Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 161 - Crendiet

Episode Date: August 13, 2018

The boys are back and this time Crendor is on the mend and feeling great! But has Crendor's new gym lifestyle inspired Jesse to eat better, or this just the start of another bit they're taking too far. Also the boys discover nature is crazy as hell, the two offer to announce you high school sporting event, and Flordia Man returns with two amazing new adventures! All this and more on this excited new episode of Cox n' Crendor! Try Ship Station for free at http://shipstation.com with promo code: cox

Today's episode is brought to you by ShipStation. If you've got stuff that you need shipped, and you want to do it cheap and efficiently, it's the way to go. I cannot stress this enough. It is a really, really great function if you have an online store, or you are on the eBay, or whatever you're on. If you ship out a lot of stuff, or you send things to a lot of people, it's the way to go.

We'll talk about it later, but trust me on this. As a person who ships way too much and hands out, if you have a Patreon, if you have things where you promise, if you have a Kickstarter, this is how you get stuff sent out. This is how you do it. We'll talk about that later. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trending! Ghost on Trending in the morning!

In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In four-hour recording studios! Recording! Wake your ass up! It's Ghost on Trending in the morning! Hello, everybody! Welcome back Gax and Crandall in the morning! Gax and Crandall in the morning!

Hello everybody, welcome back to another exciting episode of Gax and Crandall in the morning! Hey, this week's exciting because I haven't had any of my body parts removed. Uh, how are they doing? How's your body doing? I'm actually... Let me ask. How's your body parts doing? I'm on the flip side now. I'm getting healthy because I've signed up for a, like, gym hospital health program thing. All right. First off, I don't know that any of those phrases or words have ever been used together ever. All right. I'm on the flip side, finally getting healthy.

I don't know that anyone's ever said that and then been like, I'm going to go sign up for a gym slash hospital slash something. What are you doing? So, like, the hospital offers a thing where, like, you can, they have, like, a gym. They have, like, a whole fitness program, whatever. Is this, like, a wellness center? Yeah, it's, like, a wellness center right next to the hospital. Sure, I've seen this before. I've seen these before.

Yeah. So, if you've had surgery in the last year, you get a so i'm like i had a surgery and they're like all right great you get a discount so they give you like a trainer they give you a bunch of shit so i went there and i got the trainer and they're like all right we're gonna do a physical assessment uh so let me tell you about my physical assessment oh god so uh there's bmi which i've heard doesn't really mean that much that was 17.8 so obviously my bmi is uh low it put in the excellent category so i was like thank you uh my resting heart rate was 100 so they're like that's a bit high uh blood pressure was about right it's like 140 over 78.

We can lower that top number a little bit, but it's not too bad. My body fat was an 8.1%. That's because you're a paper mache in twigs, man. They said that athletes have the body percentage of 8 to 12. So I was like, are you saying that that i'm an athlete you're an athlete now much like uh here's here's what makes me not an athlete coming up so they measured my uh back flexibility that was a 49 which 50 is excellent uh Anything above 44 is fit. So back flexibility is great.

Again, athlete. Now, this is the non-athletic part. My bicep strength. So on bicep strength, it's measured on a scale of pretty much 41 to 141. Where do you think I was? 36. Well, close think I was? 36. Well, close. It was a 42.

I was one up from, like, probably, like, old women. What do they make you do? How do they determine that? How do they determine that you were a 42? They have, like, a scale thing you stand on, and it's got, like, a bar attached to it. And so they're like, all right, when I tell you to, pull up on that bar on that bar like as hard as you can so it's like you're doing a deadlift or something okay it's like all right and i was like like all right you're a 42 did you make that noise no nobody got me to a 43 i would imagine if you've got they would have been like stop so stop you're 42 so they're like all right. Please don't do that. So that's pretty low.

But, you know, that's why you're here, right? And I was like, yeah. Yeah, so, you know, I'll be okay. Pretty much my muscles are non-existent. But that's going to change. I'm now going to become an athlete is what I'm. I'm so ready for the buff version of you. Buff door.

Yeah, buff door is my favorite i'm ready next time i see you i want you to be like ripped yeah not just not just in sweatpants and a sweatshirt but or yoga pants and yoga shirt or whatever the hell you've moved on to now but but like you know a shirt that's one size too tight yeah and pants pants that are a little too skinny Pants They're going to show off how toned I am Oh yeah You know what? Jorts I need you in some sort of jean short With like a graphic T

That says don't tread on me on it But really tight Same hair, same beard But I want you to just yeah That's the Crandor I imagine I mean they're saying how With a low BMI But I want you to just, yeah. That's the Crendor I imagine. All right. I mean, they're saying how with a low BMI, you can see in a lot of athletes how they just look like muscle. And that's because their BMI is so low that the muscles just show very easily.

