Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 147 - Crazy Eyes

Episode Date: January 21, 2018

This week, the boys discuss the real important things in life - like what the hell was going on with the Are You the One post show, old ladies at the deli counter, and the phenomenon known as "crazy eyes". We also return to Florida for an update on our favorite super hero, and Jesse describes his date with a robot. All this and more, on Cox n' Crendor! This episode if brought to you by Adult Swim's newest show "Hot Streets". From creator Brian Wysol and the teams behind Robot Chicken and Rick and Morty. Check it out!

Today's show is brought to you by Adult Swim's new sci-fi comedy, Hot Streets. Watch amazing characters and a never-ending sense of what the hell's going on here. From the teams behind Robot Chicken and Rick and Morty, back-to-back episodes of Hot Streets premiered Sunday, January 14th at midnight on Adult Swim. You can watch them right now. Hello everybody, it's time for Ghosts and Treaddogs! Ghosts and Treador in the morning. In the morning.

Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4 hour recording studio. Recording. Wake your ass up, it's Cox and Crendor in the morning. Cox and Crendor in the morning! Crendor in the morning! Hello everybody, welcome back to another episode of Cox and Crendor in the morning. Hello. That's Crendor demonstrating the Doppler effect. We're very scientific on this show.

Very scientific. I just really like doing that. You do. You like running from another room into your room shouting like a lunatic i'm actually running though i'm just making like a didgeridoo with my hands and then you just do that and then you can go you're ruining the illusion though people thought that we had like a huge stage oh i mean like a massive arena that we did this podcast in and now they realize that we don't well i mean that's all i what i use my i use my hands is what i was gonna say i would do

if i wasn't on a giant stage that's right if you weren't on a megaphone yeah on a megaphone yelling everywhere just back and forth i'm out of breath i winded. It's true. The stage is so big. We just get winded. We're also in Denver, Colorado. We're a mile high. It is difficult. What up, Denver? How you doing? Everybody's a mile high here, man.

Boo. Boo. Can I tell you something? So I know our homework was to go watch the finale special of Are You the One? Oh, yeah. I only found the second half. Really? I saw both.

I did not see the first half. I have no idea what happened. But what I do know is that in the second half, straight up, like, I watched, I guess, my brain just died. I've already forgotten these people. I want to let you know, I was so into it, I've already forgotten their names. I have too. People have been messaging me, and I'm just like, I've just shoved that out of my muscle memory. Yeah, for a good two weeks, it was all I thought about, and now I've forgotten all of it.

You know the very attractive dude with dreads? Clinton. Yeah, Clinton and then his girlfriend, Uche. I guess they're together in real life now. They're together in real life. But like a fight broke out on the stage. It was so weird. And I realized after watching 20 minutes, I didn't care.

But then I realized there's also commercials and it made me mad. And so I think I just have to go watch it online in order to get through it all. Yeah. I did not. I failed the homework police completely. Well, I'll tell you what happened. Kind of. Okay.

Fill me in. Okay. So first up, they brought on, what's his name? Kevin Kyle. Starts with a K.vin kyle k okay keith okay that's it uh yeah keith who was dating crazy yeah alexis and then we learned that he as we know is the cray hunter yeah the cray hunter the cray hunter he's like dating someone from a different season i think and then alexis is like we tried to date but it didn't work or something and then no shit uh yeah and then she had gotten to a twitter fight with some girl she mentioned something about getting murdered by like she's like yo

i straight up murdered you with that like burn and she is like my best friend was murdered when i was 16 or something and i was like what and she's like that deeply affected me i was depressed for like three weeks and she's like i didn't leave my house for two years and then she was like well i'm sorry about that and i was like what is happening yeah no she was weird then she's weird now watching her on the show at least the second half, every time anything happened, they would always pan to her and she'd have like, overreactions is not even the right word for it. She looked like she was

spasming every time. I was like, ah yes, you're a weirdo. Oh yeah, and then what's the buffed out, buff dude, Dimitri, not Dimitri, the player. Remember? I don't remember.

I don't remember. God damn it. Now I gotta look it up. The guy who slept with that girl and then made out with the girl right after. I don't remember any of their names. You're asking me like I remember any of their names. I have forgotten all of them. Here's what I do know.

Marcus. Marcus. Malcolm. Malcolm, yes. After I went on this binge of watching this show, and then I got to the point where after the last episode, I went to go try to figure out what the hell was going on afterwards. Yeah. I think I just kind of forgot everything, and it all just sort of filtered out of my

brain and replaced it with other things. I think you've just perfectly described the American school system. And here's the crazy thing. I remember looking up, I guess they had a private chat they were running and people were like posting images from it. And their egos are insanely funny because they're just like, yo, we the best. We're the number one. Everyone knows who we are.

Like I get so much play off of this. And here I am just like, I don't remember who you are. And a week ago I was talking about you. I literally forgot you in a week. They're like if the American Idol people didn't weren't able to sing. They're just like people. They are basically Ruben Stuttered. Remember Ruben Stuttered? No one does.

Well, I remember him, but I don't know of him. You know, like I'm like, oh yeah, Ruben Stuttered. And you're like, what's he doing? The other guy, the guy with the crazy hair. I don't even know that guy's name. Exactly. I don't remember anybody from like American name. Exactly. I don't remember anybody from American Idol except Kelly Clarkson. Yes, because she actually does stuff.

