Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 129 - The Man in the Front Row

Episode Date: February 21, 2017

Cox n' Crendor are back! This time we talk Jesse's Great Wall experience, horse meat, Hell's Kitchen lies, and much much more...

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendor in the morning. Hello everybody, welcome back to Cox and Crendor in the morning. He's dead. It's over. It's unfortunate. It's now just Cox and Ghostor in the morning. Hey, Ghostor here. I'm a ghost, but I'm Crendor. That's me. There's really no difference. I, I want to be a ghost.

There's really no difference. I don't want to be a ghost. Ghosts, that sounds like a shitty. Every time I see a paranormal show, they're like, ghosts are tethered to a place of sadness. And I'm like, well, that sounds like crap. Yeah, but how do they know? That's what I'm saying. Sounds like they're judging ghosts.

If anything, they're ghost racist. Judging ghosts, I'm not a fan of it. I believe the ghosts are enjoying themselves, reliving. I would. You know, they might. I would love it. They got, like, two types of ghosts, right? There's the ones that are, like, on replay or something.

They just, like, keep doing the same thing over and over. That'd be shitty. But if you're just one of those ghosts, like, chills in a house, and you're just like, and you, like, pick up cups and shit and throw them on the floor That'd be fun So you want to be a poltergeist is what you want to be Yeah I want to be a poltergeist too

I don't want people to like see me I imagine my ghost form would be pretty boring But like I want to mess with people Also I kind of want to watch people doing it As like a ghost And be like boo that was boring Try it again Or what if you just always mess with them And they gotta like stop and be like, boo, that was boring. Try it again.

Or what if you just always mess with them and they gotta stop and be like, what's going on? No, I wouldn't do that. I'm a voyeur ghost. I'm just an old dirty perv ghost. There's gotta be a VR game like that. Ghost perv VR. I'm telling you. I'll make millions. That's a game that's a game like can you spy on as many people

banging in this hotel as possible ghost perv VR and you just do various scenarios with ghost perv VR you could even just be like you start out as just normal ghosts and he's like walking down the street you start like poke oh my god there needs to be a ghost game on VRr all right yeah why is this you can go through walls and stuff go through walls you just like poke people on the street and they're like ah what are you doing and the other person's like i didn't do anything but it's because it's because it's a ghost it's you yeah because it's ghost perf just slap people on the butt And get them in trouble Ghost Purve Ghost Purve

VR This sounds like This sounds like an amazing Video game slash I would say TV tie-in Yeah Easily a TV tie-in

You just I would love to see the show Called Ghost Curve Ghost Curve Ghost Curve According to our charts Ghost Perv is on the Ghost Curve upward Ghost Perv

Perfect VR Ghost Perv VR Buy it today NBC would pick it up I bet they would They'd take anything They would

At this point So Speaking of TV I had an epiphany Over the last few Last week and a half I've been doing a lot of TV watching And I noticed

While watching old episodes Of Hell's Kitchen That show Lies like crazy You don't notice it while watching it live on TV But if you watch it on Netflix, this is my challenge to everyone out there. Go watch Netflix.

Go watch Hell's Kitchen. Maybe you don't even have to watch more than three episodes, but you will because it's Hell's Kitchen and it's addictive as shit. But the trailers in those shows, they lie. They flat out lie to you. You don't notice it on a week to week basis

Because a week goes by and you don't quite remember what the trailer was But the trailers flat out lie I wrote down a perfect example So at the end of one of the episodes It was like next time on Hell's Kitchen And then it shows It's like two people fall in love But one gets hurt in the fire

One guy goes crazy and it shows like one of the characters Like put a light up to his face And then it goes Will another chef get jealous and it shows like Chefs fighting And then I go watch the next episode Literally the scene with the guy Holding the flashlight in front of his face

Is not even in the episode No one falls in love and no chefs get jealous They just took clips Out of context and made a trailer for the next episode Shit dude And I have this epiphany Is that Them spoofing trailers

Or are they lying on purpose What is actually the purpose of Them making the trailers the way they do I feel like I can't figure it out it's so blatant Crendor it's not even like them trying to spin something. They just BS and it doesn't even happen in the next episode. And I can't, I can't figure out if that's them like spoofing how dumb end of episode

trailers are, or if it's them really expecting people to be stupid and not pick up on this. Here's the thing. You turned into the next episode After they showed it to you I did And then I realized It was a whole lot And here's the problem Is I kept watching

I was like Oh man I bet that next episode Is gonna have the crazy scene No If anything The one guy they said was crazy They're like

Next episode This guy goes crazy And that episode Gordon Ramsay's like You're actually cooking Much better now Like What? I was expecting this dude To lose his mind And instead it was like You've become a great chef Gordon Ramsay's like, you're actually cooking much better now. Like, what?

I was expecting this dude to lose his mind, and instead it was like, you've become a great chef, and I'm really inspired by you. And I'm like, what is going on? It's a flat-out lie. It blew my mind. Blew my mind. What they need to do is every, like, fifth episode or so, they actually put in things that are in the episode.

That way, you don't know if it's going to be in there or not, and sometimes it will be. It blew my mind. I couldn't believe that it was all lies. It's blatant lies. Someone needs to put a clip together of all the episode lies that they've done in one season of Hell's Kitchen because it's all lies. That show is all lies. I think's Kitchen because it's all lies. That show is all lies. I think most TV is a lot of lies.

