Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 130 - I Almost Died

Episode Date: March 26, 2017

Cox n' Crendor return! This time Jesse regales Crendor with the tale of how he almost died. Then Crendor one ups him by eating at Whalburgers. Also there's a development in the case of the Watcher! Last but not least - TWERKING!

Hello everybody it's time for Cacks and Crandogs! Cacks and Crandogs in the morning! In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4 hour recording studio! Recording! Wake your ass up it's Cacks and Crandogs in the morning! Cacks and Crandare in the morning.

What? Cacks and Crandare in the morning. I couldn't tell. I had like a stroke. Yeah. I had a stroke and I don't know what. Cacks and Crandare in the morning. You know what?

Don't make fun of me. I could have been dying right there. That's true. It's like that news lady. It is just like her. Yeah. I mean, really, if you laughed at that, you're a bad person. You're a terrible person.

Terrible person. Laughing at me. How dare you? I'll have none of it. So we're back from PAX, and we had another wonderful panel. Yes. And again, ludicrously, it was packed. I know. I can't figure it out. Every

time I'm there, I think, well, this is the year. This is the year where we didn't fill the room. This is the year where no one cares anymore. And still, for some reason, people still show up. Thank God. And I can't figure out why. Either way, I'm happy because I thought I'd be irrelevant by now.

So luckily. That's what I'm saying. I keep I'd be irrelevant by now. So luckily. That's what I'm saying. I keep thinking like one of these days we're going to show up and it's going to be like every other panel. It's like three dudes. Like I have a question about T-shirts. And the other two are just there to like sit and rest. Yeah, they're like I've had a rough day. It's like what panel is this?

Oh, no. Don't say that. Now I think everyone there is just there to sit and rest. Listen. I hear these two assholes got a big room. Let's go over there. Oh, no. Don't say that.

There goes my ego. Crushed. Those are my kind of people. I don't even know what this is, but we actually had a lot of that this year. Never mind. We had a lot of people that were like, I don't really know what you do, but I watched it and I thought it was funny. So can I have an autograph? And we're like, yeah.

That one girl that wanted to see Jacksepticeye and then got to see us instead. Oh, God. Guys. Oh, my God. So when we first got to our signing, Jacksepticeye was finishing up right as we started. And people from his line who couldn't get to see him were, like, dragged to our signing, Jacksepticeye was finishing up right as we started. And people from his line who couldn't get to see him were dragged to our line.

After a long day of signing and seeing all these fans were really ecstatic and we were blown away by it. The last two or three were little kids dragged by their parents to see us because we were just as good. Oh my god. Their expressions. This one little girl was not having it

She was so fed up With us And the dad's like yeah hey these guys are funny They're really they're Let's take a photo and she just like stood there Completely pissed off I remember he was just like you want a photo And she was just like not really

And I was like Alright I mean Cool That was maybe my favorite moment of the con it really puts your life into perspective it does you have all this like yeah i'm so excited a lot of people want to see me not really this girl didn't give a shit i mean she was like a tween girl she's's not going to understand. No, she wasn't even like a – Yeah, she was. She might have been maybe 12.

Really? You think she was older? No. Isn't that what a tween is? Like 12 or 13? Oh, I guess you're right. Yeah. Because then if you're 13, you're a teenager.

Yeah. Oh. Oh, I thought like tweens were like 13, 14, 15. And then the 67 to 18 was like a teenager. Either way, she was – 19, 20, 21 was like a teenager. Either way, she was... And then 19, 20, 21 was like young adult, right? She was that... Is there rules on this?

There's gotta be. Hold on. Is there rules? What is a tween? Let's look this up. I'm gonna ask this. What is a tween? God, I need to know what things say.

A tween is a new word that describes youths who are roughly between the ages of 8 and 14, who are between childhood and the teenage years. The term tween is a blend of words between and teen. Okay, there we go. This Urban Dictionary says a girl age 9 to 14, too old for toys, but too young for boys. That's creepy, though. Like, that's gross. I mean, it is Urban Dictionary.

I like my version way better. That's like, too old for toys, too young for way better That's like too old for toys Too young for boys That's like a little It's Urban Dictionary alright It's the same website It's like stupid shit like Corn Puck That's true

I don't want to know what a Corn Puck is Don't look up a Philadelphia Two Step Don't look it up I'm not going to do it I'm not going to do it. Don't you do it. I'm not. Don't do it. I won't.

