Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 159 - Falling Apart

Episode Date: July 15, 2018

The boys are back and this time poor Crendor is in pieces. Who knew mister "yogurt is the only thing I need to be healthy" would suddenly start falling apart. Meanwhile, Jesse is just getting old. The boys also discover that just cause a man doesn't have hands, doesn't mean he can't kick your ass. 4th of July stories and crazy old people abounds - it's an all new Cox n' Crendor! Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring this episode. Go to http://shipstation.com and use promo code COX to get ShipStation free for 30 days.

Today's episode is brought to you by ShipStation.com. Do you have stuff that you need to ship out? Are you a business? Are you growing? Or do you just like sending packages over the internet? Yeah! If you have an Etsy, or you have some form of online shop, if you're on Shopify or Squarespace,

I'm telling you, it's the place to go. We'll talk about it later, but for now, let's jump, live, live. In 4-hour reporting studios. Recording. Wake your ass up. It's Cax and Grenda in the morning. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another exciting episode of Cax and Grenda in the morning. Welcome back to the company. What was that?

Were you speaking in tongues? Yeah, I'm back doing it. Welcome back, I do it. Is that you, Green Cheetah? I love I do it. Yeah, I'm doing good. Yeah? Kind of.

Wait, whoa, pause. What does that mean? I'm doing good, kind of. Well, let me tell you a story. Oh, boy, here we go yeah so uh about a few months back like uh march i'd say uh my toes started getting a little irritated i don't know where this is going i'm terrified okay yeah so i went to the doctor uh my monthly doctor visit where i'm like hey uh now this thing hurts and they're like huh uh yeah that can happen to runners or people that walk a lot and i was like can i ask

have they ever said to you maybe yogurt is not the solution um you know well i've actually upgraded now i'm on probiotics oh damn all right so All right. So that's like better. Here's the thing. I have not gotten a cold in years. All right. All the things that happen to me are like. That's because you don't go anywhere or talk to anyone. All the things that happen to me are like, oh, this got swollen. This got inflamed. This got stones in it.

You know? All right. So. Sure. Okay. Anyway, I was like, all right. They're like, yeah, this can happen to runners. So what was happening was like, most likely my shoes were doing it where my big toenail was getting like

pushed back into my nail bed and it was inflamed are your shoes too small i guess so so i went i got some new shoes but i think by the time i did that it uh is a little too late because it's already still inflamed a bit and it started started getting worse. So I was like, all right, all right. And then he's like, yeah, just keep trying to soak it, add some salts or whatever. I'm like, fine, whatever, I'll do that. So I did that. I know where this is going, and I'm already very uncomfortable.

Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm not okay. I might just get up. You can tell the story. I might just get up and leave the room. Nope.

About a month ago, it got infected and I was like alright so I go to the podcast out with this no one wants to hear this why no one wants to hear this my life all right this is life is a whore to go through this all right no one wants to hear this I don't want to go through it either. Then why would you put it on us? No one wants to hear us, everybody, about what's happening. Oh, God. I go to a podiatrist.

He puts me on some antibiotics. He's like, maybe this will help. Didn't help. And then about a week ago, it got really bad, inflamed. I could barely walk around. It's like we got to take the toenails off um i so uh let me tell you something when you're walking around with inflamed swollen toes that are infected getting your toenail toenails off isn't that bad and really it doesn't even hurt

they numb you like super numb you uh but then the aftermath is kind of annoying what does that mean i mean it's just sore so it hurts to walk around a bit i gotta wait for it to like heal up and then uh i just changed the the gauze every day and then my toenails grow back in like seven months i can't even with you i just i i've had foot foot pain before like in the heel of my foot right or no the arch like i don't know how to describe it it nothing was wrong it just hurt like it was a nerve pinch or something yeah it happened to me at a convention oh god i was just hobbling and it just sucked i felt so bad bad. It was earlier this year and I just... That sucked. So for you,

man, I can't even imagine. Yeah, it's definitely not the most fun. I mean, I can actually walk a little better than I could when they're super swollen and infected, but I mean... How do you get this way?

How do you do this? I don't know. I have so many questions. You're just, I can't figure it out. I can't figure out how everything about you is just shutting down. That's a problem. That's not good. There's going to be, I'm telling you, there's going to be a medical journal written about you that's like what happens when you eat too much yogurt the thing is my family's great at getting all these

weird little things that happen like i tell my family they're like yep i had that i had that i also had this i had this i had this and uh like they say all that and they're all like my grandparents are like 93 so i I mean, you know. I guess if that's the counter. We just get little annoying things that happen and pop up. The flip side is you won't die of some terrible disease, but you will suffer through life. Yeah, that's pretty much it. I'm doing that anyway.

You'll live to be 100, but it will be a miserable 100 years. And so, yeah, when I was was like i got a gallstone my aunt was like i had a thing full of stones and i also had like some other shit wrong with it my grandma was like yep i had that too i was like oh okay they're like i wish i only had one stone. You're so lucky. So, I mean, yeah, that's been fun. That's the thing that happened to you? Is that, huh? Yeah, I got my toenails off. Only the big toes.

Other ones are fine. Big toes? Plural? Yeah, both of them. What? On both feet? Yeah, they both had it because it was my shoes doing it. So it pushed the nails back on both feet. Yo, how are you...

