Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 191 - Strange Things A Foot At the Subway

Episode Date: April 8, 2019

The boys are back with another episode and this time they've got some stories that for some reason all seem to be related to Subway. What's going on at Subway to make it so crazy?! Also Crendor has finally seen Jupiter Ascending and Jesse takes issue with people in the parking structure....thing? Has he finally lost his mind? All this and more Florida man on this exciting episode of Cox n' Crendor! Get $100 of free delivery credit by downloading the Postmates app and use promo code: CRENDOR Get 15% off your first pair at http://meundies.com/crendor

Today's episode is brought to you by Postmates. Postmates, get awesome stuff delivered to your house, or your office, or wherever you are. Also, we're brought to you by MeUndies. MeUndies. They're undies. On me. I love them so much. And I, who today have like a, we'll talk about it later, what am I doing?

Alright, let's jump into this podcast. Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. Hello, everybody. It's time for Cocks and Trend Dogs. This is Trend Dogs in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studios. Recording. Wake your ass up.

It's the next Trend Dogs in the morning. It's the next Trendor in the morning! Cucks and Crendor in the morning! Hello everybody, welcome back to the next episode of Cucks and Crendor in the morning! Wow, you started up, then it's like you were taken off and then immediately crashed. That's pretty much how my days go. Start up, get ready to go. Like, yeah. And then it just like, but then you like crawl out a bit and you're like, you know, it's not too bad. So right now I'm at that coffee stage.

Oh man. I wish I was like, I think, can I tell you something? I think I have a caffeine dependency. Oh, I know. Cause I, I think it was Friday, Friday. I woke up and I didn't go out anywhere cause I was going to stay home and get stuff done. I was like, I'm not going to the office. I'm going to just get stuff done.

I'm going to hang out with some friends. I'm going to spend the day with my parents a little bit. So I woke up, didn't have any caffeine in my fridge, didn't have any coffee or anything in my house. So I just drank like some water. And then maybe at one point during the day I had a Gatorade because because I worked out a little bit, and then was just like, okay, I guess I'm good. That night, maybe around 5 o'clock, this

pounding, throbbing headache started. And it lasted all night through my entire sleep. I could not sleep. Woke up the next day, was just a mess. All morning was like, oh, my head. Went out, got brunch.

You know, it's a very nice place that we go to all the time. Was drinking wine and sipping wine and, like, you know, eating this great food. Still headache. Just. I was like, all right, well, I need to go grocery shopping. Went to the grocery store. There is a Starbucks at the grocery store. And I was like, man, I could use a coffee. I got a triple shot something latte, like as much caffeine as possible.

Maybe two sips in, my headache was gone. I was like, oh, no, I am an addict. I was like, was I going through withdrawals? I don't know. I was in a dark place. It hurt so bad. I definitely have some caffeine withdrawals whenever I don't go. I need at least two cups of coffee.

That's it. If I go under that, I'm going to get a headache. If I go more than that, I'm probably going to get some digestive issues. But two cups, maybe three, that's a nice day. Why do I have gotta get a headache For not having caffeine Shouldn't too much caffeine make me be like Oh my head

No it's the opposite Which angers me That upsets me because now I'm like Well I know the solution to my problem It's keep drinking caffeine Which is bad That can't be good for me Because it lasted

I'm gonna say it was a 24-hour headache. I was in so much pain. And I just sucked it up. I was like, I keep drinking wine. This should fix it. Nope. It just made me drunk with a headache. It was terrible.

It sucked. Yeah, you got to hit the caffeine right away. That's what I do. Whenever I get a headache, I'm like, oh, it's probably caffeine. I just drink coffee. Every time. And even if I don't, it helps it. I took Tylenol.

It was extra strength. Did nothing. I was like, this sucks. What? So now I constantly am thinking about like, OK, do I need to go get coffee in order to prevent headaches? Like, all right, it's about five. Do I need to go get a coffee to get my headache prevention done?

I think Advil and ibuprofen are a lot better than acetaminophen. If I had to pick one. Acetisomofin? Yeah, it's the tacitosin. Tacitosin? Erdoganbergen? I'm sorry, what was that? That's the Viking title.

Yeah, oh, right, right, the Viking version. Acetisomofin? I'm sorry, what was that? That's the Viking Tylenol. Oh, right, right, the Viking version. There's a tasty orphan. I take Advil personally. I think that helps get rid of headaches a little better. Maybe you should swap to that instead of the Tylenol. Well, I have a giant jug of Tylenol, so I got to get rid of that first. Then I'll worry about it. All right.

I bought it on sale at Costco. It's huge. I got my Advil at Costco it's also huge the problem is I never I don't need it all that often so it just sits there and when I do need it I'm like uh three will do I don't know what the recommended amount is I'm just like okay well mine's uh normally I'll try to take one if If that doesn't work, I take two for Advil. But like when I had mono like three or four years ago, I was taking one like every four hours and that gave me gastritis. So don't do that. But you were like mono mono probably.

Why were you digging with mono? Because, OK, the mono sore throat it gives you is like the worst pain like i already said it if i was in the medieval ages i would have just killed myself like it was without falling on your sword without advil it was like i couldn't deal with it like with advil it brought the pain from like a 10 down to like a five and i was like okay and i wouldn't know when the advil wore off that's how bad it was i was like oh no advils were i look know when the Advil wore off. That's how bad it was. I was like, oh, no, Advil's wearing off. Look, I've had mono before when I was in college. I remember my freshman – no, sophomore year of college.

I was so effed up with mono. It sucked. It was not fun. So I know. I know exactly what you mean. It's one of those things where you know if you've had mono. Yeah. Like there is no like, well, I think I had it. No, you know if you had mono because it is the worst. It's one of those things where you know if you've had mono. Yeah. Like, there is no, like, I think I had it.

