Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 138 - Nic Cage, Dinosaur

Episode Date: August 29, 2017

The adventures of our globe trotting archaeologist Nic Cage continue! This week he manages to find himself in Kazakhstan, but what is he really doing there?! Also Jesse and Crendor come up with another idea for a reality show and the boys discover a new popular name for kids that sets Jesse off. All this and more on this weeks episode of Cox n' Crendor! Today's episode is brought to you by SquareSpace.com! Make the move to a better hosting and website creation platform! And you can do it for 10% off by going to squarespace.com/coxandcrendor This episode is also brought to you by DraftKings.com. Set up your weekly fantasy team and earn a chance at 1 billion dollars! Give it a free week try at draftkings.com and use code COX.

Hello everybody, this episode is sponsored not once, but twice. Twice. I know, two times, that's more than one, which is more than we're used to. It's true. Two amazing companies have decided to sponsor us this week. The first, Squarespace. Squarespace, you know them because I have my own website on squarespace.com. Your own website?

I know, jessicox.com is on there. About a year ago, I moved it all over, which is the whole point. I know. Go look it up. I'll wait. Oh, wow. You do. I told you.

If you want to have a new domain or website or online store, move over to Squarespace. I'm telling you, it's the place to be. We will talk about it later in the show but we are thrilled that they're sponsoring us this week also thank you Squarespace also Draft Kings guys football season is almost here and Draft Kings

is it is here well pre-seasons here it's gonna start the regular season starts soon okay all right then yeah Draft Kings is great I use it uh I pretty much use it for the last two The regular season starts soon. Okay. All right, then. Yeah, DraftKings is great. I pretty much use it for the last two years, and it's just fantasy football, but you play every week.

So it's just like you pick your players, and then you just watch them. I like football. I like fantasy football, and so I play it a lot, and I enjoy it. And there's money to win. There's money to win. And there's money to win. So it's not for the kids.

If you're a child and you're listening to this, it ain't for you. But tell your parents. Yeah. Because then if they win, they can buy you something. That's how it works. Now that's thinking smart. All right. Well, thank you to both of them for sponsoring this week.

And let's get in to the show. Woo. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Treadmill. Ghost on Treadmill in the show. Woo! Hello, everybody! It's time for Cocks and Trendog! This is Trendog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios!

Recording! Wake your ass up! It's Cocks and Trendog in the morning! Hello, everybody! Wake your ass up, it's the Cocks and Crendor in the morning! Cocks and Crendor in the morning! Hello everybody, welcome back to Cocks and Crendor in the morning. Hey, is it the morning? Is it the evening? It's a big world.

It could be, it's definitely morning somewhere right now. That's, yes. We're thinking big, we're thinking galactic scale we're thinking cosmos i've always been told i'm like the neil degrasse tyson of the internet and i've always been told i'm not that's true people specifically go out of their way to tell you you are nowhere close yeah well i say that all the time here's the thing if it's morning somewhere in space is there an alien eating breakfast yeah and it's probably fruit loops that's fruit loops are intergalactic people don't know that but the nose knows where the fruit loops goes dude what if the fruit loops

bird is the alien what if they're you say aliens are toucans a toucan planet yeah but they can talk like the fruit leaves bird well yeah I mean that makes perfect sense there's nothing wrong with that yeah it makes total sense travel through space we finally figure out space travel

like go the speed of light we find life and it's just toucan sandbirds and they're just like you guys got fruit leaves we find life and it's just toucan sam birds and they're just like you guys got fruit loops where you are and we're like yeah they they seeded it if we go back and look at the ancient pyramids and cave writings you'll see toucan sam on there it'll be like follow your nose yeah absolutely yeah i'm excited can i tell you something okay i've watched all of defenders this past weekend what is that i'm i'm not defenders so you know all the marvel shows that are on uh netflix oh yeah like daredevil and all this yeah yeah so defenders is them all

coming together for one series ah and it was it was okay. It was pretty okay, but it was ruined for me by a trope that I could not get past. I was obsessed with this, and I spent the next four hours thinking about it because it drove me crazy. All right.

All right. I want to set the scene for you. At some point, I think it's either the first or second episode, Luke Cage is told, hey, there's a seedy bar, and if you go down to this seedy bar,

trust me, you're going to find out some information. That's where all the people are at now. And so, while all the different characters are investigating in their own way, Luke Cage goes down to this bar. And when he walks in the bar, a woman who looks very strung out, possibly a druggie, possibly a prostitute,

I don't know, rubs on his chest. And Luke Cage, because he's Luke Cage, ignores her and walks forward. And I realized that is a trope that Hollywood has just accepted. That the hero trope of like, sexy guy walks into a bar, strung out, prostitute, hits on him and he ignores her. That happens all the time in movies. That is true actually here's my problem why is that woman allowed in the bar if she's a prostitute why is the bar allowing the woman to work there and harass clientele if she's not a prostitute and she's just strung out what is

why is she alone why is she just trying to like bone down at the bar i have so many questions and it aggravated me to no end because i was like, they say this is a seedy bar. And I get what they're trying to say is like, oh, it's crazy over there. There's women hitting on you. It's wild. But it's not. And then what are they trying to say that by women hitting on men, that's too much. Like, I don't I don't know what the moral here is.