I have so many questions about... When was the last time you bought shoes? I mean, it's only been a year ago. But I guess the shoes I bought weren't very good. Apparently. There's the moral of the story, y'all. Get yourself some good socks. Get yourself some good shoes.

Yeah. I feel like... You ever just feel like you're 80 years old. You know what? The other day I woke up. I rolled out of bed and just stared at the floor like, oh, my God. What the hell? I then proceeded to stand up and I'm not sure the process of me getting into the shower but it took me 35 minutes from my bed to the shower which is maybe I don't know 15 feet away

I literally couldn't I just got up like stretched but not like a like oh I'm stretching I'm so efficient to the morning but like a you know like falling apart stretch I like walked around the room and was just like oh my god why do I feel so

awful this morning oh yeah it was bone aching levels of getting up. I was like, oh, my God, what did I do last? Oh, it was bad. And then eventually I got in the shower, and the shower woke my ass up, and I was fine. But it was a rough. Yeah, I've had those mornings where I've been like,

so this is what it feels like to be old. Oh, shit. And then as long as the old people are like, yeah, Steliog, you know, no, it's like to be old. And it's like, I mean, sure. But like, you know, you're supposed to be young. You're supposed to be like, ah, time to go for my morning jog. You know? Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. That's how I jog all the time. Yeah. Yeah. it's very dumb yeah getting old dumb getting old so stupid i don't like it dumb not a fan uh oh man so yeah that's what i've been doing what are you up to aging that's what I've been doing. Aging. Hashtag same. Hashtag same. It's so insane. I turn 29 next week. Yeah, you're getting so old. So old. I got my last year in my 20s ahead of me.

It's going to be the same. I'm going to fill you in on a secret. 29 will be roughly the same as 28, and 30 will be roughly the same as 29. Really? Not much is going to as 29 Looks like you got finger fungus We'll have to take off those nails too It looks like your arthritis is starting to kick in After 17 years of sitting in a chair Ah shit

Yep that's it Watch then I'll hit like 50 And I'll be like That'll be my youth I'll be jogging I'll be like doing everything I'll be like, that'll be my youth. I'll be jogging. I'll be like doing everything. I'll be like, I feel better than when I was 27. I keep telling myself that's going to happen.

I'm going to be like, you know what? This is the year. I might be in my 30s, but I'm finally going to be better than when I was in my 20s. It's going to happen. Because you see those people online are like, this is the best I've ever felt. I'm like, yeah, this is the time.

This is when I do this. Shit ain't never happening. Yeah, it's not happening. So yeah, how you been? Aside from slowly dying. So, this past week, I had a tiff with Amazon

that was out of control. Oh, I saw your tweet about that. Do tell. So I went out and I went out. By went out, I mean I went to Amazon and I bought a bunch of SSDs. Right. Because I'm working on a computer build. And, you know, in the past, everything's been fine. Only two other times in the many, many, many years I've used Amazon has stuff not shown up.

And during those times, I've been like, hey, first off, one was the condom story where the condoms just didn't show up. Right. And I was like, I want my damn condom. And then the other time was for an Oculus Rift that did not show up. And during that time, they were like, well, you know, it's expensive, but you've been a good customer, so we'll get you one. I was like, thank you.

Those are the only two times. This time it was for SSDs. I purchased many things on Amazon, much, much more expensive than this purchase that I made here. The minute I called them out, I'm like, this did not arrive. This stuff did not arrive, y'all. They hit me back with essentially saying, you're lying. We have evidence it was there

It was signed for by someone named Tom I was like hi my name is Jesse I don't know who the hell Tom is They're like well it's your address And someone named Tom signed for it so you have it I was like no Someone named Tom who? What's Tom's last name?

Where was this at? What address was it? So they sent me this huge email And literally the email basically said, we are not going to help you. We do not believe you. And we are now going to look into your account and determine whether we should shut it down or not. And I blew them up. I was like, first off, oh, I went.

It was 1 a.m. I was at home on my laptop digging through my history on amazon and i found all of my purchases counting up all the money that i'd spent on amazon counting up all the purchases that i had made over the course of many years and i think of 153 purchases i only had three that were missing. Including this one. And I was like, are you telling me that over all the years I've used Amazon, this is the

shit? Like, I was, I was, it was out of bounds. I just wrote them this giant letter, and they responded with, and I think I posted it, a form letter that didn't even have my name, it just had like, the the form letter stuff of where a name would go. And it was them saying like, we'll look into this, but basically we don't believe you. And so I just blew them up on Twitter. And the other day I got a message from someone,

this is my favorite part. The email said Mari from Amazon is reaching out or something along those lines spelled M A R I the, the the the letter that i got was from someone named mary m-a-r-y and i was just like i can't is this real is this a real thing and so she reached out and was like we're really sorry we're gonna look into this for you and i i was like you don't need to look into it here's all my information here's everything here's all the conversations i've had with your people i was like trust me i've been keeping track of this nonsense here's here's everything she got back to me it was like okay um we're gonna issue a refund for everything and i was like i don't want a refund i want the damn product yeah and so uh it just of because fate, it just like shows up at the office.

I was like, oh, what? Okay, cool. But it showed up two weeks later. So I don't know. I was not a fan of that experience. It's like, I've never really had any problems like that with Amazon. Never. I've never had that either.

