Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 233 - Selling Out the CnC Way!

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

Just a reminder, we want to see you in Chicago next week! Coxandcrendor.com is the place to go to buy your tickets! In this episode Jesse and Crendor realize people don't wash their hands and lose their minds. Also Floridia man finds his excalibur, which is good cause word is there's an army of turtles on the way. Check out Hawthorne at http://hawthorne.co and use promo code COX to get 10% off your first purchase! Get 40% off a Calm Premium subscription at http://calm.com/cox Get $100 of free delivery credit for your first 7 days by downloading the Postmates app and using code CRENDOR.

Today's episode is brought to you by Hawthorne. Hawthorne's gonna get you smelling good, and that's what's important in this life. Don't worry about looking good. You can look like a mess, but if you smell good, oh my god, people are gonna be like, what is that? Is that the scent of personalized deodorant, shampoo, and body wash? I think it is. And you can say yes. You can say yes it is. Also today we're brought to you by Postmates.

Postmates, now more than ever, don't go out. Have stuff brought to you. Postmates is there for you. Postmates can bring you anything you want. Grocery, food, like stuff from the container store. It's all there. And I believe I just heard they have drop-off now. You don't have to see the person. They can just leave it

on your porch. That sounds great. That is great. Also today oh my god it's a threefer. Brought to you by Calm. I'm going to keep trying to say it right. Calm is the app that will help you fall asleep help you relax, help you de-stress.

Alright let's jump into this podcast. Hello everybody it's time for Ghost on Track on help you relax, help you de-stress. All right, let's jump into this podcast. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In four-hour recording studios. Recorded.

Wake your ass up. This is Ghost on Trend Door in the Morning. Hey. Hey, we need to advertise. I know we've already advertised a bunch. This is the advertising pod-ization. Is it? I keep forgetting to mention that we have a show on the 19th.

I keep forgetting. I generally, it's 10 days away. Actually, 11 days away. I keep forgetting to promote it. Wow, it is. Y'all, come to Chicago. Come to Chicago. We'd love to see you.

We're trying to sell this out like last time. I know the world is in flames. But it's okay. I promise. If you wash your damn hands and you just fist bump us. No, wait. Not fist bump. I'm elbow bumping. I'm bumping elbows.

And you just elbow bump us. Just, you know, if we just stare at us. If you just stay at a distance and stare at us awkwardly, we promise a good night. It'll still be great and if you're in the crowd look down uh don't stare don't cough sneeze if you do run out of the room we'll spray you with the 70 alcohol mist and we'll get you out of here do you think if we bring people up on stage this time we should just spray them down uh Oh, yeah, no doubt. Can we do that legally? Can we bring Mr. Sprays and just spray people down? That would be amazing.

Probably not, because they're probably like, what are you spraying? You're just like, don't worry, I know what's in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine. Legally, they paid to come to our show, so we can do whatever we want to them. Last time, we made a kid drink Malort. That's true. Question. Dude, that probably killed all the germs in his body.

That's what I'm saying. If you're going to bring alcohol, bring alcohol that will kill the germs and maybe us. The whole point is that I'm saying go to Cox and Crandor.com. That's an and, A-N-D, Crandor.com. Yes. Buy tickets. All you got to do is just be sanitary. That's all we're saying.

You don't have to be worried. Just come washed. I swear to God, the amount of people that are still, like, walking around in public and you see them be like, I'm like, Jesus, are you watching anything that's happening? All you got to do is just, you know, use a tissue. If you don't got that, you sneeze into your arm or cough in your arm or whatever and then don't touch people with it that simple uh and then you know don't touch your face and there you go yeah it's it's

literally wash your hands don't touch your face don't cough on others it's literally like kindergarten it really is and people are just like i don't think i can do it some guys like scratching his eyes and like touching his face. He's just like, you know, I don't think I'm going to drink that Corona beer. Thank God. If it goes crazy, I'm ready to stay inside for like two months. I've been more than ready. I have been planning to be inside for some time.

