Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 199 - No Free Fries

Episode Date: June 3, 2019

The boys are back for their 199th episode! Before the next one follow their instructions carefully and help them out to make the 200th episode actually a special thing - maybe. Also an alligator gets drunk. All this and more on an exciting new Cox n' Crendor! Get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription at http://calm.com/cox

Today's episode is brought to you by Calm. If you're struggling with sleep these days and you're not alone, Calm can help you. Trust me on this. I just used it the other night. I turned it on and I listened to like... We'll talk about it later. Look, we'll talk about it later. Let's get into this podcast.

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. dog Hello everybody and welcome to the exciting episode of Cox and Crandall in the morning. Oh. Uh-huh. I tried to do like a Sesame Street voice. Like, oh, oh, oh, gee.

But you sound like Ray Romano's brother instead. Oh, yeah, I do. Hey, welcome to the podcast. Oh, geez, Ray. Oh, gee, oh, man. I guess it's not his real brother. Oh, geez, Ray. Oh, geez. Oh, man. I guess it's not his real brother. It's his TV brother.

Oh, yeah. That's true. His real brother's probably a great guy. I know nothing about his actual family and everything about his TV family. Yeah. His mother. Oh, man. She's so annoying.

The TV mother. I don't know anything about his real mom. Come on. What are you trying to watch The TV mother, I don't know anything about his grandma. Come on. I'm trying to watch the game here. I don't know. I mean, I don't know that it sounds exactly like him, but it captures the spirit. Yeah, that's what it's all about. It's like all my other voices.

They don't sound spot on, but they just capture the spirit of what I'm doing. That's what I've learned. I've learned this over the last year in which our dear friend Alex believes he can do a Han Solo impersonation. It's terrible. It's very, very bad. He's like, alright, Chewie.

It's not good. But everyone I know online is like, it's pretty good, and I think people are just, if you get the spirit of the character, people don't care what it sounds like. Me, you need to sound like the person. I don't care. You're going like, oh, let's get out of here, Chewie. Doesn't sound like Han Solo.

It makes me go crazy. And then he'll be like, all right, and I'm going to do my Lando Calrissian. He's like, hey there, Chewbacca. And I'm like, stop! It's the same thing! I feel like there's either people that can they just get really into

doing the voices. Like, I can do that. I'll get really into it. Even if I can't do it right. And there's people who just don really into doing the voices. Like, I can do that. I'll get really into it. Even if I can't do it right. And there's people who just don't want to do voices because they're just like, I'm not going to do it well. I think a lot of people don't want to do stuff because they're afraid people are going to judge them. Yeah, I think that's it. But I already get judged on a daily basis, so I'm just already there.

Like, I get it. It's just when I was like, oh, jeez. I don't want to. The pressure's on. I don't want to the pressure's on i don't want to school i'm gonna screw this up you know what yeah chances are you're gonna screw it up live in the moment do the thing just have fun one thing i learned is that most people uh there's like another thing here but like it's true like most people don't care about what you're doing in public like if you like trip and you're like oh my god i trip that's so embarrassing most people don't care about what you're doing in public. Like, if you, like, trip and you're like, oh, my God, I tripped. That's so embarrassing.

Most people are just like, oh, whatever. Anyway, so Samantha was telling me, blah, blah, blah. Like, people just care about their own lives. So if something embarrassing happens to you, it's like they don't care. They forgot already. I was literally at the mall the other day and this happened. A dude fell over with his girlfriend. And as he got up, they had this like

argument about how embarrassing it was. She was like, no one cares. No one's watching. And people float around them like they were a rock in a river. No one came up to them. No one tried to help them. There was no security. There was no nothing. Even for the argument, nobody cared. People just moved on with their day. Yeah.

Most people, they either don't want to get involved or it's like, I don't want to get involved in that. Or they're just, you know, too busy doing their own thing. Or they got their own stuff to do. So it's like, yeah, most people don't care. Like, sure, it might be embarrassing for you for those, like, couple seconds. But after that, you know, it's gone. They don't care.

It's just a life lesson. Literally, most people are too busy caught up in their own, like, what if someone's judging me right now everyone's so self-obsessed no one has time for anybody else i actually i used to be that person because i'd always be like oh man are people judging and i think it's because a lot of people do that to other people where like i used to be even more judgmental you know can you believe it i cannot and so in return i always thought people were judging me so i was like ah you know if there's this but now so i've gotten older and realized like oh whatever

i've become more like my dad which was weird because i always thought like you know like oh my dad he'll like go up to people be like hey how's it going so i got a thing to do and i'm like that's so weird but now i can be that person where i'll go up and be like hey how's it going? So I got a thing to do. And I'm like, that's so weird. But now I can be that person where I'll go up and be like, hey, how's it going? So where's your like gallbladder pills? I need some of those. And I don't know where to get them. But like before, I'd be like, oh, God, this is so embarrassing. So no.

