Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 160 - The Secret Menu

Episode Date: July 30, 2018

The boys are back and this time Crendor returns to the Renaissance Faire with big news! Meanwhile Jesse is still trying to form the Hunger Games and boy does he hate the heat in England! The news segment becomes a Mcdonalds ad, and Jesse sees a gang - all this an more on a new Cox n' Crendor! Thanks to MeUndies for sponsoring this episode. Get 15% off your first pair at http://meundies.com/crendor Start your trial month for $5 at http://forhims.com/cox

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We'll talk about them later as well. Now let's get down to the show. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-Hour Recording Studio.

Recording. Wake your ass up. It's Cacks and Crendor in the morning. Cacks and Crendor in the morning. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to another exciting episode of Cox and Crandor in the morning. Hey. Hey. How you doing?

Oh my goodness, how are you doing? I'm doing alright. So, maybe I can walk again compared to obviously after last time. Yeah, I'm a little... What happened with you last time? What's going on with you? Last time was the toenails. Yes, I'm aware of that.

Your toenails exploded off I got some new shoes They're feeling good, I can walk I don't have to, I don't gotta band them up anymore But I saw your tweets, it doesn't sound like you're doing any better So, alright, so that Got fixed, but Then I like strained my back

And I was like, alright Then my back got healed, and then I strained my neck So now my neck's strained Which which is, you know, it hurts, but I've strained it before. I strained it like a year ago, and I just do it sleeping. It always happens when I'm sleeping. How? How does that happen to you? I don't know! Alright, here's what happened.

Okay, I woke up at like 11am. I was like, oh, okay. I went to get a drink of water felt fine reached over i grabbed my water bottle i keep right there drank some water i was like all right and i went back to sleep woke up an hour later neck strained i okay i don't i don't i don't understand what's happening to you you have officially you are i can't imagine what you're gonna be like in another 10 years dude i'm telling you i'm gonna be ripped i another 10 years. Dude, I'm telling you, I'm going to be ripped. I'm going to be healthy. I'm going to be ripped.

I'll be like back when I was 29. I was an unhealthy baby. Now I am a ripped man. I don't, I don't know that's going to happen. I feel like, I feel like you're overestimating your chances. Listen, they just got to keep developing robot parts so I can start swapping them in and out. That's what I'm waiting for. Give me robot parts.

I want Jack's arms so I can do that thing that Henry Cavill does where he cocks his arms. Oh, yeah. I want to be so ready for a fight that I cock my arms. I want to reload my muscles. I want to be that. I want to be so ready for a fight that I cock my arms. I want to reload my muscles. I want to be that. I want to be like Jax. But instead of reloading, they're like pistons. Oh, my God.

The future can't get here soon enough. Yeah. I know. I'm going to get a robot gallbladder. I'm going to get robot neck. I'm going to get robot toenails. You're picking the worst parts to have robots. To roboticize a part of your body.

The toenails I feel like is a waste. Robot toenails. I don't know that's cutting it. All right. Just do the whole foot. Yeah. That makes way more sense. Way more sense.

Here's the thing. If you got robot feet, would you like make them the same size as your normal feet? Or would you like add on? Oh, if I had robot feet, my robot feet would like, if I put my feet together, they'd become a wheel. And if I, uh, they would also be, like, claws so I could hang upside down and shit. What's the point of having normal feet if you, like, get robo feet? Get feet that have suction cups on so you can walk on walls? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, I could become, like, a real sloth. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, I could become like a real sloth. Like hook onto trees with my claw feet. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You can hang upside down and just sit there. Oh, my God. This is great.

Yeah, you can see the world from a different perspective. Yeah, technology. Get on this. Hurry up. And I went to the Ren Fair again. I saw your photo with the Mud Brothers. Yes. So what happened was they did their mud show, went up after, and I was like, hey, have you seen on the internet, there's like this animation of you guys.

He's like, oh, yeah, somebody showed us that in Texas. So whoever it was listening in Texas, good job. Do they love us? Do they like us? Yeah're like it was great it was funny we didn't know uh you know the the show was or anything we just saw the cartoon and i was like uh yeah that's me i'm one of the people on the podcast thing and he's like wow cool and they take a picture that's fantastic. Yeah, that's amazing. We're in with the Mud Brothers now.

Yeah, we're in. We can probably get invited to the Mud Show. Oh, my God. You think we could be part of the Mud Show? We've got to be part of the Mud Show. Crendor, could we be part of the Mud Show? Yeah. I mean, me and Billy Billy Von Billy are on, like, first name basis at this point. I mean, yeah.

You have to be on first name basis because his whole name is a first name yeah billy billy von billy is all i mean that's like he's all first name he is all first name well von well yes there's von there's von miller and yeah for broncos he's the first he is all first name all first names damn? Damn. So, yeah. Went to the Ren Faire. Saw the Mud Bros. Saw the Mud People. Saw the Mud People.

And then drank, ate food. A lot of people dressed up as random stuff. Can I ask you a question? I find that more and more happening at Renaissance Fairs. I'm not a big Renaissance Fair person, but I see people's photos. And the Renaissance Fair, one would imagine you dress up like you're in the Renaissance, right? But now I see people in Dungeons and Dragons outfits and dress like pirates.

And people dress in all sorts. I'm like, hold on. Hold on. This isn't the Pirate Fair or the Dragon Fair. What are you doing? This is an excuse for you to dress up in elf ears. There were no elves in the Renaissance. I am opposed to all of that.

So you're looking for historically accurate Ren Faire. Yeah, I want to feel slightly oppressed when I go. Yeah. I like it. I want the oppressive nature of, I want like an inquisition to hound me the entire time you should make our own red and fair and call it the oppression the great oppression yeah then the king rules over it when you walk in you sign a contract it's like for the next five hours you are the kings yeah you live live here. I would be so thrilled.

That'd be great. Yeah. People would love that. They come there, and if the king shows up, he's like, I declare prima nocta. I want all of that. Oh, my God. And then we're the kings, and we have rival kingdoms. Oh, my God. Yeah, and people have to fight for us.

