Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 137 - Nic Cage Leads The BEST Life

Episode Date: July 31, 2017

The boys are back, and what starts as a conversation about recent movies snowballs into the dark secret that Nic Cage is way cooler than anyone gives him credit for. Although, it's not really a secret. Also Jesse has a run in with an old lady and Crendor does his best Gambit impression. All this and more on this episode of Cox n' Crendor!

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Grendor in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4 hour recording studio. Recording. Wake your ass up, it's Cox and Grendor in the morning. Cox and Grendor in the morning. Hello everybody, welcome back to Cox and Grendel in the morning. Dude.

Hello. Hi. Greetings. Salutations. Oh god, not this again. Bonjour. Bonjour mon ami. We're basically Gambit from X-Men.

Bonjour, mon ami. I'm going to throw a card at you. That's not an accent. I don't know what that was. I got you in my back pocket. I'm going to throw a card at you, mon ami. That's how he got rogue. He got rogue with a voice like that.

I remember the animated show. She was like, oh, mon ami? That's how he got rogue. He got rogue with a voice like that. I remember the animated show. She was like, oh, mon cher. And he's like, mon ami. It's like Sesame Street. Oh, Kirby. Uh, Kermit the Frog here, and I am going to talk to you about bonjour, mon ami.

Ah, bonjour, your mon ami, Kirby. Oh, my. I heard you talk to your bad bonjour, mon ami. I bonjour your mon ami, Kermit. Oh, my. Now that is quality entertainment. That's HBO After Dark. Sesame Street. Sesame Street After Dark. They do on the rights.

They can do whatever they want with those characters. They're on the streets after dark, kids. All right? Gets a little crazy out there. Kermit's dressed as a pimp. Miss Piggy's on his arm like, oh, look at this job. What were you going to say before we went on that tangent? Oh, yeah.

I was going to say, before we started this podcast, I was going to be like, yeah, I'm hip with the kids. But then I realized that I don't think I've ever been hip with the kids, even when I was a kid. Yeah. I don't know. Wait, why would you say that? Even you know that's a lie. Yeah.

Even when I was a kid, I wasn't hip with the kids. And now I'm old. I'm definitely not hip with the kids. I'm not like old. It's not like those people like, oh, my God, I'm so old. I have like a wrinkle. But, you know, I like going to Ikea and i like buying steam cleaners yeah wait but where is this going what is what is the point of this i don't know there was no point so what were you

talking about beforehand i don't know what was i talking about what the hell i don't know all right i was just sure it's just a thing I thought of. Speaking of old people. Yeah. Yesterday. Oh, my God. So I'm running late to go do the role play podcast that we do. And I was like, oh, my God, I have to stop and get gas. All right.

I'll make a really quick stop at this gas station. It's on the way. It'll be fine. No one's ever this gas station. It'll be okay. Right. I forget that the only time I ever go to this gas station is when it's like either early, early morning or nighttime, not 1130 or 1230 in the afternoon on a Saturday.

Right. If anything, it is the absolute worst time to go get gas. Oh yeah. That's terrible. Everyone was there. It was terrible. So I see this old lady and it looks like she's wrapping up and she's almost done. So I pull in behind her.

I'm like, all right, cool. This will be easy. And I just wait patiently. Just listen to some music. A minute goes by and then two minutes and then three minutes. I'm like, what the hell? She is trying to figure out how to put the credit card in the machine. She can't do it.

She can't figure it out. How can you not figure out how to put a credit card in? I. She can't do it. She can't figure it out. How can you not figure out how to put a credit card in? I don't. She like was trying to do it and then nothing happened and she looked at it funny and then she looked at her credit card. She tried it again and then she got another credit card and I figured well maybe she's just like overdrawn

or maybe there's something wrong. Then she starts banging on the machine. I'm like oh my god. Did I get behind a broken machine? Nope. Apparently I open the door and I go out to go look and it looks like it's functioning and i walk up to her i'm like ma'am can i help you and she looks at me dead in the eyes and it's like mind your business i was like what and i turn around to go back to my car. And as I do, another car pulls up behind me. Now, mind you, this is a gas station with multiple cars waiting for this lady to get through because she's holding up everyone. Right.

Even turning in is now held up. So there's a guy behind me. And the guy behind me looks like his name is probably Chip Chippington. He is just. He's the one that's in Vegas with his, like, four models. Of course. He looks like a douchebag. He has his shades, but they're on backwards.

You know that, like, hanging down? Yeah, he has that, and he has, like, a pop collar, and he's in his Audi R8 or whatever the hell that sports car Audi is, and he's, like, looking at me, and I'm just waiting there. Patiently waiting. I get back in the car. I swear to God's like looking at me and I'm just waiting there. Fuck bro. Patiently waiting. I get back in the car.

I swear to God, he looked at me like, what you doing? What's happening right now? And so I get back in the car and I sit there. Five more minutes goes by, but I can't leave

because I'm stuck. There's a guy behind me. So I can't leave. And then he starts honking at me like I have any control over the situation. and then the lady the old lady starts screaming at the guy and so the guy starts screaming at the old lady and I'm just

sitting there in between them like God if there is a God and you are merciful you will blow this gas station up and just kill us all you'll end this right now there'll be a freak accident and we will all just explode what happened eventually she like went inside paid the attendant in cash and just pumped the gas

it took her that long to do it i'm aware and then uh she left and then i got gas and the guy behind me the entire time was blasting like i want to say hootie and the blowfish i don't know what the hell he's playing but it was loud and he was very like angrily hand pumping along to it as he stared me down the entire time. And I finally got back in my car and kept driving and was like, that was the most unnecessary, terrible experience I've ever had. None of that needed to happen. Everyone's just, they were all just assholes. And it hit me like, what could have caused an old lady like that to become

an ass and then i slowly realized she probably much like that guy behind me wasn't asked the entire time eventually you hit old age where it's like life beats you down enough that you're just like eff it i'm gonna be mean to everyone but i feel like i'd hit old age and be like i'm gonna be the one who hits on all the other old ladies and goes to the grocery store and steals batteries. Yeah. I was like, what are you going to do?