You know what? Speaking of which, I have another lie for you. I told you I have a lot of stuff today. Hold on. I'm going to segue. Yeah. Before that, I was watching on Netflix The Chef's Kitchen, and I'm like halfway through the second season of it and there's a restaurant called the Petit Crenn

and I want to eat there. Yeah. I think you should. Where is it at? It's in San Francisco. Oh my God. You have to leave your house. Yeah, but I don't want to.

Well, you're never going to eat there then. It's a dream. No, I'm probably not going to eat there ever, but I think it'd be funny to eat there because it's like half my name. I would pay for that opportunity. I would pay for you to eat there and if I could film it all. You know what? And get your review of that restaurant.

As long as I could be on Netflix, Chef's Kitchen, and Hell's Kitchen. You can't actually do any of those things. kitchen and hell's kitchen you can't actually do any of those i don't know what you think my reach is but i'm pretty sure my offer to fly you to a place to eat there does not extend to now you're on hell's kitchen i don't think that's possible dude gordon ramsay's been tweeting at people not you he might i want to tweet food at him he could go to mean it's possible i need to tweet food at him he's been tweeting at people Like tweet him food And they're like Hey Gordon

What do you think of my thing And he's like If that's vomit Then it looks pretty accurate Like he's been tweeting At everybody That's tweeted at him recently I think his PR dude

Was like Yo start tweeting at people They love it And criticize Look at all the twitster They love that shit It's great Fantastic

I want to go tweet at him now. I want to make food and tweet at him. You should. I'm going to do it. I'm going to make a bowl of cereal and be like, Gordon, what do you think of this food I made? Someone today said, this is my first omelet I made. What do you think? And he's like, fork and disgusting.

That's just the avocado. And then someone's like, it's my first time making brownies. Can you give me feedback? And it's got minions on them. And he's like,'s my first time making brownies can you give me feedback and it's got minions on them and he's like please remove paper before eating chloe like he puts people's names into it too and even just it adds that extra bit of like personality to it i love it he's like what do you think of my grilled chicken gordon and he's like could you not hear the fire along where's there's a good one hold on he's like how did you not hear the fire alarm? Where's there's a good one.

Hold on. He's like, how did he not think of this before? Like, this is the perfect. People love to get roasted by this dude. I know. Like Darren Clark said, would you like to try some of my penny? Our biota. And then he's like, P.S. Darren, that's called spaghetti.

Just laying the low blows on people Yeah I don't know who's running his twitter account I hope it's him but if it's some paid person God bless that dude is killing it It's got I'm like I am confused Because I think it's him And I like to think it's him

But I don't know if it's just someone He does so much I can't believe that he's just on there Shit talking people It's possible he could be so much. I can't believe that he's just on there shit-talking people. It's possible. It's possible he could be doing it, but I don't know. Gordon, if you're really shit-talking people, shit-talk us. Yeah, shit-talk us, Gordon.

Come on. Tweet at us and tell us. Listen to this program. Tell us that this podcast is like a trash bag in flavor town. Oh, man, I love this one. They're like, check out my first reattempt at chicken empanadas, and he's like, they look like camel hooves. Oh, I love these. I could eat these all day.

So, I have another question for you. Yes. And it has to do with TV I was watching something the other day But a commercial came on for baby diapers Okay yes And the baby diapers Basically what the ad said

Was that these Pampers diapers Are so comfortable And so good That it will make your baby not pee themselves. What? Right? Like, that was the promise of these diapers. And it says your baby...

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm wrong. The premise of these diapers is that the babies won't know that they pee themselves, right? So it's, like, super comfortable, and they won't wake up in the middle of the night. They'll just go pee and then like sleep through the night and then the next day you can change them. I guess that's the way these diapers work. Okay. And I immediately had this reaction that wasn't like, oh, well, that's interesting.

My first thought, and I wrote this down, was, but isn't waking up from peeing in the middle of the night Part of the training yourself not to pee the bed? Yeah Like isn't that the process of Eventually You don't Like you realize how Not to do that So you don't do it anymore

But if it's not an issue You just pee yourself And then you're still comfortable Isn't that setting up an entire generation of people who just Are fine pissing everywhere No Like uncontrollable pee Children

Where like children just pee everywhere Isn't that what it's Because they're saying You can pee your pants as a child And not have to worry about it Uh No okay It depends On how comfortable you're gonna get I have to worry about it. Now, okay.

It depends on how comfortable you're going to get peeing the bed. That's what I'm saying is as a little baby, you're peeing like crazy, right? But this is saying these diapers, you put them on and it doesn't affect you. You can just pee everywhere you want and you'll be fine. Which, again, sets a dangerous precedent. I think for young kids, there's gonna be little kids peeing everywhere. You're gonna be going to movie theaters. Kids peeing. You're gonna be out at the doctor.

Kids peeing. You'll be at the mall. Trails of pee. And no one will care. No one will care. We set a deadly precedent. You're wrong. I'm worried.

They're not gonna be peeing everywhere. They're gonna be wearing diapers for the rest of their life. Those diapers. They'll be like, I don't have to pee. Like a toilet. I can just pee in my diaper. And they'll just keep making bigger and bigger diapers. And then they'll be like, did you get your diapers?

We make them in adult sizes now. And they'll be like, hell yeah, dude. I keep wearing them. Yeah, but that's not cool. That's not cool. Well, that's what's going to happen. I'm not okay with this future. I'm not okay.

