Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 179 - Top 7 Crendor Deep Thoughts (Number 3 Will Surprise You!)

Episode Date: January 7, 2019

The boys are back again and this time with click bait! Crendor "blesses" the world with his deepest thoughts, while also taking time to complain about awards shows. Meanwhile a man throws a pizza at his dad and a guy buys a dead fish for three million dollars. All just another average run of the mill episode of Cox n' Crendor! Get 15% off your first pair of MeUndies plus free shipping at http://meundies.com/crendor Robinhood is giving listeners a free stock at http://crendor.robinhood.com

Today's episode is brought to you by me, Undies! I'm wearing them right now. A lot of you are wearing them right now. You've been telling me. We'll talk about it later. Also, we're brought to you by Robinhood. If you are finally interested in jumping into the stock market, we jumped in. Crandor and I have jumped in. We're in. Yes, we're in. Yeah, if you want stocks or bonds, options, cryptos,

oh my god, we got news for yous. But first, let's jump into this podcast. Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studio. Recorded. Hello everybody, welcome back to another episode of Cards and Crypto in the morning. Oh no, I feel like I was supposed to do something.

What do you mean? Wait, like in your life? Oh, no, I feel like I was supposed to do something. What do you mean? Wait, like in your life? That was the thing over the last episode where at the start of the next episode, we're going to do this. And I forgot what that was. Oh, yeah. No, I forgot it too, so it's okay.

I did have the fun of listening. So the last episode, I just put together and uploaded because we didn't have a lot of time. And apparently at some point, it's like 30 minutes in or so, I guess your mic must cut out or something happened. But it sounds like I'm just sitting there going like, uh-huh. Yep. It sounds like awkward silence. And someone was like, what's with the awkward silence at 30 minutes in?

And I was like, uh, what? So it sounds really funny. And now I feel bad Because I just gave it away I should have just let people think That it was in fact me just being like So uh Cool Well uh

Was it uh I think it was deep thoughts with Krendor Was that it? I don't know Oh you were supposed to have a deep thought Yeah Oh god I'm not even prepared I don't know. I don't know. Was it with a deep thought? Oh, you were supposed to have a deep thought. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, oh God, I'm not even prepared.

That's where your deepest thoughts come from. Uh, all right. Here's a, here's a deep thought. Why is it that we think about things in life that are so not important, but so important at the same time what think about it i i don't know that i'm able to i tried i tried to wrap my head around that conundrum and i have no clue what the hell you said all right really okay this is why it's a deep thought now think about it okay so why do we think about things that are so not important yet are important to us all right so say you're standing in a grocery store in line right you want to get checked out as fast as possible and

you're like oh my god i'm waiting i gotta get out of here you know and then you're like okay come on here we go and then finally you get checked out of the grocery store and you're like all right i'm good like that wasn't a very important thing but in that moment it was very important that you got out of there fast now you're out of there you got nothing else to do you could have waited in line for another 20 minutes it's perceptions man it's about your perception of reality in that moment that was your reality and that's what you needed to do and now that you're out of it man think about what happens when you're outside reality what are you gonna do you don't know what to do it's just like that man oh my god that's even deeper than i was going wowie yep yep uh speaking of deep thoughts not really a deep thought but uh over the new year

went to new year's party, got very drunk. And at one point, I think someone recorded it. Hopefully you'll never see the light of day. But I was sitting on the couch and I just was in a drunken haze where I thought, I think it might have been an out of body experience. Where I thought I was at a restaurant eating a hot dog. And so there's a video of me trying to eat an invisible hot dog. It is really bizarre. I'm just sitting there.

But my mouth is just like, no. Like trying to eat a hot dog. And people were just like cracking up. And I was like, well, that is something I've done now. I don't know why. I don't know. I was just like in a really good mood. And I was so just like happy with life. And I was just zoning.

And then I just thought there was a hot dog nearby. It was like, it looks good. I kept trying to bite an invisible hot dog. Again, it's perception. Yeah, maybe there was hot. Maybe I was in a different reality at a diner eating a hot dog. It's very possible. Yeah. And you just had that memory, that

moment, but it wasn't in this reality. But it was in a reality and thus it was real. To me, it was real at the time until I snapped out of it and realized what craziness was going on, but it was real when it was happening. Oh my God, just in the grocery store, when you get out of it, there's nothing going on.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Welcome. Whoa. Whoa. Welcome to 2019. You're not getting out without having your mind blown. By the way, you know what's a really bad program? The Golden Globes.

I don't watch any award shows. Even the video game awards, when they had those, I was just watching it for trailers for new stuff. I think award shows in general, even awards are great. And if you're nominated for an award or if you're going to get award, it feels really awesome to be acknowledged. And for you in the room, what a great thing.

