Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 237 - What did I just watch?!

Episode Date: April 6, 2020

The boys are back again with another exciting episode of sitting around at home watching paint dry. Thankfully Netflix is there with something else to watch - PURE INSANITY. Crendor has seen Tiger King and Jesse maybe found something even more insane?!?! How is that possible?! Tune in to find out! To get your 15% off your first order, free shipping, and a 100% satisfaction guarantee, go to http://meundies.com/crendor.

Today's episode is brought to you by MeUndies. MeUndies is what you should be wearing really 24-7 now. I mean, you have no excuse not to put on. I just got in the mail some MeUndie sweats loungewear. Yeah, I did too. They're great. They're so good. I'm just like, whatever, man. Lounge around. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dom. We love to see Trend Dom in the morning. lounge around. Wake your ass up, it's the Cocks and Crandall in the morning!

Hello everybody, welcome to another exciting episode of Cocks and Crandall in the morning! Hey, stay inside. Unless for some reason you have to go out, in which case, make sure it's worth it. Y'all, make sure it's worth it. You just, you know, as long as you just stay away from people, don't cough on your hands or anything and sanitize do all that just uh be smart yeah i have a mask i have gloves i uh went out i learned how to take gloves off the professional way so i feel very good about it oh yeah the uh where you don't recontaminate yeah you don't immediately recontaminate yourself but even then i still just wash my hands like a crazy person.

Oh, yeah. I do. I wash my hands so much. I even wash my face. So I'm like, well, if somebody, like, there's air or something, I'll wash my face. Why not? Yeah.

Or if I touch my, I don't know. Either way, I wash my hands and my face. My face, I only wash a couple more times than I used to, but my hands I wash, like, all the time. I'm just not – look, I'm out there trying not to get sick, and if I have to go outside, like, if I do anything outside, I'm like, I come back, I have a whole system where I'll – let's say I have to go get something.

Let's say I go to the mailbox and I get something. I'll take whatever it is back. I will open it, and I get something. I'll take whatever it is back. I will open it and then I will use I will open it up, see what's inside and be like, okay, well what's inside probably can't be contaminated. So then I will go through a whole system of like using

an old shirt. Get it out of there. I'll wash my hands first. Then I'll use the old shirt. Get it out. Then I'll take the box outside and throw it away. Then I'll come back and wash my hands again because of the box. You never know. Then I'll go to the package and be like, okay. So I have a whole

thing I have to do. You should throw the shirt in the dryer, heat it up. Oh, that's smart. That's smart. I didn't think of that. Yeah. Also, last week... Oh, God. How you doing? Last week, everybody told us the breathing thing where you hold your breath is a myth it's false

here's the thing I think we said it probably wasn't true but we just did it anyway for fun yeah well I think we probably said that in the podcast if anything that's what we were trying to get across yeah either way don't listen to us for medical advice. Yeah, we're definitely not doctors.

We were just, someone said that, and we tried it on the podcast, and we weren't like, hey, if you can breathe, you're fine. That's not the case at all. Many people are asymptomatic. Don't listen to us. We're literally just trying to get through a podcast. We're trying to come up with things to talk about when the world is crumbling around us oh my god so the other day normally i do things at night right normally i do things at night anyway right right because that's just my schedule so i i'm usually not around people but

you know i was getting later at night but it was kind of warm right it was warm i was like 60 so i was like hey you know what i'll go for like a night walk all the normies are going to sleep whatever so it was like nobody was out there i saw maybe like two people walking and on my way back i was like this is the most i don't know what this woman is just like this older woman kind of jogging like and then she's about 30 feet away and she's just like, and I was like, nope. So no, I was like, well, if I turn around, I'm going to have to like loop around. I'm just like, OK, so I was like, OK, here we go. So I started walking past her and I just held my breath, closed my eyes while I pretended to look down at my phone.

And I was just like It's just like keep holding breath. Don't open your eyes. It's still like windy outside and shit but I'm not risking anything and she just walks a bit more. She's just like it's possible. It's allergies right? It's like allergies are bad.

She could just be winded too. If she was older she could just be winded. Don't say winded she might be around uh but yeah you know it's there's probably plenty of other things but in my mind i was like nope nope so i did that got home washed my face washed my hands i like washed everything um so you know i was like out of all the times Out of all the times There's like nobody out here There's to be one random person walking Being like I uh So I did my weekly grocery store run

And this time Another line I had to wait in Which was fine I'm used to it And I went When I finally got inside I was like alright I know exactly what I need, so I'm going to be real quick. I'm going to go boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, and get out. Not going to go through this whole, like, I wonder what's down this aisle.

It was like, look, I know what I want to make. I know what I'm going to eat. Let's go. Went down one of the aisles, and there were these, I'm sure, lovely people, but they seemed very, like, there's a nearby college, so I want to assume they're probably college students. Although I don't know if college is in session, so maybe they're just young. There's these two girls

and they were standing just in the middle of the aisle unable to decide what kind of yogurt to get. But I walked down the aisle and stopped. About six feet away from them, just like Okay, take your time, I guess. And just really sat there patiently and waited and they're like under their masks because now everyone in california uh is wearing masks i'm not sure about the rest of the country but in cali everyone has a mask on i think i saw when i was out maybe two

people without masks on so i'm not sure the people here have masks yeah i don't know what good it's doing any of us because I don't know the difference between a cloth mask and one of the N95 super masks. I truly don't know. Obviously, one is better than the other, but I don't know what good cloth does for particles. Who knows? Anyway, everyone has masks on, and so I'm sitting there patiently, and these girls in their masks are like, what should we buy?

