Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 225 - Mystery Town!

Episode Date: December 26, 2019

It's time once again for Jesse and Crendor to take stock of their last year, go over their victories and regrets, commiserate about loves lost and found, and toast to the future! ... who are we kiddin...g, none of that happens, although a Florida woman hits a man with a tree! So it's almost the same thing! It's time for another Cox n' Crendor! Get 40% off a Calm Premium subscription at http://calm.com/cox To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, and get the plan shipped to your door for FREE, go to http://mintmobile.com/cox Check out Hawthorne at http://hawthorne.co and use promo code COX to get 10% off your first purchase

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's episode is brought to you by Calm. If you need to get that good night's sleep, Calm is the app for you. Also today we're brought to you by Mint Mobile. If you are tired of big wireless companies ripping you off, Mint Mobile is the way to go. And there's another one. I don't know what's going on. This is crazy. There's another one. I don't know what's going on.
Starting point is 00:00:24 This is crazy. And, of course, Hawthorne is going to help you smell amazing. We'll talk about that as well. Let's jump into this podcast. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, hey. Hi, hello. Hello everybody, welcome back to the Like a Sonny House, I'm Cax, the Creadon of the Morning!
Starting point is 00:01:06 Uh, yeah, hey. Hi, hello. Hey, how's it going? How are you this fine holiday week? Uh, I don't know man, I'm here. Huh? Hey, I'm alive, I guess I'm making it. I'm doing it man, I'm alive, I'm alive. I guess I'm making it. I'm doing it, man. I'm alive.
Starting point is 00:01:26 I'm functioning. Yeah, you sound it. All right. Listen, all right. I am the express today. This is wearing me down. I can tell. You seem low-key.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Low-key? Is that a word? You seem low-key. Yeah. Man, I was hungry, and I was like, you know what? I want to see Pan Express. Screw it. Terrible decision. Hadn't eaten it in like a year, year and a half or something.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Last time I ate it, it was a bad experience. And I was like, you know, maybe I'm better. Well, I am better, but it's still a bad experience. Yeah. I don't know why you thought that the last time you ate it, it was so bad. And now you're just like, I'll give it a shot. Well, I'm really hungry. There's so many other places besides Panda Express.
Starting point is 00:02:17 I know. But I was like, you know what? I haven't. I forgot what it tasted like. And I forgot that feeling. And it was like, you know how sometimes you're like, yeah, you know what? This is a good idea. And then as you're eating it, you're just like, you know, this might not be a good idea.
Starting point is 00:02:34 That is every McDonald's experience I've ever had. Every single one. But after you've eaten it, you're just like, what? Oh, no. Why did I do that? It's just it's like instant regret instant um and now i'm just in future regret uh but i feel for you i do yeah well it's at least last time i ate it my body hadn't adjusted to like no gallbladder yet so my entire colon hurt this time i just have like some some light irritation
Starting point is 00:03:06 which is far better but is it gallbladder irritation no it's like uh it's just like my entire digestive tract irritation oh so you got you got you got farts is what you're telling everyone no it's just irritated like jesus why you eat this? It's like trying to process it. It will become farts. Don't worry. Oh, yeah, probably. Later tonight, you'll be like, do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do. You'll make songs with your farts.
Starting point is 00:03:34 Yeah, probably. Yeah, probably. What did you eat? I had a choice today between banh mi or burrito. And I was like, banh mi sounds lighter. I'll get that. What's a banh mi? It is a Vietnamese sandwich.
Starting point is 00:03:50 Oh. And it's delicious. Usually. The one I got today was pretty garbo. I was not happy. There's one. The thing is, is down in Torrance, where the office and stuff is, if you looking to get asian or mexican food that's the place to do it up here where i live it's like stoners and uh you know if you want to get weird
Starting point is 00:04:12 food that's fusion things that's fine you can get all that but the bottom meal i got wasn't that great i should have gone to to you know i should should have drove somewhere. But I was like, I'll just have it delivered. Meh. Waste. What a waste. Oh, my God. Speaking of driving. Uh-huh. The other day.
Starting point is 00:04:30 All right. The other day, we go to Target. All right. And we're leaving Target. And this person in front of us is behind another car. So we're, like, the third in line. They're second. And there's one ahead of them.
Starting point is 00:04:43 So the light turns green for, like, a millisecond. And it was literally, like, green. And they were like, honk like hog like they didn't even have a they didn't have a chance to react it's holiday season they were all stressed they were like i'm so angry at everyone all right but here's the thing they had a bumper sticker on their car that said art fan well art subjective you should be able to be a fan I mean, you know Maybe they're a fan of Speed painting That's like It's like putting a sticker on your car
Starting point is 00:05:14 It's like, movie fan Love movies Oh, I thought you were trying to say they couldn't be an art fan And want you to drive faster No You were just saying You're just upset that they have a bumper sticker that says art fan oh i thought you're trying to make a point about like no i'm just
Starting point is 00:05:30 how can you be a fan of the arts and also be so angry really you're just like why would anyone have that bumper if anything i understand them works they're probably like this is an uncalled for experience i've waited 0.1 milliseconds for this light to turn green like Picasso's fourth existential crisis, and it's really not changing. And then they honk. But... You just want to know why they have that bumper sticker. I want to know a lot of things.
