Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 220 - Like Bags Of Coke In the Wind

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

The boys are back with an all new episode and this time Jesse has got some issues with peppermint mocha! Crendor on the other hand can't get figure out how to pronounce a French city, driving him to distraction. But nothing is quite as good as an all new Florida Man story featuring his new arch nemesis, THE WIND! All this and so much more on an all new episode of Cox n' Crendor! Get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription at http://calm.com/cox Get 10% off AND free shipping, anytime when you shop at http://brooklinen.com and use promo code cox.

Today's episode is brought to you by Calm. Calm is going to help you sleep, put you to bed. It's going to put you to bed. I don't think that's what that song is about. It's going to knock you out is what Calm is going to do and give you the best sleep ever. Also today, speaking of sleep, we're brought to you by Brooklinen. If you want to sleep on the best sheets ever. These are the sheets for you. They are so comfy. We'll talk about that as well.

Let's jump into the podcast. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studios. Recording. Hello everybody and welcome to another exciting episode of Cacks and Crandall in the morning. Ah, geez. Uh-oh, uh-oh. On the spot after 200-some episodes.

On the spot, huh? Yeah, well, I didn't even. It's one of those things where sometimes I don't expect it, and I'm just like, blah. Other times, I'm like, whoa. But this time, I was trying to think of something, thought of nothing, and then here we are. Here we are. Can I tell you something? Sure.

I – oh, God. Two things today. So it's Sunday. I went to the grocery store. You know, got to get my weekly groceries in. Yeah, yeah. Always a terrible choice because why bother going to a grocery store on Sunday? Everyone there is an asshole. It's like once you reach a certain age,

going to the grocery store is where you're mean to people for no reason. Or just any retail store. Two things. First, I was like, well, you know what? I'm going to walk around the grocery store and peruse the merchandise. I want to get a coffee. So I go to my local Starbucks dispensary, So I go to my local Starbucks dispensary, and they're like, you know, new holiday drinks are in.

And I was like, eh, I'm not really like a holiday drink guy. And they're like, well, because you're a Starbucks whatever member, you can get one free with your points. You can try it. And I was like, is it free, though? I mean, I feel like I earned those points and I can spend it on something I want. They're like, okay, baby, for you, I'll give you a small one free. And I was like, oh, okay. It was a trap.

Grindor was a trap. I got a peppermint mocha. And now that was several hours ago. And now I'm like filled with peppermint burps and it's unpleasant. My whole body's like not, you know what? Apparently I'm not a fan of peppermint and mocha. Who knew? Really?

I've had one, I've had a few of those and out of all the holiday drinks, it might be my favorite one. Well, it was delicious going down. Now I feel like what I drank that. That's like my constant life. It's just like, well, it's going to be good in the moment,

but you know you're going to get heartburn later. And I'm like, yeah, but I got to at least have a couple sips. That could be for anything I do. Like, you know it was good in the moment but i got heartburn later is this gonna trigger heartburn is it gonna trigger the ibs the gastritis you just don't know so you kind of roll a dice and hope you get a six bypass it all yeah i don't have any of that i just have like peppermint burps oh well so it's not that bad Thankfully but now I'm just like Oh Peppermint Burbs But the point I was trying to make

Is that so I'm walking around Getting my groceries Everything's fine But there are like Because I live very close to a college Mixed in with all the old people Is A bunch of college kids

All trying to get I assume their Sunday party on. And so they're all like in all the aisles, getting all the different party foods you would imagine. But every time I go down that beer aisle, God help me. There's just a gaggle of tween girls. I'm going to call them tweens. Cause I'm too old to acknowledge that they're probably 21.

Yeah. And they're just like, what are we going to get tonight, Stephanie? I don't know. Oh, my God. Let's get some white call. Like, you whore. Oh, my God. You're going to drink so much.

I'm just like, excuse me. They're like, okay, come on through. And then I, like, go by. And then they're just like, so what are we going to get? Oh, my God. We're going to do this party. I forget. So why is that?

I'm like, and I just haven't been hit by the life train yet. Yeah. Life hasn't worn them down. And it just it's they're almost too much. It's like, was I ever that insane? Just like, okay, everyone, let's get this way. It's bad. Like, it never happened to me

i don't know i can picture you at like 20 at like a party like yo what's good looking dude first off uh 20 at a party i mean i was a lot more like chill about it i would have been like hey man if you're gonna drink i guess'll drink too. I was never the crazy one. Well, I don't know. You do seem like you have your occasional outbursts. Well, that's now. I've adapted into crazy. Once I got on YouTube and I

started just not caring about life anymore, I have adapted. I'm like Danny DeVito in Always Sunny. The older I get, the more crazy I'm going to get. I'm just going to get crazy with it. I don't know how much time I got left. I'm like Danny DeVito in Always Sunny. The older I get, the more crazy I'm going to get. I'm just going to get crazy with it. I don't know how much time I got left. I'm going to get wild.

