Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 236 - Unknown Cow

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

Welcome to another Cox n' Quarentine in the morning! Sure we're all stuck inside still, but our little show continues on! Besides my attempts to get Crendor watch Tiger King, we've also got a great story about the best cow ever. Also Crendor loves QVC in a way that may not be natural. All this and so much more! Check out Hawthorne at http://hawthorne.co and use promo code COX to get 10% off your first purchase! Use code CRENDOR for $100 of free delivery credit WITH NO MINIMUM PURCHASE for your first SEVEN days by downloading the Postmates app.

Today's episode is brought to you by Postmates. Postmates, it's now the time. They've always been there, but now is the time you need them more than ever. Trust me on this. Also today we're brought to you by Hawthorne. Hawthorne is going to deliver you things that are going to make you smell good just because you're stuck indoors. Don't mean you don't have to smell good. If you're with people, trust me, after a few days of stanking the way you stank, they gonna be like put on some hawthorne we'll get to that as well let's jump into this podcast

hello everybody it's time for constant trend dog Hello everybody, welcome to another exciting episode of Cox and Crandall in the morning. Hey, welcome to Cox and Quarantine, week two. We are quarantine. Yeah, I mean, more than week two technically. Technically, it's the start of week three. Yeah. But that's fine because we are in it for another month. At least another 30 days.

Yeah. Here in the United States, at least. Some people are going insane. Personally, i'm not super affected by it well yeah i'm not going insane i'm just my whole world is upended exactly i think that's a crazy person i just don't have time is meaningless yeah it's uh i don't say i think it's that for a lot of people where they're just like i got all this time

What do I do? But there's so many things they want to do They can't do So they have to stay inside I think it's worse for people that have kids Or big families They got to be at home with Where it's just a bunch of people

Crammed into a space Because you're worried about other people Right? You're like Well I got to make sure They're having a good time too And I got to take care of myself We have to have space We also I gotta make sure they're having a good time too, and I gotta take care of myself, we have to have space, we also have to make sure they're not getting sick.

Thank God, it's just me sometimes. You know what? I know some people are alone, and they get, I wish I had a pet, or I wish I had someone to hold, or I wish, no way. I'm concerned enough for myself. If I get like a cough, I'm like,

oh no, this is it. I can't worry about someone else getting a cough i'm like oh no this is it i can't worry about someone else getting a cough oh my god no way no thank you yeah but the other person could also take care of you i'm not like one of those sick people that's like oh my nose my nose is scuffy if you could just bring me some soupies no i'm not that person. I'm that person. Very much. But, you know, I've been like exercising at home. It's not the same, but it gets the job done. I was thinking about this the other day.

I was trying to think how I could just spend time doing stuff, right? Because I don't just want to sit around all day. I feel like that is such a waste to just sit there and do nothing, even though at nighttime I'll watch five hours of Netflix because I'm a terrible person. But during the day, I'm just like, I got to do something.

I have to be physical. And this has never been an issue in my life. I've never once before been like, I got to do something. But now that I can't, I have to. Right now they're like, you can't do it. I'm like, well, I have to do it now. So I've been coming up with all sorts of things. And the thing that I think really stuck with me is one day I woke up.

It was definitely I just woke up kind of thought. And I was like, how do astronauts on the space station do this? Yeah. Right? That's true. Because you have to figure they're on a space station by themselves, roughly, or with one other person or two other people for, the one guy was

up there for a year. Yeah. Alone in space. And of course he had work, right? He was doing science-y stuff, space flighting, but I imagine a lot of it is downtime. Yeah. Sort of floating in space. And I have to wonder,

after, you know, the initial I'm floating in space, oh my god, I figure six months in, you're like, yeah, it's not that impressive, right? So, what did he do day in, day out for all that time? They had to hook up to that damn, I know

they have a treadmill up there, right? And probably a bunch of other stuff to keep busy. But I was like, okay, so they worked out a little bit. I can do that. And then they did some work. I can do that. And then they like took care of their space. I can do that.

And then like everything that I thought about them doing, I was like, okay, yeah, I know I can make a version of that. And so now I'm trying to do what they did not as a oh yeah no it'll be fun but just let's get through every day let's just do day at a time and do a little bit every day and then tomorrow we're about tomorrow because i imagine if you're in space you're like a meteor could hit my ass i don't care so you're just like we'll worry about tomorrow tomorrow uh i mean it's all those things where uh you know you get you get used to it after a while i guess some people don't but you know it's i i tweeted it where i was like honestly the thing i miss the most is the gym because to me like going to the gym it's like a way to get

rid of your stress there's like so many different exercises to do i put put on my AirPods, and it's just like, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, and you're like, yeah, yeah. But at home, you can't really do that. I mean, so sometimes I'll just go for a walk, usually at night when there's nobody around. And then if I do go to the store, like if I go to the grocery store, I'd go the other day.

I go like 30 minutes before closing when there's like nobody there. I wish that was the case for me. The thing is like, I do that anyway. So it's not out of the ordinary. So there's even less people now, which is fantastic. I pulled out the old, I was like,

do I have any exercise like DVDs? And I have one my mom gave me from like seven years ago with Galad Express Workouts. And Galad is like the old buff Israeli man. And he's just like, here we go. Today we'll do our Express Workouts. And then you just pick what you want.

So you'll do shoulders, and it gives you a 10-minute shoulder workout. You pick arms, you'll do like shoulders and it gives you like a 10 minute shoulder workout you pick like arms you'll do your arms so you got like and you do cardio he's got a thing so i just alternate between all those and do it for like 40 minutes and i'm like all right it's not bad and i think it's actually hitting muscles i haven't worked out at the actual gym so it's a little beneficial damn that's incredible yeah and it's funny because i just love like watching the uh the people on that DVD because, you know, they just found like some random gym people like come be in this DVD. So he'll be like, Danielle, can you go to the heavier weights?