Arrest me? Yeah. Like I'd be the one who, who gets like a hover around and like puts on my shades and zooms around town. No, no, no,

no. Like, no, you gotta get, gotta get a golf cart. Oh my God. Even better. Yeah.

Just drive around a golf cart. Like, does that guy better. Yeah, just drive around in a golf cart. Does that guy even golf? I don't think so. He doesn't have any golf clubs. I can't wait to be don't give a shit old. I'm gonna get shorts. First, I want to have old man legs, like creepy old man legs, and then I'm gonna get

the shortest shorts I can find and always wear those. So people have to look at my old man legs and then i'm gonna go to the gym and walk around naked the entire time because apparently that's the way yeah yeah yeah i'm just gonna like blow dry my nuts in front of people be like what's going on phil and some other old guy is gonna be like not much and he's like a towel between his junk and he's going back and forth. Just old men. And then we're going to stare down all the young guys like, does this creep you out yet?

Oh man, that's the dream. That's the dream. I want to live that life where I just don't care. If you're going to be an asshole, why even, we should just push you out on the iceberg and get rid of you. Yeah, exactly. Because it's like, if you're old and miserable,

you know what, let's just, let's put an end to that. If you're an old asshole, just ship you out on an iceberg with a little cooler of beers and let polar bears take you. I feel like we need to know their story. I think we have to just have a movie where it starts out and it's just some old asshole guy, but then it's one of those callbacks and it just plays his whole backstory leading up to that movie. Yeah, but then we're going to find out the sad stuff. Like he he was married to a beautiful woman and then she she died and he never got over it.

And then his kids turned out to be secret Nazi agents. And like, you know, his life just turned out terrible. And then his boss, Chip's chips dad stole all his money like then i'll have to sympathize with him and be like all right you're kind of an asshole but your life sucked so i i understand it leads up to that moment and then he like changes and that's how the movie ends and then a meteor hits the earth and then it's emerald shamalan and he's like ah got the other ah got you the other day i had the other day i had this conversation oh speaking of m night shamalan oh my god okay

on the plane i was gonna talk about meteor i'll let you decide where i go my brain just went on overload all right either we go down meteor path or we go down m night shamalan i'll let you decide all right how could i pass up m night Shyamalan okay so the other day i saw uh split is that the name of the movie split the split personality guy the the he has 23 personalities or some crazy shit like that split movie oh i haven't even seen this it's uh it's the guy who plays the new professor x james mca And basically, it is a not terrific movie with an incredible performance by James McAvoy. Incredible. He's really, really good.

It's super great. I'm going to spoil it right now. If you want to know the spoil or if you've seen the movie, keep listening. If you don't, fast forward a minute. The end of that movie, I'm not going to spoil what happens with the main story, but the end of that movie, after the credits, they have a post-credit scene where straight up they make it part of the timeline from Unbreakable. Like Bruce Willis shows up and he's like, yeah, I remember that other guy who was in

the other movie and the guy in the wheelchair and I beat that guy. And he's like, I guess I'm going to have to go hunt down this guy too. And he makes it like the sequel to Unbreakable M. Night Shyamalan, M. Night Shyamalan the movie to make it a sequel I was like what? It was crazy

which to me even though I love Unbreakable and I think James McAvoy is really good in this movie but like the movie's merely okay And I think James McAvoy is really good in this movie. But the movie's merely okay. I really am excited to see a third movie, which is Bruce Willis fighting James McAvoy's many personalities.

Oh, shit. That'd be a great movie. I'd watch that. Right? That makes me... So, yeah. You have to watch it. It's actually pretty entertaining. I will say that.

Alright. I mean, what was the last movie he made? He's made a few where he's hidden the fact that he's made them. Hold on. Let's look this up. Yeah. All right. What is...

IMDB will have it. Oh, yeah. Here it is. Oh, he's making a movie called Glass. Oh, shit. It's about Mr. Glass, I think. So, Mr. Glass, I believe, is the name of the james mcavoy's in it oh bruce willis is in it samuel jackson's back is mr glass what that is the third one oh i'm so excited oh my god it's sarah paulson's in it get out of town

it's everything i wanted seriously that is incredible to me that me that for the first time in a long time i've given a shit about an m.n. shambhala movie yeah he made wayward pines which i never watched any of because i didn't care i hear it was a show about werewolves i don't know uh the visit don't know anything about that after earth gross devil uh that's the one that they advertise as anything but being connected to him the last airbender which was a travesty that one with what's his jayden smith in it yes lady in the water was terrible the village was meh uh signs was entertaining but still bad yeah yeah unbreakable was just like a phenomenal movie that no one saw it was really good six cents i think the reason why unbreakable was overshadowed was because everyone was like

hype on six cents yeah everyone's like oh shit six cents oh the happening was the one with the uh plants like killed people oh yeah, yeah, I remember that. What a terrible movie. It's the plants, man. Yeah, they had to outrun pollen in this scene. They're running from nothing. Like, you gotta run. And the stars of the movie are Mark Wahlberg, Zooey

Deschanel, and John Leguizamo. Terrible. It just sounds like a kid's movie. Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschan's audition on John Leguizamo. What is Labor of... Is the movie Labor of Love? A widower embarks on a cross-country trip to... On foot to prove his love for his late wife.

