Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 224 - A Camel For The Lord

Episode Date: December 16, 2019

This week the boys discuss Crendor's swoll self, and how the only time Jesse really worked out was when he wanted to get away from his parents. Also the Green Cheetah strikes again! And three unlikely animals form the next great Disney movie franchise - TO SAVE CHRISTMAS!!! All this and so much more, it's an all new Cox n' Crendor! To get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee, go to http://meundies.com/crendor Head to http://brooklinen.com and use the promo code COX for 10% off AND free shipping

Today's episode is brought to you by Brooklinen. Brooklinen's gonna make your house beautiful with its wonderful, comforting fabrics that you can place on your bed and make your bed. Oh, people are gonna want to sleep in that bed. They're gonna be like, oh, let me sleep in that bed. And you'll be like, one at a time, take your turn. Also, today we're brought to you by MeUndies. MeUndies.

It's the holiday season and it's time to buy the people you love things to show them that you love them. That's what it's about, I think. I think that's the point. Yeah, that's it. And so why not buy them something that they'll enjoy? Undies. That's right. People say they don't.

They're like, clothing. Trust me. This is the one time they're going to be like, oh, my God. We'll talk about that later as well. Okay, let's jump into this podcast. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning.

In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studios. Recording. Wake your ass up. It's the next Cretton Dog in the morning. Cretton Dog in the morning. Hello, everybody.

Welcome back to another exciting episode of Cox and Cretton Dog in the morning. It's so exciting. He almost fell out of his chair. I almost fell out of my chair. I was going to edit that part out. I almost fell out of the chair. I couldn't let it go. I don't know why.

I got very excited, and I was like, I almost fell out of my chair. I feel it. It happens sometimes. I don't know. Sometimes you're excited. I'm talking about our amazing sponsors. When I talk about them, I get so excited, I almost fall out of my chair. That's crazy, dude.

It's crazy. Crazy. How are you? I saw you posting photos of your buff self. You showed both arms. Very impressive. And you showed, like, that you need to do leg day, I think. But more importantly, you hid your face.

So I don't even know if that's you. Listen, I just wanted to promote my sweatpants. Ah, I see. Do you think you should do sweatshorts? No. Like, you know, sweatpants where they're, like, cut a little bit, and then, you know, like guys in the 80s would wear them, and they'd also wear hoodies, but they'd cut the arms off

because they want to show their swoleness? Yeah, but that's, like... You know, it's, like, great if you're, like, an athlete or if you're, like, a Florida man. I feel like those are... But what if you're an athlete or if you're a Florida man. I feel like those are the... Well, what if you're both? Then you've got the product for them. It's Minshew shorts.

That's what it is. Question. Why doesn't he sell Minshews? And when can I get a pair of Nike Minshews? I'm waiting. He's waiting, Nike. Nike, get on that. I buy Air Force Ones like a person with a problem. So He's waiting, Nike. Nike, get on that. I buy Air Force Ones

like a person with a problem. So help me out, Nike. I want some men's shoes. They're just normal shoes, but they have a mustache and they kind of smell like a swamp. You know, men's shoes. I'm ready for it.

I mean, you can have it. I don't know about mint shoes. I'm ready for it. I mean, you can have it. I don't know about swamp nuts. Let's see. What did I do this week? I mean, really, I just went to the gym, did my normal stuff, made some videos, did some streams. You're living a great life. Made some videos, did some streams. You're living a great life. Made some videos, did some streams.

Yeah. Went to the gym. It's like you don't have a care in the world. No, I care about stuff. It's just. What do you care? Hold on. What do you care about?

Number one thing you care about. Go. Health. Health? Yeah. What about health? Be healthy. I don't know what you want.

Be healthy. I mean, I was trying to get a conversation going. But if you want to just shut it down, that's fine. I'm very good at shutting it down. I'm sorry. One of my EDM songs was like, shutting it down. And it was crazy.

Yeah, you'd definitely be the guy who builds up to the drop and then you'd just be like, all right, well, that's it. Go home, everybody. Let's see. And the only note I wrote down from this week was Toaster Woman

saying, it's 5 a.m. Why are you singing Nickelback? Here's the thing. I would also like to know that why were you singing Nickelback at 5 a.m. I think I was scrolling through my phone and I saw someone holding up a picture and so in my mind I was like I thought that meme of like look at this graph but I just said look at this photograph and I just kept going look at this photograph. And I just kept going with it. And then I didn't even realize it. And then she was like, what are you doing?

And I was like, I don't know. Let me ask you another question. Was this waking up or going to bed? Going to bed. Was this she was waking up or going to bed? We were both going to bed. What life do you live that you're going to bed at 5 a.m who are you this is the more important thing hold on you're over here living your crazy life you're going to bed at 5 a.m every day 4 30 what do you do how do you live well i wake up at 12 30 honestly this is

the earliest i've woken up in a long time i can't what do you mean this is the earliest I've woken up in a long time. I can't. What do you mean this is the earliest? Yeah, for a while. It was like 6, 6.30 a.m. What? I'd wake up at like 2, 2.30. I can't imagine your life. I mean, you lived it that one time when you were here for the show. Yeah, you're right.

It was great. It was great. I'm a fool. I woke up. It was like noon. I was like, yo, you want to get together at 2.30 that's pretty great it was pretty great i'm not gonna lie i just feel like here's the thing i've learned if i the earlier i get up the more i feel like i get stuff done because no one else is around to get in my way well here's the thing all? So here's what you do. So at about... I started waking up earlier because we need more sun lights, right?