No, you know if you had mono because it is the worst. It's so bad. It was just a month of, like, life gone. Yeah. That's like the bronchitis that I had, like, two years ago. That sucked. I remember that. Like, for a month, I was just like, everywhere.

I could barely move. I remember that because that's when I was like e3 it was like summer out and you were yeah and I was like trying to eat a hot dog and couldn't eat the hot dog and and it wasn't like I was in bat physically everything was fine except my lungs I could do stuff but I just the minute I was like okay now to move it was like I remember we went to the breakfast place and you went to the bathroom you were gone for like 20 minutes and I was like is he okay or should I like call an ambulance no I was in there just like coughing up gunk into napkins it was great just great just real swell and then it helped when you go to the- Waking up every day just like unable to breathe.

Oh, just lovely. Nothing helps your lungs more than downtown Los Angeles air and then going to an E3 convention. Yeah. Ooh, that sucked. The worst part, everyone was like, man, you're always sick after conventions. I was like, no, I've just been sick throughout convention season. From the start of the summer to the end of the summer, I was sick the entire time. You're the person giving people the Pax Pax.

I wish that was the case. I wish I could say that's what happened, but instead it was just me suffering. I gave nothing to nobody. I just suffered the entire time. Oh, my God. So, my friend in Vegas was like, this woman in front of me just ordered a Subway pizza. And then I didn't even know a Subway pizza was a thing. They do have them.

Not anymore, at least in LA, but they did for a while. Yeah, I don't have any here in Chicago either. But then I guess they have them at some places. But it made me think like, why would I want to get a pizza at Subway? But I guess maybe if you're in a place where there's not many good pizza places anyway, like in the country or something, then you could get a Subway pizza. But I don't know. I think the point was it's supposed to be a personal pizza, and it's, like, tiny,

and you watch them make it in front of you really quick. I think that's kind of the deal. But you're right. It's just like when McDonald's had pizzas. Do you remember that? kind of the deal, but you're right. It's just like when McDonald's had pizzas. You remember that? I remember the song. It's a pizza happy meal with pepperoni and cheese. I remember the whole thing. They really got you with the marketing.

Yeah, they got me. I remember that jingle. But yeah, it's one of those things like why would you go there for that? Yeah, exactly. I never understood that. A pizza place, there are many pizza places, even crappy pizza places you can go to, that will give you a pizza for the same price, and it's probably a bigger pizza.

Yeah, like go to Little Caesars. That's like a top-tier, really bad quality pizza. Yeah, if you want top-tier, bad pizza, Little Caesars is the... I remember when I was like 10. I think that might have been the last time I ate Little Caesars is the... I remember when I was like 10. I think that might have been the last time I ate Little Caesars. But we were in Florida on vacation, and we just got like a bunch of Little Caesars pizzas, and I scarfed those down. I was like,

Dude, they used to have... I remember when I was like 10, they had like Little Caesars land. It was like a Chuck E. Cheese. But they had like Little Caesars land. Yeah. No, that's not even real. I had my birthday at one. Now you're making me look this up you're making me look it up it's not real it was a thing i had my birthday at little caesar land right is that what it was called little caesar lane little caesar lane what was it caesar land. Little Caesar, Caesarland. Caesarland. And so they had Caesarland. I don't like the fact that it says similar places.

Rent-a-center, Little Caesar. Oh, it's definitely similar to Caesarland, yeah. Rent-a-center. Yeah, look at it. Oh, my God. Look at this. There he is. There's a Caesarland Daytona Beach.

It's like Chuck E. Cheese, but you got little Caesar. Oh, my God. That's terrifying. Wow. That is unfortunate. I loved Caesar Land. It's the little crappy Caesar, little Caesar mascot, but just, yeah, no. Yeah.

So I had my birthday at a Caesar Lane, and I loved it. I got pizza. It was like being a Chuck E. Cheese. You had your thing, and then they closed down, probably for health violations. Yeah, I would imagine. But the time it was there, and for how young I was, it was an amazing journey. Wow, Little Caesars Land, there's a bunch in Michigan. Wow, there's a ton in Michigan.

Are they still open? Oh my god, some guy has videos. At Little Caesars Land. At Caesars Land. Yeah, it's a Chuck E. Cheese. And Florida. There's a lot of places in Florida. Michigan and Florida sounds about right.

Yeah, that definitely sounds about right. Yeah, what the sh... It's like... It's... Yeah, it's... These videos are terrible quality. I'm just like clicking on some of them.

That's because they're probably from like 1993. Yeah, they definitely are. Someone just uploaded them to YouTube. It doesn't mean they're recent. It's just some guy like, Here's me when I was five at Little Caesar Land. I just see an article. Michigan PM links.

Child left in Warren Caesar Land. Dad calls to ask about him 36 hours later. 36 hours later. Hey, Little Caesar Land, you got my kid there? Yeah, he's just been eating pizza. Sir, it's been a day and a half. Yeah, I forgot. You know, that's what a coke and hookers will do.

All right, well, come get him. All right, I'll come get him. He arrived 48 hours later. I like to imagine that it was kind of like a home alone situation. He was trapped in a little Caesar's land. And his dad was just like, oh, where are you? Where's Kevin? And they went, like, they had to backtrack everywhere.

It's like Five Nights at Freddy's. He's, like, fighting off the little Caesar, like, mascots attacking him. But it's just guys in outfits. They're like, come on, kid. You got to leave. He's like, I ain't leaving. And he just beats him up and runs and hides in the vent system. Oh, my God.

