Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 156 - Jesse Is A Sitcom Character

Episode Date: June 11, 2018

Today's episode of Cox n' Crendor is all about terrible segues. No, not the terrible motorized nerd machines, but the terrible verbalized nerd transitions. Jesse's got a whole bunch of them. Also Crendor discovers more of the joys of Florida Man, as well as Jesse's most recent date - which sounds like a Florida Man story. All this and more on the newest Cox n' Crendor! Today's episode is brought to you by Omahasteaks.com! Go there and enter Cox into the search bar for amazing deals on some amazing steaks!

Today's episode is brought to you by Omaha Steaks. Yes. Those steaks are delicious. Just letting you know right now. Omaha Steaks, we're going to talk about it later. Crendor got a bunch in the mail. I'm infinitely jealous. Whole bunch of steaks.

We're going to talk about it. I saw what they sent you, Crendor, and I'm like, Yeah. Meat. They sent a lot of meat. Yeah. Omaha Steaks are awesome, y'all, and we are so excited to have them sponsoring the show today.

So let's jump right into it. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-Hour Reporting Studio. Recording. Hello everybody and welcome to another exciting episode of Cox and Crandor in the Morning. Welcome back.

Hey. It's the Spicy Meatball. Welcome back. Welcome. Speaking of stereotypes and pizza, I was watching a video about a place in Chicago that does thin crust pizza, and the guy in the video was like, oh, all that extra dough, them deep dishes,

that's those uptown boys. Everyone's like, oh. Is that true? Do you guys have a rivalry in your own town about what is good pizza? I mean, there are the people that are like, yeah, this is good pizza, that's good pizza. But for the most part,

most people actually get thin crust. Nobody really is like i only eat this like usually is it midwest because people are not aware there's thin crust pizza but then there's like the midwest version of thin crust which is if you're in new york for example your pizza is you know a normal thin crust pizza and it's cut into like the triangles and you and you fold it up and you eat it as a big slice in the mid Midwest, as far as I'm aware, it's squares. Yeah, it's squares. And they take the same concept, but they put the toppings all the way to the edge and they

cut it into squares. Yeah. Yeah, that's the one. That's a crazy way to eat pizza. It's good. It's little tiny squares. I mean, yeah, it makes you feel like you're... Rather than one big piece, you have like six little pieces.

And you're like, I had six pieces of pizza. And you feel good about yourself. Like, oh, yeah, I ate a lot of pizza. And really, you ate the exact same amount. Like, sometimes, like the triangle, the big triangle, it's like, all right, you know, it's okay. But then the little squares, it feels like it's easier to eat because you can save some. It's easier to heat that up in the microwave if you want later on or in the oven or wherever you want to reheat it. You can eat like little, they got the little end piece of the square.

So it's like you eat like a fourth of a square is the end piece. And you're like, ooh, I can eat a little mini pizza. Pretty much. I used to live, you've stocked my old home. You've been there. I've been there. I used to live. You've stalked my old home. Yes. You've been there. I've been there. I used to live near a place called Marion's Pizza.

Yeah. And Marion's Pizza is the home of that kind of stuff. I remember their pepperoni pizza was okay, but the pizza you got was the sausage pizza because the sausages looked like little rabbit food. Yeah. It was so tiny and little balls. It looked amazing. And you would eat it and be like,

I'm eating rabbit food. When you were like 10, it was awesome. Yeah. I tried that too when I was there because I asked you and you were like, get a Marion's Pizza. Tried it. Uh-huh. It was pretty good. It was pretty greasy. Well, that's a Marion's Pizza.

Yeah. Yeah. That sounds about right. Probably contributed my gallbladder. I probably helped kill you, yeah. Yeah, probably. Oh, well. Yeah, it happens.

What are you going to do? Speaking of being sick. Right. I have a story for you. Okay. So as you're aware, I think as everyone's aware, my life is a series of comedy errors. I'm essentially living in a romantic comedy slash episode of a hilarious workplace situational.

But I'm not the lead actor. I'm the friend who gets involved in the wacky stuff. Oof. So this past Sunday, right? So this would be the fourth date, question mark? So I went out with this very nice young lady, and we went on a few dates. And so for this fourth date, she's's like What if I come over to your place And I make you food

And I was like What Marion's pizza Not Marion's pizza No But it was lasagna She's like What if I make you lasagna

I was like Oh my god Sure okay She's like I've never made it before I was like It's fine And I'm sure it'll be great

Dating the goat head guy Not I am So the goat head guy And I have been on a couple dates. And he's like, do you want a spicy goat head? And I was like, oh, goat head guy, you're so nice. Goat head lasagna. He's a goat head.

A lasagna. And so we, like earlier in the day, just to set this up for you. So we – like earlier in the day, just to set this up for you, earlier in the day at the office I had some – like a sandwich that just did not sit well. It was – like something was wrong with this sandwich. It made me sick all day, and I just did not feel well. But it started to fade away, and I was like, all right, I think I'm better. So I think I can eat this lasagna.

