Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 190 - Taking on Big Insta

Episode Date: April 1, 2019

This week a tangent about using Instagram too much turns into a talk about beauty and cultural expectations. How did that happen?! Also Florida man is back at it again and Jesse can't handle the new way people get you to watch youtube videos! All this and more on this exciting episode of Cox n' Crendor! Robinhood is giving listeners a free stock at http://crendor.robinhood.com Get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription at http://calm.com/cox

Today's episode is brought to you by Robin Hood. Robin Hood's gonna help you invest and we'll tell you how. Also, we're brought to you by Calm. Calm is gonna help you relax and we'll tell you how. Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. Hello everybody and welcome to another exciting episode of Cax and Quinto in the morning. I'm still rattled from that intro. Yeah? It got you? And you're all like, oh yeah.

Yeah, I'm all like, yeah, calm, and you're like... Exactly, that's roughly a translation of what happened. You became the scat man. Yeah. You became the Scatman. It's a great song, actually. If the Scatman can do it, maybe so can you. I'm a Scatman. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Scatman.

That's going to be stuck in my head. Speaking of which, today. Oh, boy. You saw the Scatman? I saw someone very similar. So you know how the Scatman dresses in the You saw the scat man? I saw someone very similar. So you know how the scat man dresses in the video, the scat man? Yeah, he's got like the hat and the suit. Yeah, he's very dapper looking.

So today, as I was driving into the office to do work, you know, as I do, I guess there was a cherry blossom festival at a local park. And as I'm driving by Hundreds if not a thousand people there And uh This guy was dressed exactly like that Walking across the crosswalk At the light

Except he didn't just normal walk He did that like pimp walk You know what I mean like when people Have just like a swagger And they have an invisible cane with them And they're just like, what up haters? It's me. Right? It was that.

And I watched this guy go. It took him not only all of the walk sign, but an additional 20 seconds to slow walk across this crosswalk. Cars are honking at him and he's like, I'm gonna take my time, haters. Oh my god, I loved him. That is my dream.

Dude must have been 85. He was out and about living his life. He was old. He was pretty old. He was old. Do you think he just waited for this day?

Or do you think he just does this all the time? I would be willing to wager he does this all the time. There's a woman where I live who every day I see her, and every day she dresses up, and she is, I'm going to say, pushing 100. She looks flimsy. But she dresses up, puts on this gorgeous black wig. There's no person in their 90s who has black hair that looks like that. It doesn't happen. When you're 90 wigs or black hair that looks like that.

It doesn't happen. When you're 90, your hair is not that – like it's voluminous. And then she dresses up in like leopard print leggings and big heels and just sort of walks to the grocery store every day. I see her every day. And she looks like a wind could blow her over. But I'm just like, get it, girl. Get it. I'm so proud. She's just like, get it, girl. Get it. I'm so proud.

She's just like, I don't care what people think. I'm like, damn right. Get out there. I fear for her safety, but, you know, like. It's like, yeah, go get it. Oh, there she goes. Well. She was gone.

Like Team Rocket. Bing. And then she was gone. Except, you. Bing! And then she was gone. Except, you know, I don't think it would end well. Oh, yeah, no, she'd fall thousands of feet to her death. Team Rocket comes back. Yeah, yeah, they come back every week. Like, is she back yet?

It's been two months. Nope, she blasted off and that was it. Last time we saw the satellite footage, she was somewhere over the Pacific. We don't know where she's gone to. Or I just picture her slowly dissolving and she keeps flying into the wind like the I don't feel so good. Yeah, she's faced to dust. There's a lot of that in LA. I feel like this is something everywhere where there's like a few,

because you think most elderly people, they sort of are like, I'm going to just live inside for the rest of my years and not really, I don't like going outside and, oh, I just watch my shows, or they're in a nursing home or they're they're a little invalid and they can't do stuff but every so often you see that one old person who's just like gives you hope that they'll be able to do stuff when they're when you're older and that's i like those little people i'm like yeah hell yeah yeah i like that too they're just like running marathons right they're like doing crazy stuff and it's like wow

they're doing better than most people our age i feel like that's a life perspective thing right i get that your body breaks down the older you get like i get that and some people are incapable of doing things but i still feel like it's a perspective thing that there are a lot of people who can't do things, but they still try. Right? And then there are people who are like, I'm going to sit in all day and just watch this guy scream at me on TV. I'm going to get angry at the youth.

