Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 175 - Jingle Jangle

Episode Date: December 10, 2018

Boy o boy do we have an episode for you! Crendor is on a Christmas movie binge while somehow getting commercial jingles stuck in his head?! Jesse on the other hand has some questions about this weeks news stories. Well, he just has lots of questions in general. Also they make up another stupid movie. All this and more on this weeks Cox n' Crendor! Get 15% off your first pair of MeUndies plus free shipping at http://meundies.com/crendor Go to http://tipsyelves.com and enter code COX for 20% your order.

Today's episode is brought to you by me undies! Oh, those undies. Oh, they are so good. Oh, me undies. You know they're so good, too. You tell us all the time. We're going to talk about those today. Also, tipsy elves.

Oh, my. Those elves got into the hooch, and they're making really ugly sweaters. Sweaters that are going to make you the most popular person at your party this holiday season. We'll talk about that too. Alright, let's jump into this thing. Hello everybody, it's time for

Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live in 4-hour recording studio. Recording. Wake your ass up Live, live, live, live, live. In 4-Hour Reporting Studio. Recorded. Wake your ass up.

It's the Caxi Crandall in the morning. Caxi Crandall in the morning. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Caxi Crandall in the morning. Should you throw up? What's that? I don't know. I just tried to make a noise, and that's the one that came out.

It is the one that came out, but I thought maybe you were like, really? You were really freaking out because we're now on Spotify. What? Oh, my God. Everybody was happy, too. They were like, oh, my God. Yeah, finally. Yeah, I was just lazy.

I didn't do it. That sounds about right for our lives. I figured the kids would find it on their own, but they were like, what if you put it on Spotify? Now the pressure finally got to you, and you're just puking everywhere. You're like, Spotify, that's where all the people are. Yeah, all the people on Spotify. I actually use Spotify a lot, but I use it for music, not podcasts. I don't use Spotify at all.

All year old. You're not podcasts. I don't use Spotify at all. Oh, you're old. You're not wrong. I use what is commonly known as the radio. Yeah, you go to weird numbers and it plays music for you. It's wild. I'm slightly less old, so I still use the radio half the time. I'm like split. I'm not full on Spotify, but I am half and half. A lot of times I do still use the radio half the time i'm like split i'm not full on spotify but i am

half and half like a lot of times i do put on the radio i'm like i want some music i want some sports talk radio i want some whatever every once in a while i'll tune into on like sundays and mostly on weekends they have those legal shows yeah and i don't listen to them for legal advice but i do listen to all the people who call in and are just like, so my uncle took all my money and spent it all on prostitutes. Do I have the right to sue him?

And the guy's like, yeah, you should. He's like, but he's my uncle. Why would I sue my uncle? He's like, well, if you're not going to sue him, why'd you call? Well, I wanted your legal advice so I can go tell him I should sue him. It's like, what? Wait, what? Those are my favorite ones. I love those shows. I love all the radio shows where

it's like, they're just they're not even mainstream radio shows, just like they gave some guy an hour or two to talk on some radio station. Yes, yeah, it's like, hi, I'm Phil from Phillip and Associates. We are your tax attorneys, and for one hour every Sunday I will be guiding you through the world from Philip and Associates. We are your tax attorneys.

And for one hour every Sunday, I will be guiding you through the world of financial restitution and solving your tax problems. And the people that call are like, so I owe the federal government $68,000. I don't want to pay it. I'm like, well, you're going to have to pay it. Well, I ain't going to pay it. Well, you don't have to pay it. Well, I ain't going to pay it You don't have to pay it

And you ain't going to make me smart man And then they hang up and he's like Thank you for calling next caller And he's like Oh my god Yeah those are my favorite That's how we found Coast to Coast AM That's true God bless that terrible show

Yep It is great. Everyone who calls it, you know what? That show would be better if they just got rid of all the guests they invite on and it was just a call-in show. Yeah. I don't give a damn.

They have guests on. They're like, George, the end of the world's coming. He's like, well, didn't you predict that in 1999? I did, George. But only through an elite force of ninjas and covert operatives do we manage to stop it. This year, though, all those ninjas have aged out, and there's no one left to help us. It's going to be the end, George. And he's like, well, is there anything we can do?

Well, there's a slight chance it won't happen, George. And if that's the case, then we might have bought ourselves another 5-10 years In which case I'll write 3 more books But until then Yeah I was like They're selling their book you can buy There's always something to buy That's the thing that's how they get you

Yeah the lizard people Or the The greys or the whites Which I always thought was really funny because There's just a group of space aliens that are like Nazi space aliens. The tall whites are coming. You've got to watch out for them. The tall whites and the greys.

You know they're watching from their spaceship. You know it. They're the ones abducting our people. Well, to the moon, which is hollow, of course. Yeah, that's where they live. Yeah, but not the tall whites of the reptoids. The reptoids live underground, and the tall whites are from a different galaxy, but look exactly like just tall white dudes.

Have you ever seen one of these things? That's the thing. They've mastered the art of invisibility. A tall white could be anywhere. Have you ever been to Norway? Lots of tall whites there, George. Oh, I need to check that out. George, I saw a leprechaun.

Can you describe this leprechaun? I was in the mall. There was a whole family of them, George. Are you sure they weren't children? I don't know. There was a whole family of them, George. Are you sure they weren't children? I don't know. They was wearing green. If you have not listened to Coast to Coast AM yet and you listen to this podcast, you need to go listen to it. Stop listening to this right now.

Don't listen to it. Whatever episode or whenever you're listening to this episode, don't listen to tonight's episode. Wait until Friday. Friday night open lines are the best things in the world. The rest of the show, I'm going to say world-class trash. Yeah. But Friday night open lines. Just YouTube it.

