probably did. Maybe I'm still getting followed. Right now. Not seeing too much. On Twitch, they're like, everyone go follow him.

Follow me? Oh, my God. I ran into a guy at Five Guys. He gave me free fries. What? Yeah, because he's like your YouTube and Twitch. Gave me free fries. Thanks, Fry Guy.

Oh, my God. Can I just give a shout out to the Bill Burr Monday Morning Podcast? That's all I've been listening to lately. What? Not our podcast? You don't wake up and listen to our podcast? No. Of course I do.

Yeah, of course. Right, right, right. When I'm not doing that, Bill Burr, Monday Morning Podcast, amazing. Bill Burr, hilarious guy. Very funny. I don't think he's as funny as us. I think we're funnier.

Well, he used to like work in like blue collar job and then we hit it like his mid to late 30s he switched over to comedy and now he's just like the most real comedian and he's from boston so he's got that like boston accent where he makes fun of things that's just him ranting for like an hour uh that's weather weather all right so what's happening in sports sports uh so uh we got a lot of football nfl football stuff going on right now oh good let's not talk about college football and the disaster that is bowl games oh yeah bowl games are wait hold on what are the bowl games this year hold on you look up pro sports i'm looking up college Okay. So as you do that, NFL football is being crazy right now. Playoff scenarios are bound.

Packers have won like five in a row. If they win two more, they're in the playoffs. They've got to beat the Vikings and the Lions. Lions are in the process of crumbling again, which is great. And there's also a bunch of other playoff scenarios like Oakland's been back into the playoffs now for the first time since like 2002.

So, congratulations to Oakland. Also, New England's in again. Classic. Buffalo is awful. Which was great because I played Buffalo's quarterback, Tyrod Taylor, one week. And he was just like, or they were playing Oakland.

And I was like, all right, they have a really bad pass defense in Oakland, apparently. So I think I'm going to do well. Played them, did shit. Buffalo was up like 20 points. They blew the game, lost all their playoff hopes. And I was like, thanks, Buffalo. Also, Pittsburgh plays Baltimore for like a playoff spot that's gonna be intense uh houston and tennessee that's gonna be a good one i hope tennessee makes it because they have been in the

playoffs for a while and i don't like houston and they always get in and lose in the first round every year it's boring uh and kansas is going to probably make it in too. Then they got Atlanta. They got Seattle, who I hate. They got Detroit. Dallas has been pretty good. The Giants, Packers. A lot of playoff battles going on.

It's going to be good stuff. They got football going on for the next two weeks. Check it out. All right, here we go. Bowl game names. Okay. First off, the pinstripe. Bowl game names. Okay. First off, the pinstripe bowl. You know.

Yeah. The cactus bowl. Yeah, the cactus bowl. The Russell Athletic Bowl. Right. The camellia bowl. Camellia bowl. I don't even know what that is. There's the Bahamas bowl.

The Tax Slayer Bowl. Get out. There's the Bahamas Bowl The Tax Slayer Bowl Get out The Capital One CFP Semi-Final Orange Bowl The Orange Bowl has the longest name now Remember it was just the Orange Bowl?

Yeah, why isn't it just the Orange Bowl? Idaho Potato Bowl The PlayStation PlayStation Fiesta Bowl Why isn't it just the Fiesta Bowl? The Go Daddy Bowl I? The Go Daddy Bowl I love the Go Daddy Bowl The Foster Farms Bowl

What? The Franklin Amer Mort Music City Bowl What happened? Colleges sold out so fast The Outback Bowl Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl Remember when the Peach Bowl was just the Peach Bowl? And not. Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl. Yo, remember when the Peach Bowl was just the Peach Bowl?

Yeah. And not the Chick-fil-A, although now I want Chick-fil-A. Oh, sorry about Chick-fil-A. They're in. They're in. Buffalo Wild Wing Citrus Bowl. Awful. All right.

Yeah, these are pretty terrible. Anyway, what is our big news story of the day? This is some awful news. How scientists are weeding out marijuana's genetic secrets. Right. Come on. Come on. There's got to be something.

Cop breaks into car to free frozen elderly woman. Finds it's a mannequin. There it is. That's our story. That's our story. All right. Police. Oh, my story. That's our story. All right. Police.

