Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 207 - Alligator Pants

Episode Date: August 20, 2019

The boys are back with another episode and this time they're coming down off the high that is Mallort and Warhammer paint fumes. After the live show Jesse still has one story left to tell just for you! Meanwhile Crendor spent the day at the Renaissance fair so you know what that means!!! Oh, and a woman put an alligator in her pants. All this and more on the newest Cox n' Crendor! Head to http://wearFIGS.com and enter our code COX at checkout. To get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee, go to http://meundies.com/crendor.

Today's episode is brought to you by MeUndies! MeUndies are the undies I have on me. They are undies that we actually showed when we did a Cox and Crandor live. We showed everyone our MeUndies. No sponsorship, just... We sure did. We were like, yo, we're wearing them right now. Also, today we're brought to you by Figs! If you are a nurse, or a doctor, or a dentist, or anyone in the medical field,

and you're like, I want comfy clothes, trust me, this is the promotion for you. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studios. Recorded. Hello everybody and welcome to an exciting episode of Cacks and Crandall in the Morning. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. We're like birds. We're like weird birds. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo.

That's my... We're like birds. We're like weird birds. Woo. Woo. Yeah. Oh my god. This last like week and a half's been crazy. It's like all blurred together. I know. That's what happens when I'm in Chicago, man. That's what I'm saying. Normally I'm like, yeah, what did I do this week? I went to the gym. I played

games. That's it. Now I'm like, I've done so many things that I feel like I'm a normal person. I know. We did stuff. We went around. Cox and Crandor Live happened this past week. Yeah. If you were in the Chicago area and you came to see us, we had a sold out crowd.

It was great. It was fantastic. Thank you so much for coming by and letting us do the same show we do right now, but live. Some people were like, is there going to be an audio or video version? No video. Maybe audio if I listen through it and figure out that it's good enough. A lot of it was crowd interaction stuff, and the crowd wasn't mic'd. So it might sound terrible.

That's true. So, yeah. I mean, that's where that's at. Yeah. It was a good time. Everybody had fun. I had fun. I mean, that's where that's at. Yeah. It was a good time. Everybody had fun. I had fun. I just drank and stood on stage.

Yeah. Guy gave you wine eventually. I thought that was lovely. Yeah. I was like, hey, I'll take a red wine. Had it. I drank Malort. It was terrible.

Yeah. Some poor kid drank Malort a bunch. That kid, I saw him tweet later, and he's like uh like or his friend was like yeah he had to leave early and i was like i would too if i drank that much my lord oh yeah you know what he got his moment in the sun though and that's all that matters yeah it was uh it was a good time and you got we shared stories we had lots of fun it was great yeah and you got to uh experience my life i did i woke up every day at one i uh went to bed at 4 a.m every day it was great we stayed up one night till 3 a.m painting figures oh yeah i lived the life it felt great you got slambo i did i bought slambo and i painted slambo

purple he looks kind of like Thanos now. Thambo. Somebody made like a really cool art thing of us as those characters. I saw as our characters. Yeah, that was crazy. So first off, before I forget, what happened when you took the train? Oh, so I told Crandor. So I told Crendor, and for those of you who weren't there, much of what I talked about when I was doing part of the live show was that a bunch of things happened to me, and I didn't mention them at all to Crendor ever. I was like, I can't tell you until we get to the live show.

So I held everything in, and one of the things I told him, I was like, I can't tell you what happened on the train. It was crazy. And then I totally forgot to mention it on the show. So this is a special edition of Cox and Crandor lives, but not really. Okay. So what's happening on those tracks? So I took a train the very first day. I took the train to go see Crandor. It was like the northwest bound train or whatever.

And while I was on the train, it was packed. There were a lot of people i guess it was rush hour which i thought was weird because it was three in the afternoon but i guess you know people got to get out of the city yeah and uh the guy was going around like tickets please tickets he came around to me and he was like yo can i see your ticket and i was like oh yeah here you go give him my ticket and he like hole punches at a bunch and he's like okay cool hands it back to me and i'm like uh what should i bunch. And he's like, okay, cool. Hands it back to me. And I'm like, uh, what should I do with it? He's like, put it up, put it on. See that seat right there. Just put it up on that seat. And he was like, show me

how to do stuff. And as he was doing that, the train like stops right in the middle of an intersection. People are like, what's going on? The cars are waiting to turn, but the train has just stopped. Was there like a guy robbing the train? Let me just get to this. Okay. So whatever this guy, the ticket man, the conductor, whoever this person, I don't know what their name is, the usher guy. All right. He's like, hold on, everybody.

I'll go check and see what it is. Everyone keep your tickets. I'm coming back. I'm not going to forget about you. And he goes up to the front, leaves. Five minutes goes by. Ten minutes goes by. We're in the middle.

