Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 231 - So Deep Your Ears Pop

Episode Date: February 17, 2020

It's time for another another dive into talking about things you definitely didn't expect to hear on this podcast. First Crendor tries to convince Jesse that working out is fun. Jesse has other ideas about how he'd like to lose weight - with the power of positive thinking!!! Also the boys talk about weird dreams, Crendor rediscovering oranges, and a Florida snake orgy! All this and so much more on a brand new Cox n' Crendor! Get Honey for FREE at http://joinhoney.com/COX To get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100% satisfaction guarantee, go to http://meundies.com/crendor

Today's episode is brought to you by me undies, me undies are the undies that you should put on me. Wait, what? No, the undies you should put on you, I have them on me already. Me too. We're good. But we'll talk to you about why you should be wearing them, you big goofballs. Also today, we're brought to you by Honey. If you buy things online, you are a fool not to use Honey. It works with Chrome and will change your shopping reality on the internet. We'll talk about that as well. Now let's jump into this podcast.

Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studios. Recording. Hello everybody, welcome to another exciting episode of Casting Credit Dollars in the Morning. Now that was the energy I was expecting from a popular radio show like this one. Thank you, my dude.

I'm feeling it. Today I'm energetic. I got like, I don't know. I might have restless leg syndrome. Is that a thing? I'm like, today I've been shaking and hopping and bopping and like twirling and whirling. I got energy today, man. Huh.

Why? Great question. I got energy today, man. Huh. Um, why? Uh, great question. I don't know. This week, this week has been it's either felt like the longest week ever or the fastest. And I don't know because I think I've led two lives. I've had more dreams this week than ever in the history

of living, I think. Every night I had like a crazy messed up dream. I don't remember half of them. I'll be real. And I just remember waking up and being like, wow, that was an event that happened. And I've just, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I'm just filled with energy.

I got like stuff happening inside me, I guess. You know, stuff's happening. What did happen this week? I started going to the gym again because last week I thought I had lymphoma, and now all my glands are normal again. So I think I beat the lymphoma out. And this week... Don't say that. Yeah, I just went to the gym and beat that lymphoma't don't say that

I just went to the gym and beat that lymphoma don't say that don't tell people that stuff go see a doctor I just have my hypochondria so I think things are bad and then it turns out they're not bad right

that was my joke I was trying to get at it was referencing last week's podcast right if you heard last week's podcast you would understand so go listen to last week if you didn't get it okay um where was i going uh oh yes they're going to the gym again so that felt good dude when i don't go to the gym i start like getting i'm like you gotta get in there start like freaking out um do you when you get home from the gym are you tired or are you like jacked no i'm pretty much normal see that's the thing is if i work out for hours afterwards i'm like i could work out again i'm like i should like, I should do some more. But the problem is that if I do, I end up hurting myself.

I'm like, ow, why did I do that? So I end up just filled with energy. And at that point, boy, I made a terrible mistake this week. This is why my whole schedule is messed up. I think Monday night, usually I'll try to get some workout in at like five or six at night. Right. Because usually five or six is when I start to like, and so five or six is I'm like,

Oh, I'm good for a few more hours now. Right. I've got energy. The problem is, is that Monday night I was like, what if I just watch TV till midnight? And then midnight hit.

I was like, Oh God, I gotta get my workout in. So I straight up at midnight, got on the treadmill and afterwards was like, all right, I'm feeling, I'm feeling like energetic.

I put my miles in, I'm doing good. And I was like, Oh, it's 1am now. Um, what, what am I,

what am I going to do? I can't sleep. I'm not tired. So I just stayed up and I stayed up till 5. AM. And I realized every day, but I realized Tuesday I had an event to go to. So,

and the event started at nine. So I was like, Oh no. And the event is an hour away. So I got two hours of sleep, went to this event, did the whole thing, jacked up on Red Bull and life. Came back, got home at 4 and crashed.

Just sat on the couch and passed out. Woke up, I think, at 2 a.m. And was like, well, I am awake. I slept very many hours. I don't know what to do right now. So I just stayed up. And then the next day I was up, you know, because I was up at two. My whole sleep schedule was messed up.

And all week it was like that. Yesterday I went to bed at 10 p.m., woke up at 4 a.m. and was like, well, this is fine. And then at 3 p.m. Woke up at 4 a.m. And was like, well, this is fine. And then at 3 p.m. Was like, I should take a nap. Then slept for like five hours. I'm a mess. What's happening to me?

I have no sleep schedule. I'm out of bounds right now. It's like I said. I go to bed at 5 a.m. But I do that every day. I'm consistent in what I do. Oh, I hate it. My clock is like 5 a.m.

How do you do this? Time to crash me. How do you do this? Time to crash me. How do you do this? I can't. Every moment of every day this past week, I felt ethereal. I felt like I wasn't a part of our world. That's what I was like.

It felt like two lives. The problem is you don't normally do that. You're essentially jet lagging yourself right now. Well, now I feel great. I think I'm back to normal i woke up today at at you know a reasonable hour and by reasonable i mean 10 a.m so i felt good and now i'm like i feel fine but this past week was rough i was just letting the tide take me wherever it went well you were on the old jet lag train it's gonna hurt you Letting the tide take me wherever it went.

Well, you were on the old jet lag train. It's going to hurt you. That sucked. Well, I don't want to do that again. Well, don't then. But. I won't. You're right.

You got me. I won't do that. See what I do when I go to the gym. I usually go to the gym every other day. So some weeks I go like three days. Some weeks I go. I guess it would be like pretty much three days every week, maybe four if I'm like, you know, it's like like three and a half days a week essentially.

