Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 204 - Newport Richie Returns!

Episode Date: July 29, 2019

The boys are back from their summer break and boy has nothing changed at all. Still complaining about the same old things! Although now Crendor has a new hobby that he might be tricking Jesse into doing, it may just be the entirety of their live show. Also the news this week features the return of a fan favorite - Newport Richie! Right now, Cox n’ Crendor listeners get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription at http://calm.com/COX Quip starts at just $25 and if you go to http://getquip.com/crendor right now, you can get your first refill pack for free.

Today's episode is brought to you by Calm. Calm is going to help you sleep and maintain such a comforted, wonderful night of relaxation. Or day. Oh, oh, Krender's already gone. We got him. He's so calm. Also, today we're brought to you by Quip. Quip, get your teeth brushed.

Get them brushed, y'all. Get them brushed. Make those pearly smile. I don't know, I don't know. Come on, y'all. Get them brushed. Make those purlies smile. I don't know. I don't know. Come on, y'all. Get them brushed. Make them purlies smile.

Yep. Yep. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-Hour Recording Studio. Recording. Hello everybody and welcome to the next sunny episode of Cacks and Creddors in the morning.

What was that? That's my rejuvenated energy. Yeah, we're like back. We took a little break, but we're back now. You took the old travel break. I did. I traveled the world, and it was great. And I'm still not done.

In a week, I go to Australia, and then I come back, and then I head to Chicago, and then I come back, and then I go to Hawaii. Oh, my God. I Hawaii. Oh my god. I know. It's crazy. Obviously the most cultured is the Chicago one. I think so too. I think that Chicago, by the way, August 14th. I mean, it's just going to be us doing like a PAX type show like we've done and then drinking. Yeah, except at a bar.

And we'll be drinking and thinking and like blowing your minds. Who knows? We're going to like deep dive into other realities and you and, like, blowing your minds. Who knows? Well, we're going to, like, deep dive into other realities. And you're going to be there with us. Yeah, it'll be like listening to a lecture of one of the scientists. It's like three dimensions. Are there only three? Yeah.

Could there be five? Just like that. Deep dish pizza is a whole dimension. I'll just be in the corner like yes for some reason i've oh yes that's an accurate assessment yeah so happen uh i wanted to bring up what i've been doing because it's really not been a lot uh i got back into warhammer oh my god wait hold on warhammer warhammer or warhammer blood bowl like actual warhammer miniatures are you hold on are you fighting with them well or are you just

coloring them all right so you don't just color them? Okay, yeah. But I was like, I forgot what I was doing. I was doing something. I was like nostalgiating out. Because back in eighth grade, I got into Warhammer, like actual Warhammer. And I was like, man, that'd be so cool to do that again, whatever. I remember the old manual. I used to read it when we'd take trips to Wisconsin or something.

And I'd read it in the car because it was like 300 pages. And I was a kid. And it's like, whoa, what what's this roll a five to attack uh and so people were like just buy it on ebay so i went on ebay and i bought the old manual for like four bucks nobody bid against me can you believe it no it's shocking and i was like oh my god and then i started being like why don't i just get back into it now i have the brain and attention span to be able to, like, actually do the things and not just buy the kit. Well, okay. Eighth grade Crandor got his lizard men. All right.

And then I was like, what are these? I got to build them. And then I was, like, trying to, like, build it. And they would just, they wouldn't stick together. I probably wasn't using the right glue. I was like. Yeah, Elmer's doesn't work at all yeah i didn't uh my friends had paints and stuff but i didn't that cost money and my parents were already like we already paid 50 for the lizard man squad and i'm like like all right uh and so then i just used magic markers to color them in and then i built my own little map things out of like cardboard and rocks and stuff.

And in my mind, it was fun and looked great, but it was definitely not. So I was like, now I can actually do it because I have my own money to waste. So I went into a games workshop. The guy was like, you want to learn how to play the game? And I was like, I mean, sure, you can show me. But I mainly just want to buy the stuff and build it and paint it. And he's like, alright. So I did that, and I was like, I'll buy it.

So I bought my Lizardman starter set. I have now built all of them, except for the guys that ride the knights. But I built the giant dinosaur. I built the Saurus Warriors. I bought more skinks. I have been... I built them. I primed them. I started painting one. I even set up a thing

to live stream it. Oh my god. Are we going to live stream us painting things when I'm there? Is this what's going to happen? I mean, if you want to, we can. Are we going to have to go to a store and I'll have to buy a bunch of little dudes?

Oh my god, who would I even pick? Yeah, you gotta find what you want to pick some people are like why you play 40k and I'm like sound care about 40k All right TV like 40k. He was like all space Marines and Vulcan sci-fi. I don't care about that I care about my fantasy and my lizard man, and I also bought some beasts of chaos. Oh, they're cool And I'm very on point. Do you think they have like a... What are the sexy ones? What are like the super sexy killers?