And you can see in Daniel's face. She's like, I don't think I can, but I have to because he just asked me. And she's like, yeah. And he's like, there we go. Here we go. Down and squeeze. Down and squeeze. And he just it's It's a great experience.

Galad Express workouts. I'm glad it's doing so well for you. In fact, I think it's on YouTube. There's clips of it on YouTube if you want to check that out. Oh boy. I don't want to check it out. I'm good. You might check it out. It's great.

I've been doing that. Overall, my life hasn't changed It's great So yeah I've been doing that And I mean overall My life hasn't changed Too much I've developed your life My schedule is insane Today I woke up at almost 2pm I know a lot of people

Say that they're bored at home I'm not I straight up just work An online job means You never really stop So I'm constantly doing stuff And for some reason the last week I was more busy than I've been in a month Which is insane

Thankfully that stops Last week was just crazy And I think it was because I booked a lot of things That's when I was going to be in London So on Monday and Tuesday Had a ton of stuff already planned For online things And then I Tuesday I had a ton of stuff already planned for online things, and then I agreed to do a bunch of stuff for Rez Digital since I wasn't going to be there in person.

And so I was like, okay. Thankfully next week I start on my path to doing nothing, and I'm very thrilled about that. But I was just so busy, and so I couldn't find the time to get things done that I also needed to do for my life like go for walks or whatever. So I started doing at-home workouts and for some reason the last few days I'll eat dinner at like 9 o'clock at night, work out at like 11 or midnight and then stay up till 4 or 5 a.m. Not because I want to but because I'm just awake and it won't go midnight and then stay up till four or 5. Am not because I want to,

but because I'm just awake and it won't go. And then working out, of course it wakes me up even more. So now I'm just even more awake. And so I just won't, it's I'm so messed up. I'm so messed up clockwise and schedule wise. And I want to reset and do morning time stuff.

But here's the thing. Every time I do that, I'm like, why did I do this? For example, earlier this week, I think it was Thursday. Maybe I was like, okay, well I need to go to the grocery store, uh, to do my like weekly really quick, go in, grab stuff, get out. Right. And so I, uh, went to the grocery

store and I got there at eight 30 and in my mind, like, okay, eight 30 is perfect time. Not everyone's up. It'll be fine. Nope. There was a line out the door. All the grocery stores near me are doing a thing where if you go, you stand in a line six feet apart from everyone, and then they let in 10 people at a time. Huh. So there's an entrance and exit door, and they let in 10 people, and then a few people come out,

and then they let in 10 more people, a few people come out. And while I was in line, a group of, I'm going to say, a group of well-aged homeless gentlemen joined us in line. And they clearly weren't there for food. They were pissed off they had to wait in line because they were trying to get, and I quote, that Irish whiskey tastes so good. And they were shouting at everyone in line. And everyone was trying to ignore them.

Everyone was just like, please go away. Because everyone's doing that six foot thing. And they are like up on people. And so finally, this one young girl starts talking to them. Like, so what are you guys doing? What are you here for? And everyone in line is like, oh my God, stop. Stop talking to those guys. And they you guys doing what are you here and everyone lines like oh my god stop stop talking to those guys and they're just like let me tell you about a girl from compton she made me so happy and i was like oh my god please stop and i wish it recorded well

it didn't unfortunately but uh i managed to record some of it, but it was windy. So there's wind in the way. You can kind of hear what was being said. See, it's so windy. Yeah, he kept calling whiskey Irish Irish mother. It's Irish Irish Irish mother. Yeah. Irish, Irish mother. He's like, it's Irish, Irish mother. Irish, Irish mother. Yeah, and he was like, I don't know, imagine, if you will, just the tannest, oldest white dude with a long white beard. He looked like you would imagine if he –

L.A. Gandalf. Yes, yes. If he was digging in a mine, he'd be like, gold. And so it was him and then a young dude who definitely looked like he sold meth, riding a bicycle. And then two other guys who were sort of drugged out sitting 50 feet away from us, like shouting at them. And they would just keep yelling at each other. And this one guy was like, I'm in line for that good Irish, Irish mother. And everyone's just like, okay.

And the security guy who was there letting people in he's like sir You cannot come in here today And he's like what do you mean I knew a girl from Compton She's dead now died in 2013 And we're like what What do you mean what is that First off what does that have to do with anything

Second off why would you add that bit And so they decided to leave. And they go, fine, we'll go to CVS. And they go to CVS and come out with their alcohol and shout at all of us like, we got that mother, that good, good mother. And they, like, left. And everyone in line was like, what the hell was that about? And old lady in the back was like, if that man gives me Corona, I'll be so mad.

I was like, he's going to give you way worse than Corona, lady. You should be worried. That guy was literally close-talking you. I was like, why would you do that? They were so drunk and high. That's like the number one rule. It's just don't engage. Don't make

eye contact. Yeah, I know people are like, but they're people too. Yeah. But sometimes you don't got time for that shit. Like it's a lot. It can also be a dangerous. Yeah. And so I went to the grocery store and I got inside and I realized at first I was kind of pissed. I had to stand outside for about 30 minutes, but then I realized when I got inside, there were so few people in there. Everything was there. You could get anything you wanted. They had announcements going that were like, you're only allowed to take one thing of toilet paper, two bottles of, like, two liters of water.

They had rules and regulations. Like, damn. All right. Well, they're definitely handling this better than most people. Yeah. Like, when I went to the store, you could buy, like, one carton of eggs. You could buy, like, one flu medicine or, like, cough medicine. You couldn't ever buy on those.