I'm going to be out there. Who knows? Who knows what's going to happen? It was like yesterday. It was my friend's 30th birthday. So I went to that. And they were like, yeah, let's do shots. So everybody's doing shots.

I was like, all right, I'll have one shot. And then I had two miller lights and then they're like all right we're doing another shots and i was like no like i could just i could feel my heart burn my esophagus being like come on age age in your body have ruined you i would have been like all right let's do it and then i would then crazy jesse would have come out. That's true. He probably would have did that. There's a solid, there's like a wall. There's like a wall inside of me.

And in front are two guards. One is Sensible Jesse, and the other is Responsible Jesse. Right? And the two guards are just like, we can't let whatever's inside of there out. But, you know, it is about break time and i do see a few beers and then once they go on break that's when that's when real jesse's like what up bitches and then it's over then it's over the thing is like i feel like because i'm so like that that's

why i prefer to have like one to two like quality alcohols. Right. Like when I drink, I'm like, yo, give me your finest 1984 Mabadook Red Cabernet Alex. Mabadook Red sounds like a great name for a while. Yeah. Marmaduke Red. Like I'll take that and have like one glass of it and be like i'm good instead of being like yo give me like 15 miller lights bro well that's like i've never i've never

done that where i've had like oh i need to have 80 beers that's not who i am as a person but there are moments in my life where you the most part, I am very okay. I know my limits. I know when to cut off. But every once in a while, every once in a blue moon, something happens where either some European challenges my nation. Like, oh, you're an American? All right, then. Drink with me. And I'm like, all right, you. Like, oh, you're an American? All right, then. Drink with me.

And I'm like, all right, you son of a bitch. Right? Or I go out and I'm with friends and it always involves, I think it always involves a challenge of some sort. Basically, if you're trying to get me drunk, challenge me or my nation. And I will be like, why do I keep saying nation? I don't know. My nation.

Challenge me or my nation. What will be like why do I keep saying nation? I don't know. Challenge me or my nation. One nation under blue moons which I will out drink you in. Why do I keep I don't say country. Why do I keep saying nation? Challenge me and my nation. It's so weird. It's so weird.

I don't know. It is weird.. I don't know. That is weird. Oh, no. Challenge me and my nation. Anyway, so what I was trying to get at is I was already just like, boy, you know, I am over waiting in line with all these old people. Or like trying to avoid young kids who are totally inconsiderate and running around being stupid. Get through the grocery store go outside and next to me this car pulls in and as i'm putting my groceries away this car pulls in and there is a mother and her son in the front seat and i put my cart back and their

doors are kind of half open half closed and, and they're talking about something. And I proceed to wait because I can't get into my car until they either close the door or get out. Right. And I continue to wait. And they see, acknowledge me, keep talking. I'm going to say four minutes goes by before they even look like they're going to get out. And I was just like, are you kidding me right now? Just get out of the car and start. Like, keep talking.

Go inside. Nothing's stopping you. Oh, man. I hate when people are just completely inconsiderate of others. I was ready to just walk up and close their door. And I was like, I don't want to start nothing. I don't want to do nothing. I'm just going to be polite.

I'm going to be a polite person. But one day, Crendor, those two guards are not going to be there, and Monster Jesse's going to come out, and no one's going to stop him. Monster Jesse's going to be like, smash! Which is pretty much once you hit like 50. You know, at that point, it's probably the safest because then I'll be like,

I'm too old to care. I like how I'm just like, I'm barely at 50. 50 is like, oh, I have a walker. I don't know. I feel like that's not what 50 is, but in my mind, it might as well be like, oh, dear. Years of trying to out-drink for his nation have put him at this state.

My good shit. Just look at him. He'll be like, it'll be like the video they show kids to not drink. Yeah, I'll be a Vegas 50 50 and i'll look like i'm 92 and i'm like that's a hard life he lived i'll just be like i did it for my nation when said in a sentence nation is a very weird word it is kind of a weird word yeah oh that's what I wanted to say First thing whenever I have one of those sweet drinks

At Starbucks it just makes me want coffee I think it's a conspiracy Well it's the same thing when I Drink like a soda Oh yeah I'm like man I want anything but soda afterwards I'm really thirsty I want something else Besides soda

Yeah it's so sugary and sweet you need the bitterness of the coffee and like it just you know sweetens it out uh then i was gonna say i think the most i've drank was at the renfair the one time and i remember that night i was just i just felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. I was just like, oh, I feel kind of woozy. I'm just kind of sitting here. I'm kind of nauseous. And I'm just like, I don't know who I am.