Oh, my God. I went to like buy. I was like, I'm running out of hand sanitizer because I keep one in the car. I don't like have a billion of them I have like one I got a couple others saw it the CVS and the guys like oh, they're gone everywhere And I was like what the shit are like is should I have been investing in hand sanitizer instead of like gold and Bitcoin? at this point Yes, that's the answers

Yes, if you would have known this would have happened if somehow people out of nowhere would have been like, hey, I probably should be clean. Wow, who would have thought that we'd end up here? 70% rubbing alcohol or whatever the shit is. 70% alcohol in the bottle. And I was like, oh, okay. So I bought some like two months ago and now it's gone everywhere. Because people are making their own hand sanitizer and using it for... I'm like, oh my god, thank god I bought that. That's probably worth like $200.

Paid like a dollar for it. I don't know if that's true, but... I guarantee there's somebody on eBay selling that for $200. There's probably some crazy person buying it. I bought a bunch of know if that's true but i guarantee there's somebody on ebay selling that for 200 there's probably some crazy person buying it i bought a bunch of peanut butter and rice i'm sorry what was this about crazy person dude i'll be carving up all day i'll be like a squirrel in hibernation i want to see you with big puffy cheeks filled with peanut butter and rice

yeah and then i got my warhammer respirator. I could wear that out, just disinfect it after. You know? It's better than those masks. This respirator actually blocks shit. And now you can't even buy them because everyone bought those up too. They're just buying everything. And I need those for painting miniatures.

Fools! Don't they understand? Unbelievable. I could probably sell the old masks I have for like $300. Dude, I'll be rich by the end of this. You're that one guy who sees when he sees the stock market collapse. You're like, I'll be rich by the end of this.

You're that guy. You see the bright side of everything. Like just be clean and don't like slap your face with someone's spit and you'll be fine. That's like most people buying the sanitizer and the wipes and everything. I bet they just don't wash their hands. And it's like you literally just wash your hands and it's better. I think I saw a statistic where something like, oh, it's gross. I don't remember the exact number.

I'm going to look this up right now because it's so insane. Only 66% of Americans wash their hands. What the shit? While 92% believe it's important to wash their hands only 66 actually do when i was at disneyland and this like first started i was washing my hands i think every like 30 minutes i was like up time to wash my hands again and then i'd be like i'd remember not to touch my face my face would itch and i'm like nope nope nope not touching not touching today nope nope nope well even before this if

I would go to a convention or Disneyland for example if I touch a handrail if I shake a hand I am no offense to anyone the minute I'm done with like a meet and greet I'm like oh I love you guys are great I turn around I'm like sanitize my hands are covered in it

I don't want to get anything I don't want the cold I don't's like, I don't want to get anything. I don't want the cold. I don't want a flu. I don't want any sickness. Right, yes. So, like, I'm just going to constantly, I just, I keep, if anything, I wash my hands more and I don't touch my face,

so it helps me not get sick from other stuff. If anything, what I'm hearing is, if you come to our show, it may be the safest place you could possibly be. Listen to us. You won't get sick. You'll have a great time. Come on out. Trust us. We'll get drunk.

I'll get drunk. Crendor won't. Crendor will drink one glass of wine and sip it the entire night. Nah, I might have two. Oh, damn. It's that kind of night. Watch out. It's that kind of night. Watch out. Gotta kill those jerks.

We also have a brand new shirt that we're selling there if you're like new shirts yes oh yeah we got we got we got merch but it's only available there so if you want the merch you don't care about us just show up and pay for the price of the ticket someone on the live stream was like krendor should i come see the show and i was was like, I mean, personally, I wouldn't. But if you want to, go ahead. What? Why would you say that? Well, I said they had to drive a long time. I was like, I wouldn't do that.

You definitely should have said yes. It would have been worth it. And if they didn't like it, that's their problem, not ours. No, because I said, you know what? It sounds like you're going to enjoy it. Come on down. But personally, I wouldn't do it. Because if you had to ask me, would I drive multiple hours to hear you and me talk?

I would not. Here's the thing. But we hear us talk all the time. Well, yeah, that's also true. I wake up in the morning and I hear myself talk. I'm over it. But I start thinking about how long I've been doing this of just recording and hearing myself. It's been like 11 years.

So at this point, it's part of my life. I'm just so used to hearing myself. And other people are like, that's what I sound like? And I'm like, I already know what I sound like because I hear myself too often. In your own head sometimes, too. Yeah, always in my head. Well, next time someone says, should I come out?

You say yes, because we're trying to sell this show out, damn it. Oh, yeah. So, I mean, definitely. And I'd bring all my friends and tell them who these people are. And if you can't come, just buy a ticket anyway. We'll gladly, it'll mean extra space. That's all. Just buy a ticket and don't come.

