Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 180 - Jesse Goes To Ikea

Episode Date: January 21, 2019

The boys are back and this time they've got a few thoughts on what exactly being smart is all about. Also Crendor discovers how big Greenland actually is and the boys learn a valuable lesson about nostalgia. But let's not bury the lead - JESSE GOES TO IKEA!!!! All this and more on this super exciting very excellent episode of Cox n' Crendor! Get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription at http://calm.com/cox Get $100 of free delivery credits by downloading the Postmates app and using code: CRENDOR THE GIF LINK: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercator_projection

Today's episode is brought to you by Postmates. It's your personal food delivery, grocery delivery, whatever you can think of delivery service all year round. Oh, oh, it's so nice. Oh, it's so nice when they bring things to you and you don't even have to leave your house. So much delivery. Oh, so little time.

Also, today we're brought to you by Calm. Calm is the app for you. If you're like me and you just want to chill. I have been using this thing like crazy. I use it all the time, Crandor. You have no clue. It is pretty neat. It's pretty great. We will talk about that later as well.

Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Crandor. Ghost on Crandor in the morning. In the morning. Hello everybody, it's time for Kaxan Crendog! Kaxan Crendog in the morning! In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studio! Recording!

Wake your ass up! It's Kaxan Crendog in the morning! Kaxan Crendog in the morning! Hello, everybody. It's Tom with an exciting episode of Cacks and Crandar in the morning. Exciting? Maybe. Very exciting? No. Entertaining? Could be.

At least you're self-regulating expectations. You're correcting it, balancing it out. I like that. You got to correct it every once in a while. Thank you for that. Yeah, thank you for correcting everything. Yeah, everybody wants deep thoughts now at the start of this thing. All right, hit us with a deep thought.

I was not prepared for this at all. Well, I mean, I kind of just gave one, you know. You think about it, it's like it's an exciting episode. No, you can't get out of it that easy. You can't just say I said one already. Well, here's the thing. People like to use words that over-describe something. Like, dude, that was the best thing ever.

Was it, though? Was it really the best thing ever? Or was it just fun? Because it's okay if it was just fun. But the best thing ever? Well, I think maybe in the moment, it was like, you know, people can be prone to hyperbole. I think that's fine. I don't know about that.

Like, oh my God, that was the best. It might not have been the best, but like, you like it. Yeah, but it's like, no, that was the best. But then like, every week, you got something that's the best. Maybe it's the best that week. They don't say it's the best of... It's like if you ever go to a website and you want to see the most popular videos, and you're like, most popular video all time, this week, this month, right?

All right. If I say something's the best, then I could mean maybe it's the best today. That's true. I can appreciate that. But if they're going to say this is the best thing ever, then you're starting to push it. Well,, this is the best thing ever, then, you know, then you're starting to push it. Well, maybe it is the best thing ever. How do you know their life? How do you know?

Maybe it's not your best thing ever. Maybe it's their best thing ever. Well, that's a pretty low scale. Well, maybe some people are very low on that scale. All right. I mean, to each their own, but. Yeah, see? Maybe that's the real deep thought, to each their own.

Or maybe people just gotta learn more words. Maybe. Maybe. You're right. I think people just gotta learn more words. Star, just get that app that shows you a new word every day. Yeah, just think of other words besides best. The problem is whenever I get that app, it's like, today's word is beglargardin.

And I'm like, I'm not going to use this. You could. Like, man, this is a whole bunch of Blegarvgurden. Yeah, but I'm going to forget it. But I guess if you try to, like, what you got to do is you got to implement it. Yeah, it'll take that word and be like, you know what? I'm going to use it today. That's what you got to do.

Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blegarvgurden. Blagarvgavan. Blagarvgavan. Blagarvgavan. Blagarvgavan. Blagarvgavan. Oh, my God. Well, there's Ballygarvangah. Oh.

Ballygarvangah is a Gaelic Athletic Association based in County Cork, Ireland. What? That's where my family's from. Oh, my God.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Look at that. That is... That's really weird. The fact that I would say Blagargavan and then we'd lead you back to your heritage. You know what?

If anyone was going to say Blagargavan, it'd be someone from my family. One of my ancestors definitely was like, Blagargavan! Me by. I hate to hurt you. Yeah. Absolutely. It's so weird. That's a call to the past everything's connected man we're all connected oh my god twine throughout reality man so i've got like i was thinking about these nostalgic moments that i have and how a lot of them for what wait whoa whoa whoa time out time out time out before you say i was thinking about nostalgic moments give us one nostalgic moment what is to you a nostalgic moment so like i have one memory

and it's like not even a detailed memory i think that's what gets me is none of these are like big long story memories or anything it's just like i remember walking home from school uh it's high school i was walking home to play wow and i just walked past this yard and it was just like a bunch of trees with like the sun shining through them and that was it but i don't know if that's the right definition but i always it sounds like you just had a memory yeah but why that specific memory was i just like probably a beautiful thing it was probably a beautiful thing. It was like a peaceful, beautiful moment in your life. But would that be considered nostalgic? That's a great... The definition of nostalgia I always thought was like thinking back...

I mean, I guess it could be. Yeah. Now you make me look up the actual definition. It's just calling back on that. Sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations. So I get it. I think you're being very specific, right? I think nostalgia I always felt was more of a vibe than it was a specific moment.

