Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 227 - The Sauce Aint Worth It!

Episode Date: January 13, 2020

This week Jesse tries his hardest to pronounce words correctly, but Crendor just can't seem to get through to him. Also we learn that sometimes McDonald's dipping sauces aren't worth getting angry over and WEED finally comes to Chicago - so you know Crendor has stories! All this and more on a brand new Cox n' Crendor! Get Honey for FREE at http://joinhoney.com/COX If you go to http://getquip.com/CRENDOR right now, you’ll get your first refill FREE

Today's episode is brought to you by Honey. If you buy things online, you're going to want to hear what we have to say about Honey. It's not just good for you, it's great for you. I just made that tagline up. You're welcome. You can keep it. Also, we're brought to you today by Quip. If you need to have your teeth looking good, you're going to want to get Quip because it's

going to make it the easiest way possible. You're going to be like, wait a minute. Are you saying that people actually look at your teeth? They do. I hate to break it to everyone. Oh, no. But people, when they look at you in the mouth, they see your teeth. But if you're like, hey, either look at me in my eyes or my mouth and not my sweet butt, that's my problem.

Is everyone stares at my butt? And I'm like, stop it. Same. You're going to want to get quipped. We'll talk about that later as well Let's jump into this podcast Hello everybody It's time for Ghost on Trending

This is Trending in the morning In the morning Broadcasting live, live, live, live In 4 hour recording studio Recording Wake your ass up It's the next Live, live, live, live, live. Before our recording studio. Recording. Wake your ass up. It's the next Grendel in the morning.

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Grendel in the morning. Hello, everybody. Welcome to the next episode of Cax and Grendel in the morning. Let's go to that. What's going on, dude? Did you know? We just announced this week another live show?

It's happening March 19th in Chicago, Illinois. The return. Same place as last time. Same bat channel. Same bat Lincoln Hall. It is this time not going to be in the middle of a week. This time it's going to be actually on a weekend when you can go. All of you who complained.

Hold on. Is March 19th a weekend? Hold on. I need to verify. It very much is a Thursday. All right. Well, it's almost a weekend. It's almost a weekend.

Let's take Friday off. Yeah. Who cares about Friday? Friday, that's... It's the middle of March. What do you got to do? Nothing. Exactly. Just take Friday off and, you know, so you're sick.

Yeah. What was I thinking? They're going to let us have a Lincoln Hall concert hall on a weekend. They're like actual legitimate bands that play there. We're moving our way up slowly but surely. Yeah. Went from a Wednesday to a Thursday. We're doing it.

Eventually, we'll be on a Friday. And eventually, we'll have a Sunday service. We'll be like, Lord, welcome. Welcome to Cox and Crane. That'll be the day. That'll be the day. The day the Lord made. Yeah, it's in Chicago on the 19th.

A Lincoln Hall. 18 plus show like last time because there's booze there. Unless you're with like family, I would assume. You know, get drunk around your kids. Don't do that actually. That's a terrible idea. But come one, come all. Last time the show sold out.

And so I know that now most of you have heard what kind of show it is so you're probably going to want to come so get those tickets early before they're gone cox and crendor.com cox and not in cox and crendor.com plus it's in chicago one of the best cities in the world to eat a pizza that isn't really pizza it's's great for that. I would know. I'm here. Yeah, and Crendor and I have a lot of things we have to talk about when we're there, like going to see the men fight.

You know. Medieval times. Yeah, medieval times. We gotta go to medieval times. I feel like you're gonna love it. All those other things we said we were gonna do. I don't remember what we said we were gonna do. Coffee. Oh yeah, we gotta go to Starbucks.bucks yeah why is this what we have to do people times and starbucks so many things so many things we're so busy that's gonna be great and we're gonna talk about it and we're gonna you know if there's anything other if you want to bring the weird

alcohol from your part of the country we'll gladly drink that on stage and then force some poor kid to get sick. Listen, our lawyers that we don't have say that you should not be doing that and we're not responsible for any alcoholic behavior on stage. Yeah, when you buy tickets, you give up all your rights to us. Yeah. So really, we'll sue you.

Yeah. If you come to the show, we control a little bit of your life that night. From 8 p.m. until whenever the show is over, you are ours. And by that, we mean all we can do is say, hey, please don't do that. Or just you should do that. Or we can hopefully have a security guy that's like, you know, like those goblins with the ogre bodyguards? Just have an ogre bodyguard like, remove that guy. And it'll take him out.