Yeah, she makes mall music. Are you the one season six cast? Here we go. That's the thing. Kelly Clarkson, if you walk through a mall, you'll hear like, I'll make you stronger. And I'm like, okay. And then the only time I ever hear music is in a mall. Sorry, what was that song? I'll make you stronger right and i'm like okay and then like the only time i ever hear music's

in a mall sorry what was that song don't make you stronger yeah that's it you nailed it yeah you did you nailed it yeah uh she made like that one too yep uh so that's collie clarkson i don't remember anyone else that's the other one i guess that's two of them was she from that show yeah she did i not watch any of that well i didn't either i just remember it'd be like oh she won that okay so can we talk about for a minute so i went to this website and i started looking at the cast members again right none of their cast member photos actually look like how they looked on the show wait it's crazy uh still truly believe audrey is the most beautiful one on the show hands down

looking at kareem dude they drew on his his mustache beard combo freaks me out because it's not real it It doesn't look real. It's terrifying. Where is it? Where's the thing? I just looked up, are you the one season six cast? And here I am. Oh.

There's an ad for Final Fantasy XIV at the top, too. So you know they're really targeting me. Oh, yeah. Here they are. Oh, yeah. Audrey's probably the best. Let's see. Clinton still looks like way too good to be on this show. He shouldn't have to go on this show to find love.

It doesn't make sense. I have no sympathy for him. Shad, flexing, looking like a crazy person. Oh, his name is David Shad. Shad's not his first name. Yeah, it's David Shad. What? Yeah.

Man, I'm blown away. Oh, yeah, that was what they talked about. Kiana thought she was pregnant oh i saw a trailer and it was kiana and then she like admitted she had another boyfriend what was going on with her because i she always was like the weird one and now that i found out she's like i i apparently heard she when she was not with michael was like sleeping with anthony or something crazy shit yeah she slept with anthony and then someone else too it's like Joe or someone like she's just like two other guys it's like oh but like before that they didn't show any of it she thought she was pregnant and so she had like

a big pregnancy good for Joe good on him wait so what happened wait yeah I'm curious about this yeah she's just like i thought i was pregnant because i knew like the signs of pregnancy because i was pregnant before and then like she like freaked out and then she wasn't pregnant and then by who by michael i think and then are they still together no they're not still together i think the only people still together are clinton and ucce the two that actually like seemed like they loved each other and everyone else was there just to bang? Cool, yeah. That makes sense. Malcolm was like dating

D'Andra and then it turns out he was like texting Narisse again or something. Or like he was texting somebody else or Alexis. He was texting somebody. And after the house, can I tell you something? If I was in a house with these people and I just won a million dollars, I straight

up would be like, I never want to see you again goodbye yeah they're they're just what about tyler and what's her face nicole no i don't think they're together really yeah they didn't seem like they were gonna end up together anyway because she was like she's my best friend it was like oh yeah oh he was so happy but yeah and Ethan just wrapped at the end of it great great is just a shit show I know Anthony like dated some other season member and they had season members on from previous thing yeah cuz he was like I'm dating season 4 Bethany or some shit and then she's like hey and then Jalessa's like I don't even care oh my god what happened to Jalessa

is she a mess now I'm back in god damn it 10 minutes ago I was like I don't even care who these people are now I'm back in I don't remember what happened to Jalessa I remember she was mad at Anthony still but she was like I don't love him anymore and then she was I remember she was mad at Anthony still, but she was like, I don't love him anymore. I didn't,

she was like, I hate him, but like, she still cares. It was, they're crazy. They're insane. And that was that.

All right. Okay. So, um, was there anything else important or like, well, I mean, I looked,

uh, I saw on your Twitter that you messaged a robot. That's true. That's true. Sorry. I'm just like looking through the cast. I'll get to that in a minute. I looked, I saw on your Twitter that you messaged a robot on Facebook. That's true. That's true. Sorry. I'm just like looking through the cast. I'll get to that in a minute. I just, I scroll back down to Kiana and after you said she had a pregnancy scare twice,

I just have to ask the basic life question. Right. Does she know what a condom is? You know, I like to imagine so, but. I just, I'm curious. You know, I'm curious. I'm curious for her. I just feel like maybe she needs to, like, take a good two, three minutes and just be like, hey, dude, I really want to bone down with you and everyone else in this house. But like, wrap your asshole.

Yeah. Wrap your asshole. Is that what you said? Wrap your asshole. Oh, I thought you said wrap your asshole. No. Look. No, wrap your rascal.

Oh, I thought you said wrap your rascal. No. Look. It's from an Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode. I'm aware. I just. He's like, I wrap my rascal two times to pleasure supermodels. I just.

I just. First off, don't do that. Don't do that, guys. It's not how it works. Second off. Second off. I truly believe you said wrap your asshole. And I just... Wrap your asshole.

From now on, that is my one sex tip to everyone. Hey, everyone out there, if you're going to spend some time with your special lady or man, wrap your asshole. Yeah. Wrap... Spray and wrap that special lady or man wrap your asshole yeah wrap that shit yeah wrap your asshole wrap your asshole everybody cox and crendor proof we'd have a psa that's like like a couple they're in bed together and he's like hey do you want and she's like yeah and then we burst through the door. We're like, hey, kids. What the hell are you doing?

Have you wrapped your asshole? Wrap your asshole. Come on. And they're like, you need to leave. We're calling the authorities. I don't think you have it because I imagine it's an L.A. based. I might have talked about this before. I don't think you have it because I imagine it's an LA based. I might've talked about this before. I don't remember.

There is an LA based, I think, sex shop that does very late night commercials. And one of them is it's a couple in bed and they're like making out and getting hot and heavy. And this guy shows up, just opens the door. And the woman's like, whoever you are are you shouldn't be here what do you want and he's like i'm here to age you and all your sexual needs he like throws like like sex toys on the bed and she's like wow you can stay and then it's an ad for the shop and at the end end, she's like, whoever you were, thank you. And he's like, yo, welcome.