I congratulations to everyone involved for everyone else in the world. Why do you care? Yeah. Who cares? Who cares? If someone wins an award for being a better actor than someone else? Maybe the people in the room. God bless them.

I hope they have a great night. Everyone else, live your own damn life. You've got more important stuff to do. Like, even if this podcast was up for an award of, like, worst podcast of the year. All right. And we managed to. Oh, I would go. I would go to that award show, but I would tell everyone not to watch.

The thing is, even if we won, nothing changes. We just keep doing what we're doing, but we just got some sort of acknowledgement. That's all. Oh, something does change because then we can put in front of our podcast the award-winning Cogs and Grimdor. And at that point. That's very true. We're top of the heat, baby.

All right. I take that back. That's very true. Take it all back. Yeah. No, there's awards are fine i think awards are great everyone should win an award in their life it makes it feel like a million bucks an award but an award but but but i don't understand why everyone gets all excited like oh it's the oscars i can't wait at least with the tony awards to get like a musical number every now and again. It's like a fun song and dance show.

Everything else is just, here is a 20 second clip from a movie and now the winner of an award and some like jokes and then a person who rambles on too long and then like, oh, they're just like us. Who cares? Who cares?

Yeah. It's, I don't know. I think some of it's probably tradition. Like they watch it every year. So they're like, it's uh i don't know i think some of it's probably tradition like they watch it every year so like it's on again so that's that just makes them feel good but i think uh they're all they're all just bad like it came on and i legit thought it was like an amateur comedy hour like the jokes are so bad they're just like there's one thing i don't like it's people that don't laugh at jokes and then like nobody laughs and they're like look come on like oh my god is this actually like a highly produced top hollywood tier thing uh it's just

yeah i just uh i think orange shows are dumb don't like them, and they're dumb. Actually, which is the one for movies? Is that the Oscars? Well, yeah. So there's the Golden Globes. There's the Academy Awards and the Emmys and Oscars. I don't know what the difference is. SAG Awards.

Truly, there's no difference. It's just different people voting in different things, and it's a different trophy, basically. But at the end of the day, it's still best actor. And a lot of the times, the person who wins the best actor on one thing is going to win it on something else. But the ones that pissed me off the most, and they did this at the Game Awards this year,

which was like, best art direction, best acting, best director, best everything goes to one thing, and then best movie of the year, best game, or whatever, goes to something completely different. And you're like, what? Yeah. You can't say everything in this game was amazing, but then give it to someone else. That's stupid.

You might as well just give it all of them at that point. Yeah, it's pretty dumb. Oh, the Oscars are the Academy Awards. Right, right. And they win an Oscar. And then there are the Emmys, which are like everything. So it's like TV, movies, that kind of thing. Grammys are music.

Right. Okay. And those I will not want. You know what? Actually, every once in a while I'll tune in to the Grammys because they've done some really phenomenal things, but 90% of it's Garbo Town. Yeah. That one where they had, man, what was it? The year they had, I think it was Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons.

That was fantastic. I think it was Daft Punk and Stevie Wonder was that year as well. There's a lot of cool stuff. Yeah. But most of it I just could care less. And most of it's loud and overproduced and garbage. Yeah. Then there's like Country Music Awards, the American Music Awards.

Oh, yeah, those. MTV Awards. MTV is – there's just a lot of awards. Everyone wants to have a night where people just give away stuff to get celebrities to show up. That's what it is. Get a celebrity to show up at your event on your channel. The show.

Yeah, that really is all it is. That's kind of why I want to do the award show. Yes. I want to do an award show called The Coxies where it's me standing erect on two giant globes. I get it. And then I'll be on the, I'll be at the like analyst table and I'll just give deep thoughts.

Yeah. No. When, when people come up, they don't give a speech. You give a speech for them. Oh my God. Yes.

They come up to get an award. If you stand there while you give a speech for them, they just stand beside you. I'm very grateful for this award. It took a lot of hard work. A lot of effort went into it. Most of all, I'd like to thank my family for putting up with me, my friends

for just motivating me, and the big man upstairs, Timbo. He's a great lighting guy. He always gets my best angle. And, you know I did what I did thank you very much That'd be it for like every single person Every single one that should be it

You're just the stand in for everyone We invited who just didn't show Because no one's coming to that thing no one No they're not no one's showing up to that So you're just gonna stand in and we'll put you in different Wigs every time That'd be great I'd love it That sounds like a great we need to do that So you're going to stand in, and we'll put you in different wigs every time. That'd be great.

I'd love it. That sounds like a great idea. We need to do that. 2019 is the year of the first annual Coxies. We need to make it happen. Yes. Make it happen. Now that'll be a show. So, yeah, that's the award shows, man.