Right. So they're clamping down on, like, people that hoard shit. I mean, good. I saw a – there's a Reddit channel. What are they called? Reddit page? Reddit category? Whatever they're called Subreddit? Thank you

I'm not from the internet, Crandor, I don't know There's a subreddit Rtrashy, I think it is It's just trashy things But one of the most recent Ones have been people posting Trash can photos of their neighbors And how, you know, this one lady

Had 15 loaves of bread in the trash that she just hoarded and then was like, oh, I can't eat 15 loaves of bread. She just threw moldy bread away. Or people who are, you know, have all these fruits and vegetables they just bought a bunch of and then threw away because there's no way they could eat them all before they went bad. I was like, the mentality of I have to take care of me before anyone else is sometimes so insane.

I understand it in chaos, in crisis. You're like, I got to make sure that I'm okay before I can make sure others are okay. But y'all, sometimes you take it a little far. There's a line that people cross. It's like, I got to buy like 50 oranges. I wonder if it's the same thing of like a sale, right? Where you go to a place and you see something on sale and you say, well, I have to have it because it's on sale. And if I don't buy it now, it won't be here next time.

Right. And so maybe people are like all this bread. If I don't buy all the bread now, I won't have bread when I need it. But it's illogical. Yeah. It's pretty much like once once it's like i said last week i bought some stuff before the the craze hit because once i saw the uh you know the pan sanitizer gone i was like if i know my fellow americans they're about to freak the fuck out so i was like let's just get some food And I was glad I did Because it's still going I've been trying to figure out how much I'm willing to risk stuff

So I All week Have just been making food at home And trying to stay away from people I even saw my dad this week Walking his dog And he went to say hi And I was like I'm staying six feet away

from you I will not even get near you and so I've been very distant for most people but the other day I was just like man what if I just got a chipotle burrito delivered and so uh I ordered it and then someone came and delivered it and this woman dropped it off. And I was like, Oh, I think they gave me the wrong order. She's like, Oh,

I'm so sorry. And I've never seen anyone deliver anything who was like, I'll, I'll handle this. She just went back, got it fixed, brought it back. I was like,

you know what? Shout out to people being good to each other right now. Cause she didn't need to do that. It wasn't her fault that it was the wrong order. It was literally just a great, cool thing that she did i was like thank you so much she's like don't worry i gotta look out for each other and i'm like oh my heart so here's the thing it was a beautiful moment but if i get corona from a damn burrito it's it would truly be fate if that's the case that would be fate.

Yeah. I don't know what goes on with that Chipotle. If they cough into my burrito. I've seen so many videos this week of people who cough in their hands and wipe it on stuff. Or this one dude in an elevator who was spitting in his hand and rubbing it all over the buttons. I'm like, who are these people? That still blows my mind. There's people doing that.

Or I saw there's a like, a TikTok, like, coronavirus challenge or whatever. I don't even know if it's a meme or not. I don't even think it's a meme. I think people are just dumb. Apparently, one kid who did it got coronavirus. Well, yeah. No shit. I mean, it... You lick enough doors, you're going to get something.

Yeah, and I think people were like oh well it can't happen to uh young people so yeah but literally it has people have died a baby just died the thing is like even if you're younger you're less likely to have serious repercussions from it but that still doesn't mean you're gonna get it and then give it to someone else who can have more serious uh symptoms and actually die from it. Well, it reminds me of that Warcraft plague. Remember that? Way back in the day? Yeah. Where

people actively got people infected. It reminds me of that where you saw people, I think there's a pretty good news article about that just happened recently, where there were people who were like, well well i'm not going to orgrimmar or stormwind that's insane i'm gonna stay out in the middle of nowhere and i'm not

gonna get killed by this plague but then you had people who actively went into town with the plague to kill people oh yeah and i think that is that's our modern society, that's a silly game version of society where I don't know how they view life, but I know that they get kicks by a, like, ha-ha, got him. Like, why? Like the Spring Breakers. Yes. I saw a photo of Florida, and there was a beach. And on the beach beach it had one.

The beach was segmented by county and one county you could not go to the beaches. So it was an empty beach. And then the distance it had another county with a complete full beach. And so there was like an invisible line of where you could be and where you couldn't be. And there was a full beach and then everywhere around it was empty. It was so weird looking. And I was like, why? I know you can.

I know you can go, but why go? This is, I've seen people on TV say this and I'm going to say this too, because it's so true. Other generations have had major things like this happen. Every major world sickness events happen every 100 years or so. the last one was the spanish flu way back when 1918 right but for us this is a huge this is a huge event this is like a everyone in the nation coming together generational moment and instead of being asked to go fight in World War II or being drafted into Vietnam or any of the countless other things generations before us have been asked to do, you're literally just being asked to stay home and do nothing. That's – people have died on beaches and shit and we're just like, stay home. Don't do anything.

Just stay home. Your great war is not leaving your house. And people are like, I can't do it. I'm going out. I can't. You don't tell me what to do. And it's like, what? This is literally the easiest thing in the world.

Sure, money will be tight for everyone. Welcome to the fact that jobs are disappearing rapidly. But a lot of people in the same boat. And you would hope the government could figure this shit out. And let's hope all of it is. But the idea is this is one of those moments where everyone has to come together and this is the thing. And people are like not gonna do it.

Why though? It's not this is the least challenging challenge of all the challenges. You're just being asked to do nothing. To do nothing. It's like when the internet goes out and you're like, well, I guess I can get other things done, but there's that part of your

mind where it's like, but I also just want the internet to come back. Your brain is just constantly like, wait for the internet. What if I just keep checking about the internet? And you start going crazy. And then the internet comes back on and you don't even care anymore. You're like, oh, okay're like oh okay it's like it's being told you can't have something so that's all you want yeah yeah exactly that's what it is so people are like i'm gonna go out i

don't care it's so dumb so dumb i guess i continue to limit my news it's very nice yes i uh i haven't watched news all week And I feel so good Yeah I barely go on Twitter I'll go on maybe like twice a day And I'll see stuff and be like yep alright And I'm gone And that's that I go back into Animal Crossing Go back into you know

Whatever else I can do And it's a lot nicer And there's so many ways that you can be social with people Online without having to go to Twitter. You can join discords or watch people's streams or hang out with friends in a video game. There's so many ways to be social. And if you're like, well, I just want to be active, you can do things in your home. Do you have steps?