Wait, you drank enough to be like, you don't know who you are? Well, I knew who I was, but it was like, it was a weird feeling that I never wanted to feel again. I love the fact that you were just like, who am I? I need to see that version of you. I know you don't want to, but I want to be there when you're just, who am I? I wasn't even like, I wasn't even like blackout drunk or anything. I was just like, I was just in a weird state. Like I've never been drunk enough where I'd forget things. And then I remember that one time well that one time we ate at that Pac South place and I didn't have any food

so they like hit me and I remember going to the bathroom and looking at my hands and being like I'm real for the record I want to point out that was two margaritas baby yeah listen alright For the record, I want to point out that was two margaritas, baby. Yeah. Listen, all right? I'm like 5'7", 120. All right. I can't judge at all.

You are just muscle and bone now. That's true. I'm going to say 85 pounds of pure lean muscle. Yeah, at this point. Oh, yeah, I started doing some more training I did a couple more training sessions now I added in the bench press I added in some like pull-up stuff some triceps stuff so now my workouts like take an hour what is it what is your objective like what is what do you want

to happen I just like being toned. I get that. I get that. But eventually, what is this leading to? I don't know. It's hit the point where I don't even know. I just do it. Right. And if I don't go to the gym, I'm like, I got to get in there. Can I?

See, the problem is I don't imagine you doing anything at all. doing anything at all. So I'm trying to imagine you either in some sort of triathlon or some sort of thing. And I, but I can't imagine that. So I'm trying to imagine what this leads to. I definitely don't see you in one of those like strong man competitions. Although,

although I would love to see you in like one of those, um, fit beach competitions where you're just flexing on dudes. That would be great. That's true. But I don't see you ever training like that. Oh, no. Yeah, it's honestly the main reason I did it was just health. And now my blood pressure is lower.

So, I mean, I guess that's good. That's great yeah i just i feel like there needs to be something that we and by we i mean i get from this right right like what do i get from you working out what do i get out of this because i feel like that's a fun stories i mean that's good and i'm hoping that this will lead to more hence Hence, what does this lead to? I'm trying to get you to, you know, I don't know, maybe take up boxing or street fights, right? Yeah, but I don't want to fight. Like, that's just, you're going to get like CTE, the NFL brain disease.

Well, then you can not have to drink and you'll still be like, I'm out of my body. You'll be fine. That'll be hilarious. That's true. That's another great story. I got punched so hard I saw space and time. That's true.

I could take that route. But I'm not going to. Maybe you could become a trainer at the gym that's true i can become the trainer yeah and then you can dispense life advice while you train yeah i think you should uh you really need to follow your dreams go with that cooking class man see you're already there you're already at being a motivational speaker. Just motivate through physical activity now. All right, yeah. I just have to harness my abilities in different ways.

Why don't you have a YouTube channel that's just you, like those guys that you see just like, All right, welcome to Daily Workout. It's me, Crandor. I'm going to get you 20 minutes blasted. Welcome to 20 minutes blast your ass power hour. All right. Behind the camera with me as always is Mikey D.

Mikey, wave that camera. Okay. Now get on your glutes and let's spank them. Right? That's true. I could do that. I don't know. Well, think about it.

People would tune in. People would tune in. And if you didn't wear shoes, you could get on one of those feet websites. That's more views. That's true. It is more views. Oh, my God. I almost forgot.

Literally, everyone and their brother has been tweeting us about Nicolas Cage. Oh, I am very aware. Yes. Playing Nicolas Cage. Everyone seems to think this is amazing this is just a natural transition there's nothing amazing about this everyone's like it's so crazy isn't it not really this is expected yeah to be honest like when i when i saw that i was like yeah sounds about right none of that was surprising to me i was like yes that is exactly what i would expect yeah it's uh this is it's in the the plot of the whole movie this is another nick cage plot it's like he's an operative of a cia thing and like someone gets kidnapped from a presidential

candidate and a drug kingpin like Like, all just really buzzwords. But it's Nick Cage as himself. Yeah, but it's Nick Cage as himself. In fact, they have a picture of Nick Cage, like, standing next to Nick Cage. Here it is. Why do they make fat Nick Cage? Do you see that? He is fat Nick Cage.

They, like, made fat Nick Cage. I don't. Is Nick Cage. Is this fat Nick Cage. They like made fat Nick Cage. Is this how Nick Cage sees himself? When I see Nick Cage, I see a total badass. And Nick Cage in this looks like a goofball dweeb. I don't know. He does. He looks like Ray Romano.

Yes! Yes! He looks like Ray and then his brother in one shot. Oh, yeah, he does. Oh, my God. Can we please evolve Nick Cage's career into like playing everybody loves Nick Cage series. And it's him as all the characters. Now that's quality.

That would get my attention. Nick. What is it Debra I'm just tired of our relationship What do you mean Nick So yeah I'd literally like that I would love that That's what he should be doing Nick Cage presents

Season 1 Of Everybody Loves Raymond Starring Nick Cage As Season 1 Of Everybody Loves Raymond Starring Nick Cage as all the characters That would be incredible That would be incredible See we're thinking ahead Everyone else is 2018 Well

You're really 2018 What? That's a Black Eyed Peas song Uh It's uh man that's quality though i mean i'm still excited for it don't get me wrong oh my god i wanted to bring up uh they started playing christmas music already yes i in fact was watching a tiktok the other day that was Mariah Carey, and it was her on October 31st. And then the November 1st version of her was her listening to All I Want for Christmas.