Coast to coast open lines. Just search it. You'll probably find a bunch of stuff. Oh, my God. And you'll be in on it. That's the cream of the crop. The old ones, there are some classic ones. The guy who's trying to fly over Area 51.

The guy who said that Captain James T. Kirk was a terrible Canadian. And they're like, what do you mean? He's like, Kirk is a terrible Canadian. They're like, William Shatner? No, Captain Kirk. Great. Just really great stuff. I was listening to the Christmas radio station.

And they had like people calling up because this lady will be like, send in your happy Christmas phone calls. And they're like, I just met the love of my life eight months ago. And my family's pressuring me to move in with them. But I don't know. And then she's like, well, do you want to move in with them? And she's like, no. And she's like, well, there's your answer and then she's like well do you want to move in with them and she's like no and she's like well there's your answer and she's like wow that was thank you very much it's like how did you not just come to that conclusion on your own thinking power like i don't i don't get it there's like they need approval from someone else to not make a drastic

life change i think you just need someone to tell you not to be an idiot sometimes that's sometimes especially yeah especially if you haven't been told you're an idiot enough sometimes you need a person to come in and be like you know what you're acting like an idiot that's true not everyone has like you know youtube and twitch people yelling at them every day yes Yes, that is my existence. So I know when I'm an idiot because people will tell me. How do you even breathe? I'm so bad at the game.

How do you even breathe? That was an actual comment I got. Some guy was like, how do you even breathe? And I was like, well, I have lungs and they work. I mean, they just sort of do their own thing. I don't even try. They just work. I imagine if they ever stopped, I'd be screwed.

But, you know, I just let them do their thing. I got a question for you. Shoot. What does Y-E-S spell? Yes. What does E-Y-E-S spell? I-E-A-S. uh yes yeah yes yes why all right i was gonna say eyes uh well here's the thing yes i had people do this to me and i was like okay why yes yes and then they're like e-y-e-s

and i kept being like a yes and i couldn't figure I couldn't process it in my brain it took me like five minutes and then I got eyes right uh I couldn't tell if you were trying to like trick me so I just went I was trying to trick you what's what I did but I did it purposefully yeah I didn't know I didn't know if it was like it's one of those things where you see some guy say a word and then he says the word in reverse, and then he says something else, and then you go, 24, and he's like, you're an idiot. I'm designed to be prepared for that stuff now. People in my life have screwed me.

I don't trust nobody. I don't trust nobody. It's like all those riddles where they're like, a plane crashes and ten people, like five people die. How many survivors are there? Like one of those weird things. And it's like, there's no, there's one survivor. I didn't mention them.

They're like, I hate those things. Yes. Again, if I ever watched Die Hard with a Vengeance, the first half of that movie, I'm like screaming at the screen because I still don't understand how they solve the riddles. I'm like, how do they do that? I don't get it. He's like, well, if you take four ounces of this water and pour it, I still don't to this day know how that puzzle works.

I've tried to figure it out in video game and television form. I still cannot solve that puzzle. I don't know how you move water from one jug to another jug and somehow end up with an odd, like, ounces of water. I don't know. I don't know I don't know well

now it's almost Christmas so you can watch it for Christmas and be confused again no that's die hard one die hard the vengeance is a Christmas that's more of a summer movie it's a summer blockbuster yeah

have you watched any Christmas movies yet uh man I have a bunch of like I haven't watched a Christmas movie but I have because so I'm proudly part of the Writers Guild of America. So, I get, because I'm part of the Academy stuff, I get all the award season movies. Shit, dude. So, they send them to me.

I just want to point out for the record, there's a reason why the movies that win are movies you've never heard of. Because the movies I'm getting are movies you've never heard of. Because the movies I'm getting are movies I've never heard of. The only movie I've heard of that I've got, actually two, Crazy Rich Asians and Deadpool 2. Every other movie is like an indie movie or a movie I've never, like the actors in it are super famous

but I've never heard of the movie. And I'm just like, what the hell is this movie? So, yeah. Awards are starting to make more sense to me. But I have, like, 20 movies stacked up on my coffee table that I do not use for coffee at home. And I'm just like, I should watch these. So instead I watched Castlevania last night. Well, I've watched, like, actual Christmas movies.

Like, old ones that are good. Not, like, you know, the new. It's Wonderful Life? That's usually on Christmas Larry watched the Christmas vacation well I always hate okay like I get the movie like I understand but like I just really hate the overacting in those old movies. That's my favorite part. It makes me feel like I could have really been an actor in the 50s. In the 50s and 40s, I think I could have been a great actor.

Oh, jeez. I'm going. Every time the bell rang, did I forget that word? Where's the money? Oh, no. All the money's gone now. Yeah, I think I can do it. What's going on?

You took all the money, James. And now Christmas is ruined for all the boys and girls. Right? I think I can do it. What if you and I remade and recreated a Christmas special? 2019, we should spend all next year filming and making the greatest Christmas special ever. I like that. And it's just done in night.

We need an actress. We need a female actress who's just like, oh, Lord. Oh, the money's gone. We need overactors. If you know an overactor actress, send her's gone. We need over-actors. If you know an over-actor actress, send her our way. We need her. Right? And then you can be like the guy who's just trying to save Christmas.

You're like, oh, jeez, I've got to find Santa. He's missing. And I'll be like Mr. Kringle Smith. And I'll be the guy who's like, I took all the money for the orphans and used it to buy a sled for myself. Right? That'd be great. Yeah, I'm down with that. That sounds like a fun opportunity.

