Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 145 - "The One" that got away

Episode Date: December 6, 2017

The boys are back and this time they've got a lot of updates! While Crendor obsesses over Cheaters, Jesse has been watching his own trashy show on MTV. Divergent is brought up again for some ungodly reason, and we learn about Bigfoot and the mystery of Jesus's butt. All this and more on this exciting episode of Cox n' Crendor! This episode is brought to you by MeUndies! Get your first pair 20% off with the code CRENDOR or go to meundies.com/Crendor

The following episode is brought to you by MeUndies. MeUndies! They're undies I have on me right now. I'm wearing them. That's pretty good. That's why they call them MeUndies. I don't know. I guess they're supposed to be like, for you, but for me. I think they're for me, because personally, I wear them. Right now on, I have a pair that is pink with little tiny uh penguins on them minor gray well that's because you're boring it's not wrong well i say go out and buy some and as yourself decide what you want to be boring or awesome and uh let's get into this show Hello everybody, welcome to Cox and Crandor in the morning! Coo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo!

Crandor in the morning! Hello everybody, welcome to Cox and Crandor in the morning! Hey, Junior. Yeah, Gramps? What do you got going on, buddy? Back in my day, we used to listen to Mac. Hold more. What was that, Grandpa? Back in my day, we used to listen to Macklemore. What was that, Grandpa?

2016? 12. 2012? When was Macklemore popular? 2012. He was still doing stuff last year, though, right? Yeah, but he wasn't as popular. I don't know. Maybe 2015 is when he did the big Grammys

thing, right? 2012 is when he did his thrift shop. Yeah, but when he did the big Grammys thing, right? 2012 is when he did his thrift shop. Yeah, but then he did like, whatever that song was, where he carried the flag, and the one guy got a haircut in a split second. And then he did the one song that was like, love whoever you want to love.

And that was over the course of many years. Yeah, that's true. And then he did the one song that was like, downtown! Which was incredible. what an incredible video and that was another song that came out later wait i'm not even like a big macklemore fan i know that stuff is it bad the only thing i think of for macklemore is like thrift shop and then the the movies where the guy looks like macklemore evil macklemore yes obviously evil mackle Evil Macklemore is who I was referring to. Evil Macklemore's number one song.

Down, down. It's amazing. It's amazing. He goes downtown and he tries to hunt down, I was about to say Katniss, but the one who isn't Katniss, but is Katniss. The one like Katniss, yeah. Yeah, the one who's very similar to Katniss, but not Katniss. That one.

The one that is the one, but there are many the ones, but she's the one, the one. Right, right,iss, yeah. Yeah, the one who's very similar to Katniss, but not Katniss. That one. The one that is the one, but there are many the ones, but she's the one the one. Right, right, right, right. And that movie franchise that they aren't finishing. You know that one. The one that we no longer have to care about. Wait, I thought they were finishing it. No.

They were going to do direct-to-DVD movie, but then none of the cast wanted to be a part of it. They were all like, we're going to pass. So it's done. They're just not doing it anymore. That's Divergent, right? Yeah, that's Divergent and I don't know what the hell they were called. Insurgent, Divergent, Regurgent, Avergent.

Keep it up. Detergent. Detergent. They cleaned it up at the endgent. Detergent. Yep, that's it. They cleaned it up at the end. And detergent. Cleaned it up. I'm fine with that.

I'm fine with detergent. That was the best one. Yeah. That was the Maze Runner. Maze Runner. Again. Maze Runner's coming out soon. It's coming out in like a month and a half.

In January, that's where the best movies come out. Everyone knows. I'm so pumped. I'm ready. So am I. I'm very pumped. This is like the one that I actually care about. Me too, because it's the newest one.

Yeah. Well, and I don't hate the characters in it. I do. Boy, do I find all of them unlikable. I don't hate them as much as the other movie characters. I still love it. I like it because every movie starts out the same way. Something crazy just happened.

Everyone tries to figure out what crazy thing just happened, followed by them thinking they figured it out, and then total twist. Every time. The last two movies have been that. Like, I don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happening either. I think I know what's happening.

None of us know what's happening. That's the movie. I hope it continues that theme. I hope the end of the movie and the end of the series is also, none of it was real. Like, a crazy twist. Oh, my God. That'd be amazing.

It was just some dude, like, eating breakfast, thinking it all up in his head. Yeah. It was the guy from, it was the main character. And he was just eating breakfast. Yeah. And that was it. I would love that. And he was, the reason why I thought of Maze Runners, because he was doing the maze in

the back of like the cereal box. And then the cereal was very dry. So he thought of the one where they were in the desert. And then it was winter And outside that's why they have the other one The death cure or whatever it's called Done we figured it out Shit dude I can't wait to see this all unfold

Have you proven right Yeah you're right How are you doing Man I'm doing so good I am so Worn out This entire month has been going. This year flew by. Things just went like.