Because you're like, I was walking home and I saw this thing, it was beautiful. because you're like, I was walking home and I saw this thing, it was beautiful. I think when you think of nostalgia, people think of, for example, sitting at home playing Nintendo, making, I don't know, cheesy pizza bites, and mom or dad coming home from work and you just hanging out with friends in the basement. That kind of nostalgia. Or when people think back to the 50s, and like, man, I remember the good old days when everything was hoity-toity and hootsy-tootsy,

and the world was a simpler place. I think the general idea is nostalgia is all made up in your head because it's the best moments you remember of a time, but it's all unachievable. Yeah. The feeling you had about the story is what I think the nostalgia is. You were just like, man, I remember that time. And like, I was going home to play WoW after school.

And it probably had literally nothing to do. That's true. You were just walking around, being a silly goose, just looking at the trees and the light. And you're like, man, that's beautiful. But you probably crendored it and you were like those trees are efficiently shading me from that light or whatever you would have said and then you went home and played well yeah that's like uh like how we talked about last week with smells right i get that with retail stores like office max office max always smells like mildew to me well i I've been to Office Max always smells terrible

Here's the thing, I've been to two Office Max That smell awful and I never went back I went to one Office Max that was okay And then this one Office Max that just had like the best Paper office smells And like just office supply smells I think I just relate it to organization And so I smell that and I'm like

Oh my god, organized I have that It's not with Office Max, but I have the same smell, sort of like, oh, I'm ready, pink berry. Pink berry smells like a swimming pool. Every pink berry smells like a swimming pool. And I don't know why. They clearly aren't using chlorine, I hope not. I don't know what the smell is, but it smells very hygienically clean.

I don't know what the smell is, but it smells very hygienically clean. I don't know what the word is. And so every time I go in one, for some reason I'm like, this smell really makes me want yogurt. I don't know why, but the smell gets me. And I'm like, yep, you know what? I will have a sample of that new Speculoos flavor. By the way, they have a Speculoos flavor now. Shout out to Figberry. You're changing lives.

Well, they pump stores full of smells. So I'm trying to figure out what the smell they're trying to Figberry. You're changing lives. Well, they pump stores full of smells. So I'm trying to figure out what the smell they're trying to go for. Maybe they're trying to make you think it's super clean in there. But I've never known pools to be super clean. But for some reason, I associate that smell maybe because of chlorine. And it's used to clean up pee water. I don't know. Maybe it's like a bleach chlorine.

I don't even think you can mix bleach and chlorine. Maybe it is bleach. Maybe it is like a bleachy smell. I don't know. Maybe it's like a bleach. I don't even think you can mix bleach and chlorine. Maybe it is like a bleachy smell. I don't know. It has a very, almost like you've gone into a hospital that serves soft serve. Yeah, because I know that too. Does the world think the same thing? No, there's nothing on it.

Pinkberry swimming pool. There's nothing. Maybe pinkberry smell. Pinkberry. Pinkberry. Smell.berry smell. Pinkberry smell. Pinkberry smells. I see a lot of those. I don't see any.

Why does pinkberry smell? Why do pinkberry... Oh! Did you see the Reddit question? Well, yes. Ask, why do pinkberry stores have an awful bleach toilet smell to them? My favorite answer is Lauren?

Is this Lauren? Mind you, no one is answering this Yeah, nobody answers No one's answering this People are like, what is pinkberry? And some guy's a frozen yogurt chain And the only actual reply is Lauren?

Lauren? This may be an unanswerable question. But everyone knows it, right? Yeah. Does anyone work there or did work there that know? We need to know. I should just go into one and be like, why does it smell? Maybe that's my assignment for next time.

Just go ask. Yeah, why does it smell like that in here? It doesn't offend me in any way but i just i'm like well i know what that smell is yeah time to go and eat yogurt it's like how abercrombie smells like like i always said it smells like spring and teenagers but that's what they're going for they're trying to bring the teenagers in to buy their spring clothes oh man i wonder if people in stores use pheromones. Oh, probably. Right?

Because for people who don't know, a while ago on the internet, shysty dudes were like, yeah, fellas, if you want to attract women, spray on pheromones. Don't spray on cologne. Cologne covers up your natural scent. Spray pheromones on and the women will come running. I think was a big scam people tried to do i don't know how it works i i don't know if you're gonna spray pheromones

on you i think it has to be like a natural thing i have no clue yeah but i wonder if the concept like of just being attracted to a thing that has to be distilled by science into getting people to because you know when you see green, the thing you associate with immediately is health. Yeah. Right? Like, everyone associates green with health, and red draws your attention,

and it usually means be aware of something, which is why we're all, like, everyone is very focused on red. Yeah. Stop signs. That's why people say that red cars get pulled over more than other cars, because not only do people who like to go fast and like to show off drive red cars more, but police notice the red cars more as well.

So it's one of those things where every color has a different thing associated to it. And clearly, sound is the same way and touch is the same. And I'm very curious if smell works that way too. And there's just people out there who are like, yes. A great example of touch. And touch is the same. And I'm very curious if smell works that way too. And there's just people out there who are like, yes. A great example of touch, the Doritos Locos Tacos at Taco Bell. There's a fascinating – it might have been a documentary. I don't remember where I saw this.