People who are trying to turn have now, like, they're trying to fight their way out to back up and leave. Cars are honking. The train station's right in front of us. Like, we're almost right to this station. Right. And I guess we just stopped right before it. And I couldn't figure out what was going on. Suddenly, police cars show up.

Like, what the hell is happening? I come to Chicago, and it goes down the minute I get... This is day one. I had... I have not done... I got to Chicago, got a hot dog, went to bed, woke up, did this. I have been

there less than 24 hours. Cop cars show up. Everyone's like, what's going on? What's happening? They're looking outside. Yeah. Cop cars show up. You get the true experience. Everyone's like, what's going on? What's happening? They're looking outside the window. People are freaking out. And one of the people in the upstairs, because the trains in Chicago have two floors, right?

Yeah. So one of the people on the top floor shouts, I think I see someone with a gun. And everyone's like, oh, hell no. And so people are just a little panicky. And I'm just kind of keeping a lookout because I don't see anything. All I see are cops running towards the front of the train. I'm like, what is going on? And then within five minutes, the cops slowly walk to their cars, get back in, drive away.

Train starts to move again. I'm like, what the hell just happened? The conductor, ticket, whatever, I don't know the title, comes back in. And he's like, some people in this town, let me tell you. I'm like, everyone's just freaked out. And one guy goes, what happened? And he goes, someone said they saw a man with a gun trying to get on the train. He was standing next to the tracks.

He had a gun. They called police. We had to stop the train before it got to the station because some dude had a gun, and they were really worried. Turns out, plain close police officer. They were like, yeah, the cop showed up. He pulled out his badge. He's like, I'm a detective.

And they're like, okay, but you can't let anyone with a gun on the train. That's just not allowed. He's like, if I can't bring my gun on the train, he can't bring his gun on the train. So he had to wait his turn or take his gun home. And everyone's just like, I guess better safe than sorry. And he's like, I don't know. I still don't trust the police on this train with guns.

And then, like, everyone did like a ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And everything was fine again. Oh, my God. But we were there 30 minutes maybe And everyone was so freaked out It was just a cop It was a cop in plain clothes That people were just like report his ass

Which you know what good on them for doing it But still It was a lot Of time sitting around Not knowing what was going on for that to be the ending. And we were like, oh, okay. Yeah, the police like pulled up with a SWAT team level of just like, all right, everyone showed up. And they all just like five minutes later walked back with like guns over their shoulders. Just like, doop, doop, doop, doop.

Just went back to their cars. Huh. So. Well, what an experience. Huh. So. Well, what an experience. But. It certainly was an experience. Not quite as good as getting those Ikea meatballs.

The Ikea meatballs were frozen food. Yeah. It's one of those things where like if you're hungry and you're in Ikea, you're probably like, all right, I can eat here can eat here and you don't have like there's so many there's so many downstairs I learned after we get the meatballs there was a downstairs area that had hot dogs and stuff which I think we're better than a meatball you can't really mess up a hot dog too much right why do we I would have just been happier if we went to the hot dog place. Yeah. But I mean, overall, I think it's a pretty good time. And then you got to buy your games workshop, dude, but at the local game shop.

And I was like, we were asking the guy if he had the book with legs. He did not. Whatever. He's like, we don't got any of those. They're fine cast now, but we were going to order some. But you never know with those things. And you had no idea what you were talking about. But you were just like, yeah.

I didn't know what he was saying. I just nodded my head like, yeah, no, yeah, of course. Then you're like, I'll get Slambo. And he's like, oh, yeah, I used to have the metal one back in my day. You know what they did? They changed him. He's the fine cast, you know? And you're just like, yep, sure.

Yeah, I mean, he tried to get me to join his club, and I did. I did join. I did join, and he's like, all right, put down your address. We'll be in contact. He's like, we play 40K on Mondays. If you ever want to stop by. You can get 20% off. I was like, all right, see you next time. I'll never see him again.

You'll never see him again. You'll never see him again. I probably will. Maybe. You might. Oh my god, today we went to the Renaissance Fair. Okay, tell me about it. Tell me about the Renaissance Fair. Went back to the mud show and there he was.

Billy Billy Von Billy still kicking it. I tweeted you a picture. Wait, what? Hold on. Hold it. I tweeted you a picture. Wait, what? Hold on. Check your Twitter. Hold on. I didn't see this. Yeah, check your Twitter.

And I said, what did I say? I said something. I said, it's that time again. There it is. And there's Billy. Billy, Billy Von Billy looks like I would imagine anyone named Von Billy to look. He does. Also, I love that really it's just like a dude in capri pants with sort of like a hipster top.