Either way, she was very disappointed. Yeah. And yeah. I had fun, though. And again, we had another amazing con. And I am super excited that everyone showed up and we got to have some time with you guys. But while we were there, I mentioned two very important things that we're going to talk about on this episode.

Yes. Before I get into them, though, apparently you have a plane story equal to my plane story of almost dying on a plane. Well, have you even, like, tell the story on the thing? I told it at the con. I guess I can tell it here. So I took off from LAX, and, you know, I love Virgin America. I think they're a great airline company.

But for some reason, this was the flight of the damned. Every so often, I fly so much, every so often I get one of those flights. Within minutes of taking off, they were like, well, the internet's not working. And then they were like, ah, there's a few issues with the power here and there, so you can't plug anything in. Meanwhile, I'm on a flight with YouTubers and streamers and PR people, and half of them have Nintendo Switches and they're trying to plug them into outlets that do not work. Everyone's losing their mind. Everyone's bored.

Me, I fly by sleeping. I like to go to bed leaving and wake up somewhere different. As all this is going down, I close my eyes, pass out. I wake up several hours later, because we're going cross-country. I wake up several hours later, and we're going cross-country. I wake up several hours later, and there is this

announcement happening. And it's like, it's the captain, I can barely understand it, but I think something's up because I see stewardesses running. Stewardesses? Jesus, what is it? 1970? Flight attendants. The old stewardess running up and down the aisle

and closing stuff, and people seem very agitated, but I guess I just assume we're close to landing. But since we're not going to the point where my ears are popping, I know we're not close. So I'm like back to sleep. I go, I wake up as we're coming in and we're maybe five minutes out from landing and we're over Boston Harbor and we're circling around to the airport. landing and we're over boston harbor and we're circling around to the airport and i open my eyes and everyone is stressed the flight seems like strapped in everyone is strapped down people are looking around one person's crying like it is insane i'm like what the shit and the woman next to me goes sweetie i didn't want to wake you because you looked like you were sleeping. But the captain says we may crash and embrace for impact. And I'm like, what?

And because we're so close to landing, I don't think I fully have time to accept what's happening. And everyone around me is losing their mind. And as we start to land, I see fire engines and ambulances and police cars all in the runway. And then we just land. Like, we land. And I look around and everyone's sort of just like still normal and nothing happened at all.

And then the captain comes on and he says Oh, looks like it fixed itself. Looks like it fixed itself. And the flight attendant goes Thank you all for not panicking I actually tweeted You can look this up I tweeted anyone on this flight with me

Were we going to crash Because I thought I was getting pumped I thought the woman next to me Was just messing with me Because it made no sense But there were all these telltale signs around us Like we are in a panic Everything seems to indicate we were going to crash.

So when I get into baggage handling, I see a bunch of streamers there. And I'm like, guys, what just happened? And everyone there is one guy messaged his girlfriend and was like, I love you. Always remember, I love you. And one person was actually tweeting out at the time. I think we're going to die. I'm telling you, I think I was this close to dying in a plane crash,

but not really. And I would have slept through it. My favorite Twitter reply was a guy goes, you almost slept through your death. You won't get that chance again until you're 75. And I laughed so hard

because it's the perfect joke. The irony of it is right before the flight, Stephanie from the Devolver PR people, she was talking with us in the waiting area for the whatever they call that when you get on a plane. She was talking about how she hates flying, and she was like, this is the one time I don't fear crashing because I know you're on the plane. The irony of that, afterwards she messaged me and was like,

I was so scared and I wanted alcohol and they wouldn't give me alcohol and I was freaking out. I was like, why would they just give you booze You're gonna die pop that open Seriously started hanging it out Apparently one girl Was reclined in her chair When the flight attendant was like please move your chair forward She said why we're just gonna die

Anyway That's a real thing that happened on this flight We were on a flight that I think the best part, when I landed, hours later I get a message from Virgin America, $75 rebate. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, dude. They gave me $75 for my trouble. You're sleeping.

You're sleeping through my death. Yeah, so that was, I don't know how to describe all of that. It was so bizarre and weird, and it happened. And I know it happened, but I didn't experience it. It's like a memory of your childhood that you only know that memory because everyone's told you that it happened. When you were so young, you don't remember. Yeah. It is that.

