Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 261 - Those fish be CRAY!

Episode Date: November 2, 2020

The boys are back and this time they've taken two decidely different life paths. Crendor chipped a tooth and is now in a world of hurt, meanwhile Jesse got convinced to download tinder and is totally overwhelmed with bots. Both seem pretty bad. Also those fish be CRAY! All this and more on a brand now Cox n' Crendor! Go to http://meundies.com/crendor to get 15% off your first order and free shipping! Use promo code COX at http://babbel.com to get an additional 3 months FREE!

Today's episode is brought to you by me undies, me undies are the undies that I have on me and now I even convinced Davis to wear them and he loves them, whoa. Also today we're brought to you by Babbel. If you are stuck at home during all this COVID madness and it's, look, it's picking up again y'all, take the time to do something that doesn't involve going out and that is learning a new language with Babbel. We'll talk about that today as well too. Let's jump into this podcast.

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live in 4-hour recording studio. Recorded. Wake your ass up Hello everybody, welcome to an exciting episode of Cax and Crendo in the morning. Hello?

Where did you... Are you there? What? What is happening? I was trying to be like a monster coming out from under the desk. Did you literally go under your desk? Yeah. You know the microphone's not down there, right? Well, it kind of picks it up on my audio. I don't know if you can hear it on the Discord, but it's there. Uh-huh, sure.

Okay, good, good. Because it's Halloween. Right, right. Hello, everyone. It's spooky times. It's Halloween. Well, by the time you listen to this, it'll be the day after, probably. Yeah.

But right now, it's Halloween. Yeah. Are you at the office? Is it spooky there? Nah. Nah, you're not? You're not at the office? Is it spooky there? Nah. Nah, you're not the office? Nah, I'm chilling at my normal computer.

Oh. Yeah, I'm just... There are no trick-or-treaters? There's no one coming to your home? No. Honestly, we haven't had trick-or-treaters in years. I mean, the only thing I've had, the only treat that I've gotten is I cracked my temporary crown in half. That sounds like a trick to me.

Well, that's what the muffin was doing, I guess. Wait, a muffin did it? Yeah. Damn, that is some tough brand. That's what I'm saying. I don't know how I did it. It's a chocolate chip muffin. I'd eaten other stuff fine.

And then, I don't know if it was Maybe one of the chips One of the chips and the chocolate chip bit in I heard the like Like the crunch and that's when you're like Oh that's not a chocolate chip I've been there I've had that happen When I was younger

Had a lot of oral surgery And so half One fourth of my upper Mouth my upper mouth my upper jaw not the jaw but you know the teeth is all fake like one portion of it is all fake because when i was younger a bolt i was getting x-ray as a kid and a bolt fell on my face I guess it was unscrewed. So I was like a wee lad, and it messed up my teeth for a long time. So in the early part of high school, my parents were like, we're fixing those choppers of yours. So I had a lot of oral surgeries, and through all of high school

and into college, they would always be in there messing with stuff, and eventually they pulled out a tooth and replaced it with a like a titanium bolt and then screwed a tooth onto it and uh yeah now it's fine but during that period where they kept messing with my teeth they would put in like fake teeth or bridges or crowns all these different things and every time i would i don't I'd bite into a crouton. Snap. And I'd be the guy with no teeth for a good month. I was like, well, we can't fit you in right away.

I'm like, it hurts. And they're like, well, don't eat a crouton. I'm like, ah. That's why I called my dentist. I'm like, hey, temporary crown broke in half. He's like, well, you'll get the crown in a week or so, but we're not in the office until Monday. So, I mean, we can see on Monday,

but until then, don't drink anything hot or cold, really. And I kind of just swish it with water and stuff. And I was like, all right. So that's where I'm at. I've lived that life where they're like, look, just don't do anything with it. I use this often. This is frequent usage.

I'll drink my coffee and I tilt my head and I'm like you know? And then a little bit will touch it and I'm like I love that I know exactly what you're going through. I'm trying to like, and then like a little bit will touch it. And I'm like that. I love that. I know exactly what you're going through.

I have sense memory of exactly what is happening to you. It sucks. It's totally unfun. Yeah. And I was like, so this is like my, this is like the tooth thing is what your actual tooth is covering, like the tooth underneath, you know? tooth is covering like the tooth underneath you know and so i looked it up on reddit and i was like crack tooth temporary and some guy or some dentist like yeah you know you're good for like a week or two before anything bad could happen so just don't mess it up yeah nothing nothing bad will happen right away but like anything else leave it like that yeah it'll start to decay and that's when bad stuff happens, and you don't want that.

No. My advice to everyone out there, take care of your teeth. This is really going to be one of those life lesson things. Take care of yourself. Yeah, I've learned that. Take it from old man Jesse. Take care of yourself. I had to start my heartburn pills again.

I'd gone a while without them. I was feeling great. It's always around the holidays. It was this time last year too. It's always the holidays. You know what happens? Everything gets kind of crazy. Your food schedule gets thrown off. You start eating weird. You start drinking more.

You've got to deal with people. Every time, that's when the fun colon stomach stuff kicks in. Because otherwise, I think since we went to Disneyland like January, it had been pretty solid. It was like a couple little spurts here and there where you're like, ooh, heartburn. But otherwise, I'm like, great. And then I was like, I asked my gastro guy, I'm like, hey, can I do it?

