Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 210 - Our First Live Show

Episode Date: September 9, 2019

So many of you asked if we'd put our live show up, that we finally gave in and did it. OBVIOUSLY this isn't going to be like our normal shows, and it certainly will have some things that only translate well to a crowd of people in a live setting. Hope to see you at a future show! Go to http://liquidIV.com and enter promo code COX to get your savings and start getting better hydration. Quip starts at just $25 and if you go to http://getquip.com/CRENDOR right now, you can get your first refill pack for FREE.

The following episode is from our live show in Chicago last month, if you missed it. Boy, did you miss out on a lot of fun. But there will be more in the future. So, sit back, relax, kind of get an idea of what to expect. We'll hope to see you at a future live show. What? What is going on? Hello, everybody! Hello. Hello, everybody. Thank you so much for coming out.

Please, no flash photography, sir. Alright, I need to know this. For people upstairs, has anyone taken the sexy couch back there? The night's still young. We never know who could end back there. The night's still young. We never know who could end up there. Keep an eye out. Are you just drinking a beer? Yep.

Oh my goodness. Hello everyone, welcome to Cox and Crandor Live. Alright, I need to know this up front. How many of you were dragged along to come here today? Woo! Yeah! All right. Everyone remember them?

We'll take them out afterwards. They're either one of us or not. So, yeah, thank you for coming out and doing this. This is our first ever Not At A PAX live show. Yeah, normally we do PAX shows, so it's like we got our PAX booth, and we got our table, and we're sitting there. Yeah, this is different. How many of you have been to one of those shows?

How many of you have taken the time? There's one. I know two who are liars. Wow, so you don't know what to expect? Oh, you fools. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, this is going to be awful for you. Okay.

Well, so I made a request before we started doing this. By the way, before I get into this, I'm going to say thank you in advance for all of you being here, but I might change my tune in a minute. On one of the last episodes, I mentioned that I was interested in a drink called Malort. I don't know what this is. Never had it before, but everyone was like, hey, you should drink it. I don't know that that's good,

but I need to know, did anyone bring me Malort? It's not good. All right, let's do this. Bring it up. The real heroes. I'm so sorry. Here's the deal. Because you brought me Malort,

you now have to go buy a bunch of alcohol at the bar here To even things out even things out. All right. What's your name? It's James. No, I'm James here with my friend Tyler James Tyler Why did you bring this? Cuz it's terrible and we need people to experience it All right, can I ask you some questions about this? Sure. Who is... Yes. Who is Carl Jepsen? He was this dude in Prohibition era,

and he made this out of a bunch of roots. And he was selling it as a dental anesthetic. And a bunch of cops showed up and were like, hey, we heard you're selling liquor. And he's like, well, just taste it, because no one would ever want to buy this. And this can't be the real story. So they drank it, and they agreed.

Alright, hold this. Yes! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug! Oh! Oh!

Yeah! It's for the kids! It's for the kids! It might get better for you. It's worth it. About 30 seconds. better for you. It's worse. About 30 seconds. Wait for it. Hold on.

What's the flavor palette? What's the flavor palette you're experiencing? It tastes like burning. I don't know what this is. This is... Let me just read you the back of this. Jepson's Malort has the aroma and full-bodied flavor of an unusual botanical.

Its bitter taste is savored by two-fisted drinkers. It's favored by alcoholics is what that means. If you've got nothing else to drink, this is what you're drinking? This is legitimately terrible. Most of the time people are like, oh, this is Gersker Flirk. It's made of fish bones.

And you're like, all right, I'll try it. And it's bad, but it doesn't stay with you. My mouth is watering. This is watering. This is un... This is terrible. Well, Jesse, you want to see something impressive? No. Are you sure?

What? Tyler, come up here. Wait, you're just inviting people over the stage? Crendor! Crendor managed this! He took your microphone! You know he's gonna like chug it or something crazy. You're gonna chug this?

Yeah, fuck yeah. Alright, come up here. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. This was made by Carl Jepson, yes? Yeah. So you're gonna chug this. Our lawyers tell us we are not responsible for any damages caused to any human beings on stage After you, sir. That's already too much.

Woo! That was awful. I just like you, unless it's crazy. She's my love, so call me maybe. That was awful. None of you should be proud of that. That's my go-to. That's your go-to? Wow. No. Who hurt you?

Are you all right? I was a kid. Did you not get the car you wanted at 16? I had to get my license till 18, so maybe that's why. Oh, that's what did it. You couldn't go anywhere, and all you had was a Malort. Okay. You had to make, well, thank you for doing that. That's the worst thing I've ever seen in my life.

I had a good time. Knowing what it tastes like and watching you drink it, look at you, you can't pretend you enjoyed that, because you're like, look at you. You can't pretend you enjoyed that because you're like... I really enjoyed it. It was really... so good.

How dare you? How dare you? I had a shot before I came in here. You had a shot? You went out to a bar and then you paid for this and no one at the bar stopped you? Yeah, we roped a couple kids from Minnesota over here, too. Where's the Minnesota kids?

Right here. Very nice. I like this shirt, by the way. They roped you into drinking Malort? It was anus. Anus. We don't even need to do a show. We can just be like, come on up. Give us your one-liners.

Everyone one after another. Let's keep it going. We'll let the sound guy in the back decide if it's okay or not. Good joke? No? Alright. Get him off stage. Yeah, thank you so much. We're not going to give you, you know what? Because there's two of you, I am going to give you a prize. Yeah.

Who knows what it could be? It's Ikea stuff. Two creepy masks we got from Ikea. Enjoy. Wear them proudly, gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Put my lord there for everyone to see. Oh, God. Well, that happened. We got you Midwest things. What is that? Wait. Is this? This is it now.

This is the show. Bring it up. What'd you bring me? What do you mean? Are you just going to put it on the stage? What is this? Oh my God. You son of a bitch.

Literal salt. You need that for when it snows. You're right, you're right. Here's the problem. It's made in Chicago. Morton Salt, I've been trying, if anyone knows the Morton Salt Company, I've been trying to get a brand deal with them for years.

Here's how I know you just went to a 7-Eleven or something Because you just brought me a cup and popcorn A big kahuna And Great Lakes potato chips That's it really Great Lakes potato chips, popcorn, and a soda with no soda in it I mean, that's pretty much the Midwest The what? in it. I mean, that's pretty much the Midwest. It's called pop.

The what? Here's the thing. You're absolutely right. It is called pop. I had to move. When I moved to the coasts, both the east and west, I was ridiculed for saying pop. And some people were like, what are you talking about? So I've learned to say soda. I'm a fake. I'm such a fake.

I'm so sorry. Oh, my goodness. Hey, pal. Hello. How's it going? Good. No one's falling for your shtick. Stop it.

I'm not doing anything. Okay, so... Screw you. So, on my way here, got on the plane, everything was fine. The flight attendant was lovely. Everyone on the plane was so nice. And I had this like wave of emotion wash over me

and I was just like man, the Midwest is so nice LA are a bunch of assholes the Midwest is so nice landed Nice. Landed. Got to my hotel.

And was like, well, I'm in Chicago. I got to get a Chicago dog. So I went, found a place that was near me. It was all right. It was three and a half stars. Everyone said it tasted like shit, but it was fine. Had a hot dog, walked back to my room. On my way back, a homeless dude on the street's like,

hey! And I'm in the happiest spirits I've ever been in. I came in from a late flight. I ate a hot dog with like way too much shit from the garden on it, and I was just like, having a good time walking back. This guy's like, hey! I look over, and he holds out a cup.

I'm like, you know what, I got some change. I go over and hand it to him. He's like, fuck your fat. And I was like, I was like, what? And he's like, now give me that money. I was like, wait a minute, what? You want me to give you money you made fun of me he's like and I know you got a dollar in there for Twinkies and I'm like what so I go over to him and I'm like I'm not gonna give you a dollar now I'm not it's not gonna happen like, well, I figured I'd try. I'm like, wait, what? That was

your sales pitch? And he's like, yeah, I try different things every time. And I'm like, what about just saying I'm homeless? Can you spare some money? And he was like, no, no, no. And I was like, well, why did you think it's going to work on me? He's like, you look like a dude to work on. Like, you thought you would insult insult me and then i give you money for the pleasure of the insult and he was like yeah and i have a question because i brought this up to you before what about me to all of you to everyone everywhere i go like, yo, can I borrow five bucks? Shiny shoes. Is it the shoes?

It is shiny shoes. Do the shoes say, I will pay, I will fund your life? Yeah. It's the eyes. They're too nice. Do I need, like, what do I need? Like. I found out yesterday I'm kind of like a...

What was I? Like a mole rat? I'm like a... Oh, yeah. Like a mole. Like, yeah. That's why I keep the glasses on. Yeah.

That's what I learned. So that was moment one. People already think I'm homeless. So they just ignore me. Yeah, if we're together, they just assume that I'm very kind and I'm taking care of this kind homeless man. You are very kind. So I was like, you know what? It was just one dude on the street, probably having a rough night.

Still a very kind place. I get to my hotel room, and my hotel room got cleaned. And this was the name on my hotel... Fuck you! Does that say fuck you? Guys, does that say fuck you? Does that say fuck you? I think it says fuck you.

I took a photo and was like, I can't. I can't tell you what's happened to me. I have to save it for the show. That's what that says! Also, while we're looking at this, I totally forgot. At the airport.

What the fuck is this? It's the Manchu walk. Wherever Toast is, somewhere here, she was like, I thought it was a frog. He does kind of look like a frog. I was like, no, that's definitely a fortune cookie. I need to know the background of fortune cookie skaters in this. Well, it's the Chicago Blackhawk.

That place is, you go to the airport just for that. We drive over to O'Hare and that's where we go for dinner sometimes. All right, I just wanted to acknowledge that that was a thing that I saw and stopped to take a photo of because I'm like, this is ridiculous. There was a bunch of NHL players that just went over to China, so maybe. Yeah, but like, fortune cookies are booty-ass American stuff.

Nowhere in China are they like, do you want a fortune cookie? That is not a thing. Well, I mean, that's why, you know, like, General Styles chicken's not like a real thing. We made that up. We made it up. However, oh my god.

Did we ever have a talk about you wouldn't remember this more than him. Did we ever talk about the Szechuan Chengdu style really spicy Chinese food? Oh my god. So my dear friend Alex, who I'm sure a bunch of you know.

This will blow your mind. God. So my dear friend Alex, who I'm sure a bunch of you know. This will blow your mind. Alex, he and I found a place near our office that is very, very spicy, Chengdu-style, Szechuan cooking. And the whole premise is there's two levels of spice. There is spicy, which is like burn-your-mouth two levels of spice there is spicy which is like burn your mouth spicy and then there is numb and the numb apparently the way it works i don't know i'm white as hell what do i really know but apparently you want to get something that's like

very spicy and very numb because the numb numbs out your mouth and you're like I don't care anymore and the spice I guess spicy food is kind of like a poison to your body your body's like what is happening right now and that's why your heartbeat increases and you feel like a little euphoric and so basically eating the spiciest food imaginable but you can't taste the spice so your body's like what is going on help me and you're just it's like a natural high and so it was the it was myself kristen and alex sitting at this place being like this is really good so i recommend that if you want to get i want to live dangerous it's nothing

to do with anything except it reminded me when I saw that hockey player slash fortune cookie. His fortune, unfortunately, was the Blackhawks would not win for a while. They won like three times in nine years. It's over. I'm so sorry. That's not true. It's over. I'm so sorry. Okay, so,. It's over. I'm so sorry.