The sun's going down earlier, so I'm like, alright, I'll wake up a bit earlier. Right, you're slowly getting seasonal depression is what you're telling me. So I wake up, I do some errands, then I come back, I'll make a video, I'll stream, I'll do some stuff. And then once people all get home from doing stuff, then I go do the rest of the errands at like 8. Right? So I go grocery shopping at like 8.30pm, 9.

There's like nobody there. And then you just like go for a walk. I'll get some Starbucks or something and I'll come back at like 10pm. I just stream. Wow, you're like a night time wanderer. You're like a night walker.

When I go to the gym, I usually go to the gym around like 8. I went early today though because it was like Sunday. When I was like a big gym guy, by the way shout out to my parents who when I was jobless and had to live with them for a year, I went to the gym every single day

Not because I wanted to get fit But because I was like I need to get away from them This is the only place I can go That will get me away for an hour Which you know what it helped a lot I'm sure I would be even more a mess If I didn't have that good year of working out constantly I need to get back in that

So what I'm saying is mom dad Will you move into my extra bedroom? And just annoy the crap out of me. They would. They'd be like, we're here. They're going to hear this podcast and be like, knock on the door. They'd be like, those are going to be movers.

They're there already. You just go right now. You look at the door. What are you doing? We heard you. Cross the hall. gondor lit the fire we were alerted we got here as soon as we could you know jesse calls for aid there's like orcs that start coming around they're like where they come from like i don't know you like fight them off yeah i can definitely see my parents battling orcs. I feel like that would happen.

There are some people at, like, your apartment complex that could probably pass as orcs. They're, like, giant. A lot of basketball players live in my apartment complex. Yeah. So. That's what I'm saying. They could be, like, Uruk-hai. Yeah.

I mean, I don't. It would be cool to see orcs fight. The green cheetahs like Saruman. I haven't seen the green cheetah in two years. I'm so disappointed. I don't know what happened to her. I strike when the time is right. Yeah, she vanished.

Oh, she's like Sauron. I thought I defeated her, but she's really in the background with her machinations. Like, I'll put gum on his car again. Yeah. Then she's waiting for this moment, and your parents are like, oh'll put gum on his car again. Yeah. Then she's waiting for this moment and your parents are like, oh no. And then, you know, they say Condor, but it's Crendor calls for aid

and then I show up. Crendor calls for aid. Yeah, you come over the hill with a bunch of horses. You have a whole army and you save us. Yeah, it makes perfect sense. Sloths. An army of sloths.

They're slowly you save us. Yeah, it makes perfect sense. Sloths. An army of sloths. They're slowly moving towards us. And I'm like, not today, green cheetah. And she's like, no. The battle's been waging for 18 months. They're still attacking. The sloths are like

slowly making their way down the hill. Come sloth riders of Krendor. We move. I just, like, our reinforcements are meaningless. It takes too long to get there, so everyone just, we lose the battle anyway. All the orcs, like, give up and go home because they're just so tired of waiting. They just keep checking their orc watches, like, come on.

So, yeah, they'd probably move into your extra room. Yeah, and then I'd have an excuse to leave. And I'd go. The problem is now the world's made it too easy. I have everything too easy. Before, when I would work at home, I would, like, you know would click render on a thing and then go out, get a cup of coffee, maybe run some errands, come back, upload the thing. Now, the render is too fast. So I'm like, well, I got to stick around for the render.

And the coffee place is literally minutes of walking away. And I'm just like, what do I do now? I got to do something to kill this time. But then the time I have to kill isn't as bad as it was. My two options are either I stay at home and breeze through everything or I go to the office. In which case, if I do a thing, I'm then sitting around for two hours because there's nothing else to do. I'm like, well, I don't want to leave the office because it's so far away. But like, I don't know. I'm stuck. I'm like, well, I don't want to leave the office because it's so far away, but like,

I don't know, I'm stuck. I'm stuck in a funk, Crandor. I'm in a funk, and not a good funk. Not like a... Not that. I'm like in a... It sucks. It sucks.

Man, that's unfortunate. But I do have iced coffee So I'm feeling good I went and got a Starbucks Blonde iced coffee Feeling very good about it It's delicious I'm not a big iced coffee person I like a hot coffee

Even if it's like 90 out I'll get my hot coffee Well, I feel like for me hot coffee is like It's morning, give me some hot coffee. Right? And I mean that in both the drink and sexual terms. And I'm like, oh yeah. Then in the afternoon I like my cold coffee, because I'm not trying to get like

crazy. I'm just trying to have something that's going to keep me from going into caffeine addiction problems. Caffeine diction? I got that caffeine addiction. You know, when you drink I think, here's my problem. I know I have a caffeine addiction

because if I drink let's say I just have water for a day by the end of the day I'm like, my head I have the worst headache. Oh yeah, it kills me. But the minute I drink one sip of caffeine, I'm like, oh, yeah. So I'm very well aware that I have an addiction.

I can't. I have to have caffeine or I'm just like, oh, my head hurts so bad. Like it throbs. It's not even my muscles. It's like in my brain. It hurts. I feel it. I i'm like oh and then the minute i have caffeine i'm like oh god yeah so to the drug addicts out there hey i kind of get you it may not be meth but it's i think it's on the same level mentally that's a quote

it may not be meth but i think it's on the same level mentally yeah put that in your pipe and smoke it internet that might be on the same level uh hot dog uh but i will say even though i don't have a green cheetah, the lady who parks next to me – actually, there are two ladies. Oh, my God, Crandor. There's one lady who drives a – oh, God, what is that? Like a little tiny electric car. I think it's really neat because as it charges, there's a dashboard indicator that moves like a battery on a phone. And I think that's kind of neat because you can see when it's fully charged and when it's not.

moves like a battery on a phone and i think it's kind of neat because you can see when it's fully charged and when it's not but uh every time i get home when she gets home uh she sits in her car and listens to like the craziest most emo music i've ever heard she i think is in her 40s maybe 50s but the song she listens to her just like my soul is broken and you have taken it I'm like who hurt you lady. What is going on in there? And she just sits in her car and I just want to be like Do you do you need a hug? Are you alright? What happened to you? And she always sees me It's almost like that. It's almost, but it's even more depressing. The songs are, every song I hear is just like, my soul was torn in two because of you. And I'm just like, what is happening?