And, like, leaves. And it's the most, that's what I imagined our thing would be. It's porn level actors in bed. And they're just like, wow, you sure are hot. Yeah, I'm hot only for you. And then they start kissing. And we burst through the door we're like what are you doing

whoever you are you shouldn't be here right now like wrap up your asshole I love it that's I'd say that's an animated thing but it'll get demonetized very quickly I don't know

we had goldies we had that goldie one that seemed to work that's true too i just imagine they're you know at the end all wrapped up in saran wrap sort of rubbing on each other but it's like we're like we've done our job here, and then we leave. No scares today. Disease-free and baby-free. That's right. What a terrible, terrible show. I can't believe we're still talking about it. Time to move on.

This is what happens when you hit, what are we on, episode 140-something? Too many. Episode too many. We're out of ideas. We've been through life. We got nothing. We got nothing for you guys. it's this is where it comes down this one comes down to now this is us this is what our shows become and now we're going to talk about a facebook robot yeah so last night late

last night i discovered on facebook messenger which is just something i've always had on my phone but never really used. And I discovered while going through it that you can have messages from people that are not your friends be sent to you, I guess, if they see that you're online. And if you accept, not accept, if you just reply, they're automatically added to your friends list or some nonsense like that. I have no idea how it works. But it says, like, you've just accepted. Then it says, like, their name name and i'm like uh what so every single message was like hey i just want to say that you're doing a great job and i think you're awesome and i just replied like hey thanks

you're welcome like i'm honored yeah and yeah i just woke up this morning and one of them was maybe 50 replies i was like what the hell oh no what have i i was like, what the hell? Oh, no. What have I? I was like, what did I do? And it was all like, hey, baby, are you there? Jassy, J-A-S-S-E. Jassy, are you there? Do you want to talk? Hold on.

I might still have some of them. What did I do with my phone? I tweeted a bunch out. Oh, no. Hold on. There they are. So it was was this is at 3 57 a.m this is the last one i got good morning jassy how was your night i hope you slept well last night smiley face smiley face smiley face smiley face smiley face then a photo of what appears to be a mother on a bed with a laptop computer what yeah it just, it just looks like a, you know,

like a, I'm gonna say early 40s woman on a lap. Like, someone clearly took this photo. Yeah. This is a photo of someone, like, it isn't a selfie. It's obviously a staged very doctored photo. Yeah. Like, it's touched up

in Adobe. It looks like it was from a photo shoot. And I didn't respond. 4 24 a.m hi jassy i wake up at 6 27 a.m and say on a scale of 1 to 10 how bought would you say you are she replies hmm 57 i'm happy to hear from you, Jassy. How are you doing today, dear V? I replied, today, I'm just getting out of bed. Where do you live that you're up so early? She replies, really? Dot dot dot.

I'm Quintella Greg Barbara. My name, I'm 26 years old. I'm from Texas, Dallas, Fort Worth, but am presently living with my granny in Phoenix, Arizona. And I replied, what caused you to move to Arizona? She replied, when I lost my two parents last year, March car accident in Texas. We'll love to know more about you, Jesse.

I really miss my two parents. Sad face. more about you jesse i really miss my two parents sad face i mean now i'm really feeling for this bot yeah jesse where can i text you except from here so we can be able to know each other well and share our pictures together that's already like whenever anybody would be like let's share our pictures together that's a clear sign that it's a bot or a troll oh yeah oh no actual person would be like i can't wait to share my personal private pictures i literally don't know this person it's the first time we've ever talked i would have never i would never just share photos with you it would would never happen. And so, uh, it continues. I don't reply

and I get, baby, when I see you profile, you can be caring, understanding, faithful, honest, untrustworthy, not untrustworthy. I think that was the one thing. She's like, you're also untrustworthy. Patient, supportive, gentle, responsible, and intelligent person, baby.

And then, like, heart faces, kissy faces. I hope you understand me, baby. And so I replied, oh, I do. I think I think I'm all those things. Also, I'm very famous. So my girl has to be down with some freaky stuff to keep me happy. Are you a freak? And she, it goes, hmm.

Oh, yes, baby. Baby, I will love to know you better. So that's what I posted online. Right. Because I'm a crazy person, I kept it going. Of course. And what ended up happening is this bot is just like, baby, I want to, I think I can't remember the exact wording, but it was literally, just imagine that same broken nonsense, but saying, hey, I want to

come out and see you. And I was like, well, I live in Los Angeles, and you live in Arizona. There's no way you can do that. And she's like, if I had the money, I was just waiting for this to happen, right? And it's like, if I had the money, I could. And I was like, really? You could? And it's like, yeah, but first I have to pay

off my phone bills. And I was like, oh, that's? And it's like, yeah, but first I have to pay off my phone bills. And I was like, oh, that's a shame. She's like, yeah, if my phone bills paid off, then I can send you sexy photos. And I was like, I was like, well, what if you send me sexy photos now that you're talking to me? And she's like, no, I can't do it now. I don't have enough

data. And I was like, well, how much would you need? And the response was like like my granny and I need 450 dollars in either Walmart or Amazon gift cards and I was like really only 450 well being so famous I can make that happen and she was like wow I never knew much about you and I was like something along the lines of like, please send me pictures. And I was like, I'm not gonna send you pictures,

but you can look me up on the internet. And the reply was like, thanks for the pictures. It was crazy. And so then I responded like, what will you do if I give you $1,000? And it responded, hmm.

And then that whole like baby thing yeah that like baby you are caring understanding faithful honest trustworthy that whole thing yeah repeated it oh exactly repeated it so it's like triggering some response from what maybe typed in i have no i have no clue and it repeated that and i was like so I responded. And my apologies to everyone who is easily offended. I said, I said, what would a thousand? I responded that. And I said, yeah, that's true. And then the person or whatever this bot, I want to believe it's like a 45 year old man just like trying to fish me and like get some money.