And then I work out for about an hour and then I'll usually do exercises I didn't do the previous. Sometimes I go two days in a row and then I like do more like one day I'll do like super arms and stuff. Then I do legs like squats, the hamstrings, all that stuff. So like I hadn't like super arms and stuff. Then I do legs, like squats, the hamstrings, all that stuff. So like I hadn't done anything in a while. So I was like,

all right, let's go. And I was like doing ab stuff. I was doing other stuff. I was like going crazy. And then the next day I was actually sore. I hadn't been sore from working out in forever because my body was just so used to it. I was doing more like maintenance than anything. But now I'm actually sore. So I was like, shit, dude, it feels good to be sore again. But now i'm actually sore so i was like shit dude it feels good to be sore again but now i'm not sore uh anymore why would you lie to people shit dude it feels good

to be sore yeah not being able to raise your arms above your head is awesome it's the coolest what do you mean what do you mean lie to people it's a great feeling to hurt no it's do you mean lie to people? It's a great feeling. To hurt? No, it's not. Do you not love the feeling of working out and feeling sore? No, why would I want to feel sore? Because then it's like, oh shit, dude, it's working. Because that's like your muscles tearing apart and rebuilding. Listen to what you just said.

It's like you tear your muscles apart. That's the feeling of progress. You sound like, I get it. I know what you mean. And I understand. I just think what you're saying has always been crazy to me. It isn't just you saying it. It's everyone who's ever like a big muscle builder guy who's just like,

son, you rip your muscles apart. And the pain, it helps you feel like you're growing. I'm like, that sounds terrible. I feel like I've gone too down, too far down the old gym rabbit hole now. It's been like a year and a half I've been doing this. You are a gym rat.

I got my gallbladder out almost two years ago. It's come four days from now. Do you have an anniversary? Are you going to have a party? I'm going to do a Banjo-Kazooie mega stream in celebration. I'm going to beat my Banjo-Kazooie mega stream in celebration. I'm going to beat my old time I beat it in from like two years ago.

That's my plan. I, uh, first off, I can't believe that's what you're doing. Second off, uh, what a perfect way to celebrate the removal of part of you. And by playing a video game. Sounds great. And then that adds part of me back. What? Banjo-Kazooie. That's like part of you and by playing a video game sounds great and then that adds part of me back

what banjo kazooie that's like part of me that's like part of my soul so it's like revigorating oh right right it's revigorating yeah and then uh yeah you hit this point now where like i've just been going to the gym so long so it's just like if i don't go it's like my routine is ruined so i'm like i get back in gotta keep the routine going and then I've just like hit the point where like now all my muscles I like I know what my muscles are where I used to be like I think that's a bicep and now I'm like I work the triceps today dude they're feeling weak I think that's a bicep I gotta work the triceps and now I gotta do more like a bicep I gotta do more like side abs Cause I got like the full abs now

But I need the side abs Alright well when you work your obliques We have another uh 40 some days before we're back in Chicago For another Cox and Crandall live In 40 some days My obliques will be powerful Yeah can you like

Really go to town on those? Will you flex on people on stage? Can we bring people up and you can have a flex off with them? Yeah, I'll do flex off. Here's the thing. Some people... Nice, yeah, we'll bring people from the audience. If you're coming to the live show, get up on stage, flex off with Crandall.

Yeah, and if you win, you get a high five. If you lose, everyone laughs. Yeah. That's terrible. If you win, you get a high five. If you lose, everyone laughs. Yeah. That's terrible. If you lose, everyone laughs at you. Yeah, usually like every month or two, I'd buy a training session. Some people, they do training every week.

I don't want that. Every month or two, I'm like, I want to learn some more stuff. So I buy a training thing. And then they're like, what do you want to learn? And I'm like, I want to work on obliques and this. And they're like, all right. And then they show you, and then they're like, want to buy another one? And I'm like, I'll be back in two months.

Because then I just do all those exercises. You're really playing the system. Like, I don't need someone to tell me what to do every week. Like, they just told me. So I'll do it myself. And then when I need to learn something, I need to learn more stuff. I don't need a trainer. I need a chef.

Like a personal chef. Oh, my God. I started making. Okay. I have a new. That's what I need. See, I don't want to make stuff. I want someone to make stuff for me.

It sounds so much easier. My new favorite things are bananas with peanut butter, which I used to love a lot. But now, like peanut butter, banana. I'm going to start making peanut butter banana smoothies. I'll eat peanut butter and banana like before I, like as my after dinner snack. And then I love oranges now. Love oranges. Wait, the now part is what's funny.

And then I love orange. What happened to you? What do you mean? I forgot about oranges. What? What do you mean you forgot about oranges? How? Because I stopped eating them for a while.

And then Toaster Woman bought, like, the cuties, like, little oranges. And then I was like, dude, I'm going to buy a big orange. And then I ate the orange. And I was like, oh, my God, these oranges are great. Now I've just been on an orange kick. What happened to you? How did you forget oranges existed? It's literally a color.

Not like the color orange. I understand, but I mean, the concept of an orange is not like... I laughed so hard I snorted. Okay, so you don't go to the store I laughed so hard I snorted. Like, okay. So you don't go to the store and look around and you kind of, like, you glance over the fruit and everything and you just move on, right? You don't process every single fruit there. Yeah, but I would look over and be like, oh, oranges, they exist.