So they're like, once you get to that level, you know, your muscle, you see your weightlifting results a lot quicker than other people. And I was like, nice. Oh, they're just trying to hype you up. They're just trying to... They're hyping me up. I'm ready to go. They got me hyped. I wish I had that experience. So I'll go in and I will do like a weight training program or whatever and every time they'll run all these tests. And they'll be like, yeah,

blood pressure's fine, everything. And they'll go through everything and they'll be like, it's fine, it's good. And I'm like, look at me! Nothing about me says I should be good! And they're like be like, it's fine, it's good. And I'm like, look at me. Nothing about me says I should be good. And they're like, no, you're doing fine. Everything's okay. I'm like, what? Help me.

And they're like, well, you know, if you just eat better. There's got to be something. There's got to be a cure. They're like, nope. Just get on the treadmill and run a little bit. You'll be fine. I'm like, guys, you can't like, there's nothing you can, there's not like a shot. There's nothing I can just have.

Like, nope, nope. you can't like there's nothing you can there's not like a shot there's nothing i can just have like nope nope you just gotta you know eat some salads and uh work out you know a couple hours a day i'm like i don't have a couple hours a day what do you want me to do oh yeah that's like when i went to my doctor and i'm like yeah i've been losing weight because of my gallbladder so i've had to eat low fat and like a lot of stuff so like because normally i eat a lot of high fat you know burgers and shit and all that. And he's like, many people would love your problem. And I was like, well, yeah, but it doesn't help me. I just want, yeah, it's just like, maybe if you could give me some advice or tips. I'm like, you know, maybe don't eat Chick-fil-A.

I'm like, I don't, what? Butter's pretty awful. I'm like, why don't, pour butter on stuff i just isn't the south yeah it's like i just spend a lot of time in front of the computer working and they're like well there's your problem like what doing it yeah well how do i it's like that's my job what do i do they're like well you gotta plan your time better i'm like oh my god it's like you don't even know me uh the other person uh the like physical trainer person they're like yeah i lost like 80 pounds did all that and i'm like damn you got the opposite problem and they're

like yeah it's usually that you know most people don't have the but i guess it's a lot of body type things so there's like the three different body types i watched oh my god i forgot to say, I watched this thing. You know Super Size Me? Yes, I'm aware. So a guy made a documentary debunking it and making fun of it called Fat Head. Have you ever seen Fat Head? No, what is Fat Head? If you haven't seen Fat Head, this comedian makes a video where he loses weight eating fast food. And so he's like, today I got a double cheeseburger.

It was pretty good. And I logged my food diary. I ate less calories and I lost weight. And pretty much, he goes into detail about how the worst thing for people is vegetable oils. And animal fats aren't actually that bad because we've come up through life

eating animal fats and stuff. So, yeah, like, canola oil is terrible for you because your body doesn't know how to process it because it's like, what shit is this corn oil? Hmm. I'm so curious about this because I – this is something that I know I couldn't – if I did this, I would die. Well, it kind of lines up with all the, like, the keto diets and everything people's doing now. Everything the people's is doing doing i guess that's paleo uh who was i with that was doing keto and was like killing it was just like it was was ordering crazy food oh yeah schroeder from the warp zone yeah he's killing it i saw him at evo and he like is looking great yeah and so he's doing like a keto thing and i asked him about it he's like yeah yeah this is what i do every day

and i was like no thanks i'm gonna pass on that i guess my big thing was i was like man i don't want to eat the shitty vegetable oils anymore i started looking at all the labels and i realized a lot of things with the vegetable oils in them gave me digestive pain. I was like, this is probably the shit that's messing me up. I just don't, yeah, I don't know what, this is the problem. Every time there's a

study, there's a counter study to that study, and you never know which study was paid for by who for what reason. Yeah. And that's why I choose not to trust anything and believe the world is flat the guy talks about in his documentary where he talks about like how they uh they used to do use a lot of animal fats and stuff and then a lot of the like vegetarian uh like activists and stuff like that pushed for this vegetable oil and everything to get rid of

that and then all the farmers pushed for it. So like, damn, we can super produce crops now, even though they sacrificed the nutrition value of the food. And so that's just become the big thing. Yeah, I don't know. I just don't know. Because it's very obvious that things like corn oil and stuff like that are being pushed for by not only – like the government pays to and stuff like that Are being pushed for

By not Like the government pays to produce stuff like that And corn oil I've always assumed is terrible for you Like I've known that But at the same time I don't know I don't see why

It would hurt to use a peanut oil to make a stir fry Or something I feel like it's one of those everything in moderation kind of things yeah like everything's in moderation just you know don't overdo it with everything the problem is i always overdo it with everything yeah so moderation is the biggest key i think just with anything like don't over eat don't over drink don't true you know like if you overdo anything it's gonna destroy you if you overdo Underdo anything it's gonna destroy you so it's like You just need a nice balance

That's all you need life is balance And also on here It says during the film He goes on a fast food diet He eats only food from McDonald's mostly McDonald's yeah he keeps It around 2,000 calories a day And instead of going for three walks

a night, he goes for six. I'm sorry, three walks a week, he goes for six walks a week. After a month, he loses 12 pounds. So basically, he worked out more and kept his calories at 2,000, which is supposed to be the daily limit. So, I mean, at the end of the day the the activity helped him yeah and i don't know i don't know i guess he wanted to prove like counter prove the thing of like the one dude over ate mcdonald's and got fat and did all that where he was just being like hey like if you just eat it like a normal person and exercise you'll be fine where he was right being like you eat 5,000 calories a day of anything

and you're going to feel shitty. I think that's the big issue. Is that if you go to McDonald's, oh my god, the last time I went to McDonald's was for breakfast, like two or three weeks ago. And I was looking at the menu.

