Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 241 - Cox n' Caffeine in the Morning

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

They boys are back with another episode of nonsense. This week Jesse discovers super coffee and Crendor keeps saying the phrase "pelvic floor". All this, and a sexual fantasy gone wrong! It's definitely time for a new Cox n' Crendor! To get 15% off your first order, free shipping, and a 100% satisfaction guarantee, go to http://meundies.com/crendor Get Honey for FREE at http://joinhoney.com/COX

Today's episode is brought to you by Honey. Honey is here to help you save some money. It's that simple. It rhymes. It's that simple. Also, today we're brought to you by MeUndies. MeUndies. You're walking around in your underwear right now anyway. You might as well make a MeUndies. Let's jump into this podcast.

Woo. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning! In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios! Recording! Wake your ass up! It's Cocks and Crenn-Dogs in the morning!

Hello everybody, welcome to an exciting episode of Cacks and Crendor in the morning. Hey, welcome to the Crendor can sit in a chair again podcast. Yo, your dick's not broken, that's cool. Yeah, so, okay. Let me tell you. In my mind, I imagine you're all posted up in a dick cast. You know, and you're just kind of like, well, one of these days. No. Gil, let me tell you about the pelvic floor.

What? The perennial muscles. I hate that you called it the pelvic floor. That's what it is, the pelvic floor. I don't like that one bit. That sounds sus to me, my friend. The pelvic floor. The pelvic floor.

Okay. Going down pelvic floor. The pelvic floor. Lingerie and men's apparel. What are the pelvic floor muscles the floor of the pelvis not elvis is made up of layers of muscle and other tissues these layers stretch like a hammock from the tailbone of the back to the pubic bone at the front you mean the taint you're talking about the taint it ain't the taint the taint the taint is part of the pelvic floor, yes. Of course. Of course it is, yes.

But it goes all throughout, like, up to your butt, up to the old, you know, genitalia regions, to your hip bones. Like, it's all over. And so I was like, okay. So I looked up pelvic floor exercises, yoga, like, physical therapy stuff, and I started doing a lot of it. And it worked. Now you're back? Yeah, you just had to stretch those muscles out. I had to stretch out my pelvic floor. Yeah. Honestly, I think they were. Powerful pelvic floor

muscles. Too powerful for their own good. We never need to say the word pelvic floor again. Perennials. Powerful perennials. It sounds like you're talking about plants now, and I'm fine with that. I'd rather hear plants when you say perennials than pelvic floor. And, like, as, like, one, you, like, push on, like, some of the, like, areas.

And then one area I pushed on, I felt it, like, go all the way down my leg. I was like, wowee. And then it, like, loosens up. Kind of like your back if you push push like a spot in your back. And like radiates down your arm or something. You know. I mean. I kind of get you.

I've been doing like. Some morning stretches. And it's weird. That. When I wake up. And I do my stretches. I feel like. I'm going to say.

An inch taller. Is that weird? Like I'll do my stretches. And then at the very end. I'll lay down on the bed. And just like. Full body stretch. And I.

It feels like my body is getting wider, like, bigger. Like, my arms are extending further. I feel like my bones are, like, we were all crunched down, and now we're free. It's great. It's a great start to the day. You're like, oh, I can do anything right now. I mean, that's probably why if you, like, look at, like, animals, like cats and dogs, whenever they wake up, they stretch. Yeah, you just got to get, like, a good – you don't have to do too much.

You just got to stretch the bod when you wake up because you've been crumpled up in a position for X number of hours. So a full body stretch does you good. It gets everything flowing. You're like, ooh. You know, I get why Rita Repulsa did that thing where she was like, I have redone. Yeah, I get it. I get it now. It all checks out.

No, it makes sense. So, man, it's been like just figuring out. Okay, so now, okay, so now I've got like a minor in pelvic floor. I've got like a major in gastroenterology. I think I'm like, I think I'm heading towards a medical career. Here's the thing. If 10 years from now, you're a doctor, it would not surprise me. We'll call you doctor.

It's doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Yeah. Hey, doc. I think I got this pain in my arm. Might be your pelvic floor. Might be your stomach.

In your arm? Yeah yeah that's what i'm saying everything that i know is just gonna go back like yeah it might be your pelvic floor the stomach uh possibly the uh ibs ibs hitting in so we'll just uh we'll run some tests that'll be never mind i take it back i don't want to go to a doctor that's like, well, doctor, something wrong with my eye. It's like twitching. Well, okay. Let me explore your pelvic floor. I don't think.

Nope. Nope. Trust me. It's going to be worth it. Yeah. So it's honestly, I didn't know this much about the pelvic floor. And so learning about these perennial. All right.

