Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 164 - Real American Heroes

Episode Date: September 17, 2018

The boys are back, and this time Jesse has beef with the way people are holding up his lines...no, his life! Crendor tries to sell Jesse on Costco while the boys learn a valuable lesson about quitting. Also an idiot from Florida does something idiotic. All this and more on the newest episode of Cox n' Crendor! This weeks podcast is brought to you by 23 And Me: Order your 23andMe Health & Ancestry Service kit at http://23andme.com/Cox LOOTCRATE: Subscribe now at http://lootcrate.com/cox and use promo code: COX to get 15% off.

Today's episode is brought to you by Loot Crate. Loot Crate is a monthly subscription box delivering direct-to-your-door exclusive pop culture collectibles, apparel, and gear. Also, today we're brought to you by 23andMe, a DNA testing service that can offer you insights into your ancestry, health, wellness, and other traits. Unlock some information about yourself, people, just like we about to unlock this podcast. It's terrible. All right, let's do this.

Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studio. Recording. Wake your ass up. This is the next Crendor in the morning.

Hello everybody and welcome back to another exciting episode of Cox and Crendor in the morning. Hello. I thought you were about to Star Trek us. Like, hello. I was actually thinking more like the three stooges were like, hello, hello, hello. Hello. Hello. Yeah.

Hello. Yeah, like that. Sure. Of course. I wasn't even trying for that, though. That's a reminder. Yeah, you tried to be all the stooges. You're supposed to just be one.

You don't want to go the full stooge you never know one goes the full yeah never go full stooge yeah hey how you doing man i'm doing great i learned a lot about myself today mostly because i started the day going to costco i've never been to a costco i don't know what's inside of a costco never, not once. I've never been to Costco. And my mom was like, do you want to go get Costco memberships? I was like, I kind of do. Yeah, I've never gone. And so I met my mom, and we went out and got some coffee and then went over to Costco.

We were going to walk around and do the whole Costco thing. Everyone was giving me tips on the internet. They're like, you gotta do this. You gotta try the samples. You gotta do this. And I was like, alright! I'm excited! This is going to be fun! We get there and they're like, excuse me, do you have a membership? And I was like, no we don't. We'd love to get one. They're like, okay.

Follow the yellow line that leads you over to this area. I'm like, okay. So, as we're standing in line, this guy comes up to me because the shirt I have on is Jimmy Hendrix shirt. And he's like, can I ask you a question? I'm like, uh, yeah. He's like, are you experienced? I'm like, what? Uh, I mean, I literally looked at him and I was like, I am now. I didn't know what to say. And the guy, the guy was like, man, I remember when I was a kid,

I listened to Hendrix all the time. And let me tell you, I experienced some stuff. And my mom looks at me like, why do people talk to you like this? Why do random strangers come up to you? She's like, you and your dad, random people will talk to you. I'm like, I don't know why. It's not like I want to talk to them. So this guy just kept talking to me about how he would get high. I'm like, cool, dude.

And then thankfully that made the line move much faster. Of course. And eventually we got to the front and the woman at the front was like, okay, so what would you like to register for? My mom, she was like, yes, we'd like to get a business account. Because my mom told me that a business account

was like, I could use the business account for my business and bring stuff to the office and buy things in bulk of whatever I needed for the office. And then my mom could use it for, like, home and whatever she wanted to use because I could put it on the account. So I get to the front of the line, and the woman there is like, okay, so what kind of account would you like? I'm like, well, we'd like a business account. And there's like, okay, so what kind of account would you like?

Well, we'd like a business account. So she proceeds to list off 12 bajillion stipulations and rules and all these different things. I need to prove about 15 things to them. And I'm like, whoa, I was not prepared for this. Like, I thought you might need like a business credit card or maybe just like my business ID or something. But no, they straight up wanted all this information from me. I was like, what if we don't do that and just go with a normal account? And so she's like, okay, so it's $60.

We only accept visa or cash. And do you two live together? I was like, no, no, but I'd like to get my mother on my account because like, she's my mom. Right. And you're allowed to have another person like,, oh, no, no, no, no. When it's familial, what do you mean they have to be in the same household? And I was like, what?

What do you mean I got to do? Like, no. They're like, it'd be $120 if both of you wanted it. And I was like, are you kidding me? And then they were like, but if you get this credit card. I was like, I don't want a credit. I literally have not. I haven't been tried. Like, no one's tried to upsell me on a credit card, I was like, I don't want a credit. I literally have not, I haven't been tried.

