Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 289 - Willy's Wonderland

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

The boys are back, and this time they've finally watched the new classic that is "Willy's Wonderland!". Can Nic Cage survive the night in a knock off Five Nights At Freddys? Of course he can. He's Nic Cage damnit! Also there's news and wacky stories and cray this and that - but REALLY - we're just here for Cage. Go to http://ritual.com/COX to start your Ritual today! Go to http://getquip.com/crendor to get a FREE plastic dispenser with any refill plan!

Today's episode is brought to you by Ritual. Ritual is going to help you with your vitamin needs, take care of that body, especially now as we start to get back out there in the world. What a great time. Also, today we're brought to you by Quip. Speaking of getting out in the world, people about to see that smile again. Heads up, you're going to have to show your teeth to people. That's right.

That's coming back, everyone. So you may want to start taking care of them again. Quip is going to help you do that. Now let's jump into this podcast. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live.

In 4-hour recording studio. Recorded. Hello everyone, we'll see you later. I'm Jackson Crandall in the morning. Instantly fell apart. Gorilla greetings. Gorilla greetings. instantly fell apart gorilla greetings gorilla greetings gorilla greetings oh my god shout out to everyone last night who came and joined us for

I'm gonna say a truly great Nick Cage movie oh yeah no it ranks in my top 5 yeah it's definitely a top 5 Cager it was imagine all right last night we watched willie's wonder world wonderland whatever it is yeah i guess wonderland and wonder world one's in florida one is in california but um it imagine a movie thank you again to everyone who came and watched that was crazy there were a ton of you Imagine if you will a movie

In which it's an hour and 28 minutes Of Nick Cage not talking Yeah He said nothing the entire film Not one word I can't believe He did say uh When he drank his soda

I don't even know how to describe Imagine someone took the plot Of Five Nights at Freddy's And then instead of you soda. I don't even know how to describe. Imagine someone took the plot of Five Nights at Freddy's and then instead of you, the player, being terrified, the player was Nick Cage, but he was not terrified.

There was no fear. He was not running from them. The entire movie were scenes like an animatronic monster being like, I'm going to kill you. And then three seconds later being dead. That was the movie.

Every monster. And what's crazy about this film is the entire time the rest of the people in the town who are obviously part of this ring to lure people to their death, they're watching this man get rid of their town problem. And they're like, oh, we can't handle this. We got to tie them up and feed them to the demons. And it's like, no. He's handling the problem of the demons. Just let the man handle it.

No. No. It was that kind of movie. It made no sense. It was. There were moments where scenes would cut. And then it would be someplace else. You'd be like, how did this happen? There's one part where a girl's like, I'll be inside.

And then it cuts to her in a ventilation system. And I think it took us a good two minutes to figure out what the hell happened. Yeah, I was like, how'd she even get in there? They don't even show her getting in. That's an important part. How'd you get in here? And why is Willy's Wonderland's vent system, like, gigantic? It was, like I said, bigger than Nakatomi Plaza.

It was massive. John McClane could barely fit through, and she's almost standing as she walks with this vent system. Oh, my God. Thankfully, the best, I'll say the best moment of my night. One of the animatronics was a crocodile or alligator or whatever it was. And the fact that Grendor was rooting for him the whole night to get kills.

He had to do it. He was like chasing him through the vent system. He's like drooling at the mouth. I'm like, this guy just wants to eat somebody. Just let him eat. You were rooting for him and I, frankly, was very happy when it finally happened. It couldn't have happened to two more fully clothed kids having sex. Oh, yeah.

Teens. Kids is weird. Teens having sex. It was like the tropey teen, like, oh, man, this is a crazy place. We got to do it in here. And then they're like, but this is where people died. And they're like, yeah, nice. Yeah, it is.

That was weird. Yeah. And one of the scenes was because it was a birthday room. Boy, I like want to try to describe the plot of this movie, but there's no other plot other than it's Five Nights at Freddy's. Like, that's what it is. Yeah. Also, that girl, she didn't even walk normally ever. She always swayed.

Yeah, you know how in the movies, like horror movies, there are always the trope characters, and there's always the guy who doesn't want to be there, and he's like, let's go! And there's the girl who is a little too overtly sexy for reasons that you're like, why? Well, those two were the lovebirds in this movie.

And for some reason, they just told this actress like, okay, don't ever walk normal. Always walk like you're on a runway. Even when climbing a ladder, strut that ladder. Strut up that ladder. And so she got really turned on, I guess, by the murder room where children were killed. And she put on a birthday hat and a birthday crown, which is already crazy. And then he's like, oh, this is the birthday room.

I want to see you in your birthday suit. So we're like, oh, they're going to have a sex scene. No, they're fully clothed. He took her shirt off so she has her bra on and everything else was on Like that's not your birthday suit It was like that game Ride to Hell Retribution Where they have a sex scene but everyone's fully clothed It was like that

And here's the thing, the sex scene Lasted a long time It just kept going And they would stop every once in a while and turn And look at the alligator She's like, it's looking at us. And he's like, is that turn you on, girl? And then they go back at it.

And the alligator's like, I'm going to eat these idiots. It's the best. You got a double kill. Meanwhile, during that scene, Nick Cage, who discovered a pinball machine in the break room, is playing the pinball machine and basically having sex with the pinball machine At the same time that the couple's having sex It was I'm gonna let you know

Maybe one of the best things I've ever seen It was Cinematic masterpiece It was like you know that The thing where that woman loves the Eiffel Tower Yes yes It's like that but with the pinball machine. There's so many things in this movie that make no sense.

I will say that it is incredibly stupid on a very funny level. It is not a good movie, but I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. It has much better acting than say the room but it reminded me of the room and that things happen that make no sense the monsters are not threatening at all nothing about them is threatening Nick Cage

easily dispatches them without any question the funniest part of the movie is just like five minutes at Freddy's you get a break like there's, you know, whenever the hour switches, the movie is, like has an hour countdown,

but it's done through Nick Cage's breaks when he drinks a soda. And so monsters are terrorizing these teens. Bing! Oh, break time. He leaves, literally leaves the action, goes, drinks, plays pinball,

Bing! Goes back on the clock and then murders monsters again. Hilarious. The best bit in the entire movie. It only gets funnier with time. Amazing. Still not one word said in this case. The entire film.

