Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 133 - Squirrely! Squirrely! Squirrely! Oi Oi Oi!

Episode Date: April 28, 2017

Cox n' Crendor return, as the style gurus you knew they were! Trend setters and stylish men, the boys discover they've secretly been GQ models their entire lives. Also, Crendor regales us with more of his dreams and then we share 2 of our most favorite news stories of the year!

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendor in the morning. Hello everybody, welcome back to Cox and Grendor in the morning. Hello. Hello to you. Hello to you. How are you? I am fine on this swell day. How goes it for you? Fine. Well, gentlemen, you know what? Just minutes minutes ago i was goofing around on the old

youtubes right and on the side i was uh you know how when you go online on there sometimes it shows like suggested videos yeah on the side i swear to you it had a video that said how men over 40 can be better lovers than younger men. Right. But the image was a picture of Geralt of Rivia in a bath. You know that famous, like, he's always in the bath scene? Oh, yeah. That's what it was. And I was like, pause, time out, what?

But I had clicked through to go to my analytics page, so when I went back to go there, it wasn't there anymore. What? And now I am obsessed with finding this video I cannot find it I need to know what this was about I want to know if it was a Witcher video Or if it was a video where they were using the Witcher

As like an example Of an older dude who just bangs down all the time Like I don't know And I'm obsessed with finding this I gotta see Men over 40 better lovers. Oh men over 40. Dude all the videos are just this six pack

shortcuts and abs guy. Holy shit, look at, alright. Go to YouTube, type in how men over 40, what are the first things you get? I have the craziest shit. It really goes to show that men over 40 become obsessed with a few certain things. Can get six pack abs.

Get abs. Get ripped. Can get six pack abs. Can quickly get rid of belly fat. That's exactly what I have. That's exactly what I have. And it's all the same dude. Is it? Yeah, look at the results. It's all the same dude. Whoa, it is. He kind of looks like the guy who sells Trivago stuff.

Dude, he's going to give me three tips to boost my testosterone, but they're not gonna work Cause it's only for men over 40 Damn this guy is My favorite one If you scroll down enough there's one Called three tips to boost your testosterone For men over 40 only

And it's a picture of him and then this girl is just like Pointing at his abs like Damn This guy's killing it Pointing at his abs like, oh. Damn. This guy's killing it. Look at this guy. Wait, he put all the tips in his description. All right. Stop doing the wrong types of workouts for your body and age.

Well, that's too hard. Stop following those fat-free diets. And get rid of your belly fat. That's not a tip. That's just. That's not a tip. He's just... That's not a tip. He's just telling you what to do. Why did... Okay.

Why is this only for men over 40? Because he's over 40. But it says for men over 40 only. I like this one. It's like the Legos, where it says you can only play with Legos if you're between ages 7 and 13. It's like, why can't I play with Legos? Well, you just can't. Those are the rules.

Also, I love that there's one... I don't want to see him card you. There's one here called 10-Minute Fat-Burning Office Workout for Men over 40. And the image is this buff dude shirtless mowing the lawn as two women joggers are running by like, ehhh.

I love... Their thumbnail game is on point. These are some great thumbnails. Yeah, really good. Oh, my God. These are great. Also, this one, three simple steps to six pack abs is three images of what appears. Oh, you know what?

I think it's three different Asian dudes. I'm going to say this. I think it's day one versus dudes I'm gonna say this I think it's Day 1 versus day 20 Versus day 40 Asian dude Not a real thing Also I don't know that it's possible That in 40 days you can go from looking like day 1 guy To day 40 guy

I don't think that's possible That dude is a different man He even has like a different face I just went to the channel it says Ripped grandpa proves you can have abs even at 64 years old. I want to know what ripped grandpa looked like at 20. I do too. Probably looked like me. I don't think that.

I think ripped grandpa looked the exact same. He probably did, actually. Yeah, I feel like he's one of those freaks and he's just like, yeah, no, I can sell this, though. Yeah. He was just super fit when he was young. Yeah, he was super he's one of those freaks And he's just like, yeah, no, I can sell this though Yeah, most people are naturally Muscled out Yeah, he was super fit when he was young And now he's 40 and he's super fit You know what, if it was something that easy

Like this guy's saying, God bless it There would be a bunch of hot old dudes Walking around like, hey Also, pause There's no way that dude's 40 Yeah, there's no way This guy's like, if you're over 40, over 40 by a lot, which makes it all the more impressive. But why isn't he just like, if you're an old-ass guy, you can look like me.

That's how you sell it. Yeah, that's how you sell it. These are great thumbnails they got going. Great thumbnails. Very clickbait heavy. A lot of greased-up dudes. A lot of greased-up dudes. They got the women mastering that, like, oh, my, hand thing. Yes, a lot of greased up dudes A lot of greased up dudes They've like They got the women Mastering that like

Oh my Like Hand thing Yes a lot of that Yeah this one's called Uh Oh my Why is this even here

Alright Six pack shortcuts And abs after 40 Presents master pickup artist Connor Murphy's Best tips for attracting women And then the The

Thumbnail's just this woman like Eww Cause that's really really what I'm trying to pick up a woman I really want her to just be like yes no no that one search the most popular of it this guy's got 22 million views 19 million 12 million eight all right. I need to go see what his... 517. His name's Clark Bartram? That's a hell of a name, Clark Bartram.