So it's weird how you change. Yeah, I think everyone has that moment where they have to do a thing. Either it's like the first time you have to go and buy your girlfriend's tampons. Or you have to go get a pill that helps you poop. Or something really awkward that from that moment on, there's literally nothing you can do in that scenario that will upset you. Right? Yeah. One day, I want to get to that point where I'm like, a package of your premium boner pills, please.

I will take 12. I plan on using them all today. And they'll be like, good on you, sir. Good on you. I mean, the easiest way of doing anything is just like humor as well, which I guess it helps being like, you know, a quote comedian. Yeah, of course. Comedians. a quote comedian I would even call it a female I call us quote comedians or it's like say you're buying tampons or something

in the store and it's like oh you're buying tampons you just go like yeah you know it's my time of the month and then they'll be like hehehe because it's so funny like yeah it's the guy I bet their laugh would be just as fake yeah I will say the one thing that I can't do

that I still to this day can't do except a compliment from birthday parties like if someone wishes me a happy birthday I feel weird if someone says like good job I feel weird if I do a thing and then afterwards someone's like that was really good I feel like they're just like patronizing me

and not really telling me the truth like maybe I sucked at it oh yeah I'd rather people say nothing and me just move on with my life then people like oh man great job because then i'm like are they just saying that like i don't know was it good like the people do you really care oh yeah i can't do it i don't know why i'm kind of like that too yeah i don't i feel like uh i never know what to say after i get complimented it It's like, oh, hey, thanks. That's like, I don't know. It is weird. I mean, even small things like, hey, nice shirt.

I don't know what to say. I'm like, I bought it. Like, what? I didn't make the shirt. I'm just wearing it. But I don't know how to be like, hey, you're welcome. Thanks for letting me show it to you. I don't know what to say.

Yeah, that's true. I mean, maybe if it's like a sports jersey and someone's like, hey, nice jersey, you'd be like, yeah, go Packers. I guess you can get away with that. Yeah, that makes sense. Like, hey, nice jersey. But you know the context, right? Yeah. I think the problem with me is I never know anyone's subtext.

So I don't know when someone says something to me what the reason for them saying it is. I now just assume it's them being nice. But the problem is they have other motives I don't know. So that's why now I'm – You could be passive aggressive. Now when people say things to me, I just assume they're being nice and just being cool people. But sometimes I'll find out later like, yo, that girl was really into you, and you didn't, like, talk to her at all.

It's like, I didn't pick that up. I thought she said, you know, I had a nice whatever, and like, okay, cool, thank you. I just moved on with my life. I didn't know. And they're like, no, dude, she was, like, trying to hit on you. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I didn't detect that at all. Oh, that's where I'm at. Everything is on the same level for me.

There is no like, oh, I understood the subtle hints. You literally have to come up to me and be like, hey, would you like to see my nipples? And I'd be like, now I know what you mean. Thank you. Okay, we're in. We're on the same page now I get this thank you but no one's like that no one is like there's not a person in the world like there's like excuse me although if there is I will marry her and her excuse me sir would you like to see a nip or two and I I'd be like, madam, it would be my pleasure

And then we'd get married I, oh my god, it's also like emails and phone calls Oh, am I just a bad person? Because every time In order to start a conversation, you need to talk to me If someone talks to me, I can go like crazy I will sit there and be like, yeah, yeah, we'll talk, we'll do whatever Phone calls, texts

If you text me out, I won't shut up. But if you're expecting me to text, call, or talk to you any other time, I've had really engaging conversations with people on the phone and been like, yeah, okay, I'll call you tomorrow, and just forget. And unless you call me, I will not call you for weeks before I remember again. Or I'll have a text conversation and be like, okay, yeah, let's, you know what? Let's like talk later this week. You will not hear from me unless you come at me.

I will just space. And what's worse when I do remember, I'll never know what to say. I'll be like, Hey, how's it going? And it's always awkward and weird because then the person will never get back to me immediately. I'm just like, okay. And I'll forget. The thing is, I have no problem talking to people.

I just really suck at knowing when to initiate a conversation because of just all the things I've taken into my life or I've learned from women in my life will tell me times where they just don't want to be bothered and men bother them. And I'm like, okay, put it in the file don't be that guy yeah or people will be like okay in an elevator oh i don't like when people talk to me in elevator so when i get an elevator i don't say shit unless i'm i'm spoken to yeah i'm kind of like the opposite where i can usually tell if somebody wants to have a conversation or doesn't but i'd never like to talk so i'm like i'm not gonna talk if i don't have to talk.