If you want to watch with us from when we watched it, you can just go to the Jesse Cox VOD and then just sync yourself up and then you can just watch and the jesse cox vod and then just sync yourself up and you just watch then it's like you're watching yeah that's absolutely true if you and your friends want to go and uh watch i may let i mean i may yeah i guess you could i'll keep it on twitch it's on twitch.tv slash jesse cox i'll keep it there because there's comments of other people watching

and i think that's probably more fun than me being like, it's on YouTube. So you can't see all the comments of other people watching it along with us. Yeah, I think it's definitely more fun that way. Yeah, it was a riot. There was so many fun things that happened. Everyone reacted the exact same way. People were just like, what?

The ending? Nonsense. Everything about this movie is nonsense. And frankly, I love it and i frankly i love it frankly i love it yeah no it was i would say all the nick cage movies i've seen they'd probably be like i still got national treasure at number one uh and then i'd probably put the mom and bad up there uh and then but this is like a This might be three or four Easily Yeah I'd have to have The Rock in there somewhere

Oh yeah The Rock And Con Air Love Con Air Oh yeah Alright this could be five I'd put it at five Yeah this could be five But that's still pretty good

For sure Yeah there's I mean he's He's got a lot of great movies This one Yeah It definitely for me Didn't top Mom and Dad

Mom and Dad gave us Crazy Cage. Oh, yeah. And Crazy Selma Blair, which were very good. The two of them together love that combination. I want more of it. We discovered the movie took $5 million to make. So now I know that I have to have at least $5 million to get Nick Cage on my film. You had no speaking lines.

No speaking lines, but they still had to pay for Free Bird. That's $500,000. They did pay for Free Bird. By the way, this movie, 99% of the movie is original songs. They have a happy birthday song they created. They have a song about the uh actual restaurant they created they have all these other songs created that they play in the background from a jukebox or whatever right but for some reason at the end of this film when the when it's over they play the actual song freebird i can't figure it out i couldn't figure

out why they were like Let's spend money on it It's time We have to get Freebird in this film I don't know, I'm gonna let you know right now Indie, having made games And used indie band songs In our games The amount of money that costs

I can't imagine I can't imagine what Freebird costs them to use Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's got to be like $500,000 right there. So you got $4 million Nick Cage, half a million to the song, and then everyone else gets the other half. Everyone else got day rates. Yeah, they got sag rates.

You get $50. I mean, because they didn't put it into costumes. Some of the costumes, they, like, the big willy, the big willy, that looked good. Boy, I just made that even worse. That big willy looked very good.

But everything else was, like, the fairy girl, she was just a woman with a mask on. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't like an animatronic. It was just a lady in a mask. It's, uh, now I'm looking at everybody on IMDB. So I'm like, I gotta see, like, are these other actors, like, doing anything? The, uh, the black dude who was like the guy who was kind of like, I don't want to be here.

What is his name? I guess it doesn't matter. Let's say, is it Bobby? He's the only guy killed by the gator though there's yes yes the guy who got killed by the gator uh imdb the guy who got killed by the rail hill the baiter the guy who was the boyfriend of the guy who was like i don't want to be here i don't want that guy that actor i've seen him in numerous other places like he's been in a bunch of other shows and things that I've seen.

And he's very good. Like, he's a good actor. And so, yeah, I was like, oh, hell yeah. Oh, he's in Cobra Kai and stuff. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So, he, yeah, he was, you know, he's a fine actor.

There's the main girl. Yeah, I don't know Emily Tosta. I don't know what she's been in. She's been in Party of Five, Tito, Peace of Heaven. Oh, she was in Mayans. Interesting. The Mayans. Yeah, that's like the motorcycle show.

I haven't heard of it. Okay, well. But yeah, I guess that's it. The one woman who was the sheriff, I felt like she was 100% the best actor of everyone. Oh, yeah. Beth Grant. Beth Grant, what have you done?

She's had to have been around. Oh, she was in a ton. She was in Speed and Donnie Darko and No Country for... Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a reason why I was like, she was in Little Miss Sunshine. I'm like, oh yeah, there's a reason she seems like a great actor. Because she's done a lot of work. That makes sense.

Yeah, she's been doing stuff since 1979. Yeah, comparatively to everyone else in the cast. She was characters in The Golden Girls. That's what I'm saying. She definitely has acting chops. Yeah, you can tell the difference between the kids, the Golden Girls. That's what I'm saying. She definitely has acting chops. Yeah, you can tell the difference between the kids, the kid actors,

or the teen actors who have three or four credits, and her, where she's just done a lot of work. It's very obvious. She was in Coach. She was in Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Hell yes. Oh, my God. She's great.

I love her. Yeah, she was really good. Then there was... Hold on. What was... Rick Wright's was Tex McAdoo is his character's name. I forgot that was that character's name.

Tex McAdoo. What has he done? Oh yeah, Tex McAdoo. He was in MacGyver. Oh, the 2018 version. He was in MacGyver. Oh, the 2018 version. He was in Law & Order Special Victims Unit. He was in... I'm trying to think. Oh, he was in Turn.

That show that was on AMC. Oh, he was in Quantum Break. Interesting. Interesting. A lot of it. Drop Dead Divas. My parents, my sister, and me. A lot of shows

I simply don't know. I'm sure someone out there is like, oh yeah! Not a clue. He was on Dawson's Creek. I do know of Dawson's Creek. Yo, he was on In the Heat of the Night. Damn, that's a 1989 stuff. What the shit? Oh wow, okay, so he's been doing it for a while too So he definitely has like

I knew there was a reason when Tex McAdoo showed up I was like I like this Tex McAdoo character What the shit Wait my favorite is Siren Sarah When you go down far enough you see the People who were the animatronics.

Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Now that's the job. Yeah, yeah. Jessica Graves Davis. What has Jessica Graves Davis done? Like, stuff. Girls done stuff. Nothing quite as good as

Siren Sarah, but like, she's done stuff. I like how the one guy in their party who was the nerdy kid isn't even up here. Maybe we just don't know who he is because he doesn't have glasses. That's possible. But you would think he'd show up here. He didn't really say anything. They were just like, did you grow this weed? And he's like, of course I did.