I was blown away by the fact that, and I think it's because I had two, I demanded stuff be resent to me more than once in the past month. But like one was a $8 box of condoms and the other was like a $700 worth of equipment. Right? Yeah. worth of equipment, right? Yeah. So I don't know. It's just so dumb. I was like, look, you can take the damn Connors back. I can buy those anywhere.

That was a spur of the moment purchase. That was me buying them because I was buying other stuff at the Amazon. Get it out of there. I was buying it because I was at the Amazon market thing where they deliver everything in a box to you like the next day. Yeah. Right? Like that's the only reason why. All this other shit. Oh, it's so dumb.

I guess that's the only real reasoning I have, but it was very out of the ordinary. It was strange. Yeah. Well, shit, dude. Yeah, it sucks, but it is handled now. Although I felt terrible because Amazon, yo, I'm going to say this to every PR company, to everyone out there.

If we as consumers tweet a thing that's like, here's a problem I had. I got done with customer support. When you message us on Twitter, we all know that's BS. I've never had a company message me on Twitter saying, we want to resolve this. Please follow us or message us, and we'll do that. Never. Every time I message or follow someone, it never resolves anything. Yeah.

I never talk to those people again. It is only for their public-facing image of like, yes, we certainly helped, didn't we? No, you never helped. On Twitter, I've never had a company help me. Only say they'll help me. It's BS. It's very true. I hate it. Because they always are like, yeah, this is AT&T. Follow us back. had a company help me only say they'll help me it's actually very true i hate it because they

always are like yeah this is a tnt uh follow us back and we're gonna dm you about your number and then you dm them and they're like it looks here like uh you're uh screwed it's pretty much what it is every time every time oh man it makes me so mad i do not like it one bit yeah i'm not a fan then again there are like the occasional one where they're like, hey, we got you. Usually it's, like, smaller companies, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The bigger companies don't give a damn.

Yeah, they don't give a shit. They do that stuff for PR purposes. But smaller companies where they actually have a human being on there and not a bot? Yeah. Yeah, that actually is awesome. Yeah, I guess that's it for me all i had was that that was my big freak out complaint amazon can't get out of bed

story of my life it was a rough week uh let's see what else i do aside from get my toenails off um you know it's uh that guess my stomach's been getting better. Usually what happens is my stomach gets better and then I eat badly. Is everything that happens to you clinical? Is everything that goes on in your life about how you're slowly falling apart? We're all falling apart, man. I'm mad. We're all falling apart.

Well, part of the reason I fall apart is because I get better and then I'm like, I can eat hot dogs. I do. And I'm like i can eat the hot dogs i do and i'm like and then i go to the doctor and they're like don't do that and i'm like okay and then i do it and then oh yeah we went to the radiohead concert that was pretty cool go on how was it radiohead's great so radiohead came to uh chic the United Center. Yo. And Toastwoman liked Radiohead, and then she got me into Radiohead. And I was like, this is my kind of music.

It's like weird, like... And I was like, this is right up my alley. Yeah, Radiohead's great. Yeah, so then we went there, and it was pretty great. It was a bunch of, like, I'd say 25 to 45-year-olds. That sounds about the age range. Yeah. Yeah. You could tell many of them were, uh, this was like their weekend getaway thing.

Like a lot of them look like they're on dates and stuff. One woman in front of us, she was on her phone and she had like her kids as her background. And then she was posting an Instagram of like her and her husband being like radio head and she like picked the filter. Yeah. And then uh, some motorcycle outside just revving the engine. I hear that.

It's, it's, he's trying very hard. He's trying very hard. It's like, it's like a guy trying to start his lawnmower. He just can't do it. Oh, he did it. He did it. He can do it. Alright, I think he's gone. Uh, nope, he's still revving. Um, alright, now I think he's gone. Nope, he's still revving.

All right, now I think he's gone. Either way. He was gone. Goodbye, goodbye, Midnight Stranger. There's these two women who were definitely 40, but looked like they were trying to be 20. And you could tell this was like... I like those kinds of women. If I was there, I'd be like, ladies, hello, I'm from the internet.

You would look at them from the side or behind and be like, hey, it looks like they're 20, 21, and then they turn around. You're like, nope, 40. One woman had pigtails. I was like, listen, when you get past maybe 25, 30- I've never disagreed with you more. I have never disagreed with you more I have never disagreed with you more Like you can

But not you know from a fashion sense Nope I say Let your freak flag fly The older I get This is all I have anymore This is all I have anymore Let me have this I'll give you my wild card

Agreement of approval on this one. Thank you. Thank you. She didn't look bad. It was just one of those things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, look. Don't let Krendor inform your decision on what to wear and how to dress,

especially around me. Don't do that. All right. I'm sorry. Especially around me. Don't do that. All right. I'm sorry.

I couldn't even have a beer, though, because I was on antibiotics. But I saved like $12. You're right. You lucked out, really. Yeah. There's a lot of drunk people, though, getting alcohol. There's a lot of weed. You couldn't actually see the people with the weed, but you could smell the weed. Very strong weed.

We couldn't see it, but it was there. It was like being in Venice Beach. Like, very powerful. And then Tom York came out, and he did his dances, which he dances like I do, which is kind of great. He'll just be like, like, I have a question for you.