So I'll just stay in there. And then occasionally, you know, something will happen. Then they'll just be like, ah, the weather. And I'll be like, yeah, you know, it's still cold. Can't wait for the heat wave. And they're like, yeah, I know. All right, bye. All right.

I'm the opposite. People will come up to me, and if no one says a thing, nothing will get said Right? If someone says like Hey, I'll say hey But if they don't have a follow up, there'll be no other conversation But if they have a follow up There's some fans that I've met Know this, I guarantee they know this

People will be like, oh my god, so nice to meet you I'll shake their hand, we'll take a photo And then we'll talk to the point where I can tell Like they want to leave And I'm just still talking Talking at them just like oh, yeah, so this thing was really cool, and I like this was pretty and they're just like okay Well, we can tell you're busy Yeah, I just I think my biggest thing is also like ending the conversation

I think I'm pretty good most parts of the conversation. I conversation now but like ending it just like all right well see you later it's like it ends abruptly or something i usually am pretty good about knowing when to end the conversation the problem is i just ignore it yeah like i can tell when the moment to end it is and i will just mouth my way past it i will keep going to the point where I'm like, well, I should have ended a few minutes ago. And okay, well, I don't know what to say now. And we're, okay, we're fading. All right, well, this is bad. Oh yeah, it happens all the time.

That's a weird thing. It's pretty standard. Everybody has conversations. Everybody talks to people, or at least wants to talk to them. Like, I feel like most people with social anxiety, they want to talk to people or, like, communicate better. But it's like they get held back by anxiety and stuff. So it's like even people that don't have it still struggle in, like, conversation things.

Yeah, I think most people want to be able to communicate because that's, as a species, that's That's like the thing we do Is we talk Or not just talk but we communicate in other ways And yeah I guess The idea of Being terrified of doing that Or doing it incorrectly Is a huge issue But from me to you

I have no anxiety about it And I still suck at it So let me just say, come and talk to me. I will talk your ear off, and then you'll be like, well, I no longer have anxiety about it, but boy, do I never want to do that again.

Yeah. That's, uh... That's... Wait. How'd we get here? I don't know. I don't... I don't have a clue.

I did write down a thing. When I was out walking this week, I saw this woman, like, touching her husband's bald spot. And she just kept doing it. And it was kind of weird. She was just sitting there like it was a normal day, and she was just, like, touching his bald spot over and over. Maybe she liked it. Maybe she was into it. Yeah.

That's another thing I feel like most people didn't care but I saw that And was like why is that happening And normally I would have already forgotten by now But I needed podcast material so I wrote it down I mean that's It's our job that's what we're known for This grade A podcast material

I feel like that's the most fun I have out Is just like observing random people doing Weird stuff But it's one of those things where I would like that's the most fun I have out is just like observing random people doing weird stuff. Yeah. I don't know. But it's one of those things where I would like to say as a man whose family is, I think every man is bald eventually. On my dad's side at least. Let me just say, when I eventually have no hair on my head, I need someone to just rub my head constantly.

Just be like, ooh, look at at you vin diesel i'll be like yeah that's right baby yeah is that an actual like thing by the way like i've always heard that where they're like it's the or the hair is like i just heard the hairs from the mother's side i don't i mean i'm i assume i've lasted as long as i have with hair because of my mom's side. Because my dad and everyone on my dad's side of the family oh my god they were ultra bald when I was very young.

Oh man, I'll never forget my dad at one point, I'm going to put him on blast was bald up top had a ponytail on the back. Hilarious. One of the craziest things I've ever seen in my life. He would go and show up at my, like parents would come in and do lunchroom shifts at my school for elementary school.

My dad showed up bald with the ponytail, like making lunch and stuff with the lunch ladies. I'll never forget that. Also, I'll never forget the square pizzas. What happened to those? Where are the square pizzas? Yes, in elementary school, we had square, really crappy square pizzas, but I've never seen those ever since. The little, like, pepperoni squares were on them, right?

It was more like a pizza pizza strudel are we looking this up right now i'm looking it up i don't think i've ever seen lunchroom pizza pizza lunchroom pizza squares maybe there's square pizza co someone's trying to remake these pizza squares on pinterest it's called old school rectangle pizza old school rectangle it has it literally has a oven and apron.com has a thing i'm going to send this to you old school all right right here bam like rectangle pizzas like straight up rectangle pizzas huh these are homemade so they look. They actually look kind of like a pizza, but it had this thing where it was like a rectangle,

and the crust felt a little microwaved, and the pepperoni wasn't like round pepperoni. It was pepperoni nibbles. I don't know how we just... Oh, like the bits? Yeah, like pepperoni bits, but not bacon bits, just chopped up pepperoni bits But not bacon bits just Chopped up pepperoni maybe

Yeah I see people Trying to do it here Oh there's a lot of people on here doing copycat things Oh wow It is very similar to that Except it like that looks A little crappier than what we got So I feel bad for anyone who had to eat that one

But yeah There's plenty of pictures of them online A lot of them look Like updated But they all still look like garbage I'm trying to find the classic ones Like there was, they had a certain look to them They had a certain vibe

That one that I sent you I think is the closest one But yeah if you just Google like lunchroom pizza, lunchroom pepperoni pizza, like all those different things you can find stuff. Yeah, that was my, my dad did that and he had his ponytail and I will never do that.