That's like all he said oh jeez i think i see him on here but i can't be sure because they all look none of them look like that character they all look like all their headshots none of them look like it girl it struts around was in sunrise in heaven so she went and that played here's the plot after a car crash leaves her husband on life support a woman must find strength in her faith as she faces the prospect of his death so she went from that to being like the girl strutting around being like let's do it in the room i'm really turned on by the fact that people were murdered. So many dead kids. That's such a contrast in roles. Yeah.

I mean, here's the thing. She definitely has that vibe. She's also got like half a million followers on Instagram. So maybe she's just an Instagram girl. It's quite possible. That could be. Her first credit was 2018, so I mean, maybe.

Yeah, probably. This girl's big on Instagram. We'll get the Instagram audience. Maybe. Maybe that's it. Looking at her Instagram comments, they definitely would like that. They're thirsty as hell. Although one dude said, hated it, only good thing was Nick Cage.

I disagree. I think it was all around interesting film uh yeah i mean i think nick cage barely did anything yeah that was well yeah that's i mean that was the movie yeah what do you uh what else you do this week uh i'm trying to think like i can't remember what i did this like this week? I'm trying to think I can't remember what I did This morning I went out with my parents To go get some dim sum It was delicious

It was very nice We actually went to an actual restaurant It was wild I have my shots They got they shots It was great Hell yeah We actually met up with our one friend and got korean food

and it was the first time we'd seen him in like over a year that's what i'm saying i'm like reconnecting to people like let's do it i uh yeah it was it was very nice and then we kind of just hung out for a little bit and my mom was like like, for my birthday, I want to do something. And we're like, what do you want to do? And she's like, not dinner. And we're like, okay, what do you want to do? She's like, something different. I'm like, okay.

And so, you know, the usual. The usual me trying to decipher my mom. She's like, you know. No, that's for my birthday. Oh, I see. That's for my birthday coming up here. Because our birthdays are like a few days apart. We just kind of, you know, get it all out of the way.

We're like, yeah, let's get it out of the way. So, yeah, that's what we did there. I mean, honestly, this week, it just seemed like a blur. that's, that's what we did there. I mean, honestly, this week, it just seemed like a blur. I had so much going on that I would, I would get up, do stuff, immediately go try to record scary game squad things, come home, pass out, wake up the next day, go through a bunch of meetings on things, get up, leave, go to, it was this week flew by. And I was just like, yep, yep. I am, was this week flew by and I was just like, yep, yep. I am, I am really tired. But with that said, I did have like my ego boosted. It was pretty great. I, uh, went to a Starbucks. So we have a new employee at the office and, uh, I was showing her around giving her sort of the lay of the land

and I was like, I need a drink, so I stopped at Starbucks. And while I was there, the lady behind the register was like, I just want to say I'm a huge fan of Scary Game Squad. And I was like, oh, she did it in front of the new employee? I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm the biggest wiener in the world, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was like strutting out of there. I was strutting like that girl in the movie.

I was like. It was amazing. I need more of that. I mean, it's fine if people like say stuff to you when you're by yourself. It's like, oh, thank you. But I need people to wait until I'm with someone else. Then it's awesome. Then I'm like, yeah, hell yeah.

Now, I saw that tweet. When you tweeted it, you said, Dear woman at Starbucks who told me she loves Scary Game Squad while I was showing a new employer around. Your check's in the mail. The way you tweeted it, it sounded like you were working at Starbucks. Yeah, I know. Well, it's been a rough year were working at Starbucks. Yeah, I know. Well, here's the thing.

It's been a rough year for all of us. That's true. It's been a rough year. Sometimes you just got to take a second job. Here's the thing. I work at Starbucks because they wouldn't. Who am I kidding? They wouldn't take me.

I'm not nearly cool enough to work at Starbucks. Everyone who works at starbucks is way too hip for me oh yeah no they definitely except for the one of my grocery store they're pretty down to earth the thing is like whenever i go to the in-store starbucks things i feel like they're not as good but it might just be a placebo of me being like this isn't a true no i agree i don't think i think things that are you know in store, in a mall, in a whatever, are not nearly as good as the standalone Starbucks. I agree with that.

But it's also way more convenient. It is more convenient. Way more convenient. It's like sometimes if you just want a coffee coffee, and then you're like, all right, can I get a coffee? Whenever I would get one from a store place, either they didn't make it as good They'd have like water to coffee ground ratio off or like it's been sitting there all day, and it doesn't you know

It just is now right, but when you're at the actual Starbucks or wherever it's like man They just brew this every couple hours, and you're still going good. I Mean you figured they would Don't this is always the thing I've heard is that people are like, well, this Starbucks is not as good as this. It's literally, it seems like the simplest formula you could do, right? Am I a crazy person? Couldn't it simply just be a ratio of this? It's all math.

This to this plus this, and then you, right? Yeah, but, like, that goes That goes for like a lot of places Like people be like Oh this Chipotle's better than this Chipotle Or like this place is better than this But that's different That is There's so many factors there

There's a million factors there When it comes to meat And the person who grilled it And all these different things Coffee To me If you're Starbucks Wouldn't you

Like most of it is I mean Unless you're getting a pour over Most of it's machine based And I feel like There should be some sort of symmetry between all of it Like a training or a timer I don't know

I know I'm wrong I know I'm wrong The internet doesn't have to tell me this But I feel like It should be easier and more consistent across the board well maybe like in the morning they're like more they're like better at doing it so like all right getting the shift going maybe later they had a bad day or something that's like rushing through it like all right put the thing in the thing put it in like it could just be that type

of factor i mean it's possible i don't know. Either way, I haven't had Starbucks coffee in forever because I've just been making it at home. Well, I mean, that's true. Unless I'm out and I'm like, I'm slowly falling apart out here. I got to make most of my coffee at home in the morning. I'm like, let's do this thing. I got places to be. Yeah, that's why I used to.

Oh, my God. Great coffee. Tr, that's why I used to... Oh my god, great coffee. Trader Joe's French Roast. Good stuff. Is that true? Yes. Trader Joe's Organic French Roast. Alright. Comes in the big tin.