So, okay. You know how last month I was on a kick of dead malls? Yes. I'm aware of that. Now I'm on a kick of food reviews. So I've been watching the report of the week. He's just like this dude that wears a suit. He's like a very wholesome kind of guy.

And he's just like, this is the report of the week. You've probably seen him. He's like popped up on YouTube all the time. I have, yes. Oh my God, I've been diving deep into his videos. And it's just so interesting. He lives like it's the 1960s For the record, he's the guy who sits there

And like opens up the food And it's like, well, it's got a fine texture Yeah, it's that guy I've been watching all his stuff He's so interesting He wears like all these suits He lives like it's the 1960s He does like a shortwave radio show

And he loves shortwave radio. It's just that he just reviews food. It's so weird. But the way he reviews food is like genuinely crazy. Yeah. He's just like, today we're going to be trying the Burger King bacon cheesy tots. And these cheesy tots. And he spends like five minutes.

And he's like, all right. And here we go. And he like spends two minutes taking a bite of the food. I like how he examines it. He's like, there's a lot of pushback and you know when you squish it doesn't squish out the end so it's like you know really it consists of a lot of cheese and tots in there so uh yeah a little crispy on the outside but when you open them up you can really taste that salt cheese flavor in the tots it's just it's like reviewing fast food like it's wine. Yes, it's great.

As a hint of tobacco flavor with the salt blending together, you get a nice chew, but not too much of a chew. And I'd give it a 7.8. And I'm like, why did I watch this? I'm going to watch another one. So I did my own food review, but I tried to add my spin on it. So I did it on my ASMR channel, Goodnight Crendor, because I hadn't uploaded anything on there in forever. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to do an ASMR food review.

I reviewed jalapeno M&Ms. They tasted like... That sounds terrible. It tasted like M&Ms, but spicy. That sounds genuinely awful I don't know why anyone It's that weird thing where people are like Mix spice with chocolate

And I know people seem to love that Not me I want my sweet sweet and my spice spice I don't want the two coming together I want my sweet sweet and my spice spice And my spice spice But yeah I've been watching all those

So that's been fun It's just I don't know there's something addicting about Okay before before we move on before we move on right Because this relates to everything we've talked about so far. I wrote this down I had to go I was like oh I have notes from a weird thing that happened this week I want it this relates not only to I was like, oh, I have notes from a weird thing that happened this week. This relates not only to Subway. My brain died.

Subway. You know, Subway. But it also relates to customer service and crazy people and reviews. All right. So I was at Subway. Oh, man. I guess Wednesday night, whatever day it was. Maybe it was Tuesday. And you know me, I'll go to a Subway, get a chicken sub, bring it back, pour that sweet, sweet Nando sauce all over it.

Yeah. So I was there, waiting in line. The guy in front of me, I was writing this all down while it happened. So I'm just going to give you the lowdown. Okay. I was writing this all down while it happened So I'm just going to give you the lowdown Okay This is what I wrote

5'2", slicked back gray hair Sweater wrapped around his waist with a button up A bluetooth phone Earpiece in one ear Goes up to the front And says Yeah I'd like a turkey sub And as they put the turkey sub together

They keep asking him what kind of bread And he doesn't answer because he's on his phone. Finally, he asks them to make the turkey sub again. They look at him and he's like, oh, wheat bread. So they get a foot long wheat, cut it, put the turkey on. The guy then

looks at them and goes, is that enough turkey? Did you put enough turkey on there? And she's like, this is the turkey. By the way, the subway that I go to is literally no one speaks English there. It's like no one's speaking English. This poor little woman is just like, he's full of turkey. She's like, is that enough turkey? You think that's enough turkey?

She's like, he's so full of turkey. He's turkey. And the dude's just like, I don't know. Those slices look very thin. You're telling me there's a full portion of turkey? Meanwhile, there's a line for him behind him. And she's like, he's full of sub. And he's like, you think that cut's okay?

You think that's not too thin? She's like, his number of slices in order. And he's like, well, I'm not going to pay extra for meat because that's ridiculous. And then he just leaves. And the woman looks over at the other guy who's, like, just starting to take my order. And she's like, oh. And then she did something I thought was kind of gross. And she then took the turkey off the bread and then put it back in the turkey.

Oh, Jesus. I was like, ew. Some unsanitary stuff right there. And then they took the bread. They took the bread and, like, ew. That's some unsanitary stuff right there. And then they took the bread and threw the bread away. And then as I'm getting my chicken sandwich and I go to check out, he comes back in and complains to the other employee. And he's like, I don't know what goes on here at this Subway, but let me tell you, when I came to get a sandwich, it's been maybe five minutes. It wasn't like he was here the other day,

and now he's back to complain. He was just in the subway. He's complaining to this guy who's right next to this poor old woman who's checking me out. And so, like, he's saying, oh, I don't like the way you do things around here. Alright, alright, uh, I would like a sub, please.

And the guy's like, okay, sir, what kind of sub would you like? He's like, a turkey sub. And I looked at him just like, are you kidding me? And the guy cuts open more bread, puts literally the same turkey slices back on the guy's bread. And the guy starts complaining again. Oh, my God. And he's like, do you think this is a good enough slice of turkey? And the guy's like, sir, it's the number of slices that each turkey sandwich gets.

And he's like, yes, but do you think the slice is a good slice? Finally, I literally was just like, dude, I think it all comes pre-cut. I don't think anyone here is cutting this turkey. Yeah, they are definitely not. I was like, you are literally yelling at the wrong people. Go complain at Subway, but I don't think anyone here has any control over it. And the woman who's cashing me out goes, thank you, sir. I was like, I felt so bad.