And I was just like, Mariah, no. Mariah Carey needs to come up with a Thanksgiving song. It's like, gobble turkey, I love it. I want some turkey in my mouth. We need a turkey song to prevent us because I guess Thanksgiving doesn't have any songs

or anything to go with it. We have a whole month before we even get near Christmas. People are just like, November 1st, turn on the tunes. That sucks. I don't want to go to every grocery store and just hear like sleigh bells ring especially if i live in la there's no sleigh bells here there's no snow well that's that's the thing is like i don't mind christmas music in fact i like it sometimes but

i like it when we hit you know december and we're like actually close to Christmas. When we're in a festive atmosphere. And it's time to celebrate. And everyone's happy. And everyone's like, I love you, Becky. I love you too, Chad. And, you know, it's beautiful. And then you can have, you know, all the great Christmas classics. But until then, where are the Thanksgiving songs?

Yeah. We got five and a half weeks. Five and a half weeks till Christmas. Look, I get it. I get it. All I'm saying is, where are the turkey songs? Where's the song that's like, I made a mountain of mashed potatoes and it was good. I put some gravy on it like a good boy should.

Ray, what are those songs? Honestly, the only Thanksgiving song I know of is from the Garfield Thanksgiving. What is the Garfield Thanksgiving song? Garfield Thanksgiving. Garfield Thanksgiving. Get out of my way. It's me, Garfield. Hold on.

Is this it? Wait, this is the whole episode no one wants that oh this isn't that okay I don't find I don't know the song but just go watch the Garfield Thanksgiving special I won't do that I'm not gonna do that all right somebody go watch the Garfield Thanksgiving special I'm not gonna give Garfield my time. I am. I know that. 96% like this movie.

Well, you know what? Even idiots find stuff to love. Well. You're an idiot. Damn, Rosie. Sorry, I had to go there. Oh my god. That means we're only

a week and a half away from Black Friday. That's the good news. That's the good news because that's going to be people trampling fun. Can't wait. The thing is, the last couple years I feel like we've been disappointed in Black Friday. I agree, but I feel like this

year, I got a feeling this could be magic. People are extra riled up. Yeah, I feel like this year I got a feeling This could be magic Yeah I feel like this year people are Like wild and they're ready For a new Blue screen TV The blue Screens

Those are the new trend The blue screens and the HD rays people are ready For it Yeah I'll take a blue trend HD ray The blue screens and the HD rays people are ready for it Yeah, I'll take a blue trend HD ray my eyes These HD rays are being directly into your eyeballs. Oh Things they got like 8k TVs now, but the problem is nothing actually like there's no things that you can watch in 8k Nothing is in 4k yeah this is even in 4k I try I've got my 4k TV I

bought like three years ago I was like I'm investing in the future still nothing there are they keep saying oh well cable is 1080. Cable is barely 1080. Cable and satellite, the best you can do is Blu-rays at 1080 or 4K. And now on Amazon Prime and a little bit on Netflix, they're 4K videos. Maybe. But the vast majority of things are super not. Yeah, it's just a marketing gimmick at this point. Yeah. But the vast majority of things are super not. Yeah, it's just a marketing gimmick at this point. And then they trick you because they put all the nature preview documentary things where they flash all the different nature scenes on the TVs.

They're like display TVs. You're like, wow, look at that, a mountain in 4K. But that's like the only thing you can watch. Although if you are into mountains, get one. Get one. It'll blow you away. You'll be like, that's like the only thing you can watch Although if you are into mountains That's true Get one it'll blow you away That's a beautiful mountain Dude do they have like that nature Display they show at every

Electronic store like online It's gotta be online right Electronic store nature Electronic Store Nature display gotta be there it's gotta be there i like it when i type in electronic store nature display the first thing that pops up is a link to best buy oh yeah i got that too 4k tv led curved and three ultra hd tv okay, cool. I don't know what that means.

Need some clarity? Learn how 4K Ultra TVs deliver crystal clear, lifelike images. Yeah, but what's delivering it? UPS, maybe. Oh, yeah. Then they gotta get the most out of your 4K TV. 4K movies. Alright, this isn't... Oh, man, I'm gonna watch x-men in 4k cool

yeah and everyone is like I'm gonna game in 4k try gaming in 4k just try it yeah see what see what your graphics card can do you know while that works for you yeah 4k cable satellite provider wait there's a 4k cable selling provider? Whoa, what is this? What? I clicked a link, and it took me to the wrong thing, I guess. And instead, what it was was this Super 73 motorcycle motorbike. This dirt bike. Oh, my God, Crandor.