There's like the daughters of something. Daughters of kids. Like Cain. Daughters of Cain? Is that how you spell it? Someone's freaking out like I've been studying Warhammer for fun. Can I make an entire army of them? Of just like, sexy

badasses? Yeah, it's uh, oh here they are. Yeah, you'd probably like these. Here you go, look at this. Ooh, they spell Kane with a K-H? Yeah. And they're just the- What the hell, these ladies ain't even got no armor! How are you gonna live through a fight? Oh, they're dark- They're live through a fight oh they're dark they're they're dark elves

yeah they're dark elves oh my god they're like uh you know succubi yeah and then they got the snake women you probably like those same people yeah like every faction has like multiple types of units like the lizard men don't just have saur skinks they got like crocs of gores they got the Like giant dinosaurs they got the slain mage priest dude It's a giant biggest most over-the-top thing that a sister of Kane could have what's the size being a snake? What's the one that's like you know there's always the one model. That's eight hundred dollars and has like giant You know, there's always the one model that's $800 and has giant monsters. Where's that one?

And why am I painting that live on your stream now? Oh, yeah. Here it is. Hold on. Here you go. What is the one I need? That's the one. Dodgers of Cain Morath. Oh, my God.

She's huge. Why? It's so big. Yeah. You said you wanted the biggest one. That's 105 pounds. Yeah. So you you wanted the biggest one. That's 105 pounds. Yeah. So you're playing Warhammer Age of Sigmar?

Yeah, Age of Sigmar, which I've also learned is their version of fantasy, but like recreated because they were like, all right, we need to add more races and do shit. So they ripped apart the lore and created this so they could add more races in. And apparently it freaked out everybody and they were like, let's destroy the lore. Let's destroy fantasy. it's destroyed fantasy uh but now it's been like years in and people are getting into it because of you know they play warhammer total war and they're like dude i want to go play this so then they start buying it and they don't care because they you know most people didn't play fantasy so there's so there's grand alliance order grand alliance chaos you would think that

the daughters of Kain, because they're like snake people, would be part of chaos. But I guess snake people are part of order. I guess they all form these different orders. It's kind of like the Horde and the Alliance, how the undead are part of the Horde, but they're kind of their own thing still. I think it's like that.

Where are the skinks? I don't see the skinks. Sylvaneth are the lizard men now. They renamed them for apparently like copyright reasons or something. They couldn't just call them the lizard men. Interesting, because they also look like tree people. Or no, the seraphon, not the Silvana sea elf trees.

They sound the same, alright? Yeah, seraphon. So if you look at that. Oh yeah, look at the big, fat frog man. Yeah. Oh, my God. Some of these dinosaurs are crazy looking. Yeah.

So I built the, you see the start collecting Seraphon? I do see it. You got a big T-Rex and a bunch of like Raptor Riders and a bunch of little guys. I'm about 80% completed that for building it. I built giant dinosaurs. Some of these are really neat. Yeah. So that's what I'm saying. I started a giant dinosaur. Wow, some of these are really neat. Yeah. So that's what I'm saying.

I started, I just got back into this, and it's only cost me a lot of money. But. Yeah, I was about to say, seems like it's expensive. It is, but then I think about it, and I'm like, I spent like $1,000 getting a dental crown.

I could like throw some money into something I want to do. I don't. I feel like one of those000 getting a dental crown. I could like throw some money into something I want to do. I don't. I feel like one of those is a little more important. Well, yeah. Why? You know. Oh, my God.

Now I got to go look through all these. That's what I'm saying. It's almost. Apparently, I was talking to the guy that runs the store. And he's like, yeah, ever since total war and total warhammer 2 or whatever like everybody's been coming in being like i want to play this so that's uh it's made it neat i've even i've done a couple streams of like building stuff a lot of people have been like you got me back into playing too or like i started building my stuff again and i was like nice oh my god and

then i figured out i was like i don't know where to start with all this and someone was like go to uh geek and sundry and they got a series where uh what's his name the dude who played ron possible and uh uh eric from boy meets world got no i mean i get you i i know those characters i don't know that person but yeah i, I get it. Something, Will Friedle, that's it. He builds and paints with Matt Mercer. And Matt Mercer's apparently been doing this for years. So he's just like, it's literally just Matt Mercer teaching you. He's like, I used to play the scathe of the army. He's like peak nerd.