Dr. John keeps being like, I called them perennials and he said it's perennial, perennial. I'm like, listen, you're talking to the guy who does not pronounce anything. I brig myself live in front of thousands of people. You think I'm going to know how to say perennials? I like how no matter what you do, the one thing you have in your back pocket

is like, look, i threw myself in the brig to stop myself live in front of several thousand people i didn't even know what i was doing i'm very well aware um so yeah it's uh you know it can honestly if you got like a tight pelvic floor you can have like some you could have trouble, like, with your bladder. Because it, like, can push up on the bladder. You could have trouble going to the bathroom. You could have trouble, you know, sitting down like I was. Because it's all tight and you push down.

It, like, presses up. It compresses all that thing. You got to do that. It sucks. Man, it sounds like it sucks. That doesn't sound good. That sounds awful. It does. it sucks man it sounds like it sucks that doesn't sound good that sounds awful it does and every time i feel like i spin the wheel of like what's what's next on the health then sometimes you get

to go back it's like uh perennial perennials are feeling good now and you're like oh there's the heartburn again good old heartburn i missed you right you get to like revisit some old problems or like oh ibs flared up again finally something i'm used to well you just have to like learn things that work best for you right like yeah pizza i have learned to appreciate cheese pizza much more now because for some reason whenever i have pepperoni pizza i'm like oh my body and i think it's because all the grease and so oh no it'll do it yeah i did a test and i like did the whole paper towel pat down the top of the pizza thing i was fine totally fine it was just because pizza be greasy and i'm not you know 19 anymore and i'm like give me a whole pie like i can't no i'm telling you dude the towel the towel on the pizza to get that grease off, it's a good

strat. It works, and it doesn't, you know, it makes the pizza look a little more microwaved. Like, when you look at the pizza after you're done with it, you're like, oh, it kind of like ruins the glisten on the top of it that makes it look like, mm, that's a good-ass pizza. But with that said, it still tastes the same. Yeah, no, it still tastes the same. Yeah. No, it still tastes the same.

You still got that grease layer on. Listen, some people want the grease layer. Some people can handle the grease layer. That's great. I can't. Yeah. I'm just saying, it's probably healthier for you, too. It's probably better for your body.

Oh, it definitely is. You know, maybe. But, yeah, I've learned to appreciate a good cheese because I don't have that issue. I don't have to pat down the top of it. I'm like, just the plain cheese pizza. The cheese, the dough, the tomato. That's all I need. Yeah, sometimes if you get, like, pepperoni, that's going to ooze that grease right off on top mixed together.

And you got, like, a grease fiesta. Yeah. You don't want that. You don't want that on your matz. You don't want that. Well, I feel like if you get like a motz If you get like a, what's it called With the mozzarella and like the basil leaf

And the Margarita Yeah, there you go, got it That's the one, I got it If you get a margarita pizza, I feel like That's like a pretty good pizza because you don't get overloaded With a lot of stuff, it's like a lighter pizza What are those called?

I would be a fool to call them Italian pizzas. That's not correct. But whatever that style of pizza is, the more rustic pizzas, we'll say. I think those pizzas, no matter what, quality-wise are always better than, like like a normal pizza or like a hand tossed or a deep dish or New York or a, what a Chicago style, whatever a Midwest style where they get, there's all these different styles of pizza,

but I think like the ones where it's very simplistic, those are always better for you every time. But with that said, a big slice of New York pizza pizza folded up is like yes oh god that's the good stuff yeah that's the that's where it's at you get that big slice you fold that shit you're like man that's where it's at sometimes hell yeah that's where it's at i get it i understand that's how my perennials are doing. That's good to know.

Thank you. Yeah. I have a question for you. Speaking of physical activity, I got this note today. Jesse, question for you. In your podcast, Cox and Crandor, what was the name of that workout series that Crandor was watching it had some old russian guy or something that i need to learn how to weigh uh learn the ways uh yes it's uh i think he's israeli okay his name is galad galad i love the name galad that's a great name. Yeah, his name is Galad Janklovitz.

Yeah, okay. Janklovitz. So it's G-I-L-A-D space J-A-N-K-L-O-W-I-C-Z. Galad Janklovitz. That's a hell of a last name. I-C-Z. Galad Janklovitz. He is an Israeli-born fitness personality best known for the longest-running fitness show in the United States,

Bodies in Motion, and for his show Total Body Sculpt with Galad. Raised in Israel, Janklovitz has been an athlete devoted to fitness since his high school days. He is 65 years old now. Total Body Scul sculpt with Galad. Oh, my God. Oh, wow.