Yeah. By throwing money at us. That sounds like a great fight. You could man the archers, but instead of shooting arrows, you shoot Nerf darts with money attached to them. Yeah, you have to pay for arrows.

If you want these Nerf darts, you gotta pay for them. Five bucks, five for five. If I had the amount of money as the top 100 YouTubers, You want these Nerf darts, you gotta pay for them. Five bucks, five for five. If I had the amount of money as the top 100 YouTubers, this is the first thing I would do. Is Open a Renaissance fair? I would too. I'll be real. I've always wondered what I'd do with too much money. And I think to myself, I'd probably spend it in crazy ways. I've always said that if I ever got, let's say tomorrow I won the lottery and won one of those $350 million lottery things. I've always said, I take one-third of that money, immediately put it in the bank.

I take another third of that money, and I would buy a house. I would get a house. I would get a car. I would take care of everyone that I know and love. I like give them a little like here's some scratch. Don't ever come asking for anything else. Right. I do all that. And with that last third, I would do something insane with it. Just crazy. And I've always said I go to Vegas and like do the wackiest insane thing that I could do do. Or I fly all my friends on a world trip or something. Something wacky, right?

I've changed my mind. I want to open a Renaissance Fair. I want to open the best Renaissance Fair with the rest of that money. And I want to have real gladiator matches. We'll get prisoners. And we'll have to fight for entertainment. Yes. Really, what I think I want to do is just, again, we need a Hunger Games.

I would spend my fortune on a Hunger Games. A real-life Hunger Games. A real-life Hunger Games. And I'd be okay with that. I'd be so fine. Yeah. And you could bring in, like, the... I'd always want them to do, like, the real-time ESPN sports analysis.

Like, this is Triple Bones X Johnson. He's beat up 54 people in prison and he's ready to fight for his life in the annual hunger games battle that's what i'm saying imagine all right imagine one all right i guess there'll be taxes so i'd have to win six hundred thousand dollars or six hundred million dollars but if i won six hundred million dollars and it came down to 300 million that's 100 million dollars to spend on this endeavor. Imagine what I could do with $100 million. You could do something crazy. I would buy land

somewhere in the middle of America. And I would create a giant dome and I would sell the broadcast rights to the hundred. I would. We'd have a real running man situation. It's every future movie Where I'm the evil corporate

Overlord I'd be that guy for you world I'd do that for you So to build a stadium Yes how much does it cost to build a stadium Around a billion Well it's not a stadium It's just I'm not doing anything

I'm just putting a glass dome over a forest. What are glass dome prices? All right. How much does it cost to build a glass dome? What's a glass dome price? Give me some glass dome pricing. Okay. 1,000 square foot dome home shell will cost roughly $60,000.

Okay. Once completely finished, about $130,000. So, all right. $130,000. All right Once completely finished, about 130,000. So, all right, 130,000. All right, so how big is that? I'm going to math this out. That's for a home. Yeah, okay, but how big is that?

How many feet was that? Okay, that is, let's see, Sean, $65 per square. Wait, finish dome, $130 per square foot. All right, $130 per square foot. $130 per square foot. All right, $130 per square foot. All right, so it only cost me roughly $68,000 for a mile long, for a mile dome. So if I had a dome that was, let's say, 10 miles, so $668,000 for a 10-mile, 10 by 10. I used to live in a town that was 5x5.

And that town was big. So if I had a 10x10, 10-mile-by-10-mile-square plot of land with a giant dome, $686,000. Then at that point, prisons will just give me the people to sit. They don't want the tax burden I'm relieving the people Give me their craziest killers Give me the real murderers Put them in there

And they're just in it for the glory Yeah, no, we don't offer them freedom But we do offer them, you know, like Roman gladiator style Look, if you win We'll give you like food And like hookers and stuff. And they'll live like kings. But they only get to live like a king as long as they keep fighting.

Yeah. Come on. And winning. Yeah, and winning. And then we broadcast all of it. That's great. Yeah, and then you get a return on investment as it gets more and more popular. Oh, it'll be popular from day one.

People will love it. Yeah. But everyone has to have cool names like Blazer and Laser. No one has a real name, right? Like Claw Fist and Death Adder. It's like the XFL. Oh, yeah. No one.

He hate me or whatever it was. Yeah. Yep. All those XFL players need work Get them in Exactly And then We could have the televised

ESPN 5 ESPN the oat show I guess I'd have to put cameras and stuff everywhere You need cameras I'd have to have cameras and things And trees No there's no seating You don't want to be seated Yeah, you need cameras. Yeah, I'd have to have cameras and things. Yeah, you need seating. And, like, trees. No, there's no seating.

You don't want to be seated. You don't want to be seated. Yeah, you don't want to be seated in that place. Well, you're going to need, like, guards and stuff. You've got to pay guards. Yeah, all right. So maybe not 10 by 10. 5 by 5 is good enough.

All right. A $300 million. Oh, no, I'm wrong. Wait, that's $100 million. 10 by 10. So I was going off of $1 million, right? Right. So 10 by 10 would be $6 million.

I still have $94 million left. Oh, damn. That's easy. I was reading these numbers wrong. Oh, what? I was thinking wrong. That's why I don't do math. That's why I'd have an accountant brought on board.

But this is easy oh, easy. Like make an obstacle course thing inside of it. Yeah, oh, easy. Like wire and trees and shit. Yeah, I have so much extra money. Man, I'd have like the, you know, NFL when the camera flies across the field. I'd have that going on. Oh, yeah.

Oh, it would be great. Oh, my God. And then you'd have to, you wouldn't even give them weapons. Or maybe like, you'd have like a small selection. Oh no, it'd be like in Hunger Games 2. When it's in the middle of the field. Or was that the first one? Yeah.