And I always pass her and I'll give her this like really, you know, nice smile and a concerned look. And the one day I just want to be like, knock, knock, knock. Do you need a hug? But then the woman who parks next to me, she, like, leaves her trash outside of the car. And so rather than throwing it away in her own home, I guess, she'll, like, leave a bottle of water on the ground. Or she'll, like, throw a wrapper or something. I'm like, are you kidding me?

So what I've started to do is take all the bottles and just put them on top of her car so that when she comes down the next day, she'll see that I put it there. And so what ends up happening now is I think we're in a cold war because she'll take it off and put it next to my car. And so when she gets there, she comes back during the day. I have them all in her parking spot just like sitting there blocking her path. There was like four bottles there. She wouldn't throw any of them away. Finally, I think some of the apartment staff just took them and threw them away. But I was like, you've interfered for the last time, apartment.

This war was between me and her. Yeah, I don't know who this person is. I never see her. I just know it's her because there's like a bunch of stuff in the car, like tampons and stuff. So unless, you know what, it's a dude who just likes tampons, in which case I've judged someone. Yeah, what a fool I am. But I was going to say feminine hygiene products, but I don't care. Tampons. There's tampons in the front seat.

And so I feel like it's a woman, and I'm like lady I want to like there's no reason for this just throw your stuff away but she won't which makes me think she's also like young which makes me think like you know maybe she just needs like a stern talking to and then possibly a date I'm just saying what if I told her off and then she was like, you're so tough and masculine. I'm like, that's right. I am. And then we went out. Right.

Wouldn't that be great? I think so. But what if? Yeah. It's the green cheetah. Oh, my God. Taking different forms. I don't think that's possible. I don't think that's possible.

I don't think she's a master of disguise. You haven't seen her in two years. You're right. It could very well be her. She's like, oh, Lollapoola. She knows it gets me mad, and so she sticks bottles of water outside right next to my car

and is like, oh, Lollapoola. I'll get you this time. Yeah. And then the woman listened to the music, like, my soul in two pieces. They open the door and be like, you need a hug? And she'll be like, I love you. And then she'll cast a spell. Oh, no.

That's it. Here's the thing, though. Down you go. If I get spell cast on by the green cheetah, would it be bad? Because she has powers, and frankly, I could use a date with a woman who has powers. I feel like I've earned it at this point. I mean, honestly, I've worked my ass off. I feel I deserve it.

I feel I deserve this one. I'll let it slide, green cheetah. I know you're an old witch, but you know what? Sometimes you need an old witch in your life. So sign me up. No more fighting. Sometimes. You really do.

You just need an old witch to cast a spell on you. Yeah, that's all I'm saying. No more fighting. Call me up, Green Cheetah. You and me will make little cheetah babies. It'll be great. Little cheetah. And the kids will be like,etah babies. It'll be great. Little cheetah.

And the kids will be like, oh, look at that, daddy. And I'll be like, oh. Chester. We'll call him Chester Cheetah. Oh, Chester. What are you doing? Yeah. And I'll be like, oh, look at the bull, the baseball team. What do you be, Chester Cox?

I think we'd take her name. Cheetah's a much better last name than Cox. Yeah, I agree. And you'd be Jesse Cheetah. Yeah, I'd be Jesse Cheetah. Come on now. That sounds great. That kind of sounds like a stripper name too.

Who's saying with this magic that wouldn't be a possibility for me? I think I can nail it. She'd be like I give you the thong And I'd be like I got my hips shaking She'd be like I see that as clear as day

That's a future I want Yeah So Bring it back around. Uh-huh. We only got 10 days till Christmas. I know. What?

This year is flying by. We have, what, 16 days to the end of the year? Oh, my God. You're right. I know. How wild is that? That is pretty wild. Then people start their New Year's resolutions.

And actually, you know what I'm going to do? You know our delightful friend Julia Hardy, right? From the BBC and the podcast and all that stuff. I don't know her, but I've seen her on the podcast. You know of her, yes? I know of her, yes. So she's doing like a video game workout thing. Video game workout?

And I was like, I'm in. I needed to see what this is. And so I think sometime in January she's going to start it up. And I'm like, I can't wait to do whatever weird thing she's going to ask me to do. I'm doing it not for the workout, but for the fact that it seems insane and I want in. It looks like there's daily side quests, and some of the side

quests are like, talk to someone you haven't talked to before. And I'm like, yes! I'm ready for this! Oh, yeah. It's easy for you. You can talk to, like, anybody. That's what I'm saying. Like, the side quests, that's why I'm good at those in video games. Because's like go get four bear nuts and i'm like all right i can do that and so it's the main quest that's like do 85 sit-ups i think like that's the problem but

the main quest yeah the main quest i never i never get those done um but i'm i'm excited to see what this whole thing is going to be. And I'm going to do it for the 30 days that she's like, do this. And so it should be a blast. I can't wait. I may film all of it. I don't know. Do it.

I think that would be hilarious. Although, I do have another thing I want to film. I want to do a Jesse Cooks show. Right? First off, it's punny. Second off, I want to cook through the entire Warcraft cookbook. Oh. I want to go through every single recipe and make it.