That sounds pretty good. Well, I was looking through all the Christmas movies. So, like, they count Gremlins as a Christmas movie. I don't know about that. It takes place during Christmas, but it's hardly a Christmas movie. Muppet Christmas Carol. That's a solid Christmas movie. Yeah.

Nightmare Before Christmas. I hadn't actually seen that until, like, last month. Ever? What? Yeah, so we watched it, and I was like, oh, that's pretty good. It is pretty good yeah oh i dropped a lid i was drinking a drink and i dropped a lid um let's see there's bad santa bad santa the only thing i remember is a scene in which the mom

from gilmore girls fucks santa in a car and goes fuck me santa that's all i remember that's all i remember for that movie that movie i couldn't tell you anything from Gilmore Girls fucks Santa in a car and goes, fuck me, Santa. That's all I remember. That's all I remember from that movie. That movie, I couldn't tell you anything that happens in it except the mom from Gilmore Girls bangs Santa in a car. My apologies to parents who are listening right now. I said the F word, but like, you know, it was part of a movie.

And Hollywood tells us what's right and wrong. Very true. Very true. I love Hollywood. I don't. Elf with Will Ferrell. That's another Christmas movie. Elf is a classic movie. It somehow became a classic even though it's not that old.

2003 is when it came out. They got Lethal Weapon on here. Lethal Weapon, not a Christmas movie. Yeah, I don't think so. If you're going to say Die Hard is not a Christmas movie, sorry, nation. Die Hard at number one die hard is is you know why it's a christmas movie why because the end is a christmas carol yep the whole thing's about getting home for the holidays it's basically uh home alone but you know with guys dying oh although you can't tell me those two criminals

didn't die in home alone they were brutalized that's true they were emotionally like tortured physically tortured yeah they got hit in the head with things that would kill a normal person uh national lampoon's christmas vacation that's what we just watched i like that that's a good one yeah i like that. Let's see. Christmas Story. I never really liked the Christmas Story. That's a solid one. It's one of those movies that is Yeah, it's not a great film, but it's not terrible. Like, if it's on the

background, I'll leave it on the background. Yeah. It's sort of like every TNT movie that they ever play. If it's on the background, yeah, I'll leave it on. Sure. That is true. The Santa Claus with Tim Allen. There's a lot of legal loopholes in The Santa Claus that I am not comfortable with. Oh, really?

Just go watch that movie again and be like, wait, why does he have to do any of this? A lot of it doesn't make sense. And once you start thinking about it, you're like, this is a stupid movie. And then a few years later, Jingle All the Way. Tim Allen was on a roll. Jingle All the Way. Oh, wait, no. That was Arnold Schwarzenegger.

That's Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. Is one of the greatest Christmas movies, and I dare anyone to challenge me on this. Jingle All the Way is phenomenal. It's so silly. I don't think I ever saw it. You need... Oh, my God.

You need to go watch it. You need to go watch it and report back because I want to know your thoughts. Guys, oh, my God. You're going to have thoughts. All right. I'll read it. Let's see.

Jingle All The Way. Jingle All The Way. All The Way. There we go. All right. I'll watch that. It's just the way. There we go. Alright, I'll watch that. It's just the cover. I got to get to the store.

Oh my god. It's so good. How the Grinch Stole Christmas 2000. Jim Carrey. I'd rather watch the old cartoon. Yeah, I think I would too. How the Grinch Stole Christmas, even the new one. All the Grinch movies suffer from the

fact that like, it was a solid 30 minute animated thing. And now they're like, okay, we got to do an hour 25 at least. And it's got to have like a backstory about how the Grinch farts a lot. Right? I hate it. I hate. Oh, definitely. Like, okay.

And we have to introduce all the characters in Whoville because they're important to the plot. No, they aren't. No one gives a shit about the Who's. I don't care about the Who's. They pull a Hobbit or they turn the Hobbit into a three-part series where all you really needed was a movie. Exactly. Exactly.

Yeah. And then Charlie Brown Christmas. That's a classic staple. Agreed. I agree with that. And this little crappy tree. That's a beautiful story. Yeah.

Oh, and Polar Express Express That is a terrifying movie That movie is terrifying, do not watch that film I never actually I think I saw the first ten minutes and I got bored The Polar Express is about as close To the uncanny valley as we have ever come With computer graphics It is terrifying

Some of the stuff in there you're like This looks uncomfortable, I'm not okay with this Those are the animations that will haunt with computer graphics. It is terrifying. Some of the stuff in there, you're like, this looks uncomfortable. I'm not okay with this. Those are the animations that will haunt your dreams. Do not watch that. If you want to actually be able to sleep, don't watch that movie.

Oh my God, you're right. It's terrifying. It's like Shrek on steroids. This is just creepy. The boy, this is my favorite Christmas movie out there. You insult the Polar Express. Those people are automatons. Those people are robots. And they're just preparing for the end of the world.

George, I found. George, I found a test to figure out if there's automatons in your household. Where's your family replaced by robots? Make them watch the Christmas Express. Where the hell that movie is? Yeah, Polar Express. Polar Express robots make them watch the christmas express where the hell that movie is yeah polar express polar express make them watch that movie it's like the dollar store version up on the christmas express it's like this isn't the polar express like get on the

christmas express christmas express just arnold Arnold Schwarzenegger Everybody it's me Christmas Express mom That'll be one of our remakes The Christmas Express Everybody get on the Christmas Express It'll just be animated Be animated by Dan

Everybody come on. You've got it done. You've got it done. Everybody, come on, everybody. There's explosions in the background. Some kid gets on, and it's just really dark. It's just one guy, and he sits down next to him, and he's like, you know there's aliens out there, right?

