Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 151 - Don't Dig Too Deep

Episode Date: April 17, 2018

The boys are back and this episode they delve deep into their past - some might say too deep. We learn about Crendor's high school years, Jesse's odd jobs, and some light facebook stalking occurs. All this and the old adage "sometimes you get the dick and sometimes the dick gets you" on this brand new episode of Cox n' Crendor! The following episode is sponsored by Blue Apron. Get your first 3 meals free at http://www.blueapron.com/cox

Today's episode is brought to you by Blue Apron. Get yourself some amazingly delicious pre-portioned meals for yourself, for yourself and a friend, for your family, and it's actually really, really good. Learn to cook, people! Yeah, and you don't even gotta go to the grocery store. They just send you all the stuff you need and then bing bang boom, you got it in like under 45 minutes. Yeah, you're not getting like McRib sandwiches anymore. Although, although McRibs.

No, no. No. Time to get healthy. It's time to get healthy. Make a real McRib sandwich with real ribs. Yeah, make it yourself. Oh my God. Then you can put mashed potatoes and green beans and crispy shallots on that thing.

Oh yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. It can be done in 45 minutes, not even having to go to the grocery store. Mamma mia. Make a spicy meatball. We'll talk about that later in the episode. Let's get into it.

Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studio. Recorded. Hello everybody, welcome back to another episode of Cox and Crandor in the morning. Oh, are you, what? He's dead, he's, oh, that's it, we're done. Oh, are you, what? He's dead.

Oh, that's it. We're done. Oh, I'm back. Oh, hi. What happened to you? Did you go to a different dimension? What happened to you? I tried to figure out what to say,

and then it all kind of just built up, and then a noise came out, and then I died, but then I came back to life. What was the afterlife like? Black, darkness, shadows, and... Oh, you worship the old gods too, good. And a carnival. Yeah, I mean, the Diabolic Hell Carnival is my favorite.

Yeah, it's a fun carnival, but you never win anything. It's like a real one. Damn, damn. Are you saying that the afterlife is a carnival, just a real carnival but you never win anything it's like a real one damn damn are you saying that uh the afterlife is a carnival just a real carnival life's a carnival man sometimes you win sometimes you get that ball in the hoop from like 800 feet away and you win a stuffed animal most of the time you're gonna miss and sometimes you know eat too cotton candy, eat too much popcorn hot dog. You know, you walk around, you're like.

Yeah. You just hope that you're right. You're right. Life is is like a carnival. And at the end, the best I can say is he had fun and he didn't throw up too much. Yeah. Pretty much it. Exactly.

I think that's that's wise. That's very wise of you. I know. So, yeah, that's what happened there. Good. Okay. I don't know. What are you up to today or recent days?

Oh, my God. Can I just tell you that? So, I'm headed out of the country for a good period of time. I'll still be around to like podcasts and stuff. I'm going to purchase like some really cool equipment to take with me. Because I figure I need like a traveling setup so I don't sound like garbage whenever I travel. But I'm going to be gone for like almost a month really. Mama mia.

I know from the end of April to almost the end end of may and so well i'm i'm headed to uh first to poland to host a uh gwent event it's an assault mine i'm really excited they were like yeah we're gonna host we're gonna host an event in assault mine we thought you'd be perfect and i was like i am that's like that's where I was born, in a salt mine. That's very true. Yeah. And so I am going to host that. And then I have a convention back in Poland at the end of the month on the 18th through 20th, which is my birthday, by the way.

So I get to spend my birthday at a convention in Poland. I found out Felicia Day is going, so it's going to be, I'm just going to, that poor woman, poor woman. You're in Poland for like a whole month? Well, no. What I want to do is I want to travel. Like I think maybe spend like a week in the UK, maybe spend some time in London, maybe go to Ireland and check out my roots. I know I'm going to spend a few days in Amsterdam

after this event, and I think I might just country hop west until I get to the UK. I think that's my plan. It's like a backpacking journey, essentially. Except I will have a legitimate suitcase and not a backpack. Yeah. And probably

be staying at pretty great places. I'm always playing at wonderful places and yeah. I think that's my plan because I feel like it doesn't make sense to fly because I would be done with Amsterdam because I promised Michelle Morrow who's going to co-host with me because she

really wants to go and I was like, hell yeah, I want to go because Amsterdam, for those who are not aware is where Guerrilla Games is and that's where the Aloy is so I'm going I've already contacted my friends who work there I'm like take me to the Aloy and so that's going to happen isn't uh

isn't Amsterdam just like weed and electronic music I maybe maybe it looks beautiful. The place she wants to stay is right on a river of some sort. It's the Amsterdam River. I think the plan, as far as I'm aware,

is to do all the Amsterdam things. At one time, we have to go to the weird pot brownie places where everything's weed. Do that. Then we have to do the weird biking thing where places like where everything's weed right and like do that then we have to do like the weird biking thing where you bike around amsterdam and then we have to do like the boat

thing where you boat down a river some nonsense and then we have to like see the sights and i imagine one night go walk through the red light district because i hear that's insane yeah like there's all the things all the things people do and then gorilla games i just want to go there and just be like oh my god that's gorilla games is like my mecca that's where i'm gonna go and worship the feet of a beautiful redhead who i realize is not real what gorilla games make uh horizon zero dawn oh listen yeah dude someone who plays league of legends, Blizzard games, and PUBG, I'm not very cultured. You missed out. You missed out on Horizon Zero Dawn.

That's a great game. It's so much fun. Yeah, but I was playing League of Legends in the meantime. Ah, yeah, I hear that. I hear that. Yeah. So I would go there, and then I'd be done with that by May 4th, I think is the plan. May the 4th be with you.

And it will be with me. But then I would go back to Poland on the 17th, which would mean fly home on the 4th, spend two days completely out of it because I'm now readjusting to time zones. Yeah. Then, so now we're on May 6th, then I would have a few days of like trying to get the grind back and then fly back out on the 16th of April in order to land the 17th in order to prep to get to the convention on the 18th. Oh my mama mia.

It just doesn't, it just doesn't seem to make sense. I was like, you know what? I could just instead spend a few days in the EU and just chill. Yeah. I think that might be my plan. I might take like a Jesse vacation, by which I mean I'm bringing my laptop and my new microphone set up that I'm going to buy

and probably stream stuff. We're probably going to do one of these podcasts from Europe. Yeah. I'll tell you where I'm at in Europe when we do it. Here's the crazy thing i actually might be able to stream stuff with you because i'll be awake when you're awake damn you're right i know usually i'm in bed when you're like i'm starting to stream yeah i see that stuff people are always like hey uh looking at my phone i saw crendor's live at 1am

and i'm like yeah and they're like go to sleep and i'm like sleep i haven't gone to live at 1 a.m. And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, go to sleep. And I'm like, sleep? I haven't gone to sleep at 1 a.m. since I was like sick with the flu. Yeah. You start streaming late at night. That's like your thing. I don't know how. That's my thing. Tell me your life schedule because I need to know this.

How do you work? Because when do you go to bed? All right. Give me an average day in the life of Crendor. Give me an average day in the life of Crandor. Go. Average day in the life of Crandor. Hold on. Hold on.

