Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 134 - What Dreams May Come

Episode Date: July 4, 2017

Cox n' Crendor are back and this time they've got A LOT to talk about. Who is better Linkin Park or Blink 182? What happened to Jesse on his uber ride? And more importantly, we go deep into your dreams! All this and so much more, on this episode of CnC!

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendor in the morning. Hello everybody, welcome back to Cox and Crandor in the morning. Hello everybody, welcome back to Cox and Crandor in the morning. Wow. Yeah? Oh no, I just wanted to say wow. I didn't really think about what was going to happen after that. You kept me in suspense. You kept me in suspense.

I don't know. That's what I do. I keep people in suspense. But, what are you in suspense for? You don't even know. That's what in suspense for? You don't even know. That's what I'm saying. I don't even know. I have no clue.

Nobody knows. I am my nose. It's something. It's something. I. You are your nose. My nose is all stuffed up. I am my nose.

My nose is stuffed up. I'm allergic to pollen, and I am having an allergic reaction to the world today and i just can't i can't like breathe properly it sucks that's all i'm gonna say it sucks well i hate it there's not enough benadryl in the world and i hate it does this happen to you every year is this like the first year yeah no it happens it happens every year around this time it's i since i was a kid it's just pollen in the air. And plants and bees and shit. I'm just saying, we could do with a few less bees.

Everyone's like, the bees, they keep us alive. I don't have any evidence for that. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know any science. Yeah, I don't even know that science. I ain't read nothing that said bee keeps me alive. Bees been trying to sting me my entire life. That's all I'm saying.

I got stung by a bee once. It hurt. It hurts. That's right. Bees hurt. What if the bees are just out to get us and they're dying on purpose? They would do that. When they sting you, they die.

They would die on purpose. They're assholes. Bees. Bees notorious assholes. They're nature's assholes. I saw that in a documentary once. Bees. Nature's assholes. They're nature's assholes. I saw that in a documentary once. Bees, nature's assholes. It's true.

I figured California would have less pollen, or LA specifically. That was just smug. You know, I'm also allergic to dust. So it is super dusty, and there's pollen in the air, and I'm just a mess. Sometimes when I'm going through old stuff, or if I am at a house that's very, very dusty, I will not be able to stop sneezing. I just can't. And I know, like, you sneeze when stuff's dusty as is.

I will keep going until I leave. My eyes will get all red and watery. Yeah. It could just be I have an adverse reaction to people not cleaning their shit. Maybe that's also. That's true. I'm a hypochondriac And I just like clean your stuff God I like get grossed out and sick

It's happened before Well hypochondriacs you think you have every sort Of illness oh well then what is What am I it's like obsessive compulsive Is that obsessive am I OCD I don't even think I don't think I'm OCD I think I'm like Fear of my mom Coming to my apartment and finding out that I'm a mess

so I clean to prevent her from yelling at me. Is that a thing that you can do? Obsessive compulsive is more like you do compulsions obsessively. So you're like always tapping something. Yeah, I don't have that. I don't do that. You're more just like a neat freak. Yeah, but like one of those ones that is desperately trying to avoid being yelled at by his mom.

Basically, it all comes back to my mom yelling at me. That was my childhood. I'd have a messy room and she'd be like, Jesse! And so I just learned if I stopped leaving messes around, my mom wouldn't yell at me. So now I think I have a fear ingrained in my soul that one day she'll show up in my apartment and be like, You live like a disgusting mess. And so I just keep it clean in order to prevent that.

It's basically the same thing. Like, you want clean underwear, right? So if you die, you'll have clean underwear on. That's like that with my apartment. Dude, my dad, he used to be like... Just don't check my computer, Mom. Just don't go on my computer. My dad used to be like, you got to pick up your shirts.

Someone's going to trip over it and break their neck. And I'd be like, what? Then I tripped over one and broke my neck. That is the best story, and I don't know how true it is. It's 45% true. Wow, that's... Look, that's better than most facts I've heard lately. Can I tell you something?

I want to burden your soul with the best thing in the world. Okay. Burden your soul? That's exactly right. Because today I found a guy named, well, actually, Andra sent me a link to a guy. Okay. A Mr. Forthright. Mr. Forthright is an old man

on YouTube who does advice videos. I'm going to send you a link right now. This guy might be my future. This is what I want to do. I think gaming is done. This guy gets it. Forthright. Oh, shit. Old and bold

is his header. And one of them is how to jump higher One of his videos is how to stop terrorists One of his videos is how to get a girlfriend He even has how to get ripped How to take a selfie Yeah How to be gangsta

How to pretend you understand art How to throw a wedding on a budget This guy's great I always wanted to learn how to jump higher How to get rid wedding on a budget This guy's great I always wanted to learn how to jump higher How to get rid of acne Is another one How to defeat Barack Obama in an election Oh boy

How to defeat Mitt Romney in an election Oh boy How to divorce your wife without her finding out What? I love this guy He's been doing it for five years He doesn't even tag his videos They have no tags

He doesn't care How to conceal a fart is Oh my god is that his highest video Most popular How to get out of jury duty is his most popular Classic How to tell if a guy likes you Versus how to tell if a girl likes you is number two

How to say no to drugs is number three. How to pretend to work at work is number four. I love it. I love it. This guy's great. He's giving legit advice. This guy is killing it. Although I think it's mostly joke advice, but it doesn't matter.

Yeah. It's very joke advice. But at the same time, there's a slight hint. The slight hint. The slight hint. And he knows. He knows because he's old. Yeah. For some reason, we feel like we have to listen to him because he's old.

