Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 193- What Was In That Water?!

Episode Date: April 22, 2019

The boys are back and this time they're diving in the deep end of Starbucks water. Is it as good as Crendor claims? We also learn a bit about doctors, Jesse's parents, and kind of weird things Crendor still thinks are happening that definitely aren't. Also Jesse becomes the Moriarty of pee based crimes. All this and more on this exciting episode of Cox n' Crendor! Get your first refill pack free at http://quip.com/crendor Get 15% off your first pair at http://meundies.com/crendor

Today's episode is brought to you by me, Undies. I love those Undies. Love them. That's so weird. Also today, we're brought to you by Quip. Quip is going to make brushing your teeth so much easier and so much better. I have one on my mirror. You're probably saying to yourself, that's probably a weird place for a toothbrush,

but it's not when you have Quip. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-Hour Reporting Studio. Recording.

Wake your ass up. It's Ghost on Trendor in the Morning. Are you under assault? Did someone just slap you? Did someone run by and slap you? Nah, I just did a... I know what you did, it's just not what it sounded like. I don't know what that was. I'm not going to lie, I don't even know why I did that.

You can say that for a vast majority of the things you do. I was at my parents' house today for Easter, and I learned that when I was about one year old, they had a picture of me by this thing that had potatoes in it, like a potato storage thing. And I was like, why is there a picture of me by that? And they were like, oh, you used to reach in there, you'd take the potatoes, throw them, and laugh. That is the most cringeworthy thing

I've ever heard. Of course, you'd be that kid who's like, potato. Yay. Yeah, so I just take the

potatoes, throw them in life, apparently, at one year old. That's some quality non-content. Yeah, I was doing it

at one year old. Remind me, remind me for your birthday one year to buy you a sack of potatoes so you can throw them in a video. I'll probably secretly enjoy it some deep down there.

There will be no secret. You'll be like, look at that potato. Maybe that's the secret to my life. It's just becoming a professional potato thrower. I'll team up with the Mud Brothers. You'd be good at it. They'll do the mud show, and then I come out and throw potatoes at everyone I feel like that would hurt though

Right potatoes are hard You gotta train for it It's not for the weak minded What do you mean no I'm talking about when I get hit by a potato I don't want to get trained to be hit by potatoes Well the Mud Brothers and people Will probably train to get hit by potatoes

So I'll throw them at them And they'll be like, oh, no, it's Potato Thrower. I'll just start throwing potatoes. That's the worst name for your character. Potato Thrower? Well, I didn't think of a name yet. Why not something like Fish and Chips, right? Or Fishy Chips. Like, uh... Fish and chips. Right? Or fishy chips. Fishy chips because you're fishy.

And chips because... Chips. Well... Fishy chips! It's gotta be like a potato thing. Like, what's another term like potato? Oh, spud. They're gonna call you spud tater.

Here comes Sir Spud. They'll be like, I crown thee Potato King. And I start throwing potatoes. That's terrible. Terrible idea. I liked fishy chips. I think that character's got class. You can take fishy chips then.

Then I have to be like, your squire who who throws fish that's fishy chips uh all right big the big question oh boy you tried the starbucks water i did try the starbucks water maybe that's why i'm so excited and rejuvenated with life this week. First up, tell me the experience. Tell me going there, getting it, and then trying it. Okay, so I walked in, and everyone there knows me. So, of course, they were just like, what do you want?

Same? Do you want the usual? And I was like, no. I would just like one glass of Starbucks water. And they're like, what size? I was like, oh, Venti, the biggest one you have, the largest cup. Right. They were like, okay.

So then they just went to their faucet and got it for me. Their little tap thing. And got it for me. And I was like, well, this doesn't seem all that special. And I tasted it and I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't awful. Yeah. It wasn't like any different than any other water I've ever had, but it wasn't like bad. Oh, yeah.

I mean, you know, it's water. It's not like, it's not like some like Holy Grail. Yeah, but it was all right. It was free and it holy grail. Yeah, but it was alright. It was free and it was alright. Yeah, it's like high quality. It's like the type of water you're going to get in a high quality bottled water, but it hasn't been sitting in plastic, so you don't got that going. It's fresh right there.