Everything's going to be fine. So I get home from the office, and we meet up, and she's like, all right, I think I'm better. So I think I can eat this lasagna. Everything's going to be fine. So I get home from the office and we meet up and she's like, okay, I like pre-made this, like set it all up. So I have to just put in the oven. I was like, awesome. How long is that going to take? And she's like, eh, not that long. Maybe an hour or something.

I'm like, whatever. So I go to, uh, I'm like, Hey, let's, you know, we're, I think we were watching Westworld and I was like, I'm going to jump on the elliptical so I can get a workout in. Because I haven't done anything today. And she's like, it's fine. Go for it. I was like, okay, cool. Cool. Before I go on, she's like, but I brought you a gift.

Because you were talking about it. Like, you were talking about when you were in the UK. And you were in Amsterdam. And you, like, had this, like, crazy pot brownie. She's like, here. I brought you one. And I was like, what? I was like, I was like girl

I'm like you are You are winning me over So I had like a little bit of the brownie And then I went to go work out First off terrible plan I got off the elliptical Sat down to watch some of Westworld And like everything started going

Like boom boom boom boom, boom, boom. I was like that hit me way too fast. That's not good. That's not good. And she then was like, so do you want to eat this lasagna? I was like, oh, my God. Yeah, I'm starving. Let's do this.

So I ate lasagna. And then because I wanted to prove like how much I enjoyed it because I did enjoy it. It was good. I had another piece. Because it's one of those things like I have to have another piece to show how much I like it. Because if I have one, then the doubt is there that maybe he's lying. So I was like, yeah, of course I have another piece. So I have this other piece

and I'm sitting there. I'm just enjoying the hell out of it. And then a wave, it hits me. Just like, oh no, I don't feel well at all. And so it's getting late and she's like, I gotta be up really, really early. I was like, alright, cool, cool, cool cool um hold on let me run downstairs really quick i went downstairs to the bathroom and i must have puked my guts out everywhere i was just so sick i was like

i was awful and at some point i think she came downstairs to see what I was doing. It probably heard me just like puking my guts up. And I feel like she assumed it was because of the food. And so it was entirely because of what I ate during the day and the fact that I ate that brownie. And I was just so – don't do any of what I did, kids. Don't do any of that. And so she ended up like texting me like, all well i'm just gonna go then i was like please wait i'm just like hovering over the toilet just like please wait and she's like i'm already outside i'm like oh like straight out of like a friends episode i'm aware of what it yeah so that happened that

happened um yeah so that is my love life my dude that is that is a comedy of errors and you know this isn't the first time i have got stories on stories of terrible experiences you do yeah and that wasn't it That's crazy. I just feel bad because, like, what an awkward thing to cook for someone and then them immediately run to the bathroom. I was like, it's not you. Oh, God. I was so sick. Oh, boy.

Or she left and was like, hey, hey, hey, got him. That's probably true. That'll knock his ass down a peg. That could also be what that, it was literally a sting. It was a setup from the beginning. It was a long call. It was the green cheetah. The green, oh, that's what I get for asking out the green cheetah.

I just saw her in the parking garage and was like, green cheetah, I know we don't talk much, but do you want to go out? And she was like, I like a boulder. And she's like, I'll make you the brownie. I'll make him the brownie. Yeah. And then she got me. That's what you get for asking out the Green Cheetah. That's what you get.

I like a little brownie. Sure, I guess I'll have it. Oh, yes. You put it in your mouth now. Yeah, so that's, I learned a lot about myself. I learned that, boy, keep me away from any drugs. And, boy, just stop trying to impress people. That's the lesson I learned.

Stop trying to impress people. Yep, stop trying to impress people. That's the lesson I learned. Stop trying to impress people. Yep. Stop trying to impress people. I was like, don't worry. I bet it worked out. Ed, be honest. No, all of it. It was a perfect storm of a failure.

It was a perfect storm of a failure. She was like, all right, well, I guess I'll go. I was like, no. Yeah, that is. yes, I'll go. I was like, no! Yeah, that is... I've had my fair share of sick experiences with my gallbladder thing, but I've talked about those. Yes, yeah. But I'm adapting.

So, I mean, I wouldn't eat two pieces of lasagna. Even if someone was like, please, I'd be like, no. My body can't handle it. Well, I thought I could. I was convinced I could. I was trying to be like a really nice, awesome guy. And yeah, that's what that gets you.

That's what that gets you. That's what that gets you. That's what that gets you. Let's see. I've been walking a lot because it's nice out. Whenever I go on walks, I always realize there's a very specific set of people that are also out for walks. There's the people who are the dog walkers. Yeah, the dog walkers who are like, I'm walking my dog.

And then they wouldn't be out there unless they were walking their dog. Then there's the runners who are like, yeah, I'm a professional runner. I do this all the time. And sometimes they go with their dog. And you can can tell because they like usually they're dressed for the occasion their dog is also dressed for the occasion yeah the dog's also dressed for the occasion and they're just like running my marathon next weekend fifth one this year uh so there's those people then there's the old people who are like, very nice outside, very good walking day. And then you see them walking.