You can go up and down those steps. You got a backyard? You got a sidewalk? There's things you can do. People just want to do the things they want to do the way they want to do them. Yeah, exactly. And, I mean, in the grand scheme of things, a couple more weeks isn't even that bad. Truly, I honestly believe it's going to be longer than that.

I know they're saying at the end of April, but it's like, okay, all right, we'll see. Because I figure based on the way people have acted so far, I don't believe they're going to – I don't see a world in which everyone's like, okay, you know what? Starting now, I'm going to take this seriously. And it's because of the people that don't take it seriously that we still have to be like, okay, let's do a few more months. I guarantee that's gonna happen this is literally like when you're in school and some kid like keeps doing something you're like yeah there we go 10 more minutes of detention you're like oh my god ricky why'd you

stand up and throw a rock at the window like all right here we go and some kid gets bored he like drops his pen on the floor and they're like up 10 more minutes of detention you're like oh my god come on i'm just i've hit the point where i'm like i know i can't there's like not much you can do outside of keeping your distance and washing your hands and being sanitary so i'm just like well that's really let's keep doing it although although now i have because i suffer from i've seasonal allergies right oh yeah so i don't know when I'm sick and when I'm not. I'll wake up some days and feel fine, and some days I'll be like, this is it. I've got it.

This is my time. And so I simply don't know. Like, I don't know. And I've heard things from friends, like our dear friend Alex was saying, hey, I talked to a doctor doctor and he said, if you can hold your breath for 10 seconds, you are currently in the clear. It doesn't mean you don't have it, but it means you're not like in the bad place. And so I don't know the veracity of those claims, but I tried it and I seem to be fine. Well, they've also said that a lot of things have started showing up like flu symptoms. Like I've read there's people that don't even get coughing or anything.

They just got like chills and fever and like, you know, like stomach ache and like problems like that. Which means, you know, it could be mutations of the virus just spreading differently. Like there's, I know there's an asymptomatic strain. So there could be a flu-like strain. There could be the strain like it'd be mutating and shit we don't know apparently i think this is gonna be helpful to a lot of people because i know a lot of us especially me i'm i always anytime i leave the house i have psychosomatic symptoms that are just like my chest i think something's wrong with me but um i know apparently in the coming weeks they should have a test. You can do it at home.

That is a blood test. Probably like a finger prick or something that will check and see if you have the antibodies. And so if you do, that means you've either had it or you've fought it off or maybe somebody new had it or maybe. Or you had like no symptoms. Yeah, maybe you just had no symptoms. But at least you'll know if you can get it again Right So you have the antibodies at least protected Yeah yeah exactly

So you're like a little bit protected more And so you feel a little less stressed and worried Like okay well I'm good So now I can only worry I'll worry about other people And so I would love that When that's out that's the first thing I'm good, so now I can only worry about other people. And so I would love that. When that's out, that's the first thing I'm going to get because my overall stress is like through the roof right now.

Not because I feel like I'm good, like I'm not going to get anyone else sick because I'm very good about my own personal being, but I'm still like if one of these MFers gets me sick that's around me, I swear to God, like I left the house for five minutes I saw two people if one of those two people had it. I'm gonna be so mad right It's that's where I'm at like I ain't dying for nobody. I just held my breath for 20 seconds. Oh No, all right here we go All right

Let's see. I mean I could have went went longer, too. I think I got powerful. I mean, I do go to the gym three or four times a week. So that probably helps me out a bit. Plus, I actually went in the sauna a lot. And the sauna apparently helps your lungs out. I don't know what it was. I read some study on it. But it's like something with healthier lungs if you go in the sauna for like 10 minutes at least or a couple times a week which i did so i don't know maybe that helped or something i don't know how long

that was but i felt like i held it a while right yeah that's like 20 to 25 seconds yeah i was trying to see how long you do it i'm fine at least with that but you know like the thing is like if you're at that point you probably know you have it already. That's true. You know what I mean? But I also feel like if I can work out and still be good, I clearly don't have a bad version of it. It's quite possible I still could always have an asymptomatic version. But if I can do things and physically move my body without being like, I imagine I'm good. I was at Disneyland like two months ago.

That's like when they started being like up a case in Chicago, a case in Orange County. And I was like, wait a second. I just went from there to there and I'm going there and back. And so when I was at Disneyland, I remember that one kid was just like, and I was like, ah, good luck. Like, I don't know. That was freaking me out a bit. I did have, like, my glands flare up for a bit after that. So I'm like, did I fight off a cold?

Did I fight off a corona? Did I actually, like, I don't know. Yeah. Because no one has any information. We're all kind of like, what? What do I do? How do I know? And so my hope, because you can't go to a doctor.

You're like, hey, can I see a doctor and get a test? And they're like, no. Like, are you sick? And I'm like, no. They're like, well, then, no, you can't come in. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. Like on that podcast, I remember being like, oh, yeah, my glands like flared up for a few weeks.

Now they went down. Everyone's like, yeah, you just fought something off. I didn't have a fever. I didn't have symptoms. My neck glands flared up like they're fighting something. And I was like, well, what can that be? And then they're like, ah, there's a billion different viruses and things and everything. And I'm like, well, I don't know.