They just filtered it for you from the tap and then bada bing, bada boom. There you go. I mean, I wish I could say I had more of an experience. filtered it for you from the tap and then bada bing bada boom yeah there you go i mean i wish i could say i had more of an experience i literally walked in and was like can i have water instead of a coffee and they were like sure and then i sipped the water and then went back and got a coffee and then i drank from the water for you know the next couple hours it was on my desk and i was like that's still water nice yum now Now, if you had to rank it, right? If you had tiers of water, all right?

You've got... This is... Okay, this is crazy, but all right. You've got normal tap water. Mm-hmm. You've got Fiji water. You've got, like, generic Nestle bottled water. You've got Starbucks ice water.

Uh-huh. And that's all the ones I can think of. All right. I'd put it on the higher end in that it seemed very clear. Yes. The taste wasn't, you know, anything remarkable. It was water. You can only do so much with H2O.

Yeah. But visually, like it looked, you know, even in the best water, you kind of look at it and I don't know. There's like, maybe there's a thing in there. Maybe there's minerals or something. They removed any sign of anything in this. This was the clearest water I've ever seen. Yeah. See, now now there we go we've got the jesse cox stamp of approval now everybody at home go try it like even on the back of fiji water right it says that it has oh my goodness sil, magnesium. Is that just in water in general?

It's like electrolytes, right? I get it, but is that normal water? I think so. Does all water have? I don't know if tap water has it. Hold on, let's see. It says total dissolved solids. I'm just curious what the difference is.

Tap water can contain more minerals than filtered water with the mineral content and tap water varying by city and source. Drinking tap water from mineral rich sources can help you meet a fraction of the dietary reference intake for important minerals like calcium and magnesium. Yo that's what I'm getting right now. I feel like you'll just get those minerals from other things like food you can get magnesium and calcium from like anything else high magnesium foods spinach almonds dark chocolate avocado look at that what if i'm allergic to what if i'm allergic to nuts and green things dark chocolate what if i'm allergic to chocolate what if i'm a dog what if i'm a dog and i can't have any of those? Seeds.

Seeds? Don't give a dog a seed. What about fatty fish? That's for cats. See, if I was a dog, I would die. And you would not be any helpful. Alright, let's see. High calcium foods.

High calcium foods. High calcium foods. Almonds? Dude, almonds up here twice. Almonds seem very, very good, but also, I'm a dog and I can't have almonds. Well, can dogs eat almonds? I feel like maybe they could. Don't, you know what? Now I'm going to look this up.

Can dogs eat almonds? Dogs love the taste of almonds What while not toxic almonds are not easily digested and can give your dog an upset stomach or gastric Intestinal distress. Oh, you don't want to do that. It sounds like what I got why dogs shouldn't eat nuts. Oh Almonds not easily digestible. Okay, so almonds are the least worse than hickory, which I don't even know, like, what the hell is it? 1842.

Got my hickory nuts. Very excited about this. Love my hickory nuts. Can cause obstruction. Ooh, macadamia nuts, rich in fat, could... Toxic? What? May contain toxin that can cause neurological symptoms in a dog?

What the shit? Walnuts are basically like... Has a toxin that can hurt your dog. Pistachios are rich in fat and can cause upset stomach. And pancreatitis. And pecans can cause, oh my goodness, more distress in the bowels. And it basically is saying that if you feed your dog nuts, you could end up paying $785 in treatments. So you'd be killing me if I was a dog.

Aye, aye, aye. Killing your dog and your wallet. That's a double negative. That's85 in treatments. So you'd be killing me if I was a dog. Aye, aye, aye. Killing your dog and your wallet. That's a double negative. That's a double negative. Don't do that. There's a lot. Isn't it kind of crazy how some animals eat things and other animals eat different things? Also, isn't it crazy that the first place we

went to said almonds are okay, but everything I clicked on since is like do not give your pets nuts don't do it it's almost like you can find anything you agree with on the internet yeah it's weird uh that's like uh what's the cats there's like some people like i made my cat vegan and it's like cats are carnivores like they need meat no my cat likes lettuce my cat vegan, and it's like cats are carnivores. Like, they need meat. No, my cat likes lettuce. My cat likes lettuce.

Sure, he's very lazy, though. He just lays around and coughs. He doesn't do much, come to think of it. Yeah, for some reason, his meow is just kill me. It's very weird. I filmed it and put it on Instagram. It's got 200,000 likes. Just kill me it's very weird i filmed it and put it on instagram it's got 200 000 likes these people keep saying to feed him meat but i guess give him mushrooms yeah it portobello mushrooms taste just like steak uh that's you know there's somebody like that in our audience right now who is very mad at us.