And I don't know that I like any of it because I sat there and thought about it like wait okay so is that the main thing they're trying to say is like this is a seedy bar and this is how we'll show it and it also shows the character of the main hero because he's a man who ignores this woman trying to like jump on him because he's got stuff to do he's got things to handle like i get all the tropes and why they're doing it. What I don't get is why it keeps happening. It's stupid. It doesn't make sense. It drives me crazy. I sat there. I don't know if you can tell.

I'm very upset by it. I sat there and was like, wait. So I get that it's a seedy bar, but even a bar has to have customers. So why would they allow this woman to just harass everyone who walks into the bar? And more importantly, does she harass everyone? Are there some people where she's like, I'm not touching that.

I'm obsessed with this. I'm obsessed with this woman and her storyline as a character. She needed to be more developed is what I feel. Yeah, I think that's the thing with tropes is a lot of people, a lot of people, we had to ignore the tropes. It's not that all tropes are bad. It's just some of the tropes are bad and some of the tropes are good,

but a lot of people just reuse the bad tropes because they're just easy and like, yes, but this, this one doesn't seem easy or common, right? Like he walks into a bar and you can make it a CD bar just by showing the bar and looking crappy, but they do a camera angle of Luke Cage walking through the entrance and this woman just like, like rubs up on him. And then the camera pans behind his shoulder and we see the bar. The bar looks like several bars I've been to in downtown LA. It looks very fashionable. There's just guys who are like talking to women at the bar or three dudes who are plotting

i don't know like bragging about drugs or whatever but that's every bar what bar is that not i don't i was just obsessed with why they were like yeah oh no it's it's tough in that bar because there's girls and they hit on you i was like what they should have made it so the girl's part of like a small group and she's just like drunk and just wanders off from him. And she's like, Hey there. And then he's just like, Oh, but that happens at bars already. That's not, that's a thing that occurs at bars.

It's so weird to me that that's a trope that people still use. That's like, Oh, I'm a woman and i look strung out and i'm rubbing on you like okay but why why is that a thing like i'll never understand it it didn't build any like like the only character development it built was like hey i'm busy right now i got more important things to do yeah he's luke cage and he would boat in town but now's not the time because he's got to find a guy because some shit's going down in Harlem. He has to find the man in the white hat. Like, I get it, but I don't like it.

I don't like it. That's why I'm not a big fan of Marvel things. Like, I'm not against them. I still enjoy watching them, but it's just very that or tropey. And I'm always just like, yeah. One of my favorite things they do. And because, you know, budgets and whatnot. One of my favorite things they do in the Netflix Marvel series is stick the old blind man.

Whenever he fights, all they do is show the back of him and have an actor who's 40 years younger with colored in hair fight instead. And it's so obvious it looks like old martial arts movies where like the old master would fight it's amazing and nobody cares nobody complains I in fact love that they do that don't care but it's all yeah it's all that stuff

it's definitely not movie quality in any way well there are some movies that are on that level. Yeah, and most of them star Nick Cage, not Luke Cage, but that's true. Yeah. Oh my god. Did you see the Nick Cage

things? Where Nick Cage has to return a dinosaur skull to Mongolia? I did see that. I did see that. Oh my god. We had Nick Cage dinosaur. I want you to look that up. Nick Cage dinosaur.

Hold on. I'm looking that up too. Nick Cage dinosaur is probably going to give us more than we expect. There it is. Nick Cage dinosaur. I like how Nick Cage dinosaur equals a... The first thing that you see is Nick Cage's face on a dinosaur. Then you see two images of Nick Cage roaring like a dinosaur, followed by Nick Cage chasing Ian Malcolm as a dinosaur. At one point, Nick Cage is riding a dinosaur.

I am, Nick Cage is a dinosaur egg. Nick Cage as a naked woman riding a dinosaur. I am. Nick Cage is a dinosaur egg. Nick Cage as a naked woman riding a dinosaur. I love the internet. Love it. What a place. What a place. And then I also saw a thing that says everyone loves Nicolas Cage looking miserable in Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan?

Yes. The one where he just looks like, what am I doing in Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan? Yes. He just looks like, what am I doing here? In Kazakhstan? Yeah. Yeah. Everyone, everyone's miserable there. That's the whole point. Maybe he's having like PTSD to like returning that dinosaur skull.

Yeah. He was trying. That's why he looks so sad. He's trying to get out of the area. He was trying. That's why it looks so sad. He's trying to get out of the area. He was like, I got to get out of here. I got all their dinosaur skulls. Maybe,

maybe that's why you look that way. He's trying to look not suspicious because he had dinosaur skulls under there, under his fur coat. We're just dinosaur skulls. He's like, I have got to get out of this country. I have all their dinosaur skulls he's like i have got to get out of this country i have all their dinosaurs skulls what why is he even there i don't like it's like why was nick cage in kazakhstan why was he there

the holler reporter revealed wednesday that despite reported violations of human rights in the country the 53 year old actor attended the Eurasia Film Festival as a VIP guest. Ah, that's why. Well, you'd think he'd be happy. So there you go. Human rights violations. Nick Cage doesn't care about that. He is a human rights violation.