Alright. I don't know that I've ever seen you dance. Well, I'm one of those people where white people dance like this. And they're like, I dance worse than that. In my mind, I imagine you dance like the Charlie Brown gang. Yeah. Where you do that head bop and you just move your legs really quickly. That's how I imagine you dance. Yeah's uh hold on let me uh here's a thing i can send you this thing of him dancing and this is charlie brown dancing tom york day hold on this is uh this is me dancing

all right let me link you that i'm ready from for this. This is from the concert. The concert you went to? Yeah. And just watch him. That's how I dance. I'm watching. Where you just vibrate. You shake a little bit. Yeah, shake a little bit. But then I can still jump around and be like.

Oh, he's not really dancing. He's just sort of flailing one arm out while he moves his feet side to side. That's me. That's your normal dance, but are you singing? No, I can't sing and do that. That's too much. So what is your other hand doing? Because his hand is holding up a microphone. It's doing the same as the other hand.

So you're just spasming is what's happening. Spasming out. You know what? A good dance is a good spasm. I've always said. Spasms and dances overlap on that Venn diagram. You're just letting out the energy. Letting out the demons. That's right. You have to let out the demons. said yeah spasms and dances overlap on that Venn diagram just I like that the energy and letting out the demons that's right you have to let out the demons yeah this is why it was forbidden in the middle ages no dancing the demons shall

remain inside the demons are trapped slap no dancing for you boy well exercise you the normal way with leeches and blood and we'll burn you if they're not gone well uh don't let out the demons it's pretty good show they had a lot of crazy lights and stuff nice and chill i liked it cool yeah anything else of importance happen? Not that I can think of. Yeah, I'm trying to think of anything wacky that I saw or anything that I did. I spent a lot for Fourth of July.

I went on a nice date, went out down to the beach, saw some fireworks. It was very lovely. But there was a lot of like crazy people Is the right word It's Venice So there's a lot of crazy dudes And there was a next level crazy guy Who was dressed up like Uncle Sam

Except imagine Uncle Sam in his red white and blue outfit That hadn't been washed for I'm gonna say years Sitting on a park bench Eating one of those in his red, white, and blue outfit that hadn't been washed for, I'm going to say years. All right. I can imagine that. Sitting on a park bench, eating one of those icy, freezy, like, pop things. Yeah.

And shouting at kids as they walk by, asking if anyone wanted to sit on his lap. Hey, I can agree. I can see that. Well, maybe not the lap part. I can agree with that. Yeah, I'd do that. Lap part's pretty creepy, part. I can agree with that. Yeah, I'd do that. Lap part's pretty creepy, but just shouting at kids.

It was like, hey, come sit over on Uncle Sam's lap. And people were just sort of covering their children away from it. Yeah. And then we walked by Muscle Beach, you know, the infamous workout area. And there was a shop that was open And the shop had Various workout clothes But all the women's clothes

Were like really short Short shorts And the mannequins they were on Were all like perfect Buttied And I couldn't stop looking at them And I literally had to have a conversation with my date that was like,

she's like, what are you looking at? I was like, I'll be real with you. I can't stop looking at those mannequins' butts. Like sculpted those things to be perfect. I know. She was like,

yeah, no, they look great. I was like, yeah. And all the pants they had on had slogans on the back of them that were like

things that just, I don't, things I don't know why a person would wear. Right. It was something like Tony's bitch or or like Miss Sass ass like things. I don't know why anyone would put on their butt. I thought that was popular 10 years ago. Right. Or like Mrs. And then there was an empty space where you could put the name of.

And I just, I don't know why anyone would do that. I really don't. I remember they used to have like juicy on it. Right? I don't even know if that was a brand or if that was an actual just thing they put on I think that was supposed to be Victoria's Secret maybe? I don't know. Maybe.

They put pink on it. That's right. They put pink everywhere. Yeah. I don't know. All I know is that it was very weird and she kept asking me what I was looking at. I was just like, I'll be real with you. Those butts. I can't stop. I just can't.

I am directed to them. I just can't stop looking away. We need to move on. And they're just like... I was like, I'm going to be... Relationships are based on honesty. I'm going to be honest with you. Those are nice mannequin butts. They're very good.

It's scary because there was no upper half to that body. It was just a butt and legs Perfect mama mia. Yeah, it was it was an interesting time Venice Beach is a great place You brought it up, and that's what reminded me. Oh Venice yeah, you brought up fourth of july that reminded me uh-oh a fourth of july so on fourth of july a bunch of my parents house for a barbecue and uh many old people there there's one of those things where like then i realize the amount of things a lot of old people have gone through which is why they're like they're still young even when you're like got my gallbladder up because the one guy he's just sitting there he kind of like santa claus and he's eating his steak kebab thing and i was like yeah but my uh toes hurt and i got my gallbladder out and he's like yeah you know that's nothing

heart attack diabetes uh he's like listing off shit like it's like a medal from like the war he's like yeah he like listed off eight things i'm like wow i gotta i gotta ways to go to catch up to you and he's like yeah as he bites into his kebab yeah sure do it's just like uh it's like an old war veteran except you know actually i think he might have been in the army to come think that's what i was about to say if i was one of those guys i imagine he would have said something to you like yeah you haven't even lived through a world war yet you'll get on that soon oh yeah no i think that's he said he was a nom yeah yeah you haven't shot a man yet do that and come back to me he's talking about teaching