Who's just like, Feed your cat meat. Yeah. Don't kill your pets. Don't kill me. I am like your pet. Don't give your dog almonds. Don't give your dog,

even though the internet says to do it, don't do it. The rest of the internet says don't. Unless you're allergic to almonds, then you don't eat the almonds either Yeah if you can't eat almonds you're going to need that water With the minerals in it Damn dude

He's telling people People allergic to things Like nah just try it What's the worst you're going to do die Uh yes don't do what Grendor says I didn't say to do anything You said to do it I didn't say to do anything. You said to do it. I didn't say nothing.

I didn't say nothing. You're out of your mind. Why are we talking about food allergies? What else do you... I don't know. You started talking about almonds and shit. I have no idea. I got water.

The whole reason we're here is because I got water, and for some reason we wandered down the path to here. That's right. What else did you do this week besides get water? I did nothing this week. Let's be real. I did... My weeks are kind of like one week I'm doing a thing and the next week I'm not

really doing anything and this week the most exciting thing that happened is my... Earlier in the week I had people in the apartment fixing a thing. And I guess one of the women who was here like left a hoodie. And my parents, because they have no boundaries, came over to my apartment and then had a good conversation. Or so they told me about how they had to be quiet because they thought there was a girl here with me downstairs. And they were like, you they had to be quiet because they thought there was a girl here with me downstairs. And they were like, you've got to be quiet.

And I was like, wait, so you're telling me this, like, ripped up ratty hoodie that this girl brought over to, like, help move stuff? You saw this and your first thing was like, oh, yeah, Jesse, like, picked up a girl. Like, they didn't leave. They, like, went around to my kitchen looking. So if there was a girl here, what a weird moment that would have been. And so they just like rooted around. And I had to explain to them, like, no, she just left it.

And said she'd come back and get it. And my parents were like, okay, well, we thought there was a girl over. And I was like, what are you? Why is it? It's like high school. It's all starting to add up. It's like high school stuff now. Where it's just like Gotta lock everything

And be like No mom You're not allowed in here That's my problem If I like Leave my apartment To go to another place In this building

If my parents are just In the area They're walking over And they're gonna like Walk on in Everybody loves Raymond It really is And they just like Had a freak out moment the area they're walking over and they're gonna like walk on in everybody loves raymond it really is and they just like had a freak out moment but let me let me just add to this story they walked in saw there was a jacket had a conversation about if there was someone over then their immediate

thought was let's check out his kitchen so they went through all my closets. My dad, like, checked out what food I had. They took a water. Like, they just, like, were in my kitchen. So if there was someone over and I was downstairs, literally I would have just heard, like, noises upstairs. And I would have thought it was the end. Someone had finally come to finish me off. I would have had to tell some poor girl like get behind the bed Stay down and away from the windows you gotta crawl, okay?

It's like trying to get out then your dad's like hold on I think somebody broke into his place And then they start getting ready to fight And then you like crash into each other And you're like oh Oh yeah no I know I know my dad would My dad would probably hear the noises and be like Yeah he's down there alright

Yeah yeah yeah I would be like alright On the count of three we're gonna rush them Do you have a weapon! You've got like a- here! He said that like the cat from the uh, like Alice in Wonder, like, count of three! We're going to rush them! We're going to rush them!

She'd be like, what's wrong with you? Yeah, so some- weeks, just nothing happens. Some weeks, nothing happens. I found that out today over Easter dinner. That's what my parents decided to tell me. I was like, wait, what? Like, yeah, we just walked into your apartment. I was like, okay.

That's right, let me tell you. So we broke into your apartment the was like okay that's right let me tell you so we broke into your apartment the other day the reason i knew because my because i was like going through and deciding what clothes i wanted to keep and what i didn't and so there was just like a pile of clothes on my um in my living room just like a pile of clothes there and my parents brought it up and i was like how did you know about that and they were like you caught us and i was like, how did you know about that? And they were like, you caught us. And I was like, what? What are you doing? And they're like, we came over. And I was like, are you kidding me right now? Oh, yeah.

