Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 226 - Resolve To Kick Ass

Episode Date: January 6, 2020

The first show of the new year is here and there isn't going to be a damn thing different about this podcast in 2020. Speaking of which, Jesse and Crendor have some resolutions and possible a reason to visit a sex club. All this, and a 2019 year in review of Florida man on a brand new Cox n' Crendor! To get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100% satisfaction guarantee, go to http://meundies.com/crendor Get 40% off a Calm Premium subscription at http://calm.com/cox

Today's episode is brought to you by Calm. Calm is going to put you to sleep. It's going to knock you out and make you have the best sleep imaginable. Also today we're brought to you by MeUndies. MeUndies are the best undies you can put on your body. Everyone who has tried them, every single one of you who tried and let us know was like, y'all right, y'all right, I can't go back. And that's true. You simply cannot. They are the best.

And we will talk about that as well. Let's get into this podcast. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studio.

Recording. Wake your ass up. It's Crendor in the morning. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another exciting episode of Cax and Crendor in the morning. Ay. Ay. morning. A. A. And then the decade on a A.

Ended on an A. Yeah, it's about time. About time. This is a long ass decade. Get it over with. This is a long ass decade. Honestly, it feels like 50 years. It really does.

The last, I'm going to say since 2015, it has been the longest decade ever. Yeah, I was like. And that was only five years. So I was thinking about it and I'm like, dude, last decade, I didn't even like do YouTube. Maybe I think in 09 I did. That's when I first got started. But like 2010 is when I like really started doing it. That's what I'm saying.

In 2009, I was still a teacher. Yeah. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Internet. That happened. That happened. I was teaching students in 2009. Wow. I was still young and spry And thinking I was cool

I was not I was very uncool I'm not even gonna lie I'm actually better than I was the previous decade Wowee Like I you know I think I did well in high school So I had like fun

You know the 90's were great 2000, 2010 Man that, I was pretty lame. College, the college decade, even though it's weird to say, but you know, like going through college and like post-college stuff and then all that stuff was, you know what, kind of, I guess it formed me as a person. But, boy, it was boring. It sucked.

And the last decade, I was like, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, firing on all cylinders. I was taken off to the moon. So, all I'm saying is it took 30 years, y'all. Yeah, it only took 30 years. It literally took 30 years for anything to happen in my life um yeah i was looking back like i did youtube i made how many videos 10 until 30 40 15 videos in 2009 and then 2010 i started making the the classics you know i mean technically my channel didits it's 10 year anniversary

On July 2nd of 2020 So I didn't even have A real channel in 2009 You're younger than me I'm a YouTube man Yeah I actually played video games for fun Crazy That is crazy

Yeah Well I've been closing out this year with being sick, so that's been great. Well, that, I mean, that sucks. Are you, what kind of sickness do you have? Are you like? It's like one of those flu bugs, but not like a full-blown flu, just like one of the mini bugs where it lasts like a few days. There's a story.

Okay. Okay. like a few days uh there's a story so okay the other day uh uh last week toast mom came to visit so we were just like doing christmas stuff showing her around doing whatever and she left so then we went back to normal and i was like i can get back in the gym it's been like a week i'm like dying uh so i went back to the gym and I worked out and I felt kind of like, I was like, hey, you know, I got kind of like, I don't know, not like queasy. Well, maybe a little queasy, not like full blown nauseated. And I was like, maybe it's like what I ate.

And then I was like, all right, or maybe I'm dehydrated. That's what I was thinking. So I'm like, all right, whatever. I finished working out. I go to like get a Gatorade because I'm like, I get re or maybe I'm dehydrated. That's what I was thinking. So I'm like, all right, whatever. I finish working out. I go to, like, get a Gatorade because I'm like, yeah, I get rehydrated with Gatorade. And I just, like, you know that feeling when it's, like, your stomach just drops and you're just like, whoa.

Was it before or after you drank the Gatorade? It was before. Oh. It was, like, I was, like, ready to, like, order my Gatorade, and I'm like, how much is a Gatorade? And I, like, push the buttons, and then all of a sudden I was like, was like ready to like order my gatorade and i'm like how much is a gatorade and i push the buttons and then all of a sudden i was like i don't feel good and then i was like a good gatorade give me the gatorade so i like just sat down on the floor just drinking my gatorade being like all right let's not pass out in the hallway uh and then i felt better so i was

like all right so maybe it's my blood sugar or maybe it was like dehydration ever like these two old women walked by going to the locker room thing like you're okay and i'm like yeah i just need gatorade and they're like okay uh and then i felt fine but then later that night like a few hours later i started getting kind of achy so i was like all my lymph nodes started being like you never have it where like your lymph nodes feel like they're starting to like fight something my uh you know what i don't know if i would say my lymph yeah i know what you mean when you feel like uh-oh something's coming i can feel it yeah tomorrow i'm gonna wake up sick this sucks yeah it started making sense because i was like oh that would make sense why that happened to me. Because my body's, at that point, you're probably already fighting it.

So I, like, overworked myself. And then you just, you know, you're out of energy. So I was like, all right, well, I'll just take it easy. So the next day, I go to sleep. Middle of the night, I wake up, and I'm, like, sweating. And I got, like, chills, but I'm sweating. And, like, I get nauseated, and I'm like, I'm going to throw up. I'm going to throw up, but I didn't throw up.