I don't remember any of this except the very end, but I know what happened throughout the trip because everyone's told me what happened. That's so crazy. But I know what happened throughout the trip because everyone's told me what happened. That's so crazy. Yeah, to me it was like I was outside of the event looking in. And it was like a TV show or something. I didn't experience it. It's like a once in a lifetime thing too.

Right? I missed all of it. I missed everything that could have happened with this flight. I'll be real honest. I'm kind of okay with that. It seems like it was pretty shitty. Yeah. I'm okay with all this.

I feel real good about having slept through all of it, which means really I can sleep through anything. I've slept through earthquakes. I've slept through – I sleep through anything. When I sleep, I go down. It would take you blaring noises right in my face for me to wake up. It's just fact. It's just tranquilizers. Yeah.

My body has built-in in tranquilizers Just down I go I'm like a bear I hibernate Yeah, I'm down And that's what happened It was crazy So my story was insane But I saw you tweeting stuff when you were headed home

So I'm really interested in this My story is just like an accumulation of things That like snowballed into just one big one big story okay so i was like all right we're going home today but everyone's like ah shit the blizzard's coming so i was like all right i want to get out of here but in chicago they were also getting snow so i was like all right well i hope we can go there but luckily like they're pretty good at dealing with snow here so they're like whatever And so we were able to get home. So I was like, all right, flight's not canceled. Let's go. So the first thing what happens, we like get to the

airport and the security is just like, everybody's scrambling and nobody knows what's going on. And they're just like, all right, where are you going? And they're like, I've got the TSA checkpoint list where I can skip the line. And they're like, all right, go over here? And they're like, I've got the TSA checkpoint list where I can skip the line. And they're like, all right, go over here. And they're like, that's not where it is. And they're like, oh, yeah, it's over there. And they're like, this is so dumb.

Can I ask you a question? When it comes to flyers and the TSA lines and the screenings, do you ever just want to smack a person? Yeah. Like, how do you not know the rules by now? That's right. How do you not know the rules? All? Ugh, that's right. Like, how do you not know the rules? Ugh.

I hate it. I hate it. Learn what to do and do it. Stop being like, well, I thought I could keep this water in here or I didn't know I had to take my laptop out or take my shoes off and be like, bro, just do it. I know. Don't even try to sneak it past them.

This kid in front of me held up the line for 10 minutes because he tried to get toothpaste through. And they're like, what is this? And he's like, it's just toothpaste. And the mom's like, you forgot to put it in your baggage that you had taken to the plane. And he's like, I know, mom. And the security guys are like, we need to scan this for 15 bomb-making materials. So they pull him aside and hold everyone up. I'm like, oh my god, it's

not cute. I will kill you with your own toothpaste. Make him drink it. Just squeeze it in his mouth. You like toothpaste, son of a bitch? It'd be a good one. You just like, you think it's like gonna be a bad thing, you make him drink it. Actually, that's like one of those things, like if they're a witch

and we push them off the mountain, they'll fly to safety. Yeah. If he was a terrorist, he would have eaten his own bomb stuff and blown up. So if anything, I'm a hero. Yeah. So again, security. And then this family of three people.

Oh, my God. This mom, daughter, and like son. Just three of them. She's like 40. He's like a son. He was kind of like a son. They're like 40 and then like 13 and like 10 and they're just the worst people in security so they get in line there's no bins

so they like have to bring more bins over and he's like please move so i can put the bins down and they don't move and he's like please move please move and then she's like and then move the bins dummy yeah oh we did so then I'm like okay whatever then they like put their bags into the bins which you're not supposed to do you're supposed to put like your shit into the bins than the bag separately and they're like ma'am can you please do that she's like kids doing a thing and they're like yeah and then they start like moving around around and shit. And I'm just like, just, you know, be normal, all right?

And then they walk into the line after they, like, throw all their shit down. And they're like, please go back to the line or back to your, you know, shit on the, like, thing until it's all moved through the scanner. Yeah, don't leave your stuff. You have to wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they go back to it. Ten seconds later, they go back in line. And then they're like,

please go back to your shit until it's in the machine. And they're just like, okay, come on, kids. Stay by your things. How are they so dumb that they can't comprehend this thought? And then they have their coats on.

And then they go back in line with their coats on. And they're like, go back to your shit and take your coats off. And they're just like, why do we got to take our coats off? I was like, oh, my Jesus. These are like. Literally just do what they say so you can put your coat back on in 20 seconds.

