Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 203 - American Healthscare

Episode Date: July 1, 2019

Here we go again! This week Crendor finds himself in the best shape of his life, while Jesse thinks he's about to die. My how the tables have turned. Also a man trains a squirrel to kill. What's the deal with all the squirrel assassins these days?! Go to http://HoneyBook.com and use promo code COX for 50% off your first year. Go to http://thirdlove.com/COX now to find your perfect-fitting bra and get 15% off your first purchase!

Today's episode is brought to you by Third Love. If you are a lady, you probably have a bra, and you're probably going to want to hear what two guys on the internet have to say about it. We're also brought to you by HoneyBook. If you run your own business, or you need help getting through your to-do list, HoneyBook is the place to go. We will talk about that later as well. Let's get into this podcast.

Hello, everybody. It's get into this podcast. Hit me! Wake your ass up! It's up next! Crendor in the morning! Hit me! Hit me! Hit me! Crendor in the morning! Hello everybody and welcome to another exciting episode of Cox and Crendor in the morning. Why do you say that like it was an old-timey storybook horror show? Like, welcome back to Tales of the Crypt. Today we'll be speaking of Cox and Crendor. From the fiery pits of Hell comes cocksick

It's not wrong It's just we say that way people think it's like funny, but in reality. We're letting you know we've made a pact with Satan Oh, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, big time big red, and I we go back. He took our talent Yeah, yeah, and he gave us no all right. I was curious what? So eternal pain which has started already Are you dying and what is happening to you? We're all dying man. Oh man I'm actually felt emeral beings In corpse bodies man

But as somebody who's been in You know talking about my pain for the last like Three years I've actually been feeling pretty good lately You know even though I still have this like Jank post cold cough I'm feeling great too I've been uh I've been like trying to be Johnny physically

Active and stuff I'm trying to like get stuff done Man I'm feeling good I'm feeling good you know what it is I'm trying to get stuff done. Man, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. You know what it is? I've got to look good for our August show in Chicago. I've got to look good for when I meet all those sexy co-eds

who are like, can I buy you a drink? And I'll be like, yes, you can. My objective is to get as much free to drink as possible You started lifting? Yeah dude, I have a thing in my house Oh damn I know

I'm gonna be like ripped And by ripped I mean still fat Just slightly less fat than before It's gonna be great I think eating more has actually helped all my issues Are you telling me Time out Are you telling me that by eating more has actually helped all my issues. My body is probably starved for nutrition. Time out. Are you telling me that by eating more, you're actually doing better?

Yeah. And I've been gaining weight. So, I mean, all around pretty solid. I can't wait till this backfires on you. Because eventually you're getting to the point where you stop doing all the weightlifting. And then you just keep eating the same rate And then you'll be a meatball And then I'll love it

I ain't stopping I'm lifting I'm gonna be that old guy at the gym Who's like 70 with his little checklist Like there we are You say that But what if What if

You I don't know Hurt your back Or what if you Lose a toe And you can no longer balance? I mean, I'll still find a way. Wow, you're like nature.

You find a way. I'm one month away. You're like the dinosaurs that killed those kids in Jurassic Park. You'll find a way. I'm one month away from going to the gym three times a week for a year. You are. You're living the dream. Yeah, it just feels good. three times a week for a year. You are. You're living the dream. Yeah.

It just feels good. I'm at that point where, like, it's become so habitual that it's just, like, I get driven by my body there. Like, you gotta do this. We gotta go. And I'm like, yep, gotta go to the gym. You just do it.

You go there, bam. Like, it's part of my routine at this point. I'm impressed in you. Yeah. And really, people are like, Krendor, what's your motivation? Losing my organ and toenails. That's a big motivation. Yeah, it does.

Oh, my God. Speaking of motivation, can I tell you? So the other day, I was, you know, in the middle of being sick. And my mom was like, do you have pink eye? I'm like, what? No. She's like, your eyes look very red. Do you have pink eye?

And I was like, no, mom, I don't have pink eye. She's like, I don't know. You should go get that checked out. I'm like, ugh. So I didn't. Of course, I didn't go get it checked. It's not pink eye. I'm fine.

She then saw me in person and was like, I need, I'm taking you to the doctor. So literally drove me to an urgent care. I go in and I was like, yeah, uh, I don't know. I, there's something wrong with my eye. It just, it hurts and it's really itchy. And they're like, all right, we'll take a look. And I go into the doctor and the doctor is like, all right, well, I'm going to have a nurse come in.

We'll do blood pressure. We'll do that stuff. And then I'll come in and check it out. I'm like, okay. Nurse comes in, takes my blood pressure, looks at me really weird, then leaves, comes back and is like, okay. So the doctor can come and see you. The doctor comes in and is like, your blood pressure is like something insane.

Whatever it was, it was a number that was like 150 something over 110. Like an insane number. And she's like, you should be dead. What is happening to you right now? You having like a stroke? She was like, I need you to lie down. And like, did you do anything strenuous today? I was like, I need you to lie down And like Did you do anything strenuous today? I was like, no She's like, do you

And she's like looking through charts, she's like, I need to get you to your general practitioner Right now, we need to get you on something Like, this is not right I'm like, um I, what? And she's like, okay, sit here for about 5-10 minutes I'm gonna go, I'll come back And we'll test it again

So she leaves, another second nurse Comes in, tests my blood pressure Sit here for about five, ten minutes. I'm going to go. I'll come back, and we'll test it again. So she leaves. Another second nurse comes in, tests my blood pressure. So she puts the band on my arm, and then my arm is, like, laying next to me, right? Right. And she looks at me, and she goes, oh, no, no, no. Don't leave it there. You have to hold it up so it's at the level of your heart.