Look at this guy. I've seen this dude before. Wait, you have? I have. You've seen Galad? I'm sure I've seen Galad. I haven't given Galad any thought ever, but I've definitely seen Galad before.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my oh my god no he's great it's uh like the thing is when you i feel like when i listen to him right it's sometimes i've watched the dvd thing like so many times it's hit the point where i know what he's gonna say and i know like all that little intricate likes like the quips that he says right he's going to say, and I know all the little intricate quips that he says. He's like, we're going to stretch the bicep muscle. He puts the emphasis on bicep. But I like that. I mean, I know you do. If you go, I found GaladTV.

He's definitely aged, but he still looks roughly the same way he did 30 years ago. Yeah. Even in dress. Even the way he dresses looks roughly the same way he did 30 years ago. Yeah. Even in dress. Even the way he dresses looks roughly the same. Yeah. No, he really does. If I could pull that off, I'd be fine with it. I like that at a certain point,

workouts from the 900 series are just him and women in bikinis and I mean, I'm inspired to work out now. You know. Literally just him and, like, women in bikinis. And I mean, I'm inspired to work out now. You know, literally just him on an island dancing with, like, women in bikinis in the background. And I'm like, all right, I'm in, Galad. What do you need me to do?

Never mind. Workouts from the 400 series is where it's at. 400. Episode one. Episode 401, bodies in motion Features a chimpanzee. I don't know why. I don't care why. I love it. Oh my god.

Episode 402. A child is doing it with him. Oh my god. The child is there the entire season? Is the chimpanzee there the entire season? Episode. Season 4. The 400 series of Wizzards. It's at 23 of the best episodes ever.

We'll be bringing on a child and a chimpanzee to show you that anyone can do this. I love this. You know what? It was a different time. The 80s were a different time. It was a different time. A child

and a chimpanzee 1988 this was out Holy crap I uh The one I specifically did was Express workouts With Galad Shout out to Galad for you know

Keeping it going keeping it tight for all these years Yeah It's definitely always weird To see like a very R, physically fit 60-some-year-old person, especially considering most of the people who are physically fit and 60 start to turn out like Schwarzenegger. We're like, time is like, I'm still coming for you. Doesn't matter how hard you try. I'm still going to get you.

And they're just like, you know, are are ripped but they're Still falling apart oh yeah No Put together man look at him that's Great yeah No galad's great so I mean Yeah if you were uh if you were Wondering about Uh galad express workout I even

Think it's on youtube if you check there's like some Of the workouts on youtube well There you go. By Galad. It's not an advertisement, but Crandor says it'll help with your pelvic floor. That might not, but it'll help something. Oh, my God. I went to the grocery store this week.

And I discovered something called times two caffeine coffee times two caffeine oh i think i've seen that actually it is they have starbucks versions of it they have like there's so many different versions of it now and i was like you know what i've been having like messed up problems with sleep lately i'll some days i'll sleep too long and Other days I'll barely sleep And so I was like maybe I just need to Stay up a normal sleep schedule Wake up do this thing So I've been doing I've been like Getting up early drinking

My my extra strength Caffeine coffee and like going through the day I feel like I'm an addict I feel like this is a problem but I simply don't care. It works. It's keeping me going. Who would have thought?

The answer was drugs. Yeah. The answer was drugs. Yeah, no, it's doing it for me. I feel like it can't be healthy for you. It's like double the cap. Although, isn't that what an energy drink is anyway? I mean, yeah. I'd rather have it from a cup of coffee than like a 600-cal an energy drink is anyway? I mean, yeah.

I'd rather have it from a cup of coffee than like a 600-calorie energy drink. So, you know, I feel like that's healthier. If it's times two caffeine, can you just have like two cups of coffee? I don't know that's how it works. Well, what do you mean? You just have one cup of coffee, then you have another one. That's two times the caffeine I don't know

I feel like there's a math problem here That we are not solving You know one of those equations where it's like Just cause you do 100% twice Doesn't mean You're getting 200% caffeine Does that make any sense

I get. Well, yeah, because you're not doing it all at once. Honestly, I don't know. You could be totally right. But I also don't want to drink two cups of coffee. Like, one cup of coffee is enough for me. I'd rather have two cups of coffee. Well, I mean, that's because you live that dangerous life. I'd rather

have, like, a nice warm cup of coffee than some iced tea and, like, go about my day uh yeah well i mean it feels more dangerous doing like twice the caffeine in one serving and then going about your day i mean look i don't know i have to assume that the starbucks brand corporation wouldn't have sold it if it wasn't gonna kill me me. Or wait, if it was going to kill me. I just, you know, I could be wrong though because they've, you know, people sell stuff all the time that kills people.