Clark Bartram here. Whoa, he's 64 years old. That's what I said. Damn, you know what? I'm impressed. I'm impressed as shit. This over 40 nonsense season, cut that out. I'm impressed as hell.

Yeah. Yeah, what is his best video? This guy's got 4.3 million subscribers that's cuz the old dude still want to get to bone zone it worked everybody's analyzing these like youtubers like this person's biggest proof what about what about rip grandpa yeah why is it just brand deals up the app guy probably is making an effing fortune right now. He's probably the richest guy on YouTube, and he's ripped. He's rich and ripped. Shit, dude.

Oh, my God. If I became rich and ripped, that would be my channel. Rich and ripped. And I'd literally just shit on people. I'd be like, I'm both rich and ripped, and you're not. Here's how you can do it in less than 45 days. And you're always just doing pull-ups in, like, your mansion. Yeah.

Doing, like, bench presses with cash. With briefcases filled with money. Throw in another briefcase! I love it. And then you, like, go for a jog, and there's just women down the block looking at you. It's, like, all outside their houses being like, oh, my. Oh, my God. This is...

What the hell is happening? There's insane one minute burpee battle. What is this? One minute. The burpee battle. No, okay. I thought that was a woman's ass, but that was in fact a guy's ass. So that's not...

I mean, he has a very womanly ass, that guy. It's a fine ass. But one of the videos, years ago Healthy Mealtime Epic Mealtime Parody Four million views The thumbnail Is meat And boobs

The man is a genius It's a genius thumbnail The man Is a genius There's no words On the thumbnail No it's just Meat and boobs

Meat and boobs Right there HD High quality 4K That man Genius This guy Has gamed the system In ways I will never be able to do There. HD, high quality, 4K. That man, genius. This guy has gamed the system in ways I will never be able to do.

It's true. This thing literally just says Rip Grand Prawn. Like, I can't even. I'm done. I'm done. It still doesn't explain the Geralt thing. I'm still obsessed with that. But this is just as cool. Just as cool.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Yeah, it it reminds me there's this lady at the mall it was one of those like walking past someone and you hear it like we did that one time except we were walking past this one lady and she was like juicy ass what yeah who's wait who said that to who is this lady talking to her friend and she is like she said to that woman juicy ass the only thing i heard was she's what all i heard was juicy ass that's all i heard just said it meanly like what is the connotation of yeah like an insult like damn yes yeah that's all i heard yep yep that makes no sense oh my god okay and another thing i overheard, there were like P.F. Changs, and it was crowded, so you had to wait. And there was this family gathering type thing.

These people were, this lady was so loud. She had the loudest voice. She was like, like a hyena. It was insane. And then she's talking to her family, saying goodbye. And she's like, all right, be good. In bed. And I was like, and then what yeah she told her like it looked like it was her daughter and she's like be good in bed and the

lady was like those days are done wait to her daughter it looked like her daughter wow okay you know what and then the daughter was like those days days are done. And I was like, what's going on here? I was about to say, this is a relationship I question a lot about. It was... Like, that is... There's so much to that story that just needs answers, and we'll never get them. I know. It's...

I don't... There's so many strange things. I guess it's a parent and a daughter being very close, but also very sad just very very sad that's like that's half the reason i love going to the mall people like you like to go shop like no i just like to listen to people you just get to listen in on people's life like there's oh my god there's this one like guy and he is carrying a girl it was like a group of uh probably like high schoolers and he was just carrying this girl and his friends were just walking with him like yep he's carrying the girl and she's like and then later on they were

making out in front of a store why do they why why do people have to be overly affectionate in public it's it's got to be an attention thing they just want the attention uh maybe i guess maybe there's like a voyeur thing to it as well. Like they get off on people watching them make out and stuff. That's true. And like, you know, I think if like that's not enough, that's when you get people are like doing it in public and things like that. I don't know. I think it's like they get a kick out of it.

But I think you're right. Yeah. Like they like the idea that people are watching them. But boy, do they not know how annoying they are Yeah Just like we get it you really like each other Now stop And you can tell every one of their friends had that thought

They're just like there they go again There they go They're just like all sitting all around Ah young love Young stupid love Classic they'll be broken up in two months Oh yeah no they're probably be broken up in two months. Oh, yeah. No, they're probably already broken up now.

Yeah, probably. That already ended. Can I tell you something that I found out the other day? Okay. I am very stylish. Very stylish? I want you to know this. Very stylish.

I already knew that. So I was looking online. Because for this YouTube Red show, I've been getting into, like, different outfits and costumes and things like that. And there is a wardrobe manager. And the wardrobe manager is going around finding all these outfits. And I'm like, damn, you know what? When I get snazzed up, I kind of look pretty good. So I went on to GQ because I wanted to see what the new styles were.

I was like, maybe, maybe, just maybe I should up my game and not be such a mess and just wear the same damn hoodie all the time. And I go on there. I swear to God, there's an article that says hot trends, 12 things you should be wearing, something like that. I click it. I'm like, oh, here we go. This is brand new.

It's spring trends. I'm really excited. What's it going to be? Here are some of the things it says I should be wearing. All right. One, a yellow sweater. Two, a striped t-shirt. Three, blue socks.