I need a Rockstar punched zero sugar energy drink to get through this. All right. They're not a sponsor, but I'll take Rockstar money. And also, it was two for $3. So I bought it. i needed it today i was having a rough day asmr snapping crack thank you i was having a rough day today a lot of the stuff i've been working on oh the reason why i was explaining this i'm such an idiot the reason why i was explaining all that is because i was working today on some stuff and my files just like broke and died and it sucked so i have been i went and i got a

cookie and i ate that shit i felt real good and then i got an energy drink because i had to like power through the rest of this because my soul was crushed and now i'm drinking another energy drink because i don't care anymore death is inevitable yeah listen it's going to happen. They just published some study that like night owls are 10% more likely to die early. And I was like, whatever, you know? I thought you meant real owls. I was like, wait, what? I mean, I think I'll live longer than an owl. I don't.

You know what? There's going to be an owl out there who's like i accept that challenge 400 years old i've seen shit yeah he's the wizard guide all right anyway i'm sorry i continue please a day in your life day in my life so i've been like this for a long ass time i typically go to bed between it kind of alternates between 5 a.m and like 7 a.m it's typically when i go to bed uh usually in the summertime i go to bed around 5 a.m because it gets brighter earlier and so i try to like go to bed right before the sun's coming up and then in the winter i go to bed like you're like me when i was like 22 yeah and uh so yeah that happens and then i sleep for about seven to eight

hours so i wake up uh from like 1 to 2 30 p.m ish uh i eat some breakfast have some coffee browse the internet see what's going on and then sometimes i do an early stream sometimes i'm like you know what pop it up let's go stream for like an hour or two get it rolling uh and then i'm like all right and then i usually go uh make a video after that or uh i'll just go get some food uh in either order doesn't matter right and then i'll usually take care of any errands I got to do because, you know, you got to do stuff before stuff closes. And then I might exercise, you know, do some weightlifting, like some like not like, oh, man, going to the gym. Hold on.

What time is it right now in your day in the course of the day? So you woke up at one. Yeah. Say one. You got you got some breakfast. Right. Got some breakfast, which is just one time. By the time you finish breakfast, what time is it usually oh it takes usually i browse the internet as i eat

breakfast so like okay 1 30 all right i've done eating breakfast like at 1 30 at this point and i browse the internet then i might do an early stream for like an hour or two or might go make a video do something like that so that's a few hours like hour and a half two hours so then i usually get errands done around the let's see 3 30 to anywhere from 3 30 to like eight when things are still hustling and bustling you know okay and then you stream late at night yeah well then i come back and then usually i'll uh i'll like chill out like watch some tv play a game like to de-stress or like uh upload my video de-stress where's your stress i just made a video i record shit okay it's mainly my excuse to play league of legends

off stream no yeah i understand i understand, yeah, usually I do that. Have some, have more food. Love eating food. I get it. I get it. Usually around 10pm my time to like midnight is where I'm going to start up that late night stream.

And then that's going to run until about 3am-ish, give or take an hour. So it's like a four to six hour stream, just depending. And usually I hope Sam's not streaming. Because that man will stream like 13 hours. And I'm like, hey, you're streaming into my shit right now, dog. Can you get off my territory?

You're taking all the auto hosts. And he's like, oh, I can't help you. I'm having a baby. That's Sam. Well, I mean, here's the truth. Eventually, he won't ever be able to stream again. Exactly. I'm going to get all those auto hosts.

Eventually, he'll never be able to stream again because he'll never be able to get the free time because a child will soon dominate his life. His brain's already getting like whacked out we were playing uh we were just playing golf it the other day and i was like sam when's the baby due and he's like oh no like uh april 12th and i was like what that's like tomorrow and he was like oh and he's like oh wait may may 12 may 12 it's like oh my god he's had a realization of like oh shit yeah he um he i feel for him because dodger can't stream because she's super pregnant yeah and the babies do anytime in the next two weeks three weeks whatever it is and sam can only stream so much because eventually he has to take care of his child right so like that's why i don't have kids i mean it's one of the many

reasons but it's also i don't have kids it's uh yeah i don't know it's i don't think he's gonna be able to do his 12 hour days anymore like he typically does. Well, I mean, I get the hustle now. I can't hate him for doing it now. I would too. I'd be like, I need all that money now. I get it. I understand. It's just very stressful, I think. Either way,

he's taking my auto hose. So that's usually what I do. So the reason why you stream at night is because you don't like you're like there's no competition well it's part of it it just all lined up correctly it just lined up that way where i'm like nice you get auto hosts and stuff yeah i usually get a lot of auto hosts just because nobody else is streaming sometimes like front page stuff i've gotten it a few times it always takes forever because you email a person they're like we could line you up for

three months from now on Tuesdays at 8 and I'm like sure why not so yeah it's difficult to get those but I do I got my connections so yeah I like streaming it's fun I just chill out I play whatever

I want and then I usually just play late at night when people are either europe's waking up get a lot of europe that's like hey i just woke up crendor's on or people are like i can't sleep or they're like i'm working the night shift i'm glad crendor's on those are my main audiences i get and i love those are good those are good audiences though yeah that's why i like doing in the occasional day stream because then you get the people who are like what is this crendor in the sunlight and they're just blown away yeah i i get it i i have my own twitch issues i i have my whole like special sub thing and i've been like okay well because Twitch now owned by Amazon wants to switch everyone over to the exact same thing and so for me they keep harassing me like what

if you switched over to a real sub and you change the subsystem that you have and it wasn't one time sub anymore and I was like yeah alright I'll do that if you let everyone who's subscribed already stay a permanent subscriber. Yeah. And they were like, yeah, no problem. What we'd have to do is we'd have to go through and take everyone. And you know how you right now can make someone a subscriber, like make them a whatever that is. Like they're automatically subscribed to your channel without having to pay for it.

Like a gifted sub? Not gifted, but not like a moderator either, but the whole idea that you can make someone a subscriber to your own channel so that they have access to all the emotes. I think it's just gifting a sub. Well, whatever the case, whatever it is, they would have access to all the emotes. And then if they chose to pay for a

monthly thing they could still do it if they wanted to i see yeah and i was like yeah as long as they get what they paid for i said they'd have a lifetime subscription so like yeah that's what they're gonna have and so the whole plan was like we're gonna go in we're gonna do this lifetime subscription thing we'll switch it over we'll have like one big day of like, get your subscriptions in now if you want this thing, because tomorrow we're switching over. Got an email from Twitch this week that was like, you know what? What if instead we take your current account,

lock the emotes you have, and then you create a new account with new emotes and new stuff but we won't delete your account people will still be able to access it but no one will be able to subscribe to this thing anymore we'll just make a locked

product and then you can make a new product and I was like wait so time out you want me to start over? You want me to create new emotes and not switch over the emotes that I have now? You want me to do all this stuff? And what are you going to do again? And I was like, wait. So basically you're saying you don't want to do anything and you're going to make me do everything.

And I have to pay the price for it. That's why you make a whole new Twitch channel. Yeah, basically. And I was like, no. No, it's not going to. I was like, I'll stick with what I have until you can price for it. They just want you to make a whole new Twitch channel. Yeah, basically. And I was like, no. No, it's not going to. I was like, I'll stick with what I have until you can come up with a better solution. They were like, we'll look into it. I was like, yeah, okay, bye.