It's just like a 20-minute movie about him talking about aliens. That is when my dad and I went to Machu Picchu. We took, at one point we took, I don't know if it was when we were on a train or if we were on a bus. Because in order to get up to one of the areas we had to go to, we got on a bus, but it was like a small, like, one of those very small, like, not like a big bus, but like a small, one of those small buses. Yeah. And the guy my dad was sitting next to had an alien mask in his backpack.

Oh. And he was like, yeah, I'm going to go check out the aliens. We were just like, cool. Of course, my dad was into it. My dad was like, yeah, no, exactly. That's why we're here, too. And I was like, please stop embarrassing me. Please.

He was like, yeah, yeah. I mean, they start talking about, like, how could they possibly lift all of these stones? Then my dad put on the alien mask at one point. There's a photo somewhere. I don't know where that photo is, but God help me. There's always a person willing to sit next to you who is into aliens. Just keep that in mind. That is very true. No matter where you are.

No matter where. Especially if you're on the Christmas Express. The Christmas Express is Uncle Bubba. Uncle Bubba's there. Yeah. And the smell good. Hello there. It's not even Uncle Bubba

It's It's whatever Jose Oh yeah Jose Yeah cause Jose He's like Hello Uncle Bubba And then he's like

You know what I haven't heard Any of those commercials lately What if they went out of business I definitely haven't Cause I drive by The Their

Place Every so often And they're there Alright well But I will say i feel like they decided that having a character named jose who works for uncle bubba may be a little racist uncle bob what's his uncle yeah i don't know it's just weird where he's like hello uncle bubba he's like oh no way jose i feel like it's just a little bit on the nose well what are you gonna do

uh i was gonna say the other day i was thinking up catchphrases for companies what okay sure you know what i'm not gonna question this because we were watching commercials and they're all they always have these weird commercials on where it's like you need a lawyer to fix your thing and he'll just be like and yes our services are free and like little lines like that so i was trying to think up new catchphrases and sayings but none of them made sense yeah no i feel that okay yeah like how what in what way like i would just be thinking and I'd be like, if you want a pizza, come on down.

I mean, it's to the point. That's what I'm saying. If you want a pizza, come on down. But it's like the catchphrase. Like, you could just pick a random object and make a catchphrase for it. That's pretty much what I was doing. Like this coffee cup. You'd be like, drinks on me,

the second is free. It doesn't have to make sense but it'll get stuck in your head i guess you're right but if that gets stuck in my mind if drinks on me the second is free it's stuck in my mind i'm gonna i'm you may hear of a man jumping off the 405 i can't drinks on me the second is free that's what i'm gonna say to myself when i'm muttering on the street with the other homeless people it's like drinks on me seconds free tricks on me so it's free the fact that i'm saying it so much now has me worried i'm genuinely worried sketchy that's why all right there's god like i'm trying to think of all the catch phrases that have happened throughout time Like there's the Big Mac where like

Beef patty special sauce That's like a really long one It's too long it's like a mini song There's like I'm loving it That's not even that catchy honestly Good it's not very catchy but the music Stuck you know what one you know what I

Realize the catchphrases That really really stick? Salino and Barnes, injury attorneys, 100-888-8888. And then they broke up, and now it's like, the something Barnes, we are attorneys now, 888-8000. It's like, why are you doing this? You realize how good the other one was compared to the one they're trying to use? Dude, there's a Chicago lawyer for motorcycle accidents.

And it's always like, get your thing today. And it's like, 2, 2, 2, 22, 22. That's my favorite one. Yes. I'm trying to think of the What is that? Tax relief I'm trying to think

The tax relief one Where it's like Tax relief I wish I could remember the other lyrics It's like Tax relief All the ones I hear on the radio, dude, dude, tax relief. Uh, yeah.

All the ones I hear on the radio, you know, that thing I listened to the radio has some of the best jingles. They do. There's one in, um, orange County. It's like,

no, you won't get 11 at Toyota of orange. There's, I love, I love jingles. We need to bring back jingles. Jingles are my favorite. Oh, my God.

The Cars for Kids. It's like, A-R-S, Cars for Kids. Screw what that's become. Cars for Kids, way back when, like 10 years ago, was 1-877-CARS-FOR-KIDS. It was like a little kid singing. And then they brought in a creepy guy's like One night seven seven called and now the new one. There's a kid. He has like Shut up shut up shut up. Yeah, they're trying to rock out and stuff

Yeah, I don't I don't appreciate that and then on top. They're like also accepting homes properties boats Motorcycles for kids yeah cars for kids. That's what you get is cars for kids. That's it. Yeah Real cars you get cars are the K Like a clown it's your fault cuz you made it cars with a K. I brought my car today Yeah, I wish to donate, yeah? Yeah? He's worth 14 of your American dollars. I write off in taxes, yes? And then you

just get like Krusty the Clown pulling up in his car. That's another car with a K. Yeah, with a K. If your license plate has a K in it, you're in. Yeah. That's how it works. You can't make these things more complicated unless your house starts with a K and you live in a K. If your license plate has a K in it, you're in. Yeah. That's how it works. You can't make these things more complicated unless your house starts with a K and you live in a cows.

A cows? Yeah, or a castle with a K. Oh yeah, it's gotta start with a K. Yeah. I live in a kayak. Done. I wanted to know what a cows was because I was like, it's gotta be a word. It is a plant or herb with edible roots in the genus Lamedium used in traditional Native American foods and medicine.