Four, a gray hoodie. It also had jeans, a brown belt, a nice pair of shoes. It was all shit that I was like, what? This isn't even like fashion. This is just like shit they found shit that was like what this is it this isn't even like a fashion this is just like shit they found like make sure to get this brand new fancy belt we're promoting like now I already have belts I don't

need another belt so their fashion is them promoting stuff yes that's absolutely what it was it was I'm gonna go there right now it was straight up just like not even real fashion. No. It's like these tees are just your type. And it literally just says like t-shirt on the t-shirt. What the fuck? What?

No. Get these awesomely trippy sweaters to get you through spring. It's just sweaters that they want you to buy from like a certain brand. You're not helping me look cool. None of this is helping me look cool. I'm on there right now. This is terrible. Best of GQ,

how internet birthed a young vape god. That's what we're getting. A young vape god? Yep, there's just a guy blowing vape smoke out of every hole in his body. What the sh... These trippy sweaters, style... None of this is helpful. None of this is helpful.

Here I am trying to look dapper and awesome, and this thing is the least helpful. My GQ's gotta be able to make me look good. That's what it's for, right? Nope. Garbage. Listen, never trust... How am I even supposed to navigate this website? I'm gonna go to style. There's gotta be something on here. Nope. Garbage. Listen, never trust these websites. How am I even supposed to navigate these websites?

I'm going to go to style. There's got to be something on here that can help me, right? Nope. Spring trends. Here we go. 12 throwback windbreakers you should be wearing right now. I don't need 12 windbreakers. Yeah, you only need one.

The stylish spring travel outfit every guy can pull off. Sure. All right. Tell me, what is this? I am, yeah. It looks like a homeless dude. It looks like a homeless guy. Oh my god.

My style is slowly creeping towards being fashionable. And then when you scroll down, it is brown jacket, white t-shirt, blue scarf, jeans, and shoes. Nike shoes. Literally? Apparently, I'm fucking, like, I'm swank as hell. According to GQ, I can just wear the same thing every day and be just fine. Dude, I'm telling you. The sweatpants hoodie look.

It's right around the corner. I can't even. This is incredible to me. That this is, like, yeah. This is incredible to me That this is This is what guys should be wearing Alright sure you know what I'll buy in I have been for the last several years

There's also Ryan Reynolds is the only Spring style inspiration you need He's wearing Jeans a jean jacket A button up shirt And then a white t-shirt under that with, you know, shoes. Yeah, of course. Of course.

Yeah. I'm going to type in spring style trends men. See what happens. Trends men. Yeah, fashion trends for men. Denim. Mm-hmm. So jeans.

And 10 pieces worth buying now for spring summer 2017. for men. Denim. Mm-hmm. So jeans. And ten pieces worth buying now for spring-summer 2017. Here we go. Here we go. A black jacket. Mm-hmm. A very ugly sports coat. A windbreaker. A hoodie.

Sweatpants. Shoes. Another sweater. A travel bag. Sung sunglasses, brown shoes. Get out of town! All right. I got to show you this one because this is possibly the dumbest thing I've ever seen. All right. There we go.

Look at these styles. It's got 10 style trends worth trying in 2017. First off. Who is this kid in just like overalls? The kid in overalls looks like he's a farmer and he's lost in the city. The kid in the middle

looks like a business kid that got money from his dad that just doesn't know how to do anything, but he's dressed in some sort of oversized fancy clothes. The kid on the left just looks like a crazy person. This is literally just like celebs are trying all sorts of new things.

So if you want to be adventurous, these are things for you to try in 2017. Statement overcoats. Crazy coats with crazy colors. Unnatural hair colors. Look like Kanye. Sweatpants tucked into socks. Sure. V-neck sweaters. Right.

90s inspired sportswear. Shit, I can just go in my closet and find that. Yeah. None of this, I can't Crandor, I can't even handle this. Bleached jeans? Those look like the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Here I thought

that I needed to up my game. The rest of the world needs to catch up to us, man. Yeah, they got to catch up to us. We are trend setters. We always have been. We always have been. Always. Speaking of which, Gwyneth Paltrow now drinks chlorophyll.

Oh, my God. I heard about that. I'm just saying. Who talked about it first? We did. We talked about it. I did. We talked about it. I bet. We talked about it.

Drink chlorophyll. Let's see, 2015. No, we talked... When did we talk about it? I would say late 80s. Early 90s. Yeah, I think it was the late 80s. Yeah, we were talking about it before even plants.

Yeah, it's fantastic. 1987. We were on that chlorophyll game even before plants Plants got it from us That's all I'm saying Even the plants got it from us Gwen, she's all like, oh, who are these boys? Chlorophyll, I can drink that?

We don't know what the hell it does, but you should be drinking it Wait, what the There's a Cox and Crandor wiki And it says chlorophyll chlorophyll is a drug in scar city that causes diarrhea much like prunes but overdosing on it causes the side effect turning into a plant person making one super strong but also destroying their consciousness self-awareness and intelligent thought it stains one's skin and clothes green if it spills on them yeah what uh apparently scar city is scar city the thunder dome of heroes i'm sorry what residents i am on this page right now

this page is we're the only residents this page is 231 articles oh my god Our fandom has gone too crazy This is too far I can't keep up with this I'm old Wow they even have all of our quotes Oh my god If it's a one time poop you let that poop go What did I even say They were quality goat heads

What What is this This is amazing! I never thought a thing like this would ever exist. Scarcity Radio? What's that? Dude, I said, so what you're saying is we need to start a diamond company. Maybe we do! Scarcity Radio? Employees Jesse Cox, Crandall Horatio, Bottom Lip, Graham Cracker,

Blork Nock, Archibald Crucible, and Imaginary Thought Walrus? What? I don't even remember saying half these things. Back in my day, we would have been happy to have a vegetable tray. I don't remember any of this.