Oh, my God. What if I also got the warcraft cookbook and we both cooked the recipes and then people voted on who's who made it better oh my god that is a fantastic idea that's a fantastic idea yes hmm i do like this although we'd have to determine how we Show the episodes Because it's one of those things where In my mind I wanted to cook And then like edit it into a fun thing

But I don't know if it's a contest then If we have to show everything In order for people to understand that we didn't cheat Or we just assume that No one cheats and we Make stuff the best way possible. Wait, how would you cheat? Well, you know how, like, through the magic of editing, anything is possible?

Yeah. In my mind, what I want to do is Jake Kaufman, who is a sweetheart and amazing video game composer. He has this wild studio and in it is a kitchen. Straight up like a kitchen for recording. All right. And I want to go there and then pound is a kitchen. Straight up like a kitchen for recording. And I wanted to go there and then pound out a bunch of episodes in like a day. And then go back and then edit all that stuff into like this is, you know,

several different episodes. And so I can understand how people be like Chester cheated. I just want people to know I ain't gonna cheat. Cause I don't expect to make good food. I just expect to make food. It don't gotta to cheat because I don't expect to make good food. I just expect to make food. It don't got to be good. I like that.

Yeah. I mean, I can just – honestly, I just non-content it. That's going to be my style. I think that could be great. Yeah, you have to buy the book. The book is actually kind of genius because it's written in the same way that you would level up cooking, right? Written in the same way that you would level up cooking, right? So the first couple chapters are just learn to make a spice or learn to make this fun butter or things like that. And then the chapters after that are like, okay, take the spice or the thing you made from the first chapter and use it to make this.

And I'm like, oh, eventually I think it's supposed to teach you how to make stuff from scratch Which is pretty great It's kind of like Blue Apron Yeah I think so except it's Warcraft So instead of Blue Apron it would be like Nami Apron Burn everything That's a joke for WoW fans It is a joke for WoW fans I think it's a good idea

I like it Oh and then we get other people to do it too And they'll send us their photos Yeah oh my god that's's a good idea. I like it. And then... Oh, and then we get other people to do it too, and they'll send us their photos. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's a really good idea. Yeah. We're creating content right now.

It's going to be like an actual chef that does it. We're going to be like, oh. Yeah, I'm not okay with that. You know what? No actual chefs. Chefs, get your idiot friends to make something, and then you film it. You have to do it blindfolded. Yeah, you have to do it with no hands.

Yeah. Only feet cooking. Yeah, feet cooking. It's probably kink somewhere. Yeah, probably still going to beat us. Wait, can I just tell you right now? I know we were joking. I got a text from my mom just now.

All right. It has nothing to do with this, but I looked down and just saw it was like, how did they know? Yeah, no. She was like, do you want to go see Hamilton next year? It's coming to LA. And I'm like, yeah, sure, okay. I've seen it already, but I'll see

it again. Hey, can we move into the room? That's what I thought it was going to be, too. It came out of nowhere. It was like a Sunday afternoon tweet or a text, and I was like, oh boy, here we go. She be like, hey, can we move into the room? That's what I thought it was going to be, too. It came out of nowhere. It was like a Sunday afternoon tweet or text, and I was like, oh, boy, here we go. She's like, I heard through the grapevine that she's, like, outside listening to this conversation. I heard someone told me, no name, someone told me you were thinking I should move in. I don't know who told you that, Mom. Don't listen to him.

Whoever brought that up is an idiot. That's a terrible idea. Yeah. Big time. Big time doofus. Yeah, what an idiot. Don't do that. Don't move in.

What a weird word, doofus. What does doofus, is that a, what is that from? Doofus was the name of something, right? Was it? Doofus or. The Earl of Doofus. The Earl of Doofus is that a is that what is that from doofus was the name of something right? Was it doofus or the Earl of doofus the Earl of doofus? No, it's not, but it's from the same uh perhaps from German doof for stupid they know English do It sounds like the German doof would make sense it's like

there's also the German doof would make sense Because it's like There's also the word doof and goofus So in the 60s probably someone was like doofus Yeah it's like you goofus, you doof, you doofus It makes sense Also apparently it didn't start becoming a word In the vernacular until the 1960s Oh wow Doofus, what if I do 1960s

Interesting Words from the 60s Pixel, doofus And jet lag Huh Oh here's other things that came from the 60s Gotcha Doofus, yes.

Fox. Oh, what a fox. Stud. Yeah, yeah, that came from the 60s as well. Interesting. Goober was another one. What a goober. Doofus.

That's where the goober originated. Yeah, origin of doofus. Not's where the goober originated. Yeah. Origin of doofus. Not the goofy goober, though. The term is slang. Used since the 60s and became popular among students as part of the everyday informal conversations. Oh. So it's kind of like, you know, in the 90s when everything was rad.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Or that's so bad. There's actually a lot of 60s slang there's the uh far out yeah freak out hang loose laid back out of sight right on split i gotta split yeah man i gotta split none of it's quite as good as 1920 slang, though. 1920 slang. 1920 slang is the real goodness. 1920

slang like, ah, you're the big cheese, eh? Or it's the bee's knees. Or ah, applesauce. My favorite one is something that's erroneous. He's all wet. It's not a sexual term, this thing says here. That's the cat's pajamas.ous. He's all wet. It's not a sexual term, this thing says here.

That's the cat's pajamas, same as the cat's meow. Cheaters wear eyeglasses. I think that's hilarious. He's wearing cheaters, he is. Fall guy. Oh, the fall guy. What a flapper, right? Dumb Dora.