Okay, so, Krendor, what's going on with you? I came here to hang out with you. Tell me, what have we been doing? Well, we went to the mall. We went to Ikea. We got Korean chicken. And, uh...

We painted Korean chicken. And, uh... We painted Warhammer. That's pretty much what I do, like, every week. I'm aware. Flew to Chicago. Expected the treatment. You got it. I got the treatment. You're right. Yeah, day one. In a span of four hours, You got it. I got the treatment. You're right.

Yeah, day one, in a span of four hours, we ate Portillo's and then Lou Malnati's. I was like, roll me out of here. I ate more than you did. You did. That's because I had, like, a meat thing. What? You know, a meat thing. Whatever that meat thing's called.

You know, the big meat thing. He had an Italian beef sandwich. Thank you. You know, a meat thing. Right? Don't look at me like I'm crazy. A meat thing. I don't know at me like I'm crazy. A meat thing.

I don't know. What did I have? You had Italian beef sandwich. I had it dry because it didn't want to wet. What? Disgusting. Look, I have a comeback for that. But I'm going to be polite. Just know it was inappropriate.

No. In your mind, you know what I was going to say. You're right. I'm too nice. I was about to give him that damn money too. I was like, you know what?

He's earned it. You at least need to like get it on the side, like the juice, so you dip it. I don't want the ajou on the... Is it ajou? Yeah. My dad is like Barry Chicago. He's like, double dip it and give me the side juice.

But it's too soggy. It's so soggy. It's so soggy. That's why you do it. That's why you do it. Why? No, it makes it even soggier. I don't want gross-ass wet meat like dough. No, why?

Wet-ass meat with wet-ass dough with hot peppers on it does not equal good. That's not good. Have you tried it? No. Thank you, random stranger, for saving me. It's great. Woo! Woo!

You bitch. Okay, sure. So, yeah, I don't know. Look, it was fine. I don't like wet food. Look, it was fine. I don't like wet food. I don't like wet food!

I like sauced food. Like wet! Like watery wet! That's fair. So you don't like soup? Yeah, what about soup? Yeah, soup! Jesus. I got a question. This is a hostile crowd.

I can't deal with this. Who invited these drunks here? This is trouble. You think like, when you think Midwest, you're thinking too like, around Chicago. Because Chicago's like,

Wait, no, time out. I'm very aware. I'm very aware. I'm very aware now. I actually used to date a girl who lived in... She lived in Lincoln Park, too. It's true. When I was in... She lived in the park.

Her name was Squirrel Belina. She was a squirrel. We were very romantic, the two of us. No, in college, I used to date a girl who lived in Chicago. She lived in Lincoln Park. And at one point, I went over to her house, and I discovered that her mom was, like, a famous tattoo artist who was really into Star Wars, and I fell in love with her mom.

We broke up eventually, but I loved her mom and to this day I still think she's a wonderful lady. Do we have the video? No, but she's eventually became so famous she was on that show

L.A. Link. L.A. Inc. L.A. Link. L.A. Link. Where they find the missing link in L.A. No, she went on that show and I was like,

holy shit. Yeah, so that happened. But that was... Is that where you met Dave Grohl? No. Somewhere in Chicago, you guys might know this better than me, there's a place that makes... Oh my god, my brain just died.

It makes... Pot pie. Pizza pot pie. Pizza pot pie is what it makes. Oven grinder, yes. Organ grinder? Organ grinder, yes. Organ grinder, yes. And so I went there when I was teaching, and Dave Grohl showed up and sat next to us, and all the secretary and the Habitat for Humanity,

everyone was losing their mind, and I had to calm them and turn to Dave Grohl and be like, hey Dave, we're all fans. And he was like, cool. And I was the hottest shit at that school for about three minutes. They were like, you talked to him? And I was like, yeah I did. None of them were interested in me, I tried so hard.

I was like, hey Habitat about that for Humanity Lady? She's like, not interested. I was like, but Dave Grohl talked. Not interested. Story of my life. I'm interested. Mom. What are you doing here?

You don't need to do that. It's all right. One day I will get married, Mom. It'll be fine. Didn't your mom send you Chicago trivia? My mom and dad did send me Chicago trivia. It's all Pittsburgh related, though. My family's from Pittsburgh,

and so for some reason I think it's really funny to send me information about Ditka. And so... I can't... Yeah, I can't, obviously I can't ask you where his birthplace was. It's actually my hometown, well, my parents' hometown. But I can't ask you that because you kind of figured that out already.

But for a weird prize from Ikea, besides coach, can anyone name for me, for a weird prize from Ikea. Besides Coach, can anyone name for me, put your hands up and I'll choose at random, can anyone name for me one of his other nicknames? Oh, look how young you all are. Right there, do you know? Over there.

And now, it's Iron something. What is his name? What about you? Iron Mike. Iron Mike, god damn it. For you, three packs of lingonberry juice. You're welcome. I know my audience. He was in the back like,

you know what? Alcohol is for suckers. Lingonberry juice is where it's at. You're welcome. Hey, for the... For the... Those of you standing in the back. Why did you decide to stand there?

Yeah, you. Yeah, you. Yeah, you. Why are you standing? Do you want to sit on the stage? Is that cool? Boy, you really screwed up coming early, didn't you, suckers? Yeah? Do you two want to come up here? Come on.

You can sit right there. You can sit right there. You can sit right there. You have to give me one fact about Detroit. No, a real fact. Thank you. That's a good fact. Alright.

This seems like a lot more people than I originally thought. By the end of it, we're going to be all singing Kumbaya in a circle. What is this? No, don't sit over there. Sit over there. There's wires and stuff. Wait, were you two together? Good. Good.

How you doing? Recently engaged, huh? Yes, we are. Well, not married yet. How's it going over there? Good? All right, great. Cool.

Stay over there. All right, so... What? What? Go Packers! Yeah! Go Packers! Woo!

Our defense has improved this year. Just wait. All right. Crendor. Yep. I need, I need, I need to stop hogging this microphone. Okay.

I'm going to sit back. Can someone barkeep? Can someone bring me one fine brewski? You have Malort. I'll buy it. I have Malort. I have Malort. Yeah, this is your experience. They have Evan Williams here. I saw it on the thing. Yeah, Evan is your experience.

Sir, you need to be quiet. Sir? Sir? Sir? Sir, you need to be quiet. Sir, this is not an interactive show. But only for you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. You're not allowed to talk ever again. Hold on. Old style sounds great. It's not very good. What are you doing? This isn't good. Sir, I'm going to need you to tape your mouth shut for the rest of the show.

Show everyone. I'm not. No, sir. No, sir. I'm so sorry. We no longer interact the rest of this show. I'm so sorry. I don't think I can put it on then. I'm gonna be really pissed off at the rest of you who decide that's really cool and you want that to happen to you. They only have so much tape back there and I didn't pay for it. So I'm just letting you know

they're going to be real mad. I'm going to get a letter that's like, none of this was yours. Alright. You. What's going on with you? What is happening in your life? You're here. That's very sweet, but not a good answer.

I don't know. What am I supposed to say? It's very sweet, but not a good answer. I don't know. What am I supposed to say? Tell us about the aquarium. Oh, yeah, the aquarium was pretty cool. We went to the aquarium. There was a lot of fish. Saw some lizards.

There is... Oh, my God, what story is more familiar? Like the cafe. So there's a woman, it's like, you know how they got like, they have like the Manta Ray Cafe. They have like weird names for it. The person in front of me, alright, they're like, oh it's a Starbucks. They're like, can I get a mocha frappuccino?

And they're like, no, we only serve Starbucks coffee, and she was like What And she proceeded to like fight with them for five minutes And then after she was done I went up and I was like can I get a coffee and a sandwich like yeah? And I got it it took like 10 seconds And then And then... And then... When we were walking back,

we were crossing the... I don't know whatever road it is. There's like the planetarium and the aquarium and the whatever. And then there's like the road, and we're crossing the road. I'm not like you know what the hell he just said. Yeah. We're over here like...

A man's right. When he's right, he's right. It're over here like, yep. The man's right. When he's right, he's right. It's what it is. So, we were like, alright, we can cross the road. Some guy was going in reverse like 45 miles an hour. And he was just like, doo!

And I was like, alright, well, could have died. But we didn't What a crazy twist yeah Is that it? Mean what else I? Don't know what else? What oh?

Yeah, slambo So games workshop was closed. We had to go to like a local game store place. Oh, boy. But, yeah. So, they had like all the Warhammer stuff, but they didn't have your book you wanted, right? Oh, yeah. I'm obsessed with the...

I went on... Crendor's been really into these Warhammer minis. And so, I've been obsessed with trying to find one that I saw on the website that it is, it's called Chaos Familiars? And it's not, everything else is literally just like, dudes with broad axes and like sexy chicks with knives, and Chaos Familiars were straight up a book with legs.

Like, for some reason, a naked cat girl. A, like, little furry monster creature. And I was like, this is exactly what I want to paint. I'm never really going to play it. I just want to paint things, and I want a book with legs as the first thing I do. And the guy was like, we don't have that.

He's like, we could have ordered more, but we feel like nobody's going to want that. He was trying to hook me up. He's like, we could have ordered more, but we feel like nobody's going to want that. He was trying to hook me up. He's like, you should definitely join our club. You get 10% off your next purchase when you come here. And I'm like, all right. I'm in. Never going to see that man again.

He's like, oh, yeah, Slambo. I remember the metal cast. You got the fine cast. And you're just like, yeah. I have a problem where I can't ever be like, oh, I don't know what you're talking about. So if anyone says anything to me, I'm just like, yeah.

Of course. No, absolutely. No, you're right. And then I just sort of do what, you know, like really shitty psychics do, where I'm just like, yes, of course. I try to read what they're trying to tell me, and I'm like, mm-hmm. Oh, sometimes they'll get caught, sometimes they'll be like, and I hate that team, and I'm like, oh, yeah of course. I try to read what they're trying to tell me. I'm like, mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Sometimes they'll get caught.

Sometimes they'll be like, and I hate that team. And I'm like, oh, yeah, no, I hate them too. But at the most part, I'm like, yeah, yeah, no, the Packers. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, love. Nope, hate those Packers. Right? No.

No, you're right. Oh, they're the best. But only in certain situations. Man, that one guy, he cannot run, right? Which one? You know, the guy. I can't remember his name right now. You know.

Try and remember. I can't. No, I can't remember his name right now. You know, the guy. The guy. He's like, you know, he's got like a bum leg. Remember him? Oh, yeah.

The, yeah, Mitch Trubisky. Absolutely. Right? Oh, my God. What an idiot, that guy. I don't know what that meant. I don't know what that joke was. He's the Bears quarterback.

I stand by what I said. As a Steelers fan, I stand by all hatred of other teams. So, yeah. We did that. And then, after doing all this nonsense, I have never, I needed to do this, I've never gone to an Ikea with Crandor.

I've never eaten at the cafeteria at Ikea. And that's a terrible thing. And so I prepared I've never eaten at the cafeteria at Ikea. And that's a terrible thing. And so I prepared a little video. Of the very first adventure. What are we about to do? Go inside. Already a meatball.

I had to think about it for a minute. One whole meatball is what's about to happen. One whole meatball. Get ready, folks. Good vibes only. I'm sorry. Subscribe for me and our eating experience today. Sure thing, hold on. I need to film this as well. Alright, so today we'll be having a high quality dining meal.

We'll be experiencing a key andballs combo, if you will. It's got Ikea Meatballs, mashed potato, wing and berry sauce, and some sort of green vegetable medley. And Drick Flatter. Oh yeah, you picked up a Drick Flatter flavor. I don't know what that means. It's elderberries. But this is going to be a once in a lifetime experience.