And it's like, or you can dress in leopard print pants and go to the grocery store every day and live your damn life. Well, who are they watching Scream at? Oh, you know, the news, Maury, whatever. Will. I. Aim. Yeah.

Will. I. Aim. It's like boom, boom, boom. They're like, I don't like this. That's too much boom, boom. Who is this Fergie? The Duchess of York has never looked worse.

I don't like this. What is Will.i.am up to, by the way? I actually listened to that song like twice this week. I did too. Because this podcast, I went and watched the music video maybe four times. It's a terrible music video. It's not good.

It's very artsy and weird. I don't like it. Then Fergie again goes, People in the play! I don't know why we're still talking about this. I don't like that music video. I don't like it at all. It even sounds really like 2000s.

It sounds old. It's like when you listen to a song that you remember liking, but then you realize it's 99% autotune. You're like, oh, that sounds terrible now. Yeah. But I guess at the time you were like, I like to sing like this. But now it sounds terrible.

It's awful. I ain't a granddad. We're going to do this whole podcast With auto-tune People in the place No Crandor, you have to say it with a passion People in the place You have to give it to them

She's letting people know if you're in the place People in the place People in the place Don't let that goblin sing a song People in the place. Don't let that goblin sing a song. People in the place. Hello, people in the place. They want to get down. So, I went to Fergie's Twitter.

She actually tweets a lot. Yeah, what else is she doing? She's not. Oh, by the way, she's not on the Black Eyed Peas anymore Wait Well Aren't the Black Eyed Peas like dead No

I went to the Cause first off I thought so too I went to the Black Eyed Peas Uh YouTube And they uploaded two new music videos In the last I'm gonna say few months

One's very recent And it's three dudes No Fergie Not my black eyed peas Well, they didn't have Fergie to begin with They brought Fergie in Later on Black eyed peas originally were Fergulous

Yeah, but Still, they hit their peak With that squad Oh, prime Fergie Fergie brought them Guys were like, is that a girl with a butt? Oh, man. Yeah, and she made Fergalicious.

She made the, what's that? The London Bridges. I had the London Bridges. And then, was it Fancy? Classy? It's like one of those things. Yeah, one of those things. She, you know.

There's a picture of her from March 26th, and it's her wearing like a jean jacket and sunglasses that look like they're from Mars. And she says, another day, another hike with two clouds. And she's wearing retro super future or she tagged retro super future i don't understand here look whoa those guys are for the future oh my god i love those you know i've seen those before so on instagram because i deleted twitter off my just let me hilarious right i deleted twitter off my phone i deleted all my I deleted Twitter off my – just let me – hilariousness. Right. I deleted Twitter off my phone.

I deleted all of my social media apps off my phone because I was like, I'm not going to be that guy who spends his time on his phone. And I've gotten it down to like you spend on average I think it was like an hour a day just like on your phone. I was like, you know what? I'm okay with that because most of that spent in the morning reading news i was like all right i'm doing good the ironic part is the only app i kept was instagram because i was i don't know how to use it without a phone and so i uh for some reason now find myself scrolling through instagram the one thing i was like i'm not gonna use apps anymore i'm not gonna get caught up in it. Now I'm just switching all my energy to Instagram.

That's like if somebody gives up alcohol, they start power drinking coffee or something. Yeah, you're obviously fine. There's another coffee. So I've been scrolling through, and for some reason, there is, no matter what in the, you know, it gives you what it thinks you'll like. Yeah. No matter what in the, you know, it gives you like what it thinks you'll like. Yeah. For some reason, it's telling me I will really, really like this girl named Lele, I think is her name.

Lele. She is a, oh, there's a video of like Shakira being like, Lele, I hope you're doing good. I guess she's kind of like the female Jake Paul question mark. I don't know. She's all over Instagram. She apparently is very, very popular. She lives in this crazy building with all of her buddies in Hollywood. And they film all these videos together. Trust me, I know only

cursory information because I keep seeing it and I'm like, I wonder what this is. And it's the same people all the time, so I imagine they're all friends and they all live in the same building. And so they film everything there. But she she keeps she must do like eight videos a day because eventually that's all you keep scrolling down far enough and it's all i see your videos of her i'm like what the hell and in one of the videos this goes back to fergie she's wearing these glasses and she's using it as like a it makes everything better so she puts she her normal

life sucks and she puts his glasses on and suddenly like her mom yelling at her is now and like loves her and i'm like wait that's really sad my mom hates me but these glasses make it okay that's like some deep like subtle thing that nobody's gonna realize then they're just like wait why would they say that yeah most of her videos uh let me give you the gist of most of her videos. Something akin to she's out with another girlfriend. They're talking about how guys are dogs.