Like the Australians. What? Wait, what? Last time, the Australians were loud. So we had to put tape. Remember, you made that guy tape his mouth. Oh, well, we had no bodyguard. I just put tape on a guy's mouth.

Exactly. You had to do it. But now, maybe we could just hire someone in the crowd to be a bodyguard. Yeah, be our tape man. If they talk, tape them. Actually, so I was at a panel. So I went last week. I went to MAGFest.

I'd never been before. Crandor, let me tell you. MAGFest is the craziest thing I've ever been to. I know you would hate this convention. Actually, I don't know. You may like it. I don't know. So MAGFest,

when it starts, it goes until it ends. It does not shut down. So it's in this hotel. It's outside of Washington, D.C., like right across the Potomac River. And it goes, best part is the area around it had a Nando's, had a casino.

I was doing great. I was having a great time. And so as I went through and checked everything out, I realized that the schedule had no ending. The schedule, when it started, it kept going until the last day of the con. I was like, wait a minute, what? And I realized if I wanted to, at 2 a.m., I could go to a rave, or I could go watch some guy speed run Kingdom Hearts 2.8. Right?

Outside of my room at night, there was like a club that was happening. And every time I'd open the window it'd be one dj just going ham and then six of the craziest people they were dancing so hard and it was just it was like in a hallway it was wild they have concerts and they've all it's it's if i was 22 again this would be the con for me right except i'm not 22 and i'm like go to bed damn kids oh yeah this would not be a con for me i'd be going to bed very fast oh it was what there's so much to see and do um it was overwhelming it was so wild but i hosted a panel that was sort of a game show right um it was versus and the idea was it was two teams playing it.

I'm going to be real. It's the best panel I've ever been on. I hosted this thing, and I've never been associated with anything more professional in my life. They had actual assets. It was a board game. It was kind of like playing a made-from-scratch version of Mario Party. Huh. And it was great.

It was very, very well done. And it's themed around the convention, and everything that happens is convention-related, kind of. And this time it was kind of Donkey Kong slash Star Fox theme. It was great. Anyway, the reason I'm saying all this is one of the gimmicks is they had this character, air quotes, called Rock Croc, who was just like a dude in a crocodile outfit kind of. And the whole thing was, crowd, if you know the answers or you know, don't shout things out.

Don't shout it out. If you do, the Rock Croc's gonna come out and break something you love. Right? And so, every night the Rock Croc would come out and demonstrate destroying a thing, and then throughout the game, there'd be moments when the Rock Croc could show up.

Like, the Rock Croc could grab you in the game, you could spin to win prizes, but if you landed on the Rock Croc, the Rock Croc would destroy the prize that you would win. And so, it was hilarious, and I realized that's the thing we should be doing. We should pay a guy to come to Cox and Crandor

and if people get too rowdy, he, like, breaks a switch. Like, just destroys it. Right? We can say, hey, these are our prizes we're going to give out at the end of the night. And if you're good, we'll give them out. But if you're not, this guy's going to break these things in front of you one at a time. And I was like, oh, my God, what a great idea.

It's like one of those videos where they're like, what's up, guys? Today on the YouTube channel, we're going to break this new iPhone. And you just smash it, and everyone's like, you ruined the iPhone! That's exactly what it is! Except, it's the audience's own fate, right? They can either help or hurt.

There's only two options. It's like a test of human psychology. It's so mean to do to people and be like, you're not allowed to have fun Shut up and we'll destroy this stuff But I love it

I love it so much Oh my god Yeah so that's kind of That's kind of what I want to do But it would require me buying things And then paying a man to destroy those things And I just can't I can't be bothered

That's a lot. That's two whole steps. Maybe one step, but two? Oh my God. I couldn't do that. I think the videos are online somewhere. If anyone out there wants to go watch them, just look up like MagFest versus 2020, I think is what it is.

And you'll love it. It's hard to believe we're in 2020. I keep forgetting. I keep wanting to be like 2019. I look at videos. I'm like, oh, damn, this only came out in 2019. I realize, oh, that was a whole year ago. I don't even do that for 2019.