He's wearing their hat and their robe, and under he's got a suit, and then he's wearing gym shoes hat and their robe under he's got a suit and then on the sheets or you like gym shoes To see Nicolas Cage take the side of dictators is profoundly disappointing Really you expect that from Nick Cage? Nick age is his own dictator at this point. Yeah, I'm looking tater. I'm a diner dinosaurs skull He looks so weird. Oh My god speaking of weird looking yesterday i was driving around heading into the office to get some work done and at the uh

intersection you know where that ralph's is near me yeah that grocery store all right there's this woman and she looked like kind of remember that old show dharma and greg yeah she looked like kind of remember that old show Dharma and Greg? Yeah. She looked like Dharma. And she was like sort of hippy dippy and she had on tie dye and she had a cart that was like a tie dye cart and

she had to have been high because she's as the light turns red and I stop, she starts marching out into the street like she's in a marching band and she has a pet dog with her. And the dog is doing like a march trot, right? Like she starts marching and then she looks at everyone and like does like a hand motion, like a wavy gravy. hand motion like a wavy gravy hand motion she's like and then runs back to the to the corner and then proceeds to talk like sit down and talk to her dog and like point at all the cars and then like shake her head like she's crazy and then she dug through her bag and took something which i

assume was shrooms i don't know what she was eating and then she started to like play with an umbrella but you know singing in the rain dancing with it, but there's no rain It's just LA and she started doing all this stuff. I was like What you're fascinating this all occurred in a matter of like under a minute. Oh Yeah, yeah, this is she was it was like fast motion Normally you'd expect a person to be like no she was like she was crazy. And the light turns green.

I had to leave, but I kind of just wanted to stop and watch her. Yeah. Cause I imagine she would have gotten into all sorts of weird stuff, right? There. It reminded me of Santa Monica. Just going down to San.

Oh my God. When you come out here, we have to go to Santa Monica. All right. And film all the crazy people. Oh yeah. We got to film it. All all the crazy people every last one of them the guy with the there's a guy who dresses up like jesus and dances to rock music what there's a guy who has a uh at the very end of the pier there's a guy who has a puppet or a like a marionette but it's made out of like smelly trash and then he plays weird music

and he like dances to it there's a snake man a guy like has a snake there's always the guys who try to try to rap at you and there's always like a 13 year old hispanic girl trying to sing us in front of every oh it's great it's great it's so good now that's society it It is. Perfect. It reminds me, we went to Ikea. Of course you did. And we're buying these bookshelves, and there's these two families talking to each other, and one of the kids started running, and the woman was like,

Khaleesi, get over here. And I was like, oh my god. It's happening. It's actually happening. How old was that kid probably like four okay yep that's that that syncs up mm-hmm that's a terrible parent right there that's a terrible parent i never thought i'd hear it in public and then bam i heard it and i went into like a state of shock and i was just like wait did i just hear that and then i was like oh my god someone actually named their kid khalisi do you think question mark do you think that that is a term of endearment for them

or is that really the kid's name i'm pretty sure it's their name they named their kid khalisi that's gross on every level i gotta see khalisi because khalisi also means mother doesn't it Let's see. Khaleesi. Because Khaleesi also means mother, doesn't it? Well, there's also like a cat virus named the Khaleesi virus. Of course, of course. Yeah, it's an actual thing.

Let's see. There's games. Are people really naming their kids Khaleesi? Oof. According to a new survey, it appears they are. Top U.S. baby names include Anakin, Leia, and Khaleesi. No. No.

People are naming their kid Anakin? Yeah. I am out. Well. I'm trying to look up Khaleesi name meaning and the best part is is that they just don't have it listed no one's willing to admit that it just was stolen from game of thrones there are now more babies named calise than betsy or nadine the name is taken from the title roughly equivalent to queen from the fictional dothraki language and the epic fantasy song of ice and fire gross the name khalisi pronounced the same it's a popular

phygian girl's name but it look it doesn't look as crazy as k-h-l-e-e-s-i also real talk that's like if someone if someone during no one was named, person named Frodo. Is there someone named Frodo? Frodo names, there can't be anyone named Frodo. For every 100,000 people, there's.03 people named Frodo. Of course, because that's insane. Because that's insane. People named Frodo in the world, 93.

I'm okay with that. I imagine there would be 93 people in the world named Frodo. Yeah. I'm fine with that. Because there's at least that many crazy parents. I get that. Khaleesi is too much. It's too much.

That would be like, hold on. What is, um, Gandalf was a wizard, right? Yeah. That would be like if you named your kid Wizard. Because Khaleesi isn't her name. Khaleesi is like... It's like naming your kid Azor Azai. Yes, thank you.