Starting point is 00:05:56 So, they turn, alright, the car turns, and they go past them. Alright, it gets better. Then, we go to turn lane, alright, so I'm not not turning but they're turning so i'm like right next to him now but i can't even i didn't even look over i was like i kind of saw him and then uh i was like whatever but the green arrow comes up and they don't turn so if they're honking at somebody to turn after a millisecond it's been like four seconds and they haven't turned at a green arrow and the car behind
Starting point is 00:06:25 them was like and then they were just like they like spun their tires and like shot off sounds like a holiday shopping traffic to me yeah that was like damn it was like instant karma that well that's i told you that one time that guy crashed because he cut me off. Instant karma. That's real. That's real. That dude cut me off and then looked in his rearview mirror like, and then slammed into the car in front of him.
Starting point is 00:06:56 That happened like a few months ago. I think we talked about that on this show. That happened. I forgot about that. I forget about a lot of things. You and me both uh so yeah that was fun uh just yeah a lot of holidays hitting people walking around we're walking around the mall they're taking all the people are taking santa pictures lines like 10 years long and they're just like hey kid look at mickey mouse jingle's like, bleh. Did you see that one store?
Starting point is 00:07:27 Somewhere in the UK, a London fancy store is charging $2,500 to see Santa. You have to spend $2,500 in the store to see Santa. Why? And they sold out. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So what I'm saying is we shouldn't be asking why. We should be asking how.
Starting point is 00:07:43 How can we get in on this? If I dress up like Santa and you're my elf and we charge $2,500 and sit outside like a store, do you think we could make money? No doubt. If people pay for that, they'll definitely pay for this. I'm just saying. What if he's outside? I was like, ho, ho, ho. Come sit on my lap.
Starting point is 00:08:04 I'm like, hey, you. come see Santa yeah you hey kid hey kid come over here come see Santa be like sit on my lap kid yeah I'll be great no no more arrest us we'll be fine we'll dress you up we'll dress you up in like a sleeveless elf outfit And you can just flex on some kids Like a bouncer elf Hey kids you wanna come over here You wanna get your swole on Meet Santa
Starting point is 00:08:37 Also where is this happening at Are we just like at a street corner Yeah we're like in the parking lot Outside of Walmart Right we're like in the parking lot outside of Walmart. Right? We're outside the Walmart, and it's like, if you spent $2,500 in Walmart, you get to sit on my lap for free.
Starting point is 00:08:56 All right. I mean, yeah. Right? Yeah, but are we like sponsored by Walmart then? I feel like this could only be good for their PR. Yeah. That's true. And then if we do it in Florida, we'll get a headline that's like, Florida man dressed as Santa asked people to sit on
Starting point is 00:09:14 his lap outside Walmart. The thing is like, I don't know, I could be like a bouncer elf, but I could still get like, you know, if there's like some giant mountain man he can like crush me. The thing is like, it's like weight class. You should be a bouncer. No, you're just trying to get people there. You's like some giant mountain man you like crush me the thing is like it's like I'm not saying you should be a bouncer. No you're just trying to get people there. You're like come on friend Don't you want to say Santa I need to learn like some form of martial arts
Starting point is 00:09:34 What wait whoa? Whoa? What are we talking about now you what? Well, I was just thinking me as a bouncer and being like get out of here, but that's What? Well, I was just thinking of me as a bouncer and being like, get out of here. Why do you want to be a bouncer? Like an elf bouncer.
Starting point is 00:09:49 So be like, go see Santa. And they'd be like, hey, I want to see Santa. But I'm like, nah, he's busy. Why? Whoa, whoa, wait, why? I don't know. I was just saying it as a suggestion. I don't care if I am or not. Is it because I said you'd have sleeveless shirt?
Starting point is 00:10:02 What if you had sleeves? Yeah, then it's less bouncer-esque. Then what would you be? Then I'd just be an elf. Wait, so no sleeves bouncer with sleeves, just an elf. Yeah. I mean, it checks out. The logic is flawless.
Starting point is 00:10:19 You're right. Because if you've got sleeves on, everyone's just like, oh, look, an elf guy. But if you've got sleeveless things and people see you're like toned and like working out people like damn that guy's gonna you know like if i try to see santa and i'm not in you know the next in line he's gonna tackle me but i don't want you to tackle them that's why we hire like uh something we're gonna get to you. Damn. I've never seen you so concerned for my well-being. At the same time, I'd probably be like, ah, whatever.
Starting point is 00:10:54 Because I'd probably just be like, if some guy was like, oh, I'm getting to that Jesse, I'd be like, all right, fine, whatever. Yeah. Is this the first time you've ever said that you would protect me from anything? I'm honored. Oh, okay. All right. So it so nothing to do with us You were doing it for Santa
Starting point is 00:11:07 Is what you were doing It's more so that and then I realized I'm probably too lazy To even do that I'd probably be like whatever man That's what I'm saying you took a lot of I don't know I said no sleeves and you were like And then I'll become a ninja I'm like what
Starting point is 00:11:22 Wait why Well my mind went down a path where I was like oh oh, yeah, that's like where they have weight classes and like boxing and wrestling and stuff. Elf? You're in the elf class? No, weight classes and like wrestling. That's what I'm saying. I don't know what it has to do with elves, though. I'm an elf.
Starting point is 00:11:40 I'm an elf weight. I'm saying it was bouncers. All right. I'm an elf weight. I'm saying with bouncers. All right. But if I learned some form of martial arts, then some giant guy would be like, I'm getting through, but I can flip them over.
Starting point is 00:11:52 But why? I'm so confused about what you think is going to happen. Are you saying that when I become Santa, the only people that I want to sit on my lap are like six-foot-tall, 300-pound dudes? Is that what you're telling me? Well, maybe his kid does, and he's like, come with me, Timmy, and he starts, like, plowing through. Cool, I guess.