What if I just bought a dirt bike? Probably be more useful than a 4K TV. Yeah, this thing looks great. Designed for rider comfort with natural riding position and plush motorcycle bench seat. Oh, my God. It's got compact size and is it electric? Is this an electric? Oh, my God.

What an electric scooter. Oh, my God. I need to click off of that. I'm about to buy an electric scooter. I feel like I could use one. Just zip around town like... That's how I assume how scooters sound.

Yeah, like little bees. How mad! That's what I'm thinking. Oh my god, I forgot to bring up the story I wrote there. Okay. So, I forgot to bring up the story I wrote down. Oh, okay. So, I was at the bank, and this guy at the bank that worked there went to this other person that worked there. He's like this 50-year-old guy, and she was probably like this 23-year-old woman. And he just walked in, and he's like, hey, how's it going in here?

And she's like, uh, good, I'm working. And he's like hey how's it going in here and she's like uh good i'm working and he's like ha so i got this uh message and uh this person was saying i want to get the free money if i deposit 1500 and i said no it's not 1500 it's 15 000 and they're like wow i thought 1500 was a lot can you believe that and he could tell he was just like hey maybe i got a chance here and then she was like please leave speaking of chances can i tell you story of my life every time so i was i was at an event we'll say, and I met this woman. I was like, oh, my God. This is the one. This is the one. Every single time.

Like, oh, hi, my fiance, and I think you're great. I'm like, yeah, I hate everyone. Every time. I'm just going to say, stop getting married, everyone. Give me a chance. Let me have this one. I'm saying to all the fiances out there dump your girlfriend so she's free that's all i'm saying that'll be on your tombstone and to the tombstone we haven't had a lot of uh we haven't had a lot of tombstone

quotes lately i think we just bring that back well i haven't said a lot of crazy things lately i don't know i've heard some crazy things i don't know about that what i'm saying is truths like you said the garfield thanksgiving special is bad that's crazy well admittedly i haven't seen it in years so it's bad because i haven't seen it wrong well crendor dear friend let's let's let's promote things shall we okay hey everyone sleep is important every day of the year but around holiday time it can get even harder to find those precious hours. You got your parties, you got time with friends and family, shopping, flights, changes in the time, the daylight savings. When you finally get to bed, you want to make sure you actually can fall asleep and stay asleep. It's the holiday stress that keeps you up at night.

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I don't know what that means. You gotta live comfortably. Gotta live comfortably. That could be a remix of that. Put that like, you gotta live comfortably. Yeah. Alright, Gwendoor, let's go to job number seven. Gwendoor, how's that traffic out there?

Watch out. There's traffic. And it's getting crazier. It's getting close to Thanksgiving, and it's every day closer to Thanksgiving's day. It's a day closer to insane traffic and traveling. You got planes. You got cars. You got boats.

You got RVs. You got whatever that mountain bike thing is going zoop, zoop. You got a bunch you got cars, you got boats, you got RVs, you got whatever that mountain bike thing is going. Yeah, a bunch of those riding around. It's crazy, man. Just watch out. But stay safe out there. Stay hydrated. And most of all, watch the Garfield Thanksgiving Christmas and Thanksgiving holiday super special available on Garfield DVD Blu-ray.

Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go to Crandor on the weather desk. How's that weather? Weather. Y'all ready for weather? I am. Let's see.

Speaking of weather, let's go to space. What? There's nowhere named space. I thought you would literally be like, I thought you said, let's go to space. And then you're going to say, there's no weather in space. I thought you were about to hit us with something really profound, but nope. There's no place called space. There's a Sasse Mayenne, France, though.

Sasse Mayenne? That can't be the name of it. Sasse Mayenne. Sasse Mayenne. Sasse Mayenne. Hold on. Sasse Mayenne, France. Based on how you're saying this.

Saucer. Let's see. Maybe I'll put it in the old Google. Let's see what they got to say. Saucer. Saucer. How do you say it? Saucer. Maybe it is Saucer. S-y. How do you say it? Saucy.

Maybe it is saucy. S-A-C-E. Yeah, but it's got the little... Hence the A and not saice. Right? This doesn't even tell me how to say it. It's supposed to tell me. Hold on.

How about this website? People that know French. Tell us how to say it. Saucer Maine. Saucer Maine. It sounds kind of like a food. I'll take some Saucer Maine on my burger.

Could be wrong. Can I just tell you apparently according to this website mayan m-a-y-e-n-n-e is actually pronounced in french m-a-j-E-N? Magen? Is it like men? Well, not a... In French, don't you like, isn't the J like you? I don't know. There's this French ASMR lady

that I'm in love with, but I think she's like 22. But I literally should just be like, yo, question. Because you do, she does ASMR, but she does French and English, and the best ones are the ones where she teaches you English and French, right?

I should ask her, because every time I watch she's all like, actually, the way you say it is it's like, and I'm like, that sounds French alright. And I'm like, okay, sure. Who knows, man?