And the guy's like, fine. And then he starts listing off what he wants in the sub. And then, like, I guess, because I left at that point. But I guess he just, what an insane thing for a person to complain about. That truly is insane. That is, the thing is... It was... The thing is, like, they hold fast food to such a high standard. It's like, dude, you're going to a fast food place.

Like, what do you expect? It's a Subway. What do you want? Yeah. Of all the sub-restaurants, it is the bottom tier of the sub-restaurant world. Yeah. You know, I'm sure if you go to, to like Joey Zubop's Subway Deli, you'd be like, hey, put a little turkey on there. You'd be like, hey, I put a bunch of turkey on there for you.

But, you know, go to Subway. That's what I'm saying. There's one in like every corner. In the world of sub creation, Subway is clearly the bottom. Yeah. Then Jimmy John's, then Jersey Mike's, Then any place named like a Baba Goose. Famous Sub place. Sub place owned by like a crazy old Italian guy.

And that's the top tier. Any place that isn't a chain is the top tier. You're at Subway, my dude. They're like, we make pizzas here now. Come on. No. You can't complain. Dude is like, do you think that's a proper turkey slice like my man

they literally open a package and dump it in a bin i don't think anyone is like cutting turkey back there yeah they are definitely not doing that it's uh dude and then jimmy johns speaking jimmy johns they really do make that sub fast they like start making it once you say what you want right oh yeah by the time you're done they're'm like whoop. There you go. I'm like oh, thank you One time I went to a Jimmy John's and they were straight up just as I said it and then I was like oh Can I get it with not Mayo and I saw a guy that we have back go? Forget to say that cuz I'm just like yeah, I can a number like 7 And then oh you know what no mayo on that And they're like oh

Come on Oh my god that reminds me I was at a subway and this old woman Walked in and she was like Uh I don't even know if I told the story I don't know if I tell half the stories I say Or if I say them on stream or if I say them on like something else we did.

You might as well tell me. I'll let you know. All right. So I was getting my sub and I got one for me, one for Toaster Woman. She gets the Chipotle Southwest and I get just some mustard. And the old woman looks and goes, Chipotle Southwest. I can't handle that for my stomach. And I'm like, oh, it's for my girlfriend.

And she's like, oh, well, she's got a stronger stomach than I do. And I was like, uh-huh. Yeah. I kept paying. And then she gets to the line. She's like, all right, what kind of sub do you want, ma'am? And she's like, do you have broccoli cheddar soup? And I was like, who goes to Subway and gets soup?

And they're like, oh, we're all out of it. I mean, they do. Yeah, they got it, I And they're like, oh, we're all out of it. I mean, they do. Yeah, they got it, I guess, but they're like, we're all out of it. And she's like, well, how much is it? And they're like, no, we're out of it. And she's like, yeah, but how much for more? And the woman's like,

uh, we're all out of it. And then the old woman... I like how she thought she could buy her way. Like, I know you got some back there. I know you got some in the back. The old woman's just like, oh. And just walks out. Yeah, she wanted soup.

She wanted soup. She can literally just go to the grocery store. And just go buy broccoli cheddar soup yeah that's it's everywhere make it at home you know we're like you go like i don't know panera and get like slightly higher quality you know fast food soup well there's a bunch of other places you probably get broccoli cheddar soup but yeah you could probably just go get broccoli cheddar cheese a cream and make the soup yourself at home the thing was she said that and she's making this like high sodium high fat creamy soup and i'm like well it's probably irritating your stomach

too like she doesn't realize she doesn't realize it the broccoli cheddar is the problem the whole time you know uh you know who knows also and i went and got my coffee today like an hour ago i was walking there's this guy just walking around. And I thought he was like just talking to himself like a crazy person. And then I realized he was singing the Lion King to himself. Like he was like, jungle, my jungle. And I was like, uh. So I thought he was like listening to his iPod or something like sing it.

He didn't have an iPod in. He was just singing. I was like, all right, just keep walking. I felt weird that way. I didn't know what to do. I was just like, just keep walking. Unless maybe he's like, you know, maybe he hopes someone comes up to him and then he like wants to form a Disney band or something. I've been in the elevator from my apartment

and I've just been like humming a song to myself and the door opens and I'm just like so spaced out that I'm like and then someone gets in and I look over and I'm like, oh, these people probably think I'm insane now. I was like, oh no. They probably do.

This guy again. They probably don't expect anything. Oh, my God. Speaking of LA, I was in a car park, you know, like structure or whatever the hell those are called. And, my God, LA drivers just were in this car park structure. What is that called, Crandor? Parking garage. Thank you.

Car park structure! Oh, my God! One of those places where the cars are put and stopped where you get out and walk to your destination. Oh, yeah. Parking garage. Car park structure! Jesus Christ!

Oh, boy! It's only downhill for me oh man wow i couldn't remember what that was called what are those places where they make the sandwiches for you they're like a sub and you go there it's like, I don't know. Alright, do continue. Anyway, so I'm in a parking garage. Every time I would go to It's Saturday midday. There are people out. There's a million people. I'm expecting to go

all the way to the top. I imagine I'm going to go all the way to the top and just park on the top floor, which is fine. Whatever. I start driving up and the entire time, every time I round a corner to go up this parking garage, every time there's someone either like waiting for a bunch of people to walk to their car, blocking all traffic. Or in one case, a guy tried to back into one of the parking spaces. And I'm just like, how self-centered are every single one of you that you can't just drive to the top and park at the top when there's just free parking? Meanwhile, you're just like, okay, I'm going to wait six minutes for this family of four to get everyone settled into a car. And you're just like, oh, my God.