Okay. I think it was a once in a lifetime experience. It was a once in a lifetime experience. I'm never doing that again. So, Krennor, his first approach was to take... Did you roofie this, sir? Not to you. Krendor, maybe. Don't bring me any beer.

I need to keep this for a while, you crazy idiots. I don't like you, sir. You threatened to roofie my friend. You think I don't care about this man? I'm homeless. I just want to let everyone know the guy who drank a bunch of Malort's about to leave now. Are you sick? No, I got a pen.

Fair enough. That's like being penis sick, really. Think about it. They don't... You're up there like, what does that mean? Don't get too into it. Penis sick. You know.

You know penis sick. You know. You're so upset that you're over there. I can tell. Do you want to move over here? I'm good. Good. Don't worry.

So how are you doing? I'm upset that I'm here too. Yeah, so you were like, hey, take the meatball, dip it in lingonberry. Yep. So I did that, and I tasted only lingonberry. Like, lingonberry meat is what it tasted like.

Yeah. So then I was like, all right, well, in order to compare everything, I have to dip everything into lingonberry. So I put the mashed potatoes in lingonberry, put the broccoli in lingonberry, had lingonberry in lingonberry. And here's the thing.

Everything tasted great. And by great, I mean I could eat it and not puke immediately. Except the lingonberry by itself was terrible. But the lingonberry covering the flavor of everything else, passable. It was all right. I was like, you know what? It was nice.

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't want to eat all of it. No, we had like three bites and left. Yeah. It was a tasting experience. And then we had Korean chicken. It was great.

Yeah. Yeah. We got real dinner. That was good. So shout out to Ikea. Why do you? Yeah. What do out to Ikea? Why do you... Yeah. What do you love...

I went there with you. So I've been to Ikea now twice in my entire life. What about that store makes you so happy? Because I was like, this is too much. It makes you think you have a better home. A little bit, yeah. It's like you've got so many different rooms, and you get like, you know,

it's like a different environment every couple steps. And people watching. It's also cheap. Can I ask you a question? Hold on. I've been distracted. Can I ask you a question? I've been hiding back here for some reason.

Is there someone next to you? What are you doing? I feel so bad. I feel so bad. I looked up and was like, is that a head? You have not seen anything all night. It's like listening to the podcast. You're like, it's just as shitty at home.

Oh my God. What about you? Crendor, take like two steps forward. Crendor, take two steps forward. All right, Crendor. Nice. Take two steps back. No, no, all right, yeah.

I was trying to, you ruined it. No, no, for real, move forward, though. And clap. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Double time. No, all right. Okay, here's the worst part. Everybody upstairs looks like shadow people.

No, no, this is the worst part about this. The two people with the worst seats in the house are probably the girlfriend of the guy sitting next to them. And no, there is no excuse, my dude. You're never going to hear the end of this. I have been dumped more times than you know, and this is probably one of the reasons.

This is up there. This is, I'm so sorry. But if you know, and this is probably one of the reasons. This is up there. This is, I'm so sorry. But if you're going to be single later tonight, let me know. Hello? Hi. You too? No, I just think that's really funny. That it's unfortunately the girlfriend who's like,

you cannot, you don't need to see this. No, you didn't. You can't save him. You can't save him. I know you love him. And I know it's probably a beautiful thing, but he sold you out. He was like, baby, what if we sit up here in the corner? And you're like, all right, I guess I'll do it.

I love you so much, honey. And he's like, I get to see and she doesn't yeah i read i read through the two of you i read through you too oh my god i mean they're lucky i don't want to go switch seats with them? We can bring you two down, and then you can go up and take one of their seats. Can I go up there for a few minutes? What? I'll go up there for a few minutes.

No, what? We have a show to do. Okay. Don't make it obvious. Game recognize game, bro. I don't even know what that means. What is this? Do it! Chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug.

Good night and good luck. You're on your own, my friend. It's off the rails now. Nice. I've already split up one couple tonight. I got two more to work on. I'm sure there's one of you idiots back there who really screwed up.

Were you parking? What? Who, me? You. Me? Wait, why do people know about your parking? I found parking. No, I drove.

I don't know because I'm a crazy person. He drove here. Well, all the limos were full. Tonight was a big night for celebrities. They're all coming here. Yeah, they're all here. All the limos were coming. You could have hopped in one then.

Your story doesn't check out. Yeah, your story doesn't check out all that well. Yeah, so just shout at me if we are not in visual range. Be like, hey, dummy, step forward. What if they want you to step back? They would be wise to say so. That's very smart. Yeah, so, what else?

What else? Talk to me about yourself. Give me some of your life. The people are here for you. They don't give a shit about me. This is the Crendor Show. I don't know about yourself. Give me some of your life. The people are here for you. They don't give a shit about me. This is the Crandor show. And the Jesse here to like facilitate your wackiness. If this is my show.

Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, my God. If this is your show. All right. Come here. Come here. Come here.

Come here. Ladies and gentlemen, you've waited for him for far too long, even though he's been in the exact same city as you. Put your hands together for Crandon! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you What's the deal with airplane food?

Thank you This has been Crud Pick up your posters outside Only $20 $35 This has been Crud. Pick up your posters outside. Only $20. $35. All right.

No, after you. Go. All right. That'd be my show. That was your whole show? Yeah. What's the deal with airplane food? What's the deal with it? Se's the deal with it seinfeld made millions

doing that yeah but he had a hot take he would be like what's the deal with airplane food that's a terrible fight i love the deal with that light bulb it's so bad but then i would do it's me jerry seinfeld i travel around the country just doing that and then they'd be like dude he's do you think he's gonna say it again then i'd come out and i would like pause but i'd be like steal airplane food and then i'd leave sell shirts with it yeah it would be a pay your own price. You could pay a penny. You could pay a hundred bucks. Whatever you want.

You would spend more on travel and booking the venue. You might as well just stand outside in a street corner and be like, what's the deal with airplane food? It's not a bad idea. Move forward. Move forward.

I got you. I got you. I got you. I'm going to keep you engaged. I got you. I got you. I got you. I'm gonna keep you engaged. I looked up and I saw you like, bitch, he's even out there. I can't even see him. I hate him so much. I paid all this money for this goddamn show and I can't even see this

asshole. Well, now you can. How much was this show? I don't know. I didn't have to pay it. You had to pay? There was a... I looked out in the audience and saw a look of like,

it's not funny, Eric. Let's not try to be funny. I say see you too. You're fed up with him. I get it. So am I. He took the tape off. I can't.

Back tape, back tape, back tape, back tape. Where's the gaffer? Making dreams? Where's the gaffer? Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.

Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Damn.

Look at this hard man. Shame! Shame! Shame! I'll just sit back down with it. That's the thing. Damn. Look at this hard man. I'm going to sit back down with it if it's okay. You liar! It would be under your seat the entire time. You'd pass it down the road and be like, oh, it's all gone. I don't know what happened to it. I'm going to get you.

We bought a bottle last night and the Hispanic guy had to start giving a shit for buying it. Well, he should. Everyone should. It's terrible. It tastes like floor cleaner, but not the same. He was trying to warn you. He was like, my dude, do not buy this.

He was trying to warn you. You fools. You should have listened. Nah, screw that. All right. So, the gas station. Oh, screw that. All right. So, the gas station. Oh, my God. Taste it.

Orange-feeling dirt. This is not. What? This really has become the Crendor Show. Yeah. This is just like the Collapsional podcast. All right. we got some mellows.

Original popcorn. Cheesy caramel. Cheesy caramel mix? Wait, have you never had the cheesy caramel mix? No, because I don't eat cheese and caramel. I've had it before. My grandma gets me that like every year for Christmas And she's like here you go Thank you

There's nothing better than still popcorn Screw that fresh pop shit There's nothing better than stale popcorn. Ugh. Screw that fresh pop shit. This is where it's at. This is really good. This is delicious. What? Sure.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Time out. Hold on. First off, your shirt is horrifying. It has been almost an hour. It took you an hour to work up the courage to ask this guy for a high five? Well, why now? Hold on, move that out of the way. You asked for him, not me.

Take that hand and put it down. Now you know where to use your Twitch Prime. Yeah. You know what? Put your hand back up. Hold it out. He bought that for you. He bought that. Yeah, now it's his forever.

He was salty when he got here, and he'll be salty when he leaves. Don't put it on the stage like it's his forever he was salty when he got here and it's salty when he leaves don't put it on the stage like it's you can sit there Wow yeah thank you my man look it out you take that salt home and you use it you use it. What now? The salt was actually my idea. He was suggesting bringing ketchup. Ketchup? Ketchup is banned in this city. Ketchup? Why ketchup? Because it's red gold.

It's from Indiana. Oh, you guys from Indiana? Yeah. All right, we didn't even ask this. We're such fools. We are terrible at doing shows. How many of you are actually, let's see hands. How many of you are actually from Chicago?

Wow. So, I mean, there's a lot of you, but also so few. How many of you are from Indiana? Dang. Oh, shit. Have you guys ever seen the hell is real sign? Yeah. You go to school near the hell is real sign? Yeah. You go to school near the hell is real sign?

That's a... Well I mean wife one's real the other guy I think asked me. Yeah. I used to live in Ohio. It's been there since I was in Ohio and that's like 12 years ago. They just really want people to know eventually it's gonna catch on I believe that's a staple yeah

um it's on some guys farmland right he could put crop crops there but he's like no the message needs to get out it's been thousands of years of people finally have a caught on to this Bible thing. I'm going to do it. It's going to be me. He's like, you know, the new Jesus. He's got us talking about it. What? He's got us talking about it.

You're right. I'm so dumb. Okay. Move on, move on. Who is... Wisconsin. Oh. Yeah.

They're very loud in Wisconsin. Yeah, Packers. Wisconsin, very loud. Out of control. Is there anyone from Iowa? Iowa. Jesus. Is there anyone who is from Ohio?

What? Hello. Hello, hometown heroes. Ohio is the quietest. Well, that's because we're polite there. Oh. Alright. Michigan.

Go home. Nobody wants you here. Get out of here, Michigan. All I know about Michigan is they have those commercials where they're like, Michigan. Come to our state. Wait, hold on. Give us a Michigan commercial.

I don't know what these are. They're just like, pure Michigan. That's all it is. It's literally just that. All right. What other states do we have? Where's the furthest someone has traveled? California, Nebraska.

Oh, yeah. We had Nebraska. There's Minnesota. No way. The Minnesotians. Hold on. Time out. Time out.

Are you guys Vikings fans? Skull. Skull. Skull. All right. Calm down. Calm down, sir. All right.

Hold on. Crendor. We're missing. We're covering the lead here. You're from France? What? France? You're from France and you put your girlfriend in the corner?

What? You traveled all this way and you're like, madame, mademoiselle, tonight, there's a sexy couch over there. That would have been way better.

I can't believe it. Okay, she's from LA. Oh, well that's like romantic but also still, you flew her from LA to see this shitty show You came from LA You came from LA to do the show

Oh no We have some genuine Canadians here Oh my god I met you guys earlier Troublemakers Let's see let's go through all the states Florida Are you actually Florida?

You're a Florida man. Florida man. What are you doing? I was working up in Wisconsin. Why? Was there meth up there? What was... Was there an alligator on meth that you had to track down?

What was happening? What? Huffball Park had an alligator. What? All right, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is news you should know, whoa, whoa. This is news you should know, Crandor. I look this up when we do the thing.

What is this alligator? Did you bring Swirling? A little alligator that's got its way to Humboldt Park here in Chicago, just was there for a week. No one would actually go near. People would just take photos. Of an alligator in Chicago? Yeah.