I'll see things and they'll be like, this came out in 2018. I'll be like, oh, that wasn't. And I'm like, that's like two years ago. Then it starts it. I watched a video that said January 11th, 2019. I thought it was yesterday. I was like, oh, this just came out today? And then I realized, oh, no, this is a whole year old.

Oh, yeah. I was realizing that on my YouTube channel, because I was looking back. I got my gallbladder out two years ago now. Two years. You've been gall-free for so long. Gall? That sounds like Goofy

saying gallbladder. Gallbladder. Gall. Gall. Gallbladder. Gallless. You've been gallless. You know I have an O problem. My O's, every time I say Galbladder. Gal-less. Gal-less. You've been gal-less. Gal-less.

You know I have an O problem. My O's, every time I say calm, people are like, what did you just say? You really do. It's like the, just think of like the German gals. I can't, look, it's where I'm from. I can't help it. I keep trying, I want to be like, hello, it's me, Jesse Cox, and I am here to talk to you about calm. Calm.

Like, I can't do it. Calm. It does not sound like what I'm saying. Like, call all. Calm. You just got to say all. Say all. Calm.

All. Calm. No, say all. All. There you go. Now say all. Say all. Come. All. Come. No, say all. All. There you go. Now say call. Call. Now say call-em.

Come. No, call-em. Come. No, like you're gonna call-em. Call-em. There you go. Now short it. Come.

No! What are you? I'm taking a break. I'm saying it! I call. Call. There you go. Now short it. Come. No. What are you taking a break? I'm saying it. I'm saying it. You're not saying it. The what I hear is come. What is that? What I hear is come.

I know what I'm saying, but I'm not saying what I'm saying. That sounds like something I would say. Try to say brewery. Brewery. All right, you can say that. Some people struggle saying like brewery but you can't say calm calm no

I'm saying it this is like in a movie where you have like a montage of me teaching you how to say calm C-A-L-F what is that movie where it's like twer that it were so simple what is that oh. What is that movie where it's like, twer that it were so simple?

What is that? What? Do you remember that? No. Oh, God. What is that? It came out maybe one or two years ago. And one of the bits in that film is, oh, now I got to look this up.

It's like, twer that it twer so simple. And he's like, no, no, no. Twer that it was so simple. And he's like, twer that it twer so damn. Twirl that it twirl so. There it is. Twirl that it were so simple. Oh, it's from Hail Caesar. Oh.

And it's hilarious. It's very, very funny. I'm sure you can look it up on the internet. But that's how I feel we are right now. You're trying to tell me something, and I know that I'm saying what I'm saying, but it's just not coming out that way and I can't stop it. Well.

Come.com. Come.com. I'm so upset. Come.com. Just say it really slowly. Callm.com. Cal. C-. CalM.com. Cal. C-A-M.

C-A-L-M. CalM.com. I'm going to have to say it like that from now on. CalM.com. CalM. CalM. That sounds like a college. It sounds like a superhero.

Hey, guys. We're here with CalM. Uh-huh. Well, I've embarrassed myself thoroughly how are you doing I mean I'm doing all right I what I do so actually I kind of like a sinus thing I've had like I don't know if it's like a sinus infection or just sinus pressure or just sign is something but like the right side of my face just like around my eyes been kind of swollen just like i think a lot of people are having sinus issues and allergy things i think it's something related to that uh i haven't like head things so i feel you yeah i think it's

because the pressure and all that stuff's so crazy like we had it's like it got really cold then it got hot and let's get cold again like I don't know what the shit's going on. I had headaches forever. And then I went to the East Coast. My headache went away. And then my nose started to bleed for like three days. And then I came back from the East Coast. Nose is fine.

No more headaches. I don't know what that means. That's scary. That's like, I think I should see a doctor. But the last time I was at a doctor, they did all, you know, the tests and stuff they run. They were like, you're doing all right. I don't know. Am I?

Because that doesn't seem normal. I mean, I was at the doctor. I had my physical, and I told them about this. They're like, yeah, I mean, it could be an allergy. It could be sinus infection. It could be something. They were like, wait it out for like 10 days and if it doesn't go away you could do antibiotics or something and i was like all right neat

and then they told me to do uh nasal sprays and uh you know other shit i will say when my sinus opens up it feels better but it always gets clogged it's always on that right side. Oh, you have the one side cold thing. Yeah, I got the one side. Oh, yeah, I feel for you. Your doctor sounds like they're holding back on you. Out here in L.A., I think they're used to whiny people because every time I go to the doctor, I'm just like, yeah, something's wrong, and I got this problem.

