Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 171 - The Legend of Crendysseus

Episode Date: November 12, 2018

Legend tells of a late night journey Crendor took from Jesse's room at Blizzcon to his own hotel after a night of watching Nic Cage. Sure, it was 20 minutes - but it felt like a life time. What did he experience on his quest to find himself? What other nonsense will they talk about this episode?! Tune in to find out on this exciting new episode of Cox n' Crendor! Order your 23andMe Ancestry Service kit at http://23andme.com/cox Go to http://talkspace.com/COX, and use the code COX to get $45 off your first month.

Today's episode is brought to you by 23andMe, a personal genetic service that helps you understand your DNA and can tell you about yourself and your family. Today's episode is also brought to you by Talkspace, the online therapy company that lets you message a licensed therapist from anywhere in the world at any time. We'll get into that later, but let's jump into the podcast. Hello everybody, It's time for Ghost on Trending! This is Trending in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live!

In 4-hour recording studios! Recording! Hit me! Wake your ass up! It's the next Trendor in the morning. Oh yeah, welcome to the morning. I'm at my house. I'm sick. Yeah, do you hear that delightful echo?

This is what happens when you record in a place that isn't set up to record in. Well, you know what? Deal with it, people. Yeah, plus Grendor's sick, so blame him. Yeah, I tweeted. I was like, I've been to so many conventions and I've never gotten sick. And after I tweeted that, literally the day after, I got sick. You should stop bragging about your health.

It really does you no good. I should. It really, the more you brag, the more you brag, the worse it gets for you. On the bright side, it has been a short cold. So I will say that. That's good. I'm at the last stage, right? It's cough now.

Ooh, that's the... I'm just congested. For me, that's the part that lasts forever. Like, I'll get sick, and then, thankfully... Oh, God, knock on all the wood. Thank God this entire room is wood. The part for me is I'll get sick, and I'll be, like, you know, cold for, like, two or three days, and then a cough that lasts a month.

And I'm just like, oh, my God, go away. I feel fine. I'm like, oh, God. It sucks. It sucks. sucks yeah that's the thing like i'm still like i feel fine all my achiness is gone but i'm just congested and i just got that cough what about your achy breaky heart shit dude do you think it'll understand away yeah oh sorry uh we are eight days away. Seven days, technically. From what?

What? From the anniversary of this show. Are you kidding me? It will be officially six years. What? Do we have to do a thing? Is this? You know what? We shouldn't have to do anything.

People should do stuff for us. I think last year we talked about all those anniversary things. Or was that two years ago? It might have been. Like the metal and the wood and shit. Yeah, we we talked about all those like anniversary things or is that two years ago? It might have been metal and the wood and shit. Yeah, we definitely talked about it, but I don't remember it being important. We're past that point. Yeah, we don't care. But what I think I feel like we should honor ourselves by having other people honor us.

Yeah. Like where are the people? Where are the people sending us? I've listened to you for all six years. You changed my life here Have my first child Where are the people who are like I was there from episode one

When it was really just a weird It really didn't make any sense It was kind of just two weirdos talking And nothing has changed Thank you for that Here take my house Where are the people who are like Hey I run a small Arabian country And I would like you to run it for me Where are the people who are like, hey, I run a small Arabian country,

and I would like you to run it for me. Where are those people? It's got to work one of these times. Yeah. Eventually someone's going to do it. Also, if people don't do that, we should go to Fiverr and have people do it for us. We'll pay them. Yes.

We still had to do something on Fiverr. We got to go to Fiverr and get all those people to come and like, if you like comedy gold, you watch cox and krentor they're number one in my my book number one in my book which is the best book it's not a real book i wonder if we could convince george rr martin to do that they're number one in my book which means i'll kill them that book would not get finished you're right you're right who am i kidding uh there's so normally we're like what did you do but like there's so many things that have happened yeah i mean because it's like blizzcon there's like the nick cage movies there's like all yeah where do we even start at blizzcon all right so at BlizzCon, on my way back from your hotel after we watched the Nick Cage movie.

Okay. I had so many things that happened on that walk back. Wait, what? Yeah, we definitely need to talk about the Nick Cage movies, but I want to hear about this first because this is way more important. Yes. Okay. Okay. So many things happened on my way back.

First up, I'm like, all right, time to walk back to my hotel. So go ahead and get into the elevator. On my way to the elevator, there's a drunk guy just like passed out. In the elevator? That sounds like BlizzCon. No, by the elevator. Oh, okay. And some guy's like, hey, man, you okay?

And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, all right. And I was like, don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact don't make eye contact so then i got into the elevator and then a group of just drunk large men were like and they get into the elevator and they're like oh everybody on and then uh it's like two more guys get out in the elevator it's like beep and they're like oh it looks like we're over the weight limit and i was like oh jesus and they're like who's weighing us down and i was like it's probably me and they're like hey this guy's funny this guy's funny and i was

like hey let's go elevator don't crash and so it uh it managed to bring us down so that was good and i was like all right and then i just got out of there. I was like, okay. So I'm walking back to my hotel, past these two guys. Here's quote for quote what they said. And pretty much all you have to hear is the one guy. He said, that redhead's not going to give you the blowy. Wait, what did the other guy say? I don't know. I walked past him.

All I heard was that redhead's not going to give you the blowy. I mean, if I was him, I would go for at least a wristy or maybe a... What were the other Australian... Was this an Australian person? I don't think so, but he could have... Maybe like Australian-American. Oh, right. Australian-Americans.