It's like a weird fever dream. Oh my god. Yeah, I can't. Apparently in 2013 you said, all I'm saying is I want to murder Hugh Jackman and wear his skin. I mean, that's still true.

That's accurate. You said in 2013, oh my god, what if the horses have scuba masks on? Crendor, 2014. That's all I do. I slap all over. Jesse Cox, 2014. My poop never looks white.

There you go. These are things people have collected and then posted on the internet. I think my favorite one was from 2013 where he said, I almost believed something existed until I started reading about it. Man, we were just better at this podcast back then.

We were a lot better. We were so much better. Wait, what? He has some... Man, look at this. 2012. I had a dream where an alien leprechaun came and poked my butthole with a banana. Jesse 2012.

Jesse 2012. Only a man named Dick Mandingo would invent something as awful as the McRib. What? That's his real name, though. That's his real name though That's his real name It's five years ago It's a different era It was

It was a different time Crendor 2012 I couldn't find an article So instead we're doing Mad Libs Oh shit I remember doing that Mad Lib I don't remember the Mad Lib actually Oh my god

I can't even Wow this is brilliant oh my god i almost forgot about walgreens lady okay oh yeah no all right i'm gonna tell you about this so there's i think i talked about this on the co-optional but now we're here so i can actually talk about it so this lady works at walgreens and it's probably the best one of the top five people i've met so i was checking out at walgreens at like 3 a.m and she's probably one of the top five people i've met and she was just pushing a cart like the the thing you stack items with in the store she's pushing it around and she had her coffee on it and she was the only person working and so i was waiting and i had to go find her and be like hey i'm ready to check out and she had her coffee on it and she was the only person working and so i was waiting and i had to

go find her and be like hey i'm ready to check out and she just looks at me and she's like are you sure and i was like did you question whether you were you're like maybe i'm not it's like i i'm hold on let me think about it and she's just she's just like five foot one filipino lady and she's like okay you're ready and so we go to the front and i'm like how's your night doing and she just looks at me with this blank stare and she's like what's it look like and i was like it looks like you're really tired and she's like i am and i'm like how much did you sleep And she's like two hours And I'm like wow Why'd you only sleep two hours She's like I worked my two other jobs

And I was like That is so True you have no idea how Like thankful I am All the time I will meet people The other night I met a guy who was like He was the waiter at the restaurant And then I was talking to him like So when do you get off like you know You seem like you're ready to go people. Uh, the other night I met a guy who was like, he was the waiter at the restaurant.

And then I was talking to him. He was like, so when do you get off? Like, you know, you seem like you're ready to go. And he's like, yeah, no, I, I gotta like go to my next job. I'm like, Oh shit. Where's that? And he's like, Oh, it's just diner down the street. I wait there too. The tips are great because it's just drunk people at night. I'm like, that's cool. He's like, yeah. And then I go home and sleep for a few hours. And then, you know, I wake up the next day and I go work at this print shop. I'm like, that's cool. He's like, yeah, and then I go home and sleep for a few hours and then I wake up the next day and I go work at this print shop. I'm like, oh my God. He's like, yeah, and then I come back here. I'm like, what do you do for fun? He's like,

well, I'm in a band, so I band practice. I'm like, wait, when do you sleep? He's like, I get like an hour and a half, two hours a night. I literally was, my jaw was open. I was just like, I've never felt so lucky to just make stupid ass videos on the internet. I know, right? It's, I can barely, here's the thing.

Like so many people get so little sleep because of it too. And it's like, when I get under five hours of sleep, I feel like I'm going to die. I'm like, how did they just get used to it? It's got to be people just get used to it I don't I can't Imagine I think it's kind of like When you see Doctors who have to do

40 some hour shifts Or um Like if you're in the military Yeah they do like 24 hours Yeah they make you do like you have to stay awake a certain amount of time I don't I don't see how that's like When I do a 24 hours. Yeah, they make you do like, you have to stay awake a certain amount of time. I don't see how that's, like when I do a 24 hour live stream, at the end of 24 hours, I may just die. I may fall over dead. Yeah.

And I don't know, maybe it has to do with age still, because I remember I could stay up a long time, but I never did more than 24. It was just impossible. Yeah. stay up a long time, but I never did more than 24. It was just impossible. Yet, I guess there was a time when I was making videos where I would, this was when I had a computer that wasn't really fast, where I would record, set to render, go to sleep for the two hours, three hours that would render, wake up, upload, record again, go back to sleep, record, upload, like that kind of thing. I did that for like a solid week And it messed me up but I got stuff done

So I guess that's possible I think, what was it, Einstein or some very famous Scientist guy Would do 20 minutes a day Or not 20 minutes but he'd like do 20 minutes Every few hours Yeah, I know there's people that do They sleep 4 hours and then they stay awake

And then they sleep another 4 hours and they stay awake and they just keep doing that. That's like a military thing from what I heard. Yeah, I guess that's like a possibility because you, I think it's at, I don't know, I think four hours is the minimum you need to complete REM, I think. I don't know, honestly. It's either you need To get four hours to start Or you need four hours to complete it Yeah