I'm like, what? And she's like, yeah, hold it up. So hold your arm up so it's at the level of your heart. I'm like, what? And she's like, yeah, hold it up. So it's hold your arm up. So that's the level of your heart. And I was like, okay. So I hold my arm up and she's like, oh, okay. And it was like one 30 over 80 or something like that. Right. Which is just like infinitely better.

Not great. Infinitely better. And so, and so she's like, no, that's you're fine. Like what? Apparently the first nurse had let my arm hang down, and so it effed up the reading. And for a good 20 minutes, I was like, am I dying? What's happening? What is going on right now?

I was like, I've never had high blood pressure. I was freaking out. I was like, old age finally hit me. I have high blood pressure. I'm going to start taking pills. Oh, my God. I'm going to be on blood thinners before I know. I was like, in a moment.

And then the doctor comes back in. She goes, okay, well, it wasn't anything to worry about. Here's some cream you can rub on your eye. I'm like, wait, what? She's like, yeah, yeah, take this cream, rub it on your eye. I'm like, on the outside? She's like, no, no, no, hold your eye open and rub it on your eye i'm like oh my god what this is much worse i was like i would rather take pills for blood pressure than this she's like just rub it on your eye it'll clear everything up

and so i took cream rubbed it on my eye one day later it was fine i was like okay cool like what a weird experience to have gone through just because i honestly was like are my eyes do they hurt because i'm dying is this what oh man i thought i thought it was done i've everyone in that room looked at me like i shouldn't exist jesus that's it was like they looked at me like i think i think we caught a guy right before he was about to go into, like, cardiac arrest. And I was like, what? The hell? All I did today was, like, hang out with my mom. It's not that stressful.

I didn't do anything. It was crazy. Honestly thought I was dead. I thought that was it. It was the end of me. But turns out it was a technician not doing their job right. Yeah. I've had my blood pressure taken so much the last like two years maybe three years and it's always like it used to be pretty high because i didn't exercise and i eat bad and they're like do you want to like you know eat better and exercise and i was like i don't

know and then ever since i started doing that boom good blood pressure who'd have thought exercise and eating well like all those things said that i ignored yeah i think i think the 120 oh i'm trying to remember what i know 120 over 80 is considered like pretty normal elevated blood pressure 130 to 140 over 80 to 90 is like stage one hypertension. So I'm fat. Who knew? And anything over that, you're like, fucked. And so I don't know. I don't know what the rules are anymore. 120 over 80 is like normal.

120 over 80 is normal. Yeah. The second number, if that's like 80 or above 80, then it's like getting a little high. And if it's above 90, that's like, uh-oh, watch out. Yeah. She gave me the talk that all doctors do, and I probably should listen. She's like, you know, you're not high blood pressure yet, but you really need to get it down. I'm like, I know. I'm aware.

I wake up everyday fat. I get it. You don't have to tell. I know. I'm telling you. I love going to the gym. It's so good. You get your heart pumping.

You get the, you know. It's just, you get the endorphins flowing and some dopamine you see your muscles start getting bigger your heart is stronger you just feel better i will say the one time the time that i went to the gym the most was i just need to be out of work is i think the answer when i was between teaching and when youtube took off in that year when i had to move back home and all i had was a computer and like no friends and nothing literally went to the gym every single day and i i remember vividly i think during that time period, I lost like 65 pounds. I was like killing it. I remember going to talk to

my dentist. My dentist did a blood pressure check. I don't know why. She looked at me and I could tell she was in shock because she was like, you have really good blood pressure. Did you do anything today? And I was like, nope. And it was one of those things where you realize

you're still not like thin but you have the blood pressure of like a thin dude and so everyone there's just like what is wrong so they did another test and it was the same thing and they were like oh well good for you and i was like i'm busting my ass over here don't good for me i'm working hard it was also the only thing i could do to get out of the house at the time i was literally i spent all day at home and then would go to the gym for like two hours and come home because it's the only thing i could do i didn't know anyone i live with my parents at jesus 27 28 whatever age i was and i was was like, I got nothing. It sucked, but it was the best time I've ever been physically fit in my life. Yeah.

I mean, the thing is, I feel like that's the biggest thing is just making the habit, right? It takes a few weeks of actually pushing it, going there. But once you get going, then you feel like you got to go. Well, that's what, I mean, that's why it all fell apart when I moved to L.A. I moved to L.A. I was – God, when I first got here – someone go find those early pictures of you and I from way back in the day. When I first got to L.A., man, I was like – I was doing great. And then I fell apart.

And then so I moved into this office even worse. I need to like – I was doing great. And then I fell apart. And then I moved into this office even worse. I need to like, I don't know. I think good. I need to change stuff up on the YouTube channel. Because when you work 14 hours a day editing and rendering and playing, you literally have no time to do anything else. And by the time you do, you're like, oh, screw it. So now that I'm changing things up, I think it's definitely in the go time to get back into some type of health.