And he's like, yeah, go ahead. I was like, neat. So now I'm on my heartburn pills. I think that has to do with sugars, maybe, right? Like, all the different, you know, you went to Disney, and you probably overdid it on drinks and, like, bougie food and stuff. Right. And it's the holidays, and same thing, I would imagine. You go around, you're eating more than you probably should.

Like, it's all connected, I would think. I'm also a very like scheduled eater so like my body likes it when i'm like wake up breakfast then i like wait a couple hours eat snack wait a couple hours eat lunch then like it's then i do the same thing and when i throw that off body's like and this is when we normally eat thing and then it's like i don't know release the acid it's like, this is when we normally eat thing. And then it's like, I don't know, release the acid. And it's like, nothing's here. Nothing's here. It's like, alright, I don't know, shut down. I wish I had that. I

have no set schedule. I'm a mess. Like today, for example, I woke up. So I've been actively trying to go through everything in my house. I don't know why. Every once in a while I get like this where I see that I have like half a box of crackers and that kind of stuff. And I'm like, what am I – you know what?

My lunch today is going to be cheese and crackers. I'm going to eat some of this cheddar that I have, this sharp cheddar I have, and these crackers. I like that kind of thing. And I'm going to eat this damn apple that's been sitting on my counter for a week. You know, like that kind of thing. And I'm going to eat this damn apple that's been sitting on my counter for a week. You know, like that kind of thing. And so I do that, and I finally got to the point where I cleared my entire – all I had was water in the fridge. That was it.

And I felt so good. I was like, yes, I'm going to go grocery shopping. And that was yesterday, except I didn't. I didn't make it out of the house. I ended up editing so much. And, again, Adobe sucks. Their new update's terrible. And it is driving me crazy.

And it takes forever to do anything. Anyway, rather than leave, because I was like, all right, I need to make sure this thing renders. I was like, I'm just going to get a burrito. So I had a burrito sent to me from this Mexican place down the street. And I was like, make it triple hot. That's the mood I'm in. So I got thatrito and it was great you know my arm started twitching which probably isn't healthy but I said it was my I mentioned that it was my lower arm and everyone the internet was like you're fine I was like okay good I

thought I might be dying it was that hot but so I didn't do any grocery shopping yesterday so today I woke up went to to the kitchen, was like, all right, let's make some breakfast. Oh, no. I had nothing. So I was like, well, all right, I got to get stuff done. So I went and edited in the morning to finish up the stuff that I was doing the night before and then went out grocery shopping. finish up the stuff that I was doing the night before and then went out grocery shopping. I got back from grocery shopping at 1257 in the afternoon, which means I had yet to eat anything.

It's 1257. I was like, all right, I'm going to make a sandwich. So I made a sandwich and drank some tea and I was like feeling really good. So like that was fine. But now it is, you know, a few hours later, I'm like, I'm so hungry. I'm out of whack. I'm so out of whack. You have no clue.

Yeah. Yeah. I got problem about. It's all about routine and just keeping it, keeping it going, at least for your digestion and stuff. Well, you're right. I'm just bad at it. I'm bad at routine.

I can't. Routine, I, so a few weeks ago, or maybe it was last week, whenever it was, when you were talking about your journal, right? You said that you had a daily journal. I imagine you still use that routinely. Yeah, my to-do list. That's what I meant. Yeah, I got that still. So I was like, oh, man, i want to do this to-do list

thing too because i feel like if crendor can do it i can do this right so i went online found a journal that literally is you know like one half of the page is to-do list the other half is like what i accomplished today. But none of it's dated. And I was like, perfect. So I can start whenever the hell I want. So it finally arrived. And I was like, this is going to work great.

Got a pen. Put it next to my bed. I'm like, every day I'm going to wake up. This was on Monday. I've yet to write in it. It just sits there. And I'm like, all right, I'll write it in after I take a shower. Then I take a shower and I'm like, okay, I'm going to go over here.

It's like, you know what? I'll write it tomorrow. So then I wait until tomorrow, wake up, and then I'll sit on my phone for an hour and be like, all right, what the hell do I have to do? I'm just such a mess. Oh, I'm such a mess. This whole being at home thing got me messed up. I keep wasting time. So much time is wasted doing nothing.

It's hard. You need to do it right when you wake up. It's the best time. I know. I know you're right. Look, you obviously don't understand me as a person. You're telling me, and I'm acknowledging you're correct. And just like everyone is like, dude, you just to like work out every day like i get it i acknowledge what you're saying to me i just am not doing it and it's not that i don't want to do it it's just that i realize

time flies during the day and i by the time i'm like ready to do a thing it's like 11 p.m like well i don't do i want to work out at 11 p.m.? I do. Well, that's the thing is that I'm like, you stay up late, right? Yeah. At 11 p.m. for me, I'm like, okay, well, if I work out, it's going to be, I don't know, 12 by the time I'm done. And then at 12, I'm going to go take a shower. When I get out of that shower, I'm going to be like all jacked up on workout berries, which means that I want to be up until at least 3 a.m., but I have a meeting in the morning at 8, so that kind of stuff.

I'm like, oh, I'll just wait till tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes around, and I'm like, okay, I'll do it first thing in the morning. And then stuff piles up, and then morning is gone, and I'm like, I'll do it in the afternoon. I'm a mess. I need someone to come in. I need someone. Yes, you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right.