Thank you. Come here, Azor Azai. It's like a fake. It's like a title. You named your kid a title. It'd be like if you named your kid a title it'd be like if you name your kid president like hello president someone became president to be president president which is crazy apparently people are also naming their kids aria but i mean that's like a normal sounding name that yeah that's a name that makes sense like daenerys could be a name that you can

name a child that doesn't sound. Khaleesi is legitimately crazy. That's like naming your kid Apple. There were 21 Daenerys, but they weren't enough to register an official count. Do you think people think they're clever by naming their kid Khaleesi instead of Daenerys? Because Daenerys is the name. We don't want to copy. We're going to name her Khaleesi. I don't even think they call her Daenerys. I think they just call her khalisi like did you see khalisi that episode

i i honestly think you might be right that people don't know her actually name and so like her name so they're just like that's khalisi that's khalisi and that guy over there that's the guy with no dick and that guy that guy over there that's the the only one people know is john snow everyone knows john snow that's it yeah it's true i mean then they that's like no i've heard more people call her calise or dragon girl yes everyone's like oh that's crazy like oh you know what i i would do crendor if i had a bunch of crazy names, like a list of crazy names, if I was a crazy name person, what would you do? I would make a website on Squarespace is what I would do. I would go to Squarespace because it's the easiest place on the Internet to make a website. You don't even have to know about Masequall or HTMLs or C++.

Dreamweavers. You don't even need to have been on GeoCities to know what's going on. That's how I used to make my websites. They just looked like a 1950s cat fan page. Oh, they were terrible. But if you go to Squarespace,

not only do you have access to 16 new, beautiful, award-winning designs among the many designs they have for you to basically use however you wish, which I have done. It's an all-in-one platform where you can make whatever you want. You don't install. You don't patch. You don't upgrade. You don't do any of that.

It's easy. 24-7 customer service. You can transfer your domain over there which is what i did a while ago billing is super easy online stores are a huge thing there if you want to sell plates plaques with calise on it you can do that you can do that yeah and just uh you know don't use her like her image because then you'll probably get sued by game of thrones but if you want to say calhaleesi on it, unless your daughter's name is Khaleesi, in which case

you put her on it and that's or son, you can have a son Khaleesi, put your son's face on it. Yeah. Or just make a website about crazy names, which we would love to see. If you make a website about crazy names, send it to us and you can do it on the cheap.

You can do it super cheap because right now if you start your free trial today at squarespace.com you go to squarespace.com slash cox and and and crendor you get 10 off first purchase c-o-x-a-n-d-c-r-e-n-d-o-r that's cox and crendor squarespace.com slash cox crerandor. That was, that's going to be in my head all day. C-O-X-A-N-D-C-R-E-N-D-O-R. Yeah, that's the spell, right? I'm great at jingles. I don't know about that. Anyway, do it.

Go to squarespace.com right now. Trust us. Make the move. It'll be the best choice you've made since you started listening to this podcast. So Leslie Jones, there's a video go look this up leslie jones sits down with seth myers i think to watch game of thrones i guess that's like a bit they do yeah and vera shows up and it's really funny but the best part for me at least is that even though she's a super fan she cannot say any of their names she's like theon great joy she's like theron it's so it's so funny and veris has to correct her and she's like shut up it's hilarious and

that's how i imagine most game of thrones fans are they just don't know how to pronounce anything so they just say whatever they think is close yeah which is why people say calise instead of Daenerys I guarantee yeah she's like get him Theron and I'm like Theron oh it's so funny that's such a go watch that it is hilarious I'm at the point where I think George RR Martin is just not gonna write any of the other books I am with you on that but my hope is that the stuff where if it does happen the stuff that's in the show is like clearly not exactly what's going to happen but at least remotely similar because then i know that some awesome like like the stuff that happened in the last episode i know that in the books that will pay off so much better because yeah the setup has been like the characters that were involved have a lot more

going on in the books and so i'm i'm very curious but yeah that's all i'll say i think well in the books they also don't have to like pay the actors and have right budgets and stuff you just be like this person did this and you're like oh okay yeah that's and it goes on for 55 pages like and then he ate dinner a book later the dinner was over people are getting crazy theories though they're like book two paragraph four said she was eating breakfast which could correlate to this season's television show because this breakfast made a thing that did the thing. But could it be Bran? I mean, it could be. Bran flakes. Yes. Bran flakes.

Raising Bran. Raising Bran. Bran raises the dead. Oh, shit. We cracked the code. Bran is clearly the next Night King. Done. Done.

Fact. Factual information. We cracked a code in a matter of ten seconds. We cracked the code. That's so obvious. It makes so much sense now. Bran flakes. Raisin Bran.

He flakes out on everyone and starts raising the dead. Figured it out. Oh my god. I think you're right. I know I'm right. I know I'm right. I know I'm right. You don't'm right. I know I'm right.

You don't even have to tell me. Oh, my goodness. I found someone sent me an article today. I'm going to save it for when we get to the news. But I have no other information on it. And I kind of want to look it up with you. So I say we just jump into the next part of this bad boy so I can get to this article because I need to know more. All right.

So let's go to chapter. Got some of the credit. The credit door. how's that traffic out there traffic out there is kind of insane because so many people were trying to see the solar eclipse that's right the solar eclipse was happening and uh i didn't even get to see it here because it's just clouds and i just was like oh it was whatever and then i just slept so yeah i mean there'll be another one in like five years or something i don't know i'll just see that one uh but yeah just uh just walk somewhere today you know just go out and walk get some exercise back to you thanks quendor actually i i saw the eclipse for a little bit but all we got was like a little tiny thumbnail of it.