It's always in the go time to put health first, bro. You got to put those reps first. You're right. You're right. But then how am I going to afford my McMansion? Won't matter if you're McDead. Whoa! Damn. uh mcmansion won't matter if you're mcdead whoa damn um but yeah i i can't believe i've been doing this for a year it feels great it's the i can't believe a year has passed i know it's uh it's

kind of crazy it's the hey it's weird because i've always been like a stick but i'm still kind of a stick but i'm like a muscular stick now You know what I mean? So what is like what does toast think of this? She like ooh my man At first she's like I don't know and now she's like this is great Most people when I first started working out there's like, you know, I don't know you're like a I Don't know if he's gonna do it very long or it's one of those things where i'm like i'm gonna do this thing and then i never do it like i do with a billion things but i don't know i just committed to this and it just uh it feels good to

like see the progress like happen and to to feel the progress like you know before when i was old crippled grandma door you like try to pick up uh you know like a 10 pound weight and I was like oh geez but now that's like nothing right I like you know 10 pound weights that's like easy mode so it's just uh it's fun to go from that and then see yourself progress being able to actually lift heavier stuff and feel stronger I need to like, like, get back in it, but I can't. You're putting it on the back burner. You're not putting it on the front burner. You're right.

You're right. I'm a failure. I'm a failure of front burning. Although, speaking of front burner, today I woke up, made toast, eggs, and some bacon. And I don't give a shit. It was delicious. Yeah. That's actually what I had today, too.

I had some cinnamon toast. I woke up. Oh, can I tell you? I got some, I don't know what happened to me this week. I had like a moment that was just like, I'm almost going back to England. I need to live in that zone. So I went out. I bought an orange marmalade that was like Lord Kensington's orange marmalade that is, that was like Lord Kensington's orange marmalade. I bought that.

And then I bought a HP sauce and I bought Nando's sauce. And I was just like, I'm going to this next week, I'm going to live in it. So I I'm basically trying to clear out my fridge because over the next, like heads up to everyone listening to this podcast over the next month, I'm gone. Heads up to everyone listening to this podcast. Over the next month, I'm gone, almost all of it. And into August, up until, oh my god, literally I am in the UK for a week. Then I come back for two weeks to LA. And then go to Australia, come back, go to Chicago, come back, go to Maui with my parents. Maui.

I am traveling so much over the next month and a half, two months. So, just a heads up, there won't be a lot of podcasts over the next few months. So, just hang in there. There'll be a few, but it won't be every week. And for the next

three weeks, we're taking off due to traveling abroad. So we love you and all that stuff, but I got stuff to do. And hopefully I've guilted you into you being like, you know what? For Jesse's health, it's okay. So yeah, that's good. Give him a break. But yeah, I'm really excited. I've been going around clearing out my fridge, trying to empty it out so I don't have a lot of stuff in there.

And I went through things like I must have been on a weird cauliflower kick because I have cauliflower tater tots. Cauliflower everything. And so I made cauliflower tater tots last night for dinner And then had three sauces And then dipped them in all the It was great, I had a great time I felt great about the whole situation I was like, ooh, I'll dip it in this sauce It was lovely

That's, uh I mean, eating healthy is half the battle You gotta eat healthy I usually, now I'll have my egg, bacon Toast like once or twice a week And otherwise I eat oatmeal And I have oatmeal with blueberries And walnuts and almonds in it

So I get some like Some gains from eating the nuts Well first off, hilarious Second off I needed to know I need everyone out there to tell me a solution to this So I will be like Alright I'm gonna wake up

I'm gonna have like In the last couple All week last week I woke up and had like Yogurt with granola in it For breakfast And I was feeling like you know alright good But during the day I was like you know what I could really go for like a salad or something, something really healthy.

By the time 5 or 6 o'clock hits, my body's like, that leaf was garbage. Where is the meat, Jesse? I'm like, I don't know, buddy. I don't know. And by that time, I'm just like, man, I could go for murder. Right? Like I just – even if it's nighttime, if i get a salad for dinner everything about me is just like well that was great and all but bread and meat and i will i like have to fight

against every urge in my body to be like you could just like make a sandwich dude you have meat and cheese in the fridge i'm like nobody no but i can can't Salads are crap. Do we know this do we know this going in the salads are crap? I Think so I have turkey burgers. They're pretty solid so you don't want to get too much red meat in there But you know turkey burger, you know some lean lean protein now put like some mozzarella cheese on it You know make a little horseradish some mozzarella cheese on it you know make a little horseradish lettuce tomato it's pretty solid oh my god have you thought of doing a turkey burger with mozzarella with a red sauce of some type that'd be pretty solid i'll try like like uh you know like a burger but it's also like italian the thing is i can't have a lot of uh like marinara or red sauces to give me heartburn

uh even spicy stuff. Wait a minute, then how are we gonna go around Chicago and you're gonna show me things? If you can't eat, half the things you're gonna show me. Well, I can eat them occasionally. I can't eat them all the time. Am I gonna kill you when I'm there? Am I gonna murder you? No, no, no, you'll be fine. Uh, like, uh, normally I just gotta not overeat all at once. Usually if I break it down, I'll eat

a slice of pizza, then you just save it, and then you eat it a couple hours later. You gotta space it all out. Wait, so you have one slice of pizza? And then a couple hours later you can have another one. Oh my god, I couldn't live your life. If I lost my... What did you lose?