But it was the scientists making the taco shell. And they were like, okay, here's a Dorito, here's a taco shell. How do we make the taco shell like a Dorito? And so the first thing they did, of course, was just take Doritos and form them into a taco shell, which immediately was gross. It like melted, it fell apart. It's like, okay, it needs to not only have the taste of a Dorito, but it also has to have the ability to hold the meat and cheese and whatever. So then they had to recreate it, and they had to make it stronger and sturdier. And then they're like, okay, well, it kind of tastes like it, but we need it to look like it.

How do we make it look like a Dorito? So then they had to go and remake the dust, the Cheetos, or whatever the Doritos dust. And then, so it's all, like, scientifically made to make that damn taco kind of maybe like a Dorito. It's not even. If you ever have tried one of those, it's not really like it,

but it's as close as science could get. That's how crazy this stuff is when you think about it. That is some crazy shit. It's, uh, everything you get, like, see at a store or whatever, usually it's all that's how crazy this stuff is when you think about it that is some crazy shit it's uh everything you get like see at a store or whatever usually it's all thought out like i know disneyland spray smells uh absolutely yeah even just cat like cat he was going crazy we bought him a pheromone collar and he calmed down because uh toaster woman's mom was visiting and she has a cat. And so he smelled her cat.

So he was like freaking out. But we bought him the pheromone collar and then it calmed him down like 80%. It's science, man. I wish I had paid attention more. Science is pretty cool for people to understand it. Yeah. Yeah. I like that about that level of I get enough to know that I don't understand science. Yeah. That's how I am about math. I think that I'm at that level of I get enough to know that I don't understand science. Yeah.

That's how I am about math. I think that's real intelligence. I think real intelligence is knowing how much of an idiot you actually are. If you're one of those people who's like, I know everything. I don't need it. Like, I can just go on the internet, find out whatever I want. You're an idiot. Everyone knows you're an idiot.

We just don't want to have to tell you anymore. We're also at a point where, like, now there's too much information. Like, there wasn't enough information. Then there is like a good amount. And now we're hitting overload. Or that's the point where like somebody will be like, I read a study about this thing. And if you like go look at the study they read, it's like,

uh, we tested 10 rats on if they ate apples, if it got rid of their pneumonia and it did. So eat an apple, get rid of pneumonia. And they'll just be like, guys, did you know apples cure pneumonia? I've made an apple drink and I shoved it up. So eat an apple, get rid of pneumonia and they'll just be like, guys, did you know apples cure pneumonia?

I've made an apple drink and I shoved it up my ass for an enema. It's like, alright. And that's one of the crazy things is that studies, you have to look who funded the study too as well. Because sometimes you'll see, this is one of my favorite things, it's like, drinking more than two cups

of coffee a day can lead to cancer and then you'll see another study that's like, drinking four cups of coffee can lead to better health. And you're just like, wait, what? Time out. What? How is that possible? And then you'll see like one is funded by like the tea group. And the other one is funded by Folgers.

And you're like, oh, I see. Right? You just have to look where the money is. That's what's so funny about most studies is that all the people doing the studies, you don't necessarily have to be a scientist to do a study. We could do a study. We could do a study. You just have to have a sample population and then write up a paper.

Yeah. Right? I did studies when I was in grad school. We did studies all the time, and I would get results, and I'd take surveys. We did studies all the time, and I would get results, and I'd take surveys. And it doesn't mean it was – like, the method I used was scientific, but it doesn't mean what I did was, like, legit science. It was Jesse trying to get an A. That's what it was.

It's one of those things where, like, I'm sure most of these studies aren't even done by, like, qualified people. Or a lot of them get paid for it. I think that's what it was. A lot of them just make money for doing by qualified people, or a lot of them get paid for it. I think that's what it was. A lot of them just make money for doing studies, so they do a lot of them. You should trust the studies that are in a scientific journal. If it's in the Journal of Medicine, an actual, real, scientific

study, then yeah, that's probably a fascinating read. We won't understand a word of what's in it. We'll be like, I can probably trust those results, and they probably can be replicated in a lab setting where you can prove it again and again and again and again. But most of the studies we get be like, I can probably trust those results and they probably can be replicated in a lab setting where you can prove it again and again and again and again. But most of the studies we get are like, judo, if you cut up an apple and stick the seeds in your butthole, nine out of ten people will experience better digestion. On science.blogspot.com. Yeah.

Like, wait, what? Why? Give me reasons. Like, well, I tested on two of my friends. And then eight people said they did it. Yeah. It was fine. Yeah. It's, uh, it's I don't trust any of those things.

I just do what I want to do. And I'm like, well, whatever happens happens. i got no organs i got no digestion you are basically a half robot you're half cyborg i am once i get my robot parts i'm gonna be good to go i'm pumped i'm ready you will be pumped you'll be filled with pumps you're right it's gonna be good i can join the androids in the Great War. You know what? I would be, I'm willing to be a pet in that war.