Mercer is like what, I think Matt Mercer is what I think most nerds imagine themselves to be. Yeah. They're like, I think Matt Mercer is what I think most nerds imagine themselves to be yeah they're like I'm actually very cool yeah he's like so he's just like yeah I used to play the skaven he's like sometimes when I paint my skaven I just put on some jazz music and have whiskey at night when I at 2 a.m. when I'm just painting them I'm just painting my skateboard. And I'm like, damn. That's mad mercy. The blades of corn. I know that it's not spelled that way,

but I just imagine, what if I painted those guys yellow? The blades of corn. Like, yeah. It's like a really zen thing to do. You just chill out, you build them. You paint them. Yeah. Here's the thing.

I keep thinking like, man, there's got to be something for me. Everchosen and Slaves of Darkness. Oh, my God. That's it. There it is. Archeon the Everchosen. Oh, my God. Look at this guy.

This guy talks. He's riding a bird thing that is one half tiger, one half orc face, and one half. Like, look at this thing. Look at this Krentor. That thing. This is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. Oh, yeah. Is that like the three-headed thing, but it's like three heads of different races? I think it's maybe supposed to be the three main chaos gods.'s like three heads of different races and it's I think it's supposed to be the three different like three main chaos

gods I don't know the rules he looks oh nothing cool that's the guy that's that looks like it takes a year to build that's the one that's the one oh my god that thing's so cool yeah I like that I like that a lot yeah it's I also like how they have a dude on here named slam bro scroll down on the truly incredible chaos slaves to darkness there's the dude named slam bro at the bottom I don't know who the hell slam bro is but i like slam bro slam bro

so that's how i i finally found my calling so i've just it's been like a it's been a weird mixture of like just a fun thing to do when i'm not doing anything and then like nostalging out about it and then just like you know it's like a new hobby while being a whole an old hobby oh my god i gotta show you the where is this where is it where is it i bought i literally bought this set of goblins because there's a bag piping goblin guy look at that that's really cute i like the guy who's being half eaten oh yeah he's dead neat also though hold on the ever chosen has a set called chaos familiars one is a book with legs what one is a book with legs

one is a scarecrow man. Wow, why don't I just play as these? Can I only use these? One is a naked cat girl. Yeah, one's like a legit naked cat girl. What the hell are these? One is a book, and where his wiener should be is a tassel. What I just said is the craziest sounding thing.

Like, listen to what I just said. Whereas the book's wiener is a tassel. Think about how insane that is. This is chaos. Of course, this is... Literally chaos. Literally chaos. Oh, my God. That's what...

Well, that's what I'm going to do. When I go there, we're going to go to the store, and I'm going to buy the Chaos Familiars and just paint the book with the tassel dick. Yeah. Perfect. You got to do it. Yeah, I'm going to buy the Chaos Familiars and just paint the book with a tassel dick. Yeah. Perfect. You got to do it. Yeah, I'm doing it.

That's only $12.50. That's a good deal. This is almost $15 for one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Like ten really weird looking things. That's a good deal. That's a good deal. That's a quality deal. Yeah.

Man, I like that a lot. I don't like this. I don't like this at all. Warhammer D&D slave girl model, $7.99. There's so many of them. There's so many options to choose from So many slave girls on here I don't

Wow this is Well I've found that part of the internet I'm gonna just walk away I'm gonna just close that down I'm gonna close it down Well Yeah I've gone officially too far

Alright well Time to back it up Time to go home Either way I'm having fun playing my lizard people It's great Well saved Well saved Yeah So how was your trip? Well You know Time to pack it up. Time to go home. Either way, I'm having fun playing my lizard people. It's great. Well saved.

Well saved. Yeah. So how was your trip? Well, you know, almost every story I have to tell involves a car. Okay. We were going out to dinner, and we had to take different cabs to go to this restaurant. It was, you know, during CoxCon. It was, you know, it was the Indian place that we go to usually.

Yeah. So we're all in these different cabs, head out in the middle of nowhere. And the cab that I was in, the guy driving, I had to write this stuff down because it was insane what was going on in this cab. All right. So first the cab driver's like, so where are you from? And we're like, oh, we're from America. And the guy's like, oh, America, eh? We're like, yeah, you know, here for a convention. It's pretty fun.

We're going to go to some Indian. We're really excited. And he's like, so tell me, what do you think of Trump? And we were like, I don't know. I mean, I'm not the biggest fan. And this guy was like, let me tell you, I do not like this man. I do not like the things he is doing to America. You get it. Everything he says that man says is a lie.

Everything the news says that is a lie. You know what else is a lie? The Middle East is a lie. And I'm like, oh, no. Here we go. And the guy's like, let me tell you, ISIS is a lie. And I was like, mm-mm, okay, I can't. We need to get out of this car. I was like, uh-huh.

He's like, it's all made up. If you go there, no one says they are a part. It does not exist. ISIS is not real. And I'm like, I just need to get out of here. I just feel so uncomfortable. And the entire time he was just like, you know what? That isn't real.