Wait, you listen to ASMR now? I mean, I haven't. I say that as a relative term. I haven't listened to ASMR in, I'm going to say, a year and a half. I'm going to say a year and a half. But when we were goofing on it way back when and talking about it on the podcast, I was watching this girl then because she was fascinating. Not only, first off, she's too beautiful for this world.

But also, more importantly, she would do everything where she would like teach. It was like educational. So she'd teach you how to say something in French. And then English. She like translated back and forth. And I was like oh. And so that was neat. It's like a hybrid ASMR. Where it's like ASMR.

But also education. Yeah like she would do ones that are like. I do makeup. I'm like pass hard pass, I don't care. But yeah, it's, I would learn French words. Mind you, it's been so long, I've forgotten all of them. But I like, you know, I like the educational video every now and again, and if it's like a cutie telling me,

I'm like, all right, teach me a thing or two. So yeah, that that's that happened but uh yeah i don't know how to pronounce any of this let's just say it's and go from let's say sake mayon yep perfect great it's 40 degrees feels like 38 degrees fahrenheit uv index zero of 10 tonight we got 35 monday we got a high of 49 tuesday got a high of 45 uh get a little chilly over there over in the sock and yep um but then it's gonna warm up a bit and rain every day uh in fact it's got thursday light rain, showers on Friday 50, showers on Saturday 51, Sunday showers 51, Monday showers 52, Tuesday showers 52, Wednesday showers 52, Thursday showers 52, Friday PM showers 52, Saturday showers 52, and Sunday showers 51. That sucks. Sorry, meow.

They have one on Monday. They will get partly cloudy. That's the closest they have to sun. I guess it's that time of year, right? I guess, but usually you get like some sun, you know? No, I mean, they're very close to the to the water which is you know just a hop skip and a jump to england which is constantly raining so oh yeah that's true too here it's just cold we got like four inches of snow the other day and now it's like 48 degrees

again i don't know what's happening uh in fact it's supposed to be 50 degrees on thursday with some rain i'll take that i'll get rid of the snow. Dude, that's like the best feeling is like when you walk out. Well, snow already melted because it's been like 40 degrees. That'll melt the snow. But the best feeling you work out and you get out of the gym after you worked out and your blood's pumping, your vascularity is like going through the roof. And you're just like, whoo. Everybody's walking in and they're like coats being like, and you're just like whoo everybody's walking in in their like coats being like and you're just like what is it like 60 degrees outside my vasculature is going

and then you're like oh my god it's 30 but like it feels great yeah i got my sleeves rolled up i'm just like you see your breath in the air oh yeah your whole body's probably steaming you're coming out there like yeah yeah Yeah. You're like... You just feel great. And then after about 30-40 minutes, you're like, alright, it's cold again. That's because your vascularity has gone down. Yeah, it's gone down

at that point. Yeah, you got low vascularity. I love the high vascularity. And that's the weather. Alright, let's go to sports sports um first off big sports story i had to bring up a black cat that hilariously interrupted nfl game and asked a starter for dallas cowboys what uh this also happened like a week ago so there's a giants cowboys game and a cat yes i saw the cat, but what do you mean announce the starter? This is a goof, yes?

Yes, this is a goof. So became an internet celebrity, ran out, and then he disappeared, and everyone's like, where did he go? So tonight, hashtag Dallas Cowboys starters, wait for it, a tweet on Sunday from the team's account read, while the cat brought the Cowboys good luck, things didn't go well this time. Vikings won.

Oh, I see. So their Twitter tweeted, like, here's one of their starters. I was about to say, my favorite part of this article, though, is the very, very bottom, where it's like, there have been erroneous reports in the media that MetLife Stadium houses and feeds 300 cats, which is simply not true. But then there's the like the Jane or guy or something. He's like, there's a lot of cats. I see him. I think it's so funny.

I think it's so funny. They had to be like, no, there are in fact no cats here. You're all crazy. We definitely do not feed 300 cats. How does a rumor like that start? No, they said, while MetLife and their friends at Puppy Kitty NYCity have been searching for the cat, reports have bubbled up that the football-loving feline isn't the only kitty slinking around the stadium.

Last Tuesday, the New York Post reported that MetLife Stadium is the home of the 300-strong stray cat colony based on information they received from an unnamed stadium employee who calls himself Catman. Catman! No way! Catman! I trust Catman. Catman, I feel like if you were going to call as an anonymous source and tip people off,

call me Catman. I love it. I love that. Yeah, that's honestly, Catman's got to be. He's accurate. I think there's a lot of cats maybe not 300 there's probably like 100 150 i would say it's an underestimation i'd like there to be an entire colony of thousands of cats living inside the metlife stadium in new york

uh i mean it's probably the most fun you could have at MetLife Stadium. Agreed. Agreed. Let's see here. So, we've got football. Speaking of that, the Cardinals are beating the 49ers 26-23 with a minute left in that game. We will keep you updated. You will be updated.