And then how this one girl's dating this guy who's a super dog but they've never met him yet. And then cut to the girl walking up with her boyfriend. And they're all just like, oh my god, he's so cute. They go over, they talk to the two of them, and then they try to break them up. Cut to immediately after the breakup.

Hey, are you single? Do you want to go out now? That's pretty much the gist of every video. So it's like Vines. Yeah, kind of. It's like 30, 40 second goofs. And I don't watch a lot of them, but clearly I watch enough to get the gist. And so I just, oof, alright, I'm past this. But, the thing I wanted to bring up to you,

other than Lele, I don't know her last name, I want to say Lele Pons, but that sounds like a Doctor Who, like a Doctor Who companion. Ah, Lele Pons. Everyone I know lately is posting something akin to Fergie, another day, another hike.

And it's usually them up in a mountain hiking. And I just have a question. Why are people posting stuff of them out in wilderness? It annoys me. Now that I'm an instagram person right when i see friends post like i jumped a mountain today like cool good for you it wasn't the point to just hike up the mountain and not tell everyone about it no that's definitely not the point when you use these applications right you have to tell people because then they know that you're exercising

they know you're good they know you're very strong. They know you're good. They know you're very strong. You're very powerful. You go out in nature. You're not a loser. It sits inside and edits videos all day and uploads them to Instagram. But that's an inherent lie. Most of the people I know who are doing this only sit inside all day. And when they go outside, that's when they tweet how cool and fun they're having.

And it blows my mind. Everyone I follow on Instagram has at one point in time posted a thing like, out and about today, climbed a mountain. Who cares? Like, you can, I would love to see the picture of, like, the weird pizza you ate versus I just walked up a hill. You didn't do anything. Nothing exciting. It was just a picture of you, like, standing on a mountain. Great.

You walked. You used your legs. that's not noteworthy it's the same as like everybody photoshops like everybody using instagram is pretty much photoshopping i'd say like 90 percent of the people putting up instagrams all i know is whenever i look at these apps i just take everything is fake you just gotta like realize it fake. You just gotta tell everybody it's fake. Like, look at this Lele Pons. She has 34 million followers? What the shit? Told you, dude. Told you, dude. 34 million? Yeah.

Like, none of this. Like, look at this. This is all Photoshop. Color contrast. Pop and shit. Like, it's all just fake. You just gotta tell everybody that. But I think people don't under... You know what? I guess you're right. I think people do understand it. I think people don't under, you know what? I guess you're right. I think people do understand it. I think people do understand that it's all Photoshopped, but I think for some reason,

when you see it day in and day out, all these beautiful people looking their best and ignoring, you kind of always suppress the fact that, you know, they took 85 photos to get the best one and then they color corrected it and they did all these different things to it people know that but for some reason they see all these beautiful photos and they just think like

I'll never be that good looking or I'll never be that successful they see 34 million I truly the more I look at social media apps the more I'm like no wonder the not millennials whatever generations under them, generation young kid, whatever those people are called. I get why they're so messed up. We already had these problems before social media. Yeah, I think social media just made them worse.

Yeah, it's made it worse. It's like it hyper, hyper, hyperphys, superphys,fi like magnifies that's the word i'm looking for it magnifies you're on the path to that word yeah it magnifies everything else so you know people used to be like oh it's the magazines doing it they look at magazines and then right now it's like everybody can photoshop everybody's does these things it's just so it magnifies it even more oh my god there was an amazing i don't remember who it was and i wish i could give them a shout out uh chloe kardashian one of the kardashians posted a thing of them with this good tummy drink or whatever

and it's supposed according to their post it was, this is what's helped me lose weight. And thanks to this amazing drink. And you guys can get it too. Here's the link. The comment under it was from someone who's like, hey, yeah, I use this because of you guys. And it gave me cramps and I felt terrible. Do not listen to these people. These people have stylists. They've had plastic surgery.

They've had all sorts of things done to them to make them look perfect. You will never achieve that by drinking a shitty drink. Like, it'll never make you better. And it was a solid call-out, because it's one of those things where you can advertise hey, drink this energy drink. I like the way it tastes.