They're like, all right, so you're going to take eight of these, six of these, and I'm like, all right. And then I'm good. The last time I had bronchitis or whatever, like two years ago, whenever that was, I was just like, oh, I'm dying, doc. And she was like, I got you, dude. And gave me a list of things to take, and I was better in a week. And he told me to take like nasal spray. Well, then I asked Dr. John.

He's the online doctor i was like hey does that sound right to his wedding hello john yeah and he was like yeah that sounds about right i was like all right well he's my like doctor after i see the doctor doctor just to like confirm things you know he's my hookup for beautiful cosplay people hey john there's got to be one with low standards let me know crazier the better call me uh either way it's great to have him to talk to his hypochondriac yeah no he's great he's so great i'm just like hey am i dying and he's like no and i'm like all right good uh then i did an ear i tried to clean my ears all right so like I bought that shit you buy over the counter

it's like you put a couple drops in I think it's just hydrogen peroxide and so you do that and I did it once before and it was fine so I'm like oh my sinuses you know occasionally my ears would kind of hurt from that and I'd be like all right I'll put like a couple drops in here so I did that but they give you like a little uh syringe thing to squirt in your ear when it's done. And I was like, oh, I don't need to do that. I'll just wash them out in the shower and take a shower. So I let the water hit my ear in the shower. But I don't think that was good enough because my right ear was fine.

But my left ear started to hurt. And then I woke up after sleeping for three hours. It was like throbbing. And I was like, oh, and then I tweeted about it. And there's people being like uh it's just the clogged ears and someone's like oh it's just you know the earwax went back a bit and someone's like i think you got fucking like mushrooms in your ears or spores or some shit and i'm like what are you talking about and then someone else like your ears just irritated from the hydrogen peroxide being in there too long someone else like i think you got an infection that ear it went away so i'm not i love i love

how there's always one person who like lives out in the woods and there's only one thing you could like ah the spores have grown in your ears i had this problem once yeah you got someone being like oh i think your ears just irritated from the thing to being like, yeah, you got spores. You're going to have to perform a ritual. Like, okay, cool. Take yourself to a hothouse. Put a lot of eucalyptus in the room. You got to sweat it out.

So, yeah, that happened. Oh, yeah, and then, fun fact, weed is now legal in Illinois. Fun fact, everyone. Fun fact. Hey, see you in March, gang. So, I wanted to see how long those lines were going to be. So, I drove past a weed place, and it was packed. The line was probably at least like 100 people minimum

i believe that i think the first day they said they made like i don't know it was like 10 million dollars in weed sales or something i also believe that well the thing i learned from so you know where i live in la it's very you know-y and everyone's like, hey, man. That's my lead in to say there's a lot of weed places around here. There's a lot of places to buy weed where I live. And when it first changed over and in California it was legal, the lines were crazy. It was insane. You drive by and you see lines on the door.

That quickly stopped. And the reason why, as I'm sure anyone who goes to any weed store can tell you, it is so expensive to have a drug habit. You gotta really want it. Yeah. Well, here they even tax you like 30% or something crazy. But I had to get a story. So I went to the weed place my dude all right let's hear it and i made sure to go before rush hour traffic so i went to like 1 30 p.m in the afternoon because you have to be 21 so no kids are gonna be there and everybody that could buy the weed has to have

money and most of them are at work so i I was like, perfect. I'll go when like nobody's there. But the Wisconsinites drove down. All right. You knew it. I swear like 20% of the cars there were Wisconsin. Oh, Phyllis, look at this weed over here. Oh, my. That's straight wacky tobacco it is.

Oh, dear. Yeah, they were coming out in droves but you're not allowed to smoke weed in Wisconsin so I saw them like interview them on the news and stuff one guy was like yeah you know I'm buying this weed here but obviously I'm gonna smoke it here then drive back

up and this other guy was like I'm gonna hit a joint fucking roll back up there hope I don't get other guy was like i'm gonna hit a joint fucking roll back up there hope i don't get caught i was like all right uh so you know different people so i was waiting in the line i only had to wait like 30 minutes it wasn't that bad uh and this one guy came in the back and they'd always shout out like medical so medical. So if you're medical, you can cut the line. And this one guy, he's just this, like, meatball, short, stubby guy, was like, hey, I'm medical. And they're like, all right, come on in.