Hoof. Ah. Hoof. Hoof. Ah. I don't know. What else did you do this week? Man, what else to do this week Man what did I do this week

I did a whole bunch of nothing It felt really good I'm trying to think I didn't go anywhere I didn't really do anything I kind of just sat around I worked a bunch But I sat around

Oh I watched a bunch of movies Like a ton of movies As part of my sitting around i watched bird box did we talk about this last week i watched bird box i don't think so i've heard about bird box and everyone doing the bird box challenge well that's stupid i wouldn't do that because the movie made it look terrifyingly awful um bird box yeah let's see i'm fascinated by bird box because of the mythos of it. I think the movie was all right.

But, like, the premise is that when people see the thing, and I'm not going to spoil nothing, they, like, go crazy and kill themselves. So, like, you want to cover your eyes. You don't want to look at shit. Yeah. And every time one of the people sees something, they always are just like, it's beautiful. And then they kill themselves. And I'm like, what are they seeing? And that's all. At the end of the movie, I'm like, what are they seeing? And that's all.

At the end of the movie, I'm just like, I want to know what people are seeing the entire time. Because every time they see something, they're like, yes, mother, of course. And then they kill themselves. I'm like, what is happening? I want to know more. I want to know what people see. And you get like a little hint of it in the movie. There's definitely a character that comes along where you're like, oh, I think I kind of understand.

But I don't really. And I want to know more. Because that was fascinating to me. The movie was like, meh. But the mythos behind it, I was watching the entire time like, what is it? Yeah. So. It's, okay, here's my problem.

The fact that Netflix has to be like hey everybody Please do not hurt yourselves with the bird box challenge Blindfolding yourself can be dangerous like listen well have you been to the to the? Cleaning aisle of your grocery score score your gross. Let's go. What is happening to me? If you go to a grocery store go go to the cleaning aisle, go look at Tide Pods. It specifically in big bold letters says do

not eat. Not for consumption. Yeah, that's true. So like idiots be idiots. Yeah. It's sad. It makes you really

ponder the fact that like wow, there are people out there that actually will blindfold themselves, eat Tide Pods and like plank. This is that kind of thing where you watch a video, I don't know, 10 years ago of an idiot on the internet sticking a firework up his ass trying to light it, and cut to

this day, people are still doing it. You think people would have learned? Nope. They probably saw that video, and unlike us, we were like, oh, I would never do that. That looks stupid. They're like, we gotta do that. That looks stupid. They're like, we got to do that. No, no. And now it's become a thing where you do it for the video views, right?

Like 24 hour bird box challenge. Guys. All right. What's up? It's me, Jennifer Jen. I'm out here. I'm going to be doing the 24 hour bird box challenge. You can check it out at our favorite sponsorship link below the stream. We've been challenged by them to go out here

and promote the 24 hour bird box challenge. Use our sponsorship link, click that subscribe button, click that bell, and we're going to get going right here, right now. And then they just walk around with a blindfold as somebody like guides them. That is the realist, most accurate description of a modern day YouTube video I have ever heard. Down to the ad. Unbelievable. Who would do sponsorships

for their content? This is unreal. I had to stand up for it. Our sponsors are far better than the shitty ones though. That the thing right yeah nobody wants to have be sponsored by let's see who's this bird box box right it's like a box box yeah bird box box like you get a box like a loot crate box there's just a dead bird in it all right that but you know what they probably paid him like two hundred thousand dollars yeah no one pays us to i'd you know what

i'd promote a i'd promote a thing for $200,000. I'd promote BirdBotBox for $200,000. All right. Maybe you picked the wrong thing to shit on. I'd promote that for $200,000. I'd be like, hey, kids, you know what's better than a bird? A bird in a box. You'll want this.

You'll never lose track of your bird. It's in a box. Shit, dude. You know what? Yeah. What are you going to do? But. Hey, let's go and click bait it.

Bird box fails compilation. The worst bird box challenge fails. I am going to. We need to come up with a click baiting name for this episode. All right. Okay. Okay. Something bird box.

What else? Golden Globes. Top seven. Crend okay. Something bird box. What else? Golden Globes. Top seven Crendor deep thoughts. Top seven Crendor deep thoughts. Number three will surprise you. All right. Well, I already did one. All right. Here's another one. Okay, number two. Okay, number two. Bird box. What's in the box? Birds.

How do you know? Because they open the box and there's birds in it. Are there? Yeah, the birds know when evil's coming. Yeah, but what about when the birds leave the box? They don't. How do you know? Because they keep the lid on.