I need someone to come in and just beat a schedule into my life. Positions are open for preferably like, I don't know, like an attractive but like domineering woman. Right? You know what I mean? Right. You know what I mean? But like also she wants to like do me though you know you know what i'm saying i mean i think you're living in a fantasy lane so i don't know what you mean i've been uh i picked up the book marie kondo's like work

organization just because i wanted to read another mar Marie Kondo book to inspire me to like Organize and it has So I started organizing like all my Warhammer stuff and my desk space and everything And she was just like breaking it down She's just like everybody wants to Organize and then they don't do it And she's like so this is how you do it

And I was like oh yeah this is easy Give me a tip give me tips I will let you know right now i am in the process i'm recondoing my home so i even though they won't answer me because i think they're mad i messaged my apartment complex and was like how do i get a smaller apartment like my lease is almost up and i love this place but what's like the smallest apartment you have like i am trying to get rid of as much as possible and just get like, do you have a,

do you have like a, I don't know, like a box I can just live in. Yeah. Like some sort of where there isn't a bedroom living room split. It's just sort of one room. Do you have one of those? And they're like,

um, well, and I was like, all right, cool. Yeah. If you would just, I can't host anyone in my house, but frankly, I don't care anyway.

So I'm not trying to host people. Yeah. Yeah, and if I invite someone over, like if I'm like, hey, baby, if you want to come over, you can come over to my place. We can sit on my couch and be like, oh, no, I don't have a couch. Only this bed that faces the TV. Wink. Perfect plan, Crandor. It will work.

I saw you were, you're even on the tinder i have i have but i we'll get to that in a minute you need to tell me about the the recondo from what i've read so far i'm like a fourth of the way in uh she's talking one was funny because she's talking about the difference between japanese offices and american offices and uh japanese offices they organize and clean their desks when they do uh before they work so they'll come in early like 7 a.m and like organize for a bit before everybody's at work because it's rude to organize when other people are working and blah blah in the workspace she's like in america uh where she was like oh do we wait till

tomorrow to organize when she's working with someone they're like no we work right now this start like making noise she's like it would have been considered very rude in japan but america they don't care i was like yeah that sounds right definitely does uh and then uh she's like i also found that american offices drink alcohol in the office. In Japan, usually that's like after work you go out for alcohol. But in America, there's drink in the office. And I'm like, that's what she's missing out. What office? What office?

I need to know what office this is. They're like, bring me a sixer, dude. It's probably one office. That's, I guess. I know my one accountant said that he had a client like a millionaire client and he would everyday go to the train downtown

I think he was a lawyer or some shit and he would just have his coffee cup with vodka in it in the morning and I was like that is crazy I believe that I know a lot of people who get through their day just drinking I believe that I believe it.

I just think it's crazy. Yes, agreed. And so I was like, all right, well, so that really gave you no tips, but I just wanted to bring it up. So I think one of her tips was you need to, it's kind of like where she talks about if things spark joy, right? So she's like, instead of saying, does this spark joy, you could be like, does this spark joy?

Does this serve a purpose? So like something doesn't need to spark joy, but it could serve a purpose. Like maybe you don't care about receipts, but receipts could spark joy in the future because you're like, oh, I'm safe from, you know, if somebody's like, did you buy this thing on this date? And you're like, yeah, here's my receipt.

So that's like another thing. And you just go through everything. So she said, start with papers. That was one of her big tips. Like always start with papers and mail and all that. Because that's one of the biggest things that stacks up in offices. I didn't do that. I'm looking at my desk now where all the papers that were on it are gone.

And the only things that remain are controllers, which is probably, I don't know if she's I don't know if she's tackled that yet and I have a pile of business cards but I feel like no one's coming to my apartment to get a pile of business cards but I don't want to get rid of them, I don't know what to do with them

Yeah, she said old business cards is one of the big things she found in people's desks, she also found like ketchup packets and plastic forks and knives god that's the most american thing i've ever heard yep gotta get my packet drawer she said the best idea is you take like a day or two off and just clean because a lot of people be like all right i'll just clean throughout the week and do whatever and they end up just getting distracted so she's like you need to legit be like no i'm taking a day or two days and i'm just only cleaning that sounds so much fun

just to not work for a few days man i miss those times now that i'm at home all the time it's like well i guess i could get this work done. I just, oh, I feel always backed up with stuff. You know what? Oh, Crandor, my heart. Maybe you just have to organize that stuff better. Maybe I just have to organize my life better. I think you do.

But again, I'm down to have someone, no names, come into my life and run it for me. Yeah. Isn't that how relationships should work, right? You meet a young lady. She comes in, runs your life. I think that's what I need. Yeah. Is that our transition over to Tinder?

No, but it can be. All right. Yeah. So anyway, boy, do I have stories to tell. So this past week I was on Julia Hardy's show on Thursday. Our dear friend Julia does a show where she does it for Instagram, but I guess she also uploads it to YouTube, but whatever the case may be. It is a show about first-time things, so while the show is going on,

you have to do a thing for the first time. And so she and I talked about a lot of different things that, you know, what could we do? And I listed a bunch of things, but then I realized, oh, a lot of things I can't do because we're on Instagram, and it's just hard to do that and hold a camera. And also some things were limited by space and all sorts of things.

So eventually we settled on the fact that I've never used a dating app before ever. No, I've never online dated. I've never done any of that stuff, right? Everyone I've met, I've either met totally randomly or like someone is like, yo, I think you're a cutie patoot.