As all this is happening. Too random. Can I ask you a question? Yes. Maybe we're the bad guys here. You know what? Maybe the problem is we are so easily willing to conform to this. Maybe this is a terrible thing.

Like, maybe our freedoms are being eroded because we can't keep our coats on, and we're just like, oh, whatever, coats off. Let the government run all over me. Maybe we're the bad guys, Crandor. No, no, no, no. When the robots take over, we're going to be like, well, the robots do have good ideas, though. Is that us? Is that going to be us?

No. It can't be. It can't be. It's out of the question can't be there's no out of the question you know what I'm fine being a bad guy if that's the case hey you know what I know how to follow simple instructions okay oh no don't say that don't say that the Internet's gonna Nazis, Jesse Cox, and Will Crandor. They follow instructions very well. Don't say that. I'm not. I'm talking about coats, all right? Yeah, yeah, coats, coats, coats.

Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. We're going to get in a lot of trouble. You said it all. I didn't say anything. I didn't say nothing. I'm just complaining about these people and the lie. Oh, don't complain about people. We're getting in trouble.

We're getting in trouble. This is it. This is the episode they pull us off. We're getting in trouble. Listen, after these ass clowns are done doing all their things and not following any of it, these two random people who work at the airport come up, and they're carrying a bowl of bananas and a big thing of like dinner rolls what and they walk to the front of the line and they put it into the x-ray machine what yeah and i was like

what the shit is going on he put bananas and dinner rolls in the x-ray machine then they just waited and then they just like walked past it and got their things do you think they were taken to a restaurant and more importantly would you ever want to eat anything that's been through a scanner at an airport? I don't know. I feel like when they scan you, it's probably taking years off your life. I guarantee every time you fly, you slowly die. I agree with that.

That's how the government's thinning out the population in Fowars. It's like, what if every time they go through that shit. Chemtrails, they go through that shit chemtrails man it's all chemtrails government's chemtrails and fluoride they're getting us and then they scan your food radiate it which by the way we are apparently are totally okay with yeah apparently we're fine with it apparently yeah so yeah that happened i was like okay and then the people go back in line even though their shit's still on

the thing and i'm like fine whatever and then we didn't put our bags on the on the belt so i'm like all right once their stuff moves up we'll just stop for a bit and then we'll put our bags up on the thing but the guy behind us kept like pushing he kept like pushing my bin like to to keep it all close together and there's no reason for him to push it and then finally i just like shoved his bin back i was like what and i like rammed it back and put my shit up there i just desperately want someone to take that quote he kept pushing my bin and make something out of it i don't know what i'll let you figure it out internet just he kept pushing my bin he kept pushing my bin so i pushed his bin back out of the way. That's damn right.

That's the American way. Yeah. If someone pushes your bin, you push back. Yeah. It was Boston, right? They respect you for that there. Yeah. And he did. He didn't, like, say anything.

He was just like, oh, all right. This guy's tough. I don't want to get beat up here in front of everyone else. Fact. That's what he thought. Finally got through that. Like, all right. Whatever.

You know. now we're good to go we're good to just wait in the airport we go to like walk down the one like area and there's this jamaican lady and she is yelling at customer service so loud i think everyone could hear it and she's just like my flight to new york is canceled and she's like screaming at them and they're like man that sounds very pleasant doesn't sound annoying but it was like one of these days I'll beat you right into the beach

yeah but she wanted to go to New York not the beach and so it could be a beach in New York yeah but she wasn't going there her flight was cancelled she was very mad that's true you're right you're right she's very mad yelling and she was yelling for a solid like 20 minutes like same volume just and then finally I think she stopped She like ran out energy

But I only knew that because I walked away and I came back to go to the Wahlberg now Mark Wahlberg says name is this the show is there TV show TV show and he opened like Wahlberg or some shit So I remember that. I think it's like his brother? Yeah, it's something like that. Cousin? Like Waldo Wahlburg. Old Waldo. I'm looking this up while you tell us. We'll find out who's in. Yeah.

So, American reality television series premiered on A&E Network 2014. Behind the scenes look at the chain of restaurants owned by chef Paul Wahlburg and his brothers Mark and Donnie. All right, I know Donnie. Who's Paul Wahlberg? Is that like their brother who isn't trying to be famous?