Just go. So I kept driving around people, and they'd give me looks, and I'd be like, what are you looking at me for? You're the assholes who are just blocking everybody. Oh, man. I was ready to throw down. I was yelling about the turkey. You know it was. Yeah, probably.

These people want to get through. Too bad. It's me and my car. Yeah, I was just like, who who are don't back up your hump like he's back in a humvee into a parking spot like why do you need to back up yeah why there's so many people that feel they need to back into a space especially with a quick getaway what are you trying to do why do you do that like you're gonna have to have to back into a spot or back out of a spot. I feel like backing out is just easier.

Yeah, especially if you're going down because then you back up to the left and then you go straight. It just makes sense. I don't get it. I don't know. There's going to be somebody that's like, this is why I back into my spot, okay? We say you're doing it wrong. On behalf of this podcast, you're doing it wrong. Oh, my God.

I watched the movie. Yes, I was just about to ask you. Oh, yeah. All right. All right. Crandor? Mm-hmm. What are your thoughts on Jupiter Ascending?

Okay. So, I wrote some notes. And I think you'll feel that these really encapsulate the movie. Alright, here we go. I wrote down, DMV scene, terrible sound, too many tropes, Sean Bean, giant chin guy, bees, Yvonne Line, ass, raspy voice guy, too many characters. Those are my notes. That sums Raspy voice guy. Too many characters. Those are my notes. That sums up the entire movie.

That sums up everything. Everything from the fact that it's a story about a Russian girl who is a space princess who falls in love with a werewolf, who is friends with a bee man, who takes her to space DMV. Yeah, Sean Bean. Takes her to space DMV in order to get registered

as a queen, which still makes no sense. And then the entire time, you're right, there are too many characters. But with all that said, the acting is hilarious. Yeah. It's some of the best. And also, she wants to bang that dog. Like, right?

She's like, I love dogs. What, girl? Oh, my God. Okay. So, like, the sound quality. Let me talk about that first. The sound quality. You know how, like, if you're watching a movie on, like, a TV, and the action scenes are like...

And then they go back to them talking. They're like, buddy. So, you got to, like, turn it up and turn it down. You're like, can't you just balance it? Like, I don't know. This was like that, but on the computer normally when you watch something on the computer it's like better because you got headphones on but this was still bad so i had to like turn it up when he's like hello it's me the bad guy talking and like this and there i go

and i'm like what the shit is he saying yeah but then he's still tricky because, pew, pew, pew, pew. Yeah, but then he's still tricky because he'd be like, you must give me planet Earth or I'll kill you. You're like, whoa, calm down. Like, I had to balance my own audio for that movie. And then she got, like, choked by two different people, didn't she? Oh, not only did she get choked multiple times More importantly

She is saved, if I remember correctly She's saved the exact same way every single time Where a werewolf guy Yeah Flies directly to save her and a wave of enemies Comes at him or something I believe the first time is He flies Through like a wave of fighter jets or something.

And then the next time he flies through a storm system. But no matter what, it's the exact same. He gets in a weird shuttle, flies directly at them, doesn't need to really have any skill because he just goes straight ahead. And then he saves the day. And it's the same scene repeated over and over again. It's like if Gandalf kept showing up. We're like, we get it, dude. All right, Gandalf showing up again.

He's just like, I brought Deus Ex Machina once more. And they're like, God, not again. Like, I get it. Once is all right, but like multiple times. Can I ask you a question? Since you've watched it. Who's the main character of the movie? Yeah, that's a great question.

Honestly, I couldn't really tell who was what role. That's like the movie I think is supposed to be about the girl. But all she does is get captured repeatedly and then get told backstory to. Yeah. Other than that, everything else is werewolf guy. Everything else. It really is. It may as well be him. He kicks all the ass. He does all the fighting.

He has all the plot. He has this mysterious backstory, but he's not the main character. Yeah. I don't think it is a weird film. It is really weird and then oh yeah when she gets like choked she like she like leaned into some of those chokes or like she was just like yeah choke me you know it's like she's like like she looked like she was going a little too ham on that well that's because she wants to bang a dog i mean like that's gotta be a little freaky we know we notice then they

definitely showed a lot of ass there's like some big ass shots and that also every action scene reminded me of Yvonne line like the portal stuff just the theme of everything I was like dude this is like I'm playing Yvonne line I feel like they got inspired by it let me ask you about My favorite scene

The scene Where she's at her Boss's house And she's like the maid For a half naked woman Who is trying on dresses For her date And the whole scene involves a woman

In just bra and panties For like 10 minutes having a conversation about love. It makes no sense why this is in this film. If I was anyone who had like, come to me, my Russian cleaner, I wouldn't be like, hey, come and talk with me while I'm naked. Yeah, then she gets attacked by the space golem aliens. Yeah, the little gray guys. They're just like, whoa.

And still, again, half naked throughout that entire scene. It isn't like she then put on a dress and then got attacked. They just were like, okay, let's find a woman, bra and panties her, and then aliens come and abduct her. What a crazy ass scene. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

There's a lot of like ass. A lot of ass. I feel like they were trying to like compensate for how bad the movie was by being like, hey, but look, there's some ass in it. Yeah, it's and Sean Bean Sean Bean was like probably my favorite person just because he was pretty much

Sean Bean. Being like you have bee powers my queen you can use these bee and she's like wow I can control bees and I was like I was waiting for that to come that does not Crandor I'm clapping that does not come back at all in this movie I was waiting there's no call back to the bees I was I was like waiting for her to be capture something then like swarm bees or some shit at somebody it never it bees. I was, like, waiting for her to be capture or something and, like, swarm bees or some shit at somebody. It never happened.