All right. Stay here for the latest in sports. It'll be totally out of date by the time you hear this, but. Yes. New England is beating Philadelphia 17-10. Bengals are losing to the Raiders, as the Bengals do. Rams and Bears play tonight. I forgot that's happening.

Everybody around here is going to be like, got to get to the bar, see this thing. The Jets beat the Redskins. New Orleans beat Tampa Bay. The Broncos blew a 20-point lead to the Vikings. Buffalo beat the shitty Dolphins. The Colts beat the Jaguars. The Cowboys, speaking of them, beat the Lions, who are also the Lions.

The Falcons beat the Carolina Panthers. I don't know what's happening over there. Baltimore crushed Houston. And Cleveland beat Pittsburgh on that Thursday night game where that guy hit the Pittsburgh quarterback with a helmet. Yeah. He literally committed assault on the field. They still won.

They still won. they still won they still won they still won and by doing that pittsburgh currently not in the playoff picture again the browns this happens every year i said this before i'll say it again teams that should not beat the steelers consistently beat the steelers without fail every time and then theers would go up against a team that you're like, there's no way they're winning this. And somehow they'll win by a field goal. And you're like, what? Every time. It is weird.

That seems to be their thing. For years. I've been a fan long enough to know how it works. Like, oh, they're going to go. So they have to win this game to get into the playoffs. Oh, it's against the Browns. They're going to lose this game. Every time.

Without fail. I'm like, all right. Well, well this is gonna be a waste of a few hours i even watched i didn't even watch the game i was like i can't be bothered i know they're gonna lose i've just i'm out well you made the right decision yes i did although i did miss a guy hit another man with a helmet which is pretty amazing that is true but you can see that all over. Yeah, that's everywhere now. So, in other sports, we had hockey. Hockey's been getting a little crazy. Watch out over there in Hockey Lane. Washington's 8-1-1 in their last 10 games. The Islanders are 9-0-1 in their last 10 games. Then we got Boston, Montreal, Carolina.

The Buffalo Sabres have now fallen after going 3-5-2 in their last 10 games, down to the ninth seed. I'll never forget the time I was at that bar in Boston, and that guy was like, yeah, I'm a huge Bill fan, but, like, you know, man, it's rough. I'm like, well, you got the Sabres. He's like, the Sabres? I'll never forget.

He was so upset. He's like, the Sabres? What? The Sabres, he's like, the Sabres! I'll never forget. He was so upset. He's like, the Sabres! What? The Sabres! That about sums it up. The Sabres! The Sabres! And the Blackhawks are 6-2-2 in their last 10 games.

We got a little hot down there. And the Dallashawks are 6-2-2 in their last 10 games. So we get a little hot down there. And the Dallas Stars somehow. Good for them. I keep forgetting that they have a team. I think a lot of people do. And in basketball, the Celtics at the top at 10-2. And the Heat at 9-3 with the Bucs. Raptors at 8-4.

76ers 8-5 over in the West. Also, I know it's early. I know it's early. But could this be a Celtics year? Could the Celtics finally, like, can I proudly wear a little Celtics jersey or something? It's possible. Get my Irish blood going?

They've been solid the last few years, but they haven't went all the way or anything. But now, in the West, there's the Lakers. It'll probably be Lakers-Celtics. That sounds like a great game. Yeah. They got Lakers, Rockets, Nuggets, Jazz. The Suns have been bad for 15 years.

They finally got good again. Clippers, Mavericks,icks timberwolves uh and then the golden state warriors are 2 and 11 and the worst team in basketball primarily because all of their good players are hurt and now they're just tanking because they don't care so what's gonna happen they're gonna tank they're gonna get like the top pick they're gonna get some guy that's like really good and then all the guys will heal and then they'll be really good again they'll be amazing again yeah yeah that's exactly i mean it's a smart move put all your second string guys in let them play and then next year come back and destroy it makes sense uh yeah that's that's what i would do at

least that's a good plan meanwhile the chicago bulls still bad i still like i'll turn on a game every once in a while, be like, how are the Bulls doing? And then they blow, like, a 20-point lead, and I'm like, all right, well, time to not watch this anymore. Their coach has, like, he looks like an egg. He legit looks like an egg. Their coach is Eggman from Sonic.

Dude, let me show you him right now. All right, look at this. This is Jim Boylan. Also, terrible coach. Uh, look at this guy. He looks like an egg head. Sorry, I had to scroll past my motorcycle I sent you. Uh, he definitely looks like... He definitely has an egg shaped head.

He does. It is very egg shaped. Yeah, and it's like shiny. It's got the egg shine. He's got a very thick neck. A very thick Irish neck. He's got a lot of ripples. Going on up there. Honestly, I wouldn't even care if he was a good coach.

But he's a bad coach. I'm going to make fun of him. That's sports. All right, Crandall, what is our big news story of the day? Florida man claims wind blew bag of cocaine into his car. I mean, it's hurricane season, so it's possible. Florida man reportedly tried to blame a windy day for the bag of cocaine authorities found in his car. According to the affidavit.