I don't know. He is. Really? Whoa, get out of town. How many Wahlbergs are there? Shut up. That's a lot of Wahlbergs. Alma Wahlberg and Donald Wahlberg.

Stop having children. Oh, my God. All right. Mark Wahlberg. Donnie Wahlberg. Robert Wahlberg. Jim Wahlberg. Arthur Wahlberg.

Oh, my God. Tracy Wahlberg. Debbie Wahlberg. Michelle Wahlberg. Scott Wahlberg. Buddy Wahlberg. Donna Wahlberg. That is 11 kids.

That's way too many kids. You need to stop. Donald, I've never told anyone this in my life. Stop effing, dude. You got to keep your dick away from Alma. Come on. Anywhere but Alma. Yeah, anywhere but Alma.

Anywhere but Alma. Anywhere but Alma sounds like a great play, right? Yeah. A play starring Sir Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen. Anywhere but Alma Anywhere but Alma sounds like a great play, right? Yeah A play starring Sir Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen Anywhere but Alma Or it sounds like Malcolm in the Middle Anywhere but Alma Anywhere but Alma

Yeah Oh, and Alma's the name of the town and the girl Oh That's the one Right? We're very good at writing Very good But not actually doing the work

Yeah, if only Yeah If only If only it was that easy Oh my god, then he has like a thousand nephews This family's too big This family's too big So yeah, I ate a Wahlburger I ordered it, right? And for some reason, they didn't get my name right

They're like, what's your name? I'm like, Eric They're like, okay And then, like 10 seconds later she's like this is the second time today you haven't spelled eric right it's with an e she like yelled at them in the back they must have spelled it with an a or something maybe they spelled it a i r i c e or i c it's gotta be And so when they gave me my food, they're like, Eric with an E. And I'm like, thanks. So I ate it.

It is okay. It tasted like if In-N-Out was trying to be fancier. Gotcha. That's the problem. I don't think people understand. You don't want a fancy burger. Burgers shouldn't be fancy. They should be messy and, like, way too gross for their own good.

But, like, super delicious delicious that's a burger yeah so it was you don't want any of this like oh we put on some then put a little bit of sweet yam butter like get out of town yeah get out of here i mean it was okay it wasn't bad fries were okay too it was like slightly above average that would be my my rating. I think Gordon Ramsay would have critiqued it. Of course. He would have given it a harsh rating. And then Toast wanted a thing, so we went to the smoothie place. Because I was like, oh my god, smoothie.

And it had two U's. I tweeted that to you. It was smoothie with two U's. You had a much better terminal than we did at the airport. My terminal leaving was one McDonald's, and that was it. There was no other food there, and I was like, well, I'm not eating that shit. Yeah, that sounds like ours is a lot better. You had smoothies and Wahlburgers and crap? We didn't have any of that.

The smoothie guy was run by this old Greek man. All he did, he ran it by himself, and his son ran the cash register. And so we're like, one panini cash register and so we're like one panini thing and he's like one panini and he like went to the back and he would just start making it like really slowly like watching someone in a kitchen just make a sandwich and he was just making it and some guy would be like hey can i get this cut in half he's like one moment and then he would just keep making the same i like your greek accent and then he finished and then he cut the guy's

sandwich in half. Like he was very articulate and focused on what he was doing. Of course. And so then he gave me the food. He's like, have a nice day. Thank you very much. And I was like, thank you smoothie man. I wish you called him that.

Thank you smoothie man So then sitting across from us Was these like two like Probably in their 50s people And the guy He looked like Stephen King And his wife looked like A weird wife of Stephen King

I don't know what his actual wife looks like But she looked like a weird woman version of him Can you just imagine the wife of Stephen King being Stephen King In a wig Cause I'll be honest that's what I imagine I imagine Stephen King's wife Is Stephen King in a wig That's all I imagine

They wanted to go to Florida And they both sit down And he's just like I can't believe the other flight guy can't This is the last time we fly commercial What is he thinking We're only flying military I don't know the other flight guy can't. This is the last time we fly commercial. What? What does he think he's going to? We're only flying military. I don't know.

He said that's what he said. It's the last time we're flying commercial. What other flight options does he have? Does he have like a private jet or something? Yeah, who is this guy? I don't know, but that's what he said. This is the last time I fly commercial. And then the lady just started doing like yoga and push-ups.