So now I'm literally dragging myself to make it to Star Wars and then to the new year. And then that's it. Then 2018 starts and I can be like, fresh start, baby. This will be cool. Nope. I'm still going to be a mess. I'm still going to be like, I'm so behind on work. I have so much to do.

Yeah. Oh, I'm going to be a mess. I know what's going to happen. I know I'm going to be like, new year, new Jesse. This is my time. I'm going to do it. And I'm just going to be a wreck. I'm very aware.

It's the classic like New Year's resolution. Like these are all the things I can do. And then it just. I don't want to. I don't want all the things. I just want to not wake up every day and be like, oh my God, I have so much to do. You know what? Someone just... You know there's a rich Saudi prince out there.

Someone just give us money so we can stop. Yeah. Someone give me millions of dollars so I can just stop working and not produce you content. I feel like that's a good trade. You give me money. I stop caring. you become a monkey it just dances like one of those clapping monkeys like yeah yeah i like how we both have our own monkey song yeah yours is like... Yeah, mine's like... Yours is more like modern upbeat. Mine's like 1600s like Geppetto. Well, yours has a crank.

Yeah. Yeah, you can hear the crank in the background. And mine's just some guy bought a boombox for like $1.50 at a thrift shop By the way speaking of thrift shop They have signs in there now that say like I wear your grandpa's clothes What? It's true I saw one the other day I was dropping clothes off at Goodwill

Was it Goodwill or Salvation Army? One of the two It was very funny Isn't there like a difference between the two? There is but It's both like, you know, whatever's in your area. I don't know that I care which goes to which. I'm sure someone will be

like, well, you know goodwill gives all their clothes to crazy people. And then someone will be like, well, I heard Salvation Army is in league with the devil. You know. I don't know that. I don't know that either of those is true. Satan uses Salvation Army to fund his anti-Satan campaign Satan has an anti-Satan campaign that's how he gets you he is so woke I'm against myself man dude he's against himself. How can you go against him? Yeah. Shit. Shit.

Whoa. You know what? I side with Satan against Satan. I mean, you got it at this point. He's got some pretty good ideas. What have I been doing? Yeah, what have you done? What have you done?

Yeah, what have I done? Let's see. I was going to go to Ikea because they got the new stuffed animals that kids have drawn. Oh, my God. Are those online? I think they are online. If you go to Ikea.com. Stuffed.

Oh, my God. Ikea stuffed animals. There they are. The toy sales. All the toy sales go to charity. And every year they do it where the kids draw the toys and then they just make them come to life. All right. I want you to. I want you to. Jesus. year they do it where the kids draw the toys and then they just make them come to life all right i want you to i want you to jesus look at this toy this is called a lot joe glove puppet eagle tell

me this is for when people look this up tell me this doesn't look like the eagle that realized you have your hand up its butt. Look at his eyes. He's like, I feel violated. Why would they make a puppet look like that? Actually, I think that eagle may have been in last year's batch. Hold on. This is the... I am straight up. I'm saving this photo and using it as a thumbnail. Oh, my God.

It literally is a boy's hand up this eagle's butt, and he's like, it's a living. Don't judge Troy. Whoa, look at these! Yeah, look at that. I like that, um, what the hell is that? I like how the spider just looks like the bad guy from Fern Gully. I really like It looks like the bad guy from Ferngully

Or the bad guy from What's the movie with It's inside the body What the hell is that thing called Inside the alien No the movie where it like takes place Inside Bill Murray's body Oh wait maybe not I think I'm thinking of John Malkovich

No movie I can't believe I'm thinking of John Malkovich. No. Movie I can't believe I'm looking this up. Movie inside Bill Murray. Oh! Osmosis Jones was the name of that movie. Osmosis Jones. Yeah. I can't believe I had to look up

movie that takes place inside Bill Murray. There you go. These are great. I like this one that kind of looks like it could be an octopus, but he only has two legs. Yeah. I like the fox in the far right. It's like a weird fox, but he's got his face on the side. I like the crocodile who's just like, I don't even know why I'm here.

I love it. And then there's like a rainbow cloud in the background with a smiley face. The rainbow cloud with a smiley face is my favorite. He looks just happy to be a part of this whole thing. It looks like something I would draw. He's like, I'm just happy to be here. Actually, these all look like something I would draw. Meanwhile, there's the vonglite, which is a dog in swim trunks.

So the alligator is called the sagoscat. No, they're all called Sago-scat. What's that mean? I don't know. Maybe that means toy. Sago-scat, soft toy, rainbow cloud. He has such a happy face. There you go. Wow, he's so big.