They can't open the lid? I mean, they open it, but only a little bit. Yeah, but what about before the birds got in the box? Have they always been in the box? No. Exactly. Okay, that's number two. That's number two.

Number three. Well, hi, gang. Hello. Well, for some reason, my recording just stopped and so midway between us doing our uh crendor deep thoughts it just died so yeah crendor can you remember any of the deep thoughts you just said um all right number three what is what was number three ah shit number three all right um we had a lot we got to like we did a whole show basically and it's all lost it's lost to the ether uh well that's not true i actually have my audio so hold on here let me listen to your own audio yeah coxy crendo one i rendered it all right let me get

to deep thought three okay about 20 minute i would love to know i love to know when you hear yourself saying your own deep thoughts what goes through your mind because they were crazy they were crazy did we talk about bird box challenge fails we did talk about Bird Box Challenge fails. Oh, man. We talked about smells. I don't think that was... I don't remember. I don't remember what we've done or haven't done. This is so derailed at this point.

We are literally off the tracks. We're off the tracks. We're going over the cliff. We're holding on to each other because we're going down together. This entire podcast is a failure. A failure. There are podcast is a failure. A failure. There are so many good moments.

So many good ones. This is going to be one of the best podcasts we've ever done. Ruined. Ruined. Well, let me tell you right now. All right. I don't think we talked about the candles because those are like 20 minutes. So I'm going to tell you a deep thought about a candle. Okay.

What? Okay. I guess we'll have to come back to these. know what here's the thing number three will surprise you No, it's already surprised me. It's surprising. It's a prize. We get the three wow this is this was both a clickbait And a good reveal Genius genius is what we are we are geniuses Aside from the fact that we wasted 27 minutes of our life well yes it's gone forever now it's a good talk you know we had a great talk about

the inner workings of your mind yep um no one will hear it but it was fun i don't even think i had a deep thought at number three or did i it was a candle i just brought up how some candles are like other candles no you said that they reuse candle candle I just brought up how some candles are like other candles No, you said that they reuse candle sense don't say some candles are like other candles You said you said that they use the same summer sense that they do in winter And I was like that is insane all right that is not true anyone that works at like Yankee candle candle factories That's not true, all those candles. Or if you make candles, okay?

They do not. Are you telling me there is a gingerbread scented candle in the summertime that's called, like, Summer Breeze? That's not true. No. Okay? There's some that are strictly seasonal. But some of them, like, okay, candles like called Beautiful Day in the spring. All right?

Like, okay, Beautiful Day. Okay, beautiful day. They take that scent. They reuse it in the fall or some other season, and it's called like Christmas dreams. I'm telling you. I don't believe this for a minute. Not a minute. I've went to candle places. I've smelled their candles.

Don't believe it. Don't believe it. Anybody, back me up here, comments. Okay. Anybody. Literally anybody back him up. I believe it. Don't believe it. Anybody, back me up here, comments. Okay? Anybody. Literally anybody back him up. I know it. I trust my sense because my sense and my senses are some of the strongest around.

Oh, yeah. And then I mentioned that the scent of dish detergent, dish soap arouses me. You know, if we got to bring people back into the conversation i also gave that point where i don't know why but i think that's why i want to go to japan have like soaped up women rub on me because i have it's just like us explaining conversation we already had this entire episode the rest of this episode is like that tenacious d song we're just explaining the greatest episode that ever was to people who missed it oh wait, wait. And then I talked about how there's a candle, right, that when I smelled it, it brought back memories. And the memories that got brought back to me, it was like Burning Crusade, Gruul's Lair.

You were like, oh, that doesn't make sense. Smell memories are the strongest memories. And I was like, yes, they are. And then I looked it up on the internet, and the internet proved it right. Sure. Okay. Now what's next? What was number four?

Um, ah, shit. Was number four when you said, why is it called wood if it comes from a tree? Was that that one? Was that four? Oh, that might have been four, yeah. And we looked it up. I can't find this. Why is wood a part of a tree?

Clearly it is because there's the bark and then there's the wood and there's branches. But like, isn't it called timber? What's the difference? How does this all work? We tried to look it up and everything was just like, why is it called morning wood? That didn't help anyone. The internet was totally useless. Oh my God.

I left out my good joke about dish detergent. What? Okay. Remember the guy we talked about like two weeks ago where he put jelly all over his body and maple syrup? Yes, and you said that would be me. I said that would be you. Dish detergent. That was such a good joke.

Yeah, it's gone now. No one's ever going to hear it. This is actually the worst. This is the worst thing. It's the best joke in the world. All right. Then the next one was, if a bottle cap falls in the woods, does it make a sound? Yes.