It's an alligator in chicago where does the chicago alligator come from you're telling me it walked all the way here or how convenient you're here sir i gotta carry my meth somehow. Who? Australian guy? What is happening? Can I ask you a question?

Real talk. What is the real reason you're here in America? Okay, that's beautiful. So this is sort of like an added on thing. I just want to make sure you didn't fly all the way here for this show, sir. I'd feel terrible and I would not give you your money back. I would, in fact, ask for more because of the exchange rate. I don't even want to drive

here. It's true. There were no limos. No limos, no parking. You're such a diva. One time in England, I requested my hotel swap. This is true. One time in England, he wanted a new hotel. He was like, this hotel does not have adequate internet. One time in England he wanted a new hotel.

He was like, this hotel does not have adequate internet. It didn't have air conditioning. It's England! That's what everybody's like, oh it's England. Everything's like 60 degrees all the time. And you get there, it's like 100. And they're like, we don't have air conditioning. That's just the manner.

And they say it every year. It's not fair. We had that last year. We were there last year. We arrived and stayed at the Waldorf. The only place we went the entire season actually had a... The Waldorf Astoria? That's what I'm saying. Oh, my.

Did you have high tea while you were there, sir? That's why, when we did that, we went to... I don't remember where we stayed. It was someplace in London. But then the Coxconn crew was like, this is going to come out of Jesse's money. He's going to be mad. And I'm like, I don't give a shit.

It's true. He did not give a shit. Yeah. They gave us champagne when we walked in. That's so cool. Very nice. I'm so glad you got champagne. And it was air conditioned.

I'm so thrilled for you. I was in an Airbnb with nine people. Hey, hey, hey. Everybody's leaving. Good. He didn't leave. He left his stuff here. Good.

Wait, what beer is this? Mystery. Who gave me the beer? What beer is this? Who gave me the beer? What beer is this? Switz? Schlitz. Oh, okay. No, I've never had Schlitz.

I don't know why. Stop trying to buy him beer. He's already a mess. That's kind of a... Very hoppy. It's got like good hops, but like a... Yes. No.

It's on my head. Okay, so. What? Alright, enough of this nonsense. Crandor, it's time we actually do... You wanna try Schlitz? No, I've had Schlitz, I had Schlitz outside! Oh.

Guys, let's talk about Liquid IV. Liquid IV is the fastest, most efficient way to stay hydrated. Trying to drink more water? Yep, I am. Liquid IV hydrates you 2-3 times faster and more efficiently than water alone, with an added bonus of vitamins C, B3, B5, B6, and B12. I probably need all those. Feel good, do good liquid ivs donated 1.5 million sticks

to date at places like haiti uganda puerto rico and most recently nepal with each purchase you make liquid ivy donates a serving to someone in need around the world liquid ivy is the fastest growing wellness brand you can find them everywhere even costco you can find their hydration multiplier sold at all costco's nationwide non-gmo vegan free of gluten dairy soy clean ingredients and it can provide the same hydration as drinking two to three bottles of water so i love liquid iv and i know you're gonna love it too so right now our listeners are getting 25 off at liquidiv.com when you use code cox cox at checkout that's 25 off anything you order on liquid iv's website so go to liquid iv.com and enter code cox to get your savings and start getting better hydration that's liquid iv.com

promo code cox don't wait start properly hydrating today. Next up, we're going to be talking about brushing your teeth. This is something you do twice a day. Well, I hope you do it twice a day, but listen, you got to use Quip. All right. Quip's great. I use Quip. All you do, you push the little button on the Quip electric toothbrush. It goes and you move it around and then it goes and then you move where you're brushing. It lets you know. And then after two minutes minutes, it stops, and sometimes I'll do it twice. It's great, so I'll brush for four minutes because I need all the help I can get. Listen, it's got those sensitive sonic vibrations for an effective clean that's gentle on your sensitive gums because people brush too hard, and some electric toothbrushes are actually to embrace it. It's got that built-in two-minute

timer pulse, and it's got a multi-use cover, works at a stand, mounts to mirrors, slides over bristles to pack and protect your Quip on the go. It's got brush heads that are automatically delivered on a dentist recommended schedule every three months for just five dollars. It's a friendly reminder when it's time for a refresh and to stay committed to your oral health. 75% of us use old worn out bristles and they aren't even effective. Quip is one of the first electric toothbrushes accepted by the American Dental Association and they're backed by over 25,000 dental professionals and they have thousands of verified five star reviews. So all those reasons are why I love Quip and it's perfect for getting back into a routine of good dental hygiene. Quip starts at just $25.

And if you go to getquip.com slash Crandor, that's me, you can get your first refill pack for free. That's right. Get your first refill pack free at getquip.com slash Crandor. G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash Crandor. Okay. Crandor. It. Crandor. It's time.

Okay. To go to chopper, chopper, seven of the sky. It's Crandor. Crandor, how's that traveling out there? Oh,

I don't know. Normally I do this, but I could, oh yeah, I guess this works. Hey, how's it going? It's me,

Crandor, and I'm up in the chopper. Actually, no, let me go back here since it's believable. What? No! All right. This starts to hurt.

Hey, what's going on? We're up in the sky. You can't see me right now. Wait, I should be in the back. What? We're looking down, and it's actually not bad because it's getting to be nighttime, so everybody's, like, at home. And, you know, it was terrible earlier.

It took, like, oh, my God, rush hour traffic was actually the worst. And it was, like, normally you normally you like you speed up and down, but once you had like 4 p.m. To like 7 p.m. That's like oh my god. Just stay inside. I don't know how people commute doing that every single day I'd want to turn my hair out back to you Thank you all right let's go to Quentin to ask how's that weather? Hold on. Woppy! Woppy!

Woppy! Woppy! Woppy! Woppy! Hold on. Woppy! I think he's backstage. Where the shit did I put him?

Oh, there he is. Wobby activated. Chicago, Illinois, 72 degrees Fahrenheit. Wait, where are we, Wobby? What is... Wobby, no, Wobby. 72 degrees Fahrenheit. Wobby, no, 72 degrees Fahrenheit. Wait, where are we, Woppy? Feels like... Woppy, no, Woppy. 72 degrees Fahrenheit. Woppy, no, Woppy. High, 78 degrees Fahrenheit.

Woppy, no, Woppy. Woppy. Wind, north, 12 miles per hour. Woppy. Humidity, 72%. Woppy. That is pretty high. Woppy, what is this city?

Woppy, what city are we in? I said the city already. You did not hear. Pressure, 29.93 inches. UV index, zero. Tomorrow, 74 degrees Fahrenheit, 20% chance rain. Friday, 80. Saturday, 81, 20% chance rain. Friday, 80. Saturday, 81, 40% chance rain.

Sunday, 85. All right, I put them down. All right, let's go to sports. Oh, God, hold on. Sports. Sports. Hold on. What do you mean, hold on? Normally, I'm not looking at my phone.

I'm looking at the computer. Still not prepared. Garoppolo throws five interceptions in practice. They might as well go 0-16. Vikings trying to trade Laquan Treadwell. Yes! Thank God! Sir.

Oh, all right. Sir. Sir. Sir. Calm down, sir. It's just the Vikings. They're not gonna win. They're not gonna win, sir. Sir. Sir.

Don't make me seat you with the Browns fans. I'm aware, sir. That's why you're gonna... Yeah. All future shows You must be way in the back I'm so sorry

You are Jake Arrieta Is on the IELTS That's what he gets For leaving Are you just looking Through I'm just looking

Through stuff This is what I do anyway Let's see It seems so much more Professional when it's not live. I forget a lot of things. Let's see. NBA.

Greg Popovich said that Marcus Smart is day-to-day. Who, me or you? I think you. I think you. People want to know. Where'd you get your shirt? Where'd you get your shirt? Ikea? Cool.

I got mine at Lululemon. I got mine at JCPenney's. Thank you very much. It says Star Wars, Sue. Thank you. Now that I go to the gym three times a week, I actually use my, like, you know.

Yeah. All right, Flex. Flex on him, Buff Door. Flex on him, Buff Door. Flex on him, Buff Door. Flex on him, Buffdor! Flex on them, Buffdor! Flex on them, Buffdor! Oh! I used to be...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I used to be a toothpick, but now I'm a toothpick with muscles. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Now, what kind of wine is this? Melvick? Melvick? Hmm.

It's not bad. No, no, describe it to us. And if you say leathery, I'm going to punch you. There's like a... It's got an oaky taste, but it's not an overpowering oaky. There's like a... It's like it's got an oaky taste, but it's not an overpowering oaky. There's no leather. There's no leather.

Maybe a light tobacco. And a hint of... And a hint of, uh... It has a slight aftertaste that would knock it down from like a $40 wine to like a $12 wine. As a Frenchman, how do you feel about his portrayal of wine drinking? Eh, I mean, it's fine. It's his thing. That was such a, I'm very happy for him. I hope he keeps it up.

He seems like he's enjoying it. We went to a wine tasting yesterday. We did go to a wine tasting. It was very nice. See, this is why I need you. You're supposed to be, like, telling me things, and then we talk about it. I forgot about the wine tasting.

It was less than 24 hours ago. It was. We went wine tasting. We sat around. Crandor went on the varietal red path. Yes. He was like, excuse me, what's the wine that has the most tannins in it?

And the guy was like, you want tannins? And he's like, the most tannins? That's actually not true. That was me trying to get him to drink the most tannins. Actually. He was the one who's like, give me your most tannins and give it to him. I don't know what a tannin is, really. So I was like, give me the most tannins.

And they were like, we have the barrel reserve. Oh, and he drank it, and Crenner was like... It tasted like they took a barrel and like turned it into alcohol. It really... It tastes like wood. It was an event.

It was like red wood. It was very good. I, on the other hand, had a drink called a Romance Red. Nothing sexier than a single man drinking Romance Red.

It tastes... God, what? Where's my compatriot who had it with me? It tastes like jam. It was gross. It was not pleasant. It was awful. Romance, apparently awful. But I did have one that was like, it was like a blueberry wine. I was like, oh. Oh, yeah, an iced wine. Oh, and I bought an iced wine because I'm a sucker for an iced wine. Yeah. It's a dessert wine.

It's like a sweet dessert wine. It's very nice. They come in really thin bottles, and you feel like such a putz for buying one, but like, it tastes great. If you're like I'll pass on the sorbet but instead have a nice ice wine.

I forgot what it was called. Shut up. A nice mmm. That's so dirty. It's not a port. I don't think it's a port. A port's a port. A port's a port. A port's a port. Nice wine's a nice wine. A nice wine is like a Canadian thing.

Right? Yeah. It's frozen grapes. They freeze the grapes. But it's mostly, every time I've had one, it's been when I've been close to the Canadian border. I blame you. But, you know, a port's a port. One time, Crandor and I

went to a restaurant with our dear friend JP and he that man does not do anything halfway every time we've gone out to eat with him he's like

I booked us an exclusive table at La La Rouge and we're like what the hell's that and he's like only 10 people a year allowed to eat there

and we're like alright and then we go there and it's like we have a chef to ourself and he like cooks this amazing food and we're just like, this is incredible. And then, but it's all like way too much. It's like an 18 course meal.

They give you a wine pairing for like every course. And we're just like, oh, Crenna and I are just like drunk and full at the end of it. But one year, I think it was either Gassy Mexican or one, someone was with us. One of the many streamers. But one year, I think it was either Gassy Mexican or someone was with us. One of the many streamers. He was with us and he was like,

I'll have the most expensive port you have for dessert. And it was an expensive port. Yeah. That's what happens when you hit the high Twitch hangouts. They're just like, what's the most expensive thing you have? I might die of burnout, so I don't care.