I was thinking those, like, drone ships that were... I was like, oh, there are millions of drones. Drones like worker bees. Of course she's going to be able to control... No, it has nothing to do with her. It has nothing to do with her. It's just bad writing. Like, that's the whole point of, like, writing is, like, foreshadowing where it's, like, you see something

and then you expect that to, like, come back later when you've forgotten about it. where it's like you see something and you expect that to like come back later when you've forgotten about it and it's like oh I forgot all about that now she's gonna do that wow but it didn't happen yeah the only thing that they consistently hammered home in the writing was that like most planets

are made to keep space rich people alive yeah that was it it was like oh yeah no we drink are made to keep space rich people alive. Yeah. That was it. It was like, oh, yeah, no, we drink and bathe in this stuff that keeps us young forever. Yeah. It's made of humans. Yeah, and it's made of humans.

And each bottle of Voss rejuvenation water is 100 people. And she's like, oh, my God. She drops it. And it's like, you just killed 100 people. Yeah. I mean, I guess they're already dead. Well, yeah. But you wasted them.

But it's like one of those things that is just weird that that's the one thing they keep hammering home. But the rest of the plot and story, like, we got it. We got it very early on that the bad guys were bad for a reason. And that the three villains, by the way, there are three villains.

Yeah. That's too many villains. Well, okay. I know. Here's who I remember. I remember raspy voice guy, alligator man. Sure. I don't even know if he was a villain or a side villain, like working for somebody.

Well, because they kill him halfway. The dinosaur guy? Yeah. They kill him and then replace him with another dinosaur guy. And he's like, I'll gladly help you, my lord. And you're like, wait a minute. Why does he keep the other dinosaur guy and he dies in the end? It doesn't make any sense why they had to do that.

Yeah. And then who's the other guy? It was the... What the shit was he? Was he the... There's the brother. There's the younger... There's the two brothers and the sister.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, Mole Man. Mole Man. The Mole Man. Yeah, and then there's the other brothers. There's like lying is what we must do to achieve our goals. Yeah, there's like the daughter. I don't know what their plots are.

Oh, yeah. Because the daughter's plot was like Hey I'm just here to tell you backstory And then show you How we transform And hey mom you should Oh by the way she's their mom It doesn't make sense None of this movie makes sense

She's like hey we need to You need to become my best friend and we can rule together And it's like okay so I guess our plot's kind of lame. And then the son is like, hey, I want to marry you, kill you, and then take all of your space holdings. And then the older son's just like, I am going to talk like this and be really weird for three hours. It felt like it should have been a trilogy of films, but they crammed all three movies into one. Yeah. Yeah, it definitely did feel like that.

But I wouldn't want to watch that trilogy. Maybe you would have if the first one was good. Maybe. I don't know. Oh yeah, and then there was like her, the Russian brother or something. Oh my god, I forgot about the Russian brother. He bought a TV. Yeah, he bought a TV. He like sold her eggs or something. I forgot about the Russian brother. He bought a TV

Solder eggs or something I forgot that's a whole point. They're trying to get her to sell her eggs. Yeah, this movie is crazy Like yeah, he's just like yes older eggs bought a TV, and I was like wait what like I didn't realize what was happening Yeah, and oh my god. That's right. She goes to have her eggs sold And that's why the grey aliens find her Oh my god And the reason why the grey aliens Go there is because she gave the name Of the woman from the first Like the naked woman

Oh, this movie is crazy Genuinely crazy Also, Sean Bean has a daughter A daughter with a space plague Who's on earth who he leaves for I'm gonna say months like he vanished he vanishes yeah it's it made really no sense and then the DMV scene oh my god the DMV scene felt like it was just trying to put some comedy into it or something. And there was like, here's this quirky robot man. And he just keeps getting frustrated because they're like, go to the spaceport 7.

You went to spaceport 6.8, not 7. You had to go here. Go sign this thing. And I was like, why is this happening? I feel like the writers had a really bad experience really bad experience the DMV and like we're gonna roast them good but it has no place being in this movie it is so the tone is so totally different from everything

else happening in this film yeah it's crazy it it felt like it belonged in like a Harry Potter or something not like in this movie like the Harry Potter I need a Not like in this movie. Like the Harry Potter I need a wand scene. You can't your wand. Yes, you have to go to the wand district. Oh no, not this wand district. This is the

unicorn wand. You need the phoenix wand. Yeah. It was, or like the bank. Just something out of Harry Potter. But like, it just didn't fit. it didn't make sense And it's like she's the queen like why she have to get like a tax Form like all this shit. It's like she can control the bees all right

She just I like that. They're like. It's the bureaucratic planet. I'm like what? There's a planet just for bureaucracy that seems entirely wasteful what do you guys do here uh bureaucracy yeah but like what do you do yeah that's our main export like what how did you rise to be at the status of the like it's this things exist in this that make no sense and then i realized that sean bean has been in like some of the worst like fantasy movies but he's also been in like some of the worst fantasy movies but he's also been in like the biggest fantasy TV show and the biggest fantasy

movie like ever. I feel like Sean Bean is he's like the white Samuel L. Jackson. Yeah he is. Just in everything. Just the two of them I would love to know what their combined total movie output is.

Because I imagine very high. They'll just be in anything. Anything. That's fine. God bless them. They're always great in whatever they do. But they were just like, a movie about invisible sharks? Sure, I'm in.

They both have been in big things like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones. People like Nicolas Cage are kind of like that but without the big movie like I guess maybe like the well I think the difference is National Treasure Sean Bean and Samuel Jackson like do it for fun while Nicolas Cage does it so he can live

yeah he lives so he can buy more skulls and shit more skulls for my skull throne. Nick, you don't need a skull throne. I'm getting a skull throne. But yeah, then at the end of the movie, she just decides, like, yeah, I don't want to do this. It's like, what?