China. Because, because it's because the bot said, my uncle needs to pick up the money can you wire it to him and so i'm like oh okay so there's like a dude doing this which makes it even funnier and so the bot was like yeah for one thousand dollars i'll come to la and give you a real sexy good time. And I was like, what's a sexy good time? And the bot was like, I'll do crazy things to you. And so I responded, well, if that's what $1,000 will get me, what will $2,000 get me? And it responded, hmm, dot, dot, dot, really, dot, dot, dot.

And it didn't say anything for a while. And I responded, can I like do you, your granny, and your uncle for $2,000? And it responded, hmm, he responded dot dot dot i really need that money very badly and i was like oh my god and it's like please send amazon or walmart gift cards and i'll do sexy things baby so of course i was like nah i'm good and then it was like Jesse, you're making me cry. I am crying. And then sad face emojis and then more sad face emojis. And it was like, why do you do this to me, Jesse? And I was like, okay, this is fun's over. Delete.

Yeah. It hits that. I had a good time. I had a good time harassing this bot. It was great. It could have been like Woppy's aunt. Very well could have. I also considered the fact that maybe I did make a bot cry.

That's true. Maybe I did really hype this. This robot just wanted love. And when the world ends and the robots take over. And Walmart gift cards. And Walmart gift cards. I feel like when the world ends and the robots take over, I think I'm going to be sitting pretty for my stance on robots for many years.

And then one robot's going to come up and be like you were the one i loved you now to the slave pits you go i'd be like no whatever your name was hold on hold on i need to scroll what was this robot's name this robot's name was quintella greg barbara that's like three first names combined Quintella Greg Barbara by name Jesus Christ really I'm Quintella Greg Barbara by name am 26 years old from Texas Fort Worth but am presently living with my granny in Phoenix Arizona that's not even like I feel like someone with broken English could even do better than that. Right? What a terrible, terrible lie that whole thing was. I'm more curious who falls for it, because clearly it has to work, right?

There's gotta be some people out there that fall for it. Otherwise they wouldn't do it. There's gotta be at least one. Like, just one. I feel like... Here's the crazy part. So going through the whole conversation, imagine you're like a lonely dude. Yeah. 65 year old man in Alabama. Divorced. Right. You're like a lonely dude. You're divorced.

Your kids don't want to see you and all you want to do is get laid at least once more. And so Quintella Greg Barbara messages you and you're like, yeah, I can make this happen. I got a few extra bucks lying around. I got a Walmart down the street.

I'll go grab a couple gift cards. So, okay. First up. Right. The talking points of this bot were, if you give me money, I'm going to come like do you. Already, I'm pretty sure there are like laws against interstate prostitution or whatever. I don't know. Yeah, but I feel like that's illegal already.

It is. Second off, this girl is going to come visit you when you're like giving money to her and her granny. What's she going to tell her granny? That guy who gave me 450 bucks of Walmart gift cards. I got to go pay my dues. Like, what are you going to do? You do what you got to do.

I got to go pay my dues. Like, what are you going to do? You do what you got to do. Secondly, when you are then sending the money to the uncle, wouldn't you assume the uncle would ask, like, who's sending you $450 in gift cards? Yeah. Any logical, normal person. And why are we paying our phone bill in Walmart gift cards?

Yeah. Like, there's so many things that don't add up. How do you pay a phone bill in Walmart gift cards. Yeah. More like there's so many things that don't add up. How do you pay a phone bill in Walmart gift cards? That's what I'm saying. She's like, I need data. I guess maybe there's a few Walmart plans out there.

I don't know. I don't I couldn't tell you. Yeah, but I was just blown away by how dumb it was. And I couldn't believe it. I was like, all right, well, I guess this is a waste of my time. But between the hours of 630 a.m. and 730 a.m., I had a good laugh.

How even how can you even trust this bot or person? They're real to like do the things they're supposed to do. They can't even like get their own name correct. Yeah, but let's be real. Guys who are hard up on getting some will pretty much do anything. Really stupid stuff. Like, real stupid stuff. That's true.

Guys are pretty dumb. Yeah, generally idiots. When it comes to any type of woman interaction. That goes back to are you the one? Generally idiots. We'll do very stupid. We'll overlook obvious flaws just to keep getting some that's just the way men work and i feel like uh this case is one of those things where

there's at least one guy out there who's like all right i'm in and if it works on that guy they're gonna keep doing it yeah i just it's then he'll probably rationalize like hey at least i helped him out but that was my experience and I laughed because it never happened to me before on Facebook. But definitely every once in a while I'll get a thing on Twitter that's like, hey, baby, do you want to see me naked? Oh, yeah, it is. I feel like they went to Facebook because that's where all the older people are now, and they're easier to take advantage of with tech stuff. Yeah, they did disappear. Like all the bots sort of vanished off of Twitter. Yeah they know like they don't work because all the like younger people

are using twitter yeah i don't know it was fun i had a good laugh i like in between taking a shower and like getting ready for the morning i was just like dropping little like yeah i mean i could help you but only if you hook me up with your granny like I mean you sound hot your granny. Oh my god. All right Yeah, I don't know where this is going. I'm worried. It's just I Said you sound hot, but your granny and then you said oh my god, and we're about to tell a story I'm concerned is so so the grocery store There was a Reminded me of old people like now that's a granny that I would love to spend $450 on.

All right. Is it the deli? All right. I just wanted some coleslaw. That's all I wanted. These people, these older people took eight years. These people, these older people. Wow.

You are like old people racist. These old people. Wow, you are like old people racist. These old people. These old people took eight years to order their like roast beef sandwich thing. All right. Here we go. Okay, this one guy is like, I want roast beef sliced thin. And then they slice it. And he's like thinner than that.