The United Nations is not real. And I was like, I can't, okay, I can't. I don't know what to do right now. I don't know. He's like, this whole Brexit thing, this is all lies. There is no Brexit. This is not true. I'm like, I don't, I don't know what to say to you.

I couldn't tell if this was like a reality show where they're trying to get me. Everything he said was more and more over the top. He was like, ever since the 1960s, when they faked the moon landing, all of it is fake. And I'm like, eventually we get there i'm like i'm like okay gotta go like jumped out of there like yep there's uh there's been a lot of crazy like car drivers and i feel like they start driving just so they can rant and you can't escape their rant i think that's the truth i think that like everything he said at first i was like all right you know opinions cool that's great and eventually became less

opinions and more nonsense like it was crazy you know like i people i'm telling you by the end he was there he was about to tell me there was a hollow earth and there were lizard people and they controlled everyone in government. And I was like, I can't. Oh, boy. Apparently, I heard a story where there was somebody driving and he wouldn't let them off at the airport.

He kept missing exits because he was like, are you saved? And he was trying to preach to them and be like, I need to save you. Oh my god, one time. If you got saved, he'd give you five stars. If you didn't, he'd give you one star. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, I'm totally saved. Give me the airport.

No, one time coming back from E3, we had a driver who showed up in a, it was like, you know, just regular Lyft. But she showed up in, I think, one of the most expensive versions of a Tesla. It had, like, the butterfly doors and stuff. What the hell? And we get in, and she hands us her card. She's like, if you ever need a personal driver or someone who can help you, I'm the lady for you. her car and she's like, if you ever need a personal driver or someone who can help you, I'm the lady for you. And she's like, you know, ever since my

husband's, like, we got divorced, and proceeds to tell us about everything in her life. Not watching the road, looking back at us, giving us her phone to look at videos of her kid who was in Mary Poppins and apparently one or two of the

stars from Mary Poppins was in the audience and gave them, like like a standing ovation. She's like, my son's going to be big. You know, ever since we moved to Malibu, I was like, what is happening right now? Why are you driving for Lyft? Don't you have other things to do? Like, what is happening? She's like, yeah, you know, ever since I moved out here, I'm making it big, making lots of money.

And I figured, you know, just like to, you know, help people out, drive around, get in good with people. I think she was trying to network. It sounds like it. But I don't know. I don't know how or why. Like, what was her job? Was her job Lyft?

Was she living in Malibu off Lyft money? I was, I couldn't figure it out. I couldn't figure out what was happening. She was, she was trying to like hit us up for our phone numbers. She can call us. We were just like, what is going on right now? That makes the Skyler guy head sound like nothing. He just didn't like Skylers.

I met a few that have been real pleasant and that they didn't talk at all. That's been great. Yeah. Those are the best ones. I also had the guy who was like, I'm going to sing you songs until I'm done singing you songs. I think the one guy I had in Boston was kind of normal at first. Then he started being like, yeah, I can't wait to see my kids. Wife never lets me see them.

I'm not even that crazy, am I? And I was like, no. No? He's like, yeah, I want to see your graduation. Can I see my own kids goddamn graduation i was like yeah that's that's crazy man are we there yet why are there so many crazy people just like whenever you travel especially or like in like traveling i guess because it's like so many people are jam-packed together my biggest pet peeve in the world because i travel so much are people

at the airport who don't understand the process of putting all your stuff on the conveyor belt so they can scan it. So they're just like, sir, sir, we said you got to take out your liquids. And he's like, I didn't know that that bottle of water was a liquid. You're like, what are you doing? Oh, my God. What is that? He's like, sir, you got to take off your belt and your shoes. You know, I need my belt to hold my pants up. Like, sir, you can hold them up with your hands, sir. It's fine. It's like, no, I'm not going to do it. It's like, oh my God.

At Heathrow there's a bunch of It's sort of like a maze When you go through security And they take you to the line where you have to Put all your stuff on the belt to go through The scanner There was like 8 different directions you could go And I Read the line like a genius

So our group, some people went left Some people went right I was like I'm going left and I'm going to follow this one Single woman who has a backpack I was like, I'm going left. I'm going to follow this one single woman who has a backpack. I was like, she knows what's up. She looks like she's been through shit. We hit this branching path where there was like a family and then this woman. And I was like, I'm still following this woman.

And I went through the whole thing. We got out of that line, a giant, crazy, messed up line, five minutes tops maybe. We found the one area where no one was in line. I was like, I knew it. I knew this lady knew it was up. We get through. Everyone else, we had to wait another 10, 15 minutes for people. I see through the matrix code of waiting in lines now at airports.