Yeah, no other person's gonna say blowy It's like a brekkie Yeah, you gonna get a brekkie wrap with a wristie and a blowy? Come on Yeah, you better You better, that's a good way to wake up I was like, this is an interesting journey back We're only getting started here, alright?

You literally had like your own hobbit adventurer You had to take the ring to Mordor, except it was just your hotel. Yeah. So I'm like, all right, whatever. So I pass them up, and then there's these other people I'm walking past. These guys are going more my pace, so I'm, like, by them a little bit more. And I hear him, and he's like, so we go back to her bedroom and start making out. But she's like, oh, by the way, I have a new boyfriend now.

And I'm like, what the shit, dude? And then the other guy was like, oh, shit, man. Like, yo, that's not cool, dude. And then still all this sounds like BlizzCon. All this sounds like BlizzCon. And I was like, what is going on? While that was happening, these girls walk past the other way. And the girl's like, I was like, that's going on? While that was happening, these girls walked past the other way.

And the girls like, I was like, that's Mike Tyson. Holy shit. I should have asked for a picture. And I was like, what? You heard the best Mike Tyson here. You got the best stories. I know. So I was like, I was so confused at this point.

So many things were happening. I was like, I just got to write it down. So I was just writing it down. Then I was like, oh, there's CVS. So I was like, I just got to write it down. So I was just writing it down. Then I was like, oh, there's CVS. So I was like, I'm going to go get like a water at CVS. So I go into CVS. There's these guys and they're all on the phone and they're like, get the manager, get the manager. And I was like, what's going on?

And he's like, yo, do you see a girl around here? Is there a girl here? And she's like, I don't see a girl. And then he's like calling somebody. He's like, hey, hello. I'm calling her. I'm calling her. And he's like, oh, hey, hello girl. And then he's like calling somebody. He's like, hey, hello. I'm calling her. I'm calling her. And he's like, oh, hey, hello.

Where are you? Where are you? Oh, you're back at the hotel. Oh, oh, she's at the hotel. We didn't know where you were. Oh, my God. She's at the hotel, guys. She's at the hotel.

And I was like, what the shit is going on? What the shit is going on is 26,000 nerds descended on one small area, and they all drunkenly had a party, and it was bizarre. Like, every BlizzCon. I think it was even more than that this year. I think it was over 30,000. Was it? Yeah, I was reading there, like, 5,000 more people.

Then I go to buy my water water and some guy is like hey keep the change to the girl behind the counter it's like a dollar fifty and she's like we can't accept tips and he just walks out so there's just a dollar fifty on the counter and she's like i don't know i don't know what to do with this and i was like uh uh i don't know and then she like turns the other girl and she's like i don't know so just sat there and i was like uh all right so i just paid for my water oh my god if i was with you i would have been like i would have bought the water paid with a five and been like keep the change and just to see how much money would pile up on that. She's like, I don't know what to do.

Just to see when she would finally be like, all right, I'm taking it. Yeah, I should have did that, but I didn't. Keep the change. She's like, oh, God. Oh, please. So anyway, I was like, whatever. I'm out of here. It's too many stories for me So I walk out

Is that what your thought was? I gotta go, there's far too many stories I don't have that much phone space But then, I walk out And these people are talking in front of CVS And I kid you not, the guy said The strategy is to reverse smother them And I was like

Reverse smother them? What does that even mean? What does he mean, reverse smother them and i was like reverse smother them what does that even mean reverse smother them i don't know maybe if like someone's smothering you with love right and you're like oh they're smothering me and they're all maybe you reverse smother them like if so that one girl on are you the one who was like i love you michael and i'm going to be with you forever if he would have been like yes forever you'll have my children right then she would have been like i'm out i can't do this and that's how he could have saved himself all right okay that guy's onto something then okay yeah that's maybe the smartest person you met all night yeah oh my and then i crossed the street there's a 7-eleven and 7-Eleven is blasting classical music.

You know what? Damn right it is. Damn right. And I was like, why are they doing that? And somebody was like, oh, that's to deter drunk people and homeless people from being near them. That's what they said. What? Because of classical music?

Yeah. They were like, oh, yeah, they do that by my house, too. They just blast classical music. I guess because you wouldn't want to sleep near it or something. I don't know. But that's like, it's so weird. If I was homeless, that's the place I would go. Yeah, I would go there.

I feel like it's great. That's like one of the saddest parts about Anaheim is it's Disneyland is right there. One of the happiest places on earth and right Outside is like massive homeless Tents and camps yeah it's crazy It's crazy Like how is this possible

I don't know it's crazy Mickey Mouse is like get out Um We'll play classical music to you leave us alone You bastards And then uh after that I managed to make it back. And so that all happened in a span of about 20 minutes. You're like Odysseus.

Oh, all right. I was going to say you went on like a 40-year mission. But yeah, you're Odysseus. But it was only 20 minutes long, and it was weird. Yeah. And then I also wrote down three things that happened at Disney real quick. One was this guy. You know how you go to a thing, and there's there's like hey how many people for the ride or whatever and

you're like two okay this guy was like how many group and i was like what he's like how many group and i was like uh two and he's like all right then the next person's like how many group it was like fastest how many group I've ever heard in my life. It was like. I've never heard anyone ever say that. How many group? He's just like, how many group? How many group?

It was so weird. I was like, all right. Then I was swapping to the. We were swapping to the other park, the California. Hold on. Did you get your Dole Whip? Did you get Dole Whip? Oh, yeah.

We got Dole Whip. All right. Cool. By the way, I need you to be honest with me. The Dole Whip? Did you get Dole Whip? Oh, yeah, we got Dole Whip. All right, cool. By the way, I need you to be honest with me. The Dole Whip canopy area. Racist or very racist? Listen, I'm not judging. As long as they got Dole Whip, I don't care.