Yeah. We don't care if you're there just buy a ticket we're not trying to pack it we're just trying to sell out i don't care if you show up okay okay we sell out the place all right then we set up a bunch of like ipads and let anyone that bought a ticket watch from home and it's like you're there but you won't get the corona you won't get flu you don't get anything and you get all the fun excitement we'll put you right on stage we'll put you right on stage yes of course we'll stick you right on stage we'll give you the best seat in the house just buy a ticket if you got a vr you'll it'll be vr you. It's practically like you're there. It will not be VR.

All right. Do not promise them that. All right. Maybe not that. But trust me. Oh, my God. It'll be a great night. Yeah, you'll enjoy. Last time, some guy came from France.

So, you know, you could say you got to travel a long way, but that dude came from France, and then his girlfriend was there, and then he made his girlfriend sit in a corner. Remember that. It sounds like he came here to see her, or he came here to see us and used her as an excuse. I think that's more like it. So hopefully they're there again, and if not, he's going to be like, we broke up. She said this was the worst show I ever saw. And I'll be like, ah, geez.

I refuse to believe that. They were laughing the hardest. That's true. Or she'll be there and she broke up with him and now she's like, oh my god, that sounds about right because I definitely hit on every woman who was with a guy there. If I recall correctly. Oh my god, they'll be on opposite sides.

Oh my god. Yeah, and they'll be staring each other down. We'll have to mediate, and the whole show will be like us doctor filling them. What your problem is, is you're like a Saurus warrior without a celestial club. I was drinking water and almost choked me. I went the Warhammer route, because I've been reading about it. I'm aware of what you did, and I almost died. I almost choked on my water,

and it almost came out my nose. I hope no one can hear that on the podcast because I almost died. Well, show's canceled, folks. No, no. If I'm dead, you still better do it. I'll just have a cardboard cutout of you up there.

Thank you. And a bunch of soundboard clips. That's actually good enough. If not better. Really infinitely better. Yeah. You just pick people from the audience to come up and press the buttons. Yeah.

Who wants to be Jesse now? And I'm like, boop, boop, boop. Listen, 12 days, Animal Crossing's here. If we go on now and I'm like listen 12 days Animal Crossing's here if we go on lockdown I'm ready I'll be playing Animal Crossing I've got Animal Crossing's coming out it's gonna be great oh wow 12 days that's right when I leave

awesome oh yeah I've been invested in my Warhammer stuff because the new Seraphon book, Lizardmen book came out, changed all the rules changed allon book, Lizardmen book came out, changed all the rules, changed all the stuff, a bunch of my models are useful again. It's fantastic.

I spent, I made a two-video, two-part series. It's like a 35 and a 40-minute of me going over the book on my Warhammer Crendor channel, and I tried to record a giant block of it that was an hour and 20 minutes all corrupted had to redo it my heart I feel for you that happens way too much there's nothing

more demoralizing than doing that and then you go to look at the thing and it's like zero kilobyte or bytes and I'm like can I tell you that I have at least two that I can remember YouTube series where I just stopped? The most recent one was the Witcher game Thronebreaker. I recorded an entire two-hour session.

And because the game autosaves, when I was like, okay, good, good session. Went to go look, the file was totally corrupted. I was like, no! And so it's two hours lost that I cannot go get back it's just gone and i was so demoralized i was like well i guess that series is over i've said so many times we're just been like well i guess i won't try that anymore it sucks yeah it's auto saves are the worst we need save file saves. Game developers. Only autosaves is the death knell. No more. It's the other part.

I'm not even making money off this video. This is like my channel hasn't had enough hours watched yet to get monetized. So I'm literally just doing this, not earning any money. So that's like three hours of just reading this book. Oh, this is your other special channel. Yeah, this is my Warhammer hobby type channel. I'll start making money off it in another 700 public watch hours. I don't know what that means.