And so they slice it again. And he's like a little bit thinner. It's been like five minutes having him slice through. He just wanted to get free roast beef samples. Yeah, and then he was like, can I get a sample on another thing here? And he's like, okay, whatever. And he's like, let me try the salami. Let me try the salami as well.

So this guy is just sampling everything. Was this like a big meatball? He wasn't a big meatball. He was like a medium meatball. All right, so he wasn't like, he had no bread filler. Yeah, no, no, no. He was just all meat. Yeah, a lot of meat. Okay, a medium meatball. All right. So he wasn't like he had no bread filler. Yeah. No, no, no. He was just all meat. Yeah.

A lot of meat. Okay. And then this old woman, she was doing the same thing, but with cheese. She's like, I tried a Swiss cheese. Okay. I tried a monster cheese. Okay. That's what every deli at every supermarket is, though.

That's what I'm saying. They either need more people working the delis, or they gotta speed up that process. Like, hey, you can't sample the roast beef. You've had enough, man. All right? You've had enough. Because there's at least eight people just waiting

with their ticket number things, just like, all right, any day now. It's like five minutes. I guess I can wait. And then I was like, all right, I'll leave and come back. I leave and came back, went and got a thing and like five minutes later it's like still there the one person still there one's gone and then the next person was taking just as long with their kid they're like what do you want to taste to me and he's like i don't know i'm a kid and then they're like here

try this cheese and i'm like oh my god i just I don't care about Coleslaw enough for this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's also this lady at Wendy's. She kept ordering six piece chicken nuggets, but she kept saying what? Six piece chicken nuggets. Did she say, like, give me the mark of the beast chicken nuggets? She was like, give me six, six nuggets.

And they'd be like, excuse me. And she was like, six of the six nuggets. And she kept saying it differently. She was like, six of the six nuggets. And she kept saying it differently. She was like, six piece, six nuggets. And then they're like, so you want six of the six piece chicken nuggets? And she's like, that's what I said. And then she's like, also baconator fries. Damn.

That lady knew what she wanted. She knew what she wanted. And then she got something else I forgot. But it was the six six and a baconator fry speaking of crazy people at fast food the other night when i got home i was like super hungry and there's a chipotle on the way home so i like one chipotle got a thing in the actual restaurant was a guy just like sitting there creepily staring at everyone and he reminded me of a Law and Order episode where a crazy psycho killer

stared at people and then he would like follow them home and murder them. That was like his M.O. He would just like stare at them and this guy was just staring at me and he didn't say anything and he didn't do anything but he had this like weird sneer on his face and it was just me and him and this Chipotle. It was

like 6.45 at night Chipotle. It was like six 45 at night. It was weird. It was bizarre, but the sun had gone down already because it's, you know, it's, it's the winter months and, uh,

he was giving me this creepy look. And so as I went back out to my car, like put my keys between my knuckles because the guy stood up as I was leaving and gave me this like, I was so creeped. Yeah. So I walked out to my car, turned around. He was leaving the restaurant to looking at me still. Thankfully, when I got to my car, there was another couple getting out of their car and the guy like veered off and went a different direction. That's so weird.

I don't know if he was a fan. I don't know if he was like, it was just know if he was like it was just weird and creepy and it hit me on the way home i know you shouldn't profile people but if you look like a psycho killer chances are you're a psycho killer yeah like this guy had all the makings of a psycho killer i didn't want to be like i would feel bad if he came up and was like hey i'm a huge fan and i think you're awesome right i feel terrible but i still drive home and tell you the same story today a psycho killer told me there was a fan and probably i'll have to go on the news after he kills a bunch of people that is that is a creepy creepy it was weird they were there before you got there right yes

and i think he was just like waiting for someone to show up i don't i don't know he just had a weird look it's like you know every time they have like like a killer in a movie and he just looks like he's constantly sweaty and like staring at you and he has this like smirk on his face yeah it was that vibe it's like i don't know you get all those news stories with like man jumps on roof and throws peanut butter at walker by yes and it's like oh yeah look at them like look at their eyes you can see it in their eyes that's what i'm saying it was one of those things where i knew this person was either like really excited and unable to express himself or literally going to stab me in the street i i couldn't i could not tell but it creeped me out and i was like i'm gonna have to kill a man over some goddamn chipotle today i was like i was ready i was ready to throw down in the parking lot i was

like not today i got i got a chicken burrito bowl to eat you motherfucker i ain't gonna let you kill me wow so you almost died you got messaged by a bot yeah it was great i i had a i had a lot of crazy antics and and and and uh anecdotes happened to me over the past week but uh nothing crendor is as crazy as adult swims new sci-fi comedy show hot streets hot streets from creator brian weisel and the teams behind robot chicken and rick and morty comes hot streets it is a show with amazing characters and a sense of never ending what the hell is going on here from moment one crendor and i were like what yeah this is this is some crazy stuff right here we just we watched We watched the pilot episode and we were just like, what? It features the unintelligible voice work of Justin Roland, co-creator of Rick and Morty, as a lovable sidekick and badass dog Chubby Webbers.

Crandor, how would you say his voice sounds? I would say it's like... Yes, that is exactly right. You'll never forget hearing that voice. You'll be like, I know who this is, and I know that he's just being a dog that goes... And he has guns, and he runs around in multiple dimensions,

and he goes on a murder spree at one point. It's incredible. Back-to-back episodes of Hot Streets premiered Sunday, January 14th at midnight on Adult Swim. Let me just say, for the record, that it is a wild ride and a crazy show, and I think a lot of you will enjoy it.

Check it out on Adult Swim. Oh, my God. Okay. I gotta tell you something about the box office. What? The box office, alright? You mean movies? Just movies? Yes, movies.