Every time I go there, it's like, The Dole Plantation presents Island Fun. It's like, me, I am the island good. It's like, it sounds racist. It may not be. It may be just fine. But it sounds like when you're watching a cartoon from the 1940s. And you're like, this is a little racist. I mean, you don't know. It might have been from like the 1940s and you're like this is a little racist i mean you don't know it might have been made in the 1940s i think it was

i think that's the whole because if you watch the video it's like the doe plantation on hawaii and and everyone in the video looks like it's 1960 dang either way that dole whip is good it's great yeah either way that's it's great then we're swapping to the other park and this one lady at the like counter where you like scan in she i had my mickey mouse ears on with the wizard hat and she was like how's it going wizard yes okay she's like how's it going wizard and i was like uh it's going all right and she's like come on in and i was like okay here's the thing can i be real with you i don't think she was making a joke i think with the way your hair looks right now and a wizard hat she thought you were a wizard she

probably did she was like how's it going wizard because she really truly i'll save me for my nine to five yeah she really probably truly thought you were guy will save me from my nine to five. Yeah, she really, probably, truly thought you were a wizard. I don't know if any of you listening right now have seen Kredor lately. The dude is gone. He's like buff, and he has the hair of... He's about two beard lengths away from being Jesus. He is out of bounds right now.

So you probably were a wizard probably but you know what i'll take what i can get if i'm a wizard i'm a wizard um i ain't got no magic though uh i disagree i disagree i think i think you you are devaluing yourself you got the magic well apparently not with mini mouse because I tried to get a selfie with Minnie Mouse and she rejected me what so I was we were like walking out how do you get how do you get rejected by Minnie Mouse the park was closing okay it was like it was the park closed like midnight it was like 11 40 we're walking out there's Minnie Mouse and everyone's like hey you want to get a picture with Minnie Mouse and everyone's like and I was like there's the park closed like midnight it was like 11 40 we're walking out there was minnie mouse and everyone's like hey you want to get a picture with minnie mouse and everyone's

like and i was like hey i'll get a picture of minnie mouse i walked over and i was like hey can i get a selfie and she like just finished taking a picture with like his family and she went like no no and like kept walking and i was like what the shit and i was like was like hey i want a selfie wait did anyone take a photo with her afterwards uh i think she was like walking up to more kids i think she was like trying to like focus on taking pictures with kids she's like now i want to take a picture with this random like guy this was this is wizard this wizard and i was like i legit audibly was like hey hold on I want a selfie so I walked up and I like tried

to take a selfie but I ended up just getting a blurry Minnie Mouse like shot and it just looked really weird so then I just went and took a picture so listen I never even liked Minnie Mouse alright who does? I think she's an overrated

character so I just took a picture with a Minnie Mouse, alright? Who does? I think she's an overrated character. So I just took a picture with a Minnie Mouse plushie and was like, hey, it's better than the real thing. You know what? Never mind. I think you really are mad. Because why else would you go take a photo with that plushie? Well, it's mainly for Twitter. That was like your rebound.

That was like your rebound, girl. I can't have the real thing, so I'm going to get this plushie instead. But either way, that was my Disney adventure. That's beautiful. That was a beautiful adventure. And the only other things I wrote down were this song I heard on the radio called These Are My Friends.

Terrible song. These Are My Friends? What's that song? Who sings it? It's like, these are my friends. These are my friends. I love that song? Who sings it? It's like, these are my friends. These are my friends. I love them. I love them.

That's the chorus. Pardon? These are my friends. These are my friends. I love them. I love them. Repeat. I wish I was a little more loved.

Trying to find a way to fix that. So many people inside my head. Mama taught me not to talk back, but they're pretty good company. They cheer me up when I feel bad. Is it my insecurities that keep me going? These are my friends. I love them. And then he says, and they don't care who you are.

They don't care what you do. But I was like, your friends should care what you do. If you're like, yo, dude, I'm going to go do some drugs. Be like, yo, don't do that. Unless your shared value as friends is like we do drugs together then you're like yeah these are my friends and we do drugs we give each other hugs in the backseat of cars either way the song is terrible and i hate it point point made point made i hate it it's like it's so bad what happened to the good old days like six years ago with

macklemore singing about thrift shops that's a great song that's a bad what happened to the good old days like six years ago with macklemore singing about thrift shops that's a great song that's a great song uh and the other things i have were on twitter where people keep sending us amazing uh mcdonald's snap or tweets keep it up keep sending those we love them you every single one of them grosser than the next and the other thing my final thing is that there's these weird twitter girl bots out again remember those old twitter bot girls that was most of my subscribers followers what is it on twitter there's a new wave oh my god thank god you know what hey twitter bot girls how you doing if you ever want to like say how much you want you want me to be inside myself or whatever the

hell that one sent me that was like i want you to be inside yourself and i was like uh okay but here's the thing the new ones they say weird like phrases to you well they always said weird phrases that was what made them fun but now now they're even... Okay, here's one. It's from Wineglass Emoji Love Girl Wineglass Emoji. Sure, yeah. Old Wineglass Emoji Love Girl Wineglass Emoji. Everyone knows her. And they said,

I'm sure you would agree how the wise management of time is crucial for any business owner during these times. All right, time out. Are you sure this is actually a love bot because this sounds like a fortune cookie bot it's what they said and then i got another one from cherry emoji night lady cherry emoji that said begin gently on learning how to lose pregnancy pounds yeah no no this is i hate no this is sex bots what do you think a sex bot does wave this is a new wave of these Twitter bots, and I don't understand them.