Yeah, but like, she's dead. So what the hell does it matter now? I just wanted to know how much I love her. Yeah, but it's too late. You should have done that before. Wait, did you ever see that movie 10 Cloverfield Lane? I did. I love

that movie except for the very, very end. Me too. I thought that movie was super, super good. I love that they kind of put it in the world of Cloverfield, but it wasn't connected at all. And I was like really excited, like awesome. I love this. This is like such a cool premise that they're trapped underground you don't know what's real and john goodman killed it he was

so good and then the ending was just ridiculous yeah it's the last five minutes was ridiculous oh yeah i definitely realized that in making a movie like that, either you end it without really answering anything or you end it the way they did. Yeah. And it's like, ah, all right, I forgive you.

It doesn't mean I have to like it though. Yeah. I want, I would have rather they just like, she just drove off. That was it. Yeah. If anything,

the way I would have ended it is she drives off and then maybe in the distance, there's like crazy lights and weird stuff. And it's like, make it a little more like the ending of inception where it could go either way yeah like that kind of thing which i'm sure pisses people off anyway but still it's better than them literally being like oh no it's exactly what you think it is i'm like oh my god like the most exciting part was just her escaping like it was more about her

than the actual her finding the backstory stuff you know john goodman's family that that subplot like it was really it was really cool i loved the tension of just three people stuck in a bunker yeah i love that too yeah that was cool yeah i saw a lot of movies on the plane this past week i saw kong which uh skull island super entertaining not a terrific movie but super entertaining i watched boss baby boss baby i watched boss baby i'm gonna let you know baby boss baby i thought it was gonna be dumb but I ran out of movies It's not dumb It's actually pretty entertaining And here's the thing

It's the reason why the Boss Baby Talks and stuff Because the kid at the beginning of the movie It sets up the fact that the kid has an overactive imagination And this baby Bosses his family around so he's like Oh it's the Boss Baby So it's not like insane it's just a

crazy imagination that reminds me of like uh when i watched paddington i was like yes i'll just watch this and i was like i love this movie right yeah i'm not saying it's a movie i'd recommend but if you like have to watch a movie you'll be you'll be like all right that wasn't too terrible yeah i watched blade runner again because i want to get ready for the new Blade Runner, and I'm really excited. Oh, yeah. Oh, Blade Runner's still a good movie. Still pretty cool.

You know what's closing up soon? What? Maze Runner. Oh, my God. Maze Runner. It's finally almost coming back. When does the next one come out? I think it's January.

Maze Runner 3. Oh, my God god The Death Cure Yeah January 12th Is projected we're finally almost there Oh my god I'm so excited The last one was 2015 it's already been Two years

The one girl the woman in that Movie series Was in like Pirates of the Caribbean and stuff She's actually blowing up oh yeah that's right i forgot meanwhile everyone else what is dylan o'brien done dylan o'brien you played thomas what have you done is any of the one that got in the accident that delayed it all yeah yeah and he's it there's an article that just popped up that says two days ago his accident helped him prepare for American Assassin.

Oh, my God. He's in a movie called American Assassin. Make Maze Runner. Don't make American Assassin. They're both in post-production, but American Assassin comes out first, and he plays a guy named Mitch Rapp. Mitch Rapp. Mitch Rapp. Terrible name.

That is terrible. It doesn't even flow. Mitch Rapp. Terrible name. That is terrible. It doesn't even flow. Mitch Rapp. The plot of this movie is a story centered on counterterrorism agent Mitch Rapp. That's it. That's all we got. Oh, but Michael Keaton's in it. Michael Keaton's great.

Michael Keaton was fantastic in the new Spider-Man movie. I haven't seen that yet either. I wanted to see that. It's kind of like a high school movie more than it is a Spider-Man movie. Yeah. But I think it's pretty cool. I think Michael Keaton's character is great. He actually plays like a really cool villain.

Yeah, Michael Keaton did Birdman, yeah? Yeah, yeah. Michael Keaton is a low-key fantastic actor who, after being typecast as Batman and then not really doing much after that, had to do some really shitty movies, like the one where he became a snowman. What? Yeah, Jack Frost.

Is that the name of that movie? Oh yeah, Jack Frost. What a terrible, terrible movie. Yeah, I forgot about that movie. He had to do shitty movies like that because he was cast as a superhero and then they didn't want him for superhero movies anymore jack frost like the cover is just like him warping with the snowman it looks like a shitty meme but it's from 1998 yeah i feel bad for him what did he do what did he do michael keaton what did you do? What did he do? Michael Keaton, what did you do after 1998, if anything? Yeah, he had a huge career in the 90s.

And then 1998, Jack Frost. He didn't do anything for two years until he came back as Peter Cameron in A Shot at Glory, whatever the hell that is. And then he did a guest star on The Simpsons and a guest star on Frasier and then a TV movie and then a movie called quick sandwich. No one has seen. Then a guest star on Gary, the rat and King of the Hill. He was president McKenzie in first daughter. Fuck me.

First daughter, a vehicle for, uh, Katie Holmes after that terrible TV show she was on. And then he was in white noise about ghost hunting, which was not a great movie. And then he was in a Herbie Fully Loaded. Oh, my God. Another thing. That was Lindsay Lohan's vehicle.