and he's like yeah you, I gotta teach these kids. Used to teach in the military. People, they want to learn there. Otherwise you get discharged. He's like, then you come here. These kids running around, you can't even smack them. I was like, oh. He's like, they tell you

put them in the corner, time out. I'm like, you know what, get them over that time out. Quick smack to the back of the head and i was like uh yeah yeah i guess that would do it he's like my daughter doesn't even want to talk to me anymore and i was like i wonder why oh my god he's like but those kids she's got control her, you know Yeah, it's got my quick smack to the back of that and take care of it. I was like well, all right I'm gonna go inside now And then they had the 4th of July special thing on you ever watch that Oh 11 it's like is it a Chicago thing or is like a nation thing. Oh, is this the thing they show every year that's live from the Capitol?

Yeah, that thing. It's like the Capitol 4th. That's what it's called. And they do the fireworks and they have someone like John Williams play. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy Buffett was there. That's all Jimmy Buffett does anymore is show up at national holidays and be like, Margaritaville

Yeah he's got a play now Or something he's promoting And then John Stamos hosts it Of course he did because he's a vampire And was here when this nation was founded John Stamos reminds me Of every like douchey LA agent

That's cause he is the most LA looking Person that ever lived yeah absolutely like even just all the old people be like wow john stamos and i just listen to him he's like wow you know one thing i love is america and my son and hopefully one day son you can grow up to be your dreams and fulfill your and i was like wow this is so fake and he like pretended to cry a bit like and i was like wow this is after you've like went to la just once it's like yeah this is you know he's not are you saying that la jades you to everything oh yeah no doubt you can just you can see you know afterwards he just went backstage and like had a martini or some shit oh yeah he

took a drag of like a he took like a bong hit and was like yeah i'm good it's like snorted a line of coke like oh fucking doing this shit again that might be too real i mean i'll be honest that might be too he's like yeah my kid's gonna be a star. He's not gonna do any of this shit. He's gonna live off the money I made on Full House. And then I saw, I looked it up. He did have a coke problem, apparently. I learned that. So I was like, what did John Stamos do? I've learned that about a lot of people in LA.

I don't know. I hear stuff about YouTubers like, yes, this YouTuber is crazy. He would have coke orgies at his house. I'm like, wait, what? Two things. One, how come this is like a stratosphere of YouTube I've never, I'll never be a part of. But two, I'm offended that I'm not a part of this. At least invite me.

I'm going to say no, but at least give me the invitation. Yeah, that's prime people watching. I won't go to your weird orgies, but, you know, I appreciate being invitation. Yeah, that's prime people watching. Yeah, what good? I won't go to your weird orgies, but, you know, I appreciate being invited. Yeah, come on. Come on. Come on. John Stamos might even be there. John Stamos, invite me to a coke orgy.

I will go to that one. I will show up. I'll bring the woman I met on the plane. We'll go together. It'll be great. That'd be fantastic. Yeah. That's my in. What else happened during that thing?

Then they just sang songs. Then John Stamos played with the Beach Boys. I'm convinced that's the only reason he hosted this. He's like, now I get to play with my favorite childhood band, the Beach Boys. I'm like, oh, this is why he did it. He's going to be the drummer for the Beach Boys for like an hour. And then Jimmy Buffett came out to play with him. He's like, hey.

Wasted away, got a margarita bowl. I never left Margaritaville. I ain't lying for Margaritaville. Jimmy Buffett. And then they just showed some fireworks. I forgot we even had that as a segment like years ago. And then Mickey Mouse comes off and jerks off in front of America. Like, happy birthday, America.

And that's it. Mickey Mouse takes his mask off and it's John Stamos. Hey, happy birthday, America. Also, I told Dan to animate for his next animation, that thing from the last episode with the motivational speaking i was like that's a great animated segment which what where you were like you were like sell me uh sell me like a book or like be a motivational speaker or whatever and then i tried to sell you my motivational tactics that one i remember that i just you know what i look forward

to seeing it in animated form so i actually remember what the hell we talked about it's gonna be a good time because i listened to it again i'm like this would be a good animation then i linked it to him and he said that's a mama mia perfect length to woo now we're talking those are straight from the straight from the horse's mouth the man the man gets it i unfortunately do not what i say on this podcast during that during the 45 minutes or so that we do this i black out i don't remember what i've said i i come out the other side like all right that happened once you hit the mid 30s that's what kicks in then you start blacking out when you talk oh yeah i have conversations with people that i don't even know yeah i'll meet people and be like yo what up dude and be like wait do i know this person why don't you hide them what am i doing here where's my pills yeah where's my pills i have

to pee where's my pills are you my grandson it's just problems. Uh, yeah, that's, uh, that's all I got. All right. Well,

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Make ship happen. All right, Crandor. Chapter 7. It appears we've self-combusted in the studio, and here we are up in the chapter. I don't know where I'm at anymore. All right. Let's go to chapter 7. I can't do it.

Let's go to chapter 7 in the sky with Crendor. Crendor, how's that traffic today? Third time's the charm. Other times are probably edited out. But, hey, you know, that's what's going to happen when you're on these shows for so long. Anyway, up here at the chapter 7, it is crowded. It is crowded down there on the roads. Everybody's going everywhere.