Let's just do it. And so he got this, and he went to go drink it and spilled it all over me. So for a while, I was the most expensive thing in the room. You were licking the napkin. Oh, I was like, mmm, this is good. It was delicious. But it was also a little Jesse flavored, and I'm used to that, so it's fine. Grow up.

No, no, stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop. Not you, not you. Stop. Stop. Grow up. Jesse. Yeah.

Right there. Surprise. It's made the rounds. Alright. I will definitely take that salt and not give it to Crandor before I leave. And I definitely won't throw it away because I got one at home anyway.

Alright. So. That's sports. Sports. I think that's my favorite thing, when we go to the weather sports, and we spend like eight minutes talking about something that isn't that. And then I'm like, oh yeah, that's what we were doing. Sure. All right, Crandor, what is our big news story of the day?

Shit, I put my phone away. What is that? Oh. I thought he said chairs. Chairs. Don't worry, we'll wait. Oh, God god I clicked off You're on Twitter right now

Creditor's on Twitter There's a story Why are you on Twitter That's where I got the stories from So apparently there was a human Dressed as TV trolls town By leaving TVs on people's porches. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold on. Maybe we can find this. All right. Lots of porn. Don't judge me. It's natural. TV man. No.

All right. You all have phones, don't you? You can look up the TV man. There's like a gif of him where he's like He puts like a TV on the thing He's like I'm out of here It's weird He doesn't have a face

He has a TV fur face He wants to be known as the TV Santa Claus Yes Yes This is that guy Please read us the story sir So begins the tale of a human Who literally stuck a giant television on his or her head

so they could bring joy to the world in the form of unwanted TVs. And just as it did for the person who brought it to our attention. We're talking big, heavy, old-school CRTs, and more than 50 of them left on porches. Then there's a gif of him leaving one on a porch. And how do the homeowners repay this generosity? By letting our local news camera operator

get a delightful shot of the cops hauling a truck full of old TVs away. My very part about this is he leaves old TVs no one wants and he's like, Merry Christmas! They're like, Sir, what am I supposed to do with these? Goodbye, everybody flies away. This is my favorite.

It's definitely a villain for Florida, man. TV, man. Incredibly, this isn't even the first time TV Santa Claus is struck. The same thing happened in a different neighborhood last year. Well I imagine it takes some time to make all those TVs. But then they say but I highly suggest you stop reading my words

and go watch and read the original story it is a gift that keeps on giving. Then they link to another article so they can make more ad money. Deep dive. Whoa whoa whoa, whoa. Hold on. Hold on, true crime.

Where the hell are you at? Was it a copycat scenario? What are you... Well, the first one was gunned down by the cops. And it's happening again. So either he's a mortal or it's a copycat scenario. Here's the thing. I believe a Melee fan would do this.

I truly believe a Melee fan would be like, I'm so alone. I'm gonna put a TV on my head. I'm gonna go take CRTs to people I don't know and leave them my number and maybe they'll play Smash with me

but only Melee but only Melee all their Smash is inferior what? holy shit What? Final Destination. Holy shit. I was unaware that we had actual nerds here tonight. I'm joking. He's not joking.

I go to Evo every year. I watch that shit. It's great. I'm very aware. All the Smash tournaments are like, the most hyped things in the world, unless the players yell at the audience, and they're like, Bayonetta is best.

And that's a joke only Smash players would get. I don't get it. Yeah, exactly. All right, continue the story. Residents living in a Virginia neighborhood woke up to find free televisions on their doorsteps. It sounds like a great gift until you see the older box that's left at the home.

He's committed to his trade, said homeowner Jim Brooksbank. He's committed to the trade. Is this this person's voice? it's committed to the tray i mean probably no need to adjust that dial doorbell surveillance cameras captured the man with a tv set over his head laying an older set down on someone's front porch and just walking off he wants to be known as the TV Santa Claus. I don't know, Brooks Bank told TV. The bizarre discovery happened Sunday morning

in Henrico's Hampshire neighborhood. Outdated boxes were found at more than 50 homes. We got an old tube-style 13-inch, said Brooks Bank. I thought my son brought it home, but apparently not. They had way too much time on their hands if they had all these TVs and spread them all over the neighborhood.

Please continue. Henrico, please, they're tuned into the situation. They have security camera video from multiple neighbors, but think it's only a prank targeting no one. At most, this seems to be more of an inconvenience to the community, said an officer. At most, this seems to be more of an inconvenience to the community, said an officer. Officers and county workers spent Sunday morning picking up old units and hauling them away. Police did a great job coming up and collecting all of them, said Brooks Bank. This is the second time the TV set mysteries played out in Glen Allen.

The same thing happened in a different neighborhood last August. Are you telling me there's a previous? How old is this man? No, I have questions. You might be right, sir. If that links to another article at the bottom, like this happened again in another city, and we keep going down the rabbit hole of other articles, if we discover on like a pyramid somewhere,

a dude with a TV for a head, I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm done looking at news. I'm convinced. He's like, I am as old as this world. I was old when this world was young. There's no other links. That's another

podcast, sir. Not this one. The YouTube King. Hyperspace? That's another podcast, sir. Take your Star Wars comments and leave.

I don't listen to your other stuff. I don't listen to your other stuff. Nice. I think it's just a prank. Some college students who are bored, said Kroll. It's summer and people are getting ready to go back to school. Maybe TV Man was just ready to strike and put a little humor

in our lives. TV Man. TV Man is Florida's man's arch nemesis. According to the police, the only real crime was illegal dumping. That's it. All right. That's a great story,

but I wonder if we have an update on another story. It's almost like you know the story we're going to be doing. What? It's almost like one of us planned. Wasn't me. Where's this start? Oh, here it is. At the beginning, I would imagine.

Somebody bought the Watcher house. Yes! All right. Let us delve into the world of The Watcher. The New Jersey home that was the center of a 2018 New York article about a family to receive creepy letters from someone called The Watcher has finally been sold. Located at 657 Boulevard in Westfield, New Jersey.

Why would they give the address? They just doxed this person in this article. If you ever want to go to the water house and leave creepy messages, the address is 6565. Why? Is this your drink? Did you drink this?

No, I've been drinking wine now. He did sip it. I did sip it. That's the real thing. How does it taste? Tastes like water. Hoppy water. Hoppy water. Hoppy water.

Happy water. It tastes like happy water. Questions. Before Crenner continues this. How many of you have been following the Watcher saga from the beginning? How many of you don't know what the Watcher is? I think that's a better question. Oh my god. Alright. Well, you, I think,

are just trolling us. But does anyone else not know the Watcher? Okay. So the Watcher, how do we... I'm going to let you describe this. What's the Watcher? Well, I think the article kind of... God damn it. Well, I think

you're going to find your answer. So screw you guys. The house had been purchased in 2014 by Derek and Maria Broadus for $1.4 million. Shortly after buying the home, the couple began receiving anonymous threatening letters that made them fear their safety. Five years later, the home had been sold for $959,000, around $500,000 less than the promises had paid. No, no, no. You can't skip ahead of this.

The letters they received were like, the house is protected by me. I am the watcher. You think that you can control this house. All houses owned by the watcher must be sold for one penny. I will watch over this house for... Like he left messages that were just... Dollar? Dollar.

What's the price of money these days anyway? With inflation. The Watcher is as old as time, sir. I don't care. A penny, a dollar, your life. They're all worth the same to the Watcher. And so the Watcher would send them letters and leave notes, and they would have no return address.

They could not find out who the person was. They thought it was someone in the neighborhood, but it turns out it wasn't that person. Maybe it was an old person who lived there, but it wasn't. No one knows who the watcher is. And the watcher would send them letters and they were like, we have to leave. And so they sold the house. Continue.

The author of the letters said the house, which was built in 1905, had been watched by his family for decades and that it was now the time of the current watcher to do the same. Do you know the history of the house, which was built in 1905, had been watched by his family for decades and that it was now the time of the current watcher to do the same. Do you know the history of the house? Do you know what lies within the walls? Why are you here?

I will find out. The first letter read. No, no, no, no, no. Read it like the watcher would read it. Do you know the history of the house? Do you know what lies within the walls? Why are you here? I will find out.

Please continue. It also talked about the couple's children, specifying their names and describing them as Youngblood. I'm not joking. It's not like, oh, it's funny. They were getting letters. This guy was like, I'm not joking. It's not like, oh, it's funny. They were getting letters. This guy was like, I'm watching you.

This was like, the Youngblood will suffer at moon tonight. And you're like, what? What the hell? Yeah, no, this is like a horror movie. They made a horror movie out of this. Was it a Lifetime? It might have been, but look, let's not judge. It might have been a Lifetime movie.

Whatever. The Watcher sees all. He saw your Lifetime movie Youngblood And I was not a fan Kirk Cameron is not doing it for me Kirk Cameron Remember Kirk Cameron? I don't You and everyone else unfortunately

I'm sorry Kirk He is now Very very much so You and everyone else, unfortunately. Kirk Haynes? I'm sorry, Kirk. Is that the religious one? He is now. Very, very much so. All right. After months of being stalked and harassed by the Watcher, the family was no longer comfortable in the home.

They decided to put the six-bedroom house on the market, and they hadn't had any luck selling, though they had renters in the meantime. Despite an investigation by police, the Union County Prosecutor's Office, and private investigators hired by the family, the identity of the watcher had never been determined. Go on. That's it. What?

That can't possibly be the article. It was resold, right? That's what they're saying. It got resold. But why? Who to who? Why? Well, they haven't gotten any creepy letters yet. Was it resold to the Watcher?

Crendor, why do we not have answers? All right, follow me here. What was the price of the house originally? One dollar. It's like the price is right. The price was originally one dollar, and then they jacked it to what? $1 million. And then it fell to what?

$500. And then someone bought it? Under the value of the house? The Watcher. Think about that shit. It was the Watcher. That's a huge savings. In Jersey especially.

1.5 million for a house watched by a creep who's like the Youngblood. Who talks like that? If any of you go around tonight and you're like, hey Youngblood, I'm out. So creepy. Never dress anyone by their age and blood. Okay, old blood, middle-aged blood.

Don't do that. Don't do that. What about greetings? Greetings is terrible. Greetings. No. Never. All right, my advice to you,

if you meet a person, never say greetings. You sound like a robot learning to speak human. Greetings. Greetings. Now if you said it like greetings, like greetings y'all, fine. If you were like greetings, fine. But if you went greetings, crazy person.

You are a crazy human being. Does anyone here besides Crendor, say greetings? The answer is no. Are you kidding me? I was about to say, no one says greetings, because it's crazy. Crendor is like, greetings. I don't say it, like, all the time. I don't go to the grocery store.

I'm not like, greetings. That is not how people talk talk I don't say that I only said it on the one podcast cuz I was like I don't know what to say cuz every time you start a podcast we've done like 206 of them so I'm like what am I gonna do now and I'm like greetings I'm glad we got to the point where you no longer use like I don't care how people talk to you you could just be like hello friend hello lifetime partner best best best chump cuddle buddy what lifetime partner sounds like we're gonna be in the watcher movie krentor i think he's outside i think the young bloods are in the house.

Crendor, we've got to get the young bloods out of the house. I will get them out. And you open the door and the kids are like, are you Mr. Crendor? And you're like, greetings. No, I'd be like, greetings. Here's the thing, though.

This, greetings. Not crazy. It's like, I've been chilling here at the bar for a while and I'm, greetings. But, nothing? Greetings, crazy person. The only people who say that are villains waiting to eat your face.