Okay. Why did you call it the box office? Hold on, time out. The box office. What? Okay, sure. The old box office. The plays, the shows, the big pictures on the screen. I don't know what it is. I just don't know why you didn't say, I want to talk about movies,

instead you said, I want to talk about the box office well technically both are correct um i don't i don't believe that all right so now you look at some of the movies up here you got jumanji at a 76 the post did at 88 have you seen jumanji i have not have you see it i'm not gonna lie i expected it to be terrible. It's actually really entertaining. It's not. I wouldn't say it's good, but I'd say it was like a entertaining two hours. All right.

That's pretty good. It's good enough. Yeah. I wouldn't ever watch it again. Yeah. But the two hours I spent watching, I was like, all right. Yeah, I had fun. Yeah.

Which goes to my point. The Rock can do anything. It's been around so long. He can do anything. The man gets people in the seats. But Paddington 2. God damn it. I'm aware. I'm aware.

A 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. I don't... I see other people besides you tweeting about how good it is. Yeah. And it does not bode well for my impression that it's a terrible movie. I guess my mom had heard us talking about it before. She went to go watch it.

I think she didn't like it. What? But that gave me hope. But then I remembered that my parents don't like a lot of stuff that people like so now i'm terrified that maybe the rest of the world thinks paddington is fantastic and i'm that weirdo who's like i don't like it somebody tweeted me and said after seeing the reviews on paddington 2 i'm starting to think i should listen to your movie reviews a bit closer look at that i i still wouldn't i still wouldn't do that but i guess you might be onto something i don't know i don't know heartbroken first

paddington was a masterpiece the second one it's got to be another masterpiece there's no way you get 100 there's no way but if you don't see that we are 10 days away from the new maze runner i'm so excited i'm so i'm ready we've waited two years and the commercials are already out yeah we had to wait through the main character almost dying oh my god i'm so happy i'm so pumped i'm ready i'm gonna see this and then mom and dad comes out eventually and then we can watch that yes oh yeah that trailer that was a beautiful trailer yep excellent i'm ready it even showed the scene where he does the hokey pokey and eventually, and then we can watch that. Yes. Oh yeah, that trailer. That was a beautiful trailer. Yep. Excellent. I'm ready. It even showed the scene where he

does the hokey pokey and destroys the pool table. He's just like, you're in the trailer. Right foot out. I love it. I'm so excited. I love the whole premise that just parents go crazy. I know. I have so many movies I gotta see. Paddington, Maze Runner, Mom and Dad. Can I tell you something?

Going back to that movie. Alright. Is it all parents go crazy? I think it is. So, but like, so, here's my thought. Is in that trailer, is it implying that most of the movie's gonna be mom and dad trying to kill the kids?

Mm-hmm. But then, the grandparents show up at the end of the trailer, right? Yeah. And they're like, oh, are the grandparents show up at the end of the trailer, right? Yeah. And they're like, oh, did you feed the grandparents? Are the grandparents going to try and then kill the parents because they're the parents of those people? I bet it is. I bet that's what's going to happen. Wouldn't that be amazing?

That would be amazing. Even if I know that's the twist, I would still be shocked. I'm so excited. I would love for that to happen. This Nick Cage gets killed by a grandpa. Grandma, please. A grandma takes down Nick Cage. Sit down, sonny.

Perfect. I can't wait. I'm ready. Yeah, that's gonna be so good. Maze Runner. Yeah, that's also gonna be good, I guess. Well, I mean, I've waited so long that I'll be happy just watching it. I forgot that half the actors that were in that movie are in that movie.

I was like like oh my god eight people from game of thrones yeah oh my god it's gonna be great i forgot that so many things happened the first was the maze they're like trapped in the maze and they got out of it the second one is like there's zombies and they're in the desert with weird zombies and then the girl betrays them all yeah and then he's like i'll never forgive her and then it clearly in this one he does yeah i don't i don't know i'm so ready for it i said there's mind control in this one yeah and then he's like you have to choose save your friends save the world well i mean if you save the world he'll find out i better find a way to save everyone

yeah i mean if he saved his friends then wouldn't they die anyway if the world goes to shit? Look, I don't know the rules of the death cure. I don't know how it works. The death cure. This is the final one, right? This is the final one. This is it. The one after this was like a prequel or something.

Yeah. We don't care about that. Yeah, we don't care about that. This is it. This is it. This is going to be it. This is going to be the best care about that. Yeah, we don't care about that. This is it. This is gonna be it? This is gonna be the best thing? Yeah. Can't wait to just do an episode where all we do is talk about that dumb movie. I'm ready.

That's all we've done for a lot of movies. Yep. And shitty reality shows. Are we done talking about the box office? Yeah, we're done talking about the box office. Alright, well let's go choppycopper7's got the Crendor. Crendor, how's that traffic out there? Traffic is pretty alright. All right, well, let's go chop the cup seven's got the grand door grand door. How's that dropping out there? Traffic is

Uh, pretty all right. I mean there's a lot of backup there's snow happening in a lot of places It's cold, but it's also hot in a lot of places, but it's just back and forth everywhere people trying to get to that box office They want to see paddington too, but you know, can you see paddington too when when you're snowed in? I say yes. Dig yourself out. Get out of that 20 feet of snow buried in house and go see that movie because that's going to warm your spirits. It's going to warm your heart. That's going to melt the snow. Metaphorically speaking.

Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to Crandor at the weather desk. Crandor, how's that weather? Hey, it's the weather. Hey, I don't know how the weather is. Let's ask Woppy. Woppy, activate them.

B-O-L-A. Hola, Arkansas. Hola, Arkansas. 17 degrees. Hola, Arkansas. Fahrenheit. 9 degrees. Fahrenheit.

Feels like low. 8 degrees. Fahrenheit. Nine degrees. Fahrenheit. Feels like low. Eight degrees. Fahrenheit. UV index. Zero of ten. Next. 36 hours.