All the stuff's in the middle of the field. Maybe it's both. I don't remember which one. Yeah, you could have like a few weapons in the middle of the field. And then everybody else has to make their own. Oh yeah. And if you want to go fight for it go for it but oh my god that'd be where it was at yeah some guy just crafts a spear off a tree and kills like half the people with it his name's like spear mcgee no no that's what his name would become at first we call

him like slice killer slice because he likes he likes the drink slice he loves killing My god, I don't know like a day-night cycle and so cycle And so like some guy only hunts at night Oh my god I feel bad because most of these guys Probably have no actual Like outdoor training That's true but I mean they're murderers So who cares

And unlike the normal Hunger Games If anyone teams up and says I won't kill this guy Then we'll just Gas them or something i learned my lesson from the hung games i'll be like none of this shit yeah it's like no we choose to live together it's like i'll activate the bees send those dogs the gas bees get the get the evil dogs, send them in Oh yeah, no

It's fine because they're like psycho killers So no one's gonna have any sympathy for these guys Just send them in It's like, well, he was a serial murder anyway And now they're both dead F them Bring in the next rat Yeah, they would inspire others

To actually play the game Because they don't want to be killed by bees and dogs and gas. That swamp gas shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Man. I feel like we're on to something. I feel like.

Sure, there'd be humanitarian backlash. All right. Yeah, but by then, by then we'll be a dystopia. It'll be like a future hellscape. Come on. Yeah. By the time I get this money, the world will have been nuked. Half the population will be gone. This is for you, world.

Yeah. We're doing this for you. I'm gonna dye my hair purple for you. Crendor's gonna wear a silver suit for you. Y'all, this is for you guys. This is better than that time we thought up the Robot League. The Robot League is still a good idea. If we had robots fighting and rip each other apart,

oh man, that'd be great. If this got enough backlash where we had to cancel it, then we'd form the Robot Football League. This fall, from the creators of the Helldome, come Robot League Robots and people that Just give people steroids Robots and mutants

Yeah mutants You know what I don't understand I don't understand why we just don't let people take steroids And become ripped mutant people And just let them duke it out. I watched all those baseball players in the early

2000s get huge. It was some of the best time in baseball. It was some of the best baseball I've ever seen. We got like 80 home runs in a season. There were so many home runs. That was great baseball. Now they're like, no steroids. Jack everyone up. That was great baseball. Now they're like, no steroids. Jack everyone up.

I don't understand. Yeah, use like aluminum bats. Give them like the ball, like put cork in the whatever. Oh, yeah. The ball should be explosive, and if you don't throw it fast enough, like the ball explodes in his hand, so the game speeds up. Oh, yeah. The baseball bats are buzz saws.

Come on. We can do better. The catcher is like a dog that's biting at your heels if you stand too close to the plate. Oh, man. Come on. I'm surprised this isn't like a baseball video game already. The outfield is filled with landmines. This could be great. This could landmines this could be great

this could be great it could be great um by the way yes moving on i don't think we should that's an important issue but all right so i had to go look up nicholas cage movies again oh man we we are so behind on nicholas cage movies we're behind we haven't even seen mom and day i know and a new one just came out i'm so we gotta catch up i keep waiting for you to Man, we are so behind on Nicolas Cage movies. We're behind. We haven't even seen Mom and Dad. I know. And a new one just came out. We got to catch up. I keep waiting for you to come out so we can just watch it. Yeah.

We got to do it. We'll do that. When I come out, we're going to be eating food at some point anyway. But I looked up during our Patreon meetup. I was like, guys, what is Nicolas Cage doing? And so he's there. there okay i went down a spiral first he's making a movie called primal okay this movie sounds insane let me tell it to you okay i'm ready teach me a big game hunter for zoos who has booked passage on a greek shipping freighter with a fresh haul

of exotic and deadly animals from the amazon including a rare white jaguar along with a political assassin being extradited to the u.s in secret two days into the journey the assassin escapes and releases the captive animals, throwing the ship into chaos. That's it. That is, um... Seems easily resolved. It seems like an easily resolved... There can't be that many animals, and most of the animals, I feel like you could

just tranq or shoot. Right. I don't... The jaguar might be the only thing that's dangerous, but even that, a man could shoot with a gun, they captured it the first time. It's not that hard. I mean. If he's a trained zoologist hunter, which makes no sense, then he definitely could do it.

It doesn't seem all that hard. It's also starring Fomke Janssen, who played Jean Grey. And Kevin Durant. The basketball player? He played Little John in Robin Hood in 2010. What? Yeah. He also played Fred Dukes in Wolverine X-Men Origins.

Oh, he's the guy from... He was one of the bad guys in Lost for a couple seasons. Okay, I know who that is. Because Fred Dukes is the blob, yeah? I think that's who that's supposed to be. Oh, yeah. He was the guy who had the amazing

line... One of the worst best scenes in any X-Men movie is when Wolverine gets beat up and he's like, damn, calm down, bub. And he's like, did you call me blob? And that's like, it's terrible. It's a terrible. He's like, it's just a terrible scene. He's like, why'd you call him blob?

And he's like, I called him bub. And he's like, who the hell says that? Will.i.am is in that scene, by the way. That's a scene with Will.i.am. What? It's absolutely true. It is insane. And it also has Michael Imperioli, who's from The Goodfellas.

Sure. And The Sopranos. Great. I bet that is a terrible movie. Yes. Now, here's the other thing, all right? So I was like, okay, and what's this movie called? Prisoners of the Ghost Land.

Oh my god. Alright, I'm ready. A notorious criminal must break an evil curse in order to rescue an abducted girl who has mysteriously disappeared. Great. I'm already in. That's an amazing plot. I was like, okay, this is a lot packed into one sentence. And I was like, who's directing this? It gets better. It's directed by Sion Sono, a Japanese director. You may be wondering, what has Sion Sono made?