Either way, one of the things I heard Is the worst that you shouldn't do Is If you're like, I'm just going to take a nap If you end up taking a two hour nap You've literally screwed yourself Because you're just starting to enter deep sleep And when you pull yourself out of it, it makes it even worse So if you're just starting To enter like deep sleep and when you Pull yourself out of it it makes it even worse

So if you're going to take a nap it should be Maybe 20-40 minutes Tops no more than that Or you're just like going to damage yourself I don't like naps Apparently there's the like sleep deprivation You can't Ever catch up

Oh yeah I've heard that too So if you miss sleep and then you say Oh well tomorrow I'll just sleep an extra two hours or whatever It doesn't make up for The like I don't understand it But apparently you just need to Keep sleeping A minimum of seven hours a night as an adult

So Good luck y'all I can't even do that I'll make it maybe six And then pop out of bed like alright let's go do stuff So, good luck, y'all. Good luck, y'all. I can't even do that. I'll make it maybe six and then pop out of bed like, all right, let's go do stuff. Any more than that and I will wake up more tired. Well, it depends.

I can sleep nine hours max. Some people are like, I slept 12 hours. You are a sloth. You're just like, blah. Well, it's because I slept six hours the day before and then I slept nine hours. But normally I sleep seven to eight hours. Unless I i can't do it i can't do it i will i will go to bed and like clockwork pop up six hours later just like pop and i can't i have heard that some people need less sleep but i don't know if it's like it's not for everybody and i don't

know if it's just people train themselves or some people just naturally need less sleep I don't know if it's, like, it's not for everybody. And I don't know if it's just people train themselves or some people just naturally need less sleep. I don't know. We probably have some sleep psycho analyst person listening. There's probably some sleep psychos out there. Well, I've studied sleep for 22 years. And I'll tell you all about it.

I would love to know. I'd love to know about sleep because it's one of my favorite things. I love it. Oh my god, I've had so many crazy dreams, know. I'd love to know about sleep because it's one of my favorite things. Yeah. I love it. Oh, my God. I've had so many crazy dreams, too. I always write down my dreams. Oh, my God. Do you have any with you right now?

I do. Hold on. Let me pull them up. Oh, yeah. None. Here we go. That one Walgreens lady. I forgot to finish my thing.

I came in the week later, and she was there again, and she's like, hey. And I was like, I'm ready to check out. And she's like, oh, you made a friend. All right. And she was a bit happier this time and there's a guy already waiting at the front and he's like would be nice to have somebody up here and she just ignored him it was just in her sleep state and then she walked out and looks at me and she's like dick ass you made a friend that's so sweet yes now whenever i go there she just very sleepily walks over and i'm like you tired and she's like yep and then she shows me her coffee and candy she uses to power through and she's like see you later sounds incredibly healthy she's very happy great you know

what she's very happy all right here we go here's some great dreams Let's hear the dreams This one is from, what's this? A week ago Attacked at castle, threw fire potion at stairs Then sword fight with Lannisters Ghost Theon in the kitchen I just Ghost Theon in the kitchen Sounds like the beginning of an old timey like

Ghost Theon in the kitchen with Tana It's Ghost Theon Tommy like, Ghostion in the kitchen with Tana. It's Ghostion. Also, also, interesting predictor of things to come. I don't know. Oh shit, maybe. Maybe you had a Crenstradamus vision right there. Maybe I had his brain.

Alright, here's another one. Real Pokemon in field is cardboard. Small treehouse. Can't find the druid headquarters and keep getting invited to Gmart's group. Reject. Packers lose to bears in new stadium after dumb plays. That's all one dream. Wait, what?

A Pokemon, but the Pokemon was cardboard? Real Pokemon in field as cardboard. Wait, what does that mean? Real Pokemon in field as cardboard. What does that mean? I think there's Pokemon in the field, but there are cardboard cutouts of Pokemon. But you said they were real. Yeah, they weren't Digimon or something.

Sure. That makes sense. And there was a small treehouse, I remember, because I could barely fit in it. I'm like, this is a small treehouse. And then for some reason I wanted to find the druid headquarters. Well, because you got in the treehouse and you were like, the druid's gotta have a better place than this. Oh yeah, here's another one. Bees in a field by school.

Everyone having beer and my pancreas becomes inflamed and need dentists to take it out. Stuck in some school. Where did your pancreas go to when it became inflamed that you needed a dentist? I don't know. Sure. It's a dream. I became inflamed that you needed a dentist i don't know sure it's a dream i don't know the meaning of it i don't know why why why was that you know uh sure sure weren't we gonna make a dream book we should make a dream book but yeah where people

send us their dreams and then we interpret their dreams. We interpret them. We could do that. We could do that. Just tweet us your dreams. Yeah, tweet us your dreams and we'll interpret your dreams next time. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. Good on us. Good job, us. Alright,

well, then let's go to Chopper Cover 7. This guy's Crendor. Crendor, how's that traffic out there? Oh my god, traffic out there? Oh, my God. Traffic out there. I was just falling asleep up here, and I started dreaming, and I thought I already did the traffic report. Funny story. I didn't. And now we actually are past the traffic, and we are in the mountains somewhere, and I don't know where I am.

I think I'm lost, and this is not good. I don't see anything this is really weird i don't even know where i am the gps isn't working and uh yeah well hopefully i'll be i'll be back in business by next time if i'm not home by dark uh you know uh i'll be fine i've watched survivor man thank you you're totally screwed now let's go over to Grendor at the weather desk. How's the weather looking? Weather is fantastic. If you're in a place where it's good.