Yeah, like if this was just some 19-year-old kid on YouTube being like, YouTuber 545 here, I wouldn't give a shit. Right? That's this old dude. I love this guy. Yeah. If he was, even, I feel like even I still have to wait. Like I can't, I can't just wear a cool silk bathrobe and sit by a fire and dispense advice,

even though by God, that's what I want to do. I feel like you have to be at a minimum of 70. Right. You have to be, you have to be so old that people are like, whatever he says, it has to be true. Me, they'll be like, fake news. But I'm just saying, what if I had a snifter of some alcohol,

a pipe, a silk robe, and I sat next to a fire and just dispensed advice? Would that not be the best video? I think that might be my future. I think that might be your future too. I agree. Yeah. This guy is how I want to live my life. It's a sneak peek into your future.

Dude, Hubert Applebaum on how to get out of jury duty has the top comment and said, Please make a video on how to get annoying kids off my porch. I bet. Just look at the image. It's just an old guy. Oh, my God. Hubert Applebaum. He looks like he grows apples and loves doing it.

Alvin Ainsworth says, mandatory jury duty really gets my gander. Why not slap 1984 over the courthouse and force us into labor camps already? How to escape from a nursing home. I love this dude. How to escape from a nursing home? Does that mean he escaped from a nursing home? Maybe that's what this is about. Maybe he really did just escape. And now

he just lives in a room with a chair. This one says, how to get a girlfriend. Step one, find your target. Find your target. He says, sometimes stalking is a necessary evil. There you go. Grandpa knows. It must be true because he's old and he's telling us. He obviously understands.

He gets it. He gets it. Sometimes you got to stalk if you want to get the walk on the date is what I'm saying. Yeah. He says, do what you have to do. The man gets it. Do what you have to do. Like Mountain Dew. Like Mountain Dew.

That's what it's about. Mountain Dew is the stalker of sodas. Fact. We've been saying that for a year. Mountain Dew stalks you. It's like, are you going to drink me yet? Hey, do you want to drink me? You need to get this guy on the show.

I want to get this guy on the show. He's great. We need to find him. Where is he? He's got Facebook. Mr. Forthright. Yeah, he's on Facebook. He's got a Twitter.

Oh, my God. He's got 381 followers. He follows one person, which is Lando Calrissian. Get out of town. The real Lando or just, like, some guy named Lando? No, like, the real one. Is it Billy Dee Williams? Yeah.

He also updated April 23rd after being gone for a year, and he said, update, I'm not dead, just lazy, which explains the lack of new videos. It does. It really does. We got to tweet, Adam. He's old. He's bold.

Mr. Forthright. I love him. All of his comments in his Facebook are all from, like, young kids. He's hip to the kids. This is what we're missing, Crandor. This is what we're missing. We're not hip. This is what we're missing.

We're not hip to the kids. I've never been hip. All right. We got to bring this guy on, no doubt. If there's going to be a guest, it's going to be this guy. Yeah. The very first guest should be this man. Yeah.

Didn't I have a story? I did have a story. Except it's about San Antonio. Okay. I forgot about this. So I've had my Uber driver stories, right? Yes. So I forgot about this guy. He is just...

This guy in San Antonio going to the zoo. Alright. Wait, pause. Were you in the car? Yes. You were going to the zoo in San Antonio? Yeah. Okay. I have not heard this story. Go on. Okay. All the people were going to the zoo in san antonio yeah okay i have not heard this story go on okay all the people were going to the zoo so they invite us to the zoo and we're like okay we'll go to the zoo so we get in the uber we go in the uber it's this guy he seems normal right he's got

like a 4.8 and the and the rating thing uh we're like all right whatever so we go and he's just like so uh what are you what are you doing we're like we're going to the zoo i'm like what are you doing he's like well it's my daughter's graduation i'm not invited and i was like why aren't you invited and he's like that's a long story and i was like oh okay and he like, but I guess I can try to fit it in, and so he starts telling the story, and he's like, listen, so a lot of people think I do things to my kids. I don't, all right?

I don't. What? Say what? He got very defensive very quickly. He's like, a lot of people say I do things to my kids. I don't do anything to my kids, all right? I would never do anything to my kids. It's sick. That's disgusting, And I was like,

Okay. Yeah. And he's just like, I don't, alright? And listen, my wife, she says things to people. That's who's saying it. My wife is doing all this. But you know what? She's not my wife anymore. She's my ex-wife and there's a reason for that. She's manipulative.

She's just, I hate her. She won't even let me see the kids. I go there. I go to see my kids. She's just, I hate her. She won't even let me see the kids. I go there. I go to see my kids. She's like, get out of here. I'm like, these are my kids. All right. And I was like, are we at the zoo yet?

And then. Wait. Oh, I'm letting you keep going. I have so many questions. Just keep going. So then we keep going. He's just like, yeah, I used to work in some electricity job. And then he's like, I did something else, then I moved here. Now I'm just driving around.

I just wish I could talk to my kids. If I talk to my daughter, she doesn't even want to talk to me because my ex-wife convinced them all that I'm a crazy person. And now, it's just, it's sad. It's sad. And it's just whatever. And then we got to the zoo. And he was like, hey, you guys enjoy your time at the zoo.

And you know what? I'm going to keep thinking of you. And I was like, yeah, you keep trying to talk to your kids. And he's like, hey, I never will stop. And I was like, damn, okay. So I wish there was a block feature. You just like block someone and you never get them again. Hey, he never will stop.