Like she just legit. She had to get it out. She was-ups. She had to get it out. She was so stressed. She had to get it out. Stephen King, femme Stephen King, Stefana King had to get it out. And then after she was doing yoga and push-ups, she was like, hey, can I go walk around? I just want to go walk around and just, you know, walk and see stuff and everything. He's like, fine, you can walk around, but don't spend any money. Now that sounds like a loving relationship.

I was like, what is happening? Meanwhile, it still goes. They're at like 12 o'clock, right? They're directly in front of us. At about 3 o'clock to like over that way, I'm starting to get a very good picture

of what this place looks like. There was you're doing an excellent job in the seats on the side. There is this man who looked probably 70 and this girl who looked 20 just making out. Here's the thing. Love it. That's that is the only way I'm getting through life. As far as I'm concerned, that is my future. That's it.

That's how I see things going. They had to go into Florida to hold on. Let me do the math That's it. That's how I see things going. They had to be going to Florida too. Hold on. Let me do the math. Shout out to children who aren't born yet. I'll be making out with you in an airport some day in about 50 years. You and I will be making out in an airport.

Probably going to his Florida shack in Jacksonville. His Florida shack. His old Florida shack. The love shack. So yeah, they were just making out. Jack in Jacksonville. It's Florida Shaq. It's old Florida Shaq. The Love Shaq. So yeah, they were just making out. They did that and then they left. I think they went to their terminal.

They were just over here for some reason. And it was just all these old people going to Florida as we waited to like come back to Chicago. And then these old people, the people I just talked about, the like 250-year-old Stephen Kings, they started talking to these other old people and they were like, is that Gladys and Jerry? Is that Gladys and Jerry? And they were

going together. It's you guys. And they just stand up and they start talking. They started talking about like typical old people things like the weather over there is just unbelievable. And it's like, did you see on Facebook? I posted the Jimmy, he's dating that girl.

He broke up with the other one, that Sally. She's in college. They're like, oh, yeah, my granddaughter, she's in college as well. But she's going to that other school, not that one. And I was like, oh, my God, this is the most old people. And they're just like, where are you going? I'm going to Florida Beach. You're like, oh, yeah, Florida Beach.

That's a good beach. Florida Beach? Florida Beach is a good beach's like i used to golf there i golfed there a few years ago like oh yeah florida beach i love it old florida beach old florida beach meanwhile i just wanted to go home i just kept looking it's like it's the time it's time we'll leave yet we're all getting on the plane and we're just like we get to get out of here before the blizzard hits. And this guy is helping people put their shit into the overhead. And this lady puts her coat into the overhead. And he's like, ma'am, I'm going to give you your coat back. Because we're trying to make more room in the overhead for actual luggage.

And she's like, no, my coat goes to the overhead. And he's like, ma'am, we put luggage in the overhead. And then if there's still room, I can put your coat in afterwards. And she's like, no, I am a customer. And I demand that my coat goes in the thing. He just starts looking at everybody else like, what the shit is wrong with this lady? And everyone else is just like, I don't know, man. It's just whatever.

And so he's like, okay. And then the guy's like, she can just, like, I'll hold her coat. And he's like, thanks. And then she's like, no, no, no, no. I'll hold it. And then she just held her coat. I understand the concept of I'm a customer and I paid for this, so I should be able to put something somewhere. But I also feel like everyone else in that flight was a customer.

And everyone else should have equal access to the overhead. So why make it a hassle? I'm a customer. I can take your coat out and throw it for my shit to put in there. Well, that is our adventure. Those are our adventures. So I guess we should jump into Chopped Copper. So, Crandor, Crandor, how's that traffic out there?

Traffic today is looking terrible because there are piles of snow mounds out there Just a lot, a lot of snow mounds And, uh, they're just, they're stacked up all across the United States Even in warm areas, snow has started to appear randomly It's kind of weird, I think it is global warming Uh, snowmen are probably going to be starting to take over the United States pretty soon It's like the Great Snowmen battle of 1446. Lost in the record books, the great snowmen came out

of the ground and they found weapons. I don't know if they're still going to have those old weapons or if they will acquire new weapons. That is, you know, we're going to find out eventually. But as of now, all we know is pace yourself, get ready because it's going to be a winter battle

out there. Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Ior i for one welcome our new snowman overlords me too i like snowmen yeah they've never hurt me yeah uh so let's go over the weather how's the weather probably terrible considering do you think anyone's ever gotten hurt by a snowman no no one if they did it's their own fault what if someone was just, like, building a snowman? They're just, like, really drunk. They're just, like, build a snowman. And it fell on them and, like, killed them? It, like, fell into, like, the stick arms or the, like, carrot nose and, like, poked their eye.