And he's like, see you later, end of the line. What a dick. Yeah, he just rolled up there. Let's see, who else was there? It was this old Russianussian woman like chain smoking cigarettes and one guy came out and he's like they're out of flour they're out of flour and she was like she's like started freaking out and then when they opened the door again she was like are you out the flour and they're like no and she's like oh okay can i ask you a question? Yeah I know you're talking about weed

But in an off chance Like baking flour? Like weed baking flour Would be She was there She was like I've got cakes to bake I have so many cakes to bake

I need to bake my weed cake So I was standing there trying to listen To like more stories There's actually a wide variety of people There were like some boomers there There was like this 80 year old man In a packer jacket There was like

These parents that looked like They were the Weasley parents from Harry Potter There was like The group of young kids these like parents that looked like they were the Weasley parents from Harry Potter. There was like, you know, the group of like young kids that are just like, we man, let's go.

There's like the older kids that are just like, yeah, I live with my dad, but we smoke together. And then, uh, it's just a good variety. So I was like, all right.

And then I, uh, you get in there and, uh, I got a chocolate edible bar. That was it. How long did that bar last? Oh, I've eaten one piece.

Okay. So you're playing it fast and loose with the edible bars. Yes. Wait, no, that's the reverse. You're playing it slow and easy. Slow and easy. Listen, I'm not the person who's like i get fucking out uh like i was like all right i'll try this tonight so i took like half a chocolate piece

and it gave you you know it's like a nice like chill high it's kind of like when i had a blueberry that you had yeah those blueberries are great yeah in fact is probably like the same company or dosage or something like that because it was like uh just like that and i was like all right neat so uh this bar will probably last me all year now they have those uh uh gummies here's the problem everything's targeted for me they're like we make gummies that taste like watermelon sour patch kids kids. I'm like, you bastards. You monsters. Why would you do that? Yeah.

So I keep seeing them, and I'm like, they're going to get me. One day I'm going to be in there like, I want eight packs. Sir, that'll be $800. Charge it to YouTube. Charge it to my Twitch bits Do you know who I am?

I'll be $800 I have no idea I will say the one thing I've seen Is that Everyone's a hypocrite This is what legalized weed has taught me For years everyone's like Weed's a gateway drug and it'll get you, kids. Watch out.

Don't be smoking. And the minute weed stores open, the person who tells you that is there. Oh, yeah. All hypocrites. Every time. What's his face? That one, the former speaker of the house who was like, drugs are bad, is now on the radio like, you should invest in weed. I'm like, you all, man, it was just because it wasn't making money.

And you were like, don't do it, kids. It helps people, bad people when they sell you the drugs. And now it's like, well, I own a stake, so definitely smoke up. Here's the thing. I saw one of the Illinois politicians is there, and they're like, are you going to be partaking? And she had her bag, and she's like, well, it is legal in Illinois, so I can possibly get home, and maybe I'll consume a gummy.

And I was like, dude, just say you're going to eat the gummy. They act like it's still like, well, I don't know. Maybe I'll... know, maybe. Yeah, no one leaves a convenience store with a six pack and is like, I don't know, I may have, I may sample one. Like, here's the thing, all right? I have had, I've had this edible half and I've had a, whatever the shit they gave me, those painkillers for my gallbladder surgery. Those painkillers that they hand out like candy are far more addicting than this half-inedible I ate. Well, one of them is evil, and the other I make a profit on.

Like, okay, all right. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, if it means I have to pay less taxes, I'm fine with it. If it means I can buy a chocolate bar I'll eat once a month you know one piece a month at that i mean you exist in a you exist in a state of highness anyway yeah that's the thing i'm always high yeah you you are you've transcended reality it is pretty funny because most people think i am like the stoner when really this is probably like the like maybe third or fourth. No, fourth time I've ever even had like an edible weed. I never I couldn't tell you if you I've seen you drunk and there's I couldn't tell the difference.

So, I mean, unless you like stood up and did a thing and I was like, oh, he drunk is I communication wise. This does not change. I mean, honestly, it's kind of the same. When I took this, all that really happened was I just laughed a bit more. Like, I was in the shower, and I was, like, taking out the soap or the body wash from the thing, and I started laughing. All right, that's pretty funny. I know what you're saying is you're trying to make an example of, like,

I laughed a little. But what you're saying is I looked at my soap and I started laughing. Yeah. And I was like, I don't even know I'm laughing. This isn't funny. And I just kept laughing. And that was like it. I don't know.