Because if you see anyone who is over 50, that's trouble. You see anyone with a family, that's trouble. You see a group, that's trouble. You've got to look for the one person and then if it's the one person, how big is their luggage or suitcase? They have a carry-on with them. If they do, nah, get out of there. That person's a mess. If they're

young and they only have one item with them and they look like they're dressed to get the hell on the plane, like they have a really baggy, awful shirt and sweats, that's the person you follow because that person travels a lot and they're gonna get you there oh yeah i was in i was like it's true i do the same thing it's like uh it's like a grocery stores too you see the there's

like one lady in line at the one part and people are packed behind her and the other side there's like more people but you can tell they're like they know how to pay fast and get out so you get in that line before you know it that old lady's still going she's like can i write a check and they're like no and she's like i only have checks they're like well you're gonna have to find somewhere else page like anyone else want to take a check in exchange for money or i'll have to go put all my items back and then by then And then by then, you're already in the parking lot. That seems like a thing that you've actually seen happen. It probably is. I've done it a lot, so it's all blended together at this point.

You can always tell the slow people. I don't like the people that sit and talk with the cashier. Oh, yeah. Oh, let me tell you. The other day, I went through and I saw that new Chucky movie. What a mess that was. And the cashier's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, beep, beep, beep. And then they already pay, and then she's still like,

Hey, you know what else? My grandson told me that when you go to the movies these days, the popcorn isn't even real popcorn. It's just like, what are you doing? Just go! That happened yesterday because I was buying wine. I was like, I'm going to buy this wine. Oh my God.

This one lady walked up. She must have had like an order of like 800 bottles of wine. She was there for like 20 minutes. She was there when I got there and there when I left. And then this other lady was like, alright, this other one will go fast. She's like, so I have a $10 bonus coupon. And they're like, no, you have it for this

month only. And she's like, but I ate here last month. And they're like, yes, it's for this month only. And she's like, can I put that month onto this month? And they're like, no, you can't. And it was that for like five minutes. And I was like, oh my god, just suck up the $10 and get out. All right?

I like that she was trying to hustle. She was in there. Oh, my God. It's amazing how many people take so long to just check out. Even at self-checkouts and stuff. I go up. I'm like, beep, beep, beep. Pay.

I'm gone. Some people are like, where's the thing? What's going on? What? Hey, did I buy a reason? Should I get candy? You know what the most disappointing thing is? I'm the same way.

If I do that, I'm like, boop, boop, boop. I think because I live in a reality where I always feel. I've said this before. I always feel like I'm in someone's way. So I'm always trying to just get out of someone's way immediately and just move on with my life. And so I'm like, I've become proficient at doing a thing and getting out. Yeah. I'm not sure if they're rude on purpose either

or if they're actually just in their own world. This is what I'm saying. I think if you are – I'm going to be generous and say if you're 60 and over, because I feel like some 50-year-olds could pull this off, but if you're 60 and over, I I feel like some 50-year-olds could pull this off, but if you're 60 and over, I'm going to give you a pass. This technology thing, you're like, I'm learning. I'm trying.

But if you're like 25, and you can't figure out how to do a checkout, I swear to God, I will throw you out of that grocery store. It makes me so mad when I see someone who's... My grocery store. It makes me so mad when I see someone who's – so my grocery store is right near a college,

and I see so many young college kids. I'm just like, how do you not know how to use a self-checkout? Literally, these existed before you were born. Like, how do you not know how to do this? And they're just like, so wait, do I scan it? And the other girl's like, hey. And this dude just like, so wait, do I scan it? And the other girl's like, and this dude's like, hold on, I'll do it. And they'll go, boop, boop, boop, and it won't

work. And then they'll have to like ping the, I'm just like, oh my god, do you want me to do it for you? I will just do it for you. I can't. Oh my god, I hate that too when you go to it and then it's like you scan a thing and it's like, please wait. And then they gotta come over and be like, oh yeah, it always does this. And they're like, beep, beep, beep, boop, bop, bop, beep, beep, bop, bop, bop, bink, and they're like, there you go. That's like you wait and then they gotta come over and be like oh yeah it always does this and they're like beep beep beep boop bop bop beep beep bop bop bop bink and they're like

there you go that's like you said like people like my dad who's just old he's like every time i see my dad he's like uh so my phone wants to update something again and i'm like yeah it wants to it's updating your stuff and he's like why is it gotta update i don't know what that means then my mom's like i just hit the update and i'm like all right just just ignore it it doesn't matter yeah like i'll update it for you whatever that's like yeah it's the same with self-checkout it's like i feel like if you're over if you're over like 55 even maybe 50 like yeah but then there are some people i think they just they just take their time they're just like la la la la are some people. I think they just take their time. They're just like, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Like, I still think they're in their own world. They, like, don't even recognize anything. I think it's the same people that stand in the middle of an aisle, and they're just, like, looking at it like, I wonder if there's any canned cherries. And they're just like, excuse me. And they just, like, look, and they don't even acknowledge your presence. And you're just like, how are you so in your own head like

Sweet cherry sour cherry. I wanted I want to be in their heads just to know what's going on But I'm like excuse me Yeah There's like oh my god or like at the mall like walking through the mall like some like family of like five just takes up The entire aisle it's like backed up behind them people are going around It's like just you know just single file. It's backed up behind them. People are going around. It's like just single file. Maybe even double file.