Like, you can do that. But to say this is what helped me lose weight is insane. Because thankfully someone posted, I did not realize how crazy it is. Someone posted a Khloe, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian photo set, all of them when they were in their late teens,

early twenties, and then what they look like now. And the difference is mind blowing. They are different human beings that it's very obvious they all had that surgery to make them look a certain way and it's a terrible terrible message to send to people that in order to be beautiful you literally need to go under the knife to make that happen but that's the message being said what's the hollywood thing let's just la la is just hot like plastic oh yeah surgeries constant whatever it's weird it's weird that this is what we're talking about in this podcast but it's also weird in society yeah i

don't know how we got a lot of it too is just like the parents are just like uh you know here's you here's the phone i'm gonna go do something they just like don't look after their kids or like watch their kids or even like talk to their kids they're just like ah here's some media and a phone and a t just uh look at that you know and they let that parent their kids instead of like actually parenting themselves yeah like it's a weird it's a weird place to be because i have no problem like if someone's hot and like yeah you are hot i have no i have no problem with that but at the same time i feel like the pressure to be that is it's it's a weird it's a weird paradox it all makes money the diet industry they're like 10 easy tips to get diet It's just YouTube's become that now to 10 easy tips to become a big-time

stream YouTube wizard 10 15 crazy tips to do the thing I Even worse than that now quick stuff even worse than that now people make videos that are questions today When we were waiting for a thing to render I was talking with one of my editors, and he was like, yeah, have you seen this video? It's this guy that he loves who does, you know, those commentary videos. But his video was titled, Is Saturday Night Live Funny? And I was like, okay, I'll watch.

I can't wait to see what this is about. And there's only two answers, right? Yes or no. Right. This guy starts out with, is Signing Alive funny? He's like, well, of course the answer is yes, but to a degree. And then he starts going through this huge thing. He's like, a lot of people think that Signing Alive isn't funny,

and it's very divisive. And he starts going down this whole list, and he's like, well, maybe it's not funny. And here I am, eight minutes in, like, I don't know what his opinion is. Like, he said yes, and then immediately said no. How is this a video? And, like, I don't know what his opinion is. Like, he said yes and then immediately said no. How is this a video? And then he hit ten minutes, another ad plays, and he's like, leave your response in the comments section below. And then everyone argues, and then it gets boosted up to number five

in the ratings, then he makes another one. And that's, it's crazy because at one point he's like, you know when, you talk to some people about Saturday Night Live, some people say it was the best in the 70s, and some people say it was the best in the 80s or the 90s. And I was like, that's just generational things because the comedy on the show is live and thus changes based on the times. I think Saturday Night Live was the funniest of the 90s because that's when I watched it in the 90s. Like I never I barely watched it in the 2000s because I was doing life. Right?

So, my dad would say the 70s. Right? Clearly, clearly it's generational. But this guy is trying to make a huge case of why. And I'm just like, this is

content, air quotes. At least we say what we're talking about. It's not content. It's just two guys talking. Yeah, like nothing that we say right now should be taken as any substance whatsoever. Yeah, we're just having a conversation about things we think. And I get that the people making those videos can say the same, but then we don't name this episode like,

is Cox and Crandor the best podcast ever? We don't do that. We aren't trying to scam you into getting an answer. Then we'll just never give you one. This whole episode, we're not going to tell you. We're not even going to tell you what the best podcast ever is. Is it this one? Maybe.

These crazy tips. Yeah, I think we moved on from tips to just questions. Now people got to know the answer to the question. I don't think they do. Is Fergie still in the Black Eyed Peas? But you can't say that because they can probably look it up. But really, they're probably too lazy to look it up and be like, I'll just listen to this and find out.

Was? No, it has to be like, was Fergie pushed out of the Black Eyed Peas? A question we'll never have an answer to. Yeah. And then we just speculate for 15 minutes and we get our ad dollars

and walk away. Dude, Fergie's making Fergie footwear. Damn right she is. Wowee. Yeah, she's got, she's went straight into making shoes.