A frappe, whatever the hell that is, a frappe, a frappuccino, a medium was like 450 calories and a Egg McMuffin was like 350 or something wacky. So if you just get yourself a breakfast, like if you get a drink, like a frappe and an Egg McMuffin for breakfast, you're already pushing close to like a thousand calories. Yeah. And so, and that muffin for breakfast You're already pushing close to like a thousand calories Yeah And so And that's for breakfast So it's just about figuring out

What you can eat at the different places I think like a McDonald's hamburger or cheeseburger Is like 400 calories or something like that Yeah So if you get a two cheeseburger meal Get out of town Get out of town This is sad because we last week

Told everyone to go out and go to McDonald's. And they did. The amount of people tweeting at us is actually crazy. Everybody trying all these things. Yeah. So what we're saying is you keep doing that, but we'll live. We'll remember you. We'll remember you as you were.

Crazy McDonald's eaters. I mean, after going to the gym I might get a McCrendor Just to you know Really feed my muscles Bounce down Yeah Yeah

Feed your That's right Feed your muscles Yeah My problem is Everyone loves a McCrendor I realize McCrendor is the most popular

It's true My problem with losing weight Is I'll under eat But I think I'm eating a lot So what I would normally do Even when I had my gallbladder think I'm eating a lot so what I would normally do even when I had my gallbladder is I would eat be like oh yeah I have hamburger I have fries I have a milkshake I got all this and that gives you like 1400 calories you're like oh yeah and then I just wouldn't eat anything else the rest of the day and I'd be like oh I'll have like some bread later on

and then be like oh I didn't gain weight it's's like, well, yeah, that's all I ate. So it's like one of those things where that's the best way to gain weight. But only if you're like eating over your calorie amount. I'm all aboard the buff train now. Buff door will be arriving soon. There was a time. God, when was this? This was when I was right after I lost my job teaching and was just starting YouTube. There was a time when I was doing like 1,200 calories a day, which I think is the lowest you can possibly go.

I probably hit that a few days. I was like dropping pounds. It was crazy. Yeah. I'm not going to lie. I'd go back and do that again dude there was one day a few weeks ago because i was like why am i losing weight and i started realizing what i'd do i'd eat like a couple slices of cinnamon toast in the morning then i'd have like a banana then i'd have like uh maybe like some chicken salad and then i'd have like salmon for dinner and then i'd eat like yogurt at

night and i'd be like uh let's see and i'd be like wow i only ate like 1200 calories today yeah i need to get on that plan on the crendor plan yeah well now i'm changing what if we what if we switch diets hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on what if we i'm gonna do this this is happening crendor this is happening happening I'm going to write this all down This is like that Lindsay Lohan movie Where they swap bodies, but we're going to be swapping diets Damn right, damn right Okay, alright

So I need you to tell me What do you have for breakfast normally? Give me some options Let's see, I'll either have oatmeal. Oatmeal? What kind of oatmeal? Is it just plain oatmeal?

Usually, I have banana nut oatmeal. That's pretty good. It's made by Quaker. Either that or apple cinnamon. One packet, yeah? One packet of oatmeal? One packet. Okay.

With water, no milk? Water, yes. I use water. Gotcha. I'm doing this shit. This is happening. I'm gonna cred-diet. I'm gonna cred-diet! This is happening! Alright, hit me, hit me. Uh, let's see. Then, uh, let's see. Usually I'll wait a while. Oh, coffee.

You need coffee. Sure. Black coffee. Nothing added. Oh my god, black. Can I get, uh, uh, like a cold brew? Is that fine? I guess you can substitute. Does it have to be hot? Does it have to be a hot coffee?

I mean, that's all I drink, but if you know. No, you know what? I'm on it. Hot coffee, hot black. That's it. All right, good. How much am I having before I hit lunch? How many cups of coffee?

One to two, depending on your mood. One to two cups. Sure. Then I probably wouldn't eat until lunch. Sure, sure, sure. How many hours is that? What are we doing? Oatmeal is when?

When am I usually eating that? 8am? Yeah, just depending on when you wake up. Let's see. That'd be, for me, it's about 1 p.m. Sure, yeah, I'm aware. Let's see, 1 p.m. And then I probably wouldn't eat again until about 5 or 6. Okay, sure, sure, sure.