I don't even know what that means. But, you know, I don't even care. I'm just doing this for Warhammer stuff. So I did all that. So that's like just three hours of just being like, alright, so it looks like Slan are going to be able to heal on a 5-up, 10-up is a D3 heal. Wow, that's crazy. And it's just

non-stop talking. And when you hit the end of that and you're like, oh, finally I can stop talking and you have to do it again. It's, god, it roasts you. Yep, this is the job we have. Well, it's like the best of both worlds you get to do fun stuff like i'm like oh i get to read this seraphon book i got it early from

games workshop i get all this stuff and then you know you spend so long trying to do something with it and it drives you insane well the good news is hold on do you when i'm out there do you want to do you want to paint more What do you want to do? Well, I know we're going to the Starbucks. Well, of course I know that. I'm talking about the fact that I got a text from you this week that says when do you get here for the live show?

And I'm like the 17th at night. And you're like, how? Late? And I'm like, well, I get in at 6. And you're like, oh man, get ready. And I'm like, I'm not ready. And you said you oh man get ready and i'm like i'm not ready and you said you'll never be ready that's the trick and apparently we're going to wear the tilted kilt gotta go tilted kilt it's saint patrick's day because it's saint patrick's day what does that mean though why because me and toaster woman have gone the last two years and it's always

there's always the craziest people there. And it's literally just worth going for the people. Last year, there was this Hobbit family, and they were dancing. They were going crazy. It was like 50-year-old Hobbit people dancing and just drunk. And it may have been the greatest thing I ever saw, and I need you to experience that.

I can't promise I won't get drunk and dance well it's even better so we have to do that and then we have to go to starbucks and then we also have to go to the is is the whatchamacallit open wednesday the jousting oh yeah medieval times we go to that is it open on wednesdays They're open like every day man Are they like my lord We are closed during weekdays I always thought it was like a weekday thing Or weekend

They're open non-stop everyone goes on the weekend But they're there on weekdays So what if we're like one of three people in the crowd on a Wednesday Does that make it better? Oh yeah Alright I'll take it There's people that go there and they're just like yeah screw it i'm gonna go here and drink and eat some medieval food and watch a guy be like i land we go to the tilted kilt and

get wasted yeah and then the next day we have to go to a starbucks yeah go to medieval times and that's it like just do all these. Then the next day is our show. Yeah. Well, I'm excited. I'm excited to get messed up. I can't wait. It's the Crandor experience. I'll mess you up.

See? And you'll find out about all this stuff if you attend the show. We're not going to talk about it on this podcast. It's a show exclusive. Do you want to know how crazy we got on coffee and then went to go scream at the white knight be like you suck white knight green knight's best night well okay we have promoted this this show that is happening in the future enough that i think now i've made up for it come to the show yeah so what did you do this week? What have you been up to? Oh, well, Warhammer stuff.

And then I got to Plat and League of Legends. Oh, I've been playing some old Kirby games. That's been fun. I'm so sad that I asked. Your week has just been you doing nothing. Yeah, that's about it. Wow. Okay, great week you've had.

Honestly, it's a pretty solid week to me. I, uh, God. I went to Boston. Oh. I went to Boston. That was great. And did a whole thing there. When I was in Boston. I don't know if I... You might. That was great. And did a whole thing there. When I was in Boston, I don't know if I – you might have seen these pictures.

I found this place, and it was like this little tiny bakery. Oh, my God. It was delicious. I ate breakfast there every single day. It was, I don't know, maybe half a mile away from my hotel, but I kept walking there like, I can't wait to start my day. I'm so happy. And I'd walk in and be like, I'll have one granola yogurt with fruit and something on toast. Every day was a little bit different. The first day I got the avocado and the second day I got this egg thing on toast. Oh, it was so good.

avocado. And the second day I got like this egg thing on toast. Oh, so good. And then I got my yogurt and I just sat there with, with water and coffee and had a great breakfast and watched the world go by from the window. That does sound pretty great. It was pretty great. One thing I will say, I don't know what Boston is like, but there are a significant number. I'm not sure if this is a stereotype of Boston, my apologies, but in this place and ever I want, especially during the day, there were a significant number of, I'm going to say Karen's who were just sitting around in groups chatting at tables with nothing on them and then people especially at this restaurant people standing waiting for a table and they would just not move

and i'd be sitting there on my thing like sipping my coffee my little stoop next to the window sipping my coffee watching it all go down and they would just sit there and be like oh my god and then i went to the bar and that's how that's so dumb it was obviously they had finished food they'd already finished but they would not move. And part of me was like, yo, get out of here. You have been here too long. Time to move. Go talk in the street.