I'm officially in no rush. I'll gladly take bits and donations over having to start over. No, thank you. Yeah, no thanks. That's a goob tube if I ever heard it. I was like, who are you guys? Goob tube? Yeah, who are you? Goob's a goob tube if I ever heard it. Yeah. I was like, who are you guys? Goob tube? Yeah, who are you?

Goob tube? You goob tube? That's what I'm saying. We should make a channel called Goob Tube. Actually, we should make a website called Goob Tube, and it's just YouTube except everything has goob in it. Yeah. It just replaces shit with goob.

Yeah. It'll be like a drag. What's that woman's name? Unicorn Lady? Dragon Lady? The popular one. Dragon Lady. Dragon Goob.

No, like Unicorn Island or whatever that's called. Superwoman. Superwoman's her name. Yeah, Superwoman. We call her Goober Woman. And she'd be on GoobTube. And it'd be Goobicorn Island. The whole thing would be Goob.

I love Goobicorn Island. Goobicorn Island is like Goobers but also corn on an island. Yeah. It's an apt name. Yeah. And then when you upload, a little voice would be like goob tube whenever you finish uploading yeah but at least for your voice that would be a terrible idea the worst just the worst idea yeah if we can go on shark tank and convince them to invest in goobTube. Yeah. I think we'd be okay.

I think so too. I've been watching, I was watching a lot of Shark Tank and it made me want to be a shark. Now I just need money. What? You just want to invest in people's stuff? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, and then you just make money off it. It's easy if you got money. I guess that's true.

It's one of those spend money to make money kind of things, right? Yeah, it's one of those things where if you're already rich you can be like i'll just put my money into other shit and then that'll make money and then some of them will fail but i'm making money off the other things so it doesn't matter right right no i get that no i get that yeah now we just need billions of dollars if we had see here's the thing had, see, here's the thing. Even millions of dollars. Here's the thing. What if, bear with me here. What if someone, let's say a rich Saudi prince.

We played Fortnite with Drake. I mean, that would make us the money we needed. But what if someone who has a lot of money, right? They don't have a lot of free time. They don't have a lot of free time. They just have money. They're working hard for that money. What if they had so much money, they gave us the money to start a business called Goob Tank. All right. Yeah.

Goob Tank was where you and I had a show where people would come on and pitch us their ideas and we invest in those ideas. But here's the trick. We'd make money for the person who invested in us, and then we'd make money for ourselves. It's a pyramid scheme that I think can't fail. I like it. I like it too. Yeah, but we don't call it a pyramid scheme.

We call it a triangle scheme. Actually, not a scheme. It's just a triangle plan. Yeah, a triangle idea. Yeah. An ideangle. Mm. An idea-angle. Mm-hmm. I think.

A goob-tangle, we'll call it. Yeah, a goob-tangle. And I'm just saying, what if, what if someone invested in us? I'm going to let you know right now. If someone gave us a million dollars, I bet we could turn that around in two. I bet we could. If someone gave us $1 million, I bet we could make them $2 million. I bet we could. If someone gave us one million dollars, I bet we could make them two million dollars. I bet we could, too. I think our ideas speak for themselves. Plus,

there has to be a Rich Cox and Crandor fan out there who just has the money and wants to give it to us. There's gotta be. Alright. What if, what if, what if you gave us one million dollars and then we guaranteed you would make you would get $500,000 back.

Yes. Now, this may sound like we're trying to rip you off. That's a guarantee. We guarantee that if you give us $1 million, we'll give you $500,000 back. That's only a 50% loss. That's better than the stock market. Yeah. We promise you that if you give us $1 million, you'll get half

of your money back. Listen, if they're giving us that much money, they've probably got enough money to be like, yeah, whatever. They probably don't even need it. Yeah. I'm just saying, people give people money all the time. Where's the people who are going to give us money?

Let me tell you what could lead to amazing things, such as Nicolas Cage movies that we've created. Yeah. We would pay for Nicolas Cage to star in a movie that Crandor and I wrote. That would be a box office bestseller.

It wouldn't even be at the box office. It'd be so elite. It would be DVD. Direct to GoobTube. Yeah, direct to GoobTube. But then another rich person would see that, and they'd be like, this has got some potential. And they would invest in that. I'm an executive producer in Hollywood and a member of the Writers Guild of America.

This is real. This isn't fake. This is a one-time opportunity. Get in now. If you're not the one to do it, someone else will do it. And then you'll be sitting on the sidelines and you could have made $500,000 for a small donation

of $1 million. We promise you $500,000. $500,000 is more than one think about that look at it some people just give money to like pbs they're not even gonna give you anything back except public programming yeah and we give you public programming too but it's not another we don't give you tax write-offs because taxes are for suckers, which is why I pay my taxes every year on time. Which is why I fully respect the IRS

and hope never to have any interactions with them. Yeah. Well, they did send me a letter once, and they're like, hey, you owe us $17. And I was like, oh, sorry, and then I sent it to them. I one time got a letter that said, you owe us, it was like $3,000. I was like, okay. I mailed it in, got a check back for was like $3,000. I was like, okay,

I mailed it in, got a check back for the amount I mailed in. It was like, here, here's your refund. I was like, what? All right,

sure. I know one time I owed him $17 and one time I got back like 30 and I was like, okay, that's beautiful. Every time I get an IRS letter and they're like, he's $17 check, please. And I'm like, America right there. I got a shit IRS letter, and they're like, $17 check, please. And I'm like, oh, okay. I always think it's like, we're going to audit you and take you to prison.

I'm like, no, please. And that's just like, oh, I owe $17. I don't want that. I don't want to be audited and take. The IRS could literally be ripping me off, and I wouldn't know. Every time I get a letter from them, it's like, you owe this amount. I'm like, yeah, okay, sure, take it. Yes, sir. Whatever you say, sir owe this amount. I'm like, yeah, okay, sure, take it. Yes, sir.

Whatever you say, sir, please take my money. Oh, yeah. We're getting a letter from some guy who lives in the wilderness who's like, that's why I live off the grant. And really, they're probably just going after some guy who's got his money overseas. He's got $800 million stowed away

that he's not paying or something. Don't do that. Don't stow away your $800 million. You're making it difficult for the rest of us. We're over here trying to make a living and you're over there trying to rip people off, which means you have $1 million you can invest in

Crandor and I. If you really want to rip people off, rip yourself off. Invest in Crandor and I. That should be our slogan. Rip yourself off. Goob Tube. Rip yourself off. Goob Tube. Rip yourself off. How did we get here from Goob Tube? I don't know.

I don't know either. By the way, pyramid schemes. There's some really weird pyramid schemes out there. You know that one where you sell knives? Oh, my God. I went to one of those when I was 18, 19 No no no No

How old was I? Oh my god I think I was in Freshman Maybe sophomore year of college And I was looking for a job because you know you need money And there was an Ad in the paper that was How do I describe it?

It was described as something along the lines of over-the-phone sales staff. And I was like, I can talk to people on the phone. This should be easy. When I got to this thing, it was an interview that was me and 18 other people. And I was like, this can't be right. We're all sitting in a room and a lady comes out and literally starts demonstrating how to cut with this knife and she's like cutting tomatoes and stuff and i was like oh no and then they then eight other employees air quotes showed up and sort of gathered around us in sort of a you can't leave kind of vibe and a guy got up and he was like this seems like a pyramid scheme and a dude

walked over to him and was just like it's not sir and put his hand on his up and he was like, this seems like a pyramid scheme. And a dude walked over to him and was just like, it's not, sir. And put his hand on his shoulder. And the dude sat back down. And I was like, oh, no. They're going to kill us with these knives. So what happened was they're like, yeah, so we're going to take a little break. And feel free to have some more food. It's delicious.