Yeah. And then that's when I'd usually eat, I think, one of my bigger meals for lunch. So, let's see. I'll get,, I think, one of my bigger meals for lunch. So let's see. I'll get like a, what would I normally eat? A lot of times I would go out and get food like a chicken sandwich. What kind of chicken sandwich? Talk to me about these sandwiches. So like, it's like a fancy chicken sandwich, like a grilled chicken sandwich from somewhere,

like a Chick-fil-A. You get like one of those. You could get like just a local place that makes a good chicken sandwich i'd actually been eating a lot of grass-fed hamburgers so i'd like go to whole foods oh my god oh my god i'd get some grass-fed ground beef make a hamburger pretty easy to do because you just throw it in the pan then you just put everything on the bun i got you i feel that okay uh yeah one of those things um then after eating that uh probably wait um actually it depends you can also have a side dish like a some sort of side dish you want to throw in there i'm writing all this down this is this

is gonna i'm doing this and next time we podcast i'm gonna give you a report okay this is not a joke this is happening i'd say probably like coleslaw or something on the side you're like I'm doing this, and next time we podcast, I'm going to give you a report. This is not a joke. This is happening. So I'd say probably like coleslaw or something on the side. Like some sort of coleslaw or some sort of salad side dish. Yeah, that works. You're at Whole Foods or whatever, so they've got plenty of stuff there. Yeah.

And then probably, let's see, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Probably don't eat again until about 10 or 11. Uh-huh. And that's when you're going to have dinner. That's usually, like, one big one I normally eat is, like, chicken, rice, and broccoli. So what you can do, you just get, like, one of those rotisserie chickens. You get some frozen broccoli. You throw it in the microwave.

And then just get, like, some rice. Just put it all together. You get all your things you get your carb you get your protein you get your vegetable i like this i like this a lot yeah usually uh i'll have something before i go to sleep like a yogurt yogurt done it's happening yeah all right this is this is what's happening i i'm ready i'm ready oatmeal in the morning either nana nut or some sort of apple spice thing. Yep. One, two cups coffee.

Yep. Grilled chicken sandwich or maybe some sort of burger or some sort of sandwich with like a nice little side dish for lunch. Yep. Chicken, rice, broccoli, hit bedtime with yogurt. This is happening. Yeah. This is happening, Crandor. You know, sometimes I'll throw a glass of wine or a beer in there.

No, no, no, no, no. None of that for me. But you should probably avoid that. Yeah, I don't want to die. Yeah. Well, it's because otherwise I just drink water and coffee all day. Damn. That's it.

This is my life plan now. This is it. This is it for me. This is it. The Crenn Diet. You too can Crenn Diet. The Crenn Diet. This is happening.

I'm going on the Crenn Diet. Yeah. If I'm lucky, I too will have a part of me removed. I think part of the reason I don't even eat as much is because I have 41 biceps strength. I have no muscles to feed. But now, I'm going to have those muscles. So I'm going to be like... Oh, you've got to feed them.

You've got to feed those muscles. I'm going to feed those muscles. Can I tell you you can I tell you that's a thing to do alright soda get sodas if you want to put on weight start drinking lots of Mountain Dew here's the thing in high school I drink like three cans four cans of coke Cola day and I still weighed 115 now but you would have weighed 80 It's not wrong Think of it that way You would have weighed way less

Without that I would have weighed like nothing The Cren Diet This is happening If anybody at home wants to try the Cren Diet We're not responsible This is not a diet plan This is just what I do And you can copy me if you desire

This is happening this week plan. This is just what I do and you could copy me if you desire I'm dumb this is happening this week. I'm gonna I'm gonna have I'm gonna have updates. Oh, I'm gonna have updates for everyone after After lunch and before dinner you're allowed another cup of coffee. Oh my god All right times you hit that like afternoon slump. Yeah, I know I get that you need that coffee again cup of coffee Yeah, yeah, yeah cool. All right. Yeah. coffee. No, I get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, oh, my God.

This is great. So I can have some nanner nut in the morning. Then come to the office, drink one, two cups of coffee. Yep. Hit lunch. Go get a sandwich somewhere. Oh, my God. There's a place down the street.

Get a sandwich. Then another cup of coffee. Then chicken, rice, and broccoli for dinner. Yep. Followed by delicious yogurt. Yeah. There you go. Easy. Easy.

It's happening. That's pretty much been my diet since I got my gallbladder out. Even a little before it. Damn. I mean, this is going to really change my life. And if it doesn't, I get to blame you. This is great. Yeah.

I'm telling you. It's going to be great. It'll be good for a bit at least. I felt great when I was doing that at the start and then I was like, but what if I start eating Cheesecake Factory again? Then I felt bad, but now I'm getting back to that. But now I need

to not do that because I need to gain weight and put muscle on. I don't. But what if I eat Cheesecake Factory? There's your problem don't ever eat cheesecake factory well i've learned even even if you're not going on a diet or off a diet don't eat cheesecake factory yeah um oh my god i forgot to tell you about my dreams so i've had some crazy dreams okay talk to me one of them was i was mr rogers but like i was playing mr rogers like in a modern day setting so i was mr rogers but real mr rogers was going to jail and i got afraid that they're gonna put me in jail because they're like arresting mr rogers and i was like whoa are they

like arresting the modern or the old mr rogers yeah Yeah. What? Wait, what? Yeah. So Mr. Rogers existed, but you weren't the new Mr. Rogers. Yeah. So you took his place on Mr. Rogers' neighborhood? Yeah, I took his place. So it was Mr. Crandor's neighborhood. Yeah. And the old Mr. Rogers was going to jail, but you thought they might send you to jail instead? Yes, that was the dream.