I fell back asleep, and then I woke up. And I was still kind of queasy, but I was like, eh, you know, I didn't throw up. And then that whole day, I was like, well, I felt kind of tired, so I just watched TV. I think it was Sunday, so I watched football all day and watched a movie at night. And I was like, all right, you know, whatever. The next day, I wake up. I'm not really that achy anymore. Not really tired, which was yesterday.

And I was like, hey, I think I fought it off. And then it hit. Then it hit. Like, I just ate an entire Buffalo Wild Wings spicy challenge. What does that mean? What kind of sickness do you have? When I eat Buffalo Wild Wings, I get like, oh, I got my blood up. Oh, my mouth is like.

What about the next day? I'm fine. I have an iron stomach. That's not true. I've seen you tweet multiple times that you're like, oh, I'm in the bathroom. Well, that's if I eat extra spicy vindaloo from an Indian place. That's what I'm talking about. I eat extra spicy vindaloo.

But it has nothing to do with what I eat. I'm like, that was delicious. The next day, my butt's on fire. That's all. That's all I'm saying. Well, what I'm saying is my butt was on fire. Your butt was not meant to have that heat is what i'm saying all i'm saying is my butt was on fire all right that's all okay you should have just said that you should have just said that i was just trying to put in a funny way but i guess i didn't hit the the right spot so saying your

butt's on fire very funny so shit myself for like an hour and then uh after that you know i just kind of ate rice and bread and crackers and soup or whatever and that's pretty much fine and then today i woke up and i i feel pretty good i drank coffee and i haven't shit myself yet so i think we're on the right path That's really all you can ask for the new year. Get up, drink some coffee, not shit myself. Yeah, that's why people are going to a party every day. They're doing all their stuff. I'm like, listen, I just got over whatever this was.

It took only three days. Sometimes it takes a week or two to go over sickness. I'm fine. Give me three days. I'll take not feeling like I'm dying and just sitting here being the you know, feeling okay. Well, for a brief moment today, I thought that you

were here. Oh. I don't know if you're aware of this. Today I saw your clone. An un... Actually, a shaved version of you. Oh. Disgusting. I was going to say an unbearded, but that doesn't make any sense. A shaved version of you. I swear to you,

from behind, I was like, is that Eric? Go over. Dude looked just like you except he had shaved and he was wearing a fanny pack like Chewbacca. Chewbacca wears his extra ammo. He was wearing a fanny pack

and it was in a Starbucks. I want to let you know I've never seen anything like this. It was incredible. his extra ammo. He was wearing a fanny pack. And it was in a Starbucks. I want to let you know, I've never seen anything like this. It was incredible. Dude came in. He was like, hey, so I don't really like order Starbucks. But I have this gift card from Christmas. And I figured I'd try it. And the woman's like, what would you like?

And he's like, well, I hear you have something called espresso. And I was like, no. No. He's like, yeah hear you have something called espresso and i was like no no he's like yeah you've never had espresso before he's like i don't even know what it is and i'm like no no and so i sat behind him and normally i'd be like come on dude but this guy it was like he had just flown from the moon and he was he was totally new to the world of coffee it was incredible and he was just like yeah and she's like sir do you mind if i give him a sample like no no take your time i just sat there like this is wonderful and he tried the espresso and he was like yo that doesn't taste like coffee and she's like well sir it's an italian form He's like, oh. She's like, we have a blonde version, too. It's a lighter roast.

And the guy was like, oh, that actually is, that's very good. And I was just like, this is amazing. She was like, well, do you want vanilla? He got a latte eventually because she convinced him that it was more cream than it was coffee. And he was like, well, the espresso, it's very, very strong. And she was like, well, you know, you can get a latte. And she said, do you want to eat vanilla or caramel? And he was like, I can get flavors?

I don't even know what to tell you, man. It was incredible. It was genuinely incredible. I sat there and watched this dude. It was just like, what the hell? You moon man. You under a rock living person. I can understand maybe you just never went to Starbucks because you're like, I'm not down for corporate culture.

Superculture. But to never have had anything remotely close to an espresso. This dude did not look like he was 16, 17. This guy looked like he was 28. All I'm saying is, where did he come from? A bunker? Is he Kimmy Schmidt? Where did this man come from?

We're in the middle of LA. How does this guy not get raised in some way to have a coffee? It was wild. I loved it. I sat there and watched the whole thing go down. It was incredible. How did it end? It ended with him getting a vanilla latte, and then I got one too, and he goes, those are pretty good, huh? I'm like, you're going to love it, dude.

And then he got his and walked away with it, and I didn't see him ever again. He vanished. He probably flew back to Chicago and put on his beard. Damn. Well, here's how you know it's not me. Number one. You wouldn't get a latte.