And I imagine that if there's one big enough, you can live in it. So there you go. Yeah, that's pretty neat. Problem solved. Man, yeah. I love radio jingles. I have so many that I hear all the time, and I'm just like, yep, this is it.

Yeah. There's one commercial where he's like, we don't do none of those jingles around here we just fix your oil and bill's oil mechanics and then it's like no jingles we fix your oil and i'm like that's a jingle it's a jingle that's like an anti-jingle jingle there's one there's one that i hear on the radio that's like it's an attorney and he does i don't't know what he does exactly, but the commercials are just like, you know, he's just like you on his second wife too. Like, what? It's like, he's just like you.

He's fat too. That's the commercial. And it's supposed to be how he's going gonna help you do the things That like he would do I get what they're going for But the way the commercials end he's like He's just like you he's on wife number two I'm just like this is crazy Wow just like me

Just like me Yeah we need our own jingle We should go to Fiverr And pay people to create jingles for us. Oh my god, we should. Yeah, we'll just be like, hey, make us a jingle and sing it. That's all they gotta do. And then we should take those jingles to other radio or podcast shows and get them to play it.

Yeah. As commercial. Oh my god. We have to do it. That's gonna be our new goal c e c r e and doors for kids that's creepy we don't want that that is creepy and a terrible jingle on top of it c r e and doors for kids What about Like

Cox Okay We got terrible names for this Yeah we really do C&C For you and me What's the song C&C For you and me What's the song?

C No C&C For you and me It has to be a little more like C&C For you and me Oh yeah It's got to have a full song

Like Yeah Cox and Crandor For you and me That's what I like In the morning In the morning? In the morning in the morning in the morning in the morning but they don't know it's one of those like lil wayne lyrics where like he doesn't really

just creates his own word there it is yeah that's a song yeah that's terrible all right somebody else They gotta think it up We'll just give them the name And then tell them to make a jingle They'll make a good one One of them's gotta be good One of them has to be good For five bucks

One of those is gonna be good Yeah I like it Alright Well that We achieved nothing We started this podcast And we learned nothing

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What the hell? It's like a tipsy elf. Oh, tipsyelves.com. All right, well, that happened. It's like a tip CL. Tip CL.com. All right. Well, that happened. Use code COX. C-O-X.

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All right. Let's head to chapter. Let's go to the Crandor. Crandor. How's that? Chapter. Chapter. Chapter.

Chapter. Yep. It's, I think you've been hanging out with the tipsy elves a little too long. Hey, up here, it's chopping, all right. People are getting ready to travel for Christmas, but there's no place like home for the holidays, as many Christmas songs have told me. Also, there's a lot of Christmas songs that reference pumpkin pie. I always related that to Thanksgiving

But I guess it's related to Christmas a lot And the pumpkin pie Yeah, or like Some homemade pumpkin pie Like there's a lot of songs that have pumpkin pie in them And it just, I don't know why Like isn't there other types of pie you have for Christmas There's like a french silk pie

Chocolate pie Banana cream pie Like there's a lot of different pies you could have But I guess pumpkin pie Cherry pie, chocolate pie, banana cream pie. Like, there's a lot of different pies you could have, but I guess pumpkin pie. Yeah, cherry pie, apple pie, fruit pies. You would think one of these songs would mention something that isn't pumpkin pie, but I don't know. What do I know, right? She's My Cherry Pie is a good song.

Oh, yeah, that's a song. Yeah, there's some traffic out there, so watch out. Back to you. Thanks, Crennord. Now let's go over to the weather desk. Crennor, how's that weather? Weather. Wow.

Weather. Woppy. Woppy. Activated. Six. Three. Five. Five.

One. Livonia. Livonia, Missouri. I was about to say say Livonia sounds made up It sounds like a place I would make up in a D&D campaign It does Livonia, Missouri 23 degrees Fahrenheit

Tonight 17 degrees Fahrenheit Areas of freezing fog Early Monday Areas of freezing fog early. 36 degrees Fahrenheit.

Monday night, 25 degrees Fahrenheit. Tuesday, 46 degrees Fahrenheit. Sunshine clouds mixed high. 46 degrees Fahrenheit. Wet. That's a loppy. By the way, I think the southeast is getting like super snowstorm yes so i've heard yeah that's uh carolina's getting tore up yeah shit dude winter storm

spread snowy trouble across the south mama mia mama mia indeed oh yeah they're getting hit like right now wowee so uh if you live there uh watch out there's snow but if you live in livonia yeah did you know that they have something called the on sunday february 17th the 2019 cardboard boat race what i'm going there now the cardboard cardboard boat race? Cardboard boat races. Join us for the cardboard boat races at the Jack E. Kerski Recreation Center February 17th. Build the best boat in only two hours and then

you race the boat on water. What? That seems dangerous. That does seem dangerous. It's like a bunch of little kids in a cardboard boat. What if you and I went there and we beat those kids? We brought a cardboard boat. What if you and I went there and we beat those kids? We brought a real boat. We're like, idiots!

This is a real boat! That reminds me of doing the, what do you call it, the Boy Scouts when you're in second grade or whatever. The Pinewood Derby, y'all! Yeah. There was one kid and his dad would always super buff the car with some, I don't know what they use, like pine tar oil or some shit. And everyone's like, he's cheating! Derby yeah there was one kid and his dad Would always like super buff the car With like some

I don't know what they use like pine tar oil Or some shit and everyone's like he's cheating And then he ended up winning yeah that's usually what Happens I believe the kid who Won mine was the son Of the scout leader we were like Oh cool yeah that always Happens it's always my dad

And I worked on ours and we made like a red one And I thought it was really cool until I got there and saw everyone else's And they were way better yeah That's what always happens. My dad and I worked on ours, and we made a red one, and I thought it was really cool until I got there and saw everyone else's, and they were way better. Yeah. That's what always happens, too. Oh. Yeah, and that's weather. All right.