What a dumb Dora. Amazing. Oh, I carry a torch Bump off as the murder kill These are great Wow, something that's attractive Is it's the berries The berries Apparently it's derived from

Bee's knees, but it's like an even more slang version So instead of the bee's knees, it's the berries I can kind of see it. Wow. I love 1920s. This one is 1920s slang we should bring back for the 2020s. Oh my god.

Here we go. Dew dropper is a lazy person. What? A dew dropper? A dew dropper. I like dew droppers. Giggle water is alcohol. Oh, my God. We need to bring it back. Bring it back.

Yeah, put some of that giggle water. I'll have some giggle water, please. Instead of asking for a cigarette, oh, my God, we should do this for vapes. You say, butt me. Butt me, Jack. Butt me? Yeah, butt me. A rich person's called an egg Which I think is great

Get a wiggle on Is get going Oh my god Putting on the ritz Do something with style See we need to bring this all back I like giggle water I'm gonna start being like

You got a shot of giggle water back there Jack He'll be like What Oh my god So apparently I like this one a shot of Giggle Water back there, Jack? He'll be like, uh, what? Oh my god. So apparently, I like this one. A heavy built dude is Baby Grand. Like a grand piano, but Baby Grand.

That's amazing. That's Baby Grand. Cast a kitten to have a fit. Use that humorous and serious time. Stop tickling me or I'll cast a kitten to have a fit. Use that humorous and serious time. Stop tickling me or I'll cast a kitten. Or I have kittens. Means you're going to throw a fit?

What? Everything's Jake. That means everything's great. Everything's Jake, see? What the hell? That's a weird one. Yeah. A smarty.

Oh, my God. Remember when we were at the mall and that guy was like what a goober right I feel like smarty is that So there's flappers which are like The lady dancers cutting up rugs and all that But then A cute flapper is called a smarty It's like oh look at that smarty over there

I think that's kind of along the lines of goober Also Goofy apparently means in love over there. I think that's the kind of long lines of goober. Also, goofy apparently means in love. She's driving me goofy, she is. I'm just overloaded with words right now. It reminds me of when they did Australian words.

Also, glad rags means going to town. Oh, no. Going out to town in fancy clothes. Wait. I'm wearing my in fancy clothes. Wait. I'm wearing my glad rags. Glad rags? Hit on all sixes. That sounds like something you'd buy on TV at like 3 a.m.

Oh, beef. That's a complaint. Everyone knows that. Man, I... Oh, applesauce. I want to use that as much as possible. Oh, applesauce. Oh, applesauce. Give me to use that as much as possible. Aw, applesauce. Give me that GigaWater, see?

Atta boy. You're a baby grand. This drinks the bee's knees. What a dew dropper. Oh, my. I got all dolled up in clad rags, and I got that heavy sugar. But I'm a healer, so I got the iron-on shoelaces. Oh, Jake.

Don't be a killjoy, because I got this orchid, see? And you're an owl, and they always stuff fruit. I don't know what I said. I don't know what you said either. Bring it back. Bring it back, wise guy. Bring it back. Shut your yap.

Bring it back. Man, the 1920s was great. I don't. 1920s and the 2020s was great. I don't. 1920s and the 2020s. Bring it back. That's all I'm saying. Bring it back. Bring it back.

Speaking of something you should bring back, some nice underwear for your family. That's the transition. By this time of year, the planners and the Virgos of the world have checked off everything on their list, while the rest of us last-minute planners are running around like psychos trying to figure out

what to get everyone. Don't fear, fellow last-minute gifters. MeUndies has everyone on your list covered. It's one of the top shopping spots to get gifts from people that you will love, that they will love, delivered straight to your door,

free shipping, no buts about it. Actually, all buts, but, you know, undies, get it? Okay. It's cold out. It's dark at like 4pm, like Crendo was saying earlier. It is time to stay at home and get cozy.

And by cozy, I mean taking it all off except that undies, cranking up the heat, and walking around like it's summertime. In sizes extra small to 4XL with plenty of brand new products, the options for getting cozy are endless. And when they say cozy, they mean it because these undies are three times softer than cotton. We've talked about this since the beginning of our partnership with them. These things are like clouds on your butt. They're very soft. This holiday season, they also have new robes for men and women. They have slippers to treat your feet, even baby body suits. With brand new holiday prints, these cozy products are made for you and are the perfect gift.

Me Undies is going to help you out. If you're a first time purchaser, you get 15% off and free shipping. It's a no brainer situation. That's 100% satisfaction guaranteed. If you don't like it, send it back. You'll get everything. You'll get all your money back. It's fine.

But I'm telling you right now, you're going to love them. You will. And the way you can find out for yourself is go to MeUndies.com slash Crendor for 15% off your first pair. Free shipping. 100% satisfaction guarantee. That's MeUndies.com slash Crendor. That's me. Speaking of comfy, when you go to bed at night, when you sleep, when you sleep on your bed, you got to have your great sheets. Everyone knows this. Well, actually, you probably don't.

Most people don't know the true comfort of good sheets. Most of the time you get those, like, $13 sheets at some box store. And let me tell you, it's adequate. I'm sure you're not, you know, sleeping on the actual mattress, but you're missing out if you don't have those good sheets. Because as a person who does, as a person rocking Brooklyn, and let me tell you, oh my God, they are comfortable as hell. You spend one third of your life in sheets.

Don't you want them to be insanely comfortable? Right? Isn't that the point? If you're going to sleep, sleep in comfort. This holiday season, it's time to gift the ones you love, or just yourself, with something cozy. Something wonderful. Something that's going to make you like, oh, just want to wrap up in it. Like bedding, or loungewear, or towels. Oh my god, the Brooklyn and towels. We'll get to wrap up in it. Like bedding or loungewear or towels.