Yeah. Yeah. Really? Really? The Mud Brothers are just hipsters. Super hipsters. Andsters and then they uh and they pass around their thing asking for money and they get a lot of it there's this one girl she's probably like this eight-year-old girl and she kept running to her dad to give them money

and she'd like take a dollar run back and throw it in the bag and she'd keep doing it and he's like uh folks we want to keep taking your money but we gotta keep moving but they must uh they made a good chunk of money who else was there at the rent fair there was uh his two partners i forgot their names um what was it honestly i don't remember the other two's names i just remember billy but there is like the one guy and he was like yeah first part uh and then the other guy is like i'm the judge and i'll eat the mud. And he eats the mud. But Billy, I feel like, is the staple. If they lost Billy, the show would crumble.

Was it anonymous Bosch? Wait, meet the beggars. Hold on, let me see. Was it Fitzhugh Nicely? It might have been anonymous Bosch. Bob the Beggar. I don't think it was Bob the Beggar. Was it Legs of Kimbobo i still love legs akimbo

what about spunky spunky jitters spunky jitters i don't think it was spunky jitters latilla fair dunkum no fair dinkum latilla fair dinkum what kind of name is that i don't was it it Privy La Pew? Well, looking at all the caricatures... Rottweiler, Dr. Smutching Fubar. It might have been Legs Akimbo. Here's my favorite part. When you click on the characters, let's say you click on Billy Billy Von Billy,

who you showed me a photo of. The image of that person is not Billy Von Billy. Oh, yeah, that's not's not billy no yeah so what the hell how do i know what anyone really looks like i don't that's a great question dude billy billy von billy his first appearance was in 1979 at the king richards fair in wisconsin that dude's been performing 10 years before i was born anonymous bosh Bosch, 1980. Wow. And he used to be Old Beggar Joe, Willem the Poorer, Regurgitated, Rash, and Rush. Figgy Pudding, also known as Hamhocks, Sir Loin of Beef, and Little Debbie. Oh, my God.

Dr. Smutsing Fubar is probably the newest one. He's 1998. Anonymous Bosch was definitely there No doubt Master Wiggles A.K.A. Rottweiler A.K.A. Sparky Maggot A.K.A. Herbacchio 1978

Oh my god That's insane What the shit Wow these guys are in for the long haul guys are in it for the long haul. They are in it for the long haul. Look at these guys. 1986, 1980. Ooh.

What do you mean? I've never heard of Latilla Fair Dinkum before. I've never heard of that. Last spotted at the Minnesota Renaissance Fair is what it says last spotted at. I guess they traveled all the Renaissance Fairs. Let's see. Calm before the storm. Figgy pudding.

There's figgy pudding. The figgy pudding. That's crazy. They've been doing it this long. The thing is, Billy plays the same song on his little trumpet thing, which is burn it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The same one in the animation. He's played it every year for the last three years.

Oh, my God. You can look at their old 1970s photos. I know. Wow. It's crazy. This is... I need to go to the most recent thing. North Carolina.

The Mud Show. Well, this certainly is... This show contains muddy humor. Yep, this is all a thing that happened. Well, it sure is. The Mud Show. Well, this certainly is. This show contains muddy humor. Yep, this is all a thing that happened. Well, the Mud Show. To the Mud Show. To the Mud Show. To the Mud Show.

May it continue being amazing. You still got to see it. You still got to see it one of these days. Next time. Next time we will plan around the Mud Show. Yes, no doubt. That has to be. This time was Ikea. Next time you have to see the Mud show yes no doubt that has to be this time was ikea next time you have to see the mud show yeah yeah mud show first then cox and credo live that's all

about the mud show no doubt uh with special guests figgy pudding and legs akimbo and billy billy von billy you know what next cox and Crandall Live is just the Mud Show. Reporting live from the Mud Show with Billy Billy Von Billy. They linked a video that said, this dead pastor will come back to life if you give her enough cash. And they said, everything old is new again. We used to do this exact bit scam on the streets of King Richard's, now Bristol, back in 79. Classic. Classic.

Classic. So yeah, I mean, that was pretty much our fun-filled trip. Anything happen on your way back home? No, um, I flew home and, uh, went to bed. That's it, really.

That's kind of surprising. Nothing crazy happened. Yeah, nothing fun happened. Yeah. It was pretty standard. I think all the crazy got out of the way. And I went home and everything was fine. Yeah.

After I left, what happened to you? I mean, I spent one day just decompressing. Pretty much painted Warhammer for an entire day. And I went to the Ren Faire. I mean, that spent one day just like decompressing, pretty much painted Warhammer for an entire day. And I went to the Ren Faire. I mean, that was really it. Did you do anything else at the Ren Faire? Anything? You just saw Figgy Pudding and Legs of Kimbo?