So yeah, I forgot about that guy. Great, great guy. Great guy. Great story. You know what? It's nice to have dreams. He will one day get those kids again. What's the craziest Uber thing you've had?

Because I've had so many stories now, but I don't think I've ever heard one from you. I, man, I don't have crazy Uber stories or Lyft stories or any of that. I've never had one where the person's been nuts. I will say that I went through a hell trip with a guy once. I was driving back from Burbank to the office, and it was 5 p.m., so that is during rush hour. It took three and a half hours. It was me and this poor Indian man. He was just fed up with life.

And about half of the trip, I had to go to the bathroom so badly. And I was like, I just, I was like, sir, I have to pee so badly. I'm so sorry. Like, is there any way we can get off on one of these exits? We've been in the car for two hours. I did not expect it to take this long. Like, please. He's like, sure, sure, of course.

So we pull off. We get off in the middle of, like, there's the ghetto and then there's the ghetto. Like, this place The McDonald's that we pulled into So I go to the bathroom Was a McDonald's you could not enter You could not walk inside it It had bulletproof glass

Ordering things And a bulletproof glass interior area And the bathroom Was a porta potty system outside And I was like don't care I gotta go. I gotta go. And the guy goes, I'll drive around the block.

I don't want to sit here. I'm like, you do what you gotta do, dude. I gotta go. So I went to the bathroom and took the longest pee that ever existed. And then came back out. And the guy was back. And so I got in the car. And he was like

I have never been so scared And I'm like I think we're good dude And he's like okay We ended up Back on the highway for another hour and a half It was crazy It was so crazy Thankfully he had a power cord

In his thing so I could get on my phone and talk to people I was so Bored and hot And phone and talk to people. I was so bored and hot and gross and had to pee half the time. It was just a mess. It sucked. I've never had any crazy people, but I've never had a worse experience than that. That

was terrible. What a terrible experience. How long does it normally take? It takes a long time no matter what just because traffic in LA sucks but at rush hour everything takes like five times longer so it was just terrible I feel like I just attract the crazy people in or I encourage them I think a little bit of both I'm gonna be honest with you I think it's a little bit of both you know what it gives great stories it does I my stories aren't nearly as good my story's about me having to pee really bad I'm like not being shot

while taking a piss. That's my story. Yeah. That's just people who don't like Skylers or people who want to talk to their kids or one guy on the plane. He's like, I hate Skyler. Yeah.

I remember that story. That was a good story. That guy hated Skyler. He hated Skylers. I'm still curious. I don't know who Skyler is, but he hates all Skylers. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Also, I was in Trader Joe's tonight, right? Of course. And so, great deals with Trader Joe. Haggled some prices down. You can haggle prices at Trader Joe's? No. Okay.

I was just saying he's like a trader. He's just out by his ship like, oh, great deals for Trader Joe. For a minute, I thought that Trader Joe's was like, I don't want to pay you five bucks for this homegrown quinoa, but I feel like instead I'm going to pay you $2.50. They're like, I don't know, sir. $3 sounds better. Like, deal. And they ring the bell.

Like, bing, bing. Yeah, bing, bing. You know they have a bell system? I did not know that. What? Yeah, when they ring those bells, it's actually a purpose to it. One ring means like we need help up front let's see what's it doing the internal messaging system trader joe's has no pa

system instead relies on the bell one bell means it's time to open another register two bells someone has a question that needs to be answered at checkout and three bells is a request for the manager i did not know that. Yeah. I barely go to Trader Joe's. Every time I go there, I'm like, I mean, I guess I get this pre-cooked falafel, but I don't know that I want to. Well, you got to know what you want at Trader Joe's. Every time I go, I get the exact same stuff. What do you get?

Because I don't ever shop at Trader Joe's. And when I go inside, I'm like, well, I could buy stuff here. I could just go to a normal grocery store. Yeah, but they don't got the same stuff. I don't know. I feel like they do. They don't. I go to the normal grocery store.

And Whole Foods. You tell me, what do they have that's so much better? Here's the thing. They have these giant jugs of water. It's like Fiji water, but it's like a neighboring island. And they put in a giant jug. Same price. An island neighboring to Fiji water, but it's like a neighboring island, and they put in a giant jug same price an island neighboring to Fiji Yeah, it's uh this up. I'm looking this up is there I'm looking at Fiji now

It's very wait very much alone a New Zealand water. All right. That's nowhere actually it's pretty close I stand corrected Fiji very close to New Zealand. Who knew? See? Who knew? I told you. Very close.

Closer than us, that's for sure. See, Fiji. I thought you were talking about Samoa, the Samoa water. Or maybe Tonga. Oh, yes. Or New Caledonia. Oh, New Caledonia. That sounds like a space city. It does. Hold on. What goes. Or New Caldonia. Oh, New Caldonia. That sounds like a

space city. It does. Hold on. What goes on in New Caldonia looks dope. It's a French territory comprising dozens of islands in the South Pacific. It's known for palm line beaches and marine life rich lagoon. It has a massive barrier reef. Luxury boutique selling Parisian fashion.

New Caldonia looks so cool. Where's old Caledonia? Oh, New Caledonia has like a badass temple. But where's old Caledonia? You know, in the old country. I'm going to look this up. Wow, New Caledonia looks beautiful.

Wow. Oh, and then they show a giant picture of a nickel smelting plant. So it's not that beautiful. Wait, old Caledonia? Exists? Caledonia is the Latin name given by the Romans to the land in today's Scotland north of their province of Britannia,

beyond the frontier of their empire. But this is French. Well, they probably sailed out there and stole some shit. The French are known thieves. Everyone knows it. Yeah, they probably claimed it and then they went and took it over like in the 1700s or some shit.