And it's made with these knives. It's delicious and it's made with these knives. And then around the room I started noticing all the different signs of you tell a friend and you tell a friend. And that friend sells – it was just a pyramid scheme. So when they went to lunch, I was like, I got to go to the bathroom. Went to the bathroom and just booked it out the back door. I was like, y'all are going to die alone. I ain't going with you.

Yeah, so that happened. So that was a weird experience. That's really weird. Yeah, it was strange. They were hard selling it. This knife is for you. And that's why we handpicked all of you for these knives. That's pretty much what it was. It was this woman trying to tell us that what we were doing is very important.

It was a service to the community, like that kind of stuff. And everyone in the room was like, no. I don't know. So do you think she was like the top pyramid schemer? Or do you think she was For the area, probably, yeah. And all the people that were with her were sort of under her, which meant

that when we were there, we'd be under those people. That's how they'd make their money. Because you never make money that way. In a pyramid scheme, that's just not how it works. The same thing with cosmetic things and all that stuff. What's that one big one?

Avon. Yeah, Avon. I think my mom did that for a while. Everyone, I think, has a little dabble in that world until you see how awful it is. Because I think everyone has the idea of like, I can get rich off of this. Other people have done it. So can I. If I just put my heart and mind into it, it's like, no, that's not how that works.

I remember back when I started YouTube, I was like a year or two into it. And one of my old friends was like, hey, what are you up to? I'm like, I'm doing YouTube. He's like, oh, I'm selling these energy drinks. And like, old friends was like hey what are you up to I'm like I'm doing YouTube he's like oh I'm selling these energy drinks and like you want to like team up and you like promote my energy drinks and I was like nah nah I don't think so

no I don't want to yeah there's like knives there's energy drinks there's Avon and makeup and shit and there's there's another one in there there's so many things There's so many things. There's so many things like that. Yeah.

A lot of them prey on college kids, too, because they know they need jobs and money. Right. That's exactly what it was. It was in the college newspaper as like a job. And I was like, oh, that's cool. Is it on campus? That kind of stuff. Instead, I took jobs that were I had a job at the polish uh student center doing their website mind you

i don't know how to make a website i have no clue i just bullshitted my way into getting the job it's like life too i lied i said uh that i knew what i was doing and instead i went home every night with the changes they needed me to make and asked a friend online how to do it and he like walked me through when that friend wasn't online i'd be like there was an issue with the website and i couldn't it couldn't really work with it yeah oh i lied i lied to that job that was three hundred dollars a week that was great for college yeah that's pretty good yeah the first college job i ever had was at a place it was at what the hell sub board i think it called. And it was for the radio station there. So the student union had a company that ran the student union at my college.

And I worked for that company as part of the radio station. $90 a month. Here's the thing. $90 a month when you're in college is incredible. That's true. Because everything else was paid for because you got your food and everything paid for so $9 a month was like

I get two free games every month this is great but 300 that's like 300 that was my senior year of college and I lied my way into that you like have a date and be like hey hey babe you want to go to Red Robin like damn we to go to Red Robin?

Like, damn, we can go to Red Robin. All you can eat fries, girl. All you can eat fries. You'd be the king of the king of the town. Yeah, that's that's how it felt. That's how it felt. Except for like 40 year old guy hitting on college people being like, hey, got 800 million dollars overseas. That's a lot of professors.

Yeah, that's true. A lot of professors are that guy. Also, if that dude's listening, $800 million overseas, give us one. Give us one. One million dollars and we will get you back $500,000. Before the IRS finds you. Okay, so I think it's time we take a break. We take a moment to talk about my favorite thing, food. I love it.

I love food. I love it i love food i love good food and i love when good food comes to you blueapron.com do you mean to me or to you it could come to both of us hell yeah now you're talking yeah blueapron.com fresh ingredients and recipe delivery across the country its mission is to make incredible home-cooked meals accessible to everyone. Damn. You don't even got to go to the grocery store. You just get it all shipped to you. You get healthy meals.

You just sit down. You don't got to get your recipe book out. You don't got to go to the grocery store and be like, what are we going to make today? And you got to look through grandma's recipes, and she's like, five ounces of buttered popcorn. And you're like, that doesn't make any sense, Grandma. They don't even make buttered popcorn anymore.

It's the future. Everything is low-cal, so-cal, fat-free. And that's why you get Blue Apron at blueapron.com slash cox. Blue Apron is, I've used it before. It's actually very, very cool. You get all the things you need pre-portioned, and then it gives you a recipe card, and you can cook from, there's many options. Basically what happens is you go to the website and you order what you want to receive for the week. And there are many,

many options, but it also does it based on calorie count. So you can't get like, I want all the hamburgers all week long, right? It's going to be like, no, whoa, hold up, dude. That's a lot of carbs. And so you can like mix and match and decide what you want. It's very, very cool. And what's exciting is that once you get it in the mail, it has a little recipe card. And the recipe card is awesome and all. But as I discovered, my mom came to visit one day.

She was like, you know what? You have the food. Who needs recipes? She chucked it away and made something with the ingredients that was her own idea. Damn. You don't need to even follow the recipes. You don't need to follow what the man says for you to do. You can make your own because it comes to you with all the ingredients to create whatever it is you think will be awesome.

But if you are uncreative like us, they give you 12 new recipes each week. And you can pick two, three, or four recipes based on whatever fits your schedule. And they only send non-GMO ingredients and meat with no added hormones. Absolutely. And for the next six weeks, from April 16th through May 21st, Blue Apron is teaming with Airbnb to bring you some of the best home cooking from around the world. Each week, the menu is going to feature recipes developed in collaboration with an Airbnb Experiences host like Cece, a chef from Shanghai who makes incredible Kung Pao chicken. Come on now. I want that.

I want that too. Listen, all right. It's sometimes after you eat out for a while, you just get sick of eating out. All right. You don't want to go eat all the fast food garbage trash. You just want like real food. But you're like, I don't know what to make. And fast food garbage trash You just want real food But you're like I don't know what to make And so bam they just tell you what to make

And they're like here's the stuff make it And you're like oh okay and then you make it And bam it's easy you're healthy And you get to live your life And be happy That's really true a lot of people Wonder like why don't you just go to the grocery store Why can't you just shop

Many people don't know how they don't know what to buy They don't don't you just go to the grocery store? Why can't you just shop? Many people don't know how. They don't know what to buy. They don't know recipes. If they go to the grocery store, they're going to buy macaroni and cheese, right? They don't know what to make. And this is a gateway into learning how to cook for yourself. And I can't recommend that enough because eventually, once you learn how to cook for yourself, you're going to be like, I should do this all the time. You save money.

You save time. And you're going to spend those few precious moments with your family and friends making food. So right now, check out this week's menu at blueapron.com slash cox. You get your first three meals free, people. Three meals free. Free. Three free meals.