So I don't, I'm just like, I saw it, I figured I'd try it, it like tastes the same and it is keeping me going so I'm not going to complain right now. Although if in five years I have like caffeine addiction and I'm squirrely and jittery You'll know why this will be the episode

Yeah Well I mean this will be the one where I go crazy On the bright side of things At least it's like You know it's getting you normal Yeah I mean it's been Man This week was so long

I'm so To think it started with us playing Saints Row. I forgot that was this week. I did, too. I was like, man, when did I play Saints Row? And I was like, oh, my God, that was last Sunday. Yeah. Wow. By the way, last week we played Saints Row.

Everybody. Yes, we did. One day I'll make a clip show of it because it was hilarious. It was pretty great. Yeah, we went back and we played for a little bit and it's just as good a game as it always was. It's fantastic. Yeah, it was fun to relive the thing that started it all, you know? Started this show. Yeah, we found out that Cox and Crandor was like the thing that started it all, you know? Started this show. Yeah, we found out that Cox and Crendor was, like, the thing. Yeah. That we created during that game.

I like how we found this out, even though we were the ones. We found out that we remembered that we did a thing. Yes. Live on the stream, we were like, wait, what? This is what started it? Yeah, now we know. Yeah, because I guess right before we were going to do the actual episode of Saints Row for the first time, I think we were like, yo, it's like Cox and Crendog. And then we were like, it's kind of like a morning show. And I think then you just titled the episode Cox and Crendog in the morning. I mean, that sounds about right. And then it just kind of became a thing. And we were like, we should like a morning show. And I think then you just titled the episode Cox and Crenn Dog in the morning. I mean, that sounds about right.

And then it just kind of became a thing. And we were like, we should just do a show. That's God. That was nine years ago. That was nine years ago. Yeah, I think it was like eight and a half, nine years. Man. My whole body. Hey, I feel that

It's wild to think that Some of the things that I remember I get parents now I get why parents are like You'll always be my baby Like I get it Because some of the things I remember from 2014 Seem like they were yesterday

And then I'm like That was six years ago? Oh man, it's wild. Time is a curse. I totally understand villains now. Super villains, I get you. The bad guy in Star Trek Generations, I get now. I'm like, I will defeat time.

Oh, it's madness. Especially looking back a week, right? Like, just looking back one week, I'd be like, what a long-ass week. And to think that I remember March being forever. April flew by. And I was doing, like, research on – because, you know, every once in a while I'll just, rather than work, go on the internet and be like, let's learn a thing. Apparently there's a part of your brain. There's actually a documentary on Netflix. If you want to get real crazy, everyone, there's a documentary on Netflix called Have a Good Trip.

Yeah, that's it. Yeah, it's a Netflix documentary about LSD and peyote and, like, you know, drugs and their effect on people and it is filled with celebrities it is crazy uh Carrie Fisher has this huge bit in it that's like amazing Sting talks about doing drugs and giving birth to a calf

it is the craziest thing you'll ever watch but um in it they talk about you know time there's a part of your brain that registers time which is why when you're on certain drugs it feels like time is all out of whack and so i was like i got a deep dive so i went on the internet to research this bit and there's like a part of your brain just like there are parts of your brain to regulate all sorts of things we don't really think about there's a part of your brain that registers time.

And it's why, even though time is not an existent thing, time is just entropy, right? Like everything over time grows then fades away. We perceive time as a tangible thing because it helps us sort our day. And so there's certain things that can alter your brain that will change You know perceptions of reality and all this different stuff But one of those perceptions is time And it's I just went on a rabbit hole

I was like this is crazy Yeah once you go down that rabbit hole Of like what is real and what isn't And how it's all perceived in your brain You're just like am I even real Oh yeah it's wild Oh yeah no I have that happen a lot i see but for you i think that just happens on like you wake up and you're like what is even real oh yeah no that

happens all the time like uh i was i went on like a forest walk i was just walking and then there's like a bug flew into me and i was like ah shit and then for some reason right after that happened i was like I was just born one day and now here I am walking in the woods and I got hit by another bug that just randomly got up it was a bug came out of nowhere just like me but it got to be a bug I got to be a human not just

whack me in the face and that bugs could be dead soon and I'm gonna be dead one day and we're all gonna be dead and then I was like anyway I'm gonna keep walking look this made me want to go to the woods and do shrooms I've never in my life been like Yeah, I feel like shrooms is a good option But now I'm like, maybe, maybe I should

They were, like Sting And I'm trying to think who else it was Someone else was talking about it But like They went into the woods Cause they were told, I don't remember now Sting's story isn't even going into the woods because they were told i remember now sting story isn't even going into the woods sting went to mexico to like a weird cult thing up in a mountain and like it did drugs and like had blood poured over him and shit and like but no matter what

was going on all of them were like while they were in this moment, they saw truth and were just like, dude, we're all stars. We're all just dust, man. The earth, the planet. Hey, now we're an all-star. Exactly. Get your game on. Go play. Yes.