I've been to Starbucks so many times. Number two, I wouldn't get a latte. And number three, I probably wouldn't stand in line asking for various samples. It seems like a thing I would do. Maybe I would do it when I'm like 80. But right now, I'd be like, yeah, there's people waiting. I'll just go take it. Give me my coffee. Yeah. Thankfully it was only me. I was trying to waste some time while I got a haircut. Cause they're like, it's a 40 minute wait. I was like, are you kidding me? So, uh, then I went back to the, uh, barber and there was this girl there oh my god dude so the lady who cut my

hair very sweet like a like a very attractive young asian woman i'm gonna say maybe 22 maybe uh again she could have also been 46 for all i know that's true um but but so she's she's doing my hair and we're having this conversation about, you know, just things you can do over the holidays. And I was like, yeah, I kind of just stayed at home, hung out with the parents a little bit, you know, kept it simple. I was like, we were thinking about going to Vegas at one point. She's like, oh, my God, I love Vegas. So we started talking about Vegas, and there was a moment where we had, like, I think a real connection. And then it, like like went off the rails so i'm sitting there talking

to her and i'm like yeah you know vegas it always seems like a fun place until you go there and you realize you're paying for the privilege of losing money right and i was like it kind of sucks vegas isn't that great she's like oh i don't gamble in vegas i just like you know you know the pool parties i'm like yeah yeah she's like i love those know, you know the pool parties? I'm like, yeah, yeah. She's like, I love those. Also, do you know the clubs? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, I love those.

I was like, oh, you know what? That's awesome. She's like, you know those parties where they like just put random drugs in a bowl? I love those. I'm like, whoa, what? She's like, yeah, like when I go to Vegas,

I get crazy. I don't pay for anything. I was like, go on, please, please, when I go to Vegas, I get crazy. I don't pay for anything. I was like, go on, please. I'd love to hear more. She's like, yeah, don't you ever, like, go to those parties, the Vegas parties? And I'm like, no. No one invites my ass to a Vegas party. I am definitely not invited.

And she's like, oh, my God, you would love it. She's like, you seem like a really fun guy. I think you would love those parties. I'm like, what do you mean? She goes, oh my god, everyone there is just like trying to get high and like trying to touch each other. It's wild. I'm just like, no one ever invites me, Crandor.

Ever. Anywhere where people are getting high and touching. Never happens. I never get invited to those. And she's like, yeah Yeah it's so much fun I do it like I don't know Two or three times a month And I was like

I can't What? A month? No! I know It went from being The trajectory of this conversation was Oh Vegas is interesting

But I don't know that I like it To Oh wow your Vegas Is much more fun than my Vegas To I think you need help why are you allowed to cut my hair yeah that is she gets she goes to like crazy Vegas drug parties more than I get a massage that's what I'm saying that's what I'm saying I was like

I feel like your priorities are all out of whack. I don't know if I can handle one of those parties. I would love to see you. Oh, my God. I found out not too long ago that in L.A., there is a place. I don't know the name of it. Frankly, I don't ever want to go. But I found out that there is a place that is basically like a sex club in LA. And, uh, from what I was told, it's literally just old dudes and like drugged

out ladies. And so I want in my lifetime, I know you'll never do this and I've personally don't want to go, but I feel like I would love to see you in that situation. Like if we accidentally walked into a club and there was just people doing it, how you'd react? I'd be like, what the shit? Right, but after the initial what the shit, what would happen? Because I know you'd want to leave but what if the door locked how would you handle that situation if the door locked i'd be like why is the door locked

uh the guy's like i can't get it open um give me about 20 minutes you have exactly 20 minutes what happens uh i'd be like well can i get a beer what if you go to the bar and at the bar the bartenders like sorry no beer we only have absinthe that's probably gonna give me gastritis I don't know I mean then what then what happens? Then they'll be like, hey, how you doing? I'll be like, I'm in a relationship, sorry. They're like, oh. I just imagine you in a winter jacket, fully clothed, and all of these bodies, and you're just like, pretty bad weather we're having out there, huh? Guys got any Warhammer? Guys got any Warhammer?

I was definitely talking to this girl and she was like, so yeah, I heard about this place and it'd be crazy. I think, wouldn't it be fun if we went to go there and check it out? I was like, no, that would not be fun. That would not be fun. Have you seen me? Have you seen you? We're going to go there and there's going to be 80 dudes trying to bang you. And I'm going to go there and just be like, got any beer?

I was like, none of that seems fun to me. Oh, yeah. I don't want to go to a sex club. That's just a herpes club. That's what that is. That's what I think, too. Even if I wasn't in a relationship and it was like, you know, whatever, like single bachelor crendor, it's still like i just see like stds and shit all over that's what i would be seeing and be like that girl's probably got like stds that guy's like standing next to you

going the crazy hump and he's probably got like gonorrhea that's what i'm saying i don't want to be anywhere near any of that i need wrap my ass in bubble wrap and get me out of there and then it's probably like if you have a fancy one where they're like, we test for STDs. Then you got to sign up for that probably because otherwise, how do they know? And then that's going to be a whole different level. That sounds like a lot of work. That sounds like an eyes wide shut thing. That's what I'm saying.

That sounds like the rich people club where they're like, oh, yes, no, you join the orgy. But then after the orgy, you have to do like a blood sacrifice or some shit. I don't want to do that. All I want is my damn beer maybe a game oh my god we're just in there like uh can you put the game on we have to wait 20 minutes

I just want to go to Buffalo Wild Wings you know what we're trying to say is there's a niche market for orgy slash buffalo wild wings i think you'd make a lot of money almost you're probably bordering it when you go to like tilted kilter hooters or any of those truly the worst places on earth uh i mean that's pretty good honestly it. That's a pretty good eventful week. More eventful than most of the things we've normally done.