I've been waiting for your greetings. What's the deal with saying greetings? No! What's wrong with that? What's the deal with the... What's the deal with greetings? What voice is that? What am I doing?

That's my Seinfeld. That's the best I got. I'm aware. I am sadly aware. Oh my God. That's it for news, huh? That's all we... The. I'm aware. I am sadly aware. Oh my god. That's it for news, huh? The Watcher told us nothing else. I looked up another one.

It's the exact same story. They're like, this got sold. No one digs deep in the news anymore. They don't. We are the only people who dig deep. We dig so deep. We get real deep in that news. That's true.

We wade around in the news. Crendor and I, when we get in the news, we, you don't wanna see all the news Crendor and I have. So many news photos. So much news. We send so much news photos to each other all the time. So much news. Yeah. So much news. Yeah.

So much news. Oh, young blood. I got one of my Warhammer guys is a Sorus Oldblood. So I mean that's kind of cool Time out Did you make her leave? Oh no she's back Oh my god I thought you were like

Madame I think For this part about the watcher, you should wait in the car. What? What is young blood in French? Jeunson? Jeunson. Jeunson.

Are you sure I'm not saying, like, I love dick? Common misconception. I'd risk it. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm all right. What's France like? Because when I was in England, the taxi driver was like, don't go to France. He's like, France smells bad.

The sewers are terrible. It's not good. England's where it's at. That's actually accurate. You sell out. What do you smell when you walk on the scene? I'm going to go back and tell the Prime Minister?

Someone. I'm going to report you to someone and they're going to be like, take away his citizenship. Send him to the send him to French Canada. Take him to Quebec.

Send him to the gulags. Yeah. You know what's funny about Canada? What? They love hockey, but they can never win at it. We don't have to. It's all sold out. The company's made all the money.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. USA! USA! USA! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Approximately 99.9% of us live here. We don't need to say it. We're all very well aware. I think that's where we're at right now.

Well, you know what? All four of you, thank you for coming. This is how we treat people now here. If you do another one of these shows, I will be coming back. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said. If they let us. Me too. Alright, well, two out of three of you are welcome back.

Yeah, okay. So, tell me, dear sir. Yep. Is there any other news stories? Is that it? I don't know. Those are the two I found. Listen, I almost drank the microphone because I thought it was the wine.

It's like... Okay, well, as all of you know, I think most of you, except the people that raised their hands, they were like, we're not true fans, we're just here to support the ones who love you. Hopefully you're in. If you're not, fuck you.

Oh, oh my god, yeah. MeUndies.com slash Crenn Dort. MeUndies, I'm wearing right now. I got Star Wars. Oh, no. Pink, please, pink. All the way.

They're great. Yeah, so that's our ad. They're not paying us yet. But maybe the live show next time will be sponsored by MeUndies. In which case, a free pair for everyone next time. Suckers. Don't you have more stuff to give out?

Oh, I do. Okay. So, a lot of you understand that Krendor and I are... We're pretty smart. Very smart. Very smart. All right, you paid to see us, so shut up. You're not smart.

And so, we, from time to time, are known to answer your life questions. If you have, not like a bullshit, this is an AMA, we're talking like real questions about your life. Financial advice. Financial advice. Yeah, we can give that too. We will do that for you.

And I think the people who ask the truest, best questions, I'll give something very nice too. Big shot to keep you with me. That's my word. You been holding that the entire time? I'm not this guy. Come on, let's do it. Wait, hold on. While we do this, can I tell you so...

Salt! Salt! Salt! When life gives you salt, you take shots. Shot, shot, shot. Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot. While we drink this, I want you, Krendel, will you play this for everyone? So I mentioned this on the podcast the most recent one we did. Come on, phone.

Come on, phone! Okay. Would you like a teenager to help you? 18 plus only, please. Do you have the young bloods? No young bloods. No young bloods. So, on the most recent episode,

I talked with Krender about how I found a song. I was on a plane, and I heard an album called Chill Classical Music. And the song that I played it, and at first it started playing beautiful, old classical music. It was wonderful. And at a certain point,

I had my eyes closed. I was half asleep, and I heard music, and I was like, what the shit is this? And I realized that it wasn't actually real classical music, but it was, in fact, modern covers of classical music. And while we drink this shot, I want Crandor to hold this up to the microphone. It's Justin Bieber. What is happening?

What is happening? Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Thank you. Assault's your prize. Thank you.

I can't believe this is a thing that exists. There's Miley Cyrus on here as well. The whole thing is amazing. Is that what they played at your MRI? No, this is what, when I was on the plane, I was like, I'm going to sleep. So I put on classical music. I was like, this will knock me out.

It is all modern music, but with classical, like, piano. Craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. I was like, what? Justin Bieber. Okay, who has a question, a burning question in their heart? You do? I heard a lovely voice, hello.

I can't see you, but I imagine an angel. Thank you. What's your question? So I'm thinking of going back to grad school. Uh-huh. But I don't know if I should do general museum studies type like your tutorial stuff or artifact preservation. How poor do you want to be? You can be poor, so it doesn't really matter.

Yeah, so really, no matter, it doesn't matter. Either of those is fine. You will be in the dirt both at home and at work. Hey, look. Look, I double majored in history and theater. The best I could be is like a really excitable librarian or something. I dropped out. We have no...

You'll be fine. So wait, hold on. What is the... Are you going to like Indiana Jones or Dr. Ian Malcolm? More like sitting in a basement and cleaning up artifacts. Oh my god. Hold on. So you're going to be in the basement cleaning up artifacts.

What kind of artifacts? From when? Well, I just like dead people. Alright, good night, everybody. Oh, right, right, right. Really dead people. Right. New dead.

That young blood you don't want. Okay, sure. Yeah, well, you're welcome. All right, next question. Hello. Hello. We'll go one, two. Yes.

What's the best advice you could give someone doing a cross-country move? Grendor, you want to take this one? I haven't moved cross-country. You haven't moved at all. Exactly. I've been here my whole life. All right, here you go. Don't moved cross-country. You haven't moved at all. Exactly. I've been here my whole life. Alright, here you go. Don't move with your parents.

Don't have your parents help you move. It's five days of being with your parents in a car. I would say depending... Where are you moving to and from? Kentucky to Texas. That's not cross-country. It's a lot. That's bullshit. That's a whole day. From Kentucky to Texas. That's a cross country? It's a lot. That's bullshit.

That's a whole day. From Kentucky to Texas? We drive slow. It's basically a country on its own. That is true. The drive is in Texas. Where are you moving to in Texas? Austin. Where are you moving to from Kentucky? Louisville.

Here's the thing. Both those towns very similar. I get why you would move. I think that my best advice for you, dear sir, plot your route carefully, but expect to like, if you see a sign along the way that's like, oh, Charlie's Fudge Factory, stop at that shit. You will enjoy it. I'm telling you, If you see weird signs that are like, the old volcano, eighth wonder of the world. Stop. Or be like really chill and like go south.

Hit up Nashville. Spend a night there. Then like head west. And stop at cities along the way. Do fun things. Trust me. It'll be a lot more fun than just like a straight drive. It's an adventure.

You only get one of these. Have fun. Right? Okay. Might have more than one. Thank you. All right, space Buddha. Madam.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Greetings. Greetings. Greetings. Greetings. Can I ask you a question

are you with the gentleman next to you and you brought him along he doesn't want to be here don't worry I don't either wow wait so are you the fan and he's not I'm going to have to ask you to leave sir for this question

this is a between us thing. A between people who fucking get it. This is like when I'm streaming and somebody comes in like, who watches this guy? I'm like, I don't know. All right, yes. All right, this has been keeping me up at night. Go on.

What classic WoW server should I play on? Oh my god. Can I be real with you? What experience do you want to have? Well, everyone's been telling me to do PvP, but like, I don't want to deal with that. Okay, so let me just, Crandor and I have been doing the same thing. I don't know the names of the servers. I know that Thalnos is the same thing. I don't know the names of the servers. I know that...

Thalnos is the Brazilian server. Yes, Thalnos. We were going to go to Thalnos, but then everyone's like, that's the Brazilian server, and as much as I want to get cussed out in English, I don't want to get cussed out in Portuguese either. And then Herod is where everyone goes

where they're like, we hate streamers. That might be the place to go. I'm like, I'm not going there. Falina? Falina's the streamer server, which, that's the one where everyone's like, Asmongold, Asmongold, look at me. Yeah, that's the Asmongold server. So that's that one. But a new one just popped up. Stalag.

And that is, I think, where we're going. And Gmart's already reserved my name. I've already reserved my name too. He's the new me now. So if you're like, boy, I hate this dude next to me and I want to spend all my time with two guys I barely know. Statlog is the place for you.

No, um... PvE is like if you want to enjoy your experience. Yeah. PvE is if you want to have a good time and you want to hang out. PvP is if you want to burn South Shore to the ground. And teach those sons of bitches not to ever come to Terran Mill again.

That's right, you Alliance pieces of crap. Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here. Yeah, so I don't know. There's so many options. I will simply say, the best part is, is that if one server sucks,

you'll figure it out real quick. Because so many people will be on day one that you'll learn real quick who, like which server is awful. Like you know what? I didn't lose anything getting to level two. I'm gonna like, because it's not like WoW now

where you're level 10 in a day. This is, you know, 10 levels in a day. Level 10 in a day is not that hard. But, you know, there's a place for you. There's a place for you. What the fuck was that song? People in the place. People in the place.

People in the place. That's part of a song. That's part of a song. That's part of a song. I love Fergie. Fergie, wherever you're at, I think we should date. Yeah, I don't know. What are you feeling?

What is your vibe? Do you want to go PVE or PVP? I'll probably do both, honestly. Oh my God. I'm indecisive. Just do both, honestly. Oh my god! I'm indecisive. Just do both. But do PvE. Okay.

If you're indecisive, do PvE. And then if you miss murder and being ganked, PvP. Done. Look at us. We're solving problems today. Next question. Oh, now everyone got a fucking question. Okay. Took a few people to get together. Don't whisper in her ear. Don't whisper in her ear. Don't do it.

What are you saying to her? What are you saying? These guys don't know what they're talking about, babe. Come to my server. It's an RP server. We're going to go to Moonguard and get naked on a mailbox. How dare you? You made fun of her question? You didn't even want to fucking be here. All right, let's go over here.

I've already dealt with you. You've been very polite. Yes, sir. Yes, you. Oh. Well, my question is, how do you stay happy? How do I stay happy? Cocaine's a hell of a drug.

Don't go like, yeah, it is. That is the worst thing. Thank God for an 18 plus show. No, um, Crandor, how do you stay happy? Alcohol. That's just as bad. No, don't be like, yeah. Get drunk.

I play League of Legends. I can't be happy. I'm going to give you the best advice that I ever... Here's the truth. Some things in your life you can control, and some things you can't. And you just need to understand the things you can't, you have no control over. And so let that shit go, man. Just like, it's gone.

And the things you can control, work on that shit. But everything else, you just have to realize like it's a coin toss and that's every day is like it could be good it could be bad and everyone else is doing the exact same thing and once you like keying on that everything's all right she's like you know today was a shitty day but tomorrow's a new one and everyone's the exact same way a new one and everyone's the exact same way that's the answer i was hoping for it's the truth it's the truth everyone's going through their own should just be like a cool dude to everyone treat everyone with respect and don't like mess with people unless they're in the front row yeah yeah you're right on there he gave an autograph to us i said canadian

is what i wrote on there, sir. Yeah, so hopefully that's a good enough answer. You got to preach, son. I'll see ya. Wait, Crendor, Crendor. Do your thing. My Joel Osteen?