They're just very slow, like, then there's the neighborhood watch who's out to look for people from the neighborhood. Just like, what are they up to? They're like, I see. I like that you have a neighborhood watch that looks out for you. There's always those people that like the neighborhood watch. And they're just like, I saw you put wind chimes up the other day. Yeah, it's a little loud there. A little loud.

I didn't do that. You are in the Midwest. Oh my god. You have those people. A little loud with those wind chimes there. A little loud with those wind chimes there. Then there's the like mom. There's like the new mom or like the very new mom, kind of like a dodger.

Yeah, like a baby. Yeah, and usually they got the two-pound weights, and they're running with them, or they got the baby in the actual, what do you call it, carriage thingy, stroller. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're pushing with it. The carriage.

The baby carriage. The carriage. And then there's the hippie dudes, and the bikes. baby carriage the carriage um and then uh then there's like the the hippie dudes and like the bikes there's the bikers and they'll always be like on your left and they like you know pass you up uh and then there's like the um it's just the like pack of like a family pack like they go for a family walk those are usually towards the end of the day they just all walk as a family going somewhere uh that's pretty much all the people i've seen oh my god there's this one old man the other day this old foreign man

and he was he's on okay he's on the walking path with his dog and his dog was very old his dog just kind of like was like though and he was just on the phone being like The way you describe him, I don't know what old foreign man means. What does that mean? Like an old Polish man. Oh, alright.

From your accent, I assumed it was eastern block so yeah all right and then he is like oh my god that sounds that sounds like a salute like but then the dog was just old standing there like hey and then he's like and then the dog would like follow him and be like, I feel like you're making fun of a dog that is essentially you. Like if there was a dog version of you. I understood the dog. Like he was just following the guy like,

this is where I am right now. This is my life. And you know. Yeah that's i've seen all these people while uh outside recently it's been great so why are you outside so much are you just going for walks and like having a good time like what is your outside life like? Yeah, I just go for walks. Because in the winter, you can't do that here.

In California or wherever, you can do that. But here, you got to stay inside. Unless you're one of those crazy people, the marathon runners I just talked about. Where they're like, well, just got to go outside. It's like that video of those people running in the winter storm. And they just let me fall. Yeah. They're just like, you can't take a day off bro you gotta get out there fall and slide down the street that's funny as hell you can't take a day off and so yeah once once it even gets like slightly warm everyone go like comes outside and now when it's like warm warm everybody's

really outside and that's just uh it's just a shit show at that point that makes sense it's like warm, warm. Everybody's really outside. It's just a shit show at that point. That makes sense. It's like backed up traffic, but on the sidewalks. Can't get anywhere. Oh, my God. So speaking of day out, the other day I went out and just sort of did a walk around Santa Monica and checked out the pier And just hung out I was sad you weren't there

Mostly because at dinner I had the revelation So I went out to a seafood place And the seafood place was like pretty nice But the fish So they give you like bread at the beginning And I didn't want to eat any of the bread then But the fish I got was sort of like

Almost like fish and chips But not really yeah and so what i did is i put the fish on one of the rolls and ate like it was a sandwich i was so pleased with myself that when the waitress came around again she's like how are you enjoying it i was like i mean i'm loving it now that i made a sandwich look and i pointed the sandwich and i was like i made a sandwich out of the buns and she literally looked at me and goes, that's good. And like walked away. She did not give a shit.

I did it. I did it. I made the sandwich. She looked at me like I was probably a 12 year old. She was like, oof, this guy. I just was really excited. I thought that it was very clever to take the rolls they gave us as a starter and use it to make a sandwich. I thought it was... In clever to take the rolls they gave us as a starter and use it to make a sandwich. I thought it was...

In my mind, I was like, yeah. Nailed it, Cox. She was not. That woman looked at me like, cool. Just walked away. It's like a little kid shown his project to the adult. That's exactly how I felt. And they're just like, that's good,

Timmy. That's exactly how I felt. And they're just like, that's good, Timmy. That's exactly how I felt. I was like, oh, that's not nearly as cool as I thought it was. Alright. Yep. She didn't even pretend to be like, wow, that's awesome. Good idea. She didn't even pretend.

She was just like, yeah. It was incredible. I was like, oh boy, I'm not nearly as charming as I think I am. She was out. She just peaced. It was so funny. You got to be like the model-esque guy to do that. Like, look what I've done with my bread rolls.

And they're like, wow, that's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. If I was like, if I had, if I was like a sexy dude with no shirt was like look what i did my bread roll she'd be like oh man you're those buns are so tight like yo they are i flex my butt toasted why are we not making the first five minutes of porns i don't know i feel like that's an industry right where you just write the first five minutes of porns? I don't know. I feel like that's an industry, right? Where you just write the first five minutes of a porn.