They're a real treat. They're just so much fun. My parents are lovely people. But they're also my parents. And so, you know the rules. Yeah. Exactly. Yes. but they're also my parents. And so, you know the rules. Yeah, exactly. Yes.

If they aren't annoying you 24-7, they're not doing it right. Get an email and be like, I listened to the latest Cox and Crandor. Oh, I'm about, I know what's going to happen. Right now, my mom has already paused this and is like, do you really have to say everything about our family on the podcast? You know, you should have just kept talking about the water. My parents, I just want to, this is like a tragedy in three acts. This is my mom.

She said, Trader Joe's opens tomorrow, not too far. So Trader Joe's is literally, they open one up right near us. And she is like, I can't wait to go. Going to be real fun. Happy Easter. See you at 1130 at your apartment making cherry pie for dessert. And then we got together. And I was like, so how was Trader Joe's? And they were like, it wasn't that great.

Now hold up. They were so excited. They were like, I guess in their estimation, it was a weaker Trader Joe's. It was like a pretty crappy version of Trader Joe's. But then my dad goes, we did get a good salad, though. So I don't know what to believe. I don't know what. Whatever.

So I don't know what to believe. I don't know what... Whatever. It's one of those things where you gotta find the good stuff at Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's does have a lot of crap. That's true. Yeah. You gotta make your way through everything. So it's...

They got, like, you know, like, kale fries. Like, hey, make your kale fries. Like, I don't want that. But then, they got some good stuff. Like, the, uh, you know, the, like, they got, like, peanut butter cups. Pretty good. They got good, uh, like, good turkey. They got great turkey.

They got pretty good, like, produce. Like, fruit, vegetable. They got some, uh, they got some good frozen things. You know, like the, uh, oh, what's that one thing? Uh, chicken lo mein. They got some good frozen things. You know, like the chicken lo mein. They got great frozen chicken lo mein. You know, so you gotta find the stuff. Now, me,

a long time Trader Joe, or been trading with Joe for at least 10, 12 years. Oh yeah, you were on a first name basis. You have rep grinded all the way to a high level. You're revered or exalted with them. Yes, I get it. Yeah.

He's like, ah, Trader Crendor arrived. I'm like, check out my wares. Is that your title, Trader Crendor? Yeah. And, you know, I pull up my little wagon of goods, and he's like, all right, I'll give you three boxes of dark peanut butter cups for two bags of potatoes. And I'm like, all right, sold. I gave him his potatoes. Why are potatoes your thing?

This is weird now. I'm like, I am Grindor. I'm the potato farm. That's right, you're Sir Spud. I'm so foolish. Yeah. First of his name. Sir Spud, First of his name.

Spud, first of his name. Yeah, you just got to find the good stuff. That's all. Sure, of course. I mean, anywhere you go. But I guess specifically this was a small... I haven't been there yet, so I don't know. Yeah. They may be jaded because my parents, for the first time ever, got a Costco membership.

Oh. Me, still not dealing with Costco. I don't want to be involved with it. Because my parents for the first time ever Got a Costco membership Oh Me still not dealing with Costco I don't want to be involved with it Costco's still fun Oh no it's not fun for me That place is hell I've been there once I'm not going back Just like Ikea went there once

It was a maze I'm not going back It was too confusing for me Not doing it again Where am I going I'll do everything once but Ikea and Costco I'm never doing again It was too confusing for me Not doing it again Where am I going? I'll do everything once but the Ikea And Costco I'm never doing again I did it It was all bad

You're missing out I am not Tell me one thing I need to get from there That I can't get anywhere else I don't know. Exactly. Exactly. I just buy some of the things in bulk.

That's it. I like walking around seeing some stuff. What do you buy in bulk? What is the bulk purchase that you do? Dishwasher thingies. How much dishes do you wash in? I mean, not, you know, only like once a day. But at the same time, you buy like the big-ass pack

You're good for like months. How many dishes do you who do you use during a day? No like couple plates maybe like how many plates you got all those plates for uh? I don't know so why not to eat food on you act like you don't know. Why not? To eat food on. You act like you don't eat plates. Why can't you just wipe off the plate you ate your first thing on and then when you go back for lunch or whatever, you use that? I don't know. Or just use a new plate and put it in the dishwasher. Touche.