Yeah, well, I'd see them and I'd be like, ah, oranges. And then you, like, move on. But then I was like, dude, I should buy some oranges. Like, you swap your brain. You'd be like yeah oranges and then you like move on but then i was like dude i should buy some oranges like you swap your brain you'd be like you know what maybe i will try an orange instead of just glancing over it again so it's like you forgot how good they were like you ever have red pears that was my other favorite thing red pears i have not had red pears maybe i have i don't know red pears dude i used to eat the the green pears and the bartlett pears all those pears and then the red pears so all those pears. And then the red pears, so much better. I have discovered something called Envy Apples, which are very delicious.

See, I don't really like apples as much because apples mess up my digestion. See, there's your problem. I like apples. Oh, I like apples. Bananas. I like bananas about, you know, if you buy a banana or let's say you buy like a bunch of bananas. I buy a lot of bananas now. Two days into the purchase of bananas.

I'm like, oh, a banana. Yum. And then I don't want the banana. You're like, there's a small window of when I enjoy a banana. And after that, it's either too brown or too green. All right. Here's the like banana ripeness scale. All right.

So I'm going to link you. All right. It's 1 through 15. Wait, how do you have this already? I Googled it. You had this immediately. I Googled it. All right.

So yeah, normally when I buy the bananas, they're at like stage like 4. Yes, usually. Yeah. So people want to see this one is green four is starting to yellow i would say seven is probably the yellowiest yeah and then they start getting from 8 to 15 it starts to brown yeah 15 is like that thing's covered in brown spots yeah uh i don't like those either they taste like mush and i hate them they're like that's what the healthy am i don't give a shit all right taste like mush and I hate them. They're like, that's what the healthy...

I don't give a shit. I probably say my ideal banana eating is like nine. I'm a solid six. I'm a six to a seven. The transition between six and seven is the key period for me. Anything after seven is gross. Anything before seven is gross.

Or anything before six is gross. That one day and a half maybe 12 maybe like i'm gonna say 36 hours in which you buy the banana it sits around for a few days before it then turns brown it's during that period where it's the only time i can eat them any other time i'm like that's gross i don't want that no i say eight to ten is prime time seven is like if i really want a banana, I'll eat it. And then 11 is starting to be like, I'll try to eat it. And then 12, I'm not eating it.

It's long gone. The problem is I'll then keep the banana. It'll get browner and browner. I'll be like, you know what? I could make something with that. I never do. I never do. I feel terrible. I'm so wasteful with bananas.

So now I'm like, I'm going to buy exactly three bananas. I can't, I'm like, there's only one of me. I'm not sharing bananas with people. This is from the HPN Australia. I don't know what that means. But underripe bananas, it says highest resistant starch, great source of prebiotics for gut health and FODMAP friendly. Then barely ripe is high fiber, lower in sugar.

Right at the ripe is high antioxidant levels, good fiber. Very ripe is lowest vitamin and mineral content. And then overripe, highest sugar and lowest fiber. So actually, you're looking... Yeah, well, that's for suckers. We don't want that. Yeah, that's for suckers. No, I want that prime ripe, right in the middle.

But I also get why they use overripe bananas for banana bread, for example, right? Oh, yeah. Because of the high sugar. Yeah, they're sweeter. Yeah, it makes perfect sense. Science, the rules. The high fructose content. Yeah, the entropy of bananas is fascinating.

Yeah. So really, I eat like two bananas a day now Really? I barely eat three a week I couldn't be asked See food and stuff is not my problem I just need to work out more But I want someone to like

I don't know just do it for me Can I just have people do it for me? I want to do it myself but I want someone else to do it Yeah I don't Maybe I'm the problem Can I just have people do it for me? I want to do it myself, but I want someone else to do it. Yeah, I don't. Maybe I'm the problem. But can someone just move my legs and lift shit for me? Just use my body and I'll just get some sleep.

I feel like that's so much easier. Well, but the fun part, right? Okay, you get your AirPods. You put them in. I hate listening to music while i work out what i have to have a i have to have a tv to keep my mind off of it i am you like music i love i love music i love music but if i am at a gym or i am somewhere music does not do anything for me if anything i get more bored i think i get bored i get bored working out. Grendel, I'm going to be honest. I get bored.

Anything. All music. Music, upbeat music, downbeat music, high energy music, podcasts, TV show, whatever. I have to be watching something. My mind has to be removed from the process. If I get on like, I don't know, if i'm weightlifting or on elliptical or like doing whatever if i'm watching a tv show while all this is going on time flies by just zooms by but if i'm listening to music it is the slowest i'm like oh my god why is it taking so long and

all i'm thinking about is the working out i'm like like, this sucks. I don't want to do this. And I keep thinking about everything else I could be doing. Like, oh, I'm missing out on life. I'm stuck here doing this. Oh, yeah, it sucks. Yeah, but it's great. I mean, when I'm done, I'm like, well, that was fun. That was great. But the process sucks, and I hate it. So I'd rather watch TV and have 40 minutes zoom by than get stuck in my head listening to crappy music and just be like, you know, talking to myself.

Literally mouthing words to myself like this I hate this. I just God stupid working out. Wish I wasn't so fat this dumb like that. Oh, yeah, that'll happen See me. I put my wubs Alright, so it's kind of like It's like And then I'm like, yeah, yeah. And then it's like. And then you start pumping. And then you start lifting the weights.

You start pumping iron. You see the numbers go up. You're like, yeah, dude, last week I was at 90. Now I'm at 100. Then I'm at 110. And you just keep pumping. Then you find new big room house. They keep slamming in big rooms, anything.

And it's just like. And then you're just. Then you keep going. None of that. None of that impresses me if i was like i think i think i am destroyed by quickness right by i i'm definitely a product of the i want it now society so when you're like and then the next week i see the increase i'm to me i'd be like i have to wait a whole week? Are you kidding me? You're telling me I got to start at one weight and stay at that weight for a whole week,

and then next week I can increase that weight by five? Wow, that sounds really boring. But then before you know it, a month goes by. Bam, you're up 20 pounds. Not like weight-wise, but strength-wise. That's 30 days. That is 30 full days. I can't.