I'm already hating on bilennials or whatever the hell we're going to call these damn next generation. Bilennials? Bilennials. I don't know. What comes after millennials? I figure two, right? There's one and then two. Bilennials.

I don't know what to call these people. Trilennials. No, you can't call them trilennials Two lenials What about Generation Generation P That's a good one

Generation P Get shit on little kids Oh man Wow I need to tell you Oh man Wow I need to tell you An amazing story I actually put this on my snapchat And hyped it up

I need to tell you this This past weekend we went to go see The Great Wall Okay is that the movie with what's his name In Chinese Oh it's a terrible movie Maybe one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time Super funny though movie with what's his name in China? Matt Damon, yes. Oh, it's a terrible movie. Maybe one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time. Super funny, though, because

it's just bad. But, for example, Matt Damon has an accent in this movie that is no one on Earth has ever spoke this way, ever. I think he's supposed to be Irish or Scottish or whatever, but he just talks like hello, I've come to free your people.

It's so weird. Meanwhile, everyone else has an accent. Like the guy from Game of Thrones, something Pascal, I think his last name. The guy who was the spear dude. Shit, I can't remember his damn name. He's dead now, so it doesn't matter. But that guy's in it. And Willem Dafoe is in it.

And a bunch of really famous Chinese actors are in it. And you can tell this movie, the budget's amazing. The visuals are cool. But man, is it just a terrible movie. It is terrible. And so there was a moment while we were watching this where halfway through the movie, we're talking a good hour in. All right. An older bald man walks in with a tray of four large beers, sits down by himself in the front row, and proceeds to laugh and cheer and drink like...

I've never seen anything like it. He was so into this movie. And I started watching more of him than the actual movie because he was super entertaining. This guy was into this movie. And I thought he brought those beers because maybe there's people down there that he didn't see. Nope. He was just drinking four large beers by himself watching this film. And I feel

like he probably got the best of it because he didn't get to see the shitty beginning. He just got to see the action-filled ending. Were they like stadium sports games? Yeah, like big beers. Like just big beers Like just big And he's just drinking

And he's having a good Old time down there And And this movie I mean is so terrible To the point that They even have that scene Where

The one Chinese Lady like comes up To Matt Damon And they have that moment It's like Ah I see we aren't so different

After all Like that kind of shit It's like Ugh Groan But this guy was like, yeah! He was so excited. It's true.

We are different. Right? And so the movie ends. And everyone in the theater is like, oh, that was terrible. This guy stands up and gives it a standing ovation. And he's the only person clapping, clapping loudly. And then when he sees no one else is clapping, turns around and like mean mugs us all and claps even louder. And we're all just like, I think this guy might kill us.

We should go right now. There's your problem. I would have started clapping. This guy claps louder And louder And starts cheering Certain actors As their name Appears in the credits

And it was so Freaking hilarious Because we're just like What is this guy doing We couldn't figure it out So we started watching him But as the more We watched him

And the weirder he got The more I was like This is some Cape Fear shit We are going This guy is going to Follow us home and kill us This guy Was crazy Man I don't know You have to be The more I was like, this is some Cape Fear shit. We are going, this guy is going to follow us home and kill us. This guy was crazy.

I don't know. You have to be, I get that he was probably drunk at that point. Yeah. But you have to already be another level of crazy to be this drunk. It was so weird. And then after the movie was over, he like sort of slinked out of the theater. We were all outside talking about the movie and just shit talking this movie and having a great time Laughing about it and this guy Walks out and just like

It was like a different man It was like a different person he like Hobbled his way out of the theater And like sort of slow Walked away and I'm telling you I think it was just Matt Damon In a fat suit In a bald fat suit I'm convinced of this I'm convinced of, I think it was just Matt Damon in a fat suit. In a bald fat suit. I'm convinced of this.

I'm convinced of this. The guy was like maybe 80, 90 years old. There's no way. I'm telling you, he was like an old dude. There is absolutely no way an old dude is going to show up to a movie like this at 10.45 is when it started. So we're talking 11, almost midnight. There's no way an old dude is going to show up to a movie like this At 10.45 is when it started So we're talking 11 almost midnight There's no way an old dude is gonna show up to a movie like this Four beers

Show up late and then stand up and applause And then look at us like we're all idiots For not applauding at this movie Then after it's over be a totally different Style of old man and like hobble outside And walk by us very slowly Cause it was Matt Damon trying to listen to what we were saying About his movie

Convinced of this convinced of it They do have some pretty good makeup artists I'm telling you I know Hollywood I cannot I know it had to have been him There's no explanation There's no other explanation

I'm going to Sherlock this shit and say Simplest answer Matt Damon in a fat old suit There's no other way Other I'm going to Sherlock this shit and say, simplest answer, Matt Damon in a fat old suit. There's no other way. Other than that, it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. I don't think I've ever seen anyone that crazy at a movie theater. Not at all. Neither have I.

Not once. It does not make sense. That's so weird. I can't even begin to tell you. I've seen some people like that out and about, not like You know they're not like full four beers in They're just like half a beer in Actually you know what There's this guy

I was walking to get Food at this restaurant place and meet My friend there and it was right next to this dive Bar so there were already people drunk at like Four o'clock so this guy Looks like He's probably about 15 beers in and he's 15 beers i feel like that's a stretch no if you would have saw him you would have been

like you know what you're probably right all right 15 beers i'd say 15 minimum 10 that man is walking dead i'd say a minimum 10 he 10. He had like the scraggly scruff on his face. He's like half lost, but he kind of knew where he was going. And I was just walking, and he came up out of the bar, and he looked at me, he's like, look up there, man.