All right. I guess it's a Twitter bot. But I don't think... Did I... Hold on. Can I ask you a question? Yes. I don't remember how you brought this up.

Did you start with sex bots, or did you say Twitter bots? I said Twitter girl bots. All right. And then you implied sex bots. And then I made it sexual and creepy. Yeah. All right. I'm the problem.

You are the problem. I'm the problem. I are the problem. I'm the problem. Okay. And there's a couple other ones I saw, but those are two very prominent ones I've noticed. That's all I got for my stuff. All right. Well, look. Everyone needs us to talk about these Nick Cage movies.

Yes. We have held them off far too long. We need to get down to business. Yes, we need to. We saw both of them. Yes. So we need to get down to business yes we need to we saw both of them yes so we saw mom and dad and mandy yes i think we should start with mandy because it's frankly the most tame of the two yeah i uh i think you're right we should start with mandy oh wait i found another twitter bot she said debbie donovan as result, they often ignored or remain blissfully unaware of scams to admit unqualified students, play athletes who never enrolled, or resort to stratagems to keep weak players eligible.

What's that mean? This is tweeted at you? Yes. And I don't know what it means. That's what I'm saying. and i don't know what it means that's what i'm saying and i think there's strategies to get you to be like what and click on it and then they have like all their crazy shit on their twitter right oh they're smart robots are that's why they're gonna be in charge robots are smarter than us that's true this makes perfect sense to me anyway uh mandy that movie's crazy shit man

how do we even describe the movie Mandy? Incredibly beautiful. One of the most beautifully shot films I've ever seen. Very creepy. The first hour is the slowest thing I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. The first hour is like... Oh, it's slow.

Just Nick Cage and this woman with creepy eyes staring at each other. For... It feels like an eternity. There's an entire scene where they eyes staring at each other for i what feels like an eternity there's an entire scene where they just look at each other it might have been five minutes long it felt like 20 we were at some at one point we looked at the we were like how far are we in this movie we're like 35 minutes in it felt like we were there all night i've never Eventually though The movie becomes A revenge movie Where Nick Cage goes and like Kills Razorblade

Wiener monsters And Like a weird religious cult guy Who has his own album That's like I'm gonna have sex with you Everything's okay. It was very bizarre.

But the last hour is him murdering everybody. And it starts with two things. Nick Cage finally getting free of his shackles, going into a bathroom, and in a scene that may be the most Nick Cage scene I've ever seen. Drinking a bottle of alcohol. Losing his mind. Oh yeah. That was the best scene. He was like. He was all over the place.

It was a one man emotional roller coaster. And it was amazing. And then. After he does that. He walks into the living room. There's Cheddar Goblin on TV He walks out of the living room and there's an advertisement For something called Cheddar Goblin

And it's a goblin puking up Macaroni and cheese on kids That are like yay And it's like Cheddar Goblin's the number one Mac and cheese And Nick Cage just goes Cheddar Goblin And then walks away

And that has nothing to do with anything in the movie It never comes back, it never plays another role It just is Yeah, it's literally It's all it is, there's no meaning to it It just happens And then there's about an hour of Nick Cage murdering all these people And it's pretty entertaining

But it's not Nick Cage doesn't say anything he just like chainsaw battles a guy and impales a few people and like murders a few guys but there's one scene where he stabs a guy and blood squirts in his face

and Nick Cage laughs maniacally which is pretty entertaining but other than that it's not nearly as Nick Cage as I i want it's like actually an art film more than it is like a i don't know it's it's phenomenally well shot but it's not crazy nick cage it's just like maybe honestly the best thing he's done in a while yeah like with real acting and i don't i don't know how i feel about that i don't like that weird i expected like it to be like funny bad or something but it was just like pretty good

bad right like it was a movie that i expect to would win awards at an indie art thing yeah and i was like okay thankfully the day before, we watched what may be my single favorite movie of all time now. Yes. Mom and Dad. Oh, my God. Where do we even start with this movie? It was incredible. So the whole premise is that Nick Cage and Selma Blair are the parents of this boy and girl

And the boy is like this little rowdy rambunctious kid And the daughter is, you know, a teenager who doesn't like her mom anymore Even though they used to be best friends And she's dating this guy who They have a weird So it's this like young black kid But the movie, I don't know if they're trying to insinuate that Nick Cage has a problem with her dating a black dude, or at least she perceives it that way, but he just doesn't want her to date anyone. But there's this weird undercurrent in this film that's like, wait, so what is his problem really?

But it doesn't matter because moments later, all hell breaks loose. So what happens is a virus question mark or a audio signal that messes with brainwaves, this is never explained in the entire movie. At some point, static noise causes people to go insane and parents kill their children. It doesn't affect anyone who's not a parent if you're a parent you just kill your children and everyone that does it is like overjoyed they're so happy they got rid of their kids and that's and then afterwards they're like yeah no i'm fine with it but but like when they see other people's kids they're fine like oh hey how's it going it doesn't affect anything they just want to kill their own kids so this whole story takes place while we get flashbacks of this family's

life and how nick cage there are many scenes in this movie where nick cage it's i think it's another actor but it's supposed to be young nick cage driving around in a sports car with boobs just in his face the entire time yeah that happens that's the scene that happens numerous times like just him doing circles in parking lot like spitting out in the parking lot with boobs in his face that happens more times than i can count yeah then uh selma blair is she used to be like the hot wife and now she you know hates doing pilates where the hell she's doing yoga and she just you know used to be attractive and now she you know hates doing pilates where the hell she's doing yoga and she just you know used to be attractive and now she's jealous of how attractive her daughter is that