But where is a place where it's good, you might ask. 2, 4, 8, 5, 3. Where is a place where it's good? Kimball, West Virginia. You said that with the certainty of a man who was uncertain. I am completely certain that I'm uncertain. Kimball, 63 degrees Fahrenheit. It's looking like you got a high of 57 out there, a UV index of zero.

And another severe round this week? Next round's on me. That was a joke about a bar, like saying, hey, you got the next round Next round's on me. That was a joke about a bar saying, you got the next round, round's on me. But it's severe storms. It's severe weather. People will probably die. If anyone even lives in Kimball.

They must if they're keeping weather records of it. I guess. It's probably one man. Kimball. Kimball. It is a named place it's me kim ball there's been 24 kim balls in my family and i'm the 25th name kim ball and ain't nobody gonna change it one was named ball kim wasn't the same we we kicked him out the kim ball claim it's like scotland they have like the various claims. They have the ball claim. Are you saying there's a bunch of people in Scotland

named Kimball? No, West Virginia. What if that was true? What if we got a letter from Scotland that was like, Tis true la day. What the fuck happened? They're all dwarves. They're all Scottish dwarves.

Yeah, they're all dwarves. Ah, tis true. Dwarves. It started all Scottish dwarves. Yeah, they're all dwarves. Ah, it is true! Dwarves! It started out Irish and switched over. Oh, saints preserve us! We're in Scotland! Yeah, you know. All with very strong livers. Very strong. Tonight, you got showers in Kimball.

But tomorrow, you got more showers. Then Monday, you got clouds. Tuesday, you got clouds. Tuesday night, it's gonna get some more showers Then Monday you got clouds Tuesday you got clouds Tuesday night It's gonna get some more showers going Also If you're looking for a sunrise sunset 649 AM is your sunrise 802 PM is your sunset Sun's staying out quite a bit

As we get towards the Summer season Hey sun Alright well let's go to sports How's the sports looking? Sports. Sports are looking great. Playoffs are starting.

A lot of playoffs. I was just watching the Bulls and the Celtics. Bulls won. They're the eighth seed. They took down the Boston Celtics first game. They'll probably lose the next four. Bulls and the Celtics? Is it like 1992 right now?

It could be. I mean, we may have traveled back in time. It's possible. I saw that GQ page. That shit was like, what did you wear 18 years ago, Jesse? Because it's still popular. That's true. So yeah, we got

they're up in the best, but they'll probably lose the next four games. What are you going to do? Looks like Washington beat Atlanta in the NBA. Golden State won. And Houston's winning over Oklahoma City right now. Over in hockey, it looks like St. Louis is up 3-0

on Minnesota. Pittsburgh's up 3-0 on the Blue Jackets. Montreal's up 2-1 on the New York Rangers. Ottawa-Boston tied at 1. Boston to Washington. Toronto tied at 1. Those have been some crazy games.

And the Blackhawks are down 2-0 to Nashville. That's all right. They'll win a bunch in a row. They just need to score goals. And Anaheim's up 2-0 on Calgary. Can I just tell you something crazy? Yeah. Right now, as we're recording this, all the lights went off in this place. My computer,

for some ungodly reason, is still on. Still powering. What? Still working through. I think we're having, like, a power outage, but it doesn't matter because it's still working. My computer monitors went off, but I can still hear you. What the shit? It popped back on. I can see. I can

see it's still recording. You can see me now. Maybe we did go back to the past. Oh, my God. We did. What the hell just happened? Mamma mia. Mamma mia, papapia.

And then Edmonton-San Jose tied at one. All right. That's sports. Let's talk big news story of the day. I have a story for you to start with Alright You ready for this? I'm ready

Aussie rapper reportedly jumped into ocean to dodge $600 seafood bill Alright Okay, hold on here First off Yes An Aussie rapper There's a photo of this man I will see if I can Copy image address

And send it to you right now You can see this guy He looks like how you would imagine an Aussie rapper would look That, exactly That's straight out of my brain Straight out of it He looks like he's kind of wearing a helmet But it just beats headphones on a really weird hat

It looks like he's wearing one of those beer helmets It really does. And he has a giant fake gold chain around his neck. That is, yep, that's a fake. Is it even gold? Yeah, it is gold. All right, so in one of the most creative dine and dashes ever, aspiring rapper, oh, he's aspiring rapper.

That's even worse. Oh, no. Aspiring rapper Terry Peck. That's a terrible rap name. Terry Peck? Terry Peck? Terry Peck allegedly downed over $600 with the seafood at the Gold Coast restaurant before jumping into the ocean to avoid capture. He was eventually caught by police on jet skis.

So did he just not? Let me just read you this Okay A report from Queensland police Says man ordered and consumed A substantial amount of seafood and alcohol At a restaurant around 4.45pm on Sunday afternoon The courier mail lists the man's full

Degustation What does that word even mean Degustation Degustation It sounds like a train station Like take mean? Degustation? Degustation? It sounds like a train station, like take it to the degustation. Degustation is the careful, appreciative tasting of various foods. Oh.

But it sounds like disgust. Degustation. Yeah, why is it disgusting? That doesn't make sense. I thought they were like digestion maybe or something like that's just what selection of degustation dishes and wines where's it originate from stop making up words y'all stop it all words are made up man a French term degustation is still commonly used in English language. Nope, it is not.