But no one's ever – I've never used an app or service or any of that stuff. Right. So while we were doing the show, I registered for Tinder because we thought that would be the funniest because it's Tinder. And I was like, yeah, I want to know who in their late 30s is trolling on tinder looking for like you know who are the people in their late 30s on tinder so i uh got on and was like all right uh let's make this profile and so i was like oh it's saying i have to use pics she's like yeah you know let's pick your best pictures i was was like, are you pick pictures for me? So Julia picked out all the pictures.

I hate all of them. And we uploaded those pictures. Then I tried to fill in the information and I didn't know what to do. But someone in chat, I'll just read to you because someone this is so funny. Someone in chat said, hey,

for some reason, people love when you put your height in your Tinder profile. I was like, okay, sure. So I wrote, uh-oh, this whole thing. I wrote, uh-oh. Tinder's a scam, man. I have something to say. So I wrote, 5'11", beard, nerd, lots of laughs. All right.

That's what I wrote. That's what I wrote to the point. Well, I was doing it. You have to keep in mind I was in one hand typing this out on the computer and in another hand holding the phone for Instagram. It was just tough to do. And then I said, it said, what are your passions? List your passions.

And I was like, oh, cool. I can't wait to list my passions. It gives you a list of like 50 things. And I was like, okay, travel I love, reading I love, museums are great, outdoors is fun, gamer is cool. Oh my God, brunch. I love brunch. I went to click brunch and it was like, sorry, you can only do five things i was like what so i have to pick five things what if i like doing all these things so uh that that happened and then it was like tell us what your job is i was like how do i even so i just wrote producer because that seems like an la thing to write oh yeah and so i threw it out to the internet and was like, all right, well, we did that. And we were cracking up.

And immediately, I think someone watching the stream, a young lady watching the stream. Oh, by the way, so I set my two things happened right away. Before we get to that. All right. So it lets you set what you're looking for. And it said age range. And I was like, okay, I'm going to shoot.

You have to be 30 or above, right? I'm like, you got to be 30 or above. I'm not going to mess with this. And so I put 30 or above and let it go. But what I realized is that I guess there's a setting where it's like, well, if you want, you can search for people from around the world. I don't know why you would want that, because I guess the whole point is you want to date someone near you.

So as I'm scrolling through, I'm like, why is everyone in Russia? What? Like, who are all these people? Why are they all in Russia? And so I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And Julia's like, pick someone. So eventually I just started saying yes to everyone. I'm like, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And then some guy was like, don't do that. It's going to mess up your algorithm. I'm like, what does that mean? They're like, there's an algorithm to it, dude. If you like too many people too quickly, I'm like, what? It's like League of Legends throws you in like the Smurf queue I think that's so Anyway

Eventually during the live stream A young lady who was watching the live stream Clearly made a profile Just to get my attention Because it was her in cosplay as Triss Marigold And I was like oh hello And um I swiped and it was like you're a match And I was like what I was like Julie I, hello. And I swiped, and it was like, you're a match.

And I was like, what? I was like, Julia, I think I just got a match right live on your show. And so I was talking to this girl on Tinder while talking to her on the show with Julia. It was very funny. She's a cutie pie, and we were just, like, laughing it up. She's a cutie pie and we were just like laughing it up. And since then, I've been trying, you know, since that day, two days ago, three days ago, I've been trying to like figure out how Tinder works.

I don't truly intend on actually using it because it seems like a hassle. I will say that I've been messing with it though to see like the ins and outs. And here's what i've learned um one it seems like it is like it matches you with people well so no way i know so the idea is that i you know swipe right if i'm a match with someone and then eventually either wait for them to swipe right. Or, you know,

it's like a, it's random, right? Because sometimes it's like a YouTube video algorithms, right? Where the front page is sometimes different for everyone else based on what you've watched. Right.

And so I may never show up for someone that I've swiped, but I can in something called a super like. And if I super like someone, they immediately know. But you only get so many of those and apparently everyone's like, oh yeah, you accidentally super like people all the time. And so of course, one of the things I did was

accidentally super like this girl. I'm like, oh no! And I think that happened to me because this very attractive flight attendant super liked me. And I was like, I me Because this very attractive flight attendant Super liked me And I was like, I feel like that She has no information though It's just one photo and no info

And I'm like, this seems like a bot And so I start going through all these Photos and looking at different people And I'm like, this seems like a bot Like how do you know who's real? And then they said there's a checkmark thing And I was like, oh, well I want to get checkmarked So I went through thismark thing. I was like, oh, well, I want to get checkmarked. So I went through this huge process, and I was like, all right, well, I'm only going to deal with checkmark people.

Barely anyone has a checkmark, which means I'm like, I don't think anyone in here is real. Then you start getting offers to boost your picture, your profile. So if you get – I think you get one boost. You have to pay for boost i don't know what the rules are but if you pay for a boost they for 30 minutes you are like one of the first people everyone sees when they log in i'm like okay well i don't want to do that because i don't i don't want to be rejected that badly and then and then um i there's another part called gold and gold is another level of i assume scam because what happens is you have a tab on your phone that is people who have matched

with you right and every day i get matches every day three, four. I'm up to 11 matches right now with people I've never seen. Like, clearly they want to match with me, but I haven't seen them or swiped on them or unmatched them or whatever. But it's like, hey, if you pay us $29, we will allow you access to this screen that will show you people who have matched to you. And we'll let you talk to them. And I'm like, what? Wait, what? So I have 11 matches that I don't know anything about. I can't see their faces.