Eight degrees. Fahrenheit. 33 degrees. Fahrenheit. 18 degrees. Fahrenheit. 47 degrees. Fahrenheit.

26 degrees. Fahrenheit. Sunrise. 7.20 a.m. Sunset. 5.25 a.m. p.m. a.m. p.m. p.m. p.m. p.m.

All right, he needs a little fix him. I can tell that he just started promoting the gas station. Yeah, he started a.m. p.m. there at the end. I don't know. He was like get your a.m. p.m. crappy burgers or whatever the hell they sell there. Yeah, it's just like one of your typical gas station.

Yeah. Actually. Sure, okay. I guess. Now let's go over to the sports desk. Sports. Yo, what up? We're at the sports desk.

Can I just say I went to Twitter during that downtime. I was looking up sports, but now I'm looking at Twitter and I typed in Ola Arkansas and someone said Ola from Ola Arkansas where the gas station tanning bed is for employees only where do I apply yep

can we just say go back right it's on the record listen to me say last episode if there's one team who can goof yep against Jacksonville it would on the record listen to me say last episode if there's one team who can goof yep against jacksonville it would be the steelers and in the first five minutes i already knew it was over yeah when they're down 14 zero and not even halfway to the first quarter you're like well here we go yeah they just they needed the one dude shazier the guy had the neck injury they needed him he was part of their run defense they guy who had the neck injury. They needed him.

He was part of their run defense. They couldn't stop the run. They can't stop the run. I'm just saying. I told you. I told you. Yep. You were like, Jacksonville's terrible.

If there's one team that can screw up against a team they should statistically on paper beat, it'd be the Steelers. I think the worst part for them is Jacksonville's defense is actually very good and they scored against Jacksonville's defense. They all lost by like three points at the end. Which is crazy. Had they not given up 14

at the beginning, they would have won. I'm all aboard the Jacksonville meme train. People are making memes. They made baked Bortles. They made Blake War Bortles. There's just Jaguars with like the, the meme faces. Everybody's hopping on the Jaguar train.

I'm hopping on too. Cause they're just like so bad that it's just funny to watch them keep winning. If they beat new England, that's like, that's done. There is. I don't remember when my dad, I have this conversation had to have been over a Christmas break.

But we were talking about the Steelers. My dad said, if you ever bet on the Steelers, always bet the other team in points. He's like, no matter what, the Steelers are never just going to dominate a game. Either they're going to lose or barely win, and you're going to win the money every time. I believe that. I do.

The Steelers consistently disappoint me with how they play on a regular basis. It sucks because they're a good team. They're just not good enough to win Super Bowls all the time. Yeah. That's kind of like what happened to Green Bay. They always get really close, and they just blow it in some dumb way. Which is great.

Unlike the Patriots, who cheat all the time. Cheater. The Cheatriots is what they are. That's why. Luckily, Aaron Rodgers got injured this year because now we fired a bunch of people. Now we can fix the team and win Super Bowls. It's great. Yep.

That's how that works. Speaking of teams that blow games, the New Orleans Saints. Congratulations. Did you see that? Yes. That was so bad. It was just the classic like Vikings areings are gonna lose again and then they just the score it on the somehow somehow the last milliseconds the guy just missed the tackle he

just like tried to do the madden hit stick where he's like oh and he missed it completely and the guy just ran it in he was going for that like amazing i'm gonna get the last play of the game and i'm gonna be amazing yeah. Yeah. They failed completely. The NFC is essentially two backup quarterbacks with good defenses and running attacks, and they're pretty much the same team going at it. And then you've got Jacksonville, New England on the other side. I want just Jacksonville versus whoever. I don't care who it is.

It has to be Jacksonville. Minnesota is actually— Jacksonville needs to beat the Patriots. The Patriots cannot go back to the Super Bowl. My heart can't take it. I can't watch another Patriots Super Bowl. I just can't. I can't do it. One of the things is the

Super Bowl's in Minnesota this year. So if Minnesota wins, they actually play at home for the Super Bowl, which is kind of crazy. It's never happened before. I believe it can happen. However, I'm biased and i like the packers who are in the same division and they're the team that injured aaron rogers so i don't want him to win damn so yeah that's the nfl nba is happening nhl is happening but the

big nfl stuff's in the playoffs right now so that's the main thing nhl uh all-star game has kid rock oh yeah that's right kid rock freaking out. Yeah, they're just like, Kid Rock? First off, good for him still doing music and still being Alfred Jobs. I ain't gonna hate on Kid Rock. First off.

His name is Kid Rock. I can't do it. Who watches the NHL All-Star game? People who enjoy a good song where the lyrics are baa with a baa, a bang a bang, diggy diggy.

So you watch the NHL All-Star game just to watch Kid Rock? I mean, that's why I'm doing it. I mean, the thing is, All-Star games are always just really boring in any sport. They're always just like, everybody doesn't really care as much. Like, oh, whatever.

And the only time I actually watch something is the NBA All-Star game, but I don't watch the actual All-Star game. I watch the slam dunk contest. But even that's gotten worse, because they're like, now he's going to dunk over the all-new game, but I don't watch the actual all-star game. I watch the slam dunk contest. But even that's gotten worse because they're like, now he's going to dunk over the all-new Ford Fiesta 2018. And I'm like, alright, so this is like

a sponsored thing. He's probably going to win because he dunks over it. Whatever. I don't care anymore. That's why. It's just all dumb. That's sports. Alright, Grendor, what is our big new story of the day? Big new story of the day. Was that you covering up the fact that you had to find it? Why would I cover up the fact and draw out a segment

if I didn't have an article to talk about for a weird news segment go on of the day somewhere someone's just animating this over that uh sloth oh yeah the one with the geico commercial where he's like drawn remember the one from zootopia oh yeah the yeah. Zootopia. Oh, yeah. I forgot. But did you see the Geico commercial slot? I saw that, too. We just draw the line.