I'm just excited to be here. It's like a dinosaur. The toucan has like weird demon arms. It's like I dinosaur. The toucan has like weird demon arms. It's like, I will spread into you. And the, oh, what the shit? That rat. The rat is like a unicorn rat. It's got like a unicorn horn and like rainbow wings, but he's a rat. This lion kind of looks like a snake.

Had a lion head? Yeah, he does. I love these things. What is this supposed to be genius soft toy monster but like i don't know he kind of looks like an octopus i guess he has little arms yeah it's very confusing this is very ikea continues to amaze the kids gotta like have some sort of description about it well i feel like we need more than just a description we need like what were you thinking child yeah i think we could use just an in-depth analysis of their thought process oh my god i have a story have you ever seen the tv show cheaters man a long time ago when that show used to actually be on tv is

it still on it is still on tv saturday morning at 4 a.m. Of course it is. On VH1. Oh my God. And maybe some other channel. It's on VH1, though. It is so bad that it is just amazing. So, here's an episode with somebody named, like, Rochelle and somebody named T Smooth. T Smooth. You know what? Someone named T Smooth. T Smooth.

You know what? Someone named T Smooth I bet is probably a really good romantic. T Smooth. Even better. Even better choices were made. S-M-O-O-V. Smooth. All right.

Continue. I'm going to look up what the definition of smooth is. So T Smooth is cheating on their spouse. Of course. The person's like, me and T Smooth, we've just been together for so long. And they're like a lesbian couple. It's a woman. And she's cheating on her with another woman.

And so they capture this footage of T Smooth giving this other woman a back massage and a back rub. And she's like, oh, T-Smooth. Here's the thing. Smooth, in case people were wondering, means cool, slick, without stress, with a whole lot of game, organized to the point of envy. Nice, like Lincoln's Ride. I don't know what that means. What does Lincoln's Ride mean? I got to Google Lincoln's Ride.

Lincoln's Ride. Lincoln's Ride is a whistle-stop train in Washington? Yep. It's as smooth as Lincoln's Ride. Toot, toot. Hell yeah. Okay. Please continue.

So T Smooth is just, you know, doing her thing oh my god i found it so oh my god i found him on twitter this is the quote for the episode coming up this weekend bobby quote nymfo n-y-m-f-o discovers her girlfriend has another private dancer hashtag cheaters and then t smooth t underscore smuv tweets tune in to the cheaters episode i will be on tonight i got these rooms like everyone everyone i'm on cheaters go which already shows you like this is the extremely fake so t smooth is like massaging this woman and like they're going out on dates and stuff and then bobby catches her and so the cheaters crew is like come on we gotta go and confront t smooth about this and then they're in the car and it's like we got some more stuff to show you and they're like after the this guy narrating it is like one of the weirdest creepiest narrators

he's like after t smooth does his after does her move he feeds her a cookie and then he smooth is like feeding this other girl a cookie and the way time out time out time out right he can do that again what was the voice that's the thing it's the way he said it it was the weirdest and creepy he's like feet he's like this person feeds tea smooth a cookie and i laughed so loud when i heard him say that it's like the way you said it was like after he makes this move that's what it was like. It's the weirdest, weirdest thing. And then after all this happens, they like confront each other. And she's like, get out of here.

And they like fight. And she's like, I don't need you, bitch. And then they go do their thing. So that happened. That was one episode. Another episode saw it this weekend. This is what I watch like every weekend at 4 a.m. now. This new one was this guy and his wife. What are you doing up at 4 a.m. now. This new one was this guy and his wife.

What are you doing up at 4 a.m. watching this? There's a whole series of questions here. What do I mean? This is stupid. Why would you stay up to watch this? You gotta watch. So, this woman. You don't have to do this.

This woman has cancer. And her husband has been like helping her out, but now he's gone distant. And then she's like i don't know what he's doing he's supposed to like be at the vitamin store buying me echinacea and then they show him at the vitamin store and she calls in she's like patrick you buying the echinacea and he's like i don't know and she's like patrick you're supposed to be doing this patrick like nobody says someone's name that many times which already shows like how fake it is uh she's like patrick i just don't believe this Patrick. Patrick, I don't know why you're not buying my echinacea, Patrick.

And then, Patrick, he goes out, and they're following him. They're like, Patrick moves to see his hottie. And then he meets up with this woman, and he's going on dates with this woman. And he takes her to the movies, and they get ice cream. And they're just following him around. And then they're like, look at this. He's with another woman. And she's like, oh, no. and then they go confront him at the pharmacy and i was like who would take their date to the pharmacy and so they he's like i gotta go pick up my wife's a ganesha

so they go to the pharmacy and then they just start yelling she's like you've been seeing another woman blah blah and that's not even the that's not even the crazy part the crazy part is the woman is like whatever i just need a ride home and she's like you're not getting a ride home with my husband and she's like yeah i am he's gonna take me home and he's like let me just take her home and then we can talk and she's like no you're not taking her home they spend three minutes talking about who's gonna drive her home and i was like what like they're not even arguing about cheating. They're just like, I ain't taking her home. There was an episode, I remember years ago, and I don't remember.