I don't, I like how I leave Billy, Billy Von Billy out for things too long. Toaster Woman bought some cool earrings. And there's like some crazy people walking around. There's some cool people walking around. I don't know. What else happened there? We ate some mushrooms. Mushrooms are really good.

Gotta eat the mushrooms. I got some two-for-one corn, because it was like the end of the day, and they were like, two-for-one corn, and I'm like, I really only need one, and then they were like, really? We're trying to get rid of the corn, so I was like, all right, I'll take a free corn.

Got a free corn. It's great. Two for one corn. Ate an artichoke thing. I never actually ate like an artichoke, but I guess you like the center of it. You can eat like more of it. But the outside, you like scrape it off with your teeth. Is that how you're supposed to eat an artichoke?

What? Yeah. I ate artichokes. Artichoke? What? Do you eat an artichoke what yeah yeah artichokes do you eat an artichoke you scrape it off with your teeth yeah i've never heard this before maybe served hot or cold to eat pull off outer peels one at a time dip base of pedal in the i guess i've only ever had artichoke hearts yeah pull through teeth to remove soft pulpy portion of pedal discard remainingal i've never had i've never had a petal before i've never i realized i've never had an artichoke petal i've only had artichoke

hearts yeah the bottom or heart of the artichoke is entirely edible oh yeah i've only ever had that i've never i've never been like yeah i want a petal i didn't need never once i was expecting like the uh the heart of it and then when they gave to me, they gave you the heart and all the petals. I was like, how do you do this? And I, like, tasted part of it. And I was like, oh, I think you just scrape it off. And I was right. You just scrape off a little meat at the bottom.

It was pretty good. Never heard of that before. Yeah. And they give you a little butter. You, like, do a little butter dip. They give you a little butter. Give you a little butter. Oh, yeah.

I don't like it. I mean, it's not something that I would ever eat. Well, I never thought I would eat it either. but then I started eating it, and I was like, it was pretty good. You're right. I'm such a fool. Yeah. Not until you start do you know if you're going to like a thing.

You're right. I'm an idiot. But I usually find myself willing to try stuff, but I don't like having to work hard for it. Like a great example, crab legs. Yeah. Crab legs. Crab. Delicious. Crab legs. Giant pain in the ass. Not willing to work for it. Cr a great example, crab legs. Yeah. Crab legs, crab, delicious.

Crab legs, giant pain in the ass, not willing to work for it. Cracking it, getting messy, the amount of meat you get, I'm like, you know what? Crabs, I'm gonna leave you alone. I'm not gonna eat you. Now lobster, F them, they got that butt fat. Oh, it's good.

They got that butt meat, and that, I love eating the butt meat. Oh, yeah. I love a good lobster butt. Mm-hmm. Mm. I love a good lobster butt. Yeah, so, I mean, that's that.

This guy said. I don't know. I just looked up an article and they said, why eating a whole artichoke is the worst idea ever. Yes, please tell me because i feel like that's true a major advantage of being born to an italian family is that i learned how to eat an artichoke it's simple really you peel off a petal you scrape off the tender portion at the tip with your teeth the heart is also edible the part of the artichoke actual leaves hairy stuff the bottom etc should never be eaten unless you are this guy a doctor in

miami ordered grilled artichokes at a houston restaurant and somehow managed to eat the entire thing leaves stem and all those leaves are seriously sharp not to mention a bit how bitter and fibrous but there you go when he subsequently checked into a hospital complaining of severe abdominal pain and discomfort an exploratory laparotomy revealed artichoke leaves lodged within his bowel oh my god like here's the thing when i ate that artichoke when i scraped it off there was no point part of me that was like i need to eat this whole leaf i was like wow you definitely can't eat this i think you gotta scrape it and then i was right but like who would be like god I eat

this whole whole leaf people who don't understand like I've only ever had an artichoke heart I've never once assumed anything about the leaves so I imagine I would just like if someone gave me a full artichoke I would be like okay and just eat the whole thing it's like I mean it's like eating an avocado and trying to like eat the skin of the avocado. I guess you would get to a point where you're like, oh, that's bitter. I don't want to eat this. Right?

I feel like at some point your body would be like, no, thank you. Yeah, it's hard to actually even bite into the leaf. So I'm like, oh, this can't be edible. It just feels like common sense. You would think so, but common sense isn't something a lot of people have he's if there's anything we've learned from this podcast common sense not something people are equipped with that's the truth it sounds like a facebook meme

uh common sense not so common yeah your grandmother sends out to your aunt sends out to everyone i linked it to everybody he's now su suing the restaurant, claiming he had never seen or heard of an artichoke previously, and that the restaurant failed in its duty to train its table servers to explain the proper method of consuming an artichoke. He's a doctor? Wait, is he a...