And I looked up, and it was just the sky, and he's like, fucking red. I mean, he's not wrong. I think you might have to be 15 beers drunk to really appreciate it, but he's not wrong. I mean, look up every once in a while, and you'll be blown away. Like, the fucking sky, though, man. I was just like, yeah.

And then he, like, did the high five thing, and I gave him a high five, and then he kept walking. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. High five, man. I can appreciate that. Oh, my God. Speaking of Trader Joe's, there weren't any drunk people, but I was checking out

and this dude was just like, find everything? And I'm like, yeah. And he's like, you ever have vivid dreams? And I was like what uh yeah and he's like i've been having a lot lately what yeah he went from like did you find everything you're looking for and i'm like yeah thanks and he's like do you have any vivid dreams and i'm like i mean sometimes and he's like i've been having a lot lately. I'm like, oh, you don't want to have nightmares then?

And he's like, yeah, I don't want to have nightmares. I have a heart attack. And I was like, yeah. And then that was like it. He didn't tell me any of his vivid dreams. He was just curious. I'm going to need cashiers to stop talking to me You know what I'm gonna just put it out there

Don't talk to me We need more self checkout that's all I'm saying Take my money I was at the grocery store The other day and the two I don't know I'm gonna say like Late teens boys that were at the Checkout for me one guy was bagging And this other guy was at the cash register

And when I got up there they were talking about bagging and this other guy was at the cash register. And when I got up there, they were talking about video games. And this one guy's like, yeah, man, I hear that new Resident Evil 7's out. I can't wait till payday. I'm gonna get that shit. It's gonna be so good. And the other guy's like, yeah, is it that good, dude? And I'm like, oh, it's actually really good. I just beat it. It's super fun. And they both look at me and they're like,

nah, I hear it's lame. I'm like, wait, what? And I realized, like, if I officially become the old man that thinks lame I'm like wait what And I realize like If I officially become the old man That thinks I'm like I hear that game's cool boys And they're like ugh lame I don't want to play it now

I was like oh no Am I that guy now Oh shit you're becoming what you don't want to be I had that moment It's like if I find a song and my mom's like, I love that song. I'm like, oh. Well, yeah. Cool.

And I think I was that guy. I think they were sitting there talking about how excited they were for it. And I was like, yeah, I definitely beat it. It's super fun, boys. And they were just like, yeah, I'm not really interested in that game. I was like, no. You're the old person using Facebook now. And they're just like, dude, I can't wait to play Resident Evil. And then you're like the parent or like the aunt who's like, hey, boys, I know of that video game as well.

It's a very fun one, and your Uncle Tom bought it for me the other day. That Albert Wesker, he's a real bad egg. I can't wait to play as the new Chris Redfield. He's a great guy. You ever notice that with old people on Facebook? They type journal entries whenever they make any type of post. It's weird. I think I'm becoming that, but with text messages.

Rather than just write a text message that's really, really short and to the point, I just ramble. It's a giant paragraph I sent a text message the other day that straight up It had a link at the bottom of it To go to the full text message What? You had to click

The text message to then open up A giant text file that's how long it was You're getting too old for me now I wouldn't have clicked that I know I'm a mess I'm too old I'm far too old for me now I wouldn't have clicked that I know, look, I'm a mess I'm too old, I'm far too old Oh yeah I was also

Thinking about Girl Scout cookies, right? Who doesn't? Here's the thing If you really think about Girl Scout cookies What is it? What? Yeah, okay what wait no you can't just say yeah and then move on what do you mean girl scout cookies all right what are they doing they're taking these girls all right and they're teaching them like they're making them into cookies go sell these cookies right it seems

harmless right they go door to door like, you want to buy some cookies? People are like, yeah, I'll buy some Girl Scout cookies. They're great. But what is actually happening here is they're teaching America how to buy shitty food. And then they're showing these girls how to sell people the shitty food and make money off it. They're pretty much encouraging new McDonald's corporations. Nope. I disagree entirely

There's nothing shitty about Girl Scout cookies Nothing Except the saturated fat levels Uh you know what I'd risk it For a thin mint I'm not gonna lie with you Uh Here's the thing

Yes yes Health door You take that risk Your saturated fat's gonna be so elevated Here's the thing. Yes. Yes. Health door. You take that risk. Your saturated fat is going to be so elevated. It's going to be on the 15th floor. All right. Right with the rest of the Girl Scout cookies.

Right with the rest of the Girl Scout cookies. Now, you drop that saturated fat down a bit. You might get down to a healthy level. You might be able to even eat two. Wait, what? You're saying that if I eat them, I have high saturated fat levels, but if I don't eat them, I can eat them? No.

I believe that's what you just said. You said, if I don't eat them, then you can have two. No. Alright. Rewind the tape. Internet, rewind the tape. We don't need to rewind. Playoffs!

Playoffs? Playoffs! Where was I going with this? I'm waiting for that. This was just a thought that I had. Alright. I was just like, shit, dude. You gotta stop having those.

This was like an InfoWars thought I had. I was like, they're cheating the kids did speak mcdonald's corporation sellers guys time out for a minute i could watch their aliens those i could watch those alex jones videos on youtube all day that man is a crazy person and i love it You know why they're using paper towels? They're taking them all the way to the aliens. The aliens are using paper towels. They're creating these paper towels. They're tearing them up.