Sometimes it's like there's weeks where there's like nothing. Well, that's when you do a weekly show, that happens. Yeah. By the way, how long have we been doing this show? Seven years? A long time. We're episode 200-something. Eventually we hit 300 300 and then eventually

1 000 episodes dear god uh that actually would take another decade i think probably 52 episodes not even that because we take sometimes off so let's say 40 now 45 episodes a year in order to do 1,000 episodes, we would have to do this until we're dead, I think. Probably will. Or the planet explodes. I think this show will only get better with age. All I'm saying is...

Like, man, my kids are driving me crazy today. I hope, can I tell you I hope that happens. I hope that we maintain a fun balance of yin and yang forever. Like if you were to have kids, I cannot have children then. So I can be that dude who's like, yeah, I just got back from Ibiza. And I was, that girl I met, remember that girl years ago at the barbershop? We're married now and all we do is recreational drugs together, Crandor. Well, I'm teaching my kids. If I had kids, I couldn't do that.

I'm teaching my kids how to play Banjo-Kazooie. I'd be like, speaking of Banjo-Kazooie, it's this new drug I made. That would be a wild drug oh my god by the way um speaking of drugs i thought of the movie cats and it made me tweet about the movie cats because i said the first harry potter and lord of the rings movies came out in 2001 that's two like blockbuster generational films in 2001 but in 2019 we got 10 nick cage movies of star wars and cats can i tell you that i still really want to go see cats i want to see it more now because i saw i saw an image of uh a cat A cat unzip her fur and underneath it was more fur. Huh. I was like, what the hell?

And then she eats cockroach people. Okay. So I need to see it. It seems terrible and I need to see it. Well. Well. Yeah. Instead, I went with friends and saw Uncut Gems and people like walked out of the movie. I think people went and they were like, oh, Adam Sandler, he's going to make the yabba-da-doos. But it is a dark, messed up, violent movie.

People left that theater. I was in there. It was four of us and then, you know, a few young people, but mostly, like, older people. And they were not having it. They were like, mm-mm. I saw at least 15 people left that theater. It was crazy. I've never seen that before.

I thought it was – it's definitely a movie not for everyone. It is very tense and anxiety-driven, and it is – the last 30 minutes are terrifying. But not in a way that's like horror, but in a way that's like, what is this movie? Wait, and it's Adam Sandler's in it? Yeah. He plays this guy who, the way I described it is it's like a Dennis episode of Always Sunny in Philadelphia cranked to 11. He is a piece of shit. He is this terrible guy.

he is a piece of shit he is this terrible guy but this it's like every terrible thing he's done culminates in this movie and so you know he owes all these guys money and he's cheating on his wife and the girlfriend that he's with is

this like coke dealer who is just everything in his life is terrible and it's all BS in his life is terrible. And it's all BS and he's trying to manage it all, but constantly failing all the time. Huh. And so everything comes to a head in this movie

when he gets a rock that he's, it's, you know, it has a bunch of opals or something inside of it and he's trying to sell it for a million dollars. And this is the one thing that's going to change his life life i don't want to spoil any of it because it's insane but um truly it is a movie that is not played for comedy is very serious and anything that is played for comedy is very always sunny level comedy where there's a lot of like i am yelling and i'm crazy like that kind of stuff. Oh, my God. It's wild.

I left that theater drained. I was like, oh, my God. Well, I don't know if I'm going to watch that one. I truly cannot recommend it. If you want to go to see a movie, I think it may win some awards just because it's you know it's very well done but it's too much it reminds me i i saw a movie i think it was silence it was a scorsese film a year or two ago um and it is three of the most overwhelming hours i've ever experienced it is so i don't know how to describe it.

I don't want to say twisted. It's not twisted. But it's like emotionally devastating over and over and over and over again that you're just like, I can't. I just need some buffalo wings and a hooters girl. It puts you on that level. Oh, yeah. What about, i'm kind of derailing it there's uh the new year's resolutions you got any resolutions resolutions i feel like we've talked

about resolutions before and we might have said they're dumb they probably said they're dumb before they are very dumb they are but i did for 2020 just today buy a little red notebook and in it it's a calendar slash planner slash all that stuff and in it it has uh goals and things you can set for yourself for the week or for the year and so it has a year it has yearly goals and it's like what do you want to accomplish this year focus on getting things done and not putting stuff off. Don't procrastinate. And so I got this book and was like, I don't really want to do this first page where it's like, what your year's goals are. But I did it.

I was like, I'm doing it. F it. I'm going to do this. And so I started going through it and wrote it down. I realized I haven't written stuff in a long time. I just type things. And so I was like, my handwriting is terrible. And yeah, I just kind of went through this book and was like, okay, I did my calendar for January. I'm feeling great. And then I realized once you put the calendar page over, it has weekly goals and weekly, like this week, what do you want

to do? What do you want to do? What do you want to accomplish? Like, son of a, so then I did that too, because I'm not going to procrastinate. And I did it for, you know, this week. And I was like, all right, what am I going to do this week? And I realized most of it's me just being on a plane. And I was like, all right, sounds like that's easy. And I flip to the next page, it's like next week.

What is your life goal? I'm like, what? So I have, oh yeah yeah i have to keep reinforcing things i'm gonna try i'm gonna stick with it i'm gonna try and feel i want everyone to know that next year 2021 i intend to have this book and be like look what i did i did all of it that's i think maybe that's my resolution do everything in this book and the book has little check marks so that means i have to do everything that's in it in order to complete the book.

Hmm. So maybe that can be my summed up resolution. Finish the red book. Finish the red book. Which sounds like a horror thing. Finish the red book. Finish the red book. Finish the red book.