I don't know. It could be that. It could be something else. At this point, I'm like, whatever. I feel like I understand the bad symptoms though. Right. Cause I, a guy posted on Twitter,

some, I want to say maybe he writes for a newspaper or something, but he posted the idea that, you know, Hey, look, this is awkward for me to share. I didn't want to share it.

Cause I felt maybe there'd be some weirdness between me and what, but look, I have Corona virus and I didn't some weirdness between me and what but look I have coronavirus and I didn't want to like put it out there but I have it so let me tell you about what it's been like and he the way he describes it is almost exactly like that uh I don't want it wasn't tuberculosis uh tonsillitis not tonsillitis. What did I have? Bronchitis. Bronchitis. Thank you.

I had bronchitis a few times when I was younger. For a month, I could barely breathe, and it sucked. And then for about three months afterwards, I was still coughing. Oh, yeah. I remember that. Even though I was fine. Yeah. We were at E3.

I was still messed up. I was just messed up. I remember that because it I was fine yeah I was we were at e3 I was still messed up I was just messed up I remember that because it was e3 and I came there and we were eating breakfast that one place like I'm gonna go to the bathroom you're in there for like 20 minutes and I was like see bed I was in the bathroom just constantly caught like I didn't want to leave the bathroom because I just like this guy's tweets I cough to the point where I almost felt like I had to throw up like I kept coughing and you keep coughing the point where i almost felt like i had to throw up like i kept coughing and you keep coughing the point where your body's just like clearly there must be something lodged in there so let's get rid of it but there was nothing it was just a dry cough

and he's saying this is the exact for him coronavirus the the sickness he had was the exact same thing you feel like you have mucus and stuff and and goop in your lungs but when you cough nothing comes out. And you are just constantly coughing, trying to remove something that's not there really. And then apparently, if it gets really bad, your lungs fill up with liquid. And that's when you have to go to the doctor and actually be put on machines and stuff. But he's like, for most people who get it and have it bad but stay at home like me, this is what to expect. I was like, oh my God, that's what I had in 2017.

You had corona three years ago. Clearly, the symptoms are kind of the same because, you know, bodies are only so different. That's the thing. It's like it's so different in everyone. That's what's so hard to figure out. So it's like, you know, one person gets nothing. One person gets a super cough. One person's like the flu.

One person, it's literally just a cough and a fever. It's gone fast. Like, it's just hard to track but you know it's uh it is what it is that is absolutely true yes all right well also uh the other thing i heard was like the viral load does matter which is like if someone if someone coughs in your face you're gonna get it worse than if someone you know touched a thing and it's been there for five hours and then you like scraped your hand on it and licked your hand or something oh yeah so okay it like uh it especially affects that i read like a couple things that mentioned that with the viral load uh which is why they say a lot of doctors and medical people get it worse actually because they're around it so much yes and

considering they don't have the the actual stuff to protect themselves anymore yeah which you know this isn't we're saying this as if it's like i found a factual study that like i just found a few things that mention that like this isn't like confirmed or anything but it's like a speculation it definitely sounds real or right like it would anything, but it's, like, a speculation. It definitely sounds real-er, right? Like, you would imagine... Well, because it's the same thing as when you get a flu shot, right? They're still putting the flu in you.

Well, it's like a dead version of the flu. Yeah, but it's, like, at a level that your white blood cells are like, I got this. Yeah, it's like if you're only getting a tiny bit of the virus compared to, you know, someone literally being, like,

brr, in your face. Yeah, imagine if someone put it on, if it's, like, on bit of the virus compared to, you know, someone literally being like in your face. Yeah. Imagine if someone put it on, if it's like on metal and you touch the metal five hours later, there might possibly be a little bit there. But that little bit. If you're on a plane or something where someone's coughing and it's literally circulating their germs in the air. Like that's probably not good. Absolutely. Yeah.

So, yeah. I mean, we aren't doctors, but we we know doctors and so we feel like we can speak for them i've been to enough doctors that i'm practically one so listen to me and buy my book uh my lawyers say don't listen to me and i'm not a doctor no don't oh my god but here's your research let me cap it off with a qvc story okay Okay. So as you know, I've been watching QVC for positivity and capitalism. And they now have to have all their people call in. So they'll be like, we're calling in from Jeremy's house. And Jeremy's just there being like, yep, I'm a rep with Dyson here in my house.

And Dyson Vacuum is just truly sensational. And it's amazing how well the QVC people, it's just them and two people, like the cameraman and someone else in the studio, how good they are at just selling stuff. And it made me realize that I think I could be a QVC host. I think you could too. In my mind, you know that guy who sold

the workout equipment that had the crazy long hair? Remember that guy? And he was like, get on the Randy roller! He had like crazy long hair and he was kind of like, I don't know, that fat fit that like 55 year old guys have where he's like

kind of fit but he still has a gut and he's like, get on the fit roller! And he's like do the workout while i was trying to sell you the stuff that's who i think you'd be good as yeah like uh there's this one guy there's like a few qb qbc hosts i've learned now there's like a couple old women they got like some younger instagram girls they got like a wide variety but then there's this guy's been on for like years, and he kind of looks like a gopher. And he's got like that kind of blondish head of hair. And he's just like, let me tell you about the vacuum. You know, nobody's going outside anymore. The dust is building up.

You got to get this vacuum. You start vacuuming. Look at this. The dust is going all over. You got to have clean air for your family to breathe. You don't want the dust circulating around, the germs getting everywhere. Open a window, you know? But you don't want to open it too long.