They're tearing up society and they're tearing up our loved ones and our families. My favorite clip is when he's screaming and yelling and red-faced and he goes, I gotta stop getting so worked up, but I've been back in the gym and my testosterone's getting up. It's so funny. I can't even... Every time he talks, his face turns like purple. He's like a real life Willy Wonka blueberry kid.

Yeah, he's like if Augustus Gloop and that blueberry girl had a child. That is what he would be. Somewhere stuck in the middle of that factory, the two of them found love, and that's the child. You bloopers are aliens. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I don't know if I told you this, and I think I might have, but I found a message on my phone from my mom.

And she said, hey, we're watching your favorite movie and I'm like uh what movies that and she's like you know your favorite night I'd replied a movie and she goes oh no your other favorite movie the hump a lump us I'm like you mean the Oompa Loompas she's like yeah The Humpa Lumpas The Humpa Lumpas The Humpa Lumpas I like how she just said You know your favorite movie

Like I'd somehow associate that with Willy Wonka Like oh yeah you're watching Willy Wonka You know Willy Wonka my favorite movie No that's not the case at all Did you watch it as a kid a lot? No no In fact the scene where they go through the tunnel tunnel scared the shit out of me as a kid. I have to fast forward that scene.

That scared me terribly. Like the weird worms and crap. That scene was terrifying. I remember watching Willy Wonka. And I don't remember being scared that much. But then I remember watching Dunstan Checks In. And I loved that movie. And you were horrified? I was six or seven years old. And I watched Dunstan Checks In. And I love that movie. We had it on VHS. And you were horrified?

I was six or seven years old, and I watched Dunstan Checks In like every day. That explains so much about you. It's all coming together now. He's a monkey. I'm aware. I'm aware of who Dunstan is and why he checked in. Poor Jason Alexander, what happened to your career? Listen,

that was the first time I ever saw him in anything. Who? Dunstan? No, Jason Alexander. The guy from Seinfeld? Yeah, because I didn't watch Seinfeld when I was seven years old. I guess that's true. So if I see Seinfeld later on, I'm like, hey, it's the guy from Dunstan checks in. That is so sad.

That is so very sad. Listen, I was looking up reviews for it because it only got an eight percent on rotten tomatoes very underrated movie extremely underrated if you've never seen dunstan checks in look up the trailer it shows dunstan giving a massage to a naked woman all right huh and yes i looked up one of the reviews that gave it like 10 stars, and he is like, dude, I love the scene where Dunstan massages the woman. And that was like the only reason he gave it 10 stars. Uh-huh. That's all I got. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Speaking of reviews, I just noticed someone sent me a list of reviews for The Great Wall on IMDb. I feel like for the next episode, I need to find the best ones on here because, oh my god, they're all like 10-star reviews. What? How is this possible? It doesn't even make any sense. There's one called I Never thought it would be this good you know what movie made more money than the great wall 50 shades darker

oh well that's i mean i haven't seen that but i have i have drank That shit at our at our local movie Theater they do like special drinks for Different like themed drinks for Different movies mm-hmm and it's all About Fifty Shades Darker and so all Those drinks I put it on Instagram the Three drinks you can get they're Terrible I've had all three they're Terrible in fact I've had more than all

Three I've had multiple I've been back Multiple times and drank the same shitty drinks over. Why, you might say? Because it gets you effed up quick. Those drinks are pure alcohol. They say, like, we've added orange this and that. Nope. Those bartenders are like, I know why you're here.

Just drink. Got some rubbing alcohol if you want that instead. They're terrible. I can't even describe to you one of them tastes just like like rubbing alcohol it tastes like ass it's the worst the worst i don't know because i saw the first one right for like you have to see it i haven't seen the first one so you have to be my guy who sees the second one like after seeing the first one i feel like i've seen it all well this one i think there's like a stalker chick i saw the trailer there's like a stalker chick and i imagine they bang again but after you telling me it takes them an hour to even get there i don't know that i can wait an hour to get there come on wait that long now

they're like this one's gonna get super crazy she's gonna wear a blindfold i don't care they're just like oh my god she's gonna wear a blindfold like just like it's made for like the 45 year old woman out at brunch with like her mimosa and her like bottle of wine ready for the evening and she's like did you see the new film where they blindfold that girl oh my my god, Sandy. That was the best film I've seen in my 45 years of living. For the first time in three months, I went home and pleasured my husband.

It was phenomenal. For him. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. And then she died of smoker scoff. The end. And scene. And that Smokerskopf. The end. And scene.

And that happened somewhere in the world. Yep, it did. We know it did. All right. Well, is that it for us? For fun time stories? Can we jump into the news? I think we can jump into the news.

All right. Well, let's go to Shopping Addicts of the Sky with Crandor. Crandor. How's that traffic out there? It's going fine. Everybody's going fine on the 485, but then you take a look at the 252, and that thing is to tie your shoe. It is tied up out there.

It is backed up. If I'm you, I got to go to the 408. The 408's not going to keep you late. You know what I'm you, I gotta go to the 408. The 408's not gonna keep you late. You know what I'm saying? I'm rhyming today, but don't fall astray off the path of the road, or you might end up in a ditch. Back to you. Thanks, Crendor.