I'm glad you asked. Sion Sono made recent films such as Love Exposure, a bizarre love triangle forms between a young Catholic upskirt photographer, a misandric girl, and a manipulative cultist. Great. I'd watch that movie. It sounds like it's right up my alley. I know. He also made The Virgin Psychics.

the virgin psychics. After receiving a cosmic blast while masturbating, a virginal teenager gains psychic powers and joins a group of ESP virgins in order to defend the world from evil psychics. This is genuinely incredible.

What else did he make? He also made Into a Dream No Pants Girls Movie Boxing 2. Is that all one title? yes it is no pants girls movie boxing 2 yes and i don't think there's a first one hold on hold on no pants girls movie boxing Movie Boxing 2. Whoa. No Pantsu Garazu Movie Boxing 2. Whoa. Are you sure this isn't porn?

I'm positive. This guy's like the David Lynch of Japan. Teachers of Sexual Play Modeling Urns with the Female Body. No, wait. That's not one of them. No, that's definitely him. Yeah, that's him. About a pottery workshop run by Mrs. Nami. Her students want to become as skilled as her,

and she teach them that the key to good pottery is love. Sounds like a pottery movie to me. Yeah, sounds great. Now, here's a movie called Anti-Porno. Clearly going against what you're calling him uh-huh um young artist kyoko wrecks havoc on everyone that she encounters her worst being reserved for simpering older assistant nariko whom she routinely humiliates or at least that's what she seems to be happening before an abrupt about face outrageous rabble rousers sono's contribution to the roman

porno redo series contains plenty of sex but is also fourth wall breaking experimental study of feminine agency set against outlandish eye-popping backdrops here's my problem with no pants i'm sorry i'm still distracted by this when i type in in No Pants Girls Movie Boxing 2, the thing that pops up, that's clearly the first thing that appears. Then immediately after is a YouTube video called Here's $50 and I'll take off those pants. Followed by that is Change Your Underwear!

And then Top 10 Sexy Movie Underwear Scenes. Then Amazon Rocky Balboa Men's Apollo Boxing Movie American. Then Bubble 2 Organic Cotton Boxer Briefs. Then Kiki Pants for Boys. Then Hot Scenes of Naked Women Wrestling for Real. And then What Do You Like Better in a Guy, Boxer Shorts or Boxer Briefs.

And then Underwear Wikipedia. I'm going to see where No Pantsu Garazu, where does that take me? Whoa, that actually gives me stuff. me stuff no pants if you type in the japanese name it gives you all this information oh my god wow not not really a lot of information in fact if you click the images it really just gives you a weird photo of uh the dude who plays Aquaman as what I believe to be Sting and or the crow I don't I don't know what's going on right now I don't uh but I'm fascinated by all of this oh yeah depression uh the movie it has like no actors what and no description. Prescription police. Kiriyama Suchiro works as an information management officer in the prefectural police station.

As he is very observant and has interest in the unresolved cases which have gone past the legal time frame, statute of limitations, i.e. the culprit cannot be charged even if he or she is caught, he investigates the cases without permission in the aim of confirming the culprit only. Some characteristics of this character would be his dark green spectacles, his wallet containing 20,000 yen at all times, and his udon that he likes. Alright, question. That's not a description of a movie. That tells me nothing of the movie. I was waiting for it to be like, and this is what he was this is this doesn't i don't understand what now remind you winding this all the way back to where we started this man is directing a nicholas cage movie i am so excited

i am very excited you know what's terrible is when you type in nicholas you start to type in nicholas cage you go Nicolas C, and the first thing that comes up is Nicolas Colicos. Not even Nick Cage comes up first when searching for Nicolas Cage. And when you type in Nicolas Cage, it says actor face-off. Face-off wasn't the best thing he did, let alone the last thing he did. Man, so many movies have come out And we're missing all of them

I know What you need to do so we can talk about it Is you need to see The Great Wall Alright Go see The Great Wall I keep bringing it up that we have to talk about it I want to talk about the reviews You need to go see it

Alright The Great Wall It's probably like for free on somewhere. Probably. It's not very good. You probably get it in a dollar bin if you wanted to buy it too. All right. Excellent.

It's not very good. Oh, my God. Speaking of totally unrelated, not at all related things, but I want to say this before I forget. Okay. So Coxcom was last week. Oh, yeah. Silly fun as usual. But one day we were walking around London

and as we were walking around we were walking through Camden which is sort of like a hipster I would say probably druggy place as far as I'm aware. Right. A lot of strung out people on the street. Like I've never seen so many beautiful young people strung out on drugs. So

anyway we're walking down the street and we see these two guys come out of an alleyway and the two guys coming out of the alleyway they're like they look pretty you know rough right coming out of the alleyway looking all tough and then they meet another guy who comes out of the alleyway now there's three of them and i look at everyone around me i'm like oh my god what is happening right now they meet with two other people now they're five of them and we're following them as this is happening. Then a guy and a girl come up, hug them. And now there's seven.

It straight up was the beginning of the Michael Jackson video. Beat it. I think they were going to a brawl. What? They all like were dressed ready for a fight I think. And they all kept, they all met each other. And then they started walking down the street and in the back of my

head I just hear like boom boom boom boom boom boom boom I was I wish I could have kept following them because I know shit was about to go down like it wasn't that they were they were going to go meet someone literally people were coming out of alleyways to join them go watch the beginning

of beat it where dudes just like appear and join the gang leader, and they just get ready for a brawl. That's what it was like. It wasn't like he went around, hey, guys, come on, let's go fight. Dudes just showed up like they knew to meet the guy on the street at that time. It was crazy. I've never seen anything like it.

I was blown away. It was amazing. I feel like you needed to follow them I wanted to but our Airbnb Was along the way and we finally got to it And it was like 12,000 degrees outside So Oh my god

It was like 101 degrees We were dying no one has air conditioning That's what I was saying I was down. I got back to Airbnb. I tried to lay in my bed and open the windows, but the windows don't open all the way because they're like, we don't want to, it could get cold in the winter,

so we don't want big windows. So literally, I'm laying there on my bed trying, I'm like just dripping sweat, but then the bed is hot. And I'm like, oh my God. So I go outside and outside there's a breeze, but the sun's beating right down on you. All of us were so gross all day. I was so disgusting.