And it's great. Love it. Probably one of my favorite coffees. Hey, it's only like $8 or $9. What about like a Vasa? Shit you just say to me? You know that coffee

that's like the Italian coffee? Oh, I know what you're talking about. It looks like it says Lava Z. Yeah, the mountain. It's got like a little mountain. Yeah. Lava. Lava. Yeah. Lava. Yeah, Lava is lava. Lavazee.

I like that coffee. I think it's very good. Yeah, I think I've had that one. It's all right. The thing is, like, usually I've had a lot of coffees, and there's, like, some pretty good ones, but, like, Trader Joe's Organic French Roast, you get a lot of it.

It's, like, nine ones, but like Trader Joe's organic French roast. You get a lot of it. It's like nine bucks and it tastes good. So it's like, and it's organic or whatever. I don't even know if it's like truly organic, but I'm like, yeah, it's probably got less pesticides on it. So I'm like, screw it. I'll buy it. The implication here is that I'd have to go to Trader Joe's and that's always a hassle. Even though there's one right by my home. Going there is always a pain in the ass. Why that's always a hassle. Even though there's one right by my home. Going there is always a pain

in the ass. Why? Because everything about it. Everything about Trader Joe's, especially in LA, is almost as bad as going to Whole Foods. What's wrong with Trader Joe's? I don't know. It's always just a pain in the ass every time I go.

I always like the pain in the asses. Alright, from the moment I get there, traffic getting into the parking lot, pain in the ass. Finding a spot, pain in the ass. Finding a cart, pain in the ass. Going inside, dealing with

people who are like, the aisles are smaller. The aisles aren't small. And so, people who do that like, I going to stand here and look after every single item until I find the one that I want. Those people make it 10 times worse than the normal grocery store because you can at least kind of get around them. But these dudes are just like, they don't have the right almond butter. Hold on. Let me see if they have the right almond butter. No, they don't have the right almond butter. Hold on, let me see if they have the right almond butter. No, they don't have it.

What other butters do they have? And you're like, go! Go! That's a pain in the ass. Then trying to like, in your mind you know what you want. Like if you're not a Trader Joe-er or whatever the hell, you can know in your mind what you're looking for.

But trying to find it in there is like, I don't even know how to describe it. It's like you know what you're looking for. You know where it should be. It's just not there. It's just not there. And then you'll see someone checking out with it. You're like, where did you find that? Like, oh, that was in this aisle.

And you're like, why would it be there? It's like that kind of experience. I hate it. I hate it. I hate these. Trader Joe's, the stuff they have there is fine. There's a lot of great things. Like, that's where we first found our weird cookie butter Speculoos stuff.

Great. There's so many weird, fun things there. However, the experience, pain in the ass. It's just as bad as when I talk about going to Costco. the experience pain in the ass it's just as bad as when i talk about going to costco costco pain in the ass now costco i'll say yeah it's like crazy in there and you got like big ass things items and i don't know but like trader joe usually when i go to trader joe's i'll go like once a week and i like get my specific things so i get my oatmeal there i get like uh i get like a thing

of the peanut butter cups a little small one and then uh i'll get like you know the i got like reduced sodium turkey can't have a lot of sodium so i get that gotta reduce it gotta reduce it uh i'll usually get toaster woman uh, one of the frozen pasta things. She likes that. And then I get my walnuts there. They got good walnuts. There's a couple other things, but I know where it all is.

It doesn't move, so I don't know why you'd go in there and they're moving things around. Because you go there once a week, you said. I go there once maybe a year. Maybe. You don't go enough. And that's what I'm saying.

I don't know. But the things that I expect to be places, like a normal grocery store would have in certain places, they do not. And it's that kind of frustration that I'm like, ah, I could just go back to my other grocery store. Why bother? But then I also go to Whole Foods once a week, too. So it's like specialized things. So you go to the normal grocery store for all your normal stuff, but then there's a few specialized things they only got at those places.

I don't... Man, I'm like, if I don't find it at the grocery store, I ain't gonna have it this week. Like Whole Foods, it's got a... There's like a berry jam spread but they use like good berries and it's got less sugar in it it's got a bear on it it's great a berry jam bread what the hell did you say no it's like a berry jam with a bear on it's called crofters all right it's a berry jam okay so it's it's a jam is what you're saying

And then you get bread with it There it is Well I put it on bread I get like sourdough bread but I get that from the normal grocery store Cause I'm not gonna buy other like crazy whole foods bread That shit goes bad in like one day That is true I boy

I'm like I'll eat the pesticides If I don't have to buy more. Yeah. Every time I get any kind of loaf of bread from a grocery store, it is the next day. I'm like, is that mold? How's this possible? I know.

It's crazy. Like, you didn't eat it fast enough, fool. And you're like, but... What? Oh, yeah. No, thank you. I linked it. It's Berry what see that's oh yeah no thank you i linked it it's berry harvest organic crofters all right and the organic berry harvest premium spread it does have a bear that's the saddest bear i've ever seen he's not sad he's just

concerned that is a berry that is a meme worthy. And he's like, they took all my berries. I've got nowhere left to eat in the forest. But hey, it's got 33% less sugar than a preserve. And it's got all the berries. It's got strawberry, blueberry, blackberry, raspberry puree. It's not chunky. It it's like a spread yes it's more of a spread it's got some like berry it's a little like berry chunks in there but they're like mashed like mashed sure sure sure i i would imagine because if you have strawberries

blueberries blackberries raspberry like all the berries there's no way they could it'd be chunky it'd be out of control yeah yeah so it's like you know i like that because it's like a little bit different from all the other jellies and stuff so i like that one i feel like it's a bit healthier even if it isn't healthy and then i get like uh i'll get like some oranges or so i like some of their produce and then uh usually if i buy like meat i'll get it from whole foods because i like their their like meat section like get a steak there and because I like their meat section. I get a steak there.

And that's like it. I mean, otherwise, you're going to spend like $100 to buy like 10 items. Well, that's why I don't like Whole Foods because it's too expensive. Well, that's why you only go there once a week and buy specific things. I'm telling you, I don't know, man. I don't like any of it. Maybe I just don't like grocery shopping. Maybe I'm like, what if I didn't know, man. I don't like any. I don't know. Maybe I just don't like grocery shopping. Maybe I'm like, what if I didn't? But, you know, when I go, I enjoy because I know what I'm looking for.