Like no one's tried to upsell me on a credit card since college. Right? Like college was the last time someone was like, excuse me, sir. Have you ever heard of credit cards? Right? I do not. I don't want more credit cards. I don't need credit cards.

Credit cards are the biggest scam in the world. So I was just like, okay. No, I i don't i don't want a credit card no i i don't need to spend more money that i don't have i'm fine they're like well sir if you get the credit card today i was like no i'm good like okay but can i interest you and they flip over the pamphlet and like in this credit card i'm like no i don't want any credit cards i'm like okay what about the executive member plus? And I literally was just like, even my mom was fed up. We were like, maybe we're not Costco people. Like maybe, maybe this isn't for us. Like maybe all of these, everything they wanted from us, they were like, okay, sign here. We need your driver's license and your identification. I'm like, what if I don't give that to you?

Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I'm missing. Everyone's when I said I didn't want to be a part of Costco anymore. Everyone was like, you're missing out. That's the best $60 a year, dude. $60 a year. That's a good deal. I'm like, yeah, but for what, what am I doing there? What is how, why am I there as a valued Costco member for years, three years at this point, two, three years, I'll have you know I buy a large amount of specific things at Costco. Uh-huh. Tell me. Tell me because I am not sold on Costco.

I went in there today, and the woman and then guy who joined her, I had two customer service people because I was so, like, not willing to join into all the things they tried to sell me i was like no no this guy comes over like sir how can i help you get good credit today i'm like no no i'm not i have great credit i'm not doing this no this isn't i'm not playing these games help me help you it was incredible and i was like what if we take the form and we leave and we like fill it out at home and then come back and they're like,

that'd be great, sir. And I was like, okay, we like got to the car and like fold it up, like trashed it. I was like, man,

I'm fine. I don't need to. Um, so sell me on this. All right. Normally I look up all their deals, see what's like on sale. Uh,

cause normally you can find some still like, uh, dishwasher, uh, detergent thingies you can get like a 92 pack like four dollars off of one of those and they last you like months uh so you save money in the long run and then i get things like toothpaste big ass things of toothpaste i saw that when i walked in. I saw there were like 30 packs of toothpaste and I was like, holy shit. Like dental floss. It's stuff like that. I don't go grocery shopping there, but like coffee. You can get a big ass 50 pack K-cup thing.

You go there for specific things. Or like toothbrush heads or your Sonic or your toothbrush. They sell you like a 12-pack, so that lasts you like forever. So it's, you know, you go there for those specific things. You don't go there to be like, oh, let's go grocery shopping at Costco. But some people do, which is insane. That's the opposite of what everyone told me. Everyone was like, first off, go get the pizza.

It's delicious. Oh. What? Again, this is just like Ikea when I'm like, first off, go get the pizza. It's delicious. Oh. What? Again, this is just like Ikea when I'm like, I've never been to Ikea. And people are just like, first off, go get the meatballs. I'm like, I thought they sold furniture. All right. What is happening?

I'm going to let you know a little secret. The meatballs are just okay. I am an Ikea enthusiast. And even I know, like, they're okay. Like, they're not the best meatballs you're ever going to have. Also, Costco pizza is good but it will kill you what does that mean how will the amount of cheese they put on it is unfathomable i'm not a big i'm not like i don't need a lot of cheese on my pizza well that's the thing some people love a lot of cheese on my pizza. Well, that's the thing. Some people love a lot of cheese. It's all about the value.

And I think people like the value of it. Like they load that shit up with cheese. But when I had my gallstone and I tried that pizza, I took like two bites and I was like, I can't go anymore. I just, I feel like I, like buying things in bulk has never, ever, ever appealed to me. Yeah. I think maybe that's my inherent problem. When you're like, oh, yeah, you can get eight packs of toothpaste. I'm like, uh, I could.

But then I'd have seven packs of toothpaste sitting there while I have. Where would I store that pack of? I keep trying to get rid of stuff. I don't want to buy in bulk. Well, yeah, you're a terrible Costco customer then. Oh, yeah, I realized that. Everyone was upselling it. My mom was really excited to go. I was like, man, this place

might be great. I had those Aussie bites, and I was like, those were delicious. People were like, they're only at Costco. I'm like, oh, man. I just don't particularly know if I'm the right type of person. Can I tell you, when we got there, everyone walking out was all smiles

Everyone going in was all smiles Everyone was happy to be there Like I'm not saying it's a bad place I just am not I'm not designed to deal with All the crap they wanted me to deal with I was like No I don't want this

Yeah That's the other thing Paper towels got a lot of paper towels there But again, you know if you want paper towels you're the person you'll just go buy paper towels at the store Yeah, I'm I'm overwhelmed when it's a two-pack What am I gonna do with this other paper towel? Where do I put this? Two paper towels for one. I'm like, oh my god, these rolls. What do I do with this one? What is this, the apocalypse?