I feel like we could do that for at least two years. Yeah, I feel like we could devote two years of our life to just writing the intros of like pizza delivery. Oh, is that my sausage pizza? Yeah, I put extra sausage on it. Yeah, but that's like the 90s. All right, we would take it to the modern level. Oh, you're right. You're right. Are you my Uber driver? That's

right. I hear you want to take a ride. Yeah. Let me hop on. Okay. Yeah. We're very good at this we got the ideas yeah mhm you can do that you can do uh

do you wanna go hunt pokemon with me yeah let's play pokemon go pull out your app oh there's a diglet in your pants you've gotta catch him that's not just a diglet that's a diglet in your pants you've gotta catch him that's not just a diglet

that's a dug trio what does that mean what does that mean it's a dug trio it's an evolved diglet do you not know the pokemon I do know the Pokemon? I do know the Pokemon, but that's three of them. Yeah.

That's not healthy. That sounds terrifying. I already said it's healthy. It's porn. Yeah. See, these are the scripts we need to get out there. These are the scripts we need To get out there These are the scripts we need Yeah We need to be

The ones responsible for the first five minutes of porn That everyone skips through We can do that If you're fast forwarding through a porn We want to have written the part you're fast forwarding through You can tie one into politics Be like a liberal and a conservative And they're fighting and then they're like you know what We need to have written the part you're fast forwarding through. It can tie one into politics, be like a liberal and a conservative, and they're fighting, and then they're like, you know what?

We need to just make up. Yeah. And then they'll be like, yeah, we'll go to the polls and vote for each other. There's one poll I need to go to first. Yeah, see? We'll be making peace in the world. We're making peace in the world we're making peace in the world piece of ass um yeah this is the stupidest stupidest thing we've ever talked about we've done over 150 of these.

Yeah, it just took us this long to get to the real meat. The real meat. Took us this long to run out of material. Yep, this is where we're at. Aye, aye, aye. Oh, my God. Well, speaking of meat, this is the segue. This is the segue we're doing.

Father's Day is right around the corner, and it is summertime. It's time for grilling, hanging out with friends, making dad actually do all the work. That's right. It's time to get some meat. It's time to grill. It's time to talk about Omaha Ste steaks omaha steaks are steaks awesome uh i am jealous because i was out of town and crendor got some omaha steaks yeah it's pretty great so it's convenient because they just ship a big ass box of steaks to your house

and you're like oh okay but it's not just steaks they give you uh like a whole bunch of stuff there was like apple tarts there's steak fries there's uh jumbo gourmet franks like hot dogs uh there's burgers there's pork chops uh filet mignon so you had steaks and they had uh there's there's some other stuff in there too but I mainly made the burgers and the hot dogs and the steakhouse fries and it was great I enjoyed all of it yeah they're super great the package you're talking about is a limited time package

it's $49.99 two tender filet mignon two beefy top sirloins four chicken fried steaks two bonelesseless pork chops, four all-beef Omaha steak burgers, four jumbo franks, 12 all-beef meatballs, one pound of steak fries, four caramel apple tarts, one Omaha steak seasoning packet. Plus, you get four more burgers free with your purchase. Mama mia. This is next level, y'all. that's like two steaks at a restaurant and you get all that it is super convenient omas steaks are hand trimmed flash frozen and vacuum sealed

brought directly in a cooler to your door they have a wide variety of stuff from pork to poultry to veal, lamb. I think they even have bison and seafood. And, of course, vegetables. If that's like your jam, you want some of those too. This is high-quality, one-of-a-kind flavor. All of it USDA inspected. Aged for 21 days. Hot diggin'.

You can customize all of this. You can customize whatever you want for your dad. If your dad is a burger man, go for it. Just get all the burgies. If your dad is a steak man, get all the steakies. Get whatever you want. They have wine pairings. You can get recipes from them.

Go to omahasteaks.com. Type in Cox in the search bar and add Father's Day package to your cart. Get that meat. Don't wait. The offer ends soon. OmahaSteaks.com. Dot Tom? Dot Tom?

Dot Tom? OmahaSteaks.com. Type in Cox in the search bar. Grab your dad and fire up that grill. Get that meat. Get that meat today. OmahaSteaks.com slash Cox. Get that meat today. I made OmahaSteaks.com slash Cox Get that meat today

I made that up myself You definitely did Cox and Crandor show Oh my god That's us If you type it in we pop right up And for $40 more you can upgrade for another $40 And get a bunch more stuff

Plus beer mug Oh Oh my god. What an age to be alive. What an age to be alive. Let's move on, shall we, to Chapter 5, 7 of the Sky with Crandor. Crandor, how's the traffic out there? Hey, you did that pretty well. As normally you do a chop-pop,

you do a dip-dop, you do a zoom-zam, but today is right on point. I think you're up in your game. Uh, hey, traffic is getting crazy now point. I think you're up in your game. Hey, traffic is getting crazy now. Now we're in the heat of the June. We got heat everywhere. If you're in a place that's normally hot, it's even hotter. If you're in a place that's cold, it's getting hot.

If you're in a place that's very cold, it's pretty mild. That's crazy. So everybody's going places. They're going on vacation. They're going to the beach. They're going to the parks. They're going to the dark. They're going here or there. They're going everywhere. They're going to Dr. They're going to the beach. They're going to the parks. They're going to the dark. They're going here or there.

They're going everywhere. They're going to Dr. Seuss land. They're going to Sam I Am, green eggs and ham. Everybody's having fun. And back to you in the studio, number one. Thank you, number two. All right, Crendor. what is going on in weather? Weather is here, and we got ourselves a WAPI.