I learned a valuable lesson then. Even at, even at the, before I was a teen, I learned to never have a ponytail. Just don't do it. My family cannot do ponytails. It's not my genes. Dang.

At least you learned from the past. I did. And if you don't learn from the past, you're doomed to repeat it. And I'm not going to repeat that. You're not going to see me like, hey, everybody. If I did, I'd have to become an official beach bum. I'd have to go live on the ocean and just be like, hey, everybody. If I did, I'd have to become an official beach bum. I'd have to go live on the ocean and just be like, hey, guys. And I'd

also have to find the wife who's like, come here, Vin Diesel. She has to call me Vin Diesel. I don't know why. I don't know why. I only call you Vin Diesel. Yeah, and then she just rubbed my little bald spot, and I'd be like, okay, thanks, baby. That's why I got my longer hair. I'm just riding it out until it all goes away.

Yeah. I mean, that's, yeah, you're, you've hit that point where you're like, man, here, oh, here's the thing. If you cut that hair, you're going to, you're going to see that 90% of it actually fell out. Probably. Yeah. I, I, oh my God.

Who was, I had a friend who always had long hair. And he got it cut for one of those charities where you donate your hair. And when he got it cut, they trimmed it all down. And he realized that his hair had just been sort of laying over his incoming bald spots. And he was like, I'm going bald? And it was so funny. I felt so bad. I was like I'm going bald I felt so bad. I was like my dude welcome to getting old he was like that sucks Yeah, they'll cut the hair keep it going as long as he can I cover those bald spots

But then you're gonna end up thinking to end up being Like my dad with the ponytail Jesus could all fall away. Probably. I'll hit that point. Like a tree in winter, it'll all fall away. Maybe I'll be serving pizza squares. Man, I miss those pizza squares. I would love to make homemade pizza squares.

I'm seriously going to do that. Oh, those are great. Yeah. Oh, yeah. By the way, this is episode 199 Yeah, this is a big one, in that it's one away From an even bigger one Yeah Oh, you know what we should do for that, for the 200th episode?

For 200 episodes You, the listeners, right now Listen right now What are some of your favorite Quotes that we've said Out of context Jesus Tweet them at us and we will read them

And try to figure out what the hell we were talking about Those old school episodes have some terrible quotes Find some quotes Whatever we've said in the past 200 episodes The past I'm'm gonna say 20 years Find out Like go things

Go find things that we've said Tweet them at Crandor at Jesse Cox And we will Just say them to each other next episode And we'll try to figure out More importantly Who said it, don't tell us who said it Who said it and what it was about Say them to each other next episode. And we'll try to figure out. Not more importantly, who said it?

Don't tell us who said it, who said it and what it was about. We'll try to figure it out. Episode 104 years ago. Yeah. That's insane. We had the chlorophyll episode four years ago. Oh man,

that chlorophyll. That was terrible. That was terrible. Chlorophyll was awful. That was terrible. Never forget the chlorophyll. That was terrible. That was terrible. The chlorophyll was awful. That was terrible. Never forget the chlorophyll. Oh, yeah, that was. It made my water taste like awful water.

I can't believe that was that long ago. Yeah, man, time flies. I've been, like, blown away that we're already in June. I know. E3's coming up. I'm ready for Animal Crossing to get announced. I'm going to play Animal Crossing. I'm excited.

I'm excited for E3 too. I have my first... Oh! Next! So, next week on Saturday, I got invited to all these E3 things and I was like, cool. Really excited. And then I found out that I had an invitation to go to the Star Wars Galaxy thing at Disneyland. And I was like, well, E3 things and I was like cool really excited and then I found out that I had an invitation to go to the

Star Wars Galaxy thing at Disneyland and I was like well E3 goodbye sorry so I'm ditching all of that to go to Star Wars I hope they understand priorities but yeah the first thing I do at E3 is go see Cyberpunk so I'm really excited

well E3 has also become become a lot more fan service. It used to be like, only industry's here, and now it's just like, hey, come on down to the old E3. Well, not this year, I don't think. This year, I think they cut it back. Although, I don't know. I never know. People are pulling out of E3, aren't they? Yeah.