They're like, don't you get it, man? We're all stars. It's wild because you know, when Sting's talking And oh, it's wild, because you know, like, when Sting's talking about it, it's hilarious. He's like, I gave birth to the, he helped, like, give birth to a calf. Like, he was on a farm. And some guy ran up

to him while he was high and was like, dude, you gotta come help me. And Sting got there and was trying to, like, help this cow give birth. And there was, he said he was, he was seeing rainbows and shit. I was like, I got to be honest with you. Sometimes I think I need to have one of those moments. Maybe you do.

I feel like maybe I won't need double caffeine coffee to keep going. Instead, I'll just be like, don't you get it, man? I am the trees. And I'd be fine with that. Sh and if i became that guy yeah if i became that guy who was just people are like how you doing i'd be like i'm doing as good as planet mother earth lets me if i became that guy i'd be fine yeah i'd be fine i'd be fine with that as long as i like had some chill vibes i'd be great no it's uh i agree i think uh i think sometimes you just need the you need that like out of body like perspective some people like me it just comes

naturally but other people i feel like you just need you need something to get you there you know like my dreams are already like that anyway oh my god i had some wacky dreams this week let me tell you wow a lot of my dreams were related to like i had one dream where i was doing a podcast and i don't remember who i think it was felicia day and someone else were on the podcast but it was about how they discovered a fish in the antarctic that lives only nine days or something like that and the fish they found out wasn't from Earth And was the first sign of extraterrestrial life And then I realized after we were done recording

That I had forgotten to press record And so it was like It was a panic attack I had like a panic attack and woke up and was freaking out Which is Obviously had nothing to do with anything In that dream except for the fact that like I constantly worry about

My job and how one dumb mistake can screw it up yeah oh yeah i've had dreams where like i'm still in school and i'm like why was i dreaming about being in school yeah those are always weird stress dreams suck they're never fun and it's always about stuff that feels real and not like yeah then i was scuba diving with flamingos and the flamingos were made of gumdrops it's never that shit it's always like yeah i was late for school and i got there and school had ended forever no it's always crazy because some people are like it's just you know i just dreamt like me and him were together and we're here just at the beach and so i'm like i don't kind of dreams you're having but my dreams are like fucking i think it's raining bananas there's like a fox

pulls up in a car it's like the fuck it you like gotta go on an adventure and then all of a sudden like everybody's gone and i'm like on a like on mars and then i'm just like gathering rocks on mars and then someone's like take a photo of me and my family and you're like all right you take a photo and then you're like wait how the shit did i get here then you wake up and you're like alright you take a photo And then you're like wait how the shit did I get here And then you wake up and you're just like what Those are my dreams I would love to have a sexy dream Sexy dreams wherever you're at whatever it takes Hook me up I would love to have a dream

Where it's like and then we were alone on the beach I don't have any of that shit I don't have any of that The last remotely sexy dream That I remember was Years ago I remember was years ago I remember this because it was terrifying I was at a mall

alone I think I might have said this on this podcast even I was at a mall and I was looking for a friend and she was like in the mall and her face was always away from me and every time I would grab her and turn her around It would just be the back of her head

And so I like chased after her in the mall And I ended up in a room Where I was Held down on a stretcher And the Person there was like A naked Britney Spears But with the head of an alien

I think I do remember this Yeah I said it on this podcast A while ago was like a naked Britney Spears, but with the head of an alien. I think I do remember this. Yeah, I said it on this podcast a while ago. That's the last remotely, remotely sexy. Other than that, it's like weird stress dreams or like very chill, happy, like, yeah, and then this thing happened, and that was fun. I did a, dude, I remember one dream I had. It was crazy. I remember there's this girl and she kept

trying to like flirt with me and she was like crawling towards me and I was like no I'm like I'm with someone and she was like no no and I'm like no I have a girlfriend already and she kept crawling and I put my hand out and it like pushed her head and her neck broke and she fell over and I was like what the shit and then I was like the helicopter started flying over and I was like I gotta get out of here and then I pulled up a map like I was in call of duty and I had to like flee to Canada and I was like all right I gotta get to Canada but I gotta go through the woods and then I was like wait what am I doing and then I woke up and I was like what the shit the dream collapsed around you I've seen that movie I get how it works yeah it's inception

the dream collapsed as soon as I as soon as i was like no i came through this dream was like i think like that girl was the embodiment of the dream i love that most sometimes like if you're in relationships someone will have a dream and be like are you cheating on me i dreamed you were in this case you would literally kill someone for toast apparently i was just like i can't cheat i'm in a relationship the thing was i wasn't like and like i just literally put my hand out and her head like went into it and it just like broke her neck somehow and i was like what the shit that was weird listen if you i uh i gave people a glimpse into my Dykea thing on my Patreon. I'm not putting this up on my main channel.