Yeah. to jail, but you thought they might send you to jail instead? Yes, that was the dream. Yeah! I feel like the interpretation here is that you believe that you are associated with someone who is bad. And you don't want to be pulled down by their terribleness.

I think it's true. I don't know who this person is, but if it's me, how dare you? How dare you, sir? We'll never know. The other dream, there's another dream. Dream two of three. Wait, hold on. Who have you replaced?

What? In your daily life, who have you replaced? Is there someone, like a streamer, someone that you've taken their audience? Is there someone that you've destroyed and now you've replaced them? I mean, now that Dodger's a mom, probably. Oh my god, is Dodger the original Mr. Roger? Oh my god, Dodger Roger!

Dr. Rod, Dr. Dodger, Dr. Rodger. We figured it out. We figured it out. That was easy. That was so easy. Stop trying to replace her. Also, Dodger going to jail. Sad. She's got a whole family to raise

and now she can't. From the inside. They're going to have to smuggle cards to her through their butts. So sad. This is an escape room dream but i wasn't doing the escape rooms i was making the escape rooms and i wasn't making good escape rooms i was like designing them and i'd be like all right what we need here

is we need like a tree and we need like a coffee cup and we need uh what if we put like an ogre like i was doing that i was like picking out things to put into the escape room and i was like all right next one next one and i just kept doing that until i woke up those are that's the only room i remember designing but i remember i made terrible terrible no one should let you make escape rooms uh well how would you escape from that room? With a tree and an ogre and a coffee table? No, just a cup of coffee. Oh, a cup of coffee.

I would throw the coffee on the ogre and hide behind the tree as he destroyed the entire room. And that's how I got out. He'd wreck the room and break a hole in it damn you already figured it out it's not that it's not that hard um and the third dream i tweeted about is where i woke up and i was like i'm just gonna sleep another hour so i did but i wish i didn't because i had this dream so i woke up and i was in like a bedroom with like a couple people. And then they were like, oh, it feels really weird in here. And then I threw it like a pillow and it disappeared.

And I was like, where'd that pillow go? And I was looking. I'm like, it's gone. The pillow is just gone. And then we found that in the floor, it was a portal to another dimension. All right. So like you would slide your hand into the floor and it would just disappear into the floor and so i was like all right how do we get this up so i managed to like get uh into the portal thing partially and then it kind of opened up and there was a zombie

ghost woman kind of like the girl from the ring uh-huh and she was like that and she tried to just like attack and eat me like a zombie. But then I was like, well, and I was trying to dodge and then I fought back. So I bit her arm and I ripped it off like a chicken wing. And I remember vividly envisioning a chicken wing being ripped off like I'm eating a chicken wing. And then I ripped off her other arm and then she retreated back into the void. And then I woke up. I mean, I want to say that there's a meaning behind this, but I feel like you were just hungry for chicken wings.

I do want some chicken wings. I feel like even though there's probably a meaning to this, there really isn't a meaning to this. I do really want chicken wings too By the way I brought this up the other day too You know Like there's still clown colleges

Yeah How do you think people become clowns? But how many clowns actually exist? A lot of clowns exist What do they do? Thousands of clowns Like aside from going and working at the circus what do you do as a clown you go parties street entertainment uh haunt children's dreams well what do you what

do you even learn at clown college standing on street corners with knives at 2 a.m you know all the clown college things but I don't know. You learn all the tricks. You learn how to make balloon animals. And you learn how to fit into a car goofily. And you learn how to, like, honk your nose and go like, you know, how to live in a sewer and drag kids to their graves. All the clown things.

It can't be that long of a class, though. I'm sure there's, like, a skill to it. It's got to that long of a class though. I'm sure there's like a skill to it. It's gotta be like one semester. Maybe that's true. How much does it cost to go to clown college? Is that much data available with Glassdoor offering one data point for Ringling

Bros and Barman Bailey Clown? The range was $85,000 to $92,000. $92,000? Yeah, to learn how to be a clown. No. BS. $92,000 to $92,000. $92,000? Yeah, to learn how to be a clown. No BS. $92,000? Wow. Rodeo clowns, a subset of jokesters, distract bulls, can earn up to $51,000 a year?

Damn. How much does a circus ringmaster make? $51,000 a year. Everyone's making $51,000. Circus performers. $40,000 to $70,000. Top clown schools in the U.S. Oh, my God.

Yeah, top. Okay. Del Arte. International School for Theater Training of Clowns. Founded in 1971. Center for Movement Theater by Dodi DeSanto. The Celebration

Barn Theater. Pig Iron is another one. Pig Iron? Circus the Furcus? Circus Center? Circus the Furcus. Circus the Furcus. There's an article

on Salon.com called I Flunked Out of Clown School. We gotta read that. The joke was on me, it says. Yeah, I mean, it's dumb. He didn't assimilate into any clown cliques. The clown jocks with their acrobatics, the pothead clowns, the earnest one who formed study groups. I was a loner, a sad clown who didn't need tears painted down his cheeks why'd they flunk out then sounds like a skill

don't need the tears you formed them on your own i don't clown college looks terrible it does look terrible let's see there's gotta be like is clown college real no No stupid questions. Reddit. It closed in 97, but Ringling Bros did indeed operate a training school for clowns. These days, it's all performance arts. I imagine the same thing as a mime.