Oh, my God. Police in upstate New York broke into a parked car to rescue what looked like an unresponsive elderly woman who passerbys feared had frozen to death. But after smashing the window of the Subaru in Hudson around 830 a.m. on Fridayiday officers were relieved to find the woman was actually just an extremely realistic life-sized mannequin the vehicle's owner later returned and revealed he is a sales manager for a medical training aid manufacturer and the oxygen mask wearing mannequin he's strapped into the passenger seat as a cpr training device hudson Hudson Police said that the vehicle's unidentified owner wasn't happy about the damage cause. It is my understanding that the owner of the vehicle was

incredulous that we took action in this matter. He apparently was quite vocal and vulgar to my sergeant. No charges have been filed in connection with the case, according to CBS New York. But Moore has said he has a message for anyone else thinking of keeping mannequins inside their vehicles overnight just to clear the record all citizens of hudson should be on notice that if you park your locked

vehicle on the street on a sub-zero night with a life-size realistic mannequin seat in it, we will break your window. Okay. Why did this man need to put the mannequin in his car, though? I don't know. That's a good question. I get, at least we get the answer that he's a medical supply guy. I get that.

But why did he need to bring the, like, a mannequin? I could get maybe he would take a mannequin To show it off right But why a mannequin with a breathing mask Yeah it's I don't know it's really weird I'm gonna say this guy was banging this mannequin He was probably banging this mannequin

I think this is like his girlfriend He's like come on Bethany We've got to go home No I don't want to go home oh you'll go now breathe into this uh sir are you kidnapping that mannequin it's for her own good the top comment is if the mannequin was black she would have been shot by the police after a few knocks on the window jeez yeah apparently uh don't leave mannequins in your car yeah there's the lesson don't leave by the police after a few knocks on the window. Jeez.

Yeah, apparently don't leave mannequins in your car. Yeah, there's the lesson. Don't leave mannequins in your car. That's a good Christmas lesson. That's a lesson for everyone. Yeah, good Christmas. It's the end of the movie. It's the end of the movie, and the snow's coming down, and little Kevin McAllister, whoever the hell that kid was,

his parents came home, and he beat up the criminals trying to break into his house, and at the end, they gather around the Christmas tree, and he says, don't put mannequins in your car. And then someone was already doing it, and they're like, wow, I should have thought twice. All right, that's it for us.

That's it for us. We'll see you guys very soon with another episode thank you so much for listening may the the 12 Swedish dwarves look over you or however you lads protect you yeah the ULADS oh Crandor I forgot what I forgot what oh my god I forgot What Someone sent me

A thing for this year And I forgot Oh my god Oh my god I forgot No I'm gonna get it right now Thank god I mentioned those Thank god you did We would have ended this episode

And I straight up would have been. Shout out to Ed for sending this to us. Thanks, Ed. Because it is the best thing in the world. So he says, I found another weird Christmas tradition for you guys. I thought of you and Crendor because of the Yule Lads. It's called Teo de Nadal, a.k.a. Christmas Log. What?

To sum it up, it's a log that has a friendly painted face on it. It arrives at your doorstep at the beginning of December, and the children of the family feed it every night and put a blanket on it so it doesn't get cold. They take care of the log so it will poop presents on Christmas Day. What? of the log so it will poop presents on Christmas Day. What? What? Oh, here it is.

A part of the tradition that isn't widely practiced anymore is to put the log in the fireplace on Christmas Eve and tell it to shit out some presents while hitting it with a stick and singing songs. The thing is, the only presents it actually leaves are nuts, candies, and nougat.

The big presents are supposedly brought by three wise men. Then when it's all out of presents to shit, it will shit out a salt herring, a head of garlic, or an onion, or it will urinate water into a bowl. Here's the Wikipedia page. The image of the Wikipedia

page is so funny. It's this little guy who's just like, oh! It's just a blanket-covered log. Where did this start in? Where is this from? Oh, my God. They just sell Christmas logs.