It has to be on a best of clip show or something. Years ago, when I used to teach, I watched this show. And there was one episode where a couple confronted, well, the woman confronted the man when he was on a boat they like pulled up on another boat next to this boat this guy was on and they were like we caught you cheating red handed and he's like what are you doing we're in the ocean

they're like you can't get away and the guy like throws an oxygen tank at them, it was so funny, it was incredible they're like what are you doing? She's like, you can't get away from me. He's like, we're in the ocean. It was amazing.

Speaking of which, speaking of terrible TV, those who listened a few episodes ago, whenever this was, after you had come to visit and we watched that terrible Are You The One show. Yeah. This past week, I watched every single episode except the last one which hasn't aired yet. Oh my god. You're doing god's work. I can't even tell you how much I love this show. It is fascinating.

So the whole premise that we were talking about before where it's literally 22 people they have to find their perfect match. One of the people in there is their perfect match according to whatever scientific mumbo jumbo they've come up with. And if they all find their perfect match, they win a million dollars.

But if they don't, they get nothing. And so, what happens is, because it is 22 very attractive but very stupid people, they all fall in love with each other, then fall out of love, then hate each other, and crazy stuff's happening in this house over the course of these episodes.

But the whole point is like there's usually two or three people who are just like we're trying to win the money. What are you doing? It doesn't matter if you like that person. You're not a match. The damn machine said you weren't a match.

Why are you still boning down with that person? And they're like I love them and it's like that doesn't matter. We're here to win a million. It's incredible. So these are some notes I wrote down over the course of watching this. One of the dudes, you probably remember him. So there was one couple.

By the way, spoilers for anyone who has never seen this show. I'm about to spoil. Apparently this is season six. Apparently this is season six. I had no clue. I guess season five, they all failed. And so they were hoping season six would be the one To get it done Right

So you remember that like Super buff black dude With like the long hair Who was like a model The one girl he meets In the first episode And they fall in love Literally just like

Through the whole course Of the show They are Every scene they film together Is just like them in love They They're gonna He's asking her to like

Move in with her When they get back And he can't do he loves her so much When they finally after six episodes Get them in the booth The machine's like you are not compatible And everyone in the house is like Ah no we don't know what to believe

And the woman is like I think we need to find out who our match is And then when this is done Then you and I can get together if that's what you really want He's like baby you know that's what I want She gets in the house Ref refuses to talk to any guys. He gets in the house and is flirting with every woman there. And so, of course, she gets furious and all hell breaks loose.

And it's amazing. The one dude who was like the one every everyone friend zoned, I consider him the most attractive guy. He was great. He was super nice, super fun. Everyone friends on this guy eventually he starts talking to this girl and it turns out that he and this girl are the very first people that are compatible and it took her until the second to last episode to finally give in and go on a date with him and they were like you're compatible and they're like awesome we finally got one group

compatible second to last episode they finally got one group out of 22 people. Wait, is that the rap guy? No, no, no, no. Not the weird rap guy. He was the really tall black dude with the poofy hair. Oh, yeah, I remember. He looked, I'm trying to think, like a pompadour kind of hair. Yeah, I remember.

Yeah, yeah. And then he got with this one, it was literally the sweetest couple. This one very sweet, shorter, yeah. And then he got with, like, this one, like, it was literally, like, the sweetest couple. This one very sweet, like, shorter white girl. And the two of them were just, like, incredibly cute together. But it took them almost the entire season to finally get together, which is insane. So meanwhile, this is what's incredible. Remember the player dude who's like, I'm not a player, I'm not a player. He has three girls fighting over him over the course of this show.

And not until maybe three episodes from where I'm at now do they finally all realize he's playing all of them. Mm-hmm. So, meanwhile, these three women are trying to get with this one guy, which means they're not focused on any other guys because they're so obsessed with this one guy. It's literally like watching them throw away a million dollars. It's crazy. Then, there was these four guys, and they were all trying to strategize and play the game

and try to figure out what to do. But meanwhile, while they're doing that, they're not talking to any of the women, getting to know them, so they have no clue which women they're compatible to. It's crazy, because the guys are like, alright, here's our plan. And they're trying to do it, but they're not interacting with any of the women, trying to figure out what the women think. So then

there's this guy, Shad. Shad looks like a serial killer. Shad's the guy who every time he's on camera, he'd be like, I wrote down a quote. He was talking with a girl and he's like, I enjoy penetration. Like that kind of stuff. Crazy stuff.