Or, like I said, trade skill that you would learn. And you'd, like, apprentice in, maybe? Yeah. But then again, how many mimes and clowns do you need in the world? Look, these are questions that I don't have answers to. I don't know. I don't know the rules of mimery and clownery.

Anybody listening, have you gone to clown college or know somebody that has? If anyone should know anything about this, it should be you, because you hang out with guys who dance around in mud all day. But I don't think they went to clown college. Ask next time you see them all right next time ask figgy pudding or tiny tim or whatever his name is legs akimbo ask those guys what they think billy billy von billy ask him all right i'll ask i'll go back before the fair closes be like Billy I've got questions yeah here's what I need I need everyone to tweet at Crandor all your questions about clown college yeah and then Crandor's gonna ask them to Billy Billy Von Billy yeah all right uh he'll

probably answer one but we'll pick the best one yeah He doesn't have time for all this What's he got to do? I don't know, he could be a busy guy I guess you're right I don't know the life of a Mud Brother You're right, you're right, don't pollution me Well that's all I got Alright, well, you know

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60 days of using ShipStation to send out stuff. And let me tell you, they have the best slogan in the business. ShipStation, make ship happen. It doesn't get any better that's the best make ship happen enter that make sure all right crendor let's head and shop got something's got the crendor crendor how's that traveling out there uh hey it's pretty good i realized you uh said crendor three times in that sentence which was kind of a lot a lot of crendors that be happening all at once either way uh hey traffic's looking pretty good people are starting to go back to three times in that sentence which was kind of a lot a lot of friend doors that be happening all at once either way uh hey traffic's looking pretty good people are starting to go back to school so

the school buses are starting to pop out uh it looks like all the single mothers now have free time they can go back to their yoga pilates class probably gonna see them at the gym seeing me getting ripped on the machines um uh and then uh I don't know what else is out there. It looks like there's a couple accidents. There's a guy running around at the park. There's a clown? Yeah, that's a clown down there. It looks like he's going into clown college.

That doesn't exist. Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to the weather desk with Crandor. Crandor, how's that weather? Weather... Thanks, Crendor. Now let's go over to the weather desk with Crendor. Crendor, how's that weather? Weather. Hey, welcome to the weather desk. 4-2-1-5-4-4.

Yeah, how very matter-of-fact of you. Wait, what the shit? 4-2-1-5-4 is knob lick? Knob lick? Knob lick. K-N-O-B space lick. Yeah. Okay, go on.

I'm interested. Knoblick, Kentucky. Yo, all right. Why is there a place called Knoblick? Down in the nasty knob. The nasty knob. It's like right near the nasty natty. Yeah, Knoblick.

Nasty natty. The nasty natty. That's what they call Cincinnati. Down in the nasty natty. That's the nasty call Cincinnati. Down in the Nasty Nattie. That's the Nasty Knobby. You gotta go down the Nasty Knobby. I feel like you've just become Australian. I say Nasty Nattie.

Down in the Nasty Knobby. Down in the Nasty Knobby. Yeah, Nasty Knobby is looking like it's 80 degrees. Feels like 84. You got that high, 64. UV index 1 of 10, which is pretty low on the UV index scale. Yeah, winds northwest 2 miles an hour. Humidity 91%.

UV index 0 right now. Sunset almost up to 6 a.m. Sunset down to 740 p.m. as the days get shorter. But I think it's a pretty good length right now uh-huh the day length is what the day length is like yeah the day length is pretty okay is that what is that what you're focused on you're like yeah the day length normally pretty all right at the longest day it'd stay light out to like 9 p.m and then the sun would come up at like 4 a.m which was

way too late so now it's up to 6 a.m and 7 40 p.m that's pretty good 7 40 p.m is like all right you know every day's ending and then 6 a.m is like pretty good for the day starting it should just stay like this for the rest of the year i don't yeah no i don't think that's how it works though i know it's not because we talked about it before and you're like oh so you want the world to be messed up time-wise and weather-wise so you could have your 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. days? Yes. It's almost like people saying the Earth is flat are wrong, are terribly wrong. That's not true.

The guy, the athlete on Twitter said the world's flat. The athlete on Twitter. Well, you know what? Pretty soon you're going to be an athlete on Twitter. That's true. I'll listen to what you have to say, so. The athlete on Twitter. Well, you know what? Pretty soon you're going to be an athlete on Twitter, so That's true. I'll listen to what you have to say, too. The weather headlines have a squirrel riding

a hummingbird, it looks like. What the hell? I don't know. That's not possible. Squirrels can't ride hummingbirds. Meerkat? What the shit is this thing? Meerkats cannot ride hummingbirds. Hummingbirds can barely... No.