You cannot. I hate when people do that. When the servers like, take your time. And they're like, all right, get out. If you're done, if the food has been cleared, that's the time to leave. Go. Leave yourselves. Whenever they bring the check

they're just like hey take your time take your time and really they're just like please leave uh because i need to get more customers and more tips and more people need to come in here and sit down and you're taking up space for too long i was told it's a very american thing because in europe they're like to take your time and they take 25 minutes to give you your check. But with that said, even there, if you don't have anything on your table, get the hell out. That's a rule we need to establish everywhere. If someone has cleared your table or you've finished your drinks and you've cleared it yourself and you go sit down and you're still talking, get out. Take it somewhere else.

Leave. Oh, it upsets me me it upset me so much i was like all you are just sitting around chatting about nothing and there are maybe 18 people standing in a corner with their little um you know their numbers they're holding and one guy this woman comes out and she's like oh do you not have a table he's like nope and she's like would you like it to go and i'm like wait a minute you're gonna make food for this guy to go even though he wants to stay when you could literally just kick one of these people out oh i was upset oh crendor i was ready to burn the place down i was like this i was about to post on twitter i spent three days here and on the third day i

realized this place is actually hell i was so upset i can't believe how much i enjoy this place and how upsetting it is to watch it all crumble around me oh yeah i was very mad I was like, I can't believe how much I enjoy this place. And how upsetting it is to watch it all crumble around me. Oh yeah, I was very mad. I was like, get up and go! Just go! Oh, it makes me furious. It's the hill I will die on. If you're

one of those people that eats and then sticks around, you are the problem. Get out. Go away. It's not your kitchen table. My hope is that you have places to be. Oh, they definitely don't. It's the human face-to-face equivalent of not being able to say goodbye on the phone.

I love you. No, I love you. I love you. You hang up. No, you hang up. Same thing, but it's at a table at a restaurant, and they're just talking because none of them want to go home. Oh, yeah, they don't.

They definitely don't want to go home. This is like the highlight. You got to extend that highlight as long as you can. Yes. I'm sorry, Karen. Stop it. Also. Cut it out.

I noticed Mathis is now trying to pull off the me look yes i saw mathis uh he has gone full crendor yep he's got the beard he's got the long hair i think i'm gonna let you know i know a secret all right i think much like fat dudes with beards skinny dudes with long hair is a thing now oh yeah well even sam started doing it like i said that a few years ago sam started doing the thing after i did it now math is doing it i like to think i'm a trendsetter you here's the thing i think we both are i think everywhere you look when i first started this thing i was the only one and now everyone out there with their beards and their guts i'm just putting out there, copying me.

Y'all copying me. You, I get it. Everyone out there is copying you too. Here's the thing. We've been doing this for years. We've been trending for years. That's true. Florida man, chlorophyll, I'm pretty sure everything that Gwyneth Paltrow is selling right now.

I've been saying put rocks in your vagina for years. No one listens to me. Now Gwyneth Paltrow does selling right now. I've been saying put rocks in your vagina for years. No one listens to me. Now Gwyneth Paltrow does it? Come on. Yeah. I'm saying all of our crazy ideas, suddenly, suddenly they're popular? Come on. Yeah.

Honestly, it's the way to go. Just listen to us and then do the things we say. Like go to Cox and Crandor Live in Chicago March 19th. Sounds like a cult. Just listen to us and do the things we say. Like go to Cox and Crandor Live Chicago March 19th. Sounds like a cult. Just listen to us and do the things we say. And give us money. Speaking of which, Crandor. Let me tell you about Hawthorne.

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You take a quick two-minute quiz, and Hawthorne tells you the two clones that are best for you, one for work, one for play. Like I said, it is totally risk-free with free shipping and free returns if you don't like it. Check out Hawthorne at Hawthorne.co. That's Hawthorne with an E. And use my promo code COX to get 10% off your first purchase. That's H-A-W-T-H-O-R-N-E.co.

And use code COX to get 10% off your first purchase. Also today we're brought to you by Postmates. Now more than ever, people are afraid to go outside and Postmates has got you covered. It shouldn't be a selling point, but by God it is. If you want red wine at 4 or sushi at 9 p.m. or a breakfast burrito at 8 a.m. or you need that ibuprofen, you can get it. Postmates will make it happen get it. Postmates will make it happen for you. Postmates is your personal food, grocery, whatever kind of whatever

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