Soap's pretty hilarious. So, I mean, I'll record my reactions and report back. Thank you. Yeah. You definitely should write a journal You should keep a journal of all of your One bite of chocolate Reactions That's about it Well

Sir You know in life You're gonna laugh a lot And when you laugh this is the transition And when you laugh You're gonna show your teeth and you're going to laugh a lot. And when you laugh, this is the transition, and when you laugh, you're going to show your teeth and you're going to smile at people. And you have to have nice-looking teeth that people are going to be like,

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And it straight up was like $13. I was like, wait a minute. So I went and just bought more stuff. And then I was back up over $25 for free shipping. So, I mean, it works. It's great. So, Honey has over 18 million members, over $2 billion saved. It supports, like I said, 30,000 stores.

They're adding more every single day. Users love Honey. I was just saying that on the Chrome store there's all those reviews and stuff. Not using Honey is literally just passing up free money. It is free. All you're doing is just adding the Chrome extension to your Chrome browser. And it just works. And it will keep working.

And I keep clicking on it to go over to it and check it out again. But I also keep messing up my screen. So I'm not going to touch it anymore. And I'll simply say I have it. You have it Crandor has it get honey for free at joinhoney.com slash cox that's joinhoney.com slash cox all right Crandor let's go chop chop this guy's Crandor how's that traffic out there traffic is calming down a lot everyone's back to school back to work. But there's snow, there's rain, there's other stuff. So you still got to watch out because it's getting slippery, slidey.

Woo, swoos, swoosie. I was going to say swoosie. I don't know if that works for traffic. But, hey, sounds like it works. So watch out. Drive slow. And off you go. Thank you.

Thanks, Grendel. Oh, wait. Back here. Thanks, Cren... Oh, wait. Back to you. Oh, thanks, Crenor. Yeah. Yep, back to you. Okay, thanks, Crenor. Now let's go over to Crenor at the weather...

How's that weather? Uh, man. Weather, I wonder how it is. Hazardous eruption imminent thousands flee. What the... where is this? A volcano is shooting ash more than six miles into the air in Manila. Oh my god, the Philippines? Is this brand new? Did this just happen?

I don't know, it's on the front page of weather.com. Wow, that thing looks crazy. Whoa! Oh my god, it looks terrifying. The lightning coming off of it and stuff. That's what I'm saying. Four out, one hour ago, 35 minutes ago. Whoa!

That dog. Yeah, that thing's going crazy. It's like shooting up in the air. It's being a volcano, I guess, as a volcano does. And go right now. I guess whenever you hear this, it might be a little bit late, but go right now. This is the first thing I see. At CNN, they have – this was eight hours ago, but they have photos of the actual eruption and what it's like doing. Oh my God. It's terrifying looking.

Oh my God. There are people in cone outfits walking the streets. They don't get covered with ash. Wow. I've never. Nature is terrifying. We are just specks of dust. We can be blown away at any moment. my god you're really good that's why i don't want to live near a volcano

uh or anything hazardous really yeah you just live in one of the coldest places that you can get oh you know but you'll be fine it's uh it's not going to have, like, volcanoes or, I don't know. Technically, I think you do live near or around a caldera, though. A caldera? Yeah, isn't the super volcano near you? That, like, the one that erupts once every 10,000 years or something and hasn't erupted yet? The one that would, like, destroy all of America? Oh, well.

Hopefully I'll be dead by then. Yeah, what do you care? Sam. Anyway, let's find some weather somewhere else here. Yeah, oh my god. I'm going to type in Vol. Volgograd, Russia.

Volgograd, Volgograd, Oblast, Russia. Oblast. Haven't we been to Oblast before? I don't believe so. Do we always go to Oblast? I think we have. I don't think so. I think we have, comrade. I think we have. I don't think so. I think we have, Comrade. I think we have.

I disagree. Um, either way, it's 26 degrees. Feels like 17. You got a high of 31. Today, uh, high of 31. 10% chance of rain. Mostly cloudy skies. Tuesday, you got 34 degrees.