I can never go grocery shopping just to like, let's see what they have. See, I like grocery shopping. I go in with like an objective. I'm like, I got to get this. If I don't have an objective, I'm going to end up buying, like, do I need six bags of chips? Yeah, I guess. But they're all different. Like, well, I gotta have this bag of chips because I like this crunch.

And this one's a nice barbecue flavor, but this one's spicy. And I got, that's what goes through my head. I'm a crazy person. I mean, I get, but like, I guess I mean, I guess, but like, I guess I just, I don't know.

I like going to the grocery store because I don't know why I like going to the grocery store. I think about it. I just like it. I don't, like, I think you just like going places because it gets you outside. That's true.

I do. Because every time you talk about like, I like going to insert anything. You every time you talk about, like, I like going to insert anything, you're like, I don't know why I like going there. That's true. I go to, you know, I go to a lot of stores, I guess. Grocery store, painter store, pet store,

bookstore. I don't know. I just like it. But why? What do you get out of it? I like the experience. And then I also get, But why what do you get out of it I like the experience and then I also get You know maybe I get food Maybe I get a book maybe I get a container What is Describe the experience to me

What is the experience what does that mean You like just going out and seeing people Like tell me this Yep What do you mean yeah I didn't hear anything. You didn't hear anything from me? You just said, tell me this.

Yeah. Tell me. Tell me the experience. Oh, I thought you were about to say something after. No. No. No. Okay.

So sometimes it's just to like see people and whatever, but like store could be empty. I don't care. It's like container store. You walk in first. You're hit it's like container store you walk in first you're hit with that like container store smell right i mean you've described this to me and that's just toxic chemicals but yeah but it's a specific that's just toxic plastic chemicals it's a specific toxic chemical smell that gives you good feelings and then you walk through and it's just like you know looking at all the things and it's very organized already.

So it gives you a good feeling of like everything's organized here. And that alone is just like a nice calming sensation. And then you're like, maybe I might buy something here, but maybe I won't. We'll see. You just walk around, look at everything. And then, I mean, that's really it. It's more of the environment. It's like the journey.

You're on the journey through that store. And then you know sometimes that journey ends and buying something sometimes it doesn't but overall you're like i'm glad i took that journey i'm glad that you can say going to a container store is a journey like that says a lot about you as a person you're like yeah today i accepted a quest to go to the container store well it's like the same the grocery store you like go you walk around you're like i might need that i might buy that but uh maybe we got Today I accepted a quest to go to the container store. Well, it's like the same at the grocery store. You walk around, you're like, hmm, I might need that. I might buy that. But maybe we got enough of that at home.

Maybe I don't want to eat too much of that. I won't buy it. And you go up and down and you check. And you're like, all right. Or maybe I'll buy that tomorrow or something. I genuinely, and I mean this, I truly hope that when you leave to go do stuff, Toast is like, where are you going? And much like bilbo baggins you reply i'm going on an adventure and you run away i truly hope that for you i mean we have a a list where it's like a grocery list and a like item list and show us

like update it like need sweet potatoes and then i'm I'm like, all right. And I go get them. I love that. I love that. But I, and I mean this, I need, I need you one day to be like, I'm going on an adventure. And then run out.

If I was any character in a thing, I'd probably be Bilbo Baggins. I think you would be. It all lines up. I like being home, but I also like going out. If I was any character in a thing, I'd probably be Bilbo Baggins. I think you would be. It all lines up. I like being home, but I also like going out into the town, but I don't like going outside the town, but when I do, I go on a big adventure, like

travel somewhere, I'm like, that was pretty fun, but I don't want to do it. But then if I did it again, I'd enjoy it, and then I'd come back and be like, but I don't want to do it again. Oh yeah, no, you'd definitely be the guy who causes a massive war, though. In the process. You'd meet a bunch of drunks, which, you know,

me and my fellow dwarves would be like, hey, what's going on, Grinder? Yep, Alex Fassiani. Yeah, all of us bearded nerds showing up like, hey! We'd be your dwarves, and then, for some reason, we be your dwarves. And then, for some reason,

we start a war. Yeah. A war between multiple factions. And then you get to go home. Everyone dies, so you get to go home. That's how it works. And I'd go back to the container store. Yep. And I mean, outside

all those places, I just go to the gym. And that's not an adventure. That's to prepare you for the adventure. Yeah. No, the gym is just, that's just part of me now. Like even people are like, oh, I gotta, you know, things I gotta get done. Like these are must get done.

It's gotta work out, gotta do things. I don't even have to plan to work out. Like if I don't work out, it already bothers me. I'm like, I didn't work out today, I gotta work out tomorrow. Like it's that ingrained in me now. Yeah, that, I mean, ooh, me too. Yesterday

did leg day. It was a good leg day. Yeah, no, I yeah, leg day for me as well. Leg day, a little bit of cardio in there. It's good stuff. Oh, yeah. So much leg day. Calf raises. Yep.

I did it. Me too. I understand what you mean. So, you know, it's a little bit of fun time for me. Plus, I've also been playing... Let's see. I streamed...

I got my classic Wild Fishing to max. Or no, I got my Cooking to max. I saw your weird adventures online. I got my classic WoW fishing to max Or no, I got my cooking to max I saw your weird adventures online I got my epic warlock Saw that too I keep advancing in the Blood Bowl playoffs So that's pretty neat

Did a couple magic drafts That's pretty fun What else have you done this week That was better than what I've done? Painted some Warhammer. I don't know if that's better. It's something else. I don't know. I mean, I'd rather paint Warhammer than do what you did.

I mean, that's true. But, like, I'd rather paint Warhammer than do what you did. I mean, that's true. But like, I don't know. The problem is if I painted Warhammer, I'd be like, oh, I'm terrible at this. I'd stress. I'd stress about it. Why? Because I want it to look good.

Not like the trash that I normally make. Yeah, but like who are you trying to impress? Me. I'm trying to impress me with my own ability. I'd be more disappointed than anyone else. I'd be like, this is trash. I have to look at it every day. I think you got too many perfectionistic tendencies.