Vacations, summertime swag. The roads are backed up everywhere. I would know because I just had to go to a place close to downtown Chicago and it took four times the length. It was like driving in LA. It was terrible. It made me want to not go to LA and live there ever. But hey, what are you gonna do? Traffic's traffic traffic you know what i'm saying and i love traffic it gives me my job up here in the chopper copter otherwise i just sit up here in the chopper and just fly around which would be kind of relaxing but i don't think anyone want to pay me for that uh unless somebody does contact me back to you thanks crendor now let's head over to the weather desk crendor how's how's that weather? Weather is going to be good.

Let's type in a thing. 7, 5, 1, 4, 2, 5, nothing. How about 4, 1, 4, 5, 2, 2, nothing. How about 9, 4, 5, 5, 4, 2, nothing. Are there no zip codes? 9, 4, 5, 5, 4, 2, 1, 2, 2. I feel like you're adding an extra number. Are there no zip codes? 9-4-5-5-4-2-1-2. I feel like you're adding an extra number. I don't think I am.

Do 4-5-4-1-9. All right, 4-5-4-1-9. Dayton, it worked. Hey! Hey, that's a Dayton, Ohio. Woppy, give us Dayton. Woppy activated. Dayton, Ohio. 4-5, give us Dayton. Woppy activated. Dayton, Ohio.

45419. As of 913 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. 78 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 78 degrees Fahrenheit. High, 78 degrees Fahrenheit. Low, 63 degrees Fahrenheit. Mostly clear skies Friday, 90 degrees Fahrenheit. Friday night, 70 degrees Fahrenheit.

Saturday, 94 degrees Fahrenheit. Hot. Use sunscreen. Hot. Thanks, Woppy. Hot. Use that sunscreen, folks. It's hot out there.

Hey, guys. Hot. Okay. Let's hot out there. Hey, guys. Hot. Okay. Let's talk sports. Sports. So we've got some sports stuff happening all over the sports world. One of the big things, World Cup, Croatia beat England. I know.

I was at a barbershop when that happened. And there was a British dude getting his hair cut, and he stood up out of the chair, and I almost thought he was about to get his head shaved. I thought he was about to have a streak of his hair gone because just as they scored, when they tied it 1-1. Yeah. He was so mad.

He was like, it was crazy. I was like, It was crazy. He was like, All right, then. I was actually rooting for Croatia because I'm part Croatian. I think a third Croatian. Get rekt, England. So, yeah. I said that.

I was like, I guess I'll root for Croatia even though I don't really care. Everyone from England on Twitter was like, Oh, it's coming home, mate. It's coming home. It's not coming home. Here's the problem. All right. The oh, it's coming home, mate. It's coming home. It's not coming home. Here's the problem.

The only way it's coming home is if it comes to America. We probably made it. Imported from China. As far as I'm aware, Americans created soccer. That's what people keep telling us. They say soccer was made up by Americans, so I feel like

it should come home to us. Yeah, I agree with that. Every time we talk about it, we're like, yeah, I guess soccer's happening. They're like, soccer? That's something Americans made up. So if that's true, we deserve it. Yeah, I like that. So please, put us in the World Cup next time, all right? Yeah, just at least put us in there.

Just give it to us. And I guess they're going to be playing France. Yeah, what a weird... I definitely don't ever associate France and Croatia with being the best at football, but okay. I don't either, so it's kind of weird. But hey, I guess Croatia was also the second smallest country to make it to the finals.

Yo, that's cool. Go Croatia. Yeah, go part of me. Go Croatia. Yeah. Go part of me. Go part of me. Not the inflamed part or the parts that are falling apart. Yeah, not those parts. Yeah, not that.

And then we got the NBA. LeBron James goes to the Lakers. Yo, I, as someone from Ohio, know exactly how people in Ohio feel. I know exactly what the response is. I don't even need to know the articles or see the comments to know exactly what the response is. One, they're pissed, but two,

they're like, thank you, LeBron, for giving us some victories and some good years and it's really nice of you and so we're very happy for you and we hope that you enjoy your time in LA. I guarantee you that's exactly the response. They're pissed off, but they don't want to show it. They're just like, he got us a championship, a lot of wins, a lot of good years, but he deserves it.

And deep down, they're like, this sucks. Oh, yeah, the Cavs are done. They're going to be a terrible team again. Yeah, thank God. Because now the Bulls can rise up. The Bulls had their time. The 90s was the Bulls' time. Yeah, but they got to get back to it.

No, no, no. The Raptors. It's their time. Raptors are pretty good. I used to be a Raptors fan, actually, because the Bulls were really bad after Michael Jordan left. And then I was like, I might watch another team. So I watched the Raptors because I thought Raptors' logo was cool. And they had Vince Carter. And I was like, I might watch another team. So I watched the Raptors because I thought Raptors logo is cool and they had Vince

Carter and I was like, whoa, this is crazy. It's the Raptors time. They can do it. I'd root for them. Canada needs some wins. They do. They kept getting stopped by LeBron. Now he's gone. Now they can lose to him in the finals instead. I'd be fine with that.