Sony pulled out. Nintendo's been out for a while. Well, out. Nintendo's been out for a while. Well, Nintendo press conference has been out for a while. They have their booth there. They just do their one thing where it's like, here's our Nintendo Direct, but it's a big one. And we're like, woo. Yeah, I mean, the problem is, like, E3 and this is why I don't like going to PAX. Like, PAX is great.

Yeah. But I don't necessarily need to go. Most big gaming conventions, the biggest problem is that originally people would go and then report back on what was there. And now everything's streamed. Everything is reported on by a million people, there's literally nothing special about being there. Like, actually being there. The reason I go to E3 is because it's in my backyard.

Yeah. If I had to travel for it, I would not go. Like, the same reason I don't go to Gamescom or to Tokyo Game Show. It's far away and it's insane. Like, E3 is the exact same way. It's just insane. After a while. Yeah.

There's no reason for me to go to PAX West, because everything I see at PAX West, I've seen at E3. I'm not even going to lie. All of my memories from PAX, I have, like, zero video game memories. I'll remember, like, being at a booth for, like, five seconds. All my memories are food. I'm like, oh, yeah, we had sweet yams. Oh, yeah. Oh, man, sweet yams is great.

Yeah. Yeah. So this week, I had a dream. And I just want you to know how much of a nerd I am that I had this dream. All right. I dreamt I was sitting in a room talking to, I think, friends. I don't remember who was in the room, honestly. We were having a heated conversation about movie battle strategy.

All right. That's right. Movie battle strategy. I guess books, too. And the conversation was, why do writers or directors, whoever, when they make battles, they make them look very cool but strategically not very sound and how every time, you know like everything from

the Battle of Helm's Deep like Game Thrones all these different battles, no matter what they're all just poorly executed from a strategic standpoint I think it's probably because I played way too much Total War this past week and so I'm like these battles are terrible and I had the epiphany in my own dream which I think it's because I played way too much Total War this past week. And so I'm like, these battles are terrible.

And I had the epiphany in my own dream, which I think was my subconscious being like, hey, Jesse, here's the reason why. Every one of them ends because of something else that happened off screen that then results in another character ending the battle. And it like washed over me like a wave. I was like, oh my god, you're right, me! It never is like, ah, yes, General Cox, your sound strategy defeated the enemy and we

have won this day. It's never that! It's always like, ah, yes, it was Frodo who burnt the ring with the help of his friend Sam. You really did nothing, Jesse. You just bought them time to make that happen. And you're like, ah, okay. Cool. And I bet that's a trope.

And I think my brain just wrapped its head around that trope for a minute and was like, alright, we're good, Jesse. So now I get it. So now I'm not nearly as upset because I understand that that's how every movie, like, video game, everything, all the fights are all like that. Yeah. It yeah it's you know that's one thing if you're watching something that's like hey this is uh this is like an historically accurate

like strategic thing and then there's the people just being like we just want a cool action scene throw it together they don't care yeah admittedly don't during the Game of Thrones fight, aside from it being too dark, I was very much like, that's cool looking. Oh, that's neat. But looking back, I'm like, that's the dumbest. Why would you do that? What? You know what?

I'm going to say this was the summer of poor choices that I didn't care about. End game, for example. Some things in that movie, I was like, why would you do that? Don't care. I enjoyed it. Right? Like, all right. I Don't care. I enjoyed it. Alright? Like, alright. I don't care.

I mean, well, I'd say spring. We're not really in summer yet. I guess you're right. There's a spring of bad choices. Spring of bad choices. Starring Adam Sandler and Jesse Cox. With guest appearances by Kevin James. Yeah, Kevin James just shows up and is just like,

hey, shouldn't I be in this movie? And Amsterdam's like, a da-ba-dee-doo, Jesse replaced you. It gets even wackier with Rob Schneider. You can do it. There you go. A spring of bad choices coming this summer. There you go. A spring of bad choices coming this summer. Everybody's got bad choices every once in a while.

You know what's not a bad choice, Crandor? Getting calm on your phone. It's not a bad choice. It never will be a bad choice. In fact, it's a choice I make every day to start my morning. I'm not even joking. I use it every single day. I love it so much. Are you struggling with sleep these days? You're not alone, y'all. One in three adults doesn't get enough sleep.

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With Calm, you have a library of all sorts of amazing things on your phone that are going to help you. Jerome Flynn of Game of Thrones reading a story. Stephen Fry reads a story as well. There are sleep sounds, like these soundscapes that are just like, there's some that are just noise. It's like you're in a forest and it's raining. It's like, and there's some where it's like there's music in the background. It's like, they're great. They're so good.