This is crazy. Like this island, half the island looks like ramshackle shit and the other half is like beautiful tourist stuff. That's so funny. Yeah, that does sound about right. Wasn't there that story of those Instagram kids that went to that place? Oh my God, have you not heard this? Yeah, wasn't sound about right Wasn't there that story of those Instagram kids That went to that place?

Oh my god, have you not heard this? Yeah, wasn't it like Fire Festival? Fire Festival, apparently Ja Rule And some guy who's known for like Apparently he created a credit card that scammed people Apparently the two of them got together To create a festival that was meant to be The coolest festival ever

Better than Coachella, better than everything else It was gonna to be insane. It was on a private island. You're going to go there and experience first-class meals and accommodations and all that stuff. Tickets ranged from $500,000 to $250,000, or maybe it was $1,200,000, whatever the case may be. It was expensive.

Apparently, when people got there, half the headlining acts, I think most of the music groups didn't show up. There was no accommodations, even remotely close to what they were told they were going to get. Apparently it was all disaster relief tents with beds inside. The food was, from what photos were shown, two pieces of bread, a slice of cheese, and a salad. Now that's a meal.

That's a meal And the People were stealing I guess it wasn't a private island It was part of a bigger island That has hotels and stuff on it But apparently The area they were at since there was nothing built there

I guess There was no security either And so people came in and took Suitcases and robbed people and stole people's passports. And so all these young, fairly rich kids started freaking out and they were trying to get off. And so they all tried to board airplanes to get off the island. But the airplanes were like, you just can't come on a plane. They're like, yeah, but we're stuck here. Apparently it was chaos.

Apparently it was chaos. Apparently it was chaos. And I have been following it, and I love every minute of it. It is amazing. Ja Rule has made public apologies. He's like, well, you know, I feel terrible, and I take full blame, but it had nothing to do with what happened. The other guy, whatever his name is, like Jiminy Christmas or whatever his name is, he's like, can't wait to see y'all in 2018.

So, FoolCon, man. Oh, is it beautiful. It's so ridiculous. And I know a lot of people are like, you shouldn't really just laugh at the kids because they're rich. I'm not laughing at them because they're rich. I'm laughing at them because it's funny. Yeah. Anyone who buys into this hype, apparently the reason why everyone bought into the hype is because

Kendall Jenner and other Instagram models all hyped it up and like we'll be there will you be there boobs and everyone was like yes I will but we're not into this idea no apparently what happened was is before the event started they were all messaged by the coordinators and told not to come oh because apparently everyone knew it was gonna be a mess

That is that's pretty sketch That's super sketch Yeah don't come we're just gonna invite the Other people and then uh we'll take You know we'll take their money and then they'll They'll have fun there's one video out there That is really funny everyone's at like a first aid station And they look miserable

Except one guy who Clearly was like I brought these drugs, I might as well use them. And he is just dancing. And some guy's trying to drink from a jug of water. He's like drink it all down! He's playing some music in the background.

He's going hard. Everyone else looks like they're stranded on an island. This guy is just It's so funny. Oh yeah, I saw there's one with a ball pit in it. I don't know if that was photoshopped or not. I know that news outlets have been posting that like it's real.

I seem to recall seeing that on Reddit as a joke, but apparently it's a real thing now because no one fact checks anything anymore. I would never go to one of these, even if I was rich. No! It sounds terrible. Yeah. Our headlining band, Blink-182,

alright, first off, I'm not going. I'm out. Even when Blink-182 was relevant to my life, I would never have gone to see Blink-182. I don't understand it, but okay. That was like when Sum41 or whatever, is it BlizzCon Or is that Blink-182

That was Blink-182, and you're just like, oh, okay Well I'm gonna go play games then Yeah, I went and played games, I didn't give a shit I don't, I'm sorry, I don't see the If I had to sit through another song where Where he's like, I talk like this When I'm singing I can't.

And I'll be waiting. It's the 90s. I love the way they sing. They have the, I'm singing like this because I'm singing like this. And then they have the, I'm being kind of romantic right now. It's shut up. You're the worst. Here's the thing. I'm getting messages from Blink-182 fans, and I don't care. You're the worst. Here's the thing.

I'm getting messages from Blink-182 fans and I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I hate them so much. I really find it disgusting that you would degrade

Blink-182 like that when I love Blink-182. They're one of my favorite bands. That's cool. I'm glad you love them. Someone has to. They're still making music. But it ain't me.

It ain't me. What I found weird is that aren't they like older yes their first or second album became our witch came out when i was still in high school that's a long time ago yeah it's like lincoln park was like that too like they were 30 when they were making their songs about like i can't feel anything like but But here's the difference. Blink-182 songs are like, what's my age again?

And hey, I'm 23 and my life's a mess. Those songs, after a while, you're like, well, I'm no longer 23. And if your life's a mess and you're no longer 23, then you're probably just a mess. Like maybe that's, maybe that's, everyone's a mess at 23.

When you realize that, you're like, yeah, everyone's screwed up at 23. That's not an issue. Yeah. But at least at 23. When you realize that, you're like, yeah, everyone's screwed up at 23. That's not an issue. Yeah. But at least with Linkin Park, all their songs are just like, in the end, it doesn't even matter. And you're just like, yeah, holy shit. You can be like 50 and still be like, doesn't matter, man.