kind of shit and the two of them miss being young and they blame all their problems on their kids and of course they get infected with whatever this is and so now they're they want to kill these kids and the whole most of the movie is about the these parents wanting to kill their kids and the kids fighting back against the parents that's pretty much the plot of the movie it is very simple there is if you're wondering what's going on the rest of the world there is a scene where parents are like waiting outside of a school for the kids to get out so they can murder them there is scenes of like people pushing their kids in the street like it's crazy it's genuinely a crazy movie

but yes when nick cage finally comes into his own because there is maybe 20 minutes 30 minutes the beginning of the movie where we learn learn about some of Blair's character, we learn about the kids, we learn about the rest of the world going crazy, and Nick Cage is just asleep at the office. He's not doing anything. Eventually, he comes home, and he and some of Blair both look at each other like,

we have to kill these kids. I think he had porn on at the office. Oh, yeah, he had porn on at the office. Because he hates his life, and he like porn on at the office yeah oh yeah he had porn on the office because he hates his life and he's watching porn in the office it was very weird we loved it but the from that point on we're not talking face off Nick Cage or

I'm trying to think of other crazy Nick Cage movies where he was like this is genuine next level nick cage we posted some clips on twitter crendor i don't even know where we start with this because it is so good um all right we can start with uh let's see there is one where he's like coming home and all the kids are there. And he's like, what are you doing in my house? Blah, blah.

And then he has like this freak out where he talks about how kids these days have the Internet and they're into like BDSM and crazy shit. And this is like BDSM bondage, tying people up. Hey, Mike, anal beads. Oh, yes. The line is he's like, all these kids today are into crazy things that I couldn't see on the internet. BDSM and mouth to ass, ass to ass, high Brent anal beads. Like the line literally is just like Ass to mouth Mouth to ass Ass to ass

High Brent anal beads Yeah like he says high Brent in the middle of it Like to the guy I don't know I don't know what's happening It's such an amazing bizarre scene And then There's another scene where the kids lock themselves in the basement

And Nick Cage runs Some of them are trying to get through scene and then there's another scene where the kids lock themselves in the basement and nick cage runs like some of their trying to get through the door and nick cage is like banging on the door he's like you motherfuckers it's incredible um one of his best scenes the scene where so the movie again has flashbacks and it does a flashback so the kids when they get to the basement they discovered a beat-up pool table. And it's completely destroyed. And they had no clue it was there. The movie flashes back to Nick Cage making the pool table.

It's a whole scene of him making this pool table. And he can't get it right. He keeps screwing it up. And someone, Blair, comes downstairs and is like, how can we afford this pool table? This sucks. And then Nick Cage takes a sledgehammer and proceeds to sing the hokey pokey while destroying this table. Yeah.

And it is, he's like, you put your right foot in. He's like bashing a table. And it's insane. I've never, it's amazing. And then he and Summer Blair have an entire conversation about how they used to be cool. Like, that's the scene. It's like, we used to be the cool kids and we'd go around banging in the car and shit he's like what happened to those people

yeah it's like you just sang the hokey pokey while destroying a pool table man and then um it was insane oh my god selma blair at one point when they try to cut down the door she gets a saw and she's like and she He's like, what are you doing with that? She's like, it's a sawzall. It saws all. And then she tries to cut down the door and it won't come down. And for the rest of the movie,

every time Nick Cage finds that saw, he's like, sawzall. It saws all. And he keeps trying to cut the kids with it. It's incredible. But, nothing compares And he keeps trying to cut the kids with it It's incredible But Nothing compares To the best scene in this movie Where it's another flashback

Where you learn That Nick Cage Kept the hot rod That he got all that booby action in Yeah And his son I guess stored A dead animal in it and it made it stink. And so he had to have a talk with his son about why the car was so special to him.

And in this conversation, he's talking about all the boobs or whatever he got in this car. And he does a thing with his acting. He's like, it was a real pussy magnet. And he's like, dad, He's like, it was a real pussy magnet. He's like, dad. He's like, chick magnet. And then he licks the can that he's drinking beer from in the creepiest, most insane way I've ever seen. He licks it like a frat boy being like, vagina.

He's like, it's so funny. The whole scene is overacting Nick Cage, Vagina. He's like, it's so funny. Just the whole scene is overacting. Nick Cage where he's just like, it's a real pushing magnet. He's like, dad, chick magnet. It's amazing. I've never seen anything like it. Go to our Twitters.

You'll see all of them on the Twitter. This would have been November 3rd or 4th. 3rd. 3rd. 3rd, I think. Yeah. Maybe the 2nd if it was Friday. I don't know. I think it was the 3rd.

Whatever day, I tweeted it out. So, at Jesse Cox, go there. I tweeted it out that day. And then I tweeted another one. Then Crendor replied to the second one with the clip that we're talking about right now. This movie, watch those clips. I'm telling you, it is truly one of the craziest things ever. Here's the thing.

This movie explains nothing. Yeah. If you're going in expecting to know what the hell is going on by the end of it, you will not. You will not know. There is nothing. What you're tuning into this movie for is an hour and a half of Nicolas Cage and someone there being insane. And then that's it.