Oh, but I mean, otherwise it's like, it's just, it's just didn't really look. There's like an overcast. Yeah. It didn't really look. I will say the next one I think goes through Ohio and I, and that's in like five years. I think I want to go back. I want to go back for that. You know what?

I'd go to Ohio for that. Yeah. We could, we could, we could go take over my old house. Just take it over. Shut up and go back inside the house. What are you doing on our lawn? I said shut up. The eclipse is coming into you here.

Oh, in that case. The police show up and we're just like, we're from the internet you can't do anything they're like uh sorry ma'am they're not from the internet they're recording a video we can't do anything legally they're allowed to be here can't do anything as long as they're just on the sidewalk it's just uh what are you gonna do all right well let's go to the weather desk how's that weather weather today let me tell you about the weather. All right.

We kind of did already. Well, that's true. It kind of did. It was just a lot of clouds. You know what the thing is, right? I'm going to use this to talk about the eclipse more. Everybody's like, don't stare at the eclipse. You're going to go blind, right?

I want to meet someone that went blind from staring at the eclipse. You don't go blind. What happens is that you get like spots in your eyes and the spots like never go away if you stare too long i want to meet someone that has spots in their eyes that never go away no you don't that probably can barely see stuff exactly i want to know i want to know what their life is like after that probably crappy why would you want to ask them so tell me about your life and now you can't see it's not like they went blind from like some like weird science accident experiment where like they had

acid splash it was everywhere they just stared at the eclipse and they're like oh shit speaking of staring at the eclipse did you see all the photos of trump staring at the eclipse because that was literally they're like don't stare and the only thing he does is stare. I was like, that man don't follow rules at all, ever. Ever. That's a truther. He heard it was like fake news and just looked up at it. It's so funny. The image is hilarious.

He's like, I'll see about that. Thank you very much. He's like, what? What? All right. Sure. Maybe he's got spots now. I don't know.

Oh, my God. And then we can ask him about it. Yeah. And that's the weather. All right. And sports. Sports. It's getting exciting out there because football's back.

NFL preseason started. We're already halfway through the preseason now. Pretty great stuff. We got the Packers are looking good. Let's see who else is looking good. The Jets look awful. Buffalo looks terrible. That's not good.

Let's see what else looks good. All these other teams are garbage. So here's a fun fact. Buffalo traded their best wide receiver, who's generally injury prone, to the Los Angeles Rams for pretty much just some other guy who's usually injury prone. And then they traded one of their other guys for a wide receiver that's supposed to be better.

Or no, he's like slightly worse, but whatever. And then he got injured. And now the injured guy they traded to LA is fine. So Buffalo's just it's a cursed organization they will have a team this year they will probably have a team this year possibly they probably will be bad still

it usually just ends up boiling down to like New England Green Bay Seattle probably like Oakland and the Steelers that's about it. Go Steelers. And that's sports.

Speaking of football, Crandor, it is time to talk about DraftKings. Fantasy football time is here. Get ready, everyone. You can make some money. It's true. You can make some money. So what happens is you pretty much just every week, you pick players you want.

You can pick any of the players and be like, you know what? I think this guy's going to do well this week. And then you pick them and then bam, if he does well this week, it's like, boom, you win money. He's got to pick a lot of players. And if you're good at it, bam, you win money. It's easy. There are tons of ways to play.

There's like normal fantasy football rules. There is like special version rules or you can pick players specifically. Oh, there's tons of ways that you can win on DraftKings. Yeah, I'm a huge fancy football person, not a furson. You're a furson? Maybe I am, I don't know. I always knew you were a sloth.

Yeah. Well, I do a lot of fancy football because I'm a giant sports nerd on top of just being a normal nerd. So, I love DraftKings. So, if you want to check out DraftKings, you can go use promo code COX, C-O-X. You can choose between public contests, huge cash prizes, private contests. You compete against your friends.

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What? Yeah, a billion. Then you can be like that Snapchat guy. Or every guy, every guy on the Internet who, when there's a big fight, is like, if everyone falls and retweets, I'll give you each $1,000. I got to do it. But you can actually be that guy and not fake like those guys yeah so just go to draft kings and use promo code cox cox and you can win a billion dollars and have a big get together with the snapchat guy and mark zuckerberg and you know all of them elon musk you getting that hyper tube and you go off to the

next game yeah sounds great sounds great so eligibility restrictions apply guys don't be a little kid doing this don't do that yeah we don't want to get in trouble just tell your parents if you're not old enough and then let them play see draft kings.com for details and let's get back to the show let's get to this story so okay nick nick sent us an article right but he didn't send the full article. He just sent a photo of the headline and the summary. All right. Police in Austintown, Ohio found a 22-year-old man on the floor surrounded by a plethora of Doritos, Petrus Farm Goldfish, and Chips Ahoy cookies.