I don't know. I don't know what masks are like What should we buy? I don't know I don't know what to get What if we get like different ones? And I'm just like Oh god And this voice behind me This little tiny older woman goes Excuse me ladies

We all need to get through here And I was like whoa And I turned around And of course it was The most Karen of Karens Oh yeah Like an older lady Karen Who was just like Excuse me And I was like, whoa! And I turned around, and of course, it was the most Karen of Karens. Oh, yeah. Like an older lady Karen who was just like, excuse me. And I looked at her.

For the first time ever, I was like, I gave her the silent nod. Like, thank you. Thank you, Karen. Some people need to get to their wine. So the two girls looked at her. It was like, excuse us. And they just left the aisle. And I was like, oh, thank God.

And so, of course the karen doesn't wait for me she immediately goes around me and keeps going i'm like ah of course but thank you karen and so then i continue going down the aisle i get to the part where i'm like well i need toothpaste so i gotta get toothpaste and i get to the toothpaste aisle those two girls are there and now they've taken off their masks and and one girl is, like, rubbing her mouth on her arm. And I'm like, oh, hell no. So I left the aisle. I did not buy toothpaste.

My tube is I'm squeezing stuff out. I'm like, oh, hell no. I'll wait a week. So I was like, these two girls are trouble. They're trouble. Yeah. It's the one thing where it's like you're wearing a mask and then you're like, hold on. You take your mask off and scratch your face.

You realize you just defeated the entire purpose. She was just wiping her mouth out of her hand. I was like, oh, hell no. I actually have two masks and I have one of the respirators that's because i do warhammer shit so like i bought my mask like a year ago because i was

like well i'm not gonna breathe in primer fumes so my masks are covering covered in like paint primer and shit but i rub them down every once in a while so i had to prime some guys the other day as a warhammer person does. So now I can prime them outside without people walking by being like, oh, that guy's crazy. Now they're like, oh, that guy's just staying safe.

When really, I am staying safe because I'm not breathing in primer aerosol and paint fume. There's a weird parallel between you and my mom because she too was that person who, when I was in January, she was like, do you want to take a mask so you don't get sick? I'm like, sick from what? What are you talking about?

She had like 80 masks. And then in her car, she had like toilet paper and paper towels. And you would think, oh, your mom's one of those hoarder people. No, she just back in January got it on sale and was like, it would be stupid not to buy this. That's my mom. She just bought it cut. She just wants a good deal.

She was like, well, yes. And now everyone's just like, I need that stuff. And my mom has it because she plans ahead for everything, apparently including pandemics. Who knew? Who knew she was ready for it? The woman was just like, I got it covered. What do you need?

I'm like, whoa. All right. I don't know. It's crazy. Because I was like, I wonder if you can even get these masks anymore. And I looked and Amazon was like, doesn't exist. And I was like, well. Totally gone. Totally out of them.

And I will say this, because I only have one mask and I've just kind of been like reusing it, which I guess is fine since I'm not a medical professional. But I went online to Amazon like you did and I saw, oh, hey, they have some. The brand new ones that just came out that are supposed to be the best at the moment. And when I went to click it, it was like, we're only selling to medical professionals right now. I was like, damn, how would they know that? Yeah, I didn't buy it. I was like, we're only selling to medical professionals right now. I was like, damn! How would they know that? Yeah, I didn't buy it. I was like, okay. You must have some identification process. Maybe.

So, there's another place that I wanted to go. What is it called? Vogmask.com. V-O-G-M-A-S-K dot com. Ogmask. Yeah, and apparently these are masks that you can wear that have N95 filters dot com. Ogmask. Yeah, and apparently these are you know, masks that you can wear that

have N95 filters and they're eco-friendly and all that stuff. They are all sold out. Every single one is sold out. And I was like, well, how can it be sold out for so long? It's been a month since they apparently, according to their feed, I guess

they have a factory in Korea that makes these. And because of some law the Korean government made in South Korea, they're apparently unable to ship overseas because all masks are needed for South Korea. But they're like, but we sell to the U.S., not South Korea. So why can't we have our masks? I guess there's a big thing going on, and they're trying to get a waiver so they can get the masks over to the US. There's so many politics and mask sales right now. It's insane. Yeah.

Like just shipping masks, people making masks. Like it's crazy. And then there's like some video of some woman being like, here's how to make a mask out of a paper towel. And everyone's like, that is an awful idea. Don't do that. But I imagine that some people have to but it doesn't do anything and you're breathing but i also was under the assumption that i was also under the assumption that a like a shirt mask didn't do anything i don't know listen i don't know the science behind this shit all i know is

it's probably gonna end up making it work. You'll probably get coughed on and your shirt. And then you're like, I at least have my shirt mask. And I rub it all over your house and your face and shit. I thought the reason why everyone was like, you need an N95 was because that filters out the particulates of the cough and the virus. And then they're just like, no, no, no. Just wear like a like take a T-shirt. I'm like, wait a minute. out the particulates of the cough and the virus and stuff. And then they're just like, no, no, no, just wear like a, like take a t-shirt. I'm like, wait a minute, time out.