No, this didn't happen. Oh my god! What? This isn't real. That can't be real. Even the hummingbird is like... What the hell is happening?

That's not a hummingbird. That's just a normal bird, though. They sit. It's a woodpecker. It's a woodpecker. This is part of a photo entry contest. It has to be real. That is incredible. Look at his face.

It's so funny. That woodpecker's like, holy shit. It's like freaking out. Well Well that is going to be the thumbnail For this episode Oh my god I just back searched it in the internet It is a weasel riding a woodpecker And it's real

You back traced it I back traced it You back traced it I back traced it Now that is a callback I back traced it. You back traced it. I back traced it. I back traced it. Now that is a callback. That is a six years ago callback. Oh my god.

That is like an episode four callback. I wouldn't. Let's see. Unlike many other woodpeckers, they spend a lot of time feeding on the ground on ants around ants' nests, the weasel will hang around and wait for an opportunity to eat sort of anything they can. Wait, so did the weasel eat the woodpecker? He might have. Oh my god, is that why the woodpecker is so shocked

yeah what you don't see is the the weasel like biting into him he's like oh he said weasels are very vicious and clever they're incredible predators so i don't think it's remarkable that one tried to take a woodpecker what is remarkable is that it was captured on camera that's an incredible that's an incredible photo. I've never seen anything like that. I thought you were lying. I was like, there's no way whatever you said, a meerkat riding a hummingbird would be a more incredible sight. If there's anything that could beat this, it would be that.

Yeah. I mean, i thought it was photoshop but i guess it's not it's real amazing um and that's the weather yeah it is all right crendor now let's go over to crendor at the sports desk crendor how's that sports sports welcome to the sports desk we got some crazy sports today uh football preseason has started thank god football's back very happy about that it's really really there's not much aside from that happening in sports there's just everything's starting up everything's about to start everything's about to start up and

then baseball football ended yeah football ended hockey ended yeah we're just in the middle of summer where everyone's like taking a break Yeah there's some golf going on If you like golf Yeah but No one likes golf Yeah People play golf to get away from people they love Yeah

But uh No one likes golf Yeah and then you just turn on uh You turn it on if you want to fall asleep On like a Sunday Oh my god Yeah I uh Who was I with

We were at an event And the entire time I just kept doing like Alright, and now lining up this birdie shot Oh my god, an alligator is on the green And I've never seen such violence in all my life That is terrible And I just kept doing that all day

And I was like, I could be a great golf announcer. I think we'd be a great golf tandem. Oh, yeah. And lining up the shot, there goes the ball and the gerbil's eating it. It has never happened before. I haven't seen anything. That's beautiful. Honestly, I'm glad he chose the putter

in that situation. If he would have hit it a little harder than that, he wouldn't be able to catch up to the ball and now that situation. If he would have hit it a little harder than that, he wouldn't have been able to catch up to the ball. And now the gopher has been able to catch up to the ball.

It's just a truly sensational play. I've never seen anything quite like it in all my days. Not since the great gophering of 1936 has there been such a travesty in the world of golf. See?

Hire us. Hire See? Hire us. Hire us. Hire us. Why can't people just accept that we should be announced? Now, replace that with, welcome back to the 76 annual Hunger Games. And we can do that, too. We can do anything, really. We will announce anything for you.

All right. I'm going to make this because I don't think Crender would travel anywhere. that too. We can do anything, really. We will announce anything for you. Alright, I'm going to make this because I don't think Crandor would travel anywhere. Right. If you are in the state of Illinois and you have a high school athletic anything, let Crandor and I come and broadcast that live.

We could do it. We would do it. You pay for the flight and or car ride, and you pay for a place for us to stay for the night, and we will come to your school, and we will do a live broadcast of your sport. Volleyball, we'll do it. A soccer game, we'll do it. Oh, my God, yeah.

If you have a battle of the bands, we'll do that, too. Battle of the bands. Anything. Yeah. We will live broadcast from your school. Yeah. If you're a college, we'll do it. Oh, my God.

We'd do golf. Yeah. My high school had golf, and only the most, like, wacky, pompous a-holes were in it. It was great. Contact us. Please. Contact. Please. Contact us. wacky pompous a-holes were in it it was great contact contact please contact us and that's sports all right credo what is our big news stories of the day all right big news story of the day let's check first the weird news stories over here uh let's see they got uh florida even these weird news stories

have just become like florida man florida woman uh okay florida man takes five foot alligator on beer run chaos ensues i like the tweet that was associated with this a tweet from caleb hull florida man took a gator into a liquor store and now says he doesn't remember ever doing it and has no idea where the gator came from let's hear this story we're in we're in if florida isn't the proudest state in the union it should be it's got a noble tradition of flor men and women doing very Florida things, such as shouting dicks out for Harambe to welcome a hurricane and dumping sewage in a 7-Eleven as part of a revenge plot.

Whoa, what is that? All right, let me just click that one. Oh, my God, yeah. We need to have that one backed up. All right, yeah, it's the backup there. Okay. But good people of Florida aren't done making bizarre headlines, as a man who took an alligator into a convenience store

during an otherwise routine beer run might be the most Florida thing to occur this summer. Well, it wasn't so routine, actually. Robbie Stratton ran into a convenience store holding an alligator, luckily with its mouth taped shut, and then darted through the aisles for no apparent reason. What? I just picture him doing that. I can see it.