I would join their side. I have no problem doing that. Dude, that's what we forgot. It's always been about the humans and the AI. What about the hybrids? Well, see, here's what I'm thinking. We'll have hybrids and cyborgs way before we have AI that's going to kill us. Because I feel like

once we figure out a way to create robots that look like people, we'll figure out a way to make those robot parts work with people. Because all we are at the end of the day is flesh machines, right? So if you can have a thing that moves, because we already have arms

and stuff where you use your brain to move them Which is fascinating watch those videos. Oh my god. We have glasses that can make people see color We have hearing aids for babies. We're getting there y'all science is cool I don't understand a damn bit of it, but science is cool. Yeah, I don't get how they do anything I mean even just my surgery like when I got my gallbladder out I know when my grandma got it out like the 70s they had to like cut her open and take it out now it's just like they have the super robot machine that like just does like a little like bloop and then they like pull it out and they're like yep you're good that's why when people were making fun of uh the video of like man they're

operating on a grape i was like you dummies that's the coolest thing in the world. Yeah, they're operating on a grape because that grape is like your skin. Like, them peeling eyeballs and like doing, that's a grape though, it's a food item. It's literally them peeling the skin off a grape to show you like, we didn't damage the grape. That's how

good they can get. Like when they did that surgery on a fly and people were like, why did they do surgery on a fly? Literally, the fly, it doesn't matter. The fly was just an example of how small they could get. And again, people think it's funny, but at the end of the day, after we laugh a little bit, it's like, oh, they put sunglasses

on a fly. That's like, that's amazing. That's amazing what we can do. Until you need an organ removed, and you're like, I don't want to be cut open. And then they're like, well, we can do it because we did it on a grape. And you're like, oh, my God, this is a miracle. Yeah, yeah, that'll stop you from whining.

Yeah. That's pretty neat. I like science. Can I tell you something? Okay. We buried the lead on this episode real quick. Yeah. I have an important announcement okay i went to ikea for the first time oh my god oh wait oh my god is that how they

do the claps i cannot believe that i don't know i'm far too old to. Oh, my God. Yeah. Maybe like that. It might be the clap, but after like, oh, right. Oh, my. No, you do it before. Oh, my God. Like that. All right. Tell me.

Yeah. So it went to the Carson, California, Ikea, which I don't know the difference between it and other Ikeas But It was a lot It was a lot I've never been into a store that was designed to be a maze I'm telling you There's a new experience every few steps

When you told me You're like I go to Ikea And I walk through all the different rooms And I do this thing And I was like What how can he spend so much time there How can he I now understand first off I was told this was a

Small Ikea so What I was told it wasn't one of the Bigger ones right It is it's a genuine maze you So you walk in and to your right Is this like receiving area And also leads to a restaurant or whatever it is. And then you go left and you take an escalator up like three escalators worth of stairs.

And then you go into this main thing that is literally just living rooms. Like micro living rooms. And there's a path. And you follow the path through And I assume you can buy everything There's even signs that are like Make this your living room for $700 I don't even know how to describe this

It's like you're trapped in a labyrinth Of furniture It is terrifying After a while I was like I don't know where I'm at I don't know what's going on in here All I want to do was try and find Like a, I don't know where I'm at. I don't know what's going on in here. All I want to do was try and find like a desk. And I don't know what the hell.

It was insane. It was insane. That's what it's all about. So I started walking through. And I start running into the same families I ran into earlier. So now I think I'm in a loop. And I don't know what's going on. Yeah, it was literally a labyrinth.

I was waiting for the Minotaur to show up. It was crazy. And then eventually you get to the end and it's like, all right, take these stairs down. So I took the stairs down. Another labyrinth. This time going back the other way. And I got through the housing stuff and now now I'm in bathrooms and children's rooms. I finally found the weird toys that we were looking at that one day.

Oh, yeah. And light fixtures and plumbing stuff and baking and cooking. Just walking through. Again, lost completely. There was an arrow that said exit. I followed it. It took me all the way back around to where I was didn't know what the hell was going on

finally managed to like got the stuff that we were looking for went downstairs saw this giant warehouse I was like what the hell is this and the guy there was like yeah so I look up what you need and then you go get it and then you go check out and I was like what

he's like yeah yeah so you go get it there's just pallets of boxes boxes and shelves and all and so I guess you had to the desk was two separate boxes in two separate locations I had to go to two separate locations get the boxes put them on this pallet go to the

checkout checkout now another like 50 minutes of sitting this maze of a checkout waiting for people to get out. It was insane. On the other end of the checkout, mind you, is the cafeteria area and all I smell is delicious food and I'm sitting there just like this sucks. This is the worst.

This is terrible. So, finally get through all this stuff, go out to the car. Oh, no, I'm wrong. Got through all this stuff. Had to go to a shipping counter because we were like, okay, what would it cost to ship this? Right. $59 is what it would cost. I was like, nah, to hell with that. It's just one thing.

Take it out to the car, try to get into the car, does not fit. It's too wide for the car. I'm like, oh, my God. So I was like, all right, what if I open up this one side and fold it back down? Cause it was like a curved desk. So clearly you don't need the full square, right? Because you can fold down a little bit and you just fit it in, open it up, try to get it in. Still wouldn't close. The door still wouldn't close. I was like, fine. So we take it back. Like we just ship it. We go back inside, we go to ship it. And they're like, sorry, sir, we can't ship it. You opened it. I'm like, okay, what do I have to do? Like right, take it back to the returns counter.

At the returns counter, tell them what's up. They'll give you a coupon. You go back, you get another one completely boxed. Bring it to us, we'll ship it. And I almost cried. I almost, I was literally, what I would have had to have done, mind you, take it to the returns, then go back through the labyrinth all the way down to that bottom floor, then wait in the line again for another 50 minutes to get back just for the glory of paying them another $59.

I was like, no, I'm good. I'll just take my refund and go. It was bad. So I left with no desk and four hours of time wasted. Nice, dude. That's the IKEA experience. It was too much for me. I was like, you know what?