What am I preparing for over here? It's like I'm a doomsday prepper. Is this your fallout? Two paper towels. Madness. Dude, last time I was at Costco There were people buying I think it was like 12

Like 50 packs of water Like 50 water bottles per pack With like 12 of them They were stacked You know, I get that I get why people would want that or need that When they were talking about the company thing Like they had the company card

The business card everything they were saying They were like yeah well you can use this for your business And this and this and this and this and all I wanted was like Tax write offs right that's all I wanted No everything is about I think their assumption is that you're buying Stuff there to resell it Yeah and I was like oh no I wouldn't

Resell any of it I'd just like Get it cheaper and then be like I I bought it for the office, right? Yeah. No, that's not at all the case. So I misread everything, everything about it. It was a fool's errand. But I got coffee. I got coffee with my mom at a Starbucks, and the Starbucks was playing Nightmare Before Christmas music.

It was very bizarre. Well, I guess it's getting close to October. Yeah, but I was like, at a Starbucks? The music there is literally like, Da-da-da-ba-bee, mood music for you and me. Right? But instead it was like, This is Halloween! This is Halloween!

That is pretty weird. The worst part is, I'm sitting there trying to have a conversation with my mom. And my head's just like, I am the one hiding under your stairs. I couldn't stop. I was like, Mom, I'm going to have to let you know. I have no idea what you said. I am obsessed with this song. Yeah, that is pretty weird.

So you're right. Normally, the music's just like. Right? And you're just like, all right, all right. And then it's just like Right? And you're just like, alright, alright. And then it's just like It was insane. It was insane. Yeah, it was really weird. And the worst part was

is that when you were in line, you didn't hear it. Like there were so many people talking up front. You didn't hear it, but my mom and I sat down in the back. It was like, this is Halloween! This is Halloween! I was like, oh my god, what's happening right now? This is Halloween. Yeah, they played the entire soundtrack. It was crazy.

Oh yeah, I saw you tweet about a button-down shirt guy who flirted with a cashier. Oh my god. Oh my god. How do I even begin this story? Alright, first off, it starts with the fact that I hate the policy of some restaurants now. They're not like real restaurants.

Those like whatever's in between fast food and a restaurant. Yeah, it's like sit-down fast food. Yeah, like Chipotle, right? Yeah. Whatever deal they've established where you can call in and get in front of the line is bullshit. I hate that. Because I'll be waiting there,

my food's done, I'm ready to pay you, and some guy's like, hey, I called in to order for eight burritos. And you're like, what? And they're like, okay, sir, let's get those burritos. And then the burritos take precedent over everyone standing in line. We drove our ass out here to wait in line to get this food that is sometimes good, sometimes bad.

It's a 50-50 shot over here for us. All you did was pick up a phone and call, and you had a dude show up and get it. Get out of town. I hate that shit. It makes me so mad. Anyway, so that guy, the guy I'm already mad at, is standing next to the cashier, and there's a huge line of people. It's 6.30 p.m. on a Friday or Thursday, whatever day that was, at a Chipotle. So you know there's a big-ass line.

That's just, like, facts. And so there's a huge line. I'm waiting there with this other guy in front of me And then this dude shows up and stops everything And then Proceeds as he's talking to her He's like you know god it's so damn hot in here You guys need to like Turn on the air conditioner or something

She's like yeah I know And he's like damn and he starts unbuttoning his shirt He's got like gold chains And he's like He's like looking at her and he's like He's like oh what did he he's like He's like looking at her And he's like He's like Oh what did he say He said something along the lines of

He had like a line about the beach And how he just came from the beach And how hot it was there But it's not as hot as here It's not as hot as you though It was roughly that Yeah it was roughly that And then he started making jokes

About how like he didn't know If it was Her Or if it was the restaurant That was so hot And the dude in front of me And I gave each other a look Of just like no This will not fly

We were ready to take a man down Like if this guy was going to sit there Thankfully the cashier girl Was not feeling it either And so she packed his shit up real quick And was like here you go sir thank you And like booted his ass out But yeah he just

Held everything up And it wasn't like It wasn't like he was You know how there's that like just being nice Like when you go up to cashier like oh yeah You're just small talking now okay see you later bye You get to go home soon You know

Yes Oh my god Every time I go to a place And it's like Towards closing time You're only here a few more hours Like yeah yeah I'm almost done

Cause they're always like You just get off work And I have to bullshit And be like yeah yeah I totally did Yeah It's like what do you do this weekend Like a lot of

You know Relaxing from the long work week That's what I'm doing. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what I would say to like, I play video games. So, you know, right? But I was like, yeah, yeah, you know, I'm done. And so you're almost done, though.