Starting point is 00:12:12 I mean, I'm just happy that anyone wants to. I'm thrilled that you think people are going to fight for this opportunity. What if they're not paying? Oh, yeah, no, you got to fight them then. Yeah, they got to pay. I'll clap and be like, Krendall, dispose of them. And then you'll pull out like Jingle Bell nunchucks and go to town. Every punch is just like.
Starting point is 00:12:37 Time is money, Fred. There'll be a guy dressed up as Rudolph who has like a baseball bat. Be like, get him, Rudy. Then I'll start hitting dudes. Oh, yeah, I'll have a whole team every time the bat hits it glows merry christmas i get the hell out yeah this sounds great walmart would be thrilled to have us no doubt i don't even know how he got here uh i do not know either anyway i was uh I was watching old family videos Because my mom was like
Starting point is 00:13:06 We haven't watched videos of you as a little kid And I was like okay And then it was me getting Christmas gifts And I got so many board games I got so many board games I got like Donut Disaster Let me ask you a question Hold on
Starting point is 00:13:19 Do you have any brothers or sisters? No Right? No So who would you play those games with? I just play with like my parents or like my grandparents or like whoever else is there. I always think getting board games for a single child is the dumbest idea. My parents got me board games too.
Starting point is 00:13:35 I would just sit around and just play with the pieces. Oh yeah, I'd do that too. I had no one to play with most of the time and I'd be like, okay. And I'd play, there was one that was like a fantasy board game. So it had little fighter pieces and I would like make little stories with most of the time and I'd be like okay and I'd play there was one that was like a fantasy board game so it had little fighter pieces and I would like make little stories with them on the game board because I didn't know what to play with yeah do you remember mousetrap
Starting point is 00:13:53 yes yeah I had mousetrap I don't think I ever played that game for real I think I just played around with the thing and I was like the marble and I would like put the marble in the thing and knock it down and then I'd just like whoa. There's a cat on the board watch out And then I just you know less like me with do you remember the grape escape? Do you remember that? Oh my god? Yeah, I forgot about the grape escape that was literally just mashing clay
Starting point is 00:14:17 And I do that for I've come up with fun ways to mash the clay and I'd be like no You'll never get me ah that's what I would do. That's what I did because I had no one to play with. Because when I hung out with my friends, they were like, I got this new Nintendo. Do you want to see? I was like, cool. And we never played board games. So I'd go home and I'd play my board games and be like, oh.
Starting point is 00:14:41 It's like I got Nintendo. It's like, I got the grape escape. Dude, I had the grape escape too I don't think I ever played that one correctly either No Remember the one where The volcano would erupt And like lava or a boulder Would come down and destroy all the pieces
Starting point is 00:15:01 There were so many games like that Never played it the right way Even Crossfire Never played it the right way. Even Crossfire. Crossfire never played it right once. Oh, yeah. Loop and Louie. Yes.
Starting point is 00:15:16 I love that one. I also am a huge fan of Mr. Bucket. Oh, Mr. Bucket. Mr. Bucket. Buckets are fun. Put my balls in your mouth. He's going fun Put my balls in your mouth He's gonna put his balls in your mouth Yeah he put Put your balls in his mouth that's what it was
Starting point is 00:15:33 Um Yeah Mr. Bucket's kinda weird He's Bucket of fun Gator golf Yeah Gator golf Gator golf is great Oh my god Gator golf Gator golf Gator golf is great Gator golf had the golf clubs
Starting point is 00:15:49 That I would use to play Pretend like baseball with I would use them as baseball bats That's insane why Because I would make my own sports leagues in my head I love I talked about this before I know I just love it that's a thing you did
Starting point is 00:16:04 Listen as an only child yeah I do that shit yeah you always had to make up your own stuff it's busy you would go crazy you're like if you have brothers or sisters you like play with them you're like with this you're just like all right yeah I'm the I'll be the I'll be Sammy Sosa, and then I'm going to hit a home run. I did it. You just do your own shit. Yeah. If you're with friends or you have a brother or sister, you can play like,
Starting point is 00:16:33 I hit the home run. If you're by yourself, whether you hit that home run or not, you hit that home run. You're just like, the crowd goes wild. You whiff. It doesn't matter. You run around your backyard, fake bases. Like, yeah, I did it.
Starting point is 00:16:45 The ball's just on the ground still. Ah. Doesn't matter. No one can judge you. What was the, what was that one game with the, there's like a dog and cats. And like the dog would just like be like, and you like wind them up. And he tried to knock the cats off the fence. Oh my God. What is the name of that game? Yeah. You remember that? I'm looking this up. dog would just like be like and you like wind them up and he tried to knock the cats off oh my god
Starting point is 00:17:05 what is the name of that game yeah you remember that i'm looking this up board games uh dream phone oh my god i remember seeing that and i was like that's a girl okay do you remember pretty pretty princess yeah i never played that never saw it don't know what it's about, but looking at it, I can't figure it out. So it's a board game, but it came with princess accessories? I remember that because I remember seeing the commercial for it, and they'd be like, pretty, pretty princess. And she'd be like, wow, I'm a pretty princess. That's all I remember.
Starting point is 00:17:41 I like how you did teen girl squad for it. I'm pretty princess. I'm pretty princess. I'm Pretty Princess. The ugly one. Let's see. Yeah, I remember seeing commercials for this shit. Oh, wait, there is a commercial. 1995.