And then he was in the movie Cars. And then he did Voices for the Cars video game. Oh, what happened to you? voices for the cars video game oh oh what happened to you and then he did voices for toy story and cars-o-rama a video game he was in a tv show called the company for a little bit it was a miniseries he was in an episode of tenacious d he was on a few episodes of 30 rock uh oh my god he was in call of Duty Black Ops. He was in a thing called Penthouse North. What the hell? I hope that's porn. It's not.

It is a made in China movie. He was in Need for Speed and then finally he did Birdman and Birdman blew up and then after that he was Ray Kroc in The Founder which was a great movie.

And then he was in Minions, which I think is even funnier. Gotta love Minions, no doubt. And then he was in Spider-Man Homecoming. For a brief moment, I feel like he had a comeback going, and now he's an American assassin. And I don't know. I think it's downhill from here. Did you ever see the Minions movie? Here's the thing.

The Minions movie? The first 10 or so minutes, I really enjoyed. Right. did you ever see the minions movie here's the thing the minions movie like the first like 10 or so minutes i really enjoyed right the rest of it is kind of terrible john ham is hilarious and anything he does but the rest of it's like meh however well are you talking about despicable me or the minions movie i'm talking about the minions okay just just clarifying it there the first like 10 or so minutes of the minions movie is minions through history yeah that's super funny and kind of silly and all they want is a master and

they keep killing their masters and it's hilarious yeah the rest of the movie is like despicable me where I'm just like I can't I can't do this right now yeah so when we watched it a few weeks ago because gmart was visiting and we tried watching it on New

Year's and we made it about 15 minutes in and then we were like we can't do this anymore but then we were like we have to watch it so we powered through and it was not good it's not a good movie but it's definitely the minions I feel like they are the Jar Jar Binks

of the modern age they are like if you're a little kid you think it's the funniest yeah if you're a little kid Minions, I feel like, are the Jar Jar Binks of the modern age. They are. Like, if you're a little kid, you think it's the funniest. Yeah, if you're a little kid, you think it's the funniest shit in the world. If you're an adult, you're like, if I hear them say, Baba Ganana Banana one more goddamn time, I'm going to burn this whole thing down. But then they'll become your minions because you're evil.

Yeah, but then they'll kill me in some terrible way. The plot didn't make any sense the queen of england had her crown stolen by the minions and so they became the queen but i was like that doesn't make any sense they just be like these shit minions stole the crown give it back or first i think it was bob who became the queen i don't know his bob became the queen and then of course he gave the the crown to the one lady who was evil. But then was she evil? Scarlet overkill. Don't ask why I know all these names.

I've seen the movie. I don't even know. I kept being like, there's flaws in this logic going on here. But then I was like, oh, yeah, it's minions. That doesn't mean there's got to be flaws in the logic. They went to like villain con. The beginning of the movie is them going to a convention for villains. Yeah.

I like that part, though. I feel like it doesn't need to need to make here's the thing there's some stuff in there that's not terrible like it's it's there's some genuinely really funny stuff but most of it you realize at the end of the day is for like eight year olds you're like ah yeah like this is why i hate this there's so many things where i remember watching it when I was like eight and then I try watching it again and I'm like, wow, I can't believe I watch this like every day as a kid. But I think there's some logic behind that. I was watching this one writer guy talk about the reason kids can rewatch things so many times. And he said, when you get older, you've already learned like so many tropes. You've like learned how things go and see like, all right, I know this is going to end.

I know blah, blah, blah. But when you're a kid, you're like, wow, that was crazy. I want to see it again and see if like the same things happen or something going to change because you're like, you're just a dumb kid. You don't know. And so you just like keep watching it and you slowly learn like the tropes of things. And then it's just, I don't know. I never thought of it that way.

Like the tropes of things. And then it's just, I don't know. I never thought of it that way. While we're on IMDb, I need you this week. Okay. To finally watch the movie, the great wall.

Oh yeah. I forgot about this before. You need to watch it because since I'm on IMDb, I know that there are reviews on here and all the reviews for this movie universally panned as being terrible. When you watch it, you're going to be like, what the,

what am I watching? Right. But on IMD imdb for some reason all the reviews are amazing people love it on here and i just want to read you one of them just to hype you up all right to make you go see this movie so then you can come back and we can not only talk about it but also read some of the reviews because they're amazing here we go all right there are many legends about the great wall this is one of them. I just saw it in Romania in a good 3D cinema. The movie tells a legend. It tells it so beautifully.

The cinematography is breathtaking. And for the duration, I was more than a movie spectator. I felt that I was part of the legend, a character from that story, presented among the troops defending the wall. If a movie succeeds in delivering such an experience, the rest is not important anymore. In this point, I don't care about plot holes or historical inaccuracies because I came to Cinema2C Fantasy,

a Chinese legend with monsters and heroes, and there I was, in a war story, in a different world, filled with amazing elements of the old Chinese culture, surrounded by exceptional warriors, beautiful landscapes,

and bloodthirsty monsters. I am very saddened to see the negative the negativity among critics and public surrounding this movie complaining about historical inaccuracies or being racist or a mix of races is also misplaced i hope people will go see and ignore the bad criticism and prejudices about it that's the setup for the movie you're about to watch what the all right all right even the good reviews have to defend everything about this movie like just because there's plot holes and historical inaccuracies and it could be possibly racist don't ignore all that ignore all that and just go into this movie and be taken away to a different world and be a part of the movie what's your rating of this movie before i see uh my review this movie is a solid like nick cage out of 10 all right it is all right it is a