I mean, yes, that's true. But I also want it to be cool i'd rather just give someone some money to paint it just to be like you're you've trained your life for this it's uh you know i mean warhammer painting gaming it's uh you know grocery shopping that's the life warhammer painting gaming we're working on our painting we're working out yeah i feel that and hey you know what i didn't have to go to the doctor this week so that's a win yeah all wins Everything seems to be coming up great for you. That's amazing. Yeah. Not for me, but that's amazing. I can't remember what I did this week, but that's fine.

You know, sometimes that's just part of getting older. Thanks. Thanks, buddy. Thanks for the reminder. Here I am, hopeful that it's like, well, because I did so much this week, I just can't remember everything that I did. What a great week. And you're like, nah, you just old, old man.

I'm like, okay. I mean, part of the reason I remember what I did is just from looking at my Twitch and YouTube being like, oh yeah, I played Magic. Otherwise, I probably would have forgot too. You got to cheat. I was put on the spot. I was like, I'm not going to do jack shit this week. And you're like, well, let me see what I did.

Ah, yes. And you know what? Yeah? Trader Joe's has a Cajun Alfredo pasta sauce. Oh my God. Oh my God. I don't. I've never not cared about a thing so much.

Cajun Alfredo. Alright, well, speaking of something that you should buy, hey! Ayo. We, by we I mean all of us, but mostly the two of us. We all deserve to know what we're putting on our bodies.

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It's one of those things where it's nice to know where everything comes from, right? So like, in the men's formula, they literally will say like, you're getting your boron from Illinois. Or you're getting your zinc from Ogden, Utah, right? Or you're getting your folates from Italy. And they will say like, well, you know, the omega-3s you're getting from Canada, well, that's from microalgae. Or, you know, the K2 is like a non-soy form from Norway, right? And they have all, I mean, they got it, they got this figured out it's wonderful and it's good to know that it isn't just like omega 7 xd 42 m6 nitrate and you're like what the hell and they actually do uh show you everything along the way which i think is amazing anyway enough of me

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and get a free plastic dispenser with any refill plan. That's a free getQuip plastic dispenser. If you go to GetQuip.com slash Crendor. That's G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash Crendor. You can also find the Quip electronic toothbrush, refillable floss, and more in your oral care aisle at your local Walmart. Quip, the good habits company. All right, Crendor, let's go shopping.

Let's go to the skyline. Crendor, how's the traffic out there? Oh, man, it's getting crazy out here. It's getting to be summertime. People are all vaccinated. People are going out. People are going crazy. Pretty much anywhere you go, you're going to be in traffic.

Doesn't matter if you're walking, biking, boating, floating, flying, buying. Other words. Everywhere. Other similar words. It's going to be backed up. So, you know, just watch out for that traffic and be prepared to wait. Back to you. All right.

Crandall, let's go over to weather. You want a UFO? What is happening? I started doing that and it sounded weird, so I just kept doing it. It did sound weird. It sounded like you were about to take off. We were about to lose you to another reality. I don't know what was happening.

Looking at the old... Let's see. There's any good recommendations down here. Someone recommends Intercourse, Pennsylvania. I mean, I recommend that. There it is. Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Yes, yes.

Go on. Currently in Intercourse. Yes, yes, go on. Currently in intercourse. 60 degrees, partly cloudy, 51% chance of rain through 8 p.m. It feels like 59. You got a 30.24-inch pressure. You got 64% humidity, 10-mile visibility, 9-mile-an-hour winds going to the east. 5.48 a.m. sunrise, 8.14 p.m. sunset. You got that waxing crescent moon popping up in the night for the 10 day.

Monday, partly cloudy. 75. You got Tuesday, 79. Mostly sunny Wednesday. So oddly specific. The waxing crescent moon. Anyone needs to know that information. Somebody probably does.

One person's waiting to hear the moon phase we're gonna get a message like i love the moon phase my day is ruined if they skip the moon phase every time they skip it i get really disappointed tuesday 79 mostly sunny wednesday 84 mostly sunny thursday 85. Thursday, 85, mostly cloudy. Friday, 85, mostly cloudy. And Saturday, 89, isolated thunderstorms. So, wowee, it's getting hot over in intercourse. Wowee, it's getting hot. It's getting hot in intercourse.

Yep, yep. That's the weather. All right, let's go to sports. Sports. Let's see, let's go to sports um let's see let's see actually is there anything in intercourse what what like there's gotta be some like thing in intercourse pennsylvania right that's what sports related or just existing just existing so usually we'll check it out see like hey is there something going on there? I just didn't want to have to keep saying intercourse over and over again.

That's a good point. Hold on. I'm just going to Google image something, see what happens. 15 best things to do in intercourse. Looks like there's Amish people there. The intercourse pretzel factory. Yeah yeah this is it this is yeah this is the 15 best things to do in intercourse number one the old candle barn candles candles i love them you'll love this place too with some unique aromas to choose from. The Candle Bar. Number one. The Candle Barn is number

one. That's number one. Number two. Immergut Soft Pretzels. There it is. The pretzels. Our Lemonade is Amazing 2 goes perfect with a pretzel. Number three. The American Military Edged Weapon Museum.

So only swords, I guess. Which, you know, Americans are known for. Then number four is Lehman's Covered Bridge. Yep. Lehman's Covered Bridge. Yep. All right.

The Old Country Store is a place you should stop by. Most of these are buggy rides Or stagecoach rides Ooh This is where I want to go What? The kitchen kettle village There's a place there called

Jam and Relish Kitchen Oh my god The Jam and Relish Kitchen Yo this place established 1954 What's the food look like Oh my god what the hell It is it's all jams and relishes That's true

But it's like also they got moon pies And pies And pies And pretzels That's like an old timey shop Yeah I like old timey shops Get your moon pies Get your moon pie That's crazy. That's like an old-timey shop. Yeah, I like old-timey shops. Get your moon pies for a nickel. Get your moon pie.

Yeah, I like that. I'd go there. Hell yeah. This definitely seems like a place white people go to be hipsters for a little bit. Because there's another place there called the Olive Basin. And all they do is sell olives. If you live in a town where you have a, like you have a store that only sells olives and a store that only sells jams, that's like a white people weekend location.