Starting point is 00:17:59 All right, hold on. Let's see this shit. Pretty, pretty princess. Oh, my God, yeah. Oh, my God. that's my necklace crendor do you want to do a show where we just play old war games that are definitely not designed for us because i just found a whole collection that i clearly as a young boy i never got to play any of these but oh yeah now that i see there's a game called girl talk a game of truth or dare there's a game called dream phone and a game called the sleepover party game I feel like we should play
Starting point is 00:18:34 all of these oh yeah dream phone I remember is another one I I saw commercials but I don't think I was like I remember being like that's girl game, but you know probably is oh man This game looks so funny girl talk a game of truth or dare What are the questions? This is like we're getting into a part of society. I just don't know wait. What's it called again girl? Girl talk? There's also girl talk dateline That sounds like Dateline NBC. Like, you know why you're here, Jesse.
Starting point is 00:19:10 So you're playing a game meant for 10-year-old girls. I just wanted to play a game called Girl Talk. And you decided to come over to this house in order to do that. She was the only person who played with me. It's for Girl Talk. That sounds like a Seinfeld episode. It does. George really wants to play the game Girl Talk.
Starting point is 00:19:33 And he ends up playing with a little girl. And then he gets caught on Daylight NBC. He's like, we're playing Girl Talk. I thought you had a seat over here. That's so funny. That's exactly what that that is that's like an updated 2020 version oh man wait what the shit okay so there's this game i found it's another board game called don't wake daddy and it's like this guy that's sleeping in a bed and if you wake him up he's like boing and he like springs out of bed so it's like i was like this if you wake him up, he's like boing and he springs out of the bed.
Starting point is 00:20:06 So, I was like this game's probably shit too, but it's got a bunch of good reviews on it. They're just like I bought this for my 6 year old for her birthday. She's seen kids playing it on YouTube. She plays it with her 10 year old, 12 year old, 13 year old siblings. They think it's fun. I remember getting this game and I remember having the cards
Starting point is 00:20:21 and being like, I don't know what I'm doing. I remember the cards were just all over the place because I didn't know what I was doing. I don't. I never had this game. It looks so weird. Yeah. So you just have to sneak past dad and eventually he'll pop up and be like, oh, I see you. There's a Sweet Valley High game.
Starting point is 00:20:37 Sweet Valley High. Wow. Sweet Valley High. Can you find your... What? Whoa. Whoa. This is insane. What? Sweet Valley High. Can you find your... What? Whoa. Whoa. This is insane. What? Sweet Valley High, the game. Here's the premise.
Starting point is 00:20:51 Can you find your boyfriend in time for the big date? Wait, what? Wait, is he missing? What is... He's gone. What happened? We have a date this Friday is... He's gone. What happened? We have a date this Friday and my boyfriend's missing.
Starting point is 00:21:11 There's bigger problems here. Where is he? Is that what it's saying? It's either that or it's saying, find yourself a boyfriend before you go on a date with your boyfriend? I can't figure out what this is trying to say. Yeah, I don't know. Can you find, there is no exclamations. Can you find your boyfriend in time for the big date?
Starting point is 00:21:34 I think this is a mystery game. I think your boyfriend has vanished and you're like, where'd he go? This is, wait, what the... It's an Urkel game! Do the Urkel! Oh my god! Why are we not... Oh, what is the Urkel game? Hold on... Do the Urkel!
Starting point is 00:21:56 That is the thing! Do the Urkel. Do the Urkel. Yeah, we definitely need to get a bunch of these games playing. Definitely need Mousetrap. Shhh, this is so dumb. This is so dumb. There's a lot of crazy fun when you get to meet TV's favorite nerd, Steve
Starting point is 00:22:12 Urkel. The challenge is to collect bow tie cards. To win them, roll a special die to keep them do what Steve does. Hike up your pants and laugh and snort or say one of his favorite expressions but watch out any opponent opponent may suddenly make you do the urkel and that could lose you some cards the
Starting point is 00:22:31 first player to collect eight cards wins what is this game it sounds pretty dumb it sounds real dumb some things are left uh left in the past Yeah. Maybe this is one of those. Maybe we've gone too far. We've dug too deep and too greedily. We've dug too deep now. Way too deep. Steve Urkel. Yeah, Steve Urkel is the Balrog of board games.
Starting point is 00:22:59 He really is. The only way to defeat Steve Urkel is with a white wizard. That's all we have. Look at this one. It's Party Mania Fabulous Interactive VCR Game. Who is that? Who is in that? I'm totally psyched. The whole class is going to the party.
Starting point is 00:23:26 Live action interactive video included. I wish we had a VCR for that. I wish they still made VCRs or we knew someone who had one because that would be an amazing game to play. My parents have a VCR. It's like a hybrid DVD VCR. Can we go play it at your parents' house with your parents? Probably.
Starting point is 00:23:48 Do you guys want to play Party Mania? My dad would probably be like, sure, as long as you bring Jack Daniels. Yeah, because that's the party and the mania. I get it. Yeah. Candyland sucked. There's so many games, but they all sucked. There. I can't. Candyland sucked.
Starting point is 00:24:08 There's so many games, but they all sucked. Candyland actually was a pretty shitty game. Yeah. Like Snakes and Ladders. That's a shitty game. What is Dream Phone? Somebody said Dream Phone. Dream Phone.
Starting point is 00:24:19 Dream Phone. Yeah. Guess who likes you in this talking telephone game? You figure out which of the guys likes you that you're calling in the game. You call. You figure it out. And there's 18 guys. 18 guys seems like too many guys. Here, see?
Starting point is 00:24:39 There's all the... There you are. You got... Too many guys. What the shit do they got? Jason, Paul, Carlos, Dave, Mike. Mike looks
Starting point is 00:24:50 like he definitely played World of Warcraft. Bruce, Spencer. Spencer has the haircut or it looks like a soup cane. It's like the top of his head. John. John looks like he'd be hip nowadays because the 90s his head. John. John looks like he'd be hip nowadays because like the
Starting point is 00:25:06 90s revitalized. None of these guys look hip. No one in here. They all look so dated. Alan looks like he's going to go crazy. Can I tell you something? I don't know women all that well.