Finish the red book. Red rum. Red rum. book finish the red book finish the red book red rum red rum yeah mine's just like uh i want to eat healthier but it's not even just like eat healthier i just want to cook more at home which we've already started doing a lot but we want to do it more so it's not like too difficult and by doing that then you start to feel better and that makes you want to do things. The thing is, I'm already pretty good at getting stuff done if it's errands and types of things like that. My thing is getting the big stuff done. I've got to make a video, and I'm like, oh, man, I'll do it later. And I don't do it, and I just stream.

So I want a nice balance of everything. That's what I'm saying. It's that procrastination. I have to do i want a nice balance of everything that's what i'm saying it's that procrastination i have to stop it's my achilles heel i constantly i'm like i'll do it tomorrow a week later i'll be like wow i totally was late doing that yeah and i remember uh one of my best uh things that being consistent was writing on the whiteboard but it wasn't like do this today it was like i had a list of things I would do, and then I could just do them whenever. And that wasn't good for scheduling for other people, because they'd be like, is he going to put up the video

on a Tuesday or a Friday, but I would do it, which is better than not doing it. Right. The problem is, is that I'll do a thing, or say I'll do something, and then time will just pass By because I'm caught up in all these other

Things that you know you can say I'll make this video but over the Course of making it 80 things could happen And the video just never gets done You're like well it's pointless to make it now And it sucks because I was like I should Have just done it and gotten it over with I'm so dumb and yeah

I need to I beat myself up a lot because of the procrastination. So that's definitely part of it. So you really got to get in there and, like, start working. Got to get in there and start working. Exactly. That's my whole life. It's like, yeah, just do it tomorrow.

Just tomorrow. I feel like it's a lot of people's lives, just tomorrow. But then once you do it you're good to go it's uh actually i read a book like that it's like give something five minutes so like if you want to exercise be like you know what i'm only going to exercise five minutes because your brain's like all right we could do five minutes then when you start doing that then you're like i can do more i can do that and by the end of it you've already done like two hours look at us look atolution men. Changing realities.

Resolution men. Crazy. It sounds like a cool movie. I don't know what it means. Resolution men. I don't know what it's about, but I know at some point in the movie, some guy goes, we resolved to kick ass. Yeah.

Yeah. It definitely happens at New Year's Eve The guy's like Hey Chance Cause there's a dude named Chance for some reason Hey Chance What's your resolution?

He goes To kick ass And that's That's how the final fight starts And it's gonna be great We also gotta play some like Play some like shitty game again Yes Agreed We need people to tell some shitty game again.

Yes, agreed. We need people to tell us a really shitty co-op game that we can play. Yeah, because I think the last few games we've played haven't been shitty enough. We need a really shitty one. I saw a game. I don't know that it's shitty, though, and I don't think it's out yet. But I saw a game, but I was like, oh, my God, this would be hilarious. It is a co-op. It was pitched to me as co-op Skyrim.

I was like, if I could get Credor to play that with me, that would be freaking hilarious. I love that. That sounds great. But I don't know what happened to it. I know that they had a demo or something, but I don't think it's actually out yet. Damn. So I'm like, that could be good. Yeah, that sounds.

Yeah, if there's any terrible, terrible games, let us know. Where's Revelations 2013? What happened? Revelations 2020, where's that game? Come on. Oh, my God. Think about this. We played Revelations 2012 in 2012. Oh, my God. Think about this. We played Revelations 2012 in 2012.

Oh my god. Think about that. What the hell? It's been eight years since we did that? It's been eight years, man. Seven, eight. We get too old for this. That's crazy.

Eight years. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't either. I gotta look this up. i can't believe it i can't believe it i can't either it's yeah i gotta look this up that can't be true that can't be true it's gotta be true first episode september 17th 2012 wow wow oh my god and then a year later was the Mr. Pandaria beta. And Saints Row the third. My favorite part is the most recent comment is six months ago. For this video series, still somehow.

Here's the crazy thing. I don't know what we did. But in eight years, the first episode got 251,000 views. Why? How? That was a terrible game. Why would anyone want? You know what?

I bet those are repeat watchers. No, it's like a car accident. It's just like you can't look away from like a tragic thing you're like i gotta see what happens next in this shitty game that's like an audience of a late night hbo show yeah that's that's better than some cable shows 251 000 more that's more than people who watch like house brothers house brothers we're brothers and we're in a house that's you know like dance moms this is more viewers than dance moms this is crazy to me well it's also like we live in an era where like now everybody watches youtube and like all these things and people get like you know millions

of views every video but like back then like we didn't have that it was like uh you know you'd get like 50,000 views and you'd be like oh my god this video is huge here's the thing that never changed for me i still that's still roughly where i'm at so it's all good listen i love to be getting 50,000 views right now but i'm not uh but you know big time streamer now uh i also got you know, big time streamer now. You know what? I have 209 million views. On stream or on YouTube? No, like YouTube in total for all my views. Look at that.

That's incredible. That's so many views. I didn't even think it was. I thought it would be like 50 million. It's all that damn Lucky Do video. It's all the Lucky Do's, man. I'm telling you. I've got a world top recording hit.