I'm going to stick with like a home furnishing or like one of those uh ashley's home stores that's just like a box and you walk in and everything's just there on one floor and you're like all right i'm in i'm out let's go well the thing with ikea is you got to know what you want and you got to know if it's worth getting it there like uh there's some things that i would not buy from ikea and there's some things where i've like bought it be like okay like I bought my couch from Ikea years ago but I don't think I would buy another couch from Ikea yeah none of the couches

there looked like they were really comfortable couches well I guess pretty good I mean like if you live in Norway and you're used to snow and bears probably it's a very comfortable couch if you're in Sweden and everyone there is like a gorgeous blonde person that just lays on vanity seats and doesn't actually need couches then probably a comfortable couch yeah but if you're like a fat american

that you look at that couch you're like that isn't even padding that's my ass will fall through that shit yeah it's uh yeah like the the desk i got here is i used to have my ikea desk but then it started falling apart so i just went and bought like a quality desk so i mean like you know things you buy at ikea they're not the highest quality but they're cheap and you know yeah you just put it together and then you're like, hey. But some things you're like, you know what? I sit here all day. I might as well just get a good desk. So I did.

It definitely, it was an event. That's for sure. Yeah. I was just, I was not pleased with anything that happened. I was like, oh. How fun it is to just walk through there. You know what? If I wasn't looking for something and had time to just like goof off and look around,

I would enjoy, I enjoy probably enjoy it because i went through a lot of rooms i was like oh that's a lovely tchotchke whatever that whatever that is i would love one of those like that moved on quickly there's one game i played where when my friend nick was visiting we just sat in the room and we were like how long will it take for somebody to come into this room most people they walk by they see you in it and they're like oh that room's taken they keep walking and it took 20 minutes until this old polish couple came in and did not care who was in it because they were gonna look at it and he's just like very nice very nice very nice i wonder if you can step it up a minute like a little bit and both lay in a bed in one of those rooms yeah and then see how long it takes for someone to come in and if they do come in if they a little bit and both lay in a bed in one of those rooms. Yeah. And then

see how long it takes for someone to come in. And if they do come in, if they leave. Yes. They because that would have been the step up. If you were just laying there and you're just like, man, this bed's really comfortable. Yeah. I like laying next to you on this bed. I wonder if the old Polish couple still come in and be like, yes, yes. If it's good

for them, it's good for us. Look at these young people. Look at them laying in bed. It's just like me. I am young. I am spry. I lay in bed with you boys. They'd probably join you.

All right, time to go. Yeah. No, I'd be like, get on in here, old man. Let's do this. Oh, very nice. Is this a three-person bed? Let's find out. Get in here.

So there you go. That's the IKEA out. Get in here. There you go. That's the IKEA experience. I'm glad you finally experienced it. It definitely was a stressful moment in my life. I was a little stressed out. But, A, speaking of stress, you can fight everyday stress with the power of calm. Oh. That's right.

with the power of calm. Oh. That's right. A new year brings a new opportunity to reset and establish new habits for your happiest, healthiest self. Join a gym, eating better maybe, you know, the drill, the usual stuff, whatever. But the most important thing about your health isn't physical. It's mental. Mental health can weigh you down.

I know it because you actually get worse digestive systems when you worry about them. You gotta learn to just take it down a notch. Just take everything down a notch. And that's what I've done the last year, year and a half is I've just taken everything

and turned the switch down from 11 to 4 and I'm real chill about stuff now. And it feels good. I'm not going to lie. And Calm is totally helping me with that process. It is the number one app to help you sleep, meditate, and relax. I use it frequently. At least once a day.

Because they have a 10 minute sort of get good with yourself Calm thing. The last one I did, oh man, it was on not just being aware of yourself, but being aware of, of like your place in other people's lives and how you treat other people on a day to day basis. And it was like, it was nice because usually what it is, every one of the sort of daily things is, uh, the very nice young lady comes on and she's like, today we're going to talk about what it is, every one of the sort of daily things is the very nice young lady comes on. She's like, today we're going to talk about whatever it is you talk about. And then it's like a 10-minute thing where the first eight or so minutes are her just like, hey, let go.

Just let gravity hold your butt down. Sit in a chair. Close your eyes and just breathe and feel your breaths. And then she peaces out and then it's just like like waves in the background or whatever and then you just breathe and you feel your breaths and it sounds crazy it is super

comforting and effective and then she goes back on she like just talks to you for a little bit and she's like hey today we're going to be a better you and then boof you're done and it's super super effective I don't know how to describe it other than like I'll start the day super tired, and by the time I'm done with that 10 minutes, I'm like ready to go. And it sounds crazy because it makes it seem like you want to sleep, but you don't

because you're sitting there just like deep breath. Your oxygen is like making your body like, yeah, let's do this. It's great. And at night, they have sleep stories. Dude, one of them's Matthew McConaughey. And he's like... Matthew McConaughey is amazing. He's like, today, we're gonna be reading bad things.

And I listen to it. Bob Ross is on there too, which is the number one OG get you to sleep guy. There's music, breathing exercise, stretches up your body. The music's good. I listen to some of that music. Yeah, it's real chill.