Yes, your Osteen. Friends, let me tell you. Bring your money up and put it in the offering basket. Please. I need more Warhammer overpriced plastic shit. Thank you. Thank you very much. Amen.

Bless you. Bless you. Can I get an amen? Amen! I see ya! I say I say I say Don't listen to this heathen.

Warhammer is a chaos. Warhammer is a chaos. A Target gift card? Nice! Wait, what? It's a Target gift card.

That might have like five bucks on it. Who gave this man a Target? You gave him a Target gift card! Listen, I'm more accepting than the church. I'll take Target gift cards. All right, next question. We got to go upstairs. We got to go in the back. Yes, sir.

Me? Yeah, you. Can I get some career advice? I mean, yeah. So I've been trying to get into a career that I've heard a lot of people say is really good but really rewarding and another that's like kind of making me...

What is it? What are the careers? History teacher. And? That's it. that's it. Should I be a history teacher right now? Can I be real with you? What is the, I mean, sure, yeah, do it.

But what is the, what is your background in history? I've loved it like since. Do you have a degree in history? I'm getting one. Let me tell you, let me give you some crazy advice. This is the bullshit of the world. Yes, sir. Every job interview I went some crazy advice. This is the bullshit of the world. Yes, sir. Every job interview I went to,

the history teacher is the bullshit job. It is. I'm not joking. Every time I went to an interview, they were like, can you coach too? I know water polo. I mean, if you can offer them like, oh, I can coach football or I can coach baseball,

they want that more, and the history teacher is the position they'll give you. What about water polo? What, water polo? Where the fuck are we, Atlantis? Water polo? We're in Chicago, my friend. There's a lake.

There's a lake? There is a lake. You're right, I'm such a fool. Look, I will, look, go for it. Enjoy. Like, if you love history, if it's your thing, do it. Like, if you have a passion for something, just fucking do it. And if at the end of the day you're like, that sucked, fine. But you did

it, at least, right? So just go for it. That's what I did. Thank God that worked out. Whoa, whoa, what's your story? What do you mean? I was like, I'm going to make wow videos, and then I did it, and here I am.

And everyone's like, what if you didn't do that? What would you do? And I'm like, I don't know. I'd be homeless. You're halfway there Yes, hello Not you, the one who said up here Oh, oh, alright

Alright, so, alright, question for you Does your girlfriend still love you? Wouldn't this be Wouldn't this be a great first date? Does this person you just met love you? We've been together three years, so it's good. That's romantic. That is longer than any relationship I've ever had. Two and a half was the cutoff for me.

It's beautiful. It's beautiful. That's beautiful. I actually have kind of a similar question. And I don't want to... It's going to sound like a bummer, but it's not a bummer.

Ask the question! I'm not trying to discourage you from your dreams, but... Are you trying to ruin this person's dreams? I've been trying to make this person's dreams?

Uh-huh. Sure. Sure. Not a bummer. You know, I'm being realistic about it. Okay. I thought that this was going to be something that I would do forever. Right. I guess my question was, when you were teaching, did you think that that was what you were going to do forever? And then when you had to switch paths, how did you reconcile that?

Okay, well, I think for you, I think you already have your answer deep inside. But for me, I was a teacher, and I thought I'd be stuck there forever, and I, to be honest, hated it. I'm not a, look at me, I'm not a teacher. Can you imagine if I taught your class? I'd be like, all right, shit lords, open to page 36.

I'd be the worst teacher. No, but I think like, I think that when the recession hit and they like let us all go. I actually, I had a teacher like that. He was an English teacher and it was English 102

and I had it in my community college and then I had one class and it was this woman and she's like, we're going to learn the whole syllabus and I was like, I'm dropping this shit. So I went and got the other guy and I went like I'm dropping this shit so I went and got

the other guy and I went into his class and he's like I hope you don't mind if I fucking swear and I was like nice and he is like you know what I hate America's too fat and then he let us play soccer in class time out time out what kind of class was this? English 102. That is a genuinely terrible teacher. So that means somebody did like that, all that work. You let us play soccer in class. That's not English. Somebody did all that work

and got like, they had to work for their grade. I played soccer and got a B+. And that taught me about life, which is that, really you can just kind of wiggle your way through it i don't like that you played soccer and got a b plus um that's better than what i normally do uh yeah no they

fired all of us and so i had no i just sell everything i owned all i had left was a laptop my clothes and my car and i moved back in with my parents. So trust me when I say that it was like shitty. And two years later, well, less than a year, less than a few months later, TB was like, bro, did you know that there's a thing on the internet called YouTube where you can make money? And I was like, my dude. And I started making videos and like two years later

I moved to LA and I had like, I paid off all my student debt and I was killing it. So. You had a British friend is what you're saying. Yes, that's what I'm saying. I'm saying, what I'm saying to you is one, look at this as perhaps an opportunity to go down a different path.

And two, if someone tries to help you instead of being a stubborn bastard, be like, okay, yes. That's hard for me to do. It's hard for everyone to be like, I can do it myself. But the most successful people in the world are the people who always get help. I need a lot of help. That's something you do.

God help me. It's true. But the most successful people always got help from someone else on the way up. Never be afraid to be like, can you help me out? Yeah, a small loan of a million dollars. Alright, yes, you in the back. What? Oh, fuck, I'll just leave that.

Alright. Yes. Hello. Yep. Yep. And I really love writing. And my dream, no matter how big it may seem, is to work for Blizzard in the creative writing department. Okay. And I am horribly scared that I need a degree.

And I was wondering, because you talk a lot about writing in your videos as well, like, what do you recommend to get rid of writer's block? Because I've suffered from writer's block for three fucking years. Well, I'm not good at... I'm not good. I'm not a very good person to ask because I write and then I'm like, ah, that was bad.

And then I erase it and then I'm like, all right, well, what if I try again? And then I'm like, all right, well, that didn't work, but then I just go play video games and people give me money so thank God that happened but Like back when I first started when I dropped out I only dropped out because I was like I have this thing I can focus on instead of doing School so it was like I could write wow videos and put them up and have Machinima contractually own me for life and then have to fight them in a lawsuit to get out of it or I can go to school. So I dropped out and I won the

lawsuit. Yeah. So now I learned. You didn't answer her question at all. Answer the question. So I learned to read contracts. And then I learned... How does this relate to writing? Writer's block. You're not even here. The watcher sees all. All right.

I am the darkness. I am the young blood in your soul. I Am the watcher Don't mind him So I would say normally when I want to write I just like go to places I'll just go like Starbucks or I'll go library or I'll go to wherever and usually that helps Cuz you gotta like get out of your environment because when you're in your home or your standard environment, you're just like,

I could go on the computer. But when you go out of that... This is not helping anyone! I'm not good at helping people. That's why I'm not a teacher. But that's what I would do. I don't know if... That's why when people are like, Kronor, how do I follow your life advice?

I'm like, well, I dropped dropped out I played World of Warcraft And I was like man if I can make money doing this that'd be great and then I did I Don't know how I did it. I'm here So my sorry to that question But just be get out of your environment and go like right in other places cuz I think it helps loosen your brain up a little bit your environment and go like right in other places because I think it helps loosen your brain up a little bit. Yes. Can you come down here please?

Yeah. All right. A lady after my own heart. All right, next question. We're only a few more. We are way over time. I think everyone who runs this place, I think, has gone home. Oh, man.

My parking session expires soon. All right. You, right there. Yeah. Oh, thanks. Hi. Hello. Hello.

Hello. You what? What is it? Oh. Well. I just started a new job. You what? I started a new job. What is it? I'm a writer. Oh. Well. All right, hold on. Because you had to deal with Krendor,

where'd she go? I want to give you these finger puppets. Where'd she go? I want to give you these finger puppets. So next time you can talk to him through finger puppets. It'll be so much easier. That's quality. You're welcome.

All right. Just talk to the finger puppets. They'll let you know. They'll help you. One's a shark. All right. Actual writer. Yes.

Hold on. We don't know of what, though. Is it erotica? Don't worry about it. Yes! Yes! Go on. Wait, hold on. Greetings.

Go on. Wait, hold on. Greetings. I'm having trouble connecting with my coworkers. Who are your coworkers? Other dirty pervs? It's not erotica, and that helps. All right, it doesn't, but okay. So I'm having trouble connecting with my coworkers,

and it's been almost three months. And I'm wondering if you have any advice on how I can better connect with them. What do they talk about? That's a great question. See, my thing is wherever I go, I people watch. And I can already tell, like, I know what that person watches. You can just tell from, like, what they're wearing, what they're doing, where they're going. And you just have to do that.

You have to find what they like, and then you bring it up to them. If they're always going to this, like, man, after work, I'm going to the bar. And you're like, why are you going to the bar? They'll be like, I'm going to watch the sports game. And then you'd be like, oh, you like that team? And then they'll be like, yeah. And then, bam, you're in. You just have to find their relatable interest.

All right. Don't listen to that. That's stupid. The thing you need to do is, don't listen to that. That's stupid. The thing you need to do is Don't listen to him. At first, when you go to an office environment, right, are you, do you keep to yourself? Is that kind of the thing you do?

No, I'm normally a very outgoing person. I just feel like every time I contribute to the conversation, I get like an, uh. Okay. So your fellow employees are pieces of shit. Bring a beer. My favorite advice, the best thing I can say to you is keep trying to contribute, keep asking questions,

but don't make it like personal shit, right? Don't make it like, so what are you doing? Like, Kelly, I just wanted to see, right, don't do that. Ask them stuff like, okay, so this printer, like there's a problem with this, like how do I do, like keep it technical in the office.

But ingratiate yourself with them so that they like, know you're willing to talk about office-y shit, so then they're willing to bring you in to the club. And then, you like, you know, there's a whole level to it where I think a lot of people,

unfortunately for offices, there's that sort of like clicky shit. And they always think like they're trying to be one of us. It's like fucking high school. No, that's not how this works anymore. I mean, really, life's just high school. It's bullshit.

It's like YouTube and Twitch. You go to these parties, like the big parties. People are like, man, I wish I could get into that party. And then you go to it and they're just like, how many subs you got? And you're like, uh, half a million. And they're like, man, I wish I could get into that party. And then you go to it and they're just like, how many subs you got? And you're like, half a million. And they're like, that's cute. Yeah, it's the best advice I can give. It's just like, don't try to be like, I'm your buddy friend. Try to be business professional. And then over time, I think it sounds like, at least to me, that these are people in the office

that are like, we're very cool, and she's trying too hard. It must be, because every time they bring up like, hey, did you see XYZ? And the guy next to me is like, oh my God, I did. And I'm sitting there like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yes, they are idiots.

Here's the thing, you're probably better than them. So just know that in the long term, you have something to add to the conversation and they're just like, but did you watch Are You the One last night? I heard Jesse and Crandor talk about it. By the way, can I tell you guys a secret? Yes. I hate to disappoint you,

but you might not be disappointed. You might be like, who the fuck is that? I was this close to getting e-money from RU The One to be on this show with us. Oh my God. And he was going to do a rap set and everything and I was really,

next time. I didn't even know about that. I know, because it didn't happen. Why didn't you invite Elspeth? I love Elspeth. She would never come hang out with you losers.

She's a classy lady. I don't know. Because it's the Cox and Crandor show, not like the Jesse, Eric, and Ellsbeth comedy hour. If you want to go see Ellsbeth, put out your phone, you perv. All right. Mr. Cox, right here.