Your kidney stones? Your gallbladder? If I lost whatever the hell it is you lost i would i would i would be like just pull the plug on me but there's no one slice of pizza is a travesty you gotta two slice that thing no matter what you're two slicing because one piece you're like oh that was good two you're like that was, that was good. Two, you're like, that was perfect. I need no more. One piece? I can eat two slices of a normal pizza, but I'm thinking deep dish. If you eat one slice of deep dish, that's practically two slices of a normal pizza.

That's like not pizza. That's like a pie. Well, it's like a pizza pie. Oh, my God. Can we go to the Pizza Pot Pie place? Pizza Pot Pie? There's a place in Chicago that does pizza pot pie. Hold on.

What is this thing called? Oh, yeah. I think you linked that one time. Chicago. It's called Pot Pizza Joint. Pot pizza. Is that really what it's called? Pot pie pizza recipe. Pot pizza joint.

No, that's in. What the hell? Oh, never mind. There's a place in Koreatown in LA called Pot Pizza. It's closed down now. Oh, it's the Oven Grinder Co. Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinder Co.

Oh, is it like Hoagies and Grinders? It is! Oven Grinders. Oh, they have grinders. Oh my god. They also have an exorbitant Salad pasta thing Wow, that's too much Oh, that looks terrible

They have something called Just go to this Go to this website Go to ChicagoPizzaAndOvenGrinder.com Slash menu It literally is pizza baked into a thing And that was actually very good Go to chicagopizzaandovengrinder.com slash menu. It literally is pizza baked into a thing. Wow, it is. And that was actually very good.

It was like super delicious, right? Yeah. But then scroll down past the sandwiches and you get to salads that are not salads. What the shit? That's like a stack. Go down to the very bottom. Where it says salad din stack. Go down to the very bottom. The word says salad dinners. Go down to the very bottom.

Look at these. It's too much. The Italian Festa. That's a Fiesta. Look at the Italian. I've never seen it. That is too much. There's no one who should ever eat that.

Look at that. Like if you eat that whole salad, that's like fattier than the pizza. That is a $27 salad. It has on it. Guys, this isn't. I don't. Lettuce. Smoked ham.

Italian capicola. Provolone. Swiss cheese. Italian sausage. Meatballs. Salami. Peppercini. Pepperoni.

Sorry. There's pepperoncinis on there too. Pepperoni. artichoke hearts, green peppers, anchovies, tomatoes, olives, pepperonis, sliced fresh mushrooms, whole pickled mushrooms, cucumber, pickled red pimento peppers, chopped green onions, covered with Romano cheese. It's too much. That is too much. That's a lot. That's so many things.

What if we bought that for the event and had people come up on stage and eat it? That would be pretty fun. While we were doing it, we were like, all right, how many people can come up on stage and eat this thing? That would be incredible. Yeah. Now that. It would be like, how many people does it take to get through this? That's like when we had people eat barbecue at the PAX one.

That's true. We gave that one guy a whole loaf of bread. He was really excited. Yeah, this place is really small, and it's also the place where I met Dave Grohl. Oh, wow. Yeah, Dave Grohl. You've been here. I have.

Dave Grohl and I went there And uh Me and Dave Grohl we decided to hang out So we went to the old pizza pot pie place I mean really what happened is I was there with a bunch of teachers And Dave Grohl walked in And they flipped out and I was like I had to tell Dave Grohl it was chill I was like it's cool they're just fans Dave

And he was like alright cool And that was it and I felt really empowered And it made me think I was like, it's cool, they're just fans, Dave And he was like, alright, cool And that was it, and I felt really empowered And it made me think I was really cool Mind you, the teachers did not think that They were like, I can't believe you talked to him, it's so embarrassing I was like, oh my god Oh my god, Dave Grohl I was trying to do it to impress this girl

Who, uh She was the secretary, and I really I'm sorry, no, she was the AmeriCorps secretary, and I really I was in love with this girl who uh i she was the secretary and i really i'm sorry no she was the americorps secretary and i really i was in love with this girl i wanted her i like i had a desperate need to like date this girl i was like i gotta be with this girl she had no interest at all period i kept trying and trying and trying and uh uh eventually she married a dude who looks exactly like me. It's messed up. It's really messed up.

I like to think that when I left, she realized what she missed out on. Maybe that's what your dream was. Yeah, maybe. No, what? My dream was not about her. I haven't thought about her until right now where I was like, oh, yeah, she was there. Did you ever have that dream again No Not this week at all and I think maybe

I Like by talking it out Maybe I like I don't know got rid of whatever Was my baggage I have no clue A lot of people sent me messages And all of them were like you know thank you for your input but i don't know how am i supposed to know if they're

accurate or not oh my god when i was walking around the other night i was walking past a bunch of like bars and restaurants and there's just like a bunch of people are outside because it's hot out now this one guy was like hey stacy hey stacy and the girl looks over and she's like my name's not stacy and he is like how you doing and then they just stopped talking and he is just like all right whatever and it was just like call me stacy just a really awkward conversation i listened to as i walked by and i was like, how often do those guys probably do that? Probably a lot. I would wager a great deal.