I used it just the other night because I couldn't sleep and I was like, turn it on. I passed out, y'all. I passed out. Also, it's great. They're so good. I used it just the other night because I couldn't sleep, and I was like, turn it on. I passed out, y'all. I passed out. Also, what's great is Calm has a meditation feature every day. And if you want to get into it, I'm telling you, it'll make you so relaxed. Every day, a brand new Calm meditation thing is there for you. It's about 10 minutes, and it literally is just like, hello, and welcome to your daily relaxation. Today, we're going to talk about awakening.

And I was like, oh, I'm in. I'm in. And it's great because then, you know, she will – the background is just like the noise of whatever. It could be the ocean or it could be a forest. And then she's like, relax. I've said this before. She just gets you in the mood. And at the end, she just starts talking about, today was

awakening. And I honestly remember vividly exactly what she said because it was incredible. She was like, as Tinkit Han said, and I don't know who that is. One Buddha is not enough. And I was like, oh! One Buddha is not enough! That blew not enough. I was like, oh! One Buddha is not enough!

That blew my mind. I was like, that's the smartest thing anyone's ever said. I was like, oh my God! I had my awakening then. I was like, whoa! One Buddha is not enough! I was like, oh my God! Got me. It took me away. I elevated to another plane of existence.

Right now, you, our listeners, can get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription at calm.com slash cox. That's C-A-L-M dot com slash cox. 40 million people have downloaded the app. Find out why calm.com slash cox is the right thing for you. Trust me on this one. It is dope. All right, Crandor, let's go to chapter 7 of the Sky with Crandor. Actually, chapter 8.

The 7's dead, I think, last time. Did it die? Whatever. Chapter 7A, the Sky with Crandor. How's that traffic out there? Hey, what's up? Yeah, this chapter is great great. We have upgraded it took a lot of financing, but hey We'll pay it off at some point. That's how these things work. So what's going on? How you doing? Yeah, beautiful out here. I got a whole bunch of new buttons. I can press you got the Get this one that press that I don't know what it does this one I think that's the

windshield wipers we got this one that's supposed to help like love levitate us off the ground or so I said I don't know that's crazy anyway yeah looking down here we got a radar of the traffic we've got heat sink of the traffic. We've got heat sink of the traffic. We got generated maps. This shit's all crazy. So it looks like everything's fine. Traffic's rolling right along. So you should get to where you're going pretty easily. Back to you. Thanks, Crandor!

Wow, that sounds like a futuristic vehicle you have there. Yeah, expensive too. Oh man, yeah. We finally are making that money. Finally. Alright. Let's go over are making that money. Finally. All right. Let's go over to the sports desk. Sports. Oh, wait.

Hold on. Weather. Oh, no. Let's go over to the weather desk. Hey, how's it going? Welcome to weather where we're almost forgotten about today. We're watching a tropical system apparently uh systems expected to drop heavy rains in parts of mexico and increase moisture in the u.s watch out for that one uh but let's

go somewhere random for some weather we'll go to five five two one one uh and that's gonna take us to yoga karta special region of yoga karta indonesia whoa yo indonesia shout out shout out indonesia uh 77 degrees and cloudy over in yoga karta special region of yoga karta indonesia feels like very specific very specific location i got a high of 88 low of 70 uh tonight and it's gonna be 70 degrees with 10 chance of rain but tuesday 91 with a 40 chance of rain tuesday night 71 with a 40 chance of rain and wednesday 91 with a 40 chance of rain a lot of 40 chances of rain uh south southeast winds 11 miles an hour a little windy humidity 69 hey uv index 5 of 10 and the sun rises at 5 45 and sets at 5 27 that's actually pretty early for the sun to set but i guess that's because it's on another part of the world which would make sense uh who'd have thought

people live in different places than we do uh also there's no other also that's it oh okay all right oh let's go sports sports welcome to the sports desk here we go uh so we got sports news nba we've got the nbaals happening. The Raptors take game one against the Golden State Warriors. They're up 1-0. Yarr! And right now the game is in the first quarter with a minute left tied at 23. So it looks like it's going to be a close game over there again. I saw the most Canadian thing I've ever seen in my life the other day.

A guy tweeted out, So you think you can jump on the Raptors train now that we're winning? Is that what you think? Because you'd be right. Welcome, and thank you for being a part of our new fan base. He said something like, we have Tim Bitts and a 2-4 in the back. I was like, yep, yep, that sounds Canadian. That is definitely Canadian.

You think you can be a part of this? You can. Come on in. I was like, lol, okay. Canada, you win. Look at this. I almost said Canadia. Canada has gotten a basketball team to the finals before they've gotten a hockey team there recently.