That's so polite of you. Yes, sir. All right, so to preface this I have listened Alright I'm worried I've listened to Cox and Crandor in the morning Once For like five minutes

But my best friend Has listened to like Every single episode And every time he talks about it I'm always like Cox and Crandor in the morning How's the weather today Jesse Beep beep

Popcock He doesn't believe that ever happened And he watches every episode That's a pretty accurate description That actually happened And that's a pretty accurate description. That actually happened and that's a real episode. That is. Thank you. No problem. We've done

so many. For me to say it's not would be foolish. I go back and I listen to them and I'm like, is that me? Yeah. I mean real talk, we we've been doing so many of these. It's like when people say, are aliens real? The universe is so big, I'd be a fool not to believe

there was an extraterrestrial life. Same with this podcast. We've been doing so many, I have to believe that what you're saying is true. I'd be an idiot not to. I only listened to like one episode in the first five minutes. You literally have written every single one.

And like, I know it better than you i guess so you think we do work yeah we literally show up i'm like hey you want a podcast he's like yeah hold on you pop on i'm like here we go again that is how we start every play. Here we go again. Oh, shit. Here we go again. Okay. I think one last question. We got to go to the top. I'm so sorry, bottom. I'm so sorry, bottom. Hello, yes. Waving of sorry, Bottom. Hello, yes.

Waving of hands, yes. What? Oh, shit. Good luck. Crendor? Oof. So when I got in, everyone was like, YouTube, what's that? And so that helped a lot because then, you know, you just mainly get the nerdy people. But now literally kids are like,

I watch this YouTuber. And I'm like, how big are they? Like a million subs? And they're like 800 million followers. And I'm like, alright, well, I don't think if I started today, I'd make it. So I feel like I just got it at the right time. What about you? Me? What was the question?

How would you make it as a YouTuber? How could you make it as a YouTuber? Oh, like, advice for someone who wants to get into YouTube. Oh, shit. Mixer. I hear Mixer's blowing up. Here's my advice for YouTube.

Just make videos. And don't worry about trying to make a billion dollars. Just make videos for fun. And if it blows up make a billion dollars. Just make videos for fun. And if it blows up, great. If it doesn't, you tried. You had fun. But don't do it for like, okay, my first video needs to hit 800,000 views

or I'm not going to accelerate in this career. Also, cheat. If you post a video, let's say you post a video that's like a Dark Souls video. Go to every dark souls forum and post like this badass new video just appeared and then have all your friends reply keep that shit on the front page for months yeah shameless whore very true i used to go to reddit and i'd post my Wow Machinima things and they'd be like,

you're not allowed to post that here. And I'd be like, oh, sorry. Anyway, here it is. If you want to watch it. Yeah, do that. That's it. Okay. Maybe one last question. This guy. This guy.

I have a friend. Oh, all right, no friends. What's up? What? Two podcasts a week, please. If MeUndies wants to give us money to do that. Yeah. Do it. All right, moving on.

Maybe one day. Okay, hold on. All right, power hour, go. We're going to go down the list. Question, go. All right, I had a weird dream. Of course you did, you perv. All right, next question.

Go. If I give you money, will you sign my hat? Never. All right, go. I will What? No, Florida Sebastian and Demp, go Yes

Yes How much do you want? Long distance friendships, dick pics, go Thank you very much for your bit donation Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. What? It sure did. Well, that's unfortunately

something only sour Vikings can solve. Yes, go. How much would it cost to get you up on the couch with me? For you? It's unfortunate you don't know me that well Because at the end you might be saying You should have paid me But we'll talk later

Next question, go What is Crendor's Twitch? Twitch.tv slash Crendor Alright, next, go. What is Crendor's Twitch? Twitch.tv slash Crendor. All right, next, go. Woo! When's the next Q and A with Uncle Wormy? Uncle Wormy, whenever the hell he decides to not be, you know, my dad.

All right, next question. When can we expect MRI beats by Crendor? Yeah! Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Next question, next question. How can I cut money How can you cut money Eat ramen every day There you go boom go

When will stars be good When you open your heart to the possibilities Next question Never No next question No next question Next question. I have a high five. Fuck that guy. No. Next question.

Next question. Yeah. Why do you give so much crap to Kansas? What's wrong with you? I've never given crap to Kansas. In fact, I've never thought about Kansas ever. I never think about Kansas. I fly over it often.

Next question. Any advice for starting voiceover? No, you fucked. Next question. What, no, this guy, not you. Yeah, no, please. Investing advice? Investing advice, Crandor.

Robin Hood. Robin Hood and invest in Microsoft or some shit. So smart. Next question. I like Glass Zelda, so I like this one. Yeah, it'll be great. Next question. Oh my God, be smart.

Next question. No, fuck that smart. Next question. No, fuck that bitch. Next question. What? Oh my god. Suck a few D. Next question. Yeah! Yeah! We're going deep.

Why are you here? That's the deepest thought of all. All right, next question. Is Wallace a good boy? Yes, always. Next question. Should I buy the index? Yes.

Buy our posters, though. Buy our posters, $20 outside. They're signed. They're exclusive, and you won't find them anywhere else ever. I signed three of them with, like, he's a nerd. He did. There's exclusive super nerd prints. We'll never show them again.

Yes. What does it take to fix your friend or in a while? Over 50,000 subs. There you go. Next question. Friend or can you hit us with the socials? Twitch.tv slash friend or twitter.com slash friend or youtube.com slash friend or facebook.com slash friend or.

You shouldn't get an applause for forgetting. Next question. Yeah, you. Where's he at? Ramen bro, are you sick? What, you're down here? My dude, hold on. My dude.

You want a high five? You want a high five? Come on. Come on. Come on. Don't worry, I'm sick like every day. Come on. Come on.

Oh, thank you for coming. Thank you for puking in their bathrooms. My pleasure. Or was it poopies? I won't tell. You're on stage. You have to say everything. Was it poopies or pukies? Oh, fuck. Did you poo-poo or pee-pee?

I poo-peed. Oh, no. I'm so sorry. Well, you know, thank you for coming by. Next question. What? What should I do with my English degree? Burn it.

Yeah, panhandle. Burn it. Yes. Who do you mean street fighter? What? Who do I mean? Jury, please. Next question.

What are you guys saying in the intro? What? What are you guys saying in the podcast intro? What? Who do I main jury? Please. Next question What? What? I don't know What do you mean? What? Cox That was literally us being like How do you do a morning show intro? And I was like, I don't know

Cox and Granddaddy Like that That was literally us being like, how do you do a morning show intro? And I was like, I don't know. Cox and Gretel, everybody. Woo, woo, woo. Like that. Come on. How long have you been listening? It's a while, but there's like some, it's recorded in front of a studio audience. Recorded in front of a studio audience, yeah.

Recording. The studio audience is literally just us. Yeah, it's us. We're the audience. Wake your ass up. Wake your ass up.. Yeah, it's us. We're the audience. Wake your ass up. Wake your ass up. All right, yes, sir. If I make you a Tinder, Jesse.

Yes. Here's the thing. If you make a Tinder, we need to be honest. I don't want to go on a dating website. I've never used one. I don't want to go on one and try to like, it's a photo of me and a tiger. I don't want to do that bullshit. If I go on there and I'm like, look, I'm fucking used one. I don't want to go on one and try to like, it's a photo of me and a tiger. Like I don't want to do that bullshit. If I go on there and I'm like,

look, I'm fucking burnout. And if you love to play with wiener, I'm the guy who wants you to play with it. Right, if you're gonna be honest, then yeah, let's do this shit. Like look, man, I've seen some stuff. I've done some stuff. And if you're down to like,

I don't know, spend your nights at home sleeping, I'm the guy for you. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, you. Crandor, did you write a book?

I think she's talking about the Bible. The Bible? You want me to sign the Bible? You know the Jesse in there is not the Jesse on stage, right? You're aware of this. I mean, I will. I'll do it outside if that's what you want.

But don't make it like I'll do it outside. How dare you? Alright. Yes. Yeah, you. Can you say happy birthday to my friend? It's his birthday. What's your friend's name? Robert. Happy

birthday to you. To you. Happy birthday to you. To you. Happy birthday This is so dumb. Was his name Robert? Robert

Happy birthday to you. Woo! Alright, the guy skipped, yes. All right, yeah, go really quickly. Down the line, go.

Can I campaign for this lovely lady who writes fiction to write fan fiction about you guys? Yes, do it. As long as I'm a top and not a bottom, I'm always a fucking bottom. Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time.

My ass has been penetrated by all my friends. Every time I read a fan fiction, I'm getting plowed in the butt. And for once can I be a top. That's all I ask. That's all I ask. That's all I ask. If you're right, what about us? Crendor takes it, but he's like a power bottom.

Well, I'm buff door now. What? I'm buff door now. So you can take it. I got roid rage. I guess I'll be a bottom again. Yes. All right, keep going.

Quickly, yes. So I brought my dad here just randomly. Oh, my God. Is your dad at the bar? He's like, this is bullshit. He's from Comanche, Iowa. He has no idea what any of this podcast or any of this is. All right.

Real talk. Real talk. Dad. Dad. He just wanted to point it out. Honestly, just like kind of. Dad. On a scale of one to ten, what do you give us tonight, Dad?

I believe you're the real talk. I'm going to be an eight. I'll take an eight. Thank you. That's a B, my man. I'll take an eight. I'll take it. Thank you.

Dylan, is that you? What? That's our hometown. Dylan, yeah. Holy shit! What the fuck? What the fuck? A grand reunion.

Can we get up on stage? No. What just happened? Are you brothers? Where are you from? Get the shit out of shit. Who knew that that was our target audience? There's 3,000 people in one town that listen to this podcast.

That's incredible. That's incredible. Yeah, and now there's one more. Thanks, Dad. All right, keep going. Quickly, quickly, quickly. Yes. What pub are you going to after this?

What pub? All right, calm down. I mean, I'm going to make my way outside first, and then I could be dead. I have no idea what's going to happen. I'm going to go paint Warhammer. Yeah, I don't know what's going to happen. I'm going to make my way to the outside.

I also need to make sure I don't have a ticket. Next question. Next question. Next question Don't own a cat then Get a dog Yeah get a dog There are many animals out there They don't all have to be like ancient Egyptian princesses You're fine

Yes next question What? They're like bro hugging all have to be like ancient Egyptian princesses. You're fine. Yes, next question. What? They're like bro-hugging. What is... Unreal. Where'd you work at? Applebee's. That's how you

go to the neighborhood. That's how you know they're from Iowa. Yeah. Alright, next question. Quickly, yes. When do we get Masterprime 2? Soon, TM. Next.

How do you recommend meeting new people? I don't make new friends. Yeah. New people are... Get a podcast and flirt with them in the audience. It works wonders. Next question.

Afterwards, can I get another picture with you because I kind of cut your head off and my husband? I was trying to take a selfie on shorts. What? The fuck? Maybe if you're lucky. Next question. Yeah.

Oh my God. If it was her, if it was her, sir, if it was her, allegedly, her phone number's still in my phone. And I've never called her because... Call her! Call her! Call her!

Call her! Call her! Call her! Call her! Call her! Call her! It's not... I don't even know who Tara Reid is, sir. I'm so sorry. I don't know who that is. I'm so sorry. I don't know who that is. I'm so sorry. Next question. Last question. All right, you're done. All right.

What do you mean you have one? All right, one more question. This is it. This is it for all the potatoes in Idaho. What? That's what I'm saying. Me too. Ladies and gentlemen,

thank you so much for coming. Thank you. It's been so much fun hanging out with you tonight. Have a good trip home. Don't do anything stupid. If you find me, I'll definitely drink your alcohol.

Crandor will go play Warhammer. And get the hell out of here. We'll see you guys next time. There are posters outside signed by the two of us. They're $20. They're amazing, and we'll see you guys later. Good night, everybody.

Woo! Thank you.