That's not what you said a little bit ago. Like, no, no, no, you'll be fine. I'm like, why does no one give me a straight answer? I don't think most people actually know what they're talking about. And this goes for years. People don't know what they're talking about. I don't even know what I'm talking about. But's the thing i know about warhammer stuff all right so for when i started i started using the masks everyone wears right like the white mask with the little like straps on the back and then i read people are like oh that's good for like

dust shavings if you're like a wood carver or something but that's not going to protect you from the actual like aerosol particles so if you're like priming shit that's not going to help you with that so you need the actual respirator for that so i was like oh i'll buy a respirator so i did that so whenever i glue stuff or i prime now where the respirator and you know i know it's working because if you like block off the sides you're like so you can't like breathe so it filters the air through those things which is why you see a lot of doctors wearing that because it actually like from what i understand it filters like part more party or it has like a higher particle density density for somebody in

the comments just explain it that's like science where's dr john someone explain this um and so whatever it is it works better so when i i notice when i wear the mask uh i can't even smell like when i prime like it's a strong smell when you prime shit it's like oh that's paint or when i glue stuff there's that strong glue smell but when i wear this the respirator thing i don't smell anything and then when i take it off i'm like blah so uh you know that's that's at least something i do so i i still use it for all my things so I don't get, you know, brain damage. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's the people like, whatever, man. It's like priming a closed space in your basement. Just breathe it in. But, you know, I don't know the actual science behind it. So somebody who knows things, please explain. Somebody who knows things, please explain. Somebody who knows things,

please explain. Alright, so the people need to know, have you seen Tiger King? Alright. So, I've been playing a lot of Animal Crossing still. God damn it. Did you watch Tiger King? You still need to get Animal Crossing. Alright. Yes?

Yes. Yes. Okay. I'm just confirming uh so i've look we all we all made mistakes this week continue i watched 20 minutes of the david lynch master class and i watched that uh i'll explain it in a second okay and i watched the first two episodes of Tiger King. Yes! Okay, so I'll start with David Lynch. David Lynch's Masterclass, from the 20 minutes I watched, is everything I've expected it to be. So the first lesson that I watched is called Catching Ideas.

And he goes on to explain what we know he's like catching an idea is like catching a fish in a river the the river of the mind you there's so many fish in the river and when you catch one you it's like a puzzle piece and you try to start all these pieces come to that idea and you start building upon it And then you have a fish to cook with. And he's like, now don't make the justification that because you've caught a fish, you're a chef. You're not. You need to become a chef. And he's like, that's when you take that fish and you prepare it. And some people, whether it's a drawing or a song or a video or a movie, you need to prepare that fish.

And when you prepare it, sometimes you overcook it. Sometimes you undercook it. And sometimes you cook it just right. And sometimes you're going to waste a few ideas and burn them on the frying pan. But eventually you'll become a chef. Here's the thing. It's kind of genius. That's what I'm saying. I got it. It's crazy thing. It's kind of genius. That's what I'm saying.

I got it. It's crazy, but it makes sense. Yeah, it does make sense. What I really thought about is like, you know what? He's got a point, but then he got crazy. So he is talking about how your entire life. I wrote it down. Quote, memories load up in your head and swim around.

You can find these ideas if you focus and daydream. So he's like, when you see something when you're five years old, that's still in your memory when you're 40 years old. And you get more and more memories. And sometimes when you dream or when you do all these things, you pull up these ideas from back then. And that can spark a creation. when you dream or when you do all these things you pull up these ideas from back then and that can spark a creation so he brought up a crazy person example where when he was like 13 and his brother was like 10 or something they were walking down an alley and a naked woman came out of the bushes covered in like blood in a daze and yeah and he was like i didn't know uh how to react because i was you know you're young and you want to help them but

you don't really know what's going on and so i used that in a movie and so apparently in one of his movies this like woman walks out of the bushes like covered in blood naked and he's the guys like oh my god runs up and he's like those are the types of things that create emotions in people and reactions and blah blah blah it was crazy

and where did he live that this happened I don't know but it happened apparently and it's starting to make sense why he is the way he is. Yeah, yeah. That was the ideas chapter. I've still got like seven chapters to go, so I'm hoping to learn more.

And then I'm going to watch others because there's like Gordon Ramsay. There's Penn and Teller. There's like some other good ones i want to watch i'd watch the penn and teller one yeah so if only only a chance to to get teller to talk and maybe if he said something i'd be blown away uh so then i watched tiger king and i'm only two episodes in, and it's already insane. I told you. From moment one, it is the best thing on TV right now.

Yeah. It, like, both of them are insane. Without a doubt. And then the cast of characters is also insane. It's just like a carousel of insanity. You have no, they introduce more characters as time goes on. You have no clue how crazy it gets. It's, you can't even begin to fathom where this goes.

Because it goes places where you're like, wait, what? I thought this woman possibly killing her husband. And this guy being like a polygamist tiger man were the craziest things. Nope. Not even remotely close. All right. I just I love how they introduce them and they're just like, yeah, I'm a guy. I care about the animals.

You're like, okay. And then he's like, I also care about women. He's just like, I have many women at my disposal. You're just you're just like what oh doc antle or whatever his name is yeah the guy who has like like that one guy goes to him he's like i don't care about your animals how'd you get all them women there's i don't know what episode it is but at some point they interview one of the women and i think that dude is married to like eight nine women yeah they all come work for him and they all they're all like young it's so creepy oh dude it's wild yeah he uh he actually kind of reminds me of the ceo blizzard guy he's got the same ponytail and everything uh yeah okay i see it he's this guy's a little bit there you can kind of see it uh and there's also um i had the realization of four years ago during the presidential election

i remember i don't know if we talked about on this podcast but i remember seeing a thing and it was like joe exotic for president. You remember that? Yes. Yeah. And I remember we, I think we talked about where we're just like, yeah, this guy should be president. Look at this. He's got like guns and tigers going crazy.