And then that's it. I just, it was everything I wanted it to be. It was so perfect. That's why I think we were let down by Mandy Because Mandy, well, a good movie Was not the kind of bad Nick Cage That we wanted

We wanted a movie like Rage Where at the end, the scene is so mind-blowing We were like, I can't believe that's how this movie ends That's what this was That's what Mom and Dad was That's why And even when I saw that thing it was like somebody made Mandy Like explaining the final 15 minutes

I'm like oh shit this is gonna be crazy And then I was like I didn't need that explained to me He just went back and killed all the people Yeah it wasn't like nothing was needed to be explained Except for We should include that in Mandy there's a scene where he does Space trucks And he goes

His face like melts off And he goes crazy and then he sees demons with razor dicks and he fights them it's pretty insane if you're looking for a funnier kind of like scary movie there's some scenes where i will say in mom and dad there's some scenes where you think something terribly like really really violent about to happen but they always hide it like there's a scene where a girl like one of the main character the the daughter's friend sticks her hand in a blender to like get some uh like a margarita or something and the entire time it's like oh she's gonna get her hand Blended oh no and it does Not happen The things that do happen in the movie either happen Off screen or happen In ways that are kind of like

It's really like jiggle camera effects So it isn't too crazy there are One or two scenes where it's like oh my god But it's more like Like fake I don't know how to describe it it wasn't terrifying Like it was a lot of dread, but most of it is Nick Cage and Summer Blair failing to kill their kids, and it's amazing. Yeah.

The scene where they're like, we gotta smoke them out is insane. It's insane. Yeah. That was no doubt the best of the two movies. Oh, my God. That scene where he's like, Maleficent is so good. Those were two delightful movies.

I'm glad we watched them. So am I. So am I. Well, you know, there's one thing we learned from both those movies. It's that you can never know too much about your family. And sometimes you need someone to talk to. Both those very relatable. And both of those are sponsoring us today. Wow.

First, let's talk about 23andMe, a personal genetic service that helps you understand your DNA. It can tell you about yourself and your family's story and whether static is probably going to make them go crazy and nick cage you. Who knows? As your loved ones get together this Thanksgiving, discover more about the genetic connections that you share. Did you inherit your dad's baldness or your mom's

brown hair, right? How much of your DNA is similar to your brother or sister's? Who knows? 23andMe Ancestry Service allows you to get access to DNA from 150 worldwide. Weegins. Weegins?

That's right. A lot of Weegins. A lot of Weegins. Trace parts of your ancestry to specific groups from up to 1,000 years old. All sorts. You know, it's amazing. Me just reading off a thing is not going to do it for you. My dad got his done.

And I have all of his information right now. And I'm going to share it for you. My dad got his done. And I have all of his information right now. And I'm going to share it with you because it's crazy to me. Alright, you ready for this? I'm ready. My dad is 99.9% European. He is 57% British and Irish. Mostly Irish.

He is 22% French and German. And he has Scandinavian and Northwestern European descent. So he is like a little bit Viking too. Damn. But then, this is my favorite part, he's 99.9% European, 0.1% he is Sub-Saharan African. 0.1%! I'm blown away by that.

I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means either. In my mind, I imagine everyone has a little bit of African in them because that's where they kind of came from. Yeah. It's got to be, right? You can even look up your Neanderthal ancestry, which is how much Neanderthal DNA you inherited. So you can learn which traits you have, like your height or back hair. Things like, you know, old school people. Like, the first humans kind of thing.

Oh, yeah. Like, if you're, like, you know, have, like, crazy back hair and stuff, and you're like, if you grunt a lot, I imagine. I don't know. But, you know, it's incredibly fascinating. Now, through Thanksgiving, 23andMe Ancestry kits are only $49 when you buy two or more kits. That's 50% off the regular kit price of $99 this holiday. Order your 23andMe Ancestry kit at 23andme.com slash Cox.

You spell it out. You can do 23andme at, oh, sorry. So that's 23andme.com slash Cox to get this awesome Thanksgiving deal. You can share it with the family and find out about all of your weird quirks and stuff, and it's great. Also, speaking of the weird movies we talked about, today's show is sponsored by Talkspace, an online therapy company that lets you message licensed therapists from anywhere at any time. All you need is a computer with an internet connection or the Talkspace mobile app. That means you can improve your mental health even if you had trouble in the past making time to do so.

One of the things I think a lot of people have when they can't figure out time to talk with someone, especially a therapist, is how do I fit it into my day, right? How do I fit it into my week? And then it becomes how do I fit it into my month? And then it becomes how do I fit it into my year, right? And at that point, you're just pushing it off. And the idea behind Talkspace is that they're giving you someone to talk to that you can easily send a message to at any time, just from your phone while you're waiting around for your car to get fixed right

you can do it then if you are sitting waiting for a date you can do it then right like oh i don't know if i'm being this guy just i'm really stressed and anxious you can contact someone right then do it while you're playing while if you're playing you're absolutely right if you are raiding and your guild leader is being a dick, but you're like, I need this loot, you can do that. Basically, it's about getting stuff off your chest and opening up to the world without doing it to

Twitter, right? Because that's not healthy. When people go online and they post something about themselves, that's some stuff that you should be telling a therapist, not the internet, right? The internet, what they're going to tell you is not what you need to hear. Trust me. That's the truth.

But when you talk to a therapist, you can just get it off your chest. Talk to a person that is trained and can help you with everyday challenges at work or at home. Just help you with life. There's no commutes, no leaving the office, no judgments. Remember, therapy isn't just about venting your innermost thoughts or like childhood memories or whatever. It's everyday strategies for stress management and living a happier life. So Talkspace is the place for you.

2,000 licensed therapists who are experienced in addressing life challenges that we all face to match with the perfect therapist for a fraction of the price of traditional therapy. Go to Talkspace.com slash Cox and use code COX to get $45 off your first month and show your support for this show. Go to Talkspace.com slash Cox. Make sure to use the code Cox. All right. Crendor. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. the code cocks. All right. Credor.