And, you know, we usually have like that little conversation. I'm like, bye, I'm out. This guy, it was none of that. He was literally just hitting on this girl in the most obvious, gross way possible. And I was not. The line was ready to revolt. And myself and this dude who were in the front were ready to take a man down for this line. We were going to. It was going to be violent.

But then he, like, got the hint and walked away. He took his, like, 12 burritos and left. But, yeah. Oh, I hate. Everything about that situation made me mad. Because it features my number one biggest pet peeve in the world. Inconsiderate people.

Yes. I don't know if it's because I'm a big fatty, but like, when I'm around people, I always assume I'm in the way. And so, I try my hardest not to inconvenience anyone else, right? Because I'm constantly thinking about other people.

Like, I don't want to be standing in the aisle of this supermarket while someone's trying to get it down because I'm sitting there looking at vegetables or whatever, right? I don't want to be standing in the aisle when people are trying to get past, so I'll, like, move to the side. Like, things that I feel like your courtesy things most people for some reason just don't do and it drives me up a damn wall I it makes me crazy people who are walking all the time you're walking at the mall they'll just like form some sort of it's like watching cells split they just split in the two things they take up the whole aisle and you're just trying to get around them

and then one slows down it's like traffic you're just trying to get around you like I'll go to the other lane yep I'll go to the third look how it again And you're just trying to get around them And then one slows down It's like traffic You're just trying to get around You're like I'll go to the other lane They just take up the whole lane Yeah oh man Walking on a sidewalk When the person in front of you slows down But then they spread out

And it's just like fine I'll just go in the street Damn it I'll just go in the street Because I don't even care anymore I'd rather be hit by a car than stuck behind you doing nothing oh my god yesterday there's this little kid he's ordering pizza all right there's this mom it's like uh probably 12 year old kid and then this like four year old kid the four year old kid he's just like pizza pizza pizza he's kind of like jumping up and he's like bumping into me and then he like moved in front of me to look at pizza toppings i'm just like all right okay this kid's just you know getting and standing in front of me i'm trying to be like yeah i want

this on this but the kid's like pepperoni pepperoni pepperoni he's like freaking out the mom's just standing there like yeah you know that's what he does Who is this kid? This little nerdy kid with glasses just being like, Pepperoni, Pepperoni. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nerdy kid's voice. Nerdy kid's voice is like a 2004 Goblin. Pepperoni. I like a Pepperoni. So it's just like he's doing that.

And like a normal adult parent would be like, get away from the other person. Like you're annoying them. You're annoying me. Just stop doing that. Or like, sorry about my kid. He's excited for pizza. And you're like, hey, it's okay. But they just stood there.

Like, hey, this is my kid. Deal with it. And that's what bothered me so much. Yeah. I don't have patience or tolerance for any of that. It makes me so mad. I hate it. So now you know that Crenna and I are official old men.

I just wanted to get my pizza. I hate joyful youth. Stupid kids. Stupid people flirting. Stupid people trying to get their food fast. What happened to good old fashionedfashioned fast food? Terrible for you. You walk in, or you go to the drive-thru. And that's that.

Now it's like, if you wanted to, you could order it online, go there, have it ready, and then eat it there, too. That's even weirder. Yeah, how else are you going to wait in a line, try to figure out what you want, change what you want at the last minute?

That's the experience of the line. That's how you learn patience. Lines teach patience. People just don't get it. Yeah, and then there's always people waiting in the line, and there's always, oh my god, that happened to Starbucks. That's right, we were at Starbucks, and then these two people in front of me,

we were waiting in the line, the one lady's just like, man, this is a long line. The guy's like, yeah, sure is. And then they bonded for that brief two seconds. They were a band of brothers. You were all a band of brothers. No one will know what it was like in that line except all of you. Yeah.

The guy was like, what are they ordering up there, an elephant? I was like, what are they ordering up there, an elephant? Admittedly, I've gone to Starbucks where it's been like a 20-minute wait, and you're just like, what are they making? Yeah. Oh, my God. There's so many orders like that where it's like I can get a simple thing. Like I'll have a mocha latte but no whipped cream on it. Like, all right, that's a thing.