You're getting more dust there. You got this Dyson vacuum. You don't want some garbage vacuum, right? You're going to be doing this all day long. That's why you got to buy this thing. Let's take callers. And they'll be like, it's Gladys from Washington. She's like, my family hasn't talked to me,

but when they do come over, I got a clean house thanks to the Dyson vacuum. He's just like, that is sensational. And you catch him every once in a while being like, they're promoting something. He is just like, you know, when you want to go outside gardening or like for a walk. And then he's like, he paused and he's when you when you're staying six feet away from everybody like you know the producer was just like hanging out with your friends having a frubuski yeah staying socially distant i just like watching qvc it's great i can tell i can tell it's your new thing it's kind of like the ikea of home it really is it's it's essentially the ikea It's kind of like the Ikea of home. It really is.

It's essentially the Ikea of home. I really like the backgrounds they put up. They have fake backgrounds where it looks like they're in a home in the middle of Idaho or some shit. There's green trees and everything. And then it's like, wait a second. That isn't real. And the last time I was at ikea they actually had those i posted on my patreon where it's like they got uh these windows with like fake environments outside that's what qvc does it's like wow they're in some crazy home right now at a skyline or like

wow they're out in a like beautiful field and really it's just some studio in pennsylvania i don't claim to watch any qvc but but the stuff I've seen, my favorite are the knife shows. There's always a guy on there who is just way into the knives. That's the 32 inch steel hot-touching blade. You're like, what? My favorite's when they mess up. Some lady's like, this pan is perfect for pouring out your stuff efficiently.

She pours it out and misses the plate completely. And then she's like, it's kind of hard from back here. And the guy's like, yeah, it's a crazy studio. You got tables and stuff. Trust me. And you know they're just freaking out backstage. This here is called the Dragon's Night. It has four to five inches of pure titanium Wagyu cut steel.

And over here, you have your diamantium blade handle wrapped like the ancient samurai of Japan. And not only will we send you this, but also send you two Dragon's Bane daggers. Now, these daggers were forged in the heart of a volcano. And I swear to you, they'll cut through metal, through tomatoes, through your best friend if they piss you off and sleep with your wife. Now let me tell you, not only will we send you those three fabulous blades, but we'll also send you 26 carving knives. They carve steak.

They carve chicken. They carve up that bastard who slept with your wife. They carve steak. They carve chicken. They carve up that bastard who slept with your wife. They'll do anything. I'm telling you, you need to watch these. They're so good. And they take callers just like, hey, yeah, I bought the knives. And you are correct. They are one of the best purchases, if not the best purchase I've ever purchased in my life. Now, you know,

uh, one, I have carved a few turkeys, few chickens and one bastard, but yeah, yeah. Um, man,

I love these knives. All right. Well, speaking of selling things, have y'all heard about Hawthorne? Because I know we've talked about it before. Hawthorne is about smelling good. And right now, you could use it.

Trust me. You got that. I've been at home stank. And why not get something to smell, you know, smell like you're going out, but stay home. Smell nice for your partner. Smell nice for your lady friend. Smell nice for your guy friend. Hey, it stay home. Smell nice for your partner. Smell nice for your lady friend. Smell nice for your guy friend. Hey, it's 2020.

Smell nice for yourself. Hawthorne is going to keep you smelling your best. And smelling your best is the step one of being your best. Trust me. Right? You don't want to stink. It's just a fact. Stinky is bad.

I, for a long time, used the same cologne. I used the same cologne forever. And I loved it. And I never got anything new. I always had the same cologne. I used the same cologne forever. And I loved it. And I never got anything new. I always had the same cologne. I was like, this is my smell. And then, over the years, I realized, like, oh, I have other smells I enjoy. And Hawthorne helps you unlock that.

The whole point of Hawthorne is that you go take a quiz, and it gives you a ton of questions. Everything from things like, what is your favorite drink? To, what kind of cologne have you worn in the past to you know do when it comes to deodorant do you like deodorant that is like the stick or the spray or the roll-on all sorts they ask you tons of questions and then what happens is based on all of your answers, they craft a scent for you and you will have two scents. One that is for work, one that is for play. And the work one, it's kind of like, I'm off to go do things. And the play one's like, Hey, I'm here for parties. And you can have that now in your home created and crafted just for you. And you know, you'll get compliments

from your friends and your family for waking up every day and putting a little extra oomph into your stay-at-home routine i know crendor is smelling great and toast is just like that's my man that's true yesterday i went for my late night rain walk and uh apparently when i got back i smelled like dog so i sprayed some hawthorn cologne on and it actually covered it extremely well so you know what it'll cover your dog smell I was about to say you're trying to cover your dog smell

this is the cologne for you they also do other personalized products like deodorant and shampoo and body wash they all have unique smells designed for you as well it's very simple again you take a two minute quiz and Hawthorne will tell you what two colognes are best for you and well. It's very simple. Again, you take a two-minute quiz, and Hawthorne will tell you what two colognes are best for you,

and then it's risk-free, free shipping, free returns. It's that simple, and why not go a little extra mile in your daily routine even though you're not going out, right? Do it for yourself. When you breathe in, smell something nice. Check out Hawthorne at hawthorne.co. That's H-A-W-T-H-O-R-N-E, promo code COX, to get 10% off your first purchase. That's H-A-W-T-H-O-R-N-E.co, use code COX, 10% off, free shipping, free returns. Trust trust me you're going to love it

and you're going to smell good too also today we're brought to you by Postmates you're not going anywhere, you shouldn't go anywhere stay at home Postmates can bring it to you and not just food, Postmates can bring anything

they have numerous stores they operate with and they can bring you everything from, oh man, if you need stuff to store the things Postmates bring you, if you're like, Postmates, bring me a bunch of different things and a big plastic container from the container store. They can do that. From late night tacos to early morning energy drinks, sometimes you just need something delivered fast. And right now it's smarter to have stuff brought to you than do you go out. If you're like me, you're probably thinking about what to eat for dinner and all the different foods you love and how you

can't have it. And it looks like it's probably ramen again tonight. Why not get real ramen? Why not get something special? You can, I feel like at least once a week you gotta have one day where you do something fun for yourself, especially if you're trapped indoors, this is the way to do it. But they don't just deliver burgers and sushi, they can do groceries, convenience store, clothing store, you name it they can do it. So with no more trips to the store, no more late night fast food runs, no more any of that, Postmates can help. Just download Postmates on iOS or Android, find your favorites, get anything you want delivered within an hour. For a limited time.