I thought you said he was a doctor. Did I? Wait, am I? Oh, yeah. He is a doctor. That's what I'm saying i feel like i did not figure this out he never seen an artichoke before like even if you haven't eaten one you've definitely seen one before yeah right it's yeah then they go on to say like should the restaurant be penalized for assuming its customers come to the table with little common sense or should chicken bones pumpkin seeds artichoke leaves cores, and other inedibles

come with a warning label and eating instructions? Well, this is the reason why every cup of coffee has that warning. It might be hot. Like, yeah, no shit. It's going to be hot. But I think because someone spilled it on themselves and was like, I have no idea. I'm going to sue you. Now they have to put it there to prevent other people from...

So dumb. So dumb. Just figure it out. Just figure it out. I'm on the same page as you. So yeah, that was a fun experience today. Well, I mean, that's neat. You got to drink and eat artichokes and see guys playing mud.

It's all you want sometimes. Sometimes in life, that's all you need. It's true. And now, I just got the countdown to Classic WoW. One week. Oh, man. I'm ready. I'm so worried.

In the next six days, I have to do all the New Life is Strange, play Control and Man of Medan, and somehow find the time for launch day while classic. I can't wait. I can't wait to just die. It's going to be rough. This is going to be the longest we can have. And then September 4th, I go on my Christmas vacation with my parents.

My Christmas vacation from last Christmas. Ah, I see. We're finally doing it. So I have to get all this stuff done before the 4th of September. Can't wait. Oh, my God. That is. Oh, but that's a lot.

But for me. Can't wait. It's going to be. It's going to be so. Oh, plus that I have to do more gentlemen's stuff that I can't mention because spoilers. But that has to be done. Oh, Crandor. I think that's it. I think I'm done.

This is how I die. This is it. Well, at least we'll go down having fun. Yeah, doing what I loved, I guess. Fantastic. And if anybody wants to see us painting, it's in my VODs on twitch.tv slash Crenzor. Oh, yeah.

You can go watch. Yeah, go to videos. And then there's a video called Painting Warhammer with Jesse. And it's three hours of us painting. Nice. Apparently, it's already got 2K views on the Twitch VODs. So people have already found it. Yeah.

They don't need us apparently we're good yeah i would put it on youtube but like you just find it on twitch i don't care i have that problem too where i'm like i i could just go spam youtube with twitch stuff or i could simply just be like go watch it on twitch people get upset because they're like i don't feel like i'm a part of it if it's on twitch and i'm like i don't know the rules man the thing is like if go watch it on Twitch. People get upset because they're like, I don't feel like I'm a part of it if it's on Twitch. And I'm like, I don't know the rules, man. The thing is, if you watch it on Twitch, it has the chat playing along with it.

So that's kind of neat. I think that's pretty cool to have. I'd stream to YouTube if YouTube wasn't such a mess all the time. Yeah. Yeah, YouTube. I don't trust YouTube to do anything. Well, you know what I do trust? What?

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If you are a nurse, man, give me a call because I just, first off, feel like we should be dating. And also, more importantly, you can take care of me as I fall apart. So that's going to be great for me. No, I don't really know if this is great for you, but you will get figs out of it. Whoa. I don't know that's true Let's go to choppy or something guys good or how's that traffic out there? Hey, what's going on? You're looking for traffic. I got your traffic right here

Let me tell you where it is. I'm gonna put that traffic where the Sun don't shine because it's not shining today It's actually pretty cloudy out where the sun don't shine because it's not shining today it's actually uh pretty cloudy out uh and it's it was gonna rain and then it didn't rain but then some places it rained it was like spotty showers but it's really overcast outside which actually made it pretty nice for walking around but uh i mean overall it looks like it's gonna be uh it's gonna have a little bit of a heat up but then it's gonna cool down all across uh well the midwest at least i don't know about everywhere else but uh it's me like 70s like high 70s that's like prime early fall weather uh late summer i love it uh it's like one of the best times it's like a little above room temperature but not too bad

you know what i'm saying um so all the cars are looking pretty uh pretty smooth out there is uh what i'm saying uh instead of bumpy cars. Hate those bumpy cars. Especially the bumper ones. Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to Crandor at the Weather Desk. How's that weather? Hey, welcome to the Weather Desk.

I'd bring out Woppy, but he was at Cox and Crandor Live, and he's worn out. That's true. Woppy did make an appearance. Yeah, everybody was like, Woppy, Woppy. Well, not really. Woppy's behind stage. It would be so weird if it was just you that left the stage to go back and do Woppy. That'd be crazy.