And there's the actual photo of them beating the Tito de Nadal. Oh, my God. Crendor. Wait. It's... The song that's sung in celebration. After hitting the Tio softly with a stick during the song, it is hit harder with the words,

Kago, T.O. Then somebody puts their hand under the blanket and takes a gift. The gift is opened, and then the song begins again. There are many different songs. The following is one such example. Here's the English translation. Shit log, shit nougats,ats hazelnuts and motto cheese if you don't shit well then I'll hit you

with a stick shit log oh my god this can't be real this is oh my god This can't be real This is Oh my god This is like some prime Prime like 1100 stuff What is Arganaze

Arganaze Is that a people Well it says it's originated in Oregon It's a romance language Oh in Spain Oh Well, it says it's originated in Oregon. It's a romance language. Oh, in Spain. Yeah, Spain.

Oh. Yeah, Oregon. The Ranger? That's what I thought, but no. It's actually people. No, it turns out it's not. It's actually people. Yeah, they just beat T.O. They take T.O. and they beat this log and they demand.

You see the picture that, like, on the Wikipedia page, if you look below the thing, there's, like, a picture of the kids, like, beating the log. That's what I was saying. They're beating the log. In this picture, there not only is, here's the funny thing. In every picture we've seen so far, it's, a little tiny log with like a smiley face on it. In this image, it's three, four kids, three kids and a baby beating the crap out of what appears to be a giant piece of lumber. Yeah. And the baby's not even hitting it.

They're like, let me get a whack. But the kids are like, no, we get to whack the log. Aw, jeez, daddy. You know, all the parents are like, those are our kids. We're going to beat the crap out of that log. Shit log, shit. Oh, shit log. Oh, shit log.

Oh, my God. I can't believe this is a thing. How do, like, other places have such cooler Christmas traditions than us? You got the shit log, the ULEDs. Oh my god! Just Google Tio De Nadal and look at these amazing images.

These are some of the best. Oh, look at this one! They're like beating up this cat. It looks like a caterpillar. They're like kicking the crap out of it. Oh my god, I see see it what the shit there's one with this little boy beating it with a stick oh he's so happy what he's oh it's so mean all these logs are so happy and they're just getting the crap beat out of them with a stick why are the logs so happy i don't i don't know i'm trying to look i'm trying to look for the children's version of this that doesn't say shit log. What about this one?

Probably is the children's version. The form of the Tia Nidal is a hollow log about 30 centimeters in length. Okay. Red little thing. On Christmas Day, children beat him with a stick while singing various songs of Théodore de Noir to make him poop. Oh. So it's still poop. He's still pooping out presents.

Oh. Like, the updated version for children is he still poops out presents. So it's not even like they changed it over time. Like, you know the Christmas story with Saint Nick and all that stuff? Yeah. There was, like, Krampus, and Saint Nick was a bad dude. And then it was pretty racist because he had, like, a like a guy in like blackface walking around with him and stuff. Like they modernized it with like Coke making Santa all cool and stuff.

This one they did not. This one's like you beat this guy until he shits. Our holidays suck. Our holidays do suck. Our holidays suck. I want to beat the crap out of a log. This is in my family So help me God I'm raising all my children like this

I just went to YouTube And I searched it And there's some great things Some great things Here's a bunch of little kids They've got their log ready They're singing the song they're handing out sticks they're just using pains they're using canes and all these old people are watching and chanting along tell you

what this is something I could believe in I'm not even gonna believe in Santa I can believe in this log there's one video where they're using those giant foam noodles that are in pools and just whacking this log. The log's smiley face has like a tongue hanging out. Oh my god, it pooped out presents. Get out of town. I just laughed so hard I farted oh my god

I'm including this video in the link oh my god oh my god look at this one oh my god what it poops out gifs oh my god.

The camera zooms in and it starts pooping out gifs. Oh my god, it actually did! What the shit? I love this holiday. This is the best tradition I've ever heard of. If only we could combine this. If we could combine this with the Yule Lads, we've got the best fucking holiday. Easily.

Hands down. Best holiday around. Ever. Then like halfway through the video, It just starts playing like Mario Kart music I guess they got They got him to shit all the stuff Oh my god He actually poops out gifts

Now that's a Christmas miracle And the kids run underneath And get all the They beat him till he shits himself What kind of lesson is this? Why does this teach our kids? It's not about a lesson. It's not about teaching.

It's about the Christmas spirit. That's where we're ending it. We're ending it right there. That's the perfect point to end it. It's about the Christmas spirit. Go forth, my little you lads out there listening. Go beat up some logs. Go beat some logs.

Go beat some logs so they shit you in prison. And we will see you very, very soon with another episode. And as always, to be continued.