Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 240 - Randy Monkey

Episode Date: May 11, 2020

The boys are back and this time they've discovered that when you're stuck inside for 2 months, you end up doing things you never thought you would. Also Jesse finds out that sometimes people are assholes ALL THE TIME! Who knew!? That and a masturbating ghost monkey. Yep. It's an all new Cox n' Crendor! Check out Hawthorne at http://hawthorne.co and use promo code COX to get 10% off your first purchase!

Today's episode is brought to you by Hawthorne. If you're feeling like you've been stuck inside for a while and you got that inside stank, you know what I'm talking about. Get yourself some Hawthorne. Take the quiz. Smell good. We'll talk about how all that works later. Now let's jump into this podcast. Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog.

This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studio. Recording! Hit me! Wake your ass up! It's Gax and Crendog in the morning!

Hit me! Hit me! Hit me! Gax and Crendog in the morning! Hello everybody and welcome to another exciting episode of Gax and Crendog in the morning! Hey. Hey, hi! Hello? Hey, what's going on? How are you? I don't know, how are you? You seem kind of like... Hello.

Yeah, that's like... Oh, you're at home. Am I never not like that? Yes! There are times where you're not like this! This is a different type of Crendo, this is like the sad Crendo. What happened, sad Cren? Man, well I had wine today Ah so this is drunk Cren

Not even drunk this is like post wine Like I've hit the point where you get your wine You get your woo And then you get your kind of like eh And now I'm at the like uh Oh so you're like tired Cren A little bit but I'm not like tired tired I'm just kind of like eh

I'm on the low slope So over tired. I'm just kind of like, eh. I'm on the low slope. So over it, Crenn. You're kind of like, eh. I've also had a roller coaster of groin emotions this week. Do tell. Keep us updated. Yes, please. The last week, remember, I was like, I have my groin.

So the next day, I felt a little better. The next day, I felt great. I was sitting in my chair again. I was like, dude, we're good. We're healed. And then you sat too long. And then I sat too long. I started doing stretches.

I started exercising again. And I should have known because yesterday, I felt it like strain a little bit. And I was like, eh, you know, it's just healing again. And I was like, maybe I should tone it down. and I was like, eh, you know, it's just healing again. I was like, should I like, maybe I should like tone it down. And I was like,

nah, and then at night it just, it kind of like after I was, I was streaming and I felt fine and I got up and it just kind of like, it came back. It wasn't as bad as like it used to be, but it was like bad enough to where I was like, ah,

I did it. I did it to myself where you just did why would you do that you knew you were recovering it's like it's just the human mind you're just like hey you're healed i don't feel it anymore it's fine and then before you know it you overdo it and then you're right back to like not square one but i'm at like square four right right you went back two spaces. Yeah. So now I just got to take it easy for another couple days. That's all right. I learned my lesson. I will not be doing any types of physical activities for at least a few more days to heal back up.

I'm very good at not doing things. Who knew how important your groin muscle is to you? Who knew? Yeah. Your whole body is built around that one muscle it looked like i mean if you're sitting it definitely impacts it so it's uh listen sometimes you just you know you get excited you're like yeah you know what i can sit in the chair i'd play like games that i'd like stream and do everything i was like i feel fine and then it just it creeps back

in you know yeah you just get so excited and you're growing muscle and yeah I get it. I understand. And you just boom. You get too excited. I want someone to be half listening and just be like what the hell are they talking about? You get too excited.

Boom. You're too excited your groin muscle boom it's just what it is what it is so yeah that's what it is back dial it back don't go crazy don't go crazy let your groin heal that's the moral day i like that's your tip for everyone hey everyone let your groin heal the bright spot is is like a hypochondriac as we've developed. When it initially happened, I was like, will I ever get better? More at 11.

But I did get better. And then you overdo it and you kind of weaken it. So I'm not as paranoid about it. I know it'll get better. It's just I hate waiting for things. You know what I mean? You just got to wait and be like,, you know, that's what it is. But I guess it's also, uh, it's also better to have to wait around during this type of

time than it would be when everything's like open and you can go out and do stuff. It's like, well, it's nothing to do anyway. So, so whatever. Yeah, that's true. It's like, well, it's nothing to do anyway. So whatever. Yeah, that's true. I mean, God, I found myself doing things that I have like moments during the day where I do things that I never would do.

Like what? Like ever. So I went through my house this week and you know that I I have a lot of art on the walls. Took it all down and dusted the art and dusted behind the walls. Things that no one ever does. I was like, I've never really dusted those. So I go dust the art and then the area behind it in case there's any spiders or anything living back there. I did a whole thing this week of that. I went through my entire apartment and just removed all the paintings one by

one and just dusted and put them back because I'm crazy now, I guess. And that's what I do. Yeah. You start hitting that point where you're, you're looking for just anything to clean or just anything to do. Yeah. I, I, I, I'm trying to keep my mind off the fact that like,

I'm not upset with being indoors it's kind of the life i live anyway when it comes to work all right i'm not upset because i can you know you can go out for a walk and stuff that's not no one's gonna stop you from doing that but um and i'm not upset about you know not going to the movies you know i'm more upset about just going to go see a friend for like a few hours. But you can still do that online. Like, it's not ruining my life. The things that are upsetting me are the things I know I'm going to have to do. For example, when I was going to the UK and they were like, okay, well, we can't refund you the money.

But we can give you a voucher for the amount of the money. And it's good for a year. I'm like, all right, well, I don't like this, but at least you're not taking the money from me. You're just giving me a voucher, so okay. I think like everyone else realizes that the idea of traveling to another country for the next year is going to be rough. I know France just instituted if you go there, you have to be there for two weeks in quarantine. So I'm sure most of the world is going to do that. I don't expect to be going back to the UK.