This is why I'm a bad day away from diabetes. This is what's going to happen to me. This is bad news. I don't like that. That sounds awful. I used to be kind of like that, and then all my health shit hit, and then I was just like, yo, let's get in the gym. And now I love it.

Well, bless your sweet soul. I will never love it, but I have to do it. I will never love it, but I have to do it. Love the gym. So I wrote down one of my dreams. Okay. All right. So the other day, I had like a billion dreams because i woke up i slept let's

see went to bed like five woke up at like 9 30 and it was like four and a half hours in and i was like oh man i just woke up i'm gonna have crazy dreams and i did and i had one crazy dream woke up after like an hour and a half fell back asleep had another crazy dream. Woke up and then I had this one. Dreamt floors to house were broken on second and third floor of the tavern. Neighbor lady was dressing up in weird outfits and while streamers were at a table downstairs. What? Yeah, there's also like holes in the floor and shit. Is it a neighbor you know? No, it's just some random lady, but I knew she was a neighbor.

Oh, okay. And she was dressing up in outfits. How would you term these outfits? Like, sexy outfits? Weird outfits? Funny outfits? It would change every time I saw her. So the one time she was wearing, like, a business suit. Then she was wearing a

cheerleading outfit. Then she was wearing, like, a snowsuit. And she was like, I am 50 years old. And she was wearing a cheerleading outfit. Then she was wearing a snowsuit. And she was like, I am 50 years old. And I was like, that's cool. What? Yeah. And she had no purpose to the dream. But she just kept reappearing in different outfits. I disagree.

I think she had a purpose. All right. I think she had a... Well, she's just like an old Russian woman. Maybe not Russian, but like... An old Russian woman? Oh, that's interesting. Eastern European. See, here we go. think she had well it's just like an old russian woman maybe not russian but russian woman oh that's interesting eastern european see here we go so it's an older like babushka lady right

she had like long black hair oh black that could be like an aspect of death or something And it's a woman trying on dresses. Maybe it's like a feminine aspect of yourself. Whoa. Right? What was she trying to do? I mean, I am Eastern European. That's what I'm saying. What was she trying to do?

I don't remember. Oh, man. I just remember she was in the dream. Was she trying to do i don't remember oh man i just remember she was in the dream was she like trying to get you was she trying to like invite you into a thing i don't think so maybe she worked there oh okay uh maybe she's like trying to welcome you back because tavern is also like my home. Oh. Oh. So, okay, maybe she's taking care of you. And the different dresses represent the different people in your life who represent the feminine side of this woman, right? Because the Russian side is sort of like, or the Eastern European side is sort of like the Krendor side, right?

Right. side is sort of like all the women in your life welcoming you back home to your friends sitting around at the tavern and it's like a comforting setting for you and she's like, you know, it doesn't matter what she's wearing, she's always there to help you bring you back. And then I go upstairs and there's holes in the floor. What do you see when you look down the holes? I don't know, I just knew there were

holes in the floor. It's like water damage. Water damage is foundational damage. Yes. Yeah. So maybe dreaming about a hole, like holes in your floor, it's about like there's something about what you, in your foundation of your being is changing.

Huh. Or has been changed. Right. So maybe something you believed before you no longer believe or something you didn't believe you now believe. And this woman or maybe the feminine side of you is now like reaching out and pulling you. So like maybe what if you were like a hard boy,

right? This is an example. What if you're like a hard boy? You're like, you know, you're one of those guys who went on the internet and were like women should be in the kitchen right but then like something happened and you were like damn i was wrong for my beliefs women should be wherever they want to be right like that and you were guided by the feminine side of you that taught

you that lesson yeah but i'm not look i don't know what i'm talking about i'm reaching all right i mean maybe it's just it literally could be something about your comfort zone right like it could straight up just be you went to a place that was your comfort zone there was like this lady there who was like welcome to your the place you like and then you went upstairs and you saw holes which meant that you there was something about your comfort zone that you might be getting outside of. It could literally be that simple. Could also just be my brain processing information. You know what?

Let me have this. All right. I had a dream this week that I tweeted about that was fun. so this week I had a dream that I was supposed to go see with some friends the play Our Town and if you don't know what that is

it's a terribly boring play about like 1930s America and it was at my old college theater department for some reason and so I was going to meet them all there. And I got to my college theater, which was this huge, in my waking memory, this huge, wide open, massive hall with little tiny theaters. But for some reason, when I went there in my dream, I got lost.

I got lost in it and couldn't figure out where to go. And I didn't know how to get to the theater but when i finally found it and i opened the doors inside wasn't our town but instead a cnc music factory contest or a concert and it was like everybody dance now and except as my like brain camera panned out it wasn't a theater it was like people dancing on rooftops to like a very large version of cnc music factory and then like everyone had their own roof so as not to like hit other people as they were they were power dancing and that lasted krendor it lasted a long time i had a whole dream that was like, I see you tweeted this. Now, here's my theory, right?

Yes. When it's a C&C music factory, it's Cox and Crandor music factory. Whoa. And really, your brain is just preparing for when we create our own music factory. Yeah. I don't know what that means.

I don't either, but we've got to find out in the future. Yeah. What is a music factory? I feel like that's... I don't know. I feel like music shouldn't come from a factory. If anything, it should come from the heart. Oh, my God. Who sang Groove is in the Heart? Delight. If anything, it should come from the heart. Oh my god.