I think it's about being self-aware. If you're a family and you have kids who are going to wander or be slow, group up off to the side. If you're an older person and you've got a hip problem, be aware that you have a hip problem and don't stand right in the middle of the walkway. I feel like there's a lot

of things we can do as a society that would make things easy. At least in the UK, one of the things I know that is done is the escalators are moving walkway. You stand to the right and you move to the left.

And it makes perfect sense. And if you're on the left, people in the behind you will be like, hey, move back! And you're like, alright. You gotta get over to the left. And it makes perfect sense. And if you're on the left, people in the behind you will be like, hey, move it! Alright, you gotta get over to the right. That might actually be something those people don't even know. I noticed that over there. Everybody does that. You stand on the right, and then other people on the left pass you if they're going down.

Here in America, they don't do that. They just take it up. If you want to get past me, you're gonna wait. Yeah. I always... I know get past me, you're going to wait. Yeah. I always – God, I know too many short, tiny people. That's my problem is everyone I know is, like, 5'1", and, like, 1'10", and everyone, like, zips in between human beings. Meanwhile, I'm just stuck behind the slow movers because I can't push my way past. And I'm like, okay, well, I guess I'll wait.

And then I see people ahead of me, and I'm just, like, waving. Like, hi, I'm stuck behind this family that won't go faster. Yeah. I always do the, like, swoop. I'll do the old, like, whoop, like, slide through. I'm aware. I'm aware. Everyone I know does the swoop-de-woop.

But I'm in the background, like, if I swoop-de-wooped, I'd knock their asses over. Then I'd have a bunch of kids stand on the ground or something. Swoop-pa! Mommy knocked us down! What a rude man. I'd be like, swoop-de-woop! Get out of there! Can you believe the nerve of this guy?

It's either like they're not self-aware or they just don't care they're just like what are you gonna do knock us down and then if you do they'll be like wow very rude that's i mean that's pretty much what it is it's the same thing with that driver yeah god what are you gonna what are you gonna do about it that's why i just sit inside build my warhammer yeah. You found a happy medium with reality. Yeah. I love this thing that I got from my mom. This is brand new.

This just happened right now. Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news. From Susan Cox. Face app is Russian. And when you use it, everything in your phone is available to Russian companies And government period Everything I don't use that app

I never will I used it once because everyone was using it And I was like it's probably going to get data hacked Whatever Oh yeah no you are definitely in assistance somewhere My data is already like in a billion places Alright The Russians probably got like a full profile on me

Did I ever tell you The time that I got approached by MSNBC About that subject I feel like you did But I don't remember Like some guy I don't remember who it was Some Person who has a Saturday or Sunday show

On MSNBC Their PR person contacted me And were like This tweet you made And it was like three years ago And it was a joke tweet And I basically said Because the whole conversation was

About your information online And people were like you have to keep your information private. And they're telling you all these tips and tricks on how to prevent people from finding your information. And I basically tweeted like, guys, by even using the internet, your cable company knows everything you're doing. Oh, yeah. Like, you can hide it from Google, but your cable company knows. Your cable company will just sell that stuff. it from Google, but your cable company knows. Your cable company will just sell that stuff.

And so I posted a thing like and I, for one, am fine with them knowing about my tentacle fetish or whatever joke I made. They contacted me about that tweet. And we're like, would you like to be on our show and talk to us about internet security? And I was like,

one, it was a joke tweet. Two, I'm the last person who should be on TV talking about internet security. I was like, there are real people out there. I was like, three, no. What would I say? Like, guys, don't believe any of this. Your stuff's already hacked.

Everything you have the minute you log in is already controlled by someone else. Yeah. I was like, you know, get over it. If you're going to use the internet, that's the price of entry. You got to be off the grid. You want nothing there. Even like in stores, want to sign up for our program? You got to be like, no.

Or like, let me look at your license and be like, no. You got to be off the grid, dude. There's a 7-Eleven near us. And one day I went there and got an energy drink. And the woman behind the counter is like would you like to sign up for a rewards program like rewards for 7-eleven you're a convenient smart I don't even use the gas here what are you

talking about sir it's free we only sell your data after 30 days 10% off your next purchase I'm like how often do you think I'm gonna be at 7-eleven? How often do you think I'm coming in here? It's like those things aren't even worth it. There's like, I get 10% off my like $3 drink I bought. Ever since like years ago when some guy like hacked my thing. One of those like, got ya. He was like, just keep making a billion different email addresses. And I was like, that's a good idea.