A great amount of time. That's one of those things where I have never – I'm a liar. I'm wrong. I can't say I've never done that. Oh, no. I – oh, who was I with? Oh, my God. When was this?

This might have been in college sometime. I don't know. I'm not that guy. I've never been that guy who, like, hey, I've worked up enough courage to come talk to a random stranger, right? In order to ask anyone out, I literally have to know them in advance so that I don't feel like, this is awkward. I'm coming up to you. You don't know me. And I'm going to, right?

But for some, like one night in college, I got really, really drunk. And I was Mr. That Guy. I was like walking like, you know what? You're beautiful. And I was just like, I'll never forget that. What an embarrassment. I probably was. Yeah.

Yeah. I remember it being like, I was very suave and I was talking. I was like chatting up girls. Like, oh my God. You know what? I've been watching you across the room. But I imagine in real life, it was like, hello. I've been staring at you across the room and you've got boobies.

So what if we hang out together? I bet it was a mess. Because I've watched people do that and they're never good at it and it's never attractive. So I imagine I was that. You probably were. In fact, I'd say you definitely were. Yeah. Well, you've seen me be fact, I'd say you definitely were. Yeah. Well, you've seen me be at my drunkest in some weird scenarios. That is true.

I was also going to bring up, we were at a graduation for our friend's graduation. And I didn't realize how many people would bring air horns. But like two people, which already feels like too too many because it's like inside a place uh they'd be like and here's elizabeth johnson they'd be like and then the security guy'd come over and like yank it out and he'd be like that shit they'd like walk away and then like five minutes later someone else would be like and then he'd walk over and he'd like yank it out again. Then he yelled out like, any more air horns, you get kicked out.

I love the phrase. And then they come over and yank it out again. Something about that just seems dirty and makes the event a little more special. I think like legit yanked it out. It's like, it's like, God damn. Exactly. Yeah. I, I never understood why people, I guess it's sort of one of those things where it's like,

hey, we're here to support you and we love you. Yeah. But I feel like just being there is good. I don't know. I don't know. People had, like, cutouts of people's faces on sticks and they'd wave them. And I was like, what is this, like a sporting event? Maybe.

I guess. It's like what they do at, like, a Lakers game with, like, LeBron or something, like what they do it like a lakers game with like lebron or something like having his head on a stick waving it it just it feels weird for like i guess for some people it's an event right like it's the idea of uh someone graduated me it's the first time anyone graduated in their family i don't know i don't know but i don't like it i just know that like all right i can accept it i just don't have to like it i don't mind it i don't know i don't know but i don't like it i just know that like all right i can accept it i just don't have to like it i don't mind it i don't i think it's funny but like you know i i don't get it is what i'm saying maybe somebody's like they're just being happy

for their family for like okay calm down all right i think there's a lot of uh like a lot of other ways you could do it that isn't just like their face on a stick. Yeah, there are many ways to be happy and supportive to others without annoying everyone around you. Like some people when they'd graduate, they'd be like, yeah, go Janet or like something out loud. Like, there you go. You know, it was like loud.

They heard you. They're probably happy. And it wasn't the, you know, too weird. Sure. I don't know. Maybe I'm the unfun one. I mean, that's true. No maybe about that.

There's no maybe about that. I was always the unfun kid, too. When everybody on the playground, they'd be running around, be like, let's go over here at the thing. I'd be like, I don't know. We could hurt ourselves. Should do that. That was was me sounds like you trouble with the capital ubble oh yeah i've been uh remembering tv shows i want to re-watch because i always get like every once in a while

i get like a nostalgic tv show i want to watch so one was survivor man and one was uh kitchen nightmares the british ones why though i don't know because i watched them a long time ago and now i want to watch them again i don't like nostalgia until like because i've already forgotten a lot of it it's good kitchen nightmares is good survivor man's great but i feel like once you see him like i never go back even though i think to myself i'll go back and watch tv shows i never never do. Once I see it, I'm like, I don't need to go see that again. Same thing with video games. If I beat it, unless it's epic, I'll never go back and play it again.

Even if it's like there's a bunch of achievements I could get, I never go back. I think I'd move on too quick. Oh, my God. Is that a problem with me? Once I do a thing, I move on? Oh, no. Maybe that is. Does that summarize my relationship? Once I do a thing, I move on? Oh, no. Maybe that is. Does that summarize my relationship?

It probably does. Once I do a thing, I move on. I don't like this. I'm learning about myself, Crandor. I'm not okay with it. Because, yeah, I mean, I go back for like Survivor Man, for example. I like going back to like certain episodes where I'm like, oh, I liked when he was in, I don't know, like Madagascar or something because he like, you know, like found some weird bug that he like showed you how to

cook. And I was like, oh, that's pretty cool. Or I remember one episode I like because he was like in the forest and there's this part where he's like trying to start the fire, but he's like clanking on the axe. And it's like a prime ASMR sound where it's like click clang, click clang, click clang, click clang. And I click clang click clang and i think i just watched that episode for that moment so there's a lot of those in it that i feel like most normal people probably be like why are you doing that i yeah i like for example this week i went back and watched well i've been going through every season of the office i've never watched the show from the beginning right i've only seen one or two episodes randomly you know on tv yeah so as i'm

going back to watch it one of the things i do if i've seen an episode i just like fast forward and skip it even if it's like probably story relevant to the overall arc of the show i'm like i saw this one once like a great example is uh the other day there was an episode where the beginning of it, Jim convinces Dwight that he's an Asian man. Don't ask. And because I've seen that scene so many times, I skipped through 90% of the episode. Even though it's only the first five minutes this happens, it doesn't matter. I was like, all right, this looks like I got just the episode moved on. I know I'm missing out on probably hilarious jokes, but I don't know.