Look at that. She you Fergie footwear Mama Mia, maybe we have to just make shoes Mm-hmm make cool shoes. So what is cool? What is that? Whatever the Kardashians? We're just good We send our shoes the Kardashians just said the shoes the Kardashians to wear them everybody love them and then We can become part of the problem. Can I ask you a question? What if we make the shittiest shoes imaginable? Send them to the Kardashians as

avant-garde footwear. They wear them and our shitty shoes become world famous. It would actually work. That's practically how fashion works. It's like the popular kids in high school or whatever. They always wear something that everyone wants to wear it

because they're wearing it. They want to be popular and cool. Are you saying that we should create shoes and then just send them to all the... If you know popular kids in your school, give us their home addresses. Ew, that's weird. And we'll send them Cox and Crandor shoes.

All we have to do is either send all the popular celebrities and the cool people our shoes, or we have to become cool ourselves. And that's not happening. Oh, boy. Yeah, one of those seems way easier than the other. Yeah. It's definitely not happening. So, yeah.

I guess that's an intro to this show. Did you watch the movie yet? Uh, no. Crandor! Don't worry, I'm getting it. This is the week. You can't keep saying that! I'm not, because this is going to be the week.

Uh-huh, what day? What day? What day? I'll watch it on Wednesday. Everyone. On Wednesday, April 3rd. Tweet at Crendor. Watch Jupiter ascending.

That's it. Everyone tweet at him. At Crendor. Do it. Watch Jupiter ascending. Just do it. I'm going to remember. It'll be. You won't remember. You won't remember. I'll remember. You Crendor. Do it. Watch Jupiter ascending. Just do it. I'm going to remember. It'll be a...

You won't remember. You won't remember. I'll remember. You'll be like, no. No, you won't. I will, though, because everyone will tweet at me, and then I'll watch it, and then it'll be easy. There you go.

Okay. Very basic stuff. All right. All right. Is there anything important we need to discuss up front here? Anything important? Yeah. We never really talk about anything important, but...

You're right. Did anything non-important happen? I have been working all week like crazy, so I've done nothing but edit videos for April 1st. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. That's all I'm gonna say about that no spoils fool's day so i will simply say i have nothing to share at all this will be an april fool's day podcast what april fool's day is like where did it come from it's got a

april fool origin a disputed association between april 1st and foolishness is in Jeffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales, 1392. I'm sorry, who was that? Jeffrey who? Jeffrey Chaucer. Okay. I'll say that name. And the nun's priest's tale. Wait, okay, so this is like the 1300s?

However, is that good? What is it? And fifth French poet. What's? Just tell me where it's from all right fact check jowl sir april fool's day began 1500s when the gregorian calendar took over from the julian those who forgot the change and attempted to celebrate New Year's, previously celebrated on the 1st of April on the wrong date, were teased as April fools. But is that an April fools joke? Yeah, maybe they were just playing.

Yeah. What else? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. This is a dumb thing. I'll probably, I don't know, i'll probably just do something like leave my stream on for like 20 minutes and be like hey got you that's all i got yep all right well you know what's not dumb krendor what finding some inner peace finding some some time for you to just de-stress and no longer worry about the world

because with the constant bombardment of outside problems and you already have your own problems you're dealing with but just being bombarded with so much more stress day after day after day on social media maybe it's time you invest in something like Calm to help you just decompress. And help you just reduce your anxiety. And help you just sleep better at night.

And not worry. And start your day right. All of those things Calm can do. More than 40 million people around the world have downloaded it. can do. More than 40 million people around the world have downloaded it. If you just head to calm.com slash Cox, you get 25% off your calm premium subscription, which includes so many awesome things, guided meditations on issues like anxiety, stress, focus. The way I use it, I start my day with it. I'll just lay in bed and turn it on and then just like relax completely. And I won't fall asleep because it's like breathing exercises.

She's like, just breathe in and breathe out. And then she gives me a little like inspirational thing. And it's great. It helps me. And I just wake up like, yeah, let's do this. There are stories also if you're more of a nighttime person to help you sleep. There are inspirational messages and fun things that if you're just the office and you have it literally is 10 minutes a day and you just sit there in your chair and just relax and

there's just soothing music is involved in there. It's truly one of my favorite apps. I love it. It's one of the few I actually have on my phone right now. You can get 25% off Calm Premium at Calm, C-A-L-M dot com slash Cox. Unlimited access to all of its contents today. Stop stressing. Calm dot com slash Cox.

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That's me. All right, Crendor. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Crandor. Dot Robinhood. Dot com. Alright, Crandor, let's go to Crandor House! Let's drive out there! Uh, right now, crazy traffic. There's a truck outside making some loud-ass noise. By me, it's going like... It's just making noise out there.