Because he did one of those things like, here's not how to get hacked I was like, okay So every year, I legit create like 10 new emails And I swap all my personal shit to those new emails And it's great Because you don't get flooded with spam I mean, I have two I have like three emails

The problem is One is constantly being spammed Because it's my public one And the other I don't use ever, really. And my main one, because one year I signed up for E3 with it, is all... Oh, yeah. It's like every once in a while an email from a friend, and then 99% game companies. You gotta do it.

Just keep making... Just make new emails. It's annoying because you gotta, like, change all your shit, but it's worth it. Because then you don't gotta deal with all the Spam and all the shit you get signed up for And sold off to and everything It's always weird though because I'll make weird Emails and they'll be like You wanna sign up for our rewards program and then the one I

Sign up for I'm like uh yeah it's Uh it's uh Cat Tree Glue 75800 I can only imagine being on the phone With tech support and be like, okay, what is a good email reach out, sir? Cat, C-A-T, tree, glue, G-L-U-E, 6969 at gmail.com.

Yeah. They're like, okay. Yeah. So, you know all right well i guess that's enough rambling on so let's ramble about ads this is what we'll do are you crenda are you struggling with sleep these days? I'm always struggling with sleep. You're not alone. One in three U.S. adults doesn't get enough sleep.

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If I see you and you smile at me, I'm going to smile back at you. And we're going to be like, are we friends now? And then we're going to hug it out. And then we're going to go get a drink. And then we're going to solve war. You better brush your teeth after drinking. That's true. After we solve war. After we solve the

conundrum of war. Yeah. Yeah. Alright, Crandor, let's go. How's that traffic over? Hey, it's pretty busy. It's still in the thick of summer. It's July. Everybody's traveling. They're seeing family. They're seeing

friends. But soon enough, we're going to have that back-to-school thing happen and all the people go back to work, back to school, back, thing happen and all the people go back to work, back to school, back to the grind and, uh, then traffic will calm down. But for now it's backed up out there. It's the weekend. People are going places, coming back from places, doing stuff, grabbing things like, uh, you know, self checkouts and shaking them. They're just shaking those self checkouts. They're

mad that they're not working, but really all they got to do is hit the right button. So just come on, hit the right button. All right come on. Hit the right button, alright? It's not that difficult. Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to Crandor with the weather news. How's that weather? Weather. It's the weather. Oh, right, yeah. So I read this one earlier.

It says water temperature drops 20 degrees in 24 hours along western shore of Lake Michigan now And today's oh, I don't know what that means and today's is what it means. We're all dead. This is it geez Let's see a boy the water temperature at that boy Oh, yeah, booey I'm sorry. What was that word a boy? That A boy That's a scarce boy A boy

Listen sounds better than buoy A boy A boy Let's see Water temperature I don't know any of this I'll let the weatherman Figure it out oh wait I'm a weatherman Oh jeez

Weather We've got let's see you know, I'm a weatherman. Oh, geez. Weather. We've got, you know what? I'm going to go back to the old letter system. Let's go to Hattiesburg, Mississippi. All right, Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Hattiesburg, Mississippi. 90 degrees and sunny. Feels like 9 to 3. Got a high of high of doesn't say in a low of 69

sure is clear skies low 69 winds light and variable monday nine to three generally sunny despite a few afternoon clouds high 93 winds light and variable, just like my personality. Monday night, 71, part of the cloudy skies. Tuesday, you got 89 degrees, mostly cloudy, straight shower, thunderstorm possible. But you got a high of 89, can't complain. Winds 5, 10 miles an hour, sunrise 6, 12 a.m., sunset 7, 54 p.m. Yeah. Did you know that in Hattiesburg they have the All-American Rose Garden? What? Look up All-American know that in Hattiesburg they have the All-American Rose Garden? What?

Look up All-American Rose Garden in Hattiesburg. I typed in Hattiesburg All and it said allergy clinic. So I guess it ties together. That's because they got those damn roses. Giving everyone. Wait, this is the University of Southern Mississippi as well? Have we done this before? No, we have not. Are you sure we haven't been to the University of Southern Mississippi as well? Have we done this before? No, we have not. Are you sure we haven't been to the University of Southern Mississippi? I'm pretty sure. I feel like that was Alabama. And that's the weather.

All right. What is going on sports? Sports. Oh, boy. Buckle up, folks. Football. NFL football is right around the corner. We are, what is it?

One, two, three, four days away from the first preseason game. Oh, I was about to say. Wow, it's already August, isn't it? Yeah. August 1st is the first preseason game. This year zipped by. Right. Yeah.