Let's go to Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys.

Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys.

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Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubbys. Chubma mia. Get ready, folks. People are going to be flying all over.

They'll be going here, there, everywhere. So get to your destination as soon as possible to avoid that traffic because it's only going to get worse. Hoo-hoo. Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to Crandor at the Weather Desk. Crandor, how's that weather? Weather time.

Woppy's back in the weather. Woppy? Woppy activated. Five, seven, three, four, five. Highmore, South Dakota. Wow. Feels like 18 degrees. Cloudy.

Feels like. God. All right. Woppy's deactivated. He's got a cough right right i figured i figured uh let's see 18 degrees feels cloudy like six degrees oh my god that's cold what is the name of this town again highmore south dakota all right we got a 10 degrees tonight, clouds early. Monday, 21 degree high. But, hey, Tuesday, you got 39 degrees. Warming back up.

And then by Wednesday, 51 degrees. Woo! They got a heat wave rolling in. And then back down to the 40s and 30s. So, you know, typical South Dakota weather, I guess, I think. I don't know. Listen, I don't know anything about South Dakota weather, I guess. I think. I don't know. Listen, I don't know anything about South Dakota.

I wanted to look this up because every time I hear anything about South Dakota, I want to know who lives there. Yeah. Right? Because to me, South Dakota and North Dakota, I am blown away that people live in those states. I can't figure it out. I don't know why they aren't just called Dakota

and we get rid of North and South because it seems insane. So, I went to Highmore. Here's the information about Highmore that I think is amazing. First off, the city's motto is a great place to live, work, and play. Which I don't believe. I just don't believe it.

I don't. Then, the population of this city in 1890 had 435 people. In 1900, 376 people. By 1910, they had 1,084 people. That stayed roughly the same until about 1990 when it dropped to 835. There are 795 people, 347 households, and 201 families actually living in the city. I just went to their Facebook page.

Let's see. We got old settlers days. I went to their official website, and it says 404 page cannot be found. We're going to get one person who's going to be like, I'm from Highmore. Like, I grew up in Highmore. I went to their second website, Highmore.org, and it says, warning, Highmore.org has expired. So you cannot go to Highmore.org. That is expired.

Small towns just creep me out. Yeah, this is like where people kill you. I'm not a fan. I'm not a fan. That's what I'm saying. It's just uh looking let's see here's a meme to all who work around the clock to keep the roads clear thank you they tweeted and nick wash says uh your dot dodd the bank the state the the bank. Okay, this is too much.

The bank? I was about to say the bank looks like someone's house. The next photo on their Facebook page is a funeral parlor that just is someone's house. It's just someone's house. Yeah, like, there's the library. It's literally just, like, a brick building with a door and like one window and like some boarded up windows and then a bench outside and kathy thompson says this is a great little library the librarians are the best i can't on their facebook page they have the lose funeral home

not once but twice why would you need the funeral home on your Facebook page? It's popping off. Two times. It's probably where most of the population goes. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's popping off. The old population has been going down every year. Old Settlers Day.

They have the fourth annual Color Run, the Horseshoe Tournament, Escape Rooms. The Horseshoe Tournament. I know. Demolition Derby, a pork rib cook-off, Saturday, June 16th. annual color run the horseshoe tournament escape rooms the horseshoe tournament i know demolition derby a pork rib cook-off saturday june 16th get on that so one of the things they feature on their on their website their website is the hideout bed and breakfast oh i see it i found a picture and my favorite thing here is just relax in John's man cave. What? All these rooms that they're trying to get you in sound like a place where a ghost will kill you. It does.

Mary's room. These are where they go. The cozy room instantly reminded us of Beth's mother, Mary, which just happened to be the name on the door to the room we first saw it. That's how you die there. You die there. You're telling me that you named this room after Beth's mom, but it was already on the door of the room.

You die there. The next room is Shirley's room, named after John's mother. Sure. This has got a giant cross in there. That is haunted. That's haunted. But my favorite one is the bottom papa's place need a little place need a little space to spread out so did papa

papa's place is a room for a larger group can sleep up to eight that does not look like you have eight people it it's terrifying iva's room has like angels in it yeah i wouldn't ever want to the artwork again those stories that i used to tell about my parents old house and how they had a guest room and i would always stay in that guest room but the wallpaper was like yellow and there were weird paintings on the walls and it was creepy and i was like the house is right next to a burial ground that was built on top of an indian burial ground if there were ever going to be a ghost it would haunt me there that's why i don't believe in ghosts it's because of that it's because the rooms my parents rooms look like this and they were terrifying and i i would never want to stay there that's why uh every time people are like

this how i'm looking for a house with some character, some charm. I'm like, I don't. Somebody lived there. That's where you get killed. That's where the monsters kill your ass. I want a clean, modern-looking house that's like, hey, nobody lived here. It's nice, pristine. No ghosts want to be here.

It's just like, all right, all right, good. I don't want like... Good things. Those are good things. This is where John stayed, and John's's mom and John's mom's mom. Like... I still don't like that. And that's the weather.

All right. What is... Oh, wait, no, we have to go to sports. What is going on at the sports desk? Sports. Hey, welcome to the sports desk. What is going on at Sports Desk? Sports! Hey, welcome to the Sports Desk. A whole bunch of sports are actually happening. Rams, fear-torn ACL for Cooper Cup.