very nick cage should have been in this movie if you just replace matt damon with nick cage it's a nick cage movie okay i'm in it is i'm enjoying it is not, but it's entertaining. Again, I want to stress, when we saw this movie in the theater, everyone after it was over was like, oh my god. The guy you thought was Matt Damon. One guy stood up and just, he was drunk the entire time. He came in an hour late, and he stood up and just applauded and we were convinced it was matt damon and makeup so i remember we talked about it then but literally i don't remember anything you said about the movie i just remember you talking about that guy i can't even begin to describe how terrible this movie is by the way and it's super funny it's like is it on netflix

now or is it like i don't know i just want you to know this movie cost $150 million to make. When you watch it, you tell me where did that money go? All right. $150 million. I think it is on Netflix. My favorite part is Willem Dafoe is in this movie. Of course he is. And he is as crazy as you would

imagine also oh i've totally forgot the movie is matt damon willem dafoe and pedro pascal the guy from game of thrones straight up and incredible uh like western famous actors and then some like really amazing actors from china as well i don't even know i don't even know what to tell you it's it's a giant it is basically an 150 million dollar sharknado it's crazy it's crazy all right all right you've sold me people who were like they're whitewashing this movie and making it about this white guy who saves china that's not at all it like those people haven't seen the movie it clearly the chinese characters who saves China. That's not at all it. Like, those people haven't seen the movie. Clearly, the Chinese characters who are saving it,

Matt Damon's character, like, witnesses all this, and he's a part of it. But, like, oh, my God. That's not the problem. The problem is this movie's terrible. All right, perfect. Yeah, it's that kind of film. He brought up Nicolas Cage, so I had to look up Nicolas Cage and what he was doing.

Are more new movies coming out? Of course. He has Red Squad, Mom and Dad, Looking Glass, Number 211, The Humanity Bureau, and Mandy. What is the Humanity Bureau? What is that? A dystopian

thriller set in the year 2030 that sees the world in a permanent state of economic recession and facing serious environmental problems as a result of global warming. The images for this movie are hilarious. They are. You see them on the log with the kid. Or is that a truck? Climate change sci-fi, the Humanity Bureau. In this image, it's Nick Cage photoshopped with hair.

Yeah. Oh, my God. I can't even. All right. I need you right now to go to Google. All right. Look up Humanity Bureau. Okay.

And then over on the side, there should be a image. There should just be a bunch of images, right? On the side. Click the one that looks like it's all green screen Photoshopped together with a fire in the background. Is it the movie cover one? Oh, my God. Speaking of which, the Humanity Bureau on October 29, 2016 at the Oliver Elementary School gymnasium had an extra casting call. We could have been in a movie had we known. We could have been in a movie had we known. We could have been in a movie with Nick Cage. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make

with these images, if you click that image, look at his hairline there and then look at every other image on the image search. Oh my god, you're right. They just like straight up photoshopped another person's head on his. Yeah, all the other ones.

He's like, he has no hair. And then that one, he's just, they photoshopped it to look very, very neat. Like he just used a bunch of products on hair. He doesn't even have. I can't even. It's incredible. It's incredible. Also, the more I look at old Nick Cage, the more he kind of looks like Tom Hiddleston.

A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Like old, younger Nicholas Cage has that look. the more he kind of looks like tom hiddleston a little bit yeah yeah like old younger nicholas cage has that look which i think to me means tom hiddleston your career is going to be amazing oh my god i can't wait to see what you do 20 years from now i clicked on looking glass a couple by a desert motel where they find that strange, mysterious event events occur. That sounds like it's going to be good. Nicholas Cage in a desert motel with strange, mysterious events occur.

What does that even mean? I don't know, but I want to see it. Uh, looking glass here. What about red squad? What is that about? What is Mandy?

A DEA dispatcher, the team of mercenaries to take down a mexican drug cartel oh my god starring nicholas cage brian presley whoever the hell that is and patrice coles never heard of any of these people no i'm in i'm in you don't need to know anyone else in the nick cage movie just nick cage mandy mandy is set in the primal wilderness of 1983 where Red Miller a broken and haunted man hunts an unhinged religious sect who slaughtered the love of his life. This one to two one one bank heist movie in the vein of end of watch meets Blackhawk down. What the hell is that going to be? I'd like to think they don't mean shot in real time,

but instead mean helicopters, a bank, helicopters. It's gotta be. Yeah. That's clearly what they mean. Oh my God. Again,

a bunch of people I've never heard of before. And then Nick Cage, Michael Rainey, Jr. Michael Rainey, Jr. What have you done? He was in the TV show power.

Orange is the new black. All right. I guess these guys are like actor actors yeah when does the movie come out where it's just nick cage and like me nick cage and me someone with zero acting like good acting experience i'm nick cage the youtube show my god would that be amazing i would love that he's gotta i would love that he's gotta do that at some point. I mean, he went broke, right? He's got to do anything. I imagine we can make that happen.

Yeah. How much do you think they pay him? That's a good question. Can we look that up? Nick Cage average salary. It wanted to take me to Nick Cage age, but I literally don't care. How Nicholas Cage... Nick Cage's net worth is $18 million,

which is fine, but that's not what I'm asking. Wait, I'm curious. His earning from Knight Rider Spirit of Vengeance in 2012 was $7 million. In 2013, he made $1 million off of The Croods.

Yeah, The Croods. That's the last time they show his actual salary. How Nicolas Cage wildly spent a $150 million fortune. Think your money troubles are bad. Try blowing through $150 million, going broke, then owing the IRS $13 million. We're talking about nicholas cage oh my god i just want to know uh acting credits okay here's the thing here's the thing well most of those movies we've been talking about exist already really so like the the uh

inconceivable oh never mind the only one listed there is the Humanity Bureau But that one hasn't come out yet His movie Inconceivable made $71,000 At the box office Army of One made $54,000 Dog Eat Dog $52,000 Snowden

Made $34,000 $34 million Where's one of the movies we've seen The ones that we like Stolen made $17 million 34,000. 34 million. Where's one of the movies we've seen? The ones that we like. Stolen made 17 million. Drive Angry was 41 million.