WAPI, I'm not going to eat it. L-A-N-A. Juana Trettino Alto, a DJ Italy. Juana Italy Italy 63 degrees Lana Lana Lana Lana Italy

Moody Slightly depressed Singing songs of summertime sadness 63 degrees Fahrenheit 62 degrees Fahrenheit. 62 degrees Fahrenheit tonight. Low. Friday.

83 degrees. Rain. 50% chance. Friday night. 60 degrees. 10% chance. Rain. Saturday.

88 degrees Fahrenheit. 60% chance. Rain. Sunrise. 523 AM. Sunrise. 523 AM. Sunset. 905 PM. That's a whoppy.

By the way. Yeah. Sun. I like the long days. I like the sun's up till like 9 PM. But yeah, so the sun the sun rising at like 5 AM.m. annoys me. No, I'm fine with that. I don't like it.

Oh, I like it. I like the early sun. I like the late sun. I feel like if I was in those places where the sun was up 20 hours a day, I'd probably go crazy. Yeah. But like I dig the sun being out at 8.30 at night. I think that's nice.

I like it when both the sun and the moon are out. You're like, ooh. Honestly, I wish the sun was up at like 10 p.m. and then the sun rose at like 7 a.m. I wouldn't mind that. I'd like that. But like 5 a.m. is a little early. You want nighttime summers, wintertime mornings.

Yeah. Sure. Okay. That's what I want. That's my ideal world. Can I have that for at least one year please one year just one year some crazy scientific thing that happens like we've had the polar shift at a polar shifts and the sun spot has hit the x-axis and we're gonna be getting winter winter mornings and summer nights. I'd love it. Yeah.

Science people, is that possible? No, it's not. You would create mass chaos, world flooding, thousands, millions would die. But you would get your late morning, late afternoon. You're basically like a Superman villain. I'm basically like an iphone factory oh yeah i mean that yeah yeah that millions

die many depressed making minimum nickels per hour but i can check my email very true yeah you're very excited about that you keep saying you're worried about how the phones get maybe you just don't care enough yeah that's what you keep saying yeah're worried about how the phones get made, but you just don't care enough. That's what you keep saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And honestly, we're still in the weather segment. We need to move on. All right. What's going on in sports? Sports. Hey, welcome to the sports desk. We've got sports happening right now. NBA.

It looks like the Golden State Warriors are going to sweep the Cleveland Cavaliers. And if not, they're probably going to win. They're up three games to none in a seven game series. So Golden State probably going to win. LeBron probably going to leave Cleveland this offseason. He could go to L.A. He could go back to Miami. Who knows where he's going?

So that's happening in basketball. Also in hockey. It looks like the Washington Capitals are going to beat the Golden Knights. They play game five tonight. Their intro was so good. How could they lose? Well, they're losing. They're down 3-1. And game five's tonight.

So they need to win Three in a row now Are they back in Vegas? They are back in Vegas I believe Maybe they just need one more good intro Like long ago Forged in the fires of Nevada Like if they have another one of those intros They might be able to pull it off

They might be able to but I think Washington's too good For them and they're going to lose That's probably true, but what if they got rallied by an over-the-top production number that was like, and it's like a guy with a sword fighting off a bunch of capitals.

Yeah. That'd be amazing. Imagine that. They might come out and score the first goal, I think, and then they'll lose. I think that's what's going to happen. As long as it was inspired by an over-the-top production number, I'm fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People shoot arrows on the ice and stuff. That was great. Yeah. I'm fine with that. And then, let's see, World Cup starting next week. Also, this year on Hard Knocks, which is the HBO show that follows a team

for their entire preseason training camp, stuff like that. It is going to be everyone's favorite, much appreciated Cleveland Browns. You know what? I would love to know what goes on preseason on the Browns team. Yes, I think everybody wants to know.

I think everyone's anticipating. Do they even show up to practice? We don't know. We're going to find out. Is this going to be the first Hard Knocks where it's just them playing Madden and that's how they prepare? This is how a real team plays. Look at these guys. It's just them playing Madden. There was a guy that

just left Cleveland to go to the Jets and they interviewed him and he was like, I never knew what I was doing there. He's like, we never had a game plan or anything. Yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah, so I'm excited to watch this year's Hard Knocks. It's in two months from today. It's on August 7th.

Very excited. Very excited. Very excited. Very excited. And that's sports. We're getting close to FIFA time. We're getting close to FIFA time We are getting close to FIFA time

Very close I just wanted to bring that up there Because somewhere someone in the world might care It's not us it's not either of us But somewhere out there I said it I said the World Cup That's run by FIFA I mean yeah Typical American.

That's why you're not there. Yep. All right. Well, that's it for that. So what is our big news story of the day, sir? Big news story of the day. And once again, I feel like we have to turn to our main man, Florida man. Oh, boy.