Who's saying Groove is in the heart? Delight. That's who it was. You know, Delight. Groove is in the heart. Anyway, that's the dream I had. That's one of the ones I remembered. I woke up and wrote it down because it was so wild. I was like dancing on the... It felt like the rave

scene from Matrix Interesting Interesting You've led a life I see Alright fine Yeah I mean that's all I did this week I had the weird thought Where I was like Dude

Our bodies are just vessels for this world Damn you are on You're on the deep end. Yeah. You're out there in the water, deep in the water of thought. And then I was like, dude, and then I looked at Cat,

and I was like, Cat, he's got his own vessel for the world. He's got his own different memories and thoughts and feelings and dreams. But really, we're all just in the same world doing the same stuff and the things that i remember i only remember and the people around me remember but nobody else remembers and when we all die the time of that memory is gone unless other people remember you yeah things that you've

done oh trust me every once in a while i get like on jesse shit. What do I want to do with my life? I have moments where I'm just sitting around. Most of the time when I'm high, just to be honest, I'm just like, damn. One day I won't even be here, man. Am I going to leave something behind? Am I going to make people happy, man? Or am I going to just collect stuff, man? Am I going to just collect shit?

And then I'll be gone. I won't even need it? He's gonna collect money from the man. Oh, I'm telling you! I'll be like, everything you know that's around right now won't even be here in a hundred years, man! Oh, yeah. I'm gonna, like, I will go off the deep end. And then just be like, I need to just

live life, man. Just day at a time. Enjoy everything. Partake of nature. That will get crazy. And I want you to know, people are like, Jesse, you seem so chill. And you, you know, you just like do things for the sake of doing them. Why?

Because of that right there. I'll just be like, one time I got really high and I just had a very profound thought. Started entering Crandor thoughts. It's true! I was thinking about Cat. I was like, dude, Cat in his brain? He doesn't care about leaving his mark behind on the world and doing all this thing. He's just like, hunt, kill, hunt, kill, sleep, sleep, hunt, kill, walk, walk,

walk, eat, eat, eat, hunt, kill, hunt, kill. That's his brain. And then, you know, you're walking in the middle of the night, it's all dark, you're trying to get ready for bed, and then he just attacks your leg and runs away. And in his brain, he's like, nice, alright, training for the hunt, alright, sleep. Here's the best part, is you know

that your cat goes on little adventures. Oh, yeah. goes on little adventures. Oh, yeah. Like little adventures that you'll never, ever know about. Ever. You'll never have a clue in your existence. You will never know what goes on in your cat's head.

But trust me when I say there are moments where your cat is like out on the prowl. There is some sort of creature in this house right now that's going to get it. And I'm going to find that creature. Yes. And, like, goes on little, like, you remember when you were a kid and you would pretend to be a spy? And the back of your mind was, like, the James Bond theme? That is your cat looking for food that doesn't exist. I mean, yeah.

You got it wrong. Yeah. And that, like, the other day, he saw a squirrel, and he, like, freaked out. Squirrel didn't even know it. Squirrels just run around. Yeah, that's like me. I'm just like that cat. Oh, my God.

And then when we're kids, really, you just, like, you're born, you grow up, and all you know is everything your parents tell you and your friends and school and everything. And then you're just like Okay, and then you just become a person dude And then you do the same thing And then it just loops and then you're just like what the shit's going on and then you discover We're in a simulation and we have to fight the final war Everything is a simulation of your mind it. Everything in your mind is a simulation. It's what your mind tells you you see.

What the shit's going on? Everything you see is just your mind interpreting. Touch your desk right now. Everyone, touch something. Whatever you're touching. Dude, this desk. That is your brain telling you what it feels like. It feels like shitty IKEA furniture.

Yeah, it may not even be that. What you see isn't even... Some colors don't even exist. Your brain just puts them together to make the color, man. And why? There might not even be a reason. That's it. Here's the thing.

You may not be real. You might just be a creation of my mind. I always thought I was real. You may not be real. You might just be a creation of my mind. I always thought I was real. You might not be. I might not be real. Reality is subjective, man. Oh, my God. That's why you got to treat everyone with respect,

and you got to get everyone love, because one day you might find out you're in their reality, and boy, are you screwed. If you don't treat people nicely and it turns out they're the ones who run the show, we are done for. That's why you go to the gym dude. Get ready. Get buff.

Get pumped. Here's my question. Do you believe in the power of mind over body? Oh. Yeah. Do you think you could change your own physical being with just your brain power oh not that crazy i wonder if i could will it what if i didn't have to work out i could just

use my mind to do it it's like when i was listening to coast to coast am and he's like everybody well there's your problem if we all think about this rainstorm happening and tell it to go away let's see if we can get it to go away. And I'm like, I don't think that's going to happen. What if instead we use our audience to help me lose like 15? Can we get on that? Audience, I need all of you to focus your brain power. I need to give me like, help me lose about 15 pounds here.

Let's do this thing. I still listen to Coast to Coast every night before I sleep. And it's like the perfect, like, falling asleep thing. Unless you're, like, you know, freaked out about that type of stuff. But it's always like, and now we'll have on Jimmy Johnson, who believes that the universe is attacking us through the power of the wind. And he'll be like. The problem is I don't believe any of it.