Yeah. In the end, it doesn't even matter. Yeah. You're like, holy shit, those guys were right. Although, if you listen to that song again, go back and listen to it. When you're going through a breakup or you're really emotional, that song resonates so well. And you're just like, it means something to me. This is how I feel right now.

But if you've listened to it any other time, you're like, this is just a list of really awful puns and tropes. I had to fall to lose it all. Time is a valuable thing. Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings Watch it count down to the end of the day The clock ticks life away It's so unreal Didn't look out below Watched the time go right out the window

Trying to hold on but you didn't even know Wasted it all just to watch you go Everything about this song is just Really cliche and stupid Doesn't matter This is a great song I feel like most songs Have cliche generic lyrics

That anyone can relate to them about anything He'd be like I had a bad day Like I did have a bad day I did have that Right? And then this like Blink-182 Always These are like come on let me hold you Touch you feel you always I did have that Right? And then this like Blink 182 Always

These are like Come on let me hold you Touch you Feel you Always Kiss you Taste you All night

Always Like that's dumb I don't want to taste you all night That's creepy as shit I want to cook you And eat you up Right now Here's the What's my age again I took her out I want to cook you and eat you up right now. Here's the, what's my age again?

I took her out. It was a Friday night. I wore cologne. First off, you're doing it wrong. I took her out. It was a Friday night. Like, you have to do it that way. I took her out.

It was a Friday night. Damn you. I wore cologne to get the feeling right. I wore cologne. We started making out, and she took off my pants, but then I turned on the TV. Right, because he's 23. And that's about the time she walked away from me. Nobody likes you when you're 23.

Well, that's not true. Again, no, that's a song that is just, like, very age-relevant. And eventually, you grow out of that song. You're like, well, this is stupid. I don't give a shit about this anymore. Linkin Park didn't do that. Linkin Park was like, you can hurt at any age, bro.

Yeah. Don't you get it? Now, of course, now all Linkin Park does is make songs about Transformers. Or they could have said, I'm feeling 23. That way, if you're older,

you can relate back to being 23. Absolutely. Linkin Park, Transformer songs. Why am I looking at this song? Transformer songs Lyrics What I've done Lyrics, Transformer

Alright, oh my god Keep in mind This is a song for Transformers In this farewell There's no blood, there's no alibi, because I've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies. So let me come and wash away what I've done. I'll face myself to cross out what I've become, erase myself, and let go of what I've done.

Put to rest what you thought of me. Well, I cleanse the slate with the hands of uncertainty so let mercy come and wash away what I've done. What the fuck does that do to Transformers? The Transformers aren't feeling sorry for their actions.

That doesn't make sense. That's non sensical. We're hitting like pit bull levels At this point Alright here we go Transformers Dark of the Moon Linkin Park lyrics All they do is Linkin is Transformers now

Dark of the Moon When you were standing in the wake of devastation When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown And the cataclysm raining down And sides crying save me now You were there and possibly alone. Do you feel cold and lost in desperation? You build up hope, but

failure's all you've known. Remember all the sadness and frustration and let it go. Let it go. What does it have to do with Transformers? Much like the movies, it has nothing to do with Transformers. Yeah. I can't figure out, I just can't

figure it out why this is a thing. When's it even play in the Transformers? What happens? The credits. It plays during the credits. They all play during the credits. This is basically the summation of the movie, right? The credits is that you play the song that plays during the movie. No, I think

they play during the credits, right? I never saw transformers well you lucked out my dude lucked out yeah so i'm like i don't know i figured they'd played it during a sad scene or a battle scene or something no no let me just say for as much as i shit on blink 182 and love lincoln park lincoln park still shit too so don't worry internet don't worry they're both shit yeah just different levels of shit i think i was was going to tell a Trader Joe's story. And we talked about Trader Joe's. It's too late.

We got so off topic, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. We need to talk about the dreams. People have sent us dreams. We need to talk about the dreams. We have to talk about the dreams. All right. Should we just do the segments and then do the dreams is our main thing?

Yes. Yeah, of course. Okay. Okay. Let's go to topic number seven, the cretin door. The cretin door. You're up in the sky with traffic. You know, you would think I'm up in the sky, but sometimes I'm down on the ground.

It just depends. Sometimes you've got to pretend like you're in the sky. Is this one of the times I'm on the ground? It is. I'm on the ground right now. We're in the Crenbeal. This is the car shaped like a beagle. We just call it the Krenbiel though, not a Krenbeagle because that would confuse people, think it's like a dog. But it does make

barking noises, as you can hear, if you hit the horn. Everybody around us is very confused. It looks like out on the road, people are driving pretty nicely. It is 10 p.m. where I am right now, so not many cars out. However, if you are going downtown, make sure to bring a hat. It's raining outside. All right? Umbrella.

Umbrellas are good, too. And windy. Very windy outside as well, so keep that in mind if you're going to go bowling or something. I don't know any bowling alleys open now, but know you might find one uh back to you thanks crendor now let's go over to crendor at the sports desk this is when we do weather oh weather desk weather welcome to the weather people are like is woppy dead he's not woppy i'll be activated. 5, 4, 2, 1, 5.

Error. R, P, A, B. Reby, Sweden. Reby, Sweden. 29 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 26 degrees Fahrenheit. High, 57 degrees Fahrenheit. Low, 36 degrees Fahrenheit. UV index 57 degrees. Fahrenheit. Low. 36 degrees.

Fahrenheit. UV index. Zero. Off. Ten. Bah. Bah? Bah.

Ah. 57 degrees today. High. Fahrenheit. Wednesday. 57 degrees. Fahrenheit. I think that's all he's got.