It's too crazy. So I put it up on my Patreon. It's literally just my scribbles from the Dykea we did. And I like letting people into my brain for a bit. Oh, my God. Was that Monday? Yeah, it was the Meatball Man. Yeah, that was Monday.

Oh, my God. This week has been forever. I was like, yeah, Dykea. When did we? Oh,. Yeah, that was Monday. Oh, my God. This week has been forever. I was like, yeah, Dykea. When did we? Oh, my God. That was Monday. Yeah, that was Monday. And so it's, yeah, that was the third Dykea.

I feel like that was like the end of the trilogy. I'm upset you didn't call it Dythria, but whatever. Dythria sounds like diarrhea. So does Dykea. Yeah, but less so. Touché. Yeah. So it was, you know, I think

I did, if you're like, I don't want to give Crendor Patreon money, that's fine. I wouldn't either. But if you go to my YouTube, then I have my Dykea 2 notes up on my YouTube if you really want to look into, like, my past brain Dykea activity for, like, a glimpse into, you know, my scribbles. I don't want to spoil Dykea. I'm not going to spoil any of it. Oh, yeah.

Go watch it. I just think Sam, this time around, Sam was, like, he was great. You know, he kind of got screwed over, but in the end, everything came out just the way it should have. Yeah, I think. I don't know. Yeah, it happened. I was there. It happened.

Yeah. I don't even know if it's up yet on JP's thing, but it'll be up there. I don't know. I have no clue how that man's working. But speaking of working, we got bills to pay. Hey there, everybody. That's right. That was the segue.

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Honey is the free online shopping tool that lets you save money online. It will automatically find the best promo codes and just apply them to your cart. It's that simple. Straight up, you just, if you're on Google Chrome right now, just go there, get Honey, and then you're good to go. It's like in there, it's running, it's doing its thing every time you go to a store online. Target, Sephora, Macy's, Etsy, Lululemon, DoorDash, Walmart, all sorts of different things. It will apply codes for you.

When you go to checkout, a little box is going to drop down. It's going to be like, do you want to apply these codes? And you're like, yup. And then it will scan the internet for all sorts of codes and then the price will drop it is ridiculous uh i recently used it when i went to walmart because i couldn't i you know i was on the search for uh paper towels toilet paper and all that stuff went to walmart saw they had the toilet paper i wanted they had paper towels and they had tissues and all that stuff. Went to Walmart, saw they had the toilet paper I wanted, they had paper towels, and they had tissues. And I was like, perfect, I'll just order all of them from there online,

have them shipped. Went at the end, went boop, boop, boop, typed in, and I think the total was going to be like 40-some dollars, and it dropped down to like 22. And I was like, oh, baby! It worked great. It was perfect. that's what i'm talking about that's the kind of savings you can get it'll search everywhere for them and it was it was saved me some money honey has over 17 million members who have earned a total of like two billion dollars in savings. Wowee.

Did you know Honey supports over 30,000 online stores, and they're adding more every day? Users love it so much, it has more than 100,000 five-star reviews on the Google Chrome store. I came to the Google Google Chrome store. There you go. Not only is using Honey literally like passing up free money, it's totally free.

It installs within seconds. It's now part of the PayPal family. If that's like your jam, all you got to do is go to joinhoney.com slash cox. That's joinhoney.com slash cox. All right, Crandor, let's go chop you up with something to scab. Crandor, how's that? Drop it on there. Everything is on fire.

Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to the weather, the you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to the weather, the sweater. Yeah, the sweater desk. Here at the sweater desk, I've got a nice, well-knitted Christmas sweater. I will be throwing it in the garbage. Because I hate sweaters. No.

I knitted that for you. It said Santa's favorite hoe. Oh. Well, in that case, I'll be taking it out of the garbage, just saving it in the box. Actually, do you ever return receipts? I'm not going to return it. Oh, yeah. It's in the box.