You know what's messed up? I was there when you were like, I should make a rap video. I remember that. And there it is. It exists now. Oh, boy. I've got 16 videos over a million views. Lucky Do has 2.1 million wow class stereotypes

has 3 million i didn't even think that video was good but i guess i don't know that's the thing you make some of these videos you're like yeah it's not that good and then it like blows up and you're like well all right like glass bones greg has 1.4 million views. Glassbones Greg? Yeah, it's where I make a guy with the lowest injury rating in Madden, and then I just run him out there and see how long it takes until he gets injured. And it's one of those things where I made it, and then two years later, YouTube was like,

let's put this in everyone's recommended. And everyone was like, I don't know why I keep getting this video. And I was like, me either know why I keep getting this video and I was like me either that's getting me money I don't get YouTube that's part of the reason I don't do as much but I still like YouTube here's what's crazy here's the crazy thing yeah two years ago that we still got it dude we still got it two years ago Cox and Crandor playing Cuphead, 500,000 views. Hell yeah. We still got it, baby! We still got it. I'll take that.

We're no Mark DePude, but we're doing great. Yeah. Here's the thing. I don't ever want to be that big. When you get that big, you get like everybody knows who you are. There's like people sitting outside your house so they can like have you sign their forehead. There's like paparazzi trying to get inside your house like i don't want that right i want to be at a nice comfortable like c-list celebrity right maybe even d minus you know that is definitely where we're at

we are definitely in the c range all i want to be able to do is buy my... C for Cotsy Crandor! All I want to do is buy my coffee, sell some sweatpants, wear the sweatpants I sell, play some video games, and like, you know, be able to get a massage every month. That's all I want. I don't want a, like, Ferrari. You know? Maybe I'll get a

Tesla in, like, eight years when it's down to, like, $10,000. There's not gonna be... I'm gonna let you know. There will not be Tesla in 10 years. I'm willing to bet money on that. And there'll be $10,000. In 2030, Tesla will be beat out by another company,

probably one of the big car manufacturers, just like we can do it cheaper and make it look better. Maybe. I'm letting you know. I'm letting you know In 2030 Everything's gonna be electric Everyone who got a Tesla will be like Look at my new car It's a polygon

And everyone else will be like Cool I'm telling you It's only a matter of time Elon Musk is a crazy person So just be aware It's only a matter of time. Elon Musk is a crazy person. So just be aware. It's only a matter of time before he's like, all my cars have triangle wheels.

People are like, awesome. And then they just die in their cars. What a time to be alive. What a time to be alive and also what a time that's the transition what a time to get a pair of me aunties that's right you made it the holiday season is over but it's not time to stop treating yourself right i know during the holiday season you're like, ooh, is that a sweet? I don't know what sweets you eat. Someone say, is that a sweet? Ooh, is that turkey? You know,

whatever you're into. And you're like, oh, I'll lay around and watch a movie. Or, oh, I'll go do something with the family. Hot chocolate. Right? Whatever. Well, you gotta get back in shape. You gotta treat yourself right. But you can still pamper your butt me undies is the softest best undies you will ever wear in your life and now they've got lounge

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And if you're listening to this, you're probably waking up from whatever partying you were doing or, you know, the holiday seasons have come to an end and you're like, oh man, I relax so much and now I got to go back to work. Well, calm can help you get in that rhythm again, can knock your butt out, make it so you can fall asleep faster and better. With all the parties and the endless shopping and the long flights, getting to sleep and staying asleep is hard. Now that the holiday stress is over, you now have the stress of going back to work. Stress on stress on stress. Calm is the number one app to help with that. For sleep, relaxation, all that stuff.

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We're going to go. Can you hear it? It's on. In Sleep Stories right now lebron james has a thing on here called train your mind i wanted to look that up and he and it literally is just like yo we're gonna take on the day-to-day you gotta train your mind to be better we can do this i'm like oh get me leron right now. You can get on that same wavelength as me by going to calm.com slash Cox, C-A-L-M.com slash Cox. Get 40% off a calm premium subscription that includes sleep stories and tons of other content like soothing music, uh, from artists

like Sam Smith, guided meditations, breathing exercises, so much more. 60 million people use Calm. Join them today and get the sleep you need tonight. If you're listening right now, 40% off. Premium subscription. Calm, C-A-L-M dot com slash Cox. Crandall, let's go to chapter five. How's that traffic?

It's getting crazy still. It's New Year's Eve, so there's cars everywhere trying to get downtown, uptown, sideways, backways. They're going everywhere. Also, it's looking like after

this, there's probably not going to be much traffic because everyone does have to go back to work and school and all the things they're doing. So, hey, traffic should be back to normal after today. But for the rest of today, stay safe out there. Don't drink and drive. Don't be dumb. Watch out for the drunks.

And just have a good time. Back to you. Thanks, Crandall. Now let's go over to Crandall at the weather desk. How's that weather? The weather is pretty warm, actually. So we've got some crazy heat stuff moving in through the East Coast and the Midwest. So it's been normal.

It's been normal? It's been warmer than normal here. And it's going to stay warmer than normal on the East Coast. Apparently, it's going to be warmer than normal in the east coast apparently it's gonna be super warm uh according to the front page of the weather thing so whoa whoa whoa when when for the rest of january it says so uh let's see how about let me check philadelphia real quick that's looks like it's in the the heat right here. Can I tell you something amazing? Oh, my God.