That's all he's got. You beat it out of him. You beat it out of that poor little guy. All right. Now that's all he's got. That's all he's got. You beat it out of him. You beat it out of that poor little guy. All right. Now let's head over to sports. Sports. Sports. We got a lot of stuff happening in sports.

First off. Draft was this weekend. Draft was this weekend. Some great stuff happened. I like the Packers draft. I think they had a good draft. They traded out of the first. Still got a guy.

They got Kevin King. None of it matters. None of it matters. That doesn't matter. None of that matters. The Cleveland Browns? They got a bunch of picks. None of that matters. The only story that matters was the Steeler picking James Conner. That's all that matters. For those of you who aren't aware, James Conner,

a hometown boy, played for Pitt. He was drafted I think 41st. He was round three. Something like that. I don't know. That'd be round two. All right. Whatever he was. Right.

James Conner. He is a guy who was really, really good. And then he hurt himself. I think he tore his ACL or something in his sophomore or junior year, one of those years. And he goes in to get it looked at, and there's something wrong with him. The doctor's like, we need to do more tests. He has cancer around his heart. Proceeds, yeah, around his heart.

Proceeds to go through massive chemo and ends up, while he's in the hospital, like, cheering up all the other patients. He, in a breathing mask, is trying to practice so he can come back next year. Like, literally on death's door. And this dude is, like, still in it. It's like Rudy. He refuses to give up. And then he comes back for his senior year and is, like, good again.

And they drafted him into the NFL. That's it. You can't beat that story. He's Rudy. You can't beat that story. Shit, dude. No one has a better story That guy had super cancer and was like

I'm not gonna let it stop me and kept going You can't beat that story Hot diggity There's gonna be a movie about that If not there has to be It's like Rudy 2.0 Kid is too strong I'm gonna make sure

James Connor He was on ESPN 32.0. Kid is too strong. Yeah, I'm going to look up and make sure. James Conner. Yeah, he was on ESPN. Apparently, he's everywhere. Yeah, he's everywhere. Yeah, man. Hodgkin's lymphoma. Yeah, dude.

It was like all around his heart. At only 19 years old, I think, when he had that. 18 or 19. Yeah, so he was still in college. It was like his either first or second year of college football at Pitt. Shit, dude. I know. That guy wins. You can't do any better.

That's a great story. That is a movie. It's a movie if he comes in and is amazing in the NFL. If he gets to the NFL, it's a great story. God bless him. But if he does well in the NFL, if they win the Super Bowl, the dude gets a movie. This dude gets a movie immediately. Yeah, he's got to get a movie. No doubt. Right? If he gets

to the Super Bowl and plays in the Super Bowl, the guy gets a movie. It's done. Life is a movie. And outside of that is the NBA playoffs and the NHL playoffs going on. And the go Penguins. Go Pittsburgh. Looks like Pittsburgh lost tonight.

But they're still up in the series 2-1. Damn it. Never mind. And baseball is the only thing happening now. Sports. Now let's get to our dream analysis, what really matters. Dream analysis. We asked you to send dreams.

You sent dreams in. Yeah, we asked for dreams. You sent us dreams. Here's some of the dreams you sent dreams in yeah we asked for dreams you sent us dreams here's some of the dreams you sent me here's a dream they said should i read their name or just read the dream maybe first name if they have that this is a lot of these are twitter names well then like you know you can read their twitter name i guess all right this one's a iachi cosplay they said i legit had a dream about being turned into cheese and called the cops to report it, but they just came and ate my thumb.

So, question. Was this person turned into a cheese-shaped human? Wait, no, no. A human-shaped cheese is what it would be. I imagine so. Because you had a thumb. If you saw cheese that looked like a human, wouldn't you take a thumb or a finger? That's probably the most reasonable thing.

People bite the ears off of chocolate bunnies all the time. That's true. It's a little appendage that sticks out, and you're just like, no one's going to bother if I nibble on this a bit. At least that's what I hope for when I'm around, right? An appendage that sticks out if you want to nibble. That's a dick joke ladies I get it Dick joke I understand the joke

Nibble on it a little bit Well here's what I would say This is clearly a fear of being Desirable And that affecting you negatively You're so desirable And you don't understand why Much like cheese

You don't understand why you're desirable Why people want you but people do Like the smellier the better Yeah And you're like a nice block of cheese And you just can't understand Why people want to eat you but people do And it all comes back to eat you but people do and it all comes

back to your fear that that people only want you for your delicious delicious body if you get too old you start getting moldy yep you know but here's the thing here's the thing good news cheese moldy cheese is also delicious that's true but only for people with fine tastes yeah yeah so as you age up just remember the people are interested in you fine taste well i think we solved that one very i think we solved that one uh this one here comes this is a long one this is johnny mofo uh they say i was on the philippines trying to make a u.s war hero who was actually someone who committed war crimes confessed in front of a court, confessed by throwing pancakes at him. He confessed that he actually wasn't in France. He was on the Philippines where he stalked six midgets pretending to be a horse.

Four were the legs, one was the body, one was the head. After that, I could go back to my hotel. It was made out of chocolate and hot, deadly lava. All right, first things first. I don't know why he thinks this guy's a war criminal. He stopped that midget horse, that horse comprised of, I'm going to assume, dead little people. He stopped that from even happening, so good on him. Yeah.

And you're the guy who's in a giant molten chocolate hotel. Sounds to me like you just broke into a sizzler, and you're sitting there eating their chocolate fountain. It's trouble, is what that is. That dream's trouble. A sizzler? I don't know. Do you not have sizzlers?