I don't know. It doesn't seem that bad. Then you just put a thing and at the end of the day, I don't need like a thing about a boom. I'd never have needed giant size anything. Well, you don't technically need it. But in the long run, you know, you're going to buy more of them. So you might as well just buy the big ass ball. There's like more stuff that I have to deal with.

It's not like you're putting it on a table. Just keep it under the sink. Yeah, but then there's more stuff under the sink. Well. What I think I'm saying is I want to drop off the map and live in like a cabin. And go like hunt for food. But, you know, it all be a simulation because I don't want to actually have to hunt. Yeah.

I just want the future. I just want the future. I just want the future, man. Oh my God. I was watching this like medical historian lady. Uh, and she's on the, it was a Joe Rogan podcast with this medical historian lady.

And it was crazy. She was talking about how like, it's like in the 1860s, like they used to do surgeries in, like, auditoriums. Yeah, so people could watch and see what was going on inside the human body. Yeah, that's insane. That continued into the 19s. The 1910s, 20s, 30s.

Yeah, it was, like, not even 100 years ago. They weren't even washing their hands. It's like bugs crawling around the hospital. They're like, I don't know. Just cut off the leg. They do that. There was one lady. Apparently, they had to do like a, he'll remove something.

And the guy was like, I will show up one night and I will remove it. And he tried to do that to like reduce the stress. So it's like, you don't know when i'm coming over uh which just made it creepier and apparently he got there and then he was like prepare for death he like said that then they like tied her down and he had to like he like amputated her arm or her boob or like it was one of those things what like a tumor or something and then uh and she like lived after it but like they're like the surgery is like an was an hour long, and blood was spraying everywhere. Like crazy shit.

This was like 120 years ago or something. Well, even back in the 60s and 50s and 70s surgeries, it only was in the recent, in the last 30 years, that surgery became a thing where it's like, no, small incision and you're good. And there isn't. That's very new. That's very, very new where you see doctors in videos. I love watching those videos where a doctor like sticks his head in a machine and then he operates the machine like he's like piloting a mech.

Have you seen those? Oh, yeah. And then the machine has little finger things that are like. That's how I got my gallbladder out. That's amazing. That's so cool. I love stuff like that. And they were saying in the video that I was watching, they were like, you know,

by 2020, this is all going to look pretty crude, the things that are coming out. I'm like, alright, body, hold on until 2020 and then we can get operated on. Then we'll do some crazy shit. I'll be like Half Cat Man. No! Don't feed me nuts! It'll be great.

My grandma got her gallbladder out in the 70s. They'd cut her open like open art surgery. That's what I'm saying. And now they're just like, Alright, you're good to go. Here's some crackers. Goodbye. Now they're replacing people's faces and stuff and putting hands on new bodies.

Things that you couldn't even imagine 30 years ago. Shit's insane. So I'm very happy I was born now and not like the 1850s. You say that, but... Do you want some guy to show up in one of those bird masks and be like, prepare for death? I don't think that's going to... I don't think that person's... We're not in the Middle Ages.

This is the Renaissance. The 1850s, no one had a bird mask. Yeah, they did. They had those bird masks. That's not from the 1850s. That's not true. No. Plague doctor costume, right?

The plague was not in the 1850s. But they kept using them. That's what I'm saying. No, they didn't. No, they didn't. All right, hold on. 1721. Uh-huh. They used them in 1721.

But 1850, it's over 100 years later. Yeah, but they're still doing... I'm telling you. They're still doing They're still They're probably still using Only like people dressing up because they're trying to take a weird Photo to post on Instagram No one actually uses that

Well why not Because it was for the Mask the reason why it has that little hook thing Is because that's where they put all the stuff that you would smell So you wouldn't smell the death around you You would that's like all the Fun smells you would smell so you wouldn't smell the death around you. That's like all the fun smells would be is in that mask. Like the potpourri.

So you would sniff all the good smell instead of all the crap. Ah. I heard it was like it actually helped with keeping the disease away because you weren't up close with it. I guess you're right. The mask was to protect them because i thought they thought that the plague was like

an airborne virus but the reason why it shaped the way it is is because they put stuff in the end i see so it wouldn't like be up in their face or like if they moved it wouldn't like come into their face that's why it has sort of like that elongated bit to it but i guess if they didn't want that they could just had a mask and they'd be you know they wouldn't be fine because they thought it was airborne but you know whatever yeah uh whatever i got my robot surgery i'm gonna get my robot organs and in like 10 years i'll be good to go. I just can't imagine. In my mind, I'm picturing the old west.