Let's go over to sports. Sports. What up? We're having a sports fiesta today. What happened? Football news. Bears sports fiesta today. What happened? Football news. Bears are winning right now. 6-3 over the Los Angeles Rams.

Titans beat the Jaguars. Jets beat the Buffalo Bills. Cleveland beat Carolina. Cleveland is now doing pretty well, actually. Green Bay beat Atlanta. I'm not okay with this timeline. No. I know. It's weird's weird no thank you uh green

bay beat atlanta in their first game since firing mike mccarthy uh kansas city beat baltimore in a crazy game i saw that miami beat new england on the last play of the game i saw that that was a crazy play uh it's one of those like they kept lateraling it back and then new england just didn't stop it and it was really weird. New England doesn't matter, though. They'll still end up winning, like, all the rest of their games. New Orleans will win the championship every year. That's just going to happen.

New Orleans beat Tampa Bay. The Giants destroyed Washington. Indianapolis beat Houston. The Chargers beat the Bengals. San Francisco beat Denver. That's a weird one. Dallas beat Philadelphia. Oakland beat Pittsburgh.

Mamma mia. Y'all don't even know. Y'all don't even know. Again, let me just tell you for the record. I've said this before. I'll say it again. This is for people who don't even follow the Steelers. The Steelers will find a way to lose every game that they should statistically on paper win.

It is very true. They always lose to the bad teams. Every time. Every time. Then they'll go up against a team and you're like, there's no way they're beating them. And they'll stomp them. And you're like, how'd this happen? It's madness. Being a fan of theirs is madness.

Somehow, they're still in first place. That's because every other team's terrible. Yeah. And Detroit beat Arizona. So that was the football scores also uh basketball still going on uh raptors when we gonna get when we get the playoffs let's get there yeah uh nhl and nba playoffs don't start till april so we got a while oof by then game of thrones will be out and i

won't care yeah exactly but right now toronto is number one and milwaukee and then the uh golden state oklahoma city denver damn it's like a lot of teams the same record that's kind of weird uh and hockey oh yeah the buffalo sabers are finally good i don't believe it or not i will not believe it i can't believe it after i think 20 years of losing they are now in like uh let's see they're in third place in the atlantic division which is like out of all the teams in that thing they're in third which is pretty good after being last place for so long they're finally doing it finally something good coming out of Buffalo. Yeah. Besides wings.

And that is sports. All right, Crandall, what is our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. We have a few of them, and they're all good. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Okay, I'm ready.

Hold on. I need a drink okay all right let's do this all right first one up we have uh a few of them been sent to us this is the first one sent to us florida man arrested for shoplifting after job interview at kohl's Florida man arrested for shoplifting after job interview at Kohl's a spring he went in for an interview and they just stole from them yes amazing

alright a Spring Hill man was arrested for shoplifting after his job interview at Kohl's the man identified as Dominic Breedlove a rob what a last name Breedlove Breedlove I like it I like it that's again a D&D character I only Breedlove they call. Breed love. Breed love? I like it.

I like it. That's again a D&D character. I only breed love. They call me Breed Love. He arrived at the store at 3.20 p.m. Wednesday and proceeded to Human Resources for a job interview. After the interview, he walked over to the shoe department, found a pair of Nikes without a security tag, then went to his car to get a Kohl's bag from a previous shopping trip and proceeded to go back to the shoe department. Wait, and a prevention officer was watching. So he went, oh my god, he like went in for an interview, saw they had shoes without tags, went back, got a bag from his car, took the bag inside, unfolded it,

put the shoes inside the bag, and tried to walk out. Yeah. Oh, this is a prepared criminal. I like his gumption. Then the officer told deputies Breedlove walked to customer service, then back to the shoe department when he saw the long line and then took another pair of shoes and left the store. Wait, so he took two? That's greedy. That's why he got caught. Yeah, he took two pairs of shoes and left the store. Wait, so he took two?

That's greedy. That's why he got caught. Yeah, he took two pairs of shoes. He should have only taken the one pair. He got caught. Deputies say he had one pair of women's Nike Air Bella TR shoes and another valued at 80 and another valued at 70. Wait, these are women's shoes?

He's buying women's shoes. Oh, man. He was doing it for love. That's why he got in trouble. He was trying to buy some girls some shoes. Doing it for love. Oh, man, he was doing it for love. That's why he got in trouble. He was trying to buy some girls some shoes. Doing it for love. Oh, that's what happens. Typical breed love.

Typical. That's why you got to stop breeding love, man. You got to stop this whole breed love thing and just become like Mr. Breed. Actually, don't do that. No, that's even worse. Mr. Breed. Mr. Breed.

They call me Mr. Breed. Don't do that. No. All right. Next up, Monroe Man charged with voyeurism in food fetish fiasco. It's already a great headline. It's already a great headline. Monroe, Connecticut.

Police arrested a man for secretly recording video of a co-worker while they spread jam and syrup upon themselves. Robert. Wait. Whoa. Time out. Yeah. Why were they doing? Why was?

All right. Yeah. Just keep the story going. All right. I have some questions. I have a lot of questions. right all right we'll get there uh robert robert somely 52 was working at a local home when he told his 48 year old female associate he needed to take a break later the woman found him standing naked watching pornography, the post reports. The woman later found Somely dribbling maple syrup onto his body, and she asked to participate, and blueberry jelly was added into the mix.