But she can still fly around? She owns Earth, but she still wants to be a cleaner. That's nonsense. No one is ever like, you know what? I'm a princess and I'm going to clean shit for the rest of my life. No one wants to do that. No one has ever said that's what they're going to do. If anything, why wouldn't she lift her family out of poverty?

It doesn't make any sense. Buy that TV for your dumb brother. Oh, whatever. Yeah, it's a terrible movie it's definitely worth a watch to be like what the shit but you're gonna need like alcohol or something to make it through oh yeah it's a movie to watch with friends and get really drunk and be like what are we watching yeah it was it was something all right Well, I guess we can move on to something else. Wink, wink.

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All right. Well, it's the classic stroke in the studio you're having over there. Interesting. Seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, nice uh also uh i think spring break's happening or like it has happened i don't know there's like a lot of spring break stuff going on so maybe uh maybe you're still on that maybe it's happened maybe you're down in mexico having a party fiesta down there uh i don't know what the kids do on spring break these days maybe they're just playing fortnite either way uh traffic's not that bad back view thanks creditor now let's go over to creditor at the weather desk how's that weather weather oh boy um let's see i just went to weather.com looks like wow there's a severe storm in the south as the or generalized

weather it kind of looks like florida which is kind of weird. The storm does or the storm's hitting Florida? The storm that's hit. Here, look at this. Does this not look like Florida? Wow, the storm looks just like Florida. That's what I'm saying. Except it's in Texas and Louisiana. That is, it looks exactly like Florida.

Yeah. It even has a panhandle and everything. It's like Florida's attacking the rest of the South. That's accurate. Yeah, that's accurate. Wow, wait. Does this storm have a name? Severe thunderstorms, flash flooding possible Sunday in Texas, Louisiana,

lower Mississippi Valley. I don't even think it has a name. I thought normally they named the storms like Storm Thomas. No, that's if it's about to be a hurricane or something. I don't even think it has a name. I thought normally they named the storms like Storm Thomas. Storm. No, that's if it's like about to be a hurricane or something. Oh, I see. A tropical storm this or a hurricane this. But a storm is just a storm. And so I feel like this is just like a normal storm that just happens.

Can we name it? Storm Florida. Yeah, Storm Florida. I like that. florida uh let's see so where's this is sitting like uh louisiana all right let's head into louisiana louisiana uh let's see anywhere in that don't rouge go new orleans no now all right in nolans it is 76 degrees cloudy feels like 76 uh you got thunderstorms coming in florida storm hit me hard uh variable clouds with thunderstorms especially early few storms may be severe this is florida all right that's gonna hit you hard watch out low around 70

south southeast winds 10 to 15 miles per hour. Then Monday, really going to get hit with that Florida storm. Thunderstorms in the morning give way to partly cloudy skies. Late after Florida moves out, 76 degrees. South-southwest winds 15, 25. It's going to pick up a little bit. You got 80% chance of rain. That's probably going to hit you. And then Monday night, just little remnants of that storm. Light rain, 64 degrees. Then Tuesday you got 79 and it should start

picking up nice and cloudy with some sun. See, now it's going to be better than being hit by Florida. That's the weather. All right, Cretton, what's going on in sports? Sports. So in sports, remember the AAF

that we talked about? Yes. That is now done. It has been shut down. So in sports, remember the AAF? I do, yes. That is now done. It has been shut down. What? The guy who owns it stopped funding it or being like, yeah, we're done with this. It didn't even get off the ground. Didn't even get off the ground.

Next up is the XFL, I guess. That's the next big football thing they're going to try. But, yeah, the AAF is dead, which kind of sucks because they just signed Johnny Football. And everybody wanted to see that. Yeah, that does suck. So sad times there. Did they explain why? Or is this just like, I don't got money no more? I guess he just was like hold on let's see if

there's an actual reason uh all the nfl people are like signing all the af guys now that we're good they apologize to players for suspending play uh they they issued a statement just saying we are very sorry we made the difficult decision to suspend all football operations for the alliance of american football we understand difficulty that this decision caused for many people and we are very sorry this is not the way we wanted at the end but we are also committed to working on solutions for all outstanding issues to the best of our ability due to ongoing legal process we were unable to comment further or share our ability. Oof. Yeah, that's a... All right, well... Yeah, every time someone says, like,

we'll work to fix all of your problems to the best of our ability, what they're saying is, yeah, no, we're not going to help you at all. Yeah, it's just some damage control, pretty much. Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. Well, that sucks. Yep.

And in real football, Antonio Brown, former Steeler, takes shots at Juju Smith-Schuster on Twitter. And then Juju was like, damn, what's wrong with you, dude? A lot. A lot is wrong with Antonio Brown. A lot. It's getting kind of crazy. So Antonio Brown tweeted, emotion.

Boy fumbled the whole postseason in the biggest game of the year. Everyone went blind to busy making guys famous not enough reality these days by the way check the list because they had juju smith schuster mvp 2018 steelers then juju tweeted all i ever did was show that man love and respect from the moment i got to the league genuinely happy for him to get traded with a big contract now he takes shots at me on social media crazy how big that ego got to the league genuinely happy for him to get traded with a big contract now he takes shots at me on social media crazy how big that ego got to be to take shots of people who show you love shake my head damn I mean he's full of himself so he is very full of himself uh so that's

interesting and then coming up we got the NFL draft in a few weeks so that should be interesting this is big for you that's a big time for you. I get a, we live stream it. We got our football show now. So we're gonna do like a post draft, pre draft. We're gonna stream the draft. I'm pumped. This is big.