I don't even, the last day we were in London was the worst, I think one of the worst days of my life. It was so gross. I was so hot and sweaty and just uncomfortable. Oh, I even had a bad nando's experience that day we got nando's and i ordered a wrap and the wrap came with like some gross sauce on it that i did not like and it made the chicken taste all nasty oh everything about that day was terrible everything was terrible all those people all right i've said before i'm like why don't they got air conditioner over here bite these not even that hot. That's what they say. It is hot.

All right. I've been there. I felt the heat. Okay. I need air conditioning. Yeah. All right. If you're like, oh, maybe you're a baby.

You can't handle it. I guess I am a baby that can't handle the heat. All right. Give me my air conditioning. It sucked. Yeah. That's pretty bad. But yeah, that's it.

I'm sure other things happened. But yeah, none of it is worth telling on this podcast. I mean, aside from that, I think, oh yeah, there's that. Everybody keeps talking about how the Tito Watts tickets to heaven thing. Oh my God. It is really big now. No, it is real. It is real.

Wait, it's real? Yes. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise At Coxconn a guy showed up Selling Spray painted pieces of wood that says Tickets to heaven And he had a sign that says $99 but at the bottom it said

Pay whatever you want And so all Coxconn people were walking around with spray painted Tickets to heaven It's a real thing now Before it was a fake article that we wanted to be real, but now it's real. There was a guy there. That's genius. Yeah, that is worth telling.

A dude was at Coxconn, and he was dressed like Tito Watson. He was selling tickets to heaven. Honestly, that's a future entrepreneur. Yep, that's a future entrepreneur. Yep, that guy figured it out.

He probably made bank. I signed so many. You should have been doing it. I know, I'm such a dummy. You would have made so much money. I signed all the tickets to heaven on the back of a road void in the UK. Take that, you take that, Brits. Take that, you non-air conditioners.

Yeah, no Brits in my heaven. That's all I got to talk about. Cool. All right. Well, you know what we should talk about? Yes. Me undies. Whoa.

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They're the only underwear that's super soft with this crazy fabric that I still don't know how they make But I don't care I don't understand it Every time we have a copy in front of us With like actual information about what MeUndies are And I quote They are made from sustainably sourced material from beechwood trees I still don't know how that works

I don't even know what a beechwood tree is It doesn't sound like Are beechwood trees made of fabric? Because I don't understand. That's a beechwood tree. Their naturally soft fiber makes the fabric that won't sag or ride up. I just, I don't understand how any of that works. I don't get it. I don't know why that's the way it is, but by God, I love it.

I love it too they are so good they come in boxers briefs boxer briefs uh they have another brand like another kind that i don't remember there's four types that you can get if you're a dude uh ladies they have like thongs and um like uh like a boxer brief for ladies kind of things like a boy pant i don't know what the hell that's called. Look, I think I've looked on the women's section once. They have all sorts of – They got socks.

Yeah. They got like lounge pants. Oh, my God. They have shirts. They got it all. And it all is made from the same crazy fabric. I don't get it. I don't get how they do it.

And then they have three different types. They have Crandor style. They have normal person style. And then they have three different types. They have Crendor style, they have normal person style, and then they have Jesse style. So Crendor, if you want to get like gray, then you can do that. Love my gray. If you want normal style where you get like a

fancy like light blue or maybe like a pink, you can do that. If you want Jesse style that has sloths and or sharks and or, I have an avocado, I have avocados on one of mine. Oh my god. They're great. I just got one that's glow-in-the-dark jellyfish. Oh my god. I know. I love

them so much. I am gonna get the sloth ones, that's for sure. I have the sloth ones and they're hilarious. Although, like, I got a, uh, I accidentally ordered a one size too small, so when I put the sloth ones on, all the sloths stretch. So there's a sloth that's just like, yeah.

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C-R-E-N-D-O-R. C-R-E-N-D-O-R C-R-E-N-D-O-R MeUndies.com slash Crendor That's me That was a beautiful song Not a good song, but beautiful You know, like, sad beautiful Yeah, like, uh Like when leaves, when leaves

Like Katy Perry? No, no, Katy Perry's not sad beautiful. I guess it's like Coldplay. You know what? You're right. Coldplay. You nailed it that time. When you buy me undies.

I'm single. Cold. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say like leaves falling in the fall, but sure. Coldplay. Leaves falling. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do falling in the fall, but sure. Coldplay.

Leaves falling. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Yeah, exactly. Yes. Use our code, please. Also, this week we're brought to you by 4Hims. 4Hims is a new wellness brand for men. Did you know that by the age of 35, 66% of men lose their hair?

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I was gone for a month, so I didn't get my July hair stuff. I was missing it. I was having withdrawals. I was gone for a month, so I didn't get my July hair stuff. I was missing it. I was having withdrawals. I was like, you know what? Damn.

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uh still looking pretty great um you know when it's this warm outside and I got air conditioning up in my chopter copter I can pretty much go anywhere I want in the comfortability of this chopter copter and I can't say the same for some places in England where you know they just they still got that luxury so really what I'm saying is I'm gonna build a chopter copter mobile home and take it all over the world to show them the power of air conditioning and spread my message back to you thanks Crandor you know what I saw today while driving down the road, a van where the back half of the van had been taken off and instead was like a sliding door. Cool. And inside was like a bed and hippie beads everywhere.

Oh, man. I wish I had that car. Oh, my God. That is what I want. I want to drive around the country in a hippie bead van. That's the dream. The old hippie bead van. That's the dream. The old hippie bead van. That's the dream.