The woman called police after Somely refused to delete the video. What? Wait! What is happening? So she was in on it? She wanted to be part of the dribbling? She wanted to be part of it, but she didn't want to be recorded. Oh, I am so confused. So he was secretly recording this, and then she didn't know. She just wanted to be in on it, and then when he's like, I recorded this, she's like, oh, I don't want that. And then he's like's like i ain't deleting it so she called the police all right go back go back rewind for me how did they start they were doing what now uh co-worker while they spread shit see they were working at a

local home that's all they say a local home let's see yeah they're just working at a local home i don't know what any of that means but that's weird but okay and then they were he was standing naked watching pornography wait so he's like excuse me i have to leave for a bit yeah he's like i gotta go and then next thing you know he's watching pornography naked yeah dribbling maple syrup onto his body and then she asked to participate and blueberry jelly was added into the mix. I don't... I don't know. The man's at work. The man's...

This would be like... This would be like... Say you and I are working at, I don't know, The Gap. And we're at the local Gap in your mall and you and I are like folding shirts or whatever, and I'm like, excuse me, Crandor, I've got to go for a minute.

I go into one of the dressing rooms, and you walk in, and I'm pouring maple syrup on myself watching porn. Forget the fact that you're obviously going to help me by gelling me up. Forget all of that. All right. I'm at work. At some point, I have to go back to work. How am I getting all this maple syrup off of me I don't know well I guess it says

they're working at a local home I don't know what that means like does that mean he's gonna take a shower like is he at a home where he takes a shower how does he then explain like excuse me I have to go to the bathroom he leaves pours maple syrup on himself takes a shower and is like well I just shit myself everywhere and I had to take a shower like what do you

say to a person damn that sucks you smell really good though like maple syrup yeah that shower really did well for you i don't i don't get it and then i would love to know what her thought because obviously there's a sexual element to you like to you to obviously there's a sexual element to it yeah but what uh she just spreads jelly on him and then was like all right well my work here is done and left

I don't I don't know what happened I'm so confused do they make us like a man sandwich what happened what happened yeah like are they what's this 48 year old female associate so they're pretty close in age yeah like are they what's this 48 year old female associate so they're pretty close in age so like are they friends do they only work together like do they like is this the first time she's like walks in like oh my god i'm also into this thing and then he's like well come on bring the jelly yeah where'd they get the jelly from from this person's home

people live there and they're just using their jelly and maple syrup yeah are they like cleaning their house are they like oh is it like an old person they're just using their jelly and maple syrup? Yeah, are they, like, cleaning their house? Are they, like, is it like an old person they're taking care of, and the old person's, like, in the other room stuck there asleep or something? Yeah, what if the porn they made was for the old person? I want my maple syrup porn. All right, calm down, Chester. We'll get it for you.

You better have jelly. I want it now. God damn it. Well, that was a story. It better have a jelly. God damn it. Well, that was a story. It certainly was. Yes. Moving on.

Tito Watts. That's right. Is what? Tito Watts is back. Tito Watts. Okay. All right. Clergyman arrested for selling tickets to heaven.

Is this a reuse story? Wait, they reuse this. But just in Zimbabwe. They re it is wait hold on wait is this the same story just told in zimbabwe has the legend of dito watts dude span the world just is this like one of those stories where everyone has their own version of the story i think so they i think we reported on it first, and then everyone else has been catching on to it recently. Hold on. So wait, but it wasn't in Zimbabwe. Zimbabwean security forces have arrested a clergyman on fraud charges for selling people thousands of tickets to heaven.

Wait, where was it? Wasn't it... In Zimbabwe. I imagine the Zimbabwean security forces wouldn't be in America. Unless this is another person just pretending to be Tito Watts. Do you think Tito Watts? Oh, my God. I have so many.

All right. We need this story. All right. The pastor Tito Watts, along with his wife Amanda, promoted and sold $500 golden tickets, claiming that they were made of pure gold and would get their owner directly into heaven without fearing judgment. Okay. According to Zimbabwean media, the pastor convinced people Jesus had miraculously appeared to him to personally hand down the tickets, which could guarantee anyone, including sinners, could be spared from hell.

It's literally just indulgences from the medieval ages. Of course, yes. Jesus Christ appeared to me and gave me the tickets made of pure gold so that I can sell to people who want salvation, Watts said, as he pleaded for his innocence and claimed persecution. The pastor proved popular with his followers as thousands of them took to the street demanding he be freed. The pastor's wife, Amanda, meanwhile denied any charges, saying that she was not directly involved in the scam

and she only watched her husband sell the tickets. Jesus didn't say shit to me. Earlier, another Zimbabwean pastor, Paul Sanagor, claimed to have direct phone access to heaven and personal contact with God. Well, wait. What was

the other store? Tito Watts. Wasn't it Florida, man? Yeah, Tito Watts. He was outside of KFC. Jacksonville, Florida. Yeah. And it was also Tito and Amanda Watts. Wasn't it Florida, man? Yeah, Tito Watts. He was outside of KFC. Jacksonville, Florida. Yeah. And it was also Tito and Amanda Watts. Oh, my God. This is a fake news.

Wait a minute. But why would, first off, fake news coming out of Zimbabwe, I don't believe it. But secondly, I have a prince who has emailed me several times That this is true He has insured me As long as I send him my social security number And bank account information That he can get me those tickets

We covered this story Three years ago Maybe four This story has come up Numerous times And my question for you is Either This story has come up numerous times. Numerous times. And my question for you is, either people are taking the same story and making it up in different parts of the world, or, the more likely thing, Tito and Amanda Watts are on a worldwide adventure selling fake tickets to heaven.