This is where teams get better. Teams get worse. Teams make dumb mistakes and trade away stuff. It's very exciting. Unless you don't care about football, in which case you're gonna hate it. And that's sports. All right, Grendar. It's very exciting, unless you don't care about football, in which case you're going to hate it. And that's sports.

All right, Grendar, what is our big news story of the day? Thong-wearing Florida man arrested while building shed with garbage on stranger's property. It's public property! Let's do it. Let's do this. it's public property let's do it let's do this the sight of a man wearing a thong was all florida homeowner needed to call the martin county sheriff's office last month deputies arrested 31 year old george blanken on march 12th an arrest report reviewed by tc palm said the homeowner saw him building a shed and throwing chairs. The trespasser was wearing a swimsuit and then a thong, the report stated. Responding duties deputies said

they found a man on the property who was not wearing a shirt or shorts and he was covered with sand as if he'd just been at the beach. Wait, so he was on someone's property covered in sand, but there was no beach nearby? He just like, I am the Sandman. Yeah. I don't know how he got sand now.

The man was arrested but refused to identify himself. At the county jail, authorities used fingerprints to confirm Blanken as a suspect. He stated he was an artist that makes things from garbage. The arrest report read, Blanken faces charges for giving a false name and obstruction without violence. Yep. I mean, again, great story.

We have no... I need to know why he was at the beach, why he chose this property, why he was making a garbage shrine or whatever he was making there. There's so many questions that I have about this property, why he was making a garbage shrine or whatever he's making there. There's so many questions that I have about this guy. But the news never covers the real story. They never cover the

real story, dude. It's sad. We just want to know more about him. Does he have other garbage art he's made? Yeah, why don't people interview these people and get to the details? I feel like we need to do a show called Crendor's Florida. I film you going to Florida

and interviewing crazy people. We're going to get down to the details. Yeah, we have to know. We're going to go find all the people that were in all the articles we've read and be like, why did you cover yourself in sand and make a garbage sculpture?

And then they'll be like, God is in all of us. And the truth is that drugs are the liberator of your soul. And you're like, yeah. Want to buy a ticket to heaven? Oh my god. Alright, there's another one we gotta do. What do you want

from me? Florida man charged with DUI on a golf cart full of fireball. Florida man charged with DUI on a golf cart full of fireball. Florida man got behind the wheel of a golf cart last week after consuming alcohol. A lot of alcohol. According to the Sumter County Sheriff's Office, a call came in around 7.30 p.m. about a person who was believed to be under the influence sitting in his cart in the middle of the road. A deputy arrived on the scene, made contact with the defendant,

who is behind the wheel of a black club car. I like how by contact, you know they meant like, Sir, sir, I'm going to slowly approach your vehicle, sir. Sir, do not drive, sir, do not drive away. According to the police report, the driver, later identified as dean j hooks seemed groggy and his eyes were watery and bloodshot uh dean j hook sounds like somebody that would do this a witness who had reported the incident was still on the scene she told

the officer that she had observed hooks sitting his vehicle at a red light, nodding off. So she approached him on foot to make sure he was okay. The key was the ignition. The key was in the ignition, the defendant's foot on the brake, and after assessing the situation, smelling alcohol, seeing his glassy eyes, and hearing his slurred speech, the concerned citizen called the authorities. Hooks had a difficult time answering simple questions, such as his name, and became very defensive when asked other basic questions such as his address and date of birth.

The deputy reported that they smelled a very strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emanating from his breath and person. Before the deputy began his DUI investigation to administer standardized field sobriety exercises,

a medic medically cleared the 45-year-old suspect. Hooks reported that he had no injuries or balance problems that would prevent him from safely completing an exercise, but could not maintain his balance. He stopped several times to steady himself, failed to touch heel to toe on almost every step, stepped off the line several times, used his arms for balance, and took incorrect number of steps.

When asked if he understood the instructions, Hooks responded, What do you want from me? Hooks was found to have a breath alcohol level of.285, reportedly more than three times the legal limit. He's doing fine. before placing him under arrest the deputy searched his cart and found a 1.75 liter open bottle of fireball cinnamon whiskey and a four pack of 50 milliliter bottles of fireball on the passenger seat hooks i love that he went hard on the fireball. God bless him. He went very hard on that fireball.

He refused to sign the DUI citation and got slapped with another charge, resisting an officer. He is booked into the Sumter County Detention Center on charges of driving under the influence and resisting an officer and released on a $2,500 bond. Damn. It would have been better if he said his name was Mario. He's like, I gotta get more fireballs. A little more fireballs. Oh, my God. The feet on the piranha plants.

I got to fight the Bowser. They're like, sir, there's no giant lizards here. Watch out to get Bowser. Watch out to get Bowser. Watch out to be Bowser. Oh. So yeah, pretty good Florida Man stories this week. Yeah, Florida Man, killing it. Okay, for once, not actually a person.

Florida Man killing it, not other humans. That's it for us. Thank you so much for tuning in listening watching whatever you're doing when you're enjoying this uh crendor hit them with them social there's so many places to listen to this stuff you got youtube.com slash cox and crendor podcast you want to listen on youtube you got soundcloud.com slash cox crendor you got spotify cox and crendor search us there we got got iTunes. We're on iTunes. We got YouTube.com slash Cox and Crandor. If you just want to listen or watch the animated episodes,

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We got so many things for you to check out watch do whatever you want tell your friends tell your family tell your dog tell your florida man tell your local weather man send a paper to your news station say i love this podcast you should have them on you should go to our spot our sponsorship things me on these.com slash creddor uh postmates creddor look us all up do our things watch the stuff thank you very much. Bye. Okay. Well, that's it for us. So we will see you all next time. And as always,

to be continued.