But then, when they finally, and I feel like they manipulated the camera to make it look like he was crazy, because eventually one of the girls was like, Chad, I hate you. I think they might be compatible. Oh, man. I just You know the crazy girl, right? Yeah. The girl who was like

the cowgirl? I'm gonna make out with everybody. Yeah, that girl ends up with the guy who's like the southern boy, and the two of them continue to have sex repeatedly over and over and over again. She's the wild girl in the house, and what ends up happening is she kisses some

guy, so he's like, well, F it. I'm gonna go kiss the guy. She's like, F it. She goes out on a date with this one guy, knocks over a table, and makes out with him in this public place, and the two of them hate each other, and then immediately they're back together, and he's like, I can't help it. I like crazy.

Her maturity level is non-existent. It's insane to watch her. Basically, she says to the camera numerous times, I don't know how to express love, so what I do is I just sleep around to get people angry at me because that's how I know they care, like that kind of stuff, and you're like, holy shit. So watching them go back and forth, eventually they get in the booth, are not compatible. It's like, you're not compatible. And so this guy, he is a math, like a statistics major or something.

And so they put all their eggs in the basket of this guy has been paying attention the entire time. So he's going to figure out who is compatible with who based on previous ceremonies where they have all the lights and it determines who is compatible, right? Mm-hmm. They leave it to him. Meanwhile, he's unwilling to give up sleeping with this girl, so he won't try to be compatible with anybody else.

So he's literally determining how to win but failing at his own. It's incredible. You need to watch it. It is like watching the stupidest people I've ever seen in my life. It's the most entertaining show I've watched in years. I can't even describe to you. I watched maybe six episodes in a day. It was better than Punisher.

I watched Punisher. It took me like a week. This show I watched two days over the course of the weekend, watched every episode i was just like this is incredible i can't oh my god i can't even every single time everyone was sure like this is the one i i know it's the one i know it was like man you are not the one i was like oh and they would start crying and going crazy and then they would get to the camera they'd be like it's weird because I thought she was the one.

But it turned out she's the type I always go for. What I really needed was someone different. It's like, that's the whole point of the show. Oh, my God. And you're just like, of course you're going to fall for the same people over and over again. You're supposed to find the people you're not trying to, like, talk to people who you don't instantly want to have sex with. Maybe that's who they matched you with, you big dummies. Oh, it's so good.

There's one episode left for a million dollars. Only one couple has been matched up. Unless they figured it out in the hour of TV that I have not seen yet. I'm in for maybe my favorite season finale of any show ever. I just want to watch them crumble. They went from being so braggy like, we're gonna be the best season, to season six sucks.

And they hate each other, and none of them, oh, oh my god, there's this one girl who, alright, so you know oh god, you know the girl in the first episode where she was like the Asian girl who was very obsessed with that in the first episode where she was like the asian girl who was very obsessed with that one guy yeah and then he was like i don't think he sleeps with her once and is like i don't think we should hang out anymore and she's like but i love you but i want to right

yeah she is quiet and doesn't go out on dates with anybody until finally that guy like he leaves her for some other girl when the two of them finally get in the booth and they're rejected and not compatible she like appears out of nowhere and she's like i told you we were meant to be together Like, he leaves her for some other girl. When the two of them finally get in the booth and they're rejected and not compatible, she, like, appears out of nowhere and she's like, I told you we were meant to be together. What? And the guy's like, well, I mean, I guess. But, like, he doesn't want to be with her.

But because she just wants to, like, bang him all the time, he's like, yeah, okay, sure. And then he goes off and flirts with other girls and she's like, oh, he'll be mine. It's incredible. Then there's this one girl who, oh, God, she like got with this one guy. But the guy's like, I don't want to be with you because we need to find who our match is. And she's like, okay, fine. I'll find out who my match is. And she goes around and like tries to flaunt it in front of everybody.

And the guy's like, I don't know what she's trying to do. I'm not interested in her. And she's like, oh, I'll make him pay. Then, oh, my God, there's this guy, Kareem, who is a crazy person. Like, he starts dating this one girl in the house, and they're like, stop dating! We're trying to find our match! And

he tries to fight every guy who's like, please stop dating, we're trying to find our match. He's like, you're all losers! You're all losers! And he tries to fight everyone. Finally, this girl goes outside, because she's like, I don't want to be near you. And he's mad at her, so he goes and makes out with some other girl. She finds out and yells at him outside she's like i don't want to be near you and he's mad at her so he goes like makes out with some other girl she finds out and yells at him he's like don't disrespect me don't do any like he starts screaming at her and it looks like he's gonna punch her