Very commonly used. I've heard it so many times. That is not true. I've never said I've been. A selection of degustation dishes and wine. Get out of town. If someone said I'm making you degustation dishes, I would be out. I would do just what I did. I'd be like, degustation?

What the shit is that? Degustation? Simon, I don't. I just Merriam-Webstered it, and it's degustation? What the shit is that? Degustation? Hold on. I don't... I just... Marion Webster did it. It's degustation. That's the actual pronunciation. Pronunciation.

I'm just going to say it. Fucking French. Someone has to say it. God damn it. Anyway, the courier mail lists the man's full degustation as two lobsters, baby octopus,

21 vodka oyster shots, and a number of Coronas. But the man's full digestation as two lobsters, baby octopus, 21 vodka oyster shots, and a number of Coronas. When the man allegedly fled from the restaurant without paying, he was chased on foot by staff before the man jumped into the ocean at Surfer's Paradise, Maine Beach. The man allegedly refused to return to land so he just swam out into the water

and was like, I ain't coming back. So police were forced to ask lifeguards to tow them Out to the man on the back of jet skis Police will allegedly Attempt to negotiate with the man To exit the water by himself But he refused

So police were forced to enter the water And apprehend the man Bringing him back to shore without incident So yeah I just found another picture of him Except he's got a gold grill on Okay What made him decide to do this I just found another picture of him, except he's got a gold grill on. Okay. What made him decide to do this?

Whoa. Whoa. What? I found another picture of him. Is this the same guy? What? This is one of those things where pictures are worth a thousand words, and angles can change your perception of people. Oh, my God.

It looks like two different dudes. That looks... Oh, my... It's got a... What the shit? That's what I'm saying. This guy looks like... The first guy looks like a crappy white rapper.

The second guy looks like A character from Mad Max Who has PTSD From Mad Max Yes what the hell Who is this guy Oh Man accused of skipping out On $620 seafood bill says

Lobster was overcooked That is a good enough reason to jump into the ocean. Apparently they said we cook our lobsters perfectly here. We pride ourselves on our cooking. Australia, I imagine it's like Australia on the ocean. If you have a restaurant on the ocean,

the amount of money it costs to have a restaurant on the ocean, I figure you gotta be like, good. Yeah. You gotta be pretty good. I mean, we're not asking for perfection, but you gotta be good. What's that word? Degustation? I wonder if he knew what a degustation was. Maybe they were

like, do you want the degustation? And he was like, sure. And then he didn't realize it was gonna be that much money. And after they just kept coming, he's like, oh shit, dude. I didn't want the degas station Terry Peck whose rapper name is to Peck oh my god he has a SoundCloud Peck SoundCloud he has a SoundCloud we get it it's to check free

listening on SoundCloud he has won a song called Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy oi oi oi I'm going there right now yep same oh my god that bass What is this? This is insane! It's- Oh my god! It sounds like a 14 year old, like in their bedroom that doesn't want their parents to hear. Like trying to rap into a shitty headset microphone like Have you looked at his, uh his description of himself?

I'm straight with an eight up. F can awesome. LOL. Yee-haw. Now that's a man who jumps into the ocean after not paying a $60 bill. You don't need any more information. Usually we find stories where we're just like, none of this makes sense. They didn't answer any more information Usually we find stories Where it's like none of this makes sense

They didn't answer any of the questions This story wrapped up in a nice little package Everything about this makes sense now This is And all the comments are just about the food He says overcooked lobster Sucks bro I'm with you This one guy says exactly what we said

You sound like you'd run out of a 621 dollar worth worth of food bill this guy this guy's like do you give swimming lessons I'm gonna go further into the song all right yeah Alright, yeah. Oh my god! Oh my god! I need to go to the full song. Go to 2 minutes 36 seconds and just listen to him go I love this guy.

Oh my god. He has 39 followers. That just goes to show, you can be shit and people will still listen to you. He probably got all those after jumping in the ocean. Yeah. This is all the listening stunt. The man's a genius. The man is a genius

If we ever did Cox and Crender Australia I want this guy to open for us No doubt If we ever got invited to an event in Australia I would love To go and have this guy Be the opening act

Holy Shit Love to go And have this guy be the opening act Oh yeah Holy shit I would pay this guy At least a hundred bucks to do it Yeah at least he would take it Guarantee He'd be like I can run out on one Sixth of a meal with this Oh yeah

This is my favorite part This guy's like He sounds like he's 14 looks like he's 45 This is stupid That's a very concise way of putting it I love this guy I love this guy This dude's crack up

He's like police on jet skis? F the police. Why? Because they run jet skis? Don't do that. You should be blown away they have jet skis to begin with. That's like police academy. Alright, we gotta get to this main attraction here.

Okay, it's your turn. Take us away. Woman arrested for training squirrels to attack her ex- your turn. Take us away. Woman arrested for training squirrels to attack her ex-boyfriend. This is one. Someone had sent that to me and I didn't look at it because I wanted to hear it from you because I knew you would see it.