National Treasure 3 never came out. Season of the Witch made 91 million. What was that one we watched where he was killing the people to avenge that? Yeah. What was that? I can't see that.

Maybe because it didn't come out in theaters. Maybe because that was only on DVD. Yeah, maybe. Or Blu-ray or whatever the kids watch now. Yeah. What was his best? What was his best one? Here's the thing.

You can't hate Nick Cage worldwide as a leading actor He's made four billion dollars. Oh my god Yeah Oh, it's not that rage Rage, I don't see it Rage as a producer. He's made 98 million dollars or helped create 98 million dollars Shit, dude. Damn. He look or helped create $98 million.

Shit, dude. Damn. Look. Not bad, Nick. Not bad. Rage made an estimated $21 million at the box office. For a movie like that? That is... I mean...

They probably paid him millions and then they only... We are operating at a loss. We had to get Nick Cage in this movie and now we're just losing everything. Can I just read you off the things that he bought to go bankrupt please do number one dinosaur skulls uh i believe that is something that he beat leonardo dicaprio out for yeah leonardo dicaprio wanted to buy them at auction and nick cage bought them instead. A self-proclaimed history buff, Cage allegedly

outbid Leonardo DiCaprio for a 67 mere old Tarbosaurus skull valued at over $300,000. He also apparently had other dinosaur skulls. Of course he did. My Nick Cage would have nothing but dinosaur skulls. He would have

a throne of skulls that he would sit upon. Oh my god. He bought two albino king cobras of course someone said allegedly cage used the cobras for protection some others say he used them for sexual activities whoa i don't know either way that's incredible. Either way, he trained two cobras to either bang or protect him like guard dogs. Either way, that's incredible. Either way, I'm impressed. He bought two Bahamian islands. Sure, he owns islands?

A 40-acre, 7 million island south of Nassau for private use. The man has a private island. He is cloning himself on that island. He purchased a rare $450,000 Lamborghini Miura SVJ. Yep, of course he did. A bunch of exotic cars and motorcycles. Luxury yachts. He bought a yacht.

It costs $20 million and has 12 master bedrooms. Why, Nick? Why? He bought a haunted house. For $3.5 million. I don't have to ask why on that one. I'm not even going to ask why on that. I get that.

It belonged to sociolite serial killer Madame Lalaurie. Of course it did. Of course it did. He shrunk in pygmy heads. He has a collection of them. A collection of shrunken pygmy heads. I like to think he puts them right next to the dinosaur skulls and makes them like talk to each other.

He's like, it's the end of Jurassic World all over again with pygmy skulls and dinosaur skulls. He bought a pyramid tombstone in new orleans right that makes sense for when he dies i get it uh the first superman comic because he's a crazy man who wanted to be superman i get that too he bought a crocodile yep to keep the cobra's company a shark to keep the crocodile company. An octopus. All that makes sense. To keep the shark company. A private Gulfstream jet. To ship around the octopus, crocodile, shark, and cobras.

15 estate homes around the world. You know what? If you're going to travel, you might as well have 15 homes. Two European castles. God damn it. Rare art. He has almost a 50 extremely expensive works of art. High end jewelry.

You know what? We can never shit on Nick Cage again. He's living the best life. He's living the best. I would, I would kill one or two people to make this life happen for me. I know this is crazy. He lives better than like, he's got to live better than even athletes just like everyone that's because they're busy

working nick cage just travels around in his yacht plane with his shark pal and they wear dino skulls and fight off i don't know sea monsters on his private island shit maybe he goes back to haunted house and beats ghosts maybe he does have the declaration of independence it's quite possible he found the treasure national treasure was less a movie and more of like a true autobiographical journey yeah he let everyone know what happened shit dude makes perfect sense to me wow there you go Nick Cage everybody I don't know how we got on that I don't either well I guess that means we can jump to

how's that traffic out there hey guys welcome to the trap cap we got a strong showing up here today it looks like the strongest storm on earth this year may soon pose threat. This is super typhoon Noru, and it may eventually impact land in Japan. So right now, we are flying over the super storm. Luckily, the new and improved chop cop can handle intense super storms, so no

big deal here. But it only will let me fly above it for about 15 more minutes. So we're going to have to get out of here. But I mean, aside from that, the traffic back home looking pretty good. Aside from that one street that you always go to work on in which, you know, that's closed. So take a different road. Take some, go watch, look at some scenery. All right, go see some scenery for once in your life. Stop going down the same path. Back to you.

Thanks, Grendor. Now let's go over to quendor at the weather desk quendor how's that weather weather besides the typhoon besides the typhoon oh no woppy woppy activated seven four five three six clayton oklahoma 79 degrees. Clear. Feels like 82 degrees. UV index, zero. Tonight, 66 degrees. Fahrenheit. Monday, 89 degrees.

Fahrenheit. Monday night, 71 degrees. Low. Tuesday, high, 81 degrees. 60% chance thunderstorm. Wind. East, one mile per hour. Humidity, 77% humid. That's whoppy.

All right. And now for the sports desk. Sports. What up? We're back at the sports desk. We got some big time news coming in from sports. Baseball still going on. It's going to be going on for

a few more months at this point, but they're doing a lot of trade deadline stuff. Also, NFL's about to start. Get ready, folks. Do you like watching football in Los Angeles? No? Well, you got two teams now. The Chargers now are there.