But not like, can I get iced mocha, warm, then iced, no double shot, triple shot, twice whipped soy milk, only froth with the second machine, please? No salt. I don't understand that either. However, I'm slowly, I've moved into the world of a Grande vanilla latte extra shot of espresso Non-fat Oh god you're getting there But that's like what I can do

The extra shot of espresso makes sense Because I don't want a lot of milk in there And the non-fat milk makes sense because I don't want to like Kill myself That's it that's the only thing It's not that big of a deal And the other day I was in line that big of a deal. And the other day I was in line because there was a drive-thru one near me, near the office. And so I went

and was behind this car that was waiting at the window for maybe 20 minutes. And I couldn't figure out what was taking so long. The order that comes out is like four teas on a tray, The order that comes out is like four teas on a tray, a bunch of coffees on two trays, and then like a big pink drink, whatever the pink drink was, and then a bunch of frappuccinos. The lady in front of me wants to order for her entire office. There was, I think, at last count before I honestly got frustrated, was 18 drinks. Where do you put those in your car? How do you,

there was no one else in the car with her. So how, if anything, I shouldn't be mad because what she did was a miracle. What she, she is, she is like the patron saint of getting your drinks to the office. Well, I don't know how she pulled it off.

I couldn't even tell you. All right. Now I'm having some sort of weird, like, catch-22. So, like, would you rather that woman do that, or would you rather she have online order called ahead and then just came and picked up everything? Well, you can do that at Starbucks. And what they do is they leave it off on the side with your name on it

because it's prepaid. So Chipotle, you have to pay for it when you get there Oh yeah Panera does that Yeah so you have to like So I think if we have the caveat On this it's that If you can pay in advance and they just leave your crap on the side And you can pick it up and walk out cool

Because you don't have to interact with the people who are servicing the people Who went there But if you have to go there then pay And the only way to do that is by interrupting the line. That's BS. That's a terrible solution. But if they can pay online and it's ready and it's just in a bag and there are names on it, Starbucks says

that. I watch people walk in and out all the time. And they're just like, oh, there's my tea, there's my latte, there's my black coffee. And they just walk out. And I'm like, oh, okay. So that's the plan. That should work. Yeah, I agree with that.

Because otherwise, the other one, you're just paying to cut the line. And you're not even paying. You just ordered online to cut the line, and you haven't even ordered anything yet. But that, it's legit. Just like they had nothing else to do, and they made your food,

or they made it in between doing other stuff. Right, but when they do it online, and you go to pay at the restaurant, not only are you holding online And you go to pay At the restaurant not only are you holding up When you go to pay but you're also holding up the fact That like then they have to make your order while there's a bunch Of people there That's uh what a

Basically I just have an issue with Chipotle I think I just hate Chipotle I think it's Chipotle yeah I think Chipotle I used to really like Chipotle too And then I've kind of just Slowly grown to despise it. Because every time I eat there, my stomach just is upset. And every time I eat there, it's just... it doesn't settle well.

I just wanted to go... the other night when I was there, I just wanted to go and get soft tacos. Just like soft tacos with chicken. Everything was great. Just make a simple. Didn't want to put any sour cream or that shit in there. I just wanted a simple soft taco where I didn't have to make it myself. A simple soft taco. Yeah, that's the name of my book.

A Simple Soft Taco. The Jesse Cox Story. That's a pretty good book name, Egg. Jesse was a Simple Soft Taco. I've always thought of myself as Simple Soft Taco. So that's all I wanted. And the woman there was like, did you know that our, oh, what'd they just bring back? Their sausage or whatever they had.

A chorizo. A chorizo? The chorizo. Thank you. My brain died. I was like, that's a real name. Yeah, the chorizo came back, and I was like, no, I'm good. She's like, you sure you don't want to have some? I was like, okay, I'll try it.

Boy, is that terrible. Boy, is the chorizo there terrible. What's it taste like? I never had chorizo there terrible What's it taste like I never had chorizo Good chorizo is like spicy And has like It's like smoky it's delicious Real chorizo is delicious This was burnt to shit

It was bad It had clearly been sitting there for a while because no one wanted it And I was like oh no thanks I don't want that and she goes Okay I don't know what deal they have goes, okay. Like, she felt so bad. I don't know what deal they have with chorizo people, with big chorizo. But she was so sad that I didn't want it.

I was like, just chicken's fine. Thank you. She's like, okay. I was like, oh, all right then. They burn the chicken so much, too. They burn everything there. Everything. The one thing they don't burn is the steak, which is always underdone.