Kind of crazy looking down at that. Also, it looks like there's some people photoshopping the roads. I thought I'd take the old 484 over to 592, but someone photoshopped it on Instagram. Now I've got to take it the other way. It's just kind of very dumb. Very dumb. I can't even trust these Instagram map tools.

Don't know why I'm using Instagram maps, but I guess I'll swap back to a good one. Back to you. Thanks, Crennorn. Now let's go over to Crennorn at the weather desk. Weather. Weather. Sorry, Woppy was freaking out there. Yeah, I get it. Let's see.

Let's head on over to, I don't know, Moo. Moon. Moo? Moon, Virginia. We're going to the moon. Yep. Moon, Virginia. 48 degrees in moon virginia uh feels like 42 degrees on moon uh high 48 low 34 degrees damn it's kind of cold on the moon uh but not too cold a where is Oh wow, it's like on the water. The moon's right on the

water. Let's see, let's check the old moon's 10 day forecast. We got 49, 52, 65, 63, 61, 65, 66, 68, 73. It's getting warm out there. Before you know it, you could be golfing on the moon. That's the weather. Okay. Let's talk sports. Sports. Hey, welcome to sports. We got some sports news for you. So, let's see. Duke just lost in the college basketball March Madness. So, they're out of it.

Upset by Michigan State. Damn. Big news. I believe Gonzaga also they're out of it. Upset by Michigan State. Damn. Big news. I believe Gonzaga also lost. Kind of crazy. And then North Carolina also lost. Let's see. You got Auburn beat Kentucky.

A lot of crazy stuff going on over there in the March Madness. It's getting pretty mad outside of the fact that a lot of the top teams were just like 1, 2, 3, and 5 seeds or something. That's that. Then we got baseball happening. Cubs have scored like 30 runs in only one game because their pitching is bad. I've been watching a little bit of that. We got the NFL draft coming up in about three, four weeks. That's going to be fun.

The NBA closing out. They're about to get to playoffs pretty soon. So that'll be neat. LeBron James will not be there, though. Him and the Lakers have been eliminated. And LeBron has been benched for the rest of the season. So sad times for LA. Not really. I'm over L.A. Not really.

I'm over it. Yeah. And really, sports. All right, Crandall, what is our big news story of the day? Let me tell you the big news stories of the day. I actually found. Stories I don't like. I don't like the S at the end.

All right, here we go. Oh, I found two of them all right uh here's one the first one florida man accused of attacking mom when she wouldn't dress his mannequin i here's the thing i feel like this story's gonna get real dark and i don't know that i want to know it but i kind of really do. Well, I don't know if it does, but I saw the title and I was like, I'm confused and curious. Yeah, right? It seems like... Like, why does he have a mannequin? Why does he want his mom to dress the mannequin? Why doesn't he dress the mannequin?

Where does it live? Well, I don't think mannequins live anywhere. To him, they do. Mannequins are just mannequins. To him, this mannequin isnequins are just mannequins. To him, this mannequin is real. How do you know that? Why would he ask his mom to dress the mannequin?

Well, maybe he was uncomfortable with the mannequin being undressed. Why does he have a mannequin? All right, we need another story. Just do it. Just do the story. Boynton Beach, Florida. A 40-year-old Southern Florida man is accused of attacking his mother after she refused to dress

his mannequin. Mikkel Danker was arrested charged with aggravated battery on a victim over 65 and domestic battery by strangulation. What the shit? Whoa.

Monday night, police responded to a call from a neighbor. I know it's getting dark. Ah, jeez. The 73-year-old woman had bleeding on her face and was being chased by her son. Victim told police she was in the backyard of a home when Dankner asked her to dress his mannequin, the television station reported. When the woman refused,

Dankner allegedly blocked her path, pushed the victim, pushed the mannequin down on the ground, and ran inside the house. According to police, Dankner grabbed his mannequin and followed his mother inside, where he pushed her to the ground.

Uh, wait, he hit her in the head and stuffed dumplings into her mouth? What? What? What is this? Crendor, it's dark. Crendor, it's getting dark. Crendor, it's getting dark. I don't like this.

The victim was taken to the hospital where she required stitches. That's it. We learned nothing. Why? Why does he have a mannequin? Clearly, based on what happened, he is having sex with his mannequin. But more importantly, why can't he dress his own mannequin? Also, why are there dumplings inside?