And now we're like, I remember. I'm just like, what the shit? That's that guy. Yeah. He was all over TV. People thought he was crazy.

Cause he's like, I'm a polygamist, gay gun, toting tiger. Own it. And I was like, this guy's great. I remember that vividly. And so this whole thing blows my mind.

Yeah. This is, it's insane. And I love it. And apparently there's another episode coming next week or something. What do you mean? They're making another episode? Yeah, that's what they said today. How do you make a follow-up? I guess it's a follow-up maybe? How do you mean? They're making another episode? Yeah, that's what they said today. How do you make a follow-up?

I guess it's a follow-up, maybe? How do you? It says, where is it? Tiger King bonus episode may be coming to Netflix this week. Damn. I can't wait to see what it is. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't... I will say, while everyone in that show is insane, shout out to Safi and the dude with the long hair who's like, Hey man, I don't even give a whatever, this is the best place I am to work. And the guy who has no legs. Those three people are like holding it down. The realest people on this entire thing. And then around them, everyone's crazy. Everyone is insane.

I love the long hair guy where they're like asking all the people, like, how many wives you got? They're like two, five, four, eight, seven. He's like, oh, fuck. That's great. It's so good. It's truly one of the best shows The episode that is about The cat lady Oh my god

Dude I don't even know how to Everything about that entire episode I was like oh this lady killed that man I don't care what anyone says I think that's the one we're about to start Because they just ended the second one with like Oh yeah she killed her husband Oh yeah she killed her husband

Oh I thought that was episode 2 I all right i'll spoil it for you it is episode two is the uh she gets her her they get their arm torn off and then the uh the they talk about him like dropping grenades on her thing yeah i'll just drop some grenades You know And then They talk about his wives And stuff that's that one Ah so you got the Doc Antle Episode

There's the episode about the guy who's like Kind of his friend Who has a bunch of Like a harem It's insane. They also interviewed, like, GTA guy. It's like Scarface. He's like an actual Grand Theft Auto character in real life.

He's like, this is what I did. I go to jail 12 years. I sell animals, put cocaine in snake. That's what I do. My favorite part is he's the least crazy person in the entire show. The guy who they think maybe was Scarface is the least crazy person. Yeah, he's like, I did my time. I'm done with that shit. Now I like to raise animals.

Like, what? What? I don't even know. Yeah, it gets only better from there. I love how when they film the Doc guy, he's always like, this looks like a good shot. All right. And then he starts putting on his act, and then he's like, all right, you get all that. Then he goes back to normal.

It just reminds me of YouTubers and streamers or something. Oh, my God. What's up, gamers? God fucking, there's a cigarette. Speaking of Netflix, this week, I made a list, a big playlist of things that I've been meaning to watch on Netflix but never have. That's what I literally did one night was just go through Netflix and be like, yeah, I guess I'll watch that. And so I've been taking a few hours, like one or two hours every day and just watching a thing. And so this week I got through two things and both were insane.

The first one was Lock and Key. I got through two things and both were insane. The first one was lock and key. And it's a show that I think is a Damon Lindelof, former lost guy kind of vibe, uh, about a family. And, uh,

again, a family last name lock. They live in a place called key house. I was like, Oh boy, here we go. And, um,

it is a kind of supernatural mystery thing with keys that do different things. Like one key opens a door that makes you a ghost. And one key opens your mind. And one key lets you go anywhere you want to go. Like that kind of thing. And then there's a weird creepy lady who is maybe a demon. No one knows. And she is trying to get all the keys.

And that's pretty much the premise. And it's here's the thing. It's very entertaining. I enjoyed it, but it does the thing I hate the most in TV shows. It does that WB thing where every episode ends with a popular song. At one point, there's a thing called the Crown of Shadows. Again, this entire thing is so silly. It's called the

Crown of Shadows and when worn it lets you control shadows. And so the bad guy gets it, puts it on her head and then literally that Billie Eilish crown song plays. And I was like, get out of here. And that's how the episode ends. And I was like, get out of here.

And that's how the episode ends. And I was like, get out of here. This is what we're doing right now? And I couldn't believe it. I hate it so much, but I was like, I'm in. Next episode, let's see what happens. I felt so guilty. I'm like, oh, this sucks.

But all right, let's see what happens. That's a lot of the shows on Netflix. I'm like, you know what? If this was a week-to-week show where I had to wait a week to find out what happens, I'd be like, nah, I'm out. This is dumb. Because I could watch the entire season over the course of like three days. I'm like, yeah. Oh, shit.

Let's keep going. Let's see what happens. Even though I'm like, eh, I'm kind of invested. All right. And so by the end, I was like, oh, that was kind of neat. One of the main plot twists I saw coming a mile away, but I was like, I can't believe they did that. That's super fun. So I don't know.

It was all right. Then I watched because our dear friend Alex loves Dragon Quest. And Dragon Quest is a game that, you know, I'm like, eh, whatever. But I saw they had a Dragon Quest movie called Dragon Quest, Your Story. I was like, all right, well, I guess I'll give this a watch. Crandor is the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. I want to say everyone go watch it, but I can't recommend it because it will literally be a waste of your time.

But let me see if I can walk you through this insanity because it was crazy i don't remember any character names so just bear with me it doesn't matter the story starts out this movie with 10 full minutes of video game footage like 16 bit 8 bit whatever was, video game footage telling the story. Not just a quick flashback or, hey, this is an homage. Straight up just, this is us telling you the story in video game form. It's like you're watching a Let's Play. People die in 8-bit form. Actual important plot happens. Eventually, it becomes this vibrant world of this really cool rendered CG.

It looks very, very nice. Mm-hmm. And then the plot goes crazy. I'm going to try and summarize as best as I can, but it might be impossible. This might be an impossible task because the main character is a blue-haired boy named Luca, and he is friends with a green-haired prince. And the prince gets kidnapped, so Luca and his father, who is like the toughest dude in the kingdom, go to save the prince. But the father's killed by a lich man who kind of sounds like the Joker?

And then Luca and the green-haired prince are made slaves of the Joker-Lich. All right. So it flashes forward 10 years, I think, and we see them as still slaves, and they decide, just because, they're going to break out of slavery and go escape to freedom. And so they do.

It just happens. A barrel escape gag happens. They roll down buildings and stuff and monsters chase them, but they managed to escape and they get back to the prince's kingdom. And I was like, oh, okay. So the story is going to be these two guys. One's this sort of stuck up prince. He's like, I'm the one in charge. And the other one's like the tough guy, Luca. And I was like, oh, it's a buddy thing. And then I go back and they're going to save all the slaves and defeat the lich and get revenge for the dad. Nope. That is not what happens at all. The prince is like, all right, well, I'll see you later. And Luca's like, okay, bye. And he goes off on his own to find a sword to get revenge. And I was like, what the hell is this plot? Are we never

going to see that guy again? Spoiler, you pretty much don't. The rest of the movie at this point is him, Luca, the blue haired kid, going off to find this magic sword that apparently a monster has it. gonna defeat that monster boy you can marry my daughter and become the the king of this kingdom and luke is just like well i don't know and the daughter shows up it's this green-haired girl and he knows her apparently from his past in the 8-bit part and she's like oh my goodness you look so handsome and i was like oh okay so the story is it's gonna be about the two of them falling in love and defeating this monster and the sword no that's not the story either immediately he fails at getting the sword and he needs the help of this other girl who shows up this blonde girl who's kind of like a a mage but she dresses like a beast master i don't know i should also bring up the fact that now he essentially has a party. There's a cat with a mohawk and there is a slime named Gertrude who's just, you know, like a Dragon Quest slime. It's like and just follows him for whatever reason. This blonde haired girl.

And I was like, oh, okay. So this blonde haired girl is going to join his party. But he's going to love this green haired girl. But it's going to be like a love triangle between the three of them. And that's the plot of this movie. Nope. Not even close. An old lady appears before Luca.

And is like, ah, you should marry that blonde girl. She's a winner. And so Luca and the blonde girl defeat the monster. Get the weapon. And then just get married. And it's revealed after the marriage, I think, that the old woman was in fact the green-haired girl who was like, I thought you two would get along great. Which is like, what? And then it flashes forward that Luca and the blonde chick have had a baby. This movie is maybe two hours and we are already on the third generation.

So of course they seem like a happy family and everything's going great. And then the evil lich Joker attacks, steals the wife and then turns Luca into stone. the wife and then turns Luca into stone. And that's when we fast forward again to Luca being unfrozen from stone and the person who unfreezes him is his now older son

who is the one who can wield the super weapon that Luca never could. He's now, you know, a grown super and the the dad go to get revenge and it is straight up just like this epic battle breaks out where the the green-haired guy from the beginning shows up and the monster he was fighting earlier is like hey i'm on your side now and this huge epic battle happens i was like okay i think i kind of get what this was. It wasn't very good. The plot was very

very thin. And they tried to tell the story of this entire life, hence your story. Right? Okay. He gets to the end. The main character fights the Lich. And at the last minute, he manages to kill him before the Lich can complete the ceremony to summon his old god, right? And he stabs

the Lich and he's like, you bitch! And he sounds, again, sounds just like Joker. He's like, ah, that's right, you bitch! You can't stop me! And he dies. But not before using the last of his magic to open the portal to summon this old god named Nimzo, I think. And this is where I lost my mind.

When the portal opens, pixels shoot out of it and time stops for everybody except Luca. And descending from the portal is a white-faced, googly-armed guy. And as he lands, he reveals himself to not be Nimzo But in fact A computer virus That And he tells him This world is fake You are fake Your life has been fake

Your relationships have been fake None of this is real I'm going to destroy it You're a fool for enjoying things You're so dumb And Luca's just like It's real to me And we see flashes Of the player who is playing Luca in like an arcade in a VR machine.

And the virus reveals that it hasn't been a lifetime or three generations. It's actually just been a few hours. And it really means nothing. And he doesn't understand why he's getting so worked up and trying to stop him from destroying the game. Because it's all for jokes. And he doesn't understand why he's getting so worked up and trying to stop him from destroying the game because it's all for jokes and he doesn't understand the problem and luca's like this is my world and i'll fight for it it's super real to me and that's when guji guiji whatever that damn thing name is shows up and this little slime who through the entire movie has been like, now speaks with the voice of literal Steve Bloom, and is like,

don't worry, Luca. I am an anti-virus program that was installed long ago to protect this world from viruses like this. And then he destroys the virus, and I'm like, what the actual fuck is going on right now? What am I watching? And then

the guy's like, I can't believe it. We saved the world. And this is my story. And I've lived this life a hundred times over, but I get to do it again. And it's revealed to me

as it always was. And you're just like, what? What? And then he goes off with his video game wife and video game kid and they go on more adventures and that's how it ends.

Huh. And I was like, what? I can't even. I'm letting you know, I've never seen anything like this before in my life. It was so crazy. It sounds like a nerd guy got really high and was just like, dude, this would be the greatest thing I've ever created. And then towards the end of it was like, you know what?

I don't think this is that great. And then they were like, yeah, let's just finish it. There's nothing great. There's nothing great about it from the get go. From moment one, nothing is good about this movie. And then at the end, they were like, here's the plot twist It wasn't even a movie, it was a video game the entire time And the main character is just some

Nerdy kid playing it, and you were watching him play it Don't you get it? And you're like What? Here's the thing I sat there with my jaw open Just like, I can't believe this is where This movie went I couldn't believe it

They got you, you watched that whole thing. I'm not going to lie. I fast forwarded through a bunch of it. There were parts where I was like, wait a minute. What is happening? I would fast forward and rewind and try to figure out what the hell was happening. Yeah, I do that. I've done that on Netflix all the time.

Nothing made sense. Nothing made sense. Literally, time goes by in this movie. I guess the whole point is it's supposed to be this nerdy kid played his entire life in the game. Because the plot is like, oh, you think you've lived your entire life here is what the virus says. But really, you've only been here a couple hours. Like, this is even, you fool, this isn't even real. And he's like, it's real to me.

That's how he defeats him. With the power of love for a video game and this slime that is actually an antivirus software. What was this called again? Dragon Quest, your story. It reminded me of, have you seen the Lego movie? Yeah. That was brilliant. The way they did? Yeah. That was brilliant. The way they did the ending of that was brilliant.

This is like that, except terrible. Truly terrible. I couldn't believe it. There was no emotional, there was no investment I had. Again, every character he met, he spent maybe 10 minutes of screen time with them and then left. Huh. Every character he met, he spent maybe 10 minutes of screen time with them and then left. Huh.

And then I guess they all showed up at the end to help him, but it was just like, this is freaking insane. I'll make sure to skim through that one for next week. You really need to. The ending of it is... The last 20 minutes are the craziest thing I've ever seen committed to film. All right, I'll skim through it and then hit the last 20 and do it. Oh, my God. i forgot to bring up uh you tweeted that guy with gas station coffee who is jerry salt senior art critic new york magazine 2018 pulitzer prize criticism author of nyc bestseller how to be an artist who time as the award winner yes who bought 18 coffees commencing day 16 of shelter in place coffee run to gas station complete 18 large to go put in car drive them home

deloused decontaminated showered and placed in fridge for you stay safe out there and then everybody was just like why don't you get a coffee maker? Why don't you just make some coffee? And then he proceeded to reply to everyone with the exact same reply of all you big baby artisanal eaters who don't know the joys of belly and gas station coffee. When did the creative world get so chit, cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat XO? Here's my question. Just, I know what he's trying to do where he's like, you know, this 50 cent cup of

coffee is better than your $5 coffee. I get it. I get people have that opinion. That's fine. I don't think that's what people are mad about. Yeah. Like, you can have a coffee maker and buy like, I don't know, like gas station coffee in a bag and then make it at home if you want. Like, you can have a coffee maker and buy, like, I don't know, like, gas station coffee in a bag and then make it at home if you want. Like, they probably.

There's other ways to go about it. He tweeted the same thing nonstop. But on some of them, he would add a little extra. Like, don't call me bro, bro. Blocked. It's just. I understand wanting a certain. Like, i got people were like i can't believe you've got chipotle what i wanted chipotle i get sometimes you're stuck indoors and you're

just like i want that thing right but 18 of that thing is overkill that's like guys i ordered 18 burritos brought them home all right i like decontaminated everything it's like, guys, I ordered 18 burritos, brought them home, and I decontaminated everything. It's like, I don't know. That's the crazy part. I don't think he understands the insanity. He's like, you got a problem with me getting coffee from a gas station? No one has that problem, my friend. No one.

We're confused how it happened, but no one's problem is that. The fact that you got 18 and then you put them in your fridge to save for later is the crazy part. Yeah, that is actually insane. And then a lot of people are just like, you know, people do that all the time. Construction workers do that. You know, other people do that or whatever. But, like, listen, I've tried old coffee, microwaving coffee, coffee other things and it does not taste as good maybe i'm just a coffee douche maybe i live the high life of having freshly brewed coffee in my

coffee making machine but all i'm saying is i would not do what he did and i think he's crazy yeah it's uh it's a real treat. So, world's crazy. Speaking of crazy, does me undies have a deal for you? What a segue. Springtime is here. The flowers are blooming. The sun's coming out.

And we can't experience any of it because we're inside and we're wearing pajamas and lounging around trying not to get sick. Well, why lounge around in something old or something uncomfortable or God forbid jeans? Why not wear me undies? Me undies don't just have undies y'all they have lounge pants they have awesome t-shirts they have socks they have all sorts of great things i recently in the mail just got some lounge pants they are super light and airy is that is that the right word yeah they're just they don't make you feel like you're hot down there. You know what I mean?

It gets too hot, and sometimes they're too cold. These are just a nice balance. They got the airflow. They're fresh. They got some fresh pants. You know, when you wear your business suit to your meeting, you wear these pants. They can't see down below. Yeah, and if you're showing down below, you're going to get fired, so don't do that.

Yeah. And MeUndies wants you to know that there's a better way to get me undies with an undie membership and you're probably like why would i need that jesse because it's fun that's why it's an easy way to give your future self a present every month and right about now we could all use a present every month a membership with me undies is full of perks like site-wide savings early access access to new prints and things, free shipping, and new, ridiculously soft undies delivered to your door each month. Building that undie collection makes your adult life just that much easier. More undies equals less undry. That's just science.

MeUndies are made from micromodal which is a thing that we still don't know what it is. It's magic. It's sustainable. It's super soft and it's made from trees. Again, doesn't make sense. But it makes you feel like you're floating on a cloud. MeUndies range

in sizes from extra small to 4XL and we have got a great offer for you to get some. If you're a first-time purchaser, you can get 15% off and free shipping. It's an absolute no-brainer because it's 100% satisfaction guaranteed. And so if you don't like it, just get all your money back. The place to go is MeUndies.com slash Crandor. That's MeUndies.com slash Crandor. That's meundies.com

slash Crandor. That's me. Alright, Crandor, let's go to Travis. How's the traffic out there? Traffic is still actually kind of bad for being everybody's supposed to be home. Stop going out.

Alright? Go out fast. Get home. And keep your distance all right even the even car it was amazing yesterday uh you know i was i was going to uh pick up my thing for takeout and there was so many people out there i was like i haven't left the house to do anything in like a week and i got this one time i was like oh there's gonna be nobody out here there's somebody there's like a decent i was like what the shit go uh so yeah back to you thanks crendor i had the exact same thing yeah everywhere i went i was like how are there so many people outside it's crazy it's like all these people can't be going to the grocery store picking up food i think everyone's just antsy and so i imagine people are just driving to drive yeah they're probably just driving it like

i'll just take a drive that's just it which honestly it makes sense it's kind of like you know a little free so i mean you know i will say the highways in la are empty which is great yeah i think it's you can go anywhere it's mainly think, just like neighborhood driving or driving around areas where you're just like, ah, there's the place I used to frequent. Yeah. Alright! Let's go to the weather. Weather time!

I think it's time we bust out the Woppy. Where's Woppy been? He's in his Clorox chamber. Hold on. his Clorox chamber. Hold on. His Clorox chamber?

Is that a sponsored location? There we go. Woppy activated. Five. Five. Five. Four. Two.

Singapore Southeast Community Development Council, Singapore. What? I think Wabi's broken. I don't think that's a real place. Singapore Southeast Community Development Council, Singapore, 83 degrees. Mostly cloudy. Feels like 93, 88. Level low, 79 degrees. I-88. Level low.

79 degrees. UV index 1 of 10. Next 36 hours. 88 degrees. Thunderstorms. Potential for flooding rains. I-88 degrees. Flooding rains.

Light and variable. Wampy is ready. 100% rainfall near an inch. 10 days, 90 degrees, thunderstorms, 90 degrees, thunderstorms, 91, thunderstorms, 91, partly cloudy, 92, isolated thunderstorms, 92, PM thunderstorms, PM thunderstorms, scattered thunderstorms, AAAM thunderstorms. Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa woppy woppy where was the weather again what was that weather for yeah he's off i can't turn him on for another 36 hours what was the weather for then singapore southeast community development council singapore that can't be a real location! It's a real location according to weather.com. That's so specific. Oh, you gotta send me that link.

Where's that so specific? Here it is. Slow line. There you go. It sounds like it's someone's... Singapore Southeast Community Development Council. Singapore. What is that?

The Singapore Southeast Community Development Council. It's not like one building? I don't know. Community Development Council. That can't be... Is one of five community development councils set up across the Republic of Singapore to aid in local administration of government policies and schemes. They're funded in part by government, although they are free to engage in fundraising activities.

Again, that doesn't... I mean, you're right. It's in Singapore. although they are free to engage in fundraising activities. Again, that doesn't... I mean, you're right. It's in Singapore. So basically we were in Singapore, and we were in part of Singapore. Yeah. The southeast part.

Yeah, I guess I kind of get it, but it's a little crazy. It's a little crazy What you're saying It definitely is a little crazy I agree What a very specific location That is specific It even has when you click on that It just takes you to an office

Oh yeah it does It does take It's just an office building Huh They've isolated showers in an office building huh they've isolated showers in their office building get out people that's next level that is

just get out of there when it's rainy season it starts raining inside sure thing okay let's go to the weather wait hold on sports sports welcome to sports Okay, let's go to the weather. Wait, hold on. We already did that. Sports. Sports.

Welcome to sports where nothing's still really happening. NBA ESPN planning for horse competition involving some high-profile players. So it looks like the NBA is going to do a horse tournament with some of their high profile players. But like how? Online? So I think what they're planning on is having them all like at their home you know courts

and then they'll be like online and so they'll be like all seeing each other and they'll be like do this thing and then they'll like do the shot and they'll be like you do that shot and then'll be like, do this thing. And then they'll like do the shot and they'll be like, you do that shot. Then they'll do the shot. And then you can watch. So I guess it's like cool. Yeah.

Cool. Yeah. Something that's a sport like this. Well, we've hit the point where people like, what do we do? They're just like horse. The horse is a thing. Like extreme that. Like, OK, kids will the kids will love. The kids will love it.

Kids will love it. And you know it's pretty much all that's been happening. They're hopeful that the NFL season will start on time which I mean listen if you gotta play in front of empty stadiums

like screw it I don't care. I mean the Bengals are used to that already. And the Dolphins. So that's sports. Okay, Grendor. What is our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. the day.

All I saw. Oh boy. Oh boy. Yes. I saw this. It says man returns. Man returns to jungle with wife to crazy results what does that mean all right for those i'm not gonna the image is of a monkey breastfeeding on a woman yes but it's not a monkey it's a photoshopped ape yeah breastfeeding on a photoshopped woman

photoshopped to look like it's happening, but it is not happening. Yes. And I have no idea. There's no article with it. It just has a YouTube video, and I don't want to click on it. Why? Why? My favorite part is this is from News Channel Nebraska.

News Channel Nebraska. News Channel Nebraska. The highest quality news. News Channel Nebraska. News Channel Nebraska. The highest quality news. Florida woman can't go to grandma's house for Sunday dinner because of social distancing, so she holds a parade. What? That's what I said.

That's what I said. A Florida grandmother's family is used to going to her home for sunday dinner every week but wanting to comply with social distancing orders and avoid exposing her to covet 19 they decided to show her they love her in a different way a special parade it takes commitment on both parties for them to be there every sunday but that's what they wanted but health officials say wolford's age are more vulnerable to the coronavirus. So with Sunday dinner out, her family planned the surprise parade. It's very important for us all to make sure she felt extra special because she makes us feel special, said their granddaughter, Priscilla Carter. One by one, honking horns and blaring music, loved ones had a parade for Wolford.

They really shocked me, she said. They were yelling and screaming and driving and yelling to me. It was great, and I got to see them. They're showing us all, even with orders to social distance, family is never far away. That was actually a very cute story. You like how I read that like a news thing? I know that you did. I could even ramp it up a bit. i could even ramp it up a bit they're showing us all even with orders to social distance family is never far away thank you guys i'll read this like a news person too

let's cut it over to cred door down on the streets uh cred door what do you got down there uh thanks cred door up in the studio uh sheriff florida mother shot burglar who entered home because dinosaurs were chasing him. A Florida man was shot by a mother of three after deputies say he broke into her Deltona, Florida home early Tuesday morning, March 31st,

because he thought that dinosaurs were chasing him. Officials with the Volusia County Sheriff's Office said this happened at the home of 2600 block of Libby Court court according to deputies joseph roberts 32 tried breaking into the home around 5 45 a.m by shattering a front window

uh the quote the woman inside a 14 year old mother with several teenagers in the house called 9-1-1 saying i don't want to shoot him but i'm gonna going to have to. Get out of my window. Get out of my window. It's such a Florida mom. I don't want to have to shoot him, but I'll do it. Sheriff Mike Shitwood. No way. Mike. No way.

Shitwood. You know he's been called Shitwood his whole life. Sheriff Mike Shitwood said during a press conference that the mother gave White several verbal warnings to leave. When he didn't, she opened fire. When deputies arrived, the sheriff said they found Roberts in the house, and he had quite an interesting story. Told us that the dinosaurs

chasing him thought he'd get some bad weed, said Shitwood. Yeah, weed, okay. White was airlifted to Central Florida Regional Hospital in Sanford with injuries not believed to be life-threatening after he was shot in the forearm. He's lucky she's a bad shot, said Shitwood. Shitwood said they were seeking an enhanced penalty

for committing a burglary during a national emergency. Guess the only explanation is, watch where you're buying your weed at this during this time said shitwood and that's the story back to you that's the story and that's the story watch where you're buying your weed yeah good moral good you know what great moral for this week yeah watch where you're buying your weed. Man. Don't get chased by dinosaurs. That's the other one.

What if he was being chased by dinosaurs? What if the dinosaurs, what if he got the weed from the dinosaurs? You know, they never suspect the dinosaurs. They never suspect the dinosaurs. They're like, oh, they're extinct. Yeah. You think so? Where'd he get the weed? Yeah? Where'd he get the weed? Yeah, where'd he get the weed

from? It's, uh, man, just like, see, this is why they, the news does these things, right? Like, you get one story of like, oh, man, that's, look at that, a family helping out their grandma by throwing a parade, and then there's like, dinosaurs chasing me.

Shoot them! Like, you know. yeah yeah and that's the news that's how it works that's the news all right well that's it for us thank you so much for listening or watching however you're enjoying this podcast crendor hit them with them socials we got so many socials there's youtube.com slash cox and Crandor podcast. If you want to hear all these podcasts on YouTube, subscribe, hit the bell. Ding, ding. Also, YouTube.com slash Cox and Crandor without the podcast at the end. That's where all our animations go up.

Hit the bell, subscribe over there, too. Also, we're on SoundCloud. We're on Spotify. We're on iTunes. We're on other places. Check it all out. Also, follow our own things. Twitch.tv slash Jesse Cox.

Twitch.tv slash Crandicox. Twitch.tv slash Crendor. We're probably going to stream the WoW alpha very soon, so why not follow us? Also, youtube.com slash Crendor. Youtube.com slash jessicox. Facebook.com slash Crendor. Facebook.com slash crendor. Twitter.com slash crendor. Twitter.com slash crendor. Instagram.com slash Crendor was taken and

notorious cocks. Thanks. Alright. We'll see you next time. And as always, to be continued.