And there's like a rancher. He's like, come on, doctor. I need you to come save my kin. And then the doctor's like, hold on. Let me get my mask. And just puts on this crazy-ass mask. He's like, he's riding on a horse. He's just like, yes, I follow you.

Let's go. And he's like, all horse they just like yes i follow you let's go he's like all right children get your get your mother the doctor is here and he comes in like yeah i've come to kill you remember i picture that his picture i'm like strapping him down and like chugging a bottle like whiskey in the other hand like this is gonna hurt you more than it hurts me that's what i'm saying like gives him the whiskeys just like yeah he like starts screaming i feel like the 1850s doctors were just like dudes in suits right yeah like i'm gonna i'm gonna google 18 1850s doctor i imagine it's just like people in suits images yeah it's just like dudes in weird ass suits. Oh, yeah.

It's just dudes. I guess they would make house calls. That's the other thing. They said it's actually more sanitary to like, if you're rich, you'd have the doctor come to your house because it was more sanitary. And if you went to a hospital, it was very unsanitary. Yeah, basically you would get what the other patients had. You would basically cross contaminate.

Yeah. Shit, dude. Not a fan. Uh, I don't know. Listen, that's all I know. And the only other thing I know is that Starbucks water is good. Well, the thing I just learned is that by 1850, doctors were beginning to encourage men to wear beards as a means of warding off illness. So I'm just being healthier. Yeah.

Although my mom messaged me and was like, you know, I read that beards are dirty. And I was like, maybe for some, like, dirty-ass beard people. But I wash, I take a shower every day, and I clean this damn thing. I'm in there with, like, nice shampoos.os and I got some like, ooh, some nice smelling stuff. Please. Oh yeah. Please. I ain't no punk.

I bought some, uh, some beard wash, facial wash thing from, uh, what's that one store? Uh, the one with all the soap and bath bombs at it. Bath and body works? No, no, no, no. The other one it's uh lush oh lush yeah uh i don't know anything about that they got like a beard wash thing it smells like oranges it's very good i use that all the time you know good stuff i i was about to say oh i don't mess with stuff like that but i did get suckered into a really weird purchase i was at a restaurant and they had a soap at their uh you know in their bathroom and it was like it smelled good and had pumice and it was just like an amazing soap and so i took a photo of it and looked it

up online and bought some i was like this restaurant's doing work it sold me on this it was good i was like, this soap feels so good. Oh, it is. It's exfoliating and cleaning. And I just peed. Oh, my God. I was in the bathroom like, let me get another spray of that. Ooh-wee.

Just like rubbing my hands. Oh, my God. My hands feel so fresh. Yeah. I want that every day. Every day. I imagine that eventually you would have, like, baby hands. Why are your hands so soft?

I don't even know. Oh, it must be my pumice. What are we doing in this show? I don't know. All right. Well, let's sell some stuff to people, right? All right. All right.

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Put my toothbrush in there. Fantastic. Saves me counter space. And because I'm one of those grooming freaks and I have to have my pumice wash, I need that counter space. So Quip is the toothbrush that I use every single day. Actually twice, twice daily. It is so good because it's so simple and literally does it for you. Right?

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I definitely never in the past brushed two minutes. I'd be like, okay, I'm done. It'd be maybe 30 seconds tops for all of it, which is terrible. And that's kind of what Quip is about. Quip is all about making it easier for you, right? So it has the two minute timer. It has the 30 second, like, Hey, switch side reminder. And more importantly is that every three months for five bucks, you get a new head for your toothbrush and you can just replace it and they'll send you a whole little kit. It's, it's amazing. And that's another thing. Like people just forget to buy new toothbrushes and they enter teeth brushes or whatever. And then

they end up, um, like having ones that are ineffective. And so you can understand why 20,000 dental professionals recommend quip. I love it. I'm no professional, but, uh, I do love it. I'm no professional, but I do love it. So Quip starts at just 25 bucks and you can go to getquip.com slash Crendor right now. You get your first refill, refill. You get your first refill pack free. You get your first refill pack free with a Quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at getquip.com. That's me. All right. Let's get on top of the episode. Let's get on top of the episode.