Three free meals. Blueapron.com slash cox. That's three free meals for free. That's free meals. Three free meals. Meals three. That's three free meals for free. That's free meals. Three free meals. Meals three. Meals three free for me. At Blueapron.com slash Cox.

Blue Apron, a better way to cook. All right. Let's get back to the show. What other jobs do you have? I didn't know you made like Polish websites. I mean, it was literally just like what was going on at the Polish student union that day. Oh. Yeah, it was basic website stuff.

I lied. I have no idea how to make a website. I couldn't tell you. What else did I do? Oh, I worked at Mighty Taco. It was a taco place in New York. Oh, yeah. I worked there.

At the same time, I dated a girl who worked there, too. at the same time I dated a girl who worked there too and I remember we broke up and I went to the Mighty Taco to say that I quit because I didn't want to have to work with her anymore she was in there like talking shit about me to one of the other girls who was there and I was like real?

for real? this is like how you act? like no wonder I want to quit this place and I remember I took my shirt that I was, because you had to hand in your shirt. You had to hand in your Mighty Tiger shirt. And I like chucked it behind the counter and it landed in the refried beans. And I walked out. I was so mad I didn't care.

Damn, they had to remake those refried beans. Maybe they did. I don't know. Or they did. Maybe they did. I have no clue. i couldn't tell you what happened yeah i got so mad i was i was just like are you kidding me like i came in here to like say goodbye to everyone and then peace out and be like it's fun knowing you and you're over you like

got here first and like start talking shit i'm like girl you trashy i chucked my shirt in Atlanta and literally fried me. What did you do after that? Walked out and went home. I mean, job wise. Oh, after that I worked at a Ralph's. No, not a Ralph's. What was it called in? Ralph's is what it's called in LA.

Yeah. It's whatever the version of Kroger and Ralph's. It's whatever that is in New York. I can't remember remember the name of it But I worked there stocking shelves overnight Huh And so and this was Early in college I don't remember I remember Listening to Coast to Coast AM as I stocked Shelves oh yeah

And it was when George Norrie was like Two or three years into doing it. Yeah, like really new. Yeah, and I just stocked shelves overnight. It was literally show up at 10 p.m. Maybe it was midnight, whatever time it was. You show up late and you leave at 8 a.m.

Damn. That's later than I go to sleep. It messed my sleep schedule up bad. Like you would show up in the middle of the night, unload a truck, then just take the boxes out and stock the shelves. Shit, dude. It was crazy. I would go to bed at 8 a.m., wake up maybe noon because I couldn't sleep right. Mamma mia.

And then I'd lounge around the house and be like a bum, just like, ugh. You only get four hours of sleep a night? and then I'd lounge around the house and be like a bum, just like, ugh. And then – You only get four hours of sleep a night? I had class and stuff too that I had to go to. Jiminy Christmas. I know. It was a terrible job. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

That sucked. And so then I decided I didn't want to work any real jobs, so I went and lied my way into the studio. Because, yeah, the first job I had in college was at the radio station. Actually, the first job I had in college was before college started. I got a job at a movie theater. And I loved that job. That was so much fun.

You would get movie posters and you could watch movies early and stuff. It was cool. But there was a lot of drama. Who knew there would be drama at a movie theater? Drama at a movie theater? I. But there was a lot of drama. Like, who knew there'd be drama at a movie theater? Drama at a movie theater? I know. There was a lot of it. I remember, I don't remember why I quit.

I think because I wanted to focus on school more, because it was my freshman year. But I remember I went to a party and, like, made out with one of the girls at this party, and her roommate was not having it and i think it was because he liked her oh yeah and i think he was like real pissed about that and really appreciated if like you didn't talk to her because she's cool girl and she doesn't deserve to talk to you basically that was it and here's the thing he was like a pretty good looking dude and if he wanted to, I guess he could have like got with her.

But I think maybe she friend zoned him real hard because they were roommates and living together. And so I was just like, I'm sorry, dude. She's beautiful. And I'm you know, 18. I'm trying to get my Mac on G. Yeah, it's trying to get my Mac on G.

And he was not having it. And he would make sure I was never invited over my Mac on G. Yeah. It's trying to get my Mac on G. And he was not having it. And he would make sure I was never invited over to their house again. It never happened. I like to imagine to this day, she's like married, has kids, and he's still like. He's still there. Still a very good friend. Yeah. And he's just like talking to her husband like, yo, you sure you want to have kids with her, dude?

I don't know. I don't think I'd do that. In a world maybe they're married maybe it finally worked out for him yeah and then they got divorced i never i never saw them again after i went to my freshman year of college and never saw any of those people again never like i i got so caught up in college that's one of those things where like it's always fun to look back on those people which is one of the only things like facebook is great for is just looking back on all those people from high school and college and everything. Yeah, I don't... Aside from stealing your data, but I mean...

Yeah, of course, but who cares about that? Yeah. I don't ever look back at... Every once in a while, recently, I saw a photo Of an old high school Friend And then went down A high school thing Of just looking at High schoolers Yeah

Not like Current high schoolers High schoolers I went to school with Yeah I went to school With high schoolers Yeah

And I realized The vast majority of them Are married With kids Yeah And they look old as shit. Just beat down by life.

None of them look the same. They all look a mess. And then I posted a photo. After I did all that, I posted a photo of me dressed as Mae. It was like, I was looking at all your photos, and you have lovely children, and you've all turned into great adults. This is what I do. I was just like, I feel real good right now. I know what my future is.

I'm going to be, you know in Storage Wars, the guy with the skull gloves? Yeah. And he always wears the bowling shirts? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's going to be me. I'll be driving around in caddies with the top down, hitting on younger women, not knowing my place in the world, and just buying storage lots. Because, F it, I want to buy storage lots. I know that's what's going to happen.

I see it clear as day. Yeah. At least you know what you're going to do when you're older. Yeah. But I, no, I never go back and look at, first off, I rarely use Facebook, but I never go back and look at exes or anything because I just, I did that once. And I think I was satisfied enough to be like, yeah, I feel like I'm doing better. Yeah. And so the one person I looked back on was a girl I dated in college who really like hardcore broke my heart.

That was like the first heartbreak I ever had. And maybe like five, six years later, I went back and looked and yeah, I was fine. I was like, yeah, no, I feel like I'm doing great. So yeah, I'm not particularly worried. I don't, I'm not one of those look back people. I don't want to see, because also I'm afraid that I'm going particularly worried. I'm not one of those look-back people. I don't want to see... Because also I'm afraid that I'm going to see someone and they'll be like, Ha, yes, well, I'm now the princess of Lithuania,

and I am married to Jean-Pablo Philippe III, or some nonsense. And I'm like, cool, all right, you win. If anything, I'd message them and be like you know what you deserve this congrats that's way better than me i'm doing i admit it you win you lucked out you shouldn't have stayed with me i just enjoy seeing where people have gone on their journey like some people they're like the popular kid it's like works it hooters now well yeah i enjoy that too that's why i like looking at high school because i spent years with those kids like years eight ten years with those

kids so i like to know where they're at and see what they're doing um but yeah x's i don't give a shit about but old friends i think are fascinating like uh god the other day, because of that rabbit hole, I looked at Taylor Burris and Brad Hikes. When I was in school, Taylor and Brad were like the drama kids, especially Taylor. She was like the one who really was – she wanted to be in Second City and she was, you know, really funny. Very comedic. I was like, what is she doing now? I looked her up. She is on, you can Google her.