I'm like at season nine now and I could care less. I'm like, all right, let's get to the end. Let's see what happens. Yeah. I mean, I can see that. It depends on the show, honestly. For me. For me. It depends on the show. Yeah. I can see that. It depends on the show, honestly. For me. For me?

It depends on the show. Yeah, I don't know. I went and watched, I guess, Into the Spider-Verse is on Netflix now. And I was like, oh, I love that movie. That was great. Went back, turned it on, watched it, fast-forwarded through 80% of the movie. Because I was like, I just want to see the parts that I really liked. Okay, I saw them.

And that's it. I don't know. I even do that with even things that aren't action oriented or funny. Like if it's a dramatic movie, I'm like, all right, well, I kind of get the gist of what's happening here. Man, what is wrong with me? I got problems. Well, come to think of it, the only things I really rewatch are things that make me feel kind of relaxed or chilled out or cozy.

Like Survivor Man, it's like he's surviving in the wild. It's a lot of nature. You're seeing all that, and I'm like, oh, that's sweet. I like that. Or like Kitchen Nightmares. I watch him cook the food, and I'm like, oh, this i don't know or like absolutely for me it's studio ghibli you're absolutely right for me it's podcasts i will listen to car talk old episodes of car talk i love that show i love those two old men rest in peace one of them i like they can't make any

new episodes right so i'll go back and listen to all of them on YouTube. They still have like they release a podcast every once in a while. That's like a best of thing. And I'll just listen to it and be like, I've heard this before. Don't care. I was like, lay around or lay in bed and listen. It's great. You're absolutely right.

There are some things where I'm like, this feels good. Yeah, I think that's what it's about. It's about feeling good. You just want a nice relaxing time. Feel good. Chill out. Some people, you know, they prefer like watch, I don't know, action or like crazy stuff or horror movies or whatever. I like chill out.

That's what I'm all about. Chilling out. You're all about chilling out. All about chilling out. Well, you know, speaking of being chill. Yeah. You can be very chill in your new bra, I guess is where I'm going. Look, everyone, Crandor and I are gentlemen.

We know nothing about bras, period. We couldn't tell you. All we know is from the women that we have known in our lives. And what we can tell you is that one of the things, at least from my perspective, that I see is bras are a pain in the ass. Ladies, I've been in enough failed relationships to know bras are a pain in the ass. I've never heard any woman be like, man, I love wearing a bra. I can't wait to put it on. They're always like, ah, get this thing off.

Yeah, and a lot of the times the ones that they're like, oh, well, you know, it looks nice, are usually the crappiest ones. That's why Third Love exists. It uses data points generated by millions of women who have taken their Fit Finder quiz to design bras with breast sizes and shapes in mind for the perfect fit and premium feel for all different types of women. They have over 70 sizes, including half cup sizes. I didn't even know it was a thing. And I think, honestly, a lot of the women I talked to didn't know it was a thing and I think honestly a lot of women I talked to didn't know it was a thing it's a thing you can skip the trip to the store

to the mall to whatever and you can go to third love's online fit finder order try it on at home no more awkward fitting room experiences no more creepy guys being like ooh crendor the fit finder quiz like we mentioned is a few simple questions that will give you your perfect fit in 60 seconds.

12 million women have used it to date. It's apparently very fun and takes less than a minute to complete, like I said. And it will let you kind of figure out the shape of what's going on up top. It has a 100% fit guarantee. Every customer has 60 days to wear it, wash it, put it to the test. If you don't love it, you can return it to 3rd Love, and you know what? They'll donate it to a woman in need.

3rd Love's team of expert fit stylists are dedicated to helping you find your perfect fit. It's about quality and comfort. Its straps won't slip. It has tagless labels. It's super lightweight. Thin memory foam cups. All that stuff that you're going to love.

Third Love knows there's a perfect bra experience out there for everyone. So right now, ladies, don't take our word for it. You can't trust us. We're two guys on the internet. But you can go to their website and check it out yourself. And if you do, right now, we are offering you, our you our listeners 15 off your first order go to thirdlove.com that's t-h-i-r-d love.com slash cox to find your perfect fitting bra that's a hilarious slash because i think it's very funny thirdlove.com slash cox when you're buying bras think of cox for

15 off today go to thirdlove.com slash co. We're also brought to you by HoneyBook. If you run your own business and you're used to doing it all like myself, thank God I have people like Kristen in my life to help me. You're probably struggling to get through a to-do list. HoneyBook can help you. When you set this big goal of tasks in front of you, When you set this big goal of tasks in front of you, be it whatever you're doing in your life, you're all about hunting down how to do admin tasks like contracts, right? Or tracking down payments, trying to figure out where your money is coming from. HoneyBook can help.