Now that you mention this, I went to weather.com to look this up as well. Yeah. My parents, bless their sweet souls, have been pestering me for, I'm going to say, days. That it's freezing cold in Washington, D.C. It's so cold there. It's going to be 60 degrees this weekend. Yeah. I just want to point out that, Mom, Dad, I'll be

okay. I'll be fine. It's going to rain. Yeah. I'll bring an umbrella. I'll be good. I'll bring a jacket and an umbrella. I'll be fine. The average temperature right now is between 15 to 30 degrees Fahrenheit. Here in Chicago, it's been like 40s.

And then the other day, it was like 50s. And we got like a thunderstorm. So when I was sick, I was just laying on the couch. I'm like, it's raining outside. And it was. And I was like, what the shit? So yeah, it's warmer than normal all over here. But yeah, that's fine with me.

I'll take the heat. I'm so upset. I leave tomorrow morning to go to D.C., and Thursday's the only day when it's partially cloudy, 55 degrees, and then the rest of the weekend raining. My

heart. I was like, yeah, I'll go see some sights. I'll go, you know, when I'm not at the convention, I'll go and look at all the things. I haven't been to D.C. since I was, you know, in 7th grade or 8th grade or something like that. So now I'm like, yeah convention I'll go and look at all the things I haven't been to DC since I was You know In 7th grade or 8th grade or something like that So now I'm like Yeah I'll go back

I'll see the museums I'll take photos Nope I will I will not be doing any of that Cool Cool Well

Well I mean I guess it's all inside But I just You know I would walk everywhere. Because taking Uber around D.C. seems dumb. Yeah, it does seem kind of dumb. So it looks like, yeah, we've got in the west, it looks like a lot of snow is going to be hitting Salt Lake City, Colorado, Idaho.

So all those states, they're going to be getting big-time snow. Have fun. Over in the East Coast, yeah, Washington, D.C., 60. Boston's 48. Atlanta's 68. Memphis, 59. Cincinnati, 54. Milwaukee, 37.

Chicago's going to be like 40s. First winter storm of 2020 will bring snow to the west through New Year's Day. So that's hitting them right now, apparently. So you're probably seeing that if you live there. 48 inches of snow into Thursday. We're just kind of doing a generic weather thing today just because I'm reading this article. Yeah, it's fascinating. I love this stuff. Yeah, storm system moving to central U.S. where temperatures will be slightly above average.

Got some light snow or rain changing. The snow might develop in Kansas, Missouri, Iowa, Minnesota, Wisconsin. And then you got some widespread rain expected through much of the east on Friday and a lot of the east coast. So it's going to be pretty warm with a lot of rain. Oh, yeah, it's wild. L.A. still dry. Still the exact same weather it's always been. It's not surprising, although I heard it was a bit colder than usual.

I mean, it's something all right. Well, we. All right. Well, let's something all right. Why are we? All right. Well, let's go to sports. Sports. Welcome to the sports desk. Ba-ba-ba-boop-boop-beep. Ba-ba-ba-boop-boop-beep.

Hey. Hey. Ba-ba-ba-boop-boop-wee. Yeah. Ba-ba-ba-boop-boop-wee. So, in the NFL news, the NFL has ended the regular season. The Jaguars are keeping their coach. The Browns are not keeping their coach or their general manager.

The Redskins hired Ron Rivera from the Panthers. That's actually a pretty good hire. And the football games that happened, the Jaguars did win. Just throwing that out there. Gardner Minshew did play well. And the Minshew update, he had through 295 yards, three touchdowns, and a pick. Pretty solid game. So going into next year, Minshew Mania should continue.

I believe. I believe in the power of Minshew Mania. We can do this, Minshew. We can do this. Let's see. Did he do anything crazy? Oh, yeah. He said, quote, I was better than other rookie quarterbacks.

Agreed. Agreed. Yep. He's going to be leading them to the promise line. They're going to have a full year of Minshew. We need to get on this Minshew thing now. We need to set everything in advance. No doubt.

We need to be there like, Minshew! So the playoffs are set. We've got the Baltimore Ravens and the Cairns, the City Chiefs in the top two seed because the Patriots lost to the Dolphins. So because the Patriots lost, they fall to the three seeds, so they have to play this week in the wildcard game, and they'll be playing the Tennessee Titans, who are pretty hot right now.

And then the Buffalo Bills will play the Houston Texans. The Buffalo Bills, man, that's so funny. Yeah, so this is the first time the Patriots are playing in the wildcard round of the playoff since 2010. And the other side, we got the 49ers and the Packers in the top two spots. They get bye weeks. And then this weekend, we've got the Vikings at the Saints and the Seahawks at the Eagles. And those are all the playoff teams.

And then over in the other sports, let's see. In the other sports? NBA. The Bucs are 30-5, leading the entire NBA, actually, at that. And then the Lakers are right behind them, 26-7. They're over in the West, though. And those are the big teams in basketball. And then over in hockey.

We've got the Bruins, the Capitals at the top, and the East and the Blues and the Golden Knights at the top of their divisions in the West. So I think they're both at about the halfway point almost, so we'll be seeing that pretty soon. And that's sports. All right, Crandall right what is our big news story of the day top 10 florida man stories of 2019 yes this is what we need this is what we need all right top four man stories of 2019 all right it's got it broken down by month january we started off the year of the bang with a 30-year-old Florida man overheard threatening to kill someone with kindness. Oh, we covered that one. That's right!