The answer is yes, because someone has to be there to open whatever the bottle cap is on. Yeah, but. But what? You can't, bottle caps just don't appear. First off, you don't know that. Second off. I do know that. Where are we from then, man?

Did we just not appear? We're not bottle caps. What are you talking about? What? I got a thing of shrimp from the grocery store. It's like four bucks. Like a shrimp cocktail. Sure, bucks. Like a shrimp cocktail. Sure, yeah.

I like shrimp cocktail. I'm not going to lie. It's a good before meal thing. It's a good snack. You know what? If you like shrimp cocktail, I should take you. We should go to Indiana. There's a place in Indianapolis.

What? It's a steakhouse. I can't remember the name of it. It's right downtown, but they serve a shrimp cocktail, and the cocktail sauce is like 90% horseradish. It will blow your brain out, your ears. It's so good, but it makes you like, when it hits you, you're like, yo! It is amazing. It's so good.

Yo! Yo! Yeah. It is amazing. It's so good. Yeah, it definitely will make your head go like, whoa, what the what? Yeah. All right. Where did I leave off? I don't know. I don't know where we're at anymore. I don't know what's going on.

This is like one of those, oh, yeah, and then that episode we did. It was just so good. Yeah, we've totally screwed the pooch on this. Mostly my fault. Almost, okay, almost entirely my fault. But whatever. Time to move on. Time to move past this, Crandor.

Oh, my God. I brought up the Emperor from Star Wars. You did. You did. And then we brought up Yoda. And now, look, we can't talk. We're just making it. People are going to be so jealous they missed the best the best podcast ever ironic ironic ironic ironic couldn't save himself um

yeah I watched that on loop for like 10 minutes ironic all right. What are your other ones? We have to get through this because we have to get back to new content. We have to get back to talking about new stuff. We can't rehash the past forever. Let's see. Hold on. Let me speed through his deep thoughts. What was six?

Oh, yeah. One was why are we? Yes, you did ask why are we, and I told you to stop being Yoda because that is where it came from. Oh, my God. Yeah. Why are we? And again, that's a crazy. What do you mean?

Why are we? What does that mean? Why are we? Why are we what? It doesn't have to be a what at the end of it. Asking the question, why are we? Why are we? The question you're asking is, why

are, like, us together? Why are we? No. Yes! No. I think grammatically that's what you're asking. Why are we? Right! Why are we? We is the combination of people. We is perception.

What are you talking about? I've got a movie idea. Oh, God damn it. Yeah? We're going to call it Why Are We? Uh-huh. And the whole movie is going to be like David Lynch-esque.

And it's going to be these people going around. And they're just going to be asking people, why are we? And some people are going to have like mental breakdowns. They're going to go crazy. Some people are going to put blindfolds on and try to do the why are we challenge the why are we challenge would be great um i think it'd be a good movie it would definitely win some awards is is that it is that our our list i think we got one more you know i'll just boil up a new deep thought i mean it's not like they're that hard to bring up. Sure. Yeah. Give me a new one.

What is this? All right. New content. We're back at it now. Now we're back at it. All right. Every day. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Every day is just another day that some of us appreciate and some of us regurgitate. What? Think about it. No. No. enough of this think about it shit you can't just say that and then it makes sense you just said what you just said was some of us appreciate days and some of us regurgitate days what does that mean do you know what regurgitate means it means like if there's something in your like you ate and then you regurgitate it, like you give it back through your mouth hole. Exactly. All right.

Now think about that all together. Some people appreciate days and some people puke days back up. What does that mean? How do you not know what it means? I'm not sure you do. I do. It's about taking in your environment. Not regurgitating it.

Does it make any sense? Stop acting like this makes sense. Stop acting like what you just said. All right. Somebody knows who I met. Hey, you out there. High five. You got it.

I'm telling you. All right. It's not that hard to break down. Nobody knows what you meant. Nobody has a clue. Somebody does. Nobody. I know telling you. All right. It's not that hard to break down. Nobody knows what you meant. Nobody has a clue. Somebody does. Nobody. I know one person out there does.

That person's a crazy person. That person is in an asylum right now along a padded wall like, I get what Quendor's saying. They're probably eating a shrimp cocktail. Probably. It is shrimp cocktail. Probably. It is shrimp cocktail day at the asylum. That's true. That's true. Oh, yeah.

I've eaten that good in years. Speaking of comfy places to be confined in, your butt should be confined in me and me undies. Dude, a third of the asylum made out of me undies? Dude, a third of the style is made out of me undies. That'd be a bunch of people trying to go. Yeah, I'd be trying to get in. Hey, it's 2019. It's the start of a new year.