In LA? Oh, boy. So now you got two teams now. The Chargers now are there. In LA? Oh, boy. So now you got the Los Angeles Chargers and the Los Angeles Rams, and they're going to play at the same stadium because their stadiums they wanted to build aren't going to be ready until like 2019. Great. I mean, that's what we need is more terrible traffic downtown.

I am so excited. Nobody knows why they wanted to go there, but you got two teams now. Yeah, great. Cool. Also Ravens pass. Do we get the Olympics too? Is that a thing I heard? I don't know. Did you LA's bidding for the

empty? We lose. I hope so. Let's see Olympics deal that would designate LA as host of 2028 Olympics is very, very close, says Mayer. Oh, what if we don't do that? Here's my hope. World ends before 2028. At this rate, it is.

We got, what, 11 years? I think we can make that happen. 11 years. I believe in you, world. We can end ourselves before 2028. But I mean, aside from the world ending, the Ravens considered trying out RG3.

And then they passed on trying out RG3. So, apparently RG3, not having the greatest offseason, he may be done because he's not very good. There was a dream. We had a dream. Yeah, I believe that. He just needs to become RG4.

Just chop off your arm. Put on the robot one. Go to work. RG4 activate. RG4 activating. He would be unkillable. He would be. His arm would just turn into a buzzsaw and hack down other players.

It's all right. Friend and foe alike. He's like, and Audrey four scores another touchdown. It's just a buzzsaw. You guys are just all cut in half behind him. Listen, we've talked about this before,

but I think going the way of the robots and the steroids in the NFL is the way to go. Only giant mutants and robots fighting each other for our entertainment. There is nothing wrong with that. Yeah. You either you have to choose one. You either go the road path and become a mutant or you get robot stuff. I feel like it's easier if we don't let them choose and we just recruit criminals. If movies have taught me anything, recruiting people from the criminal justice system

can only lead to happiness and not to them revolting against us. I feel like it's a good strategy if we just start. Once you're in prison, rather than giving you parole, we give you the chance to get out if you join our league.

I like it. And if you win enough, you get out. It works in Running Man. It'll work here. And then they win enough, you get out. It's, you know, it works in Running Man. It'll work here. And then they'll like, they can have a tracker thing on them so that if they cause any trouble, they get sent right back to the league. Oh no, their heads explode. Oh yeah.

Sent back. No, no, no, no, no. Sent back. You're so innocent. No, their heads explode. Their heads blow right off. Well, it depends on how good they were. If they were a star in the league, you could have them go back.

And then their head explodes after they win the Super Bowl. Why do I feel like in this scenario, I'm the evil corporate guy and you're like the guy. It explodes in the feddy. We won. At the end of the Super Bowl, they all explode. Everyone. No matter who, they all explode. You can vote to see who gets saved.

I feel like I'm the evil corporate guy, and you're like the guy in charge of the league. And you're like, well, we can just put them back in, sir. I'm like, no. Make their heads explode with confetti. And you're like, but sir, that would take ratings for a dive. I'm like, I don't care. We have to teach Arnold Schwarzenegger characters a lesson.

I'd be like, well, I have been working on my new head exploder thing, so I mean, sure. Excellent. Now come here, 1980s attractive model. And rub on me while I drink of this tea or whatever the hell I'm drinking. You get the Japanese soap girls. That is my dream. Have I ever told you that's my dream it's just to go to japan i want to reiterate if anyone can make that happen sign me up for

soap girls yeah you know there's some crazy stuff in soap land oh that's my dream that's my dream that's sports all right and what is our big news story of the day big news story of the day there's some interesting things let's see we got mexican village celebrates mushroom with image of jesus on it of course of course california community worried that quote chupo cabras are stalking their pets. It's getting better. It's getting better. That's straight out of like Coast to Coast AM. Outback Steakhouse at center of bizarre conspiracy theory.

I saw that on Twitter. Apparently people are like connecting the dots between Outback Steakhouses and communities and they all make pentagrams. Yeah, I think they're just strategically placed so that they can you know, get the best revenue from the suburbs but also worshipping Satan and Satan yeah

no doubt her woman calls 911 with boa constrictor wrapped around her neck yeah bitter face or some shit like someone had to cut off a like a head yeah I saw that article too man brings suspiciously chill peacock on subway

I like it there's like that peacock was suspiciously chill peacock on subway i like it they're just like that peacock was suspiciously chill normally they're crazy up to yeah what is he doing something's not right with that peacock he's suspicious a clown with one arm wielding machete arrested after terrorizing town machete arrested after terrorizing town of course i mean you would have to arrest him he's a clown yeah the dc cause creepy clown i gotta read the clown i'm too curious go for it wheeling machete arrested after terrorizing town a report of a garish clown brandishing a machete was no laughing matter to police in maine who took a 31 year old man into custody for frightening residents in a small rural community the answer your question okay do you think the author when he wrote this piece was drinking heavily and sighing the entire time when he was like arrested a clown it was no laughing matter he like took a drink and like put it down he's like one of these days he looks over

at the pistol next to him he's like one of these days but he makes a pun about the pistol yeah he's like i don't know what i don't even know what it's i don't even know what the poem would be i don't know either. I'm not clever enough to think that up. The incident began Tuesday evening when a concerned citizen called police and said a man dressed as a clown in armor with a machete was milling about

near a Hollis convenience store. When state police troopers arrived at the scene, witnesses told them the man had fled into the woods. Roughly an hour later, they patrolled a nearby water burrow and spotted him exiting a wooded area. According to police, he was

Corey Berry of Hollis, wearing a black hooded sweatshirt and a clown mask. A machete was duct taped to his amputated arm. Oh my god! He was intoxicated questioned by police as he would be there he said he was clowning around trying to play that guy gets puns that guy is way more witty than we will ever be he is trying to play a prank that copied the creepy clown sightings that garnered media

attention in recent years whether he meant to do anything or not it's pretty scary they told the television station state police also failed to find humor in the creepy clown gag and charged barry with criminal threatening criminal threatening he was released from york county jail after a 200 bond don't threaten people that's criminal this is clowning around it's just a prank bro it's just clowning around i like that he probably looked at the officers with a straight face and just said clowning around oh my god look at his face hold on there's a picture. He's got that. He looks. Oh, you know, he was like, just clowning around. You just look so nonchalantly like clowning around, man.