everyone else like what the and she's like i don't know something about him he's just he cares a lot it's like oh my god if this was not a house you would be in the hospital right now if this was not being filmed this guy guy literally was about to punch you. It's crazy. I've never seen anything like this show. I've never seen anything like it. I gotta watch this show now. You really do. I gotta catch up so we can talk about the finale. Yeah, I'm

definitely gonna talk about it next week. You need to watch it this week. Alright, I'm gonna watch it. It's on MTV On Demand. It is insanity. I'm gonna watch it all. It is... Oh my God, you have no clue. There's so much that happens with so little talent. It is insanity. Watch it all. It is. Oh, my God. You have no clue. There's so much that happens with so little talent. It is. Then they bring back on their exes for one of the episodes so that people can learn about them. What?

And all of the exes are like either crazy people or people who are still in love with them. Oh. And none of them had like a good break. Oh, God. It is beautiful. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. I've never seen anything like it. See, this is why there's no more music at MTV because they switched over to excellent

television. Fine. Yeah, I just blew through that show, man. I was Snapchatting it. I was just like losing my mind watching it happen happen I had one more thing okay it's about cheaters okay going back sure when they start the show they have like a thing that pops up right where it's like this is filmed it's reality whatever and they always say these are actual real stories that's their that's their slogan like these are actual real stories and what i realized was that doesn't mean anything right

it means that it's a story yeah that they're acting out yeah somebody wrote that story and it's it could be a true story it could be actual story, but it's true based on what the person wrote. Are you saying the legend of T Smooth is fake? I'm not saying that. But I am very suspicious of the legend of T Smooth who's feeding their partner a cookie. Well, Crandor, you know T Smooth could have smoothed over that relationship by not giving such terrible gifts like underwear. Did you know every year millions of people receive the least liked gift of all time? Underwear.

We give it to our family. We give it to our loved ones. They don't want that. But you know what they do want? Something else to stick on their tush. I'm talking MeUndies, people. The only underwear that makes an amazing gift. I wear them.

Every day. Let me tell you about me undies. It's the only underwear that makes for an amazing gift. Yeah. It has a soft, flexible waistband. It's three times softer than cotton. Natural, sustainably sourced fiber.

It feels great on my tush. It feels great on my...ush. It feels great on my... Ush? Nope. No? I don't think that's what I was going for, but that's what rhymed, I guess. Yeah. It is.

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You can get boxers, boxer briefs, briefs. Me? I'm a boxer brief guy. I like boxers. As we discovered. Yeah, Crandor is boxers. Yeah. Maybe you're a brief person.

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You mean MeUndies.com slash Crandor? I believe it was MeUndies.com slash Crandor. That's what I meant. Yeah. Yeah. MeUndies.com slash Crandor. All right. Well, let's go to chapter seven of the Sky of the Crandor.

Crandor, how's that traffic out there? Oh, it looks like you almost forgot who I am, where I am, what I am, who I am. You know? You're like, let's go up to the, uh, and then you just blank. You just blanked out. You're getting old. You're getting senile. You're getting, you're getting crazy.

He's getting crazy. Speaking of which, how's the traffic? Oh, God, I don't know where I am. I'm not even over the traffic right now. I'm over the ocean. Where's the traffic? I don't see any traffic. I gotta turn this thing around.

Uh, all right. Go, go, go! Oh, wait, there's an island. It's pirates. Pirate island. I don't see any traffic. I gotta turn this thing around. All right. There's an island. It's pirates. Pirate island. Let's see. Pirate traffic down there. Looks like the ships are sailing pretty well. One of the pirates is actually yelling at another pirate along the ocean.

Oh, he stole my treasure. I think there's some sort of sold treasure down there. There could be a crazy battle about that later. That may slow down the pirate traffic. And there it goes. That is going to put an hour-long delay on that pirate travel. Back to you.

Thanks, Quindor. Now let's go over to Quindor at the weather desk. How's the weather? Weather, you ask? Well, why don't we kick up Woppy. Woppy. WopI activated. 9, 4, 5, 4, 8.

Nights in California. 49 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 47 degrees Fahrenheit. Low 37 degrees Fahrenheit tonight. 37 degrees Fahrenheit. Clear skies. Low 37 degrees. Winds north, northwest.

5 to 10 miles per hour. Tuesday, 62 degrees. Fahrenheit, high, 0% humidity. Thanks, Wap. Someone needs to make a song out of that called 37 Degrees. We need a remix of 37 Degrees, y'all. 37 Degrees. 37 Degrees. 37 Degrees, y'all. 37 Degrees. 37 Degrees.