Tuesday night, 27. Chance of rain. Mostly cloudy skies. Tuesday, yeah, 34 degrees. Tuesday night, 27. Chance of snow. Wednesday, 32 degrees. Any crazy stuff happening in the next 10 days? Not really. It's just mostly cloudy, 30 degrees with some light sunshine. And really, it's pretty boring over in Volgograd,

but honestly, it's pretty much the same weather as here in Chicago. So, wowie, neat. All right, and sports. Sports. Welcome to the Sports Desk. Crazy NFL playoff stuff today.

First up, the biggest news. The Packers defeat the Seahawks to move on to the nfc championship game where we will probably lose but we got here that's all that matters i get to watch the packers for another week yeehaw um chiefs beat the texans after being down 24 to nothing they win 51-31. Which means after being outscored 24-0, they outscored Houston 51-7. That's crazy. I will simply say, a lesson my father may or may not hear this. My mom probably will, and then she'll make my dad listen. He said it before. He says I never listen to him, And I try to block most of it out

But this one time It ain't over till it's over Is the fact of all sports and life They were losing It was bad And I know many a Chiefs fan Who was devastated And I was like

Yo, it's still the first They still have three more quarters to go Trust me, they can come back And they did yo, it's still the first. They still have three more quarters to go. Trust me, they can come back. And they did. Yeah. It was quite the comeback. I'd say an extremely good comeback.

And, man, they just steamrolled them after that. So congratulations, Chiefs. So now, in addition to that, the Titans beat the Ravens, which are probably one of the biggest upsets. Yeah, wow. So that's a big one. And then Tennessee is rolling, mainly because Derrick Henry, the dude rushes for like

300 yards a game. It's insane. He also threw a touchdown, which was fun. And then the 49ers kind of just stomped on the Vikings. So I'm hoping for a Packer-Titans Super Bowl, but I'd also be fine with a Packer-Chiefs Super Bowl, but it's probably going to be like 49ers-Chiefs or something. So I can dream.

Yeah, we'll see. Anything else in sports? Let's see. Basketball. Looks like the Knicks beat the Heat. What the shit? The's see. Basketball. Looks like the Knicks beat the Heat. What the shit? The Knicks won a game. The Spurs beat the Raptors in basketball.

Suns beat Charlotte. Let's take a look at the old standings real quick here. Looks like Boston, Milwaukee, Miami, Denver, Los Angeles, and Houston are all in first place. Both Los Angeles teams are actually very close to each other. So that's interesting. And over in NHL news, we've got the Boston Bruins and Tampa Bay up top, Washington and Pittsburgh, St. Louis, Dallas, Calgary, Arizona. All at the top of the hockey standing stuff.

So that is sports. Okay, what is our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. Big, big, big news story of the day. Florida man wakes up to find thief sucking his toes in brazen and bizarre break-in. Whoa, whoa, wait, what? Yep, yep, yep, yep. That's not a thief.

I feel like we have misidentified what this is. Well, a Florida man reportedly awoke to a burglar sucking his toes. That's not... Alright, alright. A home invader, yes. A burglar?

What did he steal? The man's heart. Like, what happened here? You can't just say he's a burglar when nothing... Saying a burglar broke in and then sucked a man's toes is not the story here. All right, well, let's see where this goes uh the bizarre and braden break-in took place on christmas eve the startled homeowner then asked the stranger what he was doing who said he was there to suck toes

merry christmas police say a fight broke out and the suspect attempted to grab the man's genitals. He claimed he had a gun, but no weapon was produced. The victim managed to get the man out of his home, who then allegedly broke a window and the victim's car windshield in rage. Police, including sniffer dogs, are yet to track down the suspect. He's still out there. He's still at large? Was this Santa? Y'all, was this Santa?

Did Santa break into this mess? Santa came through the chimney and was like, ho, ho, ho, I like those toe, toe, toes. And then went over and was like, well, no cookies for Santa, eh, naughty boy? And then started sucking on them toes. And this guy was like, Santa, no cookies for Santa, eh naughty boy? And then started sucking on them toes. And this guy was like, Santa, what are you doing here? And Santa was like, getting my Christmas present. And then the guy kicked him out and Santa broke his car

and he's like, they'll teach you, bitch. And then Santa got in his sleigh and flew off. It checks out because no one has found him. But he's not a burglar. Note, nothing was stolen. This is a mislabeled thing. Home invader, yes.