And, oh my god I love that this is oh my god yeah I like thinking of that one I think that's a little more believable and fun like this time Amanda I swear this time we'll do it Tito stop

you're never gonna do it we're going to Zimbabwe Amanda stick with me baby and she's like oh god damn it I love you. Oh, my God. I forgot about the original story. I don't care what the police say. The tickets are gold. It ain't cut up two by fours.

I spray painted gold. And it was Jesus who gave me them behind the KFC and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space. Oh, my God. Stevie the alien! I met an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together, he'd take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that's made entirely of crack cocaine. You can smoke all the crack cocaine there you want totally free. I forgot that part of the story was even a thing.

That's my favorite part of the story! See, this is the original you know it is because of how detailed he is in his description um okay he's willing to wear a wire and set jesus up that's the ending Oh, he's willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up. That's the ending. Also, the man has like crazy markings on his face and like weird ears. I forgot about that, too. Anyway, yeah, this is a fake news story or they're out and about again.

They moved to Zimbabwe and they're one of the two. But we like to prefer that Tito and Amanda are always out there. Yeah. Looking to make that next score. God bless. Godspeed, Tito and Amanda. Godspeed. And finally, speaking of old stories we're revisiting, Irish woman who married ghost of 300-year-old pirate

says they have split up. What? Yeah, they split. Mm-hmm. Oh, you want me to read it? Yes, I want you to read it. You i want you to read it you're like oh no like you're gonna keep going uh i don't know anything about it all i know is that they married she married she married a pirate and of course i was gonna end up badly so wait what happened amanda teague 46 from drag Amanda Teague, 46, from Drogheda, Cove, Louth, married the Haitian pirate named Jack earlier this year. The wedding to her soulmate took place on board a boat in international waters off the Irish coast. However, the Irishman reports the couple have called it a day after less than a year.

Taking to social media, Amanda said, So I feel it's time to let everyone know that my marriage is over i will explain in all due course but for now all i want to say is be very careful when dabbling in spirituality it's not something to mess with i like how that's the moral like be careful be careful which ghost you date, please. The split is another blow for Jack after he purportedly was executed for thieving on the high seas in the 1700s. Pirates of the Caribbean fan Amanda previously told the Irish Post she spent 4,000 pounds to look like Captain Jack Sparrow, Johnny Depp's character in the film. That's right. Yes, we were blown away by how much she did.

I remember that. Wow. And now it just ended in a year. Well, like, so, okay, again. Well, again, this is why you don't lie to your partner. She dressed up like Jack Sparrow, and this pirate went to go marry her because he was like, Jack Sparrow. I love Jack Sparrow.

And then she was like, I wasn't Jack. It's me. And he was like, what the hell? And so they spent a year fighting. Oh, I get it. I get it. It's a. Be yourself is the moral here. Yeah, just be yourself, honestly.

I mean, she even tried to spend all this money, get to know him better. But like, it's already dead. Yeah, he was in it for Jack Sparrow. He wasn't in it for you. You know what? She could have found a pirate who wanted to be with her. But she said he was in it for Jack Sparrow. He wasn't in it for you. You know what? She could have found a pirate who wanted to be with her, but she said she wanted to go for Jack. Yeah.

And she faked her way. And you know what? At the end of the day, you can't fake it. You can't make it. I can't. Wait. I'll explain. Okay.

She now lives in Belfast and announced in October she was asexual, adding, I always knew from a young age I was different. I grew up in a small village in Ireland and sexuality was taboo. Anything that was not heterosexual was never discussed. Amanda Sparrow spent thousands of pounds changing into her idol, Jack Sparrow. There she is. She actually does look like Jack Sparrow.

That's what I'm saying. She looks like Jack. Yeah. And she met him in 2014, Ghost Jack, who appeared beside her when she laid in bed. Damn, dude. Go on. Go on. Where does that part go?

Then she just said she married him. She wanted a big traditional wedding with white dress. It was very important to me. All right. Well, you know, I mean, look, some people are crazy, right? I mean look Some people are crazy right I mean some people are just crazy And it's okay it's okay that she's crazy And that she married a ghost And that she dresses like Jack Sparrow

And changed her last name to Sparrow That's fine that's fine Yeah I mean That's all I got Alright well that I mean that was a lot That's it for us Thank you so much for listening or watching

If you're on the tubes But Crandor hit up the socials I'll tell you what I want Oh sorry Hey we're on Spotify now Find us on Spotify Just search Cox and Crandor and it'll be there It's true I think so hold on let me try Spotify now. Find us on Spotify. Take a huge search Cox and Crandor and it'll be there.

It's true. I think so. Hold on. Let me try. 100%. Go to Spotify. Cox and Crandor. We're right there. I'm going to do it. Everyone do it with me. Spotify. Search. Artist, songs, or podcast. Cox. And. Crandor.

Hey, there it is. Wow. Look at that. And I can click on it. This is like one of those weird promotional things where they're like, Wow, how do I open up the game thing and go to my loot crate thing, Stacy? And she's like, well, it's a skull hair and you can spend your EA coins on buying loot crates. I can just open my Spotify and watch all my favorite Cox and Crendor's right here on my phone in the car wherever I am. This is amazing.

Wow. I can use their promo codes for all their sponsorships. Sorry. I like that. I thought you called it a sloot crate. And now I want to make a box called a sloot crate. What's inside a sloot crate? Whatever the hell a sloot is.

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Talks in Cran-tor podcast. That was bad. All right. Goodbye, everybody. We'll see you next time. And as always, get me out of here. Should we continue? Get me out of here. We continue.