I'm telling you. I'm telling you, you should check this out. It really will help. Go to calm, C-A-L-M dot com slash Cox to get 25% off your premium subscription. 25% off on Calm. Premium subscription at calm.com slash Cox. That's C-A-L-M dot com slash Cox. Get it today.

Give yourself a happy and healthy 2019. Calm.com slash Cox. It won't be that creepy, I promise you. Hey, also, while you're sitting there getting chill with life, why not, before you do that, go on Postmates or yourself some breakfast or something. Call it in. Oh, my God. Get some wine for yourself.

Maybe it's 4 p.m. and you're like, you know what? I could use some red. Or maybe it's late and you're like, sushi. I could go for some sushi. You wake up early early breakfast burrito whatever it's all Postmates yo food delivery from the grocery store you can do that too

no more trips to the store you don't even need to know where the store you want to go to is Postmates will just deliver that to you download the app on IOS or Android it's totally free they've got local restaurants and businesses and all sorts of things that are going to help track your delivery. Oh, man, it's amazing.

It's amazing. They operate 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Postmates will bring you anything you want within an hour. It's amazing. If you're craving something, Postmates can deliver. They have the largest on-demand network of anything. Like I was saying, they have 25,000 partner merchants. You can get, like, I'm just going to go right now.

I'm going to Postmates right now. Okay. I'm going to type in the craziest thing I can post. Dude, I can get them to bring me coffee. I mean, yeah, obviously, but let's try to get more creative. Like, coffee. So I went to the top top and I typed in boxes. And in 35 to 50 minutes, I can get orders from the container store.

Oh, my God. Boxes, hangers, a shoe box for a single set of shoes. I can get wastebaskets by Umbra. I can get a desktop calendar. I can get a walnut calendar. I can get a walnut three-tier grippy shoe rack. I can literally get sporks. I can get sporks.

I can get something called a rabbit bottle stopper. I can get paper straws. I can go get laundry stuff. Yeah, there's plenty of things you can do that aren't just food. It's phenomenal. Postmates is great. And right now,

for a limited time, Postmates is going to give our listeners $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days. Oh my god. Yeah, think about that. To start your free deliveries, download the app right now and use code

Crendor. That is $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days. That's a good deal right there. That's good. That's leaving your house, not leaving your house, but you just get the food and it's practically like you just went out and got it. Yes. So get anything you need. Anytime you need it, download Postmates and save with code

Crandor If you need something, you gotta get it now Go to Postmates.com Crandor That was actually really good I almost heard the music behind it I was very impressed Thanks, I'm getting better Surprisingly, yes

Alright, well let's go to What did I just say? With C I just say with grand or traffic out there It's it's me in the traffic Copter here. I am Hey, how's it going right now? Like I said, it's we're getting into the end of January and it is cold I think here it's like six degrees outside right now. So that's pretty fun I think here it's like six degrees outside right now, so that's pretty fun. We just got a lot of snow the other day, but the east coast is getting even more snow than we did.

And then the northeast is like super snow or something. They got ice, they got whatever. See, people always complain about the Midwest, but honestly, the northeast gets it a lot worse than we do. We just get like, eh, you know, here and there. But they're just like, yep, another 20 inches of snow up here. And I'm like, oh my God, glad I don't live there. So yeah, it's not too bad, but everybody just kind of driving normally, driving slow to watch out for the ice, driving, you know, a little bit sad. Maybe they should just stay inside, get some Postmates or, you know, listen to their call map, calm down.

You know what I'm saying? This is a double promotion from the Choppercopter. Back to you. Thanks, Crendor. That was a solid double promotion. Now let's go over to Crendor at the weather desk. How's that weather? We actually got some of that, too. Wow.

Weather desk. I already did some weather. Let's kick it over to Woppy Woppy. Woppy Woppy. Weather. Seven. Four. Eight. Seven. Four. weather seven four eight seven four no items to display letters k a l a m kalam kalam chari bagarimi chad yeah kalam kalam chad 69 degrees fahrenheit feels like 69 degrees Chari bugger me, Chad. Yeah. Kalam, Kalam, Chad. 69 degrees Fahrenheit.

Feels like 69 degrees Fahrenheit. High, low, 63 degrees Fahrenheit. Monday, 100 degrees. Monday night, 66 degrees. Tuesday, 101 degrees. Woppy's a little crazy out there. Hold on. Can I ask you a question?

Okay. Chad, first off, if you are looking at Chad, it's probably nighttime. Of course it's 69 degrees in Chad. And everything else is 100 because it's probably daytime. We're at nighttime, right? Wait, what? No. Chad, it's like.

Yeah, the Chad temperature is 69 degrees. It can't just let tomorrow be... Yeah. Because Chad is right in the middle of Africa, and so it's nighttime there, one would imagine, which is why it's 69 degrees and why tomorrow it's going to be 100-something, right? Yeah, it's like right in the center of Africa, actually.

And then this is Kalam Kalam, specifically. Oh, I don't know where Kalam Kalam is in Chad. It's south of kundal south oh oh south of kundal of course you might have uh and there's bull i know it's an nba or a college nba dude named bull bull maybe he's from bull uh the city's so nice they named him twice he's like seven foot two he's a giant guy kalam kalam i'm literally trying to i'm on wikipedia right now it's like southwest of chad so there's like nigeria cameroon what do you mean south oh it's in the it's in the southwest of chad so it's actually pretty close to nigeria

what yeah oh it's sort of like in the west West then is what you're saying. Yeah, the West West. Oh my God. I just zoomed out on the map and I just realized how big Greenland is. Wow. Did they get you with the promotions? Wow. It worked on you. But it, okay.