And in classic fashion, new york giants already terrible one guy suspended another's injured and i believe another's injured for the season giant embarrassment so uh that's the giants but i'm excited hard knocks is going to be starting up with the oakland raiders that'll be fun it's gonna be's going to be great when at the end of the season they move to Las Vegas. Yeah, it sure is. Plus they have John Gruden, who's a character. Then they've got Antonio Brown, who just had a shit fit and went to Oakland, so he's going to be on it.

And then they're moving to Vegas, so it's going to be a shit show, and I'm ready to watch that. I think that starts next week, I think. So that'll be fun and uh aside from that baseball's continuing their second half of the season they still have a while to go uh a lot of oh yeah a lot of basketball stuff happened while we were gone uh kawaii leonard went to the clippers he brought paul george and everyone freaked out another thing happened and then like a billion teams formed like two star super teams and everyone's like yes we're back in the 90s dude uh so that's uh where basketball's at which is pretty neat

uh and then hockey uh it's gonna be starting up in a couple months really it's mainly uh it's mainly about football starting back up again so i'm excited for that what sports well yeah sports i guess was just hyped for future sports all right what is our big news story of the day a florida man is arrested on charges of burglary of dwelling after he rode a horse to break in a home break into a home wait what florida he rode a horse to break into a home. No, I get that part, but what was the first part? A Florida man is arrested on charges of burglary of a dwelling after he rode a horse to break into a home. Can I tell you something?

All right. When you have to describe a house as a dwelling, I get a picture in my head, and it's not very homely. It's not something, it's not something that we consider a very, you know. You might say we dwell here. When you say dwelling, yeah, I very much picture like the place Yoda lives.

Welcome to my dwelling. My dwelling, yes. And so, I mean, I figure if any place was going to have a horse that could ride into it a dwelling seems well suited that's all i'm gonna say if i expected a horse to show up anywhere it would be a dwelling it gets better lonnie medics lonnie medX52 nicknamed The Rooster and his horse named Angel were seen on security footage wandering through the Newport Ritchie. No way! No way! No way.

His arch rival, The Rooster, the Newport Ritchie's rival. His arch rival, the rooster. Newport Richie's rival. I knew there was a connection. No way, Newport Richie. What is he doing there? Oh, my God. He's got to be looking for him.

Of course Newport Richie lives in a dwelling. That makes perfect sense. It's all adding up now. Footage showed Maddox opening a screen porch that's empty to get into the padlocked front door. He eventually gave up and tried entering through the back window, breaking it and causing $100 worth of damage. Soon after, Ferguson noticed Maddox on his security camera and called the local sheriff's office. Before officers arrived at the property, the horse wandered away and was separated. The horse knew when to get out of there. The horse was like, I'm going to jail for you.

Who takes a getaway horse to a robbery, Ferguson told the Tampa Times. When officers arrived on the scene, Maddox walked toward them and asked if they had seen a horse the deputy secretly interrogated maddox where they wrote in their report that his priority was finding angel it's mine the horse i've been trying to get it maddox told the officers angel just was discovered two miles away from the scene of the crime in Newport Ritchie. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So Newport Ritchie stole Angel.

Angel ran off with Newport Ritchie after Angel's previous, I'm going to say lover, rooster tried to rob a place. And Angel was like, I don't have time for this rooster. And he's like, you're going to come with me, Angel. We're going to rob this guy. And she's like, no, my new boyfriend, new boyfriend newport richie i'm going with him and i'm leaving you alone forever he's like don't do this to me angel you know i'm just one big score away from getting us to malibu she's like no i can't do this no more she ran ran off with Newport Ritchie. Damn.

Well, police say the horse was returned to its owner, who was not Maddox. During that time, police talked with some of the neighbors and fed Angel some animal crackers. Wait, the horse wasn't his horse to begin with? No, he stole it. You know what? Who can really own a horse, really? That's true. And then the end of it, the horse got animal crackers. They fed it animal crackers that were in the squad car.

That is my favorite detail of this story. Someone's got to feed this horse. All right, what do we got? I got animal crackers. And one guy's like, is that considered cannibalism? They all had a laugh at the end. Credits roll. Man, that was a great sequel to the Newport Ritchie movie.

Yeah, that was a great Newport Ritchie story. Can't wait for the trilogy. Newport Ritchie fights ring-wearing golem. That'll be it. His ring was made of crack cocaine yeah that'll be great alright well that's it for us

thank you so much for listening or watching or however you're enjoying this hit up the socials we got socials soundcloud.com youtube.com youtube.com if you just wantrandor. YouTube.com slash Cox and Crandor podcast. YouTube.com slash Cox and Crandor. If you just want to see the animations, click the subscribe, the notifies, the bells, the ding-dings.

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