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And what's so great about it is that they don't charge you a commission. Other brokerages out there are like $10 for every trade. Robinhood, nothing. Give to the poor, steal from the rich. You keep all the profits. Mamma mia. It's super easy to use. You can make like a trade in four taps on your smartphone, basically. It is really easy to see what stocks you have, see sort of what's going on behind the scenes.

You're basically learning by doing. You learn how to invest, how to build your portfolio, discover new stocks, track favorite companies. That's pretty much what I've been doing. Crendor, I know you've been using this. I have, actually. I started using it about a year ago because a friend of mine was like, hey, you should try playing stock market. And I was like, I don't know how to do that. And he's like, it's a cool app, Robinhood. You just do it through that.

And I was like, all right. And I was like, wow, this actually is really easy to do. If I can do it, I highly believe you can do it. This is a man who literally just said, why are we? If he can do this, you can do it too. Yeah. And I'll say this right now. We're not allowed to give you stock tips, but they always say buy low, sell high. And the market is low right now, y'all.

So if there was ever a time to get in, now is the time. Market is low right now, y'all. So if there was ever a time to get in, now is the time. Robinhood is giving listeners a free stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help you build your portfolio. Your fortfolio. It could be like a fort if you make it strong enough. Sign up at crendor.robinhood.com. That's crendor.robinhood.com.

Crendor.robinhood.com. Crendor.Robinhood.com. Yep, that's crazy. All right, well, Crendor, what is going on with traffic? Let's go to Crendor. What did I just say? Crendor. What's going on, traffic? How's it going out there?

It's going all right, Crendor. That's good. Hey, keep your eyes on the road. Oh, no! Looks like there's cars swerving all over. Somebody wants to keep their eyes on the road. Oh, jeez. Again, watch out for that one on the 408. That's going to be a big goof right there. Oh, they're skidding along the side of the road. I don't know how they haven't fallen off yet. You know, people are getting back to work, back to school, into their routine. We're into the dead of winter. It's pretty dead out there. But slowly but surely, days get lighter, days get brighter, days get warmer. And before you know it, we'll be back to good old-fashioned spring and summer. So keep your head up and power through.

Back to you. Okay. Let's go over to Crenner at the weather desk. How's that weather? Weather. Here we go. We got a eight, four, three, five, six. Nothing.

All right. Let's go to P-A-L Las Palmas, Spain. Ooh. Haven't we been to Las Palmas before? Dude, I think we have. Oh, my God. This is just like Bird Box. It's just like Bird Box.

Get your box of birds. Today in Las Palmas, Spain, 63 degrees. Feels like 63 degrees. UV index zero tonight. Spain is doing way better than you are. Yeah. Here in Chicago, it's like 50s. But, I mean, normally it's like 30s around this time of year.

So, I'll take it. So, technically, yeah, you're doing almost as good as Spain. Yeah. Hey, I'll take it. Yeah, all right. Let's see. 68 degrees tomorrow. 68 degrees the next day.

69, 67, 66, 67, 68, 67. Damn, that's consistency. If there's one thing the Spanish people are, it's consistent. Consistent and room temperature. That's so weird. I like my Spaniards how I like my weather. Consistent and

room temperature. Well, also, the northeast is going to be seeing a lot of snow by late Monday night it appears. The system will bring snow or wintry mix, sleet and freezing rain. Oh, you don't want that wintry mix.

The wintry mix, it's one of the candles that comes back in spring as summertime sadness. Yep, that's the candle. Some people like that candle smell. Personally, I don't. I, it's one of the candles that comes back in spring as summertime sadness. Yeah, some people like that candle smell. Personally, I don't. I think it's a little too strong. Right. But what are you going to do?

And that's weather. All right, let's talk sports. Sports. Hey, welcome back to Sports Desk. I ate my shrimp cocktail. It's made the rounds around the office. Yo, playoff football happened today. Yeah? And you're not going to believe what happened.

What happened? You're not going to believe it. Are you trying to look it up right now? Okay, I got it. The Colts beat the Texans. It was pretty sad. Colts were up 21-0 by the end of the first quarter, and then the game was over. I was eating some pho today. It was pretty sad. Colts were up 21-0 by the end of the first quarter, and then the game was over.

I was eating some pho today. It was on TV. And people in the restaurant were like, oh, yeah! They were losing their minds. It was great. Chargers beat the Ravens. Yo, that's what I'm talking about. Get screwed, Ravens.

I actually thought the Ravens were going to be a big-time contender, but they were a big-time pretender. Pretty sad. Got them. And then the Cowboys beat the Seahawks in which was a really weird ending. Boo, Cowboys! Boo! Well, I actually don't like either of those

teams, so I didn't care who won. But I did pick the Cowboys, so I was happier. Out of all the two teams to play it's like when alien and predator fight you really don't want to root for either one but you know there's the seahawks fans like criptodora you hate seahawks there's so many seahawks fans in la and i'm like we have two teams here now how are you how are you still seahawks fan deluxe bro um yeah seahawks packers rivalry goes way back at this point.