Oh my god, the Brooklinen towels. We'll get to that. Oh my. Lucky for you, Brooklinen is celebrating their days of gifting with daily promotions on different items. Things like the bed sheets we mentioned and all sorts of other things. They have over 50,000 five-star reviews and counting. They've moved beyond the bedroom and offer essentials for your bathroom, like towels, shower curtains, bath mounts.

Bath mounts? Bath mounts are not bath mats. Bath mounts are something totally different. And even launched an ultra-soft loungewear that makes it feel like you never left the bed, which I think is the whole point of the thing. So if you like softness, if you like comfort, if you need these essentials to help you relax, and trust me, as we get into 2020, 2020 is going to be a stressful year, y'all.

Get ready. I don't know what's about to happen. It's going to be crazy out there. Brooklinen has it all to keep you relaxed. Right now, Brooklinen.com is having their days of gifting where each day they have promotions on a different surprise item. Brooklinen is so confident in their product that, be it sheets or comforters or towels or whatever, they come with a lifetime warranty. The only way to get access to Days of Gifting at Brooklinen is brooklinen.com. You get free shipping. It's amazing. Go to brooklinen, B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com

and at checkout, use promo code COX to get 10% off plus that free shipping. Promo code COX will help you get even more out of this deal. So right now, go go to brooklinen.com, remember to use promo code COX, and get something good for yourself. Get all comfy, and we'll see you with Chopped and Gobbledy 7, this is Guy with the Cran-door, and how's that traffic out there? Oh, wow, that threw me out of the that was a curveball out of left

field, I'll tell you that much. Uh, man, traffic gets picking up. People are out there buying Christmas presents, they're going all over. They're traveling. They're doing the stuff. It's going to be crazy, folks, as we're only a week and a half away from the big day, the big game, if you will. The bee's knees, the hot shot buggy, the bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop.

Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to Crandor at the Weatherdask. How's that weather? Weather time in the city. Breaking. Breaking, Crandor. Now let's go over to Crandor with the weather to ask. How's that weather? Weather time in the city. Breaking. Uh-oh. Winter storm closes interstates in three states.

Which states? I'll have to see more. Okay, yeah, yeah. You click that article. Kansas, Missouri, and Nebraska. Oh, wow. Well, here's the thing. Good news is. Nothing happens to those places anyway. Yeah, good click that article. Kansas, Missouri, and Nebraska. Oh, wow. Well, here's the thing. Good news is...

Nothing happens to those places anyway. Yeah, good news is not much is going on there, so we're fine. Yeah, so that's good. Except for Branson, Missouri, the heart of it all. Branson, where your grandmother can enjoy a good night on the town. mother can enjoy a good night on the town uh so yeah it's uh it's snowing um all over the south uh mainly let's see southern illinois missouri indiana southern ohio and columbus and cincinnati no i don't miss that eastward don't miss that snow at's moving eastward. Don't miss that snow at all. Not one bit. Here's the thing. Here, it's not even snowing.

In fact, it's not even that cold. And it looks like it's going to warm up. What a relative term. Where I am. What a relative term. It's not even that cold. If it was 40s here in LA, I would be like, Crypto, Crypto, it's so cold.

It's so cold, Crypto. oh, my God. Yeah. No, 40s is like spring. You're right. When I used to live in Buffalo, it'd be like 36. I'd be like, oh, no snow on the ground. Time to put on my shorts. That's what I'm saying.

Especially when you start hitting that the workout routine you're going to be doing. You'll get that blood pumping. Oh, yeah. I'll be like, smash. Yeah, I'll be great. Exactly. People on that Twitter thing keep being like, Crandor, you look like you're going to crush your phone.

I'm not even trying. I'm not even crushing it. It's just my hands. Oh, you're crushing it. You're crushing it all right. You're good. Well, maybe I am crushing it. Maybe I don't even know my own strength. Yeah, no, you're crushing it you're crushing it all right you're good well maybe i am crushing maybe i don't even know my own strength yeah no you're crushing it um so let's see here it's gonna all move eastward and i take it it'll probably be snowing in new york and boston by like tomorrow

so if you're over in that part of the uh the america watch out um But as for the actual weather, let's go to good old fashioned 335 2 4 Crystal Springs Florida Over in Crystal Springs Florida. Crystal Springs sounds like the name of a 90's

soft drink. Like a sparkling water. You're actually Crystal Springs sounds like a name of a 90s soft drink. It does, actually. Like a sparkling water. You're actually... Crystal Springs. You're onto something here. Right? Also, why is it...

I don't want to see the radar anymore, okay? Crystal Springs. I don't want to see the radar. Currently, in Crystal Springs, it's 59 degrees. It feels like 59 degrees as well. UV index 0 of 10, high, nothing. Low, 55. Next, 36 hours.

It's going to be 55 the night. Monday, 83 degrees. Ooh, what's the humidity? 73%. That's a humid mamma mia. Monday night, 97% humidity. Are you kidding me? It's raining.

They're underwater at that point. Yeah, they'll be underwater. And then thunderstorms on Tuesday, 82 degrees. Tuesday night, 53 degrees. 100% humidity. That's going to be like walking around with a coat of water. Exactly what it's going to be like walking around with a coat of water. Exactly what it's going to be like, yeah. Yeah.

So watch out for that water. And it looks like winter tornadoes possible in the south. So watch out for that as well if you're in the south. Back to you. Okay, Grand Orr, let's go to sports. Sports. What's going on, let's go to sports. Sports. What's going on? Welcome to the sports desk.

You know what? Not much. Not much is going on. It's crazy. Well, that's good. Well, there's a lot going on in football. Ravens beat the Jets. That was obvious.