I want to. I hope that maybe in a month it's not going to happen. But what if in a month we had a vaccine? Boy, that would be great. Not going to happen. But what if in a month we had a vaccine? Boy, that'd be great. Not going to happen. But I want to hold out the hope that between now and next March, I might be able to go back. But I know we won't. So I have to call this damn company.

I have to call British Airways and argue with them about how I just want my money. And how, look, you gave me this voucher for a year. That's very nice. But I'm not going to be able to go for a year. That's very nice, but, uh, I'm not going to be able to go for a year and I want my, I want my money. They're going to fight me on it. I know. And I'm going to sit on hold and I'm going to fight all these damn people. And then maybe, maybe after a few hours, they'll finally be like, all right, which they could have just done at the beginning. I know what's going to happen. It sucks.

Stuff like that. Things where because of the virus, there are all these little hassles you have to deal with. And it's like, come on, it shouldn't be this difficult. Why do we got to play these games? I'm, I'm ready for it. I have so much of that BS and I'm like, okay, sure. Yeah. that BS and I'm like okay sure yeah and I'm still I'm still you know we have our show in August

which is on but maybe like who knows I have no clue it's still technically there was tickets there literally are it's almost a sold-out show there's like 15 tickets left it's crazy uh so thank you it's at the point where illinois did a plan the governor released a plan it was like one phase we're in phase two and there's like five phases phase three would allow like gatherings of like 10 people or less or like things and that would probably be in like june or july and then i think phase four is like 50 people or less. So I don't know if that would even be allowed to happen. Yeah, I have absolutely no clue. I don't.

I know that there's a bunch of because we had all these posters for the first show. They're totally useless. So my plan was everyone who came to this new show is just we're going to give you one for free. Like just like a signed poster. I get a whole bunch of things of like, thanks for coming. Now I'm like, OK, I don't know that we can even do this one. I have no clue. It's all up in the air.

We've got months to find out. But that's, you know, that kind of worry because that's a whole other issue with booking and all sorts of stuff that I it's just little things from I'm like oh my god so many little hassles and I guess I'm thankful that it's not my hassle isn't like I'm coughing everywhere and possibly dying thankfully that's not occurring yeah but you know it's little tiny things where I'm like I gotta deal with that eventually and that's gonna suck and I oh boy so yeah I wish I see some people and some friends of mine. Their time at home is like real cushy. I'm almost upset. They found that perfect.

Hey, man, like I work from home. I drink during the day. I don't really report to anybody. You know, not much is expected of me right now. Like you guys got it cushy. I don't know how you're stressing. They're just like hey you know whatever we just sit outside and drink mimosas i'm like you sons of okay i aspire to be

that that's definitely davis davis no comment no comment well that's the thing where like You know it could be worse But it's still annoying to have to deal with everything Yeah I find myself Sometimes Wanting to tweet things that piss me off And then being like no I'm not gonna Like there's so much worse shit in the world No one wants to see me complain

But like the other day for example I ordered I was like you know what I'm gonna splurge I'm gonna get like a fancy lunch So I ordered, I was like, you know what? I'm going to splurge. I'm going to get like a fancy lunch. So I ordered lunch from this cafe that I love. And they make like really great bread there. And so I got like an avocado toasty thing they make. And I got a whole thing. I ordered it on Uber Eats.

So when you think Uber Eats, you think of cars delivering your food, yes? Yeah. So the person that delivered my food Was a kid on a bike Like a bicycle It said your order is being delivered on bicycle And I was like what? This place makes food very fast

It's like I don't know Maybe two miles away And it was like it'll be there in 20 To 30 minutes I was like, it'll be there in 20 to 30 minutes. I was like, perfect. The timer increased dramatically. He'll be picked up by bike. And it said, be there 45 minutes to an hour.

I'm like, what? Why is this guy allowed to do this? This dude, I can watch him on the map. This dude is like slowly moving through the streets of L.A. And I'm like, oh, my God. This guy really is on a bike. He's on a bike. They let this man pick up my food on a bike.

And then I'm just sitting there waiting, just furious now. Because I'm like, I can't. I wanted my food hot. I didn't want anything cold when I ordered it. This is ridiculous. And so it takes him a whole hour to get here. I go out and meet him. He's like a dude on a bike and like a bike outfit with a mask.

And I'm like, cool. Not only am I worried about getting viruses, but now I have to worry about your sweat all over my food. It was in a backpack on his back. So, you know, it's jostled in there.

Of course, when I opened it, the, the, the avocado was like everywhere. I was like, yeah, all right, cool. Great. Was it cold? Of course it I opened it The avocado was like everywhere I was like yeah alright cool great Was it cold? Of course it was cold it was on a bike

And I was about to like tweet a whole Thing about how mad I was like I can't I ordered from Uber Eats cause an Uber was gonna get it Not some dude on a bike And the guy just like The worst part is because i was you know it's it's a time where i'm like if you're gonna be out there doing this i'm giving you a tip if you're

gonna be ubering around delivering food so i already had pre-tipped this guy i was so mad i was like this sucks i'm about to drop a whole tweet storm on it and i was like you know what no this is unimportant it's it's it's avocado toast well right it doesn't matter that much i got like uh like a home not home fries what are those things like breakfast potatoes potatoes yeah yeah they have like peppers and stuff and they were really good but cold they were good but cold and i was just like this is dumb the problem here is uber eats right so like did they did they tell you, like, hey, before you finish ordering, this is going to get to you on a bike. Like, they didn't give you any order.