He may be a home invader, but not a burglar. That's right. Thank you. He would not be charged for burglary. Yeah. So he broke into the house. This has to be someone that this dude knows, right? No one just breaks into a house to suck toes.

Yeah. You can go anywhere and suck toes. Can you? I think that's the least offensive thing you can do. I'm sure you could go somewhere and be like, yo, I want to suck them toes. And someone would let you. I mean, yeah, you're probably not wrong. I know I'm not wrong.

Somebody's going to let you suck their toes. Someone out there is going to let you suck on their toes. Someone is out there for you. It might not be the person you want, but somebody. Yeah, it may not be the toes you want. They may be nasty. They may have like a, you know, toe stench. But guess what?

Athletes. You can suck on them. Yeah. So that's a thing. Then we also had Florida woman arrested for threatening to get McDonald's sauce by any means necessary. What does that mean? All right. So first off.

McDonald's sauce by any means necessary. So here's her. Here's the thing. I think I know this person. I think I know this person. All right. Well, she tried to rob a McDonald's because they did not serve dipping sauce along with her food a report said monday mcguire marie mclaughlin 19 was denied the condiment at a mcdonald's in vero beach florida and pledged to obtain the dipping sauce by whatever

means necessary. Why is she breaking out Malcolm X to Robin McDonald? That's rude as shit. The fracas allegedly took place about 4 a.m. New Year's Day when police arrived to witness McLaughlin yelling profanities at the drive-thru because she claimed she did not receive all her food. Employee advised McLaughlin that the dipping sauce cost 25 cents read the police report from the indian river county sheriff's office read mclaughlin further stated she would be getting the sauce by whatever means necessary however cannot specify what she meant by

that mcdonald's employees said they feared for their safety the mclaughlin was taken into custody for disorderly conduct. I'm thinking football stuff. Unnecessary contact. McLaughlin was taken into custody for disorderly conduct. She was replaced in mechanical restraints by the arresting officers because she kept locking her legs, refusing to walk forward. Cops also said they smelled... Wait! What?

Oh, all right, hold on. Here we go. Never smelled. Wait. What? Oh, all right. Hold on. Here we go. Never mind. They smelled alcohol. Yeah. All right. All right.

That makes more sense. Yeah. I was about to say, this girl about to go to jail and fight the police over 25 cent dipping sauce. Oh, yeah. No, she was lazy. She is drunk. She is out of her mind.

Yeah. No, dad. Of all the things to be concerned about look i get it mcdonald's sometimes they screw you and maybe i live in a perfect world where if i ask for extra dipping sauce they just give it to me sometimes they give me too much dipping sauce like i don't even need this much yeah that's what i'm saying too sometimes they give you an extra barbecue sauce i'm like it's too much it's all it all balances it karmically balances out you just sometimes get extra and sometimes they charge 25 cents girl pay the 25 cents it ain't that big a deal it's just dipping sauce they aren't trying to scam you

by any means necessary i feel like it's too much it's too much means necessary oh yeah any means that's too much means. Don't do that. Don't do that. Honestly, you know, here's the thing with alcohol. She's in a rage. She wants her sauce, whatever. She would have eaten that chocolate bar edible. She probably just been laughing like I didn't get my sauce.

I just kept eating and forgot about it. We're just saying cut your cut your alcoholic rage with some good old fashioned weed. Exactly. Come on. Keep off that meth. Get weed instead. Listen, it's Florida. They're going to do the meth anyway.

You're right. You're right. They've laced that weed with meth. What are we talking about? That's Florida, all right. That's Florida. Oh, my God. All right.

Well, that's it for us. Thank you so much for listening and watching, or however you enjoy this content. Crendor, hit him with the socials. Socials. Welcome to the socials. Today, we're going to ask you to follow some socials right now. First off, click the bell on YouTube,

because apparently it's important to be notified when these go live, because YouTube is dumb. Also, subscribe on YouTube because apparently it's important to be notified when these go live because YouTube is dumb. Also, subscribe on YouTube. Cox and Crandor podcast. Also, go subscribe to Cox and Crandor, which is our animations channel, and click the bell on that one too. A new one's coming. It's almost done.

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I was about to say, is your time. We're on the same page. Yep. Alright, that's it for us. Bye everybody. And as always, to be continued..