That's where the money making starts. How do you make money off it? I haven't figured that part out yet. But it's like, get van with door and bed, drive around the country, question mark, question mark, question mark, make the money to have a death dome. That's where it starts honestly i can see that being the base of a strong um a strong financial growth yeah it's like that it's like the plot of real steel i think wait real steel yeah remember the movie real steel no what

yeah i don't know what that is oh you're missing out go watch real steel i have so many movies i gotta watch though you really do real still is actually like kind of an okay movie ah the kid's very charming um where are we we are at the weather okay Okay Weather Woppy activated I have strained my neck That hurt Weather Woppy doesn't have a neck What?

Yes he does Oh okay Two One Five Two Two Bittinger

What? Bittinger Maryland Ah okay yeah yeah alright 72 degrees Fahrenheit Feels like 72 degrees Bittinger. What? Bittinger, Maryland. Ah, okay. Yeah, yeah. All right. 72 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 72 degrees Fahrenheit. High. Meh.

Low. 59 degrees Fahrenheit. Tonight. Thunderstorms. Scattered clouds. Possibility of isolated thunderstorms. Developing late. Low.

59. Winds light and variable chance of rain 30 monday rain monday night rain tuesday rain tuesday night rain it's a lot of rain over there in maryland sounds like a lot of rain i wish we had rain in la oh i put on uh yeah that's it oh my god it's raining like every day that's supposed to be what the Weather Channel is talking about. Because yesterday, randomly turned on the TV, put on the Weather Channel, because I was like, oh, yeah, Weather Channel. And they were like, massive storms east coast.

Man, I'm jealous. I would love rain. I think that's the one thing I dislike about, like, really dry, like, Arizona or LA or anywhere. They just don't get rain. Oh, my God. When it did rain here that one time, it rained for like five days straight and the world flooded.

It was crazy. Rain's just, I don't know, it's relaxing. It smells good. I like rain. It's cleansing. It's a cleansing rain. Everyone needs a cleansing rain every once in a while. Everybody needs a cleansing rain.

That's just the world taking a shower. Yeah, yeah. When you think about it. It's just the world taking a shower. Yeah, yeah. When you think about it. It's just the world taking a shower. Alright. Yeah, let's go to sports. Sports. Welcome to sports. How you doing?

Good. That's good. Thank you. So, really it's just baseball right now. That's about it uh a lot of baseball happening and as we discussed our version of baseball would be way better so we don't need to talk about baseball it would be yeah it'd be way better um football right around the corner though i believe on thursday is the hall of fame game for the NFL. That kicks off the preseason, and let's go.

We're into fall, essentially. Fresh start. Every team gets a fresh start. Cleveland Browns, this could be your year. By the way, hard knocks this year is the Cleveland Browns on HBO. I'm ready. I'm ready for it. I'm going to watch that because I want to see how they actually train to lose.

Yes. I want to see how this culture has developed into a team that wins one game in their last, like, 30 games. How are they going to make that an interesting season? How? You're going to tune in to watch them be sad. You're going to see grown men just be sad. And I can't wait.

I can't wait to see it. Well, this year is going to be even crazier because they've signed a bunch of free agents they hired new management they got a new quarterback they drafted they got the bills quarterback great it's a like veteran guy great to like start as the other guy learns and then they got a really good receiver from the dolphins who's like kind of had some personality issues but he's good. Listen they'll take what they can get this month. They will. We got Josh Gordon who like was like rehabbing

from being addicted to pills and alcohol since like grade school. This is gonna be good. And now he's finally clean apparently. I can tell. There's like so many stories. So many good stories. I'm ready. This could be the best season. This could be the best season. Yeah. I'm ready for it and that's sports all right credo what is our big news story of the day big news story of the day so typically we just rely on florida main here but

i wanted to go over uh this thing that you tweeted earlier about McDonald's Monopoly. Sure. Okay. Yeah. So this was just the story of how an ex-cop rigged McDonald's Monopoly and stole millions. As I said when I tweeted, when I used to work at McDonald's way back in the day, when they did that stuff,

people would steal those fry boxes and cup boxes by the crate full. They'd take pallets of them and put them in the back of their car to the point where the management had to lock it up. So how did that work? Did they just come on attached to the cups and stuff? They still do, I think, right? There are little things you pull off the fry container or the cup container. Right.

And you pull, and then there's a Monopoly piece. And sometimes you collect one of the, you know, land places, like a park place or whatever. And sometimes you Get instant win things And what they would do is they'd literally get instant win things And then sell them to friends And I assume the whole strategy was Because you couldn't win If you worked at McDonald's

Because you worked there So they would give it to friends to go collect the winnings Ah I see Yeah that makes sense then. So then you essentially just rigged it because then you'd work there and then be like, I got my winning pieces.

Yeah, which is why none of this phased me. When I saw this article, I was like, yeah, no, this happened. People did this all the time. Yeah. Oh, wow, this is a very long article. It is. It's an in-depth, in-detail article.

All right. I didn't expect that. We may not be able to do this. Yeah, no. Oh, my God. Yeah. I just wanted to talk about Monopoly because I remember being a kid and being like, I'm going to win Monopoly.

And then I was like, I'll win my a million dollars. I'll buy Nintendo 64. It was around the time. You could. That was one of the prizes, I think my million dollars I'll buy Nintendo 64 Because it was around the time Nintendo 64 came out That was one of the prizes I think Is you could get a Nintendo 64 You could win one Or but typically you just get like a free small fry Yeah usually you get like an ice cream cone

Or some BS like a free cheeseburger And it's like cool I guess I uh Yeah I never saw anyone win actual money but also i was never involved in the scams to like take people would i swear to you take boxes of like i think there were 500 in a box and i imagine they just go home and just peel off the things dear god yeah that's and i guess if you won free food or you won stuff that was Cheap you just go to another McDonald's

And turn it in right I guess so yeah it Uh oh yeah that would make sense yeah And then you just got free meals yep and I mean you get heart disease on top of It you'd get free meals anyway they're Working at McDonald's but whatever well I guess you give it to your friends or Something yeah that's what I would like I was I was ahead of the curve at McDonald's I used whatever. Well, I guess you give it to your friends or something.