The Patriots beat the Bengals. Everybody beats the Bengals, though, except the Jets. The Buccaneers beat the Lions. The Packers beat the Bears, clinching playoff berth and eliminating the Bears from the playoffs. Wahey! Houston beat Tennessee to take lead in the division. Kansas City crushed the Broncos. The Giants beat Miami with Eli Manning.

Probably his final home game with the Giants because he'll probably either retire or go to a different team. The Eagles beat the Redskins. The Seahawks beat the Panthers. The Jaguars defeated the Oakland Raiders. Minshew! He destroyed the later... the laters? Well, see you later the laters well see you later later this was their last game in oakland the next home game they play will be in las vegas here's the

thing i'm ready for that i know look raiders fans raiders fans i, it sucks You're losing it, but But Imagine the opening game Of the Las Vegas Raiders I hope there's actual pillaging I hope it is crazy Dude, I bet Minshew already thought the game was gonna be in Vegas And he's ready to gamble He showed up, twirled his mustache

And was like, alright, alright, all right, all right, all right. Well, he did actually show up. He threw 17 completions and 29 attempts for 201 yards and two touchdowns. Man, that guy is my hero. Minshew cannot fall victim to any weird scandals. Don't do this to me. You're just quirky enough to be fun. Don't be like, and then I'll beat that lady up.

Don't do it, Minshew. Don't do it. I can't handle it. I can't. You're my hero right now, Minshew. Don't ruin this for me like everyone else. He just has to keep being the lovable Florida man. Yeah.

Don't become a real Florida man. Yeah, become the lovable version. Like, you know, the one that we all want to be friends with that isn't going to get us addicted to meth. You know, the fun Florida one. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of addicted to meth, Cleveland Browns probably are. They lost 38-24.

But, hey, at least they won some games this year. All of the Browns? Every last Brown is addicted to meth? Probably. Wow. The Vikings beat the Chargers. The Cowboys beat the Rams. And the 49ers lost to the Atlanta Falcons in San Francisco.

Oh, 49ers. And tonight, the Buffalo Bills play the Pittsburgh Steelers. Come on, Steelers. Come on, Steelers. This is like the matchup of your life. Not really. No, not really. I'll live vicariously through Twitter.

I got stuff to do. You live in Buffalo and then you're a Pittsburgh fan. My family is, yeah, from Pittsburgh. That's what I'm saying. I got stuff to do. You lived in, like, Buffalo and then, like, you're, like, a Pittsburgh fan. My family's, yeah, is from Pittsburgh. Well, you know. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, but living in Buffalo does not equate to being a Bills fan. That's just a fact. Well.

It does equate to a lifelong love of Italian food and chicken wings. That's true. That does make sense. Yeah, Buffalo is, is like 18 million Italian restaurants And then a ton of chicken wing places Also Ted's Hot Dogs Shout out to Ted's Hot Dogs Sponsor us if you want to

I would eat hot dogs everyday Ted's Hot Dogs they're great And Mighty Taco Mighty Taco home of the El Nino I remember my Buffalo friends Growing up would eat at Mighty Taco And they'd always be like, oh, Mighty Taco. It's good, dude. Mighty Taco is, it's like if someone was like, how do we make Taco Bell taste even less like Mexican food?

It's very, very, it's definitely like the white stoner version of Mexican food. And it's great. Here's the thing. It's very, very It's definitely like The white stoner version of Mexican food And it's great Here's the thing, it's great Like the meat doesn't, it isn't exactly meat It's like a slurry The beans are kind of like too beany The steak, there's like a steak taco thing It's kind of like, eh, not really

I don't know, but their hot sauces are delicious Oh, it's so good I don't know what it is I remember are delicious. Oh, it's so good. I don't know what it is. I remember one time in college we got very, very drunk, and instead of ordering an El Nino, we got an El Beano. We were just like, replace all the meat with beans. And we all tried to eat it, and we got really sick. It was so much beans.

We were like, oh, my stomach. Oh, yeah. It was great. Mighty Taco. You know, it doesn't sound great. Well, I once dated a girl who worked at a Mighty Taco You know it doesn't sound great Well I once dated a girl who worked at Mighty Taco And one of her fellow employees Was I don't remember her name But she

She wanted to I think she was a manager or something I don't know But in the few months that I knew this girl She was obsessed with leaving Mighty Taco to get a new job. And I was like, oh, you know, good luck on your new job. She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Next time I saw her, she had gotten like not, you know, there's like breast implants and then there's like ridiculous breast implants, right?

Yeah. She went to the ridiculous side. And I was like, wow. I mean, like, hello. She she's like do you like them yeah i got them really big and i was like why and she's like i'm a stripper now and i was like god bless america you've done it you've made it well you know i gave her a little salute and was like, thank you. Thank you for your service. I'll never forget that. I was like, you know what?

Follow your dreams, lady. I'm not going to tell you I don't like this. I kind of love it. This is pretty. Like, this is great. Whatever this whole thing you're doing, I love this. Yeah. Is her name Jessie Cheetah?

No, her name was not Jessie Cheetah. That is my name. And I will be the, I don't need implants. I'll be good. I'll give everyone a little jiggle. Yeah. And that's sports. We could have did more sports, but I felt like that was the proper end. It definitely was.

Alright, well, Crand felt like that was the proper end. It definitely was. All right. Well, Crandor hit us with the news you can use. The big news story of the day. The big news story of meth overdose. So he fell in? He like was he what? So he probably died of meth, fell in the, I don't know, swamp and then got eaten? Well, let's see what it says.