That made no sense. Now let's go to Crendor at the weather desk. Crendor, how's that weather? Weather desk is great. Woppy's feeling good. Woppy, Woppy. Woppy activated. What? What is Woppy's feeling good. Woppy, Woppy. Woppy activated. What is Woppy hitting?

No, he's hitting the Woppy activation lever, and he's been so fixed that. Do you know how to use a lever? You don't, like, mash a lever. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is a different kind of lever. Oh, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, gotcha.

Alternative lever. 5, 4, 1, yeah, yeah. Okay. Gotcha. Alternative levers. 5, 4, 1, 2, 4. Gillette, Wisconsin. 47 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 42 degrees Fahrenheit. Rain starting at 6.30 p.m. Central Standard Time. Tomorrow.

57 degrees Fahrenheit. Tuesday night. 36 degrees Fahrenheit. Tuesday night, 36 degrees Fahrenheit. Rain. He's good. Let's go over to Grindr at the sports desk. Sports. Dude, it's been warm here.

I'm aware. I'm aware. You've told me. Normally, it's like 30 degrees outside. It's like 68 today. Shit's crazy, dude. So, sports. So many sports things going on. Patriots won the Super Bowl again.

That's true. The All-Star game was stupid. The dunk contest was stupid. Yep. There was a moment where the crowd turned on the people trying to dunk. Wait, you were actually watching the dunk contest? Yeah, dude. Now, let me tell you, I used to watch the dunk contest all the time until...

It's not like watch, watch, but it's on the background. In case something cool happens and I can catch the replay when they replay it like 50 times. I used to watch the dunk contest every year. And then the one year, brought out some like Honda Civic. They're like a brand new 2015 Honda Civic and Blake Griffin's going to dunk over it. And then he dunked over it. It wasn't even that cool. And then they're like, he wins.

And I was like, this shit's fake and sponsored. And I never watched it again. They also had a like Drone drop one Oh yeah no it's definitely all like Stupid yeah but Boy do I enjoy watching a guy try to jump over Three people to make it in the hoop I think it's really That's true I don't care I'll still watch the highlights

I still like seeing some crazy Dunks like they had the Michael Jordan free throw Dunk Those are always fun It's still the all-star game and everything about it is really stupid and pointless and uh i don't know why anyone would go like pay to go watch it yeah but you know it's on tv in the background so i you know i wasn't doing anything this week i was just laying around so i watched that shit i did watch part of the three-point contest

whatever i like the three-point contest you can't fake fake that. You can't fake that. Those points is real. Those is real points. Hockey's second half's getting going pretty hot. Blackhawks are still doing good. I think the Penguins are doing pretty good. I know. The Kings, it's funny to watch people

in LA tweet about the Kings because they're super salty right now. Apparently, they're not very good. Well, they're only two points behind Calgary for a wild card spot. However, I'd rather have Calgary in because Canada needs more teams in there. Edmonton is doing well. Canada? Crendor?

Yeah. Like, what if I came to Chicago and then we went to Canada? I would do that. And filmed a thing in Canada. I would do a Canada adventure. I haven't been to Canada in maybe 15 years. The last time I was, no, not 15, 10. Oh my god, maybe 15.

Oh my god, I'm so old. Oh my god. Yeah, I love Canada. Canada is like, I'm so old Yeah, I love Canada Canada is like I'm gonna say it, it's like a nicer Version of America It's like what I wish America would be sometimes Yeah

I've never met an asshole from Canada Ever I just haven't, and I imagine Because the rest of the Canadians get rid of them They're like, wow wow you're mean eh And they throw him off on an iceberg and they're gone Shit dude Like Steve why do you have to be such a dick

Throw him on the iceberg Probably throws himself he's like sorry man I'll go to the iceberg Oh I'm so sorry guys For being a dick Put me on the old iceberg Give me my Yammer Jagger jersey Throw me on the iceberg Dude speak of which my Yammer Jager jersey. Throw me on the iceberg.

Dude, speak of which, your Yammer Jager has scored. His mullet is fabulous. He scored like his 1900th goal or something, or 1900th point. You can't hate on Yammer Jager. Man is a legend. Insane. He's 45 years old.

He's got 11 goals and 23 assists. It's crazy. He was drafted years old. He's got 11 goals and 23 assists. It's crazy. He was drafted in 1990. Yeah, man. I remember watching him on the Penguins when the Penguins were like unstoppable back in the 90s. It's insane. I remember that shit.

Let's see. Hold on. I got to see how many goals he's got. Yarmir Yager. So I think it's... Yarmir Yager and Super Mario. Super Mario Brothers 45. Let's see.

Hockey database. Here it is. He has a total of... Where is it? NHL totals. Goals. Playoffs. Regular season.

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. He's got 760 normal season goals. 123 regular season goals. And he's gotten 760 normal season goals 123 regular season goals and he's gotten 1900 points damn so you get points if you get goals and assists so he's made a lot of assists and a lot of goals that's a man that's a that's a that's a man who knows how to play that guy's a stone cold killer yeah most nhl points ever I want to compare him to the guy in second place. Oh, wait.

So we got Wayne Gretzky had 894. Gordie Howe, 801. And then Jager's third. Yeah, I figured Gretzky, because Gretzky was in for a long time, too, before he quit. Yeah. So shit, dude. He's in the top three. I like it.

I like it. And then. Let's beat Howe, beat Gordy Get him out of there He already beat Gordy That was the goals, now in points Oh my god So, Jager moved into second place With 1900 points Wayne Gretzky's in first

With 2800 Jesus Christ That's insane. Yeah, that's insane. And he played 20 years. So Jager's got three more years to get about 900 more points. He can do it, right? Yeah, he can do it.