I figured it might not be your size. No, it is. It is. Okay. I'm going to wear this in maybe a couple years after you've forgotten that you got it might not be your size no it is it is okay i'm gonna wear this in maybe a couple years after you've forgotten that you got it for me christmas to me will always be summed up by that one that one vine that's like oh an avocado the kid is my favorite and he like unwraps and goes Oh an avocado

I mean listen Sometimes an avocado would be great It's got healthy fats Thank you And then he just puts it Up to the side Shit's funny That is great

Oh yeah, the weather Let's go to Let's go to like Yak Yakutsk Yakutsk Sakha Republic Russia I was about to say, Yakutsk is one of the places You can get in risk, I think

Really? I think so I think it was at least on the old risk maps. Yakutsk is 62 degrees. Feels like 60. High 64. Low 42. UV index 5 of 10. As of... Wait, what time is it there? Right now, it is

1245 PM in Russia, in Yakutsk. Yeah, that sounds about right. Look at that. It's going to be on the old 10-day forecast. 64 degrees today. Then you got some 70, 72, 63, 67, 68

with some a.m. showers. You got 75, 75, 70, 69, 68, 71, 74, 76, 77. Actually, it's pretty nice there. It's like summer in Russia. Yeah, wow. I's like a perfect temperature. Yeah, wow. I wonder how cold it gets.

Very. I would imagine very cold. Coldest Yakutsk temp. The lowest temperature recorded in Yakutsk was negative 64 degrees Celsius, which is negative 83.9 Fahrenheit. That sounds about right. Yeah, that sounds right. Oh, my God. Well, yeah, I would not ever want to live there. People also ask, why is Yakutsk so cold?

Wait, Yakutsk, its capital, is one of the coldest big cities on Earth. So cold it's entirely built on permafrost? Most of its buildings are on pylons or stilts made of wood or concrete so they won't melt the permafrost. Incredible. That is incredible. What the shit? It came into being in 1632 when the Yenisei Cossacks built a stockade here on the Great Lena River. That's kind of crazy.

I mean, Yakutsk looks like a lot of different Midwestern towns. You know, it's like not big, but like it definitely, people live there, that's for sure. Yeah, no, I looked up the hit images, just a bunch of people like frozen. Yeah, I'm looking at the images now, too. It's just people with, like, their eyelashes frozen. Yeah. That's crazy. That shit's crazy.

And that's the weather. All right, Crandall, let's go to sports. Sports. Good news for sports. It says the NBA is going to be targeting for a July 31st return. So we could have sports as soon as, uh, like a month and a half from now, two months. How are they going to do that? And then hockey.

I assume with no crowd. Sure. Yeah. With no crowd. But are they going to, in fact, are they going to make the players travel? Like, how are they going to do that? So the plan for the NBA is they're going to play all the games in Disney World. What?

Yeah, so they're going to have all the teams stay in Disney World, play in Disney World, and they have enough hotels. They got stadiums they can play in, and they're going to do a 16-team playoff right away, or 20 teams or something like that. So they're not going to have like every team. It's just going to be like the top, I think, like 12 teams or 10 teams from each conference and then just play it all in Disney World. Fascinating.

Like, okay. Yeah. And then the NHL, I believe, is also kind of doing a similar thing. So they're going to do like a 24-team playoff, and they're going to play in two hub cities. They're just going to pick Vegas and L.A. or Chicago and Vegas or some shit like that and just play it all in two places. So that's the plan, which is uh and then the uh i don't know about

baseball baseball still figuring shit out but uh basketball and hockey looks like they're trying to get some stuff go which is pretty neat also in football jake butt says he's back to 100%. Oh, thank God. Our long national nightmare is over. Yep. And sports. Okay. Crandall, what is our big news story of the day? By the way, before we get there, I've been looking through Yakuts more, just because I'm fascinated by it. If you look

it up, just be aware there's a National Geographic issue called Yakuts Siberia, How to Celebrate Summer in the World's Coldest City. It looks like Midsommar. It's crazy looking. It looks like they definitely are killing people there. Everyone's dressed up in white.

Everyone is dancing around maypoles and stuff. There's a big, what looks like people standing up against a sacrificial pole. I don't know what's going on. Obviously, it's wild. Huh. But also like shout out to Yakuts because they have like some beautiful people there.

Anyway, hi. Anyway, moving on. Beautiful, beautiful people. That's so beautiful. Oh, man. This one got tweeted to us. Okay, here we go. Men hired for sexual fantasy break into wrong house.

All right. First off, time out. Men hired for sexual fantasy? Yes. All right. Let me just, before you read this story, let me just say this could be one of those stories that people on the internet think is hilarious. And then we read it and we're like, well, this is not funny at all. So be prepared.

Oh, boy. Be prepared. This could turn out bad. All right. Okay. This could be one of those. Yeah, this might be one of those. Oh, geez.

All right. In a sex fantasy gone wrong, two men with machetes entered wrong house in New South Wales, Australia before quickly realizing their error. Wait, what kind of fantasy takes machetes? That's what I'm saying, dude. That's what I'm saying. This seems like a pretty dark fantasy.