Yeah, that's right. Yep. Kindness was his machete. Yep. I'll never hear that. That was a great one. When Florida man takes off his clothes in a public place, trouble always ensues. That's what happens when a man walked into an Oakland Park

Walgreens store and stripped down inary incident that was caught on camera another florida man learned a hard lesson when allegedly stole collectible coins worth tens of thousands of dollars then ran them through the grocery store change machine that returned just a fraction of their value yep that was all in february uh naked march a A naked Florida woman got in on the fun when a driver captured video of her running naked across a busy section of Interstate 95. Later in the month, a Florida man who didn't want to show up to his shift at Hardee's called and reported he'd just been robbed. I remember that one. That's right. Oh, my God.

April. Do not get between a hungry Florida man and his food. In April, a Florida man was arrested at Olive Garden after police say he caused a drunken disturbance and was shoveling spaghetti into his mouth with his hands. It was a Florida man Easter in Orlando, and a man in an Easter Bunny costume was filmed brawling outside a bar. I remember this video. I think I remember that, too. This dude in the Easter Bunny costume beating filmed brawling outside a bar. I remember this video. This dude in the Easter Bunny costume beating the crap out of this guy. It's amazing.

May, an alligator, is a key accessory for the Florida man or woman. Case in point, a woman had been involved in a traffic stop when she pulled a foot-long alligator from her yoga pants. I remember that. We did that one, too. And she had 41 turtles. That's right. She's the turtle woman.

Oh, my God. Florida man. Keeps on giving. In May, including when a man fled a traffic stop, thought it'd be wise to call 911 to gloat about it. Another Florida man caught on camera standing through his Cadillac sunroof while driving down a highway told troopers he'd rather go to jail than go back home to his wife. In June, a hungry Florida man cannot be stopped.

That's when a 48-year-old man is arrested for hiding meth in a container of hot, fresh potato wedges during a traffic stop. I mean, you know. Not to be outdone, another man thought it would be a good idea to stop and grill a burger while breaking into a Jensen Beach Wendy's. I think we covered that one. Yeah, or somebody broke into somewhere and cooked something. July, Florida woman got in on the food fracas when authorities said a woman attacked another woman with a knife

when denied a slice of pizza. Sometimes pizza that good. Yep. In August, Florida man gets behind the wheel even when it's a golf cart or bicycle. Month ran by the caught on camera guy by Walmart in a golf cart terrorizing shoppers and ignoring deputy's orders before stopping and crashing in a golf cart terrorizing shoppers and ignoring deputies orders before stopping

and crashing in a register. That same day a man was riding his bike nude during rush hour. In some cases, Florida man can't catch a break even when he's doing nothing wrong. That's what happened to one man who opened his front door to head to work and was bitten by a small rainforest raccoon

like creature called a kinkajou. Uh-huh. All right. Why was that there? I'm looking at it. It's weird. That is weird. I don't know.

The Wild Month also saw a 74-year-old man arrested attempting castration. I remember that one. Yep. I remember that one. Yep. I remember that too. September, Florida man and hurricanes, bad combo. This year is different because a Florida man came up with a genius way of protecting his smart car from Hurricane Dorian when he

decided to park it in his kitchen. I said there was no way he could. He said he could, the man's wife said, so he opened the double doors and had it in. I was amazed that it could fit in. He had no problems. That's a joke. Alligator and Florida Man October

were back together in the news in October when two men allegedly filmed themselves letting a gator bite them and pour it. Wait, bite them on the arm and pouring beer in its mouth not to be outdone though not to be another guy man in pinellas county was charged after he allegedly performed sex acts on an olav in oregon yeah see never get enough november florida man continued to provide classic stories whether he's caught eating tacos when burglarizing Taco Bell or leaving

behind his cell phone while stealing condoms from Walmart. Another Florida man topped them when arrested for attacking an elderly man who asked them to stop masturbating in a Miami parking lot. I love that guy's like

please stop masturbating. He's like no old, I'll kill you. And December, we must have missed this one. Could have been complete with a Florida man Christmas tale. This year's involved a man who was arrested giving out marijuana for the holiday. Merry Christmas. When police asked why he was dishing out weed he said because it's Christmas yeah what other reason yeah that's all the reason you need Florida man thank you for a great decade

they really really been here for us Florida man, man. Thank you. Newport, Richie. Classics. Classics. Oh, man. Alright. Well, that's it for us. Thank you so much for listening, watching, whatever you're doing, however you're enjoying this. Crendor, hit them with the socials. We've got so many socials.

We've got youtube.com slash Cox and Crendor podcast, where you can listen to all these on YouTube. We've got youtube.com slash Cox and Crendndor podcast where you can listen to all these on youtube we got youtube.com slash cox and crendor we can listen to all the or watch all the animations we got our own stuff the jess cox youtube twitter instagram facebook actually instagram's notorious cox or something mine just look up crendor we got twitter youtube twitch uh instagram's crendor was taken uh i need to make a TikTok or something. That's like a new thing. Well, it's kind of not a new thing, but it's a popular thing now.

Maybe I'll start making TikToks in the new decade. Don't do that. Not like this. I'll bring the boomers in the TikTok and we'll destroy it. And then, yeah, I'll just follow us and subscribe and hit the bell. Please hit the bell. That's all I got. All right.

Well, that's it. Thank you so much. And as always. Oh, God, I only got this Coke can. Happy New Year. Happy New Year.