Yeah, that's what I would like. I was ahead of the curve at McDonald's. I used to work, I think I said this, I used to work Saturday morning. I used to work Saturday and Sunday morning. I only worked two days a week because I had school the rest of the week, right? And then I worked Saturday and Sunday morning because then I could go out and hang out with friends the rest of the day. And so I worked from 6am Until 2 I think it was

But the break you had The break you would take would be During like When breakfast ended and lunch began And so they had breakfast food still And lunch food still So what I would do Is I would make one of those like

Sunny I'm trying to think of what they call them, where you put egg on a burger. I was doing that. I was doing that before it was cool. I made a hamburger and I put egg on the hamburger. Man, I was ahead of the curve. God dang. I know.

Now Red Robin makes a fortune off of that shit. It's true. I was doing that. Pretty much every burger. I was doing that in 1999. McDonald's still doesn't do that Wait so We're using like the The egg McMuffin

Yes Egg McMuffin Well first off That's the only Spoiler That's the only real egg At McDonald's Well yeah

So like the egg The bacon egg and cheese That comes out of like a carton So it's like the egg beater stuff They pour that in a form And then they like fold it So it becomes that shape But the Egg McMuffin eggs

They have three It looks like The plastic that holds a six pack Except it's like a form And they crack the six eggs in there and then it heats the eggs and they do a flip and it flips the eggs over

so you can like, it heats both sides. So that's like a real egg. So I take that and then I put that on a hamburger that I made. Oh yeah. I was,

I was a genius. I was ahead of my time and I ate that for lunch. You're living the dream. I know. Probably not the healthiest thing. No. But being there wasn't the healthiest thing

That's all I'm saying I'd get home from work and smell like grease And be gross It was awful There was not a long enough cleansing shower For how gross it was to work there My manager Was a very nice woman

And she kept bringing her girlfriend to the management office to make out. And so you go in to ask a question, and they were just in there making out. And you're like, what? What are you doing? She's like, close the door and get out. And you're like, all right. Okay, then. Is it okay if I put an Egg McMuffin patty on a burger?

They didn't care, because all that stuff that they cook for breakfast, they throw out. Oh, I see. So when breakfast hits, if they don't sell it, they trash it. Well, that's why now they do nonstop, like, 24-hour breakfast. Pretty sure. They'll just have it sitting there for, like, four days. They give it to them.

That's what they would do. Oh, yeah. Let me tell you, there is a system of, like, you should just ask for everything fresh because stuff sits around, trust me. Yeah, McDonald's in itself is a system. Yeah, everything about it. And again, for the record, the fries come bagged, and when you open them, it's very obvious that they were pre-salted and pre-sugared. The fries have been sugared.

That's how you get them. Yeah, that's how they taste. The fries, when you get them, they just put them in the oil and they put salt on them. But before they get there, the process of making them, it has sugar.

100%. Mama mia. It has been 20 years since I actually worked at McDonald's, so it might have changed. But in those 20 years, I actually worked at McDonald's So it might have changed But in those 20 years It's possible That it's the exact same

I feel like it's the exact same McDonald's hasn't changed much Somebody's gotta work there and know What are those called quarter pounders I hate quarter pounders I'm not a big quarter pounder fan The quarter pounders have not changed as far as I'm aware I guess, actually no

Apparently I saw a thing where they make them with fresh meat now Which is insane They're like yeah we don't freeze our Quarter Pounder meat I'm like that's crazy So what you're saying is all the other stuff there is frozen Yeah, but even at the same time Right, if it's fresh meat I don't know if I trust McDonald's handling fresh meat.

No, I don't either. Also, our friend Davis loves all forms of Big Mac. Big Mac sauce makes me ill. Like, it makes me sick. He loves when they come out with – you know how they had the – there was the Little Mac and the Big Mac. Yeah, I like the Little Mac. The Mega Mac or whatever that one was, like Quarter Pounder.

He loves that one. When that was out, he would get it every day. And I was just like, how are you alive? He'd be like, come on, let's go get a Big Mac. I'm like, no, Big Macs are so gross. I do not like a Big Mac. I hate a Big Mac. You know what I do like?

What? A McCox and Crandor. Oh my god, yes. It's like I don't even know if you can make it anymore because they got rid of the like... Yeah, they stopped selling the jalapeno burger. Yeah. I am not okay with that. I'm not okay with it. They gotta bring it back. Otherwise, we're gonna

have to reinvent it again when the McRib hits. Well, here's the thing. I think if you don't have the jalapeno burger, a good substitute is a bacon McDouble. Get a bacon McDouble, put it in between, and enjoy. McDonald's. They used to have jalapeno McChickens for a while. They don't have that anymore.

They took jalapenos off the menu and I have no clue why. Probably because some of the customers were like, it's too Mexican for me. That tingles my taste buds and I don't like it. It's too foreign. I don't like it. Let's see. Yeah, I guess. It feels like it needs the jalapenos, though, like the bacon.

It needs. You're right. You're right. Do they have a spicy something? Hold on. There's got to be a spicy. I like how this started from an article about people stealing McDonald's. You know what?

This is way more interesting. Way more interesting. Menu. Yeah. Menu. About our food. I don't want to know about your food, McDonald's. The more I know, the scarier it's going to be.

Burgers. Yeah, burgers. Okay. Right now they have a bacon smokehouse burger that does not look appetizing. What is on this? What is that? Is that chili? Did someone put chili on a burger? Chili. Wait, a

chili burger at McDonald's? No, I guess that's supposed to be onion sauce. That does not look like onion sauce to me. Onion sauce? Bacon onion sauce. Oh, my God. Go to this image. That looks like throw up.

That's not. I do not want that anywhere near my food. What's this under? Just our menu. It's the very first thing. If you go to burgers. Let's see. Bacon Smokehouse Burger Double Bacon Smokehouse.

Yeah, that one. Click that. Look at the sauce. The bottom of it, it looks like it's chili, but that's not chili. That is a bacon onion. It does look like chili. That is gross. What the shit?