Florida officials say a man who was found partially eaten by an alligator in June actually died of a meth overdose. According to an autopsy report. I love how they're like, back in June, it took us a while to figure this one out. Was it that he got eaten, or was it the meth? It was the meth. The body of the 45-year-old was found in a canal on private property in June, halfway between Tampa and Orlando,

Ford's hand and foot were found inside the gator's stomach. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission trapped and killed the gator to perform the necropsy. What the shit? He didn't do nothing. He just ate a meth guy. Yeah, like alligator was just living his life. Look, if I was a gator and I saw a meth head, I'd eat his ass too.

That's just like in National Geographic when you see the lion chase down the sickly gazelle. That's the same thing. That meth head over there, he's just, that's nature. He's like, I don't know where I am, man. Gator, that's how that works. where I am, man. Gator. That's how that works. Medical examiner Stephen Nelson wrote in a report that Ford's injuries and amputations

lack the sufficient associated bleeding to suggest they were made a while ago. Oh, so he was just dead, dead. Yeah. And then the gator just saw a dead meth head and he's like, oh, I need something to eat. Yeah, he's like, no one's using this. It's just like, look, all those video game players out there,

once you kill that guard, you're going to let him keep all that money and stuff on him? No. Gators are just like you. Gators are the video game players of the wild. They were like, well, that's just a body laying there. He's not, you know, all that meat's going to waste. I think I'll take some.

That's its story. That's the story. that's all that happened that's the story let's see is there any weird news happening what the shit camel cow donkey found wandering through kansas cast in live nativity wait what camel cow donkey three things not one thing right yes three things okay i was worried i was like what and a donkey that were found roaming together along a kansas road have been booked to appear in a christmas nativity scene wait wait from the nativity scene or are they just chilling yeah wait were they all together as friends or did someone see them and were like, put them in a nativity scene. They'll be stars.

Alright, let's see. The trio will be celebrity guests Saturday during a holiday event. How can you say celebrity? Everyone can be a celebrity now. There are no rules. This cow dog and camel, they're all celebrities. Wait, what was a camel doing in the middle of nowhere? What is happening? I don't know. Sully the camel, Gus the donkey, and camel, they're all celebrities. Wait, what was a camel doing in the middle of nowhere?

What is happening? I don't know. Sully the camel, Gus the donkey, and Rufus the cow made headlines last month when the Goddard police asked for help on a Facebook post locating the owners of the, quote, three friends traveling together towards a northern star. Oh, this seems like fake viral marketing. I don't know law enforcement later determined that they belong to an employee of the wildlife park but not before posting that if they couldn't find

the owner they wouldn't be quote halfway toward a live nativity this christ season. The holiday event called Happy Hoof-a-Days is a first ever for the park which normally closed from mid-November through mid-March. Goddard is 15 miles west of Wichita and here is a picture of the crew. It really is just a cow,

a donkey. I feel like this. Alright, look. Good on them for promoting their nativity scene but also I feel like this is just a cow, a donkey. I feel like this. All right, look. Good on them for promoting their nativity scene, but also I feel like this is just a promotion. There's no way these three animals are just randomly rolling together unless this is a Disney film. There's no way. It's not happening.

And there's like a 99% chance it's not a Disney movie. But the 1%. Yeah, I'm really excited for, That it is. What are their names? Gus and Slow Pete and Donkey Face? What are their names? Sully the Camel, Gus the Donkey, and Rufus the Cow. Come on. This is a Disney film.

This is a Disney film. And then they're like, we've got to get back to the nativity scene. But baby, Jesus needs us. This is happening. Yeah. This is going to happen. This has got to get back to the nativity scene. Baby Jesus needs us. This is happening. Yeah. This is going to happen. This has got to happen. But would it be called Sully, Gus, and Rufus?

Gus, Sully, and Rufus? Rufus, Sully, and Gus? Or another variation? Oh, no. It would be called a very four-legged Christmas. Well, all right. A very hairy Christmas. It'd be called Hairy Christmas is the name of the movie.

Yeah, but they're not, like, super hairy. They have, like, short-haired. Short-haired Christmas. A camel for the new lord. That's a weird title. That's a weird title. That's a weird title. A Camel. A Camel for the New Lord. It sounds very dark.

That sounds like a South Park reveal. It's like, it's Satan. He's here. That's super dark. A Camel for our New Lord. Sounds like a Scientology book. You ever heard of A camel for the new lord? It's so weird.

Come in and we'll test you. Yeah. Tom Cruise is here. He'll test you. Oh, boy. That's that story. All right. Well, that's it for us.

Thank you so much for listening or watching or however you enjoy this content. Crendor, hit him with the socials. Let me tell you about some socials. All right. Stop what you're doing. Oh, okay. All right. And then go to YouTube.com.

Right now. Cox and Crendor podcast right now. Doing it. Okay. And that's going to give you the entire library of this show. I'm hacking into it right now. Yeah. Maybe you missed last week.

Maybe you missed the few weeks ago. Maybe you missed two years you haven't listened to this show. You can go back and listen to everything. Some guy the other day was like, I didn't realize you guys were still making podcasts. I haven't listened in like years. I'm like, now's the time, sucker. Now's the time. Go there and listen to them all.

And then after that, delete the podcast part at the top and go to YouTube.com. You'll see all the animations, which makes it even funnier. And then you can find us on iTunes, Spotify, SoundCloud, some other stuff. And follow us. Twitter at com plus Jessica. Twitter at com plus Crider. Facebook at com plus Jessica. Facebook at com plus Crider.

YouTube at com plus Jessica. YouTube at com plus Crider. Twitch at even. Twitch at com plus Crider. Tell your friends. Tell your family. Tell your wife. Tell your family.

Hike. All right. Well, that's it for us. And as always always to be continued