Starting point is 00:25:25 Lord knows I've tried. I have spent far too many years of my life. I don't know women that well, but there's one thing I do know. Poor Jason. No girl's like, I hope Jason calls me. Oh yeah, no.
Starting point is 00:25:40 That's a no doubt. You know what, also Alan. Alan's the cute one No Alan looks like he's just like I'm so happy to be here. Oh it's actually 24 guys. There's more Yeah, that's what I'm saying Alan looks like he's gonna kill somebody in like a few years. He looks crazy Phil is another Phil's another Bruce Bruce looks like 13 Bruce is like How did you get this number?
Starting point is 00:26:09 I mean the kids in this game Probably are 13 Who are Leave me alone My parents Will get mad George in the bottom right He just looks like
Starting point is 00:26:21 He's trying really hard Like Maybe today my Date will show up he's already dressed up my favorite is is bob looks like a romulan bob does bob looks like he's cosplaying as spock oh my god he does he's a vulcan look at his guy oh my god scott scott looks like he's just a normal guy and then you find out he's in the armpits. Where do you see Scott?
Starting point is 00:26:49 Oh yeah, Scott is definitely... Scott looks like a guy who definitely kills people. Oh, Scott. That's what I'm saying. He's definitely on the fifth date. He's like, can I just lick your armpit? None of them are attractive by today's standards not at all none of them it's so bizarre to see like what a like really weird haircut can do to a person you know what i stand corrected steve steve probably gets it steve maybe john uh wayne maybe that's about it. Dale's like the jock quarterback. Jamal kind of looks like Jamie Foxx.
Starting point is 00:27:30 Oh yeah he kind of does. These are very pixelated but I'm going to say that's young Jamie Foxx. It's possible. There's got to be people playing this game on YouTube now right? I hope not. This is bad news. They definitely probably have. In fact there's a picture of a
Starting point is 00:27:46 man that looks like he's 60 about to play this game that's weird if it's us hilarious if it's a 60 year old man creepy now I got yeah it's up let's they make any other dream phones how popular was dream phone cat dream phone. What do you call up cats? Cat dream phone is that real thing? Yeah, it's not Amazon cat dream phone All I'm finding our anthropomorphic sexy cats Wait this is this not even called cat dream phone It's called dream phone the secret admirer board game, but it just looks like an early 2000s version of the same game. And it does in fact say Cat Dream Phone.
Starting point is 00:28:30 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. There's no cats involved. What if they did a Dream Phone for the movie Cats? We need to go see that. What are we doing? We need to go see that movie so badly. We do need to see that movie. I have heard only the best things.
Starting point is 00:28:46 It sounds terrible. The reviews for that movie are so funny. I saw one review that was something like, by the time I left the theater, I wasn't even sure I wanted to look at real cats anymore. It's got an 18% on Rotten Tomatoes But a 60% audience score Which I feel like is people just memeing
Starting point is 00:29:09 Every review I read was just another Person being like I Don't know what I saw And I can't explain it to you I don't know why but Like Taylor Swift is the main cat No she's not So I don't know if you've ever seen Cats the Musical, right?
Starting point is 00:29:27 Mm-mm. Let me tell you, it's early 80s travesty. It has – the plot, I don't think it has a plot, but from what I remember, the plot is literally just the cats are trying to get to cat heaven. Okay. I think they're either ritual suicide or they're chosen for the good place. I don't know what. They're like, go to heaven or something.
Starting point is 00:29:48 It's nonsense because the plot is nonsense. But anyway, there's the main cat and there's a bunch of vignettes the cat goes through. But I guess Taylor Swift is supposed to be one of the main cats from the musical. Except for this, apparently they took out most of her songs, and then she has one song at the... I guess Taylor Swift's in the movie for a total of six minutes. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:30:11 So they just use her as like, hey, Taylor Swift is in this movie. Come see it. I guess. I don't know. Dude, I don't know. But Ian McKellen is Gus the Theater Cat. Um, because you don't know anything about cats, Ian McKellen is Gus the Theater Cat.
Starting point is 00:30:28 Because you don't know anything about cats, I just want to read the cast of characters to you. Because you will be like, what the hell? All right. So there is, of course, Asparagus, Gus, the Theater Cat. All right. is of course asparagus gus the theater cat all right bomba larina bustopher jones griddle bone grizzabella syllabub jenny any dots mcavity mr mistoffelees, Mungo Jerry, Rumpelteaser, Rum Tum Tugger, Skimbleshanks, and Victoria. You can't even randomly generate these names. No.
Starting point is 00:31:18 These are just crazy. This is drugs. Drugs made this. Bustopher Jones. Bustopher Jones. Bustopher Jones. Yeah. Tumble Brutus is another one.
Starting point is 00:31:29 Tumble Brutus. Why is one called Jenny Any Dots? You know what? Great question. Great question. Rumpel Teaser. So Naomi Morgan is Rumpel Teaser, but the only other thing she's done was in 2009, she was herself as a contestant on Move Like Michael Jackson.
Starting point is 00:31:54 Yeah, that sounds about right. So it took her 10 years after being on that show as a semifinalist to get this star role in the hit movie Cats. My favorite is apparently Judi Den star role in the movie Cats. My favorite is apparently Judy Dench is in this movie and apparently at certain points like they didn't even bother to digitize her entirely.