That'd be really weird. Luckily, it didn't happen. That'd be so weird if you had done that. Yeah. Yeah. Weather. Hey, what's going on with the weather? Hey, hi.

Hello. Hey, how's it going? So, let's see. What kind of weather are we looking for today? I think we're looking for a good old-fashioned 4, 4, 5, 5, 1. Jungu, Ulsan, South Korea. 82 degrees. Feels like 90.

Ooh, it's hot. Today, 83 degrees. Tonight, 76 with rain. Where is this at, actually? Jungo? Jungu, Ulsan, South Korea. Okay, sure. I believe this. It's near Busan. I know all about Busan because EXBC

goes to Busan. Or they live in Busan. What is EXBC? That's the stream I watch with the Korean people. Extreme Elimination Challenge? No, the streamers I watch that walk around Korea. Okay. I've talked about them on this podcast. You have? No, yes, you have.

I believe you. Yeah. You definitely have. I've subbed to them now for like 37 you okay i've talked about them on this podcast no yes you have i believe yeah you definitely now for like 37 months and every time they're like grand door it's great i'll keep subbing to them as long as i can but i guess it's gonna be hot when i watch the stream today uh and then it's gonna be hot tuesday 40 chance of rain. Let's check the old 10 day. 83, 83, 88, 86, 81, 82, 82, 81, 81. Damn, they're going to hit thunderstorms. So next week's going to be hot and rainy. Ay, ay, ay.

I kind of like hot and rainy, though. Well, I like a moderate temp. I like a 70 degree rain. I just like 70 degrees in general. I kind of like hot and rainy, though. Yeah, I kind of like hot and rainy. I don't of like hot rain i don't like it's really humid don't like that humidity uh 76 percent humidity over there wowee that's a spicy mama mia um and that's the weather that's okay what and let's go to sports sports um hey welcome to the sports desk how's it going oh i mean good what's welcome to the sports desk. How's it going? Oh, I mean, good. What's going on in sports?

Let me tell you. I'm waiting. I would love to know. So Boogie Cousins over on the Lakers tore his ACL. He's gone. I saw because everyone was tweeting hashtag Boogie earlier. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I was like, what is happening?

He's kind of got the Derrick Rose syndrome where with the Bulls, he tore one ACL and he tore the other one. It's pretty much what he did. He tore one a few years ago. Now he tore the other one. There it is. They got the curse. I don't know what it is, but it's a shame for them.

Now the Lakers are trying to settle for Dwight Howard at like 40 years old. God, that man is a workhorse. I feel so bad. He never gets – they're're like bring him back out yeah i don't i don't know um but i guess you know it is what it is bulbul stated he's fully recovered from his navicular bone good old bulbul he's like seven six um let's see what else here uh nfl deontay johnson unlikely to play antonio brown is still uh being hard to deal with uh apparently he i believe that brings his helmet to a lab and it failed a test and he so for those of you who don't understand this let me just like

really quickly sum this up for everyone. Because I know we mentioned this in the past. Antonio Brown, last year a rule was put in place that was like, hey, we need to change the helmets. The helmets in the league are not up to snuff. We need to make some, you know, changes so that you don't all die. Right? Right. And so last season, they were like, okay, well, because we just made the change, we'll give you guys until next year to get this all sorted out.

So if you want to use the old helmets, you still can. So a few QBs, like some people still use the old helmets. Yeah. This season rolls around. As everyone switches over, Antonio's like, I ain't gonna do it. And I don't know if he thought because last year they let them all slide that this year

they do the same. Yeah. But he just like 1000% stubborn boy this one. I don't know why. I don't know why he suddenly was like, you know what? I ain't gonna do it. I have no clue. I couldn't tell you why. Yeah. I legit have no idea why,

but the Raiders keep being like, hey, you know, when he wants to come back, we hope he comes back ready for week one, ready to play football. You can tell they're kind of getting frustrated with it. They're just like, would this our stance? No more questions. It became like a sideshow thing.

I'm fine with people, especially if you're a talented athlete, I'm fine with you being like, I'm going to take stands on things. And I have, you know, this is important to me. But this was a thing that everyone agreed on, that he then was like, I don't want to do it anymore. And it's like, well, that's dumb. What a dumb hill to die on. Yeah.

And he's already a controversial person. Oh, yes. That's, you know, as a Steelers fan, I've had to endure. Yeah. He's not the easiest person to get along with. So he's doing his thing there. Yeah, he certainly is. So what I heard is that he agreed to come back and play. But now you're telling me that he was like, okay, okay,

let me just take my helmet and get tested one more time to make sure. Yeah, pretty much he's not practicing because of the helmet again. So he said he'd play. Now he's not playing again. So I don't know. What is the point? What is the point? What is the point? Although it is preseason and none of it matters right now.