So we've got some Florida mans coming in. One of which is Florida Sheriff reports monkey attack at Home Depot. Sure. Yeah. We've also got one that we saw last time that we missed uh barely and i think we should probably do it which is crystal methvin was arrested for crystal meth last time after we finished the episode minutes afterwards i was on the internet and i like saw the article that was a person named crystal methvin got arrested for having crystal meth and I just was like we missed out this is all right good good good I'm glad we

have that story yeah we got this story ready to go uh woman named crystal methvin arrested for drug possession Florida can I tell you something we've looked we've looked this article up yeah and and I've looked up last names named methvin that's a real last name yeah and there's actually people who commented on the article with the last name methvin laughing about how a person with their name was named crystal methvin all right please continue uh florida police arrested the woman on drug charges after they allegedly found her in possession of methamphetamines in may 2016 a woman named crystal methvin was arrested on drug possession charges in saint augustine florida after they found methamphetamines often called crystal meth in her car that may

sound like the beginning of an outlandish satire story we've covered dozens of similar sounding fake news stories involving outlandish crimes bizarre bizarre mugshots, and oddly named crooks. But a woman named Crystal Methvin truly was booked in St. John's County jail on May 26, 2018. I like how even the newspaper's like, we don't believe this. This can't be real. A local news report from WFLA noted that Methvin and a man named Douglas

Nickerson were arrested after police searched their car, yielded drug paraphernalia and a substance that field tested positive for methamphetamines. Crystal Methvin and Douglas Nickerson were arrested on drug possession charges. According to St. John's County Sheriff Jail Log, Methvin has been picked up

on drug charges at least 14 times since 1998. Yep, that's, I mean, I feel like this is one of those prophecies like the child was named crystal meth and it was like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You knew it was going to happen. This is another one of those things where it's like

this person has been doing crystal meth for almost 20 years and they're still going. I like that that's your takeaway. You know what? They did it for 20 years and they're still going. I like that that's your takeaway. You know what? They did it for 20 years and they're still going.

Like, they're like, oh, yeah, it's been at least 14 times since 98. I'm like, oh, my God. Like, she's been doing this since I was, like, nine years old. This is insane. This is crazy. Like, just people, you know, they're out there. They're like, oh, yeah, you know, I got sick. I ate a, you know, I ate a lasagna and a bad sandwich.

There's Crystal Methvin powering through Crystal Meth like it's nothing. She's just rolling along. Some people are built differently. Some of us don't have a strong constitution as Crystal Methvin. Maybe her name is what gives her the power. It might be. You think that's her superhero name? Crystal Methvin is an arch nemesis of Florida Man.

And she's always there like, you'll never stop me, Florida Man. There's always Crystal Methvin. And her middle name's June. Crystal June Methvin. I like that. But she got arrested May 26. She should have waited like five more days. It would be June.

Then it would have all lined up with the stars. It's true. It's true. Then it would have been the perfect article. Oh, my God. This is great. I want to know what happens to this lady. Is she going to get arrested again?

Can I tell you what's going to happen to this lady? All right. This lady is going to go find more crystal meth. Is what's going to happen to this lady. And this will not be the last time we've heard from her. Just like all of Florida Man's arch nemeses, it won't be the last time we hear from her. Crystal Methvin will be back. Oh, no.

Crystal Methvin. She's taking more crystal meth. She's like the Bane of our universe. She just keeps getting drugged up and becomes stronger. Oh, wait. Hold on. It says a lot about Florida man that not one but two people with this name have been arrested in the last few years. There's another one.

I think it's the same person. She just meth. Meth really messed her up. One's crystal meth. Then one's crystal methany. All right. No's Crystal Methvin. One's Crystal Methany. I don't like this one. All right. No, no, no.

Methany is not a name. That is a person who was called Crystal Methany because... Methany? Methany's not a name. No one is named Methany. Get out of town. I'm going to Google this. There's no one named Methany.

There is. Crystal Methany. Methany is to Google this. There's no one named Metheny. There is. Crystal Metheny. Metheny is not a name. It is. She's arrested in 2014, though. Metheny is not. Here's the shocking thing. There's Pat Metheny, who's an American jazz guitarist.

There's an Urban Dictionary. When you type in a beautiful girl who could break any guy's heart. Is a methany? What? No. No. Submitted January 3rd, 2010 by Mimi12195. I feel like that is Crystal Methany's ex.

It's got to be. It's got to be. Because the example is, Methany, will you go out with me? And Methany replies, not in this lifetime. Methany is also uh akin to diva or it girl bullshit this is not real you can't just make up stuff like this all right methanie is not a name well here's the thing they weren't arrested for crystal meth charges what were they arrested for? She is accused of

firing a, quote, missile into a car last month. The Polk County Sheriff's Department slapped a 36-year-old Metheny with an offensive missile into a vehicle charge and said the missile was a BB.

Apparently she fired shots from a BB gun at a car in front of her house. There were people in the car, but no one was hurt. She has been arrested before on marijuana charges. I don't, I mean, I have no words. Shit's

crazy, dude. There's gotta be a whole bunch of crystal methanies and meth somethings. There's got to be. I just have no clue. I'm shocked. I'm staring at all

these photos of methanies and I'm blown away there's so many. I'm clearly wrong. I just can there's so many i'm clearly wrong i just can't figure out why i'm so wrong i think you just don't you don't realize that there's these people in the world these people spend their lives just having this name. That's who they are for their whole life. They got one life and they have to live it. Yeah, but why are all the Methenys I'm finding like criminals?