That's not good. He's on my fantasy team. Carmelo Anthony, likely done as a rocket. James Harden scores 40 points. A lot of football happened. The Steelers won this week. 52 points. Yep, 52 points. And today, New Orleans scored 51 to beat Cincinnati.

God bless it. A lot of 50-point games. And the Packers finally won again. They beat the Miami Dolphins 31-12. It's a good week. Pretty good game. It's a good-ass week. And somehow the Buffalo Bills blew out the Jins 31-12. It's a good week. Pretty good game. It's a good-ass week.

And somehow the Buffalo Bills blew out the Jets 41-10. I don't know how the Jets are a football team right now. They should just fire everybody. That's pretty sad. And Dallas beat Philadelphia 27-20. Crazy stuff. Eagles below.500 even though they just won the Super Bowl last year. Mamma mia. And then basketball, other basketball basketball stuff other football stuff happened but that's sports oh you know what

if you want to see a good episode of always sunny in philadelphia this season they had two it was a two-parter about the eagles at the super bowl and it's really good oh shit all right so you should go watch that uh okay what is our big news story of the day big news story of the day big news um florida man who climbed down well to prove he can get back out rescued by firefighters all right i'm in i'm in i bite volusia Country Fire Rescue had to rescue a man out of a 30-foot deep well in the land after he climbed into it and couldn't get out. He wanted to go down the well just to say that he did it and to get out of it. Unfortunately, he didn't have the strength to get out of it.

The department called in its technical rescue team, which is specifically trained to work in confined spaces with ropes. The team spent more than an hour working in the dark to get the man out around 2 a.m on wednesday halloween morning the team got the man out with just a few bumps and bruises luckily he was awake and conscious he's talking with us the whole time he said he was thankful that the operation was successful it's been quite a while since we had to get a real person out of you know what you're right we haven't heard a lot about people falling in wells as much as they used to yeah i just remember that simpsons episode or bart fell in the well i do remember that wow that was like i know when the simpsons actually had plot lines i know that was a good one. Let's see. This well in the land is one of many in the area and Smoak said people need to be careful to avoid repeat scenarios.

When you come across an open shaft of any kind that goes down into the well, stay away from it. Good advice. Solid advice. We need to get it marked and sealed up somehow and get a barrier around it so we can try to prevent people from going down in these things. Especially on Halloween, he said. A lot of people do crazy things, pranks and all that kind of stuff. So we were asking that if you come across anything abnormal, stay away from it and don't participate in any types of activities like that. Listen, the guy was going to do it no matter if you had a sign there, no matter what you did.

He was going in that well to be like, I can get out of it. While looking at this article, there was another article on the side that I just want to drop on you real quick. All right. Jacksonville, Florida. Of course, Florida, man. Right. A Florida gas station owner says she is battling a bizarre problem. Customers using the microwave to heat urine.

What? Paul rule Patel, who owns a BP gas station and convenience store in Jacksonville told WTLV. She's sick and tired of random people walking in and it's happening every day. It's gotten so bad. patel says that she had to post a sign on the microwave that reads only for food use do not warm urine it appears the problem isn't entirely random however patel's on the fly convenience store is located steps away from lab

corp which offers drug testing services according to the website they've become so aggressive with us the inspiration for the sign was an incident which the customer who patel said started cussing at her and saying there's no sign telling her she couldn't warm her pee in the microwave lab corp did not immediately reply to the request for comment i get what's going on these are these are people so there's a it's a drug testing place for jobs right across the street Right And so what people Were doing Is They would have

P That was probably Someone else's maybe Yeah Or whoever And they'd have The container And then they'd go

Warm it up To pretend Like it was Fresh pee Ah I Yeah That's what I thought

Right At first I was like Why would people Be warming pee Now it all checks out what I thought. Right? At first, I was like, why would people be warming pee? Now it all checks out. Now I get it. I just think it's sad. They would walk into the convenience store and be like, I got to warm this pee up. Yeah, I mean.

But that's Florida. I mean, that's Florida. That is Florida. You would think they would just use cold pee. No, you can't because you have to take it to the testing facility. If it's cold, they're going to be like, it's not your pee. That's what I'm saying. It's Florida. You would think they would just use cold pee. No, you can't because you have to take it to the testing facility. If it's cold, they're going to be like, it's not your pee. That's what I'm saying. It's Florida.

They'd be like, here's my pee. And they're like, why is it cold? And they're like, oh, shit. What? You're right. It is Florida. I'm such a fool. Maybe they got smart.

You know what? I don't believe that for a minute. Actually, I do. I bet in Florida, they're very smart about crime. All that shit. Actually, you know what? No, that's not true. I take that all back.

We wouldn't have Florida, man, if that was the case. Yeah. All right. Well, I think that's it for us. But we'll be back soon with another episode. But before we go, Crandor, hit them with the socials. Twitter.com slash Jessica Cox. Twitter.com slash Crandor.

Go watch our Nick Cage clips. SoundCloud.com slash Cox and Crandor, hit them with the socials. subscribe to our twitch pages twitch.tv slash jessica twitch.tv slash creditor go to itunes we're on itunes watch us there do the things hit the pop the like button smash the favorites share it with your friends share with your family share it with your dog share it with your cat share it with your grandma share it with your ghost that lives in your bed great uncle jimmy the ghost in the closet share it with your south dakota friends share with everybody all right share with everybody I don't know if everybody's right but we'll take most we'll take what we can get share with Minnie Mouse

anyway that's it for us thank you so much for watching we'll be back with another episode or listening whatever you're doing we're all on everything now so I gotta like thank you for existing is what we'll say thanks for existing and as always to be continued.