Or Golden State. Here's the problem. Golden State. Although, yeah, Golden State, here's the problem. Golden State, I just am done caring about them. Yeah. When it was the Bulls, the Bulls were fun to watch because that team was, it was like a super team. It was amazing. And they

all, because Jordan was leading, Jordan didn't have the aura of an ego. Right? He just seemed like he was having a great time, and everyone on the team was just excited to be there with him. Golden State, everyone on that team sort of has a vibe of like, yeah, we know we're good. Yeah. I don't like that. Well, the thing I look at is Golden State almost feels like the Harlem Globetrotters or something.

They're just like, oh, shooting threes from behind my back. I think that's exactly right. When the Harlem Globetrotters would play the team that I can't remember the name of, like the goofy team that was always the ones they beat. Every time they... Yeah, they would just... It was because they were so good, they could

get away with cocky moves, and I feel like that's the exact same thing with Golden State. It's just like... I don't like that. It's fun when it's like a goofy team of goobers. Like, oh, we're playing the goofy goobers today. Right? I don't know. Yeah.

The Bulls felt more like they were like a hard nose, like, beat you up kind of team. The Bulls were entertainment because the bulls every night again every night before they came out it's like yeah presenting your 1996 chicago bulls and oh yeah it was great they still do that but it's not the same there's like here's johnny johnson scores one point a game it also could be at the time i was 12 and thought it was amazing. Well, yeah. I guess times change. Maybe if I was 12 again, I would think Golden State was incredible. That is true.

Yeah, it's probably perspective, I guess. But at the same time, being in Chicago, it was very fun. I was also only like eight when they won their last championship or one of the last ones. Everybody was like, woo. And they last championship or one of the last ones. But everybody's like, woo. And they had Dennis Rodman who'd like punch people. Yeah.

And now, now Dennis Rodman, as far as I'm aware, works for North Korea. Now he's a diplomat. Yeah. I don't. Hair still the same.

Still blonde. Yeah. And, well, the thing was, I think even back then, what was more fun was all the,

all the players kind of stayed with their teams. And so they'd be like, oh, they're taking on Reggie Miller and the Pacers or Larry Bird and the Celtics. And then like Charles Barkley and Phoenix or, you know, like Patrick Ewing and the Knicks. Like you had everybody be like, yep, I played 15 years here. Everybody would be like, yep, I played 15 years here. It wasn't until people were trying. They were like, we need. It was during the era of Shaq and stuff like that where they all suddenly were like,

we have to get everyone on a team to make a super team. Yeah. And let's all go to LA. I think it was basically the strategy there. Yeah, they had Shaq and Kobe. And then after that, there's Boston. And they're like, hey, we'll just put Kevin G Garnett and like some other guys together we win the championship and then Miami was like yo get LeBron here and wait like oh then they just everybody started doing it and I mean it works

but it's boring it's it's it's interesting because it changes the league from a oh every team has uh one or two superstars and is competitive to, they cycle around the superstars so that a city gets a win and eventually it's going to be like oh, so this is the year when John Johnson, the number one player in the league moves to New York

and then next year he's going to Philly. You know, like weird shit like that. Yeah. It's very impactful in basketball because there's so few players in it compared to like one or two players can change the game immensely yeah well like in football it's like well they got a good position guy there but you know you got like a billion other spots they're bad at or like hockey's kind of the same way or even uh baseball because there's a lot of guys on the field but no matter how good you are in a game like hockey or soccer,

the goaltender is always very important as well. Yeah, goaltender can carry. And in basketball, there's no one there trying to – I mean, there are people trying to block the shot, but there's no one there whose job is literally to stand in front of – like there's no one in front of the hoop ready to catch the ball to stop you. So I mean, I still enjoy watching basketball sometimes.

But I watch all sports. That's me. It's fun to watch. I think college stuff is more fun because they have that amateur tinge where they're not quite great. There are one or two people who are phenomenal, but the vast majority are never going to play professionally.

And it's just fun to watch them be ridiculous on the court. And you're like, all right, this is cool. Yeah, I agree with that. And then coming up is the baseball all-star game. And all I really care about is the home run derby because it's fun to watch the home run derby and then I don't watch anything else. That's on Monday.

So that's fun. And other sports are just kind of hanging around doing nothing. Football's starting soon. I'm pumped. We got like a month. Other sports just hanging around doing nothing. Yeah. Other sports.

All right. And let's go to our big news story of the day. All right. So got some stories from twitter woman who traveled 5 000 miles from la to wales for online date hit him with car after drunk row over mcdonald's bill i want to hear that one i haven't heard that one yet what is that all right a woman who traveled 5 000 miles from america to wales to meet her online boyfriend for the first time ended up in court after she hit him with a car after an argument over who should pay for McDonald's. Daisy Josephia Beltran, 26, from L.A., admitted driving without due care and attention and drink driving when she appeared from custody before magistrates in Carnafron.

Oh, the U.K. is so silly. Appeared before the magistrates in Caernarfon. Oh, the UK's so silly. Appeared before the magistrates in Caernarfon. Charged with drink, she was. Drink drive. Put ketchup on subway. She was ordered to pay a total of £615

in fines and costs and banned from driving in the UK for 14 months. Beltran was told to pay £250 immediately and given 7 days to find from driving in the uk for 14 months beltran was told to pay 250 immediately and given seven days to find the remainder of the money where is the real story though yeah i'm trying to figure this out she spent three weeks at his home in stoke on trent and visited landudno on sunday the day before she was due to fly back diane williams prosecuting said at about 11 p.m police received reports of a road traffic collision on the Moston Chapneys retail park.