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Payment is flexible, and promotion applies whether you pay monthly or annually. Does not matter. Go to HoneyBook.com slash cox for 50 off your first year if you are a streamer you're managing your own business if you are a youtuber you're managing your own business and frankly you should be if you're not you're doing it wrong you could be saving a ton of money and this can help you do that. So, go to HoneyBook.com and use promo code COX for 50% off your first year. That's a huge deal. All right, Crandor.

Let's go to Chopping Up with some of the scouts. Crandor, how's that driving out there? Hey, welcome to the Chopper Captor flying around. We're going to get down. And I'm flying over all the stuff and that is my song for the day all right I just thought I'd do a little little song there so right now I see a lot of stuff a lot of severe weather happening all over looks like there's a lot of thunderstorms rain tornadoes so

watch out for all that it It's also getting hot everywhere. So that's part of the reason there's so many thunderstorms. Just humid, hot thunderstorms. It's crazy out there. Watch out for the lightning. And I actually woke up to a thunderstorm today. I woke up because the thunder was like... But I kind of like that.

So I don't mind it. It's kind of relaxing even though it wakes you up. A little bittersweetness there. And I'll bang you. Thanks, Crennor. My hand was getting really tired. All right, let's go over to Crennor at the Weather Desk. How's that weather?

Weather Desk, welcome. Here's the weather. I'm going to give it to you. I'm going to give it to you. I'm going to give it to you. 9-2-2-1-5. We're going to Goa, South Sulawesi, Indonesia. Did I say it correctly?

Probably not. 75. It doesn't matter. At this point, if they are 200-some episodes in, they expect you to pronounce somewhere, even in the United States correctly, they're full of crap. That's true. So um so yeah we're in indonesia so let's see 75 fair feels like 75 high 88 low 74 uv index 0 of 10 tonight we're gonna get thunderstorms today thunderstorms tomorrow thunderstorms and pretty much constant thunderstorms uh yeah seven mile

an hour winds very humid yeah your sun rising at 6 10 a.m sunset and at 6 p.m uh and uh just to get a raincoat man because it is just constantly pouring rain over in uh goa south sulawesi what's well what's is it like the is it like the region South Sulawesi? Like is it different regions of Indonesia? Or is it like the county? I imagine like, like states, right? I guess so. Territory states, like.

Oh yeah. Like I think everywhere is divided into different regions, right? So there's no one nation that's just one nation. Yeah. So I guess it would be like saying like over in uh new york new york united states right i guess it's kind of the equivalent of that if i'm wrong somebody correct me and be like cred or it's this thing um so yeah that's uh that's what's happening indonesia dude Dude, Indonesia's kind of shaped like a weird dragon. Uh-huh.

It looks like a Balrog from Lord of the Rings. You know what? I believe you. See it? No. I'm looking at Indonesia right now. I don't see a Balrog. I'm telling you, Indonesiaia map indonesia is much

bigger than i think what you think it is uh it's a it's like a bunch of islands oh that's what it is it's the sulawesi island wow well what is it we crack the code there's sulawesi, Java, Sumatra, Kalimantan, West Papau, Timor-Leste, and Timor. And that's the weather. All right. Let's talk sports. Sports. Yo, welcome to the sports desks. Multiple desks here at the sports desk.

Things have been going crazy in basketball. Free agency open. NBA draft happened the other week. Zion Williamson went to the Pelicans, New Orleans. The Knicks were supposed to get him. That's why they tanked, but they didn't. But they were like, hey, we'll get Kevin Durant or Kyrie Irving. They got neither.

they didn't but they were like hey we'll get a kevin durant or kairi irving they got neither they both went to the brooklyn nets uh and the new york knicks uh are pretty much uh not getting anybody good and they'll continue to be bad uh we got malcolm brogdon will be the number one most liked team like for some reason people love theicks. Even if they aren't like, I guess it's one of those things where you can just say it. Yeah. It's like all New York teams. Like, yeah, yeah.

I love the Yankees. It's like a big market. I don't know anything about the Yankees. It's a big market team. So it's like they got a lot of fans. But at the same time, they've been very bad for a long time. Kemba Walker goes to Boston.

Chris Middleton, Milwaukee. DeAndre Jordan to the Nets. You got Derrick Rose to the Pistons. Nikola Vucevic to the Orlando Magic re-signing. Ricky Rubio to the Suns. Malcolm Brogdon to the Pacers. Traded there.

And Damian Lillard getting the Supermax in Portland. And the free agency news continues to pile in. J.J. Redick to the Pelicans. If you care about that, just type in NBA free agency. You'll get bombarded with an insane amount of stuff from there. Also in hockey, a lot of trades. Draft happened.

Blackhawks traded for Andrew Shaw. Old Blackhawk coming back. The Penguins got rid of Phil Kessel, sending him to the Coyotes. Buffalo acquired Colin Miller from Vegas. And Mike Smith looks like he'll be going to the Oilers. Also in the Women's World Cup. They're in the semifinals.

You can do it, ladies. You can do it. It's going to be the United States versus England. Oh, shit. Sorry, England. You can do it. It's going to be the United States versus England. Oh, shit. Sorry, England. You're going down. You're going down. So United States beat Spain, then they beat France, and now we play England.