She does exist. But from what I saw, she works in San Jose or Sacramento or something as like a ballet instructor. Huh. And I was like, well, how did she get there? And then I went back through the story of her life. I got stalkery with it. I want to see what was going on. I feel like everybody does.

Yeah, she went to Second City and she lived her dream. She went to Second City and then she did a thing in Boston. And then, of course, she met a dude. And the dude, I guess they got married, maybe had a kid, I don't know. But of course, you're tied down. Tied you down. Tied you down. She was forced

to take jobs. Real jobs. Not me. And this is a lesson I've learned. I may be old, but I still can live my life. And I'm thankful for that. I may be old, but I still can live my life, and I'm thankful for that. I may die alone. I may never really find love.

I may never have the warm embrace of a child of mine, but by God, I can do whatever the hell I want when I want. That just reminds me of The Simpsons where there's Milhouse's dad, and he just gets divorced, and then he's like hey i got a race car bed you sleep in a race car and then homer's like i sleep in a big bed with my wife and he's like oh yeah uh it's one of those things oh yeah it's like everybody it's not stalkery because you're you're just kind of like seeing what they're up to and they're like posting shit you're not like i gotta find them oh you're just like of like seeing what they're up to and they're like posting shit. You're not like, I got to find them.

You're just like, what are they doing? She hasn't posted anything on Facebook. I literally stalked to find her, which then I stalked to find Brad. I think he might be dead. He was in off-Broadway theater about 10 years ago. What the shit? I have no knowledge of what he's done since. You couldn't tell me.

I looked. I looked. And the last thing I saw was he was in an off-Broadway theater living in Scranton, Pennsylvania maybe, I think. And he's vanished now. He vanished. I don't know what happened to him. I literally have lost all trace of him meanwhile

thank god for everyone else because they still live in my hometown and are like yeah doing hometown jobs which god bless because i can stalk them in peace yeah it's uh i think small town people have that a lot more like commonly like if you go to school in like a more city-ish environment like i went to school it was like there's a whole bunch of high schools with like thousands of people and it's like it's a shit ton of people you can't possibly know everybody but there's like people that go to school and it's like hey there's like uh me and 100 kids it's like all right like it's very small there's 150 kids in my graduating class damn Damn. We all knew what everyone was doing.

Everyone knew what everyone was up to. Everyone's business was everyone's business. Oh, yeah. I don't like that. I like the city environment. I like nobody knowing anyone. And, you know, you vanish. Well, I don't like that.

I hate that. I finished in, like, the bottom 10% of my high school. Hey, me too, man. Me too. But I finished with a 4.1 in graduate school. So just like, you know, everyone blooms whenever they bloom or is interested in whatever they're interested in. Oh, shit. What was that one kid?

Oh, my God. This one kid. He's this weird kid. He would always sit by himself. And then he started sitting with other people and Then he started getting popular. He was like growing through all this and then what whoa whoa what okay? Just keep going just keep going so he's like progressing like he was he's sitting alone And he's sitting with so like the nerdy kids that he's sitting with popular kids work. Oh, never mind Never mind this guy's an asshole. And then

he stopped talking to all of them and everyone was like, where'd that kid go? Now he's a professional poker player and a millionaire. Damn, you think he... We're like, what the shit? He's a poker player? And it's like, yeah, he's a millionaire now. I was like, what the shit? Do you think that guy

learned about human interaction from all of you and then went and manipulated like he i think so he's you think he's like a robot i think a robot child he has to be there's no doubt he's probably got the poker face too to like like the professional poker face it makes sense to me it really does yeah uh and then everyone else just works at restaurants or like marketing and shit. That's a lot. There's a lot of people in my class that went to go work in marketing and restaurants and lawn care. Yeah.

Lawn care. I know. Lawn care. There's a lot of people in my class that did lawn care stuff. I'm more entertained by the people who went on to do weird things. This one guy, Sean Hayes, is now some part of Congress. I don't know what he does, but I feel like he's a staffer because you can see him in the background of many subcommittees and many committees on things or whatever in Congress, you can see him

in the background standing there or sitting there, like taking notes. Oh, shit. I don't know what he does, though. But he's important. I don't know that he's important, but he's definitely involved. He's in government. Yeah.

In Washington, and I'm like, oh, look at you. I remember when I had my 10-year high school reunion, he was there and he and I talked for a good time because it was one of those things we realized out of everyone who was there, we were the only people who sort of left town. Everyone else who showed up was just there. Like they just drove to the event.

Why would I leave? And we were, it was one of those things where you realize when you're from a little town in ohio and then you leave how little of a town you came from and so everyone there was with their wives that they had been girl boyfriend girlfriends since high school yeah and stuff like that i think i mentioned this before like i went to go tell a joke like i was i was up on stage and we were doing like a bit i went to go tell a joke and i was pretending like i was drunk and uh one of the girls like took my microphone she's like jesse you had too much to drink and i thought it was part of the bit

so i started like playing like coy with her and she was like no you've had enough to drink i was like what i was like i thought we were i like looked around the room and there was like a few concerned faces like is he drunk and i was like what i can't even with you guys you're no fun i was like y'all are no fun what losers what squares they were both losers and squares. And this is when we were, what, 27 at the time? Yeah. 27? And half of them are already married with kids, and you're just like, you people are boring. You are boring.

Boring. Boring people. We were trying to make fun jokes and have a good time. And they were like, no, no humor. I'm playing League of Legends. Yeah. There was one kid. There's actually one kid that's pretty interesting. He was always like this

kid that sweat a lot, but he was huge. He's like a prime athlete. He was a cool guy, though. And then he was doing really well in football, and then he went to college and he was doing well enough to where he actually entered the NFLfl draft he got signed as an undrafted free agent to some team and then he got cut and then he was never heard from again we had that with someone there was a um

who was that kid rob corrado what happened to him oh i, he definitely didn't make it. Rob Corrado baseball. He definitely didn't make it because he lives now back home in the hometown. He lives back home in the hometown. But, yeah, you can straight up Google him, and he shows up immediately, and then you get a photo of him. Google him and he shows up immediately and then you get a photo of him. Rob Corrado

definitely played baseball, but now he works at Kauffman Tire. Wow. There you go. Crazy. That's one of those things where I feel like everybody in comments, you should post your weirdest

or craziest person you used to go to school with and like what you looked up and what they do now like oh yeah old little tim tom timmy uh you know he was always made fun of in school and now he's like uh on shark tank some shit like who knows yeah well yeah it's so bizarre i just every time i look someone up i'm'm like, I wonder what they're doing. They had so much potential in school. Oh, my God. There's one kid, Grant Dietrich. I'm looking this kid up.

Grant. How do you spell Dietrich? Oh, my God. Do you think he's famous now? He's got to be. And there's, of course, my good friend LeBron James. We go way back. Whoa, no.

What? What? He's dead. Holy shit. He died in 2012. What? Oh, my God. Grant Dietrich and this other kid he used to hang around with in school were basically

bulk and skull. I mean like, Grant was this huge dude who was like all muscle and fat and he would just like play football and just like stomp dudes. Yeah. But he was also

kind of like the bully. There weren't any real bullies in our school, but he was always in trouble for picking on someone or being a dick to someone. Right. And he was always in football. And then he sort of vanished during one year of school. And I don't remember what year that was. But I just looked him up, and he straight up died in 2012. Holy shit.