So it always sounds crazy to me. All of it. Oh, sounds crazy to me all of it oh yeah and i fall asleep uh dude these last three weeks this has been like cox and crendor psychology or like mind crazy month i don't know the mind's fascinating and you've got a fascinating mind so i'd like to delve into it i'd say we got like one more week of mind illusions with Criss Angel and then we'll probably move on to just other topics. What do you think could replace Mind Freak

with Criss Angel? Actually, what happened to Criss Angel Mind Freak? Probably got cancelled because Criss Angel didn't even like hit a person or something. Oh, I don't know. Looks like you can buy chris angel mind freak las vegas tickets ah all right never mind he just does live shows yeah like us

yeah buy your tickets at cox and crendor damn uh shit dude well yeah after mine month we'll call it we'll call February mine month then we'll kick off we need like a new what's that for March we'll call it March madness and we'll talk about college basketball oh basketball yeah yeah yeah that's better

now let's see March madness we'll talk about anger issues. I don't know. It'll be shameless promotion leading up to the March 19th. Cox and Crandor live at Lincoln Hall. Get your tickets right now.

Hey, I can do that too. Yeah, don't be a dummy. Come hang out with us in Chicago. It'll be a great night. The last one was great. This one out with us in Chicago. It'll be a great night. The last one was great. This one will be greater. Yeah. So one dude chugged like a fourth of a thing of Malort and then had to leave because he got sick.

That was ridiculous. I felt so bad. That guy came up on stage and was like, I got this! And then vanished. The rest of the night vanished. I felt so bad. Yeah, one guy who came from France,

and then he made his girlfriend sit in the corner. I remember that. Oh, yeah, that guy. Then there was the Minnesotans. Yeah, the guys from Canada. The Vikings. Who were trouble. Yeah, we even had some people from all over the world show up.

And then they drank way too much. Yep. I also drank. That was great. I had a fun time. Yeah. It was a good time. So hopefully it'll be another good time.

And this time we'll have stories about going to see Knights Joust and drinking coffee. Oh, yeah. The medieval times. Oh, yeah. There's going to be lots of medieval times. The Starbucks Reserve Place downtown apparently is, like, amazing.

I'm excited. Like, I was looking into it. They have so much stuff. Am I going to get sick on coffee? Is that about to happen? They have, like, a billion different things. Then the second floor is just a bakery. It's an entire floor that's a bakery. Then they have, like, alcoholic different things. Then the second floor is just a bakery. It's an entire floor that's a bakery.

Then they have like alcoholic coffee drinks. Oh my God! They're like the guy at Spongebob who's like, chocolates! Yeah, they got mixology. Oh, can we just have a guy mix? Can we like get real coffee crazy? Can we, like, get real coffee crazy?

Can we, like, go sit down and be like, tell us about your finest Peruvian blend, and they'll just come out and they'll mix us a drink? Like, okay, they have a coffee flight, so we get a flight of coffees to try. And you can choose your brew method, siphon, coffee press, clover brewed, mod bar pour over, chemex what is chemex

sounds like you will die sounds like what you use to fight the coronavirus uh coffee what the hell then they got espressos they have cappuccino cortado cardamom long black espresso americano dark chocolate mocha undert undertow, Shakira Bianco, hazelnut. Shakira Bianco? Yeah. All these sound like innuendos for sex. Every single one of them.

Then you got draft nitro cold brews. You got the cold brew draft, nitro mole mocha, and nitro cold brew. Then you've got the coffee nitro gelato, cold brew Malt, Cold Brew Float, and an Affogato. Cold? Oh, Affogato, by the way, is great. Oh, my God. Then you've got the Bicerin, Bicarin? Chocolate Bicerin, Freshly Pulled Espresso Artfully Layered with Sumptuous Thick Drinking

Chocolate and Vanilla Bean Cream for a L, dreamy beverage. Decadent. That you must use a spoon to revel in every drop. Then they got tea. Then they got barrel-aged coffee bar. Smoke cold fashion. Barrel-aged Guatemala tasting journey. The barrel-aged cold brew flight. Can we go on the tasting journey?

Oh my god. No doubt. I want to go on the tasting journey? Oh my god. I want to go on the tasting journey. Then they've got cold creations, whiskey barrel age cold brew, minted cold brew, cold fashion. Then they got hot creation, mulled spiced coffee, Irish con cream,

our Viamo cocktail bar. There's the union stock, deep spice and smoke, a thoroughly original cocktail, Starbucks Reserve, Whiskey, Barrel Age, Cold Brew, Capoletti, Rabarast Fumato, Luxato, Amaro, Abano, Rhinehall,

Grappa, and Lemony. You're just making up words now. That's what it says. You're just making up words. Then there's they got like other, oh my god, the All Day Spirits, Pour Over Bijou, Starbucks Reserve, Boulevarder, they got like other oh my god the all-day spirits pour over bijou starbucks reserve bull de verdure raso bianco brandy correo final say starbucks reserve espresso martini roastery old-fashioned the whiskey cloud black and white manhattan cold brew spiced rum and

sparkling sakura allure what what the shit? Cherry green tea, Japanese whiskey, Prosecco combined for this floral sipper, Teavana, Sakura Allure green tea, Suntory Toki whiskey, Prosecco barrel aged vanilla syrup and lemon. You're just combining words now.

And they got the shitty non-alcoholic ones. Ignore that. This is crazy. So I went to the website. It is a four-story building. Yeah, it's four stories. One's a bakery. This one is like Willy Wonka's factory. Oh, my God.

We might have to do, we would have to do like, I don't know, like a meetup and have people. Here's the thing. What if we did a meetup and then you bought us stuff? Do we have to pay money for this? Oh, my God. That sounds fantastic. What if you bought us the things and we have to't meet up and then you bought us stuff? Did we not have to pay money for this? Oh my God. That sounds fantastic. What if you bought us the things and we don't have to spend our money and then we just did it?

All I want to do is sip each one. So I'll take a sip and then someone else can have it. Yeah. I'm blown away. There's so much here. That's what I've tasted all. They have Boilermakers? What is happening?