Oh, boy. It's actually finally hot outside. I've been saying it's getting hot outside for so long that it feels like I've just been saying it every week, but now it is officially hot outside, folks. Get out there. Start the rollerblading. Blading? Start the rollerblading. Start the snow... Wait, not snowboarding.

Get your refill with your rollerblade. Get your refill with your rollerblade and take the school bus down to school. Take the carpool to the car to work, and have a good time out there. Back to you. All right.

Thanks, Crenshaw. Now let's go to credit at the weather desk. How's that weather? Weather is hot. But let's see how it is in eight four seven seven four eight Nothing, how about? Nine four eight five four four continuously find places that don't I'm just putting random numbers in here I know you are like try or two

Okay, uh two two five nine eight four No, let's just type in letters Okay. 2-2-5-9-8-4. No. Let's just type in letters. How about Y-A-K? Yak? Jakarta? Jakarta, Indonesia. I feel like we've done this before.

No way. I feel like we've gone to Jakarta. My apologies to Jakarta, Jakarta, but that is a funny combination. I think we have. I'll be real. I think we have. This might be one of our rare twofers. We're going to do it again if we have.

Okay. I don't remember doing it, though, so it doesn't count. Jakarta, Indonesia, 85 degrees, fair skies, feels like 93, high 93, low 78, UV index 4 of 10. Today, 93. Tonight, 78. Tuesday, 91. Tuesday night, 79 with some thunderstorms, watch out. And Wednesday, 91 with 80% chance of thunderstorms.

It is hot and it's rainy. Hot and muggy. And looking at the 10-day forecast, literally every day is like 91 with thunderstorms. That's like every day. Like not even joking. It's the rainy season, my dude. It's the rainy season. So sorry about that, Jakarta, Jakarta. But you're getting thunderstorms, season, my dude. It's the rainy season. Sorry about that, Jakarta, Jakarta,

but you're getting thunderstorms, rain, and heat. So stay inside, or if you like the rain and heat, go outside, unless it's dangerous or something. Yeah, unless it's covered in water, in which case, don't get hurt. Don't get hurt. It's valuable life advice. Don't get hurt. That's like life advice don't get hurt oh yeah and all the weather child they'd like if it's getting crazy out there just stay inside maybe have like some backup electricity a flashlight something it's like yeah we know don't get hurt and the one person that

isn't gonna listen is the person gets hurt They go outside and they're just like, I don't care about that. And then they have to say it all again. But that person's not going to listen anyway. So it's like, whatever. That's the weather. All right. Hey, sports.

Hey, sports. What up? It's the sports desk here. We've got sports. NFL draft is this week. I'm pumped. I'm ready It's the sports desk here. We've got sports. NFL draft is this week. I'm pumped. I'm ready. I'm doing a podcast.

I'm doing a live stream of the draft. Not an actual live stream of the draft, but a live streaming the ESPN draft ticker. That's all we can stream without copyright strikes. And yeah, just search three guys talk about football.'ll find us it's a very uncreative name uh also nhl playoffs pretty much all the top teams have lost which is kind of funny yeah uh like literally all the top teams right now if you look at the nhl playoff tree uh the stars are up 3-2 on the Predators. They're a low seed. The Blues beat the Jets.

They were a low seed. The Bruins are tied with the Maple Leafs 3-3. Hurricanes lost to the Capitals. Washington's the only team that's actually doing alright for the high seeds. Penguins lost. They got destroyed by the Islanders. Yep, I'm aware. The

Tampa Bay Lightning got swept by the Blue Jackets. They were a one seed. The Flames got destroyed by the Avalanche. They were a one seed. Calgarino! And the Golden Knights are up on the Sharks. So all these low-seeded teams are taking down the high-seeded teams. Crazy stuff in the NHL.

I'm going to say this again. Golden Knights. Win so we can get another vegas stanley cup that was the best that was so amazing what they did yeah they do some crazy stuff for their intros and i need yeah vegas killed it i want to go i want to go back there and they're like yeah 10 000 years ago like that was my favorite intro I have ever seen in any sport long ago when dragons ruled the sky.

I was like, alright. I'm in. Let's do this. That was a game of Thrones intro. That was a prophecy of one who would be bold to skate upon the ice. Sorry, yes, NBA.