Yeah. Yeah, always. That's why sometimes I wouldn't mind getting the steak But then sometimes it's underdone A lot of times it's underdone Then I'm like, alright, give me the chicken It's lower fat, more lean, whatever And then it's always burned I pick out burned pieces of chicken I'm like, you can't win

So what have you been up to? What's going on with you? I mean, I haven't been doing that much, honestly. I've just been playing WoW. Damn. You know, I still go to the gym. Still going there every other day. Still walking.

Still trying to get healthy. That's pretty much it. I've been in a routine. Nothing exciting or anything. Routine's good. People don't realize how good routine can be sometimes. Yeah, I think routine's great. Routine, sometimes I'll look forward to my

routine. I'm like, I'm going to wake up. I'm going to have coffee. I'm going to go do this thing. I'm going to do my wow things. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to come back. I'm going to eat food. I'm going to go walking. I'm going to stream. It's great. I like routine. Yep, I agree. I agree. Sometimes routine can be very good.

I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but everything we just talked about, from your food preferences to the routine you go through, all that stuff, to your health, can we trace to your DNA? It's all there. Whoa. And if you want to find out, the place to go is 23andMe. The place to go is 23andMe. You can get insights onto your health, your wellness, your ancestry,

possible traits that you need to look out for that are in your family, DNA services that can give you information about your weight, sleep quality, caffeine intake, a sense of taste, whether you might be lactose intolerant. All sorts of different things you can learn from your DNA. I want to know about your DNA. I, too, am very interested. But you want to know what happened? What?

I got a kit. I was going to use it. Then my mom took it. That's probably better, actually, because, I mean, it'll tie into you. Yeah, I'll definitely know stuff. So she took the test, sent it in. I'm super excited to find out what exactly her background is because

really truly it can give you all sorts of information. One of the things that Crandor and I were talking about is the fact that it can give you a bitter taste report versus a sweet and salty report. So it can determine what foods you will like. I think it's like that with cilantro, too.

Some people hate cilantro. Some people like cilantro, and that ties into it. Right? I'm so curious about food preferences and nurture versus nature. And perhaps maybe you might even find out you're part dinosaur. I saw something in Jurassic Park about this. Also, you can do a weight report and find out how your weight will be affected by saturated fats in your diet. Or if you're lucky enough to be one of those people who's going to live to be 100, but all you eat is fatback and beer.

My grandpa's like that. He has like 10 cups of coffee and he's like, we used to eat lard. And I'm like, man, maybe I should eat lard. That's what I'm saying. You don't know. So I'm fascinated by what it's going to say about my mom. So I'll let you all know. We'll get the deets. We'll get the information. Because she took not just the health and ancestry service, but also the DNA service, which is going to be really huge.

So I can't wait to see. Yeah. So right now, you listening can do the exact same thing as my mom. If you go to 23andMe, health and ancestry service kits can be yours at 23andMe.com slash Cox. That's the number 23andMe.com slash Cox. Go do it. Learn about your ancestry. Learn about yourself. Learn about DNA.

Who doesn't love DNA? You have to love it. Learn about yourself. Learn about DNA. Who doesn't love DNA? You have to love it. It's you. You are DNA. I mean, you probably hate your DNA too, but. No, you can't. You have to love it. You have to love it.

Those are the rules. Those are the rules set forth by the powers of Morgan and Bartholomew. You must love your DNA. All right. I'm not going to argue with the rules. Also, this episode is brought to you by Loot Crate. Loot Crate is a monthly subscription box delivered direct to your door with exclusive

pop culture collectibles, apparel, and gear. Great. It designs and curates everything themselves. You can't find this loot anywhere else. No matter what kind of geek you are, this stuff is for you. This month's theme is making first contact with out-of-this-world Marvel Venom, Alien, Predator, and X-Files stuff.

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slash Cox COX and enter my code CO, to save 15% off your subscription. That's right. Go to lootcrate.com slash cox, C-O-X, enter my code, C-O-X, 15% off. Get that loot crate, C-O-X. All right. Well, I feel like we can go to chapter 5 of the Sky of the Krendor. Krendor, how's that traffic out there? Oh, man, you talk about traffic.

Traffic's crazy. Nobody knows how to drive. You got left laners. You got right laners. You got middle laners. there? Oh, man. You talk about traffic. Traffic's crazy. Nobody knows how to drive. You got left laners. You got right laners. You got middle laners. You got left, right, middle, right. I forgot you were in a helicopter. I took a drink.