This is, this is, only in Chicago would they be like, make it alcoholic. Throw a meatball. Cold brew spiced rum. My dude, I'm about to die. I'm going to die there. Oh, my God. This place looks insane, too. This is crazy.

I'm so excited. When the hell am I flying out there? What is this? I'm ready. I'm ready to go now. Just coming out just for the coffee at this point. Wow. Oh, my God.

This place looks insane. Yeah, the one I've been to in Seattle I thought was amazing, and it was like one floor. This is four floors. Looking at, like, the pictures of this stuff, it looks so cool. It looks like a Star Wars ship. It really does does You're right It does

Oh my god I want to let you know That you cannot go You can't step in there until I get there You can't do that Oh yeah I won't Alright that's that Okay Let's talk advertisements Hey everyone Oh yeah, I won't. Alright, that's that.

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Plugins, yeah, yeah yeah yeah it's a chrome plugin that's super easy and very effective and straight up works with target best buy sephora macy's ebay etsy all these different websites that you use and all you got to do is apply coupons and just click apply coupons and wait a few seconds it'll scan every promo code on the internet and drop it in there and get you deals, y'all. It's incredible. I can't even begin to tell you, I've saved on countless tech purchases. Travel, it works great if you're trying to book flights and things. Hotels, oh, it's great with hotels.

Fashion, if you're trying to buy clothes or shoes, it works great with shoes for real. I have, I think I mentioned this before, I went online and bought a bunch of stuff and I hit the limit of like, okay, here's your free shipping. I then clicked apply coupons and it took off so much money I had to buy another $25 worth of stuff in order to hit the free shipping thing again. That's how good it was. I was like, you know what? I don't even care. What a steal. If you want to save money, if you want to be one of 18 million members who have saved over $2 billion, Honey is for you. It supports 30,000 stores online. They're adding more every day. Users love it. It has 100,000 five-star reviews on the Google Chrome store. Not using Honey is literally passing up free money.

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100% satisfaction guarantee. Don't be a dummy. Save some money. Crandor. Yep. Let's go to Tropicana for a second. This guy's Crandor. How's that traffic out there? Oh, boy. Traffic is honestly not too bad. You got some

cars going up, going down, going left, right, all around. You got some planes, trains, automobiles out there. They're all looking pretty all right. And honestly, the traffic's not too bad. Back to you. All right. Thanks, Crennorn.

Now let's go over to Crennorn, the weather desk. How's that? Weather. Weather desk time. Desk. Let's see. What's weather.com have to say to us? One of the most powerful storms on record is fierce threat to life.

What? Whoa, that sounds terribly dangerous. UK issues strongest flood warnings as storm Dennis forces hundreds from homes, disrupts travel. Oh, yeah. Is that the one spelled like D-N-I-S? D-N-N-I-S. I thought there was... Maybe it was that one.

There was another storm that happened this week where apparently the winds were so crazy that planes were making it between London and New York one hour faster. Whoa. I don't know what that was called. What was that? Planes

to London one hour faster. Well, I found space plane that can fly from New York to London in one hour. That's not what I wanted. Ah, British Airways. Yeah, this happened this week. British Airways

made it at a speed of 800 miles per hour. Oh, Storm Ciara. Oh, Storm Ciara. Well, apparently it was very, very fast, and every flight was clocking record speeds, which is pretty amazing. Well, let's go to London then. All right. The big town. The big top.

The big Jolly Ho London. If New York's the Big Apple, London is the big crown. Good. All right. I'll take it. The big crown. Over in the big crown, we've got 44 degrees. Feels fair. Feels like. 44 degrees feels fair feels like 44 degrees fahrenheit or celsius yes fahrenheit i will say never mind celsius would be very hot yes that'd be very

weird at this time of year as well uh so it looks like 43 degrees tonight 20 chance of rain partly cloudy skies a lot of skies but mainly skies uh Then we've got the old 10-day forecast. Looks like you have some partly cloudy wind on Monday. 50 degrees. It's not too bad. 50 degrees. Windy, though. Pretty windy.

20 miles an hour. Tuesday, p.m. showers. 51 degrees. Wednesday, showers. 49 degrees. Thursday, showers. 51 degrees. Pretty much every day is showers wind and 50 degrees

so if you're into that you're gonna love the next 20 days honestly I like I like rain and I like around 50 degree rain so that's kind of my weather but I don't like the wind because that's gonna be like blows it all over and you're like come on wind

yeah I you know what I like good summer rain actually that spring rain where it's kind of warm but you're getting a little wet good spring rain I like that yeah I like it but the too much wind it just ruins it

you don't want to get too much wind warm and wet, not windy. That's one. Yeah. So watch out over there, although that seems like pretty standard London weather. Sure, absolutely. Have fun with it.

All right, and sports. In the sports. Yes. Rumpelkrendor. Welcome to the sports desk Yes. How's it going? Rumble Crandor. Welcome to the sports desk. Report. Report. The Raiders are offering Tom Brady or prepared to offer Tom Brady two years for $60 million to come to the Las Vegas Raiders.

Here's the thing. Take it, Tom. Do it. Dude, he might do it. He might do it. Can you imagine Tom Brady going to Las Vegas? That would be – I'm still excited for the Las Vegas opening. You know how when the hockey was big and they were just like,

long ago in the world of the sport of hockey. I want that shit. I want that at the beginning of when the Raiders come out. It's like... I want drums and guys dressed up as Vikings. They're just like, what is a Raider? Yes. I'm so excited.