Affidavit. Affidavit. I still don't know how to say it. I've said it like 50 times. Yeah, that one. Affidavit. Affidavavi sounds like the name of like a

very nice spanish man afidavi afidavi by the way people loved my popeyes chicken sandwich video review

did they i'm glad i'm glad people did you need to go and review more fast food they do people are like well watch your review anything at the best like liketo-dislike

ratio on my channel I've had in years. Listen, I'll go eat food if you want. That's really funny. Yes, you should. You should definitely go and eat the things like go to Portillo's and get like a sausage thing. I did a review on Portillo's

Italian beef. Let's see how reveal a Porto's Italian beef. We'll see how this tastes. Tastes pretty good. I would watch the hell out of that. Go to all the Chicago places and call it like a Crandor's Meatball Adventure. Crandor's Meatball Windy City Blast. It's so windy, cocaine flew into my car. I got to try a McCox and Crandor's meatball Windy City blast. It's so windy, cocaine flew into my car. I got to try a McCox and Crendor.

You do. No doubt. Where do I leave off? Joseph Zack of Port St. Lucie was pulled over last month after not stopping at a stop sign at Canal Tur and North 23rd Street. When the officer approached his car the agency said that zach was trying to hide an open can of budweiser and was spotted making furtive movements leaning over towards the center console as attempting to discard an item out of the passenger How? Jesus. I can't ever figure out how.

Like, don't. If you're going to have drugs, at least try and store them in a way that you aren't, as the cop is approaching, trying to do stuff like, I got to have my beer. At least use your brain. Come on. It's just slowly cruising down the street.

He's got his can of Budweiser in the cup holder. Like a bag of cocaine in the passenger seat buckled up. I call her Snow White because she's my girlfriend. She ain't going anywhere except my nose. Tonight we're going to go on a date, you and me. Authorities say a search of this vehicle revealed a crack pipe in the center console. Of course it did. And a clear baggie with a whitish residue, which tested positive for crack cocaine.

Wait a minute. So he already used it, is what you're saying. The bag was just there. I guess he, yeah, he already used it. So it had a residue, so the guy was flying. All right, well, he already used it. So it had a residue so the guy was flying. Alright, well all this makes sense now. He was like, I gotta drink this beer to come down.

Zach reportedly told the officer that the bag he did not belong to him and that, quote, the wind must have placed it there. As the wind does. As the wind does. And if there's anyone I'm going to trust about whether they have drugs in their car, it's the guy drinking a Budweiser as he drives. yeah yeah yeah this guy seems trustworthy meanwhile they arrest him and then the wind smirks the wind does that shifty i'd like

i knew it was the wind all along He's arrested and charged with possession of paraphernalia Taken to the jail that instant Just look We're gonna do drugs Just do it at home Why are you out driving? What are you doing? That's so dumb

What are you doing? What are you doing? Then you're gonna drink in the car too? Use your brain All I'm saying is Drug addict addicts, use your brain. Don't be an idiot. Yeah, come on. Start braining it up.

Come on. Don't be dumb. And let's see. Wait, what is this? Florida man makes himself a snack while robbing Taco Bell. I would do that too. That's not a news story. That's just facts. If I robbed a Taco Bell,

if I was in there, I'd be like, alright, quesarito it is. Let's do it. I just picture someone rolling up in the drive-thru like, excuse me. And he's like, oh yeah, what do you want? He's like, one chalupa and one Crunchwrap Supreme. I'd make it for him.

I'd give them extra meat. Yeah. And then he's like, here you go. And then they drive off, and then they leave a Yelp review, and they're like, love the employees at this location. Much better than normal. I don't know who that young man was behind the counter, but he was lovely.

I didn't even think they were open. The lights were off. With a single tear as he reads the review. He's like, they do care. And then they let him run the cafeteria. Yeah. He found his calling.

What a nice end to that. Yeah, what a great story. Alright, well, that's it for us. Thank you so much for listening or watching, whatever you're doing right now. Crendor, hit them with the socials. Follow us on things. We got YouTube.com slash Cox and Crendor, all one word.

That's where you can listen to, that's where you can watch the animations, and you can add podcasts to the end of that, and that's where you can find all these episodes dating back to the episode one where we were young and spry. Then you can head on over to our other... Well, you can also go to iTunes, SoundCloud, we're all over. Also, you can watch us on our things. There's YouTube.com slash Jesse Cox.

Watch him be him in videos. There's YouTube.com slash Crandor. Watch me eat chicken sandwiches videos there's youtube.com slash crundor watch me eat chicken sandwiches there's twitter.com slash jesse cox twitter.com slash crunder facebook.com slash jesse cox facebook.com slash crunder instagram.com slash crunder was taken instagram.com slash notorious cox and twitch.tv slash jesse cox twitch.tv slash crunder okay that's it for us we'll be back with another episode Soon and as always Bing

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