And it's like, if you pay us, though, you can. I'm like, I don't care that much. I don't even care that much. So that's a whole other level. And then the funniest part is Last night, late last night I was like in bed I was like you know what I'll just troll through

And see who's in my area Which is that's the problem I see how they get you now I was just laying there bored And I was like I guess I'll look And I went to go match this girl And it was like it's a match And I was like whoa oh to go match this girl. And it was like, it's a match.

And I was like, whoa, oh, my God, crazy. And then instantly unmatched. And I was like, wait, did she immediately, like, regret her decision? I was like, cool, cool, cool, all right. I didn't even get to say anything. She, like, within two two minutes it said unmatched. And I was like, oh, all right then. I like laughed from the belly.

It was so funny. I was dying. I was like, I can't believe that happened. It was like you're a match. And then she was like, nah, I changed my mind. So, yeah, I mean, I don't think it's like a Jesse thing It is very very Like look focused Cause you are judging a person

Based on one maybe two photos Yeah it's like It's pretty much every dating site Or app or whatever it is I need like a I need an app where you also have to submit a voice file Does that make any sense Like if I'm, I need like a, I need an app where you also have to submit a voice file. Does that make any sense? Like if I'm going to, I need an app that makes you have to read a paragraph of, I don't know, uh, a tale of two cities. Like you have to read a paragraph from

that book and upload it with your photo because I need to, sometimes I see a person and I think, wow, that person's beautiful. But I imagine they sound like a person I would hate. Right? Like, I just, I just, I have to talk to you. I have to talk. You know, there's only so much smooching going to go on. I still have to deal with you after that's done. And I want it to be like, I want to be there. Because I keep seeing people and I'm like, well, this person's attractive.

But, like, this photo? Girl't I don't think you look like there's there's there are times where I'm swiping through and it'll be like a girl who's like on a beach and she's in this bikini she's looking gorgeous and then the next photo of her she's like on top of a mountain climbing the mountain and her butt's hanging out. And then there's like another photo where she's like riding a horse. All I'm thinking is, seems like a lot of effort. Like, I don't want to do all this stuff. Swipe left. I'm like, no.

Like, you want me to do all these things? I got work to do. Nope. Swipe. Like, that's where I'm at. I'm like, alright, what's this person? Oh, she likes to, this is a photo of her at home, and this is a photo of her at home, and this is a photo of her at home. All right, we're getting there.

Swipe right. You just want somebody that hates adventure. No, no, no, no. I want someone who has like one photo of them at the Eiffel Tower, and then the other photos of them living a normal life. And they aren't like, also check out my Instagram feed. Oh, by the way, that's a thing. Most of the profiles I come across have a thing at the bottom that either says,

check out my Instagram feed or for more information on me look at my Instagram or hey I don't really respond on here but if you hit me up on Instagram I think people are just trolling for Instagram followers I don't I there's so many after a while everything starts to blend together all the profiles are either like I'm only looking for relationship I'm not looking for a pen pal. Or this is about serious relationships. I'm not looking to hook up. Things like that.

And I'm like, it says here you're 33. I hope that's the case. I hope you're trying to have a relationship and not act like a 21 year old. Oh my God. Come on now. Yeah. So it's, I did. So anyway, I, I eventually extended my match and I immediately moved it back.

So I extended it. I said, let's try 27 to 44 and I'll let you know. I didn't get any 44 year olds, but I did get a shit ton of 27 year olds and i'll let you know i didn't get any 44 year olds but i did get a shit ton of 27 year olds and all of them every single one i was like oh boy yeah no i am definitely aged out of being able to date 27 year olds holy crap every single one looked like a handful i was like oh no oh they they had like quotes that were like if you can't handle me on my worst day, you don't deserve me on my best day. I'm like, oh, no. Oh, no, I'm out.

I can't do this. I was like, nope. So I immediately restricted it again. I was like, all right, let's go back to 30 at a minimum. 30. I was like, I can't do under 30 anymore. Oh, my God. I was like, that's too much for me.

Y'all ladies be crazy. So yeah, now I have a Tinder profile. And I check it out when I'm bored. That's what I do now. I literally had to remove almost everything from my phone. I just, it took up too much of my life. And as I keep moving stuff off of it I keep replacing things

So every time I'm like, yeah I'm just gonna remove You know, Facebook And Twitter and stuff, instead I Put on there like, yeah I got this new Carcathon game app and I'm gonna So I just come up with things to replace And waste my time with So now I'm just removing stuff

And of course I I put Twitter, not Twitter, Tinder on my phone. So, now I'm back on that. So, because I can't go look at Twitter, I'm like, well, I guess I'll just go through Tinder. Oof. Bad choices. Yeah, that's, uh,

the problem is that phone apps and things in general are just made to, like, you know, hook you in and get you addicted to opening them and using them. Well, that's why I think the gold thing is a con, right? Because I won't look at Tinder and then at a certain point during the day, I'll get it like, Bing, you've been matched with someone. Find out on Tinder gold. Oh, yeah. No no that's a definite con oh they just want me to open the damn thing and like trolls like through a photo some more it's

like no no no you can't get me it's like anything it's like uh free to play games it's like any other ad like as soon as they're like hey we noticed you might be interested in giving us money for a little more of a hit. You want another hit of your drug, you idiot? And they're like, yeah, give me a hit of drug. Replace my loneliness. You become like a caveman. Yeah, give me a hit of drug.