Does Metheny mean you're going to be a criminal? This one girl, the police station says that she, in an unidentified male, stole an Xbox from a Walmart. And then this guy's like they're like, please if you know any information about this woman, let us know. Oh, it's from a Best Buy. She stole an Xbox and a Playstation from a Best Buy.

They're like, do you know this woman's name? And literally like, yeah, her name's Metheny. I just... Was it her first name or her last name? I don't know. I don't know these things. Metheny Crystal. That's got to be. What the hell?

What? Yeah, I found a Twitter person named Metheny. I just. Nope. All right. We've gone too far. I can't do this anymore. We've gone too far.

I can't do this anymore. World, you crazy. Yeah. World, you crazy. Yeah, world, you crazy. All right, what's our other story? All right, other story. We've also got some crazy stuff here, all right? Let me tell you some crazy stuff. Mystery wolf-like animal reportedly shot in Montana baffles wildlife.

This is like a coast-to-coast story. Is it the chupacabra? George, George, I think I it the chupacabra george i think i shot a chupacabra oh my god what is this do not roast marshmallows over hawaii's erupting volcano yeah i read this article it was it was interesting basically it was like some guy said hey can you roast a marshmallow volcano and the national geological whatever was like no i mean you could but don't eat it because you the gas alone would kill you and everyone's like yeah no we thought that it's such a dumb clickbaity article. I read that early this week.

They're like, don't do that. Don't get near a volcano, you idiots. Can I go stand in a hurricane? Can I roast a marshmallow in a hurricane? We would not recommend it. You can, but do not do it. I mean, it is possible theoretically to do it. However, if you do, you will most likely die.

Okay. Airline passenger arrested after allegedly harassing a woman and peeing on seat. Interesting. Interesting. Pollen bomb is every allergy sufferer's worst nightmare.

That's not weird news. This place is doing what Yahoo did. Yahoo fell apart. They used to have great, weird stories. Like, look at this. If I go to Yahoo, right? I go to Yahoo News. Yahoo News used to have, like, the best. They were the top quality

of, like, shitty articles back when we started. Now, it's just trash. Kobe defends LeBron's garbage teammates. Kate Upton is number one on the Maxim hot list. Eminem's daughter opens up about her close relationship with famous dad. Nobody cares about this. There's gotta be like a fun new story there's gotta be a fun new story

let's see small dog taunted crocodiles for years until croc lost its patience what the shit that's a dark ass story let's see. Investor who helps ultra-rich grow their wealth for a living shares what he wishes he knew about money

when he was 25. Let's see. Cable companies are furious about this tiny device. It's another clickbait. Let's see. Former pro wrestler is crazy. Wow. I must watch.

Don't think so. Innocent life gone and tragic truck. Oh, God. See, those aren't fun. This is just like watching the night news. It's always the bad news. Let's see. Kelly Ripa shares daughter's prom

photo. Nobody cares. 46 ice cream sandwiches you need in your life right now. I don't think I do. Yeah, I don't. Man had to vacate his farm after unusual find. What is the unusual find?

They got us. What is it? It's All right. They got us. They got us. What is it? It's a daily routine for the farmers to check the progress of their crops as they hope to reap as soon as possible. Other tests are laying. This better not end badly. Aliens. Similar was the case with a farmer who's being talked about in this article.

Well, primarily it is not him, but the extraordinary sight that he witnessed while passing through a stream in his farm. The thing that he saw became a reason for unsettling everyone who stayed in the small town where the farm was located. Not to mention that the discovery also garnered the attention of the experts in the media from across the globe.

A Christmas surprise. What was it? Wait, what was it? what was it jose antonio nieves a farmer by profession decided to go for a stroll on his field to the joy of the christmas air on christmas day in 2015 but was meant to be a casual walk turned into something extremely dramatic the event which took place not long after the farmer had started walking his farm wait started walking his farm it sounds like he's walking his dog like i took my farm for a walk sometimes you gotta uh it caused attention of all the people residing in this small town well we all know that the common sightings in a farm cannot go far beyond plants and animals but

in the case of nieves those not true What he came across was a surprise for him too as he had never encountered such a thing in his entire life. But what was it? Next page. What? God damn it. Finding a foreign object. The farm that became a common feature on

the front page of most newspapers, magazines was located in Carlos Spangazziniini it is located 25 miles south of buenos aires as already told before jose was taking a normal walk when his eyes caught something extremely striking as he passed a stream that inside the boundaries of his property he was instantly taken aback by the sight of an extremely creepy round shaped object which looked like a large stone to him on first sight but he was forced to rethink his judgment on what the object was

once he started getting a closer look at it while walking towards it on reaching really close to it he got convinced that it was something other than a round stone in fact it was something completely opposite to what he had been thinking

what is this story it's like listening to ghost adventures What is this story? This is like listening to Ghost Adventures. It is. This is great. This is the best written story we've ever read. Please continue. I'm enthralled. Since the object was covered with mud completely, Nieves

was not able to reach a conclusion to whether to go close to the object or not. Being a brave man, he decided to move towards it and find out about it. It was not long after that that the farmer started to clear the mud from the round surface of the object, and while doing it, a range of ideas on what he could witness popped up in his mind. He discarded the previously held thought of it being a round stone and witnessing the object to be covered with eerie textured scales along

with strange green hues scattered in some areas of it. To be honest, there was no chance that the farmer from Argentina would have guessed the real identity of the round object. A giant tortoise. The object was something far beyond his imagination. God damn it, this article.