Wow. Yeah, I saw his photo, and it says Grant Dietrich obituary. Wow. Yeah, I saw his photo and it says Grant Dietrich obituary. Wow. Shit, dude. What the hell? That's crazy. That is crazy.

Oh my God. Well, the more you know, the more you would have expected. Like literally, it's him. I'm looking at the comments. I like how you went to check if he's famous.

It's like the complete opposite. Yeah, no. I mean, there's a lot of people commenting on him and saying we miss you. So I guess that's nice. Maybe he changed his life for him. I don't know. I wish I knew how he died. Yeah.

Huh. Yeah, weird. That's crazy. Read more. Oh, here's his obituary. Okay. Born 1980, died 2012, Dayton, Ohio. Wonderful extended family.

Funeral memorial services. It doesn't say anything. It just says he had a large family. He was survived by his brother, stepfather, wonderful extended family, stepsisters, large family on his mother's side, grandfather, baptized by a Methodist church, attended church, took communion with his mother, funeral services, God's loving arms. Doesn't say anything about him, though.

Huh. That's weird. I wish that, God, when I die, someone make that obituary like, Jesse, let me tell you about this son of a bitch. He did this and this and then, for fun, he did this thing too. Also, he was kind of a creep.

And he died eating the big steak challenge at Guy Fieri's big steak challenge house. Right? I don't want people to include all the people in my family that get to be sad because I'm gone. I want it to be like, all these people are happy they got to know him.

He died eating a damn steak. And then he went and crapped it all out on a toilet and died of a heart attack. Yeah. He died like he lived on the toilet. I want mine to say that. Yeah. That's all I want. I like it.

I just, yeah, man, that's so depressing. That is depressing. I was like, what happened to Grant? Dude's dead? Holy shit. Damn. Well. Now I feel bad asking people to go look up there. The people they knew.

I don't want to hear the sad sob stories. Yeah. Oh, my God. Let's post the funny ones. Yeah. Okay. Well, I guess we can go to chop to go to some of the crowd no crowd no how's that traffic out there uh i mean does traffic really matter when in the grand scheme of things our existential crisis and existence is truly a more important topic so i mean on your way to work or school today, just think,

Hey, man, I'm driving a car and I'm alive, you know? Keep your eyes on the road. Don't die. Back to you. Thanks, Grendor. Now let's go over to the weather desk. Grendor, how's that weather? Weather.

What up? We're at the weather desk. We're having fun. Is it hard when you've got a library card? That's an Arthur quote. Is it? Is it hard

when you've got a library card? That's an Arthur quote. It's from Arthur. A show Arthur? I'm aware of what it is. I just... By the way, I tried watching a new episode of Arthur

because we were flipping through tv channels i was like arthur it actually held my attention and they had like they're covering topics like uh they have an ipads like the one girl had an ipad and then the library was closing and i was like but having fun is it hard we've got a library card and like yeah library ran out of funding everyone uses phones now i was like oh my God, Arthur's getting real. Yeah, anyway, that happened. Ah, shit, weather. What's going on?

What's going on with weather? Give me a second here. What is going on with weather? Well, last episode, Woppy had a robot seizure, so he's kind of in the shop again. So I'm going to be taking over for him for today. And we're going to type in Tay for Taylor Swift. But instead of Taylor Swift, we're going to Tay Tay Rizal Philippines. You know what?

Maybe Taylor Swift has been there. Yeah. Maybe she's been to Tay Tay. I feel like she's gone to places that were her own name. Yeah. I believe that. Over in Tay-Tay, it is 92 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 101.

Jesus. Oh, my God. It's going to be 94 today, 94 tomorrow, and 93 on Monday. Oh my mama mia. That's hot. And then, is it ever going to cool down? No, 93, 93, 92, 92, 91, 91, 91, 91, 91, 90, 90. With thunderstorms almost every day.

That's out of control. 91 in thunderstorms every day. That shit's crazy of control. 91 thunderstorms every day. That shit's crazy. You're crazy for me, Philippines. I like my temperate climates. I wonder if anyone's tweeting anything from TayTay Philippines. Let me check real quick.

Do you think people would bother? I just typed in TayTay and the top one is TayTay on Twitter top one is TayTay on Twitter and they said who fixes iPhone screens for the low I don't know what that means

on the low? they said who fixes iPhone screens for the low by the way I just found our story for today I'm going to send it to you in a minute while trying to look up TayT I just found our story for today. I'm going to send it to you in a minute. All right. While trying to look up TayTay, I found our story. I also typed in TayTay Philippines, and the top one is hashtag little mix to the BBMAs 2018,

and they said didn't know Philippines, Japan, Australia, New Zealand are part of Europe. Huh. Okay. Yeah. Didn't know Philippines, Japan, Australia, New Zealand are part of Europe. Huh. Okay. Yeah. Wow. That checks out.

That checks out. And someone else said, going to Tay-Tay Rizal, Philippines. Hey, good for you. They said that in March 2011. Oh, God. Well, they never came back. They never came back. And that's the weather. All and sports sports welcome to the sports desk and have a great day enjoy your stay we got some crazy news

in sports lane um first off nba season is done bunch of teams made the playoffs including the minnesota timberwolves for the first time in 14 years. Congratulations to them. Also, the Bulls managed to beat out the Sacramento Kings in the lottery 50-50 flip of a coin pick because they tied in records to see who'd get a better draft pick, and the Bulls got it. Thank God. I'm convinced it's rigged. Keep rigging it.

And then, hopefully they rig it and they get the top pick. That'd be even better. So yeah, NBA's kind of coming to an end, but now the playoffs are here. I just love watching playoff anything. It's fun watching the teams slowly grow to hate each other over a course of seven games. I agree.

And speaking of which, hockey. Hockey playoffs have started, and it's getting crazy. Pittsburgh destroyed Philadelphia in game one. Damn right. Philadelphia beat Pittsburgh tonight 5-1. They had a shit on them right back. Damn wrong. That's what we like to see.

It's going to get crazy now. They're going to start hitting each other. They're going to start fighting. Vegas won their first game against LA. Go Vegas. And they're winning 1-0 right now. Still crazy. Go Vegas Knights, the expansion team.

Which is kind of insane. They just threw together a bunch of expansion players, and now they're winning playoff games. Which is just players nobody wanted. They're like, hey, you can have them. And now they're doing great. And then Winnipeg beat Minnesota. Minnesota. Minnesota.

Minnesota? Baseball is, they're on game like 13 of 162, so you got plenty of baseball games left. Oh my God. Speaking of which, speaking of games, going back to basketball really quick. Okay. My dad, apparently one of the Lakers, one of the ball boys, I believe, is in the same building as my parents.

What? I know. And so my dad tells me every day how he talks to him. What? I know. And they have have conversations and apparently they had a conversation about how I guess back at the beginning of the season how long

the seasons had gotten. And then when the season was over my dad gave him like a whole like lecture about how time flies and how he should enjoy his youth and stuff. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Dude. Your dad's more of a dad than his dad. No comment. I don't need his dad on me. I don dad than his dad. No comment.