It is caveman brain. They're essentially making money off your caveman brain. You're right. I keep looking at it. Even while we're talking i keep looking down my phone because i'm like but what if there's somewhere is a woman who will who will boss me around it's like hey you're lonely huh you're lonely getting me holidays you want you want someone to help yeah well look someone match give us 15 bucks. We'll show you. And you're like, yeah. Here's the problem.

I don't want. I might be the only person ever who's like, what if I didn't date anyone during the holidays? Because that's a pain in the ass. Holidays with other people? Oh, my God. You have to, like, learn about their family and shit. And, like, what are we going to do with our time? We have to go shopping.

I just like it by myself. I think we're learning a lot here. Look, I just want to date someone who knows what she wants and is like, got it all planned out. And she has a job and she's like doing her shit and everything's good. And then, you know, if she just wants to like tell me to do stuff so I don't have to think, I think I'm over it. I think I'm overthinking. Right?

You're over it. Yeah. What if I'm no longer the boss? That sounds great. What if being the boss was never what I really wanted? Yeah. Maybe I don't want to be the boss. You're going to end up being that guy, like a midlife crisis that ends up quitting everything and then goes and just sells margaritas in some random country on the beach.

I'm letting you know, that is almost... I keep thinking about that. What if I just went, Jesse Coxx margarita town open a little restaurant a little bar next to a beach and just sold booze and did like didn't think about it yeah like that sounds great like the parent of the rocket power kids sure yeah yeah that might be too old for that might might be past your cartoon watching days. It very much is, but I'm going to say yes. And I'm 31.

That's all right. That's already past your days. Yeah. All I'm saying is I would love it if that would, I don't expect to get married off of Tinder, but I'm just saying, call me after the holidays are over. Ladies, call me in 2021. I think I'll be ready by then. Yeah. Yeah.

That's when you'll have organized everything and you'll maybe have written something down in your to-do list. Maybe. And by then, I'll be ready for a relationship. Until then, you get what you get. If you want this, you're going to get what you get until I'm ready. Until I'm all worked out, you're going to get what you get. I'll tell you right now. Right now, the thing that got me doing all the stuff like going to the gym and like being more productive and everything is just pain.

It's just pain. Pain. Pain is a great motivator. Okay, gym poster. That year of just falling apart, dude. That's what propelled me to get into the gym and start working out and be healthier. Well, you got it. You have giant arms.

Like some sort of gorilla. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. I keep being like, oh, yeah, I work out all the time. There's some people on the stream that are like, you still look skinny. But it's like, well, I'm not going to be like Arnold Schwarzenegger or some shit. Why not, though? Why not? What's holding you back?

Probably just mass. I need to, like, consume a bunch, but I can't because my digestive system hurts. Probably just mad. But now I'm back up to, like'm back up like 120 on the uh the lifting bravo so like again when I first started when I was back in uh was it whenever BFA came out that's the day I started working out uh so like two a little over two years ago I remember on my lat pull downs I was only doing like 30 pounds on my chest press I was only doing 10 pounds dude now i do like 110 on the chest press i got like 120 on the lat pull downs i do some farmer walks i do some uh

uh i actually incorporate leg day now i used to skip leg day not anymore you got leg leg day. Skip leg day. Yeah. Yeah. You got this. You're doing great. Yeah. I mean, it's physically fit-wise, I'm feeling pretty good. The thing was like when I couldn't go to the gym or do anything, I was just falling apart. I was like, but now I'm great again. But now I'm great again. I don't even know how I got here.

I just turned your Tinder thing into me talking about going to the gym. Well, I think you're probably just hinting like, you know, you'd do better at Tinder if you went to the gym. You're right. You're right. That's true. Everyone on Tinder, at least in LA, is gorgeous. Everyone. I've yet to see someone I'm like, ugh.

No, everyone I'm like, oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Everyone. It's crazy. I don like, ugh. Everyone, I'm like, oh my god. Oh my god. Everyone. It's crazy. I don't know how I can't compete in this town. Anyway, I don't know how we're transitioning. Speaking of can't compete,

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Also today we're brought to you by Babbel Look COVID cases are on the rise around the world. Winter is here. We all knew this was going to happen, right? They said there was going to be a second wave. Some places, they still be on their first wave. And if you're indoors, if you're trying to stay safe, if you're being good, and you're like, well, look, I am having trouble finding a job right now.

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Just literally shapes of cars with Halloween things. You've got the Batmobile. You've got Pumpkinmobile. You've got a ghost. There's just ghosts flying around. Whoa, watch out for that one. He's crazy. There's witches on brooms.

A whole bunch of witches on brooms. Oh, my God, that's a whole pack of them. It's like geese. Uh, man, I'm gonna just throw some candy here out the window. Let's, uh, all right, let's pick some up. There you go. Ow! Ow, my hand!

Sorry, I hit him. As you know how it is, those butterfingers are like rocks. Uh, all right. Uh, and that's, uh, the Halloween report back to you. You know how it is. Those butterfingers are like rocks. All right. That's the Halloween report. Thank you. Thanks, Quendor. Now let's go over to the weather desk.