Oh, my God. They're uptown, downtown. Chopper copters spin around. Do the hokey pokey and you do yourself around. That's what it's all about. Back to you. Do the hokey pokey and do yourself around. That's what it's all about. Back to you. Do the hokey pokey and do yourself around. That's what it's all about.

You're not wrong. You're not wrong. Do the hokey pokey and do yourself around. Isn't that your favorite song as a kid? This is my favorite song. It definitely wasn't, but you're right. Very close, though. Do the hokey pokey and do yourself around.

Yeah. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. That's what it's all about. Yeah. All right. Well, let's talk about the weather. Weather. Wabi activated.

Hurricane Central. Hurricane Florence. Winds 30 miles per hour. Pressure 1,007 MB. Movement north at 10 miles per hour. It's still going on, isn't it? Like, it is still a mess. Did you see that video of the storm surge?

Oh, yeah, the Weather Channel lady. That was phenomenal. That was so cool. That was really cool, yeah. I was like, technology Weather Channel lady. That was phenomenal. That was so cool. That was really cool, yeah. I was like, technology's the best. Some guys said they made that in like four hours. Four hours? Oh my god.

I know. I guess it was in Unreal or something. Yeah, I was very impressed. Yeah, that was just like, the amount of technology put into just creating those 3D modeling clips is like it's they could do that with so many cool thing I think I've done it with sports before actually look at his arms look at the reach look at the reach in his flexibility Johnson it

just you don't see reach like that every day the physical presence of TJ Smith out there he can reach farther than if you were to measure him with a balloon. We're going to stretch a balloon in 3D to measure his arm straight. It's unbelievable. And then he, like, tears his ACL, and he's out for the year. Yeah, but for the brief moment, that was beautiful.

Yeah. So, yeah, hurricane's calming down. It still did some damage. Yeah, it's still a lot of rain. It's still a mess. So be safe, everybody. Yeah, it's still a lot of rain. It's still a mess. So be safe, everybody. Yeah, so just be safe. And don't drown.

Don't get hit by trees. Yeah, you should have evacuated. We wish you would have evacuated. Yeah. That's the weather. All right. And sports. Sports.

Sports. It's football day. Crazy football stuff happened today. Packers-Vikings. I woke up early for that. They tied. That was a very fun game. Packers should have won it.

Terrible refereeing. Just terrible refereeing. And then terrible field goal kicking on top of it from both teams. And so they tied. Another fun story. The Buffalo Bills cornerback, Vontae Davis, retired at halftime. What? Yeah.

Wait, what? He retired at halftime. He went into the locker room and he retired. He didn't come back out. Wait, hold on. You mean from the game or from the sport? From the sport. What?

Wait, why? So they say Bill's cornerback, Vontae Davis, was in the lineup at the start of today's game, but by the second half, he was no longer on the team. At least that's the words from the Bill's locker room, where veteran defender Lorenzo Alexander said he was told at the start of the second half that Vontae Davis had quit on the team right then and there and decided to retire. He pulled himself out of the game. He told us he was done.

Davis wasn't spotted anywhere on the field or on the sideline after halftime, but the team said there was no injury issue. It appears he just decided he'd had enough and no longer wanted to play. That is the realest shit. I get that. Sometimes I just want to be like, I'm done. I'm out.

I can't do this anymore. The thing is, like, I'm pretty sure, like, he's already an older dude. He's been playing 10 years. And I think they said he had a one-year, $5 million contract. And the bills are really bad.

They went from, like, barely making the playoffs last year, like, hey, we got some hope, to, like, really bad. They went from barely making the playoffs last year like, hey, we got some hope, to really bad again. I think he was hoping they'd at least be decent. He's like, I'm done with this shit. I'm not playing for some bad team. I love the fact that he was just over it.

I know. I get that. I feel that sometimes. He was like, the money's not even worth it. I think it's actually the first time anyone's ever done that. I feel that sometimes. So I think that's actually. It was like the money's not even worth it. I think it's actually the first time anyone's ever done that. So, I mean. Yeah, I've never heard of anything like this before in my life. It's incredible.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, other stuff. Steelers lost to the Chiefs. Yeah, saw that. Saw that garbage. Pat Mahomes, saw that. Saw that garbage. Pat Mahomes, Kansas City. Kid's crazy.