But I feel like if you're going to be on a team, be on the team. Yeah. You'd think you'd just, you know, play. I'm just glad the Packers have nobody like that. And they're all, you know, trying. By the way, shout out to everyone at Cox and Crandor Live who, when you were like, go Packers, they were like, boo! There are some Packer fans

there, alright. There were like three. There was like five. I mean, there were as many Packers fans as there were people from other countries. Yeah, but there was like a couple Vikings fans, which like, alright, let them have their fun. Yeah, they were shouting skull a bunch. They were, I think, drunk. They were drunks. Probably drunk. At the same time, you know, let them have their fun. Yeah, they were shouting skull a bunch. They were, I think, drunk.

They were drunk. Probably drunk. At the same time, you know, let them have their fun. Let them have their fun. They haven't won a Super Bowl yet. They've got the Bears fans, you know, they're just, you know, being Bears fans. It's fine.

You know, I mean, it was still pretty good. Yeah. And that's fine. You know? I mean, it was still pretty good. Yeah. Um, and that's sports. Alrighty. Crandor, what is our big news story of the day? Alright, you want to know the big news story of the day? I do. I'm assuming you're looking it up right now. Wow, you assume that I wouldn't have a news story ready for this show?

Are you kidding me? Well, usually when you answer me with the thing I just asked you, it's because you're stalling for time. I would never do that. Are you still stalling? I would never do that. Are you still stalling for time? You think I'm stalling for time right now? Maybe.

Maybe I do. Looking through Twitter and through my mentions. Why are you getting your news off of Twitter? You think I go to Twitter for my news? Maybe? I don't know. Now I do. You don't even know.

But if I did, I found a story. Okay. So, we've got a Florida woman story today. Oh, my God. All right. Florida woman. Florida woman sentenced after pulling alligator from her pants during traffic stop. Whoa. What? Yep. after pulling alligator from her pants during traffic stop whoa what yep this florida woman

pulled an alligator from her pants at a traffic stop i wait yes i don't okay i just need give me the details if there are details to this story i need to know what they are uh all right so a florida woman who pulled an alligator out of her yoga pants during a traffic stop. Her yoga? That was a tight ass. That wasn't like sweatpants. Yeah. That was tight ass pants.

Yeah. Hold on. Let me. That was like booty shaping pants. There you go. Oh, my God. My favorite part is, you know how animated movies now, there's always the one character who has

that sort of shitty smirk? Yeah. That's kind of what she has. She looks like that poop in the Emoji movie. She has that like... Half her face is kind of like she's going to go crazy, and the other half is like she just lacks emotion.

I mean, you are right. There is, yeah, there's like a straight line. There's like a definite delineation mark, where one side of her, she's like, what am I doing here? And the other side's like, I'm up to no good. Yes, you're right. Yeah. And then there's a little baby alligator

that came out of her pants. I don't know why or how that happened, but okay. Hit me. So, and then she had it in yoga pants. That's what I'm saying. That's probably showing through. I know.

Why was it there? Did she decide to hide the alligator there when the cops pulled her over? I don't know. And when she pulled over for having the alligator in her pants, was she driving erratically? Was she like,

there's an alligator in my pants. What's the story? Let's see. Legally possessing wild animals and was sentenced to probation. Ariel McConley-Quire was in the passenger seat of a car pulled over in May for running a stop sign. The Charlotte County Sheriff's Office said... Oh, she wasn't even driving?

No. What the... Okay. McCann-Liquire, along with 22-year-old driver Michael Clemens, initially claimed they were trying to collect snakes and frogs from underneath an overpass. The deputy was given permission to search the bags in the trunk and subsequently found 41 three-striped turtles

in a teenage mutant ninja turtle backpack. What? Wait! Why are they under a bridge collecting 40 some turtles and putting them in a ninja turtle backpack i mean that's kind of funny i accept that but what is the purpose are they gonna eat them why are they doing this or what they're doing i know this is there's so much this story that doesn't make... Maybe I'm just not Southern Florida enough for this. Like, maybe if I was in Florida, I was like, my turtle's a goodie. Like, maybe I just don't get it. God, I have turtle stew.

But 40 turtles? All right, all right, you keep going. I'm going to look up how many turtles it's need for turtle stew. When the deputy asked if the pair had anything else, she said... Or wait, no, she pulled out a one foot alligator from her pants. What the hell? She was then charged with possessing an American alligator, possessing more than one turtle per day, transporting more than one turtle or turtle eggs and one count of possessing a soft shell turtle. Oh my god!