Starting point is 00:32:16 So there's a part of her, there's one part where she just has like one human hand and a wedding ring in one scene. Oh man. I'm looking at the reviews someone said even pita would euthanize these cats someone said this is what the people in bird box saw someone said worst movie I've ever seen Sorry to pile on But in my 55 years I have never walked out of a movie until now Finally a whole new generation can discover The Cats musical is two hours of human-feline hybrids
Starting point is 00:32:55 Without genitals having no touch sex And begging for death via song Yeah I didn't see this movie. That is on our list of things to do. We somehow went from board games featuring boys to cats to Cats the Musical. That's the path we went down today is where we went to. That's what happens when you're only a few days away from Christmas. It's the spirit
Starting point is 00:33:28 of the season. It's what it is. And in the spirit of the season, let's do commercialism. As you're probably out there right now spending time with family, probably just thinking of all the things you have to do.
Starting point is 00:33:44 We're only a few days away from the end of the year as well. Just so much stuff you have to get done. You're probably stressing and you're probably not getting the sleep you need. Let's face it. It's that time of year, but sleep is the most important part. Every time around the holidays, it seems like you just can't get enough, but it doesn't matter. You should, and we can help you. Calm is the number one app for sleep and relaxation. It can transform your night, which means better days.
Starting point is 00:34:19 You can check out sleep stories, which will get you to bed on time. It's like bedtime story for adults. You can fall into a deep, natural sleep minutes you know they even have no joke an entire thing that is bob ross oh mama mia so if you just want to fall asleep to bob ross you can do that too but they also have lavar burton nick offerman from artists like sam smith guided meditations breathing exercises so much more there's tons there to help you relax to help you meditate to help you fall asleep right now if you go to Calm.com slash Cox, you get limited time, 40% off your premium subscription.
Starting point is 00:34:52 With over 60 million people using Calm, join today and get the sleep you need tonight. If you're listening right now, like I said, special limited time offer, 40% off a Calm premium subscription at Calm, C-A-L-M dot calm, and then slash C-O-X at the end of that. That's 40% off the unlimited access to Calm's entire library, and new content is added every week. Try it right now. Get the sleep you need. It's so good. It will help you.
Starting point is 00:35:23 Trust me. I use it all the time calm.com slash cox so if you're one of those people who has a big wireless plan and you're getting ripped off and yes you definitely are getting ripped off and it's almost 2020 what are you doing you have to ask yourself what are you paying for between expensive retail stores and inflated prices and hidden fees and all the extras. Can I tell you that, man, I get charged ridiculous extras all the time, and I was like, no more. No more.
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Starting point is 00:37:03 I think both Crandor and I have gone through their very easy to do quiz they have when you first go to the website. There's a little test on there and you take it and you answer all the different questions. And it helps you discover the scent for you. My scents, I have like a work scent and a play scent. I have lotion. I got some hair and body wash. Feeling good. I smell good.
Starting point is 00:37:23 And smelling good is important. Trust me. Especially as con season starts up. Oh yeah. It's coming. You better be smelling good. I used to smell bad. Now I smell good. Thank God. Did you smell bad? I don't know. I feel like I used to smell bad.
Starting point is 00:37:40 Not like recently. I mean like back when I was like 19. I feel like I smelled bad. I didn't care. It's like whatever. I mean like back when I was like 19. Sure. I feel like I smelled bad because I didn't care. It's like whatever. I'm a gamer, man. I'm a hardcore video gaming gamer. I love gaming.
Starting point is 00:37:51 But now, now I'm like adult. Now I'm growing up. Now I'm like, yeah, I got to smell good. Yeah, that's the thing is being grown up means smelling good. If you're out there like, why don't people ever want to get close to me? That's because you stank, fool. Now is the time to smell good. out there like why don't people ever want to get close to me that's because you stank fool now's the time to smell good you go on there you take the quiz and it asks you some questions it asks
Starting point is 00:38:12 you kind of like about scents you love about past colognes you've probably used about just things in your life and then it'll help you by determining what you, what your smell would be. Does Toaster Woman love that scent? Does she love your scents? She does love the scent, especially the shampoo and conditioner scent. That's like her favorite one. See? So if you can get Toaster Woman to like it, you know it's good.
Starting point is 00:38:40 That's true. Because she doesn't like Crandor all that much. I've talked to her. She's like, not a fan. But now she's a fan. All of a sudden, she's like, I'm in. Oh. Yeah. She's like, wow, you smell so good.
Starting point is 00:38:50 Now, before, he'd always be like, I'm a gamer. I don't need to smell nice. And now he does. Yeah. Now I smell more than nice. I spell. Now I spell. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:02 What he spells is H-A-W-T-H-O-R-N-E dot co. That's Hawthorne dot co. And use code COX to get 10% off your purchase. That's C-O-X. Hawthorne dot C-O. And you can go on there. Again, take the quiz. Tells you what two colognes are best for you.
Starting point is 00:39:23 One for work. One for plates. Risk free. Free shipping. Free returns returns, personalized products, deodorant, shampoo, body wash, etc. So check out Hawthorne at Hawthorne.co and use promo code COX to get 10% off your first purchase. All right, Quinto, let's go to Drop to Drop. This is Scott with Quinto. How's it dropping out there? Well, it's finally hit that time.
Starting point is 00:39:44 The traffic's getting crazy. People are going everywhere. People are traveling up and down and sideways. And they're trying to get Christmas shopping done. And they're trying to get to their family and friends. And they're freaking out. They're honking their horns. They're beep-beeping all the way.
Starting point is 00:39:57 And, you know, this is the time where you appreciate everybody. But you appreciate getting that big-screen TV a little more that you're going to run over that family of four. Just so you can get that deal. And your mad monster truck you've been gearing up for, I don't know. I don't really know about cars, so I don't really know many car words. Horsepower. I don't know where I'm going with this. It's busy out there.