Or, like, just something like that. If it did happen, I'm sure someone will let us know real quick. Let us know. Somebody. If you know anything. Yes. So what is our weather like out there? Weather.

Let's see. Hold on. Woppy's still here. He tried to get to PAX East in the blizzard, but they sent him back. So he's still here. Woppy. Got him back. Woppy activated.

Four, eight, seven, six, four. Tawas City, Michigan. Tawas City? Tawas City, Michigan. Tawa City? Tawa City, Michigan. Sounds like a Star Wars location. The Empire has taken over Tawa City. We must get it back for the rebellion. Uchita!

Ah, yes. Tawa City. Where is this in Michigan? Hold on. This is like... Damn, this is like Upper Peninsula. This is this in Michigan? This is like, damn, this is like Upper Peninsula. This is up in the U.P. area. Up in the U.P. area? Right by Canada? Right by Canada.

What was that? That was a Jamaican guy. That Jamaican lady's there now. Ah, shit. Right by the Canada. 25 degrees Fahrenheit. Clear. Feels like 15 degrees Fahrenheit. UV index Feels like 15 degrees Fahrenheit. UV index, zero. Thursday, high.

41 degrees Fahrenheit. Thursday night, 20 degrees Fahrenheit. Friday, 40 degrees Fahrenheit. Chance of snow, high. All right. Well, then let's go to sports. How's sports looking? Sports is looking great. If we take a look, we see a lot of NFL free agency signing's go to sports. How's sports looking? Sports is looking great.

If we take a look, we see a lot of NFL free agency signings continue to happen. It appears the New England Patriots are keeping heights. Our. Good for them. He's a solid player. They had to pay him a little more money. But you know what? Sometimes you got to give those guys money to stick around.

You know, a lot of big time signings. The 49ers signed Malcolm Smith to a five-year, $26 million deal, which is an awful deal. He's a really bad player, and for some reason the 49ers continue to get worse with their great decisions. And the NFL draft's a month away, not a year.

One whole year away. It's a month away. I want to live stream myself reacting to the NFL draft. I want to ask Twitch people. I'm going to ask Twitch if I can do that. They would. I want to live stream myself reacting to the NFL draft. I want to ask Twitch people. I'm going to ask Twitch if I can do that. They would. I'd love it. We'd do statistics, look at the player things.

It'd be great. I kind of want to see how you do statistics. How you, in particular, do statistics. I'm great at statistics. I'm one of the top statistics stat men around. That's what I hear. That's what I hear. Let's see. NBA. They're still playing. They're not at the playoffs

yet. They're at that stage where it's just kind of like there's the good teams and the teams trying to barely make it in that are just going to lose anyway and it's just going to be like the good teams. Same with hockey. They're kind of at the same point. They're just waiting to see. Let's see. Washington's number one though. They're usually number one and then they lose in the first round they're really

good at that and uh blackhawks still number one as well go blackhawks blackhawks blackhawks that's it sports all right well crendor i know we have our big news story of the day but i want to preempt you a little bit okay with an With an update, a very important update. Okay. Watcher House, now occupied. What? That's right. What?

A house that has been vacant more than two years because of letters from a stalker calling himself The Watcher is now occupied. Rented to a man who apparently has no threats over the threats. The man, who would only identify himself as Chris, has been renting the house on the boulevard since February 1. Answering a knock at the door to the home, the smiling tenant came out on the wide front porch

and quickly closed the door behind him to keep his three dogs inside. He said he never heard about threatening letters sent by this so-called watcher until he responded to an ad in which the owners were offering to lease the six-bedroom home. Never followed it, Chris told a reporter from New Jersey Advanced Media this week. That's not my issue, he said, with apparent complete lack of

concern about the alleged threats. I love this guy. He's like, I don't know, I promise nobody threatened me. This guy's perfect for the don't know. I'm prom. Ain't nobody threatening me. This guy's perfect for the Watcher house. Right? He did not want to comment further about the stalker and politely said he didn't want to have a long interview. Went back into his house.