This is why, McDonald's, this is why I don't go to you. McDonald's, this is why I don't go to you. McDonald's, this is why I don't go to you. McDonald's, this is why I don't go to you. How much it has? Wow, all of their burgers are so bland now. Look at this nonsense. When you go to burgers, literally it's bacon smokehouse, double bacon smokehouse, Big Mac, quarter pounder, double quarter pounder, triple cheeseburger,

double cheeseburger, McDouble, bacon double, cheeseburger hamburger. That's like boring. Where's the good stuff? I Gotta know the nutrition of the double bacon smokehouse burger. You really don't want to know it is 11 1130 calories holy shit. You know you can get a bacon smokehouse grilled version No, no, no you can't you gotta get this grilled chicken sandwich 67 grams of fat that's over a hundred percent of your daily value uh almost 2 000 milligrams of sodium and uh a lot 220 milligrams of cholesterol 18 grams of sugar

well let me just tell you about the Bacon Smokehouse Artisan Grilled Chicken Sandwich. That's 750 calories, 81% of your daily of sodium, 21% of your daily value of carbs, and 48% of your daily value of fat. Ay, ay, ay. So still terrible, but less terrible. Sometimes you just got to make the less terrible choice. Yeah. I'm still waiting for them.

Oh, they have a classic chicken sandwich. Yeah. I like the McChicken every once in a while. You know what? You know what? All right. For the time being, this the new This is the new We need to make a series of sandwiches

Alright So The McCox and Crandor For the moment Since there's no Spicy stuff It's gotta be It's gotta be spicy something right

What are we missing Gotta be a spicy Gotta be a spicy thing Oh my god what if what if somebody got like the onion sauce no it's so gross that's so gross don't do that all right all right for the time being because apparently these are what's these are everywhere, right? So, for the time being, a McCox and Crandor is a Bacon McDouble in between a McRib. All right. Because you can get that.

And a Bacon McDouble is only $2, according to this website, so that's a steal. All right. So, that's a McCox and Crandor. Yeah. uh yeah the gray storm is a uh four piece chicken nugget in a filet of fish i want to see i want to see your photo send it to that's a gray storm all right uh oh we need the the mccox's. That's your standard cheeseburger, but you put an Egg McMuffin between it. You're right.

You're right. You're absolutely right. Yeah, that's McCock's. We need a McCrendor. Needs to be... What is a McCrendor? McCrendor... Oh, I like McChickens.

Okay. It needs to be a McChicken. A $1 McChicken. That's a good deal. Right. In between a Big Mac. Because you said you like Big Macs too. Yeah.

That's a McCrendor. A McChicken and a Big Mac. And then. And you replace the middle bun of the Big Mac with the McChicken. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. That's perfect. Get rid of that middle bun.

Throw that shit away. Oh, that's perfect. Yeah. A guy hero is a quarter pounder inside a double quarter pounder. That is a guy hero. That's a guy hero. That's no doubt. You get one quarter pounder, pull apart that double quarter pounder,

put it right in the middle, put it back together. There you go. Yeah. Now that's, those are some sandwiches. That's the new and improved podcast menu. It's the podcast menu. It's the secret podcast menu. Right here, right now.

We're giving it to you. Tweet it. Tweet your pictures of you eating it and making it yeah uh let us know but don't you know if it looks gross i don't want to see that don't say i do we need we need we need a breakfast version oh yeah we do need a breakfast okay okay um a a tito watts all right is two sausage burritos inside of a of a sausage egg and cheese mcgrittle no wait hold on that's dumb that's dumb it's a dumb. It's a sausage, egg, and cheese McGriddle inside the wrapping of two sausage burritos. Oh, we're so – why would we stick the burritos inside the McGriddle when you can just unwrap the burritos and put the McGriddle inside the burrito? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. That's a Tito Watt. This guy's a madman. That is a Tito Watt. Oh, my a madman. That is a Tito Watt. Oh, my God. And then there's the Newport Richie. Yeah. Which is a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit wrapped in a hot cake.

Oh, my God. You got to put the maple syrup all over it. That's the Newport Richie. That's the Newport Richie. Oh, my God. Now, this is a menu. Send us your photos. Whether it's breakfast, lunch, or dinner, there is something

on our menu for you. Also, our lawyers tell us that we are not responsible for any health issues that may occur from eating the Macaxi Creditor menu list. Yeah, no, if you do this, that's on you. Yeah, this is a terrible choice, and we're telling you that right now. If you or your family die or get diabetes, if you do this that's on you. Yeah, this is a terrible choice We're telling you there if you are your family die or get diabetes if you die or diabetes this is on you

Yeah, this is you don't us. We're telling you right now. Don't do this, but if you do tweet picture Yeah, we're saying don't do it, but if you do Send us your pictures Yes Like that's it. Yeah, that's news all right. Well. Yeah, thank you so much for watching that's it yeah that's news all right well yeah thank you so much for watching that's it's for us listening whatever you're doing around the world around this great

wonderful world of ours hit up with the socials Crandor we got twitter.com slash Jessica Twitter com slash Crandor we got twitch.tv slash Crandor twitch.tv slash just Cox we got youtube.com slash Jessica twitter.com slash crendor we got twitch uh dot tv slash crendor twitch.tv slash jessicox we got youtube.com slash jessicox youtube.com slash crendor we got uh soundcloud.com slash cox and crendor we got youtube.com slash cox and crendor podcast we have youtube.com slash cox and crendor if you're looking for animations we got probably some other stuff just google us great perfect and we're also on on itunes leave a leave a review

itunes leave a review leave a like subscribe comment all those things all the things share us with your friends let everyone know how much you love cox and crendor get them to eat one of the sandwiches that we're telling you not to eat if you're a good friend you will force your friends to eat terrible food and buy our sponsored products with sponsored links. Yeah, buy all the things. Go right now. MeUndies, 4Hims. Do it.

Do it! That's it for us. Thank you so much. We will see you next time. And as always, to be continued.