That is a vivid description. I get it. Is he darting with the alligator at his side? He's like holding it, running through the... Okay. Stratton's objective was clear, if not a little poorly executed, according to local news reports. He asked the cashier, y'all ain't out of beer, are you? Before taking his scaly swamp friend into the walk-in fridge to look for cases of beer. When asked whether he was a bit under the influence at the time, possibly,

Stratton said that he was not, but rather a lot under the influence. not but rather a lot under the influence gator wielding man defended himself though saying that there's a lot worse things to do than running around in a liquor store with a five-foot alligator in tow not like i chased grandma down in publics or with it or something he said stratton also said he had very little recollection of where the animal came from the man also said he's aware of possible charges and jail time and that he's been contacted by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, which is investigating the incident. Best of luck to Robbie and unwitting alligators who get caught up in future shenanigans.

Yep, Florida. That doesn't even need that much deeper research like a lot of these stories. No, the fact that he doesn't know makes it much deeper research like a lot of these stories. No, no. The fact that he doesn't know makes it all the more interesting. Yeah. I like that no one knows where that alligator came from. Yeah. And how did he get the mouth shut?

Because he taped that shit, son. So he didn't get bit. I get it. Yeah. I just want to know how he didn't get bit while doing it. Or it came like that. I don't know. The other story.

Yes, I'm ready for this. Florida man dumps port-a-potty waste in 7-Eleven as revenge. As criminal accusations go, this one's pretty crappy. Journalism. A Florida man is accused of dumping a bucket containing human feces and urine inside of saint petersburg 7-11 damien sims alleged act of a criminal criminal caca happened early wednesday according to the smoking gun he apparently obtained the waste from a portable toilet the site reported splattered poop got on a straw hat and a do-rag with a total estimated value of 28 dollars the 41 year old sims was id'd by the store manager and recorded on surveillance video

it's possible the alleged bowel movement bucket dump was an act of revenge the police report notes that sims was banned from the store since may that's the real story. Sims was charged with trespass and criminal mischief both misdemeanors as of Friday. He was still in the Pinellas County Jail in lieu of a $300 bond. He has now been ordered. Just look at the photo of this guy. Just look at the photo. I can see that photo

and that looks like a man that is not in this world. He is. That is a guy who definitely would get revenge by sticking poop somewhere in or around him. Yeah. He's still happy in the photo. I'll teach them not to kick me out.

Yeah, no, he's trouble, that guy. That is trouble. Then underneath it, there's just a photo gallery, Florida poopers. He's added to the list. Robert Predmore, arrested in September 2015 after allegedly broke into a bar to steal alcohol and also pooped on the floor. also pooped on the floor. Caitlin Patricia Flegi, 18, was arrested April 2015 after allegedly breaking into and damaging her ex-boyfriend's home, and then she defecated in the back of the squad car. Patricia Ann Jamison, 49, arrested in April 2014.

She pooped in an elevator. Oh my God. Gregory Matthew Bruni, 21, became a pooping legend of sorts. In January 2013, when he allegedly climbed naked into a family's home in North Fort Myers, jumped onto the homeowner, allegedly ran inside the house, knocking down the TV, spilling the contents of the- Oh, we read this story before! Oh, yeah.

He pooped two spots on the floor and then masturbated in the living room. Oh, yeah, I remember that. Yes, we read this story before. This podcast has been around so long. We read this story when it happened. We are here for your groundbreaking Florida news. Oh, my God. Brenda Schumann,

51, defecated and urinated on the floor of her home after discovering her husband in bed with another woman. Her response was, I found him in bed with a naked chick. What was I supposed to do? Flawless logic. Flawless logic. flawless logic flawless logic that's my first uh first thought that comes to my mind what was i supposed to do i supposed to do oh man now those are florida poopers they really are oh my god i just i just off that article, and the first thing I see is that woodpecker looking freaked out.

And I feel him now. I feel you, woodpecker. We can all relate to the woodpecker. That's so incredibly funny. All right. Well. Yeah. All right.

I guess that's it for us. We're done. That ruined me. That ruined all of us Yeah I don't remember what we told people to do this week One go on Crendor's weird diet Two don't go on it because we didn't tell you to do it

But you should wink Three keep buying weird McDonald's food things Four invite us to your school And we will do the play by play Of something Five tune in next time but until then crendor hit him with the socials we got so many socials we got youtube.com slash cox and crendor podcast listen to this podcast on youtube we got youtube.com slash cox and crendor if you

just want animations of our funniest bits and to avoid all the filler content we've got jesse cox youtube twitter twitch the whatever else we got Crendor, YouTube, Twitter, Twitch We're going to be wow leveling Next week for a new expansion Come watch us We also got SoundCloud.com We got probably some iTunes Go to iTunes

Give us a thumbs up Five stars Give us a thumbs up on everything Please follow us And as always, to be continued.