Not a big fan of them because of that. Let's see. Eagles-Bears was kind of a crazy game. I watched the whole thing. Eagles won because the Bears kicker hit the post on a last-second field goal that would have won the game. And the ironic part. Ironic. Was that there was a game earlier in the season.

He hit the post four times in a game. Final week of the season, he hit the post. I believe there was another game he hit the post. And then today, when it really mattered, he hit the post. So, really. Looks like next season he'll be hitting the curb. Oh. So, yeah.

Eagles continue on. They're hot. They've won four in a row. Nick Foles, magic. I'm all aboard the Nick Foles train. Let's go, Eagles, riding high. They take on the Saints next week. Cowboys take on the Rams.

Chargers, Patriots, and Colts, chiefs. Boo, Patriots. Everyone needs to boo the Patriots. I don't think anyone wants the Patriots aside from Patriots fans at this point. I hope, you know what, Patriots fans? I hope you're happy. I hope you are so happy with your perfect lives. I hope you're so happy.

Honestly, I'll take any of the other teams. Colts, Chiefs, Chargers, any of those teams. Literally any other team. It doesn't matter to me. Just someone beat the Patriots and I'll be okay. And then same thing in the East. I'll take anybody but the Cowboys Saints, Rams, Eagles

Watch it be Patriots, Cowboys now No, I would literally It might be the first time in years I just don't watch Super Bowl Like out of principle Just don't turn it on Just you know what? I'm out

I can't do this anymore Yeah But good Luckily for you and my predictions Patriots, Cowboys both lose this week So good predictions Good, solid can't do this anymore yeah uh but good luckily for you and my predictions uh patriots cowboys both lose this week so good predictions good solid go go gamble with those predictions solid predictions uh and that's sports all right grendel what is our big news story of the day big news story of the day uh well there's a couple that i found. One is a former manager of Dodd Aerospace Threat Program says, quote, UFOs are real.

Oh, shit. And the other one is someone bought this dead fish for $3 million. We do run the gamut today of terrible articles. All right. Yeah, I think we should do both. All right. Screw it. Here we go.

We'll start with the dead fish. All right. Yeah, I think we should do both. All right. Screw it. Here we go. We'll start with the dead fish. Of course. A 612-pound bluefin tuna sold for a record 333 million yen, which is $3 million, in the first auction of 2019 after Tokyo's fame. Wait, why? The winning bid, I don't know, the winning bid for the prized but threatened species of the pre-dawn auction Saturday was more than double the 2013 annual new year auction is paid by Kiyomura Corp, whose owner Kiyoshi Kimura runs the sushi Zanmai chain. Kimura has often won the annual auction in the past.

Japanese broadcaster NHK showed a beaming Kimura saying that he was surprised by the high price of the tuna this year. But he added, the quality of the tuna I bought is the best. Well, there you go. It's the top quality tuna. So this is just a dude who's like, I want the best tuna imaginable, and I'm a billionaire, so I'll pay through me. You know what? You start to wonder, at a certain point when you're a billionaire, does money really mean anything, right? Three million to you when you're a billionaire is like, whatever. I could buy it.

This is why when you talk to super rich people and they're like, it's like Arrested Development. Like, how much could a banana be? $10? Right? It's that kind of thing. But they just lose track of money. But a deep thought coming in. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Believe in something more. You know what? That sounds like a book. It probably is a book. Yeah, it's probably a book that's about, like, finding Jesus in everyday household items. That just sounds like it could be like,

Hey, I found Jesus. He's in the pantry. Hey, guys. I've been hiding out here for a while. That's what I was going for. It just came out. Uh-huh. Yeah.

All right. What I was actually going for was something about money being materialistic and not meaning a lot. Uh-huh. But it's another one of those where it means something, but it doesn't mean something you know

That's pretty much everything you say Everything you say means something But it doesn't mean something It means something when you're here But when you're not here it means nothing Is it a bird in a box We don't know Uh huh

What was I talking about? You were talking about this dude who bought fish The most expensive fish ever He bought a really expensive fish And then celebrations around the annual Pacific bluefin auction hides how deeply In trouble the species really is So it's a rare fish

It's dying off It's being turned This guy paid 3 million dollars to eat it It's basically what you're saying This rare fish that's wait, this guy paid $3 million to eat it. It's basically what you're saying. This rare fish that's dying off. This guy paid $3 million to eat one. Yeah.