He just has to be the best three years of his life. He's just the most amazing. It'll be like a Lifetime movie. Yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Or a Disney Lif from. It'll be like a Lifetime movie. Yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Or a Disney Lifetime. Called Never uh, I don't know. Frozen Over. Frozen Older. Frozen Older. Frozen Older. Yep. He sings a song

in it. A very old version of Let It Go. Let it go! Yeah. Oh my god. Can I also say, now that the NFL season's over, it's all we're only a couple months away from my favorite NFL time of also say, now that the NFL season's over, we're only a couple months away from my favorite NFL time of the year, the draft. I love the draft. It's like my favorite thing to watch. I like it more than the Super Bowl. It's so dumb. It's the best thing.

Alright, this is why. They analyze the players so much. Yes, too much. Too much. Here we go, watch this. Ashton Lampkin, too much. Too much. Here we go. Watch this. Ashton Lampkin, Oklahoma State, 5'11", 181. He's got a 5.1 grade. All right. His strengths, played in various coverages,

and his rare experience of playing some press coverage in the Big 12 shows patience from press coverage. He can wait for receivers to release before opening his hips. Decent feet, hip fluidity to mirror and match in the space but his weaknesses not at switchy explosive cornerback he's got issues with maintaining discipline from man and zone coverage he's gonna get caught staring down quarterbacks and he will find himself out of position however he has this ability to delay in closing the ball that will limit his production on the field, and that's going to be a crucial thing.

Bottom line, average corner without physical player traits that can plant him in a solid situation in the NFL for very long. I like the basic just there. He opens his hips, kind of twitchy. What I got out of that. Dude, these are like the He's a 5.1. Opens hips, kind of twitchy. Here's Marshawn Lattimore. Strengths.

Uber athlete. He parks under the receiver's chin at the line of scrimmage. He uses disruptive inside hands to slow the release, and he can punch him out on that press coverage. Now, he utilizes the timing well to open up a matchup against the receiver. He's got explosive hip flips and they just start. This is gibberish. This is all gibberish.

I could make it like we could just pick a person and make stuff up about this person and people would be like, wow, this is really in depth. Here's the thing. He's only got one year of starting experience in college. He wasn't even tested by high-end talent very often. It's going to be a lot of NFL experience. I'd compare him to Vontae Davis. I love the fact that they just throw out words like, he's got explosive tight ends.

And if you get deep inside of him, you find out that he's ruptured. Ruptured like a spleed. A spleed of justice that he uses to smite his enemies. It's like, what are you talking about? Tell you what, Joe. I haven't seen a kid like this since the 85 draft where we saw Troy Aikman get drafted. Now, I am Troy Aikman, and I do enjoy watching old tape of myself. And I don't know where I am anymore because I've had about 28 concussions.

I like peanut butter. That's great. Someone comes up and feeds him peanut butter. He's like, yum, yum, yum. Dude, when I was tweeting the Super Bowl, Troy Aikman legit. Like, I watch Troy Aikman and Joe Buck because I have to watch them every week. Because they'll do Packer games all the time and then they do the playoff Packer games

and so I've heard so much of their like commentary then Joe Buck did the World Series so I had to listen to him with the Cubs stuff too so I've heard so much of Joe Buck and he's just like here we go at a sports event it's a big time he just has like

he can't change his vocal tone he has the same tone I wonder if he talks like that at home like hello Charlie It's a big time. He just says like, he can't change his vocal tone. He has the same tone. I wonder if he talks like that at home. Like, hello, Charlie. How are you doing at school today?

And then Troy Aikman. Dad, I know who you are. Troy Aikman's confused. He's literally confused all the time. He's messed up player names. He's like flip flop their names. He's called them the wrong names. He said they got a field goal one time when they didn't get a field goal. He's messed up player names. He's like flip flop their names. He's called them the wrong names.

He said they got a field goal one time when they didn't get a field goal. He's like, they didn't actually score there, Troy. And he's like, oh. Whoops. Speaking of terrible football, like QB football players, have you seen the new commercial for the new Serta Black mattress?

Serta Black? There is a commercial with My brain just died Who's the QB that just won the Super Bowl? Help me out here. Tom Brady Yeah, Tom Brady, thank you. I block him out of my mind Because I hate that man Anyway, so the commercial is Tom Brady

Going into like a very secretive Club? And being led by this Tom Brady going into like A very secretive club? Question mark? And being led by this man In an elevator Given a key and then taken down this Long corridor in this weird hall And then the key opens this golden door and inside of it

Is just a mattress And then the man's like Is this all you need? And then Tom Brady deadpan looks in the camera And in the I'm gonna say, creepiest way possible, the borderline, like, and now we do it sort of way, he's like, yes, this will do just nicely. You're like, whoa, what is happening?

It is, yeah, it is a weird commercial. Like, he has a mattress fetish. He's like that guy, if you remember that video where those four guys were humping that futon? I feel like that's Tom Brady. He just starts humping mattresses. Shit, dude.

And his wife is like, what are you doing, Tom? He's like, humping his mattress, baby. Okay, when you're done, dinner's ready. Just the way I like it. Ready. And scene. We're killing it today.