So in my mind, when I first read that, I was like, oh, well is this is clearly some guy laying on the ground and you know how in Suicide Squad when the Joker has all the knives and the guns like laid around him in a pattern that's what I was imagining until I read the headline which was Ohio man who called police said he was too high found in pile of Doritos laughter

laughter laughter laughter laughter I like how he has a good sense to know guys I'm too high right now I need help he was so high he laid out Doritos and goldfish

and chips on cookies and just laid down on them hold on I gotta look this up what's it and chips on cookies and just laid down in them. Hold on. I gotta look this up. What's the title? Ohio man who called police said he was too high

found a pile of Doritos. Ohio man made a strange not so wise call to police to tell them he was too high. Police arrived at 5.20 p.m they found him on the floor in fetal position surrounded by a plethora of doritos pepperidge farm goldfish and chips ahoy cookies the man knows what's up apparently he gave the officer the keys to his car where he had smoked the pot cop recovered a pipe a pipe, rolling papers, roaches, and a glass jar of marijuana.

According to the police report, charges are pending. And that's his story. I don't know why he should be charged. He called them asking for help. Yeah. You don't help him by putting him in jail. You help that man by getting him some Funyuns. Yeah.

Clearly he didn't plan that out. Doritos, Petrich Farman, Chips Ahoy, that's fine. But Funyuns and White Castle would have helped that man If the police were really Doing their job, they would have brought that man A White Castle case I bet after They did that, they stole some of those Doritos

And Chips Ahoy I bet they took the pot too Well they definitely took that I mean obviously yeah and then you know classic classic classic classic pot smoking police oh my god so this is this is the story i found okay i'm this. Now, was this sent to us or is this someone sent to us? Okay. This was sent to us by you know, somebody, whoever

sent me this, you'll know. Yeah, you'll know. It's in my Twitter, but I gotta go back and find it. I don't got time. Florida woman drunkenly bites man's fishing line, swims away with lure. What? Yeah.

Wait, what? A Florida fisherman got quite the catch Tuesday, but it happened to be an intoxicated 20-year-old woman. What? Wait, what? Yeah. Let me show you a picture as well. That'll help.

I don't know that it will. No. All right. It kind of of helps she just looks sad though she looks like she's mad she bit the lure the fishermen told deputies that alexandria turner 22 appeared to be intoxicated when she swam up to his fishing line and cursed at him the 22 year old woman then allegedly bit the fishing line and swam away. When Turner was asked to come to the pier office, she reportedly became belligerent and refused to walk inside. Turner then started upsetting the sense of public norm at the pier when police tried to take her into protective custody.

Turner refused to let deputies handcuff her and screamed, I'm effing naked several times. She was later arrested for disorderly intoxication and resisting arrest without violence. I have so many questions. Alright. Where is this place that he was fishing? So is it a

swimming area? Is it a place to swim and fish? I don't I'm not sure. And why would you fish in the same place people are swimming either this guy was in a terrible fishing place or she jumped into like a place where people fish and why why'd she do that why'd she then see the guy get a fight with the guy what was the fight about then why was her response to bite the lure and then. Like, she bit a fishing line. Why? Why?

Yeah, I don't know. And the rest of it makes sense. The whole, like, don't touch me, I'm naked, that kind of, like, that makes sense, because if you're already crazy enough to do the other stuff, you're definitely crazy enough to do that, but this is why reporting is going down the tubes. No one is getting to the bottom of this

story why is she doing all this stuff yeah well someone said turner who was wearing a bikini became belligerent and screamed i'm effing naked so she was wearing a bikini uh maybe to her that's nakedness yeah she smelled don't define what naked is to people. She smelled of alcohol? No shit she smelled of alcohol. Here's the thing. A lot of people smell of alcohol and they're drinking, but they don't bite a fishing line. That's why there's something that was going on between them.

Were they like exes? Were they in a relationship? What if she knew he loved to fish? Yeah. And he is about to catch a big fish and she's just like, not today. And has bit it. No fish. What if she knew he loved to fish? Yeah. And he is about to catch a big fish. And she's just like, not today. And has bit it. No fish. What if she was being coy? What if it was a little flirty business?

What if she's a coy fish? What if she was like, are you going to catch me? And then she bit it. And then the guy was like, what? You never know. What if he was being a flirt? And he was like, I'm trying to catch fish, not a bra. And then she got mad, right?

There's got to be a story here that we don't know what if that's what they're into yeah maybe they're into fish play yeah fish play is hot don't knock until you try it yeah oh here's the pier all right i just found a thing of the pier all right okay we're getting to the bottom of this so the pier so it's straight up a pier it's like the venice it's like the venice boardwalk pier yeah this isn't for people i wouldn't want to go swimming there yeah that's like i would not even want to be on that pier yeah i have the issue i have is the photo you're taking or the photo that you have literally features a disembodied human being oh yeah it does and then a man with that man has his feet why are his feet over what i think this is uh from google google maps or some

shit so like just got a really bad image capture of the pier oh god i was gonna say like his feet his feet are like half a foot away from him yeah and there's a disembodied shadow of like a person pointing at another person this is some this is some horror film stuff right here this is what you see on one of those videos that kills you seven days later yeah speaking of which uh-huh i feel like ghost shows have fallen off ghost shows have because everyone realizes that they're garbage and full of shit ghost shows are stupid because like they're not real it's like guys overreacting to camera edits yeah bro did you see that oh my god and then like nothing happens and then it's like after the commercial break we'll see if they saw it there was nothing he's like oh i felt it and they're like but uh look at right there you see that particle like the dust and they're like yeah the ghost like that is a apparition it's known as