I saw a map someone made, and it said fans of golden state and fans of the uh uh raptors and it was literally the entire world and then just san francisco with the warriors logo yeah it's really funny i was like that's accurate the warriors have become like the patriots of the n, essentially. Yeah, I'm over it. I'm over it. I don't care anymore. Go Raptors. I agree. Go Raptors. Meanwhile, in hockey, Boston up 2-1 on St. Louis. Game four is tomorrow in St. Louis.

And if Boston wins that one, they'll probably win the Stanley Cup. But you never know. You never know. If St. Louis wins, it's all tied up. Then it goes to the big-time three-game series. So that's pretty neat going on in the hockey lane. And baseball is baseball. It's still got a – we're not even at the halfway point. Still 12,000 more hours of baseball to go.

Yep, still a lot of baseball to go. The team that is in first place right now, they could all be swallowed up by the earth by the time this season ends. Yeah. You never know. They could lose the next hundred games and they'll be in last place. You don't know. It could happen.

That's sports. All right, Crandor, what is our big news? Oh, wait. Before we do anything, going back to sports, I read an article about a dude at a cricket match catching a ball And I guess he was a cameraman And he caught a ball one handed And everyone was losing their minds saying he should be in the game

And I was like why he just caught the ball And everyone was like if you catch the ball That's an automatic game win Is that true Cricket players cricket fans If you catch the ball you just win the game Is that how that game? Is it literally?

Is cricket? Is the ball the snitch? I don't know. I mean, it would make sense. Maybe she even based it off of cricket. Maybe? I don't know. Now I think it's possible.

And we're just too American not to realize it. I was like, like wait if you just catch the ball that's it they're like yeah they should have got that guy in should have had him behind the pitch and I was like I don't know anything you're saying right now I have no idea what's going on but I think the rules are if you catch someone tell us because I don't know anything about anything about cricket I couldn't tell you about it yeah somebody tell us about that, please. I would love to know. Yeah, because there's got to be some cricket people out there. So we've got two big news stories.

Okay. So we've got some good stuff this week. First up, we have 11-foot alligator invades Florida home, gets into wine. I have a thing about that. Here's the thing I know it was probably an alligator on the floor Got into some wine and it was just like a mess But in my mind I see an alligator Like sitting in a chair

Holding a glass of wine Like welcome home bitches I got you a wine He could be fancier than that Like hello old chap Like a crocodile maybe would be like Hello old chap it's me I busted would be like, hello, old chap. It's me.

I busted out. But I feel like an alligator, that's just sass. Alligators are the sassy ones. Like, hello, bitch. I stole your wine. Yeah, that's true. 11-foot alligator invaded a home in Florida by smashing its way through a low window. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Just bashes through. Why would it decide to? Yeah, like a low window. How god just bashes through why we decide yeah like a low window how low is that window it's uh looks like it's on the ground it's practically on the ground looking at this picture why why would you put a window on the crystal point having a window on the ground there you go it's the fourth the third picture or the fourth picture down, looks like. What the what?

Yeah. Can you imagine that? Just walk into your kitchen, there's an alligator, and you're like, oh, okay. Part of the family now, I guess. Yeah, that's... Anyway, police and trappers safely captured the intruder. No injuries were reported. Apparently, the homeowner woke up to noises in her kitchen at 3 a.m.

The kitchen table was destroyed, and it appeared the gator got into some wine. There was no damage to the walls. I'm still shocked that people have... I get how you would have windows on the ground that are connected to your basement. Yeah. I've seen that before, but I've never seen someone with a window on the ground that leads to a kitchen.

Yeah. Maybe that's a Florida thing. What the hell? Why? Florida? I don't, gotta get that ground light. Is that like a, maybe the light reflected off the floor will give us some more... Like, I don't get it.

I don't understand. Florida, what goes on there? You know only in Florida can they sell you the idea of a ground window. That's very true. I need to look this up. Why put a window on the ground? Wouldn't it flood,? It feels like it had flood potential. That's what I'm saying.

The seals on the window, it doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. There's not even ground window. There's not even a thing. Yeah, there's window wells and how they... There's windows for

the basement. I see a lot of that. Yeah, there's window wells and how they – there's windows for the basement. I see a lot of that. Yeah, but no – No actual, like, ground windows. No actual ground windows. Yeah. That's weird. That is real weird.