I saw this. I bookmarked it. I didn't read it either. I am super excited for this story because I've seen this woman and she looks just like a woman who would train squirrels to attack a boyfriend Actually pause Actually pause I'm more interested in the story

Of how these two met and who the boyfriend Is because there are certain Crazy people like this woman Has crazy eyes yeah she's got the crazy Eyes everything about her reads Run away I want to know who the crazy eyed boyfriend was who was like we're perfect 45 year old janice smith was arrested this morning by officers of the detroit

police department for allegedly capturing numerous squirrels and training them to attack her former lover 51 year old james robinson was presumably attacked by the rodents on more than a dozen occasions over the last month. Wait, what? Yeah. What? These attacks caused many serious injuries, including the loss of two fingers,

one testicle, two fingers, and a testicle bitten off by his attackers. What? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Time out!

What the shit? I laughed so hard I started farting! What is... This sounds... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. This can't be real. This can't be real. This can't... There's no way. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Pause. All right. Time out. First, first. She captured and then trained numerous squirrels.

How do you train squirrels? Capturing, I can kind of understand. Yeah. How do you then care for and train squirrels without your boyfriend detecting? That is really weird. Like, where does she... Does she have a secret squirrel compound where she trained these squirrels

in the art of ball munching and finger clamping? Like, this makes literally no sense. How is this possible? How is this possible? Oh, shit. The poor man had no idea why squirrels kept attacking him until he saw his ex-girlfriend, a former circus animal trainer, cheering the animals during one of the attacks.

Oh my god. Can you imagine? He is like on the ground rolling around as all these squirrels are attacking him. And in the distance, he just sees her on a hill like, yes, my pets. Yes. Oh, shit. She was partially hidden behind some bushes, but I could clearly see her and hear her. She was yelling orders at the squirrels and telling them to attack me. Wait, the squirrels understand people?

Apparently, they can understand people. Hold on, was this in Florida? Detroit. That's like the Florida of the North. It is. I'm just curious if this was not just Florida man, but also Squirrely, his faithful sidekick. It had to have been. Squirrely came back.

He was like, hey, it's Squirrely, and he jumps in and wipes this guy's balls off. Realizing that his life could be in danger, Mr. Robinson filed a complaint to the police who had paid a visit to Ms. Smith. In her residence, they found a dozen cages holding a total of 27 squirrels. They also found two training dummies with pictures of Mr. Robinson taped over their faces. Oh my, get out. This is real. This isn't real.

This can't be real. This can't be real. This can't be real. She trained squirrels. And then over a month, they kept attacking him again and again and again. Do you think? Hold on. What do you think was going through this guy's head after the second squirrel attack? Like the first one, I imagine he's like, wrong place, wrong time.

Second squirrel attack, I have to imagine he'd be blown the F away. Just like, what am I doing? Why do these squirrels keep coming for me? Detroit Police Chief James Craig confirmed that Janice Smith had admitted she was responsible for the attacks and confessed her strange plot. This is not real. Ms. Smith confessed to capturing and training squirrels to harass and attack her ex-boyfriend. She used to train lions for a circus so it was easy for her to make the animals do as she wanted. She said she

helped raise an army of 50 to 100 animals. This is not real. She's now facing a variety of criminal charges linked to criminal harassment and using animals as weapons. Janice Smith's lawyers have demanded for her to undergo a psychological evaluation, claiming she was unfit to stay in trial.

They say her choice of training squirrels instead of dogs or bears suggests that she might be suffering from mental problems. What? You know what? That's a genius get-out jail free card right there she could have gone with bears or dogs or snakes but she went with squirrels that's the perfect lawyer like yeah we get around this all right you won't see a day in jail time get out of here with this story this can't be real you be real. You don't even have to say that. The woman's training squirrels.

Be like, Your Honor, look at this. This woman's training squirrels. No, just be like, Your Honor, look at this woman. There is not a sane bone in her body. He's like, you know what? I get it. I get it. We don't even need to have a case.

Jury dismissed. Get out of here, guys. We're done for the day. Wow. a case. Jury dismissed. Get out of here, guys. We're done for the day. Wow! This is an amazing story. Multiple attacks over the course of a month. I can't believe this guy. It's one of the craziest stories I think we've

heard. It can't be real. It can't be real. You know what I need? I need to know what he did. Yeah, what did he do? Did he just break up with her? If that's the case, then no one should have. He had to have done something. Yeah, he had to have done something to deserve such anger.

There's no way a normal breakup ends like this. You don't go and train squirrels just because a dude broke up with you. That's not, that doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. What an amazing tale. What an amazing tale. Alright, well, I guess that's it for

this episode. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back soon with another episode. Please, if you're on the iTunes, leave some reviews. That's how we bump up in the charts. And we want to be number one. We were for a little bit. There was a time.

Chris Hardwick. There was a time. Chris Hardwick was the only person ahead of us. Or he beat us. That doesn't even matter. We're going to beat him. That's right, Hardwick. That's right, Hardwick.

I'm going to beat you. Hard-wick. I also caught up to all the cocks and cron doors on YouTube. Yeah, so go there. And you can watch them there too If you want to do Cocks and cron door we're everywhere We're everywhere

We're right next to you right now And soon we're headed to Australia Where that guy's going to open for us And we're going to get the squirrel woman to do A squirrel performance while that guy raps And we need to have catering From that seafood place. And then at the end, squirrels attack and kill that man.

Greatest live show. But he jumps into the water. Greatest live. Oh, and then the squirrels get on those little squirrel water skis and chase him down. Now that's a show. Now that's a show. Now that's a show. I'd pay for that. All right.

See you guys next time. And as always, to be continued.