You listening right now will get $100 of free delivery credit for the first seven days. So over the next seven days, if you sign on, for $100 worth, everything is delivered for free. You don't have to pay any delivery charges. Super, super simple and easy. You're saving money and you can stay at home to start your free deliveries. Download the app and use code Crandor. That's code Crandor for $100 of free delivery credit with no minimum purchase for your first seven days when you download the Postmates app. Anything you need. Anytime you need it. Postmate it.

Alright, Crandor, let's go to chapter 7. This is Captain Crandor. How's the travel going? Uh, traffic is pretty much non-existent except for the couple cars I see out there. You better be going to the grocery store to essential locations otherwise, uh, we're gonna have going to have to chop the copter, drop down and pick you up and drop you into the ocean.

We are allowed to do that by law now, except we are not. But nobody will care because really, we're saving lives. Back to you. We actually have one of those cranes with a magnet thing on it. That's what we have at the end of the Chopper Copter. And it's just been sitting there for years and we didn't know what to do with it. Now we have a purpose.

Finally. Yeah, finally we have a reason to have that thing on there. People said I was crazy for putting money into that, but we have it. And now we will drop your ass in the ocean. Yeah, we'll do it. We will do it. All right, let's go to weather.

Weather time, weather time. Here we go to the weather time. Weather time, weather time. Four, three, five, four, one. No, wait. Back it up one. I got Napoleon, Ohio, and it piqued my interest. Piked, p. No, wait. Back it up one. I got Napoleon, Ohio, and it piqued my interest. Piqued, piqued, piqued, piqued, piqued, piqued.

It piqued your interest, not piqued. Piqued your interest is not a word or phrase. I thought, is it P-I? Piqued, piqued. Oh, I guess you're right. Piqued, piqued, piqued. It piqued my interest. Do you stimulate interest or curiosity?

You know when you know a word, but you kind of don't know a word at the same time? It's like you'll use it in a sentence. Like, if I didn't know it peaked, you're just like, oh, yeah, it peaked my interest. But in your brain, you're like, wait, did I use peak correctly? But you kind of know you did. You know what it means. You know that peaked my interest means that you are now interested in it. Like, it made you more interested than before. So you know the phrase You know what it means You know that peaked my interest means That you are now interested in it Like it made you more interested than before

So you know the phrase Even if you don't know the exact definition of peaked You internally know what you're saying Yeah that's what I'm saying Have you ever done that but with other words Sure I think everyone has Everyone especially when you're growing up You hear phrases that parents or TV says

And you repeat it You don't quite know exactly what it means But you kind of get the gist of what it means. And so you say it. Yeah, of course. Yeah. It's like when people try to do the monologue from The Matrix, which is like, indubitably, vis-a-vis the... Right? Like that whole monologue?

Yeah. If you think about it, 90% of what he says makes sense, but you're also like, what the hell did he just say? Yes. Anyway, Napoleon, Ohio. Yes. 51 degrees. Feels like 45 degrees. Next 36 hours, you're going to have 41 degrees, 20% chance of precipitation.

High wind gusts possible. Monday, 44 degrees, 20% chance of rain. High wind gusts possible. I'm going to tell you right now, you're probably going of rain, high wind gusts possible. I'm going to tell you right now, you're probably going to be getting those wind gusts because it was windy here today. And if it's moving east, hot dog, it's going to be a spicy roller coaster. Cloudy skies on Monday, followed by partial clearing, low 35. Tuesday, you got 45 degrees, winds calming down. Low 35.

Tuesday, you got 45 degrees. Winds calming down. And over the next 10 days, you got 44, 45, 49, 56, 60, 57, 58, 58, 57, 55, 57, 56, 54. Getting into the 50s now with a lot of rain. Hawaii. I don't know what I just said. Hawaii. Okay.

Hawaii. Hawaii. Hawaii. It sounds like the beginning of a great song. Huawei. Huawei. That's the Huawei weather. All right.

Sports. Sports. Sports continue to be shut down, but NFL free agency continues. Players keep signing with teams. Ronald Darby signed with the Redskins one year deal. Geronimo Allison, former Packer, going to the Lions. I saw someone tweet us about

the Minshew mania. He's like posing with a jaguar on his Twitter. Have you seen Tiger King? I have not. Speaking of posing with jaguars, take the time to watch it. We'll talk about it when you're done.

It is seven episodes on Netflix. Everyone, if you want to know if you'll enjoy it, go watch the trailer. It is the craziest thing. Every episode had another thing that was so crazy I couldn't believe it. There's one episode where I literally sat there with my mouth open for 20 of the episode just like what it is insane i never thought i'd see anything like it i didn't know this world existed i should have i i mean wow wow it's crazy um what is the premise behind it? Okay, the premise, the way the trailer sells it, is there's this guy in the middle of Oklahoma who owns a zoo

where he keeps like 200 cats, wild cats. And he is a, the way he describes himself is a gun-toting, Bible-reading, gay, polygamist cat man. I don't know how to... And then his nemesis is this woman in Florida who runs a wildlife refuge. But the twist is she possibly killed her husband in order to get the money to run the refuge, and they're mortal enemies. What the shit?