Oh, yeah, there's a place that only sells, like it's the Walt's Vineyards or the Old Woodshed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. This is definitely, yeah, this is for sure. Like, oh, let's go see the Amish this weekend, Harold. If we're going, I'm going to go to intercourse. I'm going to intercourse.

Now that's the weather. All right, see, we did it. Now, sports. Sports. Buckle up, up folks we've got playoffs they're finally here in basketball and hockey uh taking a look at the nba standings they are going into the playoffs right now it appears to be the utah jazz at the number one seed. The Suns at the two seed. I got to go to the actual NBA site if we got to see this. Here we go.

All right, so we've got... Get out of here, thing. Utah Jazz, one seed, although I don't know if they're playing later or not. Phoenix Suns at the two. Denver at the three. Clippers at the four. Dallas at the five. Portland at the six. You got the Lakers at the two denver at the three uh clippers at the four dallas at the five portland at the six uh you got the lakers at the seven and the warriors at the eight and you got memphis at nine and san antonio at 10 but now there's a play-in tournament they got some crazy rules now

so the nine and there used to be only eight seeds now there's 10 but the nine and 10 play each other and the winner goes on to play the loser of the 7 and 8 seeds, and the winner of that gets to be the 8 seed, while the 8-7-8 seed winner gets to be the 7 seed. It sounds more complicated than it is. What did you say? What the hell did you just say? It sounds more complicated than it is, but it's a way for them to get more teams competing.

It did sound complicated. You're correct. You are correct. It sounded complicated. Yeah, so pretty much the only lock-ins are the one through six teams. If you're outside of that, you got to play some wacky, wacky ball. Over on the East, you got the 76ers.

You got the Nets. You got the Bucks. You got the Knicks. You got the Hawks. You got the Heat. And then you got the Boston Celtics, the Washington Wizards, the Indiana Pacers, and the Charlotte Hornets. So today's the final day of the NBA regular season. So those are going to be some crazy playoff games starting on May 20.

Oh, no, the play-in starts on the 18th. Wowee. And then the playoff playoffs are the 22nd. Over in hockey. Hockey. Hockey. I actually watched the Steelers lose today, and that sucked. Being the Penguins.

Penguins. Ooh, boy. Those Pittsburgh Steelers on ice. That's a crazy show. Yeah, I mean, that's why they lost. So, yeah, right now in the playoffs, we've got the Washington Capitals taking on the Boston Bruins, and the Washington Capitals beat them in overtime. They take the 1-0 series lead.

Pittsburgh lost to the Islanders in overtime. And the Minnesota Wild beat the Vegas Golden Knights in overtime. Every game went to overtime. That's pretty crazy. And I guess that's good, right? Yeah, it's more exciting. Everyone's pretty evenly matched. Yeah, it's even.

It's exciting. That's the way it is. And then Calgary and Vancouver keep playing because they had to miss some games because of COVID. But neither of them are making the playoffs, so they're kind of just playing for no reason uh and then st louis colorado gonna be starting up that's a good series got nashville carolina and uh tampa bay and florida so a lot of crazy games then winnipeg and edmonton going to be taking on each other in the playoffs. And Montreal and Toronto in the Canadia, the old Canadia battle. Yeah. Yeah, there we go.

Canadia. Canadia up there. So, yeah, that should be. I always like hockey playoffs. Actually, I like hockey and basketball playoffs because it's a seven-game series. So, like, the teams slowly just start to hate each other by game three because you just keep playing them over and over. Yeah, my dad had an epiphany today.

I guess he probably knows this, but he said it out loud, which was quite fun. He was like, I always forget that these are guys playing at full speed but also on skates. It's like, what do you think about it?'s crazy yeah hockey is crazy it's fun to watch because it like it's like soccer but they were like let's make it violent and i love that i love that i know i do too big fan's, yeah, honestly, like in hockey playoffs, probably one of my favorite things to watch just in general. It could be any teams.

But, and then baseball, still going. It'll, you know, it's going to be going all summer, and that's going to be the only thing. So we'll end up focusing on that a bit. Let's see. How about, how are the Olympics doing? Are they still going? Olympics.

Organizers plan to make the Olympics happen. 60% say Tokyo Olympics should be cancelled. I don't mind if they have it if just nobody's there but I feel like they want people there. But I don't know. I don't know. It have it, if just nobody's there. But I feel like they want people there. But I don't know. I don't know.

It seems like they're still going through with it. You're asking questions I have no answers to. Yeah. It seems like they're still doing it, but I don't know. I think they want to do it because they built all this shit and put money into it. And they don't want to just be like, all right, well, tear it all down. Yeah, after a certain point, it's going to be time to move on to the next Olympics. So, like, they have to do it all down. Yeah, after a certain point, it's going to be time to move on to the next Olympics. So, like, they have to do it.

Yeah. So, I mean, they want to get everyone vaccinated, like all the athletes and stuff. It's probably the best thing you can do. Just do that and then hope it works out. But, and then football, some, like, training camp stuff started. That's pretty neat. And sports.

Okay! What is our big nope never mind what is the weird fact you're gonna tell us first thank you thank you you've got it now uh you're welcome your random fact of the day tornadoes can cause fish rain what oh oh because they like suck up the fish from the water yeah tornadoes can develop over water just as well as they can over land when they do they're called water spouts and they suck up large amounts of lake or seawater as well as whatever's swimming in that water if the water spout travels onto land and the wind decreases there's nowhere for those fish to go but down as far as we know there's no tornado powerful enough to pick up sharks, but a fishnado is entirely possible. I

mean, I wouldn't doubt there's probably a shark somewhere in a tornado. It could be like little sharks. Yeah, like, you know, you have to imagine if a tornado can blow a human around. Oh, yeah. It's probably not giant sharks,

but like a couple mini sharks. Yeah. And a couple mini sharks in a trench coat together, it's probably not giant sharks, but a couple mini sharks. Yeah. And a couple mini sharks in a trench coat together, that's one giant shark. Yeah. That's your random fact of the day. All right. What is our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day.