We're killing it today. Oh, wait. You ever see that one mattress commercial? The only one I remember seeing. And it's like, the numbers mattress. I don't know if it's Serta or not. And he's like, she loves the bed soft. He's more hardcore.

Sleep number beds? Yeah yeah the sleep number beds I've always wanted sleep number bed but I can't be bothered to buy one they're so expensive I just want to know who came up with the terminology of being like she loves the mattress soft he's more hardcore like why not like he loves the mattress firm because Because marketing people are generally idiots. That's true. Unless there's some guy out there who's like, I do love my bed hardcore. Right, right. They probably market it to like, what do 30-year-old men who live in the heartland think about mattresses? Check off hardcore.

You know what, Rhonda? I like your thinking. Put it down. Put it down. Put it down. Let's do it. Let's make this commercial happen. All right. That's sports, I guess.

That's all I got. Oh, yeah, that's sports. Okay, Crandor, what is our big news story of the day? Let's see. Roadside Cafe gets swamped with diners after mistakenly given Michelin star. That's a contender. That's a contender. Let's see.

Two women try to sneak 13 pounds of horse genitals into U.S. I did hear about this. All right. Let's hear the first one. All right. First one. about this all right uh let's hear the first one all right first one we got roadside cafe gets swamped with diners after mistakenly given michelin star let's do it suddenly we was rushed off our feet the owner said after following uh the ratings mix up lib how do i even pronounce this lib Le Boucher Aurelie. Uh-huh.

A small roadside cafe in central France reportedly found itself inundated with diners and TV crews last week after it was awarded a coveted Michelin star by mistake. Le Boucher Aurelie, which boasts a $13 beef... How do you say that, bernion? Bignon? So far, this is a great story. Beef bernion, bernion, bernion. Sure, I don't know. Received a prize restaurant rating after being confused with an upscale establishment

of the same name in northern France. Suddenly, we were rushed off our feet. Veronique Jacquet, who runs the cafe in brugere about 120 miles south of the one in btv it's old the website reporters were coming in they said and then my son phoned me from paris where he lives he almost died laughing the mistake was published on the michelin guide website on february 9th though it didn't make the print This is an embarrassment of riches. I want you to know that. You trying to figure out how to say these names?

It's perfect. Both restaurant staff appeared to see the humor and the confusion called one another to share a laugh it was a little boo-boo that caused no harm and was corrected chef amir who earned his first star with the boutique restaurant in 2015 told the french paper jacquette's cook penelope salmon said she never dreamed of winning a Michelin star, but added, I put my heart into cooking. Here's the question. Is the food

good, though? Do you think the food at that little cafe is good? Or do people go there and hate it and, like, that's why they're... I'm curious. There's so much missing from every story we find. I know. What is the food like there, though? Is it good food? Maybe it's not ironic that they got a star Maybe they deserved it but they were overlooked for so long

And now they got one Now people actually go there and it's a happy ending Yeah Where's that in the story Yeah where's that in the story That's all I want to know What the shit dude Let's see

I'm going to read the horse genital story. Okay. I'm down. Let's see. That's one treatment that doesn't seem like a treat. Thanks, writer. U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials at Washington Dulles International Airport stopped 13 pounds of horse genitals from being smuggled into the country last month.

Let's see. It's tempted by two women traveling from Mongolia as custom officials had them go through a routine agriculture inspection. But the horse genitals were only part of the package. All told, the women attempted to smuggle 42 pounds of horse meat and 3 liters of yak milk.

I want to know where and I want to know how all right horse meat is prohibited from entering the u.s unless accompanied by an official government certification from the country or government where it originated otherwise it's considered unknown ruminant meat and seized to prevent the spread of foot and mouth disease of course horse meat from from Mongolia is prohibited. Customs and border protection takes no pleasure in seizing and destroying travelers' food products.

Wayne Biondi said, blah, blah, blah, blah, we're in the business of protecting America's agriculture industries like livestock. And for the potential introduction of animal diseases with blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, we don't like fun. The women who brought in the horse genitals and other products were not arrested. Why do they keep focusing on the genitals? I don't know.

There's so many other things they brought, and they're like, they brought these horse dongs. Guys, isn't that hilarious? They brought horse dongs. That's the focus of our article. Like, all right, but where's the story here? And that's it. That's it. And that's it.

That was the story. Someone tried to get horse dongs. That's it. That's it. And that's it. That was the story. Someone tried to get horse dongs. There's so much more. There's so much. There's got to be a journalist out there. There's got to be one who's just like, you know what? I'm going to give you the who, what, where, how, and why. Where's the why?

Where's the why, Crandor? Where's the why? Why would they bring horse dicks? What's the point? Why are they doing, Crandor? Where's the why? Why would they bring horse dicks? What's the point? Why are they doing it? Were they trying to eat it themselves? Were they going to go hungry? Maybe it's for medicinal purposes.

It's for horse dick medicine? There's a lot of questions here we don't know. Yeah, come on. At least give us their answer. What's the yak's milk for? Do they just enjoy yak's milk? Why can't they get yak's milk here? Does it have to be specific yak's milk?

Maybe it's for a yak baby. You don't even know. You don't even know. Yeah. This story's full of garbage. What the shit, dude? Nope. Once again, mainstream media failing us.

Mainstream media failing us on the important details of the writings of the research why can't people give us what we really need real important information about what they were going to do with that milk and horse dung that's all we want to know that's all we need to know alright that's it for us thank you so much for

listening we'll be back with another episode soon And as always To be continued