That's the setup. That's the setup for the entire thing and every episode it gets wilder and they introduce new people and it keeps getting crazier and crazier. What you think the show's going to be is not where it ends up. And at first you're like, this is hilarious I can't believe this is, like, all these characters are so silly. And then about four episodes

in you're like, oh, my God. What the fool is insane? All right. OK, this does sound right up my ass. Speaking of crazy, I was going to purchase David Lynch's master class. Oh, my God. Wait, is it an online course? It's a master class.

Nobody like is it. Does he. Is it just the video of it and you can do it whenever you want? Yeah. It's a 12 lesson master class where it looks like it averages around 12 minutes a lesson. Catching ideas, creativity in the writing process, educating yourself, casting for character, working with actors, on set creating a happy family, production design, building unique worlds, cinematography, manifesting David's vision, sound design and scoring, breaking the rules, making it true to ideas, bonus chapter transcendental meditation I love this I think you should I think you should report

back on everything you have two assignments this week that and Tiger King yeah those will be everyone remind him remind him of these two things I will I'll definitely do these things this week I have so. So funny. Yeah.

When I saw that, it was like a master class. I was like, what the shit? Now I can learn straight from the source. Yeah, from the master himself. And in the actual other sports news, a couple of the NBA players that got the coronavirus have been cleared of it. So that's good. That's sports. All right. What's our big news story of the NBA players that got the coronavirus have been cleared of it, so that's good. That's sports.

All right. What's our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. All right, let's see what we got here. Florida man's cow is faster than it looks and has evaded police. All right. I don't know where this is going. I don't either.

A cow described as faster than it looks is wanted by U.S. police after avoiding capture for over a month. What? What did it do? I don't know. Florida cow. Why do they keep calling it faster did it do? Or the cow. Why do they keep calling it faster than it looks?

Like it doesn't look that fast. It's just a cow. It's just a cow. That is one fast cow for us from looking at it. Like the cow doesn't look like a Ferrari or something. It's just a cow. I can't believe there's a giant size that says wanted unknown cow. The elusive female has been on the loose in South Florida since late January.

And they have just issued a wanted poster for her. They have just issued a wanted poster for her. A poster shared on Twitter by the Pembroke Pines Police Department reads, Wanted, unknown cow. Description, female cow, brown with a white head, faster than it looks, talented fence jumper, enjoys pools. What is this magical cow?

Whatever it is, enjoys swimming. Yeah, right. Pending charges, moving violations, uttering false checks, and fleeing and eluding the police. The police department

said the bovine fugitive is not considered dangerous, but has been spotted near Interstate 75 in Southern Broward County and has been known to walk into the road. Wait, that's it? Okay. They made a wanted poster for a cow they couldn't catch

that literally all it's doing is walking near roads, and they're like this is dangerous we need everyone there all points pulled in we wanted unknown cow the does the cow really belong to someone or is it you know it's it's an independent cow you figure finally broke free a cow is big enough that someone would notice a missing cow, right? Like someone would notice their cow was missing. I think you might be on to something. I think this cow broke free and maybe put like a stuffed cow in its place,

you know, like a bunch of hay, some leather jackets or something, like, you know, made a cow, and the guy's like, oh, that's my cow Bessie out there looking great. Right. And here's the thing. They say it's a, it jumps fences and enjoys pools. Like this cow, like jump some fences into someone's yard and go swimming and then like make a dash for it. Maybe this cow is like during the day, sneaks out and then at night goes back for the count. Yeah.

Yep. Bessie are still here every day. I think this cow is like some sort of super cow. We've already heard about super snakes. It's only a matter of time before it crosses over to cows. I'm telling you right now, when the coronavirus hits the animals, it makes them into real super mutant animals. I don't think that's true. Don't say that.

Don't say that don't say that there'll be some guy that's like i gotta drink my cat with corona and then he goes out and buys like a case of corona beer maybe it will be a super cat then i'm telling you dude this could get insane who knows what super animals next crocodiles This could get insane. Who knows what super animals next? Crocodiles? Ostriches?

We went from snake to cow, so I imagine we'll get less threatening as we go. So next, I feel like, I don't know. Platypus. That's right. It's beak of justice, or bill. What do they have? Bills of justice. Bill of justice.

And the tail. I mean, they're already mutants, as is. Mm-hmm. These things could get crazy. Yeah, it's only a matter of time. They're already, you know, if you give them the ability to mind warp you, it's over for us. Yeah. Well, not us. Australians.

They're screwed. We're fine. Oh, yeah. Australia's the last place you want to be when the animals go mutant. Oh, yeah. You're all done then. Yeah. They've already got mutant animals there practically.

All right. Well, I guess that's it for us, huh? I'd say so. Okay. Well, Crandor, hit up the socials. Socials. Follow us on YouTube. YouTube.com slash CoxCrandorPodcast.

Hit the bell. Hit the subscribe. Go to YouTube.com slash Cox and Crandor for all the animations. Hit the bell. Subscribe over there, too. Go to our own YouTube channels. YouTube.com slash Crandor. YouTube.com slash cox and crendor for all the animations hit a bell subscribe over there too go to our own youtube channels youtube.com slash crendor that comes as jess cox uh also we're on spotify we're on soundcloud we're on itunes just search cox and crendor you'll find us tell your friends tell your family tell your mom tell your dad uh over the phone or the internet because social distancing but they probably want something to listen to. Why not share the worst best podcast around?

Or best worst worst best. You get the picture. Also, follow us on our other stuff. Twitter.com slash JessCox. Twitter.com slash Crendor. Instagram.com slash Crendor is taken. Instagram.com slash NotoriousCox. Twitch.tv slash JessCox.

Twitch.tv slash Crendor. I've been playing Animal Crossing. That's it. You became that frog for a minute. Yeah, the frog. Yeah, I know. Alright, well that's it. Thank you so much for listening.

We'll see you next time. And as always, to be continued.