How's that weather? Weather. Let's go to like... I don't know. Weather. I don't know what that... Oh, weather. I don't know what that means. Oh, weather. Let's go to Ghost Lake, Alberta, Canada. Nice.

I like it. Yeah, Ghost Lake. 39 degrees. Partly cloudy with a 5% chance of precipitation. They're not PM. 56% humidity. Zero out of 10 UV index. Moonrise at 638.

Moonset at 821. The old moonrise, moonset. Love it. Buckle up, folks, because it's going to get cold up in Ghost Lake. It's 53, 56, 51, 51, 45 for this week. And then 27 on Friday with snow showers, followed by 23, 18, 17, 20, 20, 23, 26, 24. Sounds like you're calling bingo numbers.

23. I, 42. 26. Snow shower. Maybe you're less of a bingo caller and more of like an auctioneer. 23, 24, 26, no, no, no. We've got 53, 56, 51, 51, 45, 27, 23, 18, 18, 17, 20, 20. Going once, going twice, sold for 20.

My favorite is when they do the little flourish at the end. Like, 26. Sold. You're like, what? What was that last part? I'm sorry. What was that last part? What did you say there?

I don't know. Sold. Sold. Sold. We got 3-2. We got 3-2. We got 3-2. Sold for 3-2. Sold. That's the weather. Alright, what's going on sports?

Sports. Man, we got big time sports news. Kind of. Okay. The Los Angeles Dodgers won the World Series. That happened. Yes. After their terrible play

that everyone around the world mocked them for, they came back and won. Yep. Yep. And then over in the football really it's like football is the only thing happening now looks like

the Atlanta Falcons beat the Carolina Panthers on Thursday night and a whole bunch of games are happening tomorrow normally we do this on Sunday but it's Saturday so the games

have not been played, so they're going to happen tomorrow. What's your prediction? Is Minshew going to make the comeback? Man, I hope so, but here's the problem.

Minshew has multiple fractures in his hand. Oh, that poor man. Pray for him. Everyone pray. Send your positive spiritual energy. Everyone get out your totems and pray your spiritual energy towards Minshew. And pray your spiritual energy towards Minshew.

Apparently, Minshew has multiple fractures in a strained ligament in his right thumb. He has had discomfort in his thumb since October 11th. What? He's been playing through the pain. Damn. You know what? That's because he's a strong, brute man. Yeah. So it's uncertain whether he'll be able to play when they return from their bye

to host the Texans, but hopefully he does. Hopefully, maybe he will. When you get that 100% Minshew, there's no stopping. 100% Minshew. 100% Minshew. 100% Minshew. And that's sports. All right. Crendor, what is our bigs?

Bigs? What is our big snooze story of the day? Big snooze story of the day. So big snooze story of the day is we got two. First one is last week we talked about the McRib. This week we got a date. The McRib returns to Nationwide McDonald's for the first time since 2012. So I guess normally it doesn't come back nationwide, but now it's nationwide.

Can I tell you, this is a perfect story. I got a text message from my mom today This is all it said Today at 9.36am McRib back on December 2nd Restructured meat As invented by the US Army It is made up of pig heart

Pig tripe and pig stomach And I messaged her back So what you're saying is It's not good for you? And she wrote, no, just thought that you could pass it on during Cox and Crandor. And I'm like, what? I believe we all know that the McRib is shit, Mom. And I feel like if you're eating it, you already know that.

The same way if you ask people at Smoke, like, hey, you know Smoke is not good for you? They're like, yeah. Like, we get it. All I'm saying is I'm still going gonna get one McCox and Crandor. It's seasonal. I have to. Yeah. You gotta get it.

I happen to love extremely barbecued flavor pig tripe. Is that a problem, mother? It's delicious. McDonald's McRib is returning December 2nd, and the fast food giant brought the McRib to 10,000 of its 14,000 U.S. restaurants last year in the biggest launch since 2012. It is back every year, but it is notoriously hard to find. What? Really? That's what they say.

It brought it to 10,000 of its 14,000 restaurants. What are the other 4,000 up to? Why don't they want the McRib? I don't know. That's a great question. Maybe it's just probably in random places that would never get it. Yeah, I got questions about that. Why is that the case?

Yeah, I don't know. We need to investigate. Does your town have McRibs and have other places had McRibs while your town doesn't have a McRib? Report. Yeah, let us know. Do you have a McDonald's near you that just doesn't get the McRib? Have you asked them why they don't get a McRib? Is it because they know that it's

terrible? Maybe they're not allowed to. Yeah, maybe the local ordinance forbids people eating pig butt. So yeah, it's coming back. It's important news. Then we have. Oh, yeah.

And if you want to if you want to hear Jesse's reaction to eating his first McRib, it's like 100 episodes ago or something. Just search Cox and Crandor McRib. You'll probably find it. I don't know. Just search Cox and Crandor McRib. You'll probably find it. If you want to hear our reaction to you eating a McCox and Crandor, December 2nd, send us those photos.

Include hashtag McCox and Crandor, hashtag McDonald's, or at McDonald's. Yeah, you got it. So McDonald's will love us more. And I don't know. Send us stuff. That's all we want. It's just free stuff. Yeah. So our next story is kind of a halloween

one a little weird i don't even know if it's real or fake but it's a story someone sent uh escaped cloned female mutant crayfish take over belgian cemetery hold on what What? Yeah. This seems like a Halloween story. What? That's what I'm saying. I was like, I don't even know what's happening. Escaped self-cloning mutant crayfish created in experimental breeding programs have invaded a Belgian cemetery.