She had been involved in an argument outside the McDonald's restaurant over who was to pay for a takeaway meal. Her boyfriend had approached the car and the defendant drove forward then backward colliding with his leg causing an injury. Why is she driving in the

UK? I don't know. How is she allowed to drive in the uk i don't know what happens on this trent parkway anything goes i don't know then she's drunk apparently she had 51 micrograms of alcohol and 100 milliliters of breath legal limits 35 that is gibberish what you just said Micrograms We should just start only reviewing Reports from the UK Just cause it is gibberish He got his jollies in a whopper And the whopper was for we deeby loobly

Oh yep She's unaware he was unstable with various mental health issues he had a pressure vehicle and was pushing her as she sat in the driver's seat she wanted to get away she recognized by her plea that she drove badly but felt distressed williams's work in a career of i don't care urging the court by leaning towards but it but he she is an incredibly naive young lady who doesn't need to be in custody he said she could be sentenced to seven days in default of payment and be released and would not have to pay anything, but she wants

to pay and leave the UK not owing anyone. That is a bad three weeks right there. That's a bad three weeks. That's a movie. That ended with her just being like, well, I've made a mistake. There's definitely someone in the US for me. I know she had that moment of like, you know what? This was a bad choice.

Yeah, that is no bueno. And finally, we got Miami man stabs Chicago tourist with no arms. I'm ready for this. This one, I just simply need to know how. A homeless Florida man with no arms has been charged with stabbing a Chicago tourist. 46-year-old Jonathan Crenshaw held a pair of scissors with his feet. Yo, that's awesome. I mean, not for the guy who got stabbed, but that's awesome.

Yeah. The Miami Herald reports that Crenshaw is a popular fixture in the area known for painting on canvases along a trendy spot in South Beach. So apparently he paints. With his feet. With his feet. On South Beach. That's great. Okay.

So why did he stab a dude? According to the report, Crenshaw says he was lying down when Coronado approached him and kicked him in the head. Police say Crenshaw stabbed Coronado twice and fled the scene. stabbed Coronado twice and fled the scene. Can I, I just, can you imagine being the guy who thought he was cocky enough to kick a dude with no arms in the head? Yeah, I know.

And then you just got your ass kicked by his feet? Like, this is one of those movies where you try to take on a dude and it turns out he's a ninja. And you just get your ass beat. That's exactly what happened here. It's like the trope where they're like in the alleyway and he's like, yeah, beat him and then the guy like beats up the the oh yeah yeah the light shines directly on his eyes it's like and then he he unfurls his toes and he just beats these guys

down with his feet oh my god okay uh a friend who was traveling with Coronado said they asked Crenshaw for directions when he suddenly jumped up and stabbed Coronado in his arm. He was taken to the hospital. Crenshaw has been charged with aggravated battery. Wait, so he got in trouble because I guess there's no evidence that he was kicked in the head by this guy? I guess so. I believe he was kicked. I believe him.

I think he was kicked in the head by this guy? I guess so. I believe he was kicked. I believe him. I think he was kicked in the head. Yeah. The man in this article definitely looks like a man I can trust. Plus, the guy who would have kicked him in the head, his friend, was like, oh, we were just asking him for directions, and he just jumped up and stabbed him in the arm.

Yeah, that's BS. Who asks people for directions in 2018? Everybody's got a phone everybody's got google maps you can figure out where you are like that's that's true plus you're on south beach if you're there and you don't know where you're going just enjoy y'all yeah there's lots of stuff to look at there's probably some douchey guy like dude bro look at this guy kick me in the head they're probably drunk at the time. Yeah, they were probably drunk. Oh, they went day drinking, and he saw this guy laying out, and he was just like, I'm going to kick him.

Don't kick him. I'm kicking him. Yeah, that's definitely right. And then this guy went ninja on them. Yeah. Good job. Good job. You couldn't put me on the court for this.

I couldn't be a jerk on this case. I'd be like, this guy kicked their asses, and they just mad. Yeah, exactly. They picked a fight with him and he won the fight. Even if they did get attacked by him, come on, he's got no arms. You can't get away. You can't dodge that. Where's the honor in this?

That's another way they're probably drunk. They're too drunk to even dodge or move. I like our version of the story way better. Yeah, our version's the story way better. Yeah, our version's superior. Far superior. Yep, we don't even need to investigate or have facts. We did it ourselves.

We don't need facts. We are the news crew. We're the camera and the teleprompter. We're everything. And that's Cox and Crenn news for the day. All right, well, that's it for us. Thank you so much for listening or watching or whatever you're doing right now krendor hit up with the socials socials we got twitter.com slash krendor twitter.com slash just cox we got youtube.com slash cox and krendor podcast that's where you can see all the podcasts on youtube or we got

youtube.com slash cox and krendor that's where we got all the animations if you got a shorter attention span just want to see funny animated cartoons of us saying dumb things Also, you can go to iTunes you can go to SoundCloud you can go to Other audio platforms you can comment like subscribe did Drop a comment to do a stars. I don't know what they got anymore Stars do a stars do a stars. Yeah, all all right that's it thank you so much for watching and as always to be continued