37 Degrees. 37 Degrees. I'm not turning them back on. Oh, okay. And sports. Sports. Welcome to the sports desk. Here we go. Stephen Curry's on crutches after Monday's game. Uh-oh. X-rays on

Stephen Curry's right ankle came back negative. So that's good news. Negative, negative, negative. But Curry is not out of the woods yet. A lot of swelling. Warriors are calling it a sprain. Not good. He's the star of the team.

Maybe MVP of the league. Can't lose you, Stephon Curry, that easily. Also, Ryan Shazier of the Pittsburgh Steelers had a spinal contusion. Taken out with a back. Yeah, man. Aye, aye, aye. He got hit so hard by the Bungles. Here's the thing, though. Right.

The Steelers went to that locker room. They came back and they won it. So that's all you need to know. Damn. So they did. Yeah, they had pretty good. Le'Veon Bell at 182 yards and it's upped down. Antonio Brown, eight catches, 101 yards and it's upped down.

That's a spicy mamma mia. Yup. And, you know, the Bengals, they're the Bengals, but yards in a touchdown. That's a spicy mamma mia. Yup. And, you know, the Bengals, they're the Bengals, but it's a divisional game, so they still play hard. But you know what? That puts the week of football behind us. Packers won, which is great because now all they got to do is have one more week of no Aaron Rodgers against the Browns,

and then we beat them, and then Aaron Rodgers comes back, and he runs the table all the way to the Super Bowl, and the Packers win. That's what I hear. I hear that's what's going to happen. That's what's going to happen. He's going to play the Vikings. The Vikings were the team that injured him. He's going to throw the ball.

It's going to knock them all out with one throw. They're going to forfeit. He's going to throw one ball and knock the entire team out and the coaches? Yes. Oh, my God. It's a magic ball. It's going to be crazy. That's one for the highlight reel.

That's going to be one for the highlight reel. All of them are down. Oh, God. They have to forfeit the game. This is the first forfeit in Super Bowl history. An entire team knocked down minute one, quarter one. Technically, the Packers and the Vikings couldn't play the Super Bowl because they're both the NFC, let alone the NFC North.

It would have to be the playoff game. The NFC playoff championships. There we go. I don't know how this happened for the first year ever. They're in the Super Bowl together. Minute one, quarter one. It's insane. First one. Quarter one.

First yard. There's a script. First and ten. They literally just flipped the coin. I don't know how this happened. In hockey, man, Buffalo is still

somehow the worst team in the league. I don't know how Buffalo is still worse than like Florida. Buffalo, a team that pr team in the league. I don't know how Buffalo is still worse than Florida. Buffalo, a team that prides itself on hockey. Yeah, a team that prides itself on hockey. What else do you do in Buffalo?

Hockey and football, and both their teams are garbage. They're the worst team in hockey, and they've been the worst team. It's just so bad. Like, come on, Buffalo, just get it together. Come on, Buffalo. Over in basketball, the Bulls continue their tank. Go Bulls. Get that worst record.

Get a good draft pick. And in baseball, they're in the offseason as well, and they're just trying to sign people. Some high-ranked Japanese player is either going to go to the Giants or I think like the Mariners or the Rangers or something. He's like crazy because he can hit and pitch. He's like a two-way player. So people are pretty excited about that. He's a pitcher, but he can actually hit as well.

So you can like, you do everything. So that's gonna be interesting to see in baseball. And I think that's all the sports. Oh yeah, Olympics are coming up actually. What? The Winter Olympics. Not already. Yeah, yeah. Olympics are coming up, actually. What? The Winter Olympics. Not already. Yeah.

Winter Olympics 2018. It happens February 25th. It's two months away in South Korea. I was not prepared. I was in South Korea. Yeah. It's South Korea. Winter Olympics.

South Korea. Great. Now we just got to hope crazy rocket man doesn't do anything. This is going to end up great this is fine this is gonna be good it'll be great everything's fine positive attitude that's sports that's sports all right what is our big news story of the day all right so they got a couple of news stories here they're fantastic so the first one is bill's fan can't stop throwing dildos onto the field, apparently. I mean, it's probably the most entertaining thing there.

That's true. There's somebody that tweeted two alert things and said, in all caps, dildo on the field in Buffalo. Alert. And Tom Brady said, I thought it was funny the ref didn't want to pick it up he was kicking it nobody wanted to reach down it was very unusual that was the first only in buffalo that's a tom brady quote only in buffalo that's just you know that's how it's going in buffalo uh bill's also falling apart by the way they're just they're imploding and then here's one of my favorites bad news for bigfoot biologist

says yetis are really just bears i mean yeah i i need please continue i mean obviously there is no bigfoot so i'm waiting for actually hold. George! George, I had sex with a Bigfoot. I have Bigfoot children, George. Wow, that's crazy. You know what? Let me hear the story. Maybe I don't believe it. Maybe I know there's a Bigfoot.