Calling for assistance. What is the payoff of this? It better be good. This better have the best payoff in the world. Nieves attempts at trying to dig out the mysterious object out of the mud in order to inspect it.

It ended up in vain. The reason is that the object was extremely heavy and would not get dislodged from the riverbank very easily. So a curious Nieves called his wife and told her to come to the place where he had made the unbelievable sighting. His wife, Reina Coronel,

initially thought that her husband was making a fool of her by falsely claiming to see something extraordinary. But after taking a look at the object herself, after reaching the stream, she got convinced that he was telling the truth. So what happened next? What happened next? A giant dinosaur egg

my husband went out to the car and when he came back he said hey i just found an egg that looks like it came from a dinosaur we all laughed because she we thought it was a joke we knew that the word that nieves uttered were strangely going to be true and were certainly not a joke the image you see is the exact view the arena had once she accompanied her husband but like her don't confuse it for a giant egg which looks similar to something used in a prop in the movie drastic park uh the couple was totally confused as they were not able to find the real truth behind it but it was not long after that that all their doubts were going to vanish completely hold on here's a picture of it all right i'll let you take a look okay that's a tortoise it has to be a tortoise right it has to be some sort of tortoise

nieves started working on a task for which he had originally called his family, which was dislodging the object from the mud. Unfortunately, Nieves failed his attempt this time along with his family because the actual size of the object was much bigger than they had expected and weighed a lot. So the next step the couple took was to call the police for help. But what happened after the arrival of the police was something that the family had not expected in their wildest dreams. Why do they keep saying that?

I have no idea where this is going. I couldn't tell you where this story is going right now. I don't either. The news of the sighting of an outworldly object had spread like wildfire across the town, which led to a large number of people crowding around the stream in order to get a look on the round object

and take its picture. This all happened even before the police reached there a series of suggestions and claims regarding the identity of the object came through the mouths of the people standing there and the policemen after they reached there unluckily nothing was proven to be satisfactory in reaching the definitive conclusion the police were also left puzzled a little baffled on the inability of jose and his family to give any response to the questions being asked by them centered around the finding. Interestingly, Jose's dog started behaving abnormally once it made its way to the round

object. Was it really something magical or from another planet? I don't care anymore. What is it? Alright, hold on. The dog. Now they turn to the experts. Lab results. Huge dog. Now they turn to the experts. Lab results.

Huge challenge. Lab results come back. The unexpected answer. All right. This is it. This is it. What originally seemed to be an unsolvable mystery now had some answers. As the scientists stated that the strange two-ton discovery was actually an ancient fossil of a prehistoric beast, What? a note long ago named glyptodon. The fossils believed to act as the armor like a turtle shell for the creature.

But still, there are some more doubts remaining that the reason for it ending up in Jose's farm in Argentina. Huh. And then, could it be a hoax? People say it's a hoax. It'd be an ingenious hoaxer who would construct such a thing.

The shell looks like a genuine glyptodon shell and the hole is wear and tear, not where the head or tail went. So it sounds like it is real. And then there's a picture of the glyptodon! What does a glyptodon look like? Here's a glyptodon! Like an armadillo? Whoa!

It's just a big-ass armadillo! He's like a buffalo armadillo. Oh my god, he's huge! Like a ass armadillo. Yeah. He's like a buffalo armadillo. Oh my God. He's huge. Like a buff armadillo. Good thing they don't live anymore. They'd be unkillable. Oh, they are.

They're related to armadillos. Damn. Damn. Damn. You know what? That story had an ending that wasn't insane, but I was expecting it to get up and move. They went back and it would be gone.

Yeah. Like, there was nothing there. God, it just keeps going. Yeah. That story was fascinating. Yeah. Well, we learned something today. Yes, yes we did.

I feel like that's a good way to end it. We learned a lot about ourselves today. We learned a lot about ourselves today. We learned a lot about ourselves today. And Crystal Methany. And Crystal Methany. We're kind of like PBS in a way. We really are. All right.

Well, that is it for us. Thank you so much for listening or watching or whatever you're doing right now. Crendor, hit them with all the socials. Hit them with the socials. We got YouTube you're doing right now Crendor hit him with all the socials Hit him with the socials We got youtube.com slash coxandcrendorpodcast We got youtube.com slash coxandcrendor We got soundcloud.com slash coxandcrendor Just type in coxandcrendor on your youtube

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As always, to be continued. Outro Music