I don't need his dad on me. I don't need his dad trying to pick fights. Maybe he wants to give us a million dollars. Maybe he could. To debate him over that. We would sit outside in a park with a debate me sign. We'll do it. For a million dollars, we'll debate.

For a million dollars, we'll debate anyone. We'll debate the ball boys. Every ball boy. Yeah. Think about it. ESPN, have us on. We'll debate anyone we'll debate the ball boys every ball boy yeah think about it espn have us on we'll debate on espn live yeah we don't even need facts we don't need we have opinions we don't need facts lakers did pretty mediocre they're kind of getting better, though. And then what else? NFL. NFL Draft is coming up two weeks away. Yep. I'm actually going to be live streaming the NFL Draft with Sinvicta. Wow.

Not like the rebroadcast, but like us watching ESPN Live Tracker and being like, Hey, what do you think of this thing? Because we can't actually rebroadcast the actual event. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. you think of this thing? Because we can't actually rebroadcast the actual event. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do have a little fun with that. That'll be up on my stream. Sports.

All right. And now, before we get to our big news story of the day. Right. It's not a story I feel like we can cover, but, oh, no, what happened to it? What did I do to it? What did you do to it? What did you do to it? I don't know what I did. There's a story we can cover, and that story is...

I gotta find it again. Hold on. I got distracted. It's not even worth it now. It's not even worth it. This is one of those stories that we can't cover because it's a little too inappropriate and probably not as funny as the headline makes it seem. Yeah.

But it's something I felt like we needed to discuss. It is. Yes. Hold on. I'm excited. Hold on. I'm ready. Okay, here we go.

Florida man who said his girlfriend choked on his giant penis is cleared of murder. All right. Yeah, so that's, I mean, that's a thing. Well. Yeah. At least we know he didn't do it. That's not the real story. The real story is this uh

all right what is this policeman says he robbed bank to impress taylor swift it ties in what we were talking about it does tie in and that does look like a crazy person that would rob a bank uh i swear yeah every time they show one of these mug shots from somebody who does something crazy you see it in their eyes you see it in their eyes that they're not sane well i think it's because those are the eyes of a person who has no shame right like yeah when crazy people get caught doing something like normal people if you get arrested they have like oh no my life yeah crazy is just is that a camera for me yeah oh man i bet taylor swift's gonna be here any day um police say connecticut man with a

crush on singer taylor swift robbed a bank and then went to the pop star's Rhode Island mansion where he threw cash over a fence in an attempt to impress her. Jesus Christ. Oh, boy. Yeah, I mean, I imagine here's the truth. I imagine that would impress Taylor Swift. Impress me. If you drove up to her house and threw cash over her fence, wait a minute.

Where are the people who are crazy who are going to throw cash at us? Yeah. Oh, come on, crazy people. Drive up to my house, throw cash over the fence. Good job. Trust me. Now go get more cash and bring it back.

It's like a crony. Good job, minion. Now go get more. Can you imagine? Can you imagine if it was kind of like Warcraft where we had little peons go out and get us money and they bring us back sacks full of gold?

Officer, it wasn't me doing it. It was just the cronies kept going out and getting it for me. We have a war chief's hold over here we gotta build, man. How else are we going to recruit high-level wolf riders? That's a good point.

All right, carry on with your business. Thank you, thank you. Police say it seemed he wanted to propose to Swift, so he drove about 60 miles to westerly Rhode Island and started throwing some of the roughly $1,600 he's charged with stealing over Swift's fence. Rowley was pursued by Rhode Island State Police back to Connecticut where he was arrested.

Huh. He's 26 years old, $100,000 bond, and he doesn't have a defense attorney. Well. Yep. He's gonna do fine. That guy, he's gonna do great. He's gonna do fine. It's always whenever it's like guys, they're doing crazy shit for women. He's like, I was gonna

propose to her after I gave her the bank robbery money. You know what? What? I feel like... I feel like we owe it to the people to actually do this story. Alright. I feel like we owe it to the people to do this story. Alright. I feel like we owe it to the people to do this story. Alright.

Murder suspect who used big penis defense found not guilty. I mean, we gotta do it now. We owe it to everyone, yeah. The Florida man who claimed his girlfriend choked to death during oral sex was found not guilty of second-degree murder Monday. death during oral sex was found not guilty of second degree murder monday richard patterson 65 of margate was acquitted of killing 60 year old girlfriend francesca marquinez in 2015 after a week-long trial during the trial his lawyers initially argued that marquinez died accidentally while performing oral sex center on him at his apartment to To boister their defense, Patterson's lawyers filed a motion to show his penis to the jury. But after a medical expert testified that choking during the sex act was unlikely,

the defense reversed course on the theory. The judge never ruled on the request to put Patterson's member on display in court. That's not the way she died, defense lawyer Ken Padowitz said. But that's the way Richard Patterson thought she died. Only a man would be like, eh, choked to the death of my dick. This is too big. What am I going to do? This is too big.

That's not the way she died, defense lawyer Ken Padowitz said. But that's the way Richard Patterson way she died defense lawyer ken paddow said but that's the way richard patterson thought she died instead the defense argued that there is no way of knowing how she died medical examiners never determined the cause of death because marquina's body was too decomposed what whoa that's the story yeah that's why was her body so decomposed? That's very odd. That is very odd. When did he report this? I just left her there for about two weeks.

What are you going to do? They still don't know how she died. The jury spent five hours deliberating before reaching a verdict. If Patterson had been convicted, he would face life in prison. Wait, this story doesn't make any sense. Wait, this story doesn't make any sense. What? This story doesn't make any sense. This doesn't make any sense.

Then how'd she die? How do they think she died? How else could she have died? I don't understand. Yeah. That's how she thought she died. Spent five hours. Patterson had been dating Marquinez for around four months before she died.

He was arrested in November after he contacted a defense lawyer and told him about Marquinez. By that time, Marquinez had been dead for 24 hours, more likely 48 hours. When police attended the scene, they found Marquine Martinez's decomposing body laying face down on the bed. No signs of trauma and was surrounded by blood and semen stained tissues. What? Uh.

Oh. That is very suspicious. Patterson arrested was arrested after he messaged his daughter and ex-girlfriend saying he did something bad. Uh. That's. How come that wasn't in the other story?

Why is that not in the other story? How'd this guy not go to jail? Oh this guy definitely should have gone to jail. This guy's a murderer. Oh this guy's a murderer. This went from funny to not funny. What the shit? Who is this guy? Is this like one of those like sports calls where they're like?

Oh, we couldn't determine what the call was so we just let him go play stands What the hell like what the shit? Huh Yeah, that's that's unfortunate All right, well, that's unfortunate alright well that's a mess alright alright well

I guess that's it for us alright we'll never truly know what that story was about just like how we'll never really know what life story was about. Just like how we'll never really know what life's about, man. Damn. Damn. Sometimes,

you know what? That's the real story. Sometimes, sometimes you get the dick. Sometimes the dick gets you. That's what it's about. That's life. Yeah. Alright. Well, that's it, everybody.

Thank you so much for listening and watching wherever you are enjoying this. Make sure to give us all of the reviews and five stars and all that. Five stars. On whatever you're listening on. Like, subscribe, favorite. All of it. Smash that like button. Follow it.

Stream. Spaghetti. And as always. Boop. To be continued.