Starting point is 00:40:20 So stay safe. I'm in the sky. Back to you. Thanks, Grendel. Now let's go over to the Weather Desk. Weather time. Let's kick the sky. Back to you. Thanks. Credit no knowledge. Go to credit of the weather desk. Weather time. Let's kick it over to WAPI. Okay.
Starting point is 00:40:30 WAPI. Activated. O-A-T. Oats. Oatsville, Indiana. Oatsville? Oatsville, Indiana. They don't grow oats.
Starting point is 00:40:44 Wait a second. Thisatsville, Indiana. They don't grow oats. Wait a second. This says Petersburg, Indiana. Wait, what's Oatsville? Where are the oats? Even Woppy wants to know where the oats are. Oatsville, Indiana. Petersburg, Indiana. Yo, did they change Oatsville to Petersburg?
Starting point is 00:41:04 When would they have done this? Hold on. We need to research. We need to research right here, right now. Oatesville. Oatesville, Indiana. There isn't Oatesville. It has the Gentle Shepherd Church of God.
Starting point is 00:41:20 Okay. It's in Washington Township, Indiana. And it is. Is it by Petersburg? There is nothing there. Wow. Okay. It looks like, I think it's really close to Petersburg.
Starting point is 00:41:34 So I feel like it's just a section of Petersburg. You know you're in the country when the only markers for miles are the Gentle Shepherd Church, the Atkinson Church, the Olive Branch for miles are the Gentle Shepherd Church, the Atkinson Church, the Olive Branch Church, the Mount Pleasant Church. There's Mount Tabor Church. I don't see anything else but churches. Oatsville, Indiana, 35 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 35 degrees.
Starting point is 00:42:01 High, 35. Low, 30. UV index, zero. Tonight, 30 degrees tonight 30 degrees clear skies low near 30 degrees fahrenheit winds light and variable humidity 88 monday 57 degrees fahrenheit monday night 29 degrees fahrenheit tuesday 58 degrees fahrenheit Tuesday night, 38 degrees Fahrenheit. Sunrise, 8.03 a.m. Sunset, 5.31 p.m. Well, I'm going to go on a limb and say, out of all the places we've ever said in this,
Starting point is 00:42:40 that might be the one place we don't have any listeners. I think you're right. I think no one lives there. I can't figure this out. I don't know if they even have internet in Oatesville. That's what I'm saying. I can't figure out. I'm looking at where this is in the map.
Starting point is 00:42:52 There's just nothing there. If you know somebody from Oatesville, tell us. Oatesville is an unincorporated community in Gibson and Pike counties in the United States of Indiana. What? Huh. A post office was established at Oatesville in 1876 and remained in operation until it was discontinued in 1903. Can we just? All right.
Starting point is 00:43:17 That is literally the only information on Wikipedia about Oatesville. That's it. It had a post office and no longer has a post office. That's it. Nobody went there. That is it. Oatesville, what a description. Oatesville is a populated place located in Township of Washington.
Starting point is 00:43:40 What kind of crazy robot gibberish is that? Oatesville is a populated place. What kind of crazy robot gibberish is that? I don't know. Oatsville is a populated place. I looked up images. It doesn't even have pictures. It just says Arthur, Indiana. Otwell, Indiana. Things to do in Oatsville, Indiana.
Starting point is 00:43:57 Facebook. I clicked what is there to do in Oatsville, and it said, sorry, we can't find anything meeting this criteria. Man, I'm still confused as to if it's a real place or not I can't find anything but yeah even when you click on Oatsville stuff it just takes you to like places that aren't wait Oatsville Pike County Indiana
Starting point is 00:44:20 yeah Atkinson Chapel Cemetery just dead people live in Oatsville that's it? It's just churches and cemeteries. What? What is this place? Man, I'm glad I didn't have to live in Oatesville. No, wow. Oatesville, Indiana facts for kids. Oh my god. Oatesville, Indiana facts for kids. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:44:47 Oatsville, Indiana facts for kids. Here we go. The number one fact you should know about Oatsville, Indiana. A post office was established in Oatsville in 1867 and remained open until 1903. You hear that, kids? Wow. There's one factoid about Oatsville, and it's that they once they once a hundred some years ago had a post office. The crazy thing is there's a t-shirt
Starting point is 00:45:10 they sell that says Oatesville and it has a little star on where Oatesville is located on the map but who's selling it? Who's selling it? Ghosts? Is the church selling it? I don't know. They gotta raise money to
Starting point is 00:45:25 bury more people. That's the weather. Wow, I'm blown away. Alright, and sports. Sports. I'm at the sports desk. Well, it's been a busy week in NFL football as we close out the season.
Starting point is 00:45:47 Only one week remaining aside from Monday Night Football, which is Packers-Vikings. Go Packers. Try to get that bye week. So from the looks of it right now, if the Packers win on Monday night, they will take the second seed. 49ers get the first seed. Then the Vikings would play at New Orleans. Seattle would play
Starting point is 00:46:09 at Philadelphia in the first round. Then Baltimore New England would get the buys. And then Tennessee would play at Kansas City. And Buffalo would play at Houston because the Steelers lost to the New York Jets today. That happened. That did happen. So if the Titans win next week,
Starting point is 00:46:27 they are automatically in the playoffs and the Steelers are eliminated. If the Steelers lose next week, they are also automatically eliminated and they play the Baltimore Ravens, who are 13-2 currently. It'll be fine. This is the time the Steelers win,
Starting point is 00:46:44 but also that the Titans win. Don't worry. I know what's going to happen. Steelers are going to play the best game they've ever played. I know what's going to happen. They're going to play literally the best game in the history of football. People are going to talk about this game for years to come, and then the Titans are going to win, and it won't matter.