Hundreds of the duplicating crustaceans, which can dig down to up to a meter and are always female, pose a deadly threat to local biodiversity after colonizing a historic antwerp graveyard what this is like a sci-fi movie in the making what crazy though how did they get into how do they get to the cemetery because there's fish dude those are some cray fish. You're right. You're right. You're right. It's impossible. You can't control them. They cray. It's impossible to round them all up. It's like trying to empty the ocean with a thimble, said Kevin Shears of the Flemish Institute for Nature and Woodland Research. Research.

of the Flemish Institute for Nature and Woodland Research. Research. Marbled crayfish, which travel across land and water at night and eat whatever they can, do not occur in nature and are banned from the European Union. What do you mean, do not occur in nature? Yeah, what? What does that mean? Do they make these in a lab?

Oh, my God. Crazy crafted crayfish? These crayfish is crazy god. Crazy crafted crayfish? These crayfish is crazy crafted. Crazy fish. That sounds like a restaurant in Florida for sure. Once these things take over, we'll have a bunch of them to eat.

Then it will pop up in Florida. Instead, the freshwater beasts, which are about 10 centimeters big and voracious, are thought to have been bred by unscrupulous German pet traders in the 90s. What? I don't know. I guess a group of German pet traders just... German pet traders definitely sounds like a diabolical group.

If you are a group of German pet traders, you're up to some shady shit. I don't know what, but it's bad yeah oh yeah uh the mutation or wait really though they're similar to the slow crayfish found in florida but are parthenogenetic which means they reproduce with themselves and all their children are genetically identical females. What? The mutation which occurred... I don't even understand. The mutation which occurred about 25 years ago means populations can spring up rapidly from just a single Procamborus virginalis. I love that you have to read these words.

Bless your sweet soul. You have to read these words. Bless your sweet soul. In 2018, scientists established the global marbled crayfish population was descended from a single female and didn't need males to reproduce. The EU banned possession and release of the uncanny crayfish in 2014, but it is impossible to trace the owners because all the crayfish are genetically exactly the same. The crayfish have taken root in the pools and streams

of the Schoenselhof Cemetery in Antwerp, which is known as the Flemish city's Perilakes. Yep. Yep. Right. I'm sure they definitely call it the Perilakes. Yeah. Yeah.

Perilakes. They said John Rankin Rathbone, a British crime. John Rankin Rathbone. That is the most British name I've ever heard. Oh, yeah. A British MP killed in action in 1940 is among the famous people memorialized here. Once again, the pet trade is to blame for the infestation of the cemetery where the bodies of 1577 British Commonwealth soldiers killed in World War II

lie. Someone apparently had the animal in their aquarium and then set it free in the canal. Why would... What? What? I've never... Okay, I don't get it, but crazy, crazy people. These are crazy people.

Crazy people. Crazy are crazy people. Crazy people. Crazy. Crazy fish. Let's see. Scientists hope the science fiction shellfish's incredible adaptability may help them understand how cancer tumors adapt to their environment by developing resistance

to certain drugs. Both the crayfish and tumors have epigenetic mechanisms. This helped them to adapt to different environments by switching certain genes on or off. How did we get to this? Yeah, how did we? I mean, they're fish that give birth without

like, they just have babies. They don't even need no man. Those are crazy fish! It's particularly prevalent in Madagascar, where its rapid spread in less than a decade is because of its popularity as a cheap source of protein. Researchers have found the marbled crayfish

could out-compete seven native crayfish. And that's the story. I can't even believe that's a thing. All right, well, that's it for us. Thanks so much for listening or watching or however you're enjoying this podcast. Crendor, hit up with the socials. We've got socials. Twitch.tv slash Crendor.

YouTube.com. Or wait. Oh, God. It's like I'm on stream. I went straight to Crendor brain. All right. We've got Crendor. YouTube.com slash Cox and Crendor podcast.

All right. Go there. We've got all the podcasts. You can find.com slash Cox and Crendor podcast. All right. Go there. We got all the podcasts. You can find the one with Jesse eating a McRib. I know because there's a thumbnail that has him eating a McRib. I did it specifically for that episode. Believe the dream. Yeah.

Yep. We're also on SoundCloud, iTunes, Spotify, all that stuff. Also, you go to YouTube.com slash Crendor. All the animations there. Funny stuff. Funny goofs. Ha-ha. All the animations there. Funny stuff. Funny goofs. Ha ha. Cartoon animations.

Dantane. Then we've got our main things. This is where I left off. YouTube.com slash Crendor. YouTube.com slash Jesse Cox. Twitch.tv slash Crendor. Twitch.tv slash Jesse Cox. Facebook.com slash Crendor.

Facebook.com slash Jesse Cox. Twitter.com slash Jesse Cox. Instagram.com slash Notorious Cox. Instagram.com Instagram.com That's it. For some reason, it always sounds like you say Mick Crandor was taken. Mick Crandor was taken!

Mick Crandor was taken by the crayfish. Okay, well that's it for us. We'll see y'all next time and as always... To be continued! Okay, well that's it for us. We'll see you all next time and as always... Bye. Do me a favor.