So, some backstory on why you're only allowed to have one turtle. There's an article in Slate from 2016 called, Why don't people Eat Turtle Soup Anymore? Apparently, the answer is because we ate too much of it. Oh my god. Turtles, basically there isn't enough turtles left to eat. So we would go through so many turtles

that we now, if you ate, there was a point where if you ate one in the United States, you'd be committing a felony. Oh my God. That shit cray. I didn't know it was like that. Turtles are one of the most imperiled groups of animals on the planet?

What? Not a tortoise. Yeah, weird. By harvesting too many for food, played a key role in driving down turtle population in this country and across the world. In fact, the market for turtle soup was so intensive in the United States that many of our turtle populations are still recovering from trapping and harvesting that occurred decades ago. So as turtles disappeared, so did turtle soup. Wow. Turtles are good guys. I like turtles.

Turtles? Yeah, they're party dudes. Yeah, in a half shot. That's crazy. Wow. Well, today we learn. I learned a lot. I learned a lot about turtles and why it's bad that she had...

Wait, hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Okay. Why are we talking about the turtles when there was an alligator in her pants? We got sidetracked. We got sidetracked. Hold on. Why was there an alligator?

She just put the alligator in her pants because of what? She just had it in there. Why? It's a great question. Nobody asked. Again, I figured that would be what would happen. Nobody would ask the hard-hitting questions. I just Googled why put an alligator in your pants.

I'm hoping I get an answer. Why put an alligator? Nope, it's all the same story. She pulls out a live alligator. Cop asks if she has anything else in there. She had 41 three-striped turtles in the vehicle. Yeah, 41. That's a lot.

But everyone keeps mentioning the turtles like that matters when there's an alligator in this woman's pants. I know. I don't get it. I like how it's like Google. Why would you put an alligator in your pants? And just everything is an article for so many places reported on this. No one has any actual information.

It's all just people putting out the same article. Yeah, that's all they do. They just put out the same article, and none of them have any further information, which is the worst part. I'm on page six of who knows how many, and it's the same article, and it's all the same information over and over and over again. Did no one follow up on this? They definitely didn't.

You think they care? I guess not. I guess they're in it for the click. They want the click. That's it. So dumb. So not. I guess they're in for the click, but they want the click. That's it. So dumb. So dumb. I just want answers. Yeah, there's no word why she chose to do that. Well, why don't

why doesn't someone ask her? Damn. Well, Florida woman who put alligator in her pants gets probation. Okay, maybe this is answers. No, we already read she got probation. Damn it. I'll never know. I'll never know. I'll never know why someone would put an alligator in their pants.

I feel like because they wanted to hide it, right? Because an alligator is probably just as illegal. But why in your pants? Yeah, why in her pants? And why yoga pants? Why not in the dude's pants? I don't understand. And why not just have like an alligator backpack?

Put him in the alligator backpack. Yeah, there's got to be like a leather backpack. And you put him in. If you're going to put the turtles in the turtle backpack, you can put an alligator in some type of like a scaly leather backpack. Yeah. And you would think like, wouldn't the alligator bite her or something? That's what I'm saying. Maybe they were friends.

Maybe the alligator helped find the turtle. That's possible. Maybe. She's like, hold on, I'm not making my pants alligator. She comes out and it's like, is there turtles around here? And she's like, yeah, sure is. And he goes and chases them down. See, I'd believe that.

It's possible. Yeah, I believe that too. So really the story is alligator arrested for conspiring with humans to get turtles. Yeah. Think about it. Are they going to eat 41 turtles? No, but will an alligator? Yes.

Oh, no doubt. Now we've solved it. Once again, we've solved the case. You're welcome, internet. Yeah, we did it. The hard-hitting detectives you needed. Yeah. As always, coming through.

Anyway, that's it for us. Thank you so much for listening or watching or however you're enjoying. But before we go, Crandor, hit them with the socials. We've got socials. We've got youtube.com slash coxcrandorpodcast if you want to hear all these podcasts

dating back to episode one. We've got soundcloud.com slash coxcrandor. We're on iTunes. We're on Spotify. You can go to youtube.com slash cox and crendor if you want to see some animations of us saying stuff and dan making it more funny than it is uh you can go to youtube.com slash crendor twitch.tv slash crendor if you want to see me and jesse paint warhammer stuff you can go to twitch.tv slash jesse cox if you want to see me and Jesse paint Warhammer stuff, you can go to twitch.tv slash Jesse Cox. If you want to see Jesse Cox, you can go to twitch.tv or youtube.com slash Jesse Cox.

You can just type in either of our names into Google and you'll find all our things. You can find twitter.com slash Crendor, twitter.com slash Jesse Cox, and Facebook, Instagram. They're all up there. It's fine. All right. Well, that's it for us, everybody. We will see you next time.

And as always, to be continued.