Shit is a kangaroo. We'd swipe right on this flirty kangaroo. OK. Botched photo shoot brings viral glory to family. Cool. Man's horrific experience explains why you shouldn't stifle a sneeze. Oh, I heard about that. He blew out his throat. Yeah, I heard about that.

That's terrible. Don't stifle a sneeze. Don't do that. Sneeze like you mean it. I tell this to people all the time. Especially in this office, there's so many fake sneezers that are like, and it's like, no! Sneeze with purpose.

I'm like, yeah, I'm like, achoo! And it's like, no! Sneeze with purpose! I'm like, bleh! Yeah, I'm like, feels good, feels great. Florida man accused of calling 911 to gripe about small clams. Okay. A Florida man has been accused of misusing the emergency telephone system after he allegedly called 911

to gripe about being served tiny clams. Nelson Agosto of Stewart in the southeast region of the state was arrested December 18th after he allegedly made the 911 calls from Krabby's Seafood Shack. He was complaining that the clams he was eating were so small he didn't want to pay for them. Sergeant Brian Bozzio of the police department said it all started because the 51-year-old Agosto was on his lunch break and

quote, dying to eat some clams. Agosto told the website he was disappointed that the restaurant wanted to charge him $12 for a plate of tiny clams that had nothing in the shell. When the restaurant staff refused to give Agosto a refund, he called 911, hoping

an officer would help resolve what he perceived to be a gross miscarriage of justice. Instead, the dispatcher told Agosto he needed to call the non-emergency line. You need to call that number. This is 911 for emergencies, the dispatcher said. Hang up and call that number. They will help you. A short time later, Agosto called back, griping that nobody was answering the non-emergency line,

and he still needed an officer to arrive on the scene. emergency line and he still needed an officer to arrive on the scene the dispatcher calmly explained the line was working and instructed agosto to call that number by the way an officer did show up at the restaurant but just to serve agosto a notice to appear in court for one count of misuse of 9-1-1 and a misdemeanor it was an arrest but the officer did not take the guy to jail agosto is due in court january 11th there's no telling if he may clam up once in front of a judge. He did tell the smoking gun he did not intend to misuse the emergency system. Quote, I didn't know the rules for 911. Beautiful.

You can always count on Florida, man. So, yeah. Speaking of which. Right. We have on Florida, man. So, yeah. Speaking of which. Right. We have another Florida man story. In Winter Haven, Florida, Florida authorities are sharing details of an unusual 911 call on New Year's Eve from a man who said he wanted to report himself driving drunk. Polk County Sheriff's officials say the dispatcher kept him talking while directing officers to the scene. When the dispatcher asked Michael Lester where he was, he said, I'm too drunk.

I don't know where I'm at. Once she asked what he'd been doing all night, he said, I don't know, driving around, trying to get pulled over, actually. What? I'm driving on the wrong side of the road, he said later. The operator repeatedly urged him to park his truck and wait for officers to find him unfortunately he chose the wrong spot look i'm parked in the middle of the road he said sirens can be heard in the background a short time later deputy said lester admitted drinking beers and swallowing methamphetamine he also said he barely slept

for several days. The sheriff's office Facebook post says Lester's criminal history includes DUI, aggravated battery, drug possession, and hit and run. No crap. Driving while under the influence of alcohol or drugs is a serious crime. Innocent people are too often injured or alcohol or killed or alcohol. Innocent people are too often injured or killed from impaired drivers dui is not a laughing matter sheriff's officials wrote however in

this particular you don't say you don't say that and then go however in this particular incident nobody was hurt so he couldn't help but lotto which means laughed our tasers off oh my god laughed our tasers off. Oh my god. Yep. I like how the cop literally just goes look, you could die. Don't drink and drive. But in this case, it was pretty funny. Yeah. Listen guys, this is not funny, but like this

case, this one specific one. It was kind of funny. It was kind of funny. Alright. Oh my god. That reminds me. I was listening to Coast to Coast to Ham and they interviewed the my pillow guy you know my pillow i do know my pillow i do know that guy they interviewed the guy and he's like yeah i was a former crackhead i was just trying to get some crack and then all my friends who were like drug dealers were like yo we need to get you like straight man like

everybody like in the town we told him not to sell you any crack and like, we're going to make sure you get, you get your head on straight. And he was like, I don't care. I've been awake 18 days straight. And he went out to buy crack and he couldn't find any. Cause they all wouldn't sell it.

And then he came back and they like took a picture of him. And it's like on the internet now. And he was like, you're going to thank us one day for this. And then, then he went on to make my pillow and now he's drug free can i um i i just found another story all right in florida i don't know that i need to read the whole story but i feel like the the headline says it all. Man in Florida caught with full rack of ribs in his pants, police say.

According to the Martin County Sheriff's Office in Florida, Maylee Alvarez Aguilar, 26, was booked on petty merchant theft charge when he was caught walking out of a grocery store with a full rack of ribs in his pants. The man was also apprehended with two packs of hamburger buns, nine pieces of fried chicken

and some mashed potatoes. Damn, this man, you know what? There is trying to get away with the baby back ribs, trying to get away with literally the store. How hungry was he? That's a great question. That's a great question. That's a great question. All right.

Well, I think that's it for us for this week, but we will see you next time in another episode. Thank you so much for listening. Please be sure to be reviews. Be sure to be reviews. Go to youtube.com

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show your friends, show your family, show your dog, show your uncle, show your wife, show your kids, show your grocery store people. Your grocery store people.

Yeah, there you go. Yep. That's right. That's absolutely right. Your grocery store people. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you so much for watching. And as go. Yep. That's right. That's absolutely right. Your grocery store people. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you so much

for watching and as always to be continued.