Threw like six touchdowns. He also threw like four last week. I drafted him in fantasy. I'm very happy. So he's my starter. The Browns almost won again, but they lost 21-18. They were up 12-3 with like, I think lost 21-18. They were up 12-3 with like

I think two minutes left, and they lost 21-18. They also missed two extra points, and it was... You know, it's Cleveland. It's the Cleveland Browns. It's Cleveland. Yeah. That's all I needed to say. You know, there's some other

games in there, but those are the... Oh, Jacksonville beat New England. That's the I needed to say There's some other games in there But those are the Oh Jacksonville beat New England That's the other big one The Jacksonville Jaguars beat the Patriots Now if only they did that In the playoffs So you know

You already know New England is going to come back And they'll play each other again And they'll probably beat the Jaguars this time But I hope not For the sake of not seeing New England every year. Well, good luck with that. Sports. All right.

Well, what is our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. I was looking through some of these people have sent in. I was looking through some of these people have sent in one that stands out is Florida man raises more than six hundred dollars to go on GoFundMe to drive to South Carolina and quote stand off against Hurricane Florence's winds. Is this the guy who I saw on the news Who when the reporter's like Sir why are you doing this He's like a few years back I was a meme And I want to be a meme again I would imagine it is I think he said

Maybe he said I want to go viral again Something like that Alright hit me tell me the story This is the most American thing I've ever heard A man Who infamously stared down hurricane matthew and ermo with nothing but his underwear and an american flag has done it again the way this article starts out is roughly equivalent to when they're like

nasa has once again sent a man to the moon. By God, they've done it again. They've done it, by God. This is a proud moment for all Americans. By God, they've done it again. Brings a tear to your eye, really. I just picture a guy with like a scotch and a cigar. He's like,

by God, we've done it again. And then it just pans to this guy standing there in a hurricane like headbanging with an American flag. And there's like eight or nine guys

in business suits like toasting. Like, yes, we've done it. God bless America. God bless America, everyone. Video shows Lane Pittman and his flowing ginger mane posing valiantly in Myrtle Beach

on Friday as Florence's winds blow up to 85 miles an hour around him. On Facebook, he said, quote, You are weak and small, Florence. Florida man is here. Yay! Yay!

I'm proud to be an American. Yuck. Florida man is here. Yay! I'm proud to be an American. That is... Let me just... There you go. I know exactly what he looks like. I've seen this. I saw it this time. I saw it the previous time.

Florida man strikes again. Rock music plays in the background of the video that has more than 119,000 views As Pittman waves the flag back and forth Awnings rip off their hinges And blow in the disastrous winds The Jacksonville, Florida resident Actually launched a GoFundMe so he could travel

For his stunt there Pay for my gas, coffee, and I'll go Fight Hurricane Florence America, baby, we stick together He said in the description. Yeah, no, I mean, he's an idiot, and he could have been killed. Don't ever do that, but he did do it. He lived.

So we will talk about him on this podcast, by God. We're doing it again, America. We're doing it again. Good show, everyone. His GoFundMe is him in South Carolina on a map holding the flag and Hurricane Florence coming in with Flo from the insurance on top of the hurricane. I guess because her name's Flo, like Florence. Sure.

I mean, he doesn't have to make sense. He is from Florida. I don't expect this guy to be like a real snarky scholar. He made $592. That's great. Yeah, $592. That was 150 gold. Yeah, I mean, he definitely did it.

I guess that's worth almost dying. So good on him. Yeah. He made $607. The initial amount saw it was 150 daredevil first made his headline in 2015 when he was charged with breaching the peace after playing a raucous rendition of the national anthem before transitioning into a version of ted newgan's stranglehold on july 4th on a florida street he had hit viral viral fame twice after with his goofy stunts for previous two years florence locked 90 mile an hour wins on thursday after his downgrade to category one made landfall

um and then there's a picture of him holding a guitar uh great yeah no he's an american hero is what he is that's that is That is an American hero right there. Yeah, yeah. It sums up this country pretty perfectly. I mean, that's that. All right. Well, that's it for us. Thank you for listening or watching or whatever you're doing right now.

But before we go, Crendor, hit them with those socials. We got YouTube.com slash Cox and Crendor podcast. We got YouTube.com slash Cox and Crendor podcast. We got YouTube.com slash Cox and Crendor if you want the animations. We got YouTube.com slash Jessica Cox. We got YouTube.com slash Crendor. We got Twitch.tv slash Jessica Cox. We got Twitch.tv slash Crendor. We got Twitter.com slash Jessica Cox. We got Twitter.tv slash Crendor.

We got Twitter.tv slash Crendor. We got so many things. We got Spotify. We got SoundCloud. We got YouTube. We got We got... Alright, Crendor's dead. So that's it for us. Bye everybody. We'll see you next time. And as always... Woohoo!

To be continued.