Florida woman posed as student to promote her Instagram. Several questions, but I'll let you handle this. Investigators said Audrey Francisquini, 28, snuck onto the campus of Miami Area High School and handed out pamphlets printed with her Instagram account. Wait, what? Yeah. So she was like, how do you do, fellow teens? Then proceeded to hand out pamphlets

to promote Instagram. That's what all the teens like, pamphlets. No teen would ever do that. No teen would ever be like, yo, check my Instagram pamphlet. They'd be like, this is the lamest thing I've ever heard of. Even back when I was in high school, if someone would have given me a pamphlet, like, follow my space or some shit.

It would have been in the trash. I would have thrown that away. Oh, yeah, no doubt. Instantly. Monday stunk, an American senior high school landed Audrey Francesquini in jail, where she's facing charges of burglary, interfering with a school function, and resisting arrest without violence. Frances Sweeney started handing out pamphlets printed with her Instagram account after sneaking out of the campus around 8.30 a.m.

She had a black backpack and carried a skateboard. Yes! How do you do, fellow teens? That's like, did she even know about the meme? I hope she did. I hope she was like, no one will catch me. She walked through the hallways recording herself. So the school security tracked her down as she was wandering the hallways while students were in classrooms.

And her arrest report said... Well, there's the problem. Yeah, what? She told investigators... School security tracked her down as she was wandering the hallways while students were in classrooms. And arrest reports. Well, there's the problem. Yeah, what? She told investigators. She's like, yeah, I won't go to class because I'll fit in. I'll fit in with these teens by not going to class. She told investigators she was looking for the registration office. Oh, my God.

She really tried to pull like, it's my first day. Investigators said she headed towards the registration office but did not enter. Instead, she continued walking through the hallways talking to students, news outlets reported. Security officers tried to catch up with her again, but she didn't stop. They notified the office of a security threat on campus. An officer spotted her walking across the faculty parking lot and told her to stop she continued walking authorities tracked her down through her instagram page later monday at her home in north north miami beach the school system will be conducting a thorough review of the incident uh they will be looking into how she was able to sneak into the

school and elude security several times. Records did not list a lawyer for Frances Sweeney, but she did post her arrest photo on her Instagram page, which has currently been deleted because it's not there. What is, I was about to say, we need to see photos of her. Does she look like a teen? Let's see. There's no way.

I'll google her name uh no she does not there you go uh no she doesn't at all look like it why all right why would she think that the place to go get people to follow her was a high school why would she think that those are the people she wanted to follow her to follow her was a high school. Why would she think that those are the people she wanted to follow her? Also, the number of people at a high school barely...

Imagine it's a high school of 4,000 people. And let's say 0.1% of them actually would follow you. Why waste your time? That's a whole day wasted. Why waste your time doing that? Even if a student did that, they'd be like, I'm not following this kid's shit.

Yeah. What a lame way to start. What's even crazier. So I went to go look this up and I typed in woman poses as teenager. Right. And that's not the story I found. Instead, I found woman 34 accused of posing as a high school student for seven months. Seven months.

In Texas, a 34-year-old woman. There's no way. This is so crazy. The quote is, everyone we talked to assumed she was a teenager like she was one of us because she looked like one. No way. She had friends. Everybody liked her. What the hell?

How could she have been there for seven months? We have no clue. That's a mystery. What the shit? She came to us with a guardian. There was no reason to be suspicious. Usually parents come in. They fill out paperwork and we take their word for it.

If they come from another school, you transfer the records. If they come from homeschool, you don't have those records. She acted like a kid. She did her homework. She got good report cards. They even show a picture where she had 100 on a test. What the hell?

She was dedicated. What? She had friends and stuff. That that's crazy none of them are like this girl is 34 years old i love that she got to redo high school good on her yeah look at that most people like yeah i'm never gonna relive those days she's like nah i'm doing it that's Her birth date was 1979. My God. This was in 2014. In 2014. Wild.

She's like 40 now. Wild. I can't even believe. That's so crazy. Yeah, she's like 42. Mama mia. Maybe. I don't know what happened to her. Maybe she's like 12.

Maybe she de-aged. We have no idea what's going on with her it's possible there could be some like wacky uh one of those like weird wacky movies where it's like they swapped bodies like i imagine it's possible yeah like we don't know but we need a follow-up there's so many of these. Philadelphia woman poses as teen to manipulate boy. Mom poses as 11-year-old girl. No way. What the shit? No way.

No way. No way. The thing is, like, obviously, like, when you see that, you think, like, oh, it's some, like, creepy dude being like, hey, who wants to be with me? But, like, the one girl, hey who wants to be with me but like though the one girl she just wants to go to school yeah another one in new york a 32 year old woman facing charges after posing as a homeless teen in an attempt to roll in a new york high school she told a school administrator she was 15 yearyear-old Riley Madison. What the hell? This is madness.

This happened? You're right. If it was a dude, it would be like, I'm doing something creepy. But all of these are like older woman decides older woman. I say that like an idiot. But compared to teens, I'm older than every one of the women in the, but you know, like comparative to teens decides I'm going to go

back to school and pretend I'm 15 for reasons. I just don't know, but I love it. I love it. It is. It is. It's crazy. That shit's crazy. Wow right well that is it for us although i'm not sure that's it for that story there may be more about that i have no i mean that's wild all right but

we'll see you all next time uh crendor hit him with those socials socials youtube.com slash cox and Crandor podcast. Give a like, comment, subscribe. Leave a comment about weather places. Leave a comment about whatever you want. Be like, Willie's Wonderland. More like Nick Cage Wonderland. Yeah.

You can say that. Whatever you want. We're not going to judge you. Also, cut off the podcast part and you'll go to youtube.com slash cox and crendor see all the funny animations there's a new one that just came up last week so if you missed that it's me

giving people the Denny's Grand Slam over League of Legends some good stuff also we're on SoundCloud, Spotify iTunes give us good reviews there thumbs up, comment. Give us good reviews there. Thumbs up, comment. Also, follow us on our other stuff. We got twitch.tv slash jessicox.

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any mistakes i only mistake me talking about my mistakes anyway that's it we'll see y'all next time. Bye everybody, and as always, to be continued.