It worked on you though. I think that's great that Greenland is so big and has no one lives there. And Iceland is basically small and like people actually live there. Well, I've heard that a lot. It's like Iceland. Why is it Greenland? Greenland's got more ice or whatever. But like Greenland is the size of like Canada. If not.

I mean, not not really. It's the size of like maybe Quebec and a little bit of Ontario. What? Not according to this map. Greenland is definitely not. Greenland is maybe like the size of the east coast of the United States. No, it's bigger. Are you looking at this map?

Dude, what map are you looking at? Are you looking at this map? The Google Earth map? The Google Earth map. Greenland. Images. Okay. Greenland. It is not Earth map? The Google Earth map. Greenland. Images. Okay. Greenland Earth map.

Greenland is not the size of all of Canada. It's just a fact. It's just not. Look at it. Look how big it is. Oh, my God. All right. Now I got to look at it.

Where's the link that you have? Send me what you're looking at. Okay. Hold on. You are clearly deceived. You are clearly deceived. All right. Here you go.

Look at this. It's just not true this It's just not true It's just not true Look at that That is so bullshit That is incredibly Greenland's not that big That's what I was saying

But now everywhere I look it's that big That is not I'm literally looking this up Greenland is not that big it's just not how big is greenland is greenland as big as africa africa is bigger than china india the contiguous u.s most europe combined look at the usual flat map but greenland is nearly as big as africa what false this is not oh wait it appears on the flat map that it's bigger than Africa. How big is Greenland? Yeah, but it's not.

Australia is four times bigger than Greenland. There's like an effect and I don't know what the effect is called, but it's like because the curvature of the Earth, it's the reason why Antarctica looks so huge, right? Oh, I see. It's big, but the map you're looking at,

it is huge. The map you're looking at, it is huge. Like, the map you're looking at, it is not only bigger than Africa, but it's bigger than the US. It's bigger than all of South America. That's just not true. That's what I'm saying. It's not crazy. It's just, what you're looking at is insane. Well, yeah, if you do, I guess if I scroll down and look at Antarctica, it looks like it's a

massive winter wonderland down there. Yeah. Okay, I get it. It's just the flat map that's doing okay yeah it's not like greenland is it's big i was that big i couldn't figure out what the hell i'm like looking at the map totally confused trying to figure out what you're talking about and then i see yours i'm like ah this is just insane is what this is okay here we go i was looking for it it's called the Mercator Projection. Mercator Projection.

It is a cylindrical map projection presented by the Flemish geographer and cartographer Gerardus Mercator in 1569. It's the standard map projection for nautical navigation because of its ability to represent lines of constant course known as rum lines or loxodromes. Sure. Rum lines. Rum lines. Hey, rum lines. Why are all the rum lines gone? Although it did not sound like Jack Sparrow.

It sounded like a beetle. Why are all the rum lines gone, John? But basically, the reason why it's deformed in that way is because of the curvature of the Earth. Everything at the top and bottom looks much, much bigger than it actually is because he took a curve and flattened it out. Okay. And so a lot of maps that are used for nautical purposes, it looks like stuff at the top and bottom are very, very big and things in the middle. So, for example like parts of Africa and South America, that's why, for example, Argentina looks huge. There was actually a post about this

on Twitter the other day. Someone was like freaking out about this because the projections, it looks like, oh my God, there's a really good actual, I'm going to send this to you. It's an animated GIF and I might link this in the video description to show you the difference. So, the first thing is the way the map looks, and the second one is it shrinks down to the actual size. Ah. Shit, dude.

So it's a lie. The map is a lie. The map is a lie. Uh-huh. Wow. Look at that. Look at that Look at that And then you got the Oh my god Everything makes a lot more sense when you see it that way

And you're like oh yeah Okay that does make sense because everything at the top and bottom Is much much bigger than it actually is Yeah I get it Except the earth's flat man Yeah now let's talk about that. No. All right, well, I guess that's weather.

So. All right, what is going on in sports? Wowee, there's some big news in sports. So right now. Boo. Boo. First up, the AFC Championship game is happening. New England is up on Kansas City right now with nine minutes to go.

17-14. So it is a close game going on. Hopefully Kansas City pulls it out and we don't have to watch another New England Super Bowl. That'd be great. I just can't. I can't do it anymore. I can't do it anymore. And the Rams beat the Saints to advance to the Super Bowl.

The Los Angeles Rams taking down the Saints to advance to the Super Bowl, the Los Angeles Rams taking down the Saints. But there was a controversial penalty call, which it should have been called. It was pretty bad. The Ram guy, like, legit pass interference decked the Saints wide receiver, and there was no call. And I feel bad for him

because the Packers had that happen earlier in the season. And I was like, that sucks. We should have won that game. But this was like to go to the Super Bowl. So it's got to feel even worse. Granted. Yeah, I don't know about that one. Yeah.

Well, granted, Packers own the Saints first round draft pick. So we get to pick like, you know, 28 instead of 32 with their pick. So I'm pretty happy with that. I'll take it. But it does suck for the saints what are you gonna do uh yeah and then with that we'll have a super bowl matchup set and then we get a week off and then the super bowl happens in two weeks oh boy oh boy and uh then there's other stuff but you know once football's, we can get into that.