This seems the kind of fantasy you keep between loved ones and not in a podcast. I'm a little worried we're going down a dark rabbit hole here. One of them has now been acquitted of entering a home armed with a weapon in July of 2019. They had been hired to carry out a client's fantasy of being tied up in his underwear and stroked with a broom. Never mind. Never mind. Never mind.

We're good. All right. You know what? Some fantasies are worth putting on a podcast. The judge concluded the facts of this case are unusual. It's, you know, what is, I'm not even going to ask. Wait a minute, wait a minute,

wait a minute, wait a minute. He hired two dudes to do this? To break into his house, brandishing weapons, tie him up, and then stroke him with the broom? That was his plan? I guess so. He, uh, the role roleplay was arranged over Facebook by a man near Griffiths, New South Wales,

who provided his address to the hired pair. Quote, he was willing to pay a fussy $5,000 if it was really good, the judge said. What is the really good part? Like, the breaking and entering? He's like, that was realistic. I was definitely scared for my life. Or the broom stroking, in which case, like, how do you know what a good broom stroke is? Is there a definition?

Is there, like, a hierarchy of broom stroke-age? I have no idea, but I'm glad that I don't have these fantasies. Maybe I'm the problem, Crendor, because the entire time you were reading the beginning of this story, I was really worried. I was like, uh-oh. I don't like where this is going. And then I was way off. I was unpleasantly surprised it was broom massage.

However, the client moved to another address 50 kilometers, 30 miles away without updating the two men. They entered a home on the street of the original address. When the resident noticed a light on his kitchen at 615, he assumed it was a friend who came by daily to make morning coffee. When the men called out the name of their client, the resident turned on the light and removed a sleep apnea mask he was wearing. light and removed a sleep apnea mask he was wearing it was then when he saw them standing above his bed with machetes which they appeared to have brought as props for the role play when they realized their air one of the pairs said quote sorry mate and shook the resident's hand

that's the most australian thing i've ever heard. Sorry, mate. Sorry, mate. They broke into his house. They were like, sorry, mate. And they just, like, left. The two men then drove to the correct address where the client noticed one man had a great big knife in his trousers and asked him to leave the weapons in their car. The client then cooked bacon, eggs, and noodles. And a short time later, the police arrived at the property, found the machetes in the car, and arrested the hired pair. The judge ruled the evidence did not suggest the men's actions were intentional.

They, quote, carried machetes either as a prop or something to use in that fantasy, he said. The fantasy was unscripted, and there was a discretion as to how it would be carried out. The lawyer for Terrence Leroy, one of the accused, said, It is a commercial agreement to tie up. And stroke a semi-naked man in his underpants. With a broom. Entry was not with intent to intimidate. Can you just go back.

And read that statement again please. Alright. Quote. It was a commercial agreement to tie up. And stroke a semi-naked man man in his underpants with a broom. Entry was thought with intent to intimidate. That is truly one of the craziest things I've ever heard. That is...

How does it have a broom? That's what I'm saying. I don't get it. And trust me, I understand many sexual fantasies. This is one I do not get. Yeah, I don't get it either. Maybe somebody knows something we don't in the comments or something. You're asking for someone to inform us more about this?

I don't think there's anything else to inform. That was just one of those things where at first you read it and you're like oh shit and then you're like okay and then you're like wait and then you're like oh wow this is insane it was like a roller coaster of emotions it definitely was that i was all over the place with that story but i'm glad it worked out in the end man yeah it worked out in the end you Man, yeah, it worked out in the end. You know, got the happy ending. All right, well, that's it for us.

Thank you so much for listening or watching or however you're enjoying this podcast. Crendor, hit them with those socials. We've got socials. Yes, we do. We've got socials for you. Hey, listen to our podcast. It's on Spotify.

It's on iTunes. It's on SoundCloud. It's on YouTube. YouTube.com slash Cox and Crandor podcast. All one word. If you go to YouTube.com and Cox and Crandor, you're going to find the animations, which are probably better than listening to the actual podcast. Yeah, I can't wait for the animation of the guy who got stroked by a broom or whatever. Oh, it's got to happen.

And then, yeah, subscribe, hit the hit the bell do the things i don't know youtube talk uh also follow us on our things youtube.com slash crender youtube.com slash jesse cox twitch.tv slash crender twitch.tv slash jesse cox twitter.com slash crender twitter.com slash jesse cox facebook.com is crender facebook.com is crender instagram.com is crender is taken instagram.com is normandy talks this.com is a creditor instagram.com is a creditor it's taken instagram.com is a creditor it talks there we go alright that's it

we'll see you guys next time and as always whoop to be continued