Like the licorice? No, that's a Twizzler. I knew it was an Isler. Yeah, I knew it was an Isler I knew it was an Isler What's a Sizzler? It's like a Steakhouse with a buffet kind of thing Never heard of it

Kind of like Ponderosa, do you remember Ponderosa? I think I've heard of that But I've never been to one of those Neither have I, but just imagine That it exists, and that's a thing Other than that, he was standing on the Philippines I think he said whatever he was doing He was a giant if anything he was the problem

He also threw pancakes Well I feel like he just watched a movie Before that Yeah that's true Sometimes he watches something and just gets injected in there Yeah like a pancake movie A movie about pancakes The Great Pancake

Caper. The Great Pancaper is what it was. Oh my god. Alright. Alright, next one, next one. We got Curtis Jane, which I was riding an Articuno and a tank shot us out of the sky. I was checking on her and then my girlfriend at the time shot me and we broke

up one week later. Well, this is prophecy. Right. Your girlfriend incredibly jealous of you and your relationship with your Pokemon. I think this translates to the fact that in real life, you'd rather pay way too much Pokemon if you're dreaming about riding a Pokemon. I imagine it was sexual in nature. Yeah, and your girlfriend noticed that you were sexually aroused by Pokemon more than her and so you guys broke up. That is just something that happens. Sometimes in life, you get a little turned on so you guys broke up. That is just something that happens.

Sometimes in life, you get a little turned on by a Blaziken. That's all I'm saying. Everybody, it's natural. It's totally natural. Michael Madden. Dream was about a zombie apocalypse, but instead of zombies, they were those holiday elves and for some reason gun-shoot little dinosaurs.

Well, everyone says Christmas time is the most stressful. Mm-hmm. And there's nothing more stressful than zombies. Mm-hmm. And they're eating away at you. Yeah, yeah, much like the holidays. Eat away at your sanity. And you fought back.

You fought back by shooting dinosaurs at them, which is a symbol of childhood because every child loves dinosaurs yeah and so you shot back your childhood love of christmas at the thought that christmas would slowly wear you down and eat your soul you were like not not this year not this year yeah not this year yeah it means that you are not gonna let corporatization of christmas ruin your enjoyment of it that's what that means. Easy. Done. That's an easy one, too.

We got this. Scribble Frost. Giant gingerbread man and an orange upright foam shark fighting on London Bridge while I hide from orcs in the bathroom. Also giant snail. Hold on. What were the first characters? A giant gingerbread man and an orange upright foam shark fighting on the London Bridge. Giant gingerbread man.

Clearly a symbolism of Vladimir Putin. Orange shark. Obviously Donald Trump. Right. Fighting over London Bridge. That is a symbol of the West. While he hides from the orcs in the bathroom. While he hides from the orcs. Orcs very much associated with trolls. Trolls of the West. While he hides from the orcs in the bathroom. While he hides from the orcs.

Orcs, very much associated with trolls. Trolls on the internet, hiding from them. He's hiding from the fact that the East and the West are fighting over control of the future of the West. But he's hiding out from the trolls on the internet because he doesn't want to deal with it. Done. Also giant snail. Also giant snail. The giant snail represents the slow-moving political systems that are keeping us held back from dealing with problems.

All right, there we go, there we go. I had a, this is Jessica, I had a dream where everyone was speaking Japanese and it was all subtitled. Is that it? That's, that's. Yeah. I feel like what this dream is telling you is that sometimes you just feel like you don't understand what people are saying. You know what they're saying, but you just don't know what they're saying. And you just have a hard time handling that.

And I would say maybe ask them to repeat themselves. That's what I would say. Also, you love the Japanese, you animu. Got her. Yeah, because I mean, you know. Call me. What? That's what I would say Also you love the Japanese You animu Got her Next one Is Seth Thornton And they say I had a dream where my math teacher Turned into a gigantic bee

And began stinging everyone While literally singing Sweet Home Alabama Haven't we discussed that first off bees are evil And trying to kill you Sweet Home Alabama. Haven't we discussed that, first off, bees are evil. Yes. They're trying to kill you. Sweet Home Alabama, sung by a band that died, and you were in a math class,

math, universal language, for death. Ho, ho. Makes perfect sense. It all makes perfect sense. Now, here's the thing. Bees fly. Well, she starts singing, everyone. Wouldn't she die after that maybe she was

a hornet and maybe you were wrong maybe that may she could have been a wasp yeah it's probably a wasp oh my god she was a wasp wow those are like death times 10 yeah which just like oh my god how many members how many band members died in that plane crash? If it was 10, Holy shit. Oh my God. How prophetic. That's very prophetic. I almost thought it was a prosthetic.

How so prosthetic. Let's see. Oh yeah. I just remembered a dream I had this morning. It was just, I was in a restaurant and there's a bunch of streamers there and they're trying to sell me stuff but those don't just say anything they're trying to sell me subscriptions to magazines uh-huh that's it that's terrible i don't even know what that means damn i have one for you okay anton sent

this in um it's pretty long but this is for you to decipher okay it started off with an upper secondary school graduation party despite the fact that i graduated two years ago it was buzzing Okay. family was a bunch of fanatics. Then it cut to me, her, and another dude lounging around on a balcony in someone's apartment. That was basically a glass cube, and within a couple of minutes, a toddler in clown makeup came rushing at us, probably her sister. We panicked, but luckily the kid couldn't really open the door and just stabbed at it, giving us a few seconds of respite. But eventually she broke down the door and threw a vodka bottle that I had been drinking during the night. It hit her in the head, making her pass out, and then the dream ended. Alright, I remember the first two sentences.