a death sprite in the industry and you're just like what no no yeah they just they make up their own science things too there's like so dumb the electric mag the electric magnetic fields are the things that the ghosts feed off of and that's why when it's a high reading the ghosts appear it's like um okay we're gonna use this monitor and it's literally like this thing that goes and then every once i'll be like apple they're just like oh the ghost wants an apple like what samantha just someone does someone know anyone named samantha and then they find something to fit it yeah like well in 1972 there was a girl named samantha who stayed here do you think the ghost

is related to her it's like no question this is the worst no doubt yeah pineapple pineapple i'd still go ghost hunting i want to go ghost hunting so badly because only for the goofs I know I know that if I took Davis ghost hunting he would lose his mind he would Davis definitely would I want to film all of it I want to film a ghost

hunt and I want it to be like I want all the tropes I want to we need the scared guy we need the guy who's like fight me ghost you're a real ghost. You'll come out. You'll fight me right now. And then you got to have the guy who's like, oh man,

I don't even know, man. And then you have to have the guy who's like the tech guy. Yeah. Like the science tech guy is really just like, all right, set everything up. I think I know what's going on here.

My PK meter is off the chart. This isn't, this is, I haven't seen this. I've the chart this isn't this is i haven't seen this i've never seen this before this is this is unbelievable i don't even know what's happening right now but it is awesome you can have the i advise not trying to fight a ghost oh i'm gonna fight that ghost i don't know man you better not fight that ghost man don't fight that ghost man because that goes when you think about it powerful everyone like reality television all the things You better not fight that ghost, man. Don't fight that ghost, man. Because that ghost, that's powerful.

When you think about it, everyone, like reality television, all the things, they all use the same tropes. They just fit it into different formats. Like if you watch any of those shows, like the Gold Rush on History Channel or like the Discovery Channel, like all those shows, they just use the same thing. Every single episode, they go in a bar and a woman starts rubbing on them and they're like i'm sorry i'm hunting for bigfoot or i'm sorry i'm hunting for the lost island treasure all right every single one oh absolutely every episode yeah it's all the time and it's they just do the same format and it's like they go out and do it something dramatic happens like the gear broke how are we gonna fix this gear commercial yeah cut to commercially come back and it's like we fixed the gear it's like oh okay i thought it was gonna be bad but it turns out it wasn't

that's because nothing those are shows about nothing and nothing you have to make nothing exciting which i think is freaking hilarious oh my god if you search tim and eric reality show it's probably one of my favorite things because they do that and they're just like everyone's been wondering what's it like being tim and eric and with our new gopro show we're gonna show you what it's like and they just parodied it and he's like i really need to eat chinese food three times a week and he's like well i don't want chinese food and it's like and he's like this is just a catastrophe and it's like little five minute clips and the next episode starts and he's like so we just decided i'm not gonna get chinese food and then he'll just get

chinese food he's like yeah i cleared everything up and they just do like they make it they just parody all the things and it's that's like that's like when i watched back-to-back episodes of uh hell's kitchen and straight up the things they say are going to happen in the next episode do not happen. Go do that. Go watch it on like Netflix or something. They straight up. I'll never forget. There was one episode.

They're like next time on Hell's Kitchen and a guy. It looks like he's going to fight another guy. Then it cuts to this woman like cussing out another woman. Then it cuts to a guy who's like, and then I'll finish them all off. And he has like a knife in his hand. You're like my god the makeover's gonna be great none of that happens in the next episode none of it none of that happens you're like wait what they don't even use the scenes it's not even like the scenes were there and they just like re-edit it they're just not present it's like they're talking about another show, and you're like, wait, what?

I don't. And I guess because you forget week to week, and that's just sort of like a thing to get you to come back, but if you watch it back to back, you realize it's all lies. Either they don't know what the next episode's gonna be like, or they're just blatantly lying to you to get you to come back and watch because it's not nearly as interesting as they make it out to be.

It's they've just formatted it to like a T now. They know what to do. They know how to create drama out of nothing. And then they just do that over and over. Now people are just getting tired of it. Not me. I'm not tired of it. That's because I don't watch it enough to begin with.

Yeah. I'm not tired of it. Not me. I'm not tired of it. That's because I don't watch it enough to begin with. Yeah. But what I want, I want a show that's like naked and afraid meets house hunters meets storage wars meets diners, drive-ins and dives. So it's a naked couple who has to bid on a storage unit to live in for a week to make a restaurant

that will be reviewed by Guy Fieri. That's what I want. Now that is a show. There's a lot of drama there. That is a lot of drama. I love that. Right? Because you take their clothes, you give them enough money,

you say, here's how much money you have. Buy a storage unit, and then you have a week to buy all the stuff you need in order to run a restaurant out of the storage unit to impress Guy Fieri. And here's the crazy thing. They have to use the same money for both. So they can't overspend on the storage unit. Plus, they then have to go out and buy all the equipment to put in the storage unit. So maybe they try to find a storage unit with the stuff that can help them make food. There's so many levels to this. Now you're onto something.