Where do the dumplings come from? Did mom make the dumplings? And then he was like, dress my mannequin? Maybe it's for dinner. Maybe he didn't want his mannequin naked at the dinner table, but then why not dress it yourself? It's your mannequin, you creep. Why would he make his mom dress the mannequin?

I don't know. There's a lot of questions here and they're still not answered. No answers. We have no answers. Once again, we're left to dig for the real story. Well, the other story,

a little less dark. Lord of Man calls 911 with elaborate story of robbery to get out of work day at Hardee's. I've been to a Hardee's. I can imagine wanting to get away from there. I feel like there's a good reason behind this.

In Dundee, Florida, a Florida man has been arrested after he reportedly called 911 and claimed he was robbed, all so that he could get out of going to work for the day. Brian Anderson, 32, of Dundee, Florida, called 911 to report an armed robbery

near the intersection of highway 27 and lincoln avenue told 9-1-1 dispatchers that two unknown suspects carrying a gun stole money his necklace and his phone from him he went on to say the suspects threw his phone on the ground and proceeded to jump into a black ford crown victoria and drive away deputies with the the Polk County Sheriff's Office quickly responded with air and canine. When they arrived on the scene, deputies figured out the robbery never actually happened, and Anderson confessed that he made up the story.

He told them he didn't want to show up for his 11 a.m. shift at Hardee's, where he works. On the bright side, Brian didn't have to go to work that day, the Polk County Sheriff's Office said on Facebook. Anderson was arrested and charged with misuse of 911 and knowingly giving false information to law enforcement and booked into the jail without incident. I just just fake you're sick like everyone else, you weirdo. I don't like, I kick him in the butt sick.

Well, Brian also looks like he does meth. Well, you know. There he is. Oh, yeah. Also, he looks like he's 40. A lot older than 32. Yeah, he looks like he is. He looks like he's 45 and doing drugs.

Mm-hmm. I do. He does have the shame of a man who got caught, though. I have a question. Okay. Why would you say you were accosted on a corner of an intersection where there are bound to be cameras, bound to be witnesses, bound to be a smart criminal? And be like, oh,... Play it smart. If you're going to be a criminal, be a smart criminal and be like,

oh, they broke into my home. Go around to the front. Unlock your back door. Go around to the front. Lock your front door. Kick your front door in. Then be like, oh, they broke in and they took some of my stuff and I can't leave. At least try.

You'll be less... Only your neighbors are the ones who are going to rat you out. Everyone else, you want to have random people, right? I don't know. I feel like it's got to be. Why am I giving criminal advice? What's happening? I mean.

If you're going to kill someone, be sure you have the crime scene set up ready for the murder first. You don't want any straight blood fragments getting around because then you'll get caught. Blood fragments? I clearly am not. It's like I just picture like a plate of, like a blood plate, like a plate made of blood, and it just like shatters, and all the fragments go everywhere. Yeah, blood fragments.

Blood fragments. I don't know. I don't know how it all works. It's been years making that plate. I'm just trying my hardest to help people out. Jeez. You think this guy knows how to set up a crime scene? This guy looks like he doesn't even know how to get the Hardys.

This guy doesn't know how to set up a hamburger at Hardys. This guy doesn't know how to get the work. This guy couldn't find his way out of bed in the morning. Hey, got him. Hey, welcome to people over 55 jokes. I'm going to be i'm gonna be and i'll be making these jokes yeah so i don't know uh at least we had some good florida stories yeah those were good stories i'm proud of us today all right crendor yes go watch that movie. Okay. I'm going to watch it. Everyone, April 3rd, tweet at Crandor.

Watch Jupiter Ascending. Make it happen. I'm going to make it happen. It's going to happen, all right? Trust me. All right? I'm going to watch that movie, and if I don't... There is no if you don't.

You are going to watch it. I'm going to watch it, all right? I'm going to watch it I'm gonna watch it alright I'm gonna watch it It's gonna happen Alright Okay I'll leave it at that Anyway that's it for us

Thank you so much for watching Or listening or however you're doing this Crendor Hit em with the socials We got socials folks We have so many socials And you should check them out right now We have

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Twitch.tv slash Crandor Yep, that happened. All right, well, that's it for us. And as always, to be continued. I'll see you next time.