Raider strikes his prey. Vegas is all about the pageantry. They will just make it crazy. I'm ready. Yeah, I can't wait for that. That's going to be good. So that's kind of neat. And then, of course, we had the XFL.

Yes. XFL, the Houston Roughnecks beat the St. Louis Battlehawks 28-24. Okay, the D.C. Defenders beat the New York Guardians 27-0. Oh, my God. The L.A. Wildcats lost to the Dallas Renegades 25-18. And the Seattle Dragons beat the Tampa Bay Vipers 17 to 9. The XFL is, like, kind of trash. But in the NFL, if someone gets an interception,

you have commentators who are like, oh, he must be feeling that pretty hurt off of that terrible play. In the XFL, they literally go to the guy and like, how do you feel about that? He's like, it was beep, beep, beep. It's great. It's great. It actually has pretty good like,

they have like dramatic situations. Like, they show the coaches, like, calling the plays. They'll be like, I want you to run a 6-5-84 split, Wildcat 7 right. And they'll like show it and they're just like, I want you to run a 6-5-84 split Wildcat 7 right. And they'll show it and they're just like, alright, alright, got it. And they have everyone mic'd up. They have the refs mic'd up so they're like, I think it's a rough of the passer.

And he's like, no, no, no, I don't think it is. That'd be awesome in the NFL. You hear the guys being like, illegal shift, Johnson. It's illegal shift. He's like, oh, I saw 45 do the regular shift. So, I think they implemented a lot of that. There's a lot of things the nfl should steal i'm not even gonna lie yeah well the problem with the xfl is that it's a bunch of like failed nfl players competing it's very enjoyable but it's not great play you're not gonna see anything amazing but it's very enjoyable.

It is. And so the DC defenders and the Houston rough roughnecks are both two and Oh, the Tampa Bay Vipers. The Wildcats are both. Oh, and two and all the other teams are one in one. So that's the week to XFL standings. I can't believe this is the thing. And the last time was 20 years ago. Oh my god.

That is crazy. I just want to see XFL player statistics. Who's the best player in the XFL right now? Probably some guy who was very good in the NFL and then got injured or something.

No one wants to hire him back. Let's see. So it looks like passing leaders. Here we go. P.J. Walker is the best passer in the league right now. Cardale Jones. He used to be in the NFL as a backup. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Matt Jones

best running back. Devion Smith. Let's see. Receiving leader. The best receiver right. Devion Smith. Let's see. Receiving leader. The best receiver right now is Dan Williams. All right. Nelson Spruce, Austin Prowl. There used to be a St. Louis Ram named Prowl.

Maybe I'm thinking of Ricky Prowl. I know a lot about NFL players. I can tell. I can tell. You are very invested. All right. Well, Grendor, what is our big news story today? Let's see.

The city of Lakeland, Florida, has recently been forced to close one of its public parks due to a snake orgy. Well, we found our story. Wait. They didn't even have an article. It's just a fact. Wait, they didn't even have an article. It's just a fact. Wait, what? People are just linking a tweet to about... Wait, okay, snake orgy.

I like how we're literally both Googling snake orgy. Okay, here we go. Florida snake orgy. Things got quite spicy. All right, I'm going to have to report this article near lake hollingsworth in lake florida after residents began reporting snake sightings to the lakeland parks and recreation department the department and city's public works department began investigating turns out it's mating season for the florida water snake and large groups of snakes have

gathered near lake for a giant orgy. Caution tape was put up around the area to increase public awareness of the snake orgy. Of the snake orgy? Uh-uh. I don't like this. It appears they have a congregation for mating, the department said in a Facebook post. They are not venomous, generally not aggressive. As long as people don't disturb them, Just let them have sex. All right.

Just let them do it. Once mating season's over, the department said the snakes should go their separate ways. They are an important part of the ecosystem. Should not be disturbed. The department said adding these love gatherings are an annual occurrence. Dude, they have annual orgies. Florida water snakes are a native species. I know some YouTubers like that.

Pretty much anyone over a million subs, You know they're part of the orgy Yeah I wish someone would invite me You're not a million yet I know I never will be I'll constantly be on the I'll be like that picture of Conan O'Brien Looking in the window You get close you start hemorrhaging subs

Just don't let them in don't let them in uh it's true every time florida water snakes are a native species whose habits include aquatic environments they are generally found resting in tree limbs over water or basking on shorelines or banging in the grace uh and that's the snake. That's the snake orgy. That's the best story. You know what? That's a good story. We had a fun week.

Good story. Good story. Best story we've had in a while. Yeah. All right. Well, that's it for us. I don't even need to question it. Nature does nature.

That's it for us. Thank you so much for listening and watching however you're enjoying this podcast crendor hit him with the socials hey follow us click the bell subscribe uh cox and crendor podcast if you want to see them all on youtube cox and crendor if you want to see the animations on youtube also Also, Cox and Crendor on Spotify, SoundCloud, iTunes, all the podcasty things. Also, subscribe to our own stuff. YouTube.com slash Jesse Cox. YouTube.com slash Crendor.

Twitter.com slash Jesse Cox. Twitter.com slash Crendor. Facebook.com slash Jesse Cox. Facebook.com slash Crendor. Twitch.tv slash Jesse Cox. Twitch.tv slash Crendor. And other stuff. Check it all out.

Instagram. Instagram.com slash Notorious Cox. And Instagram.com slash CCox. Twitch.tv slash Corandor. And other stuff. Check it all out. Instagram. Instagram.com slash NotoriousCox. And Instagram.com slash Corandor is taken. And that is all that I have processed in my brain. Okay, robot. Well, that's it for us. Thank you. We'll see you guys next time.

And as always, to be continued if we're in the matrix bye