Okay, I started off with an upper secondary school graduation party. Despite the fact that I graduated two years ago, it was buzzing with people, but I ended up in a side room with three to four others. He graduated. But did he really graduate in his mind? Not yet. He's still in school. All right, next one. Very good.

Okay. It was rather quiet at first since no one really knew what to say, but eventually a girl said that she hated sports fans because her family was a bunch of fanatics. Pretty much. Either this is a projection. I think this has got to be a bunch of fanatics. Pretty much. Either this is a projection. I think this has got to be a projection of himself. This girl is a projection of himself. The feminine part of himself.

Yeah, the feminine part. Very upset that there's all these fanatics of sports. Probably his family is fanatics of sports. Yeah, his family is a fanatic of sports. They his family is fanatics of sports. Yeah. His family's a fanatic of sports. He just can't stand it anymore. This is his way his brain's way of just getting that out. And then the next part is he teleports

with this girl, another guy and him into a glass cube and a toddler in clown makeup is trying to get in and stab them and he ends up throwing a vodka bottle at the toddler's head and knocking her out essentially that toddler right is attacking a projection of himself and probably another projection of himself and the glass cube is his brain oh my god on the brain the little toddler's trying to get at him right the toddler's got the vodka bottle or he does

he does he throws it at the toddler That means the toddler is his innocence. And it's like, come on. And the alcohol ruined it. Yeah, the alcohol ruined it. Oh, my God. It's perfect. Perfect. Easy.

So easy. I got another one. This is Carium. I have a frequent dream of washing my, quote, baby brother in the sink who doesn't exist as a ninja while hiding from a giant patrolling robot. Okay. The dream is about washing a baby brother that doesn't exist. Mm-hmm. It isn't about the non-existent baby brother.

What you're washing away is your fear of having a child. Whoa. Because the robot Represents adulthood And it's stalking you And you're trying to clean away The thoughts of that creeping towards you And that's why you're a ninja because you're hiding

You're hiding from the stalking adulthood That's trying to find you And the baby represents the child That would signify that you're finally an adult And a parent That's why it's a reoccurring dream. Yep. It's always there.

Let's see. We got one from Glenn. I have many dreams, but one out of 20 of all my dreams include me fighting a bear in a park playground with a daisy chainsaw. The bear represents your natural, dark, animalistic urges. Mm-hmm. And the chainsaw is a daisy chainsaw because that's the lighter, better, earthier side of you fighting it back.

Whoa. And daisies, right? They're very refined and very pleasant. And even though it's a chainsaw, it's a chainsaw of pleasantness. It's powerful. And you're stabbing at this bear with this thing. Because the bear, the animal nature in you is trying to take over.

But the daisy chainsaw is fighting it back and holding off. You're holding off your animal urges with sophistication boom done all right uh toaster woman wanted me to ask you about this one okay she got she constantly has dreams where there's no ceilings and she wants to know what that means here's what i would say either this is is the lack of ceiling means that she sees no end to the possibilities, but because she's being attacked, I think what this means is that it's the exact opposite. That she doesn't feel secure. And that because ceilings, a ceiling over your head, right? Yeah. That's a home.

It's like a roof. That's secure. Yeah, a roof over you signifies a home. When you draw a house, you start with a box, and then you make a ceiling, right? You make the roof. And if you don't have the roof, it's just a crappy little box that you're trapped in. And I feel, oh my god, I can't believe this is coming to me. I feel like that if you are in the box, then you feel trapped because there's no roof over you.

And you're scared. You have no security. And if someone's attacking you, it means that you are even less secure, right? Yeah. And you're threatened, and something is damaging you, and you have no escape because you're not secure to begin with, right? Yeah. And you can't escape because you're trapped in a box, not secured in a home because there's no roof! Oh!

Oh, shit. You're on fire now. Oh my god. You're on fire. That has to be right, right? That has to be. It sounds good enough for me. And I'm a dream wizard. Hold on. We gotta Google this. What do no ceilings and dreams mean?

Uh, a ceiling often represents protection and security from outside dangers. If the ceiling is complete and in good repair, it indicates you feel safe. However, if you see cracks or gaps in the ceiling, or especially if water is leaking, it is an indication your life does not feel secure. It is likely that this is insecurity because of someone close to you whom you do not feel you can shut out from your life to protect yourself. You want to examine the cause of these failings

before the threat begins to cause damage to you. Damn. Damn. You were pretty accurate. I was pretty accurate for a guy just bullshitting. Wow. I might actually be good at this. You might be good at this.

This is like, oh, you could just write a book. I won't, but we should we should this one gd monster says i had a dream where all i can remember is that jesse said now that's spaghetti pizza i don't think that was a dream i think he was listening to this podcast and heard us go pasta pizza it was like he just misinterpreted the words. I don't think you were dreaming. I think you were just half awake.

Fossil of pizza. Done. Easy. Done. Easy. Easy. So easy. We're so good at this.

So good. It's easy. Once you get the, once you become a professional of dream analysis, you can do anything. You can do anything. Anything.

You can do anything. Literally anything. Anything. It's a dream. I, today, got us to the moon. Yes. I'm on the moon right analysis you can do anything you can do anything anything literally anything anything i today got us to the moon i'm on the moon right now i got us there i'm on mars well that's it then thank you so much for listening we'll be back with another episode please by all means on the itunes podcast page or wherever leave a comment leave a rank give us five stars because we want all them stars we like iTunes stars

yeah and hook us up thank you so much and as always to be continued