Yes, go on. Over in the NBA, the Raptors are up 3-1 on the Magic. Warriors up 3-1 on the Clippers. Boston took down the Pacers. Rockets up 3-0 on the Jazz. Milwaukee up 3-0 on the Pistons. Nuggets up, or no, they're tied with the Spurs. Mamma Mia.

And the 76ers up 3-1 on the Nets. And the Trailblazers up 2-1 on the Thunder. That game, third game, about to happen tonight before we recorded this episode. That's sports. All right, what is our big news story of the day? Now, the big news story of the day, you're probably wondering, well, what is the big news story of the day, you're probably wondering, well, what is the big news story of the day? Did you not find one? Is that where this is leading to?

That's not quite the case. How goes the search? Case. Cause. Uh-huh. You're stalling now. I have. Yes.

Found. Uh-huh. A. Yeah. Story. That is. Florida man accused of firing urine-filled squirt gun at. There we go.

Well, all right. Authorities in Florida say a 71-year-old Florida man filled a squirt gun with urine and sprayed a woman who was walking her dog. Gulfport police said in an arrest report that Joel William Benjamin approached the woman on Sunday and squirted her several times with urine. The report says Benjamin told officers he would do it again. But it was unclear what motivated the attack. I like a person with convictions. I'd do it again.

It's like a Scooby-Doo. I'd do it again, but I was meddling kids. He faces a misdemeanor battery charge and left in jail. Left in jail after posting Bond. I can just picture them

pulling the mask off and they're like, oh man, Jenkins, I was gonna spray all the women with pee and I'd do it again if it weren't for you meddling kids. But why? I likes it.

Like what motivated him to do this? That's what I'm saying. There's still no like inside stories. Yeah, I don't think we know why he did. That's the big mystery here is what made him wake up one day and be like, okay, step one, pee in a squirt gun. Step two, spray people with my pee. Like, what was the thought process there? Not only that, but he'd do it again.

Can I ask you a question? Okay. I'm no mastermind criminal, but if I was, and this was my thing was pee water wouldn't it make more sense to go to like one of those spring break things where dudes are like spraying people down with water anyway and they're like oh you got me with the water you know well you're a far better criminal than this guy because clearly which is why i've never been caught he uh you would think he would just do that In his eye The Moriarty of pee based crime That everyone just starts walking around

And he's just like ah see you later And they're like it kind of smells like urine Yeah and then he comes around the corner And he's like you were right Mr. Cox And I was like call me Moriarty Of course Moriarty. Of course.

Moriarty. That's so bad. And your theme song would be the like, sometimes I gotta go pee-pee. Whoa. That's my evil theme is I'm like, he's the Moriarty pee. What a terrible thing to be known as.

Why did I put that on myself? I don't know. That is... I just came up with a better way to commit his crime and the dude like, I just, there's like, I don't have an Interpol thing about me that's like, ah, yes, Jesse Cox. The Moriarty of P.

We've never been able to catch him. All of his P-based crimes are so perfect. Perfectly executed. Another spring break ruined. I have to have my Sherlock of P. This is like constantly trying to get me. And he's like, this is Cox P, all right. I've spelled a lot of pee in my days

and this is definitely cocks pee. That's so dumb. It's very dumb. That's one of the dumbest things. This is how we're ending our podcast. And soon I think we're done forever. The gray storm reads this and the thing, like, who's our next enemy? It's this guy.

It's like, oh, my God, I thought our names were dumb. This is another level. Oh, boy. I am the Morian P of Crime. Yeah, well. Well, I mean, I guess that's it it i guess we made a podcast i guess we did uh nothing really happened yeah all right well that's it for us i mean thanks for listening or watching or whatever you're doing

and uh hit up with the socials. Hey, you know what? I probably wouldn't share this with anybody, but if you want to, youtube.com slash coxandcrendorpodcast, soundcloud.com slash coxandcrendor, youtube.com slash coxandcrendor if you want to see the animations. We're on Spotify.

We're on iTunes. If you want to find us, just Google us. Be there. Oh, my goodness. All right. Well, that's it for us. Thank you.

I laughed so hard, I can't keep my eyes open. My whole face hurts. My whole face is like just... Be sure to, whatever you're listening to us on, give us a thumbs up or a five star Or a nice review

Maybe not of this episode but like you know Of a future episode or a past one That's good And um We will see you guys next time So as always To be continued