And that's it. That's the article. Literally, they went to go find out who lived there. And the guy was like, not my problem. Closed the door. Locked him out. Dude. What if he was the one sending the letters and now he got the house? And the guy was like not my problem close the door Lock them out Dude, what if I'm sending the letters and now he got the house it could be It could have been Chris the entire time yeah, or one of his three dogs. That's true, too

You never know what the dogs dogs are shifty. I'd you can't trust them. They are Especially too friendly. I think yeah, I think sometimes you know you leave the house and then you come back and you think a ghost did something but it's the dog dog it was the dog definitely the dog all along or the ghost of the watcher one of the two yeah one of the two there was even a movie about the watcher this guy's like never heard of it yeah I don't know nothing about the movie about your own house this guy is my hero he just doesn't care That guy just rented this place It was cheap I don't care

I'd like to think he was inspired by us but because he has no clue Who it is He probably doesn't know If he doesn't know anything about it he obviously hasn't listened to us Obviously Alright well that's mine what do you have Give us one good story Well I got two that I found.

Seem pretty good. Car twerkers are storming Miami. Could your city be next? We don't need to go on. This is the story. This is the story. Yeah, the other one was a human suction cup claims to be real life X-Men. Nope, nope.

I want the twerking. All right, we're going twerking then uh we are we are going where are i going twerking that's the idea that's the worst seven dwarfs song we're going twerking is the idea of car twerkers have you shaking in your boots i don't know what that means i don't even know what that means. I don't either. What does it mean? While the Northeast deals with huge snowstorms, Miami, Florida is dealing with a rash of car twerking. In the past few days, women have been filmed shaking their hineys on top of cars in the Magic City. One woman was caught twerking on top of a car driving westbound on the MacArthur Causeway.

These cars are moving? Yeah. Wait, are they standing on the MacArthur causeway. These cars are moving? Yeah. Wait, are they standing on the cars? I'll drop this article right here so you can see. This is insane. I thought they were just random women twerking on cars, just like twerking on a car. No, no, no, no, no. This is like while it's moving? Yeah, look at the top thing they linked in that

article. I'm watching it right now. There's a video. This woman is straight up on the roof of the car twerking twerking this is not fake she is out of the car yeah working on a roof yeah i think she's in the sun one one legs in the sunroof the other legs here's the crazy thing there are two other women in the car all singing to this woman who's twerking. What is happening? I don't know.

One woman was caught twerking on top of a car driving westbound, blah, blah, blah. They recorded her and posted it on Twitter. For anyone who thought that twerking had its moment and now it's gone, that clearly is not the case, Corbin told Miami New Times. As social media has taught us, twerking is forever. It is a timeless tradition. What the hell is going on? What reality are we in right now? That sounds like a greeting card you get someone, like twerking.

It's a timeless tradition. Twerking is forever. There's twerking on police cars. There's one girl twerking on a scooter. What is happening? Spring break is out of control. Krendor, why are we not at spring break? What is happening?

I own a car. Come twerk on me. What is happening right now? The beach goer made a poor choice when she mounted one of our vehicles as the officer was retreating. We strongly urge people visiting our beaches to have a good time, not only safely, but responsibly. That's boring. What the hell? In addition, another woman who was also filmed car-twerking on Monday, in Miami Monday, in the interest of thoroughness, it appears below. Literally, this article is just like, you want to see girls twerking?

That's all this article is. Don't you lie. I always hate how the bottom of these things have like the most prime clickbait. That's like top tier gourmet clickbait down here. Uh, yes this one. Say goodbye to iPhone. No one guessed Apple's next product. Eleven historical artifacts we

still can't explain. I'm still paying for my dead husband's cell phone because I don't know his childhood friend's name. This company spent two years perfecting gym socks. Angelina Jolie's new go-to travel shoe is surprisingly affordable. Get out of here with these. This game will eat days of your life. Oh, wait, didn't you have a story about Tito Watts?

I did, but you know what we're going to do? What? Save it for next time! Oh, shit. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. About Tito Watts I did But you know what We're gonna do What Save it for next time Oh shit Pew pew pew pew Alright everybody Thank you so much For listening

We'll be back next time With another episode Very shortly We're gonna try and do these Like on the regular now So get ready for that We'll see you then So thank you so much

For watching And as always Bloop We continue.