What am I supposed to do? I don't even know, man. It's clowning around. It's clowning around, dude. He definitely looks like what I imagine a guy who would say just clowning around after being caught by the police while wearing a clown mask would say this is a good story that was an excellent story hold on i want to see the chupacabra one as well okay take us back all right residents of southern california community believe they've seen the legendary chupacabras and it's stalking of course they believe that of course they believe that carrie shuker told the press enterprise that he shooed away a hairless creature from near his home in riverside

he described it as two feet longer quote than the biggest coyote you've ever seen and was a tail like a rat the creature snarled back at him it was cussing me out basically he told the newspaper i stole stole its breakfast. It was hunting my cat. I can't even. It was cussing me out, basically. Basically, yes, that snarl was him going like, you son of a bitch, I'm going to come back here and kill your whole family. The press enterprise quoted three residents who say they've seen the creature

and worry it could kill pets or maybe even attack someone out for a stroll. One expert said the creature is certainly not the mythical chupacabra, the goat sucker that supposedly stalks animals and drinks their blood. The International Cryptozoology Museum in Maine said it was a likely coyote with mange or a similar common animal they all say that but we know it was the chupacabra known as the goat dna results prove these are 100 candid coyotes foxes dogs red wolves usually with mange indeed dna what's that proof yeah what i mean that's just science but like what about what science can't explain ghosts chupacabra ghosts oh my god what

chupacabra is the ghost of a coyote with mange think about that then oh shit yep george chupacabra is in my house i don't know how to get rid of him. George, the other day, I was out with my cat, and Chupacabra came up, and he tried to eat my cat, and I was like, not today, Chupacabra. And you know what he did? He cussed me out. I'm going to eat that cat one day, and I said, not this day, Chupacabra. And he started swearing up and down at me, George.

He was words I can't even say on the radio saying my son said mom why are you yelling at that raccoon and i said get out of here son that's a chupacabra uh and george just be like and where did you see this chupacabra yeah this is such a we've heard so many chupacabra sightings this is just another one to add to the books they can't all be fake one of these has to be real I don't know George I feel like when you have a radio show crazy people can call in maybe all of them are fake it's maybe

everyone who calls in is doing it just to get on the radio and tell a weird story maybe I'm gonna go on a limb they do it for fame George they might also just be crazy that's you know what i'd like to think even crazy people understand the concept of getting on the radio that's true too that is very true actually like that guy i never forget that one guy called in and was like i was captured by bigfoot he took me back to the cave where is a family of bigfoot but i had my camera and they smashed it and they said, you will respect our culture and there are no cameras allowed.

I was like, what? I like the one that was like, I once had sex with a Bigfoot, George. He's like, what was that like? And he's like, it's like nothing I've ever experienced, George. She was a tender lover. I'm like, oh my God. I still think about her to this day. Her name was Eloise.

Kind soul. She held me close, George. She held me close, whispered in my ear. It was some gobbledygook, but it was still delicious. Then I passed out. Then I woke up on the side of the road the next morning. I was naked as the day I was born. I flagged down a car and he was like, what happened to you?

And I said, I found a Bigfoot. And the man said, did you have sex with that Bigfoot? And I said, yeah, I did. And he's like, Bigfoots be sexing everyone around these parts. It's an M. Night Shyamalan movie. shamlon movie yeah oh spoiler at the end the twist is the man driving the truck bigfoot oh shit he's like a werewolf yeah he turns around and looks back at the camera and you're like that's the guy that's a werefoot yep we're werefeet around here a werefeet oh shit i didn't see that movie yeah i had a werewolves get out let's go to the

werefeet werefeet that is the dumbest idea for a movie starring nicholas cage oh as the bigfoot nick cage is the villain a bigfoot that sexes people up as nick cage i'd love to get close to you and I'd love to feel your body. And starring as Eloise, Nick Cage. My name is Eloise. I would, I would give, if I had a fortune, I would give that fortune. You had Nick Cage a fortune. I would give that fortune. You had Nick Cage's fortune. To Nick Cage to get him to play the role of Eloise, the female Sasquatch, who makes love to a man she captures. I would pay all my money for that. I might never release that movie and only keep it for myself. Just like a show at the friends whenever they come over.

And then it captures the person, but they learn to love each other and then they find them in the cave and they shoot them dead and he's like, no! What if it was Nick Cage playing the guy and the Sasquatch? Oh my god.

So Nick Cage had to make out with a CG version of himself. And he's the cop that shoots the guy dead oh my nick cage is all the characters in this movie that's it oh my god i love it even background characters cg cg him into the background walking around is like extras like little kids is nick cage like hobbits I believe we just created the greatest movie ever made Hollywood come on

what is going on why will they not contact us I don't get it I don't get it alright well that's it for us thank you so much for listening. We'll be back with another episode soon. And as always, to be continued.