Starting point is 00:46:58 Oh, yeah. Convinced this is going to happen. Yeah, there's no doubt. And then the Packers, if they win these next two games, and then the Seahawks beat the 49ers, then the Packers get the one seed, and they get to play all their games in Lambeau Field, and the bye week, and probably a Packers Super Bowl, honestly.
Starting point is 00:47:22 Probably not. They're not looking great, but I have hope. Probably not. But hey, you great, but I have hope. But hey, you get in the playoffs, who knows what happens? Who knows what happens? The ball bounces, you get some snow, you get some weather, you get some spicy mamma mia's, and then Tom Brady wins in the end anyway, so who cares? I care.
Starting point is 00:47:37 That sucks. Well, yeah. This has got to be the year New England loses, right? They can't win again. They can't win again. They can't win again. No. Hey, I'm just happy. After two years in a row of not being in the playoffs,
Starting point is 00:47:52 Packers are finally back in it. Oh, my God. That's what it's like to be a fan of, like, the Jets or something. Man, that's boring. So, playoffs coming up and then uh nba uh what's happening in the nba i saw the bucks beat the lakers so it looks like the bucks are probably the best team in the nba right now go bucks uh and then uh hockey what's going on in hockey let me do a quick hockey check here uh conference league let's see the whole league
Starting point is 00:48:26 who's number one it's like washington st louis boston islanders colorado carolina pittsburgh arizona are the top eight teams currently so uh let's sports all right crend, what is our big news story of the day? You're looking for a big news story of the day. I got your big news story there right here. Okay. Florida man admitted after inserting battery up his anus to boost energy. This can't be real.
Starting point is 00:49:00 This can't be real. I want to know where he heard that this is the thing you could do. Because I imagine drugs were involved and someone was like, you know, man, we're all just beings of energy. He's like, you're right. I'm going to charge my anus. No, this isn't real. It just said
Starting point is 00:49:19 this is one of those websites where it said fake news. All right, good. It's not real. It's not real. It sounds real, though. That's the problem with right, good. It's not real. It's not real. It sounds real, though. That's the problem with Florida, man. It could be real. Yeah, that's the problem. Oh, here we go.
Starting point is 00:49:31 Arizona. Wait, this is another one. This is the same website. Arizona man arrested for storing stolen merchandise in his chin. Like a seagull. Yeah, like a seagull. Like some sort of gull. A pelican.
Starting point is 00:49:49 Let's see. There's got to be like a real one here. Hold on. How about Florida woman? Florida woman charged with using Christmas tree to attack boyfriend. Merry hitness. Ha ha. Christmas tree to attack boyfriend.
Starting point is 00:50:03 Merry hitness. A Florida mom repeatedly beat her boyfriend with an artificial Christmas tree after she flew into a rage because her bow turned the volume on the television too high while she was sleeping. You know what? I get it. Girl did not have calm.
Starting point is 00:50:20 If she had calm, she would be like, baby, can you please turn that down? She was like, I'll kill you. I get it. Crystal Graham, 38, was busted and charged with domestic battery in connection with last Thursday's attack at her Clearwater home. Authorities who were called to the home around 6.53 a.m. forced her way inside and found Graham and her boyfriend in the midst of a brawl. Graham was arrested, and after she was read her rights, she admitted that the couple got into an argument
Starting point is 00:50:47 over the TV volume being too loud. The woman told cops she, quote, squared up to the victim and was screaming in his face. That's when Graham says she took apart the faux tree and threw sections at her boyfriend with whom she has been in a relationship for eight years. That is definitely an eight-year relationship thing. You're not doing that on year one. There's no you're like i'll take this tree and i'll kill you
Starting point is 00:51:09 that's an eight-year relationship right there yeah one year they're just like i think we're gonna get married one day yeah and then you're like still not married they're like i'll kill you with this tree that's a lesson to all the guys out there if you're still dating after eight years you better do something about that now she's ready she's like i'll kill him with that tree this year it's like i turned up the volume because i wanted you to come down because i want you to marry me and then she's like oh my god i'll kill you with this tree. But I will marry you. The boyfriend had scratches and abrasions on his face, neck, and stomach at the time of the... Well, yeah, like even putting together a Christmas tree to get that. At the time of the attack, Graham's children were present.
Starting point is 00:51:55 What, they got an eight and a two-year-old? Oh, my God. Well, that's, I mean... Merry Christmas, kids. Well, glad I'm not a member of that family. Rockin' Baby Jesus. Rockin' Baby Jesus. From all of us in the podcast to all of you,
Starting point is 00:52:20 have a merry Rockin' Baby Jesus. Rockin' Baby Jesus. We failed. We should have made that song. You know what? We got a Jesus. Rockin' Baby Jesus. We failed. We should have made that song. You know what? We got a day. We can pull this off. Yeah, we still got a day.
Starting point is 00:52:30 Rockin' Baby Jesus. Yeah. I'm more disappointed the audience didn't make it for us. Where's the band of, like, 50-year-old guys who play rock at, like, a bar, a local bar? Why aren't they doing it for us? They've had a year. They had a whole year. Ent local bar. Why aren't they doing it for us? They've had a year. They've had a whole year. An entire year.
Starting point is 00:52:48 It didn't happen. Oh, well. That just goes to show you. This podcast, like this year, nothing happened. That's very true, yeah. Oh, man. All right. Well, that's it for us.
Starting point is 00:53:04 Thank you so much for listening or watching Or however you're enjoying this We'll see you guys next time and as always Uh Throwing off To be continued

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