And then they have to go grocery shopping naked or scrounge for food naked. Think about it. What if they spend all their money on the storage unit, then they have to go dumpster diving for the rest of the food? There's so many levels here. That's brilliant. And then Guy Fieri at the end is like, that's a manhole cover and flavor towel. Oh my

God, did you know? So we've been looking at TLC. TLC has the best programs. I disagree. They're crazy. Alright. Here's some of them all right they got the my strange addictions they got the 600 pound life they got they got a 90 day fiance i don't understand that show what i've seen that advertised and i still don't understand what it is you you have to find a fiance in 90 days is that the premise let me read you the thing okay long

distance relationships have challenges that are sometimes difficult to overcome but consider if the distance traveled was halfway around the world and a couple had just 90 days to decide whether the courtship should conclude with marriage that's the situation facing the men and women profiled in this series which shares the complexities of international romances using a visa that allows a foreign fiancés of American citizens to travel to the U.S., the men and women experience life in the States with their prospective

mates for the first time. Culture and language barriers must be overcome, not to mention the stigma of being thought of as mail-order spouses. But there's an elephant in the room. The couples must marry before the visa expires in 90 days or else the visitors have to immediately return to their countries i mean all they did was take a

normal 90-day visa which exists yeah and then make a show about it like this happens all the time there's nothing dramatic about that they just took something that happens and like spun it like oh it's gonna be crazy better watch out like that is i can think of many people that that's happened to one of my good friends did that yeah but is it gonna work for mark and nicky mark 58 from baltimore and nicky 19 from cebu philippines whoa never mind what yeah i'm gonna say no that's not gonna work i'm gonna say probably not yeah well you know what about uh so many there's alexi 27 from israel lauren 27 new york well that's cute that could work there's a let's see fernando 39 miami carolina 22 columbia

you know what i hope it works out for him why is there's no like alexandra 21 russia josh 22 ohio yeah like those i more i want to see the ones that are like Jonathan, 64, Katarina, 19. Yeah, the Mark and Nikki. Those are the ones with drama. Those are the ones that you're like, oh, this is going to be a mess. I can't wait to see what happens here. Yeah. Let's see.

Mark and Nikki. I just want to see. I wonder if they already did. Mark and Nikki. 90 Day. Beyonce Update. Where are they now? Yes. Mark and Nikki. 90 Day Fiance update. Where are they now? Yes. Mark and Nikki.

When 19-year-old Nikki left the Philippines to be a 58-year-old Mark, the relationship was met with lots of backlash. So much that Mark is now suing TLC for misrepresenting his image. Whoa! But did they get married? Although the couple is keeping their relationship under wraps, fellow 90 Day Fiance star Jason

says Mark and Nikki are still together. Yo. Shit, dude. Also, neither of them look the age they're supposed to be. That's true. Neither of them look like the age they're supposed to be, but that's fine, I guess. Aw, 90 Day Fiance season three.

A couple who met in Thailand. Noon and Kylie. Are they still married? Good on them. Yeah. But they both look to be the exact same age. Yeah. Alright. I want to watch this show now. Aww. And then Melanie and Devar met in Jamaica

and they're still together. See? It can happen. It can happen. Yeah. Kirliam and alan met in brazil they're still together see shit dude love can blossom overseas that's because most of these people are like relatively normal they just found love overseas i'm trying to find the ones that are like next level crazy my name is billy joe and i just found my bride in the arctic peninsula paula and russ paula came all the way from columbia to marry russ although being stuck in oklahoma wasn't easy for her the couple prevailed and got married even though the couple

are living in different cities at the moment what what they're still together and shared an adorable picture on Valentine's Day. All right, I guess. Lauren and Alexi, a lot of family drama, and a bachelorette party almost made Alexi call off the engagement. The couple tied the knot on the spinoff show Happily Ever After. They're still together. Oh, my God. So I was looking through the other shows. There actually is a Naked House Hunters.

That's what I want. It's called buying naked. It lasted one season. Buying naked. What I want is ridiculousness. I want TV shows to be silly. Like I want the shows where it's like a couple that is completely not right for each other are forced to be together. Yeah.

Right. I want a show where a bunch of dudes are like, bro, that $1,000. If you will get nude, it's called buying nakedness. And it's like guys, but I guess that's bang bus,

isn't it? Well, the couple doesn't get, well, that's like wife swap. Wife swap was a terrible show. Yeah, but that's what they did. I guess you're right.

I guess what? I guess the lesson here is that most of these shows are garbage and I shouldn't wish for better. I shouldn't wish for more. Most of them are crap. They've tried. They're trying everything at this point. Yeah.

The Wife Swap is kind of like they all learn a lesson at the end, but the lesson was just like, I don't want to live with these people. Yeah. The wife swap is kind of like they all learn a lesson at the end. But the lesson was just like, I don't want to live with these people. Yeah. The lesson was always, I like my family better, which is stupid because there's got to be at least one time the person was like, what if I just stay here? And the guy was like, okay, I'm fine with that. Yeah. There's got to be one of those. I guarantee it.

Just, you know know just watch youtube instead all right well that's it for us thank you so much for listening uh drop us some notes and ratings on itunes thank you so much for listening and we will see you next time. To be continued.