Uh, Suzuki is due to be redeveloped though. For now it's being turned into a parking lot for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics. Yo, I've always wanted to go to Tokyo. What if I went for the Olympics? Shit, dude. It'd probably be more expensive. No, I wouldn't want to go for the Olympics because the Olympics is like everyone there is going to be super sexy and hot. I want to go and I want them to be like, oh,

there's no competition for you. Right? That's what I want to... What is the least attractive amount of people in Tokyo? What time of year do the ugliest people flock to Tokyo? And when should I go for that?

Typically in the summertime of June 14th or 17th is the sun fiesta hits in the dawn of the 14th west triangular 40 degrees longitude angle. Sure, sure. I'll keep that in mind. So that was

the fish story. That was a story, yeah. Um, sure. All right. I'll keep that in mind. So that was the fish story. That was a story, yeah. I'm a career. Where's my... Oh, yeah. UFOs are real. Okay. Hit me.

Hit me. This is it. Something extraordinary. Wait, this is from 2017? What? Oh, man. Here I thought we were about to find out some new information. This is just old information that is proven.

Where are the UFOs? Where are the UFOs? I got goofed. You got goofed? I got goofed hard, dude. What did this guy say? Hopefully he was like, By the year 2019, aliens will be among us. I just...

When I see that date, and like a brand new story that they're trying to promote as a new story it's just demoralizing so demoralizing it's not even new it's that's old news all right let's hop into the real news florida man arrested for throwing pizza at father after finding out his dad helped birth him what a florida man was arrested on thursday after he threw a pizza at his father because he was mad that his dad helped birth him when deputies arrived at the home what there robert houston 33 put his hands behind his back saying he knew deputies were going to take him to jail when the deputy asked why he thought he would be taken to jail he told him that he threw a pizza at his dad's face because he was mad that his dad helped give birth to him

Wait, what? According to Houston's father Houston was on the front porch when he got home waiting for pizza When the father went into the home Houston came inside and shoved the pizza in the father's face while holding him down in a chair and yelling The deputy located a pizza slice on the chair and chunks of pizza and sauce all over the area. Good job, detective. You nailed it.

Houston was arrested and charged with domestic battery. I don't... Wait, but... I don't understand why. I don't either. He was mad that his dad was... He was mad that his dad was involved with his birth? Yes.

How did he think that worked? I don't know. Okay. You would think they'd get some quotes in here, but they never do. Someone's got to talk to this kid. I need to know what was going through his head. What do you mean you were mad about your dad giving birth to you or helping give birth? What sparked that thought, too, to make him so mad he would shove the pizza in his face?

But why would you get mad at your father for that? Of all the things, why is that the thing you're mad at? Unless it's like an angsty thing where he's like, I wish I was never born. That's the only thing I could think of, right? But even even then now you're just wasting pizza and you're kind of an asshole yeah come on man i don't know what the hell's going on with that story the news once again letting us down yeah so it's like i don't know like did the pizza get delivered hold on No, no. Like, did the pizza get delivered?

Hold on. Like a delivery. No, it was DiGiorno. It's not delivery. It was DiGiorno. It's like, hey, is this delivery? He's like, no, it's DiGiorno. And he's like, you helped deliver me life.

Smash the pizza. Yeah, then he threw the... Yeah. Wow, we figured out that one out that yeah we figured it out all right well that's good okay well that's it for us thank you so much for listening or watching or however you're enjoying this podcast crendor head over to socials we have spotify.com slash cox and crendor well just search cox crendor on spotify we got youtube.com slash cox and crendor podcast we got youtube.com slash cox and crendor if you want the animations we have sound youtube.com slash Cox and Crendor podcast. We have youtube.com slash Cox and Crendor if you want the animations. We have soundcloud.com slash Cox and Crendor. We got...

Twitter.com says Jesse Cox and Crendor. We got... Don't go to Cox and Crendor. It's Jesse Cox and there's twitter.com slash Crendor. Separate entities. YouTube.com slash Crendor. YouTube.com says Jesse Cox. Twitter.com slash Crendor.

Twitter.com says Jesse Cox. Share this podcast. Watch the old Cox. Twitter.com says Jesse Cox. Share this podcast. Watch the old episodes. Click the links. Click the playlist. Click the sponsorship links. Buy the MeUndies. Buy the stuff.

Go check out the stock Robin Hood. Go check out Mama Mia's. Go check out the SpaghettiOs. We're not sponsored by SpaghettiOs. I don't actually want you to go check out SpaghettiOs because I don't think they're that good. And they come in a weird can. And I don't know if it's got like metal traces in it or something that can cause Alzheimer's. Yeah, I'm good.

All right. Well, that's it. Thank you so much. And as always, to be continued.