Why? Why is that a thing? Somebody's got to know. Tell us. Maybe there's got to be, like, some window expert. Like, whoa, I put these in in florida all the time yeah why it's i'm obsessed with this now it doesn't make any sense yeah i don't know um well i got an even better story for you okay denied free fries woman brawls with burger king with Burger King workers say you know what I bet she did I bet she did yep a

he'll a a woman was arrested Monday after police said she tried to rob a Miami Dade County Burger King because employees Florida woman yes it's Miami because they would not give her and her girlfriend free french fries. The robbery turned into a brawl when the employees refused to hand over any money. Natasha Bagley, 42, faces charges of burglary with assault or battery, armed robbery, and criminal mischief. Prosecutors said Bagley carried out an attempted robbery with her girlfriend, but that woman has not been apprehended. Bagley appears to have... Damn! Whoa, time out! She ditched her girlfriend but that woman has not been apprehended bag damn whoa time out she ditched her girlfriend damn dude she ditched that is betrayal that is she you know

that one woman is sitting there in prison just like when i get out i'm gonna find her and i swear she ditched her wow uh can you believe can you believe um wait so how did the fries come in natasha bagley 26 year old genesis peguero came through the drive-thru of the burger king at 18 240 south dixie highway on apr 2nd. The pair asked for free fries, but the employee working and drive-thru said no. Just minutes later, Bagley and Piguero walked into the restaurant and caused a ruckus. Piguero then jumped over the counter to the employees-only area. When a manager approached her, she demanded that they open the cash register and give her whatever was inside. her whatever was inside according to wfor piguero threatened to hit the manager with a caliber 45 caliber pistol while reaching into her pants pocket then the manager tried to call the police piguero slapped the phone away and began physically attacking the manager hitting her in the face

at that point bagley also jumped over the counter and also attacking the manager before fleeing the burger king piguero pushed both cash registers and monitors off the counter causing them to break paguero went back over the counter to hit the manager again before the pair fled and a black suv uh someone was able to take the license plate number down and they found them of all the getaway cars a black suv a black suv well oh my god if anything's gonna if anyone's gonna find your ass a blow oh my god that that looks like a woman that would rob a burger king or try to get oh my god that is one hell of a monk shot. Yep. That. That's.

I'm not even going to lie. I'm not even going to lie. Crandor. Yeah. Be real with me. Yeah. If I shaved and put a wig on, I think I'd be this. I think you could pull it off. All right.

Wow. That is like staring into the void. Okay. Well, that's terrifying. I think that is a wig. Hold on. Someone got another picture. It was a wig. Okay. It was well, that's terrifying. Hold on. Someone got another picture. It was a wig.

Okay, it was a wig. All right. Yeah. Now it just looks like a crazy person that does drugs. Yeah, now it looks like... Now she's standing normal. With the wig on, it looked like it could have been just me with a wig on. Now it actually looks like a woman.

Okay. Yeah, she was all dolled up so she wouldn't get detected. I bet they'd come find me. They probably would. They'd put the wig on you and be like, there it is. That's a terrible wig. Just one of the worst wigs I've ever seen. Yeah, that's a pretty terrible wig.

Yeah, that's an unfortunate wig. So, yeah, that's our stories of the day. I don't like, man, I don't like I don't, what's happening in the world? Here's what I'll say about that last story Thank God they didn't give them the fries Imagine being the idiot who gave them free fries And they came in and robbed you

Like I just gave you free fries, you ungrateful bastards Yeah, seriously I'd be so mad So you know what? Shout out to them being like, no free fries. Yeah, no free fries. Well, that's it for us. Thank you so much for listening or watching or however you are enjoying this fine little ditty here.

Episode 199 in the books. Send us quotes. Yes. Things we've said in the past. Things that we don't need to know who said them. Give it to them out of context. We'll try to figure out what we were talking about and who said it. All right, but that's it for us.

So make sure to send stuff to one of these things, preferably our Twitters. Crandor, hit up the socials. All right, Twitters are twitter.com slash Crandor, twitter.com slash Jesse Cox on YouTube. If you want to listen to all those podcasts, youtube.com slash Cox and Crandor YouTube. If you want to listen to all those podcasts, YouTube.com slash coxandcrendor podcast. Or if you prefer other means, we've got soundcloud.com slash coxandcrendor.

We also have Spotify and iTunes. We've got a bunch of stuff all over. Also, if you want to see animations, YouTube.com slash coxandcrendor without the podcast at the end of it. Also, check us out on our other things, twitch.tv slash jessicox, twitch.tv slash crendor..com slash Cox and Crandor without the podcast at the end of it. Uh, also check us out on our other things. Twitch.tv slash Jesse Cox, Twitch.tv slash Crandor,

YouTube.com slash Jesse Cox, YouTube.com slash Crandor, Facebook.com. I think it's the same thing. And Instagram is like a notorious Cox and Crandor was taken. Uh, and I think that's all our socials that I love. How we got beat out to Instagram. Someone clearly,

we got to all the other things and got our names But like we go to Instagram Some asshole's like yeah I'm Crendor and I am Jesse Son of a Whatever Alright That's it for us Thank you so much

We'll see you next time and as always To be continued.