Oh, yeah, that's sports. All right, what is our big news story of the day? All right, well, there's three news stories people sent to us. First one is woman drinking wine from Pringles can banned from Walmart. Funny, but I don't know how newsworthy it is, but funny. Police in northern Texas say a woman has been banned from a local Walmart after she spent several hours driving an electric shopping cart around the store's parking lot while drinking wine from a Pringles can.

Let's see. She had been riding the electric cart around the parking lot for about three hours. Police eventually found the woman in a nearby restaurant and told her not to return to the store. She was not arrested and her name was not released. Hey. You know what?

Mystery woman. Good on you. She's having a good time. Good on you. Yeah. Next up. Florida man who drove Ferrari into water said Jesus told him to. You know what?

I would love to hear his reasoning. I'd love to know. to hear his reasoning i'd love to know man who drove a ferrari into the intracostal in palm beach in late december told police he did it because jesus told me to uh james musiasio of deerfield beach was approached by a police officer as he was removing items from his ferrari which was parked on a public dock musiasio told the officer that his friend told him to park the dock so he could pick him up by boat. When told he could not park on the dock,

Musasasio apologized and went to retrieve his driver's license from the Italian sports car. Wait, when did Jesus tell him to do it? I'm waiting for Jesus to show up. Where's Jesus? That's the whole thing. Wait, continue reading. Here we go.

I was going to say. I was about to say, what? All right. Let's see. Proceeded to reverse off the dock. Oh, okay. Here we go. Told the officer that his friend told him to park on the dock so he could pick him up by boat. Musasio proceeded to reverse off the dock, then put the car in drive and accelerated

at high speed into the Palm Beach International Dash Cam Video... Wait. What's an inlet? Oh, an inlet. Okay. I thought it was like an abbreviation. Like the International Inlet. Musasio

was able to get out of the car before it sunk and was pulled from the water by two fishermen. When the officer asked Musasio why he drove into the inlet, he stated, Jesus told me to drive through a small gate and into a six-foot window. He also said, Jesus made me the smartest man on earth, and it's so hard to have this much responsibility. And money is going to be irrelevant in two days. Remember to smile what uh i don't know he also i mean i guess if you're in jail money is irrelevant it's probably

true he also stated the reason he drove into the inlet is because the officer on the dock was egyptian and he did not believe in jesus yeah i figure some racism would play into this sure investigation also revealed that the license plate that was attached to the ferrari belonged Egyptian and he did not believe in Jesus. Well, yeah, I figure some racism would play into this, sure. Investigations also revealed that the license plate that was attached to the Ferrari belonged to Musasio's Ford Mustang. Ah, right, so it's a stolen car as well. I feel like this story is starting to fall apart. Yeah, it's starting to get

flirted. I'm starting to think Jesus had nothing to do with this. Now, hold on, don't go that far. Jesus was his getaway driver jesus was like hey man you should change these lessons no jesus you gotta do it jesus jesus said so all right jesus uh and the final story was man injects 18 doses of semen into arm to cure back pain ends up in hospital. I mean, there's nothing in this story

I'm going to learn new. I'm going to be real with you. Don't do that. Don't do that. Yeah, that's something where I don't know why you would do it, but... I don't know what the lesson here is from this story because it's obviously from the get-go the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Why would he do it? Because he's an idiot. The man is an idiot. Why not just try it? See what happens. Here's the crazy thing. It's like one, two doses, nah. He's up to an 18-dose need.

The man is addicted. He needs it bad. He's been storing that for a while. My question is, it's already in his body. He's been storing that for a while My question is It's already in his body He's already making it So why does he need more? Well, you gotta get it in the bloodstream

I'm just saying, you don't You don't You probably shouldn't just inject random stuff Into your bloodstream There's your lesson, kids Don't just do it Because you think it's gonna be good Don't do that If you think you lesson, kids. Don't just do it because you think it's going to be good. Don't do that. If you think

you're going to do something, don't do it. Don't do it. This goes back to the idea of know when you're an idiot. If you think you're smart enough to pull a thing off, you are not. You're a dummy. That's just a fact. That's all I got.

Well, that is it for us. Thank you so much for listening or watching or however you're enjoying this i'm gonna say excellent podcast yes the most excellent most excellent most excellent rufus uh crendor hit up with the socials we've got youtube.com slash cox and crendor podcast if you want to listen to this on youtube there's also soundcloud.com slash cox and crendor we're on spotify spotify just search cox and Crandor podcast. If you want to listen to this on YouTube, there's also SoundCloud dot com slash Cox and Crandor. We're on Spotify, Spotify. Just search Cox and Crandor. iTunes. We're on iTunes, Cox and Crandor. You can go to YouTube dot com slash Cox and Crandor. If you want to just see the animations of all the funny things we've said animated with talent, you can also follow us on our things. Twitch dot TV slash Jessica, Twitch dot TV slash Crandor, YouTube dot com slash Jessica, YouTube dot com slash Crandor,

twitch.tv slash jessicox twitch.tv slash crendor youtube.com slash jessicox youtube.com slash crendor twitter.com slash jessicox twitter.com slash crendor tweet us your food, your things, your stuff, your stories, whatever you want. And share, like, ring the bell, ding ding, papa, mamma mia. And that's all I got.

Alright, well, thank you so much and we will see you guys next time. Can we continue?