And the winner of this will take on either Netherlands or Sweden. Get them. Get them, ladies. So that should be pretty crazy. I think that's what I predicted. I said Sweden, but then I think I said France. so i got it half right close enough yeah yeah uh and it's the sports all right what is our big news story of the day big news story of the day Alabama fugitive who fed meth to pet attack squirrel named Deez Nuts arrested after car chase. Wait, is this real?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What? There's a lot to break down here. There's a lot to break down here. What? I think this is real. It's from USA Today.

Okay. real it's from usa today uh okay uh so an alabama man who denied feeding methamphetamine to a so called attack squirrel he considered a pet has been arrested on new charges the limestone county sheriff's office tweeted that 35 year old mickey polk was caught thursday night following a chase in which he rammed an investigator's vehicle authorities Authorities had been seeking Pollock on multiple felony warrants unrelated to the squirrel. He named D-Nuts. Unrelated to the squirrel? Yep. Unrelated to the squirrel.

The squirrel was just tacked on? D-Nuts was tacked on? Which was made infamous after police said they were warned about meth-fueled squirrel that had been trained to attack. Of course. Of course there's a meth-fueled squirrel that had been trained to attack. Of course. Of course there's a meth-fueled squirrel.

This is like that one story that ended up being fake, but it's real. No, the other story was real too. Oh wait, was it? I thought it was fake. Yes. We were like, this can't be real. And it turned out it was. I have so many questions. Are squirrels easily trainable to attack people

i don't know um paul told the associated press last week that he was working on a plan for turning himself into authorities uh the sheriff's office said narcotics investigation caught up with time out time out can i tell you until you until you got to the complete sentence i thought you were gonna say paul told the associated press, I thought you were going to say, Paul told the Associated Press he was working on a plan to turn himself into, I thought you were going to say a squirrel. I thought you were going to be like, we're going to plan to turn himself into a squirrel. And I was like, of course.

They thought it was a meth lab, but he was actually trying to figure out how to change into a squirrel. I finally concocted the ultimate squirrel potion. I thought he was going to become a squirrel. I was like, well, of course. I was ready for you to say it. I was convinced it was going to happen. I was like, yeah, it makes sense. He has all his squirrel friends.

Of course he's going to work on being a squirrel. That would have made too much sense. Yeah, that would have made too much sense. The sheriff's office said narcotics investigators caught up with him while surveying a motel in Killin. They spotted Paul leaving on a stolen motorcycle and chased him down. This dude, time out, time out. This dude has multiple warrants for his arrest.

He's associated with crystal meth. He stole a motorcycle. He raises squirrels to attack people is this this happened in florida no alabama oh my god alabama is more florida than alabama that's very florida man and bama boy together again and apparently the squirrel these nuts authorities say couldn't be tested for meth and has been released you know my favorite part of this story Is knowing that once he got outside

Like I see it as clear as day They They're like trying to test the squirrel for meth And like we don't know how to do it it's just a squirrel And then they let the squirrel go And the dude The detective sitting there sipping his coffee

And it slowly Just like in the usual suspects He dropped the coffee mug when he realizes and the squirrel you see it outside like eating a nut like pretending to be a squirrel And then it drops a nut and slowly walks away and the guys like no He was the real mastermind No I see it. I see it happening. I see that squirrel being the real mastermind. Oh this story's got a lot more details hold on mastermind oh this story's got a lot more details hold on uh let's see so they kept the attack squirrel he's keeping it caged inside his home reynolds 37 was taken into custody charged

possession of controlled substance possessions of drug paraphernalia loitering at a known drug house and was later released from the jail on a 4000. Apparently, it's also illegal to own a pet squirrel. The squirrel was released into a wooded area on the advice of game and fish wardens. It ran into the woods and did not attack the deputies who released it. Huh.

What the... You know, you always think that there's nothing crazy going on. But there's some crazy shit going on. There is. Yeah. No, that is. There's definitely crazy shit.

Someone's trying to train meth squirrels. I mean, if he wasn't going to do it, someone else would. All right. Well, now you know what's going on in this world, but that is it for us. Thank you so much for watching. Remember, we are going to be off for a couple weeks here. So we'll see you when I get back. But remember, there are still a few tickets left for our August show in Chicago.

Check them out at CoxAndCrendor.com. Also, we're all over social media. Crendor, hit them with the socials i got you some socials first up we got youtube.com slash cox and crendor podcast if for some reason you want to listen to any of the backlog of these episodes uh bam go there got them all you can also click the subscribe button and click the little bell it'll notify you when this mediocre show goes live uh also you can go to youtube.com slash cox and crendor and see all the animations that are going up of us uh where dan actually uses talent to make us a lot funnier there is uh another one in the works right now

yeah yeah he's almost done with the next one so so go uh subscribe to that ring that little bell just keep ringing bells uh Also, you can follow we're on SoundCloud.com slash Cox and Crandor. We're on Spotify. Search Cox and Crandor. We're on iTunes. We're everywhere almost. Also, follow our own stuff. We got Twitter.com slash Jesse Cox. Twitter.com slash Crandor. If you want to see us tweet

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yeah but hey you know at least i'm there now i guess uh we're there now and that's it all right thank you everybody we will see you next time and as always i I want some hot chocolate. Oh.