By the way, with Coast to Coast AM, I've noticed they talk about two things constantly. One is, George has been saying this for like a year now. He's like, I don't know about this Korea. I feel something's going to happen at any moment. He's been saying this for like a year now he's like i don't know about this korea they're just something i feel something's gonna happen any moment he's been saying that for like a year and then he brings on one person who's like any day now world war three is gonna begin he brings on another guy he's like i mean they're just it's a lot of diplomacy nothing's gonna happen it's just you know it's just going on and it's like it's the two opposites he just has on. He's like, oh, no, we'll keep following this story.

And then there's another thing they keep bringing up, which is EMP attacks. And he's like, they're going to EMP attack us. The world won't have power. Everything is going to be destroyed. 10% of people will live and 90% will die. Whoa, shit. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't know how scientific that is, but maybe.

And then they always bring on some crazy person who's just like, George, I've discovered the cure for sickness, and it's through eating Brussels sprouts. But you have to prepare them with marijuana. And he's like oh and then they talk about bigfoot but it's news that may be hard to bear the abominable snowman made us be a big asian bear charlotte lindquist all right never mind i may not believe this now a biologist specializing in bears has analyzed dna specimens purportedly purportedly from yetis found in the Himalayan

mountains for a newspaper published in the British Science Journal. The nine samples came from so-called yeti bones fur and other animal material. Well, they all turned out to be bear parts except for one yeti tooth

that belonged to a dog. All the samples that were supposed to be yetis matched brown and black bears that are living in the region. They have the same DNA, George. They have the same...it's...it makes sense. After the study was released, British film company Icon Films approached Lindquist, who had previously worked with them on Animal Planet's special called Yeti or Not. Company asked if she wanted to access biological samples believed to have come from yetis.

She did it. They all came from bears. I am sure, though, that the legend and the myth will live on. You can never for sure prove that there is nothing out there. That's what she said. Yeah. No, that's exactly what I would expect. People just being like, no, you can't trust them because they're scientists.

It's like the rocket guy that tried to fly his rocket to the flat Earth. Yeah, our favorite guy. The other story I found, Jesus' statue's butt was hiding a 240-year-old secret message. Go on. A statue of Jesus on display at a cathedral in Spain has been hiding a secret message for hundreds of years in the most unlikely place. According to Science Alert, in the Royal, a member of the Holy Weak Brotherhood of Sotilo de la Rebre. According to Science Alert, a statue called Cristo del Meris

had been removed from a church in northern Spain for restoration when workers noticed a hidden compartment beneath a cloth that covered the statue's butt. Inside the statue was a letter penned in 1777 by Joaquin Minguez. Can we just get you on a stream where you just pronounce old Italian names?

I think it was Spanish. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. You don't know the language. What was that name again? Joaquin Minguiz. Perfect. A chaplain of the Cathedral of Burgo de Osma.

Minguiz's letter discussed the statue and others created by the same sculptor and detailed what life was like in a community 240 years ago. He described popular games of the day, including cards and ball. And we noted that Typhoid cards and ball. Oh, shit. I like how they just had a game called ball. Like cards and ball. You know. You boys

want to go play some ball? What kind of ball? You know, ball. You know, ball. And also noted that typhoid and malaria were common. Great. Sounds awesome. Sounds like a great place to be. He also revealed that the main crops were wheat, rye, barley, and oats.

Wait, why would he write this here, put it in Jesus' butt? Why wouldn't this exist in a history book? I don't know. Is he like, somebody will find this one day? One day they'll find this up in Jesus' butt, and it will be hilarious. The harvest has been plentiful for many years, he wrote, referring to the vineyards of his hometown, Inverse reported. Although the original document will be sent to the archbishop,

a copy was returned to the statue's headquarters for posterity. There we go. Excellent. There we go. Great. Yeah. We learned a little more about history. Yeah.

Thank you, Jesus' butt. We now know they played cards and ball. And ball. And ball. There's something so funny about that. We played cards and ball. It definitely sounds like something a great-grandmother would say. Back in my day. We play cards and ball. It definitely sounds like something a great grandmother would say.

Back in my day, we played cards and ball. What kind of ball, Grandma? Go on, Grandma. Ball. You know. You know, ball. She's from a different time. She's from a different time.

We'd pass the ball between ourselves and we were just fine with it. This makes us forget that we were hungry. We'd toss a ball between ourselves and we were just fine with it. This makes us forget that we were hungry. We'd toss a ball and chase after it. Playing ball was swell. I sure loved those times. I miss them. I miss ball. Oh, my God.

All right. Well, that's it for us. Thank you so much for watching, listening, wherever you are enjoying this fine content. And we will see you next time. Thank so much for watching and as always to be continued