No, no, no. Of course not. They straight up just, like, said it gives you a timer. So here's the problem. This restaurant that I like is not on Postmates. It's not on DoorDash. It's only on Uber Eats, which sucks. So Uber Eats, what it does,

it will give you a time. It will say, hey, your order's being prepared, and then whenever someone clicks in to pick it up for you, it will say how much time it's going to take, and then it will give you a maximum amount of time. So usually it will say, your order will be delivered at 3 o'clock, and then underneath that, in a smaller text, it will say

longest wait time maybe like 3.20. And this one, it literally said it was going to take 30 minutes to get there, 20 to 30 minutes. And then just when the guy got there on a bike and it said, we picked up my bike and shot up an hour. And I was like, are you kidding me? I was so mad. I was like, why are they allowed to do this And I was like, are you kidding me? I was so mad. I was like, why are they allowed to do this? I was

furious. You have no clue. It'd be like if you called someone to take you home and a dude on a bike showed up. He was like, hop on. I was so mad. I was like, alright. It sucks because he was like a pleasant dude. He was fine.

When I talked with him, he was like a nice guy. But it's the principle of the thing that it was like a pleasant dude He was fine when I talked with him He was like a nice guy But it's the principle of the thing That it's like the dude picked it up on a bike I don't know it seemed dumb to me I was like I was trying to order this You know like a reasonable amount of time Should have had a drone dude I wish I could have had a drone

It would have helped me out A drone would have at least Who cares if it arrived just as destroyed It would have arrived on time It would have at least, who cares if it arrived just as destroyed? It would have arrived on time. It would have been warm. Warm but destroyed. Yeah, you know, toast is fine cold, but it's not as good if it doesn't have a little warmth to it. You know what I'm saying?

Well, it's like when fries, they put fries in a thing. They're always soggy because they have to sit in the box like it steams up and then the fries get like bleh. If I ever order anything, you know, like a to-go anything, I never get french fries. I always either get a salad or something because it's pointless. The fries, when they get to you, they're always gross. Yeah. Every time. Unless you're one of those people who likes the soggy fries.

I know people like that. God bless. You're a weird person. That is. That's weird. But, yeah, I'll always get something that I know people like that God bless you're a weird person But That's weird But Yeah I'll always get something That I know will be fine Be like do you have another option

Just anything else Besides those fries Are gonna end up nasty Yeah That was It was an experience I have another I have another

Great moment And Jesse stuck indoors for you Alright I'm ready. Okay, so I don't know if I brought this up on this podcast before. I think I have. In my parking spot behind me, the guy who would just park in the middle of the lane. Did I tell you about that? No, you did not.

Who was I talking to about this? Anyway, when I would park in my parking space, there were these three cars. So you've seen the parking garage for my apartment complex. There are many cars there. When I would park, behind me every so often, mostly during the day, some dude in this giant black SUV would park almost right behind my car. And I could not get out. He was parked in the lane.

Just like in front of two, it was like there was a two car parking space and he would park in front of that. And so while I could kind of back out, I'd have to do one of those like back out, back in, back out, back in, back in, like five or six times in order to get past his car. Finally, I just had enough

and I went to the front desk of my apartment and I was like, y'all, this guy keeps doing this. It's driving me crazy. He does not stop. He's always there. I don't know if he lives here or he's just a friend. I don't know what's going on. And they're like, all right, we'll look into it. And so it just kept happening. And I finally went back to the desk and I was like, I'm going to have this guy towed. Like I can't, they can't deal with this right now. This guy sucks. And so they were like, all right, you can't deal with this right now. This guy sucks. And so they were like, all right, you know what?

We'll do it. Don't worry. We'll go out there. And I guess they were going to go get it towed. And the guy showed up and like took the car and left. Um, and so I, I kept seeing it happen and it was driving me crazy, but I didn't want to like confront the dude. Cause I knew it was going to be an issue. I just wanted to like have it handled because this is how I knew it was going to be an issue i just want to like have

it handled because this is how i knew it was gonna be an issue on this suv it had the license plate king so in my mind i'm thinking either one this guy really is a king in which case that's gonna be a problem or two he's a guy who has an ego big enough to think he is the king and put it on a license plate. Either way, it's going to be a pain in the ass. Anyway, cutting forward for a while, just to a different side story, we'll all come back. The people who live in the apartment next to me were these guys who would stay up till like, The people who live in the apartment next to me were these guys who would stay up till like – I don't think they'd wake up until 9 p.m. And they'd stay up all night, all night, running around their apartment.

It sounded like they were moving furniture all night. I don't know what they were doing. I think they might have been like amateur YouTubers or something. And they would like film on the roof and run around and I'd always see them outside like yelling. And they would be out. It was crazy. And I'd be like trying to sleep and I'd hear them yelling at each other in their rooms. And I'm like, what the hell?

So I obviously never said anything because, you know, I'm sitting here in one of the rooms in my apartment doing a podcast with you. I don't want anyone complaining if they can hear me right now. So I didn't say shit. I was like, no, I'm good. I'm not going to argue with them. I'm not going to fight. I'm just going to let them live their weird lives. It doesn't hear me right now. So I didn't say shit. I was like, no, I'm good. I'm not going to argue with them. I'm not going to fight. I'm just going to let them live their weird lives. It doesn't affect me at all.

If anything, it's kind of comforting late at night to just hear other voices and be like, I'm not alone, right? I like the big city. I love the big city. When I lived in New York, I loved the idea of noise outside, right? When I go to Chicago, I open up the windows just so at night I can hear all the noises. And so I kind of like that. I like noise when I sleep. So it was fine. And then one day the noise stopped. And I looked out the window and I didn't see anyone because our windows almost look

at each other so i didn't see anyone it looked like the the bedroom was empty i was like what the what so i go outside and i see that they're moving out and i'm like what they're moving out in the middle of a pandemic why are they moving they haven't i was like i guess they've been here a full year i don't know why they're leaving. What's going on? As I go down to my car today, I notice the big SUV is not there. And I notice all the other cars are not there. I'm like, what? And I see the guy who is the person I reported them to.

He's like, oh, hey, good news. Those people are moving out. I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, yeah, yeah, they got too many complaints from all the other people around them in their apartments, and they're moving out. I'm like, oh, what did they do? He's like, oh, I guess they were up all night, like crazy hours,

and they were like running around making noise, and so we had to ask them to leave. And I was like, wait a minute. Are you telling me these dudes are my neighbors the entire time and he's like guess so he's like why didn't you complain i was like oh uh you know i mean i did right and i kind of like pointed over to the car she's like ah yeah you're right and like walked away and i was like i should have complained i should have complained i should have said something those Those were the guys. I had no clue. Yeah. Turns out that the asshole guys who were keeping everyone up at night were in fact still the asshole guys who would park wherever they wanted to. Crazy how that works out.

had had enough because their apartment was two stories. And so they were connected to people on the top floor and people on the middle floor. So everyone could hear them just at the middle of the night causing all sorts of, I knew it was bad when one of the guys who lives across from us, you know how we have like a courtyard across from us and a different, like on the other side of the complex, I was talking to a guy in the elevator and he was just like, yeah, those dudes who live next to you, man, they are so loud. What are they doing over there at night? I was like, damn. So, yeah, I guess everything works itself out in the end, I guess. I don't know what the moral is, but it's just weird.

It just happened. I was like, oh yeah, so assholes in one place are probably assholes in another place. Okay. Well, it's, uh, but the thing is, like, now

there's no noise. Now there's just silence. Yeah, that's my one sadness, is now there's nothing. Usually, it's it's what 8 something right now Usually I'd hear them like Like sounds like they're moving furniture Like across wood Or you'd hear them like yelling at each other

Or maybe playing a video game I don't know what they were doing But then you like People running up and down steps You'd hear it and you'd be like Humanity At least there's someone living their lives Now I hear nothing people running up and down steps you'd hear it and you'd be like ah human humanity at least there's someone living their lives now i hear nothing it's silent there's no one next to me yeah it's i kind of feel that too i always like hearing i don't know i have this

well i like asmr too so i always like those kind of you know background noise uh types of things but like here's one that's kind of random like there just be like people like cross the street or somebody like doing yard work or not even yard work like one dude is just working on his deck right like he and he was just blasting his like radio music that was like and then you just hear like like working on his deck and for some reason i was kind of like would just like sit there and listen and it was just relaxing and i don't know why maybe it's because i knew i think part of it's because even growing up we'd have like people be like oh you know some guys coming to paint the wall and i'd just like sit there and they're like you hear some guy being like like doing like house construction like

painting or whatever and i think that kind of just relaxes me i don't know it's like a weird the comfort of progress right like they're doing a thing like mowing a lawn like you know there's someone out there mowing that lawn you hear like the right and you yeah you know it's happening and it's like life in action And there's something comforting about that On a deeply human level where you're just like Yeah Alright, you know what? The world's still going on It's

A very positive way to look at something That you can definitely see negatively Like if you're having a bad day And everyone's just going about their life It can make you feel even worse Just like, oh, nobody even cares. But if you think about it positively, it's like, even on your worst day, it's not like the world's still going to go on,

and you have to, like, pick yourself up and keep moving, right? And there's, like, a positivity to it that's, like, deeply ingrained in, like, yeah, you know what? Today sucked, but, like, it's nice to hear that, you know, the birds are chirping and there's, like there's a cool breeze and old Mr. Jenkins is out on his porch hammering away at that damn,

like wooden plank that won't, you know, like there's something consistent to it. And it's, yeah, it's very human. I forgot, I watched something on that. I forgot what it was. There's something where, like why humans enjoy those types of noises or kind of, like, why we enjoy, like, things being, like, oh, when a bubble wrap gets popped or, like, when someone throws a dart

and it hits right in the middle or you hear the, like. Like a haircut, like scissors or clippers that, like, or like that. Yeah. Or even just hearing, like, if you're in a game, right? Like you're in a game and you achieve, you like complete a quest and it's like, right. And you're like, ah, completed the quest. Like there's something about that gratification in your mind of like, there it is. Something has been completed successfully or in the right way.

But you know, if you hear something that's like, or like things breaking and then you're just kind of like, because you know, that's, it's your brain just wanting to know that everything's like kind of going okay. Yeah, I guess that, I mean, I guess at a subconscious level, it's about you achieving stuff because everyone's trying to achieve something. No one wants to do nothing. Right. And even the people who are like, no, man, I don't want to do anything. They are achieving the peacefulness of like, I don't want to do anything They are achieving the peacefulness Of like I don't need to do anything

Yeah which many people strive For so I think that It's yeah there's something about the Desire as a species to Do a thing even if that thing is Like I got the platinum trophy Right yeah Even if that's what it is at the end you

Feel like man I did that that was a thing that i did i get it really i get it yeah there's i understand for achievement that's why you know what it sounds like we're about to start the beginning of a documentary about space man has always strived for the stars yeah i don't know look at us we're so deep we're so deep we're so intellectual and smart no one has ever called us no one has ever called us that we're so intellectual and smart i don't think in the seven eight years we've done this that nobody's listening to this be like wow these guys are just intellectual and smart i love this podcast Okay we need everyone listening right now Everyone

Go to Spotify, iTunes Wherever you're listening to this Leave us a 5 star review And in it include Intellectual and smart in the review Yes In fact focus on how intellectual and smart We are in that review

And if we can somehow get People to think that on how intellectual and smart we are in that review and if we can somehow get people to think that we're intellectual and smart really they'll start really you can get people to believe anything really yeah it's uh it's like if you make a to-do list right if you don't do anything on that list you feel real bad but if you do scratch off a bunch of things on the list you feel great even if it's like if you made a list that's like eat breakfast take a walk like watch a video and you checked off all those things even if they're like minimalist like minute things you're just like oh i did things like your brain still feels happy about it and you know what's crazy you sleep better at night too yeah i know it's seems like pseudoscience but i'm not even joking If you make a list and you do

The things on your list so you feel like you completed something that day You sleep better because your brain's like Ah I did it Alright well I guess I can turn off for a little bit It's crazy But it totally works Yeah it's uh It's all about tricking your mind man

It's about hacking the mind See intellectuals Intellectuals It's all about tricking your mind, man. It's about hacking the mind. See? Intellectuals. Intellectuals. That was like, oh, what was that one tweet I did? I said, you remember that? No, I don't remember that one tweet you did.

It was... What tweet I did? I don't know, Grandpa. You tell me. I said, dude, memories are just moments of our life that our brain thought were important enough to remember. I mean, that's pretty intellectual. Yes. That's some philosophy 101 right there. It is.

Because I was thinking about it, right? And I was like, our memories. I was like, why do we even have memories? And I was like, it's just some point in our life our brain thought was like, yo, I got to remember this. This is important. But I have plenty of memories that aren't important. At least to me, like, you know, I'll have a memory of like eating a bagel. Right?

Like nothing was important about that. But I remembered it. All the memories that stick with me are always traumas. It's always something I did that I regret doing. Well, yeah. Well, that's the thing. It's like something I did that I regret doing. Well, yeah. Well, that's the thing. It's like people are like, oh, but did something happen when you ate the bagel? Did someone like die? Is there like crazy? And I'm like, no. Nothing bad happened.

Nothing crazy. Just, I don't know. Maybe I really liked it. Well, I've had things like, I remember vividly food I've eaten at certain points. Food that really stuck with me where I was like, oh! It changed my life. Yeah, really stuck with me where I was like, oh! It changed my life! Yeah, I have that too. I think everyone has a little

mixture of memories. I like that, a mixture of memories. Yeah. Sounds like an album. Can I give you another philosophical thing that we can talk about really quick? Yes. My dear friend Elsie posted a photo that exploded on the Tweetster this Yes My dear friend Elsie posted a photo That like exploded

On the tweetster this week And it is of a fashion shoot But the shirt says at the fashion shoot Uh Lamps in video games Use real electricity Wait no but okay Whoa hold on just back it up

If If the lamp Was not plugged in in the video game and it turned on would it be using electricity yes exactly what wait what exactly wait i'm sorry what So it's not going by our dimensional rules. You've got me. Checkmate, you've got me. Plus, okay, you could say, right, oh, it's using electricity still. But what if in the game it's being powered by some supernatural power?

Well, then that power is using electricity. But is it? Yes. yes no matter what it still has to operate under electrical current that's how they work that's how the light bulb works um like a ghost isn't gonna a ghost has to produce electricity the ghost isn't gonna power with electroplasm electroplasm electroplasm electroplasm yeah but at the same time what if something in the Ectoplasm. Electoplasm. Electoplasm. Yeah, but at the same time, if something in the game is like saying, oh, this lamp is powered by this ghost that has to run in a hamster wheel to power it, but it has nothing connecting to it, right?

It could still be electricity, but it's also that that thing so it's those two things at once and then but here's the thing the coding is connecting it but then the game is just a code but then the code it's this is like a there's there's so many avenues it's like a city map of terrible directions. Overall, it's just... Listen, I don't know. It's what you would talk about on the smartest, most intellectual show on the internet. It sure is.

This is why we need those reviews. We need more five-star reviews. Make it happen. I forgot that everybody was tweeting us that Nick Cage is gonna play Joe Exotic in a everyone did thing everyone everyone is tweeting us everyone now look we were aware we knew oh yeah uh we we had seen everyone was like can I see this like yes no we saw the thing is like Aaron's like oh this would be crazy i'm like it's do we really

need this like i just watched the tiger king like i don't i feel like i'm just gonna watch it again both nick cage yeah we watched the real thing nothing could be crazier than the real thing so like what like what are they gonna cover in in the miniseries? Over the course of eight episodes I watched a person's arm get eaten. I saw a woman who definitely killed her husband. Talk about ways to kill husbands. I saw a guy marry two

dudes who definitely weren't even into that guy. They just like drugs. I watched like a sting operation be set up. A man who wanted to drop bombs from a helicopter. I saw a guy with his eight wives run, I'm pretty sure, a cult. Everything you could possibly want to see was in that show. What else could there be?

Yeah, I have no idea. I mean, I'll watch it. Don't get me wrong. Yeah, I mean, I'll watch it. Don't get me wrong. Yeah, I mean, I'll be there. Now, to be fair, I think he'll play an excellent Joe Exotic. Of course. He's the only person who could do it. None of us are doubting that.

That is the truth. We're not doubting that. He'll play the part extremely well. Yes, of course. No one's saying he won't. We're simply saying the whole concept doesn't need to be made. But it will be excellent once it's made. We'll watch it. It just doesn't need to exist. Exactly. Just like electricity in video games. No, it definitely needs to.

And you know what else you need? This is a great segue. To smell good. That's right. Hawthorne is going to help you smell good. That's right. Hawthorne is going to help you smell good. Smell really good, especially if you're stuck at home, especially if you have to be surrounded by all those people you see every day. If you're with family, if you're with kids or a wife or a husband or parents or whoever, you know what? I have a feeling they're kind of over you right now. or whoever, you know what? I have a feeling they're kind of over you right now.

You can absolutely take the first step to fixing all that by smelling good. And Hawthorne wants to help. Now, if you're like me, you probably have that scent that you would wear all the time. Everyone has that first either cologne or perfume they fell in love with, and it's like their scent. But that's only the scent that you like found. You can actually make a scent for yourself. Make yourself smell unique and different and really good. The way Hawthorne works is that you take a quiz, answer some questions,

things like what do you like to drink, what do you like to do for fun, what kind of scents do you love, what does your last cologne smell like, all these different questions. to do for fun? What kind of scents do you love? What does your last cologne smell like? All these different questions. Shampoo, what kind of deodorant do you use? All those different things. Then they tabulate the results, do algorithmically things, and then they give you what kind of scent they think would smell best on you. And there are two. There's one for work, one for play. And they were right. The two colognes I got are great smelling. The one for play, I'm not even going to lie.

The one for work is good. The one for play is they nailed the scents I love. They nailed it. It's so good. I'm wearing that thing out. Maybe it's just because I like to play a lot. Maybe because the work one definitely has a business-y, like I'm going to work. The play one's like, Jesse, baby. And you can get that too. You can have that vibe where you feel yourself right when you smell good you feel good Trust me, so if you want in what you have to do is go take the quick two-minute quiz Hawthorne will tell you the result give you the two colognes

They think are best for you totally risk-free free shipping free returns to check it out go to Hawthorne free shipping, free returns. To check it out, go to Hawthorne.co. That's Hawthorne with an E. And use promo code COX to get 10% off your first purchase. That's H-A-W-T-H-O-R-N-E.co. Use code COX, get 10% off your first purchase. Let's go to Chapter 1, 7, and the Quentin on the Sky.

How's that traffic out there? Uh, oh man. Traffic is happening. Uh, there's cars. There's people trying to go to the parks. Uh, and you know what? Just get them out of there. Get them out of there. You better keep your six foot distance, alright?

And you better not be talking to Kathleen across the street. Because, you know, she doesn't have anything that great to talk about anyway. She's like, ah, I just drank another bottle of champagne today. Hey, hey. Like, we get it, Kathleen. Alright? So, just, you know, stay inside.

Just, you know, don't drive. Well, you can drive. Just don't get out of your car. All right? Unless you're getting food. Just stay safe. Just wear your mask. Just stay safe.

All right? Just stay safe. That's the traffic. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to Crandor at the weather desk. How's that weather? Weather time. Weather time.

Uh, let's go to... Uh... You know what? Let's go to Death Valley. Death Valley. Death Valley. There's multiple Death Valleys. There's Death Valley, California, Death Valley Junction, California,

and Death Valley Junction Abbreviated, California. Let's go to the normal one. Yeah, what? Uh, Death Valley, California. Uh, go to the normal. Yeah, what? Death Valley, California. 96 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like. 96 degrees Fahrenheit. You got clear skies. Low of 74. You got your winds 10 to 20 miles an hour southeast. Not too bad. Monday, 104 degrees. Whew. That's hot. Then you got 96.

This is why no one wants to be there. I mean, who'd want to live in Death Valley? Like, you know where I really want to go? Death Valley. That's like being like, man, you know where I want to move? Drowning in watered Pennsylvania. That's like being like, man, you know where I want to move? Drowning in water, Pennsylvania. That's my favorite. I hear that place is lovely when you're not drowning in water.

I hear it too. In fact, there's no water there. Drowning in water, Pennsylvania. Somebody find something and send it to us on Twitter or something. There's got to be at least one that's like, you know, burning alive Massachusetts. I don't know. There's got to be one. If there's a Death Valley, there's got to be another similar thing.

Death Valley is like it's describing the valley. It's a valley of death. You're describing something so hyper-specific, like burning alive in your home and no one can save you because you're on the fifth floor of Massachusetts. Massachusetts. Massachusetts. There's got to be one person in the span of human history that was like, you know what?

Jimmy got burned alive here. Let's call it burning alive forever. No, but they call it like Jimmy's fire. Or they call it like Char Jimmy. Char Jimmy. Char Jimmy. Char Jimmy Montana. There's got to be just somebody.

Somebody find one. I'll take anything. Doesn't exist. I don't believe it. It's got to exist. There's got to be one. Anyway, Death Valley. It's going to be sunny. 96, 93, 94, 96, 98, 98, 93, 86, 92, 96, 98, 101, 105.

Woo. Hee. Ha. That's hot. No, thank you. That's how it gets sometimes near L.A., and I'm like, thank God I live near the water, or else I would die. Oh, yeah.

There's like 10% humidity here. Oh yeah, there's like 10% humidity here. Like, where is, oh yeah, Death Valley's like on the border of California and Vegas. Or Nevada, not Vegas. Yeah, yeah, right there. It's like in the mountains. Interesting, I didn't know that. I didn't know that's where it was.

It makes sense, it's in the desert. Death Valley, wow. Look at that. It's a big valley of death. What? It's got Furnace Creek. Look at some of these. You have Furnace Creek. All right.

Now I got to go look up Death Valley, huh? All the clever names that are in Death Valley. Of course they have clever names in Death Valley because they named it Death Valley. So everything there is going to be like Death Valley Home of Fires. All right. Death Valley National Park. Skidoo. Oh, Skidoo.

You can go to Skidoo. Skidoo. I want to see. Is Skidoo like Skidoo Road? Are there people who live in Skidoo? There's 23 Skidoo. Do people live there? Skidoo.

Death Valley National Park temporarily closed. Yeah. Yeah. California. Skidoo, California. Population. Is it populated? Can't be a lot.

I don't even know if it's populated. It's in the middle of Death Valley. Let's see. Skidoo is representative of the boom pounds that flourished in Death Valley during the middle of Death Valley. Let's see. Skidoo is representative of the boom towns that flourished in Death Valley during the early 20th century. Towns' livelihood depended primarily on the output of the Skidoo mine. A venture operating between 1906 and 17. During those years, the mine produced about 75,000 ounces of gold, worth at the time more than $1.5 million. Interesting. ounces of gold worth at the time more than 1.5 million dollars interesting 1.5 million back then turn of the century that's it'd be a billionaire that would have been oh my god all these names

sound like things you would hear in mary poppins whoa the name skidoo comes from the expression 23 23 skidoo yeah of courseidoo. Yeah, of course. A slang expression of the time for which various origins have been suggested. Yeah, I love that. Huh. But, like, look at all these other names. There's so many things here sound like it's in Mary Poppins. Like Beattie Junction, Stovepipe Wells, Tea Kettle Junction.

All of these sound like just fake things. Go to the old... See y'all down at... Tea Kettle Path down to the old Death Skidoo. I don't know how I feel about a place being called Chloride City. Oh, Chloride City. Old Chloride City. Is there chloride there?

No. That's in Chloride Cliff. Oh, my God. I love this place called... Wow, there's a place called Furnace Creek. It has an airport and everything. Huh. This is what you were talking about.

Yeah, Furnace Creek. Furnace Creek Resort General Store. Oh, my God. Furnace Creek has a resort? What is the resort? The Oasis at Death Valley. I'm clicking it. The Oasis at Death Valley. I'm clicking it. The Oasis at Death Valley.

Wow, four stars at the Oasis. Damn. This place looks so small. It's in the middle of nowhere. Wow, it's beautiful. I mean, it is genuinely beautiful, although I would not ever want to be there. It looks like it would be so hot.

What would you do there at the Oasis at Death Valley? What would you even do? I don't know. It's a great question. There's a. Yeah, do you just like walk out and go, man, it's hot out here. Who lives at the Oasis at Death? Like people have to work there, right?

Yeah. They all live. Maybe they drive. There's the ranch at Death Valley. What is the ranch? Here's the thing. all these hotels have like four stars huh who's giving them for I guess if you're stuck there you need a place

and you're like it'll do there's striped Butte Porter Peak needle peak sugar loaf peak Jubilee Mountain Smith oh I see funeral this seems this seems counterproductive in every possible way Jubilee Mountain, Smith Mountain, Coffin Peak, Funeral Peak. This seems counterproductive in every possible way, but Furnace Creek has so many golf courses. The Furnace Creek Ranch Golf. So you go out there to golf.

I got you. Oh, shit. On the border of Nevada and California to the east of Death Valley Junction is Shadow Mountain. Oh, my God. That's the place. Shadow Mountain. Wow.

Shadow Mountain. Oh, my God. 4.7. All right. So, of course, because I had to. I was like, all right, where do people go to eat When they're out in this place Like, where do they

Yeah Where would you go if you're trying to get food And you're in Furnace Creek Everyone's telling me I gotta check out Timbisha Tacos And when you click it Timbisha Tacos Rocking a

4.4 on the reviews And It is A little small, looks like a trailer But I'm telling you Those are the best places I'm looking at the food right now They got like puffed tacos

Oh man, they got those like I don't know if it's offensive. They used to be called Indian tacos. I don't know what they're called now. But like the puffy tacos? Puffy tacos. Oh, my God. It looks delicious.

Oh, my God. All right. It looks like a little tiny shack, like a little place you would go to just, you know, get something that probably wasn't healthy for you, but like looking good. Look. Yeah. It says, keep calm,

eat Indian tacos. So I guess that's still a thing. Uh, wow. Oh, look at that. That's so neat. Even in the middle of nowhere.

You know what? Actually in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of a desert, I think you can probably get some damn good tacos. I don't put it out there. Yeah. Yeah. It's gotta be just like that one little shack set up,

and it's just run by, like, Satan himself. Welcome. You want some tacos? Yeah, actually, I'll take two al pastor. That'll be upon one twentieth of your soul. You're like, for a good taco, all right. Okay. And that's the weather Alright, let's go to sports

Sports Sports They're still not happening They're still talking about trying to bring it back MLB could propose 80 game Regular season in July An 80 game season sounds like the best Major league baseball season ever.

Honestly, that's what it should be. Yeah, I would love that. If they were like, there's only 80 games, I'd be like, oh my god, perfect season. I'd watch. Yeah. That would be pretty great. And then they had fights yesterday, like UFC

in empty arenas. That was pretty neat. I guess. It'd be better if they just took it out to a street corner. Yeah. An empty arena is like, whatever. But I'd love it if they were like, we're going out to a street corner, we're going to rope it off, go to town.

No one's outside anyway. That'd be amazing. Call it street brawl. Street brawl. And really really that's just sports all right crendor what's our big news story of the day the ghost of a masturbating ape haunts the hallways of a grand country estate this is it this is definitely our new story of the week this is i'm sorry this uh this story is about three years old you know what we just found it that's all that matters it's new to us uh the ghost of randy monkey haunts the halls of a grained english country estate

no way is this thing called randy monkey randy monkey you know do you think that's a family name or do you think he was given that name uh no i'd say uh i'd say he's been given that name not a doubt that. Titillated tourists can often hear the saucy specter laughing while masturbating in Athelhampton Hall in Dorset near Dorchester. First off, England,

why are all your ghosts always horny? Every time we do a story about an English ghost, it's either like trying to marry a woman, or it's like trying to bang a woman or it's like trying to bang people or it's like masturbating in a wall. Every time. What is happening over there? Some frustrated people there.

Bed people specifically. It's all that repression in life. And they're like, now that I'm dead, I'm letting loose. Like, now that I'm dead, I'm letting loose. Then the spooky venue even has soul-searching couples clamoring to have their weddings held there in hope of having the pervy primate appear in the background of their pictures. What? Wait. Wait. Wait. All right, so there's a lot to unpack here.

First off, people want to go stay there because they hope the ape named Randy Monkey, Randy Monkey the ape, will jerk off and laugh at them while he does it. Yeah. And then they want to have their weddings there so that in the background of their wedding photos, a masturbating ape can be seen so they can have that forever. Yeah. A reminder of the time that as they shared their vows

before their friends and family an ape jerked off to it. I don't think I think that the thoughts that are across my mind have been with Toaster Woman and be like hey you know what we need? We can have our wedding, I really want to have it with Randy Monkey and hope that he just jerks off in the background.

I think that's the most romantic thing I can think of. You know, I just, I'd really love it if as we shared our first kiss as husband and wife and masturbating ape was in the background just laughing at us, like just cracking up at our hilarious wedding. There's got to be more to this. The lovable ape's afterlife antics

have helped the hall to be named as one of the most haunted houses in England after being listed on We Buy Any Homes list of the nine most ghostly properties. The 15th century house was originally built by the Martin family whose crest featured an excited monkey sitting on a tree stump. The estate's motto was, He who looks at Martin's ape, Martin's ape will look at him. That is the craziest.

So in the 1500s, or what were you saying, 15th century? Is that what it was? So 1400s. Right. Somewhere someone was like, my lord, what should we have on our crest? Should we have a rooster or a dragon Or perhaps some sort of lion my lord And he's like no A masturbating monkey on a stump

My lord are you sure Yes I want that monkey masturbating A monkey or an ape my lord An ape seems stronger Like a stronger grip So include an ape instead Yes my lord

I can't even So then they Alright yeah So include an ape instead. Yes, my lord. I can't even. So then they. All right. Yeah. So is there even an ape or is it just because the story? I don't understand. Let's see.

Was there ever an ape on the premises? I don't know. It just says, does this thing. And ever since the horny ghost of Martin's monkey has haunted the sprawling country pile, making it a go-to destination. Like, was it just like they declared that was their motto? And then the ghost monkey was like, well, I gotta go weird. I guess.

Or is it like a dude who's just really hairy? Which makes it way creepier. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Just like a hairy guy who's just like, right? Like, that sounds like something they would do in the 15th century. Right? I don't know. Just like a hairy guy who's just like, right? That doesn't seem good. It sounds like something they would do in the 15th century. Right? Like, yes, my lord.

We call him the monkey. Bring the hairy one. Because it's Geraldo. The town squire. Bring me the hairy one. One tourist, dad of three, John Morrison, 41. You brought your kids to the masturbating ape? Oh, hell no, man.

He took his entire family to the estate, spoke excitedly about the spanking monkey ghost. He said, we heard that Martin the monkey who haunts the house loves to scratch his privates while swinging around. We didn't see him, which is a shame because it would have been a real sight. Apparently, he's not terrifying. Quite friendly is what we heard. According to the local legend, the unconventional... Shut up. No one has ever seen this.

He's actually quite friendly. The masturbating monkey is actually quite... Of course he is! That monkey is looking at you, jerking it. When you look at him, he looks right back. That's what the motto means. He has no shame. This monkey has no shame. According to local legend, the unconventional Martin family did have a pet ape which was free to wander the halls.

Okay, there we go. There it is. And when one of the Martin daughters had an unhappy love affair and decided to kill herself the compassionate monkey began following her around when she climbed a set of hidden stairs to a secret room the ape trailed behind and watch as she took her own life with the door bolted by the time the family's search of the house grounds eventually located the room the ape had starved to death next to her body now its ghost haunts the hall, often scratching at the paneling of the secret room and staircase

in an eternal, frantic attempt to escape, but the monkey is not alone. The house is reputed to have six other ghosts, all human. Whoa, what? Shit, dude. All right, can I be real with you? I didn't think the story was going to get depressing. I thought you were about to tell me

this girl had a love affair with the monkey. I thought you were about to tell me this girl was spurned by this guy, and so she and this ape went up to that private room and got it on. That's what I thought you were going to say. I did not expect her to kill herself. That's not the way I thought this was going to go.

I was like, alright,, this is getting weird. But it got sad. It didn't get weird. It got sad. And I blame you. Well, that's fine. Aethel Hampton has long been known as a haunted spot and featured on TV's Most Haunted in 2002.

There's been a structure on the site since Saxon times. Andrea Cook, who has lived at the house with her family for more than 20 years, said she has witnessed all sorts of odd and inexplicable things. But while many people have a rational explanation, she said, there are always some which do not.

The most recent was a dark-hooded figure who rushed past one of our cleaners. On the first sighting, she assumed she had imagined it, but ten minutes later it came towards her again, up the old servant's staircase, and hurried past her into a bathroom. She was terribly excited about it, having never witnessed such a thing. What this was makes no sense at all. It is a figure our youngest son has seen a couple occasions, but the cleaner was unaware of sense at all. It was a figure. It is a figure.

Our youngest son has seen a couple occasions, but the cleaner was unaware of this at the time. Despite all this, it's an amazing place to live. It's a beautiful home. We were happy here. And generally it has a lovely atmosphere in spite of the stories, but on the odd occasion,

when something does occur and I must stress, it is only occasionally, it reminds you that there are some things which are beyond our understanding a spokesperson from we buy any home said whether you believe in ghosts or not it's undeniable that some places for whatever reason give us the creeps also we buy your homes um i had that last part. I'm very British of you. Whether it be the old-fashioned decor,

the eerie silence that hangs over the property, or the footsteps on the landing in the dead of the night, some properties give that feeling that they may be occupied by something or something else. Andrea said that when her sons were younger, their friends refused to sleep over at Athelhampton

Hall because of doors being agitated, figures at the end of your bed, figures stood in doorways, the sound of rapid footsteps backwards and forwards in your bedroom. Okay. All right. I think if I ever had to stay anywhere to do a ghost hunting thing, I would do it there. Not because I expect to see a ghost, because if I did, I'd want it to be a masturbating monkey. Where did they even say that he was whacking it? Well, it was the headline.

But really what it is, is it's just the thing monkeys always do where they just jingle their balls a little bit. You know, scratch a little, and they're like, yeah, whatever. Man, there's some people that do that too. Yeah. I mean, they say we're related. Well, in the comments, Bobby Bobberson said, except that ghosts don't exist. Way to ruin it with facts, Bobby. And then Parrotface said, ha-ha.

Parrotface with those good comebacks Nice parrot face Alright well that's it for us Alright Thank you so much for Listening and watching however you're enjoying this podcast Crendor Hit em with the socials

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Twitch.tv slash Crandor. Twitch.tv slash